#even though she's obviously changed

[thaliagrayce]

y'know what we don't talk about enough? Hazel died. We talk about how she grew up in the 30's and 40's and we talk about how out of place she feels in the modern world, but! She died! She was dead! She has spent more time dead than alive, and not by a close margin!

How does that effect a person??? We got some of it in the flashbacks, but once those caught up with her present timeline and she shared them, they just kind of... disappeared. And she was a regular girl with some weird past experiences. That's one way of doing it, sure!

I think it would have been a lot cooler if she was just a touch creepier. If she felt a little bit Wrong. Yeah, in general she's more approachable than her brother, she's more sociable and less closed off, but. If you actually spend any time with her, it can be difficult to tell which child of the underworld is actually more unsettling.

Hazel is bright of personality and has a dazzling smile, but sometimes she'll just... shut down. She'll go completely blank for like half an hour and nobody knows what to do with it. Sometimes she forgets she's alive. Sometimes she'll spout the grimmest shit you've ever heard like it's nothing, she won't even notice it's weird until the room goes quiet. She spent decades in Asphodel, which is designed to make people forget about themselves and wander around for eternity, only she didn't have the luxury of forgetting! Wild! After she comes back to life, sometimes she forgets that she's allowed to Do Stuff now. She can spend so long sitting and staring at nothing. Sometimes she'll start crying on cloudless days because it hits her again that she can actually feel the warmth of the sun on her skin and she can hear birdsong. Every little mundane experience is a blessing and she will make you remember that in the most foreboding way possible.

#hazel levesque #hoo #mj talks #like. i am fascinated with characters who die and come back different and it JUST hit me that there was so much potential for hazel there #the idea of how death lingers was not explored At All in heroes of olympus #of course there's the obvious part in that there were what. 3 named character deaths total? 4 if you count leo #which i very much don't because it didn't stick! there were no consequences to this gigantic war! #the first series did well with that because we had plenty of named characters who died #even though some of them were introduced only to die like six chapters later. we still knew them on some level #and more importantly percy knew them. he felt their loss in a way that made consequences seem real #heroes of olympus didn't have any of that. hazel could have been a great way to talk about it a little more! #also i just love characters who have obviously gone through death. that has to change a person! tell me how it changed you! #anyway. i think i'll make hazel creepier from now on in my writing #she deserves it <3 #nico is creepy in an obvious way. he's got power over death and that clings to him like a second skin. he can't hide it #and he's learned that he doesn't have to. there is power in being othered #hazel seems lovely when you first meet her! none of the death power all of the glitter and gold and riches #and then she'll look you dead in the eye and say 'you really don't know how lucky you are to be able to breathe until you can't anymore' #and move on like it's nothing! what! #underworld siblings

[disdaidal]

I wanna thank my irl friends who follow me here and also my beloved mutuals as well as followers who still send me kind messages and try to interact with me and my stuff even if I'm bad at doing it myself.

Honestly, things haven't been that great with me lately, so... it means a lot to me. Honestly. <3

#personal #i had to make the tough decision to drop out of school last week #i didn't exactly want it if i'm being completely honest here #but certain stuff was preventing me from getting further so i knew the teachers are gonna ask me to quit over at our teams meeting #i instantly contacted my nurse about my situation. and she got me a doctor's appointment which was yesterday #where i kind of broke down a little. not because she didn't grant me the sick leave i thought i was going to get #after feeling down and sleeping terribly for weeks #but because she actually *got me*. like. she actually listened to me and figured out some stuff and told me that #what i'm going through and what i've been going through for years would make anyone depressed #so i couldn't help but cry a little because yeah. i'm so tired of never being enough no matter how hard i try #because my brain's wired a certain way and it makes me slow and kinda clumsy and inattentive at times #which. you might guess is not ideal at today's work environment. or studying-wise even #so instead of granting me sick leave (she did say we can change that at anytime though) she told me to wait for that phone call #from the unemployment office. which i should be getting tomorrow. or well. later today #and talk to them about this. to see if they can offer some solutions. or if we can figure something out #'cause i'm getting closer to my 40s and not getting anywhere and it's wearing me out and tiring me out #because i clearly can't help myself or change my ways on my own #i managed to get some work last week though. at the local youth house. one shift though but money still #but i haven't been getting those offers a lot during the past few months so it's not enough to support me obviously #so i definitely need something else. and i hope i can get help. that someone could help me #i should finally get tested for adhd next month too. i don't know if i even have it or if it's gonna change anything but #at least i'd know #anyway i needed to get this off my chest. cause i'm kinda crying a little bit even now just thinking about this whole thing #sorry

[longagoitwastuesday]

person obsessed with Jack: "I'm getting big Jack vibes from this guy!"

