#everybody's seen their friends naked at one time or another

[markhoffmans-certified-slut]

7 Minutes In Heaven | Billy Loomis

Pairing: Billy Loomis x female!reader

Word count: 5K

Warnings/contents: Strong language, mild sexual innuendos, light fluff. 

Notes: Sometimes I forget how hot Billy is when he's pissed off, and then I see this gif and I go... 😍🤤

I hope that you guys enjoy this chapter, I had a fun time trying to figure out what to do for it and I think that it ended up sort of good.

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The sofa dipped beside you as a warm arm wrapped around your shoulder and pulled you close; you were zoning out, staring at the wall behind your friends head for the past few minutes. The sudden action made you jump slightly as the man beside you let out a sigh and grinned. 

“Wasn’t this a great party?” Stu asked, looking around at the room of dwindling guests. He was right— the party had been a success and gone nearly all night long; the sun was going to start coming up before you knew it and everyone started to show up to his house around six o’clock yesterday evening. Your eyes were tired as you glanced at the man and brought your cup to your lips. 

“Yeah, it sure was.” You met Tatum’s eyes across the room and shifted awkwardly. She always knew that there was nothing going on between you and Stu— after all, you were constantly reminding her that he was like a brother— a very annoying brother. However that didn’t mean that you weren’t uncomfortable sometimes when she caught you with him like this. It was no secret that Stu had cheated on her over the summer. And that was the time she knew of. “You want anything from the kitchen?” You asked, knocking his arm off of your shoulder as you stood. 

“Nah,” before he could finish his sentence, you started to head away and walk towards the bright kitchen. Blinking hard, you refilled your half empty cup and rubbed your tired eyes carefully, though you were certain your makeup had to be smudged already. It had been on for over twenty four hours now. You had come straight from work to Stu’s party. 

The kitchen was a mess— you didn’t even want to know what the rest of the house looked like. Somehow Stu would get everything cleaned up before his parents got home, most likely with Billy’s help. 

“Hey,” you looked over and sent your friend a smile when she peeked around the kitchen doorframe. “Stu wants to play a game before everyone leaves. Want to join?” 

“Sure. What are we playing?” You asked, walking alongside Sidney to the sitting room. “Knowing Stu, probably something that ends with someone being naked.” 

“It’s probably strip truth or dare,” she snickered, playing along with your joke. “Or strip “Never have I ever.”” The two of you shared another laugh before walking towards the small group of people left and sat down in the semi-formed circle. There were a few people that you recognized from high school, but then there were a lot more unfamiliar faces. You wouldn’t have been surprised if there were over two-hundred people in this house over the course of the past twelve hours. 

“Alright everybody,” Stu started, though he tipped his head upwards and chugged the last bit of beer in a bottle that you hoped hadn’t been sitting there for too long, and sent the room a smirk. “We’re all playing seven minutes in heaven.” Tatum shot him a dirty look as you and Sidney shared a groan. 

“Maybe we’ll get someone super drunk and we can make them forget what we’re playing,” Sidney whispered hopefully into your ear. 

“Or maybe we’ll get thrown up on.” She cringed at the thought while you watched Stu set the bottle in the middle of the circle and ignored Tatum’s stare. 

“So… who’s spinning first?” Sidney asked, glancing around the room of drunk and hungover college students hunched over with their head in their hands. The thought of being shoved against one of these strangers in the small closet made your stomach churn. You had sworn you’d seen several of the people in the circle throwing up earlier in the night. 

“First to ask, first to spin.” Stu gestured to the daunting bottle on the floor. Sidney sent you a semi-timid look out of the corner of her eye, earning a huff from you. 

“I’ll go first.” You leaned in, grasping the bottle by the neck and hoping that you would end up with someone who either hadn’t thrown up tonight, or who was less drunk than some of the others. You leaned back onto your knees and watched as it came to a stop— then quickly your eyes went wide and your lip curled in disgust. “God, this night just keeps getting fucking worse.” 

“What a lucky man I am,” Stu sent you a devious smirk and stood as Tatum looked between the two of you quickly and huffed as she crossed her arms. He moved until he stood over you and offered a hand down towards you; sending Tatum a quick, apologetic look, you stood up on your own, ignoring the mans hand and starting to walk towards the small coat closet by the front door. You glanced back and saw Billy, a semi-annoyed look on his face as he followed a smirking Stu towards the closet behind you. 

“Have fun.” Billy’s tone was dull, one you didn’t hear often. He seemed less than impressed at the situation, but you weren’t entirely sure why. 

“Oh, we will—“ 

“We won’t—“ You and Stu spoke at the same time as he pulled you into the closet with him. Billy seemed to hesitate for a second before he shut the closet door. 

“Time starts… now.” Billy called through the closed door and blocked the handle with the chair. Your gut wrenched as you shimmied as far away from Stu as possible. He was so close in the closet you swore that you could feel his body heat radiating towards you even as you pushed yourself back against the wall. 

“You couldn’t have picked strip truth or dare, or something?” You grumbled in complaint at the man after a moment of silence. Stu gave a quick snicker and reached towards you for your shoulder. 

“You’d rather everybody see your boobs than just me?” With a scoff, you slapped the mans hand away as his chilly fingers traced your collarbone. 

“You are not going to be seeing my boobs tonight, Stu.” He gave a soft hum in response. 

“Yeah, y’know what? You’re right. It’s way too dark to see anything in here.” It was dark in the closet but slowly your eyes were adjusting to Stu’s outline as he spoke. 

“You know that isn’t what I meant.” You said, agitated with the man. Stu reached for you again, though this time this fingers graced your cheek before he firmly planted his palm against the side of your face. “And stop acting like you were ever going to see my boobs tonight anyways— go look at your girlfriends instead.” Stu hummed in a teasing tone, though it felt like it was only half paying attention to the words that you were saying. 

“But yours look so much better in those tight shirts that you wear.” Your face heated up quick; there was something about him that never failed to anger you. His attitude, his cocky smile, his voice— but most importantly, how little he seemed to care about one of your best friends. 

“You are such a fucking asshole— piece of shit— garbage— jerk!” Stu tilted his head to the side and slowly leaned in, quickly grabbing your hands when you reached up to plant them on his chest to keep him back. Stu held both your wrists tight in his hand, leaning in until his warm breath hit the skin beneath your lips. 

“If I’m such a fucking asshole then why would I bring you in here to do this?” Curiosity bit at you when Stu didn’t immediately go to kiss you or say anything else. 

“Do what…?” Stu gave a soft laugh— a mocking one that made your chest tighten— the smell of alcohol was lingering on his breath, but it wasn’t bothering you as much as not understanding what was going on. Stu was up to something, and for once you didn’t feel a menacing threat from him. 

“Make him mad.” You were wracking your brain trying to understand what he meant, but he spoke up again as soon as the alarm went off in the other room. “Just go with it. Trust me— just this once.” He said in an encouraging voice. Soft footsteps started to head for the closet, giving you a feeling of relief before Stu was quick to shove his knee between your legs and forced his lips against yours. 

You gasped into his mouth at the quick movements from the man, giving him the opportunity to shove his tongue into your mouth as he reached up and grasped for your neck; his fingers wrapped around the back of your neck and held you painstakingly close so that you couldn’t pull away from him. Your hands wiggled in his grasp as the door opened and the light nearly blinded you. 

With an overdramatized ‘smack,’ Stu pulled away and looked out into the sitting room with a smirk on his face. 

“Whoops. Guess we got caught.” Your face was hot, eyebrows furrowed inwards in annoyance and confusion. Stu let your wrists go, though he lingered for a moment on your neck and sent you a wink. You reached up, rubbing the spot that his thumb had been digging into your skin, wondering if his grip was enough to leave a mark. It had sure felt like he was holding you tight enough. 

Stu went back to the sitting room and sat where he originally was, but you saw Tatum scoot away so that she wasn’t as close to him. Her eyes lingered on you for a moment before she reached for the bottle. 

“I’ll go next.” You frowned, shoulders slumping as you walked back towards your spot and avoided eye contact with the group. Everybody had expected this exact scenario, but you didn’t want to meet anybody’s gaze. Especially not Stu’s. 

“Are you okay?” Sidney asked quietly as she sat next to you. “Did he assault you in there or something?” You shook your head softly. 

“He just… has really strong fingers.” Sidney raised an eyebrow at you and opened her mouth to speak, but you were quick to cut her off. “No! I mean…” You huffed and watched the bottle spin. “He was just holding onto my neck really hard.” 

When the bottle finally stopped, Tatum immediately grimaced. 

The boy that it landed on was possibly the drunkest in the circle, barely even able to stand up right let alone help her stand up. She nudged his hand away, sending Stu a quick glance with a huff before she stood. Stu seemed as if he was pretending not to see her desperate eyes as he reached for the timer from Sidney and stood up. Sidney scoffed as Stu led Tatum and the boy towards the small closet. 

“He is such a… a…” 

“Dickhead?” Sidney gave a soft chuckle and nodded. 

“Remind me— why are we friends with them?” 

“This is all because of Tatum— I didn’t even know who Stu was before she met him.” Sidney sighed and looked over as Stu headed back with the timer in hand. You saw that it hadn’t been started yet. 

“Alright— who wants to play strip truth or dare while they’re in there?” He asked, eyeing you in a way that made your stomach churn. You sent the man a dirty look that made him laugh. “What? I thought that you said you wanted me to see your boobs.” 

“I did not say that!” You seethed at the man. 

“Ooh— that’s right, you said that you’d rather the whole room see them than just me.” 

“I didn’t say that either!” 

“I distinctly remember—“ Sidney cleared her throat loudly before the two of you could get into another one of your longwinded fights. 

“Why don’t we just play normal truth or dare? Or never have I ever? Something that won’t end in a fight.” 

“With him? Unlikely.” You grumbled. 

“Well, I have a wonderful dare for you.” Stu grinned. 

“I would never choose dare from you.” You scoffed. 

“Really? Not even if I dared you to kiss me again?” Your cheeks went hot as you went to reply, nearly standing up to yell at the man before Sidney pressed you back and spoke. 

“Never have I ever hosted a party and had nobody show up.” She intervened while you glared at Stu— a look that only Billy could rival. A girl across from Sidney sighed and grabbed her drink, taking a swift shot of it and wincing. Stu laughed as he looked at her, letting you be free from his antagonizing stare for even just a second. 

The timer went off and Sidney was quick to get up to go save Tatum. 

For the moment, things were quiet, Stu looked back, watching his girlfriend nearly stumble out of the closet with her shirt ruffled. You assumed that it must’ve been some form of revenge as she expectantly looked at Stu, but he didn’t seem like he cared at all. 

“We’re playing never have I ever while other people are in the closet.” Sidney informed Tatum while she fixed her shirt. This time, Tatum moved between the two kids from your other classes rather than sit beside Stu. You expected that their fight might last about a week this time. “So… who’s spinning next?” The girl beside Tatum seemed like she was desperate to find any way out of a game that might end up with her drinking more, so she was quick to raise her hand and lean in to spin the bottle. 

It spun for what felt like forever before it finally started to slow to a stop and landed dead on Sidney— earning a perverted chuckle from Stu as if he wanted to be in the room with them when this was happening. Sidney, however, sighed and rolled her eyes in his direction. 

“Your perverted fantasies aren’t going to be coming true.” You swore that the other girl immediately sunk in relief at being in the closet with Sidney. The guys were drunk and she seemed like she trusted Sidney. Stu hopped up and headed with the girls towards the closet, leaving everybody in a bittersweet moment of silence before he came back. You missed Sidney’s presence next to you, holding you back from arguing with the man that was now seated across from you again. 

You glanced around the circle, but your eyes met another’s quickly. Billy was looking at you, and when you met his gaze, he didn’t look away immediately, you sent him a quick, small smile before turning your gaze back to Stu as he spoke up. 

“Never have I ever gotten so drunk that I’ve pissed on myself.” You were slightly surprised to see a decent number of people in the circle take a sip from their cup. You and Tatum met each others gaze with a mixture of equally disgusted looks on your face. “Never have I ever—“ 

“You don’t get to go twice,” you cut the man off quick, an uneasy feeling settling in your stomach from the devious smirk he had on his face as he eyed you down. The look on his face could only bring bad things and you weren’t in the mood for it. 

“Then you go.” You didn’t take the time to think before you spoke, dead-set on trying to embarrass the man like he had you; however, you forgot to take into consideration that Stu didn’t care about anybody in this circle outside of himself— including his girlfriend. 

“Never have I ever had sex with two people in one night— within the past two years.” Stu took a shot from his drink proudly, something that noticeably hurt Tatum. You felt bad for a moment as she stood and started for the bathroom, but you barely had the time to look at her before he spoke again. 

“Aren’t you going to take a shot?” He smirked at you. “Never have I ever sucked a dick in a dirty bathroom for some alcohol.” He shot at you, but before anybody in the circle had the chance to react, you fired back. 

“Never have I ever cheated on my girlfriend— multiple times.” 

“Never have I ever been so afraid to admit my feelings for someone that I hid in the bathroom an entire lunch period.” 

“Never have I ever been so disgusting that I want to vomit when I look in the mirror.” 

“Jokes on you, I don’t want to vomit.” 

“Looking at you makes me want to make myself vomit.” 

The front door clicking shut drew your attention away from the aggravating man. The room was empty aside from you, Stu and Billy now. 

“Good going, you chased everybody off.” Stu teased you, knowing that it was going to press your final button. 

“I swear to god, Stu—“ Before you could finish your sentence, the timer on his phone went off. He was quick to bounce up and start heading for the closet with a quick wink at you. 

“You’ll have to swear to god some other time.” 

It was clear as the women left the closet that nothing had happened. Sidney looked around the now almost empty room and frowned. 

“Where did everybody go?” 

“(y/n) chased everyone off with her off-putting personality.” 

“Shut up, Stu!” Sidney sighed as the other girl started to sneak towards the door, wanting to escape the tension of the room. Stu sighed and shook his head as the door clicked shut once more. 

“Well… I guess it’s time we end the party.” Sidney said, but Stu was quick to intervene. 

“What? No, we can’t end the party. Billy hasn’t even gone yet.” 

“Admit it, you just want to tongue Billy in the closet.” You shot at the man, but for the first time in maybe forever, you only received a frown from him. 

“Billy, spin the bottle.” The other man looked as confused as you were as he reached for the bottle; if there was one thing the three of you silently agreed on as Stu sat down in the now much smaller circle, the man was relatively unstable and he was acting weirder than usual— something that nobody wanted to push wrong. 

“Where is Tatum?” Sidney asked. “She didn’t try and drive home, did she?” 

“I’ll go check on Tatum in a minute.” Stu said as he looked at Sidney. “Just sit down.” 

“What the hell happened while I was in there?” Sidney asked quietly as she scooted closer to you. Taking a second to glance in her direction, you sighed. 

“A lot.” 

A devious chuckle left the man across from you that made the hairs on your arms stand up. You looked down at the bottle and saw it facing you perfectly. 

“Come on, lovebirds.” Stu stood, heading towards the closet as if he was happier than anybody else in the room seemed to be— maybe even more excited than anybody had been all night long. Your cheeks flushed as you glanced at Billy. He stood, extending a hand in your direction and waiting patiently for your fingers to grasp onto his. You had barely seen the man tonight— after all, you could barely spend any time around him without making a fool out of yourself on a good day. 

But you took his hand and let him help you; Sidney was quick to send you a smile and a thumbs up when you glanced backwards at her. 

Billy walked into the closet first and as you were going to step inside, Stu nudged you and made you trip. Billy was quick to catch you by the waist as you yelped. 

“Dammit, Stu!” You turned to yell at the man, only to have the door slammed in your face. 

“Seven minutes!” Stu called out from the other side as he pushed the chair beneath the door handle and walked back to the once fully formed circle with Sidney. Stu set his phone down, the timer off and phone facing down. 

“What has gotten into him lately?” You grumbled, shifting with Billy so that you weren’t fully pressed against him in the small closet. Now, you were in the same position that you were in when it was you and Stu in the closet. “He’s been more annoying than usual lately.” 

“Seems like you had fun with him in here.” Billy responded dully. You gave a soft groan in discontent. 

“No, we did not have fun.” 

“Seemed like it when the door opened.” 

“He was the one kissing me—” 

“Besides, you said you wanted him to see your boobs?” 

“I didn’t say that!” 

“Tatum probably won’t mind if you’re blowing her boyfriend anyways. I think she’s getting tired of him.” 

“I am not blowing Stu!” You said, your upper lip curling in disgust— something that Billy wouldn’t see. “I can’t even believe that you’d think— ew! You don’t really believe I’d voluntarily put his dick in my mouth do you? He’s gross.” 

“You looked pretty cozy in here.” You scoffed, going to speak, but suddenly Stu’s voice came to your mind. You hesitated for a moment before you spoke again. 

“Are you upset about that?” 

“Why should I be mad? If you wanna fuck him, it’s none of my business.” 

“I don’t know. Why are you mad?” Billy hesitated for a moment before he scoffed, taking a small step closer to you. 

“Did you ever think that maybe you can’t stand Stu so much because you’re like him?” He asked in an impatient tone. 

