#even in front of normal friends

[pandoratheprocrasticreator]

I wonder what the kids and teachers in luz's school think of her now. Shes stopped "terrorizing" other kids, mainly because she seems to have stopped engaging with most of her classmates period. She no longer brings live animals or taxidermy to school. She even participates in english class occasionally, even if she doesnt "get" the point of the book. Her rants only clock as suicidal if you know about her time in the boiling isles which the people at her school do not.

I wonder if luz's teachers and schoolmates think that luz mellowed out over the summer. If the principal/counselor that suggested she go to the camp patted himself on the back because shes "improved."

#the owl house #toh #shut up pandora #luz noceda #something something people see a neurodivergent kid having depression and breathe a sigh of relief bc now theyre finally 'normal' #people speculate maybe luz would have been fine going to the summer camp and while i agree she would have made friends #she would not have been fine! she would have just learned to suppress her identity like camila did #but going to the boiling isles was her only option bc she either gets suppressed quickly at the summer camp #or she keeps acting out at school and eventually society wears her down and shames her into conforming like it did to her mom #something about how even if the camp helps luz act like a 'normal person' she still would have been miserable bc she couldnt be herself #it temporarily benefits her by giving her friends and benefits ppl around her by making her act 'normal' #but the kids there are still weird at heart! they have a community to be weird around now but society at large will still look down on them #unless they put on a front all the time to fit in #and the boiling isles isnt perfect either its society still looks down on luz for being different #but it accepts her neurodivergence and her new friends are all neurodivergent like her so she still has a community to be herself around #and while it looks down on her for having no natural magic it isnt something shes been shamed about growing up like her neurodivergence was #anyway the camp wasnt as catastrophic as luz thought it would be and vee benefitted from it #but it still represented a slow rot. the kind that eats away at neurodivergent kids as they grow up #slowly shaming them to hide away parts of themselves deemed unfit for society #and when you hide behind a front and are exhausted and miserable from it #everyone applauds you for your 'recovery.' youve improved yourself. they never liked the old you #good job on destroying yourself and shoving the pieces into a facsimile of what the people around you think you ought to be

[dhmis-autism]

Hey hello!

Here are some colored doodles of the fun little DHMIS bodyswap idea thought up by the very fun, very smart @escargon! I did them way back when and wanted to finish them up to add to the fun lol.

It was sooo much fun to draw and I hope I made it clear whos who by the body language/dialogue but if not! I put a helpful little diagram in there. Also,as well, I think if Duck had access to a relatively-normal sized body like Reds’ that duckman is dressing up and NO ONE can stop him. So that’s the last two.

#DHMIS #don't hug me i'm scared #dhmis duck #dhmis red guy #dhmis yellow guy #I have SOOO MUCH TO SAY ABT THESE BC THIS CONCEPT IS SO FUCKING FUNNY TO MY ANY WAY YOU SLICE IT #so im just putting it here bc. i said everything nessecary I think. #anyways i think yellow in reds body would just be crouching down the whole time. not used to the height and is a lil scared of standing up #also think he would mouthbreathe so hard he'd get the whole front of yarn wet itd be disgusting shkdsh #i think either ONE of them in yellows body is like 'OW WHY DO I SUDDENLY HAVE A MIGRAINE' #and I absolutely think Duck in Reds body would be a literal actual monster #He would let the new height go to his head SOOO FAST its not even funny like. just absolute menacery #and obligatory getting to wear normal clothes of course. again. mad with power imo. #also i DID draw but didnt finish the idea that Red would hate both of the other twos clothes. like just be so viscerally uncomfortable #i drew a lot of stuff that didnt make it here but yknow what thats just stuff only my good friend Bear shall know i suppose............ #my dhmis postings #me art

[artsymephy]

How would modern Philip look like with long hair?

