#every night during the week

[voilaammayi]

I just can’t stop wondering how much we don’t know because we can’t hear it - because of sherlock & co being recorded.

how many times had john rolled his eyes at sherlock when he was being ridiculous, but smiled to himself the moment he turned around? how many times had mariana leaned in the doorway to 221b baker street and silently but fondly watched john and sherlock bickering? how many times sherlock just didn’t say anything when archie climbed on his lap and instead started to scratch behind the dog’s ears?

how many gentle smiles, cheeky grins and warm gazes with sparkling eyes? fingers touching one’s arm, hands on the shoulder or tight hugs? how much affection spread without words?

how much is being not said, left to imagination?

#sherlock and co #can’t sleep at night because of this #how much nonverbal acts of affection happens during all those dialogues we hear every week? #making each other tea in the morning? #laying on one’s beds scrolling on the phone while the other cleans the room? #washing the dishes together where one rinses and the other dries therefore fingers touching when passing the plates? #the constant emanating warmth in those two flats on baker street must feel amazing #john watson #sherlock #sherlock holmes #goalhanger #goalhanger podcasts #sherlock & co #johnlock #mariana ametxazurra

[honeyspeeches]

sorry i haven't been very active lately but in my defense i'm literally fighting for my life

#every day i have approximately 3 hours to heal and recover from reality before i collapse and begin the cycle anew #that is to say school and work is keeping me. um. busy. #but don't worry. I daydream about klance to fall asleep every night <33 #and even during the day! #because god knows they're the only freaks on this bitch of an earth who can get me through the harrowing experience of existence #i'm like that american psycho gif with the headphones on and the caption was like “me thinking about my silly little blorbos kissing” #that's been me the last two weeks #send help

[manasurge]

.

#sometimes I wish drawing wasn't such a lonely activity #am in a bit of a social mood but can't find anything to socialize about #i also wish I didn't need to spend ALL DAY trying to prep my brain to try to draw; despite it being something I wanna do and enjoy #why must i have executive dysfunction over my hobbies #this is why it takes me one million years to something I can actually get done in a few days at most #i'm so incredibly frustrated and it's super depressing and bumming me out #it's just so frustrating and i'm so irritated at myself #i know it's shark week so maybe it's why i'm a bit of a mess; but usually it doesn't affect me during the time so idk #also i love how every night I get to deal with the crippling dread and lowkey anxiety attacks bc everything i'm avoiding/afraid of and it- #- keeps festering in my mind and makes me avoid sleep for as long as possible and i'm stuck in an eternal negative feedback loop #i can't even do the thing i enjoy bc my brain is making it hard for me #not to mention that I constantly get those thoughts about how i'm never getting anywhere in life and i am in fact; ALONE #no irl friends or family and it still scares me to think about how worse things will get in the future for me. #not to mention not having a career or being capable of doing any kind of secondary schooling makes the dread even worse #but again frustrated and i can't even apply positive activities like how I'd usually do; not to mention i'm just always mad at myself about #-everything lmao #stupid brain just let me enjoy me hobby bc i wanna do it and you're not letting me and it's making me feel worse #delete later probably idk lmao

[callixton]

oh i am on the Brink of a mental breakdown. and like a real one. i am going to feel so so fucking terrible and guilty if i don’t go to the first week of mac rehearsal bc i need to recover but i am also getting the sense that i Need to recover. i have never been this burnt out or genuinely terrified of starting a new semester in my life.

#we go back to campus a week early for mac. to be clear #and god they’ll be long days and they’ll be physically emotionally and mentally draining and i genuinely dont know if i can take that #but i am also going to be missing SO much time. and i won’t be there to support the people who i need to #i have also. been thinking a lot about how i’m scared that i think so much abt death bc i’m gonna be one of those people #who seem even more than everyone else like they have a finite time and then they die young #and then my mom compared me to jonathan larson tonight #so maybe that’s some sort of sign that i need to slow the fuck down #i am crying rn. for myself. which happens about three times a year #and yeah one is usually during winter break so we’re on schedule #i don’t know. idk!! i don’t know what to do here #and i still have to do my fucking scene prep for tomorrow #bc i was talking my mom about it and i really needed support which she was giving and then she has to leave for five seconds #and when she came back the entire conversation was just about her own problems again which we’ve already talked about every fucking night bc #- you can’t leave conversations with her and i hate when she fucking drunks i hate it i hate it #i am Not Well. i’ve sort of been avoiding admitting to myself just how badly #but man. i can push through anything until i drop but when i start wishing that i’ll drop so i have an excuse for a break….. not good #ted talks #the west wing

