I spent way too much time on this stupid joke for it to look this shitty. Here, have Beard Vaargys as compensation for having to see this:

"Captain, we... we were only stuck in the canal for a week. You were clean shaven. How...?"

"It is one of Wael's mysteries, my child~"

I just think it's important that Tumblr knows a man is cosplaying as the Ever Given and is blocking doorways at Dragon Con 2021.

my favourite new arrival today to the Suez Canal party is this incredibly conspicuous Russian warship labelled as an oil tanker that’s just anchored amongst the stranded cargo ships. chillin.

Shipping companies rn:

a collection of my favorite tweets regarding the Ever Given in the Suez Canal

Maybe you think a ship is problematic, but ask yourself this: is it wedged sideways in the suez canal disrupting 12% of global maritime trade?

Good News: Our Children Have Some Terrific Ideas for How to Get the Big Ol’ Boat Unstuck From the Suez Canal

Forever stuck in my heart.

shipment officers, gently nudging Ever Given with their 8 tugboats: Ever Given move out of the way please so you don’t block the entire global trade

Ever Given, her lamplights enormous: you SHOVE ever given? you shove her hull like the big boulder? oh! oh! no commerce for human! no commerce for human for One Thousand Years!!!

when a giant cargo container gets stuck in an egyptian canal blocking off 10% of world trade, everyone is like "wow that sucks I guess," but tumblr users pounce like rabid wolves on that shit like

Y’ALL REMEMBER THESE DAMN 28,000 RUBBER DUCKS

WHAT IF I TOLD YOU THAT THE SHIP CARRYING THEM, THE “EVER LAUREL”, WAS ALSO PART OF THE EVERGREEN MARINE CORPORATION WHOSE SHIP CURRENTLY BLOCKS THE SUEZ CANAL

Edit: I found this on Wikipedia in an edit from 2018, and it is true

the SHIP is called ever given. the COMPANY that owns the ship is called evergreen. get it right y'all

hnnnngh, I’m trying to conduct global maritime trade, but I’m dummy thicc, and the clap of my hull plates keeps blocking the Suez Canal

Egypt's first female ship captain Marwa Elselehdar has been falsely accused as being the captain of the Ever Given by some foreign media, in a story that went viral and garnered a lot of hate towards her.

The only problem? She was 370km away at the time, acting as the first mate of another ship (Aida IV) and had nothing to do with the situation in the Suez Canal.

I think we should all help spread this, since some people are still sharing the malicious slanderous fake posts about her!

oh no... oh no no no no no non

Things we've learned in 2021

1. A single subreddit made of trolls can break the US economy

2. A single ship and a storm can break international trade

I arrive at the Suez Canal

Cargo: loaded

Dick: doodled

Boat: horizontal

Despite the best efforts of the international community, I cannot be forcibly removed from the Suez Canal.