“Uh— offensive.” You complained. “Why the fuck does Stu think that shoving his tongue into my mouth would piss you off anyways? Thats what he said.” You were slightly hopeful in the back of your mind. Maybe he likes me. Maybe he’s jealous. Maybe Stu was trying to help after all. 

“He’s an idiot.” Was all that Billy said. You sighed and looked down; the only light that came into the room was illuminating your shoes. After what felt like forever, he finally spoke again. “Alright, maybe there’s something that I should tell you.” Billy sighed, his warm fingers gently nudging your chin up. He’d gotten closer than you thought he had, so close that you felt his breath on your face. Billy opened his mouth to speak again when all of the sudden the front door slammed shut— loudly. 

“Tatum!” Sidney called out and hurried footsteps ran towards the door. It opened again and then shut, a clear indication that both of your friends were now gone. You swore you heard an engine start and felt your heart drop. 

“No fucking way,” you groaned quietly. “There goes my ride.” Suddenly, the door opened and nearly blinded you with the light as Billy’s hand fell back to his side. Stu looked annoyed as he turned and walked away. 

“Party’s over.” You left the closet, hurrying towards the front door and pulling it open quickly. You stepped outside, noticing the car that you had arrived here in was no longer sitting outside of the house. 

“Oh, no, no, no…” You groaned, reaching up to push your hair back. “Fuck…” a cold hand was placed on your shoulder, quickly catching your attention; you met Stu’s gaze. He sent you a mischievous wink, one that didn’t match his previous demeanor. 

“You can stay here overnight. My bed has room for two.” 

“Stu—“ 

“I’ll take you home.” You looked behind the tall man, catching Billy’s gaze and hesitating. 

“No, really— feel free to stay if you want. Both of you can. I have a spare bedroom, too.” Stu nudged Billy, quickly getting an elbow to the ribs in return. 

“She’s got a cat.” Was all Billy said as he reached for the coatrack and grabbed his jacket. “Come on, I’ll walk you home.” You sent a tentative glance towards Stu, who looked from Billy to you. He sent you a small smile, one that (for once in the years that you’d known him) seemed genuine. 

“It’s only a few blocks,” you said, turning to Billy and following him out the door. He held his coat over his arm, reaching around you to shut the door behind you as Stu headed in the opposite direction. “I don’t mind walking myself. You can stay with Stu.” 

“What kind of guy would I be if I let a pretty girl walk home alone in the middle of the night?” He said the words nonchalantly, but it made your face feel warm as you averted eye contact from the man and looked down. “It’s just a few blocks.” He repeated your words. You crossed your arms, rubbing them and starting to walk beside the man and towards the sidewalk. “Tonight was kind of a shit show, huh?” He said aloud, though almost to himself. Despite that, you responded anyways. 

“Yeah— I, uh… I feel bad for Tatum. I hope she isn’t too mad at me…” Gently, a coat was placed over your shoulders as you rubbed your arms, eyes concentrated on the concrete beneath your feet. You glanced at the man, shocked at the gesture. It was rare that you were alone with Billy, but every time that you were things felt different. He seemed nicer, walked closer, talked more. 

“I don’t think you need to worry too much about it. Like I said, she’s getting tired of him and I don’t think Stu is gonna keep her around much longer.” You frowned and met his gaze again. “What? Come on— do you think he wants to marry her?” 

“I just think you’re being a little crude.” 

“She isn’t here, who cares?” 

“I care.” You stopped, appalled at the man who stopped a few feet ahead of you. “She’s my best friend and I don’t like the way that your best friend treats her.” Billy looked down and sighed. 

“Alright, I’m sorry.” He said, shoving his hands into his pockets as your clammy fingers grasped onto the coat he had lent you. “You’re right.” Things were quiet for a minute between the two of you before he looked around the dark area and sighed. “Come on, let’s just get you home.” He gestured for you to follow him, and so you did. 

Regardless that you could have walked yourself and you had argued that fact, you were thankful for the man in this moment; the area wasn’t dangerous, but you weren’t completely sober and you were never out this late anymore. 

“Thanks for taking me home, Billy.” You finally spoke. “I appreciate it.” 

“It’s not a big deal. It’s late anyways. People are getting killed out here.” You nodded gently, eyes trained to the ground and missing the way that he looked down at you. “Sorry Stu’s been such a dick tonight.” He added. “And, uh… what happened in the closet…” He hesitated, stopping his slow walk and shaking his head. “Look, I’m sorry about what I said in the closet. I know you don’t like him.” 

“Why were you so mad then?” You asked, looking back at the man that sucked on his teeth and quickly averted eye contact when he met your gaze. 

“Because I wanted to be the one in the closet kissing you and he knows that.” Things went silent as your fingers loosened around the death grip that you didn’t know you had on the jacket. It smelled strong, almost as if he was right in front of you despite still being a few feet away from you. “And Stu was just trying to piss me off to get me to say it.” 

“I guess that worked, huh?” Things were quiet again as Billy sighed and looked away from you, out towards the tree line by the dead road. “Why didn’t you just… kiss me?” 

“It’s not that easy— I can’t just walk up to you and kiss you. I didn’t think you wanted to kiss me anyways. Stu thought that getting us alone together in the closet would make it easier.” Taking a small step closer to the man, you bit down on the inside of your cheek. 

“You could have just told me.” You spoke gently. “I would have, uh… I would have told you that I wanted to kiss you, too.” Billy hesitated for a moment before he finally looked at you again. You waited for a moment before you reached up, fingers pressing to his cheek. Your legs shook, your face was hot, and every inch of your body wanted to run away and never speak to the man again. But you forced yourself to stare at him and speak in a breathy tone. “Just kiss me, Billy.” 

He nodded and leaned in, closing his eyes as he reached for your waist and pulled you in to press a kiss to your lips. You gave a shaky exhale as he left you with a soft ‘smack,’ but Billy was quick to lean back in for another kiss— one that you didn’t deny. You let go of the jacket with your other hand, reaching for his shoulder and gently grasping onto his shirt. His scent was invigorating— you couldn’t remember the last time you had been so close to the man— if you ever were. 

It felt like, for a moment, you went braindead. The only thing that you could think of were the slightly chapped lips pressed snug against your own as Billy’s warm hands held onto your hips. You couldn’t think of anything in the moment— in fact, nothing mattered beside the man in front of you— not even the buzzing that started in your pocket. 

After what felt like it could never be enough, you pulled back from the man with a soft exhale and met his gaze— and there was a look in his eyes you had never seen before. Taking the opportunity that you may never come across again, you swallowed hard and glance at his lips. 

“Do you wanna come in tonight?” Billy gave a soft hum and nodded. 

“I’d like that.” You reached down, fingers intertwining with his as you stepped backwards. 

“Come on then. Let’s go.” 

#slashers #scream 1996 #scream franchise #scream x reader #scream x reader fluff #scream x reader smut #scream billy loomis #billy loomis #billy loomis x female reader #billy loomis x female reader fluff #billy loomis x female reader smut #billy loomis x reader #billy loomis x reader fluff #billy loomis x reader smut

[sunsets-and-phantoms]

My brief report from last night’s Dimension 20 show in London (hidden for spoilers, I truly have no idea if these episodes will end up on dropout)

Okay so, this is directly copy and pasted from the messages I sent my friend during the interval and after the show, so it’s a bit scrambled.

Act 1:

It’s all randomised, they have these bingo spinner things and they pulled from a pool of their previous characters — ended up being 2 from Unsleeping City (which I haven’t seen, but it’s Pete and the rat man), 2 from I think Starstruck? (The captain and Sid) — AND FABIAN AND ADAINE

AND THEN BRENNAN PULLED A RANDOM SETTING AND ITS CROWN OF CANDY. ITS ALL ALTERNATE DIMENSION FUCKERY AND CALROY IS KING AND THEY IMMEDIATELY KILLED HIS ASS

In the first like, 10 minutes? Ally asked Brennan if they could do something impossible — box of doom, Nat 20 only. WHAT DO WE GET? ITS A FUCKIN ALLY BEARDSLEY NAT 20 EVERYBODY. IN REAL LIFE. IT HAPPENED

Highlights from act 2:

Bill Seacaster orgasm (during masturbation he says “yargh” repeatedly)

Gilear reveal, naked and unconscious in the bottom of a pool of sacred lemon yogurt (huge dick canon)

Zac switched characters halfway to LAPIN and I SCREAMED because he’s my FAVOURITE EVER (like, if these episodes do get put up, listen for the screaming YEEEAAAAAAAH the second Lapin is revealed because that’s me)

Lapin and Arthur Aguefort are “roommates” (canon)

Primsy Coldbottle, who is 29 in this Time Quangle, falls in love with Sundry Sidney and goes back with her onto the ship. Also with them is AnUs, the new canon name of Another Use of the Identify Spell, who has also fallen in love with Sid.

Kugrash (rat man) sacrifices himself to unquangle the Time Quangle by eating the pool of lemon yogurt — the one in which Gilear is passed out and “quangled” — and ascends to a higher consciousness in a cosmic bodega

And that is everything that has stuck in my brain!

#dimension 20 #time quangle #dimension 20 live #dimension 20 London #phantom.txt

[allthefandomthings55]

Life in the Limelight

Chapter 3

Spencer’s POV

After my text conversation with Y/N, I got back to work. All I had to do was hope that we didn’t get a case in two days. I hopped off the elevator and walked to my desk and greeted everybody as I went. As I sat at my desk I started to do paperwork that had been piling up. 

“Hey Reid, my man,” Derek said slapping his hands on my shoulders. 

“Oh no, what do you want, Derek?”

“Nothing, I just think you should come out with me this weekend. Maybe Saturday?”

“I don’t know, Derek, I think I’m busy Saturday.”

“Ok Pretty Boy! What are you doing, hmm? Are you going to watch some obscure movie? Maybe reading a whole bunch of obscure books?”

“Yeah, actually I was thinking about going out and getting lunch after going for a walk in the park then going to an early movie then going home and reading some books.”

Derek, JJ, and Emily seemed surprised for me to have a detailed plan ready. “Ok Reid,” Emily starts, “Are you going with anyone?”

“No, I’m not. I’m actually kind of excited to go out by myself and enjoy life.”

Everyone was staring at me, trying to read my micro-expressions but I knew they couldn’t. “Everyone in the meeting room in five,” Hotch said as he walked passed us. After everyone left to go to the meeting room, I let out a deep breath. I hope this case doesn’t take us out of state and doesn’t take us long. I don’t want to miss my hangout/date with Y/N. I walk up to the meeting room to see everyone sitting there. 

I take my seat and Garcia starts the meeting, “Ok friends we have trouble in our backyard. First victim, Alyssa Caldwater, was last seen leaving her job at 10:30 last Tuesday night. She was found dead two days ago in an alley, and get this, completely naked. Then just yesterday an Amanda Clarke was found in another alley about two blocks from where Miss Alyssa was found. Also they were both strangled to death then stabbed 30 times postmortem.”

“So,” Emily started, “we’re clearly dealing with someone who has extreme aggression problems.”

“Yeah, they might also be impotent. Maybe that’s why he stabbed them,” JJ commented.

“You know, because of the overkill, we’re definitely dealing with someone who is really fit, or is on some kind of stimulant drug that would give them the strength and energy to do something like this,” I said. 

“Well, it seems like this guy is speeding up. One girl dumped two days ago and another one dumped yesterday.” Rossi added.

Hotch spoke up, “Either way we better get down to the D.C. field office and help them figure this out. Everyone at the cars in 10 minutes.”

I got worried because I don’t know if we’ll be done in time for my brunch with Y/N so I decided to call her. 

“Hello?”

“Hey Y/N, how are you?”

“I’m good, Spencer, I’m just leaving rehearsal. What about you?”

“Uh, I’m ok. Look I hate to do this, but my team and I just got a case and I don’t know if it will be done by Saturday. Luckily it’s here, well in D.C., but close enough, right?”

“Oh,” she sounded disappointed, “well that’s ok. I mean you can’t just let people die, right? How about this, we’ll play it by ear. What I do for work is really flexible so I can meet you really anytime I want. Within reason though.” She chuckled after that sentence and I liked the sound of it. I honestly didn’t even know what to say. “Spencer? Did I say something wrong?”

“No! I mean no you didn’t. I just haven’t always had people in my life that understood my situation.”

“Oh believe me I get your situation. Don’t be nervous but I really need to tell you something when we do get to meet. It’s nothing bad, but I think it’s important that you know.”

“Ok, yeah no worries right? But I have to get going to solve this and hopefully I can make our time and date.”

“Yeah you go catch a killer, Spencer. Good luck.”

“Thank you. Bye,” and I hung up the phone. I made my way downstairs and before I got off the elevator I took a deep breath and made my face neutral so the team couldn’t read me. 

As I walk out of the elevator I see the team waiting for me. “Petty Boy! What took you so long?”

“Uh, I just had to make a phone call.”

“Really? To whom?” I decided to ignore him and just follow everyone else and get into the SUV.

#aaron hotchner #david rossi #penelope garcia #derek morgan #emily prentiss #Spencer reid #spencer reid x you #spencer reid x reader #spencer reid fanfiction #spencer reid fanfic #criminal minds #criminal minds x you #criminal minds x reader #criminal minds fic #criminal minds fanfic #criminal minds fandom

[hauntedwitch04]

Humor

James Potter x reader

Words: about 1.2k words

Warnings: some angst but than is totally fluff and happy

Author’s note: Hi everybody! Sorry to be this late, life is just being crazy right now. And I know it's not the first one I do like this, but it came out like this and I hope you like this.

P.s this is the result of a sleepy trip on the train to get at uni :), like every oneshot I'm writing btw ahahah

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🎃Halloween party 🎃

DAY 8: "I have a skeleton in my closet." "Everyone has them, love." "No I mean literally."

Sometimes you stop to think how you ended up falling in love with your husband. Certainly James is an attractive, kind, funny man for sure and also very intelligent when he wants to be, but everything you have just listed about him belongs to five percent of the time, the rest of the time he is the equivalent of a petulant and constantly bored as well as hungry child, but in spite of this you cannot help but love him deeply. Part of you, however, that he is not yet ready for the future that awaits you, and you are afraid that he will not prove as adult as you expect him to be.

Now you are sitting at the table, enjoying dinner after a long tiring day at work, when he stops and looks at you.

"Honey can I tell you something? "He asks unsurely, and you nod as you swallow your food, knowing that you might spit out in surprise knowing him, since you already have.

"I have a skeleton in my closet." He says without half-measures, making your blood freeze in your veins for a moment. Then you think he's actually using a figure of speech and relax for a moment.

"Everyone has them, love." You say taking another bite of your dinner, but he stubbornly gets up and goes to the closet that is located not far from your dining table on which you are dining, right behind your back. He lays a hand on the doorknob and then turns back to you, looking at you with a very serious look.

"No, I mean literally." He continues as he opens the door, and suddenly a skeleton seems to fall forward toward you, ungainly laying his bony hand on your shoulder. You can't help but let out a cry, and jump from your chair toward the nearest door. Once you get the joke, you freeze and look at your husband so badly that you know you could easily set him on fire. Meanwhile he had started laughing, holding his stomach with his hand while also wiping tears from his eyes.

"You should have seen your face love." He says in laughter, but you just keep your stoic face before you speak.

"Sleep on the couch tonight." You condemn him before you leave the room, and he immediately realizing his mistake chases after you, apologizing.

"Love please wait, it wasn't for you the joke, it was for Sirius, but I wanted to see if it was actually scary, please don't be mad at me!" She screams, against the closed door of your bedroom.

"Then I tell you what, go sleep over at his place tonight." You answer him from the other side, now room of his childish attitudes. You know that actually by tomorrow you will have calmed down and forgiven him, but right now you can't do that yet.

He realizing that he must not bother you and must do what you are simply asking him to do, tries a little more apologizing before telling you that he would go to Sirius and Remus.

He has never seemed to experience a colder day than the one in James, despite the thick sweaters and jackets he wears. He feels naked in the wind, chills run through him but for the fear that he has made one mistake too many. He has made many foolish mistakes before, but you have always forgiven him after all, and he is afraid that this time you will not be able to.

He rings the intercom at his friends' apartment, looking to them for words of comfort, but after letting him into the house all they can say to him is insults.

"Ehy guys take it easy, okay I fucked up, but don't you guys think you're going a little overboard?" Potter asks, looking at the two boyfriends.

"That was exactly what she was afraid of when she told us, that you weren't mature enough, and you just proved it to her." Sirius finally says.

"Told what?" James asks curiously.

"Don't you know? He hasn't told you yet?" Remus asks in turn, even more surprised.

"Of course not, he didn't have the time between brilliant shit that James does." She replies to her fiancé as she closes her eyes and runs a hand over her tired face.

"Go home, apologize and ask her to tell you, you'll see for yourself what I mean." Sirius continues, mind almost literally kicking his best friend out of his house.

And so James finds himself after such a short time back at your bedroom door.

"Love, please talk to me." She says mind sits against the door, but there is no response from you.

"Please I didn't mean to, your mo too much to lose you over such bullshit, I would never forgive myself." He continues, but you still don't speak, even though you now also sit against the bedroom door, only that slab of wood divides you.

