#every time I.come back I realize just how bad it was here

[vaciena]

I hate having to resort to guilt trips it makes me feel so dirty but my parents just don’t listen to anything else no matter what we try

#vent #we’ve tried over and over and over again and they don’t change anything unless there’s a guilt trip and I hate it #why can’t they communicate with words #I shouldn’t have to send a text mentioning the problem (which wasan accident) but also like six lines of me crying and bringing up bad #memories of things they used to do and my fears just to get them not to yell at me for the accident happening #why can’t ‘this happened by accident despite my best efforts’ be enough for them to not be mad at me #it’s not like I did it on purpose #I’m an adult. why can’t we communicate like adults #every time I.come back I realize just how bad it was here #no wonder I keep crying every day this summer. I already cried at least once a week bc this has been the worst year of my life #add in constant shoving of my medical trauma in my face and this shit and people trying to rely on me for support for their problems and #it makes so much sense #I hate having to resort to using guilt and emotions as a weapon just to get through a few medically necessary months here #it makes me feel like I’m undoing so many months of progress on controlling my emotions and approaching problems fairly and I hate it #so many of the things that happen here and the habits it brings out in me make me sick #I can be right all I want when I’m not physically here but when I’m here it’s whatever I can to avoid being yelled at and it ducks