Like the sweet boy he used to be (:

#toh au #the owl house #luz noceda #philip wittebane #emperor belos #modern au #teen Philip #Luz grew out her hair a little too! #because he was embarrassed that he has longer hair than her #also notice she did his eyebrows lol #they’re so sweet together y’all 😭 #though I imagine Philip is a bit of a toxic friend specially after their first meeting in years #he wanted to be normal and the only person interested in him is the school’s weirdo #he would push her away and throw her under the bus at every chance he got to look better in front of his peers #of course he apologizes and amends their relationship but it made Luz pretty distrustful #anyway ughhh I gotta find time to update my fic #it didn’t even get that much engagement but it was fun to write #anyway thanks for the asks! these were really fun (: #everywhen and then

[kaseyskat]

why does everyone think normal would actually even TRY to hurt taylor like this boy literally just had an entire episode where he became convinced that he was right and his friends don’t care about him AND he just was reminded that it’s kinda his dads fault that taylor didn’t get to have a dad in his life you really think norm isn’t fully prepared to step down and let taylor win he literally said he only wanted to rule hell because it sounded angsty and he’s being angsty why would he get violent about it 😭😭😭😭😭

#dndads #dndads spoilers #i’ve seen several people say this now and i’m so confused like #normal was only enraged to the point of violence against a friend (scary) because she set his HOUSE ON FIRE #he only went into a typical oak rage when he just watched terry jr die in front of him! #normal does give into the family anger but it makes him snappy not violent why do y’all think he’d hurt taylor #HES NOT EVEN MAD AT TAYLOR #i get wanting self sacrificial taylor angst but y’all 😭😭😭 #taylor just reconnected with his dad and grandfather and found out his other grandfather is in chains i think he’s a bit more motivated #and normal is already on the self sacrificial bullshit anyways! he thinks they don’t care about him #he’s not gonna fight for his life against TAYLOR of all people oh my god #sorry for the rant i’m just???? that’s not normals character at all #in fact it’s far more likely that he’s gonna magic bullshit his way through the fight instead

[mynonclicheblog]

it's probably not healthy how often i imagine portland row years into the future, after the trio's talents have faded, where they no longer hunt ghosts together but they find other ways to pay the bills and never move out because they just love the little home they've made here, and lucy and lockwood are an actual couple and george simply tolerates it because he loves them individually so much and can't imagine life away from either of them, which is good because lucy and lockwood wouldn't have it any other way

i don't know if this is compatible with book canon in the long run, but thinking about it just. soothes my soul. it is everything i want for them

#lockwood and co #lockwood & co #lucy carlyle #anthony lockwood #george karim #george cubbins #locklyle #sometimes it's better to Not move on from what got you through your youth #also. ppl will meet locklyle out somewhere and then visit their house for the first time and be like 'who is this man' #and george will wave awkwardly wearing a giant rubber glove from where he is unclogging the sink drain #guests are like 'is he your hired help?' and they're like 'no that's our best friend' #'oh. how long is he staying with you?' 'no no he lives here' #locklyle kissing at the breakfast table and george being all 'must you do that in front of my eggs. i haven't even had a coffee yet' #'christ. i don't know why i put up with you two' [but everyone smiles bc they all know] #ANYWAY #i'm clearly very normal about this concept #*success

[bylertruther]

"will shouldn't use a gun in season five because his father probably taught him how to use one and that could be a bad reminder for him" have you considered that will using what was very likely a Bad experience to save his life in what is undoubtedly an even worse experience could be a good thing? have you considered that him using a skill he was forced to learn to save not only himself but (as is likely more important and meaningful to him) the lives of others could give him a sense of usefulness and safety knowing that he isn't defenseless and can stand his and others' ground if need be? especially considering that's a skill that we've only seen hopper and nancy possess, making it that much more valuable and himself more helpful to the group? after everything in s1 and s2, he's probably felt guilty for having endangered them and dozens of other people multiple times, i don't think it'd be out there for him to feel "happy" that he can finally return the favor and protect them for once (especially after having complained about being babied and treated like a doll).

