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anachronistic-falsehood · 6 months

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i wanna grab qcellbit by the shoulders and shake him. something about the way he tries to separate the actions of cell from himself in a lot of ways just gets to me. “i’m not cell anymore that monster died” no he didn’t. you are cell. cell is you. he did not die. you just got better. “what did you do to get in prison? it wasn’t anything bad right?” “i mean what is bad really?” you’re undermining your own actions to tubbo and he doesn’t even know what you did in the first place. you could just say “it’s in the past, i'd rather not talk about it” but you're almost trying to justify what you've done. why? so that if he does find out he won’t think too harshly of you? so that you can feel better about it? to absolve yourself of some of that guilt?

you’re a master of deflection, just like your husband. but while his shield is humour, your switch between casual justification and shifting of blame. you don’t know how else to handle what you’ve done. your train of thought goes from “oh it’s fine it wasn’t that bad i got better we can joke about it haha” to “he was a monster and that’s not me he’s dead and he’s never coming back” amiga…. you are constantly in the midst of an identity crisis because you feel like shit over the things you’ve done. you cover up everything with a thin layer of lies and it's a miracle that some people believe everything you say at face value. the only people you’ve been genuine about this with are roier, richas, bad, and pac and bagi a little bit. you’ve slipped into some of those old habits lately. you might be killing federation workers as we speak.

you are cell. cell is you. you haven't killed the part of you that holds those impulses because to do so completely would be to kill yourself. you did those things. you've hurt people. the line you’ve shakily drawn between yourself and your actions in easily washable chalk is being sprayed by a garden hose. it's blurring.

#qsmp #qcellbit drives me fucking insane dude #you are the monster you are trying so desperately to hold back #you keep saying you've gotten better but you either deflect or lie almost every time your past comes up #the times you've been sincere about your feelings and your actions are so few and far between and with such a small handful of people #i cannot stop thinking about this fucking guy like ever #whiskeys word soup

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thesoftestmess · 4 months

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you give me two characters who are not quite human and are defined by their compassion and softness and then you make them be each other's sole companions for 400 years and make them co-govern a nation together and then you also reveal that they were both more or less the two only puppets in a larger-than-life play against the authority of the literal heavens and neither of them fully understood the role they were playing and then you make one turn against the other and make them watch a part of the other die and all this sacrifice and pain ends up saving a lot of people's lives, but it also ends with them away from each other for the first time in four centuries with a million things unspoken and you expect me not to ship them????

#genshin impact 4.2 spoilers #neuvifuri #genshin impact #genshin spoilers #the writers went insane with their dynamic...they put hard drugs into their dynamic #also this is not to say /there's no platonic explanation for this/#they go just as hard platonically but i just prefer the romantic pining version personally #the way you just cannot put everything that they are into enough words cause these bitches got LAYERS #you try to cut one of ther layers off and they sprout two new ones like some cursed hydra onion of hell #fari talks fic #also i have a fever and every time i'm ill i start overheating them in the microwave of my brain... coincidence??? i don't think so

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dayurno · 1 month

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agh….. there are a lot of little things about kevin’s treatment in tkm especially that really hurt me, but the whole situation with telling wymack is the worst of it. give our boy a break 😭😭😭😭 he’s struggling!

SO MEAN TO HIM i was just talking to luni liaisun about this yesterday but the way kevin is blamed for so many things that are not at all his fault (neil going to evermore out of his own volition, kayleigh hiding that he's wymack's son, neil asking him to lie about his past and not tell the foxes that he's the butcher's son) and subsequently isolated from the group because of that is insane LOL i think kevin and andrew get a pretty similar treatment from the upperclassmen but by the end of tkm andrew has been 'humanized' to them through neil while kevin hasnt yet shown the threshold of humanity needed to be treated like a person worthy of grace and understanding

this is mostly a personal opinion and can be totally disregarded from canon intentions but to me kevin's isolation from the foxes is very relevant to my own experiences of navigating the world while noticeably neurodivergent, and its one of the things that brought me closer to kevin's character in the first place. i think while reading it is easy to agree with how the world at large (and even kevin himself at times) thinks kevin is, but kevin's crime really is that he's weird even among people who are weird; he's annoying and he's overinvested and he's programmed and when you're neurodivergent that's three of the top reasons why people choose to deny you kindness and humanity and understanding. i'm not sure where i was going with this and i'm not the best at articulating my thoughts on this subject, and of course kevin is annoying and intense, but that's not. illegal. you know? a person being annoying to you shouldn't make them an easy target for all of your frustrations and that's, ultimately, a very Autistic Experience

