#even tho the quality is beyond garbage

[eldritchmochi]

could you wax poetic about how you picture the dressing style of the wizards in your modern fic?

oh beck never a sweeter question has been asked of me

starting with the camming au because this is gonna get long with coping skills stuff. while there is some overlap, especially in caleb, i/we came at clothing from different places for both these aus so!

rts!essek: his main premise was "trendsetter" ala wisdom kaye in that he has a LOT of designer pieces and knows how to wear them in eyecatching ways. in rhosohna its very much a form of armor for him, fitting in and hiding by standing out. he tones it down in rexxentrum a fair bit to not stand out TOO MUCH or in the wrong way. he's very much the sort to shop based off name--he has designers he trusts with his life--but he's also a bit more of a quality over quantity type. he likes things he can repurpose into other looks with ease a lot too and he is VERY ingrained in what he deems acceptable for his wardrobe: colors, textures, patterns, etc. this is part of why The Robe hits him so hard. it's just to the left of something he'd choose for himself, right on paper in several ways while still being so very uniquely caleb that he has to cry

funfact, esseks big asymmetrical coat he wears in the hello daddy scene is based off one my buddy owned that had NO SHOULDERS so you just... looked like uncle fester, but for some reason it went so hard

rts!caleb: very much a guys guy kinda guy. he's dressed, his clothes are generally clean and in good repair, and they fit him well enough to the average eye. he'd like to do "better" but he lacks knowledge and resources especially, but he knows enough that he'll opt for one pair of vintage jeans over two pairs of modern jeans for the same price. tends to shop by fabric type, favoring natural fibers over synthetic (plastic). enjoys wearing clothes gifted to him by friends, especially when visiting that friend, to show that he cares. diligently hangs his most of his clothes to air dry, routinely conditions all his leather items. if he is going to pay too much money for clothing he's going to ensure things last as long as feasibly possible

with coping skills tho, there are several things that intertwine within their presentation, so, sum facts first

cs!essek: "dark academia" but he would never in his life call it that. shopping is his comfort from the horrors of his chronic pain. thusly he buys entirely too much clothing. gets basically everything tailored (to make it comfier). doesn't actually think too much about like material type or how quality an item is (beyond it not being absolute garbage), but focuses more on aesthetic over all else. has several piercings but wears very basic steel jewelry in all of them 98% of the time

cs!caleb: does in fact have more than one pair of jeans, he just only brought one pair of jeans to rhosohna. he in fact only brought a pretty small percentage of his clothes to rhosohna (he has probably two fairly big tubs in storage, including nicer clothing that isn't *interview* clothing). generally buys his shirts a smidge too big. often unconsciously buys clothing that reminds him of his crush/datemate/playpartner for himself as a lil hug

and now!!! the PARALLELLS

they both take meticulous care of their physical flesh, but for different reasons. caleb is VERY hairy compared to drow, pubs included, so essek doesn't make the connection but caleb does manscape, and does a lot of regular upkeep for his beard plus a lot of intentional care with his hair (it does have a style it's just not all blunt at the bottom the way most xhorhassian's keep theirs, thank u essek). caleb finds a lot of comfort in maintaining his body because its his and its the only one he gets. essek otoh resents his duty towards his body. he does it all, but he cuts corners as much as he can; he has short hair so upkeep isn't as draining even if it is scandalous; he doesn't paint his nails except for special occasions and only puts in bare minimum to keep them filed and tidy; he does skin care purely because he could not bear the indignity of others perceiving him as anything less than perfect but he's sloppy about it. he takes his pills, he eats the bare minimum, he moves the bare minimum, he socializes the bare minimum, and he is very content being mad at his flesh for betraying him, thank you

they both heavily curate their appearances to fit in with what is expected of them. with essek its the blouses and pressed trousers to appear respectable and cultured, with all the bits and bobs and layers that go with, and with caleb its the worn in jeans and flannels country boy look. essek dresses the way he does so he doesnt have to fight (his mother mostly) and so other people don't talk down to him in ways they shouldnt. caleb dresses the way he does because a) its comfortable and easy to travel with but b) it makes him unassuming so he is so much more able to observe

and also lastly, they obviously both really really like the kink aspects of clothing. they really get off on the possessives of wearing the others clothes or seeing the other wear theirs, they both really get off on the routine and anticipation of getting undressed (or the animal passion of just tugging pants down enough to get ur dick out before going at it) as well as the tease of redressing. ch 32 and 33 with all the gala clothe stuff is going to be SO HORNY (i'm sorry verin)

also fun fact, theyre within a size of each other *around* but caleb is in the next bracket up for length so i definitely considered having essek shove caleb into his clothes to go home in

#mochi rambles #ohbeckoh #mochi presents coping skills #mochi presents reaching the starlight #mochi fic #mochi asks #yes i have an entire headcannon on how modern industrilaized exandrian fashion sizing works #you dont????? weirdo

[yenvengerberg]

GERALT OF RIVIA The Witcher, Season 2 Sneek Peak

#geralt of rivia #geraltedit #thewitcheredit #witcheredit #the witcher #thewitchersdaily #witcherdaily #userava #useravia #usersvenja #arthurpendragonns #ughmerlin #bbelcher #chewieblog #*gifs #having geralt drop from a small height and not immediately dying? most unrealistic thing they've done yet #yes i made this set just so i could make that joke #even tho the quality is beyond garbage

[fratboykate]

Ahora que Rebelde Way esta en Netflix lo he estado mirando y que malo es!!!!!!!!!!! Hehe. Cual es tu opinion profesional ahora que tambien lo estas mirando?

LOL! I didn’t have to wait to 2020 to figure out that the show is capital P Problematique is almost every way, that none of them can actually sing, that the writing is most of the time borderline atrocious, and that like 99% of the ensemble cast can’t act for shit. Here’s the thing tho: in the context of present time and speaking “objectively” then the show is HOT GARBAGE.....................but it was made 20 years ago. I hate this idea that we need to “cancel” shit retroactively. Just the fact that this week people tried to cancel Fallon for an SNL sketch that’s 20 years old is laughable. The world was a different place two decades ago. We need to stop enforcing 2020 values on anything from even five years ago much less over a decade old. It’s fucking irrational to do so. It’s almost two completely different universes. For example, when Rebelde Way came out it was at the peak of camera technology but watching it in 2020 I constantly wonder if it was shot with a piece of glass attached to a fucking broccoli stem. This was “High Definition” back then and now even watching it on Netflix which is guaranteed to be about as high definition as you’re ever going to get you still can’t even fucking make faces half the time because it’s such shit quality. If it was shot before we had at least 720p, I’m not getting mad at the content or the writing or the acting lol. It’s fucking pointless.

