#even when she feels so ill she might collapse

[oneshotnewbie]

Carina is afraid of Reader getting hurt (she is a police officer) and maybe, just maybe, they get hurt? You don't have to if you don't want to!!

Authors note: This story has been sitting in my finished documents for about two years haha. So maybe it's not all that well written

ᕚ---ᕘ

Working undercover was exhausting, if not draining. You were aware of it both physically and mentally, yet you accepted the job. Accepted it in hope that, like every order, it would pass quickly. You had been investigating undercover in a drug gang for several weeks now. Barely exchanged a word with your wife for endless days to protect her from the cunning mastermind of the gang. Sporadically, there was a short on-minute-conversation at a phone booth here and there, but it was not enough. On both sides.

Carina was worried sick; she only got fleeting answers from your lieutenant on how you were doing. She was so concerned for your life that the brunette even fell ill and had to be hospitalized. When you found out, you wanted to break your cover and risk your life just so you could see her. But she managed to stop you, promising she would take care of herself until you were back home.

You missed everything about the cozy apartment you shared with her. The scent, your bed. Even the smell of cheese that had spread throughout the kitchen. But mostly the closeness of your girlfriend and the warmth that reached you every time you had a hard day at work. All of that you had to exchange for a cold, sparsely furnished one-room apartment outside of the city.

With each passing day it became harder to maintain the disguise. Everything got on your last nerves and ripped you apart. On the very first day, you wished that you could leave work and go back to your family but it had taken you a long time to earn the trust of the drug lord, Joaquín González, before he gave you permission to do big jobs. You were basically his second hand and knew everything about his business.

Even so, you still had to wait to snag all of his followers. At least until this evening where the cruical deal would go through. If everything went smoothly, you could go back to your old life tomorrow. Back to your family. The day passed faster than you could have imagined and it slowly started to get dark. The pink tone of the setting sun gave you a feeling of security and freedom- a feeling you had not had in a long time and made you believe that everything would turn out the way you wished for.

Slowly, you sat down on the chair you had prepared and waited out the last hours before your assignment while you looked through the small window. The landscape was swallowed up in a deep darkness, so completely dark that you felt the cold and hatefulness filling up your heart. Without the feeling, you could not think straight in the violent drug clan. This feeling had changed you, you felt it deep inside. That freezing cold surrounded you and gave you the courage to do any assignment without hesitation so you would not experience pain. But you still hoped to shed that mask once you were safe in the arms of your beloved Italian.

The mask had so often saved you from a mental collapse on missions, that you might not want to take it off as protection for further police operations and it shocked you deeply, that you even believed in wanting to keep it. After each undercover assignment, Carina was always able to give you the feeling of security, and the conscience that everything would be fine again. But you were not sure if she could still save you from what ate away your soul this time.

Of course you knew that she would do everything in her power to get your old self back- Carina had managed it all the time. The brunette would take care of you, spoil you like your life was more important than hers. This time was different. You had been separated from your old life for far too long to make up for with a few days of utmost nurturing.

A small tear, which you quickly wiped away, rolled down your face. You were not allowed to cry, you had to blame yourself for your fate and now you had to face the consequences.

ᕚ---ᕘ

"Where is she? Where is Y/n?" yelled a rough and worried voice at a nurse of the emergency room and you could immediately assign it to Carina. Frantically, she made her way to search between the occupied beds for the woman for whom she was the emergency contacts. „Deluca, calm down. She is here, I will lead you to her"

To her ears, the spoken sentence of Owen Hunt sounded like a war. Knowing the seriousness of the situation, she felt nothing but pure fear. Worries enveloped the woman and she could not imagine finding you badly injured somewhere in the emergency room and realizing that you were hovering between life and death.

The brunette swallowed hard. She missed you so much and just wanted to back healthily. Quietly, she trotted behind the head of trauma surgery, very carefully and slowly, until she came to a stop in front of a curtained bed. There, she already heard your pain-distorted grumbling while stilling in her movement.

Carina had never forgotten how your voice sounded, longed for it every single minute of the day. And now, hearing it without the hum of the phones terminating line, her heart was racing like the first time she had met you. She was only centimeters away from you, as close as she had not been for a long time. "It hurts like hell!"

"I wanted to give you a pain hemmer but you refused," she heard the soft chuckle of Miranda Bailey and a stone rolled from her heavy heart. You were not badly injured, at least not bad enough to be concerned for your life. "Now live with it"

As the brunette doctor moved the curtain with a firm grip to gain access to you, she looked down at you with glassy eyes. Your clothes and face were spattered with dirt and blood, your jeans cut down on one leg to the thigh. Her eyes widened to the bulled hole in your femur, blood still dripping slightly through the stitches already in place.

"Bella, what happened? Stai bene?" (Are you alright?) her voice trembled and was overwhelmed by choked tears. She sneaked through the narrow space between bed and curtain and knelt down next to it. Her warm hand softly cupped your cold one, that was gripping the bed sheets, and squeezed it tightly.

"The deal was overrun by my colleagues. The shooting was in full swing and some were trying to escape. I wanted to help another police officer and I caught a ricochet myself. It is half as bad, it was a straight through shot"

Disorted in pain, your body tensed up briefly before relaxing shortly after; abruptly pinching the hand of your wife before your eyes turned back to her. Deeply, her fawn eyes stared at you, some pitiful tears welling up from them before they closed. "For a brief moment I thought I lost you, mi amor"

Thinking lines appeared on her face and you swallowed impercepitibly. You knew her mind was working through every negative scenario she had ever saw in movies. A faint smile appeared on your face and you broke away from her before you put your hand under her chin and tenderly pulled her to you. "Carina, look at me"

The addressed opened her eyes slightly, pure was immediately recognizable. A tear rolled down the Italian´s face and she grabbed your midsection to cross the last empty space between you. "You did not lost me. I am still here"

Gentle kisses spread across her ruddy cheeks, forehead and nose; trying to catch her bitter tears. You hated when she cried. But you hated yourself even more for causing those sadness upon her. Such a great woman like Carina did not deserve to be in a constant state of fear and you were more than sorry. It broke your heart and shattered it into pieces. 

"You won't do me another mission like this. Mai più, capito?" (Never again, understand?) she said insistently. Her arms broke free from you and crossed over her crumpled pink scrubs, expertly starting to pout. "Se lo fai di nuovo, ti uccido io stesso" (If you do it again, I'll kill you personally)

That it was your last police operations for the time being, which you would do in the next few weeks, was more than clear to you. But you did not care. The most important thing you had to worry about now was your wife, whom you had neglected for weeks, and your health.

#station 19 #station 19 fanfiction #station 19 fanfic #station 19 oneshot #station 19 imagines #station 19 imagine #station 19 x reader #station 19 x you #station 19 x female reader #station 19 abc #carina deluca #carina deluca fanfiction #carina deluca fanfic #carina deluca oneshot #carina deluca imagine #carina deluca imagines #carina deluca x reader #carina deluca x you #carina deluca x female reader #fanfiction #fanfic #oneshot #imagines #imagine #writeblr #writing community #writer stuff #writers on tumblr

[violetrainbow412-blog]

Hi, I was wondering if you still accept requests because I read your Wonka fics and find them very cute and wanted to ask if I could also make a request. And that is that the reader has sleep problems and asks Willy finally what she can do about it as soon as she no longer knows what to do and he makes a certain chocolate for her so that she can sleep better again? (Something fluffy please) Thank you!

A sweet remedy [W. W]

Willy Wonka x fem!reader

word count: 1.2k

note: I'm sorry it took me so long, these weeks I was covering a full shift and with the holidays I barely had time to do anything, but I'm back now! And I hope you like it

taglist: @dyieying @reallysparklychaos [Timothée masterlist]

While you were scrubbing one of the most difficult sheets you had had to wash during the day you felt your eyelids begin to close, at first little by little, and at times completely. It wasn't until you fell against the tub full of soapy water and stood up with a scream at the temperature that you realized you really had a problem.

"What happened? Are you okay?" Piper asked, immediately approaching while you struggled to keep the detergent from getting into your eyes and mouth.

“Yes, everything is fine,” you lied. Everyone had already gathered around you and shame was taking over your body. “I just… I slipped"

“Here's a towel,” said a familiar and loving voice, which belonged to your recent but quite dear friend.

Willy approached you and wrapped the towel around you, carefully, while he helped you clean your face. Once you could see more clearly you noticed that everyone seemed worried and you honestly didn't blame them. Your face reflected the lack of sleep you had had during the last few weeks, coming from a previously unknown cause. The only thing you knew was that the insomnia was literally killing you.

"Are you sure you are alright?" now Abacus murmured. You nodded again and smiled at everyone, imploring them to let the moment pass.

When you were dry enough you continued with your tasks, but you could feel your friend's dissatisfied gaze from across the room, as if he were the only one unwilling to ignore your recent strange behaviors: you were distracted, you seemed to leave mentally out of nowhere and this wasn't the first incident where you practically passed out on a dangerous surface.

At some point you had to carry a cart of sheets to the drying area and that's when he hurried to follow you.

“Let me help you,” he exclaimed, smiling in your direction as he held the cart you were pushing.

“I'm fine,” you said, to reassure him, because you knew that he had approached you to monitor your mood.

One by one you took out the sheets and began to put them in the dryer. The process would take a while, so you guys had a few minutes to chat, after all you knew the others wouldn't mind.

You leaned against the old machine, feeling the vibration on your lower back, and he did the same. The distance was so close that your hip was touching his, turning any conversation into a private one.

“Are you sick or something? We can get a doctor, if so”

“I'm sick, but I don't think it's that kind of illness,” you sighed.

"What do you mean?"

It was useless to keep hiding things from him, and who knows... that ingenious mind might even find a solution.

“I can't sleep, Willy. I don't understand why I can't, but I've had problems with that. I think it's called insomnia, or something like that” you began to explain, crossing your arms as if you wanted to protect yourself from the vulnerability “And it's horrible and it makes me feel stupid. I mean, who can't do something as easy as sleep?”

“Sometimes I don't get it either. There is nothing to be ashamed of.”

“Yes, I know, but…” you started moving your hands in the air, trying to find the right words to express yourself, “it's different. And I don't know what to do anymore, I can't sleep during the day because we work and I honestly feel like I'm going to collapse at any moment.”

Even though he was listening to you attentively, he didn't know how to respond for a moment.

“Do you think I look very bad?” you continued “You know, like… physically?”

“No, I think you look beautiful,” he replied, without thinking too much about it. “Maybe there's a little more pigmentation here…” his thumb slid under your eyes, in the place of your dark circles, and you smiled involuntarily “but nothing to worry about.”

You were reassured that you were still pretty in your friend's eyes, but you knew that the worried look on his face wasn’t in vain. You had to do something about it.

“Perhaps among your curiosities you have some chocolate that helps me sleep?” you joked, speaking only to the air.

But on his face you saw that expression of machination that suddenly emerged, almost as if a light bulb appeared over his head at the idea that was going through his head.

"Not yet. But it's an excellent idea."

“Oh, I wasn't serious…”

“But it’s brilliant,” he interrupted you. The dryer stopped and you knew the drying cycle was over, as should your conversation “Give me some time and you can sleep like a baby, I promise.”

That was perhaps his favorite thing: making promises. And of course, comply with them.

You wanted to answer him something, but a yawn preceded you and the man simply laughed at the irony of the moment.

“I guess I can't refuse now, can I?”

“As soon as I manage to do it, you will have it in your hands,” he said, excited.

With that the talk ended and you began to hang the clothes on a rope, returning to the day's work, but now with a better spirit in the hope that Willy could help you get what you wanted so much.

"Special delivery?" someone knocked on your door. You were like every night, just curled up in bed to hope for the best.

Willy was holding a small purple box with a red bow, which judging by the excited smile your friend had, you assumed was the remedy for your illness.

"It will work?"

“I hope so,” he said, entering your room to sit next to you on the mattress. “I'll stay here for a few minutes to make sure you can sleep and then I'll leave, is that okay with you?”

“It's excellent,” you answered nervously, while you took the candy that your friend had made especially for you. It was shaped like a small moon and glowed inside. “What is it made of?”

“I'll tell you in the morning, when you wake up.”

His feet moved slightly, showing his excitement, and that seemed to rub off on you. Glory seemed so close and you could reach it with a couple of bites, but before that you leaned down to wrap the boy in a hug.

“Thank you for trying this for me. I know it will work, but… even if it doesn't work, you know I appreciate it.”

“Don't say that, it will work” he replied, with complete confidence.

Without further ado, you put the candy in your mouth and tasted it. You couldn't identify any ingredients, but it tasted delicious and cozy, somehow. Although you wanted to compliment your friend's work just a second after the candy had melted on your tongue, you were already feeling how everything around you was becoming heavy, as if the accumulated fatigue had hit you suddenly.

You were already unconscious when Willy trapped you in his arms and laid you carefully on the bed, completely happy to see that his creation had had such an immediate effect. As a farewell, he covered you with a sheet and kissed your forehead, going to his room to recreate an entire jar of chocolates that would ensure your rest for long enough.

#wonka 2023 #willy wonka x reader #wonka x reader #wonka movie #timothee chalamet #timothee chalamet x reader #timothee x reader #willy wonka #roald dahl #wonka fanfic #willy wonka 2023 #wonka fanfiction #wonka x fem reader

[ponderingmoonlight]

hi! how would gojo react to having a partner who struggles to walk sometimes (like needing a break if they’ve been up for too long or their legs randomly failing)

„I’m sorry, I need to sit down.“

You almost fail to understand your own words, ears ringing so violently that you feel like throwing up any given minute.

You’re weak. No matter how you twist and turn it, no matter how supportive your boyfriend is, you’ll always stay weak. Is it an illness, was it an accident? You can’t put a finger on it, mind occupied by nothing but shame and dizziness.

“Don’t apologize for that.”

His arm keeps you from falling over the bench you collapsed onto, holds you in place while you pray for your wobbly legs to regain their strength.

“I’m sorry”, you mumble again.

This definitely isn’t what the strongest jujutsu sorcerer of your lifetime signed up for when he fell in love with you. No, you can’t even walk properly, legs failing you randomly from time to time. Your glossy eyes dart towards him, how he sits next to you with a gentle smile on his face. Well, Satoru doesn’t seem to mind.

But you do.

“Didn’t ya hear m-“

“I’m weak”, you finally blurt out.

Countless times, you put on a show for him, laughed it off when your body once again failed you. But you’ve had enough. Fuck, how much you prayed to be normal, that Shoko might be able to heal you. How are you supposed to be the girlfriend you want to be for him when you aren’t even able to walk a mile without almost breaking down?

“How dare you to say something like this about my girlfriend? She’s awesome”, he jokes gently while his arm holds onto your waist even tighter.

Not even his cute little jokes are enough to get you out of this hole today. You sink into yourself, hands covering your aching eyes. He deserves way better than that, someone who’s able to keep up with him, someone he doesn’t have to worry about? But you? Your throat gets tight with every passing second, tears glistening in your eyes.

You’re nothing but a loser.

“Hey, look at me.”

He doesn’t give you a choice. With a swift motion, he holds onto your chin, forces you to look up at him and reveal the shame of your tears. Will he even want you after seeing you like this?

“You’re not weak because your body can’t keep up, okay? You’re not a worse person because you need a break. If I had a sharp mind like yours, I’d literally sacrifice everything else. You are the love of my life, (y/n). And I know exactly that you’re tearing yourself apart with your dumb thoughts. You are great, okay? Fuck that little breaks from here and there. Man, I wouldn’t have noticed that goat standing right there between the trees if we didn’t take a break here. Like are you seeing this?”

A little giggle escapes your lips before you can stop it, eyes darting towards the animal.

“You’re right”, you breathe out.

“See? Now stop what you’re doing there and tell me when you’re ready to go again, okay?”

#jjk #jujutsu kaisen #jujutsu kaisen x reader #jjk x reader #gojo x reader #jjk gojo #gojo satoru #gojo saturo #jujutsu gojo #gojou satoru x reader #gojo fluff #gojo satoru x reader #satoru x reader #satoru x you #satoru x y/n #jujutsu kaisen fluff #jjk fluff #jjk drabbles #jjk fanworks #jjk fanfic #jjk comfort

[fukcnoplease]

Things Always Go Wrong Pt3

Pt1 Pt2 Pt4

Gotham was truly testing her abilities. Usually she could vibe check the building and be good but the vibes of Gotham were rancid everywhere she went. Every building and street had some varying level of unsafe and she could feel Danny slowing behind her. He wasn't going to stay on his feet for much longer. Thankfully there were plenty of alleys they could probably hide in and even though it was already midmorning the thick smog on the city made it look like the dawn had only just broken. The alleys were still dark and as soon as she paused at the back of the alley she felt Danny collapse into her. His breathing was ragged and he was slick with sweat. She tried vibrating her core at him and the response she got was uncoordinated and harsh. It was as if two things were trying to respond to her, attempting to drown each other out.

“Shit.” she said. Jazz would be mad for her language, you know, if she didn't kill her for killing her brother. 

“Found you, wretch.” A voice said and Dani shot up into a fighting stance. The entrance of the alley was blocked by five people, all dress head to toe in white and aiming several weapons at them. They were all men and significantly bigger than her. That would be fine in her ghost form but transforming in front of them was risky.

Danny groaned from the cold alley floor and Dani grimaced. She growled, inhumane and low, and punched her palm as she went ghost. Showing her transformation was a small price to pay to protect Danny and they probably had her, or Danny’s, ecto-signature if they had managed to follow them cross state lines so accurately. 

Their weapons hummed as they charged and Dani caught a glimpse of color above them. Praying she had seen right she took in a breath and shouted her words.

“I am the princess of the Infinite Realms. Any harm that comes to me is a direct attack on the entire dimension of the Infinite Realms and cause for a war between our worlds!” Internally she cringed at her words but she prayed they had the right effect. 

“Ha! Like you could fool us, you manipulative ecto-sum! You’re coming with us. If you're lucky you might even make it in one piece” The leader, she assumed as he was standing at the front of the group, said. She tensed in case her gamble went south and prepared for something to hit her. 

Thankfully she didn't feel anything and a yellow hero came crashing down on the agents with a ferocity she wasn't expecting. He used what she thought were escrima sticks but they were connected together with a long wire and looked modified. He downed the panicked agents in seconds and turned to Dani. Unconscious agents littered around him.

His sudden movements made her drop into a defensive stance and he froze. Gently putting away his weapons as he raised his hands to show he meant no harm.

“Sorry, I didn't mean to scare you. I was just trying to help.” The man paused as he looked over the two disheveled siblings. The white haired girl was glaring at him but looked more wary than aggressive and the dark haired boy on the floor looked incredibly ill. “Would it be ok if I helped you? I can call some friends and we can get you to a safe space.”

Dani stared the man down. He could fight, and right now she wasn't confident she could take him. Not while protecting a very incapacitated Danny. He had a black bat symbol on his chest which was good but also bad. Good because Batman was a hero and helped those in need. Bad because Batman was famous for not liking metas and while she and Danny weren’t metas she doubted Batman would care enough to make the distinction. Hopefully if she played up the royalty bit she could get maybe some leeway.

“Ok, bumblebee, but I want you to promise you wont hurt me or my… ambassador,” Danny was going to be so mad when he woke up, “or I will bring the entire Infinite Realms down on this world.” She did her best to sound threatening and maybe using some energy to make herself scarier but she wouldn't admit it.

