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winns-stuff · 2 years

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(this is likely going to be suupeer lengthy,so my apologies in advance)Hello,What's up?Hope everything's just fine!Ya know since the new chapter seems to be focusing on demeter presumably(I haven't read it nor am I giving half a quick bother since I don't have the heart to watch her be berated and bashed by overstretched , mutant blue felonious gru)I thought I'd come here and discuss a thing in regards to the fandom and her that's been pushing my buttons for quite some time! From the very beginning of demeter's character introduction , fans would compare demeter to mother gothel and would be associating their characters with one another , and let me tell you something!It bothers the hell out of me,to this very day! Like...Don't get me wrong!I'm not going to pretend demeter hasn't made mistakes in regards to parenting persephone, and one thing she did have in common with gothel, was that she lied to her daughter about her identity(the whole fertility goddess jazz),that along with her keeping persephone sheltered, (though not nearly as much as mother gothel). and that IS something that she should be held accountable for!but...MY BROTHERS AND SISTERS IN GOD !!!DO YOU KNOW WHAT PERSON YOU'RE TALKING ABOUT WHEN YOU TALK ABOUT MOTHER GOTHEL???you're talking about the woman that's outwardly been neglectful/ dismissive of her biological daughter cassandra, abandoned her,kidnapped another child for the sole purpose of leeching off said child's ability in order to keep herself young and beautiful again,NEVER genuinely felt love and affection towards her and NEVER let her have ANY connections to the outside world ,to the point that she was thrilled to touch grass!(this sounds kind of funny when you look at it through the modern definition of the phrase lol)Demeter always genuinely adored persephone with all her heart and always wanted to have a companion. Furthermore, given how the gods have constantly exploited young women within the comic's canon,it makes sense that she would be a bit more on the paranoid/protective side (not justifiable,but understandable nonetheless) to avoid her only child to be mistreated by a cruel,unjust system . Also, persephone wasn't COMPLETELY STRIPPED OUT OF COMMUNICATION WITH THE OUTSIDE WORLD,I'm tired of fans acting like flower nymphs, hermes and hecate weren't there to keep her company and given that scene where a younger kore is at a party with hera,I'd assume they still kept in touch with olympus to some extent.Overall, though similar in a few ways to gothel,demeter is ultimately a much more complex, sympathetic and loving character than she is.Hell,if demeter should be compared to any maternal figures in mainstream modern animated media , it should be alma from encanto and also ming lee from turning red, all of these women had noble, sympathetic intentions and loved their families dearly , all of them unintentionally ailienized their families and put quite a lot of pressure and expectations on them and also, all of these women had to deal with generational trauma!But nooo! Demeter is a selfish, narcissistic bitch that deserves to be mocked and get her s**t kicked in !

Phew, Sorry this was super long!I'd love to hear your thoughts about it, and if you wanted to respond, take your time for answering it as much as you want !

Goodbye🌸🌺👋🏻👋🏻

hi hi! everything’s pretty good, and I don’t mind long responses! they’re fun to read! but I once again agree with all of your points. I’ve seen dozens of comments get mad at Demeter because they think she’s going to use Persephone as an item, honestly if anyones going to use Persephone as an item it’s going to be Hades. he’s only ever wanted a wife because his brothers had one, which is why he wanted to pressure Minthe into marrying him even though she told him multiple times how she didn’t want to. I feel like Persephone is only supposed to be there to prove something, she’s only there as an accessory so that Hades won’t be alone and he can be more like his brothers, that’s what their relationship is giving. I just don’t understand why people would think that anyways, when has Demeter ever used Persephone as an item? she clearly loves Persephone and wants the best for her, which is why she wanted her to go to Olympus to study. not flirt around with Hades to the point that she basically dropped out of school, like honestly everyone was just fine with that? leaving all of your ambitions and your friends behind just for someone you met a few weeks ago? Demeter was just supposed sit around and let it happen? genuinely if any one of those fans had a daughter and they were in that situation they would’ve never wanted her to be with him. also, i’m glad you brought up the communication thing because Demeter did not completely isolate Persephone from everyone, we know that she had dozens of nymphs for company and other gods (like hermes, hecate, and artemis) as company as well so it’s not like she was locked up in some island with no one, she wanted to branch out and do her own thing which is fine but Demeter has seen first hand just how predatory and exploitive the kings can be. that’s literally the main reason why she didn’t want to be in Olympus like honestly think about it. I’ve been commenting in so many comment sections that are just filled with people taking Hades’ side and saying how she deserved it and good on him and it’s just filling me with so much unbridled rage because these people are not understanding that Hades is the one who deserved it, he treats all of his staff like absolute shit and he’s never once apologized for it. why is everything he does “hot”? that’s so stupid if you really idolize a person so terrible that you’re willing to embarrass yourself on his behalf I think it’s time for you to do some real self reflection and figure out why you enjoy him being an asshole so much. I’m so sick of this whole “guy was asshole till he meets girl, girl changes guy but only asshole to everyone else”, it’s the dumbest and most toxic trope ever. take it from me, as someone who’s friends with a girl whose boyfriend literally insulted and discriminated me and my friends to point that we had to confront them both just for her to tell us that he’s changed and he’s not like that, it will indeed chase people away from you. no one wants to be around a person who’s a jerk only because you’re not the person they’re with, like we learned this in kindergarten use the damn golden rule because in the long run you’re only going to isolate your loved one and keep their friends at bay if you continue to just be an absolute dickhead towards everyone. there’s so many people who project when it comes to Demeter, they say things like Demeter abused Persephone and how she’s just such a terrible character all while stanning literally all the actual problematic characters. stop being delusional and a hypocrite those are two very bad combinations, pick one. and the mother gothel comparison, well you’ve said everything I was going to say and I agree that Demeter is a very sympathetic motherly figure, she’s raised hundreds maybe even thousands of nymphs so everyone saying she isn’t a good mother is absolutely invalid because she’s basically the mother of the land, she provides love shelter and care for everyone even guests (as seen with Hades’ bitch ass when he decided to get wasted in the mortal realm) while they’re in her care.

#lo critical #anti lore olympus #anti lo #lo demeter #lo hades

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traumasurvivorshelpingsurvivors · 10 months

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Tw for forgiveness, sex, sexual manipulation, shame, depression

the concept of forgiveness is really interesting. on one hand it's advocated that everyone can turn things around, anyone deserves a second chance, people change. but what about when what you've done is so disdainful and horrible that there is no coming back.

sometimes I tell myself "it's a product of my environment at the time, I was young, I was stupid but I've changed." but how much of that is true and how much of it is just me wishing for it to be. how far can you go before it's impossible to ever really come back. have I been lying to myself this whole time?

even if other trauma survivors reassure me and help me feel at peace with the situation, how can I trust what they say too? would my own mother agree, my friends, strangers from work? If I read an article about myself would my heart ache for this poor girl who went through so much, or would I scoff and be shocked at my own actions.

I'm a good daughter, a good sister, and a decent friend. but what about the parts of me that aren't? the part of me that's a liar, a manipulator, a cheat.

I know I'm not the only one who fell victim to sexual manipulation through online community chats as a kid; so many have related to my situation. but I wasn't always the victim. sometimes I contacted others and did what was done to me all before I was 16. I remember when I was 17 it didn't cross my mind. I told myself "it isn't that bad, and I'm not in that place anymore." but was I just stupid? that's in my life forever now.

sex and violence have been with me since I was born, is it really so impossible to believe that it ended up influencing me through childhood? I'd like to believe it was all psychological and that as a result of my abuse I did what I did to cope and feel in control. but now I just wonder how I could have been such a disgusting little girl. there's nothing anyone can really say to help me be okay with myself and maybe there shouldn't be. all I have is this one life and I've ruined it.

I want to be normal and pure: I want to make tiktoks and YouTube videos and take photos with friends. I want to smile and be carefree and push for success. I want to be able to know in my heart that I'm good and honest and that I'll always have my family to support me. I want to make friends with everyone and just have kindness not just in myself but around me. I want to be happy and I want to know that I'm normal. But I can never have that, ever. There's nothing left in me to hate myself, I simply don't exist in my own mind. There's nothing there.

Hi anon,

Forgiveness is a complex subject. Sometimes forgiveness is warranted and sometimes it's not, and people have many different experiences and views that some may forgive at times when others may not. There isn't really a metric of "how far is too far before I cannot be forgiven" because everyone has different answers.

It sounds like you may have perpetuated what was done to you. As far as forgiveness, I think that the only people whose forgiveness matters in this situation is the people you have harmed, and yourself. The people you have harmed may or may not forgive you, and it is their right to make that choice based on their own feelings. But it's also important to give yourself some level of forgiveness - there is a level of responsibility and accountability worth carrying, but also leaving enough room for healing and moving forward.

I think it's hopeful to say that everyone can change, but I don't think that's realistic. Perhaps everyone is capable of turning things around, but not everyone will. However, I think it's important to highlight that not only were you a child when you perpetuated these things, but it sounds like you have a great deal of regret about what you've done. I think both of these things are reasons to forgive yourself. Because not only was your prefrontal cortex actively developing at the time, but you criticize your past actions, which is indicative that you have changed and want to continue changing.

Rational Emotive Behavioral Therapy's concept of irrational beliefs may help you process some of this. This page has a list of different kinds of "irrational beliefs" followed by bullet points that challenge those beliefs, and you may find it helpful to look at the answers to Irrational Idea No. 3.

Ultimately, this could be something to explore with the help of a mental health professional such as a therapist, who can best help you navigate your feelings surrounding your past actions, and discover healthy ways to move forward.

I hope I could help, and please let us know if you need anything.

-Bun

#trauma talks #mod bun #tw abuse #tw sa #tw csa #tw cocsa #tw nccsa

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charturnus · 2 years

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from wht i hv gathered, you are in fact, relatable (for me atleast) and interesting 😤🧐

and omg i agree this is fun

uuhhh how about 3, 22, 24, 62, 65, 66 (u dont hv to answer all of these im sorry 💀)

- 🍊

3. what is your favorite part about your body?

Well... I'm still in ED recovery, so body stuff is very weird right now 🧍🏼‍♀️ But I think my hands look nice sometimes, especially when my nails are done!

22. reason you joined tumblr?

There's a bit of a story to this.

I was never interested in marvel until I saw clips of wandavision on my twitter feed and became infatuated with Kathryn Hahn. And because I have no chill, I then proceeded to watch (and rate/review) most of the mainline films until I finally got to wandavision. Along the journey my love for Wanda, Nat, and loads of other characters grew and I knew I had to join the fandom online.

I've been on tumblr since 2012 so I used my now dormant blog to browse around some fandom stuff and found the fics of course. Accounts like caroldantops and maximotts made me want to set up a separate account for my fic writing stuff, because it just looked like so much fun.

24. what’s something most people love that you hate?

Hate is a strong word, but children and motherhood 💀 I just can't bring myself to like kids, and I have nightmares about being forced into giving birth. Kids just aggravate me, and it's not their fault bc they don't know better, so I prefer to stay away. My sister has children, and I watched my baby nephew not too long ago. I was dead tired after only 3 hours 😩

65. favorite term of endearment?

Darling!!!! Dear!!! And if we're talking old school, beloved and dearest!!

God I am such a hopeless romantic, I'm telling you I am a SUCKER for little things like that. Give me a flower that you picked out on a walk bc it made you think of me and call me darling and suddenly I'm planning a wedding.

66. who was your celebrity/fictional gay awakening?

Helena bonham Carter, specially as Bellatrix LeStrange, at the ripe age of 12.

That just goes to show that I've always been the way I am.

I left 62 to the end bc this is kinda dark, so maybe look away if you're not down for that 😭

62. worst thing you’ve ever done?

This is simultaneously the worst and the best thing I've ever done.

Saw my mother for the first time in 10 years in 2020. She abused and neglected me as a child, was telling everyone she was dying (she wasn't), so I went to see her. I told her how much I'd suffered at her hands and she laughed. So, I told her exactly how happy I am that she isn't a part of my life anymore, how she would die alone because she has turned everyone who loved her against her and how my sister is more a mother to me than she ever was. She cried and I didn't.