And speaking of the acting...is it fucking terrible? Yes. Is it also fucking amazing enough that literally no one else has been able to replicate it? Also yes. They’ve tried to adapt this show in several different markets, Mexico being the most famous one. If you’ve watched both you can’t tell me that Luisana and Camila didn’t fucking knock it out of the park because those characters have SUCKED ASS in everyone else’s hands. No one can play them without making the characters insufferable. So you somehow end up with performances that are simultaneously BEYOND FUCKING DREADFUL but also IRREPICABLY BRILLIANT. This show is an enigma and even with all it’s massive flaws by current standards I will sooner sit my kids down to watch this any day of the week before whatever content is being made now. No hesitations. For all the shit that’s wrong with it, the message it carries at it’s core is better and done at a higher standard than anything else I’ve ever seen done for that demographic. Ever. In my life. Despite it being completely flawed, that show and everything that came with it is also God Tier and you can’t convince me otherwise.

#rw #Anonymous #KG Answers

[umbillicalnoose]

i think that you would think im pretty and would like my poetry and i want to share it with you. im shy.

to be honest, im very apathetic these days. im not the nice “cutesy baby flower petal boy” i used to be. a lot has happened & im bitter & sullen & all in all, a pretty shitty friend/person to know. i used to possess some redeeming qualities, believe it or not, even if they were construed by the subconscious in an attempt to be likeable - a facade, even tho its only a facade, is still tangible, still there, is still something, even if not authentic. is poorer character forgivable in the name of presenting more authentically? but nah. that makes it sound like im putting effort into being a better person, which im not. im just sort of fried & done. its been a very long time since i played the role i built for myself on here of the “small fawn boy who wants to help girls” lmaooo. how embarrassing. altho, i was just a kid, & i guess, if you had a tumblr as a teenager, you went thru some cringe (i know the use of that word has fallen in on itself & adopted its own definition but for lack of a better one) ass phases, whether it was kinning or malingering mental illness or oh fucking christ, all that gender bullshit, etc etc. from what ive observed, tho, loosely following kids im still casually friends with that i met on here, i think we’ve all managed to Grow The Fuck Up, at least a little. most of us have jobs or r in school or have partners - growing up & moving on is a very surreal experience to watch/go thru. im moving at my own pace & ive accepted that - im still currently using & starving myself & concocting a suicide plan every day but at least i use clean needles as much as possible, i actively & honestly do strive for the bare minimum calorically, & um able to work with the mentality of “well ill have this when i need it but todays not that day” a lot more readily, in relation to suicide shit. ive finally found a therapist who Really Gets It, is a frontrunner internationally on ritual & extreme abuse & mind control. its pretty incredible what a few years with a good therapist can do. anyways. im sorry, i know you didnt ask for all this & im not even sure why i divulged. i guess, what tipped me off, was your attempt at sounsing “cute” - dude, cut that shit out, i promise youll be a lot better off. & i know everyone interchanges aspects of their personality based on who theyre talking to/who they percieve themselves to be talking to, but i feel like not a lot of people give enough credence to the internet & its hand in shaping/molding young people, kids, vulnerable dumbasses, especially tumblr (tho, i get that its a relatively new phenomenon) - u get a bunch of the “weird”, “alternative”, ““ostracized” kids together on a website, of course its gonna nurture a culture of hypervalidatoon & pretending to be sick in order to fit in to the point that its not an act anymore & exacerbation of symptoms & basically, just sucking each others dicks, sitting in ur own shit, & never ending coddling. & then, you have the older group of kids, who have played this game before but instead of helping or ignoring the Dumbshit kids, they indulge their own normally-buried-but-unleashed-by-internet-anonymity sadism/human instinct to just be fucking dicks & so now you have this vicious cycle of anger & hatred & fucking melodrama up the urethra. im sorry, i know im comig off as/am being harsh but god fuckin dammit yknow? also, this isnt directed at you, specifically, more of a generalized thing, @ myself included. so uh. i mean, if u still wanna share it with me after reading all this, id be happy to read ur poetry. i used to be over the top nice & then reverted to Major Asshole & am now trying to find that sweet middle spot - honoring & allowing myself to share my pain without putting it on others. which is really hard!! cuz becoming a Dick was difficult in that it forced me to be more honest with my true self & as such, more vulnerable - now in trying to become Kinda Nice again because despite being a pulsating scrotom, ive had the intense desire for friendship & human interaction, while simultaneously doing things that i was consciously aware was pushing others away - but then, if i pretend to be nice, where does that authenticity i worked for & was so scared of go? & i dont mean telling someone their new haircut looks nice even when it doesnt - thats just not being a dick. but i guess, those r the normal trials & tribulations of any relationship & adolescent developing identity. which is weird too - dealing with “normal” issues, i mean. whats the point if your life/limbs/breaking point arent at risk? whats the point when your best friends already dead. im sick of people calling "survivors” (despise that word, so fucking female-originated & overdramatic) “brave” & “strong” - surviving is not brave or strong. its just survival. you wouldnt call an animal brave for running for its life from a predator but you would call a dog courageous for going into a burning building to save its owner. premeditated action on the notion that you are probably going to be hurt is brave. being subjected to pain with no choice is not. theres no “silver lining” or anything “good” to be drawn from it either - sure it may have made x a more compassionate person or made y more introspective & gentle but you know what would have been even fucking better??? if the shit hadnt happened in the first place! let x be an asshole & y be self absorbed - the “benefits”, so to speak, do not outweigh the cost, not by a long fucking shot. its not only patronizing to hear garbage like that, but a slap in the face to know that anyone could possibly see anything good coming from that nightmare & that the characteristics, good or bad, you developed either in response to or as a result of, are worth praise. dont tell me im strong for doing what i had to to escape a torture chamber - tell me im perseverant for studying my ass off & passing that test last week. in the words of one of my dearest & most fucking brilliant friends, “pain doesnt owe me/you purpose - the need to intellectualize & assign meaning to pain & death is not only futile, but harmful.” & honestly, i think that it stems from weakness (in most cases - i realize theres a plethora of other reasons such as those who r just desperate for something to hold on to or r hyperintellectual & analytical or who have been pressured by external “support” systems to find the “good” etc etc) - while the majority of people view the person who “can find the good in everything” (strictly speaking only in relation to trauma/tragedy here & more in denunciation of those that celebrate this trait as opposed to vilifying “survivors” who respond this way, though in my experience, its very very very rarely the “survivor” that perpetrates this ideology ) as strong, i sort of see it as a weakness - their inability to sit with & absorb their own pain or that of others is so strong that not only do they have to frantically pull rainbows out of the teeth of a meat cleaver, they also have to exist within this strange (tho, not malicious - more subconscious) superiority complex. like, nah, dude, some times shit is just awful. you cant tell me anything fucking good came out of a four year old girl being kidnapped, gangraped, & tortured for two years, before being impaled & left to die on a stake. her mom opened a non profit organization? oh well thank fucking god for that!!! those that believe the latter to be more “enlightened” or whatever the fuck r the same people who say shit like “dying is easy - living is harder” & i get that that its supposed to be interpreted metaphorically for the most part - giving up is easy, trying isnt (which also.....isnt true??? admitting defeat & fully accepting the fact that ur fucking helpless is beyond hard lmao???) - but pretend youre somewhere, anywhere outside ur sunny little fucking yoga studio full of white women whos biggest issues r the pta & johnny whos failing math, & lets say your life is in real, imminent danger, a gun is to your head & i want you to not scream or cry or beg for ur life since dying is “easier”. if dying is so easy, why do the majority of ppl cling to it with such desperation - why is suicide illegal? why do some ppl go thru 100s of chemo treatments even tho the doctors say theyre just prolonging the inevitable, ppl who cut off a diseased arm so it wont spread, those who walk dozens of miles every day for food & water, etc? & i know & understand the survival instinct better than anyone, even when i wanted to die more than anything, my natural instincts would kick in with no conscious neural input & id do what i had to do. im not condemning those who cling to life (ok - a little. ur wasting resources out of ur own fear. but i also realize thats just me being a Fucking Asshole As Always cuz technically, im doing the same thing tho its more due to lack of opportunity rather than fear. i just think, societally, death should be more normalized, discussed, & not made out to be so unknown & scary), instead just reprimanding those who say shit like that (inspirational facebook quotes). especially cuz most of the ppl who do spew that shit have never gone thru anything even remotely difficult - their worst nightmare is a Big Scary Black Man grabbing them on the street, mugging them, & touching their tits. & i also know that these stupid ass sayings are to be applied to bullshit like exercise & fitness (“no pain no gain” is another one of my Favorites) & not fucking torture or even just ur run of the mill rape, even that would probably smash the rose tinted banana republic shades off their beverly hills tanned faces. but ive heard the no pain no gain one a handful of times in the last few weeks, specifically from doctors performing procedures in preparation for my bottom surgery. & i know its supposed to be encouraging & they have no way of knowing, but its just like, buddy, u have no idea who youre fucking talking to. & im starting to understand what THEY mean when they say it - pain with a reward is infinitely more tolerable than pain just for the sake of pain; like, a tattoo, it hurts, but u know, when its done, its gonna be sick as fuck. when u r able to fall back on the idea that its for something u rlly want, its A Lot easier to handle as opposed to pain thats Just Pain - theres no reward for it except, i guess, that the more u experience it, the closer u r to the end of it lmao. i mean, i still hate when ppl say it cuz for most of my life, pain was just pain, & the “reward” was the opportunity to go home at the end & so whenever ppl say that, my mind just immediately resorts back to that & im just like haha fuck u. but im trying to remember my experiences r definitely not universal & im starting to sorta understand what they mean i think. but, flipping gears here, & going back to the sentiment of “everything happens for a reason”, the base philosophy of psuedo deep Fuckwads - a girls dad didnt fuck her “for a reason”, everything doesnt happen “for a reason”. like ok, hypothetically, the kid he impregnated her with & that she was forced to have at 12 may surpass all odds & not become a homeless junkie & instead become a world renowned doctor who finds the cure for cancer. but she wasnt raped repeatedly from the age of six for that “reason”, no matter what anyone says & honestly, the liberation of the masses does not justify the suffering of one, especially a child. in my eyes at least. but again, im a bitter asshole. sorry i just Went The Fuck Off here oh my god.....if u read all this, thanks, pal. if not, thats cool too. but yea, send me ur stuff, id totally be down to read it. as for me potentially thinking ur cute, i have to look at my disgusting shitstain of a “face” every goddamn day so everyone else to me is fuckin aphrodite. but im also tryin to not put so much worth into physical appearance- its not something that should be complimented cuz its just smth a person was born with which is the same reason it shouldnt be insulted. this is gonna sound gay & stupid but i personally find that a persons essence & personality really permeates. you can meet someone who, objectively, isnt all that great looking, but once u get to know them, u really see their beauty - how the sun catches in their hair, their dilated pupils looking up at u from under long eyelashes in the dark, the birthmark on their right shoulder that they despise but that is so Them, the gap in their teeth, etc. & idk how to phrase this without it sounding like “well ur ugly but at least ur a good person”, cuz that only reiterates the societally indoctrinated emphasis on appearance & my kneejerk reaction to assure the person in question that thats not what im saying is only another result of that!!! its inescapable!!! but no, really, its not just a matter of “its on the inside that counts” - physically, they change or maybe, actually this is more likely, when i first meet them, my “default” eyes r just looking for features that i know im immediately attracted to (tall, blonde, sickly as in sunken eyes sticklike pale but still looks like she could & will beat the shit out of me) but as i fall in love or get to know them better, my eyes adjust & i notice & adore the beauty that was there all along. so uh. idk if ill think ur “cute”. but probably, yes, ill think ur an angel.

