#even when you have a computer slow as mine... it never ends

[lanadelnegan]

Tattoo

Pre-apocalypse!Negan x Reader (Negan is y/n's art teacher & also owns a tattoo shop).

Warnings: THIS IS THE FILTHIEST THING I'VE WRITTEN SO FAR and it's just going to get filthier from here on. smut, forbidden love, age-gap (reader is 18, negan is 38), angst, oral (female receiving), lots of sexual tension, slow burnnnn.(there's an actual plot this time), vaginal sex, public sex, breeding, slight daddy kink

Summary: After graduating and leaving behind the man she fell for but couldn't have, y/n decides to get a tattoo that reminds her of him. And he gives it to her.

A/n: ugh, this had me in my feels. A "hard to get" teacher Negan. basically you're negan's former student and he gives you a tattoo and things.. well - just read it.

"Well damn. I don't mean to be sentimental, but I have seriously enjoyed teaching you little shits. I hope you can take what you've learned and apply it to something. Be creative. Oh, and.. don't think about hitting me up on Instagram after this because I don't do social media. That shit is toxic. Remember that, kids."

The bell cuts Negan off before he can finish his inspirational speech. He's always had such a way with words.. should have been an English teacher instead.

Most of the students rush out like the room is on fire, with the exception of a few annoying girls that think he'll jump their bones now that school is out.

"So, Mr. Smith, since you don't have social media, can I get your number at least?" I cringe as she twirls her hair around her finger and her friends giggle obnoxiously behind her.

"Girls. Behave for once. A tip for college? Don't flirt with your professors." He warns while motioning them out the door.

I suddenly realize that my ass has been glued to my seat this entire time and I'm the only one still here. I quickly get up and throw my backpack over one shoulder. He stares at me from the doorway but I just look down as I walk towards him.

"Bye Mr. Smith."

"Nice try. Sit down." He shuts his door and walks back into the room pointing towards my chair for me to sit.

"Mr. Smith, y/n?" He mocks. "Seriously?"

I never call him that. He's always been Negan to me.

I've known him for 4 years now. He's the only art teacher at Alexandria High, and even though I have no interest in art, I've taken his class every year because I do have an interest.. in him.

What he doesn't know is that I've been making mental notes everyday for the past four years about all his interests, personal life, hobbies, you name it.

He loves the color red - because it's the only color expo marker he writes in.

His favorite lunch is two cigarettes and coke zero. I hate that he smokes.

He stopped coaching baseball last year because he said he didn't have time anymore. But I think it's actually because he's never cared for it to begin with.

He had a wife, but she passed away. Some kind of cancer. She's still his computer wallpaper, which tells me he still hasn't moved on even though it was six years ago. My heart hurts for him.

He wasn't lying - he doesn't have social media....I would have found it.

He sits at another student's desk right next to mine with his body facing me.

"You gonna tell me why the hell you look like your best fucking friend just died?"

I stare at the floor next to his shoes and try to think about anything other than fact that I'm never going to see him again.

"Look at me."

I slowly lift my eyes to his and can't stop the tear that escapes the second I see his face.

"Ah, shit." His expression turns serious when he notices my tears. "Look, kid. I -"

"Stop calling me kid." I snap.

He chuckles. "Hate to break it to ya y/n, but you are very much a kid in my eyes, which is why this thing -" he motions his hand towards me. "this.. crush you have on me - has to end today."

My eyes widen as I stare at him speechless. He seriously did not just assume I have a crush on him.

"Did you jus - You seriously think just because a few stupid girls want to get in your pants, it means everyone does?" I scoff. "Unbelievable. You're my teacher. I don't have a crush on you."

He laughs as if we both know I'm lying - which I am.

"Alright, I'm sorry I called you a kid. Now, you wanna tell me what's wrong?"

"It's just I - I'm gonna miss you." I instantly regret saying it.

He nods and looks at the floor, letting out a frustrated sigh.

"I'm sorry. I - I'm just gonna go." I get up to leave, leaving my heart with him. My stomach twists in a knot when I realize he isn't getting up to stop me.

Why would he?

Once I'm in the hall, I turn to take one last look at him. He's bent over with his hands through his hair as if his best friend just died.

Negan's POV: That fucking girl. In my twelve years of teaching, I've never cared about a student like I do her. I care about all of my students, but goddamn it, she's had me wrapped around her finger for longer than I'm comfortable to admit - And I never will. She fucking sucks at hiding her feelings. I knew from the first day she walked into my class that she wanted to jump on my dick. Hell, every girl does. But other girls bat their fake eyelashes at me and tell me how they feel. Y/n.. she's.. obsessed with me. She thinks I didn't notice her doodling my name in her notebook with little hearts. Or that I don't hear her whispering to her friends about the dreams she has about me. Or how she stares at me during lectures like she's on a different planet. And if that's not enough, the girl hates art. Yet she's chosen it as her elective every single year. She has straight A's in every class, but doesn't even try in mine. And yet.. my dumb ass still passed her with an A. Maybe because I'm obsessed with her too.

Back to Y/n's POV:

I cried on the way home that day.

While everyone else celebrated school ending with a party, I stayed in my room and cried while looking at his photo in the yearbook.

While everyone walked across the stage at graduation, my diploma came in the mail and I stayed home holding Negan's lucky baseball bat that he gave me last year.

My last day of junior year, I stayed after school to help Negan clean out his classroom so he could move into a bigger art room. That was the year he quit coaching. I replay the memory in my head more often than I should..

"Why do you have this bat just sitting in the corner?" "It brings me good luck. I hit a home run every game my senior year with that bat." "Your senior year? This bat is that old?!" "Watch it, kid." He rolls his eyes and throws some folders in a bin. "Hmm." I study the bat. "I could use some luck." "Keep it." I look at him confused. "But... it's your-" "I want you to have it." He cuts me off. "Are - Are you sure?" He sighs frustrated. "Do you not want it?" "Well, I mean, I do but -" "Then stop being stubborn and take it."

Ever since that day, his bat has been leaned up against the wall by my bed as a constant reminder of the man I want but can never have.

After a few weeks of feeling sorry for myself, my best friend tried convincing me to do something for myself since my birthday was coming up.

"Y/n, you should.. get your nails done, go buy some new clothes, do.. something. But you need to get out of that room. It's... depressing."

"I think I want a tattoo."

"Oh, okay, yeah. That's a good idea. What are you wanting to get?" She asks from the other end of the phone.

"I dunno." My eyes drift towards the bat. "Something meaningful."

The next day...

Lucille's

The tattoo shop sign reads. I swing the door open, excited for the first time in a month. The sound of tattoo guns and rock music fills the lobby.

"Hey, welcome to Lucille's. Do you have an idea of what you'd like or do you want to see some of our work?" The woman on the other side of the counter pulls out a binder.

"Oh, no, I think I know what I want already." I smile and pull up the picture on my phone before showing her.

"Okay, we can do that. Shouldn't take too long either. An hour tops. I can actually take you now in room 3." The so-called "rooms" aren't actually rooms, but rather closed off sections with tall walls on each side. From where I'm standing, I can't see the people in the tattoo chair, but I can see the top of the tattoo artists' heads if I stand on my tippy-toes.

She leads me to room 3 and I sit in the chair while she gets out the instruments.

"This your first tattoo?"

"Yeah, kinda nervous."

She smiles. "I'd tell you not to worry, but, sorry babe. It's gonna hurt."

I appreciate her honesty and just smile back at her.

"So, where do we want it?" she holds the printed off picture off of the tattoo I want.

I lean back in the chair, putting my legs up, so I'm laying down. I lift my shirt up right above my belly button and slightly pull my shorts down, revealing my pubic bone. "Right here." I point to the left side of where my panty line would be but lower.

After I confirm the placement, she presses the needle to my skin and I bite my bottom lip at the sudden pain that radiates throughout my hip.

"Breathe, babe. You got this."

After a couple seconds, she turns in her chair to load more ink into the gun.

"Y/n?" I hear from the entrance behind me.

I know that voice without turning to look. My eyes widen and the girl tattooing me looks at him.

"Hey boss, you two know each other?" She looks between the two of us.

I look back at him and see him nod at her. "I'll finish her up, Ruby. Thanks." He takes the tattoo gun from her and sits in her chair when she gets up to leave. The scent of leather and cigarettes fills the small room and I realize how much I missed it.

He pauses when he looks down at my skin and I can't tell if he's staring because of my tattoo of choice or because I'm almost completely exposed. If I didn't just shave, half of my pubic hair would be on display to him.

The way he's looking at my skin wakes the butterflies in my stomach and I have to mentally tell myself not to clench my legs together. He looks up at me through heavy eyelids and for the first time in four years, I'm unable to read him. I can't tell if he's disappointed, mad... or turned on...?

He looks back at the tattoo and shakes his head, sighing.

Okay, it's definitely a look of disappointment.

"You realize I have to finish this now that she's already started it, right?" He studies the lines already permanently marked in my skin. The faint purple lines of where the sticker was placed give away the complete outline of what the tattoo will be. "There's still time to change it though."

"What? What do you mean.. change it? I want this one."

"No." Is all he says and my eyes widen in shock at him.

"You can't tell me what to do Negan. I'm an adult, and I'm getting it."

"Why?" He snaps, frustration dripping from his tone.

He looks into my eyes for the first time since he's been in the room and the butterflies in my stomach have now gone wild.

"Because I... I want a piece of you with me always."

He closes his eyes and drops his head. My eyes start to water but I hold them back the best I can.

"Y/n." He shakes his head but to my surprise, he hesitantly places his left hand on my thigh, his fingers dangerously close to the spot I've imagined him touching a million times. The feel of his rough fingers on my bare skin ignites a flame in me I didn't know existed and all I do is stare at his hand.

"Relax." He rolls his eyes and starts the gun. He leans down closer and begins tattooing me.

I have to bite back the moan threatening to escape my lips. With Ruby.. it hurt. But with Negan, it.. almost feels good.

He glances up at me as if he can hear my thoughts and then goes back to gliding a straight line of ink across my skin.

The next few moments are spent in silence, with nothing but the sounds of the tattoo gun and music playing in the distance.

"Fuck, y/n. I'm gonna need these off so I can get to you better." He gestures at my shorts.

My eyes widen but I nod and slide them off, barely breathing now that I'm laying in front of Negan in just my underwear. The way his jaw ticks when he sees that I'm wearing red lace panties doesn't go unnoticed. His favorite color.

He places his hand back on my leg, this time with his fingers completely against my inner thigh. I slightly part my legs without thinking and he pauses to glance at me before continuing with the tattoo.

If he moved his finger half an inch upwards, he would be touching me.

"I never knew you worked at a tattoo shop." I break the silence, hoping to get my mind off his hand.

He chuckles. "I own it, darlin'. And there's a lot you don't know about me."

Another long pause happens before he speaks first this time.

"Why did you take art, y/n?"

"Uh.. I dunno, because I liked it."

He huffs out a laugh. "You liked it... or me?"

I shrug. "Both."

His face turns serious again and he stops the tattoo gun. "All done."

He backs away and motions for me to stand up and look in the mirror in the corner. I stand in front of it, but don't even notice my tattoo because my eyes catch Negan in the mirror staring at my ass. These panties don't leave much to the imagination and my cheeks redden at how much I'm exposed to him.

He suddenly looks up and makes eye contact with me in the mirror. His eyes are darker than usual and filled with lust.

"Come here." He demands and I obey, walking towards him.

Once I'm standing in front of him, he lifts his hands to grab my hips. My belly button is eye level to him and I look down, watching him intensely. His thumbs dig into my hips and he looks at the tattoo.

"Do you like it?" I ask him.

He ignores me and it makes my heart break a little more. "Lay back down, y/n." He gets up to pull the curtain over the entrance of the room.

I do as he says and he comes back, placing a clear tape bandage over the fresh tattoo.

He looks as if he's deep in thought before suddenly sliding his hands underneath my thighs and pulling me closer to him. He pushes my leg aside and rests my other foot in his lap until my legs are completely spread apart in front of him.

"You want me to touch you, y/n? Is that what you want?"

"Yes.."

"Tell me what you want, baby."

"Your mouth."

He chuckles darkly and kisses the inside of my thigh before sliding his fingers under my panties and ripping them apart.

He shoves them in the back of his jean pocket and wraps his arms around my thighs, holding my stomach down with his hands and leaning his head down closer.

"Look at this pretty pussy, baby. So wet for me you're glistening."

His eyes look up at me right before he licks me and my head falls back with pleasure.

He stops suddenly. "Eyes on me, darlin'. How many times have you imagined me between your legs? You're going to watch me eat this pussy, y/n."

I nod, looking at him and he continues. The sound of other people talking in the distance makes my senses even more heightened.

He licks me again, pressing his tongue into me harder this time. He moans as he stops at my clit and gently sucks it into his mouth. I moan and watch him as he looks like he's eating the best meal he's ever had.

"You taste even better than I imagined, baby."

"You.. imagined it?"

"Baby. You aren't the only one who daydreams in class." He says before dipping his tongue deep inside me.

He switches back and forth between licking me and sucking me until my moans get louder and faster.

"Negan, I'm gonna.."

"I know baby, give it to me." He rubs me with his tongue faster until I'm coming apart. His hand quickly covers my mouth and I cry out into his hand.

"Fuck, doll." He groans and adjusts himself through his jeans. "This pussy is about to make me cum in my pants like I'm a fucking teenager again."

"Negan.." I say out of breath. "I wanna touch you. Please."

He stands and picks up my shorts, but not before I see the huge bulge in his pants. He helps me put my shorts on and I look at him confused when he doesn't say anything.

"Nega-"

"No, y/n."

My eyes water with tears as I stand to finish pulling my shorts up. "I - I don't understand."

"This can't happen, baby. I shouldn't have touched you."

I nod. "So that's it, Negan? You get what you want and that's it.. you're just.. done with me?"

"Are you fucking serious? You think I got what I wanted? I'm standing here with a hard-on that's gonna give me a giant case of blue balls. Any other man would throw you on this table and take you right here."

"Then why don't you?!"

"Because I fucking.. I care about you. You happy now? I fucking CARE ABOUT YOU, y/n. And I'm not going to break your heart."

I wipe a tear that runs down my cheek. "You already did." I grab my purse and rush out of the room, stopping in front of Ruby on the way out and pulling out some cash.

"I'm sorry hun." She says empathetically as if she heard everything that just happened.

I cry harder and lay the cash down before leaving and walking to my car. Before I can open my car door, Negan is grabbing my arm and turning me around to face him.

"Goddamn it, listen to me!"

I don't fight him, I just stare at him, noting the hurt in his eyes. My heart hurts and I suddenly feel guilty for making him feel any ounce of pain.

"Y/n.. look.."

"No." I cut him off. "Negan, I'm sorry. This is my fault.. I put you in this situation because I was selfish.. and delusional. I'm so sorry. I'll leave, and you won't have to hear from me or see me again."

He scoffs. "You think that's what I want? I guess you don't know me the way I thought you did."

Before I can say anything else, he crashes his lips to mine and kisses me so hard and but so softly at the same time. His fingers slip through my hair and his hand rests on the back of my neck as he deepens our kiss.

"You're gonna be the death of me, kid."

I bite his lip hard when he calls me kid and our kiss goes from passionate to animalistic. He presses himself flat against me with my back against my car and I feel his hard cock straining against his jeans. His lips travel to my neck and he bites me hard, right before kissing and sucking the sensitive spot.

That's definitely going to leave a mark.

"You have no clue what you do to me, baby." He says in between kisses. His voice is raspier and deeper than usual. "Do you have any idea how many times I've left work and had to rub one out at the thought of you? Hell, sometimes even at work."

I look around the parking lot. It's nighttime but we're still clearly visible in the lights.

"Look at me, y/n. Forget where we are and just focus on me baby." His hand slips into my shorts and it takes him no time to find my soaked entrance since my panties are currently in his back pocket.

"Negan.." I breathe.

He smiles against my lips. "Baby.. You sure this is what you want? Because once I've had you, you're mine."

I nod and he puts his mouth next to my ear.

"Take your shorts off. Now." He pulls his hand from my shorts and sucks my juices off his fingers.

"But, Negan, we're-"

"I said, now y/n. You want me so bad, you're gonna get me wherever and however I say. Now, take your fucking shorts off before I rip them too."

I hesitantly slide my shorts off while looking around again. There aren't any other cars in the parking lot other than a couple of his employees. All the customers left. There's a main road up ahead but we're far enough away where they wouldn't see us unless they we're staring really hard.

"Good girl. Now take my cock out, baby."

He leans his hands against my car on either side of me, trapping me in. I waste no time reaching for the button on his jeans and unzipping him before pulling out his hard, huge cock. It's bigger than I imagined.. a lot bigger. I don't know how that thing is going to even fit in me. He's so hard that the veins in his cock look like they are about to erupt and his tip is already dripping with precum.

I can't help but run my thumb over the tip to collect some and bring it to my mouth to taste him. His eyes darken with lust at the sight of me sucking his precum off my finger.

"Taste good, doll?"

I nod and he chuckles. "There's a lot more where that came from."

He grips the back of my thigh with his hand and pulls my right leg around his waist.

The feeling of his dick rubbing against my wet pussy is enough to make my knees weak. Literally. I almost collapse at the sensation of him rubbing the head against my opening, teasing me. He presses his body closer to me in attempt to hold me up.

"Fuck, look at this dripping pussy." He looks down between us, admiring the view of his cock teasing my wet slit. "It's about to be dripping with my cum in a few minutes.. You ready for me, baby?"

"Yes, please. I need you."

He enters me completely in one swift motion, not giving me anytime to adjust. My walls are stretched further than they've ever been and it feels like the tip of him is buried up to my stomach.

He doesn't move for a moment, but instead looks into my eyes with his cock all the way inside of me. "There you go, baby. Finally getting what you wanted after all these years and taking my dick like a champ."

"Negan.." I moan. "Please.. just fuck me."

He pulls out of me almost completely before slowly pushing himself back in, agonizingly slow. Our bodies are flush against each other and he kisses me again.

"Fuck, baby." He growls. "You. Feel. So. Fucking GOOD." He says between thrusts as my mouth falls open.

I wrap my arms around his neck to hold myself up and lean against him with my lips pressed against his neck. I take the opportunity to mark him back, grabbing his skin between my teeth and sucking hard. He moans so loud that I glance around to make sure no one heard him, but we're still alone.

His thrusts get harder and faster and the sounds coming from his sexy mouth are enough alone to make me cum.

"Look at me, y/n. I want to see your face when you cum all over my cock."

His hand that was on the car behind me slides between us, instantly finding my clit. He begins rubbing circles on it with his middle finger while thrusting his hips into me faster.

I look into his eyes while my arms are still wrapped around his shoulders tightly, keeping me in place. My fingers run through his dark hair and my breathing goes erratic as I feel myself come undone around him.

"You want me to fill you up, baby? You want daddy's cum?"

I nod quickly as tears run down my cheeks from the most intense orgasm I've ever had.

"FUCK, baby." He groans and slams his mouth against mine. I kiss him back as he rides out his orgasm.

He pulls out of me slowly and softly kisses my lips one more time. I go to put my shorts on and he stops me.

"Not so fast, doll." He gets down on his knees in front of me, pushing my legs apart in front of him. "Push daddy's cum out baby. Let me see it drip out of you."

I do as he says and the feeling of his warm seed running down my legs is almost enough to send me over the edge again.

"Look. At. THAT." He swipes up some of his cum from my leg onto his finger and stands back up but not before gently kissing my new tattoo.

I think I love this man.

He rubs his finger along my lips until my mouth opens for him. I suck his fingers clean and moan at the taste of him.

"Y/n." He pushes my hair behind my ear and looks at me seriously. "I meant it when I said I care about you."

"You care about all your students."