#answered ask #🍊 anon #if theres one thing imma do it's overshare online #no but i think its good to talk about this stuff #also #me???#relatable?#that's going on my cv

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dinggygames · 9 months

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So the main reason I set up this account is to share a bit of a freaky experience I had growing up but have only just now been given context for.

When I was a child and throughout most of my childhood I had always seen this shadowy figure following me around and watching me. He was a tall, slim man in a trench coat with a Fedora. His body was pitch black like a living shadow appearing in the twilight hours.

The first time I saw him I was 5 and he was standing on top of the trailer I lived in as I was leaving for school. Ever since I'd always seen him watching me from a distance, but it felt like it was more than just him, as if was walking alone on a stage and hundreds of eyes were watching me.

I had seen this figure all the way until freshman year of highschool, always appearing during the twilight of dawn. I assume I stopped seeing the figure because the summer before I started highschool I went to church camp and was saved.

When I was growing up and seeing this figure I had assumed it was my imagination, because I knew I was an overly imaginative child. But yesterday me and a bunch of my buddies were sitting around talking about spooky stuff that has happened to us. Me feeling left out due to not really having that many spooky stories of my life decided to share the imaginary shadow man I saw. I got a little worried when they asked me if it had a hat but just told them it did. They immediately all just said "yeah that's the hat man".

I obviously assumed they were fucking with me so I googled "the hat man" and learned that I was infact stalked as a child by basically some sort of shadow demon.

#scary #shadow people #the hat man #wtf

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sfc-russell-ziskey · 1 year

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👪 FAMILY - what is their family like? what is your ocs relationship to them? does your oc have any siblings?

My family is...absolute chaos. Personified. Many times over. My home life with my more immediate family growing up was not great, to put it mildly. My older brother, Steven, and I spent a lot of time having to fend for ourselves, until we eventually had to go live with other family - mostly trading off between Uncle Harris and our grandparents. It was either that or foster care, and Zayde absolutely wouldn't hear of that, especially after we lost our little brother, Alan, Jr. when he was seized by child protective services for neglect. But, more recently, he got back in touch with us, and he's part of our family again. Our parents haven't been in the picture for a while. It would probably be more comfortable if it stayed that way. Not sure if it will, though. I was still a kid when whatever Dad was up to...happened. My brother, Steven, was old enough to know what went on, though.

It's a mess.

We're better now, at least. Steven's a big-shot Wall Street investment banker, and Alan runs a hardware store. Has kids now, and even coaches Little League on the side - or so I'm told. I guess he went to one of those fancy prep schools out East and played baseball there, so things really worked out for him. Lucky duck. I kinda lost track of Steven after I joined the Army. He was pretty mad at me, but he never much approved of John, or anything I did because of John. I keep wondering if he'll ever forgive me. I've done pretty well for myself since then, though. It would be nice if he were finally proud of me for a change.

But, I have an absolutely eyewatering number of cousins. Two in law enforcement (Curtis and Norman), one dentist (Mort), a...uh...mechanic...pilot...something like that from...er...out of town I guess is the best way to put that (Zeke - he's adopted), one in environmental waste management (Elon), and even a Ghostbuster (Egon). And Moe, who's also kind of adopted, though you'd never know it. He's an accountant, but he's also been a lot of other things, including a station manager for a small town TV station, and a chiropractor. Whole bunch of aunts and uncles, and nieces and nephews. It's a pretty big family. Reunions are kind of a big deal, and are always at Zayde and Bubbe's place up in Ohio. They're the only ones with a big enough house to host us all.

I wasn't very good at keeping touch with my family while I was overseas. I felt like the family failure and thought they'd be better off just forgetting about me. I didn't even come home between re-enlistments. It wasn't until John was sent back stateside to attend Drill Sergeant Academy and I got stationed in Somalia that I started to rethink my relationships with everybody back home. It was kinda lonely over there without John. I'd had some letters while we were stationed abroad, mostly from Steven, but some from Bubbe and Zayde, too. And cards now and then from Uncle Harris. And tons from John, while I was in Somalia. So, when the U.N. took over there and I was sent back home, I figured it was my chance to actually reconnect with everyone.

Well, some, at least. Things are still a little rocky with certain areas of the family. And I keep wondering what's happened to Egon. But, he's usually busy with some project or another. I think I must have really ticked him off, or something. I don't know. It is what it is, I guess. I don't even recall very clearly what the tiff was even about....

Anyway, it's complicated, but family often is, huh?

#open asks #roleplay ask meme #sgt russell ziskey rp #stripes au rp #emoji personality asks

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ugh-tsumu · 3 years

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New school year is fast approaching and I have never been this scared

#i usually don't believe my gut feeling but #something tells me that I'll fail this school year #which I really shouldn't wish for because I'm a scholar and I'd lose it once I fail twice #but #to fail means freedom #i... really want to change my course #i just don't have the courage to tell my parents #ever since I was a child they always told me that I'd be an accountant #bc my aunts can help me secure a job once I graduate #I didn't really mind when I was younger because I didn't have a dream #when I was in 10th grade I realized I wanted to be a psychologist #yk the psychologist that interrogates children for the court to acquire more data to observe for the case?#yes #I really want something to do with medicine but less bloody like in nursing or whay #*what #but they told me I shouldn't pursue it #man...#growing up #I realize I have a lot if regrets in this lifetime #I wish I can turn back the time #I wish I fought #People often say to go with the flow is the easiest way #But here I am: completely lost #I wish I persisted man #hikbi.shares

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serede986 · 3 years

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(HC) Self Harm - Jumin, 707 and Saeran(GE)

TW⚠️

Thank you so much for the request @qlassicc . Tho I'm so sorry I took 5 months to complete this, that was way too rude of me, I'm really sorry. I hope this completes what you asked for. Please feel free to demand a rewrite.

TW⚠️ Self Harm, mentioned abuse, assault.

Jumin

It's finally time, huh? What did we even do to you bitch? Taking our Jumin away for your selfish needs.

What do you hate? Height? Why don't I try and push you down the building?

You tried, breathing heavy and tears. Clutching your chest you fell to your knees, sobbing, trying to get some amount of oxygen in your system.

This was not the first time someone's comment hurt you, but it was getting worse and worse.

Sometimes it's them, or sometimes those high class wives, trying to bring you down, excusing their behaviour by putting up any petty excuse.

Jumin could suspect your growing anxiousness. Knowing how closely he observes you, you are certain he already knows.

But, I'm hurting him..

Rattled by the small voice in your head, your fingers snacked through your hair, pulling it so roughly. Your sobs were now screams.

It's hard, isn't it?

Looking up, you could spot a pink string. Elizabeth's leash. It was blurry, but enough for you to walk up there and grab it. Wrapping it tight around your wrist, you could see your hand slowly turning purple.

"MC? Dar' where are you?" You heard your husband call out your name, walking towards the room you were in.

Quickly wiping your eyes you hid your hand behind your back, smiling, trying to look as normal as possible.

Washroom is emp-

"Hello love- what's wrong?" Voice laced with concern, Jumin narrowed his eyes at you. Standing in front of you.

"Elizabeth's leash, can I have it MC?"

Leash that partly hung down was visible after your skirt ended below your knees.

Breath hitched in your throat.

You nodded, not really having the courage to speak, afraid you would burst out crying.

Suddenly, he grabbed your hands from your back. You hissed, feeling his finger touch your wrist.

His eyes spoke of shock, welled with tears. A sob escaped you.

He gently unwrapped the leash, staring down at your hand, his tears falling on the purple.

"I... Won't ask why.. seven told me about those comments, and I was aware of those ladies and I still couldn't do-"

"Jumin.. p-please don't leave.."

"I won't MC, we'll go through this together. "

"Mhmm.. " resting your head on his chest, you feel his hand softly caressing your head, pecking.

707

I'm 50, is it okay with you sweetheart

-No, I have a husband.

You have a husband? Why don't we leave that douchebag and escape to the Maldives.

-No. I love my husband, there's no way I'd leave him for a creep like you.

Oh c'mon darling, don't be so sour now. How much do you want? 5000?

-It's not about money.

Oh! Perfect then! Why don't we start with some nudes then?

*picture*

Oh my goodness- stop it.

This was the third time you blocked this guy but again he made a fake account to contact you.

Afraid as you were, you wanted to contact Seven, but didn't really know how or if he would even trust you. It's been going on for months now.

Flashbacks of when you were 16 started to creep into your mind. How you were so much into partying and how you somehow let so many creeps in your life, how it was so difficult to get out of the phase, how it was so difficult to be safe.

But.. Why is it happening again?

Your breath starts constructing in your throat it's so tight. Why would this happen again

Ugggghhhhdjjxjsmxjwkd

Breathing out, you looked down at your legs. Tho light, but those scars were still visible.

Taking the blade out of the first aid box, you close your eyes,piercing your skin. You let out hiss immediately followed by a sigh of relief.

Placing the blade on other leg-

"NO! MC!"

His hand wrapped around your wrist, pulling your grip from the blade.

"Stop this please stop this! you know how important you are to me, right? t-then why are you doing this? MC please tell me what's going on?" He exclaimed, throwing the blade somewhere in the room.

He cradled you in his arms, rocking back and forth trying to calm you down. You told him in between cries of panic and pain.

"Shhh.. it's okay MC." He muttered out phrases that caressed love and worry. As your story completed, those creeps in your high school, how you unintentionally got older men's attention, how similar stuff started to appear on your insta handle, how you were threatened, you stopped hearing any voice from Saeyoung.

Looking up, you could see all the usual shine in his eyes, vanished.

"Sae.. hey.."

His eyes met yours, meeting you in a soft kiss. Breaking from the kiss, he muttered "I said this in our vows, and I'll say this again, I'll always protect you, and you'll never hear from any creep ever again."

You gasped lightly, then nuzzled your head on his shoulder. You could feel him move from giggles and laughter, as he slowly saw the creep suffer through his computer screen.

Saeran

You are such a disgrace to our family! What a worthless daughter, huh?

You were sitting there on the floor, legs covered with fresh and old, cuts, and scars older than ten years, slapping you on your run from your home.

Memories of how your family set up random people to sleep with you, and marry you at the young age of 14, started to creep into your mind since the last few days.

Your eyes burned, dry, as you tried to close them.

How tough it is for you, huh? You just have to marry that man. Why don't you just accept your fate and live with it?

MC.. you're a lady, it is your destiny to live with a man and serve him. If you get beaten up, you deserve it.

But that man is 20 year older than me..

Do not talk back.

You let out a scream, grabbing your hair, pulling it with as much force as possible.

Your sister with whom you lost contact was on a call with you, informing you of her pregnancy with a girl. You started to get scared remembering how your childhood was ruined, how you, a girl, was treated in your household. Not only you but your sister too and how you escaped that home or hell to term it otherwise.

Your anxiety started to take over you, another victim of your family's beliefs. Another young life on the verge of being ruined.

Can this not happen anymore?

You ran away, and your fiance will leave you soon too. Let him realise what a worthless brat you are.

You wanted money, didn't you? Soon he'll realise you're a gold dig-

"NO I AM NOT!" You yelled into the phone, immediately throwing the phone at the nearest wall, shattering. Tiny glass pieces hit you back, piercing your skin.

Startled, you heard the rattle of the door knob, trying to push in.

"Saer-" your breath hitched in your throat, trying to call him. "I'm a bit busy Sae, I'll be out in a while.." you called out to him, nervous as you didn't hear any response from him.

The door turned open, he looked at you. You knew he was shocked, but he didn't really let it get to his face, knowing how much you needed him now, no matter how much you denied him.

Walking out, he soon came back with first aid box, sitting down in front of you, covering any bruises and scratches on your skin.

"I'm sorry Saeran.."

Your nervousness grew, receiving no response from him. Was he disappointed in you?

"... You're not worthless MC. You're everything to me, I.. cannot even try to imagine my life without you, you're that important to me. Please don't do this, not anymore MC, please?" You looked up into his eyes, tears damp on his cheeks.

You nodded looking down on your knees, ashamed.

"A-and don't be ashamed either. I have a surprise for you. Last week, Jaehee noona taught me how to make ice cream, and I made chocolate."

You looked up at him with a gasp, what a sweet surprise!

