#everyone hates the song but it makes my brain tingle

[defrosted69]

Shot through the heart

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"Hey Dweeb, buy me some bread."

"B-But I'm doing my homework"

"Ah? Do look like I give a single fuck about what your doing? Buy me some bread."

"I-I have no money.."

"Like I care? Stop complaining and buy me some bread already dipshit!"

A girl pushed your chair as you fell flat on the floor groaning from the sudden force that was applied on it. Your glasses fell to the floor as your eyesight has turned blurry and it was hard for you to navigate the surroundings.

"Oh poor Y/n's gonna walk in all 4s? Aweee bark for me~"

Their laugher almost made you wanna hate your life as whole as their torment at you every time you go to school is hellish. It's something that you wish but to end and perhaps it will end if you end your life yourself. But there was one glimpse of hope for you. That one factor left that would keep you from ending it all.

"Hey! Stop what your doing to him Hanni. It's not funny."

The voice of an Angel. Baek Jiheon. She was your senior and the president of the Club you were in. Jiheon was also kind of fond towards you especially with how enthusiasm you were everytime there's an meeting or an activity at the club.

"Awe come on Jiheon Unnie. I was just messing with him."

"Yeah right. Listen to me Pham Hanni. If I ever see you bully Y/N again, I'll make sure to give your sister a visit."

Jiheon's stern voice made Hanni clenched her fist and glare at her. You didn't really know what the two have going on but having to spent your time with your bully and savior, you could tell that the two used to have a past together. Hanni scoffed and left the classroom along with her friends as Jiheon handed you your glasses. Upon seeing her, your heart raced quicker than normal.

"Are you okay Y/n?"

Her angelic voice that send tingles down your spine temporarily froze you in place. Time slowed down as you observed everything about her. The sun was shining behind her and the birds seemingly singing her a song. Everything was so bright around her and you would have hoped nothing but to be with her.

"Y/N? Are you okay?"

"H-Huh? Oh yeah! I-I'm fine."

You stuttered as Jiheon lended you a hand helping you stand up.

"By the way, You don't have anything to do after class right?"

"Yeah."

"Good, cause we kinda have an important meeting later on."

Jiheon's bright smile was the only thing that your mind was processing as you were just nodding at her. She chuckled and gave you a sandwich which surprised you.

"Here's a snack for you Y/N. See you later~"

Jiheon waved at you and left the classroom leaving you a confused blushing mess. Jiheon's kindness is also what makes you fall for her more as this only added to her charms. But as much as you what to admire her, you have a lot of opponents to win her heart.

Everyone admires Jiheon because of her beauty, brains and kindness. In the perspective of everyone, Jiheon was the perfect Girlfriend. Many had tried to sway her heart but a lot has failed and that both gives you relief and anxiety. You felt relief because Jiheon wasn't taken just yet and you have a slight chance. But sadly, you felt anxious because you were afraid that the bond you two build will be destroyed if you confess to her.

But if you were to choose one threat then it would be the School's Prince, Kim Sunoo. Everything about him was perfect. He was gifted academically, athletic, Visuals, everything you asked for was given to him. But the thing that bugs you out is knowing that Jiheon and Sunoo are childhood friends and neighbors as well. Your at a disadvantage as everything about him was perfect yet you were imperfect in every way.

You could only sigh as the day was boring for you but as the final bell was rung, you packed your bag but Minji, Hanni's friend stood infront of your table stopping you as you gulped in fear.

"Hey, Gimme 5,000 won."

Her demanding voice scares you as your eyes began to shift everywhere but hers.

"I-I don't have that money on me..."

"So? Pull out your card or something. I need that money now."

"I.. I can't I don't have-"

The door opened and Hanni was back from her daily task of throwing the trash because of her tardiness in class. She hated it the most because the punishment didn't make sense but she knows that it's her fault too. Everyone in class knows that Hanni wasn't the girl to be messed with especially when after she threw the trash but Minji, used this to her advantage.

"Hanni, the dweeb isn't listening again."

You gulped in fear as cold sweat began to form on your forehead and hands. You didn't want to get beaten up by Hanni again especially now that you are needed by Jiheon in the club. But as much as you want to move, your body stood there frozen. You heard her footstep closing on you as Hanni sighed and boredly looked at you.

"You don't have Money on you Dweeb?"

"N-No I don't have that money on me"

"Tsk! Fine, here Minji. Just pay me back next time."

