#every day i get closer to just saying fuck it and offing myself or having a nervous breakdown i cant fucking stand this

[concealeddarkness13]

WHG 15 Post-Games Imposter Syndrome Part 20

This is two days after the interview! Tagging: @sparkles-and-hens, @knmartinshouldbewriting, @maple-writes, @pen-of-roses (also thanks for Conor!), @thoughts-of-nora, and @ratracechronicler!

I woke up early because I actually had a chance to find my friends and escape with everyone. The Capitol had told us to find the “escaped tributes”, and it was the best time I could think of to try and escape with everyone. It wasn’t the most ideal plan, but it would work in a pinch.

Of course, just as I thought that, the door to my room opened, and Churi stepped in with the most annoying smile on his face. He bowed slightly. “It seems you’re eager to go capture your friends.”

I automatically shot him my middle finger as I also gave him a sweet smile. “You should be happy with how obedient I’ve been.”

His eyes darkened, and he stomped over to me, grabbing me by my shirt collar. “You’re planning something, aren’t you, girl? You’ve been a thorn in my side since you’ve shown up. You won’t be obedient now.”

I laughed. “What do you want from me? I’ll search for the tributes you’ve hidden from me.” Possibly. Maybe they really had escaped.

He hissed. “I want you broken. And you’re not broken yet.” I just smiled at him, and he paused, looking thoughtful. “It makes me wonder what will make you broken. It seems effective to use your friends against you. But it’s not enough.”

He let go of my collar and started pacing. He was muttering, as if to himself. “But what to do then? What else can we use to make sure you’re obedient? Your crew is already shattered to pieces. And your tribute friends are already being used against you. Ah. I know.” He glanced up at me with a wicked smile, and I glared at him. He knew exactly what he was doing.

He disappeared into some kind of smoke (yeah, didn’t I tell you that the Shades were shapeshifters?), and when he reappeared, he had the appearance of…my mom.

I stared at him as he laughed. In her voice, or what I assumed was her voice, he spoke. “My dear child, I wish you had never been born.” I stiffened. It just hit so much harder when it looked and sounded like her. “You caused me so much grief and pain. It wasn’t worth it.” He/she—it was hard to differentiate anymore—walked up to me and caressed my face. “You’re not my daughter. I do not claim you. You will never belong anywhere. So, just do as the Capitol says, and you won’t cause me any more trouble.”

I hated how my voice wavered. “You’re not her. Show me your real face, you ass.”

He did not change. “Oh, I know exactly how she thinks. And she wishes she never had a mistake of a daughter and the pain that came with that. You never should have been born. No one wants you or cares about you.”

I glared at him. That…that couldn’t be true. “Fine. I’ll be obedient. Happy?” Not meaning any word.

He hissed and actually changed back to his normal form. “I don’t believe you. And I will not let you leave until you have convinced me.”

I clenched my jaw. “What do you want me to do? Beg on my knees? Your expectations are too high. I will not give you the satisfaction.”

“Oh, you will. Don’t worry about that.” He snarled and reached toward me, as if he was going to wrap a hand around my neck, and I flinched, but the door opened. And Conor stood on the other side. Shit.

“Now now, is that any way to treat an honored guest?” He leaned against the doorframe, studying his nails and looking bored, but I could hear something dark in his voice. “Or were you planning on catching my attention?” His eyes flicked up to Churi.

This was probably the first time that I saw Churi looking scared. He opened his mouth a couple times before he slunk away. Good riddance.

But now I had to deal with this jerk. I just stayed quiet and kept getting ready. I didn’t trust my voice.

Bystander watched Churi go and turned back to me with a dramatic sigh. “And here I was hoping for a fun round of banter to be the highlight of my day. Tell me, did he say anything intelligent, or was it all threats?”

I didn’t look at him. “I apologize. I won’t be much for banter either. I need to go do as the Capitol requires of me.”

He raised an eyebrow. “Oh? An adventure? I’ll accompany you. After all, I’m curious about an event they failed to inform me of today when I asked if you were free.”

Really? He would just go with me? That wasn’t ideal, but I would think there would be more resistance. I forced myself to smile brightly over at him. “Of course! It’s just a boring adventure, but you may accompany me.”

“Wonderful, so where are we going then?” He didn’t move.

“Hell if I know. The Capitol told me to search for the ‘escaped tributes’ without any direction.” Even though I had no idea what the truth was anymore.

“And here I thought you said they told you that no tributes had escaped because they were all caught?”

And that was why I didn’t know what to believe anymore. “They’re saying that this is a test of my loyalty, and if I don’t do as I’m told, they’ll just kill them.”

He laughed. “Oh the tried and true lie. If that was the case, why not just kill them to begin with? It’s not as if they don’t have quite the history of randomly offing those they dislike. Honestly, do try better than that when crafting a lie. I wonder if it’s as sour or bitter on the tongue as it is to hear.”

That old shit again. But he still hadn’t moved, and he was trying to get me to talk. I nodded. “Right. So, I should probably get going.”

“And where exactly are we starting this search?” He was standing in such a way that I couldn’t get around him without getting too close. Of course.

“They’d probably hide them in plain sight. An out of the way apartment perhaps?”

“Hmm. And tell me, what are you hoping will happen if you find them? Surely you know you’re being watched carefully while here right? If they’re under the Capitol’s control as you so adamantly believe,” he rolled his eyes at that, “they would be as well, perhaps more or less overtly. And what happens when the first whispers of escape are spoken? Maybe not death, at least not right away, but I doubt the Capitol will be happy if they make another attempt, already being in such a precarious position. And then of course, there’s my…claim, which you have spurned up until this point, but say I am right, and you seek them out, who would you be leading to their door?”

I bristled and crossed my arms. “You think I can’t handle some Peacekeepers? And that I don’t know how to hide people?”

“Yet you believe yourself the reason your friends were captured. And tell me, do you truly believe that only Peacekeepers are watching you given the attentions you’ve drawn? You’re still on their turf, and you’re not the only one who was hiding something.”

Shit. I knew I was incompetent. I knew I wasn’t good enough. But I had to do this. It could be my only chance. I gritted my teeth. “And who the hell cares? I’ll do whatever it takes to make up for my mistakes. So, you can fuck off.”

He raised his hands in a placating manner. “Apologies, there were concerns over how your own doubt would affect you, yet you are determined, so clearly you have a solid plan that’s already taken into account the various situations. Still, I have a tendency to wonder after Raindrop’s safety in these matters, and anymore undo attention towards her, well, she’s not as quick with her words as…Nevertheless, that is none of your concern of course, your own safety should be considered, though I doubt you’ve given it much thought considering how we’ve ended up here.”

I tried to shove past him, but it was enough that I couldn’t get around easily. Shit. And now, he had to mention all that. My breath caught, and tears formed in my eyes. Reine. And how my plans were always so flimsy. I was putting them all in danger, wasn’t I? But there wasn’t a better way. “It—it doesn’t matter what happens to me. As long as they can be safe. The Capitol will know it was all my idea. So, it’s all my fault. No one else’s if it fails. They have no idea what I’m planning.” At least that would be what I told the Capitol if I got caught.

He actually sounded concerned when he spoke again, softly. “Even if they know or believed it was entirely your plan and idea, do you really think that would protect the others from the Capitol? From the Shades?” He moved closer, as if to comfort me, but he stopped short. “These people are cruel, Pirate. Triel, the very nature of the Games meant almost none of you were supposed to live, do you really think they’d show mercy or sympathy over something so trivial as leaders and roles?”

Shit. I hated how my voice wavered and tears spilled from my eyes. He was right, damn it, he was right. “I’ll distract them long enough for the others to escape. I—I can.”

“You’d have to convince the others to actually leave you behind to do that, and if none of my others, trust these words when I say that would be neigh impossible in at least one case, if not more. And that’s not even minding the all encompassing guilt that a few of them might face at that very prospect of you being left behind. Survivor’s guilt is…very loud and strong. That can do things to a person, brings a very bleak darkness into the mind that runs wild. Even if everything else succeeded, they’d still be held captive and tormented by that thought of what if and should’ve.” He was staring at me, pinning me down. Shit. I felt so small.

So, I was useless. Just useless. But…but I had to try. It was better than doing nothing. I started sobbing, both out of frustration and hopelessness. “Then what the hell am I supposed to do? There’s no foolproof plan, so it’s better to decide to put it all on me than anyone else. I…I don’t have any other options.” I tried to push past him again, but it still didn’t work.

He raised an eyebrow. “Don’t you? Have you really exhausted every option, or are you trying to take the first visible route without waiting for a better opportunity? Of course, you have no reason to trust my words, and I doubt you would take my advice. But you must recognize that slipping away in the middle of the night, the Capitol or the Shades will hunt the lot of you, especially since they didn’t let you die the first opportunity they had with the Games. Do you want to be living constantly running, always looking back over your shoulder, do you want the others to be? Constantly worrying that something will force them back into Churi’s path again when he’s looking for them? Or do you want them to think you’re far beyond their reach already in a way they wouldn’t bother looking—and would probably upset them after all those lengths to get you. Like being dead, or making them think you are.”

I sniffled as the tears dried up. I actually had a plan for that. “I have a plan for that. We won’t be constantly running.” That anti-Capitol mansion was still there. And I had paid for it.

“Really? You continue to amaze me, little thief.” He smiled a little, but that dropped fast. “Yet can you be sure you won’t still be hunted? Even if you don’t have to be running, could you avoid the fear of being found out without being trapped? Because that would be most impressive indeed. Maybe you have thought of everything then?”

No, I didn’t. Everything I thought up was bad and junk, but was there any other option? Would the Capitol give me another chance like this? I had to do this. And he was still in my way. I sighed. “I’m not that perfect, but I don’t give a fuck.” I activated my magic, and the water from my tears crystallized into tiny daggers that pressed against his neck. “Get the hell out of my way.”

He cocked an eyebrow and smirked at me. Shit. “You know, I almost consider this flirting, though I will admit, it is a new form of knife this time. I will give you that.” He ran a hand over one so that he cut his finger on it. “So you kill me here, presuming you actually succeed in that, and you’re far from the first, guarantee you won’t be the last, you’ve met me after all, and what? You’ve made guesses as to my importance I’m sure, did you by chance notice Churi’s reaction earlier to me?” His finger was healing. What the fuck?

I couldn’t actually do it. No matter how much I wanted to. I deactivated my magic, only after I let one of them cut his neck shallowly. They fell down at our feet. I sat down on the bed. I just needed to get rid of him as quickly as possible. I smiled. “So, what were you wanting to do, then? Since you so obviously don’t want me to leave.”

He swiped over the cut, and it was healed right away. Shit. He looked back up and smirked at me. “As petty as that was, I appreciate the flair of it. And on the contrary, I am more than willing to leave with you, I just hoped you would avoid such a foolhardy plan with such risks when other plans are available, ones you're surely smart enough to find if you look.”

“And what if you’re wrong and there aren’t any other paths? The Capitol might not give another opportunity like this.”

“The Capitol will lay plenty a trap for you to try and escape so they can tighten their leash with an excuse, don’t worry.” He nodded towards the cameras, whose microphones I had disabled so they couldn’t hear what I said in my room. “Besides, have you even taken the time yet to understand what all your other captives are doing here with you yet? Maybe they have other paths available that you have yet to be able to consider. And of course, there’s me,” he turned more towards me and spread his arms. “Though I doubt you’d utilize that particular option at any point.”

I smiled more. “And why the hell would I? The only good you’ll be for me is a pretty face.” I sighed and sat back. “But if that’s all you’re here to tell me, you can go ahead and leave.”

“A miracle, clearly I’ve affected you to some extent to get you to admit I’m pretty. And why should I leave you when I know full well the danger you would be putting others in, and while I tend to thrive off of that, I wasn’t lying about my protective streak towards Reine, and yes maybe there is some selfishness in not wanting your Churi to get hands on one of the few things that could cause genuine pain towards me or her, she’s suffered enough and could use a break before she well, breaks. As have your friends from the looks of them when they arrived. Nesri’s leg and the headache of her being reckless while bedridden and exposing them is almost as tiresome as your own current plan. Though I suppose your clever friend and their gadgets do make up for it a bit, sharp minds are always so intriguing.” He tapped his chin and looked over at me.

I stiffened. Shine…Shine…They were…dead. How could he dare to talk about them? And it sounded like he probably knew where they were, so he could take them away or do something else to them. Shit. I sucked in a breath and stood up. “Don’t talk about…about Shine.” I swallowed hard as tears threatened to choke me again. “Fine. I won’t go anywhere. I won’t do anything stupid. You won.”

He looked over me. “You didn’t know. Which would explain why you’d more willingly go along with the other demands of the Capitol. The pieces seem to finally all fit now in that puzzle then, how cruel.”

What the shit was he talking about? I looked away from him, clenching my fists. “What? No gloating? I said you won.”

“Not yet, no. Nevertheless, it will do for now, and you should rest.”

Rest? I glared at him, and he nodded and left. Just like that. I looked away from the door as I started sobbing again. I was trapped. And I couldn’t see a way to help anyone else.

#writeblr hunger games #writeblr

[anaking-streetwalker]

You Don’t Know What It Would Do

Steve wasn’t going to be a coward tonight. He swore it to himself.

(he was)

TW: suicide attempt, mentions of self-harm, homophobic slurs Steve was standing a step away from the edge of the quarry. Any closer and the rocks might slip out from under him, rendering him no control even over his death. 

(which was the one thing he hoped desperately to make his own)

His hands were in the pockets of the thin jacket he threw on before getting out of his car.

He decided on that one because it was lightweight enough to let his body float atop the water after it broke his bones. 

(he had a better, thicker, heavier another one in the passenger seat of the BMW if he decided he wanted to sink it.)

His legs felt a little wobbly. The pills he took earlier were finally doing their job, he guessed. 

The one night Steve Harrington had enough courage to not be a goddamn coward, the one night he finally wasn’t carting around kids, the one night he didn’t have a tutor, the one night he wasn’t third-wheeling on Nancy and Johnathan, he shows up.

Billy Har-fucking-grove. 

And he was really going to do it, too. Had the note in his car and everything, a small list distributing a few of his belongings under it. 

A car roared up along the road behind him, startling him out of thoughts he didn’t know he was having. Some sort of metal music poured out of the open windows along with the smell of cigarette smoke.

“The hell are you doing here, Harrington?”

His words were slurred but Steve didn’t think it was from anything drug-related. It sounded like he was just high off of the thrill of driving down the empty highway at 70 miles per hour. Steve understood that. Whenever his parents were around he’d pretend to be busy and drive to Indy and back just to avoid his dad’s fists and his mom’s words.

“You know, I really don’t see how it has anything to do with you, Billy,” he shouted over his shoulder as the Camaro came to a stop a few feet away. 

“Didn’t know we were on a first-name basis, pretty boy.”

“Yeah, well…” Steve trailed off. How did he respond to that? ‘I’m going to kill myself and maybe I’m just enough of a faggot to not want you to think I hated you when I was finally gone’?

He didn’t say anything else, only took a step back. He didn’t resent Billy enough to force him to watch another boy’s death. Billy sat in his car for a while longer. When he turned up his music, Steve turned and walked to his car. He opened the backseat and shed his thin jacket to replace it with the larger one. A flash caught his eye from the floorboard. Steve reached over to grab the bloody razor blade, slipping it in the pocket of the thick jacket.

“If you’re cold why don’t you just sit in your fancy car with the heating, huh?”

“Not cold,” he mumbled back. He stepped back toward the ledge, crossing his legs underneath him and sinking down slowly. The cigarette that had been hanging from his lips fell into his lap, tumbling into the rocks and snuffing itself out. He grabbed another one out of the box in his front pocket, lighting it and taking a long drag.

“Hey, King Steve! Can I bum a cig? Smoked all mine of the way here.”

The older boy just sighed and turned toward Billy’s car, tossing the whole box.

“Feelin’ generous tonight aren’t we, rich boy?”

“I’m not, actually. Just won’t need them anymore.”

“Aw, you trying to quit? Pretty boy finally got his morals together?”

Steve let out a dry chuckle and shook his head. 

“I was hoping that tonight I’d be alone out here so I could finally fucking jump, but you had to take that, too, didn’t you?” He got up and went to his car once again, fishing the note and list from his dash. He walked around the front of his car and approached Billy’s.

 “I guess you can give this to the police or whoever realizes that I’m gone since you’re already here,” he continued, offering them to Billy between his middle and pointer finger. Instead, the other boy grabbed his wrist. He either ignored the scars. 

“You can’t go dying on me, Harrington. Don’t want to end up babysitter for those kids of yours.”

“A little late for that, Billy. Just—just look away or something if you don’t want to watch.” He pried his hand out of Billy’s grip and turned back to the quarry. Seconds after, the driver door of the Camaro was slamming shut. 

“You’re being stupid, Harrington!”

“That’s kinda what put me here, Hargrove.” Steve vaguely registered a hand slapping him upside the head. 

“No, it’s not. This,” he gestured between Steve and the ledge, “is stupid. Everyone’s just going to be sad. King Steve will be gone and they’ll finally realize that there’s nothing to do in this shit town but go to your parties and sleep. Those kids? Hell, even my kid sister! What’re they going to think when Nanny Steve is gone? Who else is going to waste their time taking them to that damn arcade every day because of their stupid martyr complex?”

“I’m sure someth—”

“No, Harrington. You listen to me, now. You aren’t going to kill yourself. We’re not friends or whatever but it word gets around that you’ve offed yourself I might revive you and kill you again because of what it’ll do. To everyone.” Billy jabbed him in the chest at the end of his ramble.

“Now you’re going to get in your rich boy car and I’m going to make sure you get to your rich boy house and then I’m going to watch you burn that stupid note and throw the rest of it in your stupid rich boy pool. Oh, and you’re going to give me that blade in your pocket, am I clear?”

A ghost of a smile made itself evident on Steve’s face. How ironic—he hoped that was the right use of ironic—the boy who beat his face in not a year ago and hated his guts more than anything is the only one to give a shit. He didn’t realize that he was kissing Billy until a warm hard slipped itself in his back pocket. 

“Knew you were a fucking fairy, Harrington,” Billy mumbled.

“You’re squeezing my ass,” Steve shot back.

Steve ended up giving the razor to Billy, and he let the boy watch him set the note alight. He also let Billy take him to the hospital, where Hopper was waiting for them. Steve got some new meds and got his stomach pumped and was finally released a few days later.

(the strings were still missing from his shoes)

The next time he showed up at school, a small smile crinkled the corners of Billy’s eyes when he caught Steve’s in the hall. 

#harringrove #billy hargrove #steve harrington #stranger things #angst #yea this is really sad #sorry yall i wrote my feelings

[docholligay]

DEFINITELY AU TO MY UNIVERSE

This is based on the idea @rhiorhino came up with in her ask of having Pharah and Tracer live together after something happens to Emily and Mercy. I worked on this A LOT A LOT, so I hope you enjoy! its not at all perfect but I think it’s good! 3,300 words. 

Tracer and Pharah had been opposites from the first day they had met, and while they had grown warm to each other, they certainly had not grown any more like each other. Tracer was impulsive and quick, going in with her whole self, a tiny firework of a human being, exploding and lighting the entire sky in one moment. Pharah was thoughtful and measured, tracing out the steps in her mind, a clear line from one to the other, carefully lighting each corner like a candle. 

So it made a certain amount of sense that when Emily MacNair, who would have been Oxton, was murdered, Tracer immediately and quickly lost her mind. Emily had not even been laid to rest when Tracer skipped the country in pursuit of her murderer, and anyone who got in the way discovered that Tracer was sunshine, and the sun is more than capable of killing without mercy. They said she beat Widowmaker to death with the butt of her rifle. Tracer would only say that probably did happen, but truthfully she didn’t remember a thing. It was hard to argue against that point, when she returned to London and descended into what a physician had called “brief reactive psychosis.” It was difficult to charge her for the death of someone wanted dead or alive by several countries, in any case. Born under a lucky star. 

It was four months after that, with Tracer finally more or less in touch with reality and functional, that Overwatch continued its disastrous year. 

Perhaps it had been that there was no one to blame, no villain to pursue, that it was just one terrible moment. An accident. There had been the terrible accident, and Pharah had held Mercy, and Mercy had died, and that was all there was to it. Who could she hate? And so, perhaps it was these things, but perhaps it was that different quality to Pharah herself, that she did not explode into loud and keening grief. 

She buried her wife, exactly according to her religious wishes, and calmly laid a hand on her coffin before it was laid into the grave. She went back home, and cleaned and folded and scrubbed the floor, lined up the shoes at the front door in a neat line, and went to bed. She went to work, and redid the filing cabinet, and wrote a detailed schedule on the board, and shined her shoes. She carefully settled Mercy’s affairs, and mostly remembered not to bring up a cup of coffee in the morning. And, repeat.  Fareeha Amari was doing very well, by most standards. 

Even Tracer, in that first month, as people told her how unwavering Pharah had been in all this, had grumbled “Right, because Fareeha’s bloody fucking perfect and don’t I know it.” 

 People had mostly stopped asking questions with concerned faces, three months later. Anyone looking at her would have seen how stable and steady she was.

“Bit worried about Fareeha.” Tracer had said, leaning against Winston as they watched TV in his living room. 

Tracer had given up on living alone, sold her house to her cousin, and decided, simply, that she was going to live with Winston for the rest of her life. It was more than big enough for three, if it came to it, hope never leaving her even as she grieved, and it made the most sense to have herself there. She loved Winston, and he loved her, and Tracer was a bit frightened of her own recently-discovered fragility. He’d welcomed her happily. 

“Did she say something?” He snuggled her in a little closer. 

“No, and that’s part of it,” She sat up, gazing over the top of the TV back into her own mind, “she hasn’t snapped at me, or teased at me, in months. I spent all morning doing things I know drive her absolutely mad. It’s like she’s not even there, Win.” 