"Sirius told me you have something to tell me." You finally remember James, and you can't help but curse the elder Black.

So you get up and open the door, causing your husband, who is now looking down at you, to fall back against the floor.

"Your friend is just the person everyone dreams of having next door to keep a surprise." You say as I direct you to your closet, grabbing a fairly large box.

He looks at you confused as you place it on his lap.

"Open it." You tell him still a little angry and a little also scared about the reaction he might have to the news you are about to give him that will substantially change your lives.

He does as you instructed and removes the lid of the box showing a small children's broom with a tag.

<<To fly with you in the future. See you soon daddy.>>

James feels his breath stop in his throat as for a moment he feels something inside him break.

"Sirius helped me find the broom, but he shouldn't have told you that asshole." You explain as the andia consumes you, seeing him not saying or doing anything, but just staying to look at the object in the box.

"Is this a joke or is it the truth?" He asks at the end.

"Of course it's the truth, I have a much better sense of humor than you do, and tonight proved it." You comment before being tackled by a rib-cracking hug.

James begins to cry from happiness in your neck incabo and you can't help but breathe a sigh of relief.

"Are you happy then?" You ask, as you too begin to cry a little.

"Of course I'm happy, in fact I'm the happiest person in the world!" He replies before kissing you, you after a few minutes however break away from the kiss and say something that makes you both laugh.

"However, I hope he gets a sense of humor from me, that if he gets it from you we're doomed."

#hauntedwitch04's writing #marauders x reader #james potter x you #james potter x reader #wolfstar x reader #wolfstar #remus x sirius #james potter #halloween party #becky's halloween party

[reneeub]

I watched The Ballad of Songbird and Snakes I think I understand better why are so many people thirsting over Coriolanus and making x readers with him

Of course he's a troubled handsome white boy which makes him a perfect character to swoon over, but I think the movie made him hotter than the book did (not only with casting)

The first time we see (present day) Coriolanus Snow is when he's almost naked, therefore vulnerable, we can think we truly see him (and everybody interested can appreciate a hot guy)

He's nice and charismatic, knows what and when to say, we don't really suspect that anything about him is evil. Of course we like him

But we have Lucy Gray; she's also beautiful and charismatic, yet I haven't seen any posts like that about her

They are both canonically charismatic performers, this is what makes them a good duo and makes the Capitol audience root for their victory. But the movie sets us up to find one hotter than another.

The first time we see Lucy Gray Baird is at the Reaping. She has a small moment of tryumph when she attacks Mayfair with the snake (like in the book) but after that she's being humiliated, the mayor hits her and she lays on the ground for a few moments.

In the book when she starts singing on the stage, she makes a show and her behavior is described as lovely, and she ends the performance saying that her friends call her Lucy Gray and she hopes the audience will call her that too!! She's a performer and she knows how to make crowds like her!!

In the movie she lets herself be angry, she screams the lyrics and ends with an insulting 'you can kiss my ass' that doesn't even sound like it's part of the song anymore. One of Coriolanus' classmates even asks if she's mentally unstable

Of course she's rightfully angry, she's just been unfairly chosen to die. But the choice that the movie makes to show that anger way more than the book makes her... unpalatable? Like, it surely leaves us with a whole different impression of her and while I support women's wrongs and imperfections and all of that, I think it's not that, this is just one of many small changes that makes us as the viewers be more on Snow's side than Lucy Gray's.

The other reason the odds seem to really be in Coryo's favor is the ending scene when he tries to kill Lucy Gray. I felt like it was longer than in the book and gave way more focus to the moment when he finds the orange scarf and the snake bites him; like this is when the change in him happens, suggesting it's Lucy Gray's fault because she 'made the first move' or drawn the first blood, because he was only looking for her before that, but after the really long moment when he seats with that scarf everything changes and only then Coriolanus makes the decision that she has to die. In the book he was thinking that she needs to die before that moment.

TLDR I feel like the movie makes the audience like Coriolanus more than Lucy Gray and it feels kind of vain and I really didn't like it

#long post #me rambling in one language while thinking in other language so sorry if some sentences seem out of order #thg #tbosas #the hunger games #the ballad of songbirds and snakes #they babygirlified Snow

[imachrisgirl]

RIGHT WHERE YOU LEFT ME ll tom blyth

warnings: sad, (not forever i promise happy endings always.) fluff, a little bit of angst

everybody moved on but you stayed there.

you’d called him the love of your life since you were fourteen, and you’d still. even still, after he’d flaunted girl after girl on his instagram. even then, even now. forever. in truth, he was the love of your life. when you’d say that to your friends, they’d say “so far” but they knew. you knew. there wasn’t ever going to be another one that compared to him, even if it didn’t end well.

he’d promised to call everyday, while filming his movie. slowly those calls and texts turned into “i’m busy” and “i’m going to sleep now.” each time, your heart gained a new crack. a heart can only take so much before it caves in on itself, and that’s exactly what you did. asked him if he still cared. he was silent, and that’s when you knew. the final puzzle piece slid into place and solidified itself.

in the year that followed, he gained his rise to fame. it made your heart warm knowing he was happy, even if you’re heart was tainted and bruised from the condition he left it in. you had no choice but to continue with your stupid little college classes and be a normal girl in her early twenties.

you’d both came from the same little small town, everybody knew everyone. they’d all known about tom leaving you, they’d made bets on it before he even boarded the plane.

you’d always hoped they’d stop, but his rise to fame only fueled the fire. going into public was a nightmare, everyone and their mom would share whispers of the story.

which brings you to today, the small community grocery store was filled with whispers and “you think she knows?” looks, each and every one of them aimed at no one but yourself. at first you tried to ignore it, but quickly you realized how difficult that was proving to be. you felt a vibration in your pocket, and pulled your phone out.

“he’s back in town visiting with family.” you couldn’t quite pull together what you were feeling in the moment. shock, realization, anger, hope? all jumbled into one thing, confusion. it had been years since you’d seen his face on anything other than your phone screen, if you saw him now you wouldn’t know what to do.

after that followed worry, your houses were directly adjacent to each other, what if he’d see you carrying your bags in, or even spot your car? no, no. he didn’t care anymore. you needed to stop tricking yourself into thinking he does, if he did he would’ve called.

but if he ever thought he’d gotten it wrong, you knew, no matter how much you tried to convince yourself you wouldn’t, you’d jump into his arms and marry him that same day. like nothing ever happened.

you paid for your groceries and stuck them into the trunk of the same car you’d had since he’d left. you thought about time in those measurements now, if someone asked you how long you’d had something, you’d say before he left or after he left. everyone sighed and immediately glued their eyes to the floor. it was pathetic to you, and sad to them.

your phone vibrated practically every three seconds, each from a different person, all asking if you knew. it all became too much and you threw your phone into the backseat. you didn’t want to know, if you ignored it, perhaps it would go away.

pulling into your parents driveway (for the sake of the plot she still lives at home,) you unloaded the bags full of groceries and began to walk up the pathway into the house. looking at the house beside you into his second story window, you felt the familiar feeling of worry. you approached and shut the door behind you, ears immediately filling with the sound of laughter. it was a laugh you knew, all too well. no. your ears deceived you. there was no fucking way that laugh belonged to tom blyth. you walked into the kitchen, immediately locking eyes with

him.

your mouth fell open, you dropped the bags onto the floor. quite dramatic to the naked eye, but to you every bit of that was perfectly justified.

“what the fuck is he doing here?” you questioned to your mother, who was staring right back at you with a “mother knows best,” type of look. she’d always give you a silent lecture with this very look.

you’d normally be shunned for speaking to your parents in such a matter, but they just turned to look at each other.

“hey y/n. it’s nice to see you.” he commented, examining the fleece coat you were wearing, recognizing it was once his. you couldn’t believe the audacity that man had, up and leaving you and now being inside of your home.

“nice to see you to, asshole. mom, dad, i’m trying to say this as politely as possible- please get him the fuck out of this house.” you managed to say, you were so beyond pissed at him. pissed at your parents. you couldn’t count the number of times you’d cried into your mothers arms about what this man, standing in your kitchen, had done to you.

“i actually, um, came here to talk to you.” he said, looking down and then back up to you, you swore your entire world shook at the eye contact he maintained with you.

“mom, dad.” you said, signaling for them to leave the room. your mother did something better, though. she grabbed her car keys and forced your father to follow her outside.

as soon as you heard the door click shut, your eyes moved from the roof to the eyes of the man you once, still loved.

“if you’re going to talk, do it, you have about five seconds before i walk through that door and won’t come back out until i know you are fucking gone.” you stated. he nodded in reply, before opening his mouth to say something.

“i’m sorry.” he said.

“okay. i do not forgive you. not even a little bit.” you said.

“you don’t have to. not even slightly. but if you’re truly considering walking through that door and never speaking to me again, at least let me tell you some things i need you to know. please, y/n. just a few minutes.” he pleaded. tears brimmed the bottom of your eyes, you knew that if he went on you’d be a crying mess at his feet, no matter what he had to say.

you nodded your head in agreement.

“i love you. and im sorry, so sorry, i didn’t say that to you enough when you needed me. but i do, i really love you. you are what my existence centers around and i cannot bare living another day without having you know that. if i’m going to move on, i need to know there is nothing there to rekindle. because even if there was a small chance you might forgive me- y/n id buy the ring today.” he poured his heart out, stepping closer to you as he said it.

“move on? that’s ALL you’ve been doing.” you said, the tear finally making its way down your cheek.

“all of them combine don’t add up to half as much as you. not even close.” he cupped your face as he said this.

your heart melted, you’d dreamt of this happening for months. you stayed silent for a while, before opening up your mouth to say something.

“how do i know your not gonna leave me again? throw me away?” you asked.

“i can’t live without you. i can’t breathe without you, i sure as hell cannot sleep without you by my side. i will never leave your side, baby. i need you to trust me and we can have that life we always talked about, hmm? the big white house with the wrap-around porch, the golden retriever, a nice fence around the pool, two kids-“

“three. i changed my mind.”

“three kids. whatever you want i will give to you if it means ill have you to wake up to every morning.” he said, eyes glistening in the dim light of the kitchen.

“yeah?” you asked, as another way of pinching yourself to make sure this was actually happening.

“yeah. i will pack all of your shit myself and get us on a plane to los angeles right now. you just have to say the word and i will pack those boxes.” he pleaded with you.

“i love you, tom. let’s do this.” you said, hands cupping his cheek as he wiped the tears off of your face and crashed his lips into your own.it was odd, looking into his eyes and seeing the same fifteen year old boy who told you he loved you by the water fountain. you no longer saw him as the boy who you’d cried over.you were right where he left you, and he came back.

#tom blyth #coriolanus x you #coryo snow #coriolanus x reader #coriolanus snow #fluff #billy the kid #tom x reader

[exdraghunt]

Secret Solonoid gift

This one goes out to @cao-the-dreamer

Mirage/Noah, explicit, sticky

also on Ao3

Though Mirage had been on earth long enough to pick up much of the culture, he still sometimes laughed at jokes that Noah didn’t get. Cybertronian humor, he would always say, waving away his human friend’s confused looks.

This time, it was about Noah complaining about a stuck solenoid valve. For some reason, he couldn’t get the word ‘valve’ out of his mouth without garnering giggles from his Cybertronian friend. Mirage was worse than a group of 8th grade boys in a science class.

“Alright, what’s so funny?” Noah finally asked, hands on his hips.

“Nothing, nothing.” Mirage waved him off. “Cybertronian humor.”

“Nu-uh. That ain’t gonna fly this time, amigo.” Noah fixed him with his best stern look. “Out with it.”

“It’s just. You know. Valves.” Mirage laughed again, obviously finding the word hilarious.

“Yeah. Valves.” Noah didn’t see the connection. “Little things that turn on or off the flow of liquid.”

“But they’re also. Well, you know.” Mirage gestured at his crotch.

“No, I don’t know.” Noah put his hands on his hips. “Explain it to me.”

Mirage made a very illustrative gesture with his hands. A circle with thumb and forefinger on one hand, pointing with the other. Finger in and out of the circle. An, apparently, universal gesture.

“Wait, you guys fuck?” Noah exclaimed in surprise. Yeah, he knew that Cybertronians were sentient and alive, more so than any ‘robot’, but he hadn’t thought they did that.

“Well, yeah.” Mirage said, like it was obvious. “’Cept we call it interfacing, but basically the same thing, right?”

‘Basically the same thing,’ as if learning that the giant alien robots had sex wasn’t totally ground-shaking. “And you call your vaginas ‘valves’?”

“What else would we call them?”

Well, Noah didn’t have a good answer for that. He would never be able to look at Arcee the same way. “So, your lady bots have these valves?”

“No, everybody has them.” Mirage corrected him.

Noah looked at Mirage’s crotch with a bit of morbid curiosity. “Do you, you know, have one?”

“Of course.” Mirage grinned. “Do you wanna see?”

Did he? His brain said ‘no way’ but what came out of his mouth was “Sure.”

The sound of a transformation was familiar to him now, even when it was on a small scale. Plating on Mirage’s crotch clicked and folded away revealing what was underneath.

It looked. Well, it looked like a vagina. Kind of. Noah had never seen one in person, just in photos and dirty magazines, but there were puffy lips bordering a barely-visible hole, and a glowing node poking out at the very top. The main difference is that this was made of metal, and enormous. Noah leaned in a little closer, trying to figure out if the faint glow he was seeing was some sort of lights inside the vagina. No, valve. “Wait, are there lights in there?”

“Heck yeah.” Mirage helpfully spread the lips of his valve, showing off the circular opening and yes, the ring of glowing blue lights inside. “Got a few mods back in the day. Blinged out my valve and my spike.”

“Spike?”

Another micro-transformation, and suddenly Noah was looking at the biggest dick he’d ever seen. It was metal as well, made up of tiny, interlocking plates, and a double row of blue lights decorated the underside from root to tip.

“Wait, you’ve got a dick and a vag?” Was all Noah could think to say.

“Yes?” Mirage seemed amused. “Doesn’t everybody?”

“Uh, no. Humans generally have one or the other.”

“Huh, weird.” Mirage looked at Noah expectantly. “Well. I showed you mine. Aren’t you going to show me yours?”

Which was how Noah ended up standing naked in front of the robot that was both his car and his best friend. His dick was semi-hard, probably from embarrassment, and he shivered slightly in the cool air of the garage.

“It does look a lot like a spike.” Mirage commented. He reached forward and ran the pad of one enormous finger down Noah’s length. When the human shivered this time, it wasn’t due to the cold. “But fuzzy. And what’re these?” He gently prodded Noah’s balls.

“Hey, careful with those.” Noah flinched backwards. “They’re balls, and they’re delicate.”

“Weird.” Mirage said again. He used his thumb and forefinger to give the dangling sack a soft squeeze. “Squishy.”

Noah let out a soft moan, which cut off abruptly in surprise. The two stared at eachother for a moment.

“Oh, you like that?” A shit-eating grin spread across Mirage’s face as he did it again, before running his fingers up to the tip of Noah’s dick. Which was now completely hard and standing at attention. “Want more?”

Suddenly, Noah did. It had been awhile since he’d had a good fuck. But then there was the real question: was he about to fuck a giant alien robot?

Apparently, he was. Though he wasn’t entirely sure how that was going to work. “Uh. Not sure how anything is going to fit.” Because Noah was far too small to do anything for Mirage, and there was no way the mech’s anything was going to fit into his human friend.

Mirage let out a thoughtful hum, “You sure you don’t have a valve?”

“Pretty sure. Closest thing I’ve got is-“ Noah turned around and bent over slightly. He’d bottomed more than once in play, but he was no size queen. There was no way Mirage’s enormous spike was going in him.

Fortunately, Mirage seemed to come to the same conclusion. But then, he stuck out his smallest finger and gave Noah a significant look.

Oh, okay. That actually might work. Except-

“Wait, wait wait.” Noah snatched up his pants. That finger was absolutely not going inside of him dry. “Let me just- We need lube.”

“You don’t make your own?” Mirage questioned.

“Not from there, no. I’ll be right back-“ Noah tugged on his pants and ran out of the garage, heading for his room. There was a half-full bottle helpfully sitting on his nightstand. Snatching it up, Noah hustled back to the garage.

Inside, he found Mirage leaning back and lazily stroking his spike. Root to tip, root to tip, his fingers slowly squeezed and rubbed. He looked up when Noah opened the door. “Got it?”

“Yeah.” Noah held up the bottle and shucked his pants again. With practiced fingers, he squirted out a generous helping and bent over slightly to prepare himself. It had been awhile, and he was tight.

When Noah thought he was ready (or, ready as he’d ever be), he handed the bottle over to Mirage. It looked comically small, pinched between the mech’s thumb and forefinger. “Use that. Lots of it.”

Mirage dutifully emptied the rest of the bottle over his pinkie finger, then tossed it aside and leaned forward. With his clean hand, he scooped up Noah and settled the human in his lap. Fortunately, by this time, Noah was rather used to being picked up unexpectedly by giant robots and laid himself over Mirage’s thigh. Head down, ass up.