"will doesn't have and shouldn't have powers because that makes him different and he doesn't want to be different" not only are you wrong lol <3 but how have you not noticed that will's entire thing since the very beginning is that he is different and he knows it and while he does get his heart broken over the fact that this means he faces constant unfairness in life, he still refuses to be any other way? will doesn't conform nor does he ever try to even when others try to force or shame him to. he gets frustrated and upset at being treated differently, yes, but he stays true to himself. to battle that feeling he sometimes gets that tells him he's a mistake, a feeling he gets not from his own otherness but from living in a world that Makes it an otherness and thus isolates him for it, he seeks out that which he loves and enjoys and throws himself wholeheartedly at it. will lives his truth and is willing to suffer the consequences for it. he refuses to live in darkness and let it take a hold of him. he holds on to hope and all that makes him feel better for being different. he holds on to art, to dnd, to video games, to his family and his friends, and everything that brings him joy and reminds him that it's okay to be different. in s1 joyce defends will ("he's missing is what he is") and jonathan tells him he shouldn't like things that other people (namely their homophobic dad) try to force him to like, that he should like what he genuinely likes. in s2 jonathan gives will the freak speech and tells him that no one normal ever accomplished anything and mentions bowie. in s3, he doesn't get a speech, (though joyce does tell him that when he falls in love he won't find it gross [avoiding the word girlfriend and leaving it neutral]) but he does face backlash from someone that IS trying to conform and IS shaming will for not letting go of "childish" things aka his interests, what's important to him, and what he wants. does will back down or shy away in shame? no. instead, he lets mike sit in his shame for having said something that hurtful, and he says "yeah. i guess i did. i really did." clearly this is a conversation about what makes will different aka his sexuality bc he goes and destroys castle byers (the safe place he and his brother built once their homophobic dad left which is a place will can be himself unapologetically) with what is likely a bat that lonnie gave him when trying to get him into baseball. he calls himself stupid and donates his dnd books, but i don't see this as an act of conformity (he tells mike as much, suggesting he'll just use his books + if he was ashamed he wouldn't have painted the party as their dnd characters and given it to him of all people lol). he felt stupid because he thought they'd always be crazy together, that they were of the same mind and heart still, and that they had the same brand of "otherness" if you catch my drift. then in s4 we get jonathan's tender "you're my brother and there is nothing absolutely nothing that will ever change that" which is the most direct anyone has ever been about that which makes will different. and he doesn't shy away from it! he doesn't deny it, because we can see from his confession and how he breaks down that he's desperately been wanting and needing to hear that. he accepts that love and allows himself to be held and seen by someone else, as he has every other time. because will doesn't hate being different, he just hates that he has to live in a world where that's seen as wrong and thus makes him feel like he doesn't belong because of it. but he doesn't change himself. he doesn't feel ashamed of it. he doesn't see it as a flaw in himself or others and he never has. will is different and he knows it and he wouldn't have it any other way.

will's story since the beginning has been about being different and going through awful things, and managing to not only find the light in it but also make it out stronger because of it all. it's always been about using what makes him different as a good thing and as something he uses to save himself and others.

will being good with a gun bought him time with whatever kidnapped him. will knowing how to run and hide kept him alive in the upside down. will acted as a spy while possessed and managed not only to save hopper but also tell them how to finish this. will's experiences and senses helped them figure out what was happening in season three. will's love and loyalty inspires mike and manages to bring him to a better place even if just for a moment in the van, and again he's the one that knows vecna's current state, aaaand had he been in hawkins at the time it likely would've gone a lot better because as dustin said "we need will".

taking something awful and turning it into a good thing and a source of strength is a wonderful trope. it's inspiring and empowering not only for the character but for those that could use that hope and reminder that there's always a silver lining, that life isn't all darkness and shadows and hurt. not only that, but it's something that they've literally always done for will since the very beginning. he is the prime character for that. his entire message has always been that it's okay to be different and that you can find strength and peace in that; that the things that make you different aren't a detriment, they're precisely what make you strong. like... i'm sorry, but have you not been paying attention at all whatsoever this entire time or... :/

#some of u heard 'sometimes it makes you feel like a mistake' and just forgot every other season ever it seems like #but idk maybe IM the outlier here lmao #characters like mike steve and eleven i can see the conformity argument for #BUT WILL?!?!?!? #will who has always drawn and listened to his music and wanted to hang out with his friends and play dnd and who #gets made fun of for so many things even by those that mean the world to him but has never ONCE tried to change #anything about who he is over that..... THAT'S who you think thinks being different is a bad thing!?!?! #will who has never lied about being a loner or what he likes or what he wants in life or has dressed like other people want him to #will who specifically has received multiple It's Okay To Be Different speeches and came out of them believing them is the character #that you think hates being different? will who loves mike's nerdy self and thinks the absolute world of him and TELLS HIM AS MUCH AND #CONFESSES HIS GAY LOVE TO DESPITE THE SUMMER OF HOMOPHOBIA AND THE AIRPORT FIASCO AND THAT DREW A #FUCKING HEART ON HIS SHIELD UNABASHEDLY AND CONFESSED IN FRONT OF TWO OTHER PEOPLE TOO ON TOP OF THAT #IN THE EIGHTIES!!!!!!! TO MIKE!!!! WHO COULDNT TOUCH HIM AND HAS A CONSERVATIVE FAMILY AND DIDNT TALK TO HIM FOR A YEAR #IS WHO YOU THINK HATES BEING DIFFERENT . HELLO #literally everything that he goes through is turned into something 'good' because that's the POINT!!!! #HE DOESN'T WANT TO BE NORMAL!!! HE IS NOT THE CHARACTER U SHOULD BE MAKING THOSE ARGUMENTS FOR LMAO #jus say u don't want him to have powers bro don't be lying on my blorbito's name like that 😭😭😭😭😭 #anyway. crazed frenzy is over im normal now <3 #u kno how the long and all too passionate bordering on Is This Bitch Okay mobile posts go #back to being offline now byeeeee 🏃‍♀️