Winston shifted uncomfortably. “She knows you’re--well--she’s trying to--” 

Tracer sighed aggressively. “Win, it’s been months now. Not even on medication now, Doc’s really quite happy with me, and no one sniping at me did it in the first place. Don’t treat me like--”

“I’m sorry,” he touched her back softly, “I’m just,” he gave a sheepish laugh, “Myself, all the time.” 

Tracer shook her head. “She comes in, same time every day, she puts away her papers, she cleans something, always, she tidies up my desk, as well, without a word, ‘ardly. She does her work, ‘as a three pound meal deal for lunch, same time every day,, works out, and I ‘appen to know she goes to the Tesco every night, same time every day, gets a ready meal, goes ‘ome, cleans and organizes something, again, eats it, and goes to bed.” 

“Lena, how do you know that?” 

She tossed her hands in the air. “I followed ‘er, obviously! Multiple times!”

“We have to get you a constructive hobby.” 

“And she didn’t even notice I was bloody fucking following her. Fareeha.” Tracer gave a little frown and flopped back against Winston. ‘She’s ‘orribly depressed, Win. I know it.” she closed her eyes, 

“I don’t want ‘er to live this way. Or not live, right? Or worse, I don’t want to wake up one morning and find,” her eyes popped back open, gesturing wildly, “Commander Fareeha Amari, precise and disciplined in every way, ‘as done a very precise and disciplined job of offing ‘erself.” 

“You don’t think--” 

“I do think!” She jumped back up again, a creature in constant emotion. “She’s so bloody logical, to the point of being stupid, and she’ll, “ Tracer drew her hand widely across the air, slipping into a terrible Egyptian accent, “find it most reasonable that I will never find happiness again, and my lack of passion makes me a liability, and so, I will make sure not to leave a mess.” She snapped her fingers and jumped toward Winston, eyes locked. “That COULD happen, Win, I can bloody well see it in me mind’s eye!” 

“Lena--” 

“Know what she bought at Tesco, Win? Bangers and mash, a ready meal from Tesco for one. Of bangers and mash.” 

Winston put his hand on her back, and drew her into his shoulder. He said nothing. What was there to say? Tracer was right, of course, and he felt terrible not having noticed. But Pharah was so good at being stoic, at keeping herself straight, at convincing the world that she had always simply been this way, and he had forgotten how her speech had lost some of its formality, how she had laughed easier, how she had teased. How she had been happy. 

It was easy to ignore Pharah’s coping, because it was not drinking too much, or getting into fights, or hallucinating, but her absolute sense of control and order that guided her through difficulty. 

“Also, she isn’t eating enough,” Tracer shook her head, “She’s lost ‘alf stone, at least. Maybe more like a stone, really.” 

“What should we do?” He said softly. 

“Well,” she rocked back to sit on her heels, running a hand through her hair, “We ‘ave to ‘ave her come live ‘ere, with us. Break her out of it all, right?” She grinned. “Bunch of the sadsack bachelor types, that’s us. We can ‘elp ‘er, Win, I know we can.” 

Winston had no idea how Tracer was going to get Pharah to agree to this. He wasn’t sure if she knew how she was going to. But Tracer believed she would, and she could, and that it itself made him believe. 

____

It wasn’t nearly so hard as Tracer had thought it was going to be. It took only two weeks of wheedling and begging and claiming that she and Win couldn’t possibly afford the place without her, being everything that had happened. It would be a proper favor to them, if Pharah would come and live with them. Besides, wasn’t Pharah so good at all the things she wasn’t? She’d be so much more help to running the house than Tracer was, after all. 

Pharah was scrubbing the office floor, as she did every single Thursday, when she finally broke. A person could only avoid Tracer’s attempts at something she truly wanted for so long. 

“If you and Winston need money, I will give you money.” She did not look up at Tracer. Back and forth across the boards. Check carefully for a scratch the needs filling. RInse the brush. Repeat. “I have little need for extra income.” 

Tracer sighed heavily. She kept trying to give Pharah a graceful way to accept, and Pharah kept throwing it back in her face. It was aggravating to keep inventing new disasters for her and Winston to be having, particularly given that they were doing quite well, all told. 

She thought of the solution, and hated it just as quickly. Tracer had worked hard. The odds of any sort of relapse were exceedingly rare. She had just now gotten to the point where it seemed like people weren’t whispering about it behind her back at the greengrocers, that her reputation was beginning to shine up near to normal again. Life was full of bloody fucking sacrifice, wasn’t it? 

She knelt in front of Pharah. “Fareeha.” 

“What?” Rinse out the brush. 

“Win’s taken care of me, so much, over and over and--” It stuck in her throat, and she hated every inch of it, “I worry I might be too much for ‘im, if it ‘appens again, and ‘e’ll try to do it ‘imself, all over again. You know how Win is, about these things, and I thought, if you were there, you could reason with ‘im. Day by day. Might be best to send me off, but ‘e won’t, but, you know ‘e trusts your judgment.” 

Pharah looked up at Tracer. “I doubt I could convince Winston of this.” 

Tracer’s fists balled at her side. Pharah had always said Tracer had a way of working a person’s last nerve, but she wasn’t giving herself enough credit. 

“But,” Pharah continued, putting the brush in the bucket, “he is also unlikely to see an early sign. I would notice.” 

Tracer smiled and nodded. 

Sure you would, Fareeha, as my general early signs are jot off to Paris and kill someone, which I think Win might also pick up on, but all right. 

She sighed. “I will rent the apartment, until you feel secure. I will also pay rent at Winston’s, to assist.” 

On some other day, Tracer might have tried to tell Pharah that she could always buy another apartment, and it might be better for her to do that. But it was enough to know that Pharah would move out her things, even if every single box of Mercy’s scattered notes was going to the wide expanse of leftover warehouse they used as a storage unit in the back of Winston’s place. She had Emily’s things there as well, and was only beginning to realize she needed to begin to sort through them, so what could she possibly say? 

“Thank you.” was what she chose. 

_____

A new living arrangement is always difficult, even without the added difficulty of a person not realizing the are going through a certain amount of emotional trauma. Pharah had been living with she and Winston for six weeks now, and while they had managed to put her weight back on, and she had even managed a smile or two, Pharah still lived her life within the lines of her planner with rigidity and focus. She never looked up. 

She never spoke Angela’s name. 

Tracer began to spend the night in Pharah’s room, chatting to her about her day, asking questions that would almost certainly go unanswered. She had liked it, when she was struggling, and people had talked to her. Parvati had once recounted an entire night at the pub as a one woman play, and Tracer had managed to laugh, and so she knew there was some medicine in it. Whatever Pharah might think. 

So Tracer threw herself against Pharah’s brick wall, and she fell down, and she got up again. 

Until a Friday night on the sixth week. It was Shabbat, and Pharah had remembered it was Shabbat, because someone had greeted someone else in the grocery store as she got her three pound lunch. Tracer had noticed her quiet sternness, even more pronounced than usual, as they went through the store together, as they stopped for flowers, as someone had asked Tracer if she was planning to pop by the pub this week. 

Pharah said nothing, but Tracer was undeterred. 

“I do not entirely understand why you are in my room.” Pharah turned onto her side and shut her eyes. “Again.”

“I slept with me dad for something like two years after Mum died,” she scoffed and shook her head, “I know that sounds all sort of funny, least, the looks people ‘ave given me make me think so. 

But it wasn’t--just ‘aving each other, right there, as we were scared to lose each other, and--and well, it felt a bit lonely, and a bit cold. ‘Ard to explain, but there was something very comforting in it.” 

She laughed a little, chewing at the end of her nail. “Truth is, I only needed for so long, but somehow I knew ‘e needed it longer. To ‘ave me at ‘and, right? To know I’s safe? So I stayed there, a while longer.” 

Tracer looked over to Pharah, whose back remained turned to her, silent and still in the dim glow of moonlight, outlining her shoulder like a headstone. 

“We did mend, Dad and me.” Tracer shifted under her blanket. “Took time, but we did mend.” 

Pharah lay staring at the wall, jaw set in a hard line, arm tucked firmly under the single pillow she used. She said nothing. There was nothing to say, just more of Tracer’s rambling in the darkness. 

“There’s nothing in you that’s broken, Fareeha,” she said it with such confidence that for a moment, Pharah nearly believed it to be true, “rather, not forever. I know because there’s nothing that can be mended in me. There’ll be scars, of course, but,” she giggle and shrugged at the ceiling, “Isn’t as if you and don’t ‘ave plenty as it stands.” 

“You do not understand.” Pharah’s voice came like a command in the night. 

Tracer swallowed hard as the anger built up in her. Pharah was hurting and Pharah had a hard time with things, and Pharah did not mean to make it sound like the way she’d loved Emily wasn’t as strong, and she was going to pop Fareeha Amari in the face right FUCKING now. 

And she sat up to do it. 

But before she could, Pharah pushed herself up to her side. “You, maybe, will mend. You do not understand,” she turned to face Tracer, taking a deep breath and slowly letting it out, steam rising from a kettle, “because you are the sort of person people love. They remember you, they--they cherish seeing you, you make them laugh. You are the sort of person who has romances, a woman talks about you at brunch with her friends, and everyone says,” she began a very poor imitation of the East End, “well isn’t that Lena so very cheerful and what, right?” 

There is--” They were nearly nose to nose to now, but Pharah had the floor, and Tracer sat quietly even as her brown eyes glowed with fire. “There is nothing of that, for me. That is for people like you!” She slapped the bed in frustration. “And you will never, ever understand me, because you are some...Turkish rug, or a carved chair, and people notice you in a room, and they love you! Plenty want you in their homes.” 

Tracer moved to say something, but found the anger had left her, and she was filled instead with a deep and unyielding sorrow for all they had both lost, and all Pharah had learned she could lose. Tears slipped down her face, only to find Pharah’s had matched them. 

Pharah tapped her chest.”I am--a broom. A filing cabinet. I am useful, and needed, and diligent. I am necessary, and valued. But I am not loved. Except by her.” 

They sat in the terrible London quiet, the one that shouldn’t be real but had made itself known in the long, cold, sharp blades of that night. Both them looked down at the small expanse of cotton between them. 

“I love you. Course I do.” Lena’s voice was soft, but it did not waver. Then, quick firework that she was, her head popped up and she grinned, “Fuck’s sake Fareeha, why do you think I lay in here next to you every night and tell you stories,  me own ‘ealth?” 

It was her sunshine, always her sunshine, that broke the darkness, and even Pharah had to offer a weak huff of what had to pass for laughter now. 

“I’m scared, as well. I miss Em every single day. I wonder what might become of me, sounds a bit dramatic, but that’s how I think of it.” She rested a hand on Pharah’s knee, “You ain’t the only one with plenty to take on. We’re soldiers, right? It’s ‘ard. And me ‘aving me,” she touched the place where her CA rested, “and Ang, well, she did know me best, ‘ard to say if this friend of ‘ers will ‘ave a mind for it. Just--a bit of an ask, innit? For me, as well.”

Pharah put her hand on Tracer’s. “You will find love again. It is very hard to know you, and not love you a little.” 

“Fareeha,” she waggled her eyebrows, “is this you proposing? Flattered I am, but--” 

In one smooth movement, Pharah swept up the pillow and batted Tracer in the face with it. She fell to the mattress in a flurry of bubbling laughter, and Pharah was forced into a smile. 

“Well,” Tracer’s voice was peppy as she folded her hands and grinned up at Pharah, “I think, that when you’re ready, there’ll be someone wonderful, you know Fareeha there are women who go just mad for closet organizational systems and all that, proper filing, I don’t think you’re ‘ard to match at all, and besides all that, Ang was never any of that, but she saw, well she saw what I see, in you.” 

Pharah shook her head a moment, and waved it off almost out of habit. 

Tracer caught her eye, made sure she saw the genuine truth and belief in it. “You ‘ave a good heart, and a more tender spirit than you let on. Ang always said so, even when I didn’t believe it, that everything you do is a kind of love. That you’re terribly loving. She saw that, in you. She--” 

Pharah turned away and pinched the bridge of her nose, tripping over her words.  “Let’s please not speak of her more. Tonight.” 

“Course,” Tracer nodded, “Sometimes I can’t talk about Em, neither.” Tracer reached gently, carefully, and rubbed at Pharah’s shoulder. “You always ‘ave an ‘ome with me, and Win, ‘ere, if you want it. We love you, Fareeha. We love you ever so much.” 

Knowing it was true, and knowing that it could not possibly repair the deep chasm in her heart, the one that cried her name when the wind blew, Fareeha Amari forgot herself, unmade, in an instant, every lesson she had taught herself about how to be in this world. She began to cry. No, to sob, choked breaths flashing the memory of Mercy’s broken body, her smile under their wedding chuppah, a thousand small touches and loving words falling on her like rain. 

Tracer held her. Tracer held her, and whispered that it was all right, and that she wasn’t a filing cabinet, until they both fell asleep.

#april showers writing

[crash-cinematic-universe]

Headfirst for Halos (ch.2)

Ship: Tate Langdon/fem!Reader

WARNINGS: allusions to both physical and emotional abuse from a family member, actual physical abuse between a freshman and a senior, allusions to mental illnesses such as depression, student v. student violence. A certain way an event was phrased could be considered an allusion to molestation. strong language. a reference to homophobic slurs (none were used), Allusions to suicide and eventual character suicide. Read at your own risk.

general comments: Pluto is nb, for those interested. I might fuck around and make this a series. By ‘might’ I mean definitely will. SPOILERS FOR SEASON 1 FOR AMERICAN HORROR STORY AHEAD. pre-death tate, pre-shooting tate, pre-beau death

ch. 1

________________________________________________________________

          As it turns out, I’m not as alone as I thought I was. I can see his eyes follow me through the library. I can see it in his eyes, he wants to talk to me, but he’s hesitant. I get it, I’m intimidating, and the first time we ever spoke I was beating a bunch of jocks off of him. I originally planned on ignoring him for the rest of my high school career, but now it’s different. He lingers in the library, even after school has ended. He reminds me of me, young and anxious and reserved. 

          He peeks over the top of his book, it’s about birds. Byron, maybe he wants to pursue ornithology. I can see him in my peripheral, his eyes snapping up to scan me once over periodically. It's almost endearing, this strange infatuation with me. I'm somewhat compelled to approach him, to see what this strange interest stems from, but someone beats me to it.

         It's a jock, his face isn't familiar, but the jacket is. Toddwell is embroidered on the back of his jacket.. I'm alert, my eyes boring a hole into the back of his skull. I can't see the boy anymore, the body of the tall athlete blocking my view. Just wait, Y/n, just wait. If you see him do anything even slightly threatening, go over there. Every part of me screams to stay put, to not intervene, but I go against my better judgment and make my way over

"Well, I didn't expect to ever catch you in the library, Toddwell." I snarl slightly, standing behind the anxious freshman. The jock's eyes widened with recognition.

           "Hey, look, I don't mean any trouble. I'm just apologizing to Tate on behalf of the other guys." He puts his hands up in faux surrender. His name is Tate. I'll have to remember that.

           "Oh? well, it's nice to know not every football player is an asshat." I state, standing up straighter. I made sure to glance down at Tate every so often to make sure he wasn't freaking out. Toddwell lingers a bit before leaving me and Tate alone in the library. Well shit, what do I do now?

          "Thanks for looking out for me." The voice shocks me, it's quiet and unsure, yet at the same time it's full of wonder and mystery. He’s hesitant, it’s almost as if he’s afraid I’ll attack him for speaking out of turn. I suddenly realize that I don’t want him to be afraid of me. I want his trust.

“No problem, dude. If they bother you again--”

“I’ll be sure to give them a five second head start before I let you know.” He joked. I bit back a laugh of my own, I’m getting too comfortable. 

“Tate, right?” I inquire, the more info I can get on this kid the better.

“Uh, yeah, Tate Langdon.” He’s timid again, his eyes ducking away from mine. I know I have to decide whether or not I can trust this kid. With trust comes vulnerability, and vulnerability brings pain and weakness.

“Why did you help me?” Tate speaks, seemingly out of nowhere. “We haven’t ever spoken before, you don’t know me, so… why?” His eyes meet mine, and I can see myself in them. I can see the disbelief that someone would care. That’s it, I’m taking the leap.

“Why wouldn’t I? You needed help, I wasn’t just gonna let them hurt you. You deserve more than that.” I say plainly, standing up and preparing to leave. I scribble down my phone number on his folder. “For whenever you need me.” He looks shocked, but I can tell that he’s appreciative. I turn my back to him, my eyes set on the front doors. Pluto walks down the hallway, their black hair falling in their face as they leave. I can tell they’d been crying.

My pace is hurried in an attempt to beat Pluto to their car, the gentle patter of raindrops filling the empty hallways. My boots thunk against the tile floor, the grey lockers staring me in the face as I desperately try to be inconspicuous in my pursuit of Pluto. Apparently, I had failed.

“God, Jamie, please, leave me alone!” Pluto shouts before whipping around. Their face contorts in shock, followed by embarrassment once they realize it’s not, in fact, their boyfriend Jamie following them.

“Hey, Pluto,” I say cautiously, imaginary eggshells beneath my feet. “everything alright? You looked pretty upset and I wanted to make sure you--”

“Everything is fine.” They snap. Ouch.

“That’s bullshit and you know it, Pluto.” I growl, taking a step closer. “Tell me what's wrong.”

“I thought we agreed we’d stop being friends. I’m not your problem anymore. Stop bothering me.” The anger is back.

“You decided you’d cut me off. I still care about you! I still want to be your friend!” I shout, the rain gradually growing stronger. “You’re my only friend, and you’re desperate to get away from me! But, no, right? I’m the one who’s drifting. I cried our first day of school this year, you know why? Because I knew you’d graduate and go to college and I’d be left here alone! I thought I’d take advantage of our last days together, but I’m now realizing I’m grasping at straws.” This was it. The vulnerability that I feared so much. The floodgates opened and now I’ll face the consequences.

“Yeah, I guess you are.” Pluto said dryly. “What relationship did you think we had? You were a freshman who I thought was three days away from offing them self, what was I supposed to do?”

“So that’s it. We were never friends?” It hurt so bad. Hearing Pluto, my closest and only friend, tell me they didn’t care. “It was all a pity party? You felt like you’d be charitable for a few days and realized you couldn’t shake me off?” It was pouring now, and we were both shouting-- in anger and in an attempt to out-scream the rain.

 “Fuck you, Pluto Davis. I don’t need you.” I spit. They get in their car and drive away. It’s only then that I realize a very important fact: Pluto was my ride home. God, being vulnerable really fucking sucks.

#american horror story #american horror story fanfiction #tate langdon x reader #american horror story murder house #ahs murder house #ahs evan peters #tate langdon fanfiction #irl dont look

[bentnotbroken1fanfiction]

Sneak peek of chapter 6 of HFDDG (my dark fic)

There’s nothing super triggery in this scene, but I’ll still add it under the cut Just in case!

September 1985

Billy’s in his bed, laying on top of a newly laundered blanket and reading a book, when Chief Hopper comes in and sits in the chair next to him. 

He puts his book face down on his chest. “Didja draw the short end of the stick for babysitting duty today, Chief? 

"Wasn’t funny the first time you said it and it’s not funny now, Billy.”

“Well, can’t blame a guy for trying to lighten the mood.”

“Yeah, I suppose.” He replies, then gives him a funny look, “And speaking of moods, how’s yours been?" 

"Well… I’m talking to some lady, the scientist slash shrink and taking my meds but I still have nightmares and think about offing myself at least two times a day, so,” He shrugs, “not the best, but not the worst, I guess.”

The Chief sighs like he’s so tired of Billy’s bullshit, and really, he doesn’t blame him. He’s tired of his bullshit too. 

“There’s just… there’s something I think you should know, but we’ve been advised not to tell you because the doctors think it could set you back." 

His heart rate picks up, because what the fuck could it be? What have they been keeping from him?  Lying to him about? Was it…did he actually kill him? Did Joyce chose to hide it from him to spare him? 

He feels himself spiraling, "Just… just tell me." 

Hopper leans closer to him. "Harrington has been coming to the facility every day for the last three weeks.” He says. And just hearing his name makes Billy’s stomach lurch. “You asked me before, why they moved you? He’s the reason they took the restraints off and had you moved to this room. He pitched a fucking fit about humane practices and patient rights until the director threw him out of his office.”

He kind of just stares at the Chief. What? Not only is Steve actually here? He's… he’s been coming here? For weeks? And he had made them take the straps off? Had him moved? But…

Why? Why would he? He doesn’t understand. 

“Son,” The Chief’s voice filters through the fog. “I need to know where your head’s at.”

“He shouldn’t be here.” Is all he can think to say. 

“Listen, I know what-.” Billy glares at him. “Ok, I don’t know what you’re going through, but I do know that that boy is worried sick about you." 

Steve’s worried? What the hell? Why… He shouldn’t be fucking worried. Billy had…he had…

Yeah. Death is still looking pretty damn good to him. 

"He’s been nagging me the last five days to get me to ask. He really wants to see you. Do you think you could at least try seeing him?" 

He blinks…

And a wave of panic breaks over him, leaving him trembling and breathing hard. No. He can’t see him. He can't…doesn’t want to. Not after… 

Hopper is speaking quickly, "Ok. Ok. I see that’s a bad idea. I’m sorry. I should have known better.”

“I can’t see him. I can’t. I see him too much already.” His heart races and hurts in his chest. 

“The nightmares?” He asks. 

“Not just then. Sometimes during the day when it’s too quiet or I close my eyes." 

The Chief looks really damn sad when he says that. 

"Billy… maybe it would help you to see that he’s ok. That he’s not hurt. Maybe that will help with the memories.”