[dailyarturia]

Instead of just rating servants, what about a rating of the different Fate storylines?

oh now THIS I can do

WHERE IT ALL BEGAN. often called the most boring route which, I guess yeah because it’s the first route of the first game so it ends up being exposition central. it has its moments and it’s not bad per se but it hasn’t aged that well and the rest of the series has caught up with it since it’s not the entry point for new fans anymore so like half the route’s content and plot twists end up being stuff that is already known from other installments. I still think it’d be nice if ufotable made an ova or something just to complete the set, and also because heaven’s feel actually mirrors fate route on a lot of points so I feel the hf movies aren’t going to be at their best if you haven’t gone over fate route beforehand. if you skip over the outdated exposition you can easily fit all of it in ~10 episodes cause it’s pretty short. 6.5/10 if looked at on its own, but its importance as the base on which later routes build can’t be underestimated 

my personal favourite route even tho its heroine is the worst part of it. with fate route getting the exposition out of the way ubw can go at a faster pace and is more action oriented. the shirou-archer and related archer-lancer conflict is one of my favourites in all of fate and “here I come, king of heroes- do you have enough weapons in stock?” is ICONIC. rin got massively gimped as heroine cause nasu didn’t seem to dare actually letting her be flawed and shirou ended up too focused on his own conflict to form like a real bond with her but that’s a horse I beat to death long ago. the examination of what makes a hero is in general one of my fav themes in fate and ubw obviously delivers there but what I especially love in ubw is the theme of “don’t ‘welcome to the real world’ me asshole, the real world shouldn’t be like this”. 9/10 would be a 10 if rin had like, any character development

this one is... so stressful to read, which is GOOD cause that’s the point but that also means my reread is going at a pace of 3 scenes per 4 months. heaven’s feel throws every convention that fate and ubw set up out the goddamn window by immediately killing off like half the cast including powerhouses like gilgamesh and turning an ideological conflict into a really viscerally personal one. the final conflict isn’t a hero versus a world ending calamity, it’s a bunch of traumatised kids with bad blood between them and the rest of the world caught in the crossfire. “the embodiment of all the world’s evils was a victim” is a really powerful statement to make and where fate and ubw only really asked “what makes a hero” hf hammers in the corresponding question of “what makes a villain”. 8.5/10 it’s an incredibly strong thematic ending to the game as a whole but it’s just, not my favourite

jesus christ look what you did, you got me started. here’s a readmore to save your dashboard and rip mobile users cause I got some opinions on fate alright

this one fucking sucks if you look at it on its own it only works if you know fsn follows it otherwise its just DEATH DESPAIR PAIN SUFFERING yeah yeah we get it urobuchi. apparently he was going through a real bad depressive episode when he was asked to write zero and it was really cathartic to him to be able to write it as dark as he wants knowing that he can’t possibly ruin the happy ending of fsn so, I’ll give him that I guess. I thought it was the greatest shit when I first watched it cause uro’s really good at leveraging shock value but the flaws become more obvious with every rewatch. not really my favourite it’s mostly just asshole central and people who stan zero are usually insufferable but it’s got some good shit among the usual uro stuff. 7/10 PROVIDED you look at it in the context of fsn otherwise it’s like, a 5

