#every day a new cry for help

[heartorbit]

i'm sending this endless melody to a nameless you

#SKELETON ORCHESTRA AND LILIA I NEED YOU #project sekai #emunene #emu otori #nene kusanagi #pjsk #prsk #proseka #wxs cover wishlist copium.. 2!! #i have lots more of them i wanna draw but ill do st least one duet for each pair i think. maybe nnks next ive had one for them forever #Gyaaaa #Crying i have szks lunar new years art that idk how to render im missing the holiday. lord in heaven #Ik every leaker or whatever says this is going to mmj snd it probably will and i'll love the cover but still. emunene save me #wxs gets songs with nonsense lyrics its possible right Right right #i also wanted setsuna trip to go to emu in any duet but i looove the mnai cover so i won anways #Kind of too sleepy to do my usual. Sorry viewers who like reading theough my insane tags. Dont get covid it makes you sleep 13 hours a day #For the next month. #my friends saw me going nuts over this drawing actually and i gave up hard on nenes dress i just wanted to be done.. love how emus looks.. #wait i actually can be insane in the tags THE WXS WORLDLINK SONG SJHDDYDJKYMY TGYAYDHUA!!! HAGSGYAAH!!!!! GY6;$;$;$;$;$ WHEHEHEHEHEH #WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAUGH. Its so good please help. Wxs tetrad that illuminates the world save me. #why does the 2dmv have all of them under a WEDDING AROOOR WHY IS THERE A WEDDING BELL. CONGRATS ON POLYSHO MARRIAGE. HWATEVVRR!!!!! #wonderlands x showtime killing me taking damage augh Auughg akk akcghj

[rapidhighway]

every time I come back home I experience new mental illnesses -_-

#its not even bad rn it's been nice #there's just so much horrible stuff underneath it all though and i think i just can't handle it #i think im just grieving my entire life every time I come here #and I've been just having these thoughts i guess intrusive thoughts about everyone dying tragically for the laste few days and it's #NOT FUCKING HELPING #idk it's nice we're all nice and both is happening but there's always some new info dropped on me that they just. #expect me to process by myself and i just end up crying at night all the time cause like what am i supposed to do #yeah sorry for venting again i was getting a bit better at not doing tht but i neeed it rn ToT #k i think i just need to go to sleep and maybe ill forget everything tomorrow or something idk #vent #vent post

[coffeeandcalligraphy]

actually autism posting bc the way my brain works does indeed impact my writing & an observation I’ve made over the last several years is I can’t write with characters I don’t know well which means rotating through the same few (as you know lol). I remember the evening I created jeremiah—I was in maryland & uncomfortable by the idea of writing a new character even if I was writing him from the pov of someone else… but he kind of needed to be there for plot reasons so I wrote him in & liked him so much he reappeared for a longer stretch in an additional chapter even though that felt uncomfortable too. he even reappeared in feeding habits even though it felt weird and uncomfortable to write him again but this time two years later. and then writing him in body back was even weirder because it’d been an additional two years and I was new not only to him but to literary fiction again. and then writing in his pov was uncomfortable too because that was new until it wasn’t & now I’m just really thrilled I endured some of that discomfort to get to this point!!! bc I do indeed avoid writing that feels unfamiliar (resistance to change squad riseeee) but without trying I would not have jeremiah!!!! my favourite guy!!!!! it’s reassuring to see sometimes sitting in the discomfort for a bit does indeed pay off

#as someone who helps a loved one every day with erp I have learned so many things LOLLL #but yeah it’s useful for me to reflect like this to sort of slot of away the new facts into my brain that #yeahhh I can write with new characters !!! #like writing with Rory was weird at first but now I’m like wow ily!!!! #we are soooo back to the Jeremiah era actually lost gods youre DEAD TO ME #jk gonna write harrison crying over a cigarette rn

[sleavesofgrass]

I guess I’m just a girl that cries all the time now

#I’ve cried every day for over a week this is so new to me #but I can’t help it it’s literally uncontrollable #I just cry now #diary