“No. I can’t, Chief." 

"Ok…” He looks thoughtful, “Ok, how about this? What if we gave you a picture first? Could you handle just looking at a picture of him? A Polaroid?”

He takes a few deep breaths. Could he just look at a picture? It wouldn’t be the same, right? It’s just a picture. He can’t hurt a picture. 

“Fine. I’ll try…I’ll look at a picture, but not today.”

#harringrove #how far does the dark go #sneak peek #dark fic #tw brief suicidal thought #and mention #billy hargrove #jim hopper

[spootiliousrps]

Wolfstar Charms

You both like sirius/remus.

Stranger: [6th year, Remus hasn't told his friends about the werewolf gig yet.] Hey, so. I heard you talking to McKinnon after Magical Creatures today. Is that how you really feel about werewolves and vampires? Marlene was saying some pretty hard shit.-R

You: Well, I don't know what was said, but yeah. I mean, they attack anyone that gets close enough and spread their condition like a disease. They're better off where they can be kept an eye on that let loose in the world. -S

Stranger: But like. Every werewolf? -R

Stranger: And they only turn one night every month -R

You: But how can you be sure? I mean maybe not constantly but at least as their cycle gets closer. You heard what the professor said, they're practically monsters. I would feel safer if something was done about them. I'm not saying to kill them but something should be done. Even if its requiring them to be locked up during that time. -S

You: Why are you so curious about this anyways? -S

Stranger: I don't know. I just think it's wrong to prosecute an entire race of people, some of which may have done nothing wrong. -R

Stranger: There's bad ones, sure, but like. Thats not everyone. Just like not every pure blood is evil. -R

Stranger: Should we round up all of you lot and lock you up? -R

Stranger: I--fuck, I'm usually more eloquent about this, I'm just tired. -R

You: Whoa! Hey! That is not the same thing! I'm not saying to enslave them or anything like that! Locking them up during a transformation is humane! It would be for the protection of both them and the people around them. I know its not their fault. I'm not an idiot. -S

Stranger: It's inhumane to lock anyone up. -R

You: [Delay] Yeah... you usually are lol. I'm not use to seeing you so riled up. Whats got you so tired. -S

Stranger: Like -- would you want to lock me up for the week before the full moon if I was a werewolf or something? -R

Stranger: You said they're basically monsters -R

Stranger: Nothing, it's nothing. I just didn't sleep well, okay? -R

You: They are. Basically monsters I mean... but that doesn't make the people they infect monsters. I mean... the beast that comes out at night is not the person they are the rest of the time yeah?-S I mean, I never really considered it but... Would you have a better idea? Look at it from the person's point of view. You heard about the wizard that woke up after a cycle to find he had slaughtered his whole family? Sure, it sounds cruel when you explain it like that but they guy ended up offing himself cuz he couldn't live with what he had done. If I were a werewolf I'd want to be locked up during my cycle to protect you guys. I mean, I wouldn't know what I'd do if I hurt one of you. -S Maybe you should talk to one of the Ravenclaws, they might be able to slip you something to help sleep a bit better. A charm or something? -S

Stranger: I'm sure the werewolves that actually care take proper precautions. -R

Stranger: There was that one, sure, but. -R

Stranger: All the wolves in the media are all those nasty ones, that just was to cause mayhem. They should be punished for their crimes sure, but you can't control an entire race, that's not right

Stranger: I know plenty of charms. -R

You: Listen, Remus. I'm not going to pretend like I know why you have such a hard on for werewolves' rights suddenly and I'm also not going to pretend like I know everything. You asked and I told you. If you have a better idea for dealing with them then great. As far as I'm concerned it doesn't really involve me and its not like I'm going to write a strongly worded letter to the Minister to try and convince him of anything. Regardless of how either of us feels if a werewolf attacks us in the middle of the night I'm not going to be too torn up for defending myself. -S

Stranger: ..right. Sure. -R

Stranger: I'm going to go nap in Pomfrey's office. -R

You: Probably for the best. Want me to come fetch you for lunch? -S You're even worse when you don't eat. -S

Stranger: Um -R

Stranger: Maybe, I don't know. -R

Stranger: I can ask Peter to bring me something -R

You: [Delayed] If you're sure. Let me know if you change your mind. I promised James I'd meet him on the pitch before third so I won't be doing much. -S

Stranger: you'll be late for transfig -R

You: Wouldn't be the first time. -S

Stranger: Gonny's gonna murder you -R

You: I'd like to see them try. Besides, Lily is suppose to be there too. No one ever gets on to her. -S

Stranger: well.. I hope you guys have a nice time. -R

You: It'd be nicer if you would join us. -S

Stranger: um -R

Stranger: I can see if I can grab some coffee. -R

You: Awesome! I'll swing by the kitchens and bribe one of the house elves for those sweets you like so much. -S

Stranger: sure, yeah. -R

Stranger: I'll see you on the pitch then. -R

You: [[Switch to para?]]

Stranger: [[sure!!]

Stranger: [[I can start]]

You: [[Sounds good]]

Stranger: Every bone in his body hurt before the full moon. Every movement was filled with pain, and the entire week of the moon he felt like he wanted to crawl out of his skin. And he would've, if it meant that it'd stop. Remus dragged a hand through his hair as he made the hike down the hill from the castle to the quidditch pitch, slipping onto the field without being seen. James and Lily were already there, talking quit close together over on the edge of the field. He raised a hand to offer a hello, a grimace on his face with each movement.

You: "Remus!" Sirius called from Remus' right. He was still a few yards away an bulging cloth tucked under his right arm, a few pastries peaking out from beneath it. His left was tugging on a Peter's elbow as the other boy seemed to shift his gaze this way and that as if worried they'd be caught and taken to the dungeon's at any moment. "There you are! I was worried I might have to go to Pomfry's office after al-" he cut himself off as he drew up close enough to make out the boy's expression. "Christ, you look like shite. You weren't kidding earlier were you?"

Stranger: It wasn't fun, being woken up in the middle of the night with agonizing pain. He glanced over to Sirius as he came over to him, and he offered a small smile. "Yeah, I uh, rallied. I have my coffee in my bag so, hopefully that'll get me through potions later." Hey sighed. He nodded to Peter, and glanced back over at Lily and James. "It's fine though. Like I said, I just. Didn't really sleep." he had bags under his eyes, his face a little sunken in. "Whatcha got there?"

You: Sirius glanced down at the bundle as if he had forgotten about it entirely. "Oh, right!"

You: [sorry wasn't done]

Stranger: [nw]

You: Sirius glanced down at the bundle as if he had forgotten about it entirely. "Oh, right! I told you I was gonna swing by the kitchens. Swung by the potion's classroom too," he added with a wink and a grin. "Got a surprise for ya." "I-I had n-nothing to do with it," Peter rushed as if that would save him any grief should they be caught. Sirius just rolled his eyes and pulled him onward as he headed for James and Lily, obviously expecting Remus to follow. "Snatched a few Wideeye potions from the stores while Slughorn was distracted," Sirius admitted, still grinning proudly.

Stranger: Remus laughed softly, shaking his head as he followed them over towards James and Lily. "You're gonna get caught one day, you know?" he said teasingly. "I'd be nervous if Slughorn's rage came down on me, man. He's old but I can tell he's gotta temper." He stifled a yawn into his arm, and let out a puff of air. "I have so much course work to get done tonight." He frowned.

Stranger: [hey im jumping in the shower rq I'll be like. less than ten minutes]

You: "Well my luck hasn't run out yet," Sirius teased lightly. "Oi! James! Stop making pillow eyes at Lilly and get a move on!" Sirius called out to his friend with a laugh before focusing back on Remus. "Luckily for you, of course. Otherwise who would be here to pick you up when you need it ah? Peter?" he teased, elbowing the chubby boy in the ribs. "I-I... T-thats not..." "Relax Peter. I'm only teasing, lighten up."

You: [[Take your time. If we get disconnected I'll be under the tag spootilious]]

Stranger: [back! just gotta get like dried off[

You: [[wb]]

Stranger: Remus watched Sirius for a moment, shaking his head. "Maybe James?" he offered, snorting softly. As they approached, James flipped Sirius off, focusing back on Lily for a moment. "--Did we skip Transfigurations just to watch you talk to some lass?"

You: "No offense, Lilly," Sirius added as if as an after thought. He was a brave and reckless boy sure but he knew better than to piss off a woman, especially on that was such a talented witch. "You could do better than this sod," he teased lightly practically jumping into James' lap and ruffling his hair.

Stranger: "Yes, absolutely no offense," Remus agreed, nodding. Lily just let out a soft laugh. "Of course. Why'd we all come out here, James, did you want to go show off on that broom of yours?" she prodded at his side. Remus sat down heavily, a small grunt escaping him with the hard movement.

You: Sirius's gaze followed Remus' movements and despite his outward jovial appearance, worry lined his eyes. Typically he would have wrestled with James a bit, mock flirting with him, but as it was he allowed the other boy to shove him from his lap, depositing him next to Remus with a grunt of his own. "Rude," Sirius mock pouted but shifted back a bit to give himself room. He laid out the cloth, sweets still piled in the middle. Without hesitation he took two from the top and offered one out to Remus before shoving the other in his mouth.

Stranger: He didn't even want to know how completely like shit he must look like. And tomorrow, he would be concealing his bruised and battered body just like he did every day after a full moon. He glanced over at Sirius as he laid out the pile of sweets and pastries. He smiled, softly, and took the offered treat. "Thanks," he said softly, taking a bite. He let out a long sigh, and leaned his head on the man's shoulder, puffing out a breath.

You: Sirius tried to be as still as possible for the other man, only moving to reach into his robes and produce the small vile of wideeye potion he promised. Peter sank down next to the two reaching for a few sweets of his own. He may have refused to admit his part in the thievery, but he had no quarrel about partaking in the spoils. Sirius wouldn't admit it but his anxiety regarding Remus odd behavior had skyrocketed upon the sight of him and wasn't getting any better.

Stranger: Remus offered a small smile, and took the vial from the man. He twirled it in between his fingers, he uncorked it, and grimaced for a moment before he took it like a firewhiskey shot, closing his eyes tight and shuddering. "Oh, that's so gross."

Stranger: [brb!]

You: Sirius couldn't help but chuckle at the words. "I've caught you snogging Prevel Martin. I'm sure it can't be worse than that!" he countered making the group laugh, though his own didn't quite reach his eyes. They were still pinned to Remus, dark and calculating, as he tried to piece together the puzzle before him.

Stranger: "That was a dare!" he cried, elbowing him in the side. He could feel the effects of the potion almost instantly, though he was still full of his aches. He could feel how tired his eyes were, but the potion buzzed away inside of him and kept the open. His eyes flickered over and met Sirius's gaze, and he let out a puff of breath. "What, were you just upset it wasn't you?"

You: Sirius tensed in surprise at the sudden retort, forcing his grin wider to try and hide the blush. "Oh, yeah. I've always dreamed of snogging that ugly mug of yours," he teased. "Sounds more like a nightmare," Peter added around a mouth full of food. Sirius just laughed harder.

Stranger: Remus snorted softly and grabbed another pastry, kicking his boot out towards Peter playfully. "Aye, just you wait, bastards. Give me a year or two and I'll be taller than James."

You: "Pfft, not likely," Sirius scoffed playfully before turning towards James. "I'm suppose to be in transfiguration right now. Whats up? Or did you just want to bore us again with another one of your rants about Muggle studies again?"

Stranger: Remus scrunched his nose up and rolled his eyes, before he snuck another treat, eyes turning to James. "Yeah, what is it?" James looked affronted and scoffed. "What, a guy can't just ask his mates and-- his uh. non-mate." a glance to Lily. "To come and hang out and skip class?"

You: Sirius snorted at that. "Sure you can, but I think I rather be learning how to turn into a dragon than to have to stare at your ugly mug," he replied, sticking out his tongue. "You can't transfigure into a dragon," Peter commented absently reaching for another treat. "Says you! I bet I could turn into Norwegian Ridgeback by the end of the year if I wasn't skipping class!" he grinned, pointedly looking at James and knowing full well it wasn't the truth.

Stranger: Remus quirked a brow at him. "Actually, not possible. Not a dragon, at least," he nodded. He glanced towards James. "What was that thing we were reading last week? Animagus?" he questioned. "You can turn into an animal, but like. I think it has to be within a certain size."

You: "A baby dragon then," Sirius shrugged before James could answer. "Enough to breath fire and do some damage at least." "Yeah and probably shit everywhere," James laughed. "Good, another job for Finch and his cat," Sirius laughed.

You: *Filch

Stranger: Remus laughed, but it sounded distant even to himself. James looked over at the other lads and quirked a brow. "Shit aren't they covering Wolves and shit in Creatures today? What if you could turn into one of them?"

You: Sirius' smile faded a bit at the question. What was with all this talk about wolves? "I dunno, wolves are just vicious dogs right? I think I would rather be a regular one. Lounge about all day, get fat on treats, swarmed by women all the time." "Sniffing butts," James added with an arched brow. "Hey, don't knock it 'til you try it," Sirius countered.

Stranger: James laughed loudly. "But no, like, hear me out. You could scare the fuck out of any of your friends, if you like. Showed up at their house as a massive fucking wolf. Like would you shit yourself right there?"

You: "I dunno," Sirius continued. "I still think a dragon would be better. What do you think Remus?" he asked turning towards his best friend.

Stranger: Remus blinked a couple of times, and forced another laugh from himself. "Uh. Maybe a rabbit," he said lamely, clearing his throat. He ran a hand through his hair, and he suddenly did not feel very great at all, his stomach churning uneasily.

You: Sirius hesitated as he watched the color begin to drain from his friend's skin. "Don't rabbits mate like crazy?" he asked trying to hide his concern. "I always knew you had a promiscuous side," he teased. "Either way, it won't matter what we want to turn into if we don't learn how," he pointed out, pushing to his feet.

Stranger: The man cleared his throat, letting out a long breathe and tried to stop the queasy feeling. Almost as bad as the bone and joint aches, he hates the nausea that comes along with it, as the full moon ticked closer and closer. "James could probably find the book with the animagus spell in it." he murmured. "I uh. I have a ton of homework to do, and I have a feeling I'll...be falling asleep early tonight. I should get it done."

You: Sirius offered out a hand to help the other up. "Nah, I bet he's too distracted making eyes at Lily," Sirius teased, fluttering his lashes at the girl playfully. "Right, Lily?"

Stranger: Lily snapped out of her little world with James, a blush coming across her cheeks. "What? Oh, um--" she glanced over at James. "Nobody is making eyes at anyone."

You: "Ha! Right! Whatever you say, Lily," Sirius chuckled before making a kissing face towards them both. "You guys don't do anything I wouldn't do," he teased with a wink, "I think I'm gonna walk Remus to his next class before he collapses on himself."

Stranger: Lily rolled her eyes and flipped him off as well, something she had picked up from James no doubt. Remus glanced up as he was mentioned, and frowned. "I'm not gonna collapse. Wide awake, see?"

You: Sirius paid Remus no mind as he pulled him a long, calling over his shoulder. "James you're a bad influence on her!" he laughed just as they turned the corned and were suddenly on their own. Sirius let his smile fade now that they didn't have an audience though he didn't speak, unsure of what to say.

Stranger: Remus grumbled but sighed, following Sirius. He let him get pulled along, his bag swinging over his shoulder. When they were out of sight, the man glanced over his shoulder. "They're insane ,the lot of them.."

You: "Might as well include us in that lot as well, Remus," Sirius pointed out before shooting the man a side glance. "You're hiding something, aren't you?" he asked deciding that a blunt approach would be best.

Stranger: "I'm hardly insane." he puffed a breath out. "I'm the sanest one around." At the accusation, Remus stopped in his steps, and he frowned. "What would I be hiding."

You: Sirius turned to him, studying the bags under his eyes and his exhausted features. "That's what I would like to know," he countered, "You obvious haven't slept, you're moody, and you know enough about charms that if it were something as simple as a bad dream you would have taken care of it by now," Sirius pointed out, crossing his arms over his chest, "Exams aren't for a few months and-" he paused, realization striking, a devilish smile spreading across his lips. "You've been sneaking out, haven't you?! Who is she? Couldn't be a Gryffindor or you wouldn't be up all night... Is it that Hufflepuff girl I always see trailing after you? What was her name? Levy? Levi? Lindsye?" he pretended to stumbled over the girl in question, knowing full well her name was Lauraine, not wanting Remus to think that he pays far too much attention to him.

Stranger: Remus felt like he was going to throw up for real now. He sucked in a breath and rolled his eyes, pushing a hand through his hair. "Fuck man, maybe I just had a bad night sleep, okay?" he frowned. "I get -- insomnia sometimes. I don't like to take potions all the time because I don't think it's good for you ." he felt his face heat up at the insinuation that he was hooking up with a Hufflepuff, and he groaned, covering his face with his hands. "Sirius, shut the hell up. Please." he shook his head. "I'm not--I'm not sneaking out with some girl."

You: "Some guy then?" Sirius shrugged, his grin broadening to hide his sudden wave of jealousy. "Hey, I'm not one to judge, we're mates regardless of who you decide to shack up with." He moved to loop his arm around Remus' and start walking again. "No reason to get cranky about it."

Stranger: Remus let out a shaky breath. "I'm not shaking up with some guy, either," he groaned. "I'm--" he paused for a long moment, trying to come up with something on the spot. "I'm taking extra lessons with Gonny. At night, when everyone's asleep. Not a lot, just like. Every couple weeks. She's.. helping me learn some higher level charms and stuff."

You: "Oh," Sirius mumbled a bit put out, but far more relieved than anything. "Wait... why do you need to know higher charms? I mean, I get that you're talented and all, but that's a bit excessive and why would you keep that a secret?" he asked absently, brows furrowing as he attempted to work it all out.

Stranger: He shrugged. "She didn't want the other students getting jealous." He explained, frowning. "I just. Was curious, and thought about maybe going into a job with the Ministry with it, so." he cleared his throat. "And she likes that I'm a hard worker, so she was willing to teach me. If you want to join you can go ask her, but--"

You: "Brilliant! I could use some extra studies in Charms. If I'm gonna become an Aura I have to get Outstanding on the OWLS and I only got Exceeds, but I was talking to Peter earlier and they're letting him retake his. Maybe they'll let me retake mine!" Sirius chimed, beaming with excitement as he pulled away from his mate. "I'm going to see if I can speak to the Headmaster about the exams. Meet you in the common room after supper?" He called already hurrying down the corridor.

Stranger: Remus opened his mouth in surprise at Sirius's willingness to take up extra charms and transfiguration lessons, and he looked surprised. But before he could even make a rebuttal, Sirius was off. "Fuck," he groaned, and shook his head, trying to race to Minerva's office to go and tell him what he had done. Besides Dumbledore, she was the only person that knew what he was. He best go ask her if they could start up some random charms practice now and then.

You: [[Quick questions (srry just want to make sure I don't overstep): Do you have a preference on how you want this to go or do you just want to wing it? Are you wanting to do the scene with Minerva or Dumbledore or skip to that even? I figured with Sirius it could go two ways either they tell him yes but he didn't talk to the charms prof so he shows up just all like 'hi! ready to go to charms, mate?!' or he figures out somethings off and there is no extra charms and he confronts Remus about lying to him. ]]

Stranger: [[ooh lets maybe do the lying ]

Stranger: [and uh. lets skip the scenes with Dumbledore and minerva]

You: [[Ooo ^.^ yay I was hoping you'd go with the lying >:3 ]]

Stranger: <3]

You: Sirius managed to attend the rest of his classes though he seemed a bit stand offish whenever he caught sight of Remus or James and Peter for that matter. He didn't bother showing up for dinner either. In fact, it wasn't until they were to meet in the Gryffindor common room that he showed his face. His usual smile was absent, replaces by pursed lips as he studied Remus silently for a moment. It seemed as if the dark haired man wasn't going to speak at first, but eventually he let out a heavy sigh. "Charms, huh?" he asked evenly, a brow arching as he pinned Remus with a dark stare, waiting for his next excuse.

Stranger: brb!!]

Stranger: Remus wasn't able to find Mcgonogall all afternoon. In her study, in class -- He finally had to give up to try and find her. He needed to get some homework done. He finished out his classes and was immediately kept up in the common room the rest of the night, hurriedly scrawling away, watching the clock tick away. The moon would be at it's highest point by 9pm, which meant he needed to leave by 8pm to get himself hidden in the shrieking shack. He glanced up as he felt the gaze of someone on him, and he parted his lips. "I--um. What?" he asked weakly. He only had twenty minutes before he had to leave.

You: "Don't play dumb Remus, its not a good look on you," Sirius grumbled, crossing his arms. "You lied to me! We're suppose to be best mates! Best mates don't lie to one another!" he snapped, losing a bit of his temper.

Stranger: Remus snapped his mouth close and let out a shaky breath. "I--" he stammered, and made another glance at the clock. "You're right." he nodded quickly. "I'm. seeing that Hufflepuff girl. Lauraine." he said quickly. "I didn't want to get the same shit that James gets for Lily because she's.. shy."

You: "Bullshit," Sirius snapped without hesitation. "You know the only reason I give James hell about Lily is because Lily is just as much a mate as he is. You are also a horrible liar..." he hesitated, something similar to pain crossing his features. "or at least I thought you were. Whatever you're hiding Remus... I hope its worth it," he spat, his anger returning full force as he gave the other boy a shove.

Stranger: Remus really didn't have the energy in him so close to the moon. When Sirius shoved him, he knocked back hard into the corner of the table, letting out a little yelp. "Maybe just mind your own business," he huffed out through a grimace. "If I wanted you to know, then I'd tell you."