BIG favourite and origin of my wife for life bazett fraga mcremitz. I read this one at the exact right time in my life to be absolutely destroyed by it. the whole game is based on the premise of ‘a second chance’ so it goes out if its way to go into the characters who got kinda shafted in fsn while also being the canon ‘everyone lives’ au. fsn has always underlined how valuable an ordinary life is that’s why we call it family dinner simulator 2004 but fha really hammers that one in. less outright action than fsn but a really strong and tense atmosphere. 9/10 would be a 10 if it weren’t for the fucking caren scene

basically revisits the themes from zero and stay night from a different angle but the cast is too large to really go into it so its clunky and a lot of characters end up sidelined. still it’s home to a lot of my favs and some of the coolest action in the whole series. I have a lot of apocrypha opinions but most of them boil down to who i want to hold hands with each other and how much I love sieg(fried) so I’ll spare you those. 7/10 thanks to shaky execution but if you take a shovel and make it that deep yourself it easily jumps up to 8 or even 9. don’t watch the anime I’m begging you.

the storyline actually suffers a lot from how linear and rigid the game structure is so its main selling point is hakuno and their bond with each of the 3 playable servants but by god does it deliver there. hakuno is one of my favourite protagonists of all time and it’s all in how they’re not going to take this shit lying down. it’s a game about forging bonds in a system designed to drive people apart and holding stubborn hope for the future. 9.5/10 the half point is as much acknowledgement of the game’s flaws as I am willing to give because we have decided to stan forever

lol what was that about linear structure? its like, super horny on main so it’s a hard sell but it basically turns everything I liked about extra up to 14. fate/extra CCC is a game about reaching out to others, how people are stronger together, how the future can be changed for the better as long as you are alive to see it, forming your own identity in the wake of trauma and learning who you are in relation to others as well as to your own past, healthy love and unhealthy love and recognising the difference between the two, and big fat anime titties. 10/10 i am not fucking kidding you if you can handle the horny CCC will be the best ride of your goddamn life.

look. i don’t want to get started on extella so just take the ratings. 8/10 concept 4/10 execution.

it’s incomprehensible garbage but it’s MY incomprehensible garbage 9/10 and 3/10 simultaneously

now we got some real mixed feelings on this bad boy here so I’ll try to keep it short. basically all the chapters up to and including london were mediocre at best with septem as the absolute peak of garbage. they actually said in interviews that they didn’t make a shift towards heavier story content until between london and america so that makes sense but it painfully shows. america camelot babylon salomon then exponentially increased in quality and were the fucking bomb. epic of remnant was a massively mixed bag thanks to all the guest writers with minimal supervision to buy nasu time to write lostbelt. lostbelt is fun again. the main story nowadays is really good quality because nasu is just doing what he does best and writing incomprehensible lore with a story around it but because of the game’s nature as mobile game that wants to make everyone appealing somehow it misses a lot of the visceral emotion that fsn had. events are often too silly even if they do end on a serious note and there’s not enough actual serious story content to balance it out so everyone kinda suffers from character erosion and I’m not sure if there’s an easy way to fix that, cause sure you can say ‘make nasu supervise it more’ but nasu’s always writing like 5 different things at once and he can’t really Do That. I think ultimately fgo has been good for fate as a whole in the story department and I also think a different direction/feel from earlier stuff isn’t bad in itself but the scale at which fgo works does seem like it’s beyond what nasu and co really expected to ever have to handle and so while the amount of successes has increased, the amount of failures has also become more glaring. 5/10 on the first few chapters, 8/10 on the later half of arc one and onwards, ???/10 overall, oh fate how I wish I could quit you (i don’t wish that i’m having a good time)

no

#bluelikeviolets #mod post

[granpafrisbee]

Truth or Dare Part 1

Warnings: Cussing                    

Word Count: 3,752 (it’s gonna get longer tho)

Pairing: Bucky x OFC           

Masterlist

Summary: After going to Italy and avoiding any romantic relationships for pretty much all her life Joey comes back to the U.S. to move in with her life-long best friend, Sam Wilson, and his two closest friends from college. Joey’s met Steve but is apprehensive to meet the elusive Bucky, whom she’s always missed despite having visited Sam consistently throughout college. Once she meets him, however, she wonders how she’ll be able to run from love when they share a bathroom.

A/N: Hey, so I'll be updating this most Wednesdays. I'll try my hardest to stay regular. 

I wrote this using an OFC bc I cannot work my brain to replace my name with fucking Y/N and I know I'm not the only one. (I always end up reading it as fucking "yuuhnnumm"). I am fully in love with Zazie Beetz so our OFC is completely based on her except maybe a lil chubbier because why not. Really for the apartment just picture the layout of the New Girl loft.

I always have a confusing time picturing characters in fics so I'm gonna lay it out for y'all. Steve is full nomad, them honey brown locks and the full beard. Joey's hair is natural like Zazie so often wears it. Bucky is just Seb in fall/winter 2017 because I am weak for the I, Tonya press tour look. Sam is Mackie's classic look. The rest of the characters can be left to the imagination.

Also  I mention good music so listen to that if you want. Please let me know if you like this and follow my hot garbage tumblr.

Special thanks to @buckybarnesxoxo for asking to be tagged!

the AO3

Stay Sexy

It’s the bathroom that really impresses Joey. She believed Sam when he said the apartment was nice. On seeing it for the first time when moving in, she discovers that her best friend is distinctly incorrect. A working sink is nice. A proper heater is nice. A nearby laundromat is nice. This loft, this four-bedroomed palace, is exquisite in comparison to her previous abodes. The kitchen has all its necessary appliances. There are a washer and dryer in unit. The walls are thick enough that if Sam was stabbed in his neighboring room, she would maybe hear it. Four bedrooms with their very own closets. All of these have her speechless as she tours around. However, as stated above, it’s the bathroom that is killer. The idea of sharing said room with three men is maybe one of the more foreboding aspects of her new sweet digs, but once she sees the giant clawfoot shower and tub, she is sure the positives will heavily outweigh the negatives.

She immediately slides down into her new porcelain palace. She’s a medium height at 5’6”, and even she has to point her toes to touch the far end of the tub. She sighs comfortably and is already planning an essential oils combination for her first real bath when the door swings open and her fantasy is interrupted by one her new roommates. He’s the one she hasn’t met yet but Sam and Steve have shown her plenty of pictures. His hair looks soft and well-coiffed and he wears a tank top under an unbuttoned striped short sleeve button down. Rather than judgment appearing across his abnormally handsome face, he smiles like there was nothing else he could have expected when entering the bathroom.

“You see I specifically told Steve to get a bathtub that doesn’t come with a human.”

“Oh no, you got it all wrong. I’m actually a ghost here to haunt you but hygienically. Instead of boo, I say floss.” She says without a beat and he nods, very seriously, in response to this.