"Yeah, but I don't go sticking my dick in them." He smirks and takes my hand, leading me back into the shop.

The others must have already left when - when.. oh.. shit.

"Negan, do you think they saw us?!"

"Well darlin', I was fucking your brains out right next to the door, so I think it's probably safe to assume so." He grins and my eyes widen with horror.

"Do you not care?"

"What can they do, doll? Fire me?" He laughs and leads me to the back where his office is.

"What are we doing in here?"

"Getting matching tattoos, of course."

I stare at him, trying to register what he just said. "You're.. going to give yourself a tattoo?"

He chuckles and hands me a tattoo gun before taking off his shirt and sitting on the couch in the corner.

"No, doll, you are."

The Enddd.

Part 2 or nah?

#jdm x reader #jdmfanfiction #jdmorgan #jeffrey dean morgan #negan #dead city #jeffrey dean morgan x reader #negan fanfiction #negan oneshot #negan imagine #daddy negan #jdm x you #jeffrey dean morgan x you #jeffrey dean morgan fanfiction #jdm fanfiction #negan au #negan x you #the walking dead #teacher negan #professor negan #coach negan

[gegewrites]

James Wilson- make her mine(smut)

Requested by- @flowercrowns-goodvibes

(I hope I did your request (some what) justice)

Words- 5.9k

(In my nature, it’s skim edited and in 4 months when I get a surge of Motivation I’ll edit it)

5/28/23

Wilson's pov-

There's a new doctor in the hospital, (y/n) (l/n), neurology and general surgery. she's been here a few months. I see her quite a bit around the hospital, never going to the same place though. I'm coming, she's going. Though we've spoken, I've bought her lunch a few times before but couldn't stay afterwards or she was still working during her lunch. we've had chats on the elevator, or at the coffee machine a few times. But still no longer then five minutes. Yet, I can't seem to get out of my damn head. She's plagued me. I can't even ignore her, I see her I have to say something. Playing this...slow game is getting too annoying. I gotta make her mine.

"You're dummer then you look if you think she wants you." House said, not looking away from the sudoku on his computer. I was sat in the chair in front of his glass desk, it was lunch, we already ate.

"Why wouldn't she want me? I'm nothing like you."  I remarked and he glanced at me before  turning his chair to face me fully,"here we go."

"Is she broken?" He asked and I shrugged my shoulders,"how much have you talked to her?"

"We've talked in passing, a couple elevator rides. I've even bought be her lunch before." I pointed at him and he rolled his eyes and turned back to his computer.

"You've boughten me lunch before, does that mean you wanna fuck me too?" He gave me a fake concerned look at I scoffed at him.

"I think if I wanted to I would've already." I joked, a chuckle tinting my voice,"but seriously, why wouldn't she like me?"

"If she's broken- like I'm sure she is, then she's gonna get bored of you like all the others after you start mending her back to health." He closed the tab on his computer, finishing the sheet, and turning back to me.

"What if she's not broken?" I pressed,"what if she's perfect?"

"Everyone's broken. You have brother trauma and you blame yourself for it all, and let's not forget the depression. Which will spike when you start to feel her becoming detached from you." He crossed his arms and glanced over at the conference room before groaning. I looked over and saw that chase and foreman were in there.

"Ya know what-" He cut me off.

"I've seen her at the pharmacy getting a prescription filled two times a month since she's been here. She broken trust me."

"this is a perfect time to end this conversation." I stood up from the chair and looked at my watch,"she's working the clinic right now."

"So now it's time to go creep around?"

"More like get my hours for the day in, be there to offer assistance if needed." He looked at me plainly before holding his face in his palm shaking his head.

"You are desperate." He finally looked back up at me.

"And now I'm leaving."

Your pov-

I signed Into the clinic and grabbed a folder from the stack on the desk and took a look inside. Kid has a fever, a rash on his chest. Easy enough.

"Hey (l/n)." I heard behind me to I looked over my shoulder and saw Dr.Wilson signing in.

"Hey Wilson." I smiled, holding the folder in one hand against my side,"how's that patient by the way?" The last time we were in an elevator together he told me about a patient of his, It sounded interesting so I wanted to catch up.

"I think we caught it just in time." He grabbed a folder from the Stack,"what did you get?"

"Kid has a fever and a rash, room three. You?"

"Four day headache." He answered,"room five."

"Then I guess I'll see you in a bit." I started walking away and he smiled and nodded.

He was charming. His presence was charming. It was a bit sad that I didn't see him all the time, I specialized in general surgery and neurology. You'd think we'd see each other more, neurology and oncology work close together in most cases, but that hasn't happened yet.

I opened the door to exam room three, and closed it behind me. A brunette mother was standing next to the bed, her seven year old son playing with a Gameboy.

"Hello I'm Dr.(l/n)." I greeted them as I opened the folder again, holding it in my left arm.

"Mary." She introduced her self.

"so..Conner here has a rash and a fever?"

"A hundred point two this morning, and it's On his chest." She looked down to him, and gently took the gameboy away from him and out in her purse which was over her shoulder,"he's had the rash for two days, the fever came this morning."

"Any history I should know about? Recent trav-"

"No nothing like that. He just got this rash the other day, sore throat." I nodded walking past her. I put the folder down on the counter and grabbed a pair of gloves, starting with my right hand.

"I see you like Mario?" I looked at Conner and he nodded with a smile. I put on the left,"so how are you feeling?"

"My throat hurts." His voice was a little scratchy. I grabbed a popsicle stick from the drawer, taking off the paper wrap and putting it in the counter.

"I'm gonna check your throat alright? Open wide and stick your tongue out." I grabbed a mini flashlight from my pocket, placing the popsicle stick down on his tongue and shining the light,"have you looked at his throat?"

"It was red the other day." Mom said waling around to look. His tonsils had some white around and in them,"oh god."

"Mm." I hummed, taking the stick away and placing it on the paper wrap, putting the light back in my pocket,"can you lift your shirt for me so I can see this rash?"

He lifted it and I saw mini hives on his chest, a few bumps spreading onto his lower neck.

"Those hives showed up today."I gave her a nod, motioning for Conner to put his shirt down.

"We'll run some tests. It's  most likely a strep. There a breakout at school?" I picked up the popsicle stick and paper, pressing my door down on the lever of the trash can and dropped it In. The lid closed with a metal thud.

"Not that I'm aware of."   Gave her a nod and heard the door open.  So I looked over, Wilson in the door.

"I need you to take a look at this patient."  He said.

"Excuse me," I pulled the blue gloves off and threw them in the trash,"I'm gonna have a nurse  come and do your strep test, and I'll be back when that's ready."

"And if it strep?" This is definitely her first child.

"Then I'll prescribe Conner  some antibiotics and a lidocaine throat gargle for his throat."  Wilson walked out of the door and stood outside of exam five. I flagged down a nurse and told her what to do as Wilson handed me the blue folder for the patient.

I skimmed it through, his name was Mark, and it seemed like he was a healthy man. Participated in 2ks and 5ks regularly, works at the college teaching anthropology courses.

"Migraine." I said, noting the reason for coming here.

I kept it in hand as I pushed the door open.

The room had the blinds shut, the patient was laying down, his legs hanging off the exam bed, and arm rested on his head covering his eyes.

"Mr.Swan?" I asked gently as Wilson closed the door. He slowly sat up, as if trying to not make his head pound, which didn't work when he winced as he fully sat up,"bad one?"

"Yeah." He lightly chuckled and I handed the folder back to wilson.

"You're gonna hate me for a bit." I grabbed my flashlight from my pocket and held it up,"but I need to check your pupils. Wilson will you open the blinds?"

"This is gonna suck." Mr.Swan closed his eyes as Wilson twisted the blinds open, the room quickly lighting up with natural light.

He soon let his eyes open, blinking a few times. His eyes were a bit red, common with migraines. I clicked the flashlight on, snd gave him a look asking if he was ready, he nodded.

I shined it in his right eyes. The pupil retreated and i moved the light away before doing it again. Same response. I shun it in his left eyes. He had brown eyes so his pupils blended into the corneas in normal light. But, when I shun the light in his eyes, his pupil was dilated, and didn't react.

"Your left pupil is dilated and non reactive." I told him, dropping the flashlight into my pocket. I looked over at Wilson who was already looking at me, leaning against the counter, I looked back to Mr.swan,"have you been training hard lately?  Going through some stress?"

"No." He answered and I nodded, I looked over at Wilson, his arms crossed over his chest," get an MRI, a CT, and some extra strength Advil for while hes waiting. Bring me the scans when they're done, and focus on the left side."

"Of course."

Wilson's pov-

An hour later-

I walked down the Neuro hallway, walking to the conference room. I had the file with the  patients scans in my hand. I know after she left the patients room she picked up another patient and checked in on the kid with the strep when his test came back, but I asked one of her colleges when I left the clinic and they said she was up here. And she was.

She was sitting at the conference table, looking down at a blue folder, her left hand wrapped around a mug. No one else was in there, just her. It'd be easy to close the blinds around the glass walled office, push her up against the table-okay that's enough. 

I let out a  breath and walked up to the door and pushed it open. She looked up at me and then down to my hand.

"There's those scans." She out her mug down and reached for them, I handed her the file as I pulled the seat diagonal from her and sat down.

"Mri  had a bit of a waitlist." I said as she opened the file, I finally noticed how nice the baby blue color of her blouse looked one her, I didn't pay attention to it before. Probably because her coat is off.

"I heard some people complaining about it." She looked at the mri scans quickly before moving them to the side, and looking at the Ct scans,"it's definitely a migraine."

"But for four days?" I questioned as she stood up, grabbing the mri scans and the Ct.

She put them up on the light board against the wall. Standing with he hands on her hips, her weight shifted to her right side as she leaned on her leg. I just looked at her as she looked at the scans. Im actually working with her today. Fuck you, House.

"Did you look at these yet?" She looked back at me and I shook my head standing up, taking the clue to come look. She pointed to the CT scan,"a tumor."

"Didn't catch that in the MRI." I crossed my arms over my chest,"so it's pressing against the nerves, causing the headache."

"That thing needs to be out by...I say nine AM tomorrow, that's if it's not brain cancer." We looked at each other and back to the scan.

"I'll get him in to get it biopsied." I took note of the scent of her perfume. A sweet rose scent, and undertone of almond. Light enough to not bother you, yet strong enough to make you near addicted.

"Tonight?"

"Preferably within the next half hour, he's in room Forty two A if you wanna stop by." I said as I slowly back up to the door as she took the scans off the light board,"if I don't see you when he's done then ill come find you."

"Ill see you then Wilson." She smiled as She went back to her seat, putting the scans back in the file. I opened the door and took a left.

Your pov-

Twenty minutes later-

I pressed the down button for the elevator. The numbers quickly changed, coming up from floor two.  The door opened and immediately I saw Dr.House leaning against the back wall.I knew he had a thing about sharing elevators.

"This is perfect, we need to talk." I nodded and walked into the elevator quickly because the door was staring to close.

"This about Mark Swan?" I asked unsurely. Maybe Wilson told him about it. I looked at the buttons and the button to the second floor was already pressed, weird considering he just came from there. I leaned against the right wall.

"No, this is about Wilson." He leaned off the wall and walked to the front of the elevator, repeatedly pressing the door close button when it reached the second floor. My brows furrowed at the action and the elevator resumed going down.

"Okay?"  He leaned against the wall in front of me, his grip on his cane shifting.

"I haven't even talked to you since you've come here, yet everyday I hear about you." I gave him an even bigger look of confusion,"you have Wilson on a string and you don't even know it."

" we've barely even talked."

"The amount you two have is enough for him." The doors opened to the basement,"follow me."

"So Wilson's got a school girl crush on me?" I asked following behind him.

"Oh I wish." He shook his head and took a right going towards the labs,"prefer him blushing then obsessing."

"He's not obsessed." I denied and he stopped walking, turned around and looked at me like I was fucking dumb.

"He buys your lunch often, makes an effort to talk to you whenever he can but won't interrupt you, and all I hear is how much he wants you."  He looked at me for a second, and I took a breath, not realizing I was even holding my breath,"so for my sake...fuck him already."

"What?"

"Are you broken?" He randomly snd promptly asked. I didn't know what he meant,"never mind, surgeons are usually broken in some way."

I went to speak but he turned and walked away, again, so it felt useless to say anything.  I was kind of stunned. I enjoyed seeing Wilson when I did, I enjoyed talking to him, I appreciated that he buys my lunch like three times a week. I'd be lying to myself if I said I didn't feel something for him,

I spun on my heel and walked back towards the elevator, my mind running over what I just heard from House, starting to connect dots.

But broken? I couldn't understand that one.

Wilson's pov-

7pm-

I walked out onto the porch connect to my office, I came out cause I saw House leaning on  the wall next to mine, looking into my office.

"How's your case going?" He asked as the door closed behind me.

"Fine." I answered him,"hell get it removed tomorrow, he's jacked on meds to keep his pain down."

"Lucky fella." He sat on the edge of his wall,"how's the other thing going?"

"Also fine." I sat down on the edge of my wall like he did, my right foot acting as some stability. I was facing the hospital, my back to the scenery.

"No details?" He leaned back a bit but then leaned back In, his forearm sitting on his left thigh.

"So now you want details?" He gave me a slight shrugged and I rolled my eyes with a sigh,"I think we work well together."

"That's it?"

"Yes? What do you want me to say?" I slid off the wall, standing in both feet and looking at him,"that  She looks hot when looking at scans? That The shirt she's wearing fits in all the right spots and don't even get me started on how her ass looks in Her pants?"

"That's more like it," his grip on his cane tightened as he stood up,"I'll be back, don't move."

I watched him walk away as I put my hands on my hips. He walked into his office, and a minute later he came back out with a tan folder.

"She's definitely broken." He handed it over. It's was (y/n)s files.

Your pov-

I walked past diagnostics, seeing the light on in Houses Office. I didn't stop there, I turned down the short hall after it and stopped in front of Wilson's door. The blinds were closed so I Gave it a light knock before pulling it open and letting it close behind me.

"I thought you went home?" He put down what he was looking at to give me his immediate attention.

"No, not yet." I slid off my doctors coat and draped it over the back of the chair in front of his desk, the same one I took a seat in,"what are you doing?"

"Going over a patients medical history." He answered and closed the file,"seeing if they're on any medications or have taken anything. Just trying to find something."

"For Mr.swan?" I questioned and he shook his head, leaning back in his chair,"did you get a consult planned for him?"

"Tomorrow at 8am." I nodded, there was silence between us for a bit but I spoke again,"why'd it take you this long?"

"To do what?" The right corner of his lip curled in a slight smirk.

"To talk to me, get me on your case." I leaned towards the desk.

"I had to make sure it was the right time. You were working the clinic today, i had the same time free, it was perfect." He shrugged his shoulders."plus, I kinda got pushed to do it."

"House?" He raised his brow at me,"we talked in the elevator."

"Really?" He leaned forward, his forearms on the desk,"and what's he tell you?"

"Not much, just how much you talk about me." I stood up a bit to look at the record on his desk, and he didn't try to hide it,"he asked me if I was 'broken'."

"Well, you're not as broken as the others."  The file on his desk was my file. My medical history,"just antidepressants that you've been taking since seventeen."

"And don't forget the bi-weekly therapy." I reminded him.

"Which you haven't been to since you moved here." He noted,"noted that you promptly ended a session and told her you weren't coming back."

"That's how I remember it." I shrugged, for some reason I didn't feel violated that he looked at my records without my permission, and I desperately wanted to know where this was going.

"What made you do That?" He asked getting up from his chair, taking off his doctors coat and placing it on his chair and I leaned back in mine.

"My psych wanted to try a new medication, threw me into a spiral. I'm switched back to lexipro now, as I'm sure you know." Broken, this is what House meant by broken.

He leaned against the edge of his desk and nodded. I kept my eyes up at him, and he kept his eyes down on me.

"You asked me why it took me this long to get you on my case...but you never asked me to get on your case." He crossed his arms over his chest, flattening out the white button up snd his red tie.

"Wasn't really sure what the head of oncology does with his hours. Never was really sure how busy you were." I held my hands in my lap and he chuckled, his normal light chuckle.

"I've always got time for you." He answered,"the doors always open."

"I'm glad I know that now." I smiled, my head turning to look at the door to his offices porch, and then I looked back at him again,"wish I'd known it sooner, instead of eating lunch alone in Neuro, I could've been in here."

"At least now you know." His eyes still haven't left me, I knew there was something else he wanted, I coukd just feel it.

"I've heard stuff about you." He pushed uff the desk and walked over the couch, I turned s bit in the chair to look at him better when he sat down,"got a list of ex wives."

"Only three, they got bored. I have a tendency to go for people on the..unbalanced side do the scale." His eyes finally shifted to the window and back to me.

"So I'm on the unbalanced side?"

"Don't take it offensively, most people are. That includes me as well, believe it or not it's clinic depression." He admitted snd i nodded, taking in the information.

"People who struggle tend to grab onto others who struggle. Makes them feel better watching the other thrive, but then the healer they doesn't thrive." I explained and he nodded to every word, relating to it.

"All three marriages."

"What we're they missing?" I stood up from the chair and walked over the couch, sitting on the right side of him, angled into the corner to look at him better.

"I don't even know. I did my part I know that. People just get bored, they move on while being committed."

"Because you healed them."

"So what I'm getting is that I can't heal you, so that means that you're a top choice?" He twisted s bit to look at me better, his right arm resting on top of the head of the couch.

"I guess?"

"Because that what I see. A top choice." His eyes trailed down and back up my body in the last part. I felt my pulse being harder, more prominent in my neck and chest. All that from his look,"you're smart, you walk and talk with confidence. By what I've heard you don't second guess yourself, not in s risky way."

"Because I know what I'm doing, the one thing I don't know what I'm doing...is how I'm affecting you." He looked away from me, his eyes at his desk,"because House said that I should fuck you for his own sake."

"Did he really?" He looked back st me quickly and I nodded,"cats out of that bag now."

"What do you think about me?" I moved closer to him.

"You want the truth?" His brow cocked a bit and I nodded,"I can't help but imagine what you would look like bent over a desk or a table any time I see you at one. Your clothing always fits in the right spots, makes it hard to ignore you in the hallway, I simply can't, and after you leave my presence you're in my mind till I see you again."

"Do I keep you up at night?"

"You have no clue." His left hand sat on my thigh now, that's how close I was to him,"crazy dreams about you."

"Like what?" I wanted to pick his brain apart. He didn't answer, but he was seeing the dreams in his head,"tell me."

"How badly I wanna fuck a kid into you." If I was gonna have anyone's children, it might as well be his, and that sentence went right to my pussy.

"I'm not carrying a child without a ring and a marriage license." I marked and he nodded and quickly responded.

"I get easily get you one tomorrow."

"Make it six months, minimum." I took the chance to lean forward, and catch his lips to mine which he quickly reacted to. He held my thigh tighter, the hand that was on the head of the couch came to hold my jaw. I grabbed his tie, pulling him closer.

His lips were soft and near addictive, and he moved them with mine, his grip holding my jaw a bit harder along the edge of it by my ear.

I leaned back, taking him down to the couch with me his hand sliding up my thigh to my hip, his right knee in between my legs. His right leg and my left leg both off the couch. In seconds it was heated, our tongues clashing against each other languidly, I loosened his tie and started undoing the buttons to his white shirt. Taking my time, feeling each button, my brain obsessed with his lips and tongue at the moment. He pulled away from me, his lips a bit more red then before and he slid his tie off over his head, dropping it to the coffee table. I finished off with his last button and he slid it off, letting it hit the floor. He looked good with his clothes on, and he looks even better when they start to come off.

Wilson's pov-

A little bit later-

"Jesus."I sighed out,, my head resting on the head of the couch, my hand in (y/n)s hair, one holding into the arm of the couch  as she held my thighs. Her head bobbing up and down as she sucked my cock. Mouth of an absolute Angel, everything I thought it'd be. My top teeth bit down and dragged lightly over my bottom lip, letting it go as I exhaled. 