You: "Last I checked, you are my business!" Sirius growled, kicking the chair between them out of the way. "At least, if we're best mates, it is... but then again, apparently... we're not," he added his voice lowering once more. "My mistake."

You: [[brb]]

Stranger: [nw]

Stranger: Remus backed away from the man, moving to start shoving his papers and books back into his bag. "I don't have to tell you everything about me, Sirius. Just. Drop it, okay?" he huffed out a long breath, swinging his bag over his shoulder. "I have to go."

Stranger: brb]

You: "No, of course, not! Why would you?!" Sirius snapped at him. "Go then! I'm not stopping you! It's not like I could even if I tried, obviously! Just don't expect me to come looking for you when you're late for class in the morning... or when you need another potion! I would hate to assume you needed me for anything."

Stranger: Remus felt a hard shudder run through his body, and he doubled over briefly. He glanced at the clock and puffed a breath. Why was he-- the moon didn't finish for another hour, at least. It dawned on him, there, that he forgot to account for the time change. He made a noise in his throat, hands shaking. "I'm--I'm sorry, I have to go." he said, and bolted from the common room.

You: Sirius' hesitated as he watched Remus falter, his anger and hurt forgotten. "Remus!" he jerked forward, intent on giving the man a hand but he was already bolting down the corridor leading towards the stairs. "Remus!" Sirius called after him, a spike of worry joining the concoction of emotions swirling inside him. He paused for a breath... another... before he realized what he was doing he was half way down the stairs, barely managing to keep the other boy in his sights.

Stranger: Remus was shaking, feeling his breath coming out hard, his bones aching inside of his skin. He had to pause, once, as another hard shudder rippled through him, before he was staggering towards the hidden passage behind the statue. He heard Sirius calling behind him, and just hoped he could keep out of his eye sight. Sirius couldn't be there for him, it was too dangerous.

You: "Remus wait!" Sirius called again, the words coming out breathless as he hurried down the stairs, catching a glimpse of the other boy just as he ducked behind one of the statues. Sirius didn't hesitate to follow, blindly following at this point. Whatever Remus was hiding was more than just some silly secret between friends that much was obvious now. But whatever it /was/, judging by the shaking and cries coming from the other boy was painful and possibly dangerous. Sirius had heard of some slytherins selling gillyweed and waking death to other students for kicks but... he had never pinned Remus as one to partake in something so dangerous. Now, however, he couldn't be so sure.

Stranger: Remus could feel the blood rushing in his ears, drowning out all other sounds. He made it to the statue, ducking behind it and entering the hidden passage. It was mostly dirt, dug through what had to be centuries ago, making his way under Hogwarts and towards the shrieking shack. He just needed to get there, then he could -- he could let the shift finish. A strained whimper came from his throat, seeing the door in sight. He reached to yank it open, clambering out. He fell to his hands and knees onto the old, rotting, wooden floor of the shack, gasping for air. He could feel the howl starting to catch in his throat.

You: Sirius slid to a stop in front of the small tunnel, heart sinking. He hated tight spaces... They were worse than boggarts... He shifted from one foot to another before he managed enough courage to dive in, doing his best to focus on the way Lupin had sounded, the way he had shivered. His friend needed him whether he knew it or not and Sirius was sure as hell going to- A howl broke through the sound of his trembling breaths making him pause, glancing up at the small bit of moonlight at the end of the tunnel. Remus wasn't alone! Something was there! He had to get to him! "Remus!!!!" He called desperately, doubling his efforts as he crawled through the tight space. "Remus! I'm coming!"

Stranger: [agsjldf sorry im helping boyfriend w/ dinner so lots of back and forth. we can always move to email or discord if its easier. brb]

You: [[No worries! I gotta get my son to bed anyways. Discord is still working for me but I would love to continue via email when we have to cut off if that's cool. I would hate to lose ya. Good Rp partners are so hard to come by.]]

Stranger has disconnected.

#wolfstar #omegle rp #remus/sirius #sirius/remus #lupin/black #black/lupin #roleplay

[darkredehmption]

Minimally Invasive Interrogation

Written by @DamagedBrother and @OfFeatherNFang 

Zsadist: 

[I managed to stay awake the entire time but surprisingly the prisoner fell asleep. For a few hours I watched as he slept, wondering what that other half of him was. I didn’t get a sense of human but what else was there? After that got annoying, I found myself counting the tiles on the floor. There were five hundred and eighty two. I counted three times to make sure I was right. Then I remembered that V downloaded a few books on my phone so I read one of them. After that I went back to staring at the wall contemplating my whole life. It was a long night that was for sure. Soft snores still fill the air as I reach into my pocket to check my phone for the time. It was so close to the sun setting once again which meant that the brothers would be here shortly. Perfect. Then we could get to the bottom of this and I could rest. 

As I rose to my feet, I heard the door open. There was Vishous holding coffee in a Red Sox’s mug. I think that was the one Butch got him last year around the holidays. He sipped the warm beverage then offered me a taste. I declined and he shrugged taking in another gulp or two. We moved out into the hallway, my shoulders rolling as I stretched out a little. “How was your night?” It was funny he asked cause he was up watching it all from his four toys.]

Oh yeah it was great. [Snorts then watches the brother eye me. “Y’all were chatty in the beginning...get any information out of him?” I shrugged.] He started to freak on me so I had to control the situation. After that he ranted hardcore. Let it slip that he’s only half vampire which is making me believe the other half is something interesting...I mean he could be just half human which wouldn’t sit well with the Queen having him captured. Then again regardless of what he is I don’t think it will sit well with her at all. After that I told him to shut up and he eventually slept. [V nodded then muttered “At least someone did. Butch was a traitor and passed out on the couch. He lasted pretty long though. I got a bunch of work done so it was all good.”

Nodding before my attention is drawn to Cop who was rubbing at his eyes and making his way over to us. “Are we going to first meal? Cause I’m starving as fuck.” I nod] You guys can go. Gather the others and come down here when you are finished. [Vishous shook his head. “Z man, go eat. I’ll grab something from the Pit. Shaking my head as I peered in through the window on the door to the PT suite] I’m not hungry. Besides, I have a feeling he’s gonna wake soon. [Vishous eyed me up before looking at his best friend. “Grab me a bagel would ya?” Cop nodded then headed down the tunnel while V just returned to the Pit. Leaning against the door as I stood and waited for all the brothers to arrive.]

Mal:

I kept my eyes closed as the door opened, my breathing slow and even as I listened to the Brothers exchange greetings after a whole night in two different rooms. As they moved into the hallway I tuned out their chatter in favor of shifting my wrists, my ankles, trying to get blood moving after a night of laying perfectly still in the one position. My head ached faintly, but I’d put that down to whatever healing concussion the male had given me the night before.

When my body felt like it was finally awake… sort of… I opened my eyes and stared at the ceiling. My stomach snarled but I ignored it, not about to ask any of /them/ for anything. I’d kill to take a piss too, but again, whatever pride I had left was giving that idea a firm ‘no’. Besides, would hunger or bladder needs matter if the King brought his royal ass down here and decided to cut my head off? Doubtful. So preserving what little dignity and pride I had left seemed like the way to go.

“Is there any way to press the fast forward button on this shit, or do you all still stand on ceremony when you’re at home too?” I muttered, knowing the scarred male would hear me, even as I continued to stare at the ceiling. “The coffee lover, was he the voyeur? The one watching on the screen? Bet he was hoping for a better show,” I continue absently, as if I was talking to myself, which frankly, was better conversation. “Tell him if he slips me a hundred next time I’ll make it worth his while.”

Zsadist:

[Narrowing my eyes as I listened to the prisoner talk to himself in the room. I was going to step inside and tell him to shut the fuck up but then we would probably start having an actual conversation. And I needed to stop talking to him. So I decided to ignore it all and wait for Wrath and the others. I couldn’t help but peer in through the window again. His eyes caught mine and I stared for way too long. Grunting as I turn my attention away from the prisoner. Something just didn’t add up. Suddenly I was starting to think that maybe he wasn’t...the bad guy. Though he definitely was keeping something from the Brotherhood and that was not good. 

My head lifts as I hear a shit load of boots coming down the tunnels. Watching as Wrath and the others make their way towards me while V slips out of the pit. I inclined my head towards the King before I eyed the others. Wrath takes in a deep breath. “Thanks for staying up to keep guard Z. You can go get some much needed rest now.” Lifting my shoulders in a shrug as my eyes flickered to the door.]

I’m good. If it’s alright with you my Lord I'd like to sit in on this. [Normally I didn’t disobey an order from the King. Okay maybe I did, but this was something I wasn’t going to miss. I just spent the entire night watching this fucker and I was curious on how this would play out. Wrath’s brows disappear under this shades. He stays quiet for a moment then grunts out a response. “Fine. But you get some rest afterwards. You are off of rotation tonight. And I don’t want to hear a word about it.” I nod watching as he practically shoves the door open to the PT suite. This was it. I followed after the King and my brothers. Leaning against the wall in the far corner of the room. My eyes met the prisoners again.]

Mal:

I heard them coming, a small army of heavily armed individuals that didn’t have a problem with inflicting pain on the things that stood in their way. I knew because it was how a group of hunters sounded when they stalked back into a halfway house after a hunt. They greeted my warden, dismissed him, but… he stuck around. And I felt… relieved. Huh. Great. Stockholm Syndrome. Since when did that kick in after only twelve hours?

As the rest of them all filed in, I watched the scarred one, until his eyes met mine, and I forced myself to look back at the ceiling. The King settled out of reach, but close enough that one step and a swing would allow him to smack me silly, no problem. 

“I hope you enjoyed your nights accommodation. I’m sure that motel you mentioned won’t mind.”

I fought every sarcastic impulse not to roll my eyes. Or tell him to go fuck himself. At the end of the day, I suspected that he’d not want his minions to stab me just yet, but he couldn’t stop all of them from attempting it at one go.

“You’re /hilarious/,” I muttered instead, still not looking at him. “FYI the turn down service here isn’t really up to par.”

Several males still growled. But no daggers in my chest. #Win

“Well y’know how we fix that? Getting you back to whatever two star shithole you booked? You tell me what you were doing poking holes in Lessers. Are you a Bastard?”

Hilariously, yes, I was. Just not the kind I thought he was implying. Vaguely I recalled some mention of a Band of Bastards, but I certainly had nothing to do with the bunch. And why lie about that?

“No.”

“Then where did you get the balls to take on one of the Omega’s spawn? You like dancing with death?”

“Obviously, since I’m here chatting to you,” I growled back, finally turning my head to look at the Blind King. 

He didn’t respond for a moment, instead inhaling and adopting a sardonic smirk. Meanwhile all the Brothers shuffled, eager to get closer and ensure my restraints were in full working order by beating me and seeing if I could defend myself. 

“Y’know what’s interesting, son? That wasn’t a lie. You /do/ like dancing with death. So what, you caught the scent of a Lesser and thought ‘yes, I can finally punch my ticket to the Fade’?”

Closing my eyes, I weighed my options as I stuffed all my anger and righteous indignation back into whatever box it came from and locked the lid. More attitude was just going to prolong this, and like I said before… I was hungry, and I wanted to piss. So either this got sped up, or I provoked one of them into offing me and solving everyone’s problems. And if this King was sniffing for a lie? Then I just had to be honest.

“I hunt. I’m a hunter. That Lesser? He was just a workout for me. So I figured why not do the Brotherhood a favor before I get the fuck outta this town.”

And boy, did I want to get out of this town right now…

Zsadist:

[The prisoner’s eyes locked onto my own and I saw...relief? Was he glad that I was here? Hell, strangers normally wanted to stay far away from me. One look at my face and most went running in the other direction. I raised a dark brow and quickly his eyes shot up to the ceiling. Now that’s more like it. Snorting as my arms cross over my broad chest. Time to listen to see what he had to say. 

My attention is drawn to the King as he starts to grill the prisoner. Of course he comes back with all the sass. Rolling my golden eyes to the Fade. This guy was just fucking asking for it. I mean granted the King was the one who told us to capture him, but damn it’s like he didn’t care if he died. I straightened up when he growled at Wrath. We all stepped a little bit closer to that stretcher. Yes he was tied down, but that didn’t mean shit. He was disrespecting the King and we needed to have his back no matter what. 

Vishous took a dagger out and started to play with it. Tossing it in the air a few times as his eyes stayed locked onto the prisoner. Phury still had a curious look. Like he was waiting for the male to speak more about his Chosen mother. As for the others...they were just on high alert. Even Rhage. Not a tootsie pop in site. He was all business as he glared at the male. 

My eyes widen as the prisoner then dropped a bomb. He was a hunter? The fuck did he hunt? I mean the brothers weren’t there for our fight in the alleyway, but the male could throw a punch. As much as I would like to say keep lesser fighting for the pros, he could hold is own. Now wasn’t the time though to chime in on that. What would that make me? Vouching for the male all of a sudden? What he did was still fucked but at the same time if he’s a trained fighter then it was an instinct to attack and defend himself. Yes lessers were Brotherhood territory but maybe he wanted to join in on the fight. And we needed numbers more than anything right now.] 

Mal:

Wrath leaned in. It was almost comical simply for the reaction of the Brothers around him, all of them shuffling closer as he did. The one flipping a dagger up and down in my periphery clearly wanted somewhere to put it other than his sheath.

“You hunt, huh? I’m getting the distinct impression it’s not deer or elk,” the King grunted, folding his arms. Which just made him look more like a big, black painted wall. “We’ll circle back to that. If you’re that good, why not sign up for our trainee program then? You not interested in protecting the race?”

I bit back on the instant reply of ‘not my race’; one, because it wasn’t entirely true, and two, because it seemed like a good way to further divide the situation. But if there was supposed to be a familial feeling in me toward the people that made up half my entity? It began, and ended, with my mother. Period.

“No one was there to protect my mahmen when she had to flee or be someone’s bed warmer,” I said instead, my voice cool. “I came here for /her/, for whatever residual affection she has for the race that just as easily ignored her. But vampires were not my kin growing up. They were not my friends, my acquaintances or my distant relations. And look at this!” 

The anger peeked its head out as I yanked at the cuffs around my wrists, the skin re-opening slightly and my blood staining the bands. Every vampire took /another/ step forward bar the King, who simply cocked his head slightly, like he was listening to me bleed.

“I killed /one/ Lesser. One. Because even if I care nothing for this place or the race I’m supposed to be from, in good conscience I couldn’t leave it there to go off and kill a civilian. And what do I get for having a conscience? Locked up like an animal. Treated like a criminal. Turns out it’s true; no good deed goes unpunished.”

At this point, nearly every Brother was basically /at/ my gurney, bar my scarred warden, who was taking everything in with that contemplative look on his face. As if sensing it, the King turned his head toward him.

“Zsadist,” he growled. “You spent the night down here. He said he was a hunter. He say anything else of interest?” He paused to look back at me, his smile a little feral. “Cause everything he just said then was no lie. So things are looking up for you, kid. But there’s still a few unanswered questions here. Like ‘who’ you are. Where you came from. ‘Why’ you didn’t want to own up to Lesser slaying at the Audience House.”

Zsadist:

[My head whipped back and forth between the King and the prisoner. I was starting to get the feel that this male didn’t like his vampire side. But why? Maybe it had something to do with his Mahmen. Did she flood his head with stories of how shit used to be? Does this kid know how better things are now? Okay so it’s not perfect and the King is still working on things but it has gotten better. Wrath took time to listen to civilians, to make sure he always had the race’s best interests. When the King mentioned the trainee program I blinked. Hell, would he even accept that? Would it even be safe to have him here for that after all this? Listening to every detail they had to say that I almost didn’t notice everyone moved up until Wrath called me out. Blinking as I look around me then over to the King. Clearing my throat as I uncross my arms]

Not much. [Reaching up to scrub at my skull trim as I watch Vishous eye me up.] I mean...we talked about fighting in the alleyway. He complained a lot as one would do if they were strapped to a bed. [Hold up was I defending him? No. Can’t do that. Grunts.] He was being disrespectful so I just ended the conversation. Though he did let it slip that he’s half vampire...Which leads me to wonder what his other half is. [My eyes flicker to Butch then I shrug] I mean...I doubt he was made, but when we were out on the streets he didn’t dematerialize. Now maybe he was just too scared to do so. [Snorts loudly, smirking as I eyed the prisoner] Though from the punches he was throwing I highly doubt it. 

[Just as I was about to add more to that I watch as Wrath stiffens. His hands curled into fists and this time I move to join the others around him. Tohr speaks “What is it my-...” Before he could finish that sentence we all smelled her. The Queen. Blinking we pull back, turning to see her at the entrance to the PT suite. “What...did you guys...do?” Wrath turns in the direction of her scent, his voice a bit stern. “Leelan. It’s not safe for you here at the moment. Head back upstairs.” Shiiiiit. That was not going to fly well with Beth. We all took a step back as she moved forward, but still kept our eye on the prisoner. Beth glared at the King then frowned as she eyed the male on the stretcher. “He’s bleeding Wrath...He looks…like a trainee. Is this some kind of initiation?! Cause if it is you all have completely lost your minds!” 

Lifting a hand to scrub at my face. We were finally getting some truth out of this male and now it was a mess again. Fuck. I wanted to know what he was...Maybe it was human. Hell and if it was he could see Beth and maybe see that we aren’t all fucked here. Then what? Become a trainee? Clearly he has a job hunting something else. Though I started to have concerns about what exactly that was. If he wasn’t hunting lessers...then what? Humans...no. Shifters? Blinking at the thought.  He couldn’t be one of those vampires cause of his Mahmen being Chosen. Still...maybe his father was involved in that shit.]

Mal:

I hid a grimace as the warrior, Zsadist, mentioned my little slip of half n’ half, even if it was spliced in with a little sympathy at my predicament. Who’da thought? Maybe Stockholm Syndrome went both ways. I certainly did…

Shoving that thought out of my brain completely, because right now this situation and all these males were about as appealing as roadkill with sauce, I paused as I sensed someone else approaching. Their tread was much lighter, their essence fragrant, and as the King stiffened I got a whole lotta ‘oh shit’ as a female appeared in the doorway. She looked regal, and yet she didn’t conduct herself like a prissy Queen. Her gaze was strong, her chin held high, and her sympathy at my state was frankly much appreciated. Human, my mind supplied, and I wasn’t even sure how I knew, but I did. She was half human. I relaxed a little further, my familiarity and affection for the human race that much more than the vampire race. Half vampire and half human? She could be my Queen. 

“I am not a trainee, my Queen,” I murmured, lowering my voice. The King didn’t seem ready to explain the situation, and as I spoke his jaw locked like he was waiting for me to blow this popsicle stand and cause a total shitfight with his wife. And boy, it was tempting AF to do just that, lemme tell you. “I am… visiting,” I managed dryly. “Unfortunately, my visit is considered suspect since I killed a Lesser. I believe this is… minimally invasive interrogation.”

The one that had been tossing the dagger actually snorted. Everyone else kind of winced, like this was so not where they’d expected this to go. Taking a deep breath, I weighed my options now with the Queen present. If she was sympathetic to imprisoning the innocent then I had to get it all out there. Her interference could help me regardless of what I said.

“You wanted to know everything about me?” I direct this question to the King, forcing his attention away from the female that took a step into the room, even as a Brother tried to put himself between her and me. “I told you, I am Malys, Son of Elieanora. I’ve never met my father.” A truth to cover a lie - I wasn’t admitting he was an angel. Hell to the no. But I had never met him. “My name in the human world is Malachi. I have no true home because I travel, a lot, trying to protect humans from whatever other monsters are out there.” Point to me - the Queen’s eyes softened. “And I didn’t own up to killing the Lesser in the Audience House because all I’ve wanted to do since arriving here is leave, and confessing my ability to easily kill the enemy didn’t seem conducive to getting my butt outta here. I never wanted to have to face this part of me but I love my mother, and I cannot deny her. She asked. I obeyed.”

I took a breath, dropping my head back against the bed as I swallowed down the rush and the anxiety at confessing so much of who I was. But as I’d hoped, the King was staring in my direction, and I knew he was getting all the truth behind every word I’d uttered. That I’d been respectful to his shellan? Bonus points. But now I had to see how the two of them fought it out to get me outta these damn restraints. 

Zsadist:

[The brothers and I all looked between the King and the Queen. Wrath still looked pissed while Beth was a whole bag of emotions. Wrath finally broke the silence. “Leelan…” But he was soon cut off by Beth. Her hand thrown out and everything. “No. It’s my turn.” Scrubbing a hand over my face as I hear someone mumble. “Oh shit.” Lifting my head to watch as the Queen moved over to the stretcher. She frowned as her hand landed on the prisoner’s. And just like that we were behind her in a second. Vishous looking like he was ready to get in between them. Beth turned, her blue eyes meeting each of us. “Guys...I got this. Take a step back.” It was hard to obey that order, but one grunt from Wrath had us moving backwards about an inch or two. 

The Queen turned her attention back to the male. She smiled. “Malys was it? I commend you on protecting the human race. Even if these big men behind me don’t care as much about humans, I sure do.” Rhage chimes in. “Hey...we do...for certain circumstances.” Like Mary. I think to myself quietly. Beth turns to eye Rhage and smiles wide at him. He returns it and pulls out a tootsie pop like he deserved a treat for that. Snorting as Vishous smacks the back of his head before watching the Queen again. “I myself once only knew of the human world. Until that big scary looking male over there found me.” She chuckles as Wrath lets out a growl. “I’m not sure what other beings are out there but if vampires exist I assume anything is possible. Thank you for caring for the humans. They matter too.”

