#every person ive had been having a slightly more serious crush on ovwr the last idk ten years or so

[yangyangthegerman]

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#i guess it doesnt matter what my life looks like i dont change at all ever not a tiny bit.... #once ive crushed on someone that stupidity just stays with me forever huh #every person ive had been having a slightly more serious crush on ovwr the last idk ten years or so? #they could just randomly pop up in my life again and screw me over or whatever #and i would just let them #once i like someone idc i guess i will always have them in my heart #we dont speak in five years? who cares? bet your ass im still thinking about you every week #im still just wondering how you're doing hoping youre happy #and similtanously wondering why im so pathetic and annoying tbh #like... why? why still reach out to people again every once in a while when i clearly was given a chance and didn't want it? #seriously why am i like this? wtf is wrong with me? #can i not just forget that really sweet and fun people exist? #like i had deleted numbers and everything but i still go back every now and then and check up on them #and just like... im here wondering what my life would be like if i had actually given someone a real shot once #instead of getting scared every time even when i realised there was still an interest in me? #im too old to be this unreasonable and still get so hot and cold and hold on to my past feelings... this is almost obsessive #what even do i want #how weird does a person have to be #there are so many people from my past that i love so much that i never talk to anymore #people who a part of me still thinks of as friends although we havent seen each other in two years or more #whenever i think of people who i genuinely like and stuff... theyre still all there #why cant i let go? not even the ones who had done me dirty #if they reached out to me id give them another chance and another one and so on... what is this insanity #which one(s) of my stupid placements is responsible for this sort of thinking/behaviour ? #im tired... #i think too much about people who arent even part of my life.... #personal #sorry if anyone really read this tbh #i know i should just be focused on my stupid little life and the kid and all but ugh...