You widen your eyes as Minji was also caught of guard by what Hanni just did. Usually, Hanni would beat you up and threaten you just to force you to give them money but today, Hanni acted differently. Minji took the money nonetheless.

"Woah, Alright then. Wanna join me Hanni? I'll be hanging out with that 3rd year hottie."

"Nah I'll pass. I gotta visit my Sister today."

"Eh suit yourself."

Minji shrugged her shoulders and left the room. You on the hand, was still in deep thoughts on why would Hanni help you out. You were confused as Hanni grabbed her bag and fixed her things. She was about to leave the room when you finally spoke.

"T-Thank you!"

You must have been dreaming because there was no way that you will be thanking your bully. Hanni just stared at you and sighed leaving the class with no more words for you. It was truly a confusing moment but you just shrugged it off and went to the club room. Your silent sanctuary. You opened the door and saw Jiheon smiling ear to ear towards you along with the rest of the members.

"Y/N, good thing your here. Were about to start anyway."

You smiled brightly but that died down when your eyes saw Sunoo next to Jiheon. He was all smiles but seeing him close to Jiheon and seeing her laugh with her made you sad. You tried to ignore it but the moment Jiheon said

"Sunoo will be part of our club for the moment as our club will be joining the film club for the upcoming festival."

Obviously everyone was all on it because the school's prince was in their club. You didn't want to be selfish but you have no choice but to accept it.

"But the important thing is, Our club will be doing a theater show and this is where Sunoo's club will help us. Now, I have come up that we will be doing a play called sleeping beauty. Now who will be a leads? Any suggestion?"

This is what made you fear the most because it was preety obvious that Jiheon and Sunoo will be the main leads and what's your position there? Nobody, a nobody. You have no rights to disagree as everyone in the club voted for the two of them. It was painful to see the girl that you like be with someone better than you and you couldn't do anything. You stayed silent hoping that this meeting ended sooner than later.

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The following days was pure torture for you as seeing them being all flirty with each other breaks your heart. You tried to keep everything in as much as possible as you keep reminding yourself that you have no rights to interfere.

Sunoo was better in every way towards you and you were no match for him. He was gifted while you have to thrive to sharpen your skills just to be recognized by them and if you did showcase them, nobody would even dare to listen to you.

As the days go by, it was pure torture for you but you kept a straight face focusing on making the play successful as it is. But if there was something that you were glad for is that Pham Hanni, your bully seems to have stopped bothering you at all after that time when you thanked her. It also wasn't just Hanni that didn't bother you anymore but even her friends stopped being an annoying bitch towards you.

Though you find it weird, you were glad that Hanni stop bullying you but that torture was replaced with emotional torture as you see Jiheon smiling and laughing with Sunoo. They say that accepting things as they are now is one way of letting yourself free from the pain you are suffering.

But to you that was a difficult task.

Jiheon became a part of your life and for you to let go of the sole reason why you come to school,

To why you still wanna hang in the club room,

To why you had hoped on seeing her smile,

To why you wanna keep moving forward.

It was very difficult for you to let go because if you did, what will you cling into? What hope or motivation will you have to keep moving forward in life? What's left for you to do?

Your mind was filled with more questions than answers as you mindlessly wander the busy halls of the corridors.

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The day you dreaded finally arrived. You woke up in a very tired expression even though you had 8 hours of sleep in your body. Your mind was just so exhausted with all the negative thoughts that has filled your mind for the past weeks. You tried your best to accept that you have already lost Jiheon to Mr. Perfect. Everyday, you reminded yourself that you were a loser and a coward for accepting that this was is. You couldn't do anything because you were afraid of change.

Then it hit you. The biggest reason why you cowered out.

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You were scared.

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Not for yourself

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But because

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You were scared

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Of the change that could happen.

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You couldn't bring yourself to change the relationship between you and Jiheon because you were afraid of her Changing her behavior with you. Jiheon was your only friend and a very precious friend to you. Part of loving her is letting her go and seeing her happy.

Her happiness was yours as well.

You tried to place that seed on your mind everyday and today was the day you know that Jiheon will finally be the reason of someone's happiness.

You fixed your attire and left the house where you only live in. Gone were the days where you would greet your parents because there was no reason to greet them anymore. They have left this world and left you behind all on your own.

Upon leaving the house, you notice how dark the clouds were indicating that there's a strong chance that it will rain. You on the other hand could only chuckle softly.

"I guess the universe hates me huh?"