#I read Firefly Wedding yesterday while eating because twitter suggested me a tweet #in which someone stated the couple was super toxic‚ which is catnip to me‚ and posted two gorgeous panels #I didn't even look for a summary but given the art I expected the guy to be some sort of supernatural being‚ but no‚ he's just a normal guy #Anyway... They are sixteen and eighteen years old‚ and at first I scoffed because come on‚ #with the themes it would have made more sense for them to be a bit older. Except this time no‚ which was pleasant #The protagonists act entirely like teenagers and I feel that's the point? They were indeed toxic but it didn't strike me as negatively toxic #But as kids with a terrible life in a terrible situation. I couldn't help but be endeared by the deranged guy #I wanted to adopt him so bad xD #The girl was also quite out of it too and could get quite violent too but it was downplayed after some chapters I feel? #Which is a pity because it justified her bond to the male character #Anyway... I get they they are kids in a bad situation that makes the bond grow strong in a short amount of time #but one of the things that I am not sure is entirely well justified is that she falls in love with the swordman guy and not her bodyguard #The bodyguard is devoted-deranged‚ has always been with her and they're childhood friends. They also share in some ways that 'bad situation #that bounds us together' thing. I initially thought it was justified by the fact she was after all a rich kid takin him from granted #but right now it doesn't seem to be the case. So... why? I get the worst option for a story is the most interesting one but I like choices #to be in character and justified and this one didn't really convince me? The bodyguard is deranged enough to be interesting and nice for her #(who wouldn't have to deal with the bloodbaths and mood changes of the firefly guy) without her having to give up #on the obsessive devoted deranged thing she obviously digs in a relationship lol. It would he arguably more real too #Because (although again the manga right now seems to have forgotten about it) the firefly guy could have loved anyone in the same situation #(there were some scenes that were soooooo deliciously Jack and Lacie). The bodyguard loves her for her. Because they're friends #I enjoyed it at first more than I thought I would. I liked the characters initially though not so much in these last ten chapters #I think it got worse and more typical. The art is absolutely beautiful though and I love the character designs #The protagonist and the bodyguard look more normal but the male lead is interesting and the secondary characters are wonderful in design #The clothes are so beautiful. I love the prostitutes. The expressions of the male lead are great and the perspectives at times are fantastic #The story and characters are honestly better than I was expecting (I was expecting funny toxic not 'damn poor kids I want to adopt you') #But I can't say it's good given idk the way the characters change their goals and ideas so easily in a barely justified way #The art is truly very beautiful. Probably I won't keep reading because like with the Apothecary Diaries I just read these things #for a couple of hours while eating and then forget about them forever. There's Lakan and Fengxiao in the Apothecary Diaries though but yes #Anyway... It wasn't bad. It was unexpectedly better written at first imo. I am sad they are making it more what I actually expected from it #at first. 'Funny toxic' I meant typically sexist stories that are so silly you have just to laugh for a couple hours. I expected that

[featherymainffins]

Now this might be because I have issues but is it just me or does Slay The Princess feel like an allegory for a relationship?