“Of course, your… highness?” Bumblebee asked. Dani frowned, she didn't like ‘your highness’ but she couldn't give her actual name…

“You can call me… Elle.” She felt her insides crumple up at how cringey that name felt and she was very glad Danny was out cold for this conversation. The bumblebee hero nodded and said something into what she assumed was an earpiece. After a few minutes of discussion he went quiet and began watching the roofs. Dani floated off the ground slightly, trying to see what he was looking for. She didn't notice the surprise that flitted across his face at her show of power or the silent black hero who landed gracefully beside Bumblebee. 

“Hey Black Bat. Can you help me gather these guys up? Batman should be en route but might take a minute to get here.” Bumblebee said. Dani whipped around to see the new hero, black bat apparently, silently working her way through the knocked out GIW.

“Batman is coming?” Dani asked, anxiety making her fidget with her hands. That wasn't good. She couldn't pretend to be a princess around him, he could practically smell lies, or fear, and maybe she could be the princess of the Infinite Realms but she wasn't officially! Not yet at least. And Danny definitely wasn't her ambassador. Shit, maybe if she played up with the sad little girl image? Batman was known to take pity on kids… or was that one of his allies. She should’ve listened in on the conversation the bumblebee had had earlier, maybe she would have had something to work with then.

Black bat and bumblebee worked together to tie up the GIW and leave them in an easily accessible spot for when the police came around. Black bat touched bumblebees bicep and he looked up to see the scary shadow of Batman looming over the alley. Dani notices him too and landed in front of Danny, spreading her arms to block him from Batman's view as he landed beside the other heroes.

“Report.” Was all he said as he looked over the scene. His gaze lingered on the unconscious boy and Dani had to resist growling at him, in case that ruined her case for receiving help. Bumblebee took a breath and nodded.

“I found these two as they were about to be attacked by a group of people,” he gestured to the tied up men in white, “it looked like meta trafficking and I stepped in. Elle,” he gave a smile to Dani who cringed internally, “gave the men fair warning about their attack being against royalty and at risk of ruining dimensional relations, they refused to back off.”

Batman responded with a noncommittal ‘hn’ and narrowed his eyes at Dani who prickled under the gaze.

“For the record,” Bumblebee added, a little hesitant, “I believe her.”

Batman nodded and took a step closer to Dani and this time she did growl. The man stopped and regarded her. She glared back. He wasnt coming near her or Danny. Not in his state.

“Would you like to come with us?” Was all batman said. Stern and quiet. Dani didn't move, she looked over Batman’s unmoving face and then back at the bumblebee and black bat. The bumblebee hero looked worried but more for Batman than Dani and the black bat seemed relaxed as she watched.

“Where are you going to take us?” Dani asked. Batman frowned slightly and Dani worried he would just try and grab them. 

“A place where we can keep you safe and confirm your royal status,” he said. Dani didn't really like the sound of that but she could feel Danny getting worse and she was running out of time to make a decision. When he chose that exact moment to let out a pained groan Dani almost smacked him. Batman’s frown deepened and Dani felt her throat bob.

“We might even be able to help your friend.” He offered.

“My ambassador,” She corrected, if she was gonna sell this she had to go all out, “And I don't want you to lay a hand on him.”

Batman gave her the slightest, stiffest nod she had ever seen and she relaxed. Batman nodded to the other heroes and black bat vanished, bumblebee paused before leaving himself. Dani felt her anxiety come back threefold at being left alone with the big bad bat but in a few seconds a fancy black bat shaped car skidded to a halt outside the alley. In the passenger seat was the familiar bumblebee, he grinned and waved at them. Batman stared at him in what Dani thought could be disapproval but said nothing. The doors to the suped up car popped open and bumblebee stepped out.

“You can get in the back seat. Do you need help with your ambassador?” He said as he stepped back into the alley. Dani shook her head and Batman made a grumbling sound.

“Signal.” he said. Bumblebee, signal apparently, shrugged and continued towards Dani until she stiffened.

“I just wanted them to have a familiar face so the journey wasn't too stressful. Black bat and Spoiler are covering me while I stick with them.” He said, smiling at Batman and then turning back to Dani. He moved to help her pick Danny up but she shook her head at him and he stepped back. Batman made another ‘hn’ sound before retreating to the driver seat of the car. 

Dani moved Danny around and picked him up by throwing him over her shoulder. He wasn't heavy but he was bigger than her and it made him difficult to carry. Signal, she preferred bumblebee, hovered around her but was careful not to touch Danny as she carried him to the car. They managed to get Danny securely in the back seat of the batcar and Dani slid in next to him. He looked worse. Maybe moving him wasn't the smartest idea but Dani didn't know what else to do. If the GIW had their ecto-signature there wasn't a safe place to hide. Maybe Batman would be able to protect them but it would only last so long. She pushed aside her fears and gripped Danny’s too warm hand. The scenery went passed too quickly for her to see and the drive was silent. She was starting to hate road trips.

~~

This is short but the next one is gonna be LONG I got distracted anyway I love that people are enjoying this, i like writing it :)

#danny phantom #he dying lmao #L+ratio+lost haunt+cant cope #batman #signal dc #dpxdc #dp x dc crossover #things get funky next chapter #dani-centric #dani phantom #creative writing #fanfic #dp x dc fanfic #long post #dani doing her best #Im putting her through it #updates will slow down im just going crazy

[hyperactively-me]

It's cliché, but what if reader caught flu in Kastron? Idk why but to me it looks like country in the north, yk, cold and stoic king and queen from the land of sun. But my point is, reader gets sick, so sick that she collapses and everybody freaks out because they think it might be poisoning of their queen

omg i love this idea so much

Your home kingdom had never experienced winters like the kind in Kastron, where the seasons were known for their harshness and the relentless snowfall that blanketed the land. Back home, there was no snow in the winter season, just gray skies and cold air. But, here in Kastron, the winters were relentless. Feet of snow would pile up and snowstorms would overtake the kingdom. On a particularly calm day, you decided to go for a walk out on the palace grounds, just to explore the snow. 

You ventured into the icy wilderness that surrounded your palace. Your homeland had never experienced such a breathtaking winter wonderland, and you were determined to explore every inch of it. That morning, you had pulled on some boots, wrapped yourselves in furs and coats and pulled on some thick gloves. You slipped out of the palace without letting anyone know, wanting to be left to your own devices. You wanted quiet alone time, anyway. You had been slaving away in the study most days now that it was too cold to go outside. 

As the day wore on, the cold began to gnaw at your bones, and you reluctantly decided to return to the warmth and comfort of the palace. That evening, as you lay in bed, an unsettling chill settled over you. 

When morning came, you awoke to a stifling bug in your throat. Your throat was scratchy, your nose congested, and your body ached from your trek through the snow. Weak and feverish, you summoned your strength to fulfill your duties for the morning. It was a battle getting dressed and ready for the day, your eyes drooping with an exhaustion that only comes from illness. 

As the day progressed, you found yourself wrapped in your readings when Simon had let himself into the study.

“It’s lunchtime,” he says, pulling your book from your hands. 

“Ah, I suppose it is,” you say, sniffling ever so slightly.

Simon accompanied you as you made your way to the dining hall for lunch. The aroma of hearty seasonal foods filled the air, but your appetite had abandoned you. The weight of your illness pressed upon you, and you shivered with chills. You let Simon pull your chair out for you, and you practically drop into the seat as you sit down. 

As you attempted to eat, the sickness tightened its grip. Shivers wracked your body, and sharp muscle and body aches made every movement painful. Dizziness washed over you, the sickness engulfing you entirely.

“Simon—” you slur. 

With a feeling of overwhelming sickness, you collapsed at the table, and the world around you faded into darkness as you lost consciousness.

. . . 

You don’t know how long you’ve been out for. Your consciousness swirled in the darkness, fading in and out. As awareness slowly crept back, you found yourself lying on something soft. It was very nice, very plush, more comfortable than your own bed. Your eyes flutter open, your eyelids feeling heavy. You were in a dimly lit room, the soft glow of candlelight flickered, casting shadows along the dark walls. 

“Thank God you’re awake,” a voice whispers, relief evident in his voice.

“She’s awake,” a different voice yells out, and you groan from the volume. 

“Go fetch the doctor.”

Weak and disoriented, you managed to speak, your voice hoarse and feeble. “What… happened?”

You fully open your eyes now, blinking away the fuzziness from your vision. Simon is sitting in a chair next to the bed. Two guards stand watch at the door. You look back at him, his balaclava is gone. His worry etched deep lines across his features, a frown present on his face. His hand gently rested on yours, his touch reassuring.

“Where am I?” you ask.

“My chambers,” he says gently, his hand squeezing yours lightly. 

You try to push yourself to sit up, but his hand reaches to gently push you back down. 

“No, no, lay down.” 

You take a look around the dimly lit room, noting the sparse decoration of the large room. “What happened?” you ask again, letting him nudge you back down to resting. 

Simon's expression remained somber as he recounted the incident. “You collapsed at the dining table during lunch.”

“Oh.”

“We thought you were poisoned,” he added solemnly, shifting in his seat. “Specifically, we thought your food was poisoned.” 

A shiver ran down your spine as Simon's words settled in. Poisoned? It was a disconcerting thought, even in your fevered state. “Poisoned?” you repeated, your voice filled with confusion and worry.

Simon nodded, his eyes locked onto yours. “Yes, there was a moment of panic. But after an examination, it was clear that it wasn't poison. The doctors said you’ve contracted the flu.” 

Relief washed over you at the revelation. The idea of poison had been unsettling, but the flu, while serious, was something that could be managed and treated. You couldn't help but wonder how a simple walk in the snow had led to such a dire situation.

“The flu,” you mumbled, still feeling disoriented.

Simon's grip on your hand tightened, and he offered a reassuring smile. “Yes, the palace doctors have been attending to you. They said that you’ll make a full recovery in a week or so.”

You’re both quiet for a moment.

“I feel like it's fair to mention that there may still be talk that you’ve been poisoned, but we’re currently trying to quell the rumors.”

You let out a weak sigh and nodded.

“Thank you, Simon,” you whispered, feeling grateful for his presence and care. It was sweet, seeing him like this. Genuinely concerned. Caring. Thoughtful. It warmed your heart. 

Just then, the palace doctor entered the room, carrying an assortment of remedies and a concerned expression. They began to examine you, asking questions about your symptoms and carefully checking your vitals. 

As the days went by, you remained in Simon’s chambers, isolated to give you privacy and much needed rest and quiet. Every night, he would leave, off to sleep in a different room. During this time, you spent countless hours talking to Simon.  

“Are you sure I can stay here?”

“I’m quite sure.”

“I– I’ve taken over your whole room, though,” you try to argue. You feel bad for monopolizing Simon’s quarters, especially whilst being sick. You shift under the blankets and cushions. 

“If I didn’t want you in my room, I wouldn’t have carried you here myself.” His voice held a tone of finality. 

During this time, you spent countless hours talking to Simon, strengthening the growing bond between you two. His loyalty and devotion had been unwavering throughout this ordeal, and you couldn't help but start to feel like your connection to him was strengthening.

“I brought you some books,” he says one day, carrying a stack of books in his arms. 

You immediately perk up, pushing yourself up your pillows. 

“So sweet of you,” you praise, clapping your hands with a smile.

He blushes slightly. “I think you’ll like these,” he says, setting the books down on the bedside table. You eagerly scan the titles and covers. It was clear that he had put a lot of thought into selecting them for you. 

“You really knew which ones I would like,” you said, genuinely touched by his considerate gesture.

Simon smiled warmly, his eyes reflecting genuinity. “I've been paying attention,” he replied softly.

You smile at his words, appreciation running through you.

More days passed, and the doctors administered treatments and provided you with nourishing soups and herbal remedies. Slowly, but surely, your strength began to return, and the flu loosened its grip on your body.

“I’m finally starting to feel better, Simon,” you said one morning, pushing the covers off your body. 

“That’s good,” he nods. “Very good.” 

You push yourself off the bed, standing in front of him for a moment. 

“Hey– are you sure you’re okay to stand–?” 

You flashed Simon a reassuring smile as you stood on your own two feet, feeling a sense of triumph over the illness that had kept you confined to his bed for what felt like an eternity.

“I'm sure,” you replied confidently, though your legs wobbled slightly under the weight of your hardly used legs. “I've been itching to get up and move around for so long now.”

Simon, still concerned, extended his arm toward you. “Just in case,” he said, offering you support. Gratefully, you accepted his arm.

With a sudden burst of confidence, you gently pull Simon to stand in front of you. His brows furrowed in confusion. However, before he could voice his curiosity, you wrapped your arms tightly around him, pulling him into a tight hug.

Simon's initial confusion melted away as you pulled him into your embrace. His arms soon encircled you in return, and you both held each other close. It was a hug filled with unspoken words, a silent confirmation of the connection that had developed between you when you were sick.

“Thank you for taking care of me,” you whisper, pressing your cheek against his chest.

Simon's arms tightened around you, and he rested his chin on top of your head. 

“It’s not something I would ever think twice about,” he replies, voice warm.

You look up at him. 

“I appreciate that, I really do. I would do the same for you,” you say quietly, running your hand up and down his back. 

Simon smiles down at you, his eyes filled with affection. “I know you would,” he says softly, his thumb gently stroking your back.

You nod, your heart feeling lighter.

- - - - -

(masterlist)

#awww #so sweet so cute #he's so bbg #simon ghost riley x reader #ghost x reader #simon riley x reader #simon ghost x you #simon ghost x reader #simon riley x you #simon ghost riley x you #simon “ghost” riley x reader #simon “ghost” riley x you #hyperactivelyme

[peacephotography]

Four Lessons for the Long Haul - What Long Covid has taught me on resilience

When the paramedics came for me in the sweltering days of May 2020 it didn’t feel real. I had just passed out in the heat and collapsed headfirst into a radiator. I’d seen paramedics attend to friends and relatives, but in my feverish state, it didn’t sink in that they would come for me. My youthful sense of invincibility quickly faded. I found myself unable to lift my limbs or produce full sentences, and interminable headaches left me in despair. The after-effects are still with me today, in the form of Long Covid.

Now that I have regained some energy, I would like to share some of the lessons that illness has taught me about enduring difficulty in the climate and ecological crisis.

Lesson One: We need courage, not hope

Let the pain be your fuel. Let your total rejection of the status quo give you the courage to transform your life, to stand out from the crowd, and demand transformative action.

Margaret Klein Salamon, Facing the Climate Emergency

For the first few months of my illness, I woke up every morning hoping that I would suddenly recover and have “my life back”. Rather than letting go of what I could no longer do, I kept trying to live as before. But this detachment from the reality of my situation only brought me more pain.

Once I had the courage to face the uncertainty of illness, I let go of anxiously awaiting a miraculous recovery, and relaxed into my situation. In facing my pain and isolation I was able to accept them. They are a state of exile and vulnerability that can be a source of strength for navigating our bittersweet world.

The same is true for facing the climate emergency. If we hope that technology will save us or that criminally negligent governments will suddenly act responsibly, we are recklessly gambling our future on very poor odds. This can only bring pain.  Once we start to tell ourselves the truth about the situation, we can find pride in our honesty and compassion in our grief.  It’s from here that the resolve to take action will emerge.

Lesson Two: Follow your bliss

Joseph Campbell’s saying, “Follow your bliss,” is not an irresponsible phrase that ignores the pain of life but a reminder to receive pleasure and contentment, even in the depths of suffering.

Toko-pa Turner, Belonging

In illness, every day feels like a struggle. When it shows no sign of improving, or worsens, I lose my morale to keep going. It's an exhausting and depressing limbo. In the darkest and weakest hours, I saw my life flash before my eyes and began to dream of people and places I hadn’t seen for a decade. I saw the highs and lows that had shaped me into the man I am today. This gave me some space and perspective to see things from a different angle. From each challenge, there was a learning on how to face hardship. From each joy, an inspiration to live to the full.

Holding on to these feelings helps bring balance to life. In activism, we follow a true passion and through it find our fullest potential. But even this has its limits. Every step along the way we need to find that balance of difficulty and joy for our own wellbeing. Our struggle for climate and ecological action brings many challenges that can lead us to despairing inertia. In my sickness, a joy was as simple as the view from my bedroom window: a falling blossom, a scudding cloud, a wandering snail.

Such joys became my music, my dance, my poetry, my comedy and my sport: ways to relax into whatever challenge chronic pain brought.

Everyday joys can give us the resilience to keep facing what we must face. So as we rebel with all our might against the existential threat posed by the climate and ecological emergency, let’s also cherish what makes our existence so precious. From that reflective space we can find the courage to keep going.

Lesson Three: Words Matter

“The merest schoolgirl, when she falls in love, has Shakespeare or Keats to speak her mind for her; but let a sufferer try to describe a pain in his head to a doctor and language at once runs dry.”

Virginia Woolfe, On Being Ill

As I slowly regained my speech, I struggled to find the words to describe what I was going through. It struck me that there is a serious lack of language on both chronic illness and climate chaos.  If you are unable to express a feeling, you are unlikely to find any solace for it.

For our society to be able to come to terms with the emergency we need a language to relate to in films, literature and TV.  Some of the best I think we have so far are Parable of the Sower by Octavia Butler, a piercing portrayal of the rise of sexism and racism in an uninhabitable America; The Road by Cormac McCarthy, for its portrayal of the gritty end-point of mass extinction; and early Studio Ghibli films such as Princess Monoke/Nausicaa, whose heroines champion coexistence with the natural world.

However, the vast majority of current work focuses too much on apocalypse scenarios, produced to scare the shit out of us, instead of relatable everyday stories. How about a  climate drama set in water scarce Somalia? Or a northern woman’s heroic adventure to save her hometown from flooding? We need more romances that argue over whether having kids is responsible and comedies that mock the insanity of our toxic system like The Yes Men or Simon Amstell’s Carnage.

Stories are key for an emotional connection to the challenges humanity faces. Our stories of rebellion can be cathartic for climate anxiety and stir a generation of heroes ready to speak out for their futures. Let’s start writing them.

Lesson Four: Belonging

“By reviving a community, built around the places in which we live, and by anchoring ourselves, our politics and parts of our economy in the life of this community, we can recover the best aspects of humanity. We can mobilise our remarkable nature for our own good and the good of our neighbours.”

George Monbiot, Out of the Wreckage

Being housebound and unable to hold conversations without paralysing headaches is extremely isolating. Yet even in the depths of my pain I was able to appreciate the love of our community. Rebels gave me cards, voice-notes, medical advice, paintings and - best of all – cakes, cookies  and biscuits fresh from the oven. The feeling of belonging to and being supported by a community of kindhearted and extraordinary people gave me strength every step of the way.

Together we are building a community that can hold us through the dark days with pride, friendship and joy. We are showing not only the best aspects of humanity but also the solid foundations of a successful social movement. The climate and ecological emergency will shape the rest of our lives. So take every opportunity you can to nourish and prepare yourself for the long journey ahead. You’ll not only be more resilient, but you’ll find more joy.

-- Thanks for reading. If you enjoyed this or can think of someone who could benefit from these words please do share it. If you'd like to read more, subscribe to my blog :) Peace, Robin

Photograph: Franck Fife

#spilled ink #writing #long covid #disability #covid #climate crisis #robin boardman

[anyasathenaeum]

Can i request vash & wolfwood his wife didnt know she pregnant, so reader do overwork until pass out in the end both of them know reader is pregnant, and the reaction his wife giving birth the twins i wanna see how absurd they face it 🥺🙏✨ thank you

And really love u writings anyway

A/N: WAIT THAT'S KINDA CUTE, headcanons coming up! Thanks for the request and thank you so much for reading my stuff! :D

Warnings: Mention of pregnancy, childbirth, blood, slight violence in Wolfwoods', reader is AFAB in this one

Vash the Stampede

Given that Vash is... Vash, there was no way either of you knew if you could even get pregnant in the first place.