[chappellrroan]

i would love to love diwali but something about it just makes me sad

#idk it's this weird memory induced feeling that I've had since 11th #but then i will have to visit and greet other family members participate in their whole pooja thing #the lights clothes and food are the only good part #except i don't go out during that part of night because everyone is bursting crackers in front of every building #and i don't like eating much because i don't want to look at pics ehere there is even slightest bloating #and i did not even buy anything this year because we are in constant on and off fights #plus it's a holiday and i don't want to deal with another extra day of my week being ruined because of someone's presence #maybe if i was away i would've loved it #but other than dressing up and music part and forcing myself to enjoy it i hate everything about diwali #v.txt

[auditoretrash]

just realised that i started playing assassins creed 8 years ago almost exactly to the day........ literally a third of my life

#ezio auditore has been my favourite character for a third of my life. what the fuck #longest running blorbo of all time. my best friend my special lil guy my short king my bloodied and beaten shell of a man #first time i played ac was just before my 16th birthday- my dad was taking me to paris for the weekend and we had to set off in the middle #of the night so i figured there was no point going to sleep. so i found ac2 on his xbox and remembered watching my brother play it #when we were little #and i thought sure i'll give it a go. and played for 8hrs straight #and then i was HOOKED #every weekend when i went to my dads me and my sister would play ac for hours #i was thinking about it Non Stop i think it was my first major hyperfixation and tbh i dont think any since then has been as intense #as a reward for my gcses my mum bought me an xbox so i could play at hers too #i played almost the whole series and read pretty much every book #i even developed a love of art history- which im now thinking about studying at university- because of ac2 #anyway all this to say i turn 24 this week and i havent played ac in months but it still had such a huge impact on me #during some kinda shitty years of my life and i think it will always feel like a big part of me #which is kinda nice i think

[rimouskis]

>searching for character/ship playlists >finds one >opens it >first songs I see are by taylor swift, twenty one pilots, and melanie martinez >closes it >repeat ad infinitum

#I will say... being on tumblr during the era where every second song on a character/ship playlist was halsey or troye was great #I loved it #still love so many of those songs too LOL like I don't mean to deride TS or TOP or anything. I have had anti-hero on repeat for like 3 week #it's just I've heard all these songs before/they're a little dated and I'm exploring for new music and not looking for 2015's greatest hits #also I feel like the 2022/2023 version is like: #every second song is mitski. hozier takes up a third of the tracklist. there WILL be at least one sufjan stevens song #also ''the night we met'' by lord huron is on every single one of these playlists #is ''the night we met'' the new ''castle''??? ?jury's still out #also impressively there is an entire playlist for this ship that is just straight taylor songs. like literally 40 in a row. #that's so impressive kudos to that listener lol

[peculiar--princess]

Thinking of all the kind souls I met while in treatment&residential… I could cry 😭

#my first day admitted was v day and a councilor made me a Valentine’s Day card and so did a patient so that I would feel welcomed & loved #every friday we would give each other notes to say we were proud of them after a hard week or w/e they needed to hear #One time I was very overstimulated during mindful movement class from the music and a patient just sat with me and didn’t say much just #so I knew I wasn’t alone #or how my friend to this day would give me a hug whenever I was crying and I’d feel safe and protected #&&& also how everyone snuck out at night to cause a lil trouble like flipping the therapists name tags & some patients even made a bingo #game for stealing stuff ( I never did but it was funny for people to steal something like a spoon for no reason ) #so many good memories and I wish I could reunite with all of those kind souls and hug them and remind them that I’ll always love them #😭😭 #personal

[morrigan-sims]

To anyone who's ever read my story: Thank you, and I'm so sorry I haven't posted anything in ages. I really, really, really want to keep working on it, I just kinda hit a wall with where to go next, and that has been killing me for months now.

(Basically, I have the entire last half or third of the story plotted out, but aside from a few scattered plot points, I don't know how to do the setup to get there. And the harder I try to brainstorm the emptier my brain gets. So I've kinda just stalled.)