“You know I’m pretty sure I just carried in a bed to our fourth room that might be more comfortable than the tub, but who am I to judge one’s preferred sleeping arrangements.” His quip is followed by another fantastic smile, and based on the past ten seconds of her life Joey is absolutely sure that this is her kind of human.

She smiles back and extends her hand from the tub. “Joey.”

“Bucky,” He shakes her hand and nods again.

“You guys brought up my bed? I told Samuel to let me handle that shit.”

He laughs and scratches his beard, “Ah just gave me another opportunity to show Sam how much stronger I am than him. And Steve the chance to show up both of us.”

Joey chuckles and silently appreciates how Bucky balanced his dig on Sam with some light self-depreciation of himself. Although it would be unrealistic to pretend that anyone was stronger than Steve. The man is built. “Seriously though, I’ll come help y’all out. I’m not gonna be the useless roommate.” She gets out of the tub and starts out the door.

“Oh I wouldn’t worry about that, I think Sammy’s got that title covered, Darlin’.” He follows her out and therefore doesn’t see her face cringe at the pet name.

She considers calling him on it when Sam yells from the front door, “I know you’re not in there besmirching me to my very own best friend Barnes,” He enters view sweaty and smiling, “And I especially know she wasn’t participating, because she is my best friend and therefore automatically on my side.” He wraps his arm protectively around her shoulders causing her to shrug away from him with her nose scrunched.

“Consider our friendship on sabbatical until you take a shower, Wilson.” Joey continues backing away.

“Jesus I always knew your personality stank but I guess the inside always comes out huh.” Bucky mirrors Joey’s disgusted face as he walks towards the door.

Sam rolls his eyes, “Not funny.” Although the involuntary “Hah!” Joey lets out at Bucky’s comment seems to contradict his statement. Sam just flips her off.

“Thank you, Doll. You see Sammy, even your best friend thinks I’m right.” Bucky mocks as he heads back outside.

This time Sam sees her face twist in reaction to the nickname. Misinterpreting it he grumbles, “Oh come on there’s no way you can smell me from over there.” He starts to head to his room, presumably for deodorant.

Joey follows Bucky downstairs to help with some more furniture moving. Steve is outside their building, ass in the air, bent over picking something up. “Damn Rogers,” Joey calls out appreciatively, “If I knew I’d be getting a view like that I would have shacked up with you years ago.”

He stands up, holding up an entire bookshelf on his own, further challenging the poor under armor shirt that is being stretched to hell on his giant frame. “Hey killer, thanks for joining us.”

She picks up a lamp and smiles at him, “Well I figured you guys needed the extra muscle.”

His smile is bright against his beard as he walks into the house with the ease of a man who isn't carrying a bookshelf.

The four of them finish loading their sporadic furniture into the loft and the afternoon fades to early evening. An old but amazing and huge high-quality leather sectional provided by Steve’s mom. Sam’s flat screen, whom he’s named Esmeralda, and may or may not have a near sexual attraction to. Bucky’s records and a player that’s older than any of them, plus a big wooden dinner table his Dad handmade. Steve’s varied level of completed canvases and paint stuff. Joey’s shelves and chairs she found on the side of the road her senior year in college. A mix of plates, bowls, and utensils have been loaded into varying drawers and cabinets. As well as cooking instruments, although, beyond Joey’s waffle iron and an old cast iron from Steve, it’s all Sam’s. Everyone’s personal boxes and furniture is piled in their own rooms.

Joey sits on the kitchen island as the boys lean against it, all sipping the cheap beer Joey bought as penance for them carrying her bed in. She takes that moment to appreciate the weird chain of events that got her where she is now. She and Sam have been friends since grade school. They went to different colleges but remained good ol’ buddies throughout. When they graduated Joey traveled around and did an apprenticeship with an Italian glassblower. Sam went to Culinary school, and when he graduated the second time around Joey was offered a job with a world-renowned blower (god she will never get tired of calling her profession that) stateside. After little luck finding a two bedroom inexpensive enough for the two of them, Steve, one of Sam’s old college buddies Joey had met many a time during visits, mentioned his friend's dad owned a couple lofts in the neighborhood they were looking in. Sam toured with Steve and Bucky and the three of them signed the lease that day. Sam called Joey that night and announced he was so confident that he forged her signature. He was insistent that it was the best option they’d find, all Steve is a good guy and fellow artist, and even Bucky is sometimes bearable but don’t tell him that. Steve paints and sketches in his free time and works as a personal trainer to pay the bills. Joey knows he isn’t passionate about it, but with his perfect body and matching attitude, she is sure he is fantastic at his job. Sam is starting at a new restaurant with a name Joey can only pronounce thanks to high school French. A plus for living with Sam is that he brings work home with him. Although Joey had visited Sam plenty over the years and even struck up a solid friendship with Steve, she always seems to have missed Bucky. They had never met but she knew he was a language major with a focus in Eastern Europe and Russia. Sam had told her Bucky translated English books into Russian and vice versa and made more money than he should. Earlier Joey had heard him curse in some sort of Slavic tongue when Sam “accidentally” dropped his end of a coffee table on Bucky’s foot. She also had heard a few stories about Steve and Bucky’s childhood, the rambunctious troublemakers lived up to every tall tale. As the four nursed their beers she felt confident that this was going to be a very important group of people in her life.

“Joey?” Sam snapped her out of her thoughts.

“What?”

“Barnes suggested we get more beer and pizza and invite some friends over. Are you down?” The three men looked at her expectantly.

“I say hell yeah. Who are we calling?” She looked down at her watch and was surprised to see it was only 6:30.

“Well there are the couples, Nat and Wanda and Thor and Bruce,” Steve suggested.

“I told Shuri I’d pay her in alcohol if she set up all the tech shit,” Bucky adds.

Steve nods, “Now that you mention it, we should probably invite Tony, he’s the reason we got this place.”

“Tony means at least Rhodey and probably Pep, Clint is a must, and if we invite Wanda we should call Pietro too.” Sam finishes his beer and scrolls through his messages.

“Brunnhilde and Okoye are in town too.” Joey hops off the counter and recycles the empty bottles collecting on the island.

“Alright you guys decide who to invite, and I’ll go get libations and sustenance,” Bucky grabs his keys.

“With the list we’ve got you’ll need some help, I’ll come with,” Joey volunteers.

Bucky smiles vibrantly and nods towards to Steve, “You okay babysitting Rogers?”

“As long as Killer doesn’t mind your unreasonably picky ass,” Steve’s retort is so quick that Bucky and Sam raise their middle fingers simultaneously at their aggravator.

Joey and Bucky decide to start off to the pizzeria three blocks away and pick up the beer on the walk back. The walk begins in mildly uncomfortable silence.

“So… you’re picky?” Joey asks to spark some sort of conversation.

“Nooo..” Bucky’s defensiveness creates an endearing drawl, “Those two pompous asses just don’t understand that I like my pizza simple. Margherita pizza is a fucking gift. Who am I to screw it up with a bunch of American bullshit?” He gestures widely as he speaks.

“You’re kidding right?”