No matter how prepared he thought he was, Noah still tensed up when that large, wet digit began to probe at his entrance. It pushed its way in slowly, wiggling past the first tight ring of muscle. Noah took a few deep breaths and tried to relax, though he still let out a shocked grunt when Mirage’s finger finally popped in.

“Slowly, slowly.” Noah arched his back and tried to get used to the stretch. Mirage’s finger wasn’t much like any dick he had taken, being rather hard and made of metal. His muscles clenched around the intrusion, encountering no give in response.

Mirage crooked his finger a little, rubbing against Noah’s prostrate and wringing a moan from the human.

“Oh, is that a sweet spot?” Mirage grinned and did it again, rocking his finger in and out slowly.

Noah rocked with that movement, his dick rubbing against a seam on Mirage’s armor. “Unh, yeah. That feels good.”

“And if I go a little faster?” Mirage sped up the movement, a wet squelch coming from every thrust. Lube spattered against Noah’s thighs and puddled on the floor.

“Shit, Mirage!” Though Noah had been cold when he first stripped, now he was anything but. Cybertronians were warm to the touch, but Mirage’s armor felt cool against Noah’s forehead. He was burning up, the fire burning in his belly spreading through his body.

“Yeah, that’s it.” Mirage’s free hand rubbed up and down Noah’s spine, sending tingles through his body. Then one giant finger went up to rub the human’s hair. “You humans are so furry, it’s weird.”

“Don’t-“ Noah gasped.

“Don’t what?”

“Don’t make fun while you’re fucking me.” Noah’s fingers curled into a gap in Mirage’s armor, brushing the wiring underneath.

Mirage’s big thigh shuddered underneath him, and the mech made an approving noise. “Only if you do that again.”

Was this what a Cybertronian found arousing? Having their wiring played with? Noah obligingly dug his fingers deeper, hoping to god that Mirage didn’t shift and crush his hand.

“Yeah, that’s the stuff.” Mirage encouraged him, stretching his leg out a little more. Electricity crackled over his plating, sending zaps like static up Noah’s arm and making his hair stand on end.

The surge went straight to his dick which, if possible, became even harder. Noah rocked his hips more insistently, his dick sliding against the smooth plating of Mirage’s inner thigh. Another electrical surge came, and Noah came with it. He shuddered, eyes squeezed tightly shut as he erupted all over Mirage’s plating. When he came to, the finger had been removed from his ass and Mirage’s messy hand was helping hold him up.

“So, I take it you enjoyed that?” Mirage asked in his smarmy way.

“Yeah, yeah.” Noah panted, waiting for his legs to stop shaking and support his weight again. “It was pretty good.”

“Best you ever had, I bet.” Mirage said with absolutely no shame at all.

“Don’t get ahead of yourself.” Noah wiped his mouth and stood, looking down at the mess of cum dripping down Mirage’s thigh.

“You can clean that up later.” Mirage spread his legs a little wider. “But now, I think it’s my turn.”

“Your turn.” Noah looked at his friend’s intimate bits, trying to figure out exactly how he was going to do that. “Hmm.”

He rubbed hand over Mirage’s valve, circling the glowing node at the top curiously. That got him a gasp, an encouraging sign. Moving lower, Noah slid his hand inside and rubbed against the glowing lights there.

“Oh yeah. Yeah, yeah.” Mirage put a giant hand on Noah’s back and pushed him a little more firmly against his crotch.

Noah was shoved deeper, until his arm was buried up to his shoulder. The inside of Mirage’s valve was hot and wet, squeezing around his arm with rings of something like muscle. It was nothing like Noah’s previous experiments with fisting. It was more like he was artificially inseminating a cow or something.

Okay, not a mental image he needed in his brain while doing this. Noah formed his hand into a fist and pulled his arm out before thrusting it back in. With his other hand, he toyed with the lights decorating Mirage’s spike. He had no hope of actually wrapping a hand around the appendage, but hopefully the biolights there were as sensitive as the one on his valve.

His guess must have been correct, because Mirage’s engine turned over with a rumble, vibrating Noah’s arm as though he had stuck it under the mech’s hood. “That feeling pretty good?”

“Pit yes, don’t stop!” Mirage cried, heels sliding against the concrete floor of the garage with an ugly scraping sound. The many interlocking armor plates that covered his frame shifted and flared, vents dumping heat from his frame. There was a glow coming from his chest, from the plate that Noah knew covered the mech’s spark.

More zaps of static arced over Mirage’s frame, and all of the hair on Noah’s body stood on end as the energy traveled up his arm. Noah sent up a brief prayer that this wouldn’t end with him getting electrocuted. Or burned, as Mirage was getting alarmingly hot from his ministrations.

“Right there!” Mirage’s hand pushed on him more insistently, and Noah ended up pressed up against the mech’s soft valve.

Mirage’s glowing node was right next to his face. Noah regarded it for a moment, wondering if the copious amounts of lubricant covering the two of them would wreak havoc on his digestive system.

Deciding that the risk was worth it, Noah wrapped his mouth around the node and sucked. It was like licking a live wire, and his tongue and lips almost immediately went numb. But the way that Mirage shook underneath him, soft whines falling from his lips, was reward enough.

Noah kept himself moving. One arm pistoning in and out of Mirage’s valve, the other rubbing up and down his spike, and his mouth licking at that sensitive node.

“Primus, Noah!” Mirage threw his head back and screamed, back impacting the wall of the garage and cracking the concrete. Electricity arced over his frame like lightning, and Noah was quick to pull back just in case. He really didn’t want to get electrocuted.

An orgasm in a Cybertronian was apparently a whole production. Clear, thick lubricant gushed from Mirage’s valve, while a silver fluid like cum shot from his spike. It spurted all over Noah, coating him from head to toe. Though it tingled slightly, it didn’t seem to be corrosive or otherwise poisonous (thank god.)

“Slag-“ Mirage breathed out, frame going limp. The zaps of energy died out, and the flaring of his spark dimmed back to normal levels. “Slag. That was good. You aren’t bad at that, Noah.”

“Gee, thanks.” Noah held up his arms, watching the silver cum drip down onto the floor.

Mirage snorted, which progressed into a full on laugh. As Noah watched, the mech slumped against the wall with wheezing laughter. “Ahaha, Primus. Noah, you look- you’re covered.”

“I noticed.” Noah responded drily. “Now, you gonna help me clean up?”

Fortunately, there was a hose in the garage. And though it didn’t have hot water, the coolness was refreshing against his heated skin. Mirage helpfully scrubbed him down with a rag, making sure all the robot cum was out of his hair and washed from his back. Dirty water ran down his legs and swirled around the drain. Noah made sure to wash out his butt as well, shivered as the cold water invaded his innards.

“You know, I never a thought a human would be so good at this.” Mirage commented as he turned the hose onto himself, sluicing away the mess on his thighs. “Had practice before?”

“Not on a robot.” Noah located a towel and rubbed at his hair. “But with human guys, yeah.”

“Human guys.” Mirage snorted. “Well, you won’t need them anymore.”

Noah cocked an eyebrow and put his hands on his hips. “Yeah? Am I not allowed to have boyfriends now?”

“You’ve got me.” Mirage reached out to poke Noah in the chest. “You’ve been inside me, man. In every way that matters. That makes us bros. No, more than bros. We’re-“ He struggled for a moment, obviously trying to find the words in human language. “We’re like, Endura.”

“Well, if you can do that again, I might consider it.” Noah grinned. “Cause I gotta admit, that was pretty good. I won’t be opposed to discovering more.”

Mirage grinned. “I think I can do that.”

@secretsolenoid-revived

#valveplug

[kangshxrtie]

2. next morning

the moment you wake up, you realize three fundamental things at the exact same time.

one, your head fucking hurts. two, there is no sunlight in this room which is good but you don't have blackout curtains whcih means you're not in your room. and three, you're entangled in another body.

you hear the sheets rustling and before you could even pretend to go back to sleep, yuna was sitting up and rubbing her eyes.

she looks down at you a small smile taking over her face at the realization of what you two did last night and the fact that you were still there.

"good morning" you greet, talking for the first time that morning.

"it is a good morning indeed" yuna returns the greeting with a small chuckle.

you were about to respond but your phone went off signaling a notification making you get out of bed to search for it. luckily it was being blown up so you easily found it on the floor, halfway out of your pocket.

you picked it up looking at all the messages and missed phone calls, all from your roommates.

"your friends?" yuna asked as she pushed her hair out of her face.

"yeah. i forgot to tell them i was leaving with you last night so they're all worried" you said.

you quickly texted them all back letting them know you were fine and just spent the night at a friend's house because you were too drunk to make it back.

yuna stands up stretching and you look away trying to ignore her naked form. she puts on some clothes before passing you yours.

once you get them you put them on in a hurry ready to rush off to your first class.

as you were putting on your shirt, yuna asked if you had a class to which you proceeded to nod at.

"you should take some of my clothes then" yuna offered, "don't want you going in there smelling like alcohol. everybody will know what you did last night"

you stop putting on your shirt to look at yuna hesitantly. she looks unfazed as she pushes you towards the bathroom, "you should also take a shower first. i'll get you a towel and some clothes"

you don't have time to respond as she closes the door.

once you're down showering where there was a towel and clothes waiting for you, just as promised. you hurry and dry off before putting the clothes on and speeding out of the bathroom.

you go back to the bedroom where your phone was waiting and pick it up before getting ready to leave.

"thanks yuna. i appreciate it. i'll wash and return your clothes later!" you yell to her as you walk out of the door.

once you close the door you run into chaeryeong, yuna's roommate who is also a friend she's had since middle school.

"y/n?" she questions looking confused as she looks back and forth between you and the door you just came out of. which happened to be hers.

"ohh hey" you greet awkwardly.

"are those yuna's clothes?" she gestures to the clothes you were wearing.

"listen, don't think about it too much. sorry, i would talk more but i have a class i need to be at right now" you apologized before speed walking down the hallway.

you opened the door to the class, ignoring all the stares you received walking straight to the seat next to yizhou.

"and where have you been?" yizhou asks once you sit down.

"i told you, i stayed at a friends house for the night" you responded.

"which friend? i didn't know you knew that many people outside of us" yizhou looks at you determined to find out more information, "and whose clothes are those. i've never seen you wear anything like this before"

you don't respond, looking at the projector at the front of the room. taking mental notes of what was being shown.

"you don't even have your laptop so you can't even fake taking notes. just tell me"

"i'm taking them mentally"

"did you hook up with someone" you continue to ignore her, "with who? do i know them?"

you groan wanting to block her out with some music at least but you don't even have your airpods on you.

knowing she won't let up you decide to go the vague route and say, "you know them"

yizhou looks like she's about to give up on the questions as she turns away towards her laptop but quickly turns back, "just a hint. did they go to our school?"

"they were at the party last night" you answer.

yizhou huffs as she rolls her eyes. "i'll find out. somebody had to see you leaving last night"

"you have fun doing that"

masterlist | next

#shin yuna x reader #shin yuna fanfic #shin yuna #itzy x reader #shin yuna smau #itzy smau #itzy yuna

[jaesqueso]

member: mark

▶︎ “Currents” by Tame Impala

genre: best friends au

3.5k follower celebration ❤︎

word count: 846

warnings: a little bit of fluff, a little bit of angst, mentions of kissing, parties and alcohol

☽ ・・・・・ ☾

People say a boy and a girl cannot be just friends. Well, you and Mark lived proving all those people wrong. Inseparable since kindergarten, you always went to the same schools, were practically neighbours and ended up on the same group of friends.

Everybody agrees high school sucks, but it’s not as bad if you have someone like Mark Lee by your side to get through it. You talk about anything and everything, family problems, school problems, even girl/boy problems. Not that you any of you actually had a relationship with anyone during that time but you’d talk and give advice about your crushes and hook ups. You could tell him things you couldn’t tell anyone else, and same for him.

On hot summer nights you’d lay down under the stars on one of your backyards and talk about the future. Sometimes he was an ice cream man and you a lifeguard, other times he was an author and you a barista, or he was a music teacher and you were an actress. No matter the scenario you made up, there was always one constant, you and him. Best friends for eternity.

You two even managed to go to college in the same city, not the same one but you still got to hung out. Everything seemed perfect but then things took a turn.

They say people never change but that’s bullshit, they do. He had new friends, you had new friends, so you started to hang out less and less. You used to text all day, now messages would be left unread. It was getting harder to meet up and the times you managed to do you’d either sit in silence or start arguing about some random thing.

After a week of literally no contact you ran into Mark at a frat party. Leaning against a wall, there he was, giggling way to close to some random girl. You don’t know what came over you but you just couldn’t look at that so you went upstairs to find a bathroom with no line and take a calm yourself down. Could this be jealousy?

Staring straight into the mirror you told yourself it didn’t bother you but it hit you like an arrow. No, you couldn’t be jealous, you don’t like him. You’re just friends, you’ve always been. But is thare something more than that?

Taking a deep breath, you decide it’s better for you to just go home and think about this another time. But as you exit the bathroom you hear a familiar voice calling your name.

“I didn’t know you were coming.” Mark approaches slowly.

“Well it’s not like we’ve been keeping up to each other much.” You don’t know why you’re suddenly so bitter.

“I know.” He sighs. “And I miss it. I miss you. I miss us.”

Maybe it was the alcohol, maybe is was the fact that you haven’t seen him in a while, or maybe your story is not so different from the rest, but when your lips suddenly crashed you didn’t pull apart until you were both naked in someone’s bed.

As hard as it was, that made things worst than before. After that party you actively avoided each other and it seemed like a good solution. You though you could just ignore and fate would decide what happened next but that’s not how things work. All the running around, you couldn’t fight it any longer. You two needed to talk.

It wasn’t ugly, it was just heartbreaking. Two people with so much history deciding to go their separate ways. In the end, your friendship is gone and there’s nothing left to do. You know this is for the best before you hurt each other, but you’re still not sure how you feel about it.

At the end of the semester he decide to transfer to another college supposedly to ‘pursue new opportunities’. Sometimes you wish you could turn him back into a stranger, cause if you were never in his life he wouldn’t have to change it.

The following years you focused on working on yourself and moving on. Eventually you met a nice guy and got to experience what it’s like to fall in love. Well, the conventional way. You also got a nice job and some co-workers that turned into close friends. One day you’re having lunch with one of them when you notice a familiar figure walk into the restaurant.

Mark noticed you right away and wasn’t shy to approach you with a big smile. You were quick to notice the ring on his hand and it made you happy to know he too moved on. Unfortunately, he was actually in a hurry so he didn’t have much time to talk, but he gave you his new number and a promise to catch up.

“Who was that hottie?” Your friend wiggled her eyebrows. “Friend or ex?”

“Well,” you watch him leave and look back at his number with a small smile, “something between a lover and a friend, it was different back then.”

☽ ・・・・・ ☾

taglist: @yokshi-unbeliebubble @nc-teen  @yutahoes @dimplehyunn @iknowyuno @bebskyy @ne0cultur3technology @nurenciye @luvjeongjaehyun @chenleyang @booyouwhore17 @jenoxygen @star1117-archives @neodreamzenie​

unable to tag: @doahflix @criminalmindsz @jaehyunsprincess

#kflixnet #mark fluff #mark angst #nct fluff #nct angst #nct 127 fluff #nct 127 angst #nct dream fluff #nct dream angst

[wisteriashouse]

fortuitous

pairing: kaveh x jeanne de la roche (oc)

genre: romance; commission

word count: 10521

a/n: had to go rewatch kaveh's story quest for this ayy @hinokami-s

If Kaveh has to interact with just one more person on his way home, he thinks that he might have a breakdown right outside Puspa’s Cafe that is going to be everybody’s problem.

He isn’t going to, of course — Kaveh is far too much of a people pleaser for that — but archons is he close to his breaking point. He’s been up even before the sun today, bouncing between what had felt like an endless amount of meetings with increasingly unbearable clients. Now that the day is over, however, Kaveh can barely feel any relief. Instead, all he can think about is face first into his bed the second he gets through the front door.

He stops in front of one of the houses along Treasures Street, fumbling with the bag on his shoulder. Please, please, don’t let this be yet another of those times where he has to ask Al-Haitham to open the door… He rifles more desperately through its jumbled contents once more, hears a familiar jangle of metal muffled at the bottom. “There you are!”

So he hadn’t forgotten his keys after all, which might be the first thing that has gone well for him today. The key turns smoothly in the lock and Kaveh steps into the house, embarrassingly proud of himself, until he sees Al-Haitham sitting on the couch with a cup of tea in his hand and a book open on his lap.

A completely normal sight, considering that this is his house. What isn’t normal is that the miserly stickler appears to be doing work. Outside of his regular working hours? Impossible!

Kaveh sticks his head back outside to check the sky situation. The sun is setting over the Avidya Forest, the sky is clear with small patches of clouds drifting by and… hmm, no flying pigs. Very, very odd. 

“Al-Haitham,” Kaveh says as he toes off his slippers at the door and turns around, “did those Spantamed researchers you were talking about slip a potion into your food or something? Because there is something seriously wrong with you today— woah!”