#oh to have the same level of awesome inter-character interactions and cots.... #I'm just really bad at coming up with scene ideas that lead to those kinds of inter-character interactions aside from one-on-ones w/ Fallon #anyways. enough late night / early morning thoughts. #who knows maybe someday soon I'll have an insomnia week where I fix every single problem with RTQ/ATQH. #that'd be nice. #knowing me it will be during a week where sleep is critical tho. #since my last productive insomnia week was during my fall semester exam week lmao. very funny but also annoying as hell. #morrigan.txt #delete later #I make too many posts at odd hours. #I need to go the fuck to sleep. It's after 2am and I have to be up around 9am.

[ghosts-and-blue-sweaters]

#this reaction pic has been haunting me #I’m currently sick #which doesn’t usually happen?? or at least it didn’t used to until 2020 #now I seem to get sick every couple of months and it’s so strange lol #anyway I am sick and my brain feels like scrambled eggs AND #AND #I’ve got a paper due on Thursday #that #I didn’t realize #was due on Thursday #It was break week last week was I supposed to have worked on it then or something?? #hopefully it’ll be done by Thursday?? maybe??? #sighhh #I did watch the fox and the hound last night which was delightfully nostalgic #along with bolt #which again was delightfully nostalgic #I haven’t seen either of those movies in years but I still remembered most of them #and apparently my cat likes to watch tv?? his eyes were fixed on the screen last night especially during bolt #it was so great and I got pictures so I’ll probably post those later #GOOD GOSH WHAT IS THIS POST #anyway all this to say I’m very tired and I feel the reaction pic on every level #Just bad timing with being sick and having a paper due and being tired all at the same time #my post #rambling in tags #NOW I NEED TO WORK ON THE PAPER #TIME TO RESEARCH STUFF ABOUT SHEEP

[chicago-geniza]

unfortunately as you probably already know my brain has not quite gotten over its flash flood trauma so we are reheating matzo ball soup and watching the devil wears prada. my body is 75% adrenaline by volume and my consciousness is oozing along the ceiling

#i know intellectually i live above sea level now but The Body Keeps The Score and the body thinks we still live in The Basement #where roommate & i once stayed awake all night bailing out the kitchen like sailors dumping buckets of water overboard from a leaking boat #as floodwater kept sloshing in under the door #big standing water floods happened on average every 2-3 months but it flooded at least somewhat every time it rained #and during the summer storms it was several times a week

[razzledazzle-pop]

Every time the weekend rolls around my body is like “are u ready to rock?!” And then puts me into a coma for 14+ hours

#to be fair I run on like 3-4 hours a night during the week #revenge bedtime is real and it Gets Me every day #My natural sleep cycle is like 6-2 but I work a 9-5😭💀 #mmm coffee time

[cupofkey]

hhhhggghhhh I'm hitting that usual wall of "bruh my writing is not good and there is no point in writing this story" and not much work has been happening as a result. also a couple irritating things have been going on and it's not helping, even though I wanna escape into my writing world more often!!! hope to be done with ch6 by next wknd. send prayers

#rant #writing talk #we out here... ugh #I have a busy week also. yay working retail during pre-xmas #maybe i just need to let it cook a bit in my brain #i write and get excited then i read it and im like man... this is mid. who would gaf about this. #ykw would fix me? buldak ramen and having long really sparkly blinged out nails. i dream about this every night #also if anyone has any thoughts about ghlr good or bad id love to hear #i think it would be a great kick in the ass for me

[glowingin-thedark]

There will be a documentary released soon by TMZ about Britney Spears “post-conservatorship” and i would humbly ask all fans of Britney Spears to NOT watch it. There is clearly a directed attack at Britney’s mental well-being taking place and it is with every effort to lock her in a permanent care plan.

The conservatorship was an illegal and unethical breach of her civil liberties and make no mistake, she is still locked in it. Court documents from mere months ago list her as conservatee and they are in the process of assigning a conservator again to lead her “care plan”.

Britney told us all with no ambiguity that she had every intention of suing every person who harmed her. She told us in her court audio and self posted audios to instagram that her family was “trying to kill [her]”. She had a book slated to release and tmz reported this past holiday that there was a “paper shortage” while the publisher released plenty of other books in the same time and now we’re learning that two celebs are attempting to block its release. At every stop they have silenced her right to speak and move freely.

For some reason we’re not seeing the real Britney out and about and now they’re claiming she’s not fit to hold knives?! They want full control of the person and the estate again and they plan to win it in the court of public opinion.