#like i dont even mean the actual textual stuff like the two gods loving each other i mean like #while the narrator himself does say that he is not the protagonist at all the voices do in fact count him as one of them and #both the narrator and the voices are described as shattered glass pieces on the floor #and im saying that just to contextualise what im about to say because i feel like the narrator is an echo of someone who was in #a relationship with another person and is trying to 'slay' the memory of this person and defeat death not only literally but #on a metaphorical level (as in the death of a relationship). if you do slay her you destroy her memory and in that way you do not know her #at all nor do you care to #and the routes would be the perspectives held by different parts of you. shes literally a being that changes based on who perceives her #but metaphorically thats just how people work isnt it? relationships are complicated and there is a part of you who sees someone as a razor #and there is a part of you who sees them as a damsel and another who sees them as a god etc etc #its like youre a person who is trying to make sense of the situation and; which is why the construct of the princess is made up of #several vessels called perspectives. you understand the whole of what you think only when you take apart all your perspectives; #and theres a you who isnt you anymore who doesnt want to do this. hes telling you to just destroy it. it was wholly wretched and wholly bad #and it changed which is a crime in itself. theres an echo of you. and theres you; built by this echo because thats how the self works #we are each our own god and we build ourselves. the different voices are like different parts of you #much like the vessels are the equivalent of the voices. theyre the finite confined perspectives; aspects of a whole person #and slaying her in this context would obviously mean literally just destroying the memory and deciding that change and all it brings #is an awful thing. though im not yet sure what the difference between leaving with the whole and between separating yourself #and leaving with just an aspect would be. #thats probably like the only thing thats kinda ruining this interpretation lol #oh and obviously a lot of the routes have like very strong relationship symbolism. specifically a lot of them feel like #scenes from a relationship that is falling apart. for example in the adversary and then the fury when you run away the dialogue #basically mimics a partner running away from a conflict and the other one destroying themselves because of it #witch and the thorn are both heavily Esop-coded and the text itself says that its about two people hurting each other even though they love #each other but both are afraid of the other one and of being vulnerable. thorn is about finding forgiveness in one another #and deciding to be better and love each other despite the hurt youve caused each other due to your problems #etc etc #like am i insane am i mental am i projecting?

[balleater]

i'm thinking more about the potential of laudna losing her warlock levels again and one thing that i don't think is very likely and don't even know if it would be a good choice mechanically to begin with, but would be very fun is if she went college of spirits bard. it keeps the vibes and flavor of briarwoods-era whitestone and "weird girl" energy that she's always had considering what we saw of young laudna/"matilda", but gets rid of the direct connection to delilah's magic.

also there's a lot of fun potential puppetry flavor that can go on with tales from beyond.

#critical role #laudna #cr spoilers #she's pretty obviously gonna keep sorcerer levels since (even though mechanically it seems like she technically started as a warlock) #she had innate magic before delilah #i was thinking about this when i originally made my post abt her mechanically changing but even moreso now

[iknowwhereyousleepatnight]

i'm bad at watching shows but i'm interested in their characters/plots so i've decided to try and guess canon based off of reading a bunch of fanfics. so far i don't think i'm very close because it's something my sister has watched and the characters i keep reading about are like. the sidest of all side characters. but i will find canon somewhere

#i cannot sit down and watch something i can cook and listen to something i can draw and listen but i cannot sit and watch #so i am bad at the tv shows #but words i can get into #they should like. convert shows into words so i can read them instead #which is why i have chosen fanfiction #you may wonder why i chose fanfiction of all things? surely there's a summary? #well u see i believe it is much more entertaining to uncover canon through different interpretations of characters and how they're explored #and tbh i care more about characters in these cases than the plot. though i love plot i'm just more interested in characterization #bc plot is good and all but if you're characters suck then no-one cares #and in fanfiction people often play with characterization and explore them in ways that can go beyond canon #i'm trying to find the heart of these characters based on the way people write them #and even when characters are heavily changed for an au there will have to have been something to inspire that change #and i must decide if it's projection from the author or coincidental or there is a deep-seated reason that that character was altered #and i besides reading fanfic where you have no idea what's going on is pretty fun ngl #obviously i will need to read a lot of fanfic for sample size or whatever but i will get there and then i will double-check w my sister #to see how correct i can get it #she's more of a casual enjoyer of things so idk if my characterization focus will resonate or not but eh idc

[tardis--dreams]

Ok i reported her after she sent me two more emails. It's not gonna do anything but i just really wanted my lecturer to know so-

#she just needs to fail #i'm begging #i really don't wish that to anyone usually but i really really really want her to be kicked out of our university #the fact she's here in the first place is fucked up #and only because no one can officially prove she's cheating her way through the degree program #everyone is well aware but as long as there's no hard evidence no one can do anything #and obviously there is hard evidence with my paper #but that would get me into trouble as well #because no one can officially prove she is the one who copied #and also that i did not give her the notes voluntarily #so #anyway #I'll just snitch on that bitch at any opportunity now #even though it won't change a single thing #i just want the lecturers to know the details and just How intense she is #my friend was like 'that's borderline harassment' and honestly? true! #fuck that bitch forever #void screams

[tornsurvivors]

"I don't want to get pregnant." Jaina simply answered, nursing the cup of medical herb tea and slowly sipped it-- absolutely ignoring the disappointed look on Katherine's face. "I know you want grandchildren to carry our family's legacy, but I don't think that would be fair to the children who has been orphaned by the wars." Jaina leveled her mother's stare with her own till they softened.