Seriously - no known plant/human hybrids existed, so the two of you never really thought much of it. You both just kind of assumed hybrids couldn't exist because plants couldn't reproduce with humans

Well, how WRONG you both were

But of course, because neither of you knew it could happen, neither of you caught on when you eventually started feeling nauseous, throwing up at random points in the day and feeling gently under the weather

110% you and Vash both were like "aww dang a cold? That sucks" and Vash would cuddle you lots to try and make you feel better cause he just thought you were sick

You also didn't let this sudden "sickness" slow you down - you kept working hard, on the run with Vash and the others, moving constantly, sleeping under the glow of the worms in the warm sand, hauling your weight and then some as the group continued to travel across No Man's Land

However, what you hadn't anticipated was suddenly not being able to do as much as you used to be able to - suddenly the sun beating down on you was too much, the heat overwhelming, and before you knew it, you had collapsed

Vash and the others were definitely concerned, but the concern turned to confusion and disbelief when they accidentally got a look at your stomach when your shirt had ridden up as you sat up once you regained consciousness - your stomach was SWOLLEN.

Everybody was a bit freaked out, you very much included, until you started to put the pieces together - your "illness", your sudden inability to tolerate things as you had before, your stomach swelling

"Vash... I-I think I might be... pregnant?"

Honestly, I think Vash would be stunned at first but once he realizes that what you're saying makes sense (and after the confirmation of a doctor from one of the nearby towns you guys travelled through), he'd be DELIGHTED

Would be the type of husband/partner who would never let you carry anything heavy anymore, hovering over you protectively, always worrying and making sure you were comfortable and not endangering yourself or your baby

"You need to rest, (Y/N)! You're growing a whole new being, you and I have gotta make sure you're taking good care of yourself now!"

Would give you ankle/foot massages A LOT to help with discomfort

Vash would definitely spend a lot of time talking to your tummy as it grows bigger, pressing soft kisses to your stomach and caressing it gently

Vash would be excited but TERRIFIED simultaneously to be a dad - so much sadness, death and regret followed him everywhere he went, and he was terrified to bring you into it, let alone an innocent child

You would have to comfort him and reiterate that you were in it together and that you think he'd be a wonderful dad

Also, because Vash is a plant and they age rapidly compared to humans, the pregnancy would be faster than a traditional human pregnancy

Vash has seen births before, especially given how long he's been around, so that part of it all doesn't make him nervous. The fact that now, it's HIS child, THAT makes him nervous

Would absolutely cry during the birth of your twins, partially out of fear, partially out of joy, and also partially because you'd gripped his hand so hard that you'd likely broken several of his fingers (oops)

Borderline passed out when they told him there were TWO babies - he wasn't expecting that at all

IDK why but I can see him being a dad to either twin boys (like him and Nai), or 1 girl, 1 boy.

It doesn't matter though, cause Vash would love your babies from the moment they let out their first cry, the reality hitting him - he's a father now.

Would give anything to protect you and his children - you're his world. His family. <3

Nicholas D. Wolfwood

Unlike Vash, you and Wolfwood absolutely knew that pregnancy could happen

You and him both were sorta neutral about it - not actively trying to prevent a pregnancy, but not actively trying to conceive either.

"If it happens, it happens," Wolfwood said with a shrug when you brought it up to him

And so, you two just went about your lives together as always.

Of course, neither of you really bothered to keep tabs on your pregnancy status because you were busy travelling (and being on the run) with Vash and the others

Everything was as it usually was, with the group trying to escape from another disastrous clash with a police force of some kind, bullets flying past you all

You were hiding behind a corner, covering Wolfwood as he managed to fend off the cops coming after Vash and the rest of you, when a stray bullet struck you in the side, causing you to cry out and fall back

"(Y/N)!" You heard Wolfwood scream out your name, but you couldn't seem to see where he was anymore

Before you knew what was happening, the world went black

When you woke, your eyes opening to bright light, you quickly gasped and sat up only to cry out from the sharp pain in your side

Wolfwood was by your side, a deep scowl on his face, but you could see in his eyes that he was scared

"Mornin', sweetheart, nice of you to rejoin us in the land of the living."

Once you were more fully awake, the doctor came in to speak with you and Wolfwood, cheerfully reporting that "Thankfully, the bullet missed anything important, and the baby is just fine, too."

Umm, what?

Both you and Wolfwood choked slightly on your own spit as the doctor said that, with you coughing out "What baby?"

Yup, turns out you were pregnant and had been for a little while already at that point

From that point forward, Wolfwood becomes EXTREMELY protective of you, refusing to let you walk in front of him or even stand in front of him (he plans to use his body to protect yours if something bad happens)

He'd do his best to smoke less and not do it around you because it isn't good for the baby (he's trying hard but he still forgets sometimes)

Wolfwood would be the kind of guy who outwardly seems very relaxed and unphased by the situation but secretly has tried to read through every parenting book he could get his hands on

And when it's time for you to give birth? Listen, Wolfwood has seen a lot of things in his life, but he was NOT expecting birth to be that gruesome

Would become very pale, sweating profusely before dropping like a stone, out cold

Comes back to life when your baby begins to cry, announcing their arrival into the world

You would witness a rigid man bend and soften in front of you - you'd see Wolfwood's gaze soften and a genuine smile appear on his face as he holds your and his baby in his arms, a tiny hand wrapping around one of his fingers

Love at first sight for Wolfwood - he never thought a family would be something he wanted, but now that he has one? He's never letting go of it

Until the doctor announces that the second baby was coming

Thankfully the nurse had enough sense to take your baby from Wolfwood's arms shortly before the doctor announced that because he ended up back on the floor, out cold again

Kind of a wuss around childbirth but he loves his babies (and you) more than anything else in his life

I can definitely see him as a dad to twin girls (idk why he gives me girl dad energy)

#anya's athenaeum #vash the stampede #vash the stampede x reader #trigun stampede #vash x reader #trigun stampede x reader #trigun #trigun x reader #wolfwood #wolfwood x reader #nicholas d wolfwood

[omgjumin]

firsts with han jumin <3

summary: the first time you hug and kiss jumin

tags: jumin has mommy issues (me too), he's just a man in love, gender neutral reader, canon compliant, fluff just fluff

notes: ive noticed the myms fandom is starting to get more active, so i got jumin brainrot and made this, i could make a nsfw second part for this if you guys want anyway

the first time you hug jumin is after the party. you wrap your arms around his waist and hold him close to you without letting go. jumin is so warm, the way his body immediately reacts to your touch and relaxes upon embrace. his heart is beating faster and faster with each passing minute and jumin can't help but smile at your affection. but jumin has never really liked hugs or anyone touching him in fact. his father was never really around him when he was a child and some part of him wondered why even though deep in his heart, he knew why. his birth mother only left a deeper hole in his heart after she divorced his father. jumin never received love when he was a child and he's accepted it. yes, his father gave him gifts that he only hoped were full of love when the time was necessary but jumin never felt the love that he truly craved.

he was casted away, locked behind a door that separated him and his mother for hours at a time. the basement that held no ones presence but his and toys. he wasn't a normal child, at least that's what he was told. no one has given him true affection up until now. he's almost expected that he'd hate affection whenever it was directed towards him. but when you wrap your arms around him and lay your head against his chest, he doesn't know what to do. he tries almost as naturally as possible to bring his arms up to hold you as well. yet you could feel the awkwardness behind his actions. you find it funny almost. you have a silver band that fits perfectly around your ring finger and a matching one on his yet jumin doesn't know how to hug you back.

you laugh softly as you tilt your head up to see the awkward love struck man. "you're going to have to get used to this." you say almost in a mocking way but your words hold no malice towards him. jumin could only laugh softly before nodding his head to your words. it's only been a few seconds yet jumin never wants to leave your embrace.

the first time you kiss jumin is right before you leave his penthouse for the first time. jumin kissed you on the first morning of you staying there in front of sarah, yet you had no time to react nor kiss him back. your mind was hazy, should he really be kissing you while elizabeth was still missing? should his soft lips really be on yours in front of sarah, when you could've sworn you were just a friend. yet when v comes to take you home, you stood in front of jumin, your hands reaching forward to grab his. "even when you're still standing in front of me, i miss you." jumin whispers as if he wanted no one but you to hear. "ill miss you too." you say quietly even though you were going to see each other again in less than 24 hours. 

jumin is scared that if he touches you more, he won't be able to let you go. that maybe he'll just send v away, tell him that you might as well stay here with him. jumin will excuse it as the potential of danger but he's trying to convince himself more than anyone else. his head is still tied in knots but when he feels your lips on his, there's a moment of tranquility in his brain. where peace takes over, there's only sounds of ocean waves crashing, birds chirping, the sound of your voice calming down his rushing heart. jumin can't help but close his eyes and just hope this moment never ends. he feels your lips moving against his very gently as if he was a fragile glass flower. jumin almost feels guilty, his heart is racing and he feels fragile in your touch but shouldn't he be making you feel that way? as soon as his eyes flutter open, you pull away slowly and smile up at him. if jumin didn't know any better, he would've collapsed on the floor. the dramatic fall that he saw so many times in soap operas. you were so pretty, enough to make him fall in love with you even more than he already was. his heart is beating against his chest even harder now and it only took one look from you.

#i miss him :( #jumin fluff #han jumin fluff #jumin han fluff #jumin x reader #han jumin x reader #jumin han x reader #mystic messenger jumin fluff #mystic messenger jumin han fluff #mystic messenger han jumin fluff #mystic messenger jumin #mystic messenger #han jumin #jumin han #jumin #myms jumin fluff #myms jumin #omgjumin

[teyamsatan]

Illicit Affairs | Chapter IX: Seven

Pairing: Neteyam x Human/Avatar!Reader

Chapter I Chapter II Chapter III Chapter IV Chapter V Chapter VI Chapter VII Chapter VIII Chapter X

Synopsis: As your life comes to an end, someone you never thought you'd see again helps both you and Neteyam navigate your past and future.

Warnings: pure angst, mentions of death, mental illness, addiction, self-injury, no mentions of Y/N, cursing, some fluff, a lot of crying, like too much crying honestly

Word Count: 9,3k words

A/N: The second to last chapter is here, and with it also comes the beginning of the end. I am honestly so sad at the thought of this series finishing, I have spent every minute of my life thinking and living in it, and I am not ready for it to end (wink wink). This chapter was the most emotionally draining piece of writing I have ever done, but I am so happy with the way it turned out. I hope you like it, and that you find some comfort in this story, the way I found comfort in writing it and sharing it with you. I am so so excited about the last chapter, and I will start writing it right away. As always, thank you so much for engaging with my work and for all the support, I loved reading your comments and asks so so much, they make my life honestly. (Pls listen to seven by TS when reading this, I think it will enhance the experience x also jake saying babygirl does things to me ok byee x )

“Please, picture me in the trees, I hit my peak at seven Feet, in the swing over the creek, I was too scared to jump in Please picture me in the weeds, before I learnt civility I used to scream ferociously any time I wanted ...Are there still beautiful things?”

Neteyam left the clearing with so much anger it could be mined as a new energy source. He couldn’t believe this, couldn’t believe you. He was losing you, over and over, and now will lose you permanently. His heart bled so much, he didn’t think he could make it back to the village in the state he was in. He spent the last month of his life, the last month of your life, training you, ignoring his feelings for you, having dinner with another woman, when he should have been loving you, helping you heal and checking in on your human form, that he spent his whole life with and then abandoned for your Avatar. You took everything from him by keeping this a secret. His whole life, his future, the chance at any happiness or hope or trust in loved ones. He would never forgive you for this. You robbed him of everything and your death will bring his own, maybe not physical, but spiritual and emotional. 

He didn’t want to go back to the village, couldn’t go back to the village. He couldn’t hear it, couldn’t hear them talking about you, about your death, he couldn’t see them cry and mourn, for the woman he will love as long as his beating heart was still pumping blood, and not die, not collapse due to the overbearing weight of his broken soul. There was only one place he thought to go, only one place he might find any semblance of peace: Vitraya Ramunong, the Tree of Souls.

Norm and the Sullys were still in the tent, discussing ways to get you to accept the consciousness transfer, brainstorming every possible idea, even thinking of literally tying you to a bed and pumping you with the drugs that they knew would buy you, buy them some more time to change your mind. They all jumped at the screech that came from just outside their tent, and Jake got his gun resting by his side and saw the rest of his family arming themselves with bows and knives at the ominous sound. When they made it outside, they were shocked to see your ikran, a beautiful beast, batting her wings aggressively and hissing in their direction. 

“What is it, girl?” Jake said, approaching her carefully and petting her head gently. The ikran opened her mouth and took Jake’s hand in hers, which elicited a furious reaction from Neytiri, to which Jake raised his other hand in a calming gesture.

“She’s not hurting me, she’s pulling me away, towards the lab. I think she’s trying to tell us something.” 

His heart dropped at the thought of what could your ikran be wanting to show them so ardently, so urgently. He has never seen such behaviour from a banshee, and he realises painfully how much of an imprint you have made on this world, on life all around you. He wishes this world would have made as much of an impact on you, maybe if it had, you wouldn’t want to leave it so soon. 

Jake got on the banshee without making the bond, and she immediately took off. 

“Take the Ikrans or Pa’li and hurry to the lab, I have a really bad feeling.”

The last thing he saw is his entire family calling for their animals, the hurry and desperation enveloping all of them like a warm, suffocating blanket. 

The banshee landed in a small clearing with a river source in the middle of it. It was a beautiful place that Jake has somehow never stumbled through before, but he couldn’t think about it too much when another, more urgent matter caught his eye. A small and fragile frame, motionless on the ground. 

“KID!” He jumped from the back of the ikran like it was lava, and ran as quickly as he possibly could, kneeling on the ground next to you. His face immediately went to your masked one, trying to see if he could spot breathing. Two fingers rushed to your throat, looking for a pulse he couldn’t feel. 

“Fuck. Fuck fuck fuck, don’t do this to me, baby girl. Come on, please.” 

He removed your mask and starting giving you CPR, his two hands wrapped around each other in firsts as he rhythmically compressed your chest in the spot right on top of your heart. Thirty compressions, two breaths, thirty compressions, two breaths. He was trying so hard to remain calm and collected, but his mind was screaming with the image of you on the ground, dead or dying, he still didn’t know, alone, and he felt tears pool in his eyes. You have been alone for such a long time, and he was right: he never tried to understand what you must have been going through, how hard this life must have been for you on this planet your body didn’t belong on, with a soul so bright and wild that was continuously tamed by the fury of your own destiny, with which you battled your whole existence. Losing your mum changed you, finding your dad in the woods broke your spirit, and losing Neteyam took away the last shred of happiness you had, and they watched. He watched, unknowing and ignorant. He will never forgive himself if you died here, in his arms. 

He was continuing the CPR when his eyes snapped at something moving above his head. Jake stopped the chest compressions at the sight. Atokirina, dozens of them, floating down gently and peacefully until they reached your body, where they settled for a few seconds, before they all took flight again concomitantly. Jake thought that was a good sign, and, in a desperate attempt to add on to Eywa’s efforts, he brought up his fingers together in a fist, and with all his might, hit your unmoving chest, saying a silent prayer in his mind as he did so. 

With wide eyes and laboured breaths, Jake saw the small girl he’s known since she was born come back to life with a violent gasp. You immediately started coughing breathlessly, and Jake put your mask back over your face. He pressed a button and allowed you to take a few short, pained breaths. He felt relief wash all over him, but he knew he needed to go; you weren’t breathing properly, and he saw your face slowly turning purple. 

“It’s okay, baby girl. You’re going to be okay.”

With very little effort, Jake lifted you from the ground and carried you in his arms, running as fast as he could do without disturbing you even further. He couldn’t help wince as he was looking at your body, so weak and feeble, so different than the one he remembered. How did this happen? How did Norm and Max allow this? 

He made it to the lab shortly, and saw the whole family waiting for him there. Lo’ak, Kiri and Tuk all let out a shocked gasp at your lifeless form residing in Jake’s arms, but he couldn’t think about that now, he couldn’t worry about anything other than making sure you will survive this. 

Norm and Max let him in with their keycards and motioned hurriedly in the direction of the medical ward. He knew where to go, having been there a few times with soldiers who were sick, as well with his own kids when they got illnesses the Tsahik couldn’t cure. He hurried past all the hallways and entered and put you down as gently as he possibly could. Norm and Max burst through the door, getting all sorts of instruments and machines ready that Jake couldn’t name with a gun to his head. He silently got out of the way, and let them do what they did best. 

He got out of the room and grabbed Tuk in his arms, holding her tightly when she nuzzled her head in his neck and started silently sobbing. 

“What is going on?” Kiri, one of your best friends in the whole world, your sister, asked through shaky breaths and hushed cries. 

“Ma 'ite…” Neytiri said softly, hugging her kids close to her chest. 

“She’s sick, isn’t she? Like the people in the village?” 

“Yes, my sweet child.”

“But those people died.” Tuk said in between high pitched whimpers. 

Jake and Neytiri exchanged a knowing, sorrowful look, and tightened their grip on their children. 

Neteyam found the Tree of Souls to be deserted, as most Na’vi would be gone hunting or preparing for the upcoming war this time of day, or just taking shelter from the rain that has been pouring for days with no seeming intention of stopping. He knelt on the ground and peered up at the bright pink and purple tendrils of the sacred willow, taking in the beauty that he is yet to get over, even after coming here his whole entire life. A pained cry escaped his lips at the realisation he will never be able to show this to you. From the second he saw your Avatar body, dreams invaded his subconscious mind, dreams of when you would finally become one of the people, dreams of your soft hair bouncing on your beautiful back while you ran beneath the tree, dreams of his finally being able to make you his, the way he has wanted for so long. You were supposed to become one of the people, you were supposed to be his, his mate and the mother of his children, his Tsahik, the best Tsahik this clan had ever seen. How the fuck was he supposed to come to terms with this heartbreak, how was he ever supposed to be the same person again? You were in his life from the moment you were born. You were born just a couple of months apart, as if Eywa couldn’t wait any longer to join two souls who were meant to be. He couldn’t remember a day in his life when you weren’t there - even if not physically, you were always in his life, in his mind, your light forever permeated through every cell in his body. You were the only fact of life he was sure of, how was he supposed to live without you?

“I have another quote that reminds me of you, though.” 

Patting the spot next to you, you signalled for him to lie down. He did, although his legs were completely off the bed, the tiny contraption barely able to accommodate his torso. You let out a small laugh, but seemed happy to have him so close. 

You placed your head on his chest, and he prayed you couldn’t hear the way his heart felt like it was trying to escape his chest at your proximity and warmth. You opened the book and looked for the quote. 

“Ah, there is it.” You cleared your throat, then continued. “He is more myself than I am. Whatever our souls are made of, his and mine are the same.” 

“I like that.” He felt bashful at your admission of how you viewed him. You were always braver than him when it comes to your feelings. You never said them out right, but you always gave enough proof through moments like these, when you would sing a song, or read him a section of a book you thought resonated with you.

“Read more. Is there anything else in that book that reminds you of us?” 

You blushed, but flipped through more pages. You have him a knowing look, and read from the book you gripped on so tightly your knuckles turned white.

“My great miseries in this world have been Heathcliff's miseries, and I watched and felt each from the beginning: my great thought in living is himself. If all else perished, and he remained, I should still continue to be; and if all else remained, and he were annihilated, the universe would turn to a mighty stranger: I should not seem a part of it. My love for Linton is like the foliage in the woods: time will change it, I'm well aware, as winter changes the trees. My love for Heathcliff resembles the eternal rocks beneath: a source of little visible delight, but necessary.”