I looked at down at her, meeting her gorgeous (e/c) eyes looking up at me through her lashes. She still had her panties on, light blue like the shirt, lace trim on the upper and bottom hems. She looked gorgeous on her knees, the way her back arched slightly, and when's she's sitting up, not sucking my dick, her waist has the perfect curve to it, her thighs plush, and her breasts looked absolutely fantastic.

I felt my right lip rug up into a smirk, the tip of my tongue brushed under my top teeth and she closed her eyes. I let my head fall back as she took me deeper in her throat the next time she bobbed down, he tongue running flat along the underside of my cock and I felt it tenfold. My fist held her hair tighter, just holding. I'd be crazy to try and take over what she was doing. Her tongue slid up my base, swirling around my tip, and sliding back down my base, her lips still sucked around me.

I took a deep breath as my abs  tightened, I let out a groan and a "fuck" followed after it. I felt her hands slide down my thigh and leave once it reached my knee. She sucked harder, which i didn't know was possible, and she hummed around me.

"My god." My hips rose a bit , but not much, just a reaction from the deep breath I took. Her hand never returned to me so I opened my eyes and looked down at her. Her hand was inside her panties,rubbing her clit slowly, her hips rocking lightly.

I couldn't stop looking at her, feeling my cock Twitch against her tongue and the inside of her cheeks. My breathing became deeper and faster, my eyes closing on their own. I could feel the high in my head as my head fel back again. Her hand left my thigh and gripped the base of my cock, Pumping it as she focused on the upper half.

"Just like that." I groaned out, and with a few more pumps I was shooting into her mouth, she kept sucking and pumping, as groaned out her name, my hips bucking up slightly. My whole abdomen tightening as I came. She swallowed around me before popping off, her hand slowing  down to a stop shortly after. 

I left out a sharp sigh as my hand released her hair, I looked down at her again, her lips wet and puffy, her eyes glossed over, her cheeks blushed, her chest rising and falling as she caught her breath.

"You are..fucking amazing." I chuckled out and she smiled, putting a hand on my thigh to help her stand up. I leaned forward to grab her hips to help stabilize her.

"And you have a good diet." She pointed out, I let my fingers hook into her panties, and I pulled them down her legs. She took over and then kicked them away to join the rest of our clothes on the floor. She stood up straight, looking down at me,"how do you want me Wilson?"

"Get on the couch." I could feel myself getting harder again as I stood up. She knelt down on the couch, her forearms on the head of it, sticking her out at me as she shifted to widen her legs.

I let my hands slide down her waist, along her hips, and she rested her left cheek on her forearm as she looked back at me. I took hold of my cock, stroking it from base to tip.

"Fuck me Wilson." Her voice was breathy and needy, sounding like a whisper but it wasn't. I took hold on her left thigh and pulled her closer to me, running my tip in between her wet folds savoring the feeling of it. Swiping it against her clit, gaining a whimper from her as she looked forward, as much as she could with the wall in front of her. I circled my tip around her soaked core, before sliding my tip in. I groaned and she let out a moan at the same time, she was tight. Just perfect though.

I slid in a bit more and she pushed back to me, so I pushed my full length into her. Her walls squeezing me as she pushed her chest into the couch. A shaky moan that came from her throat, but never left her mouth came from her. I held onto her waist as I slowly pulled back from her before pushing back in, feeling the resistance of her walls yet ease because of how wet she was.  Her forehead sat on the back of her hands, soft moans leaving her lips each time my tip came back to hit that soft spot in her.

"Please go faster." She breathed out, so I did. Suck my dick like that and I'm gonna do anything you say. I started building up a rhythm, pulling out to my tip and rocking my hips back in to her deeply, my hip bones pressing against her ass,"ohmygod."

"You feel so fucking good." I groaned out, leaning down press a kiss on her shoulder,"so good."

 

Your pov-

Wilson was pounding up into me, a hand holding onto my throat, to keep my shoulder blades against his chest, I was holding onto that's hands wrist, keeping him there. I reached behind me, my nails digging into his shoulder, his other hands rubbing my clit. My moans were uncontrollable due to how deep be fucking into me, his tip rubbing against my gspot without missing a beat. My head head felt dizzy as it fell against his shoulder, my abdomen muscles were tightening and loosening, nearly spasming. My thigh muscles twitching from the constant harsh attention to clit, setting my nerves on fire.   My walls fluttered around him, his groans filled my ear, along with the shirt praises he whispered to me. Small kisses under my ear and side of my neck.

"Gonna cum." I shuddered into him his hand leaving my neck to hold firmly onto my ribs, I didn't let go, my grip tightening around his bone. Electric spiked up my spine, my walls convulsing around him, and i felt his cock Twitch. Once. Then twice.

"Just a little bit longer."  So I waited, my brain focusing on how his fingers moved without stopping or faltering. How he held me closer to his chest.

"Wilson-"

"Let go." He said, and I did. Crumbling in his grasp as my orgasm broke through me, kept kept fucking into me. My cum coating his cock and the inside of my thighs. A "fuck me" came out of his mouth before he released into me, he kept pounding up into me, but his hand left my clit and held onto my waist.  My back was hot against his chest, my hairline dampened, my breathing fast, same as him. 

He slowed down, and I let go of his shoulder and wrist. he leaned forward and I grabbed the top of the couch, both his hands sitting on my hips, holding my lower half up as my upper half relaxed onto the couch.

"Holy fucking shit." I breathed out, my voice higher in pitch.

"Amen." He breathed out. Slowly pulling out of me, feeling his cum drip down the inside of my legs as he let my hips go. My lower half sitting down. I felt the couch dip next to me as he fell into the couch, a hand on my back rubbing up and down my spine. I took deep breaths and moved my head to rest my cheek on my hands and look at him for the first time in..I don't know how long it's been, all I can count it by was how that was the second time I came.

He had a blissed smirk on his face looking at me with awe.

"What time do you get out tomorrow? I could take you out for dinner." He offered I smiled.

"I get off at five." I answered and he nodded sharply.

"I'll make reservations in the morning." I moved to sit down properly on the couch, leaning against him as his arm wrapped over my shoulders.

We talked for a bit as we came down, before being interrupted by a knock at the door.

"Busy!" Wilson called out looking over at  the door.

"Sounds like it!"  It was house,"these walls are very thin by the way!"

"Noted House!" He yelled back, he waited a second for a response but it didn't come.

"Should be interesting for you tomorrow." I giggled and he shook his head.

"Never gonna hear the end of it, but at least i proved him wrong. He didn't think you had any interest in me."

"He should stick to medical diagnosis's, not social ones." I sat forward, his hand falling from my right shoulder,"I have to go, got a consult for a tumor removal at eight AM."

"At least-" I cut him off begire he could offer to clean me up. How charming.

"Clean up your couch, ill be fine." I picked up my blue panties as I stood up, slipping them into my legs and pulling them up.

"I can walk you to your car." He sat forward, I picked up his pants and boxers and handed them to him, his shirt was somewhere else in the room.

"How charming." I put my button up on the arm of the couch as I stood up with my pants starting to put them on,"you can walk me to elevator."

"Sounds great."

#gegewrites #fanfiction #smut writer #house md #house md smut #james wilson #James Wilson Smut #dr.wilson fanfic #James wilson fanfic #smut #james wilson x reader

[e-dubbc11]

Chocolate Kisses

Photos are not mine. They are courtesy of Pinterest/Google.

Pairing: Billy Russo x F! Reader

Warnings: I bet you can’t guess🤣…fluffy bunnies and unicorns, overworked Billy, maybe a swear word? I’m not sure. Alluding to smexy time 😉

Word Count: 1.5K-ish

Summary: Billy’s grouchy, he’s overworked and needs a little break. You’re hoping a little something sweet will lighten his mood.

A/N: I’m sure if you’ve been following me for awhile, you know one of my Billy headcanons is that he has a massive sweet tooth. This little idea popped into my head, figured I’d run with it. I hope you like it 🩵

As always, thank you for reading!  I appreciate it so much and comments, reblogs are welcome and encouraged. Don’t be shy to tell me your favorite part. 💕💕 💕

Inside his home office, with his head buried deep in paperwork, Billy groaned and grumbled periodically as he carefully thumbed through the papers on his desk. Glancing from the printed pages to the computer screens, he narrowed his eyes and furrowed his brow. He was hard at work as always.

The office lights were dim and the warm glow from the desk lamp was easier on his eyes compared to the monitors he constantly stared at for hours on end. The work was just never finished sometimes, it followed him home, and Billy could never leave his work incomplete or what HE felt was incomplete.

That was the perfectionist in him.

The work kept coming in and he was always very busy but he loved it. He loved working, running his own company, and he was proud of the work he was doing. Billy wanted to have a purpose in life after being in the marines and with all of his hard work, life presented him with a great opportunity for himself and for others.

But sometimes you wanted him to slow down and enjoy the little things. You knew Billy had been working hard all day and mentioned he had more to do even after he came home for the evening so as a surprise, you strategically placed a piece of his favorite candy in the top center drawer of his desk. He never could resist those dark chocolate squares with the creamy caramel and a hint of sea salt inside. They were one of his favorites and you couldn’t wait for him to find it.

You could tell how busy he was just by how he answered the phone this afternoon. The tone of his voice was sharp, he gave you short one word responses, which led to a very quick apology when he realized he was taking his frustration out on you.

“Shit, I’m so sorry, sweet girl. I didn’t mean to snap at you.” Billy had said, gently. “Seems like everyone wants an answer from me at the same time, I’m just swamped.”

One corner of your mouth turned up into a half smile and you forgave him immediately. When you’re constantly bombarded with questions that demand answers, it wears on you, and you could only take so much.

You appreciated that Billy recognized he was taking his anger out on you because he didn’t always stop to think about how he was acting. Through trial and error, sometimes he had to learn the hard way about what it means to be in an actual relationship.

“I love you Billy Russo but don’t you dare take your bad day out on me.” You had to tell him on more than one occasion.

Up until he met you, Billy had lived his life the only way he knew how. He had always been in a constant state of survival mode, not knowing what it was like to be cared for and loved by anyone but you were patient with him and he learned quickly but still, he wasn’t perfect. And you didn’t expect him to be but he did need reminders to sneak in some play along with the work.

He continued to growl over the papers on his desk while you crept into his office to put some of your books away when you heard him open the center drawer to his desk. Biting back a smile, you could hear the noise the shiny blue foil paper made while in between his long agile fingers and the slight chuckle that escaped his lips.

You heard the sound of a pen fall onto a stack of papers as he reached for the other side of chocolate wrapper and out of the corner of your eye, you could see the childlike smile stretch across Billy’s lips as he removed the chocolate from its package.

He had finally taken a minute to breathe.

Just from one little square of chocolate, you watched the stress of Billy’s day float away as soon as he took that first bite. Growing up, he was lucky if he even got cheap penny candy at the group home let alone decadent dark chocolate. He savored every bite, tasted every note of that bittersweet chocolate and smooth buttery caramel.

Billy knew what it was like to have nothing. It was why he took such good care of everything he had now…his penthouse, his company, and…you. He knew it could all be taken away just as quickly as he acquired it and his delicious chocolate was no different.

“Was that from you, sweet girl?” Billy asked rhetorically with a wide Cheshire cat smile.

You loved to see the laugh lines around his beautiful onyx colored eyes every time he smiled at you. Nothing made you happier than to see Billy Russo smile.

Gripping your book tightly across your chest and still biting down on your lower lip, you nodded.

“Mmm hmm.” You finally replied. “You seemed like you were having a tough day. I thought it would be a nice surprise.”

Billy pushed back away from his desk, tasted the chocolate that remained on his thumb, and slowly walked over to you. His hands cupped your cheeks as he tilted your face up so he could look into your eyes before his lips collided with yours.

The taste of rich cocoa was still fresh on his tongue and the essence of sweet burnt sugar on his lips left you wanting to do nothing BUT taste him over and over again.

“It was a very nice surprise, my love. But chocolate or no chocolate, my day is always better when I come home to you.” Billy purred into your ear.

Warmth rushed to your cheeks as butterflies danced around in your stomach. His words made your heart flutter as he quickly pulled you into his chest, stroked your hair with his long nimble fingers, and told you over and over again how much he loved you.

“You always know when I need a break don’t you, y/n.” He said with a warm smile.

After putting your last book away, you snaked your arms around Billy’s neck and pulled his face close so his forehead was touching yours.

“Well Billy…you can be a little bit of a grouch when you’ve done nothing but work for 14 plus hours.” You replied, looking up at him through your long dark lashes.

“You think I work too much, baby?” Billy asked in a serious tone.

You started to nervously play with the buttons on his shirt, the fabric felt cool on the tips of your fingers and when you placed your hand against his chest, you could feel the rapid beating of his heart and all you had wanted to do was to put his fears to rest.

“I’m not goin’ anywhere, Billy. I just want you to take more breaks, that’s all.” You said in barely more than a whisper and with your eyes locked on his. “Besides…I know you can’t say no to sweets.”

Billy let out a slight chuckle. It made him love you even more because you could make him laugh and the sound of his laughter was music to your ears.

“You know me too well, beautiful. I promise to take more breaks. Now, ya don’t happen to have any more of that chocolate, do ya?” He asked as he licked his bottom lip.

Something about the way he asked for more, the velvet tone to his voice was so smooth and sexy, and his New York accent turned you on no matter what he was talking about.

You traced one finger along his jawline then turned and started to walk away from him toward the office door before your replied, “Tell ya what, lieutenant…if you can catch me, you can have another piece.”

“Are we still talking about chocolate, sweet girl?” Billy asked with a devilish smile.

Looking back over your shoulder, you replied, “Catch me and find out, Mr. Russo.”

And you took off running out of the office with Billy following close behind. He was too fast so he caught you easily, tossed you over his shoulder and headed for the bedroom.

“BILLY! Put me down! You can have all the chocolate you want!” You said in between laughs.

Billy gently smacked you on the ass before he replied, “Oh I will my love, but first I’m in the mood for something else that tastes even sweeter than chocolate.”

He loved all things sweet…especially you.

There was something so innocent and pure about the way he reacted to something as small as a piece of chocolate or the toy army man you gave him for his desk to the grander gestures of telling him “I love you” and finding him a first edition of The Picture of Dorian Gray. He loved them all the same.

He treasured them, and kept them as close as he possibly could because they all came from someone who wanted him, who loved him more than anything, and who would never ever leave him.

Tag List: @wheresthesunshinesblog @rafaelakelley @idaoftheburningmind @snowkestrel @fakehappy27 @music-indie-tv @fictional-hooman @kayhi808 @munsonownsmyass @gijos @celestialend @k-marzolf @nutmeg17 @rosaleenablack @vaguekayla @qu1etwolf @danzer8705 @fireeyes-on-teller-dixon-grimes @mysteriouslydeafeningwerewolf

Others that might enjoy: @itwasthereaminuteago @fluffyprettykitty @jvanilly @ittybxttykxttytxtty @imagine-a-fictional-boyfriend @mrsbillyrusso @russosafehaven

If you’d like to be added (or removed from) my tag list(s) for the ever so handsome Billy Russo, just let me know and thank you again for reading! 💕💕💕 If I tagged you but you didn’t want to be, just let me know and I’ll never do it again.

#billy russo #billy russo x reader #billy russo fanfic #billy russo imagine #billy russo x female reader #billy russo x you #billy russo fanfiction

[lesbienyu]

having little or no access to the internet is smth ppl talk about but in a detached, intellectual sense because people online talking about it generally aren't the people experiencing it for obvious reasons.

obviously, I can get on the internet. I live in the country, so I can't get wifi and rely on mobile data with a slow signal. I can really only stream about four to ten hours of video a month, depending on the time of year (winter sucks bc everyone is clogging it up, stuck at home), and I'm stuck with primarily text-based sites with about 50-70% of pictures loading.

And it's a super mixed bag. There's the obvious hurdles it causes to education and work. It's annoying getting news - I rely more on public access, which is debatably a good thing compared to social media.

There's also the fact it hinders businesses here from modernizing, which is probably hindering our local economy. It's hard to figure out what the menu is or who's hiring if the website hasn't been updated since 2004

It's also nice- I feel like I'm outside a lot, I don't really stress about social media. I do doom scroll, but it's very limited by my mobile data cap and bad signal. I could easily live without subscription services- I pay for Hulu, mostly for my dad in the cities and some friends, but I still use DVDs and CDs, and it's cool that I don't have to keep paying for them to be able to watch them. I also just don't really watch television seriously. So there is that. not saying it doesn't suck, being cut off from wifi, but there's some good points, just before I get really negative in a second.

It makes it harder for women to find domestic violence resources. also lacking computer skills makes it easier for the abuser to catch them. not having access to women outside the community is also fucked because many women in communities like mine think abuse is normal, largely because they haven't had exposure to people from places where the abuse present here is abnormal.

It also makes it difficult for anyone in need of a lawyer to find one taking new clients. When I was living in a city and needed one, it took one google search. when a friend here needed one, it was a lot of phone calls and word of mouth. most people going to court don't tend to have time for that shit, or the disposable income to spend that time. also a lot of probation, parole and public defenders rely a lot on convicts having access to wifi. also a fun fact: many jails and prisons expect inmates families to have wifi to manage commissary, video visits, and lord knows what else.

and then we can also talk housing- a lot of tenant unions make the error of organizing primarily online. my issues with that on the organizational side are for another post, but many of the people I talked to when I was in a tenant union were not technologically literate, didn't have access to internet or other technology, or couldn't access the necessary resources in their language. most of the work we did was home visits, phone calls, or in-person as a result.

Also basic services- a lot of banks, utility companies, health insurance, they want you to do everything online or over the phone and it's not really feasible. I have to plan to come into town early to do a lot of this, even just to make phone calls. and it's ass when applying for jobs because you can't always be in town or somewhere with a signal, so you end up missing calls or emails and seeming unreliable.

I can go on, I just feel like people talk about how equal access to internet is important but I never see anyone talk about why. and I'm saying this as someone who has access to it, albeit relatively limited

#About to hit the slowpoint of having 3g data after using up the 4g watching star trek rip #rural issues #rural living #anti capitalism #internet access #poverty

[gascon-en-exil]

(Further) Beyond Dream Daddy: A Year of More Gay Dating Sims

Last year for Pride I made a video sharing my thoughts on a selection of gay dating sims, among them Dream Daddy - by far the most well-known title in that genre. My opinion of that game was rather unfavorable, to say the least, but nonetheless I had a lot of fun discussing the topic. Dating sims rarely get any significant analysis or consideration, so it was a novel experience on that basis alone.

Recently, a patron of mine expressed a desire to see me talk about dating sims again. To save myself some work on a project when I've already got so many others going on at the moment, I've opted to do so here on my blog rather than on my channel this time. This also has the added benefit of giving me more latitude to discuss the NSFW qualities of these games without needing to censor myself. When the majority of the titles in this space are explicitly erotic, that's kind of a big deal.

Anyway! Here's a selection of games that I've played in the past year that I thought were worth looking at in some more detail.

Dear Monster

As the title suggests, this one is for the monsterfuckers out there.

This is, sort of, the second time I'm discussing a project by Y Press Games. I've touched on an earlier game of theirs, To Trust an Incubus...but I found it so unimpressive that I never bothered to review it in-depth. In several ways you can tell that Dear Monster comes from the same creative team: there's a similarly large focus on plot with a bunch of variable endings including some very dark ones, all the characters are vers despite many of them playing into familiar top or bottom archetypes, and most obviously the main theme is monsterfucking.