Bucky’s must have misinterpreted her smile as he quickly responds, “Alright I’ve been judged enough in my life, I know you lived in Italy and-”

“No, no, Bucky!” She grabs his forearm, “Margherita is my favorite! I ate it all the time in Italy, judgment-free.”

“Jesus Christ Doll, where have you been all my life?”

She smiles and they continue a brisk pace to the pizza place. “How did you know I lived in Italy?”

“Ah, I know plenty about you. Sammy talks about you non-stop, has since I met him. Steve even thought he was secretly in love with you until he hung out with you in person.”

This makes Joey raise her brows, “Really? Wow. What, if I may ask, ultimately caused him to accept our relationship as extraordinarily platonic? Was it the sibling-like side hugs? The lack of sexual tension in our banter? The fact that I knew him during his first mustache phase?”

“Are you telling me there was a skinnier mustache than the one we know and mildly tolerate?”

“I’m talking Prince but pubescent. It was so thin models asked his mustache for dieting tips. It was so thin his first girlfriend thought he had an eyelash over his top lip. I mean you would’ve thought he drew it on with a ballpoint pen. In fact, it’s very possible it was. Just because I never saw doesn’t mean he never-”

Bucky is laughing uproariously, “Please, please, you’re killing me. I’m gonna need pictures as soon as possible.”

“No can do. I will recite the epic of the mustache homer-style until the day I die, but any physical evidence shared will prompt an all-out war between Samuel and me. That is just something I can’t afford.”

“Oh now I have to see them. What’s your secret shame, sweetheart? Bangs? Braces? Please tell me it was an emo phase,” As he lists off he starts walking backward, the goofy smile didn't dim once.

“I’ll never share, but trust me when I say if you find something behind my back, I’m sure Steve will be more than willing to share some pictures of your past. Emo phase is a good guess, but if I didn’t know any better I’d say that was a projection, hmm?”

That does a good job of replacing his smile with pursed lips and a quirked eyebrow, contemplating his next move in this battle of embarrassing adolescence. “Steve would never betray me.”

“Don’t be so sure, all men have their weaknesses,” She smiles deviously.

“Oh yeah, you gonna seduce him for a picture of me in eyeliner?”

“First of all, I would seduce Steve for much less so thanks for confirming my emo theories. Secondly, I may not know Steve like you do, but I know him well enough to see that seduction would hardly prove fruitful.” She holds the door open for him and they both bask in the practically orgasmic scent of the pizzeria, “Steve is so suspicious of anyone who wants to sleep with him that he’d see through me. My method would be to trick him to do some sort of high school ‘Where are they now?’ portrait. He’d be so inspired he’d paint your lined eyes and black, I’m guessing, over parted hair in a second.” The line is moving slowly and he admires how she never lowers her volume or hides from strangers eyes.

“Damn, Doll, you’re good.”

“I minored in manipulation.” The store isn’t too packed for Saturday night and Sam Cooke is playing lightly in the background. She’s nodding her head and he’s mouthing along to words and when they both realize this they share a smile at the music.

“So Steve is a suspicious mind in your book?” She chuckles at his reference.

“I’m not the biggest drinker and neither is Steve, so when Sammy went hard when I visited, Steve was always good for a tipsy talk. The poor guy has the same self-esteem he must have had in high school. Unlike us three cool cats Steve will show me pictures of his past self. I know you were there through it all, but just because the outside changes doesn’t mean the inside follows suit. I have seen the most dedicated and gorgeous women throw themselves at him and yet he remains sure that she was ‘just being friendly’. It’s actually impressive.”

“I know what you mean. To be fair though a lot of that is just his college girlfriend. She really did a number on him.” He runs a hand through his hair but doesn’t hide his contempt for whoever she is.

Solemn surprise covers Joey’s features, “I never knew. Never met her on any visits.”

“She wasn’t big on him talking to other girls, probably hid him anytime you came around. Although that isn’t my story to tell, I’m sure the punk will tell you about it sometime.” She follows his eye line down to his shoes. He’s drawing stars with the tip of his shoe, a tic she’s just noticing.

“What about you? You have a girl hiding you away, distracting you during your collegiate years? She the reason our meeting was so unluckily delayed until today?”

He thinks about the answer for a second or two. “Nah, no anchor to this ship. At this point, I’m just convinced Wilson just didn’t tell me you were around because he knew you would like me more than him.”

“Well turns out I like Steve better than both of you.”

He puts his hands up and reassures her, “I don’t need to be first, Sweetheart, just as long as I’m on your radar.” As he lowers his hands the song changes and they simultaneously recognize the song, both begin humming the initial notes. “Penny & The Quarters fan huh?” He asks.

“Nobody, baby, but-” she sings before quickly turning her attention to the cashier, “We’ll have two large Everything Pizzas and one large Margherita.” Facing Bucky again she smiles and drops another line that makes his heart race, “Just for you and me, huh?”

The pizza is out quick, and a trip to the local gas station provides them with more than enough beer. They continue discussing music, Joey is surprised at their similarly irregular taste. He describes his favorite Etta James songs, but can’t forget the Simon and Garfunkel song that he thinks is his first love encapsulated. He lists his top three favorite rappers after ranking contemporary folk bands. She adds in her opinions sporadically, and he apologizes twice for dominating the conversation when they get in the elevator.

She is being honest when she says, “There’s nothing I want to hear more than whatever you’re going to say right this moment.” He thinks that every lyric in every song he’s just listed doesn’t have shit on that sentence.

He’s about to tell her so when an alarming large hand last minute catches the elevator as it closes. The doors open to the Thor and Bruce. The couple is the lynchpin of every good party, from rager to kickback. Thor is the greatest hype man in history but is never hammered, probably because it would take two handles of tequila to get him there. Bruce is much more chill but a secret god at beer pong, not to mention he always has weed. Bucky’s favorite part of their presence always happens when Bruce is particularly high and begins a lecture on some sort of subject no one else understands. He isn’t exactly captivating, especially not to anyone far from sober although his passion is palpable, but Thor will plop down on the couch next to him and watch him like he’s the only thing in the universe (while rubbing Bruce’s neck to keep him from getting too wound up). Bucky loves those guys.

“Looks like we arrived just in time, wouldn’t you say Thor?” Bruce shakes Bucky’s hand and smiles at Joey.

“Of course! I was worried we got too much pizza, but now that you’re here Thor I’m sure you’ll help us with any surplus.” Joey sets the pizzas down before Thor pulls her into a bear hug.

“Joey, you know I never leave a damsel in distress,” Thor agrees as he sets her back on her feet.

Joey’s eyebrow playfully shoots up, “Who are you calling damsel, Odinson?”

“In this case, definitely Sam. I’m surprised he even let you order out.” Bruce answers for his boyfriend.

“My love is right in my insinuation. Never ever have I seen you anywhere near damsel status Joe.” Bucky watches their interaction with curiosity.

The elevator dings and Bucky asks, “This may seem like a dumb question but how do you guys know each other? Just through Sam?”

Joey picks up the pizzas as Thor holds the door open, ”Thor’s siblings and I were all in a group home together as teens. I’ve known this big lug long before he was the Nordic party god we see before us.” Thor laughs and he and Bruce go to greet everyone inside.