He couldn’t help think of that quote, and how deeply you both felt for each other, how this world is dull and senseless, meaningless and bleak without the other. “If all else perished, and he remained, I should still continue to be; and if all else remained, and he were annihilated, the universe would turn to a mighty stranger”. He never quite understood the magnitude of this quote until today, when he stared at your dying body, until he was here, kneeling under the Tree of Souls, knowing soon you might not be part of his universe anymore, willing to beg Eywa until his knees bleed for another chance, for one more try. 

“Great Mother,” he starts as he reaches for the queue and brings it to one of the tendrils he was softly grasping in his hand, “I need your help. I’m begging you for help.” 

His queue wraps around the mauve willow branch and he inhales faintly at the bond, as he is transported across dimensions, to another plane of being, higher than any living thing had access to except in this way.

He woke up in the last place he thought he would, the lab. The damn lab, with its white, too-white walls and a smell that always burned his nostrils and a coldness that he would never get used to, no matter how many days he has spent here in his life. Without you in it, it was unnatural and unwelcoming, and he didn’t want to be here a second longer than he needed to.

“Ma 'itan.” he heard a voice call out to him from inside one of the rooms, and he made his way slowly towards it, feet hurting from the biting temperature of the smooth tiles. He passed a mirror that was hung on one of the walls, and was startled to see himself in it, only it appeared more like a window to the past, as the face looking back at him was young, no older than 10. 

He continued on, and eventually reached it. It was dark, except the light from a computer screen and one desk lamp gently illuminating the room. Sat on a chair was a woman, beautiful and elegant, with light curly hair that reached her torso and kind features, that reminded him so much of her daughter, so much so that it made his heart constrict in pain. 

“Neteyam, my boy, it’s so good to see you!”

“Auntie Jo?” 

“You’ve grown so much, ma 'itan. You’ve become a handsome young man.”

“Auntie Jo, what’s going on? Why am I here?” 

“You’ve come to ask for help from the Great Mother. The Great Mother doesn’t take sides, son, you know that. She protects only the balance of life.”

“Yes, and her life hangs in the balance. I need Eywa to help, I need Eywa to save her, because her life has never been balanced. There’s never been anything fair about her life, and this second chance is the balance. It’s what she deserves, a lifetime of happiness to make up for all the hurt the Universe has put her through.”

“I see you are still my daughter’s angel, even after all this time. You always took care of her, from when you were both babies. We used to put you in the same crib and you would go to sleep holding hands. You both used to cry whenever it was time for us to return to the lab. Eventually, we had to give you a piece of clothing of the other, so you could sleep peacefully through the night. I always knew you were supposed to end up together. It’s part of the reason I worked so hard to decode the Avatar for her.” 

“She’s dying. She’s dying and there’s nothing I can do! I need you to help me save her, I need to do something, I need something to stop the way it feels like I’m being ripped apart at every seam in my body. I have never known such pain, I never knew it was possible for a body to hurt so badly from a wound that doesn’t even exist.” 

The woman rose from the chair and took Neteyam in her arms, allowing him to place his head on her shoulders and cry. Neteyam tightened his arms around her and held her, crying, releasing all the grief he was feeling for his love, for his future, for her.

“If you feel it, son, then it exists. If you feel her, then she exists, and she will exist forever. In truth, there is nothing any of us can do, except love her and be there for her. My daughter has grown so much, and so much grief grew along with her. And she learnt how to let grief grow until it is so big it cannot be contained within her body from me. But there’s still time for her to grow, too. Grow bigger than the grief. She needs you, Neteyam. She needs you to be her light one last time. She needs you right now. You should go before it’s too late.”

Neteyam woke up like from a dream and removed his queue from the tree so quickly it hurt him and he felt the pain travel all the way to the tip of his toes. It didn’t matter, he thought. He could be scalped right now and he would still be calling his ikran with enough might to wake up the entire forest. As soon as she arrived at the foot of the tree, he got on her and motioned for her to take off, no other thoughts than the words your mother uttered echoing in his ears. I need to get to the lab, fuck, I hope I’m not too late. I can’t be too late. It can’t be too late.

He completely spaced out until he reached the lab, so it was like he blinked and he was there. He saw your ikran next to the entrance of the lab and felt his pulse quicken so fast he almost fell off his own with how faint it made him. He knocked on the door forcefully and incessantly until Lo’ak came and opened it. His baby brother’s eyes were red and damp and he looked sick and tired; Neteyam couldn’t remember the last time he has ever seen Lo’ak in this state - he didn’t think he ever had. The lump that formed in Neteyam’s throat stopped him from speaking, and he looked at his brother with desperation laced on every feature, silently pleading to be put out of his misery.

“She collapsed outside the lab. She was in a clearing a few minutes from here. Her ikran came to the village and took dad to where she was, and he brought her here.”

Lo’ak started crying again, bringing a hand to his face to hide himself, and Neteyam took him in his arms and hugged him. 

“She was dead, bro. Dad said she was dead. Her heart stopped and he managed to start it back up again, but she has been in the room with Norm and Max for a while, she won’t wake up. She’s been sick for a month and we didn’t know. I didn’t know!”

Neteyam let Lo’ak cry it out, feeling his own hurt being pushed aside at the sight of his baby brother needing a shoulder to cry on. He couldn’t be weak when his family needed him. 

Eventually they made their way down the corridor until they reached the rest of their family, and he saw it, saw you, and it immediately made his sick. He’s struggled to keep down whatever food he still had in his system at the terrorising sight - you, lying on a white framed bed, unconscious, with tubes coming in and out of you, so many tubes he was losing count. He saw the tubes coming out of machines that were beeping, and one of them was removing blood from your body and then pushing it back in, and Neteyam felt weak in the knees taking it all in. 

FIVE STAGES OF GRIEF STAGE IV: BARGAINING

You woke up in a daze, feeling heavy and numb, like that one time you were 16 and you took one too many sleeping pills and you needed 3 days to ride out the consequences. You frowned deeply at the bright artificial lights that were bearing down on you, and you realised you were in the medical ward of the hub. You faintly heard the ECG machine beeping, and you knew at least you weren’t dead yet. You don’t know how much time it’s been, the last thing you remember is Neteyam turning his back on you in the clearing.

“You’re a coward…”

You felt your heart hurt, although the pain was not physical, it wasn’t an arrhythmia or fibrillation or asystole, it was worse. It was a kind of pain you can’t fix with some pills or a defibrillator or some epinephrine to restart the heart. It didn’t work that way. This pain you would have to ride out, have to hope it will pass in time. 

He was right. You were a coward, have been your whole life. There was no point denying it any longer, no point hiding behind a facade of eye rolls and straight faces. You killed yourself slowly and painfully, for years - taking pills, taking too many pills, ignoring the pleas from your mind that told you it was slowly losing focus, that couldn’t handle pain as well anymore, that couldn’t sleep unless it was practically mush by the time your head hit the pillow. You told yourself it was unfortunate that you got the virus, that you hated it and that you were working for cure, but in reality you were kind of relieved when it happened. Because now you had an excuse, and you didn’t have to do any of the heavy lifting yourself. 

You were a coward, refusing to get help or let yourself be loved, let yourself be mourned, because you didn’t want to deal with it. You refused to tell Neteyam, the man who has loved you and been your rock your whole life, who, despite everything that went on between you, would always be yours, and who you knew would suffer immensely because of your passing, because you didn’t want to suffer with him. You didn’t tell Norm and Max, because you knew they would make you get help, and try to get you to heal and stay alive longer, and you didn’t want that. You didn’t tell Jake or Neytiri, or the kids, because no parent or sibling should have to watch their kid, their sister die, and you thought by pushing them away and blaming them for Neteyam’s indiscretion, you would be able to soften the blow. But most of all, you didn’t tell them because you didn’t want to know that people do love you, would suffer because of you, that your death impacted lives around you. You didn’t need the guilt. 

Nobody was paying attention to you, you realised. You briefly saw Norm and Max hurrying around you out of the corner of your eye, and saw a dialysis machine retrieving your blood through a tube coming from your neck. You were going into multiple organ failure, you deduced. Your heart and lungs were shot, your kidneys were shot, you didn’t have much time left.

You wanted to speak, you wanted to scream for Neteyam, for all of them, and apologise. You knew what it meant to lose people, better than most. You were sorry for knowing you will put these people you loved so much through so much pain. You were sorry things turned out like this, that you weren’t stronger, that your heart was so broken it found comfort in the pain and was too scared to heal. The tube coming out of your mouth didn’t allow for that. You felt tears falling from your eyes and then slowly the heaviness taking over, pushing your eyelids shut, and the last thing you heard was the unmistakable sound of a flatline, and screams all around you. 

You woke up dazed, needing a few second to take in your surroundings. You had no idea where you were, it isn’t a place you have ever seen before. You looked, trying to accommodate to the light shining brightly from an orb in the sky, and when you couldn’t see Polyphemus and its moons in the sky, you knew you were no longer on Pandora. It took a while, but you eventually realised you were on Earth. You turned around, taking in all of your surroundings, and felt amazed at the unfamiliar new sights. In front of you stood a house. On the smaller side (you thought, based on all the Hollywood movies you’ve seen), with a blue paintcoat and surrounded by a short brown fence, it had flowers you were fascinated by and shrubbery surrounding it, giving it an unkept look - you loved it. It was not like the houses you have seen in the movies, perfect and artificial, with human precision to ruin what Mother Earth put there for a reason. Behind you were paved roads, but nobody was around. There were no other houses, the one in front of you solitary and quiet, except for a rhythmic sound you could hear from somewhere behind it, although you could not place it, as the house was on a little hill. 

You made your way towards the entrance quietly, and were pleasantly surprised when the little fence opened at your slightest push, so you continued through the cobblestone path, until you were standing face to face with a white door. You felt yourself curiously knocking on it, hoping someone could let you in and explain to you what was going on, why were you here, what was this place? Was this the afterlife? Were you in heaven? 

After waiting a few minutes at the door with no answer, you touched the handle and pressed gently, surprised again when it opened to you. You felt a strange smell envelop you, it was a completely new olfactory experience than you have ever had, and you realised you loved it -  it was a rich and warm smell, and you had to swallow as it seemed to trigger hunger in your system. The room you were in was a little claustrophobic, but you couldn’t help thinking if was homely and snug and felt a strange familiarity as you walked through the dimly lit narrow hallway. Right by the entrance to the right was a brighter, doorless room that probably served as a library once - the walls were covered in thick mahogany shelves filled to the brim with colourful books, and a beautiful dark brown desk was placed in the middle of it, with a fuzzy looking carpet adorning the wooden floors. Further in the hallway, frames with photos of people you couldn’t really place were decorating the blue walls and you smiled taking them all in. A photo of 3 people at the beach, a family, you noted, a photo in a beautiful location somewhere in the mountains, a photo of a dad carrying a small girl on his back, both of them laughing widely - all so beautiful, so intimate. On one of the images was scribbled something that caught your attention. It was an image of a girl, young and beautiful, with light and wavy hair and holding what you knew from movies to be a graduation gown, throwing her cap in the air. The handwritten note on it said “Our little Marj graduating summa cum laude at only 18! - Johns Hopkins, June 2123.” 

Shocked, you removed the frame from the wall and looked at it closer. Your mum. This was your mum’s house, the house she grew up in as a child. What were you doing here? What was happening to you? You held on to the picture as you moved through the house that eventually opened into a big and brightly lit room, that served as both the kitchen and the living room. In the corner of the room lay a beautiful grand piano and a few guitars, all on stands. Through the big windows and the door that opened to the backyard, you saw a large body of water, and you realised the noises you were hearing earlier were waves, crashing on the sandy beach. You have never seen anything like it and couldn’t help stare for a while, just taking in the beauty of this world you never thought you would be able to experience for yourself. You found yourself picking up one of the guitars on the stand that you knew was your mum’s, since it was the same one you have…. had on Pandora, and opened the door to the outside, slowly walking towards the open sea. 

You frowned as you made your way through the fine warm sand at all these new experiences and sensations you have never had before, and the frown deepened at a blanket on the ground, almost inviting you to sit down, almost as if it was laid out for you. Feeling safe and blissful in this new world you now inhabited, you allowed yourself to do as you were silently bid. 

You loved the malleable feeling of the sand as you stretched your legs and noticed it moved to accommodate your body. The blanket was soft, and you felt inspired to pick up the guitar and tune it, strumming it gently. You couldn’t believe what was happening to you, the fact that you were here, on Earth, in your mum’s childhood home. You didn’t know what to think, but you thought that if this is death, maybe it wasn’t so bad after all. 

“My love.” 

That voice. Your breathing and hands both stopped to bring you to a dead still. Your eyes immediately filled with tears that spilled like effortless waterfalls, a visceral reaction to a voice you never thought you’d ever hear again. Your head snapped in the direction of the voice so quickly it gave you whiplash, but you didn’t care. Nothing else mattered in this life but this voice. 

“Mum??” You got up to your feet as rapidly as your human body could handle and ran in the arms of the woman you loved more than anything in this world, more than life itself. You were sobbing as you removed yourself form her arms, touching her face with your hands, touching her arms, making sure she was real, that she was here. 

“Oh my God, baby, it’s ok, I’m right here.” 

She was trying to calm you down enough so you could utter a word, but you couldn’t, you couldn’t stop wailing, couldn’t stop your body expelling so many tears you completely soaked the top of her t-shirt. 

Slowly, she moved you to where you were sat just a few minutes ago, and you were a blubbering mess, unable to utter a single syllable to this woman you have spoken enough to fill out novels in your dreams, in your thoughts, in your soul. 

“You’re alright, my love. Everything’s alright.” She was removing tears as they fell from your eyes with her palm, gently cupping your face and smiling at you, with enough warmth you knew it could power up this whole world if she let it. 

Eventually, you found your voice. “Mum, what is this? How are you here? Am I dead?”

She laughed at your barrage of questioning, remembering fondly how you have always been such a curious cat, always had so many questions for her, relentless in your quest for knowledge. 

“You’re with Eywa, my love. We’re with Eywa. And no, you are not dead yet.”

“Yet?”

“Yes, baby. It seems Eywa is not quite done with you yet.”

“What does the Great Mother want from me?”

“I think she wants you to make a choice, baby.”

“I’ve already made my choice.” 

“I don’t think you have, my love.” 

You thought about her words for a while. You thought you made your choice. I mean, you were here, weren’t you? Dead. Or in purgatory, one of the two, but still, not alive. You thought about your life. About your beautiful mother sitting in front of you, and the moment she gave her last breath to the world. Her funeral, rain pouring over you like the endless sorrow that hasn’t left you since. You thought about how hard it was to sleep at night, how the nightmares never stopped, how the sadness became a confidant you knew you could never shake - you knew you didn’t want to shake. You thought about your dad - the guilt you felt because of him, his actions, his murders, how they haunted you in dark corridors, how the Na’vi people cursed you in your dreams and told you you were a demon, just like he was. You thought about his body in the woods, his exo-suit that he left a few steps behind, and how you couldn’t walk barefoot after that. You thought about the pills, your only friends, the only cure for your debilitating insomnia. You thought about your sleep paralysis demons, crawling on top of you and sitting on your chest until you couldn’t breathe anymore, watching you scream and laughing at you mockingly, how they always looked like you, how they were just a dark, cursed version of yourself, the you you knew you looked like in your soul. You thought about Neteyam leaving - the last straw, the one that left you irreparably broken, the one that skinned you alive and left you for dead. 

You thought you made your choice. 

“I miss you, ma. So much.” The crying never stopped, but you held her hand and tried to revel in the feeling, in knowing she was here and you were with her. Even if you weren’t sure about your choice before, you were when you looked into her bright and caring eyes. “I just found you, I can’t lose you again.”

“I miss you, too, bunny. I have kept an eye on you for almost 9 years, everyday regretting not fighting harder to be in your life.”

You frowned at her words. “You fought hard, ma. Your death was a tragedy, but it was unavoidable.”

“Maybe.”

“What do you mean maybe?”

“I mean I fell in the same bad patterns as you did, bunny. I could have asked Mo’at for the transfer, but I didn’t. Just like you didn’t. It hurts me so much to see you make the same mistakes as I did. I love you so much, and I wish I could have healed enough in life to not bestow on you this grief. I wish I could have been braver and stronger, I wish I could have asked for help when I felt like the world was caving in on itself on top of me. Maybe if I did, then you wouldn’t be here.

When your dad died, most of me died along with him. Having to have and raise you by myself was the toughest thing I have ever had to brave. And I’d like to think I did a good job, and it was easy enough, because you were the best baby anyone’s ever had, but inside I was screaming. Every night was hell and I struggled with surviving for the rest of my life. When the cancer came, I was terrified to leave you, I was terrified of knowing you would have to be in this world alone, but selfishly, I was relieved. Because the hurt would finally stop. Mo’at, Jake, Neytiri, Norm, Max, everyone tried to get me to accept the consciousness transfer, but I didn’t. Because it was my consciousness that was killing me slowly. A new body wasn’t going to change that.”

You were reeling at the confession, finding it hard to keep breathing, hard to keep going, even in death. Was there no peace? Were you never going to be at peace? You felt so sad at her words, so angry at her admitting she didn’t let you in, that she abandoned you without fighting as hard as she possibly could to heal, to stay alive for you. She lied about being happy, about you being everything she ever needed, she died without even trying the consciousness transfer. How could she ever d-

You gasped in shock at the realisation. 

“What, was I supposed to find you dead one day and that was it? That was what I deserved from you, after all the blood, sweat and tears I gave you? You said I took your choice away. You wouldn’t have even given me a choice to say goodbye to the love of my life before you fucking died!”

“You had a choice. You could have come to the many people who love you, love you unconditionally, and told us, and let us in, and let us help you. You could have gotten help, taken the pills, fight your damn hardest to make this work, to find a cure, for the life your mum gave you, the life she would have to watch you throw away. You have a choice now. To want to live, to want to fight through this and come out the other side a new, better person. To let me love you, let people love you. To do the consciousness transfer and be with me, and be happy, forever. And you’re choosing this.“

“Baby, are you still with me?”

All of a sudden, all new thoughts entered your mind from the ones before. You thought you made your choice. But then you thought about Pandora, the beautiful world you loved so much, that despite not being born for, you climbed its trees and ran its grounds like you had. You thought about how happy laying on the grass made you, just feeling how each blade tickled your skin and brought a laughter that was so pure, so unassuming - so real. You thought about your guitar, and the guitar Neteyam gave you, and the peace you felt when you played them, when you sang your feelings, like a litany to cleanse your soul.

You thought about Kiri - your beautiful sister who you scoured the woods with, finding rocks and flowers and watching her crafting necklaces while the light shone brightly on your faces. You thought about Lo’ak. Your movie marathons, the endless laughter and the warmth he brought to your soul, that felt forever childlike when around him. You thought about Spider, the monkey boy who was the only one who could truly understand what you were going through as a human child growing on a different planet.

You thought about Norm and Max, how they raised you without ever asking for anything in return, how they kept you in their lab and bestowed upon you all of their knowledge and skill and the look they gave you whenever you put anything they taught you to good use. You thought about Jake and Neytiri, your surrogate parents that you always pushed away, and they always came back, loving you unconditionally despite all your emotional shortcomings. You thought about Tuk, how she looked at you like you were the most amazing sister she had, how you used to be the only one who could put her to sleep when she was a fussy infant, how she loved your voice and clung to your every word.