In this case the selection is much broader, as instead of a single species of pheromone-emitting aliens you get your pick from a variety of fantasy creatures. I say "creatures" because Dear Monster isn't afraid to shy away from furry/scalie erotic content for certain scenes, although most of the time the love interests stick to their humanoid forms. There's

a Western dragon as the violent bad boy love interest;

an Egyptian-flavored god of the dead, whose alternate form resembles Anubis and who plays the standoffish tsundere role;

a kitsune for the mischievous and overtly sexual option;

a unicorn who comes off as the caring submissive choice...mostly;

and an orc, who's had a route announced as free DLC later this year but who currently exists only as a recurring NPC

As I said, like To Trust an Incubus there's a noticeable focus on plot here, with the protagonist being a young man newly introduced to the world of the supernatural and trying to locate his mysteriously vanished grandfather inside an obviously magical mansion. Also like their earlier game, there are some unexpected plot twists that I won't spoil here, and overall I'd say this game pulls them off more effectively even if the ending feels a bit unfinished currently. Maybe they're waiting for the orc character's route to properly tie off the story? In any case, Dear Monster is better written than its predecessor and comes with an appreciable variety of kinky scenarios, and despite the lack of voice acting (a very hit-or-miss topic when it comes to dating sims, as I've discussed) the production values are overall quite good. The animated character portraits have been advertised as a highlight but frankly don't contribute to much, and they have a tendency to slow down my computer. Luckily though, they're easily turned off.

Favorite route: A hard call. They all have their highlights, and I'll probably enjoy Slagathor (the orc) when his route comes out. Hikmat (the god of the dead) probably comes out a bit ahead of the others both for his story and for some unexpectedly adventurous sex scenes, like one that incorporates a variant of tentacle porn - points for creativity there. Faeryn (the unicorn) is the one I find least appealing sexually, but on the flip side his route has some of the most unexpected twists and is probably the most helpful for understanding the game's premise as a whole. There's not really a bad option here.

UPDATE: Now that the final route has been released, I can talk about it. It's fine enough, following similar tracks for its good, neutral, and bad endings. Slagathor is vers, just like every other guy in the game. As for the main plot, it does have a resolution once you've gotten satisfactory endings with all five characters, but because it has to be integrated into all of those route endings and doesn't actually impact any of them it feels rather inconsequential as a result. A bit of a shame, really, but I do respect the boldness of some of this game's narrative chioces.

Camp Buddy

Oh, dear. There are some things I need to make clear with this one from the start...stuff I definitely couldn't talk about on YouTube.

To state the obvious first: yes, the characters are all 18+. It's in their in-game profiles, on promotional material online, and on the disclaimer you have to click on whenever you boot up the game. The main character and all his love interests are specifically stated to be 18-20 years old. However...that doesn't always bear out in the writing. The premise is that they're all campers at a scout-themed summer camp, i.e. not something you'd expect of legal adults, and more than half the time these characters are written with the emotional maturity of boys in their mid-teens. That doesn't extend to the sex scenes, beyond most of them being virginal and clueless but somehow still capable of having mind-blowing sex with no lube and simultaneous orgasms and so forth - all of which is pretty standard for these sorts of games. It doesn't consistently affect their storylines either, as they range from adolescent issues like anxiety over losing a close friend to more young adult material like deciding on career paths and moving on from a bad breakup. Having spent a good bit of my own adolescence in an all-male environment, I found most of the character behavior relatable for that demographic. Outside the sex scenes, Camp Buddy is a sweet and sometimes heartwarming story about friendship and making good memories...but the sex stuff is still there, and I can understand why this game isn't listed on Steam based on the premise alone. It is not, as some online have hyperbolically dubbed it, a "child porn" game, but it can be awkward all the same, and if you, like me, are not into twinks/twunks those scenes aren't going to do much for you.

Leaving that aside, it still took me a while to get into Camp Buddy. I was mostly interested in its sequel, which I'll talk about later in this post, but I wanted to play CB in case I missed out on any context with the second game. This one does feel like a first project; the artwork isn't as clean or varied, the voice acting has some standouts but is overall just average, and the script occasionally reads like it was written by someone whose first language isn't English - where the writing isn't incorrect, exactly, but rather worded in ways that don't sound natural. Not all of the scenes are fully voiced, but I really have to wonder how some of those that are got through all those people without anyone realizing how inorganic the dialogue sounded. The humor at least is pretty consistently good, with a highlight being the one major female character who is an affectionate parody of yaoi fangirls leading to a lot of fourth-wall-breaking jokes. As I said some of the storylines work well, even if the main plot is a clichéd and sometimes treacly "save the camp" routine for most of its run. If you can accept the handwave on the characters' ages for the sexual content, it's not a bad time. Given my familiarity with Fire Emblem and its love of underaged-looking dragon girls, and knowing that there are surely far more dating/porn games that use a similar handwave for female characters, I can give CB a pass. I've never cared for how media directed at straight men never warrants more than a moment's worth of moral outrage while everything else gets endlessly scrutinized.

Favorite route: Yoichi is the twunk-iest of the love interests, and his route is easily the darkest as well. Surprisingly he's not the sole total top option...but the guy who is barely grasps of the concept of masturbation and needs to "research" sex after he fools around for the first time. I suppose someone must be into that. Taiga has the most distinctive route as it was added last and has the largest amount of story variance as well as both topping and bottoming variations, but I find the emotional beats of his story (both in and out of his route) to be paced a bit too oddly for me to give him first prize.

Camp Buddy: Scoutmaster Season

This is why I played Camp Buddy, because I saw its follow-up advertised on Steam and was impressed enough by the production values to check it out. I still bought it from developer BLits's website though because certain scenes are removed in the Steam version (for reasons similar to why Camp Buddy isn't there at all). Anyway, Scoutmaster Season is in just about every way a vast improvement over its predecessor:

Most obviously, the characters here look and act unambiguously like adults. Their storylines are also more mature, as is that of the main plot which concerns the camp expanding after it received a new wealthy investor at the end of CB. This maturity extends to the sex as well. These characters aren't experimenting adolescents but rather men who've been casually involved with one another for some time already (heavily implied in the first game) and whose romantic development thus concerns their relationships becoming grounded in emotional support instead of only hot NSA sex.

Camp Buddy is a decently kinky game in its own right, but the sequel takes advantage of its older characters and really runs with the concept. There's bondage, leather, voyeurism, softcore daddy kink, public sex, several varieties of costume role play including two that verge on pony play, threesomes, and a few types of size kink thanks in *ahem* large part to one of the love interests having such a comically oversized cock that in some encounters it can be seen distending the main character's stomach during penetration. I'm...pretty sure that's not physically possible, but I know it's a fantasy that exists. SS is just as unrealistic when it comes to things like (lack of) lube and refractory periods, but that's to be expected at this point.

I didn't talk about CB's minigames because they're frankly not that impressive, but SS's are both a bit more challenging and, in the case of the foreplay minigame, hotter and more interactive.

The writing is much improved, and flows more naturally. The voicework is overall of a higher quality as well, even with many in the cast reprising their roles. Particularly, the same voice actor plays the main characters of both games, but he sounds much more natural as the deeper-voiced lead here, in contrast to CB where he has to work to sound like a teen. The comic relief is about on par, so it's as entertaining as usual. There's even a yaoi fanboy in this one...who funnily enough never actually gets laid during the story, although the artists threw him a bone or six with a bukkake party crack scene in the extras.

SS's antagonist is both more compelling and more entertaining even though she never becomes a romance option - as should be evident from the pronoun alone. I predicted where the story was going to take her arc the first time I played, and while I was proven right the game didn't follow that thread to its logical conclusion. A bit disappointing, but I imagine that that would have obliterated the tone for the rest of the game and prevented it from ending with fluffy romance or celebratory sex.

There are enough small callbacks to CB that I'm glad I played the first game, but not so many that a newcomer would feel completely lost. As this is the only gay dating sim sequel that I can even think of, I appreciate the attention to continuity.

BLits is currently working on a third game called Jock Studio, unrelated to Camp Buddy but already looking to be an evolution of what they've learned from their first two games. The athletic university premise appears to be a self-indulgent excuse for porn - but I'm more than okay with that seeing how much the quality of their work has improved.

Favorite route: There's only two here, so naming one would be suggesting I dislike the other. In fact, both routes are really solid. I would say that Aiden's story hangs together a little better and feels stronger in its emotional moments (helped greatly by the best vocal performance in either of these games), whereas Goro's route appeals to me more based on raw sex appeal. He's a kinky daddy, what's not to love? Either way, SS is a ton of fun, and of the games in this post it's the one I recommend the most strongly.

Errant Kingdom

I'm of two minds about including this game. I really wanted to have one that would be drastically different from the others I've selected, but at time of writing I haven't done everything there is to do in Errant Kingdom. That's not for lack of time, as it's been released in chapter increments ever since last autumn or thereabouts and finally finished up in February. I've currently completed two of its stories so I feel like I have a solid grasp of what's on offer, but I realize that I haven't seen everything yet.

However, I had to keep pushing myself to play this one. It just doesn't have a very strong hook, in my opinion, but let's talk about the positives. If your main complaint about Dream Daddy is not the lack of hardcore gay sex but rather the inauthenticity of its representation then Errant Kingdom will be more your speed. Your character can be male, female, or nonbinary, and there are two love interests of each designation available. (That both nonbinary options are supernatural non-humans might arguably be a bit of a copout...but I'm not really in a position to judge.) There are also two options for poly relationships, as well as asexual dialogue options although the way the story is set up does still lend itself toward monogamous romance with occasional, vaguely-described (and never visualized) sex scenes. I'd also note that unlike every other visual novel with romantic elements I've ever played, dialogue options are explicitly marked as being romantic, asexual, or poly when applicable. This does make it much easier to get a specific outcome if you're looking for one, but in my view takes away some of the fun of these sorts of games.

Errant Kingdom's story is quite linear regardless of which if any romantic relationship(s) you choose to pursue, with the largest variance coming not from your choice of love interest but from your choice of one of three origins when you're creating your character: an ambassador, a knight, or a nomad. Having played through two of these, this decision greatly impacts the game's opening chapters but ultimately leads into the player characters being three different points of view on the same story, with all the same major set pieces. Errant Kingdom is occasionally clever about this, with the other two PCs popping up in each other's paths every now and then...unseen of course, because this is a game where the main character's physical presence is left entirely up to the imagination. On the other hand though, the different perspectives converging toward a single climax has the clunky side effect of dropping certain NPCs into the story lategame and acting as if you know who they are even if you've never met them in that playthrough.

The story itself isn't terribly fascinating, being a medieval fantasy conspiracy plot involving gods and magical weapons and an 11th hour Chosen One reveal (that isn't the player character, shockingly). If we're talking pseudo-medieval/early modern romantic visual novels, I find I prefer the Chess of Blades approach where each love interest gets his own storyline and so there's more overall variety and less tangled continuity. I've read in places that the later chapters suffered from deadline and creator burnout issues during development, which wouldn't surprise me with how much the pacing speeds up after a certain point.

Favorite route: For origins the ambassador angle suited me better and would probably be my pick overall. The choice of love interest is, as mentioned, actually not all that important, but disgraced former knight Erik hits most of my buttons. It's a shame his poly option is with a woman, because while Maja is my preference of the two female options I wouldn't be invested in her like that. This is the trouble for me with stepping outside the bounds of strictly M/M games.

#Dating Sims #Dear Monster #Camp Buddy #Scoutmaster Season #Errant Kingdom

[riddlerosehearts]

Okay now EYE must ask you - how are you liking BG3??? How far are you?? Tell me about your Tav!!!! (Please and thank you <3)

hi!! 💖 i only started the game a few days ago and it was an impulse decision i made after having previously told a friend of mine that i definitely wanted to play it but that it'd probably take me a while to get around to it (and, because i thought i wouldn't play anytime soon i hadn't really been trying to avoid spoilers). but, i have the PC version and while it generally runs just fine, my computer is kind of slow and the game is so big that it took hours to download and install. so i kind of went ahead and started to come up with a whole character idea during that time LOL. sorry if my explanations of things get a bit too rambly/disorganized. i'm actually not very far in the game at all yet, i've been spending a ton of time doing stuff in the druids grove and i'm supposed to go find halsin but i haven't even gotten karlach in my party yet! i've recruited all the main companions except for her but i am excited to meet her. gonna put the rest of this under a cut for length.

my only background with DND is that i listened to the first campaign of the adventure zone and i've watched the legends of vox machina show. i also have a friend who's super into her own DND campaign and another friend who's told me a lot about dimension 20, specifically fantasy high--and i've considered trying it out for her but haven't gotten around to it yet! i think she actually told me the same thing about the episode lengths making it easier to get into than critical role, because i had tried critical role and it was just so long that i couldn't stick with it. but, yeah, i've also looked at the forgotten realms wiki a bit but i've never actually played DND. i have played skyrim and final fantasy 14 and some other similar RPGs with customizable blank-slate protagonists, and in those types of games i always have to make OCs to roleplay as--usually i'll think up a basic idea to start with and then flesh the character out as i get into the game. they're never really self-inserts but i do often project onto them a little.

so, in games like these my first character is usually an elf that specializes in elemental/destructive magic. idk why, that's just what i've always liked. in ff14 i started out as a black mage without knowing it was the hardest class to play LMAO. soooo i went into this planning to create a high elf sorcerer, but as i started writing out ideas and thinking about what to do, i ended up creating a half-high elf bard. they're transmasc/nonbinary and in my head they use he/they pronouns, but i picked the nb option in the character creator and that causes npcs to actually use they/them in dialogue which i think is so cool. i love that the character creator is so inclusive in regards to gender.

anyway, i named them elenion, which is something i took from the lord of the rings universe because i'm a huge nerd. in LOTR it's an elvish word that basically means "of the stars". here's a couple screenshots i took when i first started. let's just ignore the fact that this hairstyle clips into elf ears (and also that the face preset is from a mod i downloaded).

i didn't really give him a tragic backstory or even the most interesting story haha--i'm wanting to do something bigger and angstier with another character on a second playthrough when i'm more familiar with the lore and world of the game. and i'll probably also end up changing or expanding on some things about this character later, but for now i just kind of made a normal guy with normal problems. i had this idea that his father, a human who attracted the attention of a beautiful elf woman, was also a bard and was a very successful musician in his youth. so elenion has always shared his father's passion and dreamed of being like him, being able to effortlessly tell incredible tales and inspire crowds of people through song, but no matter how much he studies and practices he never feels good enough. if he seems confident it's usually just because he's gotten really good at faking it. he's also pretty reserved and often avoids having to talk about himself by asking a lot of questions. see, i kind of wanted to specifically find a way to not roleplay the usual sort of loud, flirty, goofy bard, lol. not that i dislike those kinds of characters or anything though!

however, bards are meant to be super charismatic, witty, and persuasive and of course the game strongly encourages that with the dialogue options and skill bonuses you get. so my way of explaining this is to have elenion be a bit like raine from the owl house, in that they may be shy, but they're very firm in their ideals and are no pushover when it comes to protecting themself or their allies. they're clever and have a snarky side to them, and they're genuinely friendly and caring in a way that gives them a sense of quiet charisma. which reminds me that one of the spells i gave them at the start was sleep, and it's made me imagine that when they were a kid they tried calming a crying baby by playing a lullaby on their lute and accidentally ended up casting their first spell.

oh, and, i also wasn't really sure at first where in the world i wanted elenion to come from but i decided on something pretty quickly after getting multiple of those dialogue options suggesting that the protagonist is baldurian! i pictured them growing up in a somewhat small town with their family but moving to baldur's gate as an adult, hoping that if they left the comfort of their home and started to journey out into the world a little they'd eventually find their spark and become the bard they wanted to be. unfortunately they've had little luck so far because even after all this time they can't see that maybe their whole fixation on trying to be just like their father and achieve the exact same kind of success that he had is holding them back. the fact that their father died the year after they moved away hasn't helped either. and now, in the middle of traveling to a historical site that they'd wanted to see in person and use as inspiration for a song, they've been abducted by mindflayers and are struggling with the massive upheaval that this has brought into their relatively mundane life.

so. yeah. my tav for this first playthrough may not be the most unique or exciting character but i like him! i like figuring out what kind of choices he'll make and thinking up new ideas for what he likes and how he sees the world. also, i find it funny how in your reply to my ask you said you thought you'd be into gale but then you fell for astarion--because i thought that i'd be all over the edgy, brooding, snarky vampire man, but it turns out gale is so charming and funny that i'm probably going to romance him first. i'm also pretty intrigued by shadowheart and wyll but i'm so early in the game that i can't even say who i think my overall favorite companion will be because they all seem so interesting!! even karlach despite the fact that i haven't actually met her yet, i've seen a bunch of cool gifsets of her and my brother told me he's been romancing her on his playthrough. i really need to go find her soon.

i'm sure you can tell from everything i wrote here that i am definitely enjoying the game LOL. i can already tell that there's just so many different things to do and see, that i will both need and want to do a lot of different playthroughs and that it's going to be something that sticks with me. nothing wrong with using guides and walkthroughs btw! i do it too because i'm worried about missing too many things and have the world's worst sense of direction even with a minimap. honestly i probably need to look up some guides for certain mechanics that i don't feel like i've really figured out yet. there's a sarcophagus trap in the ruins early in the game that got me SO stuck and got my whole party wiped and then i looked up a video and found out you could turn off the whole trap system by pushing a switch... i felt so stupid askjdfgf.

anyway, i think this got to be way too long of a reply so i will stop here! but if you ever wanna tell me more about your tav or anything definitely feel free to and i hope you're having an awesome day!

#asks #nerdalmighty #i hope all of this actually makes some kind of sense lol #i'm really not a great writer but i just think coming up with OCs with fleshed out personalities #and trying to get into their heads makes games like this more fun #and also ty for the ask!! 💖 #baldur's gate 3

[quenga-do-nordeste]

It's the first time I write here and outside of my native language so... Sorry for the mistakes and enjoy reading~

In the serene silence of the old house, Mel immersed herself deeply alone in him work. His refuge was his desk, covered in papers and lit only by the glow of the computer screen; he had been there for so many hours that his fingers were numb.

As the last light of the day gave way to night, Mel felt the need to take a break. He got up, stretched, and went to the kitchen, grabbing two cups of steaming coffee and some cookies. Only the aroma of coffee calmed him.

With the cup in hand, Mel went to the balcony. There, the gentle breeze swayed the curtains and the night sky began to reveal itself, dotted with stars. He closed his eyes for a moment, allowing the wind to caress his hair and bring with it a feeling of freedom.

—Sometimes, beetle, I'm grateful you're here. The strange way you brought color to my life... No one could do it like that. — He murmured, hiding his smile, sipping his coffee.

It only lasted a few seconds before he finally materialized next to the boy. First, a green swirl danced in the air, generating a cold breeze that shaped Beetlejuice. He is a little shorter, wearing a worn brown overcoat over a striped suit. Her naturally green hair turned pale pink under the soft moonlight. His embarrassment was noticeable even under that arrogant smile.

— This way you'll end up embarrassing me, sweetie! — The demon approaches, standing shoulder to shoulder with the boy with dark curly hair who offers him a cookie. — I... Uh, I'm glad you're here. Being alone is good....

- Sad?

- Yes of course. Definitely.

The two remained there, in silence, just enjoying those sensations. The starry sky surrounded them, punctuated by distant lights that occasionally crossed the sky, dancing just for them that night. The lights of the houses in the distance were on and covered by the trees on the property. The cold breeze caressed their skin and the aroma of coffee and cookies filled the air.

They were no longer alone.

— You know, it was very difficult when I lost my mother. She... was always so strong that she didn't seem to be afraid of anything. I really admired that about her, you know? Even with the disease slowly consuming her... She didn't let herself fall, even when everyone was already on the ground. — Beetlejuice watched in silence as Mel swallowed hard. — One day I caught her crying, she was already in a terminal phase, all this time she was strong for us. I've never felt her so fragile in my arms. — The boy wipes away a tear that insisted on falling.