[dazais-guardian-angel]

Baizhu’s Room

(note: this was written without any leaked spoilers or lore in mind)

Genshin 3.6 finally gave us access to the back room in Bubu Pharmacy, in anticipation of Baizhu’s upcoming release and story quest. And I have to give all the praise to the designers and developers here, because this small room has some of the best environmental storytelling I’ve seen in a game in a while, with only a few simple details. Today is Baizhu’s birthday, so I wanted to talk about it a little 💚🐍🌿

Nothing in this room is neatly in its place. The chairs aren’t in position, everything on the desk is messy and strewn about, and some of the drawers are left open. There’s a pillow on the desk, as well. Baizhu is quite frail and sickly, so this all paints a picture of him constantly looking for things and working, both as a doctor and frantically on his research into immortality, without having the energy or care to keep everything neat, and probably often falling asleep at his desk out of exhaustion (hence the pillow, though admittedly it could be for Changsheng, but I kind of doubt it).

There’s medicine on the bedside tables, which is probably just as much for Baizhu as it (and all the other medicine in the room) is for his patients. The bedside chair indicates he likely sits with patients there a lot so as to be as comforting as possible, but again, it’s also likely for people like Gui and Qiqi, when Baizhu is the one in bed. The sole small washtub thing stuck in the corner behind the screen... just makes me sad. I don’t know why in particular... it just does.

All of this, combined with the lighting, and the new, unique song, creates a room that manages to feel both warm and welcoming during the day, but solemn, lonely, almost suffocating, and unbearably sad at night, completely befitting the person who practically lives here, and the two very different sides he has. I say “practically”, but we have no indication so far that Baizhu actually does live anywhere else -- with his low energy and poor health, and all those damn steps leading up to the pharmacy, I’m fully convinced now that he does live here full-time, after seeing the state of it, which is... heartbreaking. He puts on a smile for everyone around him who are relying on him to care for them (and he loves his job, he truly does!), but his tiny, cramped patient room seemingly doubles as his living space, and even though Baizhu may lie and try to hide his own suffering... this room itself does not lie, and said suffering is bleeding from every corner here. The music is elegant, gentle, comforting, and soothing, but also delicate, weak, mournful, and again unimaginably lonely...... just like Baizhu. 💔

If you haven’t been here yet in the game, I highly recommend you visit it at least once; the atmosphere is simply unmatched. I can’t wait to see what happens here in Baizhu’s story quest, and how it will wreck our hearts even more 💚💔

#genshin impact #baizhu #meta #i guess it's meta #me posting non-bsd meta? it's more likely than you think #I too live in this room now ever since I discovered it...... it makes me FUCKING cry 😭💔 I love it so much even though it hurts :' ) #it's so beautiful..... and so sad...... ugh my heart #i need him now!!!! it's only one week now but I CAN'T WAIT ANY LONGER AUGHHHHHHHHH BAIZHUUU *sobs* #he is going to ruin me and he's already ruining me #just from his description and a damn ROOM #been dutifully logging out here every day I play as part of my good luck ritual #and will definitely do my wishing here #he Will come home (with Qiqi's help) #there's so much love put into this room i am just so happy and emotional over it #so much care is put into genshin....... yes not always but a lot of the time #in the worldbuilding and in little details like this #baizhu..... :' ) 💚💔 #i will say though that aside from this room there's a new house on the edge of Qingce Village #that has some medicine packs on the ground around it like in the pharmacy room #i'm pretty sure it also is related to his story quest just like this room #but regardless i don't know if that may in fact be his house instead #we'll just have to see

[scringee]