"Besides, I'm getting a little too old for pregnancy anyway. I'm already about to reach my forties, and I just..." She trailed off with a sigh. "The thought of having children with my life the way it is terrifies me. There are always going to be people out for my blood and I cannot bring an innocent child right in the crossfire. My life isn't just about being a Lord Admiral and maintaining the sailor community in Kul Tiras. I've been in wars, and I've pissed dangerous people off. Any child I bear in this life would likely be kidnapped and used against me. Or worse, they'd be killed just because someone despises me."

To sum it up, I wouldn't be a good mother. Jaina left that part out. She wasn't looking for pity. She's grown weary of that, because it really does nothing to help anyone and she despised feeling weak.

She then smiled to ease the pain for both of them. "There's always hope with Tandred. I believe he's been seeing a lot more of that pretty young lady he spoke of."

Katherine only sighed in defeat, but smiled with her daughter anyway. "I suppose you're right... those poor orphans do deserve better."

#jaina's original thoughts about bearing children #even though she's going to end up having a child with sylvanas in a verse. #and changes her mind obviously #but yeah. #𝖩𝖠𝖨𝖭𝖠 𝖬𝖴𝖲𝖨𝖭𝖦𝖲 » sometimes there’s no way to save everyone #have a somewhat emotional hc.

[vanilkaplays]

Some gratuitous pics of my favourite Tav/Durge, Drakira. She's a half-elven druid, having a little bit of an issue, losing herself in apex predator forms. It is difficult for her to stop herself from ripping things apart with her fangs and claws once she starts. She's trying to be better, though.

#oh how I wish I could put scars on her body too #how could somebody live violently for decades and have baby smooth skin like that? #I mean she's still a half-elven durge so her age can be whatever obviously and her looks as well #but still #seriously though I love this game so much #I had this chaotic half-elf druid in my head forever #but it was so annoying to play in NWN because the changes of alignment made her lose her powers #because I started her as chaotic neutral but then she moved between chaotic good and for a bit even chaotic evil #which was interesting in other ways I suppose #but this is so nice #I can just play her as chaotic good now and enjoy the mayhem without losing spells #Baldur's Gate 3 #BG3

[birdmenmanga]

it's so funny to me that the movie parts of the detective conan franchise so often land on "fucked up architect" as a character archetype because they need a villain who isn't TOO reprehensible and the fucked up architect is apparently in the sweet spot between "completely justified and sympathetic murderer" and "literally evil and takes joy in the suffering of others"

#just thinking thoughts... #you just KNOW peter and andrey stamatin would be murderers in the detco universe #okay it'd play out like this. #polyhedron dismantled by haruspex in his ending; peter stamatin commits suicide shortly thereafter #and andrey kills artemy in a premediated murder to get revenge #daniil dankovsky obviously is playing the role of shinichi here; outsider not involved in personal affairs of those involved #(though it kind of doesn't work post-canon. but bear with me) #and clara is just hanging out the way ran kind of hangs out. obviously she has an alibi. she always has an alibi #she has alibis for things she's not even there for by sheer force of will #suspects are rubin anna angel andrey and bad grief #^ we can make up details or change these later. this is just an exercise #but like literally. andrey stamatin breaking down detco style after daniil makes his deduction #'after my brother committed suicide...!' #<- like I'm literally confident this has literally been the motive at some point in detco

[juniperhillpatient]

I’m re watching Community (totally for writing inspo it’s productive sh) & I was thinking I was so right to make Azula Annie inspired but Katara is not Britta but then I realized maybe she is. just a lil