#every day i sit in bed thinking about dan telling andrew if he ever harms another person on the team he's out of it then doing fuck shit #after he choked kevin out in baltimore #killing myself in front of the foxes thus changing the course of their lives forever #asks #kevin #sorry about openingm y heart to you anon i wasnt going to talk about that at all but then it hit me #im sure smarter people have put this into words better than me but #when youre neurodivergent and a little annoying its honestly the floodgates of hell people think they can do and say anything to you #youre inherently less valuable for something you ultimately cannot control

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dailyquotes6563 · 14 days

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Given enough time, every building collapses, every flower turns to ash, every candle burns out, every name must be forgotten. This is not sad.

Iain Thomas, Every Word You Cannot Say

#Iain Thomas #Every Word You Cannot Say #Quote #quote of the day #quotes #life quotes #life #life advice

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itspileofgoodthings · 8 months

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one time my mom was talking about something, I don’t remember what, and she said “have you ever known the poverty of having nothing to say?” and when I say nothing has ever punctured my heart quite like that statement

#I don’t even fully know why. also I don’t think she even meant it how I took it #but there is just some part of me that does believe that that is the greatest poverty #when there are no words in your mind or heart. no phrases—nothing to rely on or fall back on #and you just have to struggle with the human condition and be able to express none of it #and I know that not everyone uses words like I do or relies on them that way but people need some words. they need something #this is why a) I never make fun of those Instagram accounts that are all cheesy inspirational quotes or whatever because people are trying #they are REACHING #also b) that’s why villains who are wordlessly violently destructive make me cry #because it’s just like—-yeah I can understand turning to violence if I didn’t have expression #if I couldn’t get anything out #also also this is not related but I watched some movie or tv show the other day (and I cannot for the life of me remember which one it was)#but there was this couple on a date and the girl asks him to complete all these proverbs after she gives him the first half #because ‘a man who knows his proverbs can’t be all bad’ and it shook. Me. To. My. CORE.#also also!! this is why I teach! it’s the heart of it for me!! And why I make them memorize poetry. like.#and put quotes on the board every day. like. You will have words and images in your mind and your heart from my class if I have anything #to say about it #anyway sometimes my mom says things and casually devastates me #and I think (I think) she was just talking about the poverty of having no news because nothing is going on #and so you have nothing to share with someone. and she was talking about my Grandma and how sometimes she was just so sullen and quiet #but it’s just because there was nothing to say #anyway anyway anyway that is also why the one time on the phone my grandma said who has known the mind of the Lord —shook me so much #because she never really said anything. words were not her thing and she never quoted anything #and suddenly her saying this line of scripture that said more than any words I’d ever said —one of the defining moments of my life #tbh. anyway this is very long I’m sorry. I have woken up this morning crying about this. idk.

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yet-another-heathen · 3 months

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The First Ember - IX

1,921 words. Original work: The Jackal of An Nadr

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Content Warning | unintentional drug overdose by captors (bad side effects but not life threatening), fever whump, the very first signs of pneumonia, undressing while unconscious (medical reasons), heavy bruising, evidence of past noncon, wound/scar reveal, mention of unsanitary bodily fluids, [Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings]

Tag List | @killtheprotagonist @secretwhumplair @ink-and-salt @kixngiggles @brutal-nemesis @thebewilderer @whumpsical @just-a-whumping-racoon-with-wifi @whimperwoods @shydragonrider @pizzasthengym @thecyrulik @ceph-the-ghost-writer @mylifeisonthebookshelf @ohwhumpydays @redwingedwhump @whump-queen @scoundrelwithboba @suspicious-whumping-egg

The human looked like it might not survive the night.

Yeezumon had been cradling it for the last fifteen minutes while Odrai climbed down the side of the ship to gather sand from the dunes. It was already several hours into the night, but below the topmost inch of sand, the dunes were nearly as warm as they had been during the day. He returned to the deck and passed the bags down to Ifyaa. As he did, he cast a somewhat worried glance at the human. "How bad is it?"

"...I don't know yet," Ifyaa admitted, creating a nest on their cot with the bags. "It's running a bad fever, and...." He paused, sharing a worried look with Yeezumon. "And I think we may have overdosed it on the eadh."