Boycott this documentary. Britney hates documentaries made without her say or her commentary, don’t let TMZ continue to spew this narrative when they are directly responsible for her suffering.

#britney spears #free britney #britney isn’t free #where is britney’s book? #even if she IS unwell this is not whats best for her #they claimed in court documents she had DEMENTIA #and then LABOR TRAFFICKED HER through a four year 7 night a week residency in vegas #britney had to perform during 102 degree fever she stated it on stage #britney wanted to move out of the mansion but all videos are from inside it? #and lou taylor her business manager registered the home as a CHURCH in court documents #this is all sketchy and she is being ABUSED financially physically and psychologically #also fuck EVERY PERSON saying oh my god she must be off her meds #do you KNOW what happens when you give lithium (LITHIUM! a first gen drug ONLY used in severe treatment resistant bipolar) #it can INDUCE PSYCHOSIS #it can induce zombie like states of compliance and dissociation #she needs a single doctor who actually has her best interest in mind #a doctor spoke at the dissolution stating that she does not meet a SINGLE requirement for a conservatorship #do not believe their bs britney isnt free or she would be in court SUING every fucking one of them

[elegyofthemoon]

gotta love my schools not-actually-optional optional classes :^)

#my school: oh and u can take electives during this study period in case ud like to get ahead on ur clerkship! #me: oh ok! that sounds great but id rather use that time to just study for this big exam instead #and the deadlines are absurd (each deadline for the classes is every single day. that is absolutely unsustainable what) #my school sends me an email about falling behind bc im not taking the classes 🧍‍♂️ #so. its not optional. apparently. #i went back to reread the first email about it and they were like oh yes heres an opportunity for u to take these classes IF you want! #so like yeah for my own sanity i thought #ok id love to learn from these but its probably better if i just take care of myself and focus on studying #but nope! #im really contemplating more late nights and losing sleep but after last weeks conundrum after losing a whole night of sleep #and having subsequent panic attacks after that. Uh. No. #tw vent #vent #well. ok. i guess. #snow speaks #i sent an email to them about it so i can have a clearer understanding of wtf is going on #but they are sooooo slow #sometimes i wont get a response until the following week 🧍‍♂️ #sighs... ok back to studying ig #i feel like the past two months is me constantly going 'i am THIS close to giving up on this dream and just going off the deep end to #do something else.' but no i wanna keep trying orz

[britneyshakespeare]

im just gonna tmi-medication share in the tags real quick

#tales from diana #i want to preface this with i've been prescribed adderall as-needed for adhd for a fullllll decade now #don't come at me with anti-adderall or anti-adhd-medication bullshit im not here for it!! #but my health problems have been so bad and ive been getting the worst sleep of my life lately no matter WHAT i do #i can do everything right #and btw i do not take adderall every day. which is implied by as-needed but i want to stress again I DONT NEED IT EVERY DAY #only when i do like. work. which ive been doing less and less bc of health problems! #but even though i havent been able to physically work so much i still have been taking half-doses a couple times a week just to like. read. #just to have a brain to do ANYTHING when everything is so awful and my brain is so foggy #ive always *sometimes* cut my doses in half if im not doing so much. just to save it y'know. #and ive always also *occasionally* gotten worse or even a really bad night's sleep after taking adderall #most commonly i'll wake up absurdly early the next morning and not be able to fall back asleep #rationing sleep is always something ive been in the habit of doing anyway as a person w adhd. #sleeping 4-6 hours during the week and 10-12 hours on weekends. just to make up for the deprivation y'know. #but even lately cutting my regular dose in half. it's still too much. #my current dose btw is already half of what it was in high school! i decreased my dose already years ago #but yesterday i finally got the nerve to take. a damn quarter of my own pill #and i took the smaller quarter of the half i cut in half. #i was def taking less than 5mg of my damn medication #and i actually didnt sleep like complete shit! and i was also worried #it might not be so effective. #but it actually worked quite well. i had enough focus to read for several hours #i had energy throughout the day too #i sometimes try to do caffeine on days i cant/dont wanna take adderall but caffeine just does not do the addy things so effectively. iykyk. #i cant believe i have to be so skimpy w my own life-sustaining mental health medications just bc my physical health is so bad #but whatever. whatever! #im gonna take another quarter-dose today and finish pericles prince of tyre. have a great day everyone