A few days later you started going to the counselling sessions with Saeran, seeking help together. Your sister was rescued by Saeyoung and Jumin, receiving help and support from different psychiatrist, and support for her child from the government.

Help is always available. Here is a post that mentions helplines that can be useful. My dms and asks are always open.

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maybeawitch · 3 years

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Ok, I am here because I need your help. I think I might not be normal (in a good way) but I need my witchy friends to tell me what they think.

I just ask that you please be kind and don't read if you don't believe in this. I just really need some guidance because no one has ever been able to answer my questions.

Here are some facts about me:

1. People have told me I'm a witch before

This is actually what made me create this account and ask for help. I once went into a shop that had all kinds of witchy things to buy a dream catcher, I had a lot of nightmares and heard it helped (it does). As soon as I walked in with my sister the old lady behind the counter looked at me and widened her eyes. I didn't know why, but said hello and continued browsing. She eventually came up to me and said she was a witch and that she felt she should tell me that I was one too. I was honestly completely shocked, but she left right after because another client entered the shop. When I paid for my dream catcher she winked at me and said "don't forget what I told you."

I asked my sister and she laughed, saying she was probably going crazy because of old age. I laughed and agreed, but that always stayed with me.

After that, it continued happening throughout the years.

2. I guessed the gender of every single pregnancy of people I know until now.

It started when I was 2 and my aunt got pregnant with my cousin. As soon as she said I might have a girl to play with, I said it was a boy.

Same thing happened with my sister. And with all my mom's close friends and now mine. I was so determined it they would be male or female that my mom was concerned for me if I was wrong. I was never wrong, not once.

3. I have really weird dreams

I don't know why, but ever since I was a kid I've had weird dreams. Not silly dreams, weird dreams. Animals talking to me (advices, warnings, dying), dead relatives talking to me (even ones I never met), of myself in ancient clothes and other times, things happening in my dreams then happening irl, just weird dreams in general.

4. I have a green thumb

I have literally NEVER killed any plants I was given (even as a child) and I absolutely love having plants everywhere.

5. My favorite animals are owls

My mum told me that when the I was 5, my teacher started teaching us about animals and we had to tell them our favorite. I had never seen an owl in my life, but I immediately chose it as my favorite. Ever since then I have learned more and they continue to be my favorite.

6. Animals are attracted to me

I mean like, it's creepy. Cats I have never seen run in my direction and rub themselves against my legs, or sitting on my lap when I'm sitting down; dogs (even a huge pitbull once) i have also never met jumping on me and licking my face; ladybugs and butterflies landing on my hands, shoulders and even the books I'm reading almost weekly; even wild birds have eaten off my hands (no, not in a bird park or places where people often feed them. In actual wilderness.); I once met a domestic baby elephant and she would not let go of my wrist for the life of her (she was holding me with her trunk), I mean not even food bribed her to let go.

7. I love the moon and the stars

Always have, I'd stare for hours when I was a child. I'm that "look at the moon!" Kind of person. Also, total astrology lover. Till this day (I am an adult) I have glow in the dark stars on my ceiling.

8. I used to come up with spells as a child

They obviously never worked, but ever since I was a kid I'd come up with rhymes about things I'd want. It was something I have always loved doing.

9. Impulse to heal and help

I have always been the one to remove bee stings, clean up wounds after surgeries or falls, and now I'm in college on my way to be a doctor. Also, every time any of my friends have any problems or need to cry, I'm the first person they talk to (even if we aren't that close). I'm the therapist of the group, the one people come for advice, even when I have never been in that situation myself. I don't know if this is relevant really, but I read somewhere that if you have the impulse to heal you might be a witch.

10. I don't know how to describe this one shortly but: intuition?

I can always tell when something is off or something bad is going to happen.

I know this may seem weird, but you know when the sky is completely clear, but you just KNOW I going to rain and then it does?

Or when someone is lying and has everyone fooled, but you just know in your heart it's not true?

Or even when someone invites you to go somewhere and you have a bad feeling, but despite everyone insisting that you should go you don't and something bad or tragic happens?

You know when you decide to ask someone you ran into about their family or their job and discovered that it saved your life because those few seconds saved you from a car crash, being run over by a driver looking on his phone or even a bridge falling?

Or when you say, "Hey, I'm not going to buy these books right now because what if something happens. Let's save up for a few months!" Then an economical crisis happens?

Oh! When a song starts playing in your head and you starts singing it out loud at the same time as the person next to you?

When you have your playlist on shuffle and you know what the next song is going to be (not just once, but multiple times?)

All these things have happened to me and I always thought it was sheer luck, until now.

11. Ever since I was a baby, I collect shells, rocks and crystals

Don't know if this is relevant, but this seems witchy and is a very big thing for me hahaha

12. Birthmarks

I don't know if this is relevant or true, but I once read an article about witch trials and birthmarks were a "hint" that the woman was a witch.

All the women in my family have the same birthmark, each one in a different place and sizes, but always the same shape. I have two of them.

I also have a huge birthmark on my back that my mom tells me looks like a constellation. My body is also covered by freckles and small moles.

13. I am extremely connected to nature

Not in a sun out = happy, rain = sad, and "I love hiking" kind of way! I mean that I absolutely love rain and the smell of wet earth after it, I love the sound of thunder, feeling the wind blowing through me brings me happiness, going to the beach brings me inexplicable peace and joy, and the things I've mentioned before.

If you are a witch or know what's wrong/right with me, I'd be very grateful for your insight!

14. Always waking up at 3 am

I have insomnia ever since I was a kid and something that always happens is waking up at 3 in the morning and not being able to sleep again until 4. I have no idea why, but it's never before 3 never after 3:30.

That's all I can think of for now, but feel free to ask me questions! I just want to know why I'm like this. If I'm a witch, just have a quirky personality or even something else!

#witch #witch aesthetic #witchcraft #witchyvibes #witches #green witch #little witch academia #witchythings #witchy #witchblr #witchlr #astrology

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little-precious-baby · 3 years

Text

This 2020...

First of all, I know most of the people did this many days ago but I thought today was like the best for me to say goodbye to this year.

Not to mention that this year has been very difficult, not only for me but for everyone. A pandemic that brought us many changes of which many are not yet comfortable and is understandable. In my case, in this year I have been able to understand many things, I have suffered and had to face other problems, and of course, I enjoyed important moments with my friends and family. My first decision this year I remember was cutting off my bangs without my parents' permission. I was scolded for weeks, even months and yes, I accept that seeing that picture from the first day of the school year is going to haunt me for a long time but I don't regret what I did. Is not a secret that for many of my irl friends, I'm like a little child that needs attention because if you give me your back, probably I'll be cutting my hair or even doing something worse.

As for emotional and friendship issues... I have to admit that I broke friendships in a non-gentle way, there were also discussions over totally stupid topics and not to mention love issues that simply ended up being a failure—a waste of time, to be honest.

While it hasn't been such an easy year, there's something I still don't even regret doing: coming here to Tumblr. My previous account has many years to created here —probably in 2017— however, at that time I didn't try to search much as I got to do this year and I'm glad I did because I met great people. Sadly I doubt at some point to meet you in person, but I hope you keep in mind that you make my days happier with your comments or just being you. I hope our friendship continues and that you all don't get sick of me so easily. Also, I wish you all the best as I know each of you is talented and has the ability to succeed in your lives. <3

Uh, the paragraphs 👉🏼👈🏼

Also I want you to know that this isn't in an specific order and that I hope you don't feel bad with my words.

💙 - @latte-fairytaekwoon

How can I start this without you rejecting my love? <3 You were one of the first people I decided to approach. I remember reading one or two of your works and just thinking "Wow, she writes very well... I'm going to follow her; it's going to be fun and interesting." I was planning not to talk to you at the beginning, to be honest. My end in mind was just to read what you updated and since you were the third account with content I had decided to follow, I thought it was a good plan. But one thing led to another and I decided to talk to you —which you probably regret since I bother you a lot lmao— and yeah, that's how we met and still talk to each other. I also need to mention that whenever I tried to talk to you about my problems or things that overwhelmed me, you always knew what to say to me even if that included to scold me. You always made me come to my senses. Many times I mentioned to you that you were like a mother to me as you "gave me those vibes" but how can you not? While you don't usually show so much affection through direct words of "I love you" "I care you," I feel them when you advise me. It's going to sound too idk, but I really don't regret to met you, Kitty. This looks like a bible and words repeating over and over again but how to show you that I appreciate, admire and love you if I always try to let you know? At this point if you still think I don't care of you, you are dumb 💖 By the way, it's worth mentioning that you and I have a long path together and you'll continue to be attacked with my love, support and jokes. I love you, mom 😗💙

💖 @winterviolet1

To be honest, I feel bad for not remembering how we started talking... I don't remember if I followed you first or if it was the other way around but hey, let's look on the bright side, it was fun to have met you and come together to always annoy Sofie with Hongjoong gifs <3 I hope we can still be little demons together and please, PLEASE, stop killing me 💀 I love when you send me gifs of Jongho because wow, that boy is definitely a daddy and more when he dances —I refuse to deviate from the subject but he jdudbd— but yeah, he kills me even when he just smiles. My point is that when I see those gifs, I went into a state where my mind goes to places that is better not to mention and I blush because yeah, we talk about my bias isbdkddj and I also frustrate because I find myself unable to return the same treatment to you dkdnskd. Ps: Let me know when we'll be demons again <3

💖 @teeztheflag

Your reactions are idejdindd art I feel shy as I know I never got to create a bond big enough to make you call my friend or that you consider me your friend but hey, it was great to talk to you. <3

Atte: the Slyffindor Girl 💀

💖 @twancingyunhoe

ALLYSSA 🥺 Okay, okay, just mention your name and I'll get in cute mode. I remember following you, yet I hadn't dared talk to you much. The safest thing I'd ever said to you was "Hello! I walk by giving love and support!" for days later asking if you were going to adopt me to have adopted Gabby as my sister 🥺 You're a beautiful person who has such a big, beautiful heart that makes me soft. I know I haven't exchanged many words with you this past month, but I hope that's not going to affect the fact that you're important to me. Thank you for accepting me, giving me love and always being so pretty. <3 kith kith

💖 @tinkerbellwoo

You are such a gift to me diejsndis. Since the first time I knew you, you were very kind and lovely to me. You won a part of my heart with your kindness and yeah, I do remember going to your asks and just "Hey, here is a bunch of love from me to you ❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️ Also I hope we can be friends" kejebskssi. That was like my way to ask to be one of your closer moots because you were just so cool and I wanted to be friends with the wonderful person I saw had interactions with some of my moots. I'm sorry because I have time without actually having a large conversation with you and is completely my fault... I hope this new year will change that and I can talk more to you 🥺💖

💖 @yungidreamer

My older sister :( I'm so happy I had the opportunity to talk to you 👉🏼👈🏼 I still don't forget that you once used the dissapointed card with meeee, your little cute princess angel baby sister. I have cero regrets welcome you into my big, not normal, Tumblr family because yeah, probable we aren't the same but at the same time we are the same, if you know what I mean 👀 I hope we can have more conversations between each other because I know is very interesting to talk to you but at the same time I'm so shy :(

💖 @yunderland / @shangri-woo

How can I began this? Ksbsdusbs First, I need ti be honest. I do have my thirst times and well, I read many of your works in ghost mode 👉🏼👈🏼 I was kinda shy to just idk, interact kdidbdkd. Also I began to see you interact with Amelie and was funny and I began to think "What happens if I do try to be friends with her?" but also "What if she doesn't like how I am? I ccan be a bother some times...". And yeah, I was thinking that for maybe two days until I decided to make a move. I followed you and I said "Hi 👉🏼👈🏼 I saw you talking with Amelie... You seem like a kind and lovely person, mind if I try being friends with you?" skdbsudbdks. I. Will. Not. Regret. Talking. To. You. You are such a good person :( Every time we talk, you are just so attentive that makes me soft. Please, keeo being my friend :( even if you don't consider me as your friend :(

💖 @ursaurora

Well, I don't have that much to say because I just said hi while being in hiatus but hey, I really really like the idea of being friends with you. This doesn't stopped me to wish you a good New Year and hey, why not hoping to have a good relationship between each other? <3