Damn. What was next? We going to invite him upstairs for fucking tea or some shit? Beth eyes Tohr. One she knew wouldn’t throw lip at her. “Tohrment, can you please take off his restraints. I’d like to let him come have some food and stretch his legs so we can chat more.” Welp. Tohr eyes Wrath who was seething. Finally the King cuts in. “No. We will not jeopardize the entire mansion by letting him walk freely in it.” Oh shit. Beth snaps her head to the direction of Wrath. “Hellren mine, if you ever want to sleep in our mated bed again then you will do as I say. I don’t see any threat from this male. He came to you on behalf of his Mother, and all because he didn’t explain why he took down one of those disgusting creatures you treat him this way!” She shook her head. “I know I don’t understand all Brotherhood business but I do understand what is right and what is wrong. Tohrment…” The Brother looks at Wrath again who just grits his teeth then nods once. 

Tohr moves forward and removes the restraints from the prisoner. As he does Beth winces at his wounds. “You poor thing. You probably are so hungry…” Without turning her gaze away from him she calls out. “Vishous grab me some bandages.” V snorts then does as he’s told. Handing her the box of gauze, we watch as Beth takes one out and places it on one of his wrists. “Come on...I will lead you upstairs myself.” Wrath quickly moves to stand beside his Shellan. Practically pressed right up against her.]

Mal:

I didn’t even /breathe/. As the Queen came closer to put her hand on mine, I one hundred percent stopped existing for fear that one muscle twitch, one exhale, would put a dagger in my chest. Sure she’d be pissed, but I’d still be dead, and I was beginning to think the King would prefer me so if it kept me away from the love of his life.

When she asked for my wrists to be freed I almost couldn’t believe it’d worked. And after some argument between the mated pair, one of the hulking masses, Tohrment, moved in to remove the bands. Again, every move I made was /minimal/. Even sitting up I used every muscle I’d ever carved out in a gym or on the road to do it slowly. 

I want to refuse the bandages; the wounds will heal in a day after all, and my stressed out, panicked self inflicted them so probably worth me learning the lesson, but I cannot rebuke her kindness. Her hands are incredibly gentle as she firmly wraps my wrist, and I raise my head enough to meet her eyes as I manage a small smile and a murmured ‘Thank you’. 

Then she was talking about moving, and boy, I had to remind myself of every single word my mahmen had ever mentioned about bonded males and their savagery in protecting their one true love. The King had gone from being a patient, if not terrifying, brick wall to leering, borderline rabid, guard dog. If I so much as sniffed in her direction, he’d bite my damn nose off…

Turning to drop my legs from the gurney, I try to give myself a second as the males move as one to be a guard for the King and Queen. A part of me wishes I could ask for a minute to myself, to get feeling back in my arms and legs, use the bathroom, but any desire to be alone right now would just come off as suspicious. So when I stumble to my feet, I have to grit my teeth and smother my pride as my body objects, my legs tingling and wanting to refuse. 

The Queen looked back to me stumbling like a baby foal, and while she didn’t say anything there was still a quiet fury in her eyes. I liked her. I didn’t even know her name, but I liked her. By not saying anything she wasn’t calling attention to my weakness in front of a group of males bred to be warriors, but she knew I was aching as I came to stand on her other side, a respectful distance between us as I took a deep breath of unrestrained air. My eyes flicked again to Zsadist, to the way those golden eyes assessed this new development, and I was surprised to note an almost reluctant admiration. Like I’d impressed him. His comments on my ability to throw a punch came back, and I hid a smile as I limped after the Queen out the door. By the middle of the tunnel, feeling had returned, my gait straightening out.

“You are far too kind, my Queen. I am… deeply appreciative of your generosity. In truth, I would be grateful simply to be sent on my way. I would hate to impose upon you. Or bring you any discourse with those of your family.”

Re: I’d hate to cause a fight between you and the guy who looks like he wants his sight back just for the satisfaction of being able to watch me bleed out under him. Seriously.  

Zsadist:

[The Queen smiled as she eyed Malys. “Please, call me Beth.” I watched as the male struggled to get up. He still kept his pride though and didn’t reach for help. Then again, even though the Queen would happily help, he in no way would ask for it. Pride as well as Wrath would break every bone in his body. Snorting at the thought before I watch his eyes lift to mine. I raised a brow and did my best to hide an amused look. He really turned shit out in his favor. Scoring points with Beth, becoming not a prisoner but more so a guest. Nice work fucker. I look away when they start to move. 

Suddenly the entire Brotherhood moved in unison, staying close to Malys and the Queen. Wrath looked like he was ready to lose his shit. All I could smell in the tunnels was his bonding scent. Beth reached behind to grab his hand. Being his guide since he was without George, but also squeezing his fingers in reassurance. Hell. If you would have told me this is how the evening was gonna play out I wouldn’t have believed it. Shit was always unpredictable around here, that was for sure. 

When we move up and through the door under the staircase we are greeted by Fritz in the foyer. My eyes immediately went to Malys. Curious of what his reaction would be to the mansion. He just stood in awe, taking it all in. Beth held out a hand towards the dining room. “Fritz...Can we get some leftovers from first meal for our guest?” The Doggen smiles then nods before disappearing into the kitchen as we all head into the dining room. Beth releases Wrath’s hand to motion towards a chair for the “guest” to sit in. Snorting as I move to my regular seat beside Phury. Wrath sits at the head of the table, face emotionless as he just sits and listens. 

Suddenly the sound of George’s collar jingling fills the room. Lifting my head to watch the Golden Retriever make his way over to the King. The dog pauses by Malys and I raise a brow. Okay if this dog didn’t like him then he had to be a fucking asshole. Dogs could sense that shit, right? Watching closely as George sniffs at Malys. He licked one of his hands before padding off to sit by the King's side. Fuck. I didn’t even bother to look at Wrath. He probably was fuming even more now. His best friend just betrayed him by licking the former prisoner. Traitor. 

My golden eyes flickered up to watch Fritz and a few other Doggens come in with some platters. Pancakes, bacon, sausage, some frittata thing, bagels, hash browns. The fucking works. As it is all set down Fritz grabs a fresh pot of coffee and fills up a mug for Malys. Rhage quickly darts his head up and reaches for a piece of bacon. We all glare at him as he munched away happily. This fucker. The Queen smiled and nodded to the food. “Help yourself, and hurry before Rhage eats it all.” She laughs softly and I couldn’t help but crack a small chuckle. Hearing a few other brothers join in. I mean...she wasn’t wrong. Beth reaches to grab a bagel. I doubt she was hungry, but more so wanted to make him feel comfortable about eating. That’s the kind of wonderful female she was.] 

Mal:

The bonding scent that’d been saturating me in the tunnel fanned out as we hit what had to be a foyer of… the biggest fucking building I’d clearly ever been in. Hallways stretched off in all directions, and even just standing on the marble floor, I had a sense of the vastness. This was the King’s mansion, the home of the Brotherhood, and while I had no idea where it was or how to get here, I also suspected I was one of very few that had seen inside it either. 

Guided into a dining room big enough to fit the motley crew of killers, and their Queen, I took the seat indicated, still feeling three hundred percent out of my depth. When the beautiful golden retriever padded in though, I felt some of my nerves ease, especially when it paused to offer a lick. I wanted to pet it, hold it, and make ridiculous coo-ing noises at it until it begged for belly rubs, which I’d also give it. But the harness told me he was Wrath’s dog, and FYI, it’s very poor form to distract a service dog. So I accepted the lick while radiating gratitude, and let him go on to his owner. Who looked ticked I’d gotten even that.

And doggen... wow. Mahmen hadn’t been kidding. They were all but giddy to bring in the ‘left overs’; enough food to feed everyone present twice. Instead of the food I reached for the coffee first, taking a sip and groaning softly before I could stop myself. As the first thing I’d had in over twelve hours, after spending a night locked down to a gurney, it was /heaven/.

“Thank you, Beth,” I replied smoothly, glad for her name as I set the mug down and did as she’d suggested, gathering a small amount of food to my own plate and proceeding to dine. I deliberately kept my eyes either on the plate, or on the Queen, because any time I even glanced toward a Brother, other than Zsadist and the one they called Rhage, they looked at me like I was a cockroach and it was just a matter of time. 

A figure appeared in the entrance to the living room, and only the instinct to know my surroundings had me looking up. I nearly dropped the fork, my hand freezing as I saw the male standing there and knew instantly what he was. An angel.

Likewise, the male’s all white eyes narrowed on me, but then he was smiling, sauntering in and announcing he was commencing a movie marathon in the billiards room with popcorn provided. All welcome. Apparently even me? Then he was waving at me as he left and I realized I was holding my breath. I let it out in a rush, shakily putting down the fork as I swallowed the fresh hit of nerves. He’d known… he’d known what I was the same way I knew what he was, but he didn’t say anything. 

“Who was that?”

The words left my lips and I almost smacked a hand over my mouth to take them back. Fighting that impulse, I instead looked to Beth, my expression polite and befuddled at the angel’s total… verve. Wrath grunted.

“Better question would be ‘what was that’,” he muttered, taking some bacon off the plate. “Lassiter. Our resident pierced pain in the ass.” Several males muttered their agreement. “You’re lucky he wasn’t rocking the light globe look. You’d be blind.”

Would I? I thought, wondering if my ‘angel eyes’ would save me from that. Shit. I didn’t need to find out. I needed to get out of here. How did one politely request a bathroom, then an exit? Hell, I’d take the bathroom just for a window; I could fly from there and let them puzzle it out later. 

Zsadist:

[The meal, that only Rhage, Beth, and Malys were partaking in, was interrupted by Lassiter. Rolling my golden eyes as he announces a movie night. Like anyone had time for that shit. And the sounds of the shudders rising brought time in prospective for us all. Rotation. Rhage started to shovel down more food into his mouth. Vishous got up saying he had to grab some coordinates from the Pit. Butch stood hollering after him to grab his twin berettas. Wrath just pushed his fingers behind his shades to rub at his eyes. 

I shifted up when I saw Phury frown and move into the foyer, looking at his phone. Before I could go confront my twin, I heard our so called guest ask to use the bathroom. Beth smiles at him “Oh my, of course. I should have asked you that first.” She gets up and moves to sit on Wrath’s lap. They started to have a hushed conversation that included a lot of kissing and Beth working her male to not be so angry. Grabbing at Malys arm, I lead him to the bathroom that was closest to the foyer. Once he is inside I turn my attention to Phury. Watching him pace as he looks at his phone. My head lifts.]

Brother mine, what’s doing? [My twin looks over, his brows drawn in. “Cormia decided it would be a great idea to take out some of the Chosens. Apparently she wanted to have a drink with them and they are headed to Iron Mask. Fuck! Why would she go out unprotected with them?!” Blinking at the thought of those Chosen’s being picked up by some rando or worse a lesser. And one of them was my twin’s mate. Yeah this was bad.] 

Alright well let’s head to Iron Mask and we can drop Malys off there. Guy probably wants a drink anyway. [Snorts] V and some others can dematz if they need to head elsewhere for rotation. Don’t worry brother mine we will get to them. [The bathroom door opens the same time Wrath comes into view with Beth. The King’s voice echoes in the foyer. “Dropping off our… friend?” The Queen pats his arm then smiles at Malys. I nod slowly] Yeah. I know you said to not go on rotation but I need to help Phury out with a situation. Besides, I’m on like an adrenaline high right now and am wide awake. I promise I’ll rest when I get home. [Wrath grunts. “Fine. Just get him out of here.” I nod watching the other brothers show up as the King and Queen disappear upstairs. I let them know what’s doing and Tohr nods to Rhage. “You head with the twins and I’ll go with V and Butch.” Rhage nods, my head turning to watch Vishous move over to me. He tosses a blindfold at me then smirks. “Don’t worry it’s for Beth’s best friend over there. Call us if there are any problems.” With that V, Butch, and Tohr exit the mansion leaving my twin, Rhage, and Malys.]

Mal:

Stupid vampire houses and their stupid metal shutters to keep out beautiful daylight. Hitting up the bathroom, I’d drained the lizard and then gone straight for the window, eager to see how easy a getaway it would be. But the shutters that kept out the daylight hadn’t even lifted yet, and not only could I not budge them, I couldn’t use any lick of my power, angel, vampire or otherwise, to get around them.

Not that it mattered much. By the time I emerged from the bathroom, everyone had left the dining room and was in motion. The Brothers were armed up, preparing to leave, and my scarred warden was watching the rainbow maned male as he paced. When the Brother with his tattoo and eyes like diamonds tossed Zsadist a blindfold, I grimaced, but hey… better than any of them knocking me out over and over. My head still fucking hurt.

Dismissed by the King (big surprise there…) and flashing Beth an appreciative smile and bow of my head, I followed the warriors that remained while the rest went outside to dematerialize wherever the fuck they were going. Slipping through the door to the massive tunnel below, we didn’t stop until we were in a parking garage the size of a football field, and filled with more cars than I’d owned in my life. Or stolen. And hey, most of these were cars I’d /like/ to steal.

“Cool so what’s the seating arrangement?” I declare, ready for this nightmare to be over. I was not only getting out of this place without a dagger in me, but without them knowing what I was. I was one happy half-breed, let me tell you. Stopping at the big, dark SUV waiting, no doubt thanks to a doggen, I pause at the back seat and cross my arms. The white bandages from the Queen herself poked out from under my jacket. “Am I next to you again, bright eyes?” I add, looking to Zsadist. “Promise you won’t hit me again? Bit unfair if I can’t see it coming.”

Pretty Locks, or Phury, was ignoring me as he all but leapt into the passenger seat. The way he moved, I realised belatedly that one of his legs was prosthetic. Huh. What a trooper. The shockingly attractive blonde, Rhage, took the driver’s seat as Zsadist half shoved me into the back and passed me the blindfold. Rhage peered over the backseat, and his smile was enough to make you pause. If I’d been totally straight? I now would’ve been one hundred percent gay. No question.

“Put that on, please. I really don’t wanna ask twice.”

Ok. Seventy percent gay. 

With a sigh I did as he asked, lifting the black material and wrapping it over my eyes, around my head. I sensed Zsadist leaning over to do an inspection, right before something poked my cheek and I flinched back. “The fuck…”

Rhage chuckled. “Okay, let’s go!”

Zsadist: 

[I had almost wished I just knocked this guy out again instead of using the blindfold. Fuck the sass was back yet again. I couldn’t help but chuckle as Rhage poked his cheek. Normally that would annoy me, but it was so much more amusing when Rhage was bothering Malys instead of me. 

Leaning back in my seat as the SUV started to move. I couldn’t help but watch Phury who kept frantically calling his mate. He frowned then growled in frustration. “She’s not picking up, fuck!” My brows draw in.] Brother, relax. I’m sure she is just dancing with the Chosens or something. [That made Phury growl louder. Rhage swerved the car causing us all to get fucking whiplash.] Scribe! Can you get us there without killing us? You are lucky that Butch isn’t in this car he would wring your neck. [The Brother controls himself and the car before eyeing me in the rearview mirror. “I’m sorry...just between the growling and the urgency, I’m all out of whack.” Phury continues to call while I let my eyes shift over to Malys. His hands were clutching the seat and handle on the door. Smart move. Inhaling his scent once again to see if there was anything else I could pick up. Nothing. What was he…? 

The car slows down and cuts off my train of thought. Lifting my gaze to see we were at the back of the club. Phury quickly gets out and runs inside.] Shit! [Rubbing a hand over my face in frustration. Before I can even move he’s outside again. I exit the car while Rhage sticks his head out the window. Phury looks at me worried. “She’s not in there man.” Even though I hated contact, I placed my hand on my twin’s shoulder.] We will find her, its okay. 

[And in that same moment a scream from a female is heard in the distance. FUCK. Quickly Phury takes off in a flash, following after him as I holler.] Come on Rhage! Just leave him! [I hear car doors being closed but I don’t bother to look back. Moving down the street, my twin and I turn the corner to see four lessers surrounding Cormia, Ghisele, and Amalya. Three of the smelly fuckers had each one in a hold while the fourth held a blade. This was not good at all.]

#SLS

[itssieramitchie]

The Things I Wish I Said

Most of you that follow me don’t know me personally. In fact, most of you probably followed me when all I did was post about my undying love for One Direction. My life has been nothing short of semi-amusing and hilariously tragic events that have led me to this point in my life today. To make a very long story short, I had the unfortunate pleasure of feeling romantic love for the first time a little over two years ago. As you could probably tell from my tone, things ended in such a horrible way that I’m still holding onto the pain all these years later.

Like most things that have happened to me, I decided to cope with this by writing. A few months after the bad thing happened, I wrote a three-page, sappy note called “The things I’ll never say.” It was a mixture of recollecting the key events that made me fall for him and things that I wanted him to know, yet knew I would never tell him. As a way of making peace with the situation, I was going to type it up and post it. However, tonight I’m feeling different. Tonight I feel angry and used and absolutely forgotten. So, in honor of my emotions, I’m going to delight you all with The Things I Should Have Said:

I remember the last time you and I talked. To be honest, I started a conversation with you that night because I was nosey, not your friend. I saw things begin to crumble around you and I had to know what was happening because the horrible side of me needed to know that someone else had suffered like I had. Our conversation was through the privacy of our phone screens, yet still the most awkward thing in the world. I’ll never be more angry than I was at you that night. We had so much unfinished business and neither of us knew what to do with it. You asked me that one question. The one question you knew the answer to. Why were you mad at me? At this point you were with somebody else. I was aware of this and I still decided to unleash my feelings. It was the first time I had ever admitted emotion like that to someone. Even though it was too late, I still think it was the bravest thing I have ever done. The sick part about all of this was that you already knew the answer. You drove it out of me because you wanted to hear me say it. Admit that I had feelings for you. I was upset, but I downplayed everything. I did it because, even though you already moved on, you gave me the empty promise that we could still be friends. I obliged. Truthfully, you did not deserve my nice side. It took me cutting you off completely and two years of half-ass recovery to get to where I am now. If I could do it all over, this is what I would have said instead:

Fuck off. Fuck all the way off. After all that’s been said and done, how can you honestly suggest being friends? When you and I started growing closer, we told each other everything. I told you stories that not even my best friends at the time knew about me. I told you about the damage. The scars. I trusted you so much that I told you about the time that I almost offed myself. You did nothing but sit there and let me talk and vent and be vulnerable. Nobody in my life had ever let me be that way before and it was comforting. I was so scared of you because I felt myself falling and I did nothing to stop myself from doing so. I was absolutely addicted to the rush that you gave me. You were my dirty little secret and I was okay with that. Now, I could sit here and remind you of all the little things that made me feel loving towards you, but things are different now. They’re cold and distant. I strongly believe that you had some sort of loving feelings toward me at some point. Even if it wasn’t as strong as my feelings or reciprocated in the same way, I still believe you were capable of it on some level. The way a look would linger for a second too long or even the way that you’d text me at all hours of the day. It was more than a friendly way. However, I’ll never truly know because you will never tell me so. You’re with her now. I truly hate that about you. You know what I wanted to hear and you purposely keep that information from me. You would never tell me how you felt about me because you don’t want to ever hurt your true love. I get that and it’s what I hate and love about you the most. You are so good to others - Well at least that’s what I used to think.

I’ve had plenty of time to think over moments that I once used to romanticize. Nowadays, I resent every damn thought of you. When I think about it, you were quite a manipulative person. You were also a close friend with personal victimization. I was barely an adult when I fell for you and you knew. You were an absolute idiot, but you weren’t dumb. You had to have known that a naive nineteen year old was falling for you. I was painfully obvious. You made such poor decisions that have hurt so many people. I have always blamed myself for what happened and I hate it because I know in the back of my head that it was a bunch of immature adults that ruined lives, not me. At first I downplayed how I felt because I didn’t want you to think I was crazy, but fuck that. I hate you. I absolutely hate everything about you. Who did you think you were to sleep with someone’s wife? Who were you to claim that you loved me and then brought me to the point of breakdown. Not a day goes by where I don’t regret letting you know how I felt, however, you never deserved to hear a nice thing from me.

I saw a quote today that read “I didn’t realize how good of an actress I was until I had to pretend I was happy you were dating someone else”. Even after you hurt me, I still wanted the absolute best for you. I wanted happiness for you. That’s how I knew I was in love. I wanted greatness for you even though most people would say you didn’t deserve it. You turned me into something scary. I don’t trust people. I think there’s always some underlying, evil thing that’s going to happen in every relationship I ever have, whether it’s romantic or platonic. I push everyone away that cares about me. I’m amazing with hiding my feelings. I’m scared that if I reveal too much, people will get mad at me. Everyone blames me for what happened. I was the crazy one. I overreacted at everything. I should have spoken up. And how did you repay me? You sent me a DM asking if I was okay. A. God. Damn. DM. You didn’t even have the decency to call. I bet you felt fine after that. Not an ounce of guilt running through your veins. And you know why you didn’t have to care about me anymore? You met her. You didn’t have to care anymore. It didn’t matter that I had been there for you at all times of the day while you had several mental breakdowns over the course of six months. You found someone else to fulfill your emotional needs. So tell me, just how easy am I to abandon?

So what now? You made a horrible decision that essentially ruined me and you got rewarded with everything you ever wanted. You have the best wife. You have a better job. A nice house. A baby on the way. On the other hand, I still suffer from your decisions. Because of you, I’m scared of the world. I don’t trust anyone. I don’t believe I’m worthy of being cared for. I haven’t fathomed trying to date anyone. I’m inclined to think that people are only ever out to get me. Every day, the concept of “love” becomes less and less attractive to me. I know what I felt for you was love, so, in that case, I never wish to feel it again. As morbid as it is, I think that never being in love again would be viable. You have caused me so much pain that some days death is seductive.

As for my farewell, I don’t wish you a happy ending. I may sound like the most bitter person in the person in the world. It’s because that’s what you make me feel like. I hope that you at least think of me sometimes and how awful of a person you were to be so careless with my heart. You never deserved me and I hope your heart breaks like mine has. That’s everything I should have said to you.

Thank you for teaching me that love does not exist for me.