You walked your way towards the school and even though the weather wasn't that great, everything went smoothly for the festival. The festive mood was still felt around the classroom as plenty of classroom has their booth open for all to experience. Seeing the smiles of students made you feel like you lost yours. Even though the school was in such festive mood, everything felt so bland and plain.

You ignored all of this as you continued your trail towards the club room where you were tasked on checking up on the attire of the actors that will use. As you open the door you saw Jiheon in a very beautiful mint green dress. You were star struck as no words was able to describe her beauty. Everything seems to have sparkled seeing her beauty as her eyes landed on you.

"Oh, Y/N how do I look?"

"Beautiful."

It was the only word that you can describe to her but your mouth couldn't say it. You just simply nodded your head as she giggled. The more she showed you her soft side, the more you heart breaks.

"Oh my. You look so preety Jiheon."

Sunoo snapped you back to reality as he himself wore a prince outfit. It was befitting for him considering his title in school and you can tell why many girls would fall for him. He was sparkling just like Jiheon as the two smiled at each other. You sighed and went pass over them trying your best to dissappear on their sights as you wanted to focus on your task.

As the play finally started, many students were all anticipating on seeing how the preetiest girl in school will act towards the prince of the school. It was pretty obvious that everyone wanted to See Sunoo and Jiheon as most of the crowd just doesn't react to other actors at all. But when the pair came out, Cheers and whistles was all that was heard.

Never have you seen Jiheon smile so brightly and shine so perfectly with someone that wasn't you. As much as you admire their amazing chemistry together, the painful scene that was about to unfold infront of your eyes will surely make you realize that you have no space in between the two perfect couple.

The kiss scene where everyone had hope to see, was finally gonna happen. Your heart was starting to crack everytime Sunoo says his lines as he was inching himself closer to Jiheon. As the crowd was at the edge of their seat, you couldn't handle the passionate Kiss the two shared as you damn well that there wasn't suppose to be a kiss scene. It was suppose to be a peck on her cheeks but Sunoo showed everyone his intentions towards the girl. The crowd cheered for them leaving you in pain as you officially lost the girl you admire.

You couldn't handle it anymore as you left the play and walked towards the busy corridors of school not really knowing where to go now.

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"Hey Minji."

"Sup Hanni."

"Have you seen the dweeb-I mean Y/N?"

"Nope. Haven't seen the loser since morning. Why Look for that loser anyway?"

Hanni could only just sigh as she has noticed how you actually looked more miserable even when she stopped messing with you. She thought that stopping herself from bullying you would be enough closure for all the wrong deeds she did. But the thing that really caught her off guard was when you actually thanked her for saving him.

It wasn't even in her best intention to save you but it's just that she wanted Minji to shut up. She couldn't react properly after you thanked her as she left the classroom flustered and embarrassed. This was her first time seeing someone thank her for the good thing she did and it felt so weird but in a good way. She felt like her body elevated and something heavy was released from her.

To this day, she still can't understand why she, the biggest bully in her class helped a loser like you. But nonetheless, she stopped bullying you and overall stopped being a menace. Hanni was actually scolded preety hard as the reality of things came crashing down on her. She has never seen her Sister this dissapointed in her and it broke her heart hearing and seeing her sister break down all alone in their kitchen. She realized that she needed to help her sister somehow as her sister was her everything.

Since then, Hanni tried to be a better person and even telling her friends to act more appropriately now which they found weird but followed her. The Old headache of a student Hanni was gone, and in the class was the studious Hanni. Some teachers were even surprised by her sudden change of behavior but they also praised Hanni for changing her bad behavior.

While everything was going her way, she couldn't help but feel bad to the person she hurtled the most.

You.

She would cringe at herself remembering the horrible mistreatment she would make you go through and everytime she remembers them, she wanted to beat herself up over and over again. She made it her goal to sincerely apologize to you but your mood everyday just look so gloom and depressing that she couldn't help herself but shy away.

This action of her would only made her more frustrated as she couldn't bring herself towards you. Now she hoped that this event would help her find you but it's like the universe was setting her up not to even see you as everywhere she go, she couldn't find you anywhere. She was getting frustrated as she ruffled her hair aggressively.

"Where in the blue hell is that dweeb?"

She sighed and decided to rest at her favorite spot in school.

The rooftops.