“Are you telling me Thor hasn’t always been a blonde beefcake?” Bucky whispers in Joey’s ear as they set the pizza and beer on the counter.

“Sadly no, he’s looked like that since I met him. I just like making that joke because he’s too humble to care.” She makes note that he doesn’t question the foster home part of her story. She wonders just what Sam has told him about her past.

People start to crowd the food and drinks, so Joey and Bucky greet everyone who has arrived. Nat is there sans Wanda, who is at home sick. Bucky knows this means Nat will be leaving early. Pietro made it despite his ill sibling, but he still looks pretty sick of the conversation in front of him. Shuri and Clint are mid-argument about the chicken and the egg when Bucky thanks them for coming. Clint gives him a smile and points to a fake succulent on the table and mumbles, “Got you guys a housewarming present,” before returning his attention to telling Shuri that the Chicken is the obvious choice. Shuri tells Bucky she set up the wifi and the apple tv and Clint doesn’t even register that she’s talking over him. Bucky kisses her cheek and hands her a beer.

Steve is sitting with Bruce and Thor on the couch, all of them engrossed in conversation and pizza. Sam is chopping fresh onion for his pizza when Bucky asks, “These are the few you could bribe to get here?”

“These losers are the only ones without any plans on a Saturday night,” Sam says without looking up.

Clint and Pietro both look up and say a simultaneous, “Hey!” Before turning their attention back to their conversation.

“T’Challa and Nakia are in Paris. Brunnhilde has a gig tonight. Okoye hung up on me when I said pizza and beer. Parker has an exam. Tony named six events he was invited to tonight and would’ve kept going if Steve hadn’t hung up. Pepper and Rhodey are probably plus thing one and two wherever Tony ended up at. Thus, this motley crew is all we got.” Sam sprinkles his diced onion on top of his already spilling slice and when he bites into it his groan stops the conversations surrounding the apartment.

“Lame. Your intestines are not going to be thanking you for that monster you are devouring under the alias of pizza.” Joey makes a face as he continues to stuff his face.

“Like eating just mozzarella and basil is enjoyable at all,” Sam dismisses her and joins the rest of their crew.

“Heathens,” Bucky dramatically admonishes their friends, “You ready Doll?”

This time he catches the tightening of her expression at his comment, ”Born ready.” They both grab a piece of their untouched pizza and taps crusts in cheers.

Part 2

Part 3

Thanks for reading!

#bucky barnes #bucky barnes au #bucky x ofc #marvel au #modern au #roommate au #bucky roommate au #steve rogers #captain america #bucky x reader #bucky barnes x reader #bucky imagine #bucky barnes fanfic #bucky barns fanfiction #sam wilson #zazie beetz #bucky x poc

[dyketectivecomics]

confession: as Bad as Green Lantern (2011) was... tbh it’s my guilty pleasure & also a huge nostalgia hit for me (more under the cut, sorry to mobile users who are gonna see it all anyways bc tumblr is a butt) just some general musings abt it bc its almost midnight~

it Makes Sense that they’d cast Ryan Reynolds as Hal (if you think abt the place that he’d take as the kinda Jokester/Jock alongside Barry on the JLA) but while carrying a film on his own it probably wasn't the best decision, its probably what made Deadpool the success that it was bc it plays much more into Ryan’s hand as more of a comedic actor. there’s plenty to unpack overall tho with how Bad the movie was that also plays into the casting decisions ofc

when i caught it on TV w/ my dad tho, we went in Knowing it was Bad & not expecting anything &... we had a Good Time. it was even better bc my dad dropped a bunch of Lantern facts during the commercials for me (he’s more of a Guy Gardner fan/hater??? if that makes sense?? I'm sure most ppl are. y'all know what I'm talking abt) it was one of those things that started to get me into the greater DCU beyond just the animated stuff I’d been watching for years at that point. we found a couple redeeming qualities in it & i rlly didn't mind it overall. it was a simple story when you broke it down & it was clearly trying to set something up for the future, which was rlly rlly cool to me at the time. (i know ofc that the mcu was doing this in spades by that point but i never watched too many marvel movies bc i just??? wasnt into it & dad’s favs weren't in them so we just??? didn't seek them out lol)

i havent seen it again in years ofc & I'm sure if i watched it now i’d still laugh over how bad it is but like. in a time when DC wasn’t rlly doing Much for their properties outside of batman in live-action is it rlly any surprise that they had a major stumble right out the gate?

anyways Reynolds was my First Official Celebrity Crush bc of it & the subsequent movie marathon I did w/ his movies bc I didn't accept How Damn Gay I was. & tbh I'm still love him, shit on the movie all ya want. i was like 15 & i fully accepted that garbage bc the Stars fucking Aligned for me to

#randywrites #i got rlly into the gl animated series almost more than yj tbh like #i remember hearing that it was supposed to build off the movie but didn't quite??? also???? #but i rlly rlly liked the animated series i still think it was p cool #and also dc nation was def given the worst treatment by cn seriously ahhh #its been 5 years I'm gonna be bitter over it here in the tags & stuff ok #its my blog and i can cry if i want to lmao #theres been like maybe 10 dudes total that keep me at being a 5.8 on the Kinsey Scale #like most days I'm like 'oh yeah ready to swear off all men forever' and then One of them shows up and Im like 'wait....' #and my boi Reynolds will forever be one of those men who just... holds me back

[sakurazawamidori]

longass anime meme

tagged by @megane-thirst, thank you again! 

tagging @adamantineheart @fanalis @laceknight @merupon @sachi

1. favorite anime?

The Tatami Galaxy, Chihayafuru, the first season of Durarara!, Gin no Saji...I’m also really fond of Arakawa Under the Bridge and Sayonara Zetsubou Sensei, I think that type of comedy really is SHAFT’s strong suit.

2. your worst anime?

I watched so much garbage lmao. Oreimo and Haganai come to mind I guess, but in recent years I’d say Shigatsu wa Kimi no Uso? Not in the sense that it was a badly produced anime, the animation and OST were both pretty good, but the story was so offensively bad and no one seemed to notice, instead it was almost universally adored...

3. do you read the manga that goes along with the anime you watch?

If I liked the anime enough I’ll read the manga too! Unless the anime was the original, in which case I won’t bother with the adaptation.

4. most favorite genres?

Slice of life, romance, mystery and mahou shoujo according to MALgraph, lmao. I do watch sports and idol anime but I wouldn’t call myself a fan of those genres.

5. least favorite genres? 

Mecha bores me to tears but I’ll still watch it sometimes, meanwhile I can’t do horror in general. 

6. favorite character?

I’m assuming this is about anime originals? In which case I’d say Rui Ninomiya from Gatchaman Crowds, recently Yayaka from Flip Flappers

7. least favorite character?

I’m not really the type to hate on specific characters...Related to one of my previous answers, half of KimiUso’s cast was intolerable

8. qualities you like in a character?

I tend to like both the cheerful and sunny types and the tormented emo kids, it really depends on the series

9. short or long anime?

13-25 is the ideal length (25 is already testing me, actually). Anything beyond 50 terrifies me

10. anime or manga?

I prefer reading so manga, but I watch a shitton of anime too...