A pair of aquamarine blue eyes blink up at him from the couch, and Kaveh nearly falls over his own feet as he stumbles backwards in surprise. Not his best moment, he knows. Seated next to Al-Haitham (and conveniently blocked off from his line of sight by the door) is a young woman, a few papers in her gloved hands. Her clothes are clearly foreign, bearing the sharp yet flamboyant silhouettes characteristic of Fontainian couture. Her features too, look foreign. Most likely not a Sumerian.

An overseas Akademiya associate, perhaps? No, no, the man sitting in front of him would rather dance stark naked for the Zubayr Theatre than bring Akademiya work home. Logically, that only leaves one possibility… that she is Al-Haitham’s friend.

A highly unlikely possibility, since Al-Haitham doesn’t have any friends. Kaveh would know. Besides, why would anyone, much less a beautiful lady like her, put up with that acerbic tongue of his?

But all that is irrelevant to Kaveh’s current predicament. Someone has seen him entering Al-Haitham’s house, and if they have even one brain cell, will surely put two and two together and realise that Kaveh has been forced to take up residence with Al-Haitham. It might be just one person, but that is already one person too many. He needs to think of a solution, and fast!

“Hi! Good, amazing evening.” Kaveh is all too painfully aware of just how nervous he sounds right now, fumbling at his bag desperately as though hoping to magic out some sort of assistance from its depths. “Hey, Al-Haitham. Didn’t see you there. Amazing house. Never been here in my life, ever. I just stopped by on my way to the tavern to hand you this…” he pulls out a miniature model of the Alcazarzaray Palace from his bag. Fuck. “Well, I hope you like it. Here you go.”

The woman stares at him as he plants the model on the coffee table and glances over at Al-Haitham, but not before he catches the brief flash of recognition in her eyes. Oh, it’s over. Oh, it’s so over — his reputation, his dignity — all gone like a puff of smoke in the wind.

“Come in before you make a fool of yourself — more than you already have, at least,” the Acting Grand Sage mutters from his couch, blocking out Kaveh’s indignant expression with a well timed sip of tea. “Jeanne here is a business associate of mine from Fontaine. I assure you, she hasn’t the slightest interest in your living arrangements. There’s no need to think too highly of yourself.”

Kaveh opens his mouth to protest, but manages to rein in his tongue at the last moment. No, he’s not going to sink down to Al-Haitham’s level.

Instead, he grudgingly shuts the door behind him and steps into the house, glances at Jeanne as he does. So she’s Fontainian, just as he’d guessed. Kaveh is still a little wary, but Al-Haitham isn’t the type to lie for the sake of something as pointless as petty entertainment. And he seems to be right, because the lady’s attention has already returned to the papers in her hands.

He tries not to stare too much as he moves to set his things down in the kitchenette. Al-Haitham and the woman seem to be deep in discussion about something that Kaveh can’t quite make out. Listening in to other people’s conversation is in poor taste, but Kaveh can’t shake the nagging feeling that they might be talking about him. He knows that it’s paranoia, but it doesn’t stop him from loitering around the kitchen area, keeping an ear out for the conversation.

“... but it depends on which area he was arrested in…”

“... oh? The laws change depending on that?”

“... Akademiya might be the official governing body of Sumeru, but the desert… Eremites…”

From what he’s able to gather, the two seem to be talking about a criminal — a Fontainian noble who’d fled to Sumeru after being convicted of a crime back in his homeland. And this lady, Jeanne, is the one responsible for hunting him down and bringing him back to Fontaine to stand trial. She hands him another sheet of paper. “And this would be enough for the Akademiya to release him back into our custody?”

“Were you expecting something more convoluted?” Al-Haitham shrugs, bringing his cup back to his lips. “We don’t want him here in Sumeru, what can I say? The quicker he leaves our borders, the better it is for us. Why, is there going to be a problem with that?”

Jeanne shakes her head. “No. I much prefer it this way. Legal proceedings tend to be… needlessly complicated in Fontaine. I’m just glad to hear that things are far more efficient here.” She reaches into the heavy bag by her feet, and pulls out what is frankly a terrifying stack of papers. “Unfortunately, since you are the one approving his extradition, the court of Fontaine will require you to fill in these forms for the different legal offices.”

The look Al-Haitham aims at those papers could probably curdle milk in a matter of seconds. Jeanne glances at him out of the corner of her eye, before she wordlessly takes half of them back. “Although I am not familiar with Sumeru’s laws, I can try to fill in some of the more mundane questions. Apologies for troubling you, Al-Haitham.”

The Acting Grand Sage eyes the papers with no small amount of disgust, but he eventually sighs and reaches over to take the papers from her. “No worries. I can do it.”

Kaveh has to remind himself not to stare too conspicuously at his roommate. Al-Haitham? Agreeing to take on unnecessary work? The man sitting in front of him must be some sort of Kshahrewar doppelganger, because Kaveh doesn’t recognise him at all.

Jeanne frowns. “But—”

“I was a scribe before my current… inconvenience.” That is no way to speak about the coveted position of the Akademiya Grand Sage! “I’m quick with a pen.” His roommate looks at her. “Besides, I think I finish things more efficiently alone.”

Kaveh’s mouth drops open with no small amount of horror. That’s not how you speak to a lady, you idiot!

But Jeanne only nods, an expression of relief on her face. “You have my gratitude, Al-Haitham.” Its recipient only waves it off.

“Come back tomorrow and I should have everything done by then. And please, enough with the formalities. Pointless courtesies tire me out.”

“Hm. If you say so.”

The two stand up, and Kaveh hurries back to minding his own business. He reaches for a cup, but ends up knocking it over. The wooden mug lands on the floor with a loud clack.

Kaveh closes his eyes, glances back to see Al-Haitham and the woman looking at him, and immediately averts his gaze to pick the cup up. Well, as if today hasn’t been embarrassing enough for him already. This is just salt on an open wound, now.

He chances another glance over his shoulder and very nearly drops the cup again when he sees Jeanne still staring at him. Not that he’s not flattered, but it does make him a little uncomfortable. Why, does he still have paint on his face? Or worse, does she recognise him somehow?

Before he can beat a hasty retreat to his room, Jeanne turns to Al-Haitham. What leaves her mouth next shocks him. “Could I take your roommate out for a quick conversation?”

Kaveh stares at her, stunned. He’s standing right here, you know! In earshot and everything! Al-Haitham frowns at him — why! — before waving Kaveh over — double why!

“Kaveh,” Al-Haitham announces, matter-of-factly, before Kaveh can get a word in. “Jeanne wants to have a word with you.” What, that’s it? No elaboration and no explanation? The two of them have never met before — what business does she have with him? 

And if he’s being honest, Kaveh is a little terrified by the idea. Not just because she hadn’t told him why she suddenly wants to speak with him, but she is a rather intimidating lady with that large scar over the bridge of her nose, the glass-splinter hardness to her eyes. Eyes that are, oh, looking at him again.

“If you would be so kind, Monsieur Kaveh,” Jeanne adds. Kaveh likes to think that he is good at reading people — a fun effect of overthinking and all that — but her expression is even more indecipherable than Al-Haitham’s. 

He stares intently at his roommate, trying to convey his reluctance with his eyes. “Well, I’m kind of tired today, so…”

“She isn’t going to eat you,” Kaveh yelps as Al-Haitham begins to push him in the direction of the door. Maybe he is the one who’s too easy to read? “Now, get out of here so that I can finish this paperwork in some peace and quiet.”

“I am a very considerate person!” Jeanne follows the two of them as Kaveh protests. “I am the very epitome of peace and quiet!”

“Your voice is shrill. And it hurts my ears.”

“My voice isn’t shrill. You’re just…”

Despite his vigorous protesting, Kaveh is escorted out of the living room and through the front door. Jeanne steps out of the doorway elegantly, adjusting the collar of her coat as Kaveh stumbles to catch his balance. 

“Don’t let him drink too much,” is all Kaveh hears in Al-Haitham’s usual bland tone, before the door swings shut in front of him.

Kaveh stares blankly at the closed door for a few seconds in disbelief before he shakes his fist at it. “May the gods bring a plague upon you and your…” he pauses, hesitates, “upon just you, you rude bastard…”

“I apologise for my rudeness.” Kaveh spins around to see Jeanne still standing there, and right, he’d quite forgotten that she is the reason he’s out here in the first place. He’s never met her before, or at least he doesn’t think he has — he’s quite sure that he would remember someone as striking as her if he had.

“Ah, no. It’s fine.” He licks his lips awkwardly, looks over his shoulder for an exit route. The door is still shut. “Umm… you said that you wanted to speak to me—”

“Ah. I realise that I have failed to properly introduce myself.” Jeanne shakes her head and takes a step forward, holds out a gloved hand. Kaveh takes it, trying not to show too much awkwardness on his face.

Instead of shaking it, however, Jeanne grasped it lightly before leaning down to press her lips to the back of it. An action that, most understandably, turns Kvaeh into a flushed, flustered mess almost right away. “Greetings. I am Jeanne Éscarlate de la Roche, first daughter of the de la Roches family and an enforcer with the Maison Gardiennage.” The de la Roches… Kaveh has never heard of this family, but they sound important. “It is a pleasure to meet you at last, Architect Kaveh, Light of Kshahrewar. I have heard many good things about you.”

Kaveh nearly chokes at that obnoxious title, shaking his head at once. “Please, please, don’t call me that. I’m just Kaveh.”

Jeanne’s grip on his hand falters, her expression turning mildly confused. “Apologies… have I mistaken your identity? Al-Haitham is the one who introduced you as such… Are you not the illustrious architect of Kshahrewar who designed the Palace of Alcazarzaray, Kaveh?”

Kaveh can scarcely believe his ears. Al-Haitham said that? Is he going to burst into song next? Surely she is being polite — there is no way his roommate would ever speak a single, positive word about him. Squeezing water from a rock would be a more plausible feat. “I… Well, I am an architect.”

“Do you mean to say there is another architect named Kaveh who designed the Palace of Alcazarzaray in Sumeru?”

Each question feels like a bullet round being fired point blank at him. Please�� he doesn’t want to have to say it out loud. “I… was the architect who designed that, yes.”

“Ah.” It’s hard to see, because her expression remains almost completely unchanged, but he notices the way that her eyes briefly light up — and his stomach drops at once. Is she somehow familiar with one of his acquaintances in Sumeru? One that is unaware of his current living arrangements? If word gets out, it’ll definitely spread like wildfire, and Kaveh’s reputation as a reliable architect and businessman will be in ruins and tatters!

Before Kaveh can come up with a way to minimise the damage already caused, Jeanne continues to speak. “Then, you must be familiar with my younger sister, Arabella, I presume?”

Who? The name is completely foreign to him. Arabella… a Fontainian… someone’s younger sister… dark hair and a feathered hat similar to the one on Jeanne’s head come to mind. “Do you mean Aria?”

“That is the name she often goes by when travelling, yes.” Jeanne nods very seriously at that, seemingly oblivious to Kaveh’s surprise. The Aria that he’d met at Lambad’s Tavern by chance a couple of years ago had been a bubbly, excitable and expressive lady with a rare flair for the arts. Nothing at all like the stoic, impassive woman standing in front of him right now.

Still, Aria — or Arabella now, he assumes — has mentioned her siblings multiple times over drinks. An overly responsible older sister who doesn’t know how to express herself but is as sweet as sugar underneath… Well, Kaveh can definitely see Jeanne fitting the first half of the description to the letter.

“Yeah, I know Ari— Arabella,” Kaveh nods, trying not to sound too taken aback. “Is she what you wanted to speak to me about?”

Jeanne nods solemnly. There is a grave expression on her face. From the way that Aria had spoken about her siblings, Kaveh doesn’t think that the woman in front of him has any malicious intentions. Still… there must be some sort of reason that she’s here, instead of speaking to her sister directly, isn’t she? “I’d just like to say… if you’re expecting me to divulge any secrets of hers, then I think we should end this conversation here. I wouldn’t want to waste your time.”

Jeanne blinks at him, a look of surprise briefly crossing her face, before a quiet noise escapes her mouth. It takes Kaveh approximately five seconds to realise that it was a laugh. 

“You are a person of honourable character,” she tells him, and although her expression seems to have barely changed, there is definitely a glint of approval to her eyes that wasn’t there earlier. Kaveh feels like he’s just passed a test of some sort. “I didn’t doubt my sister’s judgement, but now I see for myself why she speaks so highly of you.”

Aria does? Kaveh isn’t sure if the two of them are particularly close. They run into each other whenever Aria decides to travel to Sumeru. They drink together, exchange their ideas about the arts, and occasionally their woes. To know that she thinks well of him… it’s surprising, but also strangely pleasant.

“I’m glad to hear that.”

“Perhaps, I should have phrased my words more accurately.” Jeanne nods, grasping her cane with one white gloved hand. “I wish to speak to you about my sister, but I assure you that I do not intend to pry out of you anything that she wishes to keep hidden.”

She sounds genuine enough. Kaveh nods slowly. “Go on…”

“I am here for… advice, I suppose.” Jeanne’s expression is thoughtful as she speaks, as though contemplating each word very carefully. “I am untalented at discerning the emotions of others, but even I can tell that my sister has become troubled as of late. She has been sneaking off to other nations more regularly for trips, but does not seem any happier when she returns. It is quite unlike her.” She looks at Kaveh, and he sees her brows slightly furrowed with concern. “Hence, I wish to ask you if you might have any insights on this matter.”

Kaveh purses his lips. This was unexpected, but not surprising. He might not see Arabella very often, but the two of them can be considered drinking buddies. Alcohol has a tendency to loosen people’s lips, bringing more of their true thoughts to the surface. 

And he has noticed Arabella’s sudden bouts of sullenness. It would be harder not to, with how excitable and happy-go-lucky she usually is. He thinks back to the most recent conversation that the two of them had. 

“Why don’t you tell your siblings about this?” Kaveh had suggested, when Arabella had brought this up. The two of them might be on friendly terms, but Kaveh doesn’t think that they are close enough for him to advise her on such a complicated issue. Cultural and societal norms differ between Fontaine and Sumeru, too.

Arabella had stared into her empty tankard for a long while. “I don’t want them to have to worry about me…” she’d confessed after a moment of silence. “I’ve taken care of these kids since they were… kids. It’s strange to talk to them about my own problems, y’know?”

He actually doesn’t, because Kaveh has never had siblings in his life. But he does understand locking up all his emotions and throwing away the key so as not to bother others. He’d never met any of Arabella’s siblings before, so he’d refrained from commenting further, but now…

Well, not that he knows Jeanne very well. But she seems to be someone who genuinely cares for Arabella, and Kaveh can get behind that.

“I don’t know everything,” he admits slowly. The intensity of Jeanne’s gaze makes him sweat a little, but Kaveh presses on bravely. “It’s a little… complicated, though, and might take a while to explain…”

Jeanne blinks, before taking a step back. Kaveh lets out an unconscious sigh of relief. “Apologies. I hadn’t considered that.” She glances at the street over her shoulder. “I suppose that this is indeed a poor place to have a serious conversation. How about we go to Lambad’s Tavern to discuss this over some drinks?”

Kaveh brightens up instantly at the sound of alcohol, realises that, and then immediately attempts to tone down his excitement. He’s been trying to cut back on drinking for a while now, to a low degree of success, but… come on, it’s been a stressful day. And it’s not like he was the one who initiated it, was he? “Well, if you’re insisting…”

“Oh. Do not worry, I am not. If you are uncomfortable with drinking—”

“No! I mean, no, I’m— ah, well. I’m not against drinking as long as it is done in moderation, of course.” Jeanne nods very seriously in response to his half-hearted words. 

“That is a good mindset to have. All things must be enjoyed in moderation, else it becomes too easy for one to succumb to indulgence.” Kaveh feels like he wants to wilt in embarrassment. “Then, shall we get going?”

“Alright, then…” Kaveh glances back at the locked door for a second. He feels as though he’s forgotten something important, but he can’t quite remember what it is. “Oh. Wait, umm…” He fidgets with the hem of his shirt, feeling suddenly awkward. “Could I ask you for a favour?”

Jeanne looks at him, completely serious. “If it is reasonable and within my power, of course.”

“That is great.” Kaveh gestures back at the house, where Al-Haitham is undoubtedly enjoying his quiet and alone time. “Could I trouble you to keep my current, uhm, living arrangements a secret?”

“You mean the fact that you live with Al-Haitham?”

Kaveh cringes instinctively at the sound of it. “Yes, that.”

Jeanne’s brows lift slightly, a near imperceptible movement. “Is there any reason you do not wish for others to know that you are living with Al-Haitham? I noticed that you were acting oddly earlier, when you first returned to the house, but I could not figure out why.”

Fuck, had he really been that obvious? “I just…” He hesitates for a moment. It’s too difficult to put everything into just words. How is Kaveh supposed to explain why he’s worried about his reputation without sounding like a complete and total snob? And if he tells her about his financial struggles… she’d definitely laugh at him because of the whole Palace of Alcazarzaray fiasco. “It’s just embarrassing,” he says at last, putting his hands together in a show of supplication. “So… don’t tell anyone. Please?”

Jeanne nods solemnly. “Of course. I shall respect your wishes. I am not familiar with many people in Fontaine, so rest assured that I have no reason to tell anyone.”

That’s a relief to hear. “Then, shall we go?”