💖 @illicit-roses

Rosa xkenskd you sidjdndid are isbddkdj a ksudkdid baby. Such a beautiful, sweet, kind and big hearted baby. I was also the first one to talk to you and I was the one that began being surprised by your words isbwkdz. Not to mention that I also got shy and touched by your words. In this year, I would love to be more close to youuuuuu <3

💖 @inkigayeo / @woo-san

Vivi, I don't know if you will read this so probably if you do, is because I told you in private kxjsksdnsk. I don't feel like remembering you how I began talking to you because you asked and I already told you that but something I for sure need you to know is that... I'm still very touched by your encouraging words to me. I think our first first conversation was about me being depressed and how I was feeling toward myself, then about my admission test that hey, you did amazing with your words. I remember I cried because yeah, I was anxious but you told me a great advice. And when I didn't do well on that an also began saying sorry to you for not doing well, you gave me anither good words that hey... How not be in love with Vivi? Vivi is just a Queen with a big heart and kindness to give to everyone :(( <3

💖 @atinyedits / @atinywrites

My lovely and beautiful Anrose kdbdkzkzd I remember I began to talk to you after I saw a post of Cottons talking about how you were such a fk rat brat and my first thought was "Hey, I want to be her friend" lol. And guess what? That's what I did isbszlxudbzk I went to your asks and I asked you if you wanted to be my friend and you accepted. We began talking and I began having this love to you idbesldjdbs. But something I do need to make clear is that I didn't thought you will be part of my Tumblr family as my mom kdjdsldudhs I still remember reblogging with an "you are married with Allyssa?! She is my mooooom" and yeah, you were welcome to a natural habit of a family who is thirsty 24/7 for Ateez or each other and yeah, such a triangle live attraction and the foughts you still have with my other mom kdisjsnd. But I hope you feel the love I have for you. Because I do love you and I trust you enough. Don't you remember how I send you photos of my body? I do feel insecure about it and still regret to be being called a Queen but yeah, I trust and love you enough, my Anrose <3

💖 @atiny-ahgase

Gabby, my sweetest sister 🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺 How can I began this? Well... Not to mention that I usually read your interactions with Zad and as I wasn't someone you knew, I was scared to talk to both of you. You because I was mostly shy and for Zad because I thought he was intimidating, funny, right? Well, I'm not sure if I do told you about giving you tons of love and support directly but I do remember adopting Zad as my brother and he telling me he had a sister and my first thought was "Hey, why I can't have a big sister too?" and then I began talking to you and with what I was welcomed? By tons of love and cute gifs of kisses and hugs. You make me feel lovved, Gabby. You are such an angel 🥺 Please, don't stop loving your baby sister Mei <3

💖 @shinyddeonghwa

Omg, omg, omg. I feel bad because I don't even know how I began talking to you T^T I feel bad to admit that I get confused between you and Treasure and ksbsizbdsis I think it was with you that I talked in Portuguese jzusnsks and if not, I'm sorry for the miss understanding ksisjs T^T but something I for sure remember if you trying to dom me and then getting flustered when that didn't worked and it was my time then isnwishsslsns I also need to mention that is always cute everything you do dkdbskzusks even how you talk to me <3 I hope our friendship can last for more time <3

💖 @sansbun & @choisans-dimples

Bun and Cass, the brat in denial 👀😗, the sweetest babies I have met. Two lovely babies that love cats and San. I think my first interaction with the both of you was because of the Tumblr family. Bun, I'm sorry for not talking too much to you. You are such a kind person and I would like to be closer to you in this new year. And for Cass, we talked more in discord but still wasn't that much :( But it was actually funny to see you fighting with Mari, it was cute nsisnslds. I hope both of you know that your auntie loves you so much <3

💖 @galaxteez

ASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSHHHHHHHHHHHH <3

Our first conversation was something thirsty, I'm 100% sure about that. And how to forget how I always forgot to turn on to be anon siwnsibddk8dn. But I'm still sure you loved to see my asks while me being anon than when it was actually me because mine was just cute, giving tons of love to you when my anon... Well... My anon 😗 I know I have time without having thisty talks with you so maybe this new year will mark the difference 👀 <3

💖 @ateezstanlove

Ndyensiddhsihssjwj here is when my mind is having problems to remember how I actually met everyone and that's making me feel bad skdbwksjzns but something I can be 100% is that I tried really hard every day to make you feel all the love I can give. I still remember when I saw you were on hiatus and thinking about leaving Tumblr. Being honest, I was really sad but hey, you are here now to receive all my love and have those lustful thoughts about Wooyoung's thighs —I saw that, sis 😗. But yeah sksnqisndks. I love you and I hope we can have more time as sisters this year <3

💖 @ateez-little-star

Jas, the beautiful star in the sky 🥺 You were actually my first sister in my Tumblr Family. I still think is funny how I try really hard to baby you but at the end is in the other way, you end baby me skjssksisns 🥺🥺🥺🥺 How can I be more grateful to met you, uh? You always listened to my problems and I do considered a lot your opinions, is very kind to talk to you. I feel always loved when I talk to you. Also not to mention how I felt when during the night you left and when I searched you, you were gone. I was really sad and my first thought was "If she doesn't come back... She will remember me?" ksudisbskd but in days you came back and I was so happy :(( Please don't leave me again, Jas :( You are very soecial to me, my baby sis 🥺💖

💖 @hiatus-kittenmbb

Msisnsiddn MU AUNTIE HERE, EVERYONE. MSIWBSKDJDSBSB I want your love, cuddles, kisses and all the things you can give me and I'll make sure to make you feel the same, with tons of love <3 Not to mention how funny is to talk to you and all the times you told me to bother Kitty mom hahaha such a good and lovely relationship both of you have hahaha. Ps:Don't forget I love you so much, Auntie <3

💖 @hwastreasure

Mia :( I'm sorry because I don't have many things to say but at the same time I don't want you to feel sad about it. I remember I told you I will talk constantly to you and I didn't do it. Please forgive me :(( Can we try again and be closer now? :(

💖 @hongjoong-a-holic

SOFIEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE-.... Oh, no. My mistake. Let me try again. MY LIL LIOOOOOOOOOOOON GRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR~. I don't have a lot of words how to describe the love and affection I have for you. You were always paying attention to me and giving me love —not to mention that you told me I needed to hug you just because you wanted nsisns and I say no lol— and that's cute sksnsksis. I also want to say that all those times that I do bother you with Blue about gifs of Ateez dancing sexily and those smuts and all that explication of sexuality... I have cero regrets! :D lmao. If you really thought I will say sorry about that, is a nono. I know you love it at the end lmao. But there is something I for sure need to be sorry... I know you were sad about me leaving ti be on hiatus and I still did but baby, I really needed to do it. I promise I'll be back soon. Very soon, just wait for me <3

💖 @hwaberrykiwi

Cam, Cam, Cam, Cam :(( I began to talking to you thanks to Jas that she asked me if I knew you and I said no and she just make me talk to you and guess what? I'm happy she did that because hey, I met an amazing person. And even if we didn't talked that much, something my heart will not forget are the words you told me when I said Uw as going on hiatus. I was really touched, I cried. I really did at the end but yeah. I would love to be more close to such a person with a big big heart <3

💖 @joongieblue

I don't even know how to began this because I think everything I need you to know, you already know it but at the same time I feel like I still need to say a lot :(( I don't want you to feel less as a person anymore... I know you said that way of thinking is because of your depression but baby, try to look at the amazing people who are with you, that cares about how you are and of course you are very important to them. You are very sweet and amazing as a person, let me tell you that I see in you a soft light. A very pure light that needs to shine bright in the sky but the darkness is making her feel like a insuficient and lonely light. Don't worry, things will get better soon. Trust me <3

💖 @seonghwa-is-babie

How can I began this without this looking awkward? 👉🏼👈🏼 I met you thanks to Zad and what I learned is that you were such a good, kind and shy boy but of course I still think you can be very intimidating if you want to. I'm sorry for not having a lot of conversation with you since I met you but I promise I'll try harder to be close to you. Of course, if you don't mind <3

🧡 - @seacottons

How can I began this?... The first time I talked to you, it was me trying to tease you really bad. I can also remember I told you to cald me kitten or something like that at that moment and the next thing we talked was about how I wanted to be adooted by you so bad isnsldks I don't regret doing all what you wanted me to do so you can adopt me because hey, you are amazing, wonderful as my other mom. Talking to you is like a way to calm my insecurities and stress I had during the day. You always giving love to me and even those cute hugs in the head you give or when you are too much sleepy to even type correctly iwjeneid you are such a baby :(( I'm still sorry for the time I called you a rouch, you aren't a bug... You are a beautiful, sweet, kind Queen I have the posibility to call mom. Not to mention that you are also my sweet, cool pumpkin —favorite— mom. Also, I can remember all those times you told me to bother or kick Kitty just because "she need it" dkbsskdjd the time you also wanted to disown me dibedidnzsj Leaving that topic to say cute things I love about you again is that... I'll be forever happy and gratefull with you. You gave me great advice when I needed them the most. You gave me a shoulder and a soft comfortable place to talk about my deep problems, my insomnia, depression, all of that. Thank you, mom. Thank you so much for letting me be part of your life and of course, youre mine. I will not share with Kitty <3

💖 @jongpleasure

My lovely, sweet and innocent twin ^^ lmao, we know we both are like really really twins. Our birthdays are very close, we both are Cancers, have the same bias that we share with each other because damn, he is really nice. But hey, is still very good to know you because you are talented, really really talented. The videos you create are wonderful and I am not saying that just because I know you, they are very good. The same with your fics, are amazing. You are an amazing writer, why you can't see that, uh? Want me to kiss your cheeks and hug you hard till you learn it? If you do want it, you are free to come to me and I'l give ut to you because msidbwks you are my lovely twin that I love so much. Have a great new year, I hope all your problems get resolved and you can noticed how you are talented enough to succeed and that you have friends in here that love you so bad. Kyra, my sweet twin I love so much <3

🕷️🕸️ - @yunhoshoe / @jonghoshoe

Aw, my baby prince Zad :(( The one I can trully see as a baby even when you are such a year younger than me. I want to protect you every time, even when I know I can't do that much virtually... So everytime I need to make me feel that I gave you all the love I can give and hope you can feel all the love I try to give you every time we talk. I'm still sorry for that time I make you feel uncomfortable with my missunderstanding about spiders and all of that... I'm also sorry for that time I send you gifs about dogs when you were scared of them... I'm really sorry, baby. Your big sister is dumb many times but hey, she is also still learning and want to give all she can to you. I hope this new year, we cab still be closer. Who is my little sweet, cute baby prince? Of course, you <3

💖 @xiuminswifeforever

I know we aren't that close, sadly. I follow you on twitter and here and everytime we talk is probably you being horny and wanting to have sex or somethung with your hmm... Is funny to talk to you and I know you told me that you are mostly in twitter and that was why we don't talk that much but hey, I would love to talk more with you. Want to try in this new year? <3

💜 - @yunhoiseyecandy

My sweet angel Violet :(( HoW I can began this? Kdsndid I don't remember very well how I began talking to you... Like I try really hard to remember how I began talking to you and my mind is in blank siwnsksus I'm sorry because of that but at the same time, is the good memories that are important to remember, right? How can I not be feeling grateful with the angel that with some kind words that came from her heart, made me a crying mess because of how touched I was? :(( There are many things I know I will not forget. That time I was feeling low beecause someone was just being very mean with me and you were protective, your kind words when I was just losing my mind and feeling all that pain inside and you helped me release that... For this year, I hope we can still be friends because you are amazing and I don't want to lose you :( <3

💖 @treasure-hwa

I feel really bad if I began saying this but I do want to say the truth and the truth is that I usually get confused between shinnyddeonhwa because you both had/have Hwa in their profiles and I know you both don't even write in the same way but idk, is easily for me to get confused, I'm sorry T^T Changing the subject, I really loved that time when we began talking in Portuguese and Spanish at the same time. Was really funny to even think how everyone would saw that ksjsnskdd Also I am very touched and happy when you roleplay with me... You are very sweet even while roleplaying and that makes me soft in such a way dksbskdid I would like to roleplay again with you, only if you want to any other time 👉🏼👈🏼 Also in this new year, I hope we can still be talking to each other for a long time, sister <3