You thought about your mum, who despite being gone for almost a decade, you still felt in you every day, whenever you touched a book you know she loved, whenever you were in the lab, whenever you looked in the mirror and the eyes that greeted you might as well be hers. Finally, you thought about Neteyam. The person you loved more than life itself, more than the sun and the moon, more than every star in the sky. The person who has been here all your life, who stood by you no matter what, who only left so you didn’t have to suffer further. You thought about his smile, his eyes which were like the lighthouse that would always guide you home, his touch that brought life back into you, his love for you, that shone bright and eternal. 

You realised then you weren’t ready to say goodbye to all of those things, you wanted more, needed more. You wanted to know what it was like to live, fully live, you wanted to know what it felt like to have a proper family, you wanted to give yourself fully to the man you loved, you wanted to know if your kids would have your mum’s eyes and their dad’s kindness and patience. You wanted to experience Pandora’s sky with Neyn, and you wanted to find a cure for the virus that killed you. You wanted to help the Na’vi fight the Sky People, and you wanted to show them there are good humans out there, and you come from one, and are one. You needed more time. 

You were crying so hard you felt your hand going and grasping at your heart, trying to somehow claw through your chest and grasp it in your palms and hold it, trying to stop it from hurting. “I need to go back. I have to go back, I need more time.”  

As soon as you said that, you heard a sound coming from the sky, almost like far away thunder. You didn’t know what it was, but you didn’t have time to think about it. 

“Ma, I have to go back. I have to make it right. I’m not ready, mum. I’m not ready to go yet.” 

“I know, baby. It seems you finally made your choice.” 

You saw far into the distance, and saw the edges of the world dissipate slowly, leaving behind a white glow in their wake. You knew what was coming, you knew the one thing you still had to do before it happened.

“Mum, I forgive you. I’m so sorry life took so much from you and I am sorry I couldn’t help more. I’m sorry you had to hurt alone. I love you so much, I will always love you. You will always be a part of me. I forgive you.” 

You saw your beautiful mum take a deep breath in, and her body started glowing with the same glow that was gently overtaking the world. 

“I have roamed this world for almost 10 years, unable to move on. I am finally free, my love. I can rest now. Thank you.” 

Before she would inevitably leave you again, you needed to know one more thing.

“Mum, was my dad evil?”

“Oh, baby. Your dad was a beautiful soul, and although he had many flaws, he was not evil. When you are ready to open your bottom desk drawer, make sure you look around you as well. All will be revealed in time, my love. And listen to Kiri more when she talks to you about plants, you might be surprised what could come of it.” She smiled kindly and gave you a mischievous wink, and with that, she vanished. 

“MUM!” You screamed, anguished at losing her again. 

You heard her voice echo in the sky. 

“Do not go gentle into that good night, 

Old age should burn and rave at close of day

Rage, rage against the dying of the light.”

You smiled through tears at the poem she used to read you at least once a week when you were a baby. Once it was done, her voice was replaced with another, and you realised what the previous sounds in the sky were. The only voice in the world that mattered.

“Atan! Please come back, please come back. You can’t leave me, please!”

I’m coming, my light. 

“Push another round of Epi.” 

Neteyam watched as the two humans were working tirelessly to try to bring you back to life. He thought he knew what pain was, what grief and sorrow were, but realised he didn’t - not until the last 30 minutes, as he saw you die in front of him, not until he saw your body being electrocuted and needles going in your heart, not until not any of this torture worked, not until you were still dead, not until his worst fear in life materialised like a bad magic trick. 

“We’ve been doing this for too long, Norm. Even if she comes back now, her brain was without oxygen for 30 minutes and I-“

“Just fucking do it, Max!” 

Neteyam saw Norm get the machine with the two pads that shocked your body ready again, and he felt himself hope, just a little hope, for the last time. He heard himself talk over the noise, over the constant flat tone of the machine that was connected to your heart.

“Atan! Please come back, please come back. You can’t leave me, please!”

Norm put the pads on your body as soon as Max injected you with what they called Epi. 

“CLEAR!” He screamed and pressed the handles of the pads, and your body convulsed violently at the shock they administered. 

Beep. Beep. Beep. Beep.  

The room went completely quiet. He saw Norm and Max look at you with mouths agape and then look at each other. Then they started crying. 

“We have sinus rhythm.”

Neteyam felt his heartbeat thump in his chest, felt dizzy and confused. The beeping was different than the tone he heard before. Why were they crying? He turned around to face his family and noticed them hugging, and laughing wildly, screaming and crying at the sight, and he let himself believe, for a second, that this was not bad news.

“What is sinus rhythm?” He said, voice hoarse from the amount of crying he had lived through. 

“She’s alive.” Norm says through panted breaths and muted tears. 

She’s alive. She’s alive. She’s alive. She’s alive. 

It felt like Neteyam took his first breath, like he was born again. They say every Na’vi is born twice, and although the second one was technically when he became a man, he would argue the second time was right now. Those words brought him back to life, in an instant and he felt like he could finally breathe. He could finally live.

“Neteyam”, Max puts a hand on his shoulder, “She’s been dead for 30 minutes. She is alive, but we don’t know what state she will be in when and if she wakes.”

No, you will be fine. He had no doubt in his mind anymore. Eywa has spoken. Eywa brought you back for a reason. 

Hours passed, and you didn’t wake. The two scientists gave you pills and liquids that were going in you through various tubes in your body. Neteyam was tortured at the sight, but was consoled with knowing these were keeping you alive. Eventually, they left you to rest, not being able to do anything more until you would wake up… if you woke up. His parents and siblings, and Spider also left, not too far, as they decided to sleep in the hub. Neteyam stood by your side the whole time. He held your hand which felt so small in his much bigger one, and found himself tracing every hair, blemish and vein on your arm. His gaze then shifted onto your face, which looked peaceful, a deep contrast to the one he saw just half a day ago, although it felt like a different life ago. Your beautiful lips were slightly parted as you were breathing with the help with a transparent mask that covered half your face. Your cheeks had a rosy tint to it, and were marked by shadows given by your eyelashes that were resting on them. Your forehead was finally free of the scowl or frown that seemed to plague it most days, giving you a serene look about you. Angel.

Neteyam’s gaze fell around the room, taking in all the equipment that was required to keep you alive. He learned that the beeping machine was called an electrocardiogram, and through the little sensors on your chest, it could feel your heartbeat. He learned that the machine that was pumping your blood was called a dialysis machine, and it was helping you clear your blood of waste since your body couldn’t do that by itself anymore. He learned the mask was helping you breathe, since you body couldn’t that by itself either. He was eternally grateful to these machines, and the men wielding them, for the part they were playing in you not being taken away from him. He has never liked humans, but more and more, he could understand their beauty, and that, in their own way, they were just doing their best - isn’t that the only thing one can hope for? 

Neteyam was pulled out of his musings by the tiniest movement of your hand that was rested in his. He immediately snapped his eyes to your hand, and gasped loudly when you moved again - just a small twitch, nothing more, but it was enough to electrify his entire body, deep shockwaves running through him from where you touched him to each extremity. His gaze shifted on to your face, and his breath stopped when his eyes met yours. You looked tired, so tired, but alive. Your eyes crinkled at the sides as you gave him a smile, and his world shifted on its axis, never to be the same again. Your hand slowly and shakily made its way to the mask rested on your face, and you pulled on it until it came off, looking like the movement hurt, like it took all the effort you had. He could see your smile properly now, the most beautiful sight he has ever laid his eyes on - this world, the sky, this entire universe could not hold a candle to this smile. 

“Hi.” You said through shallow panted breaths. 

Neteyam cried, his tears flowing freely, the weight of this day bearing down on him heavily, even as he was watching you, feeling you, seeing you alive. He smiled as he brought his big hand to your face, and cupped it as gently as he knew how. You put your hand over his slowly and deliberately, and continued smiling even with the tears that were making their way down your cheeks and into your smile. 

“Hi.” That’s all he could say, and he knew it was enough. 

It was insane - the thought of having to leave your side for even the split of a second, but he knew his family would never forgive him if he didn’t tell them you were awake. So he went, running through the corridors of the labs and hub, trying to find his way, screaming for them at the top of his lungs, hoping he wouldn’t have to waste time searching. Eventually, they came out panicked, praying they won’t have to hear the worst. They were exalted when that wasn’t the case, and Neteyam saw his three younger siblings, as well as his honorary brother, run as fast as the lab allowed towards the room you were in. He followed suit, sending a glowing, relieved, happy smile towards their parents, which they returned with the same enthusiasm. Norm and Max were already in the room when they arrived, alerted by all the commotion. They were checking in on you, adjusted medicines and slowly removing the mask from around your face. 

You were in a lot of pain, that you could feel even with the morphine you knew was supposed to keep your body nice and numb, although you suspected you were the reason it wasn’t working as well as it should. You felt every breath, every heartbeat, like it was a shot to the chest, but you didn’t complain, and stood there as your two favourite humans were working hard trying to make sure you were going to be alive for longer than a few minutes this time. You felt an immense sense of gratitude at their help and their incessant need to keep you safe and healthy, despite how horribly you treated both of them. You hoped you can earn their forgiveness in time. In time… you smiled softly at the thought. You had time. 

FIVE STAGES OF GRIEF STAGE V: ACCEPTANCE

You were startled at all the sounds and voices coming from the corridors, and you jumped out of your skin when you saw four figures rushing towards you smiling and crying, laughing at you and approaching your body and the bed without concern for all the equipment or the tubes, or Norm and Max. You tried laughing at the endearing sight, but could only manage a forced exhale.

“You’re alive!” Tuk’s soft sobs brought you to tears again, all the events of the last few days quickly taking a toll on your already jagged body.

You nodded softly at her, giving her the biggest smile you could muster. You looked up at Lo’ak and Kiri and felt them taking each of your hand in theirs and tugging at them, holding you with whatever they could without inconveniencing you too much. Lo’ak was tugging at the IV going in your vein, making it hurt, but you couldn’t care less. You were so happy to see him, see them, so happy they found it in their infinite hearts to forgive you. You didn’t know how you still had enough fluid in you to produce even more tears, but there they were, falling again. 

Neteyam walked into the room with his parents, who both brought their hands to their face at the sight of you, and looked at you with so much love your heart tugged painfully. You couldn’t speak, there were no words to convey the love and appreciation you had for them, for this family you gained, the family you would never leave again. Instead, you weakly, with all the power you had, brought your curled finger to your forehead and motioned towards them. I see you, I’m sorry. I see you. 

Neytiri let out a cry and approach your legs, which she grabbed with her hands and held them softly, giving you a small squeeze. 

Neteyam made his way to your side again, and pushed Lo’ak out of the way so he could be close to you, and took your hand in his again, holding to you tightly. You have never seen him like this, so possessive, so desperate to hold you, and you thought you would probably be the same if you watched him die in front of you. You brought his hand to your lips slowly and kissed it. Thank you.

You would have a lifetime to catch up and tell them everything you have wanted to say out loud your whole life but were too afraid to, but in order to do that, you had one thing to do first. You turned your attention to Kiri, who was still holding on to the arm Neteyam wasn’t. 

Finally, you found your voice. It was raw and guttural, and cracked every other word, but it was there. You would learn to use it again in time. 

“What do you say you and me kill this virus, forever?” 

Passed down like folk songs, Our love lasts so long

Tag list (thank you thank you thank you x): @nuhteyam @eywas-heir @fanboyluvr @mashiromochi @puffb4ll @sassy-persona @simp4ff @mommyneytiri @inomoikawa @jackiehollanderr @jaysarchiv3 @meivap @dakotali @hlhl99 @eskamybeloved @erenjaegerwifee @winchestertitties @mommyneytiri @ultimatebluff @elizarikaallen @yeosxxx @ssc7514 @lolcaca @jackiehollanderr @bunnyrose01 @therealbloom @neteyams-queue @ @r1dd1kulus

#neteyam #neteyam x human!reader #neteyam x reader #neteyam fanfic #neteyam reader #neteyam sully #avatar #avatar twow #avatar fanfic #neteyam x avatar!reader #neteyam sully fanfiction #neteyam angst #awow #awow neteyam #loak reader #avatar loak #jake sully #dilf jake sully #sully!reader #sully family x reader #sully family x sully!reader

[cranetreegang]

The Call of Adventure - Ominis x FemReader

I just wanna shoutout everybody. You have all been so sweet and kind with all these fics of Ominis <3 So thank you!!! I'm so happy y'all are enjoying them just as much as I am writing them <3

This was a fun one. Ever since I got the Companions Mod, ya know your gurl had to have Ominis tagging along. I will say, there is something quite amusing about dismissing Ominis on the other side of the map and just being like 'yeah walk your blind ass back to Hogwarts' as he shuffles away.

Anyways, I got carried away with a simple broom flying lesson (looks at word count with a heavy sigh).

hope you enjoy and enjoy while listening to -> Soaring over Hogwarts

Summary: Hoping to show Ominis the joys of broom flight, things take a drastic turn.

Word Count: ~ 4,400 words

Read my other Ominis Fics Here!

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“I’m not so sure about this.” Ominis holds the broom away from him, not daring to put his leg over the wild thing. 

“You were sure just mere moments ago.” She teases. 

“That was before the damn thing nearly ripped my arm off.” He mumbles. 

She hums in thought then offers, “Perhaps, we should take things slow.” 

Ominis lets out a sigh of relief, but the feeling is short lived as she continues, 

“We can fly together on my broom.” 

He grimaces, “Surely you jest.” 

She walks closer to him and he catches the slight shake of her head, “Not at all. The only way we can get there and back before curfew is by flying.” 

He scowls with a grumbling complaint under his breath. 

“Oh, don’t be that way, Ominis. I think you might enjoy this.” 

“Or, I’ll fall to my death.” 

She snorts, “Then better be quick to cast Levioso on yourself then. Now, come on. We’re losing daylight.” 

She mounts the broom, patting the seat in front of her. He debates with himself on what to do. This is a horrible, ill-advised, reckless plan. But, when will he get another opportunity like this? And he’s heard the rumors of her excellent flying abilities. He lets out an exaggerated sigh as he swings his leg over her broom, dropping the other broom onto the lawn. 

“I better not regret this.” He hisses. 

She can’t stop her wide grin as she scoots closer to him, “Alright, grab hold of the broom with both hands. One in front of the other.” 

Ominis puts his hands around the broom’s handle then they’re just as quickly launched into the air. Her arms fly around his waist as they rocket higher into the sky. 

“Ominis! Even out! You’re pulling too much!” She shouts over the roaring wind. 

He can barely breathe, let alone think. He pushes the broom down, sending them into a downward spiral. His stomach plummets and he can’t make out what she’s trying to say over the air shooting past them. 

Her hands are on his and she speaks in a level voice right into his ear, “Ominis. It’s alright. Follow my movement.” 

She gently pulls up and he does the same until their descent stops, leaving them floating in the air. She lets out a sigh, collapsing against his back. 

“Not exactly how I envisioned our take off going.” She chuckles between heavy pants. His eyes are wide and he’s surprised the death grip he has on the handle hasn’t shattered the polished wood. 

“I nearly killed us.” He murmurs, his body shaking out of his control.

“Nearly. But, not quite.” She slowly removes her hands from his and leans off his back. “How are you fairing?” 

“I want to get off this damnable thing.” He seethes.

She laughs, “But, you’ve already done the hardest part! Granted, we will need to work on takeoffs, but we’re at the best part. Flying.” 

He shakes his head, “No. This was a mistake. I never should’ve gotten on this thing. Now, tell me how to land.” 

She bites her lip, “Ominis.” 

“What?” He snaps. 

She frowns as she takes in the tremors racking through Ominis’ body. A pang of guilt overcomes her at putting him in this position. He’s confessed his desire to fly on a broom before as they were on their way to class. He heard the whoosh of a student passing overhead and he had a slight smile as he mentioned he’s always wanted to learn to fly. It hurt her heart to hear him dismiss the idea as soon as he uttered it. Now that he’s here, he may very well never fly again. Perhaps this was indeed a mistake. Her jaw sets and her head rises with determination. 

She’s not willing to give up just yet. She places her hand on his back. The touch makes him stiffen even more than he already was.

“Take a moment. Breathe. Breathe with me.” She sucks in an audible breath while rubbing her hand up then down his back. “In and out. Slowly. Like this.” 

He matches her breathing, realizing just how frantic he had become. They’re fine, he reminds himself. They’re both fine. He follows the assuasive movement along his back and he’s able to relax himself bit by bit. 

With their hearts no longer threatening to burst out of their chests and his breathing evening out, she continues,

“A broom is only as good as its rider. If you are calm, your broom will be too.” She glances around with a slight grin, “Do you know where we are?”

“Not in the faintest.” 

“Well, take a moment. Feel where we are.” 

Ominis’ relinquishes his tight hold on the broom; enough to let a hand slip into his robes and grab his wand. His wand adjusts his field of view by sending out waves as far as it possibly can. He’s amazed at how much he can make out and he takes notice of the spires surrounding them.

They’re over Hogwarts. About thirty meters above, judging from how far the ground is below them. He can hear the distant chatter of students as they cross in the courtyard. He believes it’s the Transfiguration Courtyard given the sizable tree in the center. 

His shoulders sag with an exhale, the last of his tremors leaving him, “We’re over Hogwarts.” 

She nods, “Yes.” 

He shifts in place, finding some comfort being airborne, but not much.

“We can land if you wish, but I think if you make a lap around the castle, you might enjoy it. Hogwarts from above is truly a sight to behold.” 

“I don’t want to lose control again.” He whispers.

“You won’t.”

He scoffs with his head dismissing her, “Do you not value our wellbeing? Your wellbeing?” 

“I trust you.” 

He’s stunned at her admittance. He almost wants to question her sanity in placing so much faith into him. She shifts to be even closer to him and he’s acutely aware of her arms coming around his waist. 

“Now, trust yourself. I know you can do it.” She encourages. “Once you’re ready, take it slow and lower the handle until it’s in front of you.” 

He takes a deep breath, putting both hands back on the broom with his wand tight in his grip to guide him. He pushes the handle down until they begin to glide forward. 

“Just like that!” She exclaims. 

He grins at his progress as they soar over the rooftops of the castle. Without realizing, he leans towards where he wishes to go. The movement is easy and he can’t help a prideful smile from coming over him at the smooth turn.

“See, you’re a natural.” She beams, further cementing his elation.

He takes them over Hogwarts, his mind reeling from visualizing the campus from above. There’s many sections he didn’t even know existed and others he had new appreciation for. He dives them under one of the stone bridges and flies them through the canyon. He hears the waterfall and river below them. He flies so close to it, water sprays up in a fine mist onto them. 

“I think that’s the Slytherin common room.” She points out to the right of them. 

He glides them closer and he chuckles, “If Sebastian could see us, he’d believe he’d lost his mind. Or that we’ve both lost ours.” 

“You’ll have to surprise him some time. I’d love to see his face as you take off. We could all fly over to Feldcroft and surprise Anne too.” 

Ominis could almost hear Sebastian’s exclamations and Anne’s pure shock. It’s enough to make his stomach flutter. He follows the river towards the Black Lake when he comes to a gentle stop; their feet hover just above the cool waters. 

“Well, where is it you wanted to go?” Ominis turns his head towards her. 

Her grin consumes her whole face at the sight of Ominis’ poorly disguised zeal.

“Towards the right. You’ll need to get us above the treeline though.” She points to their heading and he nods. 

He turns them until she tells him to stop. He takes in a deep breath, enjoying this sensation of floating in the air. Then he takes off. 