#sad #sadness #writing #text post #love #unrequited love #rambles #sieras life

[chokeonmydickgrayson]

Headcanon #13

How the Batfam would react on your birthday

Dick:

You hate your birthday immensely. It’s just another ordinary day of the year, so much so that most people tended to forget it was your birthday all together, everyone except Dick.

He’d make the entire day about what you want, what you needs, and what you desire. He’d start your birthday morning off by allowing you to sleep in, he leaving the bed so not to disturb you. God knows you could sleep for days if left alone. On his way out of the room he’d brush your hair from your forehead and press his lips lightly to your temple before leaving. Your body would be appreciative as you flounder yourself around on the bed enjoying the newly opened territory for your arms and legs to spread out creating a starfish effect.

He’d spend the morning cooking a fresh stack of fluffy and light chocolate chip pancakes, topped with your favorite type of syrup and a dollop of whipped cream, one singular birthday candle of your favorite color place dead center. The plate didn’t look the nicest, nor did it look appetizing but he did do his best and after all it was always the thought that counts.

Once done cooking you breakfast there would be a mess of dishes in the sink, along with a sticky mess of eggs flour and syrup on the counters, which he claims he’ll clean late. (Most likely you’d end up cleaning most of it. Dick would probably give you a not so helpful hand however. He’d probably be more interest in slapping your rear end with a twisted towel and playfully nibbling your cheeks, but that was a later issue.) He’d bring a tray into bedroom, it holding the pancakes as well as a glass of orange juice and a birthday card. “Babe....babe....baby!....Y/N!” Youre eyes would flash open at the sound of your name, your body snapping straight up as you clutch at your chest in panic. “What? What’s wrong?...” you’d pant short of breath from the terror you’d just endored. He’d smile and sneak his lips right up against yours, spreading as much love and passion as he could through the kiss, your lips making a quiet pop as he pulled away and placed the tray on your lap. “happy birthday baby, I’ve semi successfully made you breakfast in bed. I’m sorry they look a little sloppy” he’d nervously laugh rubbing his neck. “I uh, I was trying to shape them like little hearts but clearly that didn’t work, so they’re uh more like little butts....” you’d probably snort and laugh at the comparison you definitely seeing what he means. Your non dominant hand would reach for his hand as you ate away at the pancakes every so often holding the fork up for him to share. They honestly really were delicious despite their looks. You smile and gently tap the bedding next to you motioning for him to sit. He willingly oblige and set himself down next to you.

After breakfast was done, he would gather your favorite movies and games and hook everything up in the bedroom. You two would spend all day laughing and cuddling (though after you defeated him in Mario Kart by throwing that turtle shell at him, your relationship was slightly wounded, but not enough to stop the festivities.)

During the movies things between you and Dick would heat up, his fingers dancing at the mouth of your pants before sliding down them, making for one very large distraction. You probably wouldn’t even focus on the movie from that point on. The rest of the day would consist of you two participating in a series of on again off again sexual activities. It would be perfect, the exact birthday you’d want. To spend time with someone who loves you. You’d appreciate all the little efforts Dick went through to make this day special for you.

Jason:

You would dread opening your eyes. Every year when your birthday rolled around you did your absolute best to ignore it, you wouldn’t even bring it up to anyone. In fact you avoided most people because you didn’t wanna hear the phony well wishes and the fake insincere “happy birthdays!”. You’d try to take some advantages of your special day however, maybe by trying to catch some extra Z’s or by attempting to stay in bed all day, nothing too over the top.

So when Jason wakes you up early by wrapping those thick muscular arms around your waist while those strong rough palms of his traveling up your torso to caress and hug the curves of your chest, your slightly unamused. You would just want some rest. You’d give out a soft groan, to which he’d lean himself into your ear while his hand traveled down the insides of your arms to land itself into your palms, his fingers treading around your own as he whispered “sorry baby I didn’t mean to wake you....I just wanted to be the first one wish MY girl a happy birthday.”

Your heart would stop in your chest your hand squeezing his tightly, almost annoyed that he knew. How did he fucking know it was your birthday? You’d never told him “who told you? I wanna know so i can rip their tongue out through their nostrils” you’d growl out to which he’d be highly confused. His hand would release from yours his arms opening so he could easily reposition your bodies so you would face him. Those deadly blue eyes of his would lock on with yours and scan every inch of them. “I found the information by myself thank you very much. Come on Y/N, you think I woulda let some woman I don’t know for shit into my bed? I know the sayings keep your friends close enemies closer but for fucks sake babe I’m not trying to get myself offed. A lot of people in this town want me dead, I had to make sure you weren’t one of em’. I did some snooping and I found out your birthday....I didn’t think you’d have a god damn fucking fit about it.” You’d sigh and collapse your body into his, your nose rubbing softly against his jawline you inhaling his scent before placing soft kisses along his neck. “I....don’t really like to celebrate my birthday alright? Ive got some jacked up memories locked away nice and tight in this loon bin up here, and I’m not quite ready to set them free.” Your arms would move to seek comfort around his torso, giving him a gentle squeeze.

Truthfully Jason would understand, he couldn’t disagree about that whole high priority list of shitty birthdays and top level disappointment they brought. He’d wrap his arms securely around you, his legs spreading apart to consume your body between them, he pressing kisses to your temple. “Well, I guess there goes my big plan for today out the windows” Youd feel almost guilty for throwing such a fit. It was clear Jay had something planned for the two of you....”What cockamamie shit fest did you have in store for today Jay” you’d sighe reluctantly. You should at least hear him out if your gonna shoot the man down. He clicked his tongue against his teeth sucking down a breath in aggravation “well i WAS gonna take you down to Eddies where we met and I WAS buy you a few birthday beers, and maybe recreate the night we met...but hey ya don’t wann celebrate your birthday fine by me” he huffed out his voice starting to draw softer as he finished his sentences. He’d gotten himself caught up in reliving that night. Best day of his life....you tried to hustle him for money and when he attempted to take it back you nearly broke his god damn nose. It was the hottest fucking thing ever. He ended up buying you a drink, and after a few of them you ended up back at his place, naked with him in bed. Ever since then he’s been hooked on you in every way. Just everything about you, your attitude, your determination, your guts, and especially that right hook of yours turned his knees weak and capture his heart. “We’ll just sit here and you can fucking pout one out for all I care. Excuse my ass for trying to be a good boyfriend”

Riddled with guilt you’d let your finger tips ghost over the sides of his neck, your hands moving to his rest on his cheeks as you pulled him closely stealing a soft kiss from him. That all sounded like the best birthday you could ever wished for. You press yourself into the kiss turning the intensity up, humming as you feel the sensation of his hands grip onto your waist. He’d lock your hips together, causing you to break the kiss with a disappointed sigh, fingers gently rubbing against his stubble “I guess where going to the bar for my birthday.....but if you start singing, I’m gonna slap your lips right off your face and I’m leaving you there”

Tim:

Truthfully you’d almost wanna avoid Tim, you knew he’d most likely figured out your birthday by this point in your relationship. How couldn’t he have? He was the smartest man you’d ever met and one hell of a great detective. Figuring out your birthday for him must of been child’s play. You’d sigh and strech yourself out shuffling your way to the kitchen where’d you’d find a plate of scrambled eggs (Tims speciality. Honestly it was the only thing he knew how to make. Everything else ended in a gelatinous molten mess that requires an emergency team to extinguish). He’d smile and look up at you “hey babe, I made us some breakfast...i call it le scrambled eggo and le orange juice!” He grin attempting (and failing) some weird cross between a French and Italian accent, complete with equally failing hand gestures. You’d give a snort and gently nudge his side with a giggle, though this wasn’t particularly out of the ordinary. He made breakfast for you two virtually every morning, (well every morning that you didn’t mind eating eggs) had he not figured out your birthday?

You continue to go through your daily routines together, the entire ordeal seeming very.....ordinary? There was no sense of suprise, nothing that struck you as special....just an ordinary day? You can’t help but feel a little saddened by it, though genuinely what did you expect your birthday was always a defeated reflection of just how well things always turned out for you.

You’d grumble to yourself while your body pressed into his on the couch, you two watching a bit of television together. He’d sling his arms around the back of the couch, one arm moving to slide around your shoulder. His hands would begin to gently message and rub the exposed flesh of your upper arm as his lips would move in to press against yours. Honestly a little hurt by his inability to figure out your birthday, (petty yes, but god damn it was your birthday and regardless of if you liked it or not he should have at least figured out it was your birthday and wished well beings today.) Your shoulders scrunch and you turn your head away from Tim. Instantly his chest aches as he looks at you with those broken puppy eyes, he having nothing but confusion written across those strong handsome facial features. “Hey what was that about? Did I do something wrong?...” You’d shake your head and push his arm off of your shoulder. A pout would press its way firmly across to lips sagging the corners of your mouth down. “Tim do know what to day is?” He’d look at you with a raised brow, most likely thinking you were having some crazy mood swing. “Moooonday?..”

You’d roll your eyes and gather yourself from the couch, storming off to the bedroom slamming the door shut behind you. All you wanted was to just curl up and cry at this point, though you were unsure as to why you cared so much about this whole not figuring out your birthday deal. It’s not like you liked your birthday. You’d let your back slump against the door with a single upset sigh. Tim would immediately chase after you, hands moving to twist the door knob and shove the door open. “y/n can you just talk to me instead of storming away please? I’ll take full responsibility for whatever it is I’ve done, I’m an asshole, I’m a dirt bag I’m some other third thing girls scream when they’re made at their boyfriends-“ to which you’d cut him off by screaming “dick!” He’d huff and cross his arms “did Dick do something to upset you? I’ll kill him, I’m pretty sure Bruce likes me more anyway. I’m sure I could get Batman to stall police commissioner Gordon and that’ll take the heat off of me for a while and give me time to get us outta Gotham-“ You’d groan and swing the door open, your eyes glossed with a layer of tears “Dick didn’t do anything wrong! I’m calling you a dick because you didn’t....you didn’t wish me a happy birthday. I know I didn’t tell you but, I just...I don’t know I figured-“

He’d cut you off lips pressing against yours to silence your hysterics starting. “I did know....I knew today was your birthday, but I acted like I didn’t know.” You almost feel the anger boiling with in you as you shove him away, he sensing your anger. With wide eyes he’d hold his hands up quickly trying to explain “I didn’t say anything to you because I also know you don’t like your birthday babe! I didn’t want to make a big deal of it...” His hands would move to yours he locking your grips together as he pulled you closer “I didn’t honesty mean to hurt your feelings, you know I’d never do that intentionally....I’m sorry I fucked up. I shoulda said something at least. I was just going to keep things light and casual today, make it like every other day. Let me make this up to you? I know today was a giant swing and a miss, but what if we salvage the rest of tonight...” His lips would move to suction against your neck, palms releasing yours to ghost gently around to your back side “and in the morning well redo the entire day, I’m talking breakfast in bed, maybe something birthday-ish like a muffin, then I’ll take you out into town for dinner and a movie. Afterwords we can head down town to your favorite store and I’ll let you pick out whatever you want....”

You smile at the idea, lips parting to let a soft gasp pass your lips as his hands press into your rear, fingers gently digging into the meat and lifting your cheek. Your body would move instinctively into his palms your lips hovering above his own now you whispering out a single “please...” before allowing your body to fold into his touch. He’d hum and lift you into his arms wrapping your legs around his waist easily carrying you to the bedroom. You can damn sure bet that he made true on that promise. He lavished your body until you begged him for mercy, and when morning came did the best to recreate the perfect day he should have done in the first place. God why were women so complicated, next year he was just gonna ask you what you wanted.

Bruce:

He’d wake you up nice and early, his lips moving to take your earlobe between them. He’d gently suck at the flesh, hands moving to run tenderly across your body’s natural curvature he whispering into your ear with that deep gruffy morning voice of his “hmm happy birthday darling...I’ve got a lot planned for today. We gotta get a move on though it’s time to get up. I want to take your for brunch and afterwords we need to make a stop at Wayne Tower. I’ve gotta pick up something from my office.” Groggily you’d roll yourself over to face him, your hands blindly searching to hold his face, thumbs brushing the quickly growing morning stubble that scuffed his cheeks. “Hm...it’s my birthday Mr. Wayne, don’t you think I should decide what we do?” you all but pur, lower body moving to press against his. Your toes would gently brush against his shins as you move to slip your leg between his. He’d let out a soft hum, hands falling to your thigh, hooking it up closer on his hip. Those big palms of his would rub gently at the underside of your thigh he softly patting the area. “Ordinarily I’d let you have your way, but we need to get a move on things. I promised Lucious I wouldn’t be by the office to late, he has somewhere to be tonight” This response would warrant an aggravated sigh as you threw your head back with a pout. He’d give a chuckle gently pressing kisses to the exposed part of your neck just under your chin. “You can have your way all you want tonight Y/N. Trust me, if our schedule wasn’t so air tight today, I would stay here in this bed with you all day”

Reluctantly you’d manage an agreement to go along with the daily schedule. Now you were grumpy because you had to get dressed for brunch and because you have to stop at Wayne tower. (You knew “going to Wayne Tower to see Lucious” meant he had to play Batman for a while. Sometimes you hated that stupid cowl.) Brunch with Bruce Wayne meant this was most likely not a place where jeans and your typical choice in shirt were acceptable. No for this place a beautiful black floral maxi dress would do. It’d drape your body, a slit clean up the side just about to mid thigh. The sleeves would be short, just capping the tops of your shoulders. Your wrist would be decorated with silver bracelets including the stunning white gold charm bracelet Bruce got you for your anniversary last year. You cherished it, not because of its monetary value, but because of the way he locked it onto your wrist and kissed the top of your hand whispering “I don’t know what I would do without you. I love you to the ends of this world and back Y/N.” You sigh at the memory.

You’d play along and accompany Bruce to brunch. Admittedly you weren’t too upset seeing as to how delicious everything was and hey, who could be against alcohol in the morning? You two managed to kill off a few hours of your day at brunch the time being 3 in the afternoon. The car pulled up to Wayne Towers, he moving to open your door. “I promise we’ll be quick, then we can go home. I think Al’s making your favorite for dinner tonight” he’d laugh. You two would make it to his office, you surprised. To your surprise he wasn’t stretching the truth when he said it would be a quick trip to Wayne tower. Lucious would smile and give you hug, extending a very happy birthday from the Fox family. You’d smile and accept. It’s taken about an hour for the entire meeting between the two, Bruce smiling back at you as he extended a hand out for you. “Come on we’ve gotta get home, Alfreds asking where we are” he hummed.

You two would arrive home after about another hour, for some reason Bruce had decided to take the longer route home than normal, though you didn’t think much of it. You were mesmerized by the hold of his hand on yours and the way his thumbs gently grazed your knuckles. By the time you two would pull up to the Manor it’s be around 5. All you wanted to do was go upstairs change out of this god forsaken dress and rip Bruce out of that tantalizingly tight pink button up he wore (he matching the flowers on your dress) and make your way with him just as you intended to this morning. When you open the door you begin to pull your hair out of a pony tail, your fingers releasing the elastic hair tie sending it flying across the room as your body flinched in shock at the massive change in volume as everyone in the house screamed “SUPRISE!” You look around heart racing out of your chest, Damian holding a camera to your face “I don’t know father, I think she looks more terrified than surprised.” He’d say half heartedly throwing the camera at Dick. The boys would smile and one by one come over and press a kiss to your cheek and give you a hug “happy birthday Y/N” of course Dick being the brown nose he is would smile and hit you with the “You don’t look a day over 20” to which Tim would interject with “ah, 21. Hey a girls gotta be able to drink at least.” At first you’d be a little furious at the party but at second glance you thought it was sweet. Bruce’s boys, Al, Lucious and his family. All your friends and loved ones in one spot. You’d give a smile and lean in close to Bruce softly kissing at his cheek “you didn’t have to go through all this trouble baby, I would have been fine with a romantic night in bed together” to which he’d smile and coil an arm around your waist and chuckle “don’t worry after cake and once Lucious and the boys all leave I’m yours, you can for lack of better terms ride me until one of us breaks” he whisper with a wink.

#batman #bruce wayne #dick grayson #damian wayne #jason todd #nightwing #red hood #red robin #robin #tim drake #bruce wayne x reader #dick grayson x reader #tim drake x reader #jason todd x reader

[zxrysky]

(a bakugou/commissioner’s oc fanfiction)

“You’re late, dumbass.” Her head flies up, startled gaze landing on Katsuki’s lounging form on the sofas in the common space and a grin involuntarily spreads across her face. His lips quirk up at seeing her, eyes softening into a smile, and her beam grows wider.

“The lift almost closed on me,” Amelia explains, holding up her bruised wrist for proof. She frowns at it, a thumb absentmindedly rubbing over it to encourage blood circulation as she glances at Katsuki. “I’m not that late, am I?”

Even if she wasn’t – which, she knows she wasn’t – it’s a running gag between the two of them to needle at the other party for being late. Amelia remembers using that excuse to make Katsuki give in to her for majority of their last date; not that anyone could make Katsuki do anything he didn’t want to, but he went along with it and let her drag him around the shops on the street to buy clothes for the both of them.

It was a cute date, with both of them buying a few sets of matching couple clothes. Something to revisit, she thinks idly, eyeing Katsuki’s choice of clothes. He usually dresses rather well, jeans with a T-shirt and maybe a jacket. But it just means all he has in his closet are the same clothes in different colors, and Amelia makes a face just thinking about how there isn’t any diversity in his outfits at all.

Sure enough, today is a striped black and white shirt, navy blue jacket, and black jeans. Nice enough, but boring. She’s about to open her mouth and tease him about it, when she spots him staring at the bruise on her wrist.

“What?” Amelia says, defensiveness curling around her voice. She’s lucky the other wrist didn’t get jammed against the lift, or it might have ruined the bracelet. “It’s just a bruise.”

Katsuki stares at it for a moment more, before something wicked glints in his eye. “Want me to kiss it better for you?” He teases, and she blinks blankly at him for a moment before it registers.

She’s certain she goes so red it could give a run for her hair color, and Katsuki explodes into laughter, a hand reaching out to gently hold her injured wrist, his thumb pushing hers aside to rub at the raised skin.

“You’re glowing, sweet cheeks,” he tells her dryly, relishing the way she tries to smack him in exasperation.

Amelia rolls her eyes and pulls at his arm, forcing him to leave his comfortable throne on the couch. “C’mon, let’s go before- before something happens.”

His brows pull together as he looks at her. “Something bad?” He asks, voice lilting at the end, mild confusion in his voice. “What do you- oh.”

She tries her level best to wipe away the scowl on her face, but Katsuki decides he can do a better job of that and pulls her away from the side of the sliding doors to avoid being hit at all. It makes her laugh, pushing at his shoulder as they manage to escape the UA dorms and exit out into the world.

“Yeah,” she says after a while, a sigh heavy in her voice. “I woke up today with a bad feeling, you know? And I really, really don’t want anything to ruin today.”

“Mm,” Katsuki hums, dropping his hand from her wrist to entangle their fingers together. “I think it’ll be fine.”

“Because someone’s got everything all planned out, right? Mister-Extensive-Planner, back at it again.” Amelia knocks her shoulder into his, a bright laugh escaping her throat at his affronted expression.

“Is having a timeline for the date that bad?” He asks. His voice sounds innocent with honest curiosity, and even though Amelia’s about 60% sure he’s joking, it makes her eyebrows rise so high they could almost touch her hairline.

She tilts her head at him, leveling a considering glance at his smug frame. “…Did you really make a timeline for today?” She doesn’t try to hide the horror in her voice. She’s seen his study outlines. When he makes a timeline, he plans it down to the second.

He nods solemnly as they turn a corner, wandering down another street. She peers over her shoulder and can barely see the faint outline of UA in the distance – they usually don’t stray so far from the school, not when the Villain Association is still out at large.

“You only get five fucking minutes for a toilet break,” he says, his voice cutting through whatever ideas she had about where they were heading. “And lunch is an hour. And-”

“That’s got to be a joke,” Amelia interrupts, and she reaches up to press a finger against the side of his mouth that’s curled up at her expense. “Stop laughing, I honestly believed it for a moment. Do I know where we’re going?”

Katsuki shrugs, squeezing her hand as he leads her down another street. “I got permission for this. Told Aizawa to fuck off- no, no, I didn’t, stop hitting me. It’s a little far, but we’ll reach there soon.”

“Hm,” she hums, trying to imagine the layout of the streets in her mind. She doesn’t live in this district, but she’s wandered enough around it with Ochako and Tsuyu before they were confined to the dorms. And if she’s right, this leads right to-

“-Are we going to the amusement park?” Amelia asks incredulously, voice rising with disbelief. She bounds forward, eyes lighting up as she tries to get Katsuki’s attention. “Are we? Oh my god, are we?”

“You’ll find out,” Katsuki tells her. “Goddamn master planner, remember? We’re right on track. Ten more minutes to reach our destination.”

Ten more minutes before she gets to drag Katsuki on all the rides in the amusement park, she thinks eagerly. There’s no way he’s taking her on this path and not be headed to the park. They’ve talked about this particular park before, speculating how long the furthest drop would be, and Amelia had derived endless pleasure from needling Katsuki about whether he’d be able to take it.

Because he’s good with adrenaline, and he’s good with heights – with what his explosions often throw him into the air – but when he’s trapped in a rollercoaster without him being the one to control his own movements… Amelia likes seeing a different side of him. The side that’s scared shitless, that is.

And then- and then, five minutes into their walk, and she feels a drop of water on her shoulder. Amelia glances up, shock stealing its way across her face as she stares up at the sky.

“No,” she murmurs desperately, fingers unthinkingly tightening around Katsuki’s. “It’s still bright out, it shouldn’t be raining.”