11. how do you choose the anime you watch?

I check out anichart for seasonal anime, MAL for everything else.

12. skip or listen to intros/outros?

I never skip openings, might skip endings or just let them play in the bg while I do other stuff

13. how do you cope if your friends or family don’t like you watching anime?

I don’t need to cope, they’re used to it/don’t care. I used to be embarassed in high school tho 

14. do you stop an anime midway if you don’t like it?

Nope, my OCD won’t let me drop anything, not even garbage. I mean I dropped Tsubasa/xxxHolic but that’s only because they don’t actually exist

#memes #my anime onions...exposed

[xuchil-bara]

2

1.    What is the closest grocery store to your house?  I’m pretty-goddamn-sure it’s Food4Less but I might be wrong.

2.    When was the last time you colored with crayons?  Not that long ago, actually. I threw out all my old crayons (I loved them, but they were a gift from my birth-father so they had to go) and I can’t wait to get more.

3.    Have you ever owned a plant? What was it? I love plants. I would own all the plants. We have a garden right now and I love it. It’s awe-inspiring how much nature can happen in your own backyard.

4.    Have you met anyone famous? A few times, and I gotta say, meh.

5.    What was the worst injury you have ever had?  My god, you know, I haven’t been injured that many times. I guess when I put up a shelf improperly and it fell out of the wall and a box of power tools fell on my toe. Didn’t break, but almost did, and damn did that hurt.

6.    At thanksgiving dinner, what is the first thing you go for? M. EFFING. TURKEY. MY DUDE.

7.    When you were a kid, who was your best pal?  Mikayla was my best friend for almost 20 years.

8.    Do you have any special talents? I used to be able to sing, cook and sew really well. I loved languages. I’m out of practice with all of it.  

9.    Have you ever been to a nursing home? I worked at one for my first job. Not recommended.

10. What kind of job did your mom have when you were growing up? When I was really young she took a job at her father’s company doing accounts receivable (payable? Whichever) and she worked two other jobs. I think once my grandfather gave her an honest wage she was able to quit the other two.

11. Have you ever known anyone that’s been on TV, including you? Sure, I mentioned I’ve met famous people. I don’t particularly know why that’s an interesting fact about me, per se, since there’s nothing particularly interesting about famous people.

12. What was the most interesting animal you have seen in the wild? Hellgrammites.  

13. What holiday do you enjoy the most? Thanksgiving, but for the reasons most people like Christmas. Togetherness, being happily surrounded by the people you love, etc.  

14. What was the first video game you ever played?  I want to say an Atari game, but I can’t be entirely sure. I was super little.

15. What is the one thing you own, that if it got lost, you would be bummed?  My engagement ring. I wouldn’t just be bummed, I would be heartbroken.

16. Do you have a favorite breakfast item?  Pigs in a blanket. By that I mean sausage wrapped in pancakes.

17. What do you find yourself buying all the time?  I don’t really know. I guess food?

18. When was the last time you got a real letter in the mail? One that wasn’t asking for money?

19. Do you have a most prized piece of jewelry? Yes. My engagement ring and my heart necklace my husband gave me. I also cherish the open heart jewelry my grandparents got for all of us as teens.

20. Do you own any board games?  I do! I wish we played more of them, tbh.

21. What chore seems the most daunting right now?  Laundry and dishes. I fucking hate those.

22. Were you born in the state you live in?  Yeah, but I can’t wait to move.

23. Have you ever lived in a house that has been broken into?  Yes.

24. What is your favorite cheese? Brie, gruyere, and I really love chipotle smoked gouda.

25. Who do you know that watches the most sports?  My father in law, probably.

26. Do you like reality TV shows? There are no redeeming qualities about reality TV shows to me.

27. Would you rather have a chocolate or strawberry cake for your birthday? Strawberry, but I don’t really care for cake.

28. What color are your jeans? Blue. I only own two pairs.

29. Are you scared of fireworks? No.

30. Do you hate loud people? Hate is a huge overstatement but I really wish they’d be considerate of other people.

31. Do you get embarrassed when the buzzer at the airport goes off on you? No? I don’t know what this is talking about. Everyone has to go through those dumb right-infringing scanners these days anyway.

32. What does your last received text message say? “bye bitch”

33. Do you like drawing all over people/their belongings? No? What the hell?

34. What’s a smell that makes you feel ill? Any bodily fluids. Can’t handle those yet. I also really don’t care for the smell of reheated Italian food or fish.

35. When was the last time someone told you they loved you? This morning.

36. Do you get lonely easily? I go through periods of feeling lonely all the time, even though I’m not.

37. Do you read “texts from last night?” I used to, but I just don’t care for that culture I guess?

38. What was the last thing you ate? I’m currently eating a bagel.

39. Is there any talent you would love to have? Goddamn would I love to have a handle on my emotions.

40. Have you ever deliberately tripped someone? No.

41. Do you have any boxsets for TV shows? Yeah, I own like every season of House. Haven’t watched them in years tho.

42. Who was the first person to text you on your birthday? I don’t remember.

43. Are you tired? Persistently.

44. What was the last TV show you watched? I want to say Bob’s Burgers?

45. Is your door open right now? I work in a cubicle where it doesn’t matter whether or not I want privacy. People just walk over and demand my time. It’s exhausting.

46. What was the last conversation you had with someone about?  Anthony and I talked about the Resident Evil 2 remake?

47. What was the last parcel you received? It was a box of garbage from my mom. I mean that it was actual garbage. Ripped stuffed animals, tshirts that aren’t mine, old broken toys.

48. How are you feeling right now? Anxious.

49. Are you one of those people who talks to everyone when you’re out? I don’t even go out. Lmao

50. What are you listening to? I listen to rain sounds at work or other white noise.

51. Is the person you last texted single? No.

52. What color is your favorite bra? It’s grey.

53. What is your natural hair color? Blondish brown.

54. Do you like to sleep? Fuck yeah, dude, sleep is the shit.

55. How old will you be on your next birthday? 28.

56. Have you ever liked someone older than you? Jeez.

57. Ever cried while you were on the phone with someone? Yeah.

58. Have you ever stayed up all night on the phone? Yeah.

59. What is bothering you? Right now? This dude in my department is a blathering idiot and because he occasionally functions above and beyond that somehow means he gets to keep his job. He’s a fucking idiot and I want him to go.

60. What is the newest addition to your wardrobe? I bought jeans. But this weekend I’m getting some crop tops, shorts and a swim suit.

61. Don’t tell me lies, so is the last person you texted attractive?

Good lord.lmao

62. Do you have any currency that’s not your native country’s? Yeah, I have some Florint I’ve been keeping for some reason, along with some Jamaican money and some pesos.

63. Ever had a boy best friend? Yes.

64. Do you hate the last guy you had a conversation with? I try not to have conversations with people I don’t like.

65. Have you ever tried wine? Holy shit, what age group is this survey meant for?

66. Do you stay up later than ten o’clock on a week night? I’d prefer not to.

67. Do you fall asleep texting every night? No, what the fuck?

68. Were you texting someone right before you fell asleep last night?  No.

69. Did you have any unread text messages when you woke up today? No? Jesus. lmao