The little thing was showing every sign of it there was. Breaths clouded with heavy mist, despite the warmth of the cabin. Excessive tears. Cold sweat. Everything across its body that could produce water was doing so in abundance. On its own it wouldn't have even been that concerning; eadh overdoses weren't fatal. But with the fever already ravaging its system? That changed everything.

Odrai seemed to realize as much. But all he could offer was, "If anyone can save it, it's you."

Ifyaa said quietly, "Thank you, Odrai."

"We'll call on you if we need anything, but you should go," Yeezumon said gently. The human was starting into another fit of incoherent crying. "It isn't safe."

Odrai just nodded, giving the human one last, lingering look. Then he was gone, the trap door shut behind him.

The Husbands shared another look, then turned their attention back to the human. It was clinging onto Yeezumon like a lifeline, face pressed flush against the heat of his chest. Every inch of it was violently shivering against the cold. Its clothes were nearly soaked through with sweat, even to the outermost layer of its robes. Long hair had come loose from its braids and gotten tangled from tossing and turning beneath the sheets. Tear tracks, snot, and saliva smeared parts of its face. It was entirely a mess.

It was crying. Sometimes letting out incoherent jumbles of words as it dreamed, but mostly just crying. Every whine sent waves of glowing, orange pain through their chests like embers being caught by a breeze. It felt like a barb tugging on the wrong side of Ifyaa's sternum, as sharp as it was disturbing.

He sat down on the edge of the cot, wringing out the cloth in warm water. Its eyes barely opened at all, and when they did there was no coherent thought at all behind them. Drifting, unseeing. Wherever it was in its dreams, it was lost there. And still, when Ifyaa brought the cloth to gently dab at its face, it immediately twisted away. Gasping. Taking in deep, clouded breaths like it was struggling to breathe.

There was every chance it was. The only time that an eadh overdose could be dangerous was if the lungs began to fill with fluid. That usually took weeks of constant overuse before it became a problem. But Ifyaa could hear the crackling of its lungs when it breathed too deep. Just because something was safe for the ifrit didn't necessarily mean it was for a human.

It took a while for the wave of crying to pass, the human already so burnt out that it simply couldn't continue. Yeezumon continued murmuring reassurances against its temple, running hands over it to try to give it more warmth.

Both of them were worried. But the look on Yeezumon's face was heartbreaking.

"Habibi, if I've killed it—"

"No. No, love." Ifyaa laid a hand on his cheek. "It won't be because of the eadh. If it doesn't make it, it will be because of the fever. You haven't done anything that can't be fixed with time."

"It might not have time."

All he could do was manage a small smile. "Have you met this thing? Don't give up on it just yet."

That managed to get a huff of air in lieu of a laugh. It wasn't much, but it was a start.

"Here. Help me get it out of its robes."

They moved it to the bed, Yeezumon settling in behind its back. His fingers started on the lacing of its robe. The little thing barely even stirred, boneless aside from the rhythmic strain of its breaths.

They worked its clothes off in effortless tandem. First the burnt sepia-orange of its outer robes. Then the long pants it wore beneath, and finally the soaked-through fabric of its kurta.

Both of them stopped entirely when they saw what was underneath.

Bruises, mottled all across bronze skin. Across its stomach. Its knees. Rope burns spun around its wrists and ankles. A massive, red-purple blotch colored its hip most of the way down one thigh. But they were nothing compared to the dozens of bruises along the inside of its thighs and encircling its upper arms. Many the still-recognizable shape of hands.

Its chest had been wrapped with a long length of bandaging, nearly covering its entire ribcage. Just beneath its collarbone on the side of its heart, an angry red brand lay scabbed and broken. The symbol was nearly the size of the boy's own palm. It looked like calligraphy, the kind that the Qa'imrani merchants along the east edge of the desert used for trade.

Ifyaa recognized the script before Yeezumon did.

"The boy has been branded a thief."

It took several long moments for the implications to sink in for both of them. The horror of it wasn't even that it was a criminal. They were on a pirate ship, after all. It was so much worse than that.

"So that's why we found it all alone out there." Yeezumon wiped a hand down his face. "Its own people left it out there to die."

Over something that as an ifrit would, at worst, have lost a hand over. The two of them already knew what little regard humans had for each other's lives, but staring down the evidence of it was sickening.