This is the only way to express how I'm feeling

#i try not to talk about my home life on here but im honestly so fucking frustrated that if i dont get this out i might just kill someone #my family car broke down in January of this year #my father refuses to get a new one because he thinks hes saving so mucj more money and he doesnt feel like he has any incentive #acting as if he was giving us free trips #i would literally pay him 100 dollars a fucking week to help take me in and out of work #and he just doesnt like acknowledge that at all #so now im having to take ubers to and from work every day. each trip is like 20+ dollars so that 40+ dollars a day five days a week #im averaging spending 200 dollars a week jusy to get into work #and i work a minimum wage shitty fucking job so all of my paycheck goes straight into ubers and fucking therapy every week #ive had to skip so many sessions becaause theyre all 50 dollars after insurance #and im just so frustrated #i want to move out so bad but how can i save enough if im constantly hemorrhaging cash #the only reason hes saving money is because he fucking works from home #i just dont know what to do at this point i feel so helpless #becayse even if hou casually bring it up my dad immediately assumes youre ATTACKING him and how DARE you and im tited im so fucking tired #how am i meant to move out in these conditions #how am i meant to do anything #i have no fucking social life because i literally just cant afford it im going to cry #i hate him. i hate my dad so fucking much #vent #ig. #scringee mouth

[skhardwarevers1]

alrighty good news is I know why I am so irritable and emotional bad news is it won’t be over for a few days

#And that’s the news on being afab #Yall send help I am going to CRY if things don’t go exactly right with nothing bad EVER for the next six ish days #Was trying to see if someone was in a room and literally was in the verge of tears after knocking with no response why am I like this 😭 #All I want is to light some incense </3 please </3 #S.K complains about being afab again /j #S.K thinks #Funny thing is this happens every time like I’ll be like “hey why do I want to cry and kill everyone at the same time” #“And also why am I in constant pain and really really want some good fucking soup” #And then I wake up and get hit with the “so that’s fucking why” feeling #You’d think I’d learn lmao

[j-esbian]

genuinely at the point where. i know it’s unfair. but i am angry to the point of distraction whenever i read anything, watch anything, play anything, look at anything, listen to anything. i have so many desires and not the faintest idea how to act on it. any skills i once had have degraded because i don’t have any time to do anything and i get jealous and resentful that there are people who can. or else what is wrong with me that i can’t create great art in my 1-2 hours of free time a day. why am i spending most of my life at work, i still can’t support myself, and there’s people who do less than me for more money, so they have time and energy to do things. the creative drought has gone on so long that the well has been filled in. i can’t even get off from work to refill my meds.

#i had to cancel my appointment in october so i knew it was coming and tried to taper but still #i ran out a few days ago which is probably. not helping this mindset #ppl who can go to therapy every week. who can go to the doctor. who can make art #who can exercise and make new friends and go out and have a side job #i envy you so much i want to throw up #and everyone always says the key to building a skill is practice. how are you supposed to practice when you have no ideas #THAT is the advice i’m looking for and no one seems to understand #even shit like critical analysis. everyone is so much more insightful than me #like i write poetry sometimes but i can FEEL how immature it is #and it feels like i’m just. skimming off the top of my thoughts #truly feels like something in my brain is broken and not in a brain fog way #in a blown fuse way #catch me crying in the bathroom at work for the third week in a row ✌️ #and i feel like it just makes me a drag to be around. which exacerbates all of this #i just. don’t have anything going for me. this is all i can think about #and i know it’s frustrating for other people but i just #and there’s people out there who have kids and do more than me so like #what the fuck is my problem #i would just like a break. some time to myself where i don’t have to worry about being too loud and disturbing my mother #the room to stretch my legs

[exoexid]

it's just so heartbreaking and unfair and unjust and horrifying and i need the end of the usa capitalist imperialism asap. like i've never been so serious. guys we can't keep going like this. we can't. we can't. we can't just look away and be quiet when people from other countries, when people from our own countries keep getting mistreated and harassed and killed by our governments we can't keep going like this we just can't

#i can't concentrate can't stop crying i feel so dirty sitting here reading the news and feeling helpless because i cant do anything valuable #to help these people it's just not fair #once again praying for palestine and praying and wishing that we will all see the day in which #peace will be present in every single swana territory that needs it #and i hope the world leaders who are not doing anything about this never see a good night of sleep for the rest of their lives #but you know what? it's so disheartening that's true but it will not undermine their resistance. palestine will be free #dara.t #palestine

[alcohol-eyes]

.