“Oh, yes. This way, please…”

>>>

Although he had initially been excited for some drinks, his enthusiasm is at rock bottom by the time they reach the tavern. The reason? The walk down Treasures Street might have been the most awkward experience that Kaveh has ever had to suffer through in all the years of his life. Not because the conversation went poorly, but because there had been no conversation at all.

Surely it is socially polite to… make small talk while in the presence of another person, yes? But Jeanne hadn’t said a single word since leaving the house, leaving Kaveh to stew in awkward silence all the way until the tavern. Part of him is seriously starting to regret coming out in the first place.

Fortunately, there is a fair crowd at Lambad’s Tavern tonight, the air filled with the hum of idle chatter. The two of them find seats at the edge of the tavern, and Kaveh, unable to endure the silence any longer, finally speaks up. “So… is there anything that you’d like?”

Jeanne looks down at the menu in her hands, before she pushes it over to him. “I’m not very familiar with alcohol,” she tells him bluntly. “I just tend to drink whatever others order. Get anything you’d like.”

Kaveh glances up from the menu, momentarily thrown off. “So… you’re not actually a drinker? I don’t want to accidentally get you hammered…”

“Oh, don’t worry. That won’t be an issue,” Jeanne reassures him. “I might not have any inclination towards alcohol, but it doesn’t mean that I am inexperienced. My work tends to put me in positions where I have to drink, so my alcohol tolerance is extraordinarily high.”

That doesn’t sound very good… Kaveh resolves not to order anything too high in alcohol percentage tonight. All for Jeanne’s sake, and not because he’s a complete and utter lightweight, of course. “Any preferences…?”

“I usually find the overpowering bitterness of coffee very refreshing.”

Kaveh stares for a second too long before he looks down at the menu once more. “I’ll just order something simple then.”

“Sounds good.”

He puts down his order, and Lambad quickly comes around to their table. He raises an eyebrow when he sees Kaveh and Jeanne together. “With a different gal this month, eh? You sure are popular with the Fontainian ladies, Kaveh!”

Kaveh’s entire face goes red. “What? I’m not—” Lambad sets the bottle of anise and date wine between the two of them, before he grins at an unsmiling Jeanne. “Have a fun night, the two of you.”

He’s gone before Kaveh can say anything else. “He doesn’t mean anything by it,” Kaveh turns to Jeanne at once. “He’s just, uh, trying to be funny. Ignore him.”

“I can appreciate his sense of humour and his efforts to put me at ease,” Jeanne replies seriously, as she reaches out to pour them both a cup. “But speaking about my sister… When was the last time that the two of you met? I would like confirmation about the timeframe that I have in mind.”

Kaveh swills the milky white alcohol in his cup. The slight scent of licorice rises up to his nose. “Hmm… maybe a month or so? She mentioned having some trouble back in Fontaine that she couldn’t put off any longer.”

“Trouble. Hmm…” Jeanne stares at the table for a few seconds, before she knocks back the entire cup. Kaveh stares at her, open mouthed in shock, but she doesn’t seem to notice. “Did my sister mention what kind of trouble?”

He takes a much more modest sip of wine from his cup and instantly makes a face at the burn in his throat. No, Lambad didn’t serve them a watered down bottle of alcohol. How did Jeanne even… nevermind. “Something related to romance? She didn’t talk about it explicitly, but she did ask me for advice about how to approach a man… not that I’m very helpful in that regard, I think.”

“I’m sure that you were very helpful,” Jeanne offers, completely sincere.

“No, I definitely wasn’t.” Kaveh shakes his head, takes another sip. “But, uh, I suppose she has a lover… or maybe a potential lover of sorts in Fontaine? One that she doesn’t quite know how to approach?”

“Hmm. Up till now, I thought that lover might have been you. But I suppose that I was wrong.”

Kaveh chokes on his cup instantly. What did she just say? “What!?”

Jeanne hands him a clean white kerchief in alarm. “I apologise for causing you such agitation,” she tells him, her expression genuinely apologetic. “I should have known better. You are not my sister’s type.”

Kaveh coughs one last time and dabs at the corner of his mouth with the kerchief — luxurious, thick Silk Flower silk with no creases. It almost feels too expensive to be putting his mouth on. “... thank you?”

“You’re welcome.” Jeanne sits back down and downs yet another cup of the wine. That’s like her, what, third cup now? And she still looks stone cold sober. Terrifying… “Do you have any idea as to who this potential lover might be? I already have an idea of this person’s identity, but I would like to make sure.”

“Uhmm…” Kaveh takes another sip of wine to cover up his embarrassment. “Someone who’s in a… unique position of power? Complicated social standing? Yeah, that’s how she described him.”

“Hm. That does confirm my suspicions.” Jeanne leans back in her seat and crosses her arms over her chest thoughtfully. She seems to have relaxed a bit now, which is good. Or so Kaveh had thought, because she spends the next few minutes pondering this all on her own, leaving Kaveh to the sad, melancholy tune of silence once more.

Not wanting to disturb her, Kaveh turns to the only thing left to do — the bottle of wine on the table. He pours himself a cup, and then another, and then another. Lambad doesn’t skimp on quality — sailors know the value of good alcohol, and this wine is some of the best that Kaveh has ever tasted. Which, eventually, leads to another problem: the bottle has run dry.

Kaveh upturns the bottle, shakes it vigorously and sets it back down with a sigh. Seems like that’s it for the night, he thinks, but Jeanne notices, to his surprise. “Let us order another bottle.”

That won’t be healthy for his wallet. But how is he supposed to turn her down nicely? “I don’t think we really need another drink… we won’t be here for much longer, will we?”

Jeanne blinks at him. “We won’t? Oh, am I unpleasant company to be around?”

“No!” Kaveh rushes to correct her. “I just… I just thought that you didn’t have anything else to ask me, so…”

“I would like to know more about my sister’s friend in Sumeru,” Jeanne corrects, and flags down one of the staff members serving drinks. “Order without hesitation. Since you have done me a great favour today, the drinks are on me.”

Really? “No! Really, there’s no need.” The staff member who had come up next to their table is starting to look a little annoyed now. “I don’t need any more drinks.”

“We’ll have whichever alcohol you recommend, thank you” Jeanne tells the staff member, who huffs and disappears back to the main building. Kaveh winces, awkward. “You didn’t have to…”

“As I said, you have done me a great favour today. I dislike leaving favours unpaid.”

“This can barely be considered a favour.”

“It might seem insignificant to you, but the weight that it has taken off my mind is immeasurable.” She says this so seriously that Kaveh cannot bring himself to argue against it. The server soon returns with a jar of snake wine, something that Kaveh has never been able to convince himself to order for his own enjoyment, and sets it on the table in front of him. He can already feel himself salivating.

Jeanne cracks off the top of the jar and pours them both a cup, before pushing Kaveh’s over to him. “I hope you enjoy it.”

“Thank you.” Kaveh knocks back the cup before he can hesitate any longer, and very nearly faints with how good it tastes. It must be good, having money. “So… what do you do for a living?”

“Me?” Jeanne pauses, swirling the cup in her hand. “Well, as I mentioned earlier, I am an enforcer with the Maison Gardiennage. We are responsible for Fontaine’s public order and safety.”

Right, Al-Haitham had mentioned that. So that’s why she was discussing criminal matters with him. “I thought that most Gardes wear those blue uniforms.”

“I’m part of the Special Security and Surveillance Patrol, to be more specific. We do not follow the Gardes dress code to move more inconspicuously, although that is rarely helpful in my case.” She gestures at the scar across her face. Kaveh holds back a sympathetic wince. He’d seen it earlier, but now that he’s seated closer, he can see the jagged edges of the scar, the old but healed skin tissue. 

It must have been a painful wound. Jeanne, however, doesn’t seem to be very self-conscious about it. That only gives Kaveh more respect for her.

“And what does the Special Security do?”

She shakes her head. “That is classified. I could tell you, but then I would have to kill you.”

Kaveh laughs, but then it trails off awkwardly. Jeanne said that with such a straight face — it doesn’t seem like a joke. He would like to keep his head right where it is — on his shoulders — thank you very much. 

“Some of the criminals that you’re dealing with?”

“Classified, I’m afraid.”

“Colleagues?”

“Also classified. I can’t go into too much detail about my work — non-disclosure agreement.” Kaveh sighs and takes another sip from his cup. As much as he’d wanted to clear the awkwardness, part of him had also wanted to find out more about this intriguing Fontainian lady in front of him. This is a little disappointing. “Instead, how about you tell me about what you do for work?”

“Me?” Kaveh isn’t too sure why she’d want to hear about his work. Sketching buildings and making mini models sound pretty boring, especially compared to the kind of work that Jeanne probably does on a daily basis. “It’s nothing interesting, really…”

“But my sister always speaks very highly of what you do. She says that you are daring, and have many original ideas that you see through to fruition.” Jeanne counters. “I am someone who lacks originality, so I must admit that I was very intrigued when I heard about that.”

Originality… All Kaveh can remember is the Palace of Alcazarzaray. It’s not that he regrets creating it, it is his magnum opus after all, but pursuing originality does have its cost.

“Why do you think that you lack originality?”

Jeanne purses her lips thoughtfully at that. “After I was adopted into nobility, I was made to go for a number of classes in the classical arts. I picked most of them up rather quickly, but I can only emulate others. For example, I could paint what someone told me to, but I wouldn’t be able to think of what to paint on my own. I memorised many concertos, but could never come up with an original piece. That is why I admire creatives such as you and my sister.”

Oh. The only topic that he and Al-Haitham agree on, probably, is how the rigorous schooling and immense pressure to graduate in the Akademiya tends to stifle original thought. It’s sad to hear the same thing occurring in other nations as well.

“Besides, my sister has praised many of your works in the past. Since I do not have the time to visit all the buildings that you have designed myself, I hope to hear about them from you instead.”

How can he not feel flattered by that? The last person who’d been so interested in hearing about his works had been Arabella herself. Suddenly feeling a little too pleased, Kaveh takes a big gulp of the snake wine and begins to speak. “Then, I can start with telling you about the lighthouse at Port Ormos…”

>>>

“And those stupid old fogeys have no idea what’s possible or not! They wanted a stairway without rails — let me repeat, without rails! Are they idiots? Do they think they can fly? If someone slips off those stairs, that’ll be the end of it for them. But no, they said. Aesthetics are not meant to be practical, they said!”

Jeanne nods and very subtly slides Kaveh’s cup away from him. She now understands why Al-Haitham had told her not to let Kaveh drink too much — the man is a lightweight, and a terrifically noisy drunk to boot. Still, many of his complaints are valid, and he seems to be someone without much of an outlet for his frustrations. Jeanne might get along with Al-Haitham, but she is aware that the man isn’t the best listening ear.

“You should bring them up to a similarly high place and threaten to push them off,” Jeanne suggests. “There are few motivations more potent than fear.”

Kaveh stops his ranting to stare at her. His cheeks are flushed, eyes hazy and a little unfocused — all symptoms of alcohol overconsumption. Then suddenly, he starts laughing, loudly and almost without abandon. “You’re so funny, you know!” He grins, resting his cheek on an upturned palm as he looks at her. His words are slurring together a little. “As a law enforcer, shouldn’t you know that something like that would be illegal?”

Well, Jeanne is a law enforcer, yes, but she tends to work with… less than legal means. She can’t tell him that, though, so she shakes her head. “Perhaps, you could just covertly hire a few men to beat them up instead? I have the necessary contacts, should you need them.”

The man sitting opposite her coughs. “That’s assault.”

“It’s actually solicitation of assault,” Jeanne corrects him. “Besides, no one will be able to find out that you were the one who hired them as long as you know how to keep things off the record.”

“You know, for a supposed law enforcer, you don’t seem to have a lot of lawful solutions.”

“I apologise for my poor suggestions. I will strive to think of something more practical for you.”

He lets out a snort at that. “Pfft… I’m alright without the hired thugs, thanks…” Kaveh slowly leans forward to put his face down on the table. He seems… tired, for a lack of a better word. Not just the tiredness that comes with insufficient rest, but the bone deep exhaustion of having endured something for too long. “This is quite enough for me. I can’t remember the last time I just ranted to someone like this.”

Jeanne is surprised to hear that. “Not even to my sister?” She thought that the two of them had been close.

“Oh, not because we aren’t friendly or anything.” Kaveh shakes his head against the table top. His cheek is squished as he looks up at Jeanne. “But she has her own troubles sometimes, and I don’t want to make her feel as though she can’t share things with me. A bit hypocritical, I know. Still can’t help it.” He lets out a loud sigh. “I feel kinda guilty, speaking to you too. I don’t want you to think that I’m treating you as an emotional punching bag!”

He’s a funny one. And someone who clearly cares too much about how he affects others, and how others perceive him. As much as he and Al-Haitham fail at getting along harmoniously, she must admit that the Acting Grand Sage is probably the person that truly sees Kaveh as the person that he is.

“I don’t feel that way at all,” Jeanne reassures him, subtly waving the proprietor over to bring the bill. “I’m honoured that you are willing to share with me your troubles, even though we have just met.”

“Well, you make it a little too easy to…” Kaveh grumbles incoherently into his hands. “You… definitely have your own troubles, but you don’t really show it, you know… makes me feel as though I can speak to you without guilt. Ah, but that makes me feel guilty too… I can’t listen to your troubles in return…”

He sounds so suddenly despondent that Jeanne has to shake her head firmly. “As I said, I see it as an honour. There is no debt between us.”

“Hmm…” Kaveh doesn’t seem to be listening anymore, searching the table for something. “Hmm…? Where did my cup go…”

“Here,” Jeanne pushes a cup of plain water in his direction. “Drink up.”

The proprietor glances at Kaveh when he comes over to their table with the bill. “He’s completely smashed again, huh? Not doing so great again.” He gives Jeanne a curious look. “You a new friend of his? Haven’t seen you around these parts.”

“I…” Jeanne pauses for a moment as she drops the required mora into his hand. “I suppose I am.”

“Hmm.” Lambad looks at her again, before he hands her a small glass bottle that fits easily within her palm. Jeanne can smell the pungent odour even without uncorking the bottle. Poison of some sort? Does this man have a grudge against Kaveh? “Hangover cure. Give it to him when he wakes up — he’ll need it.”

So not poison, then. “Thank you.”

“No worries.” Lambad waves it off. “Kaveh’s a good kid — helped me remodel some of the seating areas inside the tavern for a discounted price when we were running out of sitting space. Sometimes he helps people out at too high of a cost, and far too little of a benefit to himself. But it’s hard not to like a man like that.”

His words describe what she knows of Kaveh accurately enough. “I agree.”

“Well then, take care of him for me. And get him back home — I’ll need to be closing up shop soon.” Lambad raises a hand and turns around to leave. Jeanne glances back at the man half sprawled out on the table, his styled blonde hair now a mussed mess. But it’s not a bad look on him, Jeanne thinks to herself as she gets to her feet.

She grasps him by the shoulder and shakes him lightly. “Kaveh.” He mumbles under his breath. “Kaveh. We need to go. They’re closing up the tavern.”

“I’m — hng — sleepy.”

“That’s why we need to get you back to your house.”

“Right…” Kaveh slowly pushes himself off the chair, very nearly stumbles over his own feet. Jeanne catches him by the elbow before he can fall over.

“Steady, now. I’ll support you.”

The two of them slowly make their way out of the tavern and along the street, Jeanne with her hand on his elbow to support him. Kaveh squints at her as the two of them walk. “You’re not swaying at all,” he suddenly observes, very loudly. Jeanne nods, keeping her focus on Kaveh’s feet. He looks like he’s about to trip again at any moment.

“I’m not.”

“How’s that possible? You look like you didn’t even have a sip. Did I,” he coughs, shakes his head in confusion, “did I drink both bottles entirely on my own?”

“No. I drank more than half of the amount that we ordered.”

“Oh. So we drank the same amount, then.” Not quite, but Jeanne lets it slide without any argument. “How are you so sober, then? You’re not even,” Kaveh hiccups, squints at her some more, “a little bit drunk.”

“I have a high tolerance.”

“That’s not fair.”

The conversation lasts the two of them all the way back to Al-Haitham’s house. She glances at the windows, but they are shut and no light is coming around the edges. He’s probably asleep already.

She shakes Kaveh, who is now just completely leaning against her to stay upright. “Do you have your keys?”

“My kiss?”

“No, keys.”

“Oh, keys… so that’s what I forgot when I left earlier…” He mumbles a few more incoherent things under his breath, before sagging entirely against her like a sack of potatoes gone limp. Only Jeanne’s lightning fast reflexes allow her to catch him before he can send the both of them crashing to the ground. 

“Kaveh?” She shakes him again, but the man is out like a light. He really is a lightweight… Jeanne glances at the door again, and gives it a hopeful knock. No one comes to open it, unfortunately. Al-Haitham must have worn his noise cancelling headphones to sleep again.

Jeanne looks at Kaveh, tilting her head as she thinks about her next steps. She’s in a bit of a bind now. She could bring Kaveh to one of the inns and get a room for him, but it would be rude and inconvenient to wake up an innkeeper at this time of the night. That only leaves her with one option.