— She seems to have been an incredible woman. I never got along with mine, you seem to have been a very close family. — the man played uncomfortably with the pockets of his coat, his hair taking on a sudden bluish tone.

- I'm sorry for this. You are someone incredible, Lawrence. — He stated confidently.

— Wow, they haven’t called me that in literally ages! — He exclaimed with a fake grimace of disgust.

Melque was shaking a little, Bj didn't know if it was because of the cold or the previous topic. With one movement, a blanket appeared beneath the two, his hand holding the boy's waist while the other held the blanket. The two stared at each other for moments that lasted an eternity.

—Damn, this is actually really cool. Were you like a guide on the other side or something? — Beetlejuice laughed, a mischievous smile.

- You can say yes. I'm really good at explaining this whole being dead thing.

His faces were so close that it was possible to feel the heat and cold emanating from each other. A slow kiss began. Just a seal of lips that made them feel butterflies in their stomachs. Something new, for both.

Breaking apart, Mel looked into Beetlejuice's eyes, vulnerability mixed with that goofy smile. It was rare to see this side of the demon, and it made his body tremble and heat up even more. Beetlejuice's hand gently slid from Mel's waist to his face, caressing his cheek tenderly.

— Damn, boy, you're going to kill me like this. — Said the specter with his eyes still closed, surrendering to the intensity of the moment.

Mel smiled, feeling the electricity pulse between them. He brought his lips close to Beetlejuice's ear, whispering with a touch of teasing:

— And who said I don't like living dangerously?

Beetlejuice opened his eyes, revealing a mischievous gleam as his fingers gently traced Mel's chin.

— It's good to know you have a fearless side. Let's see where this takes us, darling. — He laughed, kissing him again.

They would no longer need to be alone.

#beetlejuice #beetlejuice fanart #beetlejuice musical #beetlejuice drawing #draw #gay art #my draws #fanart #oc art #oc #lovers #beetlejuice fanfic

[ever-fics]

Rock you like a Hurricane Part 2 - Cheer

Rock you like a hurricane part 2: time periods flip between (1980-1985) (and the year of the previous chapter.)

For Y/N the year 1980 was ... late elementary early middle school.

Y/n remembers it well... It was the last time y/n ever felt ... safe truly safe, last time Y/n could actually trust anyone, last day of calm before the storm.

"I just think you look like her a little..."

"Like my doll?"

"Yeah."

"Aren't I the younger one shouldn't I be asking you to dress up as something."

"That doesn't always have to be how it works... Just dress up as the doll I look like the other doll the friend one but you."

"Only for you but I get to choose both our costumes next year."

________

There never was a next year...

There was barely a next week...

________

"Where is it Suzie?"

"You probably left it in the car again by accident."

"Your older you ... have your own toys why cant I have one thing thats mine? People call me Suzie's Sister .... Like I don't have a name of my own we have the same last name, the same room I ask for this one thing to be mine."

"Well maybe you should keep a better eye on things be more responsible... Thats what Mom says anyway."

"I was responsible I ... You took it stop lying! I ask to have only one thing of my own!"

"Yeah well we are sisters we share."

"Yeah Well I wish I was an only child.... That you didn't always lecture me on how I can be better to measure up to you! I wish I had a sister that didn't steal my toys! Have fun at your meaningless party. I hope betraying me and stealing the doll you asked me to dress up as makes you happy." *The conversation replays in Y/Ns memory.*

__________________________

The story's Present

Michael for his own part doesn't usually do this but it isn't hard to find the university housing Y/N is living in. It didn't take long to find her dorm by asking around. 6th on the left Peabody Building.

Michael is hesitant to knock knowing exactly how Y/N would react.

"Okay... uh Hi... look if your with the frat house that egged my car....save it. Also If this is about me reviewing a thesis or a project for you ...  Its my day off so It'll cost extra."

"Y/ N N .... Oh is this another one of your shady homework deals ... Ill pretend I didn't see anything but when your done can you do the ... thing you do with the computers to make them go faster?"

"Whos?" Micheal asks referring to person who just spoke.

"Roxanne ... The R.A. Look I will check out the computers later ... Just tell the others to stop trying to get free music Win.amp  and those other sites sometimes attract viruses ,hackers, which would be why it slows down in the first place." Y/N sighs

"And What about installing the security cams you promised?" Roxanne counters.

"You covering it? Or is the school..? Because I'm not paying for it. For quality pre assembled cameras its expensive... going down to radio shack to get parts to build it from scratch is... more expensive." Y/N explains.

"Fine look ill talk to the school just do whatever hack trick you do for the computers..." Roxanne requested..

Before gesturing an awkward call me at Micheal while walking away."

"Is uh ...?"

"She always like that pretty much its gotten a-lot better though...She used to front this punk band and They weren't quiet. Anyway what was it you wanted?" Y/N questioned.

"Oh.. Yeah.. you still think Im a frat…Its me Micheal... as in Afton as in please don't tell me you went to Hurricane High ...Micheal from the arcade the other day..." Micheal explained

"Oh! Yeah Micheal who ditched the conversation." Y/N deadpanned

"I -I didn't ditch I.." Micheal panics

"Relax, Im joking..." Y/N chuckles

"The electrical outlet blew at the end." Micheal explained.

"You look ... different." Micheal added.

"Thats... really how you want to start this conversation?"

Y/N raised an eyebrow

"No, I didn't mean it in a bad way ..." Micheal explains.

"Look Afton, Why are you even here? Its not like we were super close when we were younger." Y/N asks.

"Do you remember the classes we had together in 84-85” Micheal wonders.

"Barely why?" Y/N questioned

"I was an ass to you before. I learned that the hard way... With what happened to Evan. You were one of the only people who still talked to me after that. I know you gave the notes to everyone but writing things back and forth kept me. It kept me from being stuck. Anyway uh... I owe you. So if you want me to look for information on Suzzie I can." Micheal offered

"Can we stop?"

"Stop what?"

"The secrets Afton... Your Father was the main suspect... and I know she's dead but...  Not exactly. She doesn't always feel gone she...never really felt gone Nobody believed me back then but... Now... Something tells me you know exactly what I mean. I'm not imagining things." Y\N explains slightly annoyed.

"I...I know. I'm sorry. I don't know where my Dad hid the bodies... He sort of hated me after everything. I just know he... He killed her... And that when I work night shift weird stuff happens. Weird as in the spring suits move on thier own weird.. Arcade machine will stop us from talking because an unknown message thinks I'm hurting you weird." Micheal explains.

"I... She actually is there then... It was never just me or wishful thinking... She doesn't talk to me. I... I was so mean. I can't even blame her." Y/N looks away wiping the small tear dripping down her cheek.

"Hey... Shhh... It's okay." Micheal whispers trying to see if she was ok with a hug. She nods and he just holds her as he explains.*"I don't think that's why she doesn't come to you.. I think she just doesn't want to hurt you. I have to agree...having Utah's superstar upset? Absurd."

__________________________

Classes of 84-85

Considering the incident with Evan a little more than a year prior.

Uniforms the same Color red that stained his own hands, his own clothing, the color the flashed in front of him whenever he tried to sleep a deep dark red...

It grabbed his attention but what further grabbed his attention was Y/N ... At this point only the assistant cheer captain of Hurricane high.

"Stop gawking its weird dude..." *Of the other students around told him*

"I wasn't." *Micheal panics*

"You weren't? That might actually be weirder...

But hey the skull-crusher and the cheerleader totally sounds like you have a shot there ,killer." the student he is talking to just laughs at his own remarks.*

"Can you screw off?"*Micheal snaps.*

"Like the unhinged deathrobots your Dad makes?....sure." *The other student snarks.*

Micheal just walks away agitated and Isolated deciding to stay in the gymnasium simply because Rock you like a hurricane was playing.

What he didn't expect further was Rock You like a hurricane to be made into a cheerleader number.

...

"Y\NN!  Stop doodling and try attending to your duty  as assistant cheer captain." *The cheer captain whined

"I was actually... taking notes .Unless you'd like me to attempt acrobatics in the middle of taking notes where our team can improve."*Y/N explains.*

"Dont backtalk me. The only reason you are allowed to have any power in this squad is because the Cheer coach pity's you and I let you on because I used to be friends with your older sister.  You somehow ended up a disappointment... Even when we expected nothing from you to start. For the record this is why I liked Suzie better. " *The cheer captain sneered.*

Y/Ns face just dropped before it turned  smirk

"Guess the feelings Mutual because I liked Suzie better than you too. Especially because by your own logic if she were alive she would have had your position I still would've been co-captain and you... well we know what you would've been.. Hey coach can I please have  somebody with actual authority read over my notes

Thanks." *Y/N hands the coach the notebook before cheer practice ended. Though most of the squad was clapping by that point. Especially considering the how the coach approved of her notes.

The next time Micheal spots her is when shes leaving the cheer locker room. Her uniform had been ripped

"Y/NN? You changed your name?"  *Micheal notes*

"Yep." *Is all she says.*

"Are you okay?" *Micheal asks.*

"When has it ever mattered to you before Afton?"*Y/N glares..*

" Just because I don't ask doesn't mean I think it doesn't matter" Micheal pointed out

"Look Its nothing..."*Y/N sighs.*

"Nothing doesn't destroy uniforms..."*Micheal countered.*

"Shit." *Y/N tries to stuff the uniform back in her backpack. And hide it so no one else would know.*

"Look whatever she did it isn't the first time people have used me as target practice..." *Y/N thinks out-loud.*

"They shouldn't..." *Micheal noted.*

".... I know. Look um... I have to run because I'm going to have to fix my uniform but your in my psych class." *Y/N excuses herself.*

"I noticed that too... I mean .... Its First day of the semester. So kinda hard not to hear who's name gets called." *Micheal... tries to play it cool.*

"Sure." *Y/N waves beginning to walk away.*

______

"If you actually want to help me with my sister... I could use the help. Truth is you don't really have to ask forgiveness. You and I are... more alike then we like to admit. Anyway....Im sorry too." *Y/N explains.*

"Why?"

"Because I... I... used to be nervous around you. I worried maybe you covered for your Dad but uh.... In all honesty you didn't have much of a choice. Thank you for being honest with me."  *Y/N admits*

"Used to? As in past tense." *Micheal smirked.*

"Shut up!" *Y/N laughs.*

#michael afton xfem!reader #micheal afton #michaelaftonfanfic #michael afton x reader #michael afton fluff #michealaftonshortfic #fnafxfem!reader #fnaf x reader #mikeaftonxy/n #mike afton x reader #mike afton oneshot #rock you like a hurricane #part2

[babbling-idiot2]

Can I ask for something with Specs? There is practically nothing for him :') preferably smut but that’s up to you

When you had met specs, it was only by chance. You had been asked for direction by tucker. Soon Specs had walked over, asking what was taking so long. When he saw you his first reaction was shock. He was speechless at seeing you. Now later down the road you ended up meeting again and this led to you and him being a couple. He always seemed so happy to see you when you walked into the room or when he walked into the room. He always smiled at you and looked at you like you were an angel. This was perfection. This was his best moment ever. Even Elise liked you, she even suggested that specs, despite him being the awkward one in the room, should ask you out on a date. Which he always did, plus the awkward moments. But you loved that about him. You loved how awkward and nervous he always seemed. But when it came to trying to be intimate or affectionate, he always shrunk on himself. He didn't try to further the situation. Not that he didn't want to, but he was unsure of himself. He didn't want to disappoint you with his inexperience. Truth be, he has had sex before, but that was the one time. And this was you, you deserved perfection. And he didn't think he was it. But you were sure, you were going to make him believe it.

The next day when you arrived at Elise's house you were met with both her and tucker. She quickly mentioned how she needed to go to the store and tucker obviously only going so he could get more pizza pockets. Before they got in Elise's car, they told you specs was inside. You walked in and began your search for him. He was at the dining table looking at something on his computer.  He seemed quite occupied by whatever was on the screen. So much in fact he didn't even see you walking up and behind him. When the time was right you leant down and whisper in his ear. He jumped at the sudden fright and looked over his shoulder only to be met by a smiling you who seemed to get quite the quick of his reaction. "Well, I sure am happy to see you today. I've missed your face." He says as you lean down to give him a hug from behind. "Yes, and I've missed yours. I wanted to come by and see if you wanted to have dinner at my place tonight. I know you're working, and anything can come up, but I really wanted to spend time with you." You say as you take a seat next to him. "Actually, my whole schedule is clear this week. I am all yours tonight." "All mine huh? That gives me a few ideas, if you know what I mean." He seems to flush at what you're implying. He pushes his glasses up so they are secure and smiles slightly. "Well, I would certainly like to know what ideas you have in mind." "You'll see later tonight." You say as you get up after patting his hand. "Oh, that reminds me, what would you like me to make, or order if you rather have take-out?" He actually starts to think about it and a split moment idea come to him. "Well take-out sounds good, but a home cooked meal is great. But honestly, I think if rather have you." It almost feels like the air is being sucked out of you at that. He's always been funny, adorable, a bit awkward but never straight forward and it put you off for a moment. He sees this moment and panics "I shouldn't have said that that was not good timing. -" "That was rather smooth, I’ll give you that one." You start to laugh a bit "I liked that. But on a real note, I think I'll do some take out, considering you've had a few homecooked meals already done for you by Elise. I'll see you at my house at say 6? 7?" He coughs and nods his head "I'll be there at 6." You smile and walk out the front door. For a hot solenoid he thinks to himself if you'd actually take him up on what he said. Sure, it was meant for a little laugh or giggle but, the way you smiled at it made him think otherwise. But truth be told that was one smooth ass line.

(Ok, so before you start hating me for how slow I am to updating. I had some family stuff going on and my work hours are all screwed up, but hopefully I can produce something for the people who support me on this platform. Enjoy!)

#specs x reader #specs headcanon #specs #insidious #leigh whannell

[justkending]

Finding Memories. Chapter 13.

Series Summary: Waking up with little to no memory of her past, and being saved by a group of individuals who call themselves heroes, sends a long time captive for a whirlwind trying to find some form of grounding in this world she quickly learns runs on chaos. But she’s not the only one trying to figure out her forgotten backstory. Bucky Barnes, along with the other Avengers, can’t help but sense that there is a lot more to the whole situation than a diagnosis of amnesia. Her background slowly starts to come forward in pieces of her past and hidden information discovered. Who is she? And why was she in the room they were meant to destroy?

Pairing: Bucky Barnes x Enhanced Reader 

Word Count: 3900+

TW: Torture, cussing, and blood. 

A/N: I just want to say, thank you guys so much for sticking with this story. I realize it’s a slow slow slow slow burn, but it’s all for that character and story plot. And this bitch is going to be a rollercoaster. That plus, I really like stories with details, connections, and side adventures and this one has it all. If that’s not for you... Well I ask you give it a few chapters before cutting it off. I pretty proud of this brain child of mine :) ANYWAY, love you all and already have ideas for the next chapter so hopefully that’s coming soon too!!! xoxoxox

Chapter 13:

The rest of the evening, Bucky couldn’t seem to relax. He didn’t want to cause any worry for Y/N when she seemed to be recovering from her last scare really well. 

But she was exhausted after training with the girls as she was still getting used to the physical workout and changes. So the start of the 3rd movie was all that she saw before she was out like a light.

Bucky was surprised she lasted that long. She had tried to stifle yawns throughout (insert movie here) and eventually stopped fighting them. Then she slowly sunk into the couch more and more every 10 minutes to the point of no return. Or at least that’s what the Parker kid said when people made the couch their bed for the night on movie nights in the den.

Those individuals usually never made it back to their rooms 9 out of 10 times.

And because she was at the point of no return, Bucky quietly started doing another security check of all the things he couldn’t check before. 

But again, he came up empty. The balcony was clear and free from any evidence or aids to break into the room.

Still, he didn’t feel comfortable with her in here by herself. The ideas of what all could go wrong if he didn’t come up with a safer plan became overwhelming.

Then he thought of something. He wasn’t sure how he was going to sell this idea, but it may have to involve a few white lies. He knew it was all for her safety in the end, and a little for his sanity as well…

It was the only way he could think to do it without causing her to panic over the given circumstances. 

For now he let her rest while he set up her new accommodations. 

_____________________________________

When she woke up, she noticed the sun was no longer up and she wasn’t sure how long she was out. 

She sat up in her sleep, but the motion was slow as she must have slept harder than she had in a while. She readjusted to her surroundings and saw that Bucky was still sitting on the other end of the couch laid out, but now with her computer on his lap.

He seemed to be doing research of some sort, but she couldn't make out what as she blinked her eyes awake. 

“Whatcha got there?” she asked. Her voice came out semi-raspy proving that she indeed had a good rest. 

He grinned as he never looked away from the screen, partially because of what was on it and partially because her tired voice was really cute. 

“I’m seeing which Avenger I get based on the dream house I create,” he answered truthfully. 

She couldn’t hold her laugh at the confession and without hesitance, scooted closer to his end of the couch seeing the Buzzfeed logo in the corner of the screen. 

Neither was necessarily expecting it but neither one said anything about how close they were sitting now. 

Y/N still kept enough of a distance that no part of them was touching, not even clothes, but the reaction showed trust and the feeling of safety in his presence. 

To a blind eye, no one would have seen the significance behind the new behavior, but they knew. And each knew it on their own understanding of this stepping stone. 

“Have you done this one before?” Y/N asked, looking over his shoulders after bashfully making eye contact. 

He cleared his throat at the obvious connection. 

“You won’t judge me, will you?” he asked before he answered her own question. 

“Never,” she shook her head slightly dramatically before placing it in her hand as she waited for his answer. 

They shared a grin and he shrugged. “Parker used the same trick on me when I was trying to catch up on pop culture references and such. They became a daily thing for a bit, but I haven’t done them in a while. ”

Her curiosity was peaked. 

“Can I ask why you needed to catch up?” she asked. 

The wording of her question was nice as it gave him the option to answer if he wanted. Though he appreciated the patience, he felt it was time that she knew a little about the man that was helping her get her life back. 

“I was captured by a terrorist group named Hydra. They're the equivalent of everything that SHIELD fights against,” he started to explain.  

“Natasha has told me about them before,” she nodded.

“Then you know that they do some very,” he paused. “Some really inhumane things.” 

She noticed his pause and brought a careful hand to his shoulder. It was light in touch but heavy with sentiment. She wasn’t showing him pity. She was showing him warmth where the cold and hard subject of past manipulations brings chills to your bones at the thought of those memories. 

She took her hand back after a second, but he appreciated the thought behind it. 

“I was used as their personal weapon and machine.” He raised his arm slightly looking at the glint of the metal in the ambient lighting of the room. “I lost this fighting with Steve back in 1945. Hydra was using a train to transport weapons and equipment back and forth to different Hydra bases. Our job was to infiltrate it and find a man named Zola who was the scientist behind most of their work.” 

She was following along with interest even when he paused to recall the pieces he had always tried to forget. Though truthfully, he never would. 

“Long story short, someone we weren’t expecting shot at me and caused me to fall off the train,” he took a practiced breath and turned to her. “Steve tried to save me, but he couldn’t. I think he still holds onto that sometimes,” he mumbled, quickly looking at his hands at the unexpected confession. “They found me at the bottom of the mountain. The snow had preserved me from bleeding out completely before they could find me. Eventually, they gave me a new arm, but with it came conditions, commands, and sadly, my freewill.”

He said the last part knowing it had taken him a while to believe that. The guilt in him had always said he could have broken from the manipulation if he really wanted to. He was stronger than that. But in truth, mental manipulation embedded through torture and experimentation could never truly be prepared for. Until it happens to you, you can’t say anything about it and what someone ‘could have’ done. 