Screeching across the lake and going far faster than he ever thought he would be going at the start of this flight. She squeals in delight at his pace and his chest swells at the sound of her joy. He gets them high enough to soar over the treetops. He’s beginning to understand how the broom reads him and it’s becoming nearly intuitive to fly.

“We’re just over the Forbidden Forest!” She yells. 

He smells the fresh pine and the damp air of the forest which accompanies it. Trying to sense the trees below them as they zip by makes his head whirl. While he can’t make out the fine details of the branches, he can tell they’re massive and their thick canopy blocks out the ground below.

“That’s not where we’re going, is it?” He questions. 

“Not at all! It’s forbidden.” She smirks, making him scoff.

“Like that word has any meaning to you!” 

She chuckles and gives him a slight squeeze around his waist, making his chilled cheeks warm. They continue soaring over the countryside. The Forbidden Forest seems almost pleasant being so far above it, he thinks to himself. He keeps them just above the treetops, but he’s sure if he stretches his foot out, he’d kick the top of some of the towering giants poking out.

“Nearly there. Do you see it? It’s just to the left of us.” She says.

He angles them to the left, slowing them as he does so, and he picks up on some sort of structure poking out between the foliage of the forest. 

“What is it?” He wonders as he tries to find a way for them to land. 

“I’m not sure. That’s why we’re here.” 

He finds a clearing near the front of the edifice and begins a slow descent. The tips of his shoes graze the ground while they glide forward until he comes to a complete stop. 

“Here we are.” She says, letting him dismount before she dismisses her broom. “Not bad for your first flight.”

Ominis turns his head towards her with a soft grin, “I’m glad we landed without the aid of Levioso.” 

“As am I.” 

Ominis examines where they are. From what his wand is able to pick up, they’re in front of some sort of ruin. The grand entrance has long since crumbled into a half formed arch. 

“Up for some exploration?” She asks while she heads through the dilapidated entryway. 

Ominis can’t help his grin as he follows her inside into what he suspects was a courtyard. There’s remnants of stone between patches of overgrown grass and ivy under his feet. He lets his hand trace along a moss covered pillar while they venture inside. Wood crunches under their boots as they step over the door and the interior isn’t faring much better than the outside.

“So, how did you stumble upon this place?” Ominis questions. 

The fading sun warms parts of his cheek and neck as it filters in through the many cracks and holes in the deteriorating walls. He reaches his hand out to touch these exposed rays of light in the cool, damp ruin. She admires him basking in the sunlight; envious at how perfect he looks. His windblown hair and easy smile makes this whole scene feel dreamy. She has to avert her gaze to be able to answer him.

“Do you want an honest answer, or that I simply stumbled upon this place by accident?” 

He shoots her a concerned scowl, “I fear I may regret this, but the honest answer.” 

She hums while she kicks a cracked pot over, “I may, or may not, have been in the area dealing with some poachers. And, well, I came here seeking cover while I dispatched them.” 

“You are too reckless for your own good.” He sighs. 

She shrugs, “You must admit this place is amazing. I wonder just how old it is. Or what it once was. I’m sure it was quite stately in its time.” 

Ominis goes towards a shattered wooden long table with a fallen chandelier as its new centerpiece. His fingers trace over the once polished edge as he walks by the rotting relic.

“I’d imagine this was someone’s grand estate. A count’s, perhaps. Given the size.” 

“A count you say?” She looks around the ruined architecture in a vain attempt to picture what this place would’ve looked like when it was alive with people instead of vines. “Shame it’s in ruins now.” She frowns as she stares at a faded portrait hanging precariously on the wall above the fireplace.

They wander towards the back of the estate when she notices wooden boards laying on the floor. As she approaches, she realizes the boards are covering a hole in the ground.

“Oh. What’s this?” She kneels next to the wood boards and peers into the darkness below. Ominis joins her, his head tilting to the side in curiosity. 

“See anything?” He asks.

She shakes her head, “No. It’s too dark.” 

Ominis’ hand scours the grass-covered ground around him until he finds a palm-sized rock. He slips the rock between a gap and lets it fall. He presses his ear in the opening and listens to the rock clattering at the bottom. Based on the echoes, he believes this is an actual room rather than a hole in the ground.

“Anything?” She wonders.

“There’s certainly something there. I believe this may have been the cellar.” 

“Stand back.” She gets to her feet, pulling out her wand as she does. Ominis stands next to her. 

“Depulso!” She swishes her wand and the boards are reduced to splinters. She’s quick to lean over the edge again, sticking her wand into the opening. “Lumos.” 

The ghostly hum is higher than her own as she catches glimpses of dusty stone flooring and walls from her wand’s cold light. She looks over to Ominis, “It’s not too far of a drop. Let’s investigate!” 

Before he can object, she’s already jumping into the opening. He hears her land with a ‘huff’.

“Come on! What’re you waiting for?” She yells at him when he doesn’t make any sort of movement.

He groans to himself as he sits on the edge of the hole, his feet swinging into the abyss. He takes a sharp breath before he falls in after her. He lands with a slight grunt, but he’s pleased he stayed on his feet. His wand picks up what he heard and this is indeed a room of some kind. The musty, moldy air makes his nose crinkle in disgust. He hears her walking towards the far wall. 

“Cellar indeed. Although…,” She brings her illuminated wand closer to the wall. 

“What is it?” Ominis joins in with her examination. He reaches out and touches a large metal ring attached to the wall.

“I think it can be opened.” She takes several steps back and he does the same. “Accio!”

She rips the lid of the case off, letting it crash to the ground, and she gasps in shock. Something knocks into his foot. He frowns at the object being far too light for a rock or piece of stone. He kneels down and his fingers graze over the object. It’s spherical in nature and there’s two large holes then two smaller ones. He traces over several ridges until a clear picture forms in his mind. His hand reels back.

“A crypt.” He exclaims. “We’re in a crypt.” 

“It does appear that we are.” 

He whips his wand around, searching for a way out. He crosses to the other side, but he can’t detect any sort of stairs. He does however sense a hallway leading underneath the estate. He stands near the entrance of the corridor and a chill shoots down his spine when a cold draft gusts into his face.

“I don’t like the feel of this place.” He murmurs. 

“Oh, there’s no reason for such angst. It’s just a long, dark hallway inside an abandoned, creepy crypt. What could possibly go wrong?” She smirks as she takes the lead down the hallway with nary a hitch in her steps. 

“I can think of plenty.” Ominis states while following after her. “I will admit, I do admire your bravery. This is certainly not a place for those of the faint hearted.” 

She giggles, her amusement echoing off into the distance, “I can admit the same of you, Ominis. I’m starting to believe there’s a bit of Gryffindor underneath all that green.” 

A smile splays across him and he can’t suppress his chuckle. He is surprised he’s not more upset with being potentially trapped in a tomb. If he were here with anyone else, he imagines he would be far more vexed with the situation than he is. It seems her adventurous nature is quite contagious and he finds himself eager to discover more secrets to this long forgotten place. 

The hallway takes them into an open room. Their footsteps reverberate into the vast nothingness.  

She lets out a gasp, “It’s huge.” She waves her wand around in an attempt to penetrate the darkness, but it’s like a thick veil is placed in front of her. “We’re probably the only ones who've set foot here in some time.”

“I don’t see a way out though.” Ominis frowns. “The room dead ends here.” 

“Perhaps there’s a secret entrance somewhere.” She heads towards the center of the room. 

He snorts to himself at her guileless wonder and excitement. They move through the open room, noting the columns supporting the ground above them are in rather good shape considering the rest of the fallen estate. 

“It’s so eerie here.” She observes. “Like the air is completely still.”

“Almost like we aren’t supposed to be here.” He teases. 

She chuckles, “Fair point.” She smiles as she looks at him. He’s enjoying himself far more than he’s pretending to be. “I am glad you’re here with me. Even if all we find is just a big, dusty room.” 

He takes in a sharp breath at her statement, hating how easily she could send him spiraling with just one comment. The sounds of pebbles dragging against stone catches his attention. It’s not coming from her though. It almost sounds like feet shuffling the more Ominis tunes into the noise.

“Did you hear that?” He questions.

She freezes where she’s at and turns her attention to her companion. His head turns more towards where he first heard the noise. She strains her ears to do the same, but she only hears ringing due to the silence of the place. 

“I don’t hear-,” 

“Behind you!” Ominis shouts just as an arm swipes at her. 

In a flash, she’s suddenly next to him. He almost can’t believe it and his wand can barely comprehend how she achieved such a feat. It’s like she transformed into magic then reappeared next to him. He can’t dwell on the moment though as the room erupts into groans and growls.

“Inferi!” She cries out. “Fire’s the only way to kill them.” 

There’s several coming towards them, more than he can count. He readies himself and she does the same. 

“Where are they? I hear them, but I don’t see them.” She states, her head turning every which way. 

“There!” Ominis points towards where he hears at least three.

“Confringo!” She lights one on fire and the sparks ignite those around it. Burnt flesh consumes the air and she’s able to see enough from the immolated corpses to continue her attacks.

Ominis is suddenly aware of more Inferi coming behind them. He turns and casts, “Incendio!” 

A blast of flames knocks two of them back, leaving him the chance to cast Confringo on those still standing. 

“Bombardo!” She explodes the ones getting close to them, rocking the ground and walls, and sending gravel on top of them.

“Depulso!” He knocks the rest away, leaving a clearing for them to retreat back down the hallway. He grabs her free hand and tugs her from the battle. 

“Bombardo!” She blasts the ceiling and he can hear the room collapsing just behind them, nearly knocking them off their feet from the impact. Unfortunately, not all the Inferi are caught in the rubble. She keeps firing spells down the hallway while he dodges them past swiping arms reaching out from the crumbling stone walls. They manage to get back into the room they dropped into when she wiggles her hand from his tight grasp. 

There’s a surge in the air, one which electrifies his skin and overwhelms his senses. He’s amazed to find this surge to be stemming from her. She lets out a cry and the entrance to the hallway topples down with a roaring clap of thunder, blocking the Inferi from chasing them. Dust blasts into the room, staining their mouths, and the ground shakes under their feet. Their relief doesn’t last long as more Inferi begin to clamor out from the caskets lining the walls. 

“This way!” She grabs his hand and guides him back underneath the hole. She glances around at the Inferi nearly free from their stone confines. 

Ominis readies himself to face the remaining Inferi when she turns towards him. 

“I’m going to cast Levioso on you. Then you’ll be able to reach the ledge. Ready?” 

Before he can question, she quickly casts, “Levioso!” 

His feet leave the ground and he levitates in the air. He barely catches himself from flipping around. His mind whirls into overdrive and he reaches out towards the ledge. He grabs on and pulls himself up. He searches for her below and he finds her just underneath him. He hears her rapid fire of spells to keep the horde at bay, but she’s about to be swarmed with Inferi on all sides. Without any more hesitation he yells, “Accio!” 

She’s yanked up to him with a surprised gasp leaving her. She lands right on top of him, sending them both crashing to the ground. They’re both panting, their hearts beating frantically. She manages to push herself up to look down at him. 

“Are you alright?” She asks. 

“Never better.” He groans. 

She laughs, falling back onto him with a sigh, “You sure do know how to make things exciting, Gaunt.” 

His chest rumbles under her as they both laugh. 

“If I remember correctly, I believe you were the one to say ‘what could go wrong’. Seems the universe was apt to show you just how wrong things could go.” 

“Seems so.” She giggles, finding enough energy to roll off of him.

Below them, they can still hear the faint groaning of the Inferi. His hand pats the ground until he finds what he’s searching for. He grabs her hand and gives her a squeeze with a soft sigh.

“You are unharmed, yes? They didn’t hurt you?” His tender voice makes her heart skip a beat.

She glances towards Ominis, noting his face firmly plastered to the ceiling above them. 

“I’m okay.” She reassures him with a squeeze of her own. She watches his chest rise in a deep breath and the sight makes her cheeks warm for some reason. 

She releases his hand to prop herself up with a wide grin.

“Well, this hasn’t been quite the adventure I had in mind, but at least I’ll have you back before curfew.” 

Ominis chuckles as he stands, dusting himself off, “I believe you’ve satiated my need for adventure for the day. For the month even.”

He offers his hand to her and helps her to her feet. She takes in the disheveled sight of the Slytherin boy. His hair is wild and untamed from their fight. Dark soot and dust coats his reddish cheeks and stains his formally tidy robes. It’s a good look on him, she decides before she brushes a few pebbles, leaves, and other small debris from his hair and shoulders. His eyes are wide at the gesture and he’s forgotten how to breathe for a moment. 

“I think you’ll find yourself craving such reckless activities. In fact, you’ll be practically begging to come on another adventure with me.” She smirks, satisfied with her efforts in preening him, then heads back towards the entrance. He coughs, willing himself to calm down, before catching up to her.

“Will I? I’m not one to beg, you know.” He smirks right back at her. 

They arrive back at the entrance of the sullied manor with the sun having long since set, leaving them both bathed in the moonlight. The cold light of the moon makes the boy next to her seem otherworldly. And if she were to try to reach out to him, he would simply vanish like an all too pleasant dream. She’s thankful he can’t see her staring. Or, perhaps he could in his own way. Perhaps he could feel her awestruck gaze upon him as it whispers across his skin. 

She bites her lip while she summons her broom, “Guess we’ll see, won’t we?” 

“I suppose so.” He replies in a near whisper.

She holds the broom between them, letting him mount first. He settles himself on the broom, finding it far more natural than when they started earlier this afternoon. A crack of a twig makes Ominis turn his head towards the forest. While he almost dismisses it as an animal, something about it makes him pause. 

“What is it?” She wonders, turning her gaze to what’s got his attention.

“I’m… not sure.” He gets the distinct impression they’re being watched. Not just by one set of eyes either.

Out of the shadows of the night’s embrace, a masked man steps forward.

“Hello, lovelies.” He greets, twirling his wand between his fingers with a malicious grin. Her hand grips Ominis’ forearm and her whole body is frigid as more people emerge from the shadows. “Was hopin’ you’d come back ‘er, lil’ girl. We’ve been waitin’ for ya.”

------------------------

Read Part 2 Here

AN: Did I get carried away? Without a doubt. But, I really wanted to have some Ominis adventures sooooo here we are. I did my best in the combat, but that's one of my weaker writing skills in my opinion *stares at my part two with even more action*

I think I maaaay have abused his wand's 'seeing' ability quite heavily here, but ehhhhhh magic am i right???? ...right? 💀💀💀💀💀

I've never tagged peeps before so uh hopefully this is right 😂-> @mehnotenoughtime

#ominis gaunt #ominis x reader #hogwarts legacy #fanfic #fanfiction #hogwarts legacy fanfic #fluff #ominis gaunt x mc #ominis gaunt x reader #creative writing #ominis x mc #ominis x you #ominis x oc #ominis gaunt x you #adventure #it was supposed to be a quick in and out #now we got poachers wanting to kill us #shit's twisted

[luvmyoui]

one-how it all started

masterlist next

myoui mina x fem!reader

warnings: sexism(?), smut, degradation, pregnancy, mina being a pro-lifer, badly written smut, spanking, facefucking, cockslapping, breeding kink???

word count: 3,124

a/n: this is my first time ever writing smut and so it might be cringe and bad BUT HOPEFULLY ILL IMPROVE!!

The only sounds that could be heard in your room at this moment were the slapping of skin, mina's grunts, and your moans. The room was hot, like a sauna almost, there was sweat dripping down the skins of both you and mina. 

“please, please, please”, please was all you could get out, your mind was all jumbled up, the pleasure you were feeling was overtaking your senses. 

“yeah, you like that? hm? you like it when i fuck you like this?" all you could do was moan in response as mina kept pounding into you. 

the only thing you could focus on was mina's huge cock filling you up, you had just gotten onto birth control which meant that mina was now fucking you raw for the first time. You didn't think it’d feel this different, feel this much better. You could feel the veins on her cock rubbing inside you as she entered and exited you. you could feel the tip of her cock kissing your cervix and it made your eyes roll to the back of your head every time, you swore nothing could beat the feeling. 

for some reason she felt so much bigger inside you without a condom, it felt almost like your first time (which was with her). the pleasurable pain of her practically splitting you open with her cock. The feeling was too good, it truly felt amazing.

“fuckfuckfuck im coming, fuck. you gonna take my load hm? gonna let me fill you up?” mina said, lost in pleasure as she quickened her pace if that was even possible with how fast she was going.

“yes, yes, please mina please cum inside me i need it.” you said feeling yourself get more turned on by her dirty words as you moaned more and louder. 

almost right after you said that mina came, she reached her hand down to rub at your clit while she continued thrusting into you. The feeling of her warm load entering you along with the extra stimulation at your clit sent you flying over the edge along with her. 

after both of you finished, mina collapsed on top of you and turned you along with herself to the side so that her weight was now on the bed but her dick still buried inside you. 

“can i just stay inside, please?” mina asked in the most innocent voice making you question weather this was the same girl who was fucking you raw and whispering dirty things into your ear just moments before. 

hearing her say it like that, you couldn't help but nod and bury your head in her covered chest. whenever you two had sex mina never undressed fully, sure she’d take off her pants but she hated taking off her shirt. you assumed it was just insecurity about her breasts (it's not) so you never really pushed her on it and accepted it how it was.

soon enough you had both fallen asleep minas cock still deep inside you stopping her semen from fully exiting you. you woke up from your little nap with mina by hearing the front door of your house open. ‘fuck’ was all you could think as you quickly woke mina up telling her your dad was home and that she needed to leave. she quickly got up and dressed herself as she left from the window in your room right before your dad entered. you held your phone up to your face as you pretended to have been using your phone when he entered. 

“hey, just wanted to let you know your mom won't be home ‘till late so don't bother waiting for her.” 

“yeah, okay.”

myoui mina, the most popular person in your school, was more of a popular guy though. her condition of being intersex was well known to everyone in your school including the guys in turn making almost all her friends guys. and mina? she was the definition of a male, there was no other way to describe her. She played video games all day, refused to cook or clean after herself because of course her mom pampers her and treats her like a prince(ss), and you once even walked in on her comparing sizes with her friend(she was indeed bigger). seeing that sight you were obviously bewildered because wtf?? but in response she just told you to leave and that you wouldn't get it.

before you two even dated she had slept with almost all the girls in your school, and you two started dating sophomore year. mina was basically a guy, called the girls who slept around whores but she herself? She obviously wasn't a whore because she had a dick.

you, being the most popular girl (discluding mina), it was only obvious for you to date mina, and who wouldn't fall for her. not only did she not lack in looks or sizes she was also funny and cute and she somehow managed to woo you. you two were the it couple of your school, the most popular girls in the school were dating. Obviously everyone loved it, all the guys were in love with you and girls were in love with mina so it only made sense for you two to date. more than that though, you genuinely loved mina, no matter her boyish personality you still loved her so much. so much so that you gave your virginity to her.

that was another thing mina loved about you, you were clean. a virgin, never been touched by anyone other than her, it made her happy that you weren't a whore like the other girls at school. 

your dad never really liked your relationship with mina especially after catching her balls deep inside of you. obviously(and thankfully) she covered you instead of herself because other than her dick she was fully dressed. she pulled out of you, her dick still out and bowed to your father apologizing to him. your dad never wanted you to date anyone, he never wanted to see ‘his little girl’ hurt, and after seeing mina fucking you first hand he wasnt that happy. 

other than his protectiveness though, your dad was pretty chill with mina and compared to the other people you had brought home you would probably say he disliked mina the least. because you were serious with mina and planned a future with her you were really happy she was the one your dad liked the most. even though you knew that if you were to marry mina she’d probably make you a stay at home mom you didn't mind that for now, there was still a long way to marriage and by then you could probably reason something out with her.