Sighing, Jeanne walks over to Kaveh, bends down and lifts him over her shoulder. He’s as light as she’d guessed, and of no trouble to her. 

“Let us be off, then,” she says aloud to no one, before setting off down the empty street.

>>>

Kaveh wakes up the next morning to sunshine pouring into his room… and directly onto his face. He tries to open his eyes, but feels his retinas drying instantly, and turns away at once. Why is it so bright already? What time did he sleep in until?

Grumbling under his breath — gods, his tongue feels so dry and heavy in his mouth — Kaveh reaches for his bedside table and fumbles for the alarm clock. Not here, not here, not there either? Where is it? 

He sits up in the bed and lets out a loud yawn, running his fingers through messy hair, and cracks open his eyes a smidge. To his confusion, his alarm clock is not on his bedside table. As a matter of fact, that’s not his bedside table at all.

His alertness finally makes a belated return. Kaveh glances to the left — a messy workbench on the table, no miniature cardboard model of the Avidya Forest’s watchtowers. To his right is a simple closet, filled with clothes that he doesn’t recognise. This isn’t his room. This isn’t even his house.

Finally, Kaveh looks down at himself. He’s almost relieved when he sees that he’s still dressed, at least, but then immediately starts to panic when he realises that the shirt he is currently dressed in isn’t his.

So, he does the most logical thing that he can think of — he screams.

A few seconds pass before the door suddenly bursts open with a bang to reveal Jeanne standing in the doorway with a wooden spatula in one hand and a fucking revolver in the other. Kaveh very nearly screams again, this time in terror, but manages to swallow it down. “Where’s the assassin?” she asks bluntly, eyes rapidly scanning over the room.

“What? No, there’s no assassin.” Kaveh cowers back into the covers, staring at the barrel of the gun. “Why is that the first thing that you thought of?”

Jeanne blinks, giving the room one last cursory glance before she holsters the pistol at her belt. She’s dressed in a simple pair of black pants and a simple ruffled blouse — different from the clothes that she’d been wearing yesterday. “It has happened before,” she tells him matter-of-factly, as though she is talking about a morning coffee or a stray cat coming by her door. Kaveh gapes at her in disbelief. “If there is no assassin, what were you screaming about?”

Right, he’d forgotten about that — which isn’t really a surprise, with how much his head is pounding. He feels as though someone is playing whack a mole with his skull. “I, um,  didn’t recognise where I was and panicked for a moment.”

“Oh.” Jeanne gestures at the room that he’s in. “This is my house in Sumeru. I often travel back and forth between the two countries for work matters, which makes it more convenient for me to have my own residence here.”

That does explain where he is, but just… how did he get here in the first place? Kaveh tries to recall the events of the previous night. He’d gotten kicked out of the house by Al-Haitham, and the two of them had gone to Lambad’s Tavern to get drinks and discuss Arabella. The anise wine had run out, Jeanne had called for another drink, and then…

He can’t remember much after that, which can only mean one thing — he’d gotten very, very drunk. There are vague flashes — of seeing Lambad’s face and then staggering up Treasures Street, but aside from that, Kaveh has no recollection as to what had happened.

And he’s wearing a different shirt, one that isn’t his. It isn’t hard to put two and two together, a foregone conclusion. Oh. Oh. Dear Archons, did something happen last night? Did he do something last night?

“Jeanne,” Kaveh says with deliberate slowness, in an attempt to quell the rising panic in his chest. “Did anything happen last night that I’ve forgotten about?”

She’s checking behind the curtains of the room — is she still looking for the ‘assassin’? “Do you not recall what happened last night?” Yes! “We went out for drinks after we met.” 

He remembers that part with perfect clarity. It’s what happened after that he wants to know about. Did he… “No, I’m asking if I did something… inappropriate.”

Jeanne shakes her head at him and Kaveh sags with relief. “You do not need to worry,” she reassures him. “You didn’t get sick on me or my clothes.” The panic comes back immediately. That’s not what he was talking about!

Kaveh gestures at the shirt that he’s wearing, hands flapping like the wings of a mad bird. “No, I was talking about this.”

“Oh… you mean how you got into that shirt. Apologies, I’m a little slow on the uptake.” That’s not what he meant either! “You spilled some of the snake wine on your shirt. My brother, Otho, stays in this room occasionally when he passes through, so I changed you into one of his spare shirts since the two of you are of similar height and build. I’m sorry if it’s uncomfortable, but I didn’t want to let you sleep in a stained shirt.”

Archons above… Kaveh feels as though he’s the only one losing his mind over here. Not just that, he sounds insane! Finally, he gathers the courage to take a quick glance beneath the covers and nearly faints with relief when he sees his pants still on. And aside from his raging headache, nothing else feels amiss… So maybe nothing really did happen?

Jeanne looks at him for a moment longer, trying to figure out if she properly answered him, before she gives up and gestures to the low table next to the bed. “There is water and a hangover cure that Lambad told me to give to you. Do you think you can stomach some food?”

It takes Kaveh a moment to process that question. “Oh… yes.”

“That’s good. I’ve made enough breakfast for us both in the kitchen — I hope you like shakshuka. When you’re feeling ready to get up, there is an en-suite bathroom—” she gestures to an inconspicuous door worked into the wall on his right, “and a change of clothes inside which you can use. I also just got your shirt laundered this morning, so you could wear that too, if you’d like.”

This is a bit too much information for Kaveh to take in at once. All he manages is a single, awkward, “why?”

Jeanne just seems a little confused by his question. “Why? Oh, because the laundromat wasn’t open until earlier this morning. It would have been better to bring the shirt as quickly as possible, but fortunately they still managed to remove the stain.”

“No, that’s not what I meant.” He feels as though he has said that sentence too many times today. “I meant… Why did you do all that for me? We’ve only just met, after all.”

People rarely go out of their way for others unless there is some sort of benefit that they stand to gain from it. Kaveh wonders if Jeanne is expecting something in return for it. There is nothing that he can offer her, he’s sure of it. Which is why he is so hesitant to simply accept her hospitality.

But Jeanne’s answer surprises him. “Is this not the natural thing to do?” she asks, looking even more confused now. “When I brought you back to the house, Al-Haitham was already asleep and you didn’t have your keys on you,” — so that’s what he forgot! — “not to mention that it was already long past midnight. I didn’t want to trouble the innkeepers, so this was the most convenient place to bring you.”

All that sounds logical and all, but Kaveh still can’t imagine that someone would do all that for him. The only other person whose intentions have confused him so thoroughly is Al-Haitham, who until now refuses to tell Kaveh why he let him stay in his house. But unlike his roommate, Jeanne seems genuinely… oblivious to it. As though she really doesn’t have a hidden agenda to her kindness, and this is simply natural for her to do.

Still, this doesn’t make Kaveh feel any more comfortable about receiving her goodwill. He’s adding up the costs for the laundering in his head — it must have been expensive, if she received the clothes back on the same day — when Jeanne holds out a hand. “There is no need to pay me back,” she tells him firmly.

“But—”

“I insist. Consider it a favour, for being friends with my sister and listening to her woes.” Jeanne nods decisively, as if that has concluded the conversation, and moves to leave the room. “I give you some privacy to wash up and get changed. Come out for some breakfast once you’re done.”

The door shuts behind her with a click and Kaveh is left staring at it, a little lost and stupefied. So… nothing is expected of him. She doesn’t expect anything back from him. Huh. It’s an uncomfortable thought, but an unexpectedly… pleasant sort of discomfort. 

So he does what she told him to. Goes into the en-suite bathroom, sees the clean set of clothes laid out for him to wear. He takes a quick shower, splashes his face with cold water to wake himself up. After dressing in the clothes that Jeanne had left out for him, he heads back into the room and downs the hangover cure, chasing it down with water. A wooden cup instead of a glass one, he notices. 

A small detail, but Kaveh is an observant man. Despite being so stoic and difficult to read, Jeanne seems to be a surprisingly warm and considerate person. Another lesson to Kaveh, he supposes, in learning not to judge others by their looks.

He glances about the room. Jeanne had mentioned something about her brother staying there occasionally, and he sees bits and pieces of that. A man’s styling comb, a pair of cufflinks on the table. And for a place that is supposedly so unused, he can see little knick knacks and ornaments that Jeanne has chosen to decorate the space with that give it a cosy, almost homely kind of warmth.

Framed Kamera photos sit on the nightstand, and Kaveh recognises Jeanne in some of them. Most of them appear to be of Jeanne, Arabella and their siblings — another man, who Kaveh presumes to be their brother, Otho, and a younger, seemingly fiery woman. Kaveh doesn’t seem to spot either of her parents. 

Arabella is giving her biggest and brightest smile to the Kamera, but Jeanne is wearing her typical unsmiling, serious expression in all of the photos but one. The last photograph is a little less formal, a bit more candid, where all of Jeanne’s siblings are giving her a hug. From the looks of it, photograph-Jeanne is trying her best to maintain her usual expression, but there’s a distinctly pleased yet embarrassed look on her face.

It’s rather endearing, to be able to see this side of Jeanne. Kaveh finds himself staring at the photos for a while longer, thinking that it must be nice to have such a large family, when he hears Jeanne calling for him from outside.

When he emerges from the room, he sees Jeanna standing outside next to the table, dressed in the Fontainian suit that he’d seen the day before and her hair pinned up neatly underneath her hat. “Here is the shakshuka. I’ve never really cooked this dish for anyone else other than myself, but I hope you like it.” She removes the… clutch?... from an iron skillet to reveal a perfect dish underneath. Four perfectly poached eggs sit inside in a delicious mess of tomatoes and peppers. “I’ll need to be heading off for work soon.”

That’s very early. “It looks great,” Kaveh says as he moves to sit at the table. “Law enforcement?”

“Mm. I have some business with the matra today — now that Al-Haitham has approved the paperwork, I can finally collect the runaway noble and escort him back to Fontaine.”

“That’s great.” Kaveh is a little surprised by how disappointed he is to hear that she’ll be heading back so soon. 

“Al-Haitham was very prompt with the paperwork,” Jeanne nods, before placing a key with a familiar lion keychain on the table in front of him. Is that his… “While collecting the paperwork, I also picked up your key so you may return home whenever you wish. Treasures Street is relatively close, so you’ll be able to walk back easily after breakfast.” She takes a step back and nods. “Then, I hope to see you around soon, Kaveh. It was a pleasure meeting you.”

“Oh.” Kaveh glances up at Jeanne, surprised. “The shakshuka is a little too big for me to finish on my own… are you not going to eat with me?”

Jeanne pauses with one hand on the doorknob. In truth, she is already running a little late — bringing Kaveh’s keys back here and then cooking the shakshuka had caused her to run quite a bit behind schedule. If it had just been her, she would have just boiled some eggs or bought something from Puspa Cafe on the way to the Akademiya. 

Still, the hopeful look on Kaveh’s face is surprisingly difficult to reject. It’s like trying to convince herself to kick a puppy.

Eventually, she finds herself relenting — surprising even herself — and she takes a seat opposite Kaveh. “I’ll need to eat quickly.”

“That’s alright. Still, you should eat your fill to get ready for the day ahead.” Kaveh scoops out a good portion of the shakshuka and places it onto her plate. “Here you go.”

“Oh, let me get some for you too.”

“It’s alright, I can do it on my own.”

“I insist, really…”

Surprisingly, the conversation over breakfast flows easily — more easily than it did last night, at least. Kaveh asks Jeanne about the photographs that he’d seen in the spare room, and Jeanne had paused between bites to tell him more about her siblings. She had been adopted into the Fontainian noble family de la Roches while still a young girl, and had gotten three new siblings to live with. Arabella, the oldest, followed by Otho and Vivienne. 

Kaveh is already familiar with Arabella, so Jeanne tells him about her other siblings. “Otho is the next head of the de la Roches,” she says. “He’s a bit of a handful at the moment, but I can see why he’s acting out — anyone would with so much pressure placed on their shoulders. As for Vivienne…” Jeanne sighs at the thought of her younger sister. “She’s the fiery sort, but gets into trouble a little too often. Arabella often runs herself worrying over her. Still, she’s got a good heart.”

Kaveh, in return, tells Jeanne some of his anecdotes living with Al-Haitham — some of which make Jeanne crack what seems to be her version of a smile. “I think that I have heard some of these before,” she tells him. Kaveh stops mid-rant, surprised. “The Mahamatra — Cyno — has regaled me with humorous tales of a certain friend living with another acquaintance. He did not mention them by name, but now that I have met you, I am quite sure that he was speaking about you and Al-Haitham.”

The conversation flows smoothly, and it’s not long before the shakshuka has run out. After they put the dishes away, Jeanne picks up her bag once more. “I must really go now,” she says, but she doesn’t look upset, which makes Kaveh feel relieved. “I will not return for a while, so I wanted to tell you this… I’m not sure if it will make you uncomfortable, but you may stay here whenever you like.”

Kaveh stares at Jeanne again, this time even more shocked. To just offer access to your house to someone you’ve just met the night prior… surely things are moving too fast here?

“This house doesn’t see much use otherwise. Besides, my sister trusts you, and after meeting you, I also think that you are a person of solid character.” Jeanne nods as she looks at him. “ I might be emotionally oblivious, but I am adept at discerning the hearts of others.”

“But—”

“This way, you could return the clothes I lent you.”

Kaveh hesitates. “If you say so…”

He follows Jeanne to the door, where she shows him where the key to the front door is hidden — underneath a flower pot with a small, fat ball cactus. “A little obvious, don’t you think?”

Jeanne shrugs, seemingly unbothered. “The key is enchanted with a locking mechanism by an astrologist from Mondstadt. If someone without my approval tries to touch it, it dissolves into water instantly.”

“That’s… wow.” Imagine being able to use such magic and technology for designing parts of buildings! Stairs that could hold their shape but dissolve into water when no one is using them, doors that could turn to water instead of having to physically open them. “I’ll have to visit Mondstadt some day…”

Jeanne looks at him. “Then, I’ll be going now.” And just as she did the first time she had introduced herself to him, she takes his hand and presses a light kiss to the back of it. “I’ll see you around, Kaveh.”

And Kaveh’s heart still skips a beat, unsurprisingly. While the feelings that had spiked through him previously had been more of awkwardness and shock, now there is something… a little more shy and flustered in its place. Now that is something that takes him by surprise.

You’ve just met her, Kaveh scolds himself, horrified. Don’t be so easy, Kaveh!

But that doesn’t stop his cheeks from heating when her eyes meet his. Her eyes really are like aquamarine stones, clear and polished with honesty. “I hope we meet again soon, Jeanne.”

“We definitely will.” With that, Jeanne releases his hand and turns around. Kaveh watches as she disappears down the street and off into one of the many tunnels among the roots of the Divine Tree. Only when she has completely vanished from sight does Kaveh turn around and go back into the house.

>>>

Kaveh returns the next day with the clothes that Jeanne had loaned him, clean and laundered, but is disappointed to see that she has truly left. When he sets the clothes down, however, he sees something on the table that wasn’t there yesterday — a jar of snake wine with a handwritten  note pinned underneath it.

Headed back to Fontaine. Enjoy, but in moderation, of course — Jeanne de la Roche

Despite himself, Kaveh finds himself smiling. The next time she visits Sumeru, he’ll make sure that he has something to share with her in return as well.

#genshin #genshin oc #commission #kaveh

[pixi3h0ll0w]

TELL ME WHY

E. Williams

Fboy Ellie, popular reader, smut, fingering, eating out, degrading, drugs and drinking, smoking weed etc 13+ at least people like come on

Ellie was famously known around the university even though you and Ellie used to be close you had her crowd and she had hers.

“Y/n!” Sam called rushing towards you hold up a party invitation. “New party at maras house this weekend.” Sam wiggles her brows making you chuckle. “Good for you Sam.”

“Oh come on you have to come.” “No thanks.”

“If you don’t come you hate me.” She says making you roll your eyes, “real mature Sam wait a act like an adult.”

“Promise you’ll be there.” She pleads.

“Fine.”

____________________

You look at maras gigantic ass house and walk through the doors, the house was booming with loud music and drunk teenagers.

You look in disgust as you see two people making out throw up caught in the girls hair it had only been an hour and people were already wasted holy fuck.

You wandered around the party for a while trying to find somebody you knew anybody but instead ran into someone. “Oh my god, I’m so sorry.” You say brushing off your dress.

You look up to see Ellie Williams who was smirking down at you she wasn’t much taller then you, but you had at least two drinks so your were just a little tipsy, she seemed so much taller from this angle so you straighten your posture.

“Lookin’ for someone?” She asked raising her slit brow. “Yeah have you seen Mara?” You ask sheepishly. Her face slipped slightly. “Yeah she’s upstairs.” She shrugs walking away.

You had looked all upstairs and couldn’t seem to find her you rolled your eyes and made your way back down stairs.

“She’s not up there.” You say over the loud music to Ellie. “Well I don’t know.” She shrugs.

Man’s for the first time in a long time you had talked to one another and you were sitting beside her looking around no sign of either of your friends.

“You wanna get out of here.” You mumbled to Ellie who could of swore she was imagining what you were saying.

“Yeah.. sure.” She said helping you up and you made your way out of the booming party.