“The only reason I’m here today is because they would put me in a cryogenic freeze in between missions and assignments they gave me. Kept me on ice until they needed me to get my hands dirty for them,” he said, still angered by the thoughts and flashes of people's faces who were the reason for his misery. “I was freed after Steve found me in 2014 when I was sent on a hit that involved him. He somehow snapped me out of almost 70 years of brainwashing doing the stupidest thing,” he chuckled. “I nearly killed the man and he still wouldn’t give up on me.”

“Somehow, that doesn’t surprise me,” she smiled, seeing him try to lighten the mood as he picked on how his friend saved his life. 

“If I could wrap him in bubble wrap the rest of his life, I would,” he shook his head in a brotherly disappointment at the amount of times Steve got himself in trouble, and she laughed. “Yet again, he’d find some way to make that dangerous too.” 

“I think that you guys were meant to bother each other until the very end, and time wasn’t going to get in your way,” Y/N said with a smile. 

It was a positive way to look at the situation, and it wasn’t wrong, and Bucky was happy for the new perspective. 

“I think you’re right,” he agreed. “I had a really shitty life course, but I’m happy that I still had people who could help me through it. People that I genuinely trust.”

“That does make a difference,” she smiled, knowing her own life course could have gone a completely different way if it wasn’t for this group of Avengers being her people. 

Though the conversation took a turn for trauma, the screen going to sleep in front of him brought him to the original question she asked. 

“When I see ‘Which Avenger are you?’ quizzes on here, I like to take them based on how everyone would actually answer them to see if the person who made the quiz got it right,” he pointed to the screen. 

“Who are you answering for right now?” she asked looking back at the screen that had four choices of kitchens to choose from. 

“Steve,” he answered, clicking the kitchen that looked the most classic. “They never get him right. They always think it has to revolve around something American based. Like this.” 

He pointed to one of the pictures of a living room where the American Flag was framed above the fireplace and a sign that said, ‘In God We Trust’ was also framed next to a sculpture of praying hands. 

“A little kitschy,” she replied, not impressed with the decor. 

When he finished the quiz, answering honestly for what Steve would have actually preferred, the end result was for Sam. 

“See. They never get it right,” Bucky sighed, passing the computer to her. “You try. I’m interested to see who you get.”

She obliged and took her time taking the quiz though she wasn’t really sure what her interior design style actually was. But she based her things off of what would bring her the most comfort. 

“Hmmm,” she hummed, scrolling down to see the results after finishing the quiz. “Oh. I got Wanda,” she smiled. 

“I’m not surprised by that,” he laughed. “Oh, speaking of…” It was an interesting way to lead into his plan, but he took the redirection anyway. “Stark messaged me about needing to do some construction on this side of the living quarters.”

“What do you mean?” she asked with a tilt of her head. 

“Tony has a thing for keeping things up to date and keeping things as technologically advanced as he can make it. I think it had something to do with security measures and stuff, but it won’t be long term.”

“Oh. Well, I’m assuming that means I probably won’t be able to stay in my room for the time being?” she deducted. 

“He mentioned that the spare room where Barton stayed for a bit would be an easy shift, and he hasn’t used the space in months. It’s actually right next door to me,” he added casually, clicking on a new quiz and avoiding eye contact. “We’ll have to move you tonight though. The people renovating will be here early in the morning and I don’t want you to have to move around them. Is that alright?”

It was sudden and a strange request, but who was she to question how the compound worked? She was just happy to have a room and place of shelter. 

“That’s fine,” she nodded, still trying to process the new information. “I guess I’ll start packing now.”

She started getting up, looking around at the very few things she had to claim as her own. 

She went and started getting her toiletries together; toothbrush and toothpaste, shampoo and conditioner, face washes, and all the other necessities. 

While she did that, Bucky ran to his room as quickly as he could to grab an extra duffel bag he had for all of her clothes. 

He offered to help her pack, but wasn’t sure what all she would be comfortable with him going through. Surprisingly, she wasn’t too worried about it and asked him to grab her clothes hung up in the closet while she went through the dresser. 

Within 20 minutes, they were all packed and ready to move to the safer side of the living quarters. 

“This is Clint’s,” Bucky noted as he walked to the door and put a code in on the handle. Clint happened to have one of the doors with a more intense lock on it, which Bucky was happy about.

“He won’t mind?” she asked, holding the only bag Bucky allowed her to as he carried the rest. 

“No,” Bucky chuckled some, opening it and pushing his shoulder on the heavy barrier to go in. “He’s got a farm up north with his family. He claims he’s retired, but still does missions here and there, hence the room. It’s here in case he does need to crash, but like I said. It’s been months.”

When they walked in, he looked around and realized the room spoke for itself in lack of being lived in. 

There were no sheets on the bed and everything looked to be cleaned and maintained, but it for sure had not held a resident for a while. 

Y/N didn’t say anything as she wasn’t sure what to say. She figured maybe Bucky knew it was like this already, but when she looked to him to see his eyes scanning with shock himself, she knew he was just as surprised as her. 

“I’ll find some sheets,” he said after a second of silence. 

She nodded in thanks and walked in, putting her bag on the couch that had a sheet over it to keep it from collecting dust and preserved. 

He felt bad as he hoped the redirection would be a simple and easy fix, but clearly there were a few bumps in his quickly put together plan. Luckily not life or death bumps like they were used to at least. 

Bucky looked at his watch seeing it was past six in the evening and they hadn’t eaten dinner yet. 

“I’ll see if I can get some things to make it a little more homey before you call it a night. How about we get some dinner while we wait?” he offered.

“I’m up for dinner,” she yawned again. 

She may have slept hard for a few hours, but at the end of the day, someone who has rarely experienced REM sleep, and then finally gets a taste of it? It leaves your body wanting more of the complete shutdown of your body. 

He took note of her tired state and decided a quick dinner and then bed would probably be the best plan for the two. 

Then Bucky could go investigate more now that he knew she would be safer.

In the kitchen, Bucky heated up some leftovers from when they ordered-in the other night and they sat at the bar talking and eating. 

Conversation of the movies they watched and all that she missed were part of the main topic, and then they started discussing the strangest Buzzfeed quizzes they had come across. 

He texted Nat and Steve about where to get extra sheets and decided to grab a few of the blankets from her room when they went by again, and hoped that would work for tonight at least. 

Nat was helpful in sending one of the maid’s information to ask her for help in that department. 

Downside, she and her crew had already gone home for the night and said they didn’t have any for that size bed that were clean at the moment. It wouldn’t be until the next morning that they could get them to him. 

Bucky was shocked at how a billionaire didn’t have a whole wing of this giant and oversized compound designated to linens and blankets considering all actually did hold. 

But he brushed it off and came to terms that it was just one night and he could figure something else out for the time being. 

However his only option that he seemed to be comfortable with was one he wasn’t sure she would buy. 

He looked over the message one more time, before looking at her as she ate the last bite of her meal. 

“Bad news,” he started with an apologetic face. “I can’t get my hands on any clean sheets until tomorrow morning.”

She wiped her mouth with her napkin before placing it on the empty plate. 

“Then should I just stay in my room tonight? I can wake up early and-”

“No, I don’t want you to have to deal with all the strange men and women coming in. It can be overwhelming sometimes,” he said truthfully, even if the men he was talking about were fictional. Well… Kinda. 

He actually was able to get ahold of the head of security and asked him to do an installation of new security measures Bucky approved beforehand. They got back to him quickly and confirmed they could do the installments the next day there was just no specific time as of now.

She nodded at his concern in thanks. She may be taking some major steps forward in her recovery from where she started, but she still was only comfortable and trusting around a select few individuals. 

“I have another option, but if you’re not ok with it, let me know. I’ll gladly figure something else out,” he began. 

“What’s your other option?” she asked, turning her body to him in her stool. 

He hesitated, but didn’t want it to be noticeable and blow it out of proportion.

“If you want, you can stay in my room tonight. I rarely use my bed if you want to take that and I can take-” he started. 

“Why don’t you use it?” she asked simply. 

He waited for a second and was surprised that’s what got her attention instead of the invitation to sleep in his room. 

“It’s too soft,” he answered back. “Well, it was. Sam helped me find one that was a little more stiff and easier to sleep on, but some nights I still resort to the-” he paused, deciding if he wanted to share his habits. 

Not that he would worry about her knowing that detail about him, earlier today he had shared much more intense things. But he didn’t want her to give him the sympathy look that most did when they didn’t understand how a cold and hard concrete ground was his version of comfort because he had gone so long without the opposite. 

“I sleep on the couch most nights. It helps me sleep better sometimes,” he oversimplified. “All that being said, you’re more than welcome to use my bed tonight if you’d prefer. I can sleep in Clints if-.” 

Again he was cut off as she started shaking her head. 

“I’m not kicking you out of your room for the night just because a bed doesn’t have sheets and I have social anxiety,” she closed her eyes for a second as she closed her head, as if she was disappointed he would even offer such a thing. He was taken aback at her mention of social anxiety as it came out almost as a joke on herself, but smiled when she didn’t seem phased at the use of it. “Sorry, I don’t feel ok doing that,” she explained. 

“It’s not that big of an issue,” he laughed at how hurt by his chivalry she was. “I’ve slept in much worse places in my life.”

“That’s not an excuse to settle for the worse option each time after,” she said factually. 

Again, her response was as if she had been practicing her wise insights in the mirror every night and morning. Making times like this where she opened a new insight on his way of thinking, seem effortless and as if it was common knowledge.

He smirked some and his head dropped a little feeling a true comfort with her. 

“You have really nice perceptives,” he stated. “You have more knowledge than most when it comes to being mindful in this world.” 

She blushed some at the comment and quickly turned her attention to her water glass, waiting for him to continue the conversation for her. 

All that did to him though was make his smirk turn into a smile. 

“If you feel that bad about kicking me out of my room, and if you’re comfortable with it,” he raised his hands, turning away so she can have some privacy from his watchful eyes, “I can sleep on the couch if you want to take the bed.” 

She nodded her head as she agreed and brought the edge of the glass to her lips before looking back to him. 

“That compromise works for me,” she hid her cheeks behind her hands, not wanting to show the blush that was not going down anytime soon. “I am gonna do the dishes,” she said, quickly standing up. 

He didn’t remember the last time he had been happy with making a girl blush that much. And out of all people, the last person he expected to somehow do it to, was Y/N. 

His dating life wasn’t nothing. In the past year it had been as he wasn’t really a fan of his time on online dating. A year of that off and on and he gave up on that part of his life for the time being. Plus, he wasn’t really sure if he could just date a normal civilian on the outside walls. His life was too chaotic and not ever really stable. 

So seeing someone he had been caring for and become closer to, and making her get flustered when he complimented her, the grin on his face didn’t ease up at all.

Maybe he should do it more often if this was the result. 

But he quickly snapped out of his pisces daydreams (that’s what Wanda called it when she snuck into his head during meetings), and remembered that even if that thought crossed his mind every now and then, now was not the time. She had so much to figure out for herself, and he didn’t want to steal that time away from her.

“I’ll help you,” he stood up moving to the sink beside her, but before he could position himself by the faucet, his phone rang. 

“I’ll get it. You take that,” she waved him off with a kind and still slightly red smile. 

He debated ending the call anyway and going to help still, but the caller ID that had popped up confused him. 

He smiled at Y/N, selling an unbothered disposition, and turned toward the sitting area as she worked behind him. 

Getting just far enough away to not be heard over her stacking the dishes, and for her to not see his face drop when he answered it. 

“Stark. What do you want?”

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[ingoldendreams]

It’s dangerous outside. I hear my god say when I try to peer out the window.

I pause in my action, too-human curiosity warring against my faith.

Finally, faith wins out and I step away from the curtains.

It is dark outside, no shred of light entering my room.

It has been that way for a while now.

I open my closet and take out another cup of instant noodles from the never-ending stash. It is warm in my hands. I open it and place my lips to the side of hard plastic. I down the contents.

It is too salty, as instant food often is.

I lick my lips and throw the cup into the trash. It enters and joins the rest of the cups I had downed.

I turn back to my computer, starting it.

Idly, I count the seconds as it whirs to life, age taking its toll on the old machine. The lights flicker.

Ten minutes later, a bright screen pops up. I open a blank document and start writing.

The Lord of the Mysteries fell into slumber, my god dictates.

Fingers run across keys. I don’t say a word, even when my god speaks too fast for me to follow. My god will not slow down for me, I have learnt this. I fill in the gaps with my own imagination. My god has said nothing, a silent agreement, I would like to think.

And within the cocoon, a young worm breaks out of its shell.

I type on, my mind dull to the strange words strung together on the screen.

So begins, my god croons, the tale of the Lady of Misfortune.

Beginnings are always an end. I have learnt this from countless stories I have scribed.

Without waiting for my god to say so, I save the document and close it.

My god does not say a word. I stand up from the rickety chair, leather peeling off it in bits and pieces. I stretch, bones cracking and popping in a way anyone who has ever worked an office job would feel.

I glance at the curtains, what was once a bright yellow now washed to a dull grey. It hangs still, not a single movement to it.

My fingers itch for the edges of the worn cloth. I resist the temptation.

“When will it be safe outside?” I ask.

Soon, I hear my god whisper lovingly like a parent to their child, very soon.

I glance at the thousands of documents stored in my endless storage.

Soon, I think, and cannot help but doubt.

-

I haven’t left my room in a while.

Reaching for the doorknob sends palpitations in my chest, beating and drumming like a balloon squeezed tight to the point of bursting.

The thought of drawing the curtains would set a nagging god upon me.

I sit blankly on my bed, looking at my computer, blaring out a song. It is staticky and cuts off at the most inopportune times, a sign of its age.

Unable to bear it any longer, I stop the song and open up a game instead.

It is an old game, but still widely played.

I enter the server and kindly ignore the glitch in its name. It still works – there was no need to complain about cosmetic issues.

My avatar appears in a town square. I open up my friend page.

Most of my friends had stopped playing a while back, but I had found a few more friends within the game. They were odd characters, but when there were no more than a hundred players left remaining in the game, beggars couldn’t be choosers.

Everyone had a unique title. I had gained mine from spending time within the in-game library, penning down – certain fictional works that certainly had no relation to any existing player, widely received by the thousands of players there once was.

‘Library of Babel’

A popup from a chat caught my eye. It was from one of my friends, a presumable-woman (you never knew who was behind the mouse of a character) who always insisted on using the full title given to me instead of the shortened ‘Babel’ or ‘Babe’ my other friends had taken to calling me.

‘What’s up, Matron of Chaos?’ I typed. It was a pain, having to type out her full title, but she got upset if I did otherwise. She never really said so, but I figured it out after I had died to her summoned creatures one too many times.

I still died to her creatures every now and then, but it never hurt to please her more.

‘The Red Mist has infringed once again upon my property. As per the rules, you will be the judge and arbiter in the absence of the Black Pharaoh.’

Not this again.

As of late, the Matron of Chaos had been picking a fight with the Mother of the Red Mist. It was around the time the Red Mist’s title changed.

Still, with the Black Pharaoh missing, I had been dragged in to witness their fights and arguments – if it could even be called that. As annoying and arrogant the guy had been, I couldn’t help but miss his presence now.

I watched numbly as my avatar died and respawned, caught in the aftermath of some powerful AOE attacks, resting my cheek on my arms as I yawned.

In the depths of my mind, I could sense my god watching this petty squabble with great interest.

I turned my attention away from the battle and to my friends list instead, scouring through the still active players.

‘Master of Dimensions – inactive’

Huh. That was one name I hadn’t thought would go off. Master of Dimensions, or Scammer, as I liked to call him had been planning something or the other against his perpetual feud with Formless Chasm.

I scrolled down the list and confirmed that Formless Chasm was inactive too.

I leaned back into my chair and sighed.

More people dropping out of the game.

Absently, I reached for the curtain.

It’s dangerous outside, my god hissed. I obediently withdrew my hand, looking back at the computer screen.

The screen flickers, the game closing and making way for a new document.

I sigh, but wriggle my fingers and prepare myself for another writing session.

 -

A person walked through my door.

I turned to look. The person had no face. And not in the way that meant the person had no features – I saw through his head, like there was nothing there, much like a badly rendered image filter.

“How did you get in here?” I asked. “It’s not safe outside.”

The person stood right at the doorway, facing me – or I assumed so, it was hard to tell. The person didn’t answer – not that it could without a face.

“Who are you?” I asked again. “Do you not remember who you are?”

My computer screen flickered, then bluescreened on me.

ERROR

RETRIEVING USER DATA…

USER NAME CORRUPTED

USER PROFILE CORRUPTED

ERROR

RETRIEVING BACKUP DATA…

USER NAME RETRIEVED

USER PROFILE RETRIEVED

The screen flickered again, and the screen was restored.

The person’s face was also slowly retrieved and pieced back together, pixel by pixel.

“Do you remember who you are now?” I asked. “Who are you?” I asked again.

The person didn’t reply.

I waited another minute before it became too late to wait for a reply.

BACKUP FAILED

DELETING USER DATA…

USER DATA DELETED

The person crumbled, body changing into 1s and 0s that could no longer be sustained.

I sat back as the person disappeared, leaving me to my lonesome once again.

-

“Who are you?”

I kicked the floor, turning my chair around to look at the person standing in my doorway. This time, I wasn’t the one who had spoken.

“Do you remember yourself?” I asked.

The person before me had a face – a sense of self, no matter how blurred it was.

The person was silent for a second, then replied, “yes.”

“Come in,” I said.

The person stepped inside my room cautiously.

“I am the Library of Babel,” I said, “are you worthy to be my god?”

#lotm #lord of the mysteries #my writing

[ashiyn]

Hi! Hope it's all good, I wanted to ask you what software you use for your edits I've honestly no clue where to start but I've loads of little clips of yours saved :D

hiya!! im so sorry for the delayed answer, i swear tumblr doesnt give me notifs about my inbox im fuming. this is quite long so the answer and some editing tips are under the cut! please feel free to reach out if there's something that doesn't make sense or if you ever need any tips or help!

i personally use adobe after effect 2020 with some plugins! most people would probably use adobe premiere pro for compilations like the ones i do but im WAY WAY WAY more used to after effect due do making daily fancams/edits in the past (i do not recommend doing this btw- got burned out after doing it for about a year LMAO). so for example if you're interested in making edits like this or this i'd go for after effect but if you wanna make stuff like this or this, premiere pro is probably the way to go, even if i use AE for both 😭

adobe products are very expensive and you need quite the computer for it to run it without crashing all the time so if you dont have the resources or want to dedicate some time into researching turrenting + vpn and how to install it properly + the plugins on top of learning a pretty confusing (at first) program i'd recommend capcut! it's a free phone app and ive personally never used it, but ive had a lot of mutuals before use it and it looks great and pretty simple to use once you get the hang of it.

learning after affect is extremely frustrating i wont lie, but it's probably the best software if you want to do complicated stuff or simply just get smooth slow mo that you often use in edits! it's worth it in the end after you get the hang of it! there's a lot of youtube tutorials out there and i'd love to help with settings and keyframes if needed!

using AE can be a little bit of an overkill if you're only looking into trying editing to see if you think it's fun and worth the time it takes, so phone apps is honestly an amazing start to get into it. i just decided to go 120% out of nowhere due to getting a hyperfixiation on deciding to learn how to edit and doing it in a more "professional" way and potentially become an editor in the future -> which did not happen. or well. i did end up having a tiktok account with 45k followers when i posted a lot of my edits of shows that i liked but i was potentially thinking of becoming a yt editor or maybe work in media more. however im a burned out nurse student now LMAO

personal tips when it comes to editing;

i use while editing is to make a mindmap or simply just write down key elements you want in your edit to make it easier and prevents you from having to redo your edit (which is painful).

to make the edit "run more smoothly" make sure to fade the clip to be more dark at the end and start the next coming clip with a fade from dark to light. learning slow mo can be tricky in any app, but if possible i use the same thing with clips where it starts faster, is the slowest in the middle of the clip, and starts to get to normal speed at the end of the clip to make the transition over to another clip seem smoother and not like a raw cut.

this might be more of a editing style preference but i always add a slight zoom (either in or out depending on the transition) at every clip so that it's not as awkwardly still. i also always add a slight shake that you cant really see unless you focus on it for the same reason as the zoom. i found that even if the transitions are extremely simple or not even there at all, these small things make an edit look way more "professional" and less choppy.

next thing is "just" to learn what transitions you like after that and dont be afraid to mess with settings, even if you follow a tutorial. its all about finding your own editing style and what you like more!

i download youtube videos using loader.to but screen recording also works! i download mine to make the fps be correct to match when im slowing down a clip but that might be a bit overkill. youtube4kdownloader.com is a great website to cut clips from youtube videos to download too! just make sure to use adblockers when using the websites!

also: editing takes a lot of time and dont feel discouraged if it takes long to finish one! once you have more of an editing style it becomes more of a routine the more you edit!

these tips can be used on any editing app (with the slow mo being an exception in some apps) but then again, dont feel like you need any of it and just go ham on whatever ideas you have! id love to see any edit of yours :D

#.asks #sorry. this is like an extremely long post for nothing AHAHAH #believe it or not but i held back a lot here PFFT

[kobblefort]

Rushsly: Into the Depths 1

Sorry for no updates yesterday; I spent the entire day making food, watching longform YouTube videos, and working on some other artistic outlets. In the interest of maintaining my anonymity until at least the end of this project and possibly indefinitely after that, I won't be sharing them (well, I can't send home-cooked food over the internet anyway - yet! Get on that shit, techbros!) but you'll be relieved to know they turned out well. I'm only just now sitting down at the computer this evening after a day that mostly tanked due to me starting to feel under the weather, but I think I know the cure - and obviously, it's the single greatest simulation game of all time, Dwarf Fortress.