“Raining?” Katsuki asks, holding a hand out. He furrows his brows, staring intently at the palm of his hand. “I don’t feel anything.”

The bad feeling comes back with a vengeance, sinking all the way down to her gut, and the white clouds open up to pour a shower down on the streets.

-+-

“You couldn’t have planned for this,” she says, bewilderment in her eyes as she stares at Katsuki over a sleek tabletop with chocolate soft serve ice cream curled up in a glass cup. There’s condensation sliding off the corner of the cup, dripping onto the tablecloth and making a damp circle on it.

Katsuki smirks at her, picking up a gleaming silver spoon and sneaks a bite of ice cream. Amelia blinks, slowly registering the fact that her precious chocolate ice cream is being stolen before her very eyes, and her hands fly out to tug the cup closer to herself, narrowing her eyes.

She takes a bite. It melts in her mouth, creamy and delicious, a cold gust of chocolate bursting against the sides of her cheek.

“Don’t underestimate me, dumbass,” Katsuki replies, condescension heavy in his voice as he points the spoon at her. “I have contingency plans for contingency plans.”

“And that’s why you rush into every fight I’ve seen you in?” She asks wryly, scooping another spoonful of soft serve. The napkin comes into view at the corner of her eye and she tugs it over for a peek, eyes widening when she notes the name.

It’s Kamilia’s Cream, she thinks in surprise. She remembers mentioning this store to Katsuki ages ago, an offhand comment about how Ochako brought Izuku to it once on a date and they’d had the best crepes ever. Amelia recalls brightening when Ochako had told her about the amazing soft serve ice cream, and they’d promised to go together one day.

Then school came back with a vengeance, as did exams, and Ochako never managed to keep that promise with her. But they did go out for ice cream at the nearby convenience store, Amelia supposes, which is probably good enough when there’s killer villains out there trying to off them at every moment.

She tucks the napkin away in her pocket, brimming with excitement at telling Ochako about how Katsuki, apparently, remembers how excited she got about Kamilia’s Cream. It’s- it’s a sweet thought, she admits quietly in her mind, and swears under her breath when she catches a glimpse of her skin glowing slightly.

Amelia looks up when a spoon darts back into her view, and has to bite back laughter at Katsuki’s indignant expression. “I do not rush into everything without a plan,” he insists, petulantly stuffing a large spoonful of chocolate ice cream into his mouth. “Every move I make is calculated. I consider every possibility-”

She forces her spoon into his mouth, filling it with chocolate, and revels in the startled expression he shoots her. “Bet you didn’t see that coming, Mister-I-Plan-Everything.”

He gives her a dry look. “One day,” he tells her, voice full of affection that sends miniature sparks exploding down her spine, “I’ll actually kill you. And I’ll make it hurt.”

“Oh, I’m sure you will. And I’ll just lie there and get myself offed by you,” she teases back, rolling her eyes. Amelia glances out of the window. It’s still drizzling, the rain having let up somewhat, and she turns to spot Katsuki’s gaze lingering on the window as well.

A sigh finds its way out of her chest. Her voice is small when she speaks. “Sorry for my bad luck. I checked the weather forecast before this, you know? It’s not supposed to rain. I triple checked it to be sure.”

“Just because it’s raining doesn’t mean you caused it with your bad luck.”

“Explain that to the bruise on my ankle and wrist,” she mutters, looking away. The chocolate ice cream doesn’t look as appetizing as it did a moment ago.

“Idiot,” Amelia hears, and something flicks sharply against her forehead. She jolts back, slapping a hand over the minor wound and frowns at Katsuki. Tiny wafts of smoke float off his fingers, and she can feel the small burn that tingles on her skin. It’s not a bad burn; it’ll go away with a few seconds of ice placed against it, but it still hurts.

She reaches for him and digs her fingernails into his wrist in retaliation. There’s a competitive smirk on her face, goading him to do something as she pretends all she’s going to do is leave scratch marks on his wrist. Katsuki raises a mocking eyebrow, and Amelia immediately leans over the table to flick his forehead.

There’s a bright red mark on his forehead as she settles smugly back into her seat. “I didn’t fucking hit you that hard,” he complains.

“It’s just a tiny love tap,” she laughs in response. “What, you can’t take it?”

The look he gives her is equal parts insulted and challenging. “I’ll show you what you can’t take on the mat next time, dumbass. Let’s see what you say when you’re flat out on your goddamn back.”

A lull in conversation reigns. It’s a comfortable silence that settles on their shoulders as he absentmindedly plays with the chain on her wrist. His fingers twist around the ‘K’, tugging lightly at it and pressing against the skin below.

He taps her wrist to get her attention. “You done?”

Amelia scoops up the last of her soft serve and nods, cheeks puffing out with the amount of chocolate in her mouth. “Good,” Katsuki tells her, pulling her up. “Because the rain’s stopped, and we’re right on schedule.”

“Right,” she says after swallowing, “this fictional schedule that I’ve yet to see, that somehow took the rain into consideration, and also how long it would rain.”

“I’m a genius,” he replies, and it’s such a stupid thing to say that laughter involuntarily bubbles out of her.

-+-

Amelia doesn’t ever remember laughing this hard. Maybe when Izuku accidentally tripped over Eijirou’s bag strap and dumped an entire trash bag on Katsuki. God, that had been the best sight ever. Nothing had spilled out – luckily for Izuku, or she might not have had the chance to ever see him alive again – but the sight of Katsuki, bowled over, a giant trash bag on his chest and the most horrified expression on his face?

Absolutely golden. But this sight right here, Katsuki mildly green in the face, a hand firmly gripping a pole while the other tightens warningly against her wrist. His eyes are forced shut, doubled over in front of a bush – a bush, she thinks hysterically – and he’s dry heaving.

Or rather, he’s stopped dry heaving, but there’s still minute shudders going through his body and making his shoulders shake.

She finally manages to get her laughter under control, trying her very best to put on a straight face as she rubs his back. “Sorry,” Amelia tells him, trying to hide a grin from her voice. “You okay?”

“You don’t sound sorry at all,” he groans out, voice shaky, and laughter threatens to burst out all over again. But she does feel bad, she really does, because she never expected it to affect him this badly, and she cards her fingers through his hair with her free hand.

“Feel better?” She asks, gently stroking his hair. “I didn’t know it’d hit you so badly.”

“Fuck off,” Katsuki says, and it sounds like he attempted to growl the words out, but missed the mark entirely. Amelia nudges at his shoulder, pushing him towards a bench. He sinks down onto it like all his bones were broken at once and he’s nothing but a pile of slime.

“Hold on,” she murmurs, leaning over the bench to peer at the bushes waiting below. She glances around before surreptitiously breaks a particularly long twig off. It’s no branch, but it should be large and thick enough. She hopes, at least.

She slides back onto the bench, pointing it at Katsuki and calls upon her quirk. A ball of green light forms at the end of the stick, flickering in and out of existence as it wobbles over to him.

“That’s cold,” Katsuki mutters, but color is already filtering back into his cheeks. Amelia can feel the stamina drain out of her, but it’s worth the simple sacrifice to see him back and up on his feet again. She gives him a little more, before calling the light off and placing the stick on the bench.

“I still can’t do it fast enough if it’s not with my rapier,” she sighs, leaning towards Katsuki. “You feel better?”

“Better,” he agrees, blinking at the sun glaring down at him. “I want to blow up that goddamn roller coaster. Something as evil as that shouldn't fucking exist. Just watch me.”

Sparks actually start to form around his fingers. She laughs, closing her fingers around his hand and raises an eyebrow. “No public property destruction. We’re not on duty.”

“So on duty, if I happen to stroll by this place and just so happen to see a villain here, I get to fucking decimate it.” A familiar smirk finds its way onto his face. “I like the sound of that.”

[commissions are open!]

#bnha #katsuki bakugou #bakugou x oc #bakugou/oc #commission

[maximuswolf]

A Story with Uncertain Results via /r/ADHD

A Story with Uncertain Results

Hey everybody, I’m new to this subreddit for a similar reason most new people around here are, which is that I was recently diagnosed with ADHD (age 18……. Better late than never I guess). I noticed a distinct lack of full stories on this subreddit, and I thought it would be interesting to talk about mine to compare.

I consider myself pretty smart. At least, that’s what I’ve always been told. I suppose I could be placed in that class of student who frustrates the “good students” by doing as well as them without studying or even paying attention. I never needed to. Elementary school is strange in that it is exceptionally boring from a schoolwork perspective for those even slightly above average in intelligence. I was the “smart kid” in elementary school, and American school systems do a pretty shitty job of identifying problems in students who aren’t failing. For you see, sustained attention problems do not present themselves when assignments take less than 10 minutes. Task switching is not a problem when you finish tasks so early you get a full 30 minutes between them. Emotional regulation problems aren’t considered when you are a boy (boys will be boys… ok boomer). Now, something that’s actually kind of funny about this is that I absolutely should have gotten lower grades than I did. There was a test I took in 3rd grade where I answered the correct letter for the previous question for the middle half of the test and skipped a question, and my teachers only counted the one I skipped incorrectly. According to them, I just went too fast and that was the only problem.

Fast forward to middle school, which I think is the point that a lot of undiagnosed kids crash for the first time. I bombed the second quarter of middle school with possibly more unsubmitted assignments than submitted ones. It took a ton of work to get back on track, but this wasn’t much of an issue either because, even though I had 30 assignments I needed to complete, none of them took more than 10 minutes and I had 3 weeks to do it. Now, had I been unassisted, they simply wouldn’t have happened, but my history teacher used her own class time to force me to complete my missing assignments for other classes and told my parents that it was just a “boy in middle school” thing. Apparently nobody bothered to note that this was not something that happened for literally any other middle school boy. I did fairly well in the rest of middle school, and now we reach the point in my life where all those emotional skills ADHD doesn’t come with kick in. I never had good friends. I’m sure you could’ve picked this up by now, but as a younger child I was extremely arrogant. In 8th grade though, I actually met some people with whom I spoke. Often. The most important person in this group to include in my story is my future girlfriend, and future future ex-girlfriend.

I was vaguely aware of her crush on me for a long time in 8th grade, but I am not a naturally emotionally available individual, and expressing feelings and physical touch made me extremely uncomfortable for a number of ADHD and non-ADHD related reasons. However, this girl was attached to me, and my lack of emotional tact steadily wore down on her emotional state. When I finally decided that I would actually date her in 9th grade, she had depression for reason both under and not under my control (her relationship with her parents was…. strange to say the least). Over time, it became difficult to talk to her and we both decided it would be better if we parted ways, but that started the long chain of persisting mental health problems that I struggle with today.

Low self esteem was a new experience for me, and anxiety wasn’t something I was used to either. They both hit pretty hard. Hard enough that I quickly also became depressed. My grades suffered, and so my mental state suffered, and so my grades suffered further. At the time, I attributed the grades dropping exclusively to my mental state. I barely ended that year without a C, ending with an A and 6 Bs. One B was a for a class in which I had 11 zero quiz grades throughout the year and a 44 test grade. In this class, we were expected to make 30-70 detailed notecards each unit for the subject we were on. Each one could take 5-10 minutes. And they were incredibly boring to write. Sounds like a great assignment for someone with ADHD. Ironically, I remember trying to force myself to write the notecard about ADHD (it was a psychology class, actually).

I struggled with depression off and on over the next two years and anxiety was a problem that just kept getting worse. Junior year went pretty well, and then Covid hit. I lost the ability to do anything. My anxiety prevented me from asking my teachers for help with anything, and I absolutely needed the help. The primary contributor to my anxiety was an inferiority complex developed through my math classes. I just could not do as well as my peers. I would carry our table through problems during units, but when we got to the test, I would do a good 10 points worse than anyone I thought I should be equal to or better than. I also worked to the time limit on every last one, frequently not finishing them.

My grades were shaky at best for every year of high school other than the first, and this wasn’t something anyone, including my parents had seen from me before. I was constantly bombarded by my parents’ assumption that I had just ceased to care and just didn’t want to do any work. It was destroying me. At one point near the end of sophomore year, I genuinely considered offing myself for about 5 minutes at midnight sitting on the couch of my pitch black living room. I didn’t, but it was closer than I’d like to admit.

Back to senior year, and my depression had mostly subsided. I’m dating again, a rather tomboyish girl who I love dearly (she’d cringe at that sentence). My anxiety ever worsened. I procrastinated asking for college recommendation letters long enough that I had to wait to apply regular decision because my teachers would only write recs if given that extra time, and I don’t even know why I couldn’t get myself to ask. Logically it would be a fear of rejection, but I have no idea why that would be as I’ve never really been rejected in a meaningful situation.

My grades have been ok in online school, but the more important part of this final year of the story is finally talking to my pediatrician about my anxiety…. at 18 years old. Some of the problems I mentioned were apparently inconsistent with anxiety, so I was also referred for a psych eval for neurodevelopmental disorders, but I immediately started therapy for anxiety and depression, which had been alright.

I was evaluated in mid-December, and on the 17th of January I had my telehealth appointment for the evaluation. Fuck. When asked by my therapist what I thought might be wrong with me, I responded “social anxiety and mild ADHD.” Boy was I understating. Apparently feeling as though you are far behind your true potential for several years and being constantly bombarded with others telling you you aren’t good enough does a thing to a person. About that off and on depression I mentioned earlier? BAM cyclothymia. Generalized anxiety disorder wasn’t a surprised, but what did surprised me was my diagnosis of not mild, not even just moderate, but moderate to severe predominantly inattentive ADHD. I’ve actually got the scores from the WAIS-IV I took to compare sections that are heavily impacted by ADHD and those that are not. The section least impacted by ADHD is Verbal Comprehension, on which I scored a 127. My other scores are the real kickers though (I sound old here don’t I…. fuck…. I blame having old parents): Perceptual reasoning: 96, Processing Speed: 89, Working Memory: 80.

Anyways, that was something of a shock. Today was my second day on the minimum dose size for Concerta, and….. I feel exactly the same. I might be a little more awake than usual? I’m also noticeably more tired around 6 pm, but that might just be that I have to wake up earlier now.

So anyways, that’s where I am right now. I’m sure this is difficult to read and I apologize for dumping my life onto this post, but I thought it would be interesting to hear some other peoples’ more detailed experiences, thanks for reading if you got this far.

TL;DR Honestly I don’t think I can really TL;DR this but basically, slightly worse version of stereotypical 18 y/o diagnosis of inattentive type

Submitted January 21, 2021 at 10:22PM by Most-Hedgehog-3312 via reddit https://ift.tt/3p6Yeh3

[mthevlamister]

Prom!

Hey again for @stonermurphy and @le-gay-le

I managed to change someone from boyf riends to this and I’m happy.

Next up I change my girlfriend’s ship.

I do take requests for RichxMichael, ChristinexJeremy, EvanxConnor (ohhh DEH is here), JaredxEvan, JDxMichael (the slushie ship), and more. Just send me a message with a prompt!

TW: suicidal thoughts, panic attacks.

Prom started out great.

Rich and Michael were in the back of the PT Cruiser; Bob Marley was playing in the background. Michael was making marks all over his boyfriend, and Rich? Well Rich would forever deny how loud he was.

It was wonderful, until Jake and Jeremy opened the door to the car. Rich pushed Michael away, his face flushed red. “Mi-Michael, come on.”

“Really Jeremy? Come on.” Michael whined, getting out of the car. He took Rich’s hand, leading him out to the car. “I could’ve gotten further.”

“Oh please, you’d say ‘Michael is making an entrance’ if you got that far.” Jeremy said. “Christine is waiting for me and Chloe is waiting for Jake. I can’t believe the minute Jake and I left the car you pushed Rich to the back and jumped him.”

“Okay I would totally say that, it would be worth it. Also, he looks good in a tux, right princess?” Michael turned to Rich, smirking.

“Don’t call me printheth.” Rich mumbled. “You look better in a thuit.”

“Please change his username to princess.” Jake said, wheezing at this point. 

“Change your own utherame to printheth if you want that name tho bad!” Rich hit Michael’s arm lightly. “Don’t change it.”

“I wouldn’t change it babydoll.” Michael whispered in Rich’s ear, wrapping his arm around him.

That damn name made Rich turn red. He hated that Michael had this power.

“Rich? What’d he say? Why are you red?” Brooke walked over, she was followed by Chloe, Jenna, and Christine. They must’ve been either bored or worried. “Are you okay?”

“I have my secrets to get my boyfriend to be quiet. I will never share them, they are mine.” Michael said. “I also know how to sneak pot into prom.”

“My name’s Michael, let’s get stoned in my basement and prom!” Jeremy mocked. “Ten bucks you brought some weird drink.”

“I tried. Richard wouldn’t let me.”

“You bet your athth I wouldn’t!” Rich said, grabbing his boyfriend’s arm. “He needth to try other drinkth.”

“. . . Richard almost finished all my Mountain Dew Red.” 

“THUT UP!”

“Hey! Hey, c’mon. Let’s go inside okay? I want to dance.” Christine smiled, taking Jeremy’s hand. “Of course, with the guy I am totally into.”

Everyone groaned.

~ ~ ~

Rich forgot why he tried to be cool for Michael.

The nerd was doing the robot.

THE ROBOT!

“Michael I thwear to everything I know you’re the biggetht geek I know.” Rich said, laughing his ass off. “You’re tho cute.”

“Try it Richard, I want to see a cool guy do a geeky dance.” Michael took Rich’s hands, grinning like a madman.

“You think I’m cool?” Rich flushed again. 

“Yes? Why wouldn’t I?” Michael frowned. “Richard.”

“Yeth?”

“You’re the coolest guy in the world.”

“Am I cooler than a vintage cathette?” Rich teased, remembering what Jeremy told him about Michael during the SQUIP. He thought it was hot.

He got shocked for that.

“You’re cooler than Red Mountain Dew and Crystal Pepsi on a hot day. Dare I say you are cooler than Apocalypse of the Damned!” Michael said, grabbing Rich’s shoulders.

“No way, you’re thitting me!” Rich got to play the game with Michael a few times before prom, he was actually amazing. He didn’t have the heart to tell Michael he played it and beat it awhile ago.

“I’m not thitting you.” Michael teased him, kissing his cheek.

Rich was about to come up with a response until he heard the song change and Michael pulled him to the dance floor.

It was Whitney. God why was Michael so excited?

“Michael, thith thong thucks--I uthed too many wordth with an eth, haven’t I?” Rich covered his mouth.

“Nah babe you’re good, and this song totally sucks. I want to dance with you though. This is the only music worth dancing to!”

“I beg to differ.” Rich said, twirling his boyfriend.

“Hey Rich, can I talk you to you?” Jake placed a hand of Rich’s shoulder, smiling. “Sorry Michael, can I steal him?”

“Go for it.” Michael replied as cool as he could. He waited until Jake took Rich to the punch table to begin to freak out.

He hated parties. 

He didn’t know he hated them until Jake’s Halloween party. That was his undoing. 

And here he was.

Alone.

Again.

He stopped looking up, the faces passing him were making him dizzy. He couldn’t breath. The dread was settling in his stomach. He felt his eyes burn, his legs were numb and he ran. He ran to the bathroom, at least that would give him comfort. He needed to be there.

He should have told Rich, but he didn’t. 

He was scared Rich wouldn’t care.

~ ~ ~ 

Rich became nervous.

It had been ten minutes since Jake finished telling him about how Chloe was telling Brooke how she was going home with him. Rich of course was glad his friend got this chance but he noticed Michael was missing.

He waited, maybe he just went to get food.

Now he was scared.

He ran outside, praying to everything he knew and loved Michael was getting high out back.

He wasn’t.

He didn’t know what made Michael leave, he didn’t care. Somehow it was anyone but Michael’s fault and he’d fight anyone who hurt his boyfriend. 

“Jeremy! Michael ith mithing and I’m worried!” Rich grabbed the tall boy’s arm, not caring Christine was holding that very arm. “He’th been gone for fifteen minuteth now!”

“Let me think, oh god prom was a bad idea why did I--bathroom! Shit! Grab Jake and follow me. Christine I’ll be back okay?” Jeremy turned to his girlfriend.

“Okay, that’s fine! Make sure he’s okay for me, alright? I’d go in with you but--”

“No, you have to come Chrithtine! Get Jenna, Brooke, and Chloe!” Rich cried, looking desperate, “He may need all of uth!”

“I’m on it, okay?” Christine smiled. “I’ll bring the bathroom keys, in case he locked himself in there. I’ll get the gang!”

“Me too.” Jeremy ran off with Christine, getting the rest of SQUIP squad.

~ ~ ~

“I can’t do this, I can’t do this, I can’t--” Michael repeated over and over again in the bathroom. He did, in fact, lock the door. He wanted to disappear all over again. He felt alone.

He didn’t notice the door open with seven other teens searching for him.

“--SUCH A GODDAMN LOSER! I CAN��T DO THIS!” Michael was punching the wall, hoping he could break the world.

He was almost breaking his hand.

He broke down in sobs, collapsing to the floor. “Can’t do it. I can’t do it again, don’t want to be alone again. I hate being alone! I’m always fucking alone!”

“M-Michael? Hey, what’th wrong?” Rich moved closer, slowly easing to a crouch next to the crying boy. “Babe look at me.”

“R-Richard? Oh god, y-you weren’t supposed to see me like this. Why are you here? Aren’t you talking to. . . I. . .” Michael turned, stopping when he saw the rest of the group there.

It wasn’t the best idea to bring them all there.

“Hey, player one. Calm down, okay? We’re all here. We’re still your friends!” Jeremy sat down with Rich, smiling at Michael.

“Michael why would we leave you alone? We love you!” Christine sat down with them.

“Can I rub your back? If you need space it’s okay.” Jenna said; seeing Michael nod she sat down and ran her hand up and down his back. “What? Personal space is important!” she said to the group.