____________

“So,” she says taking a puff and handing it back to you. “Why’d you decide to leave with me?” She asks. You take a puff and a long exhale.

Seeing the smoke just blow away swaying in the almost deadly still wind.

“No clue.” You shrug, “you ditched me after finding all your new bitches.” You say as you look her in the eye.

She stares at you for a moment, “me ditch you? No way you totally just left me for your ‘gang’” she practically sounds like it physically hurts her to say anything about your friends.

“At least I don’t have a new girlfriend every week.”

It was just like sixth grade all over again you and Ellie arguing over something ridiculous and then making up and acting as if nothing had happened,

But this was different you were both adults now you needed to act like it.

She stares at you, maybe it was the weed fucking up her head or your snarky smirk that drives her oh so crazy . Seeing where she’s staring at you get curios and scoot closer to her “what Williams, tell me something, tell me why are you staring at my lips like that.” You smirk and lust clouds her eyes.

You gasp as you feel her mouth on your fitting like a puzzle piece you slowly lean into the kiss.

It was heated and messy and very rushed her dorm room filled with your whines and you rushing for her to her clothes off, she smirks at how needy you are just from her kissing you.

Your both now naked and it’s a heated make out session her hand on your hips and now roaming every inch of your body that’s struggling to stay still.

“P-please Ellie just fucking touch me.” You whimper and she smiles kissing down your stomach reaching your woman hood kitten mimicking your clit and slowly putting her lanky and long fingers inside of you making you squeeze your eyes shut and bite your lip to suppress your moans.

She stops for one second, “go on moan let everybody hear you, let them be jealous.” She says now sucking on your clit and going ten times faster.

“Oh-oh fuck.” You moan gripping her auburn hair. She smirks and goes back to ramming her fingers inside of you as you feel a knot at the bottom of your stomach twist and turn.

Your pussy felt on fire, “go ahead cum.” She commanded and that was the final straw you let go and came all over her fingers. Just when you heard a knock at the door.

“Ellie I-“ mara stood at the door her jaw dropped.

“Mara?”

#ellie williams #the last of us #smut #elliewilliamssmut #fboyellie #Ellie xreader #tlou2

[mikuni14]

Bed Friend, Chains of Heart ep 7 - I’m just tired

Bed Friend Despite the still high level and quality of this series, this episode did not spark joy 😑 The SA in the workplace is shown very realistically. Everything is here: the pressure, coercion, abuse of higher position, connections and power, the feeling of not having a way out, being cornered. Plus "the good advices": you can just not go to this office, it's so simple! hm, I don't know how to interpret the fact that you basically let yourself be molested, and why are you offended, I want only the best for you!  Like people who have never had this happen to them or people who are financially comfortable just don't understand it. The series did it well. But personally, I don't watch BL series for realism. I mean - I WANT realism, logic in the behavior of the characters, in the plot, but not in this version! For example, I'd love to see a character deal with trauma, but I don't necessarily want to see the trauma itself. Or I can watch it once, but not over and over again, in new scenes, with new tormentors, like it happens with Uea. Right now I feel like Bed Friend has become a bit of torture p*rn. Uea goes through a perpetual cycle of SA and I don't know what the purpose of it is. To show how brave Uea is? I KNOW HE IS BRAVE, and I admire him and feel sorry for him! Is it to show that King is a good boyfriend compared to, wait for it, a pedophile and other sex offenders? REALLY?? What is the point in showing Uea constantly being treated bad by everybody, including King, even if unintentionally?? I don't know man. I don't need it, I don't need gritty realism in my BL, which is my escape from the world.

Uea's mother has become a caricature of evil in this episode. And again, the repetition of scenes, we've seen her like this in every scene of hers so far. We already hate her, we don’t need more reasons, especially since these are the same reasons.

But at least there was Jade. Who is so lovely, cute and if I'm not mistaken, has a Detective Conan blanket lol 🧁

Chains of Heart As far as I'm concerned, the last glimmer of hope for the return of this series to the times of the wonderful episode 4 has gone out 😃 Another episode that was even more idiotic, confusing and plainly boring than usual. There are even more question now, like Lue has a child?? Also, the episode is weirdly edited, like Ken can't open the door to Lue’s room and suddenly he succeeds and walks into Lue's room and I'm like????? why does Lue have pictures of Din and Ken??? But it turns out to be Ken's room after all?? How? Who is editing the scenes in this show??? The inconsistency of CoH is so annoying. Ken is in mourning, loves Din with all his heart, rejects Lue, but when he lies half-naked in bed with him and Lue initiates the kiss, Ken doesn't pull away - he closes his eyes and waits for it! Like?????? It seems to me that the creators of the series do not understand the idea of love triangle, where two of them are actually the same person but with a double identity, hidden from the third part of the triangle. Ken should love Din (as he’s fathfull to the "real" love), but Lue as the "new" love interest should mess with him, confuse him, and Ken should fall in love with Lue, because he is still the "real" love after all. Also Ken should feel guilty becuase of his feelings. I don’t make the rules , this is the Law of Romance! 😎 By episode 4, the show understood this, and it was clear that Ken loved Din, but was interested in Lue as well. After episode 4, Ken is only loyal to Din, but suddenly he's open to kissing Lue, which is illogical, because Ken definitely rejected Lue in the previous episode and is sure that Din is alive!! 😑

And Lue is 99.99% Din because they even sleep the same, doing this thing with their mouth 😃 So Ken should be attracted to Lue, as he was to Din!!!!

One Ken/Lue scene per episode is an insult. I watch BLs for The Romance™. Of course, I COULD watch it for the plot, but the plot in this show is another insult.

I'm just tired of seeing the repetition of Uea's torture and the repetition of meaningless scenes in Chains of Heart. 

#bed friend #chains of heart #bl drama #thai bl

[assignmentimprobable]

benthan, icemav, goosemav, ethan/brandt and ethan/luther for the ship bingo!

What a fabulous spread of ships! Thank you! <3 [cracks knuckles ominously]

In being consistent about my blog name, we'll start with the Mission Impossible gang.

[Mission: Impossible]

Benthan:

They are SUCH good eggs okay. I was a little skeptical at first (I hadn’t gotten access to 3 yet but I’d seen 4). But then I was fucking blown out of the water by dapper Benji and Ethan in Rogue Nation. The “Miss me?” And “Nice Tux”, followed up by Benji’s impassioned declaration that this is the job/it’s risks and that he is STAYING by Ethan’s side made it all click. The forfeiture of millions of dollars in blood money for his safety was the very sweet cherry on top of this whole thing. Benji is the true love interest of that whole thing by trope convention, I can’t argue otherwise.

They’re so good for each other in terms of understanding the risks and the life of a spy, but good goddd their relationship really is “Go to bed!” “… And what are YOU doing awake?” “Shit.” I love it to bits. Real “you should let me love you, let me be the one to give you everything you want and need” type shit.

Luther/Ethan: TRULY UNDERRATED!!! It has less of the overt romantic framing than Benthan in Rogue Nation, but I honestly think the freedom of emotional transparency and like. The implicit trust of having someone know you from the jump makes for a really sweet duo. Luther's softness and knowing questions, Ethan's snark and full belief in Luther. They each get a side of each other that their teammates aren't privvy to because that's just how history between two folks who go way back works.

I like 'em either way- romantic or platonic (they give me a very couch cuddler vibe. Just knocked out and squeezed onto the sofa). Just no matter what you do, acknowledge that they're best friends who've been to hell and back with each other for 26 years god darnit. The entire premise of Fallout was predicated on that bond!

Brandt/Ethan: Definitely not my cup of tea, but I respect it! I just think that they're the same kind of person in the ways that aren't compatible. Brandt is the bureaucracy bus and Ethan gets disavowed like every week. Two very different kind of managers in one room. There's a divorced vibe there, but in the 'we have never dated but the undercurrent of fond hostility remains between us at all times' way. Someone on here, I think it was @rochc93 that headcanon Ethan's hooked up with everybody on the team except Brandt and I AGREE. It’s just so much more fun that way for me.

[Top Gun]

IceMav: See, I'm one off them uncultured folks who didn't watch Top Gun until I was an adult, so i had largely escaped the formative influence of pilot competition and locker room intimacy. But when I saw it? Man. Man, no pop culture reference could compare. Like whatever they had was REAL, it was real to me! Nobody was joking when they said that shit was gay. I didn’t think they were but I didn’t expect Ice to try and eat the guy alive with his eyes. I adore their relationship. As like, one part the testosterone in the air, and another part the fundamental differences in accomplishing the same goal and resolving the tension through understanding and acceptance of those differences. They fill in each other’s blanks… They play half naked volleyball. The rituals are intricate.

GooseMav: BEST FRIENDS BABEYYYY!!! Their friendship just jets the movie into this stratosphere for me, you cannot have Top Gun without Goose and Mav. I get this pit in my stomach every time I come up on his death scene because they were having so much fun! They’re the only family they have left!! Carole and Goose’s marriage and dynamic is just so wholesome to me that I see ‘em as the only one for each other. I love the intimacy of choosing your own family among friends for Goose and Maverick, it drives the point home so well. You don’t gotta love somebody romantically to grieve them as your lifeline to the world. I’m totally supportive of folks who ship it though, 80s masculine bonding is sacred.

#Benthan #Icemav #Ethan x Luther #Brandt x Ethan #Top Gun #mission: impossible

[scumlafeccia]

Ho postato 9.789 volte nel 2022

Sono 6.376 post in più del 2021!

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Ho taggato 1.020 dei miei post nel 2022

#personal - 103 post

#lella rants - 82 post

#lella speaks - 57 post

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Longest Tag: 139 characters

#i'm currently watching s*pern*tural and istfg after i'm done with this i need to watch something that doesn't pass the reverse bechdel test

I miei post migliori nel 2022:

#5

having mixed feelings about that tiktok/ig reels trend abt laughing at 2000s/2010s fashion trends because in one hand they're absolutely hilarious but on the other hand they're like the worst. they highlight how feminine trends are bound to be obsolete in a few years while masculine ones stay more or less the same (I've seen a few about teenage boys but they're only about like slang or jokes, not about clothes or style), and also the complete lack of self awareness. yes frying your hair to get the perfect emo bang or covering your face in orange tanner was bad, but it's not like you grew past them, you just adapted to new trends, and in a couple of years either you or younger girls will be making fun of what you're doing now

76 note - Postate 30 giugno 2022

#4

the fact that Italian is not a gender neutral language really does highlight the sexism of the gender movement here. why would u make "sister" neutral but not "brother"? why would you write "woman" gender neutral but not "man"? why would you post a picture of female partisans and caption it "dead for freedom" while making "dead" neutral instead of feminine when you would never do the same with a picture of men? why is it? why is manhood well defined but womanhood has to be inclusive?

118 note - Postate 25 aprile 2022

#3

"for personal reasons or for impossibility in completing their transition journey, hrt, or surgery, a lot of people find themselves still having their menstrual cycle"

it's almost like the female body, while healthy, is usually supposed to have a period no matter how the woman person chooses to call herself themselves

135 note - Postate 3 maggio 2022

#2

I go to class and the few people I talk to before lecture casually go "hey look at that person there, they're dressed peculiarly, lmao nonbinary vibes", and i play dnd and my character is butch and another player goes "genderqueer icon!" and I talk to girls who casually tell they bind unsafely and for too long like it's no big deal, and the country's PM is a bigot catholic woman who wants to be addressed with the male noun for president and everybody laughs at it and jokes "lmao this transphobic person came out as trans" and I open IG and there's the lesbian/bi gnc girl from my high school posting a/lok and his stupid quotes on how being a man and wearing a dress but wanting to be called as something else than a man somehow makes him more progressive and special and magic and one of my friend's roommate has started using the neutral (ə) to talk about herself around the same time she shaved her mullet into a buzzcut and old online friends get pissy if people "misgender" them even when they're so "clearly q***r and gnc" (aka they are wearing tik tok fashion or casual "masc" clothes) and feminist pages use the neutral to talk about everything except tims and idk it's the emperor's naked while everybody's buying fashion magazines with his nudes all over and discussing the stilish clothes and the rich fabrics and the innovative looks

204 note - Postate 9 novembre 2022

Il mio post numero 1 del 2022

not a fan of the q slur discourse tbh, but I recently realized that if I had to translate it in Italian, there is no way it would be the equivalent of "bizzarre" or "weird", the only word used both as "different" and "homosexual" is deviato (deviant) and I'd much rather be punched in the teeth than to be called that

825 note - Postate 29 maggio 2022

Guarda ora l'Analisi del tuo anno 2022 di Tumblr →

#lmao this year was a mess holy fucking shit #i got angry a lot judging by my rants

[what-if-nct]

cw // mentions of death, dec 18th and just normal things that happens in my dreams 😭

now if you think that dream was traumatising, wait until you hear about this-

about few months ago, i literally had to sit down in a movie theatre to watch jinki skipping around in a place filled with sweets (such as lollipops, etc), butterflies and other animals whilst him literally being BUTT NAKED with his fucking balls dangling down and loud happy music (that you would hear in a youtube video in 2012) playing in the background. everything seemed so weirdly happy until he came across a naked victoria (yes the one from f(x) - i wish i was kidding) and they started skipping together.

yes, this may sound “wholesome” now, but it gets worse-

as they were doing the patty cake with each other, some random animal creatures leaned in and ATE victoria from the head. yeah… as they were both screaming, the “happy music” started getting distorted to the point where it was getting creepier and creepier-

but it gets worse-

as jinki was running away, that weird ass creature decided instead of killing him, it just spanked his ass and then laughed. then suddenly everyone was happy and the film ended.

everything was black and i remembered that very moment i just felt so weird after what i had seen. like- i just witnessed victoria getting killed, jinki getting his ass spanked and now everybody was happy and with rainbows and sunshine in the background.

no… this wasn’t the end, and it gets worse-

when i left the theatre, the world was exactly like the film and instead of it being all happy and cheerful, everything was dead. i saw victoria’s dead body on the floor as well as jinki’s arm since when i found him screaming out of pure terror, he was missing an arm.

i literally saw the rest of shinee and f(x) and they were all dead. probably the rest of sm town was dead but i haven’t saw any of them except mark and chen. also, yes they were all naked.

(note: i wasn’t sure if i saw jonghyun or not so take this as a grain of salt)

i woke up so confused, but not surprised. you know why? i always have these weird fucked up dreams! like i want a normal weird dream and not like thisssssss

also my little sister has the same problem too. she once had a dream where she saw jonghyun waving at her so they did the run (you know so you could spin around whilst hugging) and as he was coming to her, a van literally hit him and he died. well… at least that was what she thought happened.

at the time she was only 10 and had been getting a lot of dreams like that ever since… you know- so she would start crying every time and i would had to comfort her. now if you ask her about it, she’ll probably laugh since they seemed like parodies of the show happy tree friends. also yes, there was gore so- take that as you will 😭

but yea she pretty much had a dream RIGHT after (that date) where jonghyun was about to go home and after they finished waving at each other and saying their goodbyes, jonghyun crosses the road and gets hit by a bus.

and then another one where he got ran over by 2 yellow school buses, then a train and then a bus that had shinee’s logo in it like it was their tour bus-

nah i think you get the point. runs in the family. 😌😉

I have question for the Onew in your dream world. Clearly living his best life for the most part but like is he okay. Last dream I had about Onew he was just complaining about Minho to Chanyeol. But he is apart of a whole different planet in your dreams. I want to study him. Everything else sounds absolutely terrifying, like kind of a nightmare. And as for both of you and your sister's dreams it could be that sometimes dreams is your way of processing everything that happens in the 3d or what's going on in your subconscious or just things you think about a lot. Dreams are just your brain working through all of that at night and the scary Jonghyun dreams are probably just your brain trying to process it all. But Im sure when Jonghyun gives you good warm feelings in your dreams it's him checking in once in awhile.

[the-firebird69]

JAMES BOND DEATH SCENE (NO TIME TO DIE)

This is a shock to a lot of people and her son says it is but if you think about who it is it's not a massive shock if he thinks he has the characters right and you don't know if the CGI is right or if they modified it you're going to be easily run to the water and just not showed it and people say that's true it's pretty far away it's about 500 yd and it would have taken a couple minutes and he would have not made it. The missile strike is directed by one of his friends Anakin Skywalker and that's actually Luke and it's a story of Paul and Saul and really he's Judas but he's playing on the characters off and on no. Paul and Saul our son and daughter think is Tommy f where he used to work for the empire and he gives up his vestiges and reigns and becomes a rebel and it is true he does that coming up and he did it back then but this time it's real.

This might be the end of bja and he has a ton of movies to do home alone another bond series The Good son run fat boy run Tommy boy the Star wars series no this would be the end of that.

Thor Freya

Love to thank everybody for their time it could be CGI I looked at it and couldn't tell a lot of people can't tell CGI is very good

Bja

It looks real to us and we've seen the CGI but really to the naked eye it looks normal and everybody is right you have to have the original film or original digital and it's pretty hard to say

Billium

What is doing is terrorism people horrifying the messing with them ticking with him brutalizing them pulling them apart it does it to BG all the time is bigger than him and he screws of them just like he does our son and daughter

Thor Freya

Olympus