There's no better way to start off a session than crashing the game, so I decide to make a nice and agonizingly slow "quick"save and throw Rushsly into Stonesense, the isometric-3D fortress visualizer which is notoriously stable when used with the Steam release and mods. Well actually it was working fine before I tried to maximize the window, then it crashed. I could find some way to blame the program for that, but I've been reading "The Inner Game of Tennis" lately, and though I'm not very far into it, I get the gist that I probably shouldn't, but also I shouldn't blame myself either? When I say not very far, I mean literally 4 or 5 pages. Are you even allowed to say you're "reading" a book when you've barely made it past the foreword and preface? Fine. I'm browsing The Inner Game of Tennis, and I'll consider myself reading it in 20 or 30 pages. Anyway, the fort looks pretty unassuming from the top, besides that "chimney" which is not actually there, but I can't get anyone up there to destroy the "downward staircase" tile without creating another "downward staircase" tile, which I'd need to get someone up there to destroy on and on over and over forever for the rest of my life. It doesn't have an "upward staircase" tile below it so it's purely a cosmetic blemish. Clear glass tiles also look very funny in Stonesense.

The furnace floor, where I already had to alter the stockpile by a single tile so I could put down a floor tile to stop the growth of a young tower-cap. I fucking hate floor fungus!!

The catacombs really do look a bit shit from this angle sorry kobbles. The little magma pockets do look cool though.

The (secondary now, I guess?) production floor is such a fucking mess and I hate it but I'm never going to do anything about it.

The tavern and chief's chambers look pretty cool though! I like that the dogs get sprites but my kobbles are just the letter "k." I feel bad for the people in the bedroom below who have a clear glass ceiling. Imagine trying to sleep and a bunch of motherfuckers are dancing above you and you can not only hear but see it the whole time. What a life!

And the only other floor of any visual interest is the barracks+hospital+dungeon floor. I like that stonesense makes the wells into faucets. Kobbles got plumbing lol

It always hurts to give a miner a different job, since I like it when the mining gets done fast, but since he wasn't particularly great at it anyway: Zhag, the miner who did not give a single shit about breaching the caverns, has been transferred to the military right around the time that a couple years of constant training starts really paying off for On Speechlessmonstrous and Zomrca Lulledjackals. In fact, it's sparring with one another that brought on this "level-up."

Two girls, both keenly aware of their bodies and the way they move, pushing each other to greater and greater heights of martial prowess. I don't care who you are, that's yuri. And also they're drunk. But kobbles, like dwarves, are basically always drunk. There was a time when I'd be like "Same! That's so me, lol!!" but it's long been over. I don't actually miss alcohol, I just miss the way alcohol used to feel, the effect it used to have on me. For the last little while, whenever I finally gave in to the temptation to knock some shots back every 2 or 3 weeks I would just suddenly jump-cut straight to the next day, waking up with literally all my clothes on including my goddamn socks like a fucking bastard feeling absolutely miserable in every physical sense and terrified that I had fucking humiliated myself and made lifelong enemies in the 25 Discord conversations I didn't remember starting. Now if I try to drink at all my body just says "no, fuck you. Go to bed" and all I can bring myself to do is lay down and get five to seven hours of miserably low-quality sleep - while still lucid enough to take my socks off, thank fucking god. I can't complain, really. The time from my early 20s when drinking made everything beautiful and everyone into my friend has long been over. If I never wake up in a stranger's bed or literally drooping halfway off the couch of their back porch again it'll still be too soon. But it's fine for kobbles to drink I guess. They were literally programmed to do it

At only 136 steel bars, it feels a bit too early to be getting the kobbles into steel armor, but new weapons and shields should do them well - provided they're not all too attached to their current gear. The dream is, eventually, adamantine, but to tell the truth I've never actually gotten that far in a fort. They either died in a horrible violent tragedy or from the miserable slowness of FPS death far before we could chance upon any Hidden Fun Stuff. To be completely honest, despite making a few attempts as early as early as 2009, even installing it on the computers at my high school and getting away with playing it all through study hall because nothing that looks like that could possibly actually be a game, I really never figured the game out or had any real success. I just didn't have the patience to either learn to read the ASCII or manually check every tile every time I wanted to know what anything was. This was back when carp were serious threats and rhesus macaque invasions were commonplace - the Brazil era, as I've literally just now decided to dub it - but half the things I take for granted really weren't even in the game yet. Also, on those same high school computers I managed to install Cave Story, and I got all the way to Hell before getting hopelessly stuck, which is what happens to me basically every time I play Cave Story, though I did manage to beat Hell & Ballos just once as a kid. I like to joke that my soul is stuck in Cave Story Hell forever until I finally beat it one more time, but sometimes I get scared it's not a joke. One time my friends came over while they were tripping on acid, and I was stoned and playing PaRappa the Rapper, and they were watching with so much delight but then I got to the bathroom level and just couldn't fucking do it, failing attempt after attempt, and one of those same friends professed to me years later that he feels like part of his soul is still trapped in the PaRappa the Rapper bathroom level, instead of experiencing the catharsis of the big concert finale level. The other friend from that time is no longer my friend because he burned down his fucking house with a turtle and several dogs and cats inside. All the dogs and most of the cats escaped but the turtle did not and since then he has been in permanent rehab because every time he almost finishes up at a halfway house he decides "you know what, I should take mushrooms right now. I should get so high on cough medicine that I can't even pretend to function for 5 minutes. While I'm in this fucking halfway house that I could be free from if I just waited one or two more weeks to take these mushrooms or cough medicine." I mean I can't really begrudge him the drugs but, well, actually I think I can. I can begrudge anyone for anything if I want. He also had a pad on the floor where his dogs could shit instead of just taking them out, I mean that's not just on him that's on his whole family being fucked up. Basically just fuck that guy

We'll be breaching the first cavern layer in earnest soon. I'm not quite sure what I actually want to do down there - fungiwood and tower-cap don't actually interest me, considering how much wood we have on the surface, and farming has been going so well that we don't really need anything edible from down here, either. Maybe I just want to stir the pot. Maybe I just want conflict. You know there's a reason why people who play this game say "losing is fun" and it's beca

Oh Fuck Oh Shit No No No Oh Shit Get The Fuck Out Of There Everybody Get The Fuck Inside Right Now Oh Fuck Oh Fuck Oh Fuck Oh My God Please No ... errr .......

Everyone has more than enough time to get inside safely, because... it's a fucking giant tortoise. In the time it takes for everyone who was topside to get safely into the base, the weretortoise has... not moved a single tile.

The moat bridge is retracted, marksmen are poised and (hopefully) ready to fire, but uhh... I don't want to say I overreacted, but I may in fact have overreacted.

Its kill record is not impressive, either. I'm more impressed by the names of some of these places it's been. "Grayhatchet" is actually pretty cool. "Questsloshed" that one sounds kind of horny... "Womansoak" That's what they call me when I walk up in the fucking club LOL !!!!!!!! Sorry. I'm going to be normal again.

The were-tortoise reverts back to a lobster (yes I have the mod that adds crustacean civilizations installed on this world) and skitters away off the map and far from my mind. Honestly, he might be more intimidating in this form. However strong the were-tortoise form might be, it's not exactly effective. Another thing I learned is that the statue "radar" does not actually tell you where or which statue was toppled, it literally just says that one was. If I wanted to put in a bunch of effort, I could set up a system where I have statues of one material put on the west, another material on the east, other materials north and south, maybe even go 8-directional with it, but I kind of don't care. The reason that people who play a lot of Dwarf Fortress say that "losing is fun" has two reasons. First of all, there is no real "winning" in Dwarf Fortress - you can become the new Mountainhome of your civilization, sure, but that's more of "the best game state you can attain" than a victory. It ultimately just comes with more challenges: an entourage of picky, problem-causing nobles and a king/queen/gender-unspecific-position-of-royalty/whatever else show up to make demands, and it's not like you export a certain amount of wealth and roll the credits or something. The second is that, since you cannot win, getting your fortress to be perfect, infallible, and autonomous only actually serves to make the game boring. Losing is not just a learning experience as far as the actual mechanical game goes, but an exciting event that changes the story and landscape of your world. After this fort inevitably goes down in flames I am going to keep playing in this world and Rushsly will be not just a memory in my mind but something that existed and changed the culture and history of The Land of Nails, the biggest continent in The Dimensions of Portent. (Kind of a lame name though. Why don't you portend to go fuck yourself, lol. Not you the reader, just a general unspecified "you".)

There's motherfucking gold in them there hills, tons of gems too. I'm prone to ignore stuff like silver and cassiterite because it's not that valuable and more important not that interesting to me, but I can absolutely be tempted by the glint of gold, and much like Sonic Adventure 2's breakout MILF Rouge the Bat I always love a good gem. If you don't think she's a milf you're looking at the wrong pictures - the wiki is wrong, the writers and designers of the games are wrong, she is a 43 yr old cougar. And me well I just want to be the pudgy twink 10+ years younger than her that she is just ever so slightly emotionally abusive towards, not in the traumatizing way just the sexy way. Like "the hurting your feelings but then you also get aroused from it and afterwards she's like yeah you know i didn't actually mean it" way.

Fucking kitchen full of fucking miasma

Just USE THE BARRELS YOU FUCKING BASTARDS

Like why do they do this

With nothing but perfect timing, a metalcrafter falls into a strange mood that makes him cry out for:

-metal bars (He's already taken a platinum one)

-logs (We have plenty all over the fucking place but he won't grab any)

-silk cloth (We have 100s of these too, he won't take any)

-bones (which means we have to slaughter an animal in the same disgusting butcher room with the miasma and all the meat already just sitting on the floor.)

Zylr has made an enemy out of me but I am honor-bound to help his bitch ass create a masterpiece so fuck it.

He takes the bones and... just keeps bitching. I don't know. Does he just want more bones? Because I'm not going to be heartbroken over killing another horse. Fuck it. I'll gladly kill another horse. I hate horses and want them to not exist.

And yes, he did literally just want more bones.

And downstairs, they finally started putting things in barrels. Not before letting our food & meat stocks drop by literally hundreds of items, but I guess a win is a win. kind of. Not really a complete win yet either there's still very much some shit on the floor. Fuck it I'll just make them throw it out too. What were you really going to do with horse nervous tissue, like be honest. As usual I had to run cleanowned in dfhack like 5 times to make the kobbles actually start taking out the garbage but they did it. (I know the military backpack glitch but I don't understand how meals got claimed as owned without even making it out of the kitchen (I don't feel like explaining the military backpack glitch right now but I can later if someone asks me to (We're kind of losing the fucking plot here though (and suddenly I care about that))))

Zylr had the good sense to offer this to me instead of keeping it as a personal treasure, and I mean, 20k value ain't bad. Most interestingly is the chain either has an image of itself on it, or is making a reference to another platinum chain that exists somewhere. It would be really funny to just put it in the dungeon and tie criminals to it, but it feels weirdly appropriate to put it in one of the churches, so I'm going to do that instead.

AMBUSH TIME!!!!

The fucking pricks are going after our bird towers. It's so personal now.

Their necromancer doesn't even make it past the first row of traps.

A boar that their necromancer resurrected literally kicks one of them to death. I don't think these guys are very good at this.

With their... leader(??) and three of their most fearless caged, and one of their least lucky shredded into fucking bits, the stragglers just awkwardly wander off the map to go hide. They didn't even make it past the third row of traps on the very first level.

They also did not even make a dent in our bird numbers, despite them being the only targets they were able to even take shots at. Though this does serve to prove we need to reinforce the Bird Towers to prevent unnecessary loss of bird life, that's literally all it proved. They will one day be back with more, they may come back with the idea of maybe not walking straight into the trap hallway, but for now they are idiots who barely managed to kill a single goose.

Unfortunately, speaking of idiots, our marksbold squad was deployed up to the fortifications above the trade depot, and despite getting a clear shot on one of them, fucking did nothing because the ones with bows keep picking up bolts and the ones with crossbows keep picking up arrows. Since different types of ammo is a mod thing, there's no actual option to force them to use one or the other, I guess our best bet is to just dispose of all the bows and arrows and force everyone to use only crossbows. I don't feel like doing that right now though and I've also hit the 30 image limit again so you'll just have to find out whether that even works or not on the next exciting episode of Rushsly. I probably should have ended it on a cliffhanger but I think it's funnier if the thing you have to look forward to is just me cleaning out some traps, figuring out to do with some prisoners, and trying to fix a military logistics problem. This ain't that new-fangled Witch from Saturn Ion gundam show this is the classic 1979 gundam. WHO WILL SURVIVE?

#dwarf fortress #kobblefort

[davnittbraes]

The Third Step - Chapter Twenty

Part of The World Is Light, Embodied.

Pairing: Din Djarin x F!Reader

Rating: Explicit (not this chapter but this series as a whole)

Word Count: 3300

Warnings etc.: introspection, Grogu being too fucking adorable, reference to past violence, mention of slavery and discrimination, ANGST because what else do I even write

Notes: Pax is actually a star system in canon but the uninhabited dwarf planet described is mine. So that means I can do whatever I want with it (cue argument between my imagination and logical thinking: DRAGONS - no Davnitt calm down be reasonable - RAINBOW DRAGONS - *sigh* ok maybe)

Mando’a translations at the end of the chapter.

Please check out the Series Masterlist page for more info.

It takes him a minute to get his bearings. 

For almost as long as he can remember, he’s woken up in a cold bunk, or the pilot’s chair, or any number of trees, caves, dunes and whatever else might be found on the random planets he’s tracked quarry to. 

It’s always been a quick snap from unconsciousness into awareness, an unnoticeable transition. So smooth he sometimes doubts he’d been asleep at all until he sees physical evidence of time passing in his surroundings or the landscape or the Razor Crest’s navigational computer. 

It’s a habit that has saved his life many times, the ability to go from deep sleep to immediate action. 

From dreaming to aiming his blaster at an enemy’s head. 

He’s not used to this. 

This slow meandering into the world, this gradual slip from the dark of dreams to the warmth of life. 

To the warmth of you. 

It’s pitch black, the ship still in night cycle, but he can sense you. There, beside him, in your little corner of the hold. 

You’re curled up tight, knees drawn to your chest, pressed along his side with your back to the wall of the hold. Only an arm - curled around his - has broken free from your defensive position, your breath warm and steady against the fabric of his underlayer where you’ve tucked your face into his bicep. 

It’s obvious your subconscious is still processing what you did tonight. Even in sleep, you seek to protect yourself from harm. 

The fact that you still reached for him, still pulled his arm close as if it was a lifeline, says more to him than any words in any language. 

He looks up at the unseen ceiling of the hold, thoughts drifting as he comes into wakefulness. 

Not that long ago, on Nevarro, he had lain next to you much like this. Then, he was in turmoil, fighting to stave off the infectious regret threatening to consume every thought of you. Hardly managing to keep it contained to his broken oath. 

He can barely even feel that regret any more.

And he should. He knows that. 

But… 

It’s difficult to believe The Way is important over and above all else when you’re lying next to him like this. 

After trusting him with parts of you that you’ve never shown anyone else. 

Believing in his trust. 

Believing in him. 

When has anyone believed in him like you do?

His lungs fill slowly, empty with a quiet sigh. 

He used to think The Tribe did. 

Now… now he wonders if maybe their belief was more in his skills. In his contributions to the survival of their people. 

Once, not long ago, he would have thought there was no difference. 

His ears prick at a soft sound coming from the direction of his bunk.

The kid’s awake. 

Carefully, he extracts his arm from your grasp - the movement is still enough to wake you, questioning murmur muffled by his underlayer. 

His hand finds your cheek, cups your face as he presses a gentle kiss to your forehead. “Stay here. I’m just getting up.”

Another wordless mumble, tone sleepy but insistent, making him smile. “Go back to sleep, tionas.”

He waits for you to sigh in acceptance, your form shifting to get comfortable again, before slipping out from under the blankets. 

His knees crack as he stands, back creaks in response. Yeah, blankets on durasteel just isn’t going to work for much longer. 

But he’ll take the sore knees and creaky back if he gets to sleep next to you. 

He picks up his helmet - he knows exactly where it is in the dark, an instinct born out of habit. Quietly shuffles through the stack of his armour - there, his vambrace.

The beskar helm settles over his head, the visor’s night vision activates with a press of a button. 

A sense of familiarity and comfort wash over him. 

There’s a little tremor of something like disappointment in there now, though. 

Making his way toward the bunk, he keys the door open. The kid is sitting up in his hammock, ears perked and eyes wide. 

With distress, it’s obvious in the deep wrinkles in the little guy’s forehead. 

Concern floods his chest, hot and cold at the same time. 

He keeps his voice pitched low, aware of you sleeping just around the corner, cursing the sharp crackle of the modulator. “Hey, pal, how are you feeling?”

The kid chirps, tiny arms reaching, and it’s second nature to lift his little body out of the hammock. 

A quick onceover doesn’t show any signs of physical injury. So why the distress? 

Should have put his vambrace on, he left it beside you - one of the filters on the visor would give him temperature readouts, point out any injuries he’s maybe missing - 

The kid squirms almost violently, grunting with the effort to break free. 

“Ok, ok, don’t hurt yourself.” He gently sets the little guy down, concern shifting into confusion as the kid takes off at a quick shuffle. 

Toward your corner of the hold. 

Oh. 

He bends down to grab the kid’s hand, and big eyes turn to look up at him. “She’s ok. But she’s sleeping.”

Those ridiculous ears droop, tilting down at a sharp angle. 

Sympathy shoots through his chest with a sharp spike. 

Dank farrik. 

“Fine. She’ll probably want to see you, too.”

The kid seems to understand, lets himself be picked up again.

You sit up as he approaches, either having heard the conversation or just drifting along the surface of sleep, arms already reaching for the kid. 

His steps pause for a moment. 

The night vision filter strips everything of colour, dimension, painting outlines of shapes in sharp contrasts, enough to see an enemy during combat. 