Even though the weather was a bit chilly and the sun was hidden, the rooftops was still the best place for Hanni to collect her thoughts and she would expect that nobody would be in the rooftops considering how the school is very much active. She pushed the door opening to the rooftops and she was greeted with a soft cold breeze from the humid atmosphere above her. But to her suprised, she saw a figure sitting in the edge of the rooftop as her heart began to race as the worst case scenario that she wishes not to encounter is infront of her.

"Who in the right mind-wait, isn't that Y/N?!"

Her eyes widen as she swiftly moved her feet and grabbed him and pulled him into safety. Hanni was fuming with rage because she didn't expect that you wanted to end you life when she hasn't even apologized to you.

"What the hell are you thinking dipshit?! Do you wanna die that badly?!"

Hanni raised her voice as you looked up tired and exhausted but Hanni suddenly came into your view with a very angry face.

"Hanni? Wha-what are you doing up here?"

You sat up as you were completely caught off guard seeing your bully, well your previous bully getting mad at you after tackling you for some unknown reason. Hanni was now a raging bull after hearing your response. She gritted her teeth in annoyance as seeing her mad scared you.

"W-Wait Hanni.. I-I could explain.."

"You better Dipshit. I'm waiting."

Hanni crossed her arms near her chest as she stared at you intently with burning gaze. This was the first time you saw Hanni this mad and you didn't even do anything to provoke her.

"I..I just wanted some time off to think and I went here."

"Why are you even on the edge of the rooftop. You could have died!"

Weird.

You found Hanni acting weird right now. You blinked several times to wake yourself up as you couldn't believe that your bully, Pham Hanni, just told you how you could have died. Hanni, your bully, cares for you.

"I'm sorry Hanni, but... Why?"

"What do you mean why?"

"I-I mean w-why do you care if I die?"

"You asshole!"

Hanni punched your shoulder but to your surprise, her punch wasn't like the punches she used to give you instead her punch felt like it was out of worry and not out of bullying. It may sound weird to others but that's just how her punch felt right now. She then grabbed you by the collar and pulled you close to her face where you saw her face up close.

"If you died, I'll forever regret of not apologizing to you properly. So don't go fucking around and die just yet!"

Her eyes were furious but you could see that there was a few tears forming on her eyes and this really made you feel weird. Add in that seeing Hanni up close made you saw how beautiful she really was. Her soft skin and plump cheeks made it clear that her cheeks are very squishable. Her eyes who's burning and piercing you right now captivated you and you saw how her lips were perfectly carved.

"What? Why are you staring at me? Answer me Y/N!"

"H-Huh? Y-Yes! I-I won't die just yet."

"Not just yet. Never. Okay? Got that?"

Her demanding voice made you snap your weird thoughts away from her as she sighed and removed her grip on your collar and separated the two of you.

"Anyway, Like I said. I wanna apologize to you for all what I did and I know that even if I apologized now. That wouldn't be enough for all the pain I cost you. So if you wanna retaliate, sue me, or even push me off the edge. You have my consent cause I, Pham Hanni apologize."

Hanni respectfully apologized to you with her body fully bowed towards you. This day was full of surprises for you but seeing Hanni fully bow to you and apologize to you made you confused. One part of you hated her for making your life miserable but one part of you also want to accept her apology because you saw it yourself on how much Hanni has changed ever since she covered you from Minji. You wanted to really believe that Hanni has changed yet you still didn't fully trust her.

"Hanni, y-you sure there's nothing behind this apology? Because honestly speaking What you did to me really made me lose hope in living anymore."

Hanni bit her lip realizing how much of a douche bag she was. She knows that accepting her apology would be more of a stretch than she expected.

"But if there's one thing I learned from Jiheon is that people deserve second chances. The moment you covered me from Minji, I was confused but seeing you be the opposite of who you used to be gave me the idea that you really are changing for the best."

Hanni looked up and her big soft pair of eyes made you flustered as you looked to the side avoiding her gaze.

"S-So Hanni. I accept your apology but you better behave-"

Hanni cutted you off by hugging you tightly. Her action only made you shocked and confused as you have never, and I mean EVER saw her react like this. Pham Hanni, your bully is now hugging you and smiling so brightly at you.

"Thank you! Thank you so much Dweeb! Errr I mean Y/N!"

You really didn't know what to do but your instinct was the one who controlled your body. Your hand traveled to her hair as you stroke her gently making Hanni widen her eyes and realizing what she was doing.

"Ah!"

She immediately pushed you away as you landed on the floor flat.

"Ouch."