"The mark can't be more than a week or two old."

"No wonder it reacted to the iron as badly as it did. And all this...." He was still staring at the bruises that disappeared all the way up under its innerwear. "It didn't even show other signs that it was hurt."

Ifyaa probed gently over the bandage on its chest. "Help me lift it up a little. I need to see how bad the wounds are."

They readjusted, and Ifyaa began unwinding the linen starting at the bottom of its ribs. He was careful not to press too firmly, no idea what he was going to find.

But with every unwound coil, he found only more unbroken skin beneath. A few mottled bruises, but no cuts. And his gentle probing only produced the faint winces that he'd expect of tender bruising. Nothing that indicated broken ribs.

Ifyaa's eyebrows furrowed. And then with one more undone loop, his face lit up with surprise. "Oh."

The jackal wasn't hurt.

It wasn't a bandage.

Beneath the soft, brown waves of chest hair he'd been expecting, there were breasts. It was clear they'd been intentionally softened and made flatter over time, either by the repeated compression, or by hand. The boy wasn't hurt. He'd been binding. And by the looks of it, he'd been doing so for a very long time.

The Husbands made a flash of eye contact over the top of him. Then after a pause, Ifyaa's hands moved to carefully check over the rest of its ribs. It had a rather spectacular bruise on its shoulder to match the one on its hip, but aside from that he found nothing.

"Well....that's far better than I'd expected to find. At least nothing is broken. Here, lend me your hands."

Yeezumon helped him to work off its innerwear. He'd been planning to do so anyway, it needed as much skin-to-skin contact as possible for warmth. But it was the final confirmation of what they both suspected. While he certainly was a man now, he hadn't been born that way. He was one of the Inan.

And there was even more evidence of what had been done to him all the way up his thighs. Layers of bruises, in addition to scratch marks on his hips. This couldn't all be the work of one man. It was brutal.

"Gods..." Yeezumon whispered. "No wonder it's so terrified. If its own people did this, imagine what it must think is coming for it now."

Its shivering had badly worsened with its skin exposed to the air, and its unconscious sounds of distress were as sad as they were painful. Yeezumon spent a moment working down his own pants, then lay down and drew it closer against his chest.

He was careful to keep it away from his own bandaged shoulder, but was able to position a sandbag between its thighs where the arteries ran beneath. Then he wrapped it up in all his remaining arms, a loose embrace that it sank into immediately. A few more tears raced down its cheek. But its breaths were already coming easier now that the pressure of the binding was gone. And soon what sounds it was making were ones of exhausted, boneless relief.

Ifyaa spent a while longer cleaning the worst of the sweat from its skin, then undressed and joined them. Half his arms braided themselves between his Husband's, while the other set about gently teasing the tangles back out of the boy's hair.

"It's going to be so angry with us in the morning," he said.

Yeezumon chuckled. "Without even the faintest doubt." A moment of quiet. "I'm almost afraid to give it more eadh at all, come tomorrow. Is there anything in the infirmary we can use as an alternative?"

"Nothing with so few side effects. We'll just have to start in much smaller doses, and see how it tolerates it."

"Mm."

He fit his hand into one of Yeezumon's, and gave a small squeeze. They'd been married for three centuries. He knew the sound of his husband's guilt. "He's going to be alright, Habibi. Don't spare your regret on something that hasn't happened yet."

Yeezumon sighed, but gave a small nod.

Softly, "I'll take first watch. Get some sleep."

Another nod. Then as was their way, "I love you always."

"I love you longer still."

They lapsed into silence. Ifyaa spent the time carding gently through the human's hair. He enjoyed the feeling of loose waves that were so different from the curls he was familiar with. And though his mind drifted, he continued to listen as the human's heart evened out and slowed. It was falling into deeper sleep at last.

....but after a while, something caught at the edge of his senses. The rich smell of incense, edged with a coppery tang that made his head start to spin. Pheromones as familiar to him as the number of his hands. His mouth twitched up.

He knew exactly what his husband was thinking about—because he'd been thinking it, too. "Don't get too tempted," he said, not bothering to hide the amusement in his voice. "I know full well how you get when you're around them."

Yeezumon didn't open his eyes, but his mouth twitched. "You're just as guilty as me."

A chuckle. Yes, that he was. “We're still selling him.”

“Wouldn't even dream otherwise.”

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