#2 whole weeks sobeR let’s talk abt it #this the longest I’ve gone without a crumb of weed in my system in 5 yrs and the second longest in 8 yrs #For a long long time I thought I was self medicating the adhd but turns out I was making it Significantly worse #I have an attention span now I can watch tv without scrolling on my phone or playing w fidget toys #My apartment has stayed perfectly clean for the past 2 wks #haven’t rly struggled with eating or sleeping routines are v important wit it tho #been relying heavily on safe foods I’ve eaten the same exact thing every day for 2 weeks but it’s fine #ashwagandha helps me not wanna peel my skin off in rage #time moves INSANELY slower when ur not h*gh every waking second of the day these have been the Longest 2 wks of my life #but also I have So Much more time to do things and SO much more energy to do the things #I thought being anxious and exhausted was just my constant state of being but turns out that was Also just the weed #The insane nightmares have been The hardest part but most of the time my dreams are just weird #Feeling emotions is weird I’ve cried more in the last 2 weeks than I have in the last 2 years #I cry about good things I cry about beautiful things art as a whole is just so moving #self regulating after stressful things like work or staying with my parents is definitely New as w as decompressing after socializing w ppl #I do things like paint and journal and make silly little bracelets now #Idk man it just hasn’t been as hard as I thought it would be #A few months ago me and ******** were talking about how we’d actually k word ourselves without it #turns out the jazz cabb was making my depression and anxiety so much worse than it actually is #shits literally fine #Anyways don’t let ppl tell u u can’t develop an unhealthy relationship w weed I was h*gh every waking second of my day for 5 yrs #Last time I tried this I immediately became an alcoholic instead this time I don’t even feel the desire to have a single little drink #Overall I have A Lot more self control in every single area of my life #I don’t waste my money on dumb shit I can eat normal amount of food like a normal person #The thought of buying my favorite cookies and only having like Two of them used to be such an unreasonable concept to my little brain #I don’t know if this is gonna be a permanent thing I definitely know I can’t do it habitually #just like I learned I can be normal about alcohol if I don’t keep it in my house and only do it when socializing for special occasions #anyways if ur thinking about taking a break from ur favorite substance maybe give it a try #thx for coming 2 my ted talk if u read the whole thing I luv u take care of urself

[no-context-nonsense]

It’s Saturday again. So many reasons to be in tears.

If you saw me crying in the mall parking lot wearing my “anything for our Moony” shirt while reading Presque Vu… no you didn’t.

#fanfic #fanfiction #making shit up #steddie #marauders #archive of our own #saturdaycryingclub #we cry all week #every day starts with new fics and tears #don’t lie #you do it too #it’s like therapy #our therapists disagree #Eddie would totally agree though #Remus too #we need nurse Steve #or more fics #our flags mean death #stede helps too #I also cried about Ahsoka #anakin and ahsoka #we cried a lot this week

[savcir-faire]

i like you

i like you!

And that aint nothing new

imi - Bon Iver

#help #inspo #dance #taylor collier #(is the dancer!) #bon iver #imi #txtit #just one gif fellas. ​if i ended up making more gifs of my favorite parts i would just b poorly transposing the entire vid into 10mb pieces #nd also i wouldnt b honoring my emotional experience (unadulterated sobbing) #one of my soul sisters introduced me to this vid while we were shroomin on her pullout couch in nyc #every time i revisit it i get so watery eegads #hee hee ah well #today’s a good day to cry and love myself #for me the ‘’i like you’’ in the song is self-addressed #’’that ain’t nothing new’’ being a recognition that love and the capacity for love has always existed within #after all you can’t recognize things external to you without first having an internal referent :)

[blujayonthewing]

I can’t remember if I posted this one before but this pic of me and my entourage fucks so hard