"Oh no, I'm sorry Dweeb-I mean Y/N. I'm sorry."

Hanni quickly went to you offering you her hand as you could only sigh. You accepted her hand and both felt weird when their hands touch. Hanni has heen bullying Y/N for some quite time yet this was the first time when both realize something.

You were obviously suprised by how small and soft Hanni's hand were. You expected her hands to be rough Considering she was a bully but her hands felt like it's been taken care of very well.

Hanni was so surprised by your hand. Never once would she feel like her hand melted on someone else's touch other than her sister. Growing up, she was quite sensitive to things and she hated rough hands as she finds them disgusting yet right now, you were proving her wrong. Her hand felt so natural to be with yours as the two of you stared for each other for a while before Hanni realized what she was doing.

She immediately helped you up and pulling her hand away  and your hand felt cold when her touch was gone from your grip.

"A-Anyway, what are you doing here Hanni?"

You tried to break the awkward atmosphere around the two of you as Hanni avoided eye contact with you as her cheeks were suddenly heating up.

"T-This is my spot."

"Oh, should I leave?"

"What? No just stay. I mean, I don't mind sharing my spot with you."

"But am I allowed to?"

"Aish. Of course you are. Y-Your my f-f-friend now so I don't mind..."

Hanni pouted her lips as she felt embarrassed saying you were her friend but for you, you were all smiles as you couldn't believe that your bully became your friend. Just when you thought that Jiheon was your only friend, An unexpected surprised came to you and Hanni become your friend.

"This is... Weirdly amusing"

You and Hanni ended up talking about a lot of things as you were surprised that Hanni actually has a lot common things towards you. One of them is the love towards basketball. Hanni tried her best not to tease you about not joining the basketball team but because of your lack of confidence, you ended up not joining. Seeing you all down made Hanni feel sad as well. Sure, she was used to seeing you all sad because she used to bully you but now that she was your friend, she wanted to help you get over that lack of confidence you have.

"Hey Y/n listen to me."

"Hmm?"

"You need to trust yourself. Now listen up, the school Varsity team would be recruiting some fresh legs next month so why don't I help you?"

Your eyes widen in surprise by her propsal. You weren't even sure if Hanni was saying the truth or if she's just playing with her feelings but you ended up agreeing to her. She was all smile hearing your answer as she then came close to your startling you even more. She began to observe you face as she pouted out of her habit whenever she's thinking of something.

"Hmm... Have you ever removed your glasses before?"

"Umm.. Only when I go to the shower or sleep."

"Well take them off."

"Wh-What? Why?"

"Just take them off wil you."

Not wanting to anger the small girl anymore, you removed your glasses as Hanni's pout suddenly turned into a shocked expression.

She has never expected that the person she was bullying looked so differently when he removed his glasses. Hanni was captivated by you facial looks without your glasses as she immediately can tell that without your glasses, you imitated a strong aura which really attracted her. You saw how her cheeks suddenly was turning pink.

"Hanni, you alright?"

"Y-Yeah. You should get a haircut too."

"Should I? But I don't think having a new haircut helps me in getting into the team."

"Nonsense. Trust me you need to get a haircut. Also this should be your cut."

You noticed how skilled and detailed Hanni is when it comes to hairstyles as you couldn't help but smile at her genuine help. It was a weird way of befriending your bully but this was better than having Hanni as your bully till highschool. You had once again a reason to go to school.

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TIMESKIP: 1 WEEK LATER

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Murmurs was heard all around the corridors as all eyes were on you. It made you feel uncomfortable but remembering the words of advice from Hanni, you brushed off your uncomfortable feeling and walked the hallways of the school.

Everyone couldn't believe that a new student has transfered to their school during their midterms as everyone began to spread of the word. Everywhere you look, you can see everyone staring at you and you just smiled at them. That smile Immediately made the students go nuts especially the girls who began to put makeup all over their faces as they try their best to win you over. Once you were at your classroom, you sat at your usual seat and everyone in class began to whisper at each other seeing a new face but Hanni was smirking from the sight of everyone.

During that 1 week span, Hanni helped you have more confidence by being yourself and actually having a haircut. It took sometime to decide on what haircut you would have as Hanni was your personal assistant on choosing the right haircut. Both of you agreed to go out together to pick some clothes and for once, you actually had fun picking clothes unlike before where you would just buy online. Hanni encourage you to talk to the sales man/lady about the clothes you have and Hanni would be all smile when she saw you casually talking to them.