“Want to ditch and get Pinkberry?” Brooke asked, hearing Michael snort she sat down with them. 

“We’ll go after if you want, okay?” Chloe sat down, leaving Jake the last one standing.

Jake stepped closer. “Shit Michael you’re going to make me cry, come on man. Take deep breathes. Look me in the eyes, okay?” Michael complied. “Alright, deep breathe in,” Michael did so. “I want you to hold it, good! Now let it out.” Jake patted Michael’s head as he did so.

“. . . I wanted to die.” Michael whispered. “That night, during Jake’s party. I wished I stayed at home, offing myself or-or that I was never born. I tried that night when I got home. I-I should’ve stayed in the damn house, I should’ve stayed in the fire! I think about that every night! I-I don’t know why I’m saying all this shit, god I shouldn’t be saying this.” 

Rich stared in horror, this wasn’t the happy-go-lucky Michael he knew. This was a tired, sad, depressed Michael. A real Michael.

“Would it have been better if I stayed in the bathroom?” Michael looked up at the group, smiling.

“NO!” Rich screeched. He grabbed Michael’s hands. “NO NONO!”

“Rich don’t shout.” Jeremy said, his eyes were wide and he looked like he was going to cry. He wanted to shout too, scream how wonderful Michael was.

“Michael you’re totally important, you saved the whole school--no! You saved the world from the stupid supercomputer! We’d be mindless robots without you!” Chloe said, crawling closer. “That would suck!”

“I-I bet someone would figure it out. Richard was screaming for the stupid drink, Jeremy you figured it out during the play right? You would’ve been able to get it and save yourself.” Michael looked even more tired at that point, letting his head fall.

“Let’th go home, okay? Let’th go to your houthe. I got him guyth, I’ll drive uth to hith houthe.” Rich helped Michael up, sending the group a sad smile. He walked to the PT Cruiser. He got in the drivers seat and helped Michael buckle in. “Michael? Are you going to therapy?”

“My parents don’t believe in therapy, I usually get high when I feel like this. It helps me suppress my emotions.” Michael said, leaning on Rich’s shoulder.

“Not healthy, let’s get you home. I’m gonna thtart you with my therapitht, okay? Good, I’m glad you agree.” Rich said, rubbing his boyfriend’s arm.

They both jumped when Rich’s phone made a noise.

Brooking it to class: We’ll meet you two at pinkberry, everyone loves frozen yogurt when they’re upset.

Richard: Got it, bringing the rest?

Brooking it to class: Yup!

Rich smiled, turning the car on. “We’re making a thtop babe.”

~ ~ ~

“Strawberry frozen yogurt? You’ve got good taste Michael!” Chloe complimented the boy, she was getting her own. “Now for toppings what do you want?”

“I have no idea, I’ve never had this stuff before. What’s good?” Michael stared at the toppings area. “. . . I want actual strawberries on it! Is that cookie dough?! Why did nobody take me here before?!”

Rich watched his boyfriend place toppings on his yogurt, he felt himself relax. Michael wasn’t going to hurt himself. Rich was going to stay over at Michael’s house that night. Michael was going to start therapy the next day.

“He never told me about this, I swear.” Jeremy was still in a state of shock, unforgiving to himself. “I can’t believe I never notice, he always acted so. . . perfect!”

“Hey, it’s okay we’re getting him help.” Jenna said, smiling. “I want chocolate froyo, be back.”

“I’m getting some too, Rich you want something?” Brooke stood up, smiling. 

“Nah, I’ll eat thome of Michael’th.” Rich said, keeping his eyes on his boyfriend.

“I want some!” Jake stood up and went to the machines, just in time for Michael to sit down.

“Hey babydoll, want some?” Michael held out a spoon. Rich nodded, scooting closer. “I’m sorry for dumping all that crap on you earlier, I really wish I was normal--”

“Don’t. I’m glad you told me, thith way we can help you. I’m glad I’m here for you, now give me a kith!” Rich put his hand on Michael’s shoulder. Michael grinned and kissed Rich.

It would get better.

Thanks for reading, be sure to send your own ships and prompts!

#be more chill #be more chill musical #be more chill novel #be more chill michael #be more chill rich #expensive headphones #jeremy x christine #michael x rich #jake x chloe #musicals #bmc #bmc musical #be more chill fanfic #be more chill fanfiction #be more chill fandom #bmc fanfic #bmc fandom #bmc fanfiction

[chandlermwatson]

Death In The Valley Pt Deux

... I'll pick up where I left you, Not as much caffeine but I did just get back from another trip to the desert so that will be in writing as well.  In a few weeks time. (3/29/17 round 2 of attempting to finish part deux, no caffeine yet, that'll change in a few minutes time.)

   . NoBS pulled the 4-Runner out and almost got stuck himself that would've been an interesting situation for about five minutes for the caretaker was just a short walk away, But both vehicles now free from the grip of the snow,but we were forced back the way we came to plot an alternative route, we were not to be denied shit, except mushrooms and any other type of pyscho-active medicine I was needing in my life.  Along the way I would get lost in my head a bit as NoBS and Checkers chatted in the front sit  about who knows what until i decided to climb out of the truck and start filming the road. Holding on with my left and filming with the right as we made our way through switchbacks and canyons of rocky goodness. As we got closer to the Saline Valley we encountered bikers that seemed to be peeved that they had to share the road,I have to tip my hat to them , in my head i was thinking (who da fuck rides a bicycle out here! obviously they did) 

   When we arrived at the Saline Valley it was much like being in a massive bowl, mountains on all sides a lake in the distance and open space for what seemed like days well if you were on foot, it would be days. As we were driving, all I could think of as my eyes scanned the landscape, is that would be a good place for a sniper to post up, why this thought popped into my head i do not know for I have no experience doing such, I just know a decent vantage point when I see one, but it was a reoccurring  thought for me, as if ideas for a town or settlement in a not far off dystopian future, or the vision of myself with a lady with short dark hair with sunglasses on walking atop a ridge behind me with a rifle, she stops aims and fires... then keeps moving(this shit keeps cycling in my mind along with standing upon a rubble of what use to be a building). Sorry, i got side tracked. The valley was nice, some would say nothing is there, but everything was there. Although it was nothing like the dream i had of the desert, it spoke to me. 

      Crash and NoBs stop to have a talk about the path to the Hot Springs, Crash was looking at the map and I snuck a few photos in, the candid shots are always the shots. For when one is aware, the moment is altered and i'm like fuck it. K-Dot handed me a bit of TP so i could go have bowel movement and she scampered off to take a piss, it was actually a piss stop for Checkers as well i made jokes as i let the log hit the desert floor. It was not the first time i defecated in nature, but it was the first time doing so in a desert, and i gently placed a rock on the log and buried the tp... i feel as if i should burnt it, but the damage has been done and i felt pretty good... we load the Vehicles up and set off...

    Crash and K-Dot went of towards the lake as the Raptor moved along the path to the hot spring, we drove miles before we saw the turn off. As we turned down the dirt road. We met fellow travelers, NoBs and Checkers were in the prime seats to see the show as the chatted with the driver in the other car(truck i do not believe a car could make that journey... well, time for me to find out). I could make out the woman in the passenger seat and the word out of my mouth were "yo, is she topless?" I wanted to see but i was not about to leave a comfortable position to gander at a woman being free, instead i just imagined them and looked back out to the landscape. (i was deined the desert titties.) As we approached the Hot Springs one could spot the trees from a distance, it was an actual Oasis. I remember seeing shit like that in cartoons and hearing myths about Oasis' in film in what not, but seeing it with my own eyes was like "Word, so this shit is dope!"   

     There were warm springs towards the front of the campsites and 3/4 of a mile back were the hot springs, and where there is geothermal activity a settlement can be placed, but why would one want to place a settlement in that particular location? It would be ruining a part of nature depending upon how one would go about doing so.I feel i am giving too much away. We all walk towards the hot springs, spaced out and me lost in my head once again. As we could see the two pools in the distance, one had two gents in it, one who happened to be standing up and naked the other sitting and enjoying the hot water i suppose. Naturally we chose the vacant pool. Crash and K-dot seem to be the only ones ready for the water for she had a bikini and he had board shorts, Checkers said fuck it and cut some pants into shorts and NoBs said fuck it to another level just hopped in, in his briefs.  In hindsight, the old man standing naked in the spring probably had the trinity of psychedelics(medicine). The Conversation went from Crash complimenting K-dots ass while NoBS said "i can always see a nice ass, I don't always get to see this." which is true, but then again she had a really nice ass. As they chatted i looked off in the distance and spotted three people walking into the desert and i lifted my hands as if there was a rifle in it and i was looking through a school. I do not know why it just happened, I did not think about it, i just moved without thinking. Then i proceeded to ask the Group about guns, all had wealth of knowledge on the topic. I suppose the questions came out need/want to go hunting. To experience it, to see if i could actually provide for the lady if I had to. Necessity, which to me being able to survive without society is one. 

       We walked back to the off-road people movers to set up the campsite, and i was preparing to walk off into the desert to get weird and maybe howl. Crash called my attire Mad Max gear which was appropriate, minus the fact I did not have silver spray paint to huff and scream Witness Me! but I set off towards the lake knowing i would not reach it before darkness fell upon the entire valley.  

       Once away from the Oasis, I heard nothing, the stillness of the desert. I stood there and just looked around as the colors of the sunset over the mountains to the West, The blues, oranges, purples and pinks came out to play as i stood there motionless it made me think of Miles Davis as the song Pharaoh's Dance streamed through my thoughts. It is a feeling being in a place that silent, every so often the silence would be broken by the sound of a Donkey in the distance. I continued to move and i came across a can, a can i still think of to this day. It was just sitting there perfectly placed. Who placed it there, and out of all the paths i could have chose i picked this one which led me to this can. i took a few photos a left it were it sat to either be blown away or rust and go back to the earth... The rest of the walk was fairly uneventful. I returned to the campsite, the fire was going They were chilling  talking seem to be having a good time, i stuffed my face at sat there. 

        NoBS went to bed in the Raptor early, Checkers was in his seat dozing off and crash recommended he hit the sack. It was Crash, K-dot, myself and a Russian fellow named Mike, who told us stories of his childhood, one of which that stuck in my head is "We found a gerenade in the woods so we took the pin out and threw it and it hit a boat( or yacht) and sank it." and i was like damn! Y'all niggas were on another level. Mike lived an interesting life for sure and he found his way to the desert to i guess unwind or maybe he offed someone and was getting rid of the body. but i did not get that vibe. And when he said his name was Mike, all i could think was "Bullshit! your fucking name is Igor or Ivan."  At one point he mentioned the words 'Confirmed Killer" and my an K-dots eyes met each other as i then looked at Crash who was focused on Mike. for some reason that stuck out in my head like he deduced in a matter of seconds that Igor Mike was no threat, it was an interesting take or maybe i am projecting and I am always in the thought of 'Lull your counterpart to comfort then....." this is why i always put myself in uncomfortable situations so i know how to react when shit happens, there is no time to panic or think... You just have to move.  I need to not be that way and think that there is a threat for 98% of the time in america there is not. people walk around in a hypnotized state. I am off track.  I venture to my tent and attempt to pass out.

   I don't know how much time elapse when I  heard the bellow of a fucking donkey as if it were in the tent with me, I laid there looking at the top of the tent wondering what donkey over campfire taste like and each though was interrupted by another donkey making ridiculous donkey noise. Do these asses not know what time it is, of course not they have no concept or give a fuck about it, or i like to think they were fucking with us because it was funny to them. I pass back out.   

 This is where I leave you, installment Trios will conclude Death in The Valley and I shall Get all The Photos from the adventure posted in that. 

[theartofblissfullydrowning]

Day One: Part 3

Do you know that sometimes I looked at you while we were playing games or you were driving or out somewhere and thought “you know, maybe we could be together. Maybe I need to lighten up a bit?” I’d see you in a different light. It would catch me sometimes while we were laughing about things. I wish you would have stayed a bit to see that video I sent you. It was basically us. Every time I saw you with Alex or Kelsey. I just remembered how it was in the beginning for us. And we talked about that before you left, about how it was a love story. I wish it never ended the way it did and that we ended up living happily ever after. I had no idea how much you loved me until your mom told me you’d always tell her about me and she asked about me all the time. That broke my heart. No one loved me the way you did, you know? I knew that’s why you always hated to see me with other guys. And I really hated to see you with other girls, too. There are things that will always be just ours. 

I wonder if I was on your mind that night and how I would handle things. You knew how attached I was to you. I know you were probably in a different state of mind at the time but I wonder what your last thoughts of me were. I’m sorry I didn’t respond when you messaged me. I have a lot of guilt over that. If I would have been there we could have talked. I hope you didn’t feel like I was ignoring you. I hope I wasn’t a part of this. Hopefully, though, you knew I really loved you. Really, no matter what was happening, all we had was each other, and it was so hard to get through the past few months without you. You were the only person I would really to with things and you weren’t there. You were the reason my heart was broken this time. And then Tee went the day after you and I always thought you’d be there for that. 

I loved you so much and I’m so sorry I didn’t show you that enough before everything happened. But I think you knew. we were both stubborn as shit. We were in other relationships and hated it. I feel like you never connected with Kelsey or Alex. I never really connected with Bryan or Mark. But in all of that we were still there together. They all knew the role we played in each other’s lives and they knew that if we had to decide that we’d choose each other over them. That was the biggest thing with us. You never made me feel like you would choose someone else over me. 

And then you always looked after me and I never gave you enough credit. I remember when you drove all the way to my house after you heard I was in the psych ward for feeling suicidal. And you brought me some of my stuff back but I turned you away. That was so wrong of me to do and I’m sorry. I lost my job and had nowhere to go and you took me in and said “we can figure out rent later”. No one has ever loved me like you did. 

And now I’m the one left to carry on all of our memories on my own and live for both of us. It breaks my heart every time I see you offline for so many days on Steam. It was just 200 the other day I looked. It put a quantifiable measure on it. 200 days without my best friend. 200 days that I’ve been here alone without you. I see games that I wonder if you ever played that I know you would like. I see games that have just come out that you would have loved. You’ll never see the next Elder Scroll or the next season of Game of Thrones. You won’t be at my wedding. (Which was maybe supposed to be our wedding.) But still I feel your spirit in me talking to me when I need someone or just in the back of my head telling me you’re proud of me for things I’m doing now or telling me to be careful with things just like you used to . 

I miss our talks and the memes and the nonsense. I miss having someone to go to when things happened. I miss having someone to vent to about everyday things.I miss having someone to escape reality with and laugh with. I miss the way you smelled and the way your sheeps and pillows smelled when you’d give them to me when I slept on the couch. I miss the margaritas and board games and Neely and Mark Gormley and doing the time warp with you. I miss playing songs on uke and guitar. I miss just laughing. It means a lot to me that I was able to share that with you and that we were able to have so many good times even if the only people we really had were each other. 

That was the hardest part for me. That it was just us. We were the only people we had. We were like twins. We had our own language and so many inside jokes. No one has ever been like you were to me. I’ve never had a best friend for that long and have never been closer to someone or had someone understand me as much as you did. That’s why this hurts so much. I don’t know if I ever will because with us it was so effortless. 

I still have so many sore spots but they’re healing up. It doesn’t mean they won’t still hurt or remind me of you but it’s the little things that remind me of you. So many things. Something every day. Even stupid little things. Memes, songs, words, things everywhere. Every day it’s like I say goodbye to you again but you’re still here in some sort of way. Part of me tells me you want me just to move on and be happy again. That’s what you said in our last conversation, that we’ve all had our low points and that I’ll be in a different place soon but I had no fucking idea how low it could fucking go until you left. I thought I knew sadness, I was a little experienced in grief, but never to this level. I still sit there on the same spot on my bed I was in when your mom messaged me. I remember I had just made some dumplings. It was about 1:30pm on a Wednesday. I had just brought them in my room and sat down and hadn’t taken a bite and your mom messaged me and I was immediately concerned but I jumped and called her as soon as I got that message. My mind immediate went to you had either died or had gone missing and she hadn’t heard from you. And I called her and her voice sounded shaky. I said “what’s going on?” and she said “Kyle passed away.” A knife went though my fucking guts. “What? How?” “He hung himself” She was trying so hard to keep from breaking down. I said “thank you for letting me know” and I sat there in shock for a while. And then I screamed. I texted Bryan to let him know. He was at work. I ordered beer and got smashed and cried and screamed and punched things. Bryan was a little upset. I thought about killing myself too that night because the pain was unbearable. I looked for Derrik online but he hadn’t been on in a long time. I was fucking frantic and a fucking mess. The most I’ve ever been. And I so much wanted to call you or message you or see you because I was so upset because you were the person I would go to and you weren’t there. And then I woke up hungover as shit the next day and Tee couldn’t walk and wouldn’t eat which was her favorite thing to do so I knew it was her time too. I had to take her to the vet and couldn’t even remember what year it was becuase nothing seemed real. It was a double edged sword because I just wanted you to be the or to message you and just let you know because she loved you so much and you loved her too but every time I would pick up my phone to I just had to remember you weren’t there and realized you were lying on some coroner’s table dead. My best friend. My world. My love. Dead. Cold. Alone. 

The first few weeks were a blur. All I did was cry and not sleep because I was terrified to because I was afraid of nightmares or even just dreaming of you and waking up and not having you there. Luckily I had one person there I could talk to who sort of looked after me and we’d only been talking for about a week so it was a lot to dump on him but he got me out of the house and was there and really supportive of me. 

I don’t leave the house now. I can’t drive without thinking of you. I’ve had to drive the roads I used to take to your house and stop myself from breaking the fuck down. I’ve thought about driving to the houses you lived in and just sitting there in the driveway or parking lot and just pretending for a little bit that I was coming to see you and that everything was okay again, just for a moment, forgetting what happened. I’m glad I never went to your house you died in because I probably would have gone there, too. 

It’s been really hard for me to get close to anyone since then. As I’m sure you know. It was never easy before you left. Neither one of us really bonded with anyone other than each other. I’m glad I got to meet Derrick and I hope you really know he came all the way out there and said that was never how he wanted to meet you but that he was glad he was there. I met David, as well. I think I remember you telling me about him. And if you’re still around like I know you are that you know what happened with that and I’m sure you laughed about it but both of us were so broken up and your mom was worried about him and wanted him to be safe so I guess we both just got our minds off things. But I’ve lost friendships and alienated people because of how I am now. I get too drunk and act too obnoxious. You never cared because we always did it together, but I don’t think I ever broke down and screamed at you or sobbed my face off in front of you. You would have never let that happen. 

I wish so much that you were still here. Like I said, I wish I would have messaged you back that night when you messaged me. Not waited so long. We used to joke about offing ourselves all the time but I never thought you’d actually do it. You could have called or messaged me again. I wonder why you didn’t say goodbye. I wish I could see what led up to that or what you doing and thinking. I hope you went out knowing I loved you more than anyone else in my life. I’ve looked at our last conversation so many times and it was probably the most beautiful one we could have had, recounting our friendship and everything. And our whole story. AND how beautiful it was and how we’ve both grown in the past 5 years. I still remember your last few things you said to me. That we were meant to evolve and write our stories. I know that’s what you would have wanted me to do  and I hope you would have done that too but you saying that to me as one of the last things is why I”m still here.

These days I know I have to keep living for the both of us. I have to keep living and keeping our memories alive so they don’t die. I have to carry on your memories. I’m glad I took so many photos of you even though you hated it because I can still look back at all of those moments we shared and have tangible evidence and can look back and put myself back in every one of those moments for a second. From when we went to the strip club with our Blu cigarettes feeling cool with our $12 to the day I found that wedding dress, to our trip to DC, to you calling me on messenger, or us sharing margaritas, and I still have all those videos you hated about you getting the sock out the fan. You hated them but now that’s the only way I can hear your voice and hear your laugh. 

And you know I fucking hated Alex and I still absolutely despise her now. I’m not blaming anything on her but she did not treat you like you deserved to be treated. She didn’t appreciate you. I never really liked her. She was way too young and immature. She was obnoxious and she tries to play it off like you two had a nice time before she left you that night. If she wasn’t so concerned with her friends she wouldn’t have left. Your mom said the two of you got in a fight and I believe that more than anything. I don’t think you did what you did for absolutely no reason. There was something that set it off and I feel like she was a precipitating factor and how she acted at your memorial service was awful and no one like her. And I was the only one to stand up there and actually say something about you. I read my letter and so many people came up and hugged me like I was your family. I basically was. Derrick wanted to get up there but he said he couldn’t and I understand why. I was anxious and it was so fucking hard but I had to do it because of the days we’d talk about how you’d be the only person at my funeral. I know you’d do the same for me. So many people told your mom that my letter really touched them. I have no idea how I was able to get up there and do that but I feel like you were with me that day and you allowed me to be strong, but do you know how hard it was to sit there after all the guests passed by and go look at my best friend reduced to nothing but ashes in a box? And now ashes that sit on my book case? 

I hope you’re proud of me. I know you don’t want me to hurt anymore and you feel a lot of regret over it just in the way that it hurt me and upended my life. It sounds selfish but I know that if you knew how much I’d endured that you wouldn’t have done it, I just know you weren’t in your right mind that night so you didn’t think about it. As much as you don’t want it to hurt it always will. You will always be a part of me. You will always be the one who loved me and knew me the most. Your love was the most unconditional that I’ve ever known. I didn’t even know how deep it was until your mom told me you’d talk about me all the time and she always knew what was going on with my life. 

You have no idea how much I miss you every day. I wear this moonstone ring on my finger in memory of you. I’m going to get those thieves guild shadow mark tattoos we always talked about getting together. And those last words you said “we were meant to evolve and write our stories”. I’ll have the money to do it now with my new job. Maybe I can get them to mix your ashes in with it so I can always carry you with me.