[nothing0fnothing]

No because one time I was crying because my mom made so many horrible remarks about my body and my weight and how nobody would ever want to be my friend or want to marry me if I continued to be fat and then she got uncomfortable because I wouldn't stop crying even after she told me to so she followed all that up with "I know it's hard to hear but the truth hurts."

I was eight.

#narcissistic abuse #raised by narcissists #vent post #toxic parents #toxic mom #parental abuse #complex trauma #dysfunctional family #childhood trauma #dysfunctional household #wtf mom #wtf even was that? #oh also #after that happened i became really obsessed with my weight and would tell other adults that i hated my body. #and they would tell my mom they were worried about my mental wellbeing because that level of low self esteem is not normal. #and she would get really emotional and well up and hug me and tell me she loved me and that i am beautiful in front of them. #but then in the car she would tell me that if i cared that much about my weight id be spending less time telling her friends about it #and more time exercising. #i was literally sobbing #i was literally eight.

[dishsaop]

does anyone have recommendations for fictional media that has like. actual lesbians in it. not like supergirl Two White Skinny Girls, One Blonde and One Brunette Kiss media, or "its implied lesbianism!!!" but just regular fucking lesbians

#i say lesbians but i guess i mean sapphic #im just like. tired of gnawing #and of men also. sorry men in my life i love you but on god if i have to pretend one more man is butch just to get #content that isnt m/m or m/f im going to turn into a horse and run into the wilderness until im saved from the glue factory by a plucky #young woman except instead of letting her have her formative summer where she trains me and bonds w me and wins a competition w me #im going to commit horse suicide in front of her & change her life forever. just because im so tired of bland CW-marketable women kissing & #digging for scraps in a refuse bin while brushing aside 7002993829292929939292929399394 gay and het romances #m text #i will also take nonfictional lesbians if its like a story #not to be whiny on main but one of the hardest hurdles i had to jump wasnt realizing i was a lesbian. i came out to myself and to friends a #lesbian multiple times. but i would always walk it back when a friend would express doubt or a male friend would ask me out #bc i dont and especially then didnt know very many lesbians in person. and so i had to turn to examples #and all i fucking had were fictional women who liked men. or fictional lesbians who were so cleaned and sanitized and prettified #(you all know what i mean right. the 2 skinny white girls one blonde one brunette. im not crazy right) #and i would be like. i dont feel things when i look at these fictional lesbians so i guess i belong back here #(this is also bc my gender ended up being fuckier than i realized but shhhhh) #I WAS GOING SOMEWHERE WITH THESE TAGS but theyre too long and im lost. #anyway the point is if people werent so fucking weird abt fictional or onscreen lesbians maybe thered be a lot more people comfortable bein #out as lesbian #like sorry but this awful ouroboros of 'all lesbians onscreen have to be cute and sanitized' meaning that people write and believe wlw has #to be cute and pure and sanitized (OR a 'badge of honor' bc good for u u doodled two women together or had it as a background in ur fic) #meaning that therefore all portrayals of lesbianism continue to be like this. is just #and im also gonna be honest theres probably a lot of good sapphic media im just in the wrong circles to have stumbled into lol. so #yknow. personal viewer bias here #but i still like swing wildly between overly brandishing my dykeness as a badge to feel like im proving im lesbian #and like. backing up under a blanket bc i dont wanna be weird or annoying or freak people out #but if people just Saw Normal Ass Lesbians. aough. #im going to watch revolutionary girl utena one of these days even if i struggled w the writing style the first few episodes #I JUST WANNA SEE AN OLD BUTCH ONSCREEN GET SOME PUSSY. #like it also doesnt help im mostly femme4butch so seeing 2 femmes on screen is like. okay cool so what. but only femmes are 'marketable'

[noxiatoxia]

it's very funny 2 me bc literally everytime without fail when i get into smth new im like noxia you cant talk about it noxia you cant look cringe in front of the hoes and yet i do it anyways and then feel shame for several hours after the fact. okok but this is my tumblr....can every1 just be real niceys and look away for a bit.