It wasn't such a big improvement but Hanni was glad that you had atleast some confidence to enter the class like nothing happened to you. She notice how Minji stared at you intensely and she even bit her lips.

"Hey Hanni, wanna bet I can make him my boyfriend?"

Hanni just rolled her eyes at her and smirked.

"I bet you won't."

"Watch me."

Minji was about to turn towards you when you walked past her and went to Hanni smiling.

"Ah, here's the hair wax I borrowed Hanni. Thanks."

"No problem Y/N."

Everyone gasped hearing the words of Hanni. They couldn't believe that the quiet and bullied classmate of theirs suddenly turned into a different person. A more attractive person. It's as if they were looking at a new and reborn version of you which was true. The entirety of the day was how other students came in waiting for you to come out and this really made you uncomfortable. Hanni was the one who shooed them away with her intimidating glare which made them scared as they all left.

"Thanks Hanni. I owe you one."

"You owe me a lot Dweeb. Hehehe~"

Hanni brightly smiled at you and you still haven't got used to how beautiful her smile is. Everything about what you thought of Hanni was immediately changed after hanging out with her. You though she was a no good for nothing student when she in fact was actually quite smart. Hanni grabbed your wrist as the two of you headed to the cafeteria as it was packed with students trying to get their hands on the special jam filled bread. But instead of being the first ones, they were shocked to see how many people have already lined up for it. Hanni pouted her lips to the side as she found it annoying that she couldn't be able to eat her bread.

But the crowd suddenly gasped making you two look at the commotion was all about and there your heart cracked a bit seeing Jiheon all smiles as she waves at the crowd and beside her was her boyfriend Kim Sunooo, the prince of the school. They became a couple after that play and hearing about it only brought nothing but sadness towards you yet you ignored it for the moment.

"Oh it's Jiheon Unnie. Oh well, I wish they have left later on...."

Hanni said making you look at the girl as her lips pouted. It was habit you saw from her whenever she would be sulking and you honestly find it adorable. Seeing her in such state made decide to give her a hand.

"I'll be right back."

"Huh? Where you going?"

You didn't answer her yet her eyes solely focused on you diving into the wave of hungry students squeezing themselves into the crowd. You were Getting pushed and pulled around yet you continued to push through the crowded and congested line. Hanni's eyes never left you as she felt so bad seeing you get pushed around. Her heart was being shattered seeing you struggle as she wishes nothing more than for you to be safe.

But all of her worries would be washed away when you got out of the line catching your breath and showing Hanni a warm smile.

"Hanni, I got the bread."

"You idiot. You could have gotten hurt. Are you okay?"

She placed her hand on your face observing it which you could only chuckle at her. Call yourself selfish but you liked the feeling of Hanni's touch on your face as it just keeps you at ease. You also found it weird that Hanni is somewhat was able to calm you down or even cheer you up whenever you needed it and it's been just a week since you two buried the past and moved to the future as friends. You held her hand to your face and leaned closer to her smiling brightly.

"I'm alright Hanni. No need to get worried."

Hanni was taken back by your sudden bold action. The space between you was shortened because you leaned in closer towards her. Her cheeks immediately turned red seeing you up close and wearing a proud bright smile. She could tell that her heartbeat was racing yet she tried her best not to act flustered.

"A-Alright. L-Let's just go..."

Hanni walked away from you making you chuckle at her cute reaction.

"Ahhh she's so cute....wait, did I say my Bully is cute?"

You shook your head and continued to chuckle as you followed Hanni from behind. Unbeknownst to you was that someone was watching from afar your interaction with Hanni and this didn't sit well with her whatsoever.

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It's finally the last day of school and every student was finally gonna enjoy their summer vacation ahead of them but before that was the mighty final exams. This was the giant mountain that they have to climb before they could tatse that sweet sweet summer atmosphere. Luckily for you, you didn't have to worry about your grades because all of them were all straight A's and if you did fail, your final grade will be at most a B- or C+ which means you passed. So you were really relaxing in your room except that there was someone who's really worried about their own grade.

"Damn it! Hey Y/N. How do you get this again?"

You smile and took a seat next to her. Hanni has been hanging out with most of the time. Although you were busy with your club activities and basketball training, you still find time to hangout with her and she actually appriciate how much effort you give her especially when you have a tight schedule.

Hanni would be lying if she say she didn't like you.

Yes, your once Bully turned to the closes friend has feelings for you.