#EARLY SEASONS BRITTA though. just to be clear. NOT… whatever happened later 😂 #my sister said Jet was Jeff & I said Jet can’t be Jeff he’s not even a college student but also. she’s a little bit right. maybe. #none of the other characters are Community Inspired #ok except Bumi. Bumi is obviously Chang #happenstance

[biteapple]

slowly coming out to people at work and today i decided to come out to a woman i know does not like transgender people and she stopped me and said "no, i know what you are. i knew when you came in one day and you always had a very sweet, beautiful voice and it turned hard one day, suddenly. i know. and i have my own opinions. i know a lot of gays and lesbians and all kinds of people, trust me. and i respect you. but i have my own opinions under god. and you live your life." and literally earlier that day she had called me a "strong, very beautiful woman" which is part of why i did this. and i asked why, if she knew, that she did that anyways. and she said "well, it's how i see you, as you were born." and i just put up one finger and waggled it and said "we will not discuss this further". and like i knew this would happen. but oh well! i honestly thought she would be the kind of person who was sort of furious about it because it how she always seemed.

#its funny because she ALWAYS fished about it so i gave it to her #and after i started getting more obviously transitioned is when she started the whole very often calling me a girl and a woman thing #and even feminized my name. and claimed ''that was what you always went by!'' which is just untrue. #its funny! the people who perfectly understand it always are the people who completely are against it #i much rather the kind of people who straight up dont understand and ask a lot of questions about it to learn #and usually still dont fully quite get it in the end but put their thumbs up about it though and smile and try. those people i really love #VERY FUNNY because she literally thought ''Holly'' (bastardization of the name i went by at work for awhile) was my birthname #and that my masculine birthgiven name was the name i was trying to change my name to #and before i came out she was like ''well.. i think Holly's a very beautiful name. i dont know why you would change it to... that'' #ma'am... that is a bastardization of my chosen name you made up in your mind. and. its the opposite. you're just skewing it up for yourself #might literally have an HR problem with this woman if it keeps going

[thehours2002]

it is wild how much less taissa was in s2 compared to s1, and how she essentially became an instrument to service van’s story which... also didn’t get that much screen time either

#the fact that tai like never mentions her family (LOTTIE brings it up) when she's at the compound #is wild to me. i know like obviously the point is none of them never really moved on from their lives in the wilderness #but i do believe she at least cares for simone and especially for sammy #even if she's selfish to the point that she's not willing to seek help if it saves her marriage/family #while i'm rambling. van being like 'if lottie's sick then you are too.' WELL YEAH #i know tai doesn't think that way but like she does need to see a sleep doctor #like doctor/patient confidentiality means like if other tai was being weird or if she said something about the YJs it wouldn't be #the end of the world #shauna being like: there is no 'it.' it was US #and lottie being like 'is there a difference?' #YEAH bc if 'it' is real that means you are subject to the force of an outside power #but if it's YOU that means you have the power to change. the power to choose Not To hunt your trauma bonded girlies down #i am on the fence about the supernatural stuff in the show in general though

[hobisexually]

x

#hi I am back with a long tag post about how I can’t keep up with life #very boring 30 year old stuff that I am struggling with very much and isn’t interesting to anyone #but I just put on my hobi playlist to feel better and instead sobbed so hard to just dance (which is a very happy song I don’t even enjoy) #that my pillow is soaked through so obviously sleep isn’t gonna happen until I get this out somewhere #so first. get this. one of my best and longest friends gets engaged and lets 1.5 months go by before she bothers to tell me #in front of four other friends who are decidedly less close to her but we all found out simultaneously. #Bad enough. you get confronted with the fleetingness of life and friendships and how everything changes even when you don’t want it to. #then. you talk it out. another friend’s dad just died. another one just bought a house and is moving away #engaged friend comes by again? And suddenly says she’s gonna get try to pregnant within the remainder of the year #and suddenly I’m hit with the fact that our friendship will never be TBE same and the life I thought we would live together is just not #gonna line up? We’re not gonna hit the clubs we’re not gonna go on adventures we’re not gonna paint the town red now that I’m a little bit #more chill re: covid. All of that? Gone. i thought I could make up for all of it but all my friends are in stages I’m not in #and with kids neber will be in? i won’t have a kid. i knew this but I didn’t /know/ this I won’t be able to follow #I’ll be aunt amber and I’ll love all their kids to the moon and back but I won’t follow. i know I don’t want kids #but I don’t think I thought about it before. what that would mean in relation to others #and I also just pictured myself with my own baby and though I don’t want it I never envisioned it and now I can’t stop crying #over the fact that I won’t have a baby. And it’s by choice yes but it doesn’t make it easy???????? #I’m suddenly saying goodbye to a life I’m closing the door on and that’s. terrifying #and I’m so. so scared I’ll end up all alone and never find love or fulfilment #30 is great in terms of feeling calmer and knowing what you want bht this whole ………. this whole thing? #i HATE it I HATE it I can’t stop crying and I’m panicking I HATE IT #FUCK. CHANGE TRULY FUCK IT ALL #and FUCK everything the last two years have taken away from me and how low I was because of it and how hard my friendships got because of it #can I STOP crying now that would be GREAT