💖 @cometoceantrenches

Not me being speechless every time I began writing a paragraph kwusnekdid also not me becoming your friend the second you asked me how was the relationship between Cottons and I 👉🏼👈🏼 But look at the good side, we are sisters now and guess what? I noticed how you have a big BIG heart and all the love you can give is just so cute when I receive it or just read it. I hope in this new year we can make new and memorable conversations together. Don't forget you have an special space in my heart <3

🤍 - @vocalyunho

Amelie, my sweet and lovely wife :(( How can I began this? I remember the first time I talked to you. I said your writing skills were amazing and that you were cute and I wanted to try being your friend. Not to mention that two days later I ask you to be my wife dkebdidbdkd But I don't regret that at all. I'm really happy I met you because every time I talk to you, I feel in a safe space... A place I can say how I really feel without being judged... And what do I receive every time I talk my problems out? Sweet words and advice :(( Amelie you are such a good girl, a good advicer and an amazing friend. Thank you so much for letting me be your friend. I know I won something big with your beautiful friendship. Also I know that you have problems and stress but hey, as you said, things hopefully will get better, we just need to be patient and wait. And don't forget that you can come to me everytime you want. I'll be here for you, Amelie. Anlso in this new year, I hope our friendship can grow bigger and yeah, why not trying to create new memories together? Remember you are Yunho of our 2Ho. Love you <3

💖 @sollyho & @ateezinmymind

Well... Maybe this will look like a very short paragraph but... I felt bad at the same time because I don't have that much to say... For sure, I'm happy I met both of you because during our conversations, I can deduce that I can trust you because you are lovely and all of that. What I regret so bad is that during this 2020, I didn't talked that much and that's why I feel bad for not writing something big but please, don't feel that I don't care about you because I do :(( i hope in this new year, we can talk much and maybe be close friends 👉🏼👈🏼

👑 - @barnesbabee

Queen Trixie 👉🏼👈🏼 Well, what I can say is that first, I love your humor keiwbsnd also that everytime you tive your opinion about something, you have valid points. This will sound stupid but I do really like to read when you post something. As I said some days ago in your dm, I really would like to be close to you but at the same time I do feel like that will not occur or will not happen that easily because I am not that cool and well, I don't know, I feel like I would be that kind of person you would dislike easily. Something I promised this year and will keep till this new year is the tonw of love I give to you and the support you need as a powerful queen. <3

💖 @multidreams-and-desires

My baby sis that I love so much, always taking care of me ane telling me how much you love me :(( this year was amazing. Probably our talks are mostly about problems or just giving each other love. I'm happy that I met you because you are always kind and of course you have also those thirsty moments that all our Tumblr family have —that's why we all get along, we are a bunch of people that have Ateez as their weakness lol. Also, I need to mention that in this new year, you need to know that I'll be giving you more love so just wait for me <3

💖 @msmadness99

Seven, my lovely Seven ^^ First of all I need to mention the iconic moment we both noticed we talked in Spanish after months of always talking on English lol. I know some of your insecurities about your writings and I still want to let you know that when I say that your works are amazing, well written and calls the attention easily, I'm being honest and saying that not as your friend, I say that as a fan of your works. I don't know who tells you or makes you feel insecure about them but hey, is amazing. Even those short things you write and don't get me started with Break Out serie siendjdbdkdys Every time you update, you make me have my heart in my throat kduebwdkd You are very talented, don't let others make you think other way. I love you, Seven <3

I think that is all 👉🏼👈🏼

I hope you all receive this new year with a smile and always being positive ❤️

I’m so grateful for your support and love this year. May you have a prosperous, happy and healthy New Year.

May all your dreams come true in 2021! You got this!❤️

#queue #Happy New Year✨#I’m so proud of all your accomplishments this year — and I just can’t wait to see what you do in the next.#In an extraordinary year I’ve been grateful for your extraordinary friendship…. thank you #You all deserve the best ❤️✨

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senadimell · 4 years

Note

If you've got time to share, I'd love to hear more about your thoughts around Snape and Lupin.

@deathdaydungeon, here you are!

After a conversation with @frederick-the-great, I’ve been thinking about Lupin, Snape, and what they say about morality in HP. I’m not talking about the troublesome white hats, black hats morality, but am instead looking at from this angle: Lupin is nice and well-liked, but often lacks a backbone, whereas Snape is mean and disliked, but incredibly brave. Which is more important? I find Harry’s last sacrifice to be a useful point by which we measure their impact.

Lupin and Snape useful to compare on several important fronts.

As foils for each others’ teaching methods

The way they deal with social disadvantage

Their connections to Harry’s father and how they pass on James’ legacy

1) They both teach at Hogwarts, and are foils for each other in many ways. Snape is mean and takes away points. He’s seen as selfish. His classes are hard and unpleasant for Harry. He’s mean to Neville, and rather than encouraging him, mocks him and belittles him, which just adds to the overall disaster of Neville’s poor self-esteem mixing badly with potions class.

However, even Umbridge admits that Snape’s teaching methods work, and she’s working for Fudge who doesn’t like Death Eaters and has been defied by Snape in GoF, so we know he’s effective for a lot of people, if not Neville.

Yet, for all that, Snape saves Harry’s life multiple times. On top of that, Snape wants to keep the fact that he saved Harry’s life a secret.

“Very well. Very Well. But never--Never tell, Dumbledore! This must be between us! Swear it, I cannot bear...especially Potter’s son...I want your word!

My word, Severus, that I will never reveal the best of you? Dumbledore sighed, looking down into Snape’s ferocious, anguished face. “If you insist...”

DH 679, The Prince’s Tale

Conversely, Lupin is nice and rewards points. He’s seen as generous. His classes are fun and interesting for Harry. He’s kind to Neville, and expresses confidence in him that leads him to succeed and do well. That confidence is a huge part of Neville’s character development. I doubt he’d grow into the resistance leader in DH if not for the many times teachers expressed confidence in him, like Dumbledore in PS, Lupin in PoA, Fake!Moody in GoF, and Harry in OotP. Harry certainly approves of his methods:

“You’re the best Defense Against the Dark Arts teacher we’ve ever had!” said Harry. “Don’t go!”

PoA 424, Owl Post Again

However, it’s worth noticing that Hermione does worse on his exam than we ever see. She fails the Boggart test, and she and Harry were the only two people not permitted to experience the Boggart in class. Lupin’s teaching methods aren’t foolproof. Despite that, he’s overall seen as a nice guy and good teacher.

Yet Lupin endangers Harry’s life. The secrets he keeps are dangerous: his secret to keep is that he’s a werewolf and actively endangered three students lives with his negligence, as well as the fact that he hid a secret about a believed and convicted mass murderer to save face with Dumbledore.

“That was still really dangerous! Running around in the dark with a werewolf! What if you’d given the others the slip, and bitten somebody?”

“A thought that still haunts me,” Lupin said heavily. “And there were near misses, many of them. We laughed about them afterwards. We were young, thoughtless--carried away with out own cleverness.

“I sometimes felt guilty about betraying Dumbledore’s trust, of course....he had admitted me to Hogwarts when no other headmasters would have done so, and he had no idea I was breaking the rules he had set down for my own and others’ safety. He never knew I had led three fellow students into becoming Animagi illegally. But I always managed to forget my guilty feelings every time we sat down to plan our next month’s adventure. And I haven’t changed...

Lupin’s face had hardened, and there was self-disgust in his voice. “All this year I have been battling with myself, wondering whether I should tell Dumbledore that Sirius was an Animagus. But I didn’t do it. Why? Because I was too cowardly. It would have meant admitting that I’d betrayed his tryst while I was at school, admitting that I’d led others along with me...and Dumbledore’s trust has meant everything to me. He let me into Hogwarts as a boy, and he gave me a job when I have been shunned all my adult life, unable to find paid work because of what I am. And so I convinced myself that Sirius was getting into the school using Dark Arts he learned from Voldemort, that being an Animagus had nothing to do with it...so in a way, Snape’s been right about me all along.”

PoA 355, Moony, Wormtail, Padfoot, and Prongs

Plan is emphasized because those trips that ended in “near misses” weren’t some impulsive romp. They were planned and coordinated in advance.

“I just saw Hagrid,” said Harry. “And he said you’d resigned. It’s not true, is it?”

“I’m afraid it is, said Lupin. He stared opening his desk drawers and taking out the contents.

“Why?” said Harry. The Ministry of Magic don’t think you were helping Sirius, do they?”

Lupin crossed to the door and closed it behind Harry.

“No. Professor Dumbledore managed to convince Fudge that I was trying to save your lives.” He sighed. “That was the final straw for Severus. I think* the loss of the Order of Merlin hit him hard. So he--er--accidentally let slip that I am a werewolf this morning at breakfast.”

“You’re not leaving because of that!” said Harry.

Lupin smiled wryly.

“This time tomorrow, the owls will start arriving from parents ....They will not want a werewolf teaching their children, Harry. And after last night, I see their point. I could have bitten any of you...That must never happen again.

“You’re the best Defense Against the Dark Arts teacher we’ve ever had!” said Harry. “Don’t go!”

PoA 424, Owl Post Again

What strikes me about this conversation is how Lupin shifts the blame around. This doesn’t start with an admission of guilt. He’s not leaving because the parents are right. He’s not leaving because he’s seen how dangerous he can be, or because he owns up to making an incredibly dangerous decision. He’s leaving because Snape forced his hand. If Snape didn’t do that, he would do the same thing he’s always been doing: sweeping his misdoing under the rug and promising himself privately that he’s going to change, but never doing it.

It’s always someone else’s fault for Lupin. That’s a neat tie in to the next point of comparison:

2. Lupin and Snape both experience marginalization in wizarding society, but in very different ways. Lupin faces socio-legal** marginalization and Snape faces socio-economic marginalization.

Lupin’s a werewolf. We see how prejudice affects his life, from his inability to find a job and his worn out clothes to his people-pleasing nature. He’s always acting nice and harmless. He does nothing to play into the condemning stereotypes he’s faced since childhood. Despite that, he still can’t find a job. Nobody will hire him, and people are scared to interact with him. From the way he talks about werewolves, it’s implied that this prejudice is held blindly across Wizarding society. Both Ron and Hermione are horrified to learn Lupin’s a werewolf. *** Later on, he’s legally limited in the kinds of jobs he holds and the kind of magic he’s allowed to perform. Lupin has no control over his transformations, and did not choose his condition.

Lupin’s not really wrong when pities himself. The odds really are stacked against him when he’s treated as if he’s a wolf 24/7, not just a few predictable times a month. His prospects are honestly awful.

The problem is, his condition is dangerous. Thus, the issue of victim blaming is particularly thorny for Lupin. He can’t just accept that he’s a monster for something he has no say over, and yet he can’t escape the fact that sometimes he is monstrous for reasons out of his control. He feels guilty for the people he could have hurt, but also seems to resent that people blame him for something that’s not his fault. The problem is that he carries that lack of accountability into spheres where he should be accountable, like not taking his medication and endangering children because of it.

Snape’s story is very different. He is poor in both the wizard and muggle worlds, and half-blooded, and was sorted into Slytherin as a child. He doesn’t have one condition against him, but checks boxes that make it hard for any one side to accept him. He’s too impure and poor to survive on his own for the Slytherin, but is a Slytherin with Death Eater friends and housemates interested in dark magic, which means he’s never going to fit in with the Order of the Phoenix crowd, especially when some of its members torment him at school. ****4

This essay makes a convincing point that the wizarding world is not a meritocracy, and that people like Snape need powerful patronage to advance if they don’t have the money to support themselves.

I don’t consider the sorting a proper choice. I know Harry does, but I’m of the opinion that at age 11, very few people have been taught how to analyze different perspectives and make an informed decision. Most 11-year-olds are trained to obey their parents and accept their family’s ideology. Harry’s choice rests on very little evidence--most of what he knows is what Hagrid told him, and that he doesn’t want to be sorted into Voldemort’s house along with Draco Malfoy, someone who reminds him of Dudley. I don’t think Snape was very informed either (I’d love to know why), because he doesn’t realize why it Lily wouldn’t be sorted into Slytherin.