#i mean even with ouran the only reason im comfortable talkin abt it in front of friends is bc its become like a meme #u know the carriage kaorubot etc...like these are just detached from ouran now so its like. ok these are normal #but i wanna actually talk abt the show or kyoya or some shit im like u-u-um.... well..... kyoya...isfunny.... #i mean idk if its less i feel like im being annoying and more that i just feel i look goofy as fuck #which yeah i know cringe to be embarrassed in urself but ya know #;noxiatalksia

[saltwukong]

Bitches will literally tell you a story that they were the villain of.

#rwde #''hey lets vent a little by listing all the ships we dont like for whatever reason'' someone get them help. they really think that's normal #y'all be talking about toxicity and then not even knowing what it looks like. #like iunno what you think toxic shipping behavior is SUPPOSED to look like but it looks like exactly this. that's not cute and normal. #like if just an ordinary group of friends did this? maybe. still sus. #but since you all self-indentified as fans of the same ship it just becomes a united front of haters circle-jerking themselves stupid. #not to mention the actual way this post reads like. girl? that's what you thought would make yourself look rational and other people petty? #like really? your go-to exaggerated example of something nasty or uncouth that someone would rabidly defend shipping is...that? #like obvious question 1) what exactly is wrong with gangbangs lol. sorry that you hate fun. #and obvious question 2) uhhh why when crafting a nominal objectioner did you specify 'black' like.......explain it. #tell me how that was supposed to come off because i don't know why you'd say that and not think 'this sounds really racist' unless..... #the whole wide world full of inc/st r/pe abu/se apologia on top of pe/do shit and the villain in your post is..... #someone shipping a pairing that contains a black man. okay.

[guideaus]

recent sad 'hikaru's compilation

#personal #hgsn spoilers #not in order bc the crop is terrible #and we did get a 'they wouldnt like me' face #his sad concerns went from 'he'll think im gross (not normal) 🙁' to 'i shouldnt be here :(' #and tbh i think killing and his insides coming out are related but i feel the lesson he took away from vol 1/2 is 'dont look gross in front #of yoshiki' lol. then he went to kill asako while he wasnt there #THEN he learns ppl dont like that lol #while he's got a natural kill instinct apparently #anyways the whole series he does think abt things openly i think but i wonder if he'll start to distance himself from yoshiki maybe #bc before he was proud to take the role of protecting yoshiki but to appeal to yoshiki's human nature he now cant even do that #and then is thinking deeper abt hikaru's friends and might just accept what kurebayashi's been saying #and i wonder if kurebayashi will end up doing smth helpful. when she was the one in the first place against them interacting lol #i think i made a post tho abt how i think the main kids will have a diff response from the traditional village's response before #'hikaru' probably wont just follow along like hikaru did

[imabiscuitinthousandworlds]

THERE IS AN ESSAY TO BE WRITTEN ABOUT THE SIMILARITIES AND DIFFERENCES BETWEEN 1984 AND THE CIRCLE JUST TO GET IT OUT OF MY MIND AND THERE'S AN ESSAY OR AT LEAST ANALYSIS LURKING SOMEWHERE BETWEEN INTERNET CENSORSHIP LEADING TO WORDS LIKE "UNALIVE" AND NEWSPEAK BUT BRAIN NO ESSAY WRITING HARDLY EVEN EASY HOBBY WRITING WHICH I'VE BEEN PRACTICING FOR YEARS THAT REQUIRES NO STRUCTURE SPECIFICALLY I AM CHEWING ON THE BARS OF MY ENCLOSURE