It has been a couple weeks since you and mina did it for the first time without protection and you haven't been feeling very well. whenever you had sex with mina if she squeezed or touched your boobs it'd hurt a lot more than it’d pleasure you, your chest was much more sore and you had a lot of nausea. you knew what it was when you noticed your period wasn’t coming. panicked you called up your best friend camila. 

“hey, can you get a pregnancy test and come over to my house real quick?” you spoke into your phone a bit panicked

“what?”

“I'll tell you when you get here.” you said before hanging up on her, thoughts were rushing through your head, what were you gonna do if it was positive. you decided that if it was positive then you would have to abort it, you had to for the sake of your future. 

As soon as camila arrived you explained what had happened and that you had no clue how this could've happened. 

“how long had you been on birth control for when you first did it without protection?” was the first thing camila asked after you explained the situation.

“uhh, I think a day or two?” you said unsure of the exact day.

“are you dumb or are you dumb?! did you even listen to what the doctor said when you were given birth control??? you're supposed to wait a week!” she said in disbelief at your lack of knowledge.

“I know I know but mina kept on insisting, she said that condoms were uncomfortable and she wanted to be closer to me. and she told me the other girls she had been with let her do it early into taking birth control.” 

“you idiot, you never listen when a guy says stuff like that”

“but mina's a girl so it’s different.” you responded meekly

“you and i both know that there is no difference, mina is a literal guy.'' camila said and you knew you couldn't argue with that. 

before you knew it 5 minutes had passed and when you picked up the pregnancy test and it read positive you almost cried. 

“I have to call mina, we have to figure out where, when, and how we’ll abort it.” you said as you picked up your phone to call mina.

you called her and told her it was something really important and that she needed to come right now. she came pretty quick, and really worried. she didn't think she had ever biked faster, your panicked voice sent a whirlwind of thoughts through her head, thoughts on what could have happened. after you ended the call with mina, camila left telling you that this was probably something you should tell her alone. 

when you heard the knocking at your front door you ran down and dragged mina up to your bedroom locking the door. 

“mina, I'm pregnant.” you said as soon as you turned to face her, the look on her face after those words left your mouth was unreadable. 

“we have to figure out how to get rid of it quickly, and we have to do it without my parents finding out.” you continued on what you were saying. 

“what? you wanna kill my baby??” mina said in disbelief, all you could think was ‘fuck’. 

If you knew she’d wanna keep the baby you never would've told her and just have gotten rid of it by yourself. judging by how she is, the thought that she’d wanna keep the baby never crossed your mind. this had to be a joke, a sick fucking joke. If mina wanted to keep the baby no matter what you said that meant you’d have to keep the baby. 

“mina, please, it's not even developed yet. we’re both still high schoolers, not even adults, we can't provide for a child. you don't have a job, where would we even stay, we can't keep a child at my house for sure. please just let me abort it, please.” you said practically begging her to let you abort it. 

“are you fucking serious?! you’re seriously trying to kill my baby. I don't give a fuck as to what you think either because that’s my kid too. you are not allowed to kill my baby, i can't even believe you would even think of it.'' mina said shouting at you, usually you would stay calm and diffuse the situation but you were upset too. who was she to say that you couldn't abort it. 

“yes, im ‘fucking serious’ i have things i want to do things in my life too. I cant reach my dreams if i have a fucking kid!” you said yelling back at mina, you werent gonna compromise on this.

“you were literally made to bear children, why can't you just keep the baby and then we can move on. your life isn't the only one that’ll be affected, it’s my child too! and why are you even questioning whether I'll take care of it or not? I can get us an apartment and we can raise the baby together like a family. you can stay at home and take care of the baby while I provide for the two of you. I've always wanted to be a father and now I'm finally getting the chance so why are you trying to take this away from me!” 

hearing mina’s response calmed you down a little and made you start thinking about it, maybe you two could raise a baby together. mina seemed so passionate about having a baby so maybe she’d change once it was born. 

“fine, I'll keep it.”

mina didn't think she’d ever been happier, she leaped to kiss your lips and pick you up. she was going to be a father! she spun you around as she kissed you then finally she put you down after she realized that it might affect the baby. 

the happy innocent moment ended pretty quick though, mina smashed her lips onto yours again and started walking you towards the wall of your room. you felt her tongue prodding at your lips demanding entry into your mouth which you willingly gave. as you continued making out you felt something poking at your leg, already knowing what it was you starting groping it. mina moaned into your mouth in response to you touching her cock through her sweatpants. 

you unzipped her pants and pulled her cock out through the hole in her boxers, starting to fully pump her length. almost as soon as you did this mina shoved you down to the ground and you moaned at the action. she held her dick in one hand and her other hand threaded through your hair. she guided your face to her cock and you opened your mouth, sticking your tongue out as you knew she liked it when you did that. 

to your surprise she slapped you with her cock, she had never cockslapped you before. but you knew you wouldn't mind it if she did it again. she slapped your cheek again before shoving her length down your throat. she pulled your face off of her cock almost as soon as you registered what had just happened. she did it again, and again, and again. you found this so incredibly hot, she was using you as if you were a fleshlight, not caring for your pleasure at all. 

with every thrust into your mouth, her balls slapped into your chin. as this went on your jaw and the back of your throat started to hurt from the abuse. tears were streaming down your face and you were gagging non stop, choking on her dick. 

mina thought you were prettiest like this, her prettiest little slut. your gags and chokes were stimulating mina more than you ever would've thought. she kept up her impossible pace and at one point she had wrapped her hand around your throat only to feel herself inside of your throat. the feeling of your throat bulging with her cock almost made her cum right then and there. she was too big for your tiny little self, the thought boosted her ego up to the clouds. she reached down to your hand that was on her hip and guided it to your throat so you too could see how badly she was violating you. 

seeing your eyes widen when you felt the bulge in your throat was what did it for her. she held your head down against her pelvis that was still covered by her boxers until she fully finished down your throat. you almost didn't have to swallow with how far down she had shot her cum.

when she pulled out of your mouth, she was still rock hard, the thought of fucking you had kept her up. she pulled you up from the floor by your hair and picked you up to throw you on the bed. she pulled down both your panties and pants at once and then spread your legs apart as she stood between them. she lowered her hand down to touch your cunt and she let out a chuckle when she did.

“you’re already this wet and you haven't even been touched once?” she said in a condescending tone laughing at you. 

“shut up.”

“I'm gonna make sure you regret saying that.” mina said and as soon as the last word left her mouth, she bottomed out into you. You let out a gasp at the feeling of her entering you all at once so quickly. she immediately started a fast pace not letting you get used to the feeling of her, causing a mix of pain and pleasure.

your moans were uncontrollable as she pounded into you. she suddenly flipped you over so that your stomach was now on the bed and then she pulled your legs up, manhandling you onto all fours. after doing that she again started thrusting into you faster than ever, this position allowing her to go deeper inside you. she kept on thrusting into you, at one point she had found your g-spot, your eyes rolling to the back of your head as she repeatedly hit it. 

“yeah, you like that? you like it when i fuck you like the whore you are?” she said in between grunts as she slapped your ass. 

you let out a moan in response to this, who knew pain could feel so pleasurable?

“I asked you a question slut!” she said, spanking you harder.

“yes! yes, mina i love it when you fuck me w-with your big c-cock!” you said in a high pitched tone as mina continued to fuck you, grunting in satisfaction at your response.

soon enough you could feel yourself about to cum and mina along with you. 

“cumming! I-imgonnacum!”

“me too babe, I'm gonna cum inside, gonna fuck twins into you. said you don't want my baby 'm gonna give you twins, whore.'' mina moaned out as she went faster, her finger on your clit increasing along with her pace

she leaned down and latched her mouth onto one of your breasts, making sure to be careful with them as she knew they were sensitive due to the pregnancy. she swirled her tongue around the bud as she lightly sucked. the stimulation was too much for you and before you knew it you came along with her. as you came down from your high you felt mina fingering you, and when you looked down you saw her scraping all the cum that had come out and pushing it back into you. 

“you know, i'm honestly really happy you decided to keep the baby, i can't wait to have mini mes running around our house.'' mina said as she laid down next to you, a smile tugged at your lips as you imagined that, maybe keeping the baby was for the best.

taglist- @moon-ellie @lisas-earlobe @cocojy @second-daughter-of-clexa @runassimp

#i’ll know #mina x reader #myoui mina x reader #twice mina #twice mina smut #twice mina x reader #smut #g!p #gp!mina #mina x fem!reader #twice #twice x reader #fem!reader #gxg #wlw #g!p mina #kpop #kpop smut #girl group #kpop x reader #camila cabello #kpop angst #luvmyoui

[starry-blue-echoes]

Okay, I just got here. Sorry for intruding and I'm kind of freaking out about part 4 of Star Swap.

Because there are two Jotaros. Why is nobody talking about the fact that there are two Jotaros? Am I missing something??? 

Unless I am completely failing in Star Swap lore, in order to not become super convoluted and insane, a universe is localized to a Swap… probably? Anyway from what I understand three universes have an event happening in them and Star Swap is a series… except there's also an OLDER Jotaro here in Part 4! which would be the same Jotaro that experienced part 4 as Josuke! Which is causing problems in my brain.

… I was thinking it's either Joseph and Giono is the exception -Thanks to Hermit Purple Rrequiem- and swaps actually jumps across universes making Older Part 4 Jotaro have that Canon backstory.

…Or… hear me out..

 JoJo

 Specifically, Jotaro gets some of that Time Jumpy Amnesia and has not a single fucking clue what happened to himself.

JUST HIM 

No one else

He is the sole one that gets bonk with a forgot stick

For all Jotaro knows: he blacked out, got possessed, and went to Egypt. Everything went well. His mom got cured and people survived, but STILL. said person that possessed him made a bunch of friends and now Jotaro has to deal with them. HE has to rely on other people's information to figure out what the hell HAPPENED.

Jotaro still gets that Battle Experience in and gets those cryptic forgotten fog of memories from the trip But Yeah

Jotaro has no idea what happened to him when that guy was possessing him. Jotaro doesn't know! he doesn't remember shit!!! All people got is theories.

I have a lot of thoughts and this is probably not even an issue.ARGGGG

.. I'm here thinking that for The Star Swap parts 3 and 4 to connect in an interesting way is Memory Blockage or else Part 4 Older Jotaro would have to walk on fucking eggshells if something wasn't blocking his memories because if he talks or says anything that doesn't link up then he breaks time. Jotaro's fault for actively getting involved!

Probably. I don't know!!! I'm just thinking!!! 

you're correct, Parts 3 and 4 have been criminally neglected amongst all this chaos, so this is p e r f e c t

to clarify the universe shenanigans of everything: I've always been thinking that each "set" exists in its own universe. 1 and 6, 2 and 5, and then 3 and 4 all exist in their own sort of "pocket universe" just so we don't need to keep track of of all the inevitable changes and how they influence each other

that being said, funnily enough what you've brought up with Jotaro is REALLY close to what I've been imagining too!

Jotaro is So Fucking Lost when he wakes up back home. He feels like complete and utter shit and is covered in more bandages than he's ever had before. The last thing he remembers is his mom leaving after visiting him in the prison cell after he tried to shoot himself with Star Platinum

only...... when did Star Platinum have a name? When had it stopped being an evil spirit?

when had he stopped being scared of it?

Kakyoin and Joseph are of course INCREDIBLY worried by Jotaro's apparent and very sudden shift in personality. And of course, this panic only multiplies when they find they think Jotaro's stand has been changed as well. They immediately think it's a Stand attack......

but then Holly steps forward and denies this. That this is how Jotaro normally acts and more importantly, that she remembers seeing Star in the jail

now, technically this might be bending the rules a little bit, but I think it would be interesting to give Holly some..... memory weirdness. Maybe we can tie it into her Stand somehow, or maybe it's just For The Plot, but Holly has two distinct sets of memories before she collapsed from her illness

One where Jotaro comes home with her, quiet and awkward and open in a way he hadn't been since he was a child. And another where he refused to leave and shot himself in an attempt to goad a spirit hovering over his shoulder

this then raises the incredibly uncomfortable idea that the Jotaro they'd gone to Egypt with was the imposter. That there had been a fake in their midst the entire time and they never knew. Was he working with Dio? Another group? What was his goal? Why had he done it? And of course, the biggest question of all, where was Jotaro the entire time and why doesn't he remember?

because it's obvious Jotaro was somewhere. He has skills and knowledge he hadn't before. He's different, he's grown in some ways, but has receded in others

Electricity and loud sounds terrify him in a way that can't be described as simple fear

they do what they can to help and figure things out, but they can never find any leads. It actually during these investigations that Jotaro decides to start working with the Speedwagon Foundation on the side and "rekindles" his friendships with the Crusaders

(he finds himself drawn to Kakyoin at times. Or to be more specific, he's drawn to his Stand. The colors and shapes and eyes all feel so tantalizingly familiar, and sometimes he finds himself talking to the being as if expecting a response)

years go by, and the fog around his memories stays. It bothers him less as more time passes and he makes new memories with people who had a headstart on their relationship, but there's always a quiet niggling in the back of his mind about what could've happened

and then a decade later he finds a boy with a different face but identical Stand and temperament to match

#star swap #jjba #jojo’s bizarre adventure #stardust crusaders #jjba part 3 #jjba jotaro #jotaro kujo #star platinum #jjba kakyoin #noriaki kakyoin #jjba holly #holly kujo #sb answers #angstaceanon

[beanghostprincess]

This is me, the Lamikkaku anon. You wanted to hear more so here it is:

Firstly, I wanted to talk about how Lami survived. Basically she ran from the hospidal looking for Law and was found by marines. Luckily Vice admiral Tsuru was there, and feeling compassion towards the girl she took her in and decided to help her. Thanks to Tsuru washing Lami with her devil fruit the white amber lead desease isn't deadly anymore but its still a persistent/chronic illness and Lami has to be washed very often. This is kept as a secret only she and Tsuru know.

So she grows up in the marines, she isn't too fond of them and dislikes the goverment for obvious reasons but she has no where else to go and reconises Tsuru as a good person. I think she knows who Corasan is. She never met him since he was already with Doflamingo by the time she was rescued, by Sengoku must have went on and on about his kid and how great he is. Until, you know, the deranged gay bird kills him.

When Lami is a older she hears about this piraye named Trafalgar Law and immediately reconises him. She can't say anything of course because he is a pirate and she is a marine, but it gives Lami some hope. Eventually she joins SWORD and decides that she will at least try to meet her brother. She appears on Dressrosa but since shit gets really bad she is too occupied to talk to Law, but she manages to listen to Law and Sengoku's conversation.

Eventually she decides to join XDrake as a spy in Kaidou's beast pirates because she heard about the ninja-pirate-mink-samurai alliance and once Law gets there they reunite. There is tears, catching up, and Law uses his powers to finally get rid of Lami's amber lead desease so she isn't 100% dipendednt from Tsuru's powers anymore.

She helps during the raid and really bonds with the Hearts: she thinks that Bepo is adorable, finds Pemguin and Shachi to be humorous but the one she likes the company the most if is Ikkaku. She leaves with them instead of going back to the marines after the raid.

But of course, Blackbeard has to be an asshole and now Law is separated from his sister again. HOWEVER all of the hearts survived (if this isn't canon I will explode) and they ended up is some uncharted island were they try their best to trive and build a raft or something. All of their equipment got destroyed.

Its around this time that Lami and Ikkaku grow very close, and eventually it just blossoms into a full on romance. The others are worried Law might freak out but Ikkaku reassures them that she is, in fact, the only person here worthy of dating the captain's sister.

Okay, first of all, I love your brain. I want to open your skull and idk, grab a straw and drink from it. This is altering my brain chemistry- Okay. AAAAAAAAAAAA. I have so many thoughts. (The first post about this if somebody is interested).

I absolutely love everything about this. It's such a good way to make Lami survive. She joins the Marines but she doesn't actually wanna be there, it's just her way of surviving. But still, she manages to be one of the good marines. In fact, joining SWORD also means she probably meets Koby/Hibari/Helmeppo and I can't stop thinking about them actually getting along pretty well? When she finds out Law is alive and she decides to go undercover too to see him, the only people who know about her true reasons are those three. I just find it cute. Luffy's biggest fan (Koby) and Law's biggest fan (Lami) being friends is something really funny to me.

When they see each other again in Wano, Law can't believe it. For a whole second, he actually believes he's getting tricked somehow. It has to be some devil fruit user or- Or maybe he's losing his mind. The heart pirates don't know what's going on, but Law stands there, astonished and static and about to cry. When he never, ever cries in front of anybody that isn't Bepo (or Shachi/Penguin/Ikkaku but that's if his mental state is on the verge of collapsing even more than usual). Long story short, there's no time to explain everything but Lami tells him the important things and decides she's going to stay with him. The girl doesn't even care about whether she's a marine or not, she just breaks the cover and goes "well, change of titles now. Brother, I am going with you" and tbh Law doesn't find it appropriate. He doesn't want his little sister to be a pirate. He wants her to have a normal life and live in peace the way she deserves. But she reminds him that she's (was) a marine. She's strong. She can fight and she will fight, whether he likes it or not. And look, she's always been cute and cheerful but now she's also stubborn, so he can't say no to her. Besides, having her in the crew also means having her close, so that's a win for him. It'll be easier to keep her safe like that (even if she can actually fight on her own).

And let me tell you. Her dynamic with the Heart Pirates is amazing.

Everybody loves her and they seriously question if she's truly Law's sister because she is... So different from him. She's sweet and fun and upbeat and everyone is side-eying Law like "Are you sure this girl isn't like... mistaking you for another person?" and Law is about to cut Shachi and Penguin in half if they don't shut up about that. She loves Bepo. She adores him. Bepo loves her back. She won't let go of him. They're best friends now and she considers him to be the most adorable thing on earth. Also, she trusts him with her life since he's Law's first mate and that means Law trusts him too. Law thinks he's going to have a heart attack because he doesn't know if he loves this situation (his favorite people together) or if he hates it (what if they like being together more??? Without him???? He's a bit jealous). Lami also loves Shachi and Penguin. They love her back. Law hates it because they're even more chaotic together and they won't stop being touchy with his sister (not in a weird way, they're just a very affectionate crew and Lami loves hugging them back). Lami indulges them and follows them in everything they do and Law is so, so tired. He keeps telling them to stop acting like that but Shachi and Penguin always say "But you never hug us back!!" / "Yeah, captain! She's sweeter and cuter and way nicer!" and Law is about to lose it. The only one that doesn't make Law furious is Ikkaku, surprisingly so. Ikkaku is just so nice and fun to be around that Lami loves her right away. She has never had actual friends outside the Marines and she's so excited to start this new life with them! Ikkaku shows her around the ship and explains every little thing to her, and Lami is so, so thrilled to finally be free of everything that was holding her back. The thing is-- Lami feels guilty for what happened because she thinks she could've saved Law somehow or- Or maybe met him earlier than this. She doesn't want to tell him because she knows it will only hurt him, so she opens up to Ikkaku instead, and she's the one to comfort her and understand her better. Lami also asks Ikkaku to tell her about Law and what kind of person he is now. What kind of adventures they've had. Ikkaku and Lami grow closer and closer and they're the girls™ of the crew. Also, Lami is a very lesbian disaster and Ikkaku is also a lesbian mess, so Ikkaku flirts with her shamelessly, and Lami blushes and giggles and kicks her feet. While Lami flirts with Ikkaku without even noticing, and Ikkaku faints every time. Shachi and Penguin have a bet going on about them.