But memory overlays his vision. Memory of your face, in full colour and beauty, features relaxed and open and your very soul shining through your eyes when you said those words that mean so much more, now. 

Everything is different with you. 

The kid babbles happily, practically leaps into your waiting hands, and your chuckle of surprise echoes around the hold. 

You settle him in your lap, fingers fumbling in the dark to trace the curve of one ear, smile fading just a little at the corners. “Are you ok, kiddo?”

The kid coos in reply, tiny clawed hand grasping your thumb. 

Relief is evident in your voice, your expression, as you settle back against the wall of the hold. “Good. I’m glad.”

Then you look up at him, somehow finding his gaze in the dark, just like you do through the visor, as if your eyes can always see him despite the layers of shadow and beskar. 

His heart stutters in his chest as you lift a hand toward him, that same open expression painting your features with a deep vulnerability that he saw earlier. 

When you had bared your body to him. 

When you had hesitated to remove your shirt. 

And when you’d realized the blaster bolt had barely missed piercing your heart. 

His hands suddenly ache with the need to touch you, to reassure himself that you are still here, in this world.

It’s an oddly coordinated shuffle, considering he’s never done it before. 

He settles into the blankets as you worm yourself under his arm the kid squirming into your now-combined laps. 

It’s funny, he doesn’t even flinch, doesn’t tense up anymore, when he feels the warmth of your body seeping through his underlayer.

Your soft laugh of amusement gently vibrates through his chest where your shoulder is pressed over his heart. “Guess you just wanted to cuddle, huh, buddy?”

The kid murmurs softly, sleep already stealing into his voice, pulling his eyelids shut again. Your own eyelids draw down, the call of your dreams not far away, beckoning you back. 

He doesn’t even think about it, just tilts up the edge of his helmet to kiss your temple. “Go back to sleep, cyar’ika.”

You surprise him, turning your face to catch his lips in a kiss so tender it hurts his heart. “You too. We’re safe, now.”

Then you tuck your head into the curve of his neck, body relaxing against his, lungs already shifting into the steady rhythm of sleep. 

And he sits there, staring out into the hold, random shapes of the objects and items scattered about nothing more than lines in the night vision of his visor, blurred by the tears that sting the corners of his eyes. 

His words from earlier echo through his thoughts. 

You destroy me and heal me in the same breath. 

He’d heard it. 

Back in Zirgan.

The sharp, cracked inhale of your lungs as you realized what was happening, thoughts just a split second behind your body. 

The barely-there whimper, the tiniest of sounds squeezing past your throat. 

And the rush of an exhale as you stumbled out of the bolt’s path. 

It was worse than anything he had ever felt before. Any wound, any pain, any emotion. 

The pure, ice-cold terror that gripped his heart tight before you had stumbled away from that ominous, glaring-bright red. 

That same terror threatens to overwhelm him now, claws at his chest, screeches in his ears. And underneath it, echoing, the sound of what should have been your last breath.

We’re safe, now. 

His own breath slows, steadies.

He looks down at the kid, snoring lightly, splayed across your laps, whole and hale. 

And you, one hand on his thigh, the other resting over his on your hip. Limbs finally relaxed, comfortable.

We’re safe, now. 

He repeats that to himself, over and over, until his own eyes grow heavy and his head falls back to rest against the wall, and sleep crawls slowly over him. 

The words circle and swirl as unconsciousness pulls him under, into the beginnings of a dream where all three of you are safe, together. 

Where the kid is just a child, playing and laughing and living free of fear and obligations, free of the shadow of the Empire. 

Where your eyes never again show the pinch of pain, only the sweet, openness of your gaze when it met his through the visor as you asked him how he makes you feel so strong and alive and real. 

Where he meets your gaze without barriers, without black and beskar and cracked oaths with jagged edges that threaten to bite into his soul and you can see the mirror of your own expression on his face. 

*****

The pale lines of hyperspace illuminate the cockpit through the transparisteel, lending a certain aura of morning to the small space. Appropriate, since it’s only an hour past the start of the day cycle, and you’re trying to convince the kid to eat his breakfast. 

“Come on, buddy. I get it, no one likes ration bars. But it’s all we have right now and you gotta eat something.” You wave the piece of bar in front of his face, sigh when he turns away from it decidedly. 

Mando glances at you and the kid as he finishes keying in commands to the navigational computer. “I like ration bars.”

Your snort of disbelief makes the kid giggle, even though he probably doesn’t understand the context. “Right. As much as you love HoloNet dramas?”

“Even more.”

“Ha. Busted.” You wiggle the bar in front of the kid again. “If your dad is willing to finally admit to his obsession with trashy entertainment, you can at least swallow down a bit of this.”

The kid ignores you, gaze fixed to the computer’s display. Ok, not gonna win this round, try again later. “Great question. Where are we going?”

Mando flips through the holographic display to the end of the current plotted route. “The Imps will be looking for us after Zirgan. We lay low for a couple days, then refuel and get out of this sector. So I was thinking Pax, it’s only a few hours away.”

“Pax sounds perfect. Mostly because I’ve never heard of it.”

“A small star system, only one inhabited planet, low population and still recovering from Separatist occupation. Think that’s too risky, though.” He manipulates the display, centres in on a small planet. “But this. Dwarf planet, no official name, no sentient population. Just forest and mountains, couple oceans.”

You hum in approval. “And as we know, mountains are optimal ground cover for the Crest.”

“Exactly.”

“Pax it is.” Reaching into the kid’s pod to idly rearrange his robe, you subtly shift closer to him, keeping your hand with the ration bar out of sight. “What do ya think, kiddo? Shall we check it out?”

The kid looks at you, eyes bright and ears perked, opens his little mouth to chirp excitedly. You move fast, pushing the piece of the ration bar between his tiny teeth. He freezes, chirp immediately shifting to a grumble, muffled by the bar. 

You shrug one shoulder. “Might as well eat it at this point.”

His little sigh of exasperation is incredibly hard not to laugh at. 

But you do smile when he starts chewing, distracted by Mando’s gloved hands moving across the control console in a pattern you’re beginning to see as familiar, despite your best efforts to avoid looking too closely at the console and risk your curse on all things mechanical transferring to the ship. 

A thought drifts into your mind, seeing the kid’s focus on the console and the computer display, big eyes scanning over the letters and numbers filling the screen in Basic. “Do you think he knows how to read?”

The helmet flashes with the glow of hyperspace as Mando turns in his chair to look at you. “The kid? I’m not sure. It’s hard to say what he understands. Sometimes I think he knows what we’re saying, other times I’m not so sure.”

“I know what you mean. Though I have a sneaking suspicion he understands more during those other times and just refuses to listen anyway.” You lightly poke the kid’s arm, grinning at the look of pure innocence he gives you, all wide eyes and perked ears. 

Mando huffs a laugh in agreement, orange-tipped fingers tapping against the control console. “Why do you ask?”

Your stomach dips, memories filled with anger and frustration and pain bubbling up until you shove them back down again, take a deep breath. Focus on the present, right in front of you. 

The helmet tilts - he noticed your reaction. Kriff, you’ll never get anything past him. 

Clearing your throat, you sit back in your chair, forcing yourself to relax. It’s still a little jarring, talking about your past. “I think we should teach him. Or try to, at least. Maybe his species doesn’t speak, maybe they communicate through writing.”

He’s silent for a moment, as if waiting for you to continue. Which of course he is. Not pressuring you to do so, just giving you the opportunity.

Which you should take. Which you want to take. Because you’ve held all of it back for so long and now you see how it feels to let someone see this part of you.

Taking a steadying breath, you let yourself say what you want to say. “And it’s important, knowing how to read. You wouldn’t believe how much information isn’t available to you without that skill. It’s second nature for so many people, because they’re taught at a young age. But for -“ Your voice catches, but you push through - “for people like me, who weren’t taught, or even given the opportunity, the galaxy is a terrifying place if you’re on your own.”

The kid murmurs softly, picking up on the pain of faded memories in your voice. 

You give him a reassuring smile. “I wasn’t allowed to learn, as a slave. So when I escaped, I had to navigate the world of signs and instructions without any idea what all the markings meant. It took me a couple years to teach myself, and I was at the mercy of others that whole time. For someone like him?” 

Taking his tiny clawed hand in yours, you squeeze it gently, voice softening with the weight of your words. “Despite his powers, I think he needs every advantage he can get.”

The cockpit is quiet for a moment, light flickering faintly with the movement of the hyperspace lines outside the ship. 

Then Mando moves, reaching over to take your free hand, holding it just as you hold the kid’s. “We’ll teach him.”

A sound from the control console draws his attention and he turns away to pull up the navigational map, flashing in warning of the pending drop from hyperspace. The kid reaches for the rest of the ration bar, sitting inside his pod where you had dropped it. He takes a healthy bite as he watches Mando prep the ship to move into real space. 

The blaster burn twinges just a little as you sit back in your chair, watching them both. 

Kid is eating, Mando practically admitted to loving HoloNet dramas. You’re going to teach the kid a skill that saved your own life on many occasion. 

Small victories, but you’ll take them, even just as reminders that you’re still here, with them.

*****

Dawn is just breaking as the Razor Crest touches down on the no-name planet, a single sun peeking over the mountain range in the distance. It’s light washes over the natural clearing on the forested mountain Mando chose for a landing pad, beaming through the trees. The way the sunlight catches on the leaves, making them glow bright with the angle, draws your gaze as soon as the crew door slides open. 

Wait…

You take another step down the ramp, squinting up at the trees. 

It’s not a trick of the light, they’re actually glowing. 

Another moment, a blink of an eye and they start to fade, the light shifting as the sun continues to rise, leaves dimming to a pale blue. With the silvery white of the tree trunks, the forest looks like a mirror of the sky above, pale blue dotted with white, fluffy clouds. 

The kid coos softly from his pod floating beside you, his gaze also fixed on the leaves. 

You hum in agreement, tugging the pod along as you step off the ramp. “You’re right, kiddo. It’s beautiful.”

Mando continues his scan a few paces away, helmet turning in wide, steady sweeps. “No large life forms in the area. Few smaller animals, nothing that should be a threat.”

The skittering of movement through nearby branches pricks your ears. “Tell that to the smaller animals. We’re big, noisy intruders in their home.” 

Another rustle in the leaves above and you catch a glimpse of a silhouette, a small creature about half the size of the kid. Whatever they are, they’re obviously watching you. “And tree-dwellers like that still have teeth and claws.”

Mando looks in the direction of the creature, helmet tilting on consideration. “Do you think they’ll be a problem?”

The silhouette shifts quickly, disappears behind the trunk of the tree. Curious, but skittish. “I don’t think so. We should try not to disturb them any more than necessary, though, any animal will defend its home if provoked enough.”

Mando turns back to you. “We’ll stay here for a few days, then.”

A cool breeze rustles through the small, slender leaves, exposing their silver-white undersides, and for a split second it looks as if the trees are sparkling before your vision adjusts to the movement. 

Initial assessment of your surroundings done, your senses widen, lungs filling with fresh air tinged with the scent of growing things, morning sun already warm on your skin. A few days on a beautiful, uninhabited planet? Just you, Mando and the kid?

Yeah, you’re good with that plan. 

Excitement and anticipation flutters your heartbeat, curves your mouth into a smile. “Is this a vacation? I’m calling it a vacation.”

“Call it whatever you want, tionas.” His amusement is obvious, even through the modulator. 

You glance at him out of the corner of your eyes. “At least I don’t have a house to blow up this time.”

“You’re never going to let that go, are you?”

“Nope.”

***** Mando’a translations

tionas - question

cyar’ika - sweetheart

***** Previous Chapter Next Chapter

#the mandalorian fanfiction #din djarin fanfiction #the mandalorian x reader #the mandalorian x you #the mandalorian x female reader #the mandalorian x f!reader #din djarin x reader #din djarin x female reader #din djarin x f!reader #din djarin x you #mando x you #mando x female reader #mando x reader #mando x f!reader #no y/n #reader insert #the world is light embodied

[dullahandyke]

post got long whoops. tldr autism plus unmedicated adhd equals media hellscape

have recently come to the realisation that ive had a complex about art consumption for a long long time, stemming from when i was a tween watching playthroughs and reviews and never playing or watching the stuff the reviews were based on. and some of that was because i was young and didnt have a computer to play danganronpa on, but i've been pirating shows as long as i've been on the internet, yet i never watched any of the anime all the youtubers talked about because it was safer and easier to listen to them talk about it and the culture than it was to ever have to seek out something i liked, to have to have my own thoughts about it. and that's followed me for at least 7 years at this point, and like, fuck, man, i wanna get out of that, but like, it's just so easy to sink into fanon. i don't watch youtube reviews anymore, but i've gotten into more than one fandom almost solely by reading a shitton of fanfiction about it. and i (former owner of yourfavehasfewerficsthanthislamp [eimear lore, veterans discount, etc]) am well aware that fanon near-universally flattens and disregards its characters and stories, saying 'fuck canon' and often for valid reason but rarely making anything better than it, but hell, it's just something to shove down my gob. it feels like easy reading, like i don't have to have my own big thoughts about symbolism and characterisation because someone else has done it for me, and it's shitty to treat fanfiction as inherantly less meaningful, but i do it anyway because it feels like the reading equivalent of having momma bird chew my food for me, and it makes me feel guilty but it keeps me fed! and i've found that a solution for this is to get into something that i've never seen anyone talk about, that nobody knows the Right Opinions for, and blade of the immortal has been wonderful for that! it's a good manga that's so long that it deters anyone from following me down the rabbit hole on a whim, and i like having my own little pit! but then i read another manga and i post about it and someone replies with an observation on the manga, and i think to myself, 'oh god', i think, 'now the neighbours are coming over and i have to clean the living room, i have to make sure my opinions are fully-formed and my appreciation is proper and there's not any mess', and even then there's a shitty bit that feels indignant because i liked to feel special, unique, like i was the only person that knew that manga and someone else has shattered that illusion, and i know i should be happy to share it but i never quite grew out of wanting to feel cool and obscure and like things were MINE. and the thing is that the more i read only fanfiction, the more i can literally feel my braincells dwindling, and i WANT to read something more substantial, because i know that if i pick up a novel or a manga or even the base material for the fic im reading, then i'll have fun and feel intelligent, but it feels like building myself up to opening that book is a chore that opening ao3 simply isnt. i've wanted to finished batman year one, i've wanted to read the hunchback of notre dame, but what i end up reading is a 33k batfam fic that i barely even read, that i only ever skim because slowing down and appreciating things and sitting with them, even just slowing down to actually read them, feels less like the direct hit of stimulus that skimming is. and so i've decided that the logical conclusion is to 1) get into media that i have never in my life seen on tumblr, that none of you fuckers could ask me about if you tried and 2) never ever post about it or search for community around it. to allow myself to read things wrong and to not have the pressure of feeling like there's someone over my back in all this, like i'm not in fandom or criticising fandom but just existing on my lonesome. potentially even to the point of going on break from tumblr for a bit, because i love you fuckers and this is a neutral statement but fandom is unavoidable on here. and i would for sure come back to tumblr and i would maybe come back to less obscure shit once i

hold on tumblr has a text block character limit. anyway once i built up more confidence in myself and didnt feel any pressure to have the right opinions about shit, even if i never engaged in fandom again but instead just kept up with some popular stuff, like an office worker who casually watches breaking bad or whatever. and this is really what i should be doing, and maybe not now because the leaving is in *checks watch* literally a month and a half oh fuck. and i need to focus my brainpower on that (lol as if thats gonna happen) but i cant make a concerted effort towards the leaving if im working on reforming my media habits. but even in the summer i could do it and i should do it, and cut back a little now to make it easier than going cold turkey.

which is why now was THE WORST POSSIBLE TIME to get into batman via take-a-fucking-guess ding-ding-ding fanfiction osmosis, something which is both 1) undeniably mainstream enough that the odds of me meeting people in real fucking life to ask me about my Correct Opinions are higher than i would like them to be and 2) a labyrinth thats been built over the course of like 80 years, out of comics and movies and shows and games and the comics alone are a mess of timelines and reboots and crossovers and whoops-this-character-is-in-this-comic-now-better-fuck-off-over-there-if-you-want-to-find-them that wreaks absolute HELL upon my 'i wanna be sooo well informed and read all the stuff and take no shortcuts' approach that kicks in whenever i DO start actually engaging in shit instead of just the fandom.

like sigh ill muddle through it because i picture dick grayson in motivational posters nowadays to help me do shit like get out of bed and climb stairs and take out my books, and i wanna return the favour, and like im getting closer 2 figuring out how to approach it (turns out the answer is 'one step at a time'. fucking shocker) but also fucking christ. idk idk idk ill go finish batman year one and then at some point ill watch the 2022 batman movie and then ill figure out where to go from there

#yes i AM autistic why do you ask?

[rumble-aint-a-rumble-without-me]

AHHHHHH DILLO I AM SO FUCKED MAN.

So this morning was going normal, okay? I was at school in my first class before the bell had rung, and in my head I'm like, "well the bell hasn't rang yet let me work on the fic I've been writing for a while now." I reach down, unzip my backpack, take out my school computer, and peer inside my bag only to find out that mY FUCKING NOTE. BOOK. IS GONEEE!!! And I'm like "Maybe I just put it at the front of my bag??" I check the front of my bag, its not there, I check the back of my bag where USUALLY keep my notebooks, its. no. where. to. be. seeeeen.

So I go about my day waiting until my class leaves to go to a different school that works with our school because in my head I'm like "Well if its not in my bag, and my reading teacher hasn't seen it, then its got to be over in the phys. ed. room or the social studies room, RIGHT???? CUZ THERES NO WHERE ELSE IT COULD BE, OTHER THAN MY ROOM, CORRECT???"

So my class goes out to the school garages, and I'm checking the back seat where I usually sit to see if I just some how forgot it there. Once again, its nowhere to be seen, and at this point I was starting to freak out, ngl. We get to the other school and I'm waiting in the commons, panicking my ass off because if someone has my notebook, reads through it, and turns it in to the front office, and both the secretary and the principle at this school read through it to see if there any indication of who it might belong to, I'm so fucked. Someone better start digging because I'm going to be put in an early grave if they find out its mine and contact my mother of all people.

So my class is finally released from the commons, I get to the phys. ed. room, and I see that its once again NO WHERE. I start to calm down a slight bit when I remember that there is a very slight possibility that it maybe in the next classroom I'm in or possibly in my room at home.

We get dismissed to go to our next class and I'm trying to get there quickly for obvious reasons, BUT I'M SLOWED DOWN BECAUSE THESE GIRLS ON THE STAIRWAY WON'T MOVE. So I have to wait behind these 2 girls and their big ass bags for what feels like forever to me because I really need to get to the social studies room and fast.

So they finally move and I get to the social studies room, and right off the bat I notice that, once again, my notebook is again NO WHERE. So i'm starting to panic again, cuz where tf is my notebook at?? like??? where did it go??? like, did god read what I wrote over my shoulder, and be like "yeah, no. 😑 I'm confiscating this 🤪✨"

So I went through the rest of the day, like I normally would, and I got released to go home. I never ran down stairs SO FAST IN MY LIFE, Dillo, I practically gained superpowers in that moment and flew. So, I get in my room and i'm looking in every. place. that. I. can.

And you know what I found??

NOTHINGGG!!!!!

So....yeah I'll probably be stuck wondering were it went until the end of time. Feel free to ignore this or not, I just needed to get it off my chest. Also sorry if this makes you uncomfortable, that was not my intentions at all. Anyway have good day/night Dillo, sorry this is so long!! -🦴

Oh gosh- Bonesy- that’s like my worst nightmare especially since I’ve got multiple places where I end up jotting down and writing out things- I really hope you find it soon!!

Don’t even worry about me! I love talking with you <3 with all of you guys really! I like hearing about your days :D

#dillo’s replies #🦴 anon