#STUFF LIKE UNALIVE THATS LITERALLY JUST NEWSPEAK THATS NEWSPEAK THATS CENSORSHIP BE IT CORPORATE-INDUCED OR SELF-ADOPTED #ITS NEWSPEAK ITS NEWSPEAK ITS NEWSPEAK IT MAKES THINGS LIKE KILLING APPEAR MORE HARMLESS IT MAKES ACTUAL SERIOUS PROBLEMS APPEAR NOT AS BAD #ITS LITERALLY JUST NEWSPEAK BUT NOT ENACTED BY A GOVERNMENT BUT BY CORPORATE CONTROLLING MEDIA JUST LIKE IN THE CIRCLE #I HAVE SO MUCH TO WRITE GAHHHHHH #but also the circle has been praised as a mix of 1984 and brave new world and also the system being based on rewards rather than punishment #is something from brave new world also so i need to read that as well #nevermind that i speedread the circle and thus didnt catch any details and also that i havent even finished 1984 #now with all the *gestures vaguely * stuff going on in the world rn do you think the fear of totalitarianism will rise again #the circle's fear of corporate/social media control is very real rn but will the core of 1984 becaome just as relevant again #bc rn people arent as worried abt totalitarianism but it feels like its not gonna stay like that fo much longer (which i hate but ykno) #a biscuit's rambles #my friend and i had our presentation today AND WHILE WE STOOD THERE IN FRONT OF THE CLASS I NOTICED EVEN MORE STUFF GAHHHHHH #I AM NOT NORMAL ABOUT THIS I AM NOT NORMAL I CANNOT I NEED TO I #funny thing is we tried to somehow get it to 15 mins (supposed talking time At Least) #but we didnt really get to talk it through so uh. we overdid it. and um. we took 35 mins #lmao

[afniel]

AH I REMEMBERED WHAT I WAS GONNA SAY EARLIER but it's kind of stupid, lmao.

So my partner is getting into brewing beer and I got them a Tilt, which is a Bluetooth hydrometer. It measures specific gravity and temperature, which are things you want to know so that you don't kill your yeast or whatever. Except the sensor's Bluetooth range is super short, and it basically runs via a phone app, and the temperature we're logging currently is the crawlspace, accessible via the staircase closet. So they were like, wait, what do we do about this, because I can't leave my phone in the closet, that's my alarm clock.

In a kind of ridiculous turn of life imitating art, I was like, hold up, I got just the thing right at my desk. Bam. Old phone. We just needed to scrounge up a charger because the battery is so dead that after charging just enough to power on it claimed it was at 53% (to be fair to it, there is a very real chance that it's correct, and it just holds no charge at this point so the capacity is just THAT low) and now it lives in the closet logging sensor data.

And I was like, you know...didn't I just solve a major story detail with a much larger version of this...yeah, no, this is all vaguely familiar somehow, power supply issues and all. Kind of cool that the concept works though. Kind of weird that it came up at all?

We are not gonna talk about the fact that I still have at least two more ancient-ass phones in a drawer where that came from because look, man, sometimes you just need a camera/mic/mini computer with Bluetooth and wifi that fits in a pocket, and people just get rid of these things, but not me. I actually could build a shitty security system out of them if I was reaaaally inclined. I mean. I'm not. But it's technically possible.

For real though, If I pick up any stupid maker projects I still high-key am thinking about slapping Bluetooth into a necomimi headset and running that through an Arduino and learning to code just enough to let me skip songs/change the volume on Spotify with my brain, because it's entirely doable, and I mean yeah I could do that on my phone remotely too, but that's not funny, now, is it. I'm just not sure it's $350+ of parts funny. Kind of a big investment just to prove the point that haha look I am the extremely ADHD type of lazy where I would rather solve a problem via the most convoluted and complicated Rube-Goldberg type ass machine way possible rather than just perform a single simple action.

YEAH I'VE BEEN THIS SCATTERED ALL DAY AND I REALLY SHOULD GO TO BED SHOULDN'T I. I started playing Satisfactory. Mistakes were made. I'm going to dream about conveyor belts again and I did it to myself...

#you know I used to mostly blog about witchcraft and paganism #and now I'm like. you know what I want to do? chain an EEG sensor to the Spotify API and skip songs with my brain. #it's kind of like magic when you put it like that. maybe things haven't actually changed that much after all #the headset idea actually came about bc I'd gotten so far into the writing zone that I literally just. tried to skip a song with my brain. #because I had so much reploid characters on my mind that it just sounded like a normal course of action I should be able to take #obviously it didn't work and cue me sitting there for a full 3 seconds going 'why didn't it. wait. why did I think it would?' #followed immediately after by 'YEAH BUT I PROBABLY COULD DO THAT ACTUALLY' #because you just Cannot write a character like Glitch without it rubbing off on you a little bit and WWGD kicked in real hard lmao #well obviously he'd [ridiculous chain of ideas ending in 'anyway I installed some shit and now I can control Spotify with my mind'] #and I gotta say I do not like the idea of sticking a sensor on the *inside* of my skull. sounds very bad. #but it doesn't have to be on the inside to work soooo there's that! #I have a friend who for quite a long time had a rare earth magnet in one finger so he could find live wires by touch #he ended up removing it for work eventually but when I say I was jelly. man. but also kinda squeamish about it. #I do not like sharp things and I am Very funny about my fingers as an artist/writer/used to be musician. #but man that sounds cool. I want the magnet senses. I don't think I want them enough to have a magnet under my skin though #I think I wouldn't use them enough for that to be helpful actually lmao #anyway do I even need more senses? probably not. mine are already unfiltered and loud as shit. #'boy I wish I could sense magnetic fields' says idiot guy who can hear the mains hum even with no electronics currently turned on #like when the power goes out I can FEEL the fucking difference in the air and it's unnaturally quiet and kinda spooky #I do not think I need help on this front actually. I think I got it handled pretty okay lol