“You’d better be in Slytherin,” said Snape, encouraged that she had brightened a little. DH 671, The Prince’s Tale

Either the pureblood rhetoric just wasn’t strong in those days, or his mother didn’t tell him about that.

...“Where are you heading, if you’ve got the choice?”

James lifted an invisible sword.

“’Gryffindor, where dwell the brave at heart!’ Like my dad.”

Snape made a small, disparaging noise. James turned on him.

“Got a problem with that?”

“No,” said Snape, though his slight sneer said otherwise. “If you’d rather be brawny than brainy--”

DH 671-2, The Prince’s Tale

It seems that most people just follow familial preferences. As to why Snape wants to be in Ravenclaw over Slytherin, my preferred interpretation is that he had a family legacy, knew that Slytherin rewarded the ambitious and clever, and that Slughorn, the head of Slytherin house, had a knack for making the kind of connections that a poor, clever boy would need to succeed.

Nevertheless, once Snape was in Slytherin, the odds were stacked against him. The house in that era was full of people who would later be Death Eaters. “Dark Magic” wasn’t frowned upon among his housemates, and siding with Voldemort wasn’t yet widely acknowledged as a transgression by wider society.

“No, no, but believe me, [Sirius’ parents] thought Voldemort had the right idea, they were all for the purification of the wizarding race, getting rid of Muggle-borns and having pure-bloods in charge. They weren’t alone either, there were quite a few people, before Voldemort showed his true colors, who thought he had the right idea about things.…” OotP 112

Additionally, people like Bellatrix were in the years above him, and given how Fred and George acted with younger students, I think it’s highly likely younger students had to find a place in the hierarchy or be the target of ‘pranks.’ He was a halfblood, after all, and dirt poor.

Snape knew these people. He ate with them, slept with them, and went to class with them. It is so much easier to understand and befriend someone you spend time with. I’d say that most people who subscribe to problematic ideologies aren’t just awful to be around all the time, or else these movements wouldn’t gain any traction. They’re likely funny and nice to be around if you’re not on their bad side.

In addition to strong peer pressure to befriend the people who would be death eaters, he was also bullied four to one. His bullies received protection from the headmaster when he was nearly killed or permanently maimed. They were popular and well liked.

The best analogy I’ve heard to describe Snape's Hogwarts situation is that he’s a kid in a rough neighborhood who joins the local gang. It provides protection and the hope of social mobility, and from his perspective, the other gang fights just as dirty (his treatment by the marauders). He doesn’t stop to think that the system is flawed, or that the gang’s very existence indicates the failure of authority and threatens its members. He just sees himself as a kid with nothing who needs help with protection and advancement. We know that Voldemort hasn’t shown his true colors, and it’s possible he showed different faces to different people.

‘Now, yer mum an’ dad were as good a witch an’ wizard as I ever knew. Head Boy an’ Girl at Hogwarts in their day! Suppose the myst’ry is why You-Know-Who never tried to get ’em on his side before ... probably knew they were too close ter Dumbledore ter want anythin’ ter do with the Dark Side.

‘Maybe he thought he could persuade ’em ... maybe he just wanted ’em outta the way. All anyone knows is, he turned up in the village where you was all living, on Hallowe’en ten years ago. You was just a year old. He came ter yer house an’ – an’ –’ (“The Keeper of the Keys”)

Dumbledore’s cited as the reason they turned him down, not their blood status. I think there’s evidence that the wholesale anti-muggleborn campaign wasn’t a huge part of the first wizarding war, and wasn’t implemented until the second, even if there was anti-muggle propaganda. (Muggle=/=muggleborn). It’s implied that Tobias is abusive and that Snape hates him for what he did to him and his mother; it’s implied that faced class prejudice by the muggles around him as well:

“I know who you are. You’re that Snape boy! They live down Spinner’s End by the river,” she told Lily, and it was evident from her tone that she considered the address a poor recommendation.

DH 665, The Prince’s Tale

When you read stories about people who are able to escape cycles of gang violence and poverty, there’s almost always someone who lifts them out. There’s someone who pushes them, or extends a hand, or believes in them. There are community outreach programs, or churches, or an English teacher that pushed them to do better and try out for a scholarship. That person is usually someone who knows what it’s like and knows how hard it is to get out.

Snape doesn’t seem to get that support anywhere. Slughorn doesn’t seem to notice him, for whatever reason. Lily doesn’t approve of his friends, but also doesn’t understand at all what the pull is--that it’s hard to swim against the current of what everyone else is saying, despite the fact that she feels the same pressure to end her friendship with Snape.

“… thought we were supposed to be friends?” Snape was saying. “Best friends?” “We are, Sev, but I don’t like some of the people you’re hanging round with! I’m sorry, but I detest Every and Mulciber! Mulciber! What do you see in him, Sev, he’s creepy! D’you know what he tried to do to Marry Macdonald the other day?”

DH 673, The Prince’s Tale

In the very same conversation, the fact that Snape is not allowed to share what happened to him with Lupin and the werewolf incident means that Lily will never be able to understand what Snape is facing: That the leader of the good guys makes excuses for and protects people who recklessly endanger the lives of others.

“And you’re being really ungrateful. I heard what happened the other night. You went sneaking down that tunnel by the Whomping Wollow, and James Potter saved you from whatever’s down there--”

Snape’s whole face contorted and he spluttered, “Saved? Saved? You think he was playing the hero? He was saving his neck and his friends’ too!...”

DH 674, The Prince’s Tale

Later in the year after SWM, she tells Snape this:

“None of my friends can understand why I even talk to you.”

DH 675 The Prince’s Tale

She expects him to reject all of his classmates and stand against the tide, despite the fact that she knows how hard it is to do that and can’t comprehend why he sticks with his classmates. She expects him to be grateful to James Potter as if what he did was altruistic, because the Headmaster swore Snape to secrecy and he keeps his promises, despite the fact that someone else was spreading the story. (The fact that she says she heard it instead of talking about it like its common knowledge implies that she heard it from a friend, so our friends the Marauders likely weren’t keeping their lips zipped even if Snape was.)

I don’t say this to shift the blame away from Snape to Lily in regards to Snape joining the Death Eaters. I just want to point out that Lily wasn't someone who could help him break the cycle. He didn’t squander some chance she offered him. She just wasn’t enough to break him out--not empathetic, motivated, or well-informed enough. (I think the fact that they were peers plays a big role in that).

Ultimately, Snape did choose to join the Death Eaters. He did yield to peer pressure. He did obey his assignment and report the prophecy to Voldemort. He spent his youth yielding, following the path in front of him, and choosing what was probably the easier choice: stick with your group, find powerful friends, do what they want, and don’t ask too many questions about their methods. That’s what makes his decision to betray Voldemort so powerful to me.

Here’s part of the passage when Snape betrays Voldemort:

...The adult Snape was panting, turning on the spot, his wand gripped tightly in his hand, waiting for something or for someone...His fear infected Harry too, even though he knew that he could not be harmed, and he looked over his shoulder wondering what it was that Snape was waiting for--

Then a sliding, jagged jet of white light flew through the air. Harry thought of lightning, but Snape had dropped to his knees and his wand had flown out of his hand.

“Don’t kill me!”

DH 676, The Prince’s Tale

He was terrified. He knew he was caught between the world’s two most powerful wizards, but it was worth it if he could save his childhood friend.

Then when Lily dies:

“Her son lives. He has her eyes, precisely her eyes. You remember the share and color of Lily Evans’s eyes, I am sure?”

“DON’T!” bellowed Snape. “Gone...dead...”

“Is this remorse, Severus?”

“I wish..I wish I were dead....”

“And what use would that be to anyone?” said Dumbledore coldly.

DH 678, The Prince’s Tale

Whatever motivation Snape had before is gone. A person’s life who is not his own is worth more than his own, and he’s drowning in guilt. From now on, Snape works to be useful in saving Harry’s life, and later many lives, at risk of death. His choices are a black mark on his record, likely making it difficult for him to get a job when he’s been tried as a Death Eater, and all of his wizarding connections are Death Eaters or their associates. He has no money or influence. Dumbledore hires him.

So Lupin has a single ailment and faces constant social and legal discrimination. He constantly tries to undermine people’s expectations about werewolves by being mild, but unfortunately is too afraid of rejection and its consequences to stand up against bad behavior or take full responsibility for his failings. He has friends who support him, but do it by engaging in risky behavior. He does not stop them. Perhaps he fears exposure and expulsion. Perhaps he just likes belonging for once. Either way, he does not come clean until forced to.

Snape is different; instead of facing outright rejection, he’s from a poor background and grows up surrounded by peers who join something somewhere between a gang and a cult while being bullied by people groomed by a rival organization. The headmaster of his school supports the rival organization and swears him to secrecy about an incident when they endangered his life, sending the message that his life is worthless. That same group continues to publicly bully him. He continues down this path until he realizes that it endangers something he cares about, and makes a decision that puts him at risk of being killed by the two most powerful wizards alive. He changes course.

Snape seems to view his problems as challenges facing him, whereas Lupin sees his problems as part of who he is, and not something he can change. Lupin seems to accept what happens to him in a fatalist kind of way. He sees what happens as inevitable and somewhat out of his control, whereas Snape never seems to blame his circumstances for him becoming a death eater, even though they clearly limited his options. I think that attitude matters. However, because Lupin’s facing a fictional magical malady, it’s difficult to fully blame him for that attitude.

Both Lupin and Snape have to react to powerful societal pressure that makes it difficult for them to succeed. Comparing them is apples and oranges at best, because their circumstances were so different. I don’t think you can judge either’s morality based on group identity, though.

3. Finally, they both act as a window on James: who he was, and what he means to Harry, who never knew him. That means in some way, they help pass on his parental legacy to orphaned Harry.

Hogwarts is Harry’s home, which means that the teachers are more than just teachers, but play a symbolic parental role in his life.

Hogwarts was the first and best home he had known. He and Voldemort and Snape, the abandoned boys, had all found home here.

DH 697, The Forest Again

You can’t understand Harry without realizing what he lacks: a loving home and living parents. He’s always looking into the past to find his parents, and is saddled with a legacy he struggles to understand--why did he live, who were his parents, and what does he need to do now?

Lupin and Snape also share a connection with Harry that goes beyond a normal teacher-student relationship, unlike McGonagall or Flitwick. Snape and Lupin are more personally connected to Harry than the other professors because they know Harry’s parents and went to school with them. I will mostly focus on James from here on out since we know so little about Lily personally and Harry mostly tries to emulate or avoid his father’s behavior and legacy.

They’re also the last people who knew James to survive, and they die almost at the same time. They’re the only teachers apart from Dumbledore who give Harry private lessons. More importantly, these lessons are all tied thematically to Harry’s past. Harry’s experience with dementors and the patronus charm are his first re-encounter with his parents and his past.

Terrible though it was to hear his parents’ last moments replayed inside his head, these are the only times Harry had heard their voices since he was a very small child. But he’d never be able to produce a proper patronus if he half wanted to hear his parents again.

PoA 243, The Patronus

In the end of PoA, Harry sees himself and mistakenly thinks it’s his father.

“Come on!” he muttered, staring about. “Where are you? Dad, come on--”

But no one came. Harry raised his head to look atet he circle of dementors across the lake. One of them was lowering its hood. It was time for the rescuer to appear--but no one was coming to help this time--

And then it hit him--he understood. He hadn’t seen his father--he had seen himself--

Harry flung himself out from behind the bush and pulled out his want.

“EXPECTO PATRONUM!” he yelled.

PoA 411, Hermione’s Secret

So the patronus itself is linked up with Harry’s past, and his coming-of-age. He doesn’t rely on others to save him, but must do it himself. (Though Harry’s never really trusted the adults to save him.) It’s interesting to note that Harry actually learns the Patronus charm under Lupin’s tutelage.

On the other hand, Snape introduces Harry to the unpleasant side of his father’s legacy. Through Snape, we see that James wasn’t just a little cocky, but a bully.