#photographer sent us the full set of wedding photos tonight and I'm cryin on the floor about them #this one's not even new I just really love it #the equivalent pic of justin with his party looks like they're about to drop the SICKEST album kjhfdkhdgf it makes me so happy #anyway the expanded photoset has SO many pics of like everyone getting ready and pics throughout the ceremony and I just #I'M SO SOFT! I LOVE MY FRIENDS! I LOVE MY PARENTS!! I LOVE MY HUSBAND!!!!! #I have to keep taking breaks to [spiritually] lay on the floor and [literally] cry #like nooo not me kissing justin's forehead after our first kiss and we're both smiling and crying I forgot I even did that 😭💕 #AND LIKE I CAN'T BELIEVE HOW TENDER I AM ABOUT MY FRIENDS I'M JUST-- LOOK AT THEM I'M SO SOFT I'M GONNA EAT A MATTRESS I CAN'T #[pic of friend helping another tie his tie] [pic of me w friend laughing with our faces smooshed together] noooooo 😭😭😭💕 #[pic of everyone caught in the middle of laughing or saying something and we're all kinda making stupid faces] NOOOO 😭❤💕!!!! #I'M SO FULL OF LOVE I'M GONNA FUCKING EXPLODE #the THING IS I'm exploding with love for Justin every day so I'm very slightly more inoculated against it #a lot of my friends I don't see very often so every other pic is just KNOCKING ME SIDEWAYS!! that's my FRIEND!!! AHUHUHUUU #about me #irl frens #me #SORRY NOT SORRY FOR WEDDINGPOSTING AGAIN #sharing the Wow! Cool Swords pic to spare you all the 500 ones that made me cry about everything instead :')

[c0pernicus]

how to find a point and will to live again

#I look at myself and know I should be inpatient and yet I cannot afford it #I’ve been sleeping every other day for literal weeks now #barely eating #lost my job #struggling to find a new one #p much not leaving bed #no emotions ! like at all. !!! #relationship lowkey falling apart #idk what to do anymore other than die lmao #this is a cry for help #yodeling alpha

[flintbian]

Man, life is just depressing right now

#the one thing that was keeping me sane has gone away #i would always say 'yeah every medical professional has given up and there's nothing they can do. but at least i have my PTs' well... #my current PT's are the only ones that ever treated me like a person and they always kept trying...but they've given up too #basically Clare was like we haven't made any gains in over a year and your state keeps getting worse. nothing we do helps #so it may be time to consider stopping bc throwing away money isnt helpful either #and i argued that it's damage control and improves my quality of life and i have a progressive disease i never was going to get better #not to mention mentally it helps to know there's people in my corner and at least they haven't given up on me #but now they have and im feeling so very very alone and hopeless #it's not like this is a surprise right? ive always been beyond help and it's an incurable degenerative disease #but still getting to this point fucking sucks #and i went to the new neurologist and he had nothing but crazy experiments bc ive tried fucking everything #and then to top it off the only doctor i trusted from when i was a teenager for one specific med issue had also said the same #literally this week she was like there's nothing more. i cant help find someone else. sorry kid. wishing you the best #and Xmas is a depressing and challenging time too #and i have 400 med problems while trying to find work #the past few weeks have pulverized me and i havent stopped crying in days #so yeah. terribly terribly alone #and im trying not to go down any spirals and havent. my therapist was out this week. but im seriously questioning the point #at this point maybe i should give up too #im being stubborn bc no i cant go yet i havent seen the lights yet or read my new books #but honestly i havent been able to read partially bc im afraid if i do im losing the last tethers to earth #there's not much or anything to live for #it's at times like these you truly realize how much you dont want to die. you just wish you could live #but im broke and freezing and in pain and alone. this story's ending fucking sucks #my dbt is coming in clutch but seriously. is there a point anymore? #never got to live. sick since a kid. hell was always here #sorry for the depressing state of things ill go back to being insane in a moment #p