Not to mention that everybody is weirded out by Law's behavior now. Now that Lami is back in his life, he looks... Happier? He smiles more. Like. Actual laughs and smiles. He's so sweet and protective when it comes to Lami it's just odd to see him like that. He kisses her forehead and hugs her and whenever she's playful and teases him, he actually laughs and has fun. Bepo is like "Oh, true, you haven't seen captain like this, right? Isn't he cute?" when the Strawhats see this, and they're all like "More than cute it's just... Unsettling". Honestly, the heart pirates couldn't be happier for their captain. Talking about the Strawhats: Since they're all in Wano and Lami is helping them out, she meets them there. And I think, since Lami and Koby are friends, that she would instantly love and admire Luffy. The whole crew would again be saying "Is this seriously your sister, Torao?" and she'd go "Torao?? They call you Torao??" / "No. They don't. Don't give her ideas-" / "It's okay, Torao-" / "Fuck". And now Law is having the worst time of his life because Luffy and Lami get along and he's starting to lose it. But, anyway, they're happy, so whatever. He's just glad she's alright.

And this has nothing to do with Lamikkaku but I think Lami is religious (I think it's pretty obvious, like, the religious background in Law's story). After everything fucked up that happened to them, Law stopped believing for obvious reasons. But Lami sometimes prays and talks about God and fate and Law is very against that because "If God exists, why would he let this happen to us? If somebody as powerful as that makes us go through this suffering, I don't think it deserves to be worshipped" and Lami just smiles softly and says: "I can see your view. But still, believing isn't accepting everything God does. I guess it's dumb, isn't it? But I like to think Mom and Dad are in a better place now. I like to think that you'll be in a better place if they take you away from me again" and Law can't fight against that. Then, Luffy Gear 5th happens and Law has a whole catholic crisis. But that's for another day. Make this Lawlu if you feel like it. The point is Nika my beloved-

Now, Lamikkaku moment:

They survive the fight against Blackbeard. All of them. Except for the Polar Tang (RIP, you were an amazing ship, darling). So they end up on a deserted island and... Things are bad. They're all devastated. The first thing Law does is look for Lami to check if she's alright. And she is, kind of. They're all glad they're fine, but they've lost their ship. Their equipment. Their food. And instead of resting and thinking about it, Law is already trying to plan something to escape from here, feeling responsible and guilty and-- Both Lami and Bepo are the most concerned, but they're all going through a rough time. While they get back on their feet, Ikkaku and Lami get even closer. Lami is close to Law constantly because she's pretty much the only person that he can open up to and rest with whenever he's overworking himself. He only sleeps when she's around. Etc etc. But Lami can't deal with all of that on her own and it's obvious, so it's Ikkaku the one looking after her. Lami won't lose faith in God for this, but she's still pretty frustrated that something like this has happened to them again. Ikkaku tells her that sometimes is the people around you you have to rely on and not just God, even if it does help most of the time to believe in something like that. They spend most of their time together. Sleep together. Lami has nightmares and Ikkaku helps. Ikkaku is trying her best to cheer up the crew along with Shachi and Penguin but it's hard, and she's working hard to maintain the order too. Lami admires her strength because she hasn't seen her falter or hesitate yet in the time they've been there, and Ikkaku just says that it's what a pirate does. Get back on their feet and fight. And besides, if the crew needs somebody to rely on while their captain is busy/going through it, she doesn't mind being the voice of the reason. And Ikkaku is not a Goddess, but Lami is starting to feel the same trust and comfort she feels when praying while she's next to her. One thing leads to another and they end up falling for each other rather quickly. They don't want to tell Law yet, because he's... Not ready for news. But Bepo/Shachi/Penguin find out at some point and they're sure Law is going to be furious (because he won't let any of them go near Lami romantically) but Ikkaku is sure it won't happen. She's sure Law will be happy for them. First of all, because Lami keeps saying Law only wants the best for her and would never go against that. And second of all, because Ikkaku says that if Law ever had to let somebody date his sister, it would be Ikkaku. Law ends up finding out because, you know, these three can't keep their mouth shut. And he surprisingly doesn't care. In fact, in a moment of desperation, it makes him so happy to see his sister finding love. He tells Ikkaku in private to take care of her, and she only smiles and says "Aye, captain" and Lami overhears, so she ends up hugging him right after.

They're clingy but their presence and PDA aren't annoying. It's just sweet. They hold hands and kiss and they keep teasing each other, and it brings a new energy to the crew. It gives Law hope. If Lami has managed to come back, they'll be able to come back stronger too. Of course, they're a bit chaotic too since they're pretty different to Law, but it's alright. As time passes by, Ikkaku ends up teasing Law about it and she can't help but make the 'I fucked your sister' jokes because, c'mon, how could she not? Lami finds it hilarious, and she knows Law isn't really that angry at Ikkaku at the end of the day. Ikkaku seems like the cool, protective one, but in reality, whenever there's a fight and people underestimate Lami, Ikkaku just stares at her like "That's my girl <3" while she kicks ass. Basically, they're the cutest, most supportive girls, and Law just knows Cora is happy for them too.

#this is the best thing that has happened to me today #or in tumblr in general i absolutely adore this you don't even know how much #i love law finally being happy #let him have a win!!!!!!!! #i have a very specific vision of how lami looks but sadly i cannot draw lmao #the heart pirates finally winning for once and having lesbians in their crew yayyy #god maybe i keep posting about this wkgwkfb #one piece #trafalgar law #trafalgar d. water law #trafalgar lami #ikkaku one piece #shachi one piece #bepo one piece #penguin one piece #lamikkaku #heart pirates

[woundgallery]

Doubt by Fanny Howe

Virginia Woolf committed suicide in 1941 when the German bombing campaign against England was at its peak and when she was reading Freud whom she had staved off until then.

Edith Stein, recently and controversially beatified by the Pope, who had successfully worked to transform an existential vocabulary into a theological one, was taken to Auschwitz in August 1942.

Two years later Simone Weil died in a hospital in England—of illness and depression—determined to know what it is to know. She, as much as Woolf and Stein, sought salvation in a  choice of words.

But multiples succumb to the sorrow induced by an inexact vocabulary.

While a whole change in discourse is a sign of conversion, the alteration of a single word only signals a kind of doubt about the value of the surrounding words. Poets tend to hover over words in this troubled state of mind.  What holds them poised in this position is the occasional eruption of happiness.

While we would all like to know if the individual person is a phenomenon either culturally or spiritually conceived and why everyone doesn’t kill everyone else, including themselves, since they can—poets act out the problem with their words.

Why not say “heart-sick” instead of “despairing”? Why not say “despairing” instead of “depressed”?

Is there, perhaps, a quality in each person—hidden like a laugh inside a sob—that loves even more than it loves to live? If there is, can it be expressed in the form of the lyric line?

Dostoevsky defended his later religious belief, saying of his work, “Even in Europe there have never been atheistic expressions of such power.  My hosannah has gone through a great furnace of doubt.”

According to certain friends, Simone Weil would have given everything she wrote to be a poet.  It was an ideal but she was wary of charm and the inauthentic.  She saw herself as stuck in fact with a rational prose line for her surgery on modern thought.  She might be the archetypal doubter but the language of the lyric was perhaps too uncertain.

As far as we know she wrote a play and some poems and one little prose poem called Prologue. Yet Weil could be called a poet, if Wittgenstein could, despite her own estimation of her writing, because of the longing for a conversion that words might produce. In Prologue the narrator is an uprooted seeker who still hopes that a transformation will come to her from the outside.  The desired teacher arrives bearing the best of everything, including delicious wine and bread, affection, tolerance, solidarity (people come and go) and authority.  This is a man who even has faith and loves truth.

She is happy.  Then suddenly, without any cause, he tells her it’s over.  She is out on the streets without direction, without memory.  Indeed she is unable to remember even what he told her without his presence there to repeat it, this amnesia being the ultimate dereliction.

If memory fails, then the mind is air in a skull.

This loss of memory forces her to abandon hope for either rescue or certainty.

And now is the moment where doubt—as an active function—emerges and magnifies the world.  It eliminates memory.  And it turns eyesight so far outwards, the vision expands.  A person feels as if she is the figure inside a mirror, looking outwards for her moves.  She is a forgery.

When all the structures granted by common agreement fall away and that “reliable chain of cause and effect” that Hannah Arendt talks about—breaks—then a person’s inner logic also collapses.  She moves and sees at the same time, which is terrifying.

Yet strangely it is in this moment that doubt shows itself to be the physical double to belief; it is the quality that nourishes willpower, and the one that is the invisible engine behind every step taken. Doubt is what allows a single gesture to have a heart.

In this prose poem Weil’s narrator recovers her balance after a series of reactive revulsions to the surrounding culture by confessing to the most palpable human wish: that whoever he was, he loved her.

Hope seems to resist extermination as much as a roach does.

Hannah Arendt talks about the “abyss of nothingness that opens up before any deed that cannot be accounted for.”  Consciousness of this abyss is the source of belief for most converts.  Weil’s conviction that evil proves the existence of God is cut out of this consciousness.

Her Terrible Prayer—that she be reduced to a paralyzed nobody—desires an obedience to that moment where coming and going intersect before annihilation. And her desire: “To be only an intermediary between the blank page and the poem” is a desire for a whole-heartedness that eliminates personality. Virginia Woolf, a maestro of lyric resistance, was frightened by Freud’s claustrophobic determinism since she had no ground of defense against it.  The hideous vocabulary of mental science crushed her dazzling star-thoughts into powder and brought her latent despair into the open air. Born into a family devoted to skepticism and experiment, she had made a superhuman effort at creating a prose-world where doubt was a mesmerizing and glorious force.

Anyone who tries, as she did, out of a systematic training in secularism, to forge a rhetoric of belief is fighting against the odds.  Disappointments are everywhere waiting to catch you, and an ironic realism is always convincing.

Simone Weil’s family was skeptical too, and secular and attentive to the development of the mind.  Her older brother fed her early sense of inferiority with intellectual put-downs.  Later, her notebooks chart a superhuman effort at conversion to a belief in affliction as a sign of God’s presence.

Her prose itself is tense with effort.  After all, to convert by choice (that is, without a blast of revelation or a personal disaster) requires that you shift the names for things, and force a new language out of your mind onto the page.

You have to make yourself believe.  Is this possible?  Can you turn “void” into “God” by switching the words over and over again? Any act of self-salvation is a problem because of death which always has the last laugh, and if there has been a dramatic and continual despair hanging over childhood, then it may even be impossible. After all, can you call “doubt” “bewilderment” and suddenly be relieved?

Not if your mind has been fatally poisoned. . . . But even then, it seems the dream of having no doubt continues, finding its way into love and work where choices matter exactly as much as they don’t matter—at least when luck is working in your favor.

#fanny howe #virginia woolf #simone weil #literature #essay #woolf notes #words #weil notes #favorite literature

[intothegenshinworld]

"Take A Rest"

Summary: Even for an Adepti, with Adeptal energy isn’t always easy. - Reader falls suddenly ill due to their own Adeptal energy when they visit Cloud Retainer on Mt Aocang. Luckily Shenhe is there to watch over them as Retainer collects medication. Note: CH9 of Fate’s Destiny is still being worked on, dw. I just need to copium my way though my health problems, so give me this moment to write a little self indulgent fic–

“One decides you must visit Rex Lapis once more.” 

Cloud Retainer’s voice is filled with concern. If Ganyu had stayed behind on Mt. Aocang for a moment longer, you’re certain that Retainer would’ve ordered her to take you back to Liyue once more.

Your chest heaves up and down. You’re trying to get more air into your lungs but your body seems to collapse on you. From head to toe your body is flaring, so hot that you’d jump into the lake located in front of Cloud Retainer’s domain if you could walk over there. But alas, you are stuck leaning your weight on one knee as the other leg tries to keep you upright. 

“Hmpf. One shall now allow you to fall into a deep slumber once more.” Cloud Retainer’s voice borders an annoyed tone, but you know she means well. “Were you foolish enough to forget your medicine once again?”

White spots in your vision makes your vision blurry when you look up at the Adepti. 

“I’m fine.” You force the words out of your mouth as you hold up a hand, signing her to give you a moment. 

Sure, it might feel like you’re about to faint any moment, but that’s what it feels like every time this happens. And around half of the time you’re alright. 

“Nonsense.” Retainer mutters to herself for a moment. 

If on cue, a cold but welcoming hand makes its way onto your back. “Y/n?”

“I’m fine.” You repeat for Shenhe. “You shouldn’t be near me. This energy is harmful.” 

“One can see that.” Retainer snarls back.

You lift your body up from the ground, grateful when Shenhe supports you. Cloud Retainer who you’ve known for many years gives you a doubtful look.

“Your determination is admired, but One shall not watch you suffer for longer. Shenhe–” Retainer cuts her message short. 

Without any words needed the white haired woman next to you deciphers Retainer’s message. 

“Understood, master.” 

Instantaneously after Shenhe answers, the Adepti takes off. You hear her wings flutter a few times before it fades in together with the sound of the wind. 

Mt. Aocang is serene and quiet for a while. 

No words are exchanged amongst you and Shenhe as she leads you towards Cloud Retainer’s domain. 

Between the sounds of your own heartbeat drumming against your ear and your own heavy breathing, you hear birds tweet in the far distance.

Once shielded away from the sun Shenhe supports your weight until you’re fully sitting down in the shade with your back leaning against the entrance of Retainer’s domain. 

“Thank you.” you’re somehow able to get the words out of your mouth.

Shenhe turns her head around to face you, “Don’t worry. I ask for nothing in return. You can rest.”

You lift one of your knees to your chest whilst the other rests on the ground. Perhaps this was the aftermath you deserve for surviving the Archon war as one of the remaining Adepti. Either way, you’d carry this burden alone while you’d continue to protect Liyue and it’s citizens.

But somehow… you feel internally conflicted. 

‘Is this what dying feels like?’ 

The warmth flowing through your body was previously overwhelming, but you no longer pay it any mind. It feels… comfortable. Your headache too seems to dull and replace itself with a welcoming exhaustion. 

For a moment you close your eyes.

“You mustn't fall asleep.”

Shenhe is crouching in front of you. Two thicker strands of hair frame her face. Ice cold eyes carefully inspect your face from a safe distance, knowing you’d otherwise scold her for coming too close in contact with your unstable Adepti energy. 

“I’m not sleeping.” You mutter out. 

Your body continues to ache, and despite your best efforts, you think she knows. But despite this, Shenhe makes no attempts to cheer you up. Instead, she sits down in front of the other wall facing you. 

Compared to your exhausted form she sits elegantly, peacefully. 

As a fellow Adepti, one having lived as long as Cloud Retainer, you know the Shenhe quite well. And perhaps you’ve forgotten that she too must know you better than you’d like to admit.

“Do you remember the first time I met you?” You prompt seemingly out of nowhere. “You were still young, barely started with training and you were already going into a hillicurl camp without plan. If I hadn’t passed by you would’ve–” Your throat tightens up for a moment. You cough.”-died.”

“I would’ve defeated the camp.” Shenhe defends.

You breathe in deeply, having just recovered from a coughing fit. “Perhaps, but you wouldn’t have been able to return to Mt. Aocang with your previous stamina regardless of defeating the camp or not.”

Shenhe stays silent. Her eyes continue to gaze into yours. She doesn’t seem to mind your lecture at all. 

“You’ve grown strong, Shenhe.”

Ice cold eyes continue to stare blankly ahead.

“Take a rest, y/n.” her voice is indifferent, but you could’ve sworn you saw worry flash by in her eyes. 

“Adepti have no need for your worries.” You joke.

“So I’ve been told.” Shenhe replies in an indifferent way.

While it might go unnoticed to anyone unacquainted with Shenhe, you see her effort to keep you accompanied whilst also respecting your boundaries. Perhaps it was because you accept her in a similar way to how Retainer accepts her. Maybe it was because she pitied you. Either way, her efforts were seen. 

She now gazes out of the entrance to the domain and towards the top of Mt. Aocang. White hair blows backwards with the wind. She’s undoubtedly watching over Cloud Retainer’s domain for as long as the Adepti remains absent.

As time passes by slower for Adepti than humans, you’ve failed to recognise her growth. 

Within a blink of an eye she’d become an formidable opponent and a beautiful woman.

You sigh deeply and close your eyes whilst keeping yourself conscious.

Somehow you’re able to carry the pain on your shoulders with a little more ease.

#shenhe x you #shenhe x reader #yaepublishinghouse #genshin shenhe #genshin x reader #genshin #genshin drabbles #genshin scenarios #genshin impact x reader #shenhe #hurt/comfort #? #drabble #sick reader #adepti reader #self indulgent

[cowboyjen68]

hi jen, i just followed you and this is really random but ive seen some of your posts helping younger people and it really struck a cord and i need to just let the words fall out of me.

ive been having issues with my girlfriend she cheated on me but this situation is very complicated and we're both fucked up people but i know she still loves me and i really love her. but my anxiety and our lack of communication is really bad right now and im so worried she might not love me the same anymore

ontop of this im 18 and for the past id say 5ish years my mental health and family life has been getting worse, getting diagnosis is hard especially with mentally ill and just overall bad parents that somehow dont understand or believe. i know im deppresed and have been i have anxiety, sever paranoia maybe bpd and bipolar and autism and everything is just so much. now the one person i had is something thats making everything hurt more and i just don't know where to go, im trying to get help but its so slow in this country and i feel so lost and tired i barely eat now and when i do its ether rare or unhealthy and everything is so much i want to collapse.

i hope this isn't to much to randomly send anonymously but you just seem really kind and helpful. thank u for your reply if you do

HI and please accept my apologies for the delay on answering this. I am sorry you are going through so much. My kids are adopted from foster care and I had many kids in my home for up to 5 years who eventually went back home. That is to say I have a lot of experience with mental illness, the systems that treat them, trauma and kids who came from unstable home lives.

At the ripe old age of 18 you have plenty of time to find love and contentment but right now might not be the time. I understand there might be odd circumstances that caused your girlfriend to cheat on you. If you feel betrayed and lost trust that is a feeling that is next to impossible to overcome for people with no comorbidities let alone a teen trying to figure herself out and deal with navigating the broken mental health/care system.

It is actually quite normal for young love to change and get redefined into friendship even when the circumstance are the best. Her cheating on you might very well be a sign that your relationship is in flux and not what you thought it was. A romance that has run its course is not a failure, relationships do not have to last forever to be important and real and worth having had.

It might be scary to think of not being with her, of not having your "one" person that you can count on but I do believe you can get farther working on yourself if you put time and energy into you and not dividing it up between you and her.

There is a lot of precedent set for women to set aside their romance and intimacy in order to be just friends while one or both does some work on herself. Sometimes it is necessary to stay involved for emotional support or financial support, that is just the reality of our world. Living single can be very difficult.

Please consider letting go of the relationship in its current form and putting your energy of yourself. Letting go of the stress of trying to repair what you had with her will remove so much pressure from you and from her that you will feel much more ready to tackle your mental state.

I promise. You are not a failure, she is not "the bad guy" in this story. Take all the wonderful things you shared with her keep those with you when you want a reminder that it loving her was worth your time even if it didn't end like you planned.

Seek mental health help but starting small. A therapist can help you begin to talk through things and often she can help you find additional resources like a medical Dr, public subsidies for insurance or free clinics to assist you in getting medication and mental health support. Most counties have a social services office and those employees are a wealth of information.

#mental health #lesbian #young love #stress #health #relationships