“Apologize to Evans!” James roared at Snape, his wand pointed threateningly at him. “I don't want you to make him apologize,” Lily shouted, rounding on James. “You're as bad as he is.” “What?” yelped James. “I'd NEVER call you a--you-know-what!” “Messing up your hair because you think it looks cool to look like you've just got off your broomstick, showing off with that stupid Snitch, walking down corridors and hexing anyone who annoys you just because you can--I'm surprised your broomstick can get off the ground with that fat head on it. You make me SICK.” She turned on her heel and hurried away.

....

He had no desire at all to return to Gryffindor Tower so early, nor to tell Ron and Hermione what he had just seen. What was making Harry feel so horrified and unhappy was not being shouted at or having jars thrown at him; it was that he knew how it felt to be humiliated in the middle of a circle of onlookers, knew exactly how Snape had felt as his father had taunted him, and that judging from what he had just seen, his father had been every bit as arrogant as Snape had always told him. OotP, Snape’s Worst Memory, emphasis added

It’s interesting note that Harry fails to learn Occlumency from Snape. (In fact, we never see Harry use magical skills he learned from Snape apart from Expelliarmus, which is...important). At the same time, he gains an important perspective.

You can’t have James without this part of him. However kind James was to Lupin, however brave James was when he saved his wife, he was neither kind nor brave when he bullied Snape. It’s uncomfortable and awkward, but it’s important.

When he had finished, neither Sirius nor Lupin spoke for a moment. Then Lupin said quietly, “I wouldn’t like you to judge your father on what you saw there, Harry. He was only fifteen —”

“I’m fifteen!” said Harry heatedly.

OotP

Harry rejects the idea that actively bullying someone is just folly of youth. He knows what it’s like to be disenfranchised. Regardless of what Snape and James’ relationship was, he didn’t deserve that kind of humiliation. And Lupin watched, and defends him. Harry has to grapple with that.

Ultimately, Snape and Lupin do more than just connect him to his past. They also teach him his two signature spells, Expelliarmus and Expecto Patronum. One saves his soul, and one saves his life and frees the wizarding world from Voldemort because of Voldemort’s fractured soul.

Snape and Lupin as moral counterpoints

How do we evaluate this:

“I’d never have believed this,” Harry said. “The man who taught me to fight dementors--a coward.”*****5

DH 213, The Bribe

and this?

“Albus Severus, you were named for two headmasters of Hogwarts. One of them was a Slytherin and he was probably the bravest man I ever knew.

DH 758, Seventeen years later

Ultimately, I don’t think it’s really that useful to pit two people with different backgrounds against each other. At the same time, they represent two different halves of a question: when it comes down to it, should we try to be kind or brave? I don’t think you have to pick one, but when pursuing the two, there are bound to be moments of conflict.

I always come back to the lyrics to Last Midnight from Sondheim’s Into the Woods.******6

You're so nice You're not good You're not bad You're just nice I'm not good I'm not nice I'm just right I'm the witch You're the world

Snape doesn’t care about being nice. I think this is where most non-Snape fans start pulling out the pitchforks and torches. Snape isn’t nice, and he’s not nice to kids. He’s not nurturing.*******7 He’s abrasive, allergic to coddling, and petty when he can get away with it. In fact, most of the people he’s ‘nice’ to are significantly more powerful than him, or someone he needs to be on good terms with.

Lupin is nice. He’s mild. He’s often kind. However, he often picks being liked over standing up for something.

What does that result in? He doesn’t stand up for Snape. The bullying continues and keeps Snape firmly on his path. He wins the respect of the Gryffindors with the Snape Boggart incident but loses whatever credibility he had to tell Snape to ‘put their past behind him.’

On the other hand, Neville’s bravery in DH was nurtured by Lupin’s confidence. Neville kept hope alive and led a rebellion. Lupin is one of the few adults that Harry fully respects and trusts up until the Grimmauld place confrontation. (He likes Hagrid and Molly, but doesn’t necessarily trust them to make decisions in their best interest, while he usually respects Lupin’s judgement). Harry loves him, and it’s because he loved him and watched him die that he needs to act and fight back against Voldemort.

Ultimately, Harry’s relationship with James and the adults who pass on his legacy is one of the most important symbolic relationships in the book. The thematic resolution of the series is Harry’s act of sacrificial love.

He did not know what to feel, except shock at the way Snape had been killed, and the reason for which it had been done....

...He could not bear to look at any of the other bodies, to see who else had died for him. He could not bear to join the Weasleys, could not look into their eyes, when if he had given himself up in the first place, Fred might never had died...

He turned away and ran up the marble staircase. Lupin, Tongs...He yearned not to feel....He wished he could rip out his heart, his innards, everything that was screaming inside of him.

To escape into someone else’s head would be a blessed relief....Nothing that even Snape had left him could be worse than his own thoughts.

DH 660-662, The Prince’s Tale

He rushes to the headmaster’s office to escape into Snape's memories. His memories convince Harry that sacrificing himself is the expedient thing to do, and he heads to the Forbidden Forest. To enable is last sacrifice, he uses the Resurrection stone to witness his parents and his father’s friends. Their combined testimony is enough to ameliorate his personal fears about following through with this final act.

Lupin and Snape leave entirely different legacies behind. Lupin encourages and inspires. As an authority figure, he gives people like Neville space to grow and his compassion towards Harry gives him the strength to face his demons. Harry’s decision in DH to die must have something to do with the kindness he was shown, and the sacrifices people who loved him made for him, of which Lupin is a part. Despite what he saw in Princes’ Tale, Snape wasn’t one of the people who’d make an appearance with the Resurrection stone.

Yet Snape sacrificed his life for Harry and the wizarding world, entities that Snape didn’t seem to like and that certainly weren’t kind to him. His form of bravery is about endurance, tenacity, and willingness to do what is right even when you hate your allies and no one else is going to credit you for what you do. And that’s very Harry. Even if he hates Draco, he’s not about to let him die if he can help it. Harry has much more in common with Snape than Lupin, I think.

Since this is about souls, let’s return to the Patronus charm. Snape’s not the kind of person who typically inspires that kind of emotion required to cast a Patronus in others, at least from what we see in Harry’s perspective. Yet because he has experienced that love, he can cast it and shows Harry what needs to be done. Snape enables Harry to dive under the ice. Lupin’s the kind of person who can inspire a patronus, but isn’t the one to make the sacrifice play until after Harry confronts him about his duty to his family. Ultimately, though, they both sacrifice themselves in the Battle of Hogwarts.

* Ever since I realized how blatantly tangential Order of Merlin must be to Snape’s character motivation, that line has frustrated me to no end. There’s no way frothing-at-the-mouth PoA Snape just really coveted that Order of Merlin. He’s often petty, yeah, but if Lupin believes it’s just about that and has nothing to do with Snape’s real conviction about how dangerous Lupin’s actions were, he’s deluding himself. I hate that he passes it on to his students.

**Yes, I am making up words today. Lupin’s faces prejudice and discrimination on a social level enforced by increasingly powerful discriminatory laws.

*** It’s worth noting that if we take every book as equally valid canon, then there’s either widespread ignorance towards lycanthropy, as Lockhart convinces everyone he was able to “cure” the Wagga-Wagga werewolf, and as teenage Horcrux!Riddle said Hagrid raised werewolf cubs under his bed, or else lycanthropy is actually a wide range of conditions under a wolfy umbrella ranging from treatable to incurable. Lupin is our primary source for lycanthropy: he’s the one who tells us about Greyback, for example. If we hold the first two books as equally valid, then perhaps we only know about Lupin’s particular type of condition. That’s the Watsonian analysis, anyways.

****4 These footnotes are getting ridiculous. Basically, there’s no consensus on what Dark Magic is, and on what basis it’s Evil. This essay goes into things that are labelled as curses. I’m inclined to believe that the vast majority of Dark Magic is just Magic We Don’t Like for Reasons.

The definition of what is and isn't considered Dark Magic is never explained: often it just seems to mean "a curse I don't approve of". Even "curse" has never been satisfactorily defined, but we can certainly say that not all curses are regarded as evil, since some appear to be on the Hogwarts curriculum, and are certainly performed without censure.

*****5 While I paired the quotes at the top of this section together for dramatic effect, it’d be a shame not to look at the context of the Lupin fight.

“I thought you’d say [that your mission was top secret],” said Lupin, looking disappointed. But I might still be of some use to you. You know what I am and what I can do. I could come with you to provide protection. There would be no need to tell me exactly what you were up to. Harry hesitated. It was a very tempting offer.

Hermione then asks about Tonks.

“I’m pretty sure my father would have wanted to know why you aren’t sticking with your own kid, actually”... ...“I’d never have believed this,” Harry said. “The man who taught me to fight dementors--a coward.”

...“Parents shouldn’t leave their kids unless--unless they’ve got to.”

...“I know I shouldn’t have called him a coward.”“No, you shouldn’t,” said Ron at once. “But he’s acting like one. “ “All the same...” said Hermione.

“I know,” said Harry. “But if it makes him go back to Tonks, it’ll be worth it, won’t it?”

He could not keep the plea out of his voice. Hermione looked sympathetic, Ron uncertain. Harry looked down at his feet, thinking of his father. Would James have backed Harry in what he had said to Lupin, or would he have bene angry at how his son had treated his old friend?

DH 213, The Bribe

Harry feels personally betrayed that someone who has a family and child would abandon them. Here he is unyielding and accusing to someone he cares about in the hopes that they re-evaluate what matters. It’s a rather Snape-like tactic, actually. Or else a Dumbledore one.

I love the dialogue in this scene, but have some major issues with how Harry’s internalization drops out the window for shock value. JKR does the same thing when has Harry pull the Veritaserum trick in HBP. I don’t like it.

******6 The witch and Snape aren’t perfect analogues, since she’s decidedly more amoral in my opinion, but they’re both contractually-motivated characters whose humanity is shown by their (platonic/familial) love for a more “innocent” character and the guilt at the innocent character’s sacrificial death. Guilt doesn’t lead the witch to do anything productive, and for Snape it does, which is where they diverge on the character path.

*******7 Draco may be an exception to this. However, watching Snape struggle to build rapport with Draco in HBP leads me to think that while Snape’s been on Draco’s side, he’s still not “nurturing,” or in other words, good at cultivating trust and encouraging the strong and wholesome parts of someone’s personality to grow.

#hp meta #snape #pro snape #severus snape #remus lupin #i haven't figured out how to make this appear above the cut...

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siriuslyshewrote · 4 years

Text

no one wants to dance anymore - f.s

Platonic! Finn Shelby x Shelby!Sister , Isaiah Jesus x Shelby!Sister

Warnings - swearing, talking of maternal death, talk of drug use, and verbal abuse

A/N - Finn and YN are probably 16/17 in this one

Word Count - 2,965

4:17 AM , Christmas Eve, 1925

The Shelby house was never quiet, had never been quiet , not since Rosalie Shelby had her children - Arthur, then Tommy, then the others. It had always been a house of chaos and mayhem, one of arguments and yells, of tears and makeups.

But in all the time the Shelby family had been alive, they had never heard an argument like this.

The Shelby twins - Finn and Y/N - had been practically attatched at the hip since birth, and since then, they'd barely ever argued , only frustrated snipes every once in a while. They were sixteen now, at that age where they frustrated Polly to no end , by constantly sneaking out and going drinking and smoking at the Garrison, though she never worried about them, not really - what reason did she have to be worried? They had each other's backs. And so, Polly was surprised, and none too happy, to be woken up in the early hours of Christmas Eve morn, by angered yells and screams downstairs. She could hear a babies cries too - probably John's newborn, woken up by the noise. It was typical, for this to happen, when all the siblings and their families were crowded into the terraced house they grew up in, a tradition for the family on Christmas Eve and Day.

******************************************************

"You are a fucking hypocrite Finn Shelby!" You hissed loudly, as he leant against the doorframe, that arrogant smirk on his face, though you knew well it was just a front for his anger. "Always bitching about Tommy's drug use and fucking Arthur's and Johnny's and then you do this?! Actually, less of a hypocrite and more of a down right arsehole!" Your voice raised on the last word, as you threw up your hands in frustration.

You'd always hated drugs, ever since you were a small child. You'd grown up around drug use - first your Pa, then, when the war was over, your brothers became enthralled in it too - the way it helped them forget the horrors they had seen. To you though , the person who had never seen the horrors, all you saw was the people you loved falling apart in front of your very eyes. You and Finn had made a pact when you could have only be ten or eleven, to never be like them. Not in that way. And here was Finn - half high off his mind on snow, but coming down from it very fast.