[saviourkingslut]

nothing funnier than dimitri and dedue's intense co-dependency to the point that dedue pledges his life to dimitri and that his perceived death is a major factor in dimitri's character arc and claude and hilda's affectionate partners-in-crime schtick where claude is incredibly saddened when instead of retreating and staying safe as he thought she would she defends him and dies versus hubert being literally groomed to be edelgard's ultimate servant and speaking of nothing except her and edelgard deadass not acknowledging his death. bc she is not present on his death map. lmfao

#edelcritical #obviously some of these points are subject to change if for example u don't play dedue's paralogue or u don't kill hilda #but still. #the way she just! never mentions him or appreciates him even though he lives and breathes for her is. so funny in comparison #tragic tho #he could've been a more interesting character if they'd actually given him a personality beyond 'tries to be edgy' & 'e/delgard stan' #fire emblem three houses #fe3h

[unproduciblesmackdown]

cheap trick’s surrender is a banger but the verses sure are something. first batch being addressed to the “i’d meet girls like you” as the narrator here presuming this girl is Too Sexually Actively since this focuses a lot on like sti / stds for a while?? this framework of [the narrator is addressing a Girl] is also immediately dropped. and then also the “stds exist” savviness comes from My Mommy Served In The WACs in the Philippines and that mommy not being one of the recruited “old maids” and the soldier and the indonesian junk going around which i used to chalk up while half listening to like...the boat?? but it’s like, this is a hell of an angle about how your parents have unexpected histories and surprising supposedly informed lectures about the dangers of not staying away b/c you’ll never know what you’ll catch and focusing on that for the majority of the song for some reason. and then it’s like, also my parents like rock music & they fuck. and that’s the end like okay. anyways and also the way “before we married Maaahmmy served” (lol) and “Greg’s all right” makes me laugh every time, which is fun. i like things that are a little sonically weird & grating. like, the lyrics of uh, what is the weird paul mccartney song. temporary secretary. are as bad or worse and it’s not a banger but when i sit down to listen to it it does just make me laugh throughout lol. not in the kind of I’m Tickled way that even ramps up my genuine enjoyment of other songs for having some of those “grating” elements lol but. for example i love a like really nasal and rhotic and drawn out EER sound. anyways this has been a segment. 

#i didn't mention the verse that nobody has a handle on about ''whatever happened to all the season's losers of the year'' #inscrutable; doesn't change anything #just like weird amount of ambient [just imperialism times] and Have Sex And Die specific ''wow my parents talk about sex at all?'' angle #review of the narrative in this song lmfao like pacing is odd. where'd the girl go. maybe she left b/c the narrator's being an ass obviously #a very strange journey lyrically....that ends with like. i take a nap and my fucking parents; literally; are just right tf out here. ok #they do seem a little weird lol. also expressly quoting the Old Maids line b/c it's like. are you implying ''lesbians'' for even more antics #makes more sense if so vs like ''i've known her all these years'' and that ofc she was even Less ''old'' before even having this kid. #like hi what's going on around here lmfao. who tf Is this narrator & what even are they talking about really w/the overall picture here.... #my parents aren't total dorks and now i'm holding out for a virgin #the ''surrender / but don't give yourself away'' feels like it's just like standing on its own lol. sure thing #and who is this greg. who are these losers of the year #anyways banger though obviously. kind of thing i'll sometimes loop at like 8am while trying to laser focus & finish a drawing lmfao #Grags All Right