[katnissgirlsmakedo]

i’m allowed to be a jakey hater ok my best friend has a jakey ass boyfriend who doesn’t like me very much. i’ve earned it

#flashing back to high school when my other best friend had a jakey ass bf who absolutely hated me because he thought i was in love with her #which wasn’t even true btw. but he was so fucking weird about showing off their relationship in front of me for some reason #like he was soooo jealous that she liked hanging out with me more than him. dude she’s my friend i’ve known her since 7th grade of course #she likes talking to me more than you. you didn’t even make an instagram post for her bday dude. #he was so annoying seriously. cannot believe they stayed together for a full year of college i was like begging her to dump his ass #god it was awful. maybe i should have been in love with her just to get her away from him goddamn #beth.txt #the first friend mentioned is not in a situation that bad she’s 22 it’s normal #THAT jakey asa boyfriend is only annoying to me because i think he’s boring #he’s like an npc to me idk like he just exists so my friend has a Boyfriend #even when she talks about him no further personality shines through it’s so boring #like good for them they’re happy whatever. i wish he didn’t exist tho

[peapod20001]

I wonder how many times I’ve googled whether I’m having a panic attack or an anxiety attack...

#vent #hohohahhaoho anyways #I am sooooo bad responding to things.... #anyways I’m literally less than five seconds my heartbeat shot up to 144 bpm so. fun <3 my lucky number 44 wouldn’t have it any other way #anyways I need to cry but I can’t cry so you understand. I’m pacing my room and standing with locked knees #and trying not to fumble or bump into things while makin my sister a snack while smilin and being normal <3 #do u understand. ough what is with TODAY whhhhh. is it the aderall?? did the adderall fuck me up today?? or ?? wha?? #oghghgg why am I so sweaty JUST in my pits like that’s the WORST spot to be sweaty in #kitty is here <3 she can sense when I’m crazy 🤪🤪 #I’m at 160 now <3 ogohohoo ahhhhh I can’t lay down right like that the one thing you shouldn’t do with a fast heart rate #hoho anyways the crippling fear of not being who I need to be for the people I need in order to be #sounds chaotic and strange cus of phrasing but. you understand #anyways my heart doesn’t even get like this when I’m like. performing a full page monologue in front of my peers #I can pretend to be a cat for a minute and a half and tell the dog to stay in their place and not get into mine #uhmmm yea idk I want people to feel comfortable being serious around me and prove I’m the friend to go to for things or be the one who under #understands. but I always feel like. a pariah. is that the word? idk. when I feel confronted with things all I can do is like. run away. cry #suffer alone cus it’s what I deserve. yeaaaa I’m going insane can you tell I think this is the first time since like. February where I feeL #SO bad ugh idk what. I did this to myself the fuck?? haha. hope it doesn’t stress me to hair loss and skin picking and disorderd eating and #bad (or should I say worse HA) sleep habits. mmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm sorry my problems are minuscule to others and I haven’t had a day of #any real discrimination or struggle in my life #i have everything I need. all I have to worry about is doing class work and attending lectures and watching plays. I don’t have to get thing #a myself or worry about food or a place to live. wooofff uhmmm. I wish I had someone here to squeeze me until I don’t feel like crying any #more. oh I feel so bad what the hell. and my nail is breaking ahahaha imagine. a life where my biggest problem I have to face is #a nail breaking mhmhmhaha #haha when you hold in your tears so hard your nose drenches your chin. sorry that’s gross ahaha idk what I’m doing flooding your dash with. #whatever this is. I’ll try to stop now. sorry