"I'm the arsehole?" His voice was louder than yours, more fuelled by alcohol and drugs, and you were certain you would wake up your family soon, but you were so angry you couldn't care less. "You are the one who shagged my best friend!"

Ah yes. The reason all of this began. You had been so upset, when you saw your brother at the Garrison a few hours ago - high off his head, that you turned to the only person who was there to comfort you at the time. Isaiah.

"I did not shag him! I fucking kissed him!"

"Same fucking betrayal!"

"Betrayal?! What world are you living in! He's my friend too!"

You were both yelling now, and you knew everyone would be awake at this point.

"Friend? Friend? I don't know about you , Y/N, but I don't regularly go around snogging-"

"I was fucking upset- you promised me Finn! We made a fucking pact! Though I guess I - that doesn't mean anything to you anymore!"

"Stop being so bloody immature! We're not kids anymore, I can do what I want!"

"Oh I forgot, big Finn Shelby, always trying to follow in his brothers footsteps! Well guess what Finn, you're not them! You're still a fucking kid." You spat angrily.

"I'm a kid?! You're the one who ran off to snog Isaiah as a form of petty bloody revenge-"

"I did not!"

"Yes you did! Because that's what you always do! You bloody manipulate people into hurting because you know what will hurt them the fucking most! And that's what you did with me tonight!"

Your eyes widened at this, as you recoiled, and angry tears welled at your eyes, though you refused to let them fall. Finn was always the sibling that was calmer and laid back. It was why you never usually argued. Anything you said usually washed right over his head. You supposed that sometimes you abused that a little.

"At least I have the ability to process my emotions, and don't just fucking hide them because I want to act the big man in front of my brothers! When are you going to see that you're not a proper fucking Peaky Blinder! You-" You almost screeched.

"Enough!" You heard a bellow, and froze slightly. The wrath of your Aunt Polly was enough to sober you both up practically instantly, though Finn still hadn't managed to stand up straight. "You are both children! Christmas bloody Eve and you wake us up like this!"

You turned round, to see Aunt Polly on the stairs, her arms crossed , lips pursed. The look she gave was enough for you to feel like a five year old again, who had just been caught playing with her makeup. The majority of the rest of your family also stood around on the stairs , half looking amused, half looking pissed off and tired. You felt your cheeks burn. All you ever wanted to do was impress your siblings. You had a feeling this wasn't the way to do it.

"Tell him that-"

"Tell her that-"

You both spat at the same time, glaring at each other, fists clenched, your jaws set in exactly the same way. You hated arguing with any of your family, but you, though you rarely showed it, had a temper just like Arthur when you got going, and both of you knew exactly how to hurt the other - you just rarely tried to. It was how you were both so upset right now.

"I said enough! If you can't use your bloody inside voices then don't come inside!"

"Fine by me." Finn muttered, turning and slamming out of the front door, so hard the window pane trembled. You knew then, that he was upset. If he was truly, really, angry, then he'd stay and yell some more. He left because he didn't want anyone to see him as weak. And that made your lip wobble a tiny amount.

"You do not get the last word, Finn Shelby!" You yelled, suddenly well aware how childish you were. But you couldn't stop, as you too, pulled open the front door, and saw him halfway down the street, the dawn light making it just possible to see him.

You stormed off in the opposite direction, to where you always went when you felt like this.

You went to see your mum.

*************************************************

It took, on average, around thirty or forty minutes for you to walk to the graveyard where they had buried Rosalie Shelby. You were too little to remember much - barely six when she passed, but you knew that your family didn't settle on nothing short of perfect for your mother. By that time, your father had already walked out, and your siblings had searched and searched for the perfect place to bury her. She didn't like to feel trapped when she was alive, Johnny had told you. And so, they buried her on the outskirts of Small Heath, on a hill surrounded by wildflowers, that had fuzzy bees fly around them in the summer, and tiny dormice. You loved coming here as a kid, not really understanding what it was - to you it just felt like a day in the countryside, which was rare. You still came often, to talk to her, when you were upset , or angry, or just felt something close to missing her . You knew she couldn't hear you, but some part of you yearned for it. For her to be able to speak back.

"Hey, Mum." You spoke softly, sitting down on the cold, damp, earth, limbs aching from your walk. By now, the sky was almost fully light. Your fingers touched the grave in a sort of greeting.

"I'm scared, Mum. I'm scared for Finn." You swallowed, leaning back on your palms, glancing up at the purple- pink dawn sky. Unfortunately for your baby nieces and nephews, it didn't look like it was going to snow in time for Christmas.

"He's never been like this with me. We're supposed to be a team, you know? But it's like, everyday he's drifting further and further away. I don't want him to, Mum. He's my best friend before my brother, and I'm losing him. I know I am. I just don't know how to stop it."

Your voice kept cracking, and suddenly, salty tears were dripping down your face, falling into the soil. There were several bouquets around the grave, and you weren't surprised. Your family all visited this time of year. Being here , in this place, it was your sanctuary, and it was rare that you would cry anywhere else. You pent up emotions until you felt like you would burst, and then you'd walk here.

"I miss you." You murmured. "In the best way I can. Because how can I miss someone I barely knew? You left us before I got to know your mannerisms like Ada and all the others do. They sometimes sit around and tell stories about you, and I just sit there, because they're just talking about a stranger, to me."

You paused for another few moments.

"Sometimes, I wonder, if you'd stayed, if everything would have been easier. If Tommy would be happier more, if Arth would be less angry all the time, if John would be-"

"Thought I'd find you here."

You turned round, having got a fright, to see your closest brother - John, standing, no longer wearing his pyjamas, but the suits you were used to seeing him wear. His cap was held between his hands, and for once, no cigarette dangled from his lips.

Quickly, you tried to wipe away your tear tracks, as he sat down beside you, the same cross legged position you were in.

"Come on, Squirrel. Don't cry, eh?" He said softly, wrapping an arm around you tightly, and you leaned into him.

The nickname your siblings had given you (on account of you often 'running away' from home as a child, and usually being found halfway up a tree, along with the fact that you used to have a habit of hiding food all around the Shelby home) almost brought a smile to your face.

"Is Finn..."

"Ada's gone after him. You know she's better with him."

You sniffed, nodding.

"I'm sorry. I know I was a dick to him again."

He nodded a little. "Yeah, you were. He was a bit of a twat too, to be fair."

"I know Pol says we're just growing up, but.." You swallowed. "I don't want to grow up if it means I lose my best friend, Johnny."

"You're not, Y/N."

"He's never spoke to me like that before. He's doing fucking snow John. And I know that isn't a big deal to you lot. But it is to me. And he just doesn't give a shit."

He was silent for a few minutes.

"C'mon, he does care. He's just..."

"I just... I never thought Finn would end up like..."

"Us?" John's voice was calm, if not a little hurt.

You swallowed. "No. Like Pa. You think I can't remember, but I do. I remember when he used to scream and shout and break things, and I remember when you hid me and Finn and Ada in the cupboard all those times, so we didn't have to deal with it. The way Finn screamed today... I don't know. It just took me back."

His arm squeezed tighter around you, and you felt how much more tense he was. You knew it hurt him far more than it hurt you.

"Why didn't you ever tell us you could remember?"

You shrugged. "I don't know. It's not like I can remember much anyway. It's like with Mum. I can remember tidbits. Just not enough. Not like you all can."

"I wish you could remember her properly." He said wistfully. "Then again, maybe not. We loved her, you know, course we did. But one minute she was great, and the next she was just ... gone. Vacant. I know she wasn't well. It just hurt."

You'd never heard John really open up about your parents. He usually listened, but you found yourself liking this more.

"I feel like I can't miss her properly. Because I didn't know her."

"You can still miss her, Squirrel. Maybe it isn't the same type of missing as the rest of us, but you can still miss her just as much."

You shot him a small smile.

"Thanks Johnny." You said quietly.

You sat in comfortable silence for a few minutes.

"I really like Isa, Johnny. I didn't just do it to hurt Finn."

He didn't sound shocked. "Yeah, well, we all saw that coming from miles away." He snorted, humorously.

You laughed a little. "I guess it was a bit obvious."

"Really? You going beet red and leaving the room every time you saw him? Never." He quipped sarcastically.

"I didn't mean to hurt Finn. Well... maybe a little. I just want him to be okay, Johnny. I was just lashing out."

"He will be."

"How can you know?"

"Cause I know our Finn. And you do too."

You sighed.

"You've got to let him live, Y/N. I know you don't agree with it, and you should know none of us do either. But he has to realise some things himself."

You paused for a few seconds. Then you burst into snorting laughter.

"What?" He looked at you with a confused smile.

"Jesus... Christ ... Johnny. You sound just like... fucking ... Linda." You laughed.

He playfully jabbed you.

"Take that back, right fucking now." He grinned.

"You'll be spouting about God next." You joked.

He laughed. "The day I turn into Linda is the day I want you to shoot me."

"Don't you worry, John, I will." You snorted again.

"You coming home, then?" He asked, standing up, and it was only then that you noticed the flowers in his hands - fresh ones that he must have brought. He placed them down, next to other ones.

"Yeah." You said quietly, and he pulled you up by your hand, as you dusted mud off your skirts.

"See you, Mum." He said quietly, turning, and walking slowly away, giving you a few seconds.

"Bye, Mum. Merry Christmas." You placed a gentle kiss on her headstone, before running after your brother.

*************************************************

You’d only just warmed up, when John stopped the car. He, being the cleverer of the two of you, had elected to drive to the cemetery instead of walking thirty minutes in the freezing cold.

You raised a questioning eyebrow, as you saw where he had parked the car - near the part of the Cut that was surrounded by high grasses and small trees - the only part of Small Heath that was remotely like the countryside.

"Go and speak to him." He said, firmly, though encouragingly.

You sighed a little, mock rolling your eyes, though you knew you had to. You closed the door behind you, as you hopped out, leaning back through the window for a second.

"You better wait for us, I'm not bloody walking home in this cold." You grinned, before turning away.

Just like you had your safe place, so did Finn- and it was here. He had told you once, that one of his only memories of your mother was her bringing you both down here as toddlers - just you two - and sitting reading to you in the grasses. He'd later confided in you that he wasn't quite sure if it was real or imaginary, to which you told him you couldn't be so sure about any of your memories either. The place had a dark tinge to you, considering what happened to your mother, but you couldn't blame him for liking it here. After all , your safe place was a grave yard. Who were you to judge?

Finn was sat, legs almost dangling in the river, next to Ada . They looked like they were sat in silence, and so, you thought it was alright to approach. Ada turned as you walked, giving you a small smile, then standing up, and walking past you back to the car. She squeezed your cold hand as she walked past.

"He's calmed down." She murmured. "I hope you have too."

Awkward was never an emotion you had felt with your twin before, but now it was one that overwhelmed you. You didn't know how to speak.

"I'm sorry." You blurted at the both time, as you flopped down to sit next to him.

He sighed. "I'm a dick. You were just trying to look out for me-"

"I wasn't going about it the right way. You’re right. I was being petty.”

“I know you like Isaiah.” He said quietly. He didn’t sound particularly mad. “I’ve known for a while.”

“I still shouldn’t have done it. No matter how upset I was. Because you’re right. A little bit of it was to hurt you.”

He shrugged. “I hurt you too.” He sighed. “Look. I don’t want to ever be like that again. It doesn’t matter what I was on or...” He rubbed a hand over his face. “We’re supposed to look after each other.”

“I don’t wanna grow apart.” You mumbled.

He laughed a little. “Come on. We’re twins. We’re never gonna lose each other.”

You smiled, holding up a pinkie.

“Promise?”

“Yeah, I promise, Squirrel.”

#finn shelby #finn shelby imagines #finne shelby x reader #finn shelby headcanons #john shelby imagines #john shelby x reader #john shelby #john shelby headcanons #peaky blinder headcanon #peaky blinders headcanon #peaky blinders imagines #peaky blinders fanfic #peaky blinders #shelby imagine #shelby sister #shelby sister x isaiah #shelby family

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