When that first though came to her mind, she wanted to vomit because of how absurd that thought was especially considering that both of you were just starting your friendship and there was no no possibility of her falling for you. That equation wasn't even formulated yet but as time goes on, the more you give effort to hanging out with her, helping her study, and even helping to her sister's job caught her attention.

The speculation of her falling for you got stronger when Minji admitted to her that she likes you. She shouldn't have been feeling so scared and worried but when Minji confessed to her, it made her feel so scared that she could lose you. It also didn't help that Hanni would see you with Jiheon all smiles and laughter. She felt so lost whenever she sees you happy with someone else and not her but she knows that she shouldn't be selfish as well, after all, she's just your friend.

But you keep giving her false hope whenever you appear in her and most of them was were when she needed you the most. When her sister's job was being threaten to be removed, you pulled up and showed everyone the files that her sister's business is legal and labeled in the government. Nobody has stepped up for her or her sister except you. You were silently inserting yourself in the Pham's household without even realizing it. Hanni realized that you weren't longer the Dweeb who would shy away from everything. No, you had become someone better. Someone who pushed out of their boundary just to help someone, someone who was ready to help, someone that Hanni needed, Someone that Hanni loved.

"I heard that your club will be having a picnic at the park this weekend."

Hanni said as you nodded your head at her.

"Yeah, it's like a goodbye ceremony to our seniors who will be graduating this year."

"I see, so Jiheon will be there right?"

"Y-Yeah, of course."

You didn't see how Hanni frowned a little hearing you stutter when she mentioned Jiheon. She knows that she has no chance to winning you over someone who's perfect and everyone admires.

"I also heard from Minji that you two will be watching the fireworks showcase during the weekend. It's at the Beach right?"

"Yeah..."

She tried her best not to sound dissapointed but she couldn't. She had hoped that you wouldn't join Jiheon during the weekend to hang out with her but it seems that you already have plans ahead. This only made Hanni more frustrated as she grabbed her stuff surprising you.

"Woah, where you going Hanni?"

"Home. Thanks for having me over."

Hanni bowed to you as she grabbed her stuff and placed it all in her bag then left in a hurry. It made you feel terrible seeing Hanni leave you so quickly as you wished nothing more but to spend more time with her. You have grown fond of your bully as she was now a changed person. There was little to no signs of her past self resurfacing and this made you happy because you finally have a friend you can hang out freely. But there was a little problem.

You had completely fallen for Hanni.

It was weird to say the least how much your heart always calls out for Hanni. Seeing her change so much for the better was a great thing because you finally realized that Hanni turned into a bully because of her environment growing up and how her family turned out to be. You wanted to help her in every way as you would go out of your way to help her in all possible way to at least make her feel at ease but the unexpected thing happened. As time goes one doing all this for Hanni, you ended up falling in love with her.

Some people may call you crazy for falling in love with your bully but that's just how it works for you.

But there's one thing stopping you from really realizing that you liked Hanni, Baek Jiheon.

Jiheon and Sunoo's relationship isn't going well lately and Jiheon has only you to be her support wall as seeing her cry breaks you heart as well. Jiheon was your first love in your life so she has a spot for your heart but Hanni was slowly making her way into your heart as well. You can't just choose both even if they were both important people in your life.

Jiheon, the girl that showed you that there will always be hope for you. That there is a light in every dark days you have and there's always a tomorrow to look forward too. Jiheon showed you what love can do to a person and how much that can motive them to be better.

Hanni, the girl that showed you that change is the only permanent thing in the world. Everyone can change for the better or worse but at the end of the day, it will be your choice on what change you will do. Hanni showed you that someone can change for the better and it's never to late to try things you wanted to do.

This frustrated you as you don't know the define answer to this question. But this weekend you might have the proper answer to what really is best for you. With a heavy sigh you jumped into your bed with a distress expression.

"I hope what I'm gonna choose is the right one..."

.

.

.

.

"The park feels so nice right Y/n?"

Jiheon smiled brightly at you. No matter how much she flashes you her sweet bright smile, you will never get tired of it even if she does it a thousand times in one day.

"Yeah, it does."

Everything was set-up perfectly as even the atmosphere was perfect. Everyone all had a smile because even though this was a sad day, it was also a day to be celebrated because of the accomplishment that the seniors are graduating. Jiheon being the best leader of the club made sure that the seniors feel the love they deserve as she handed them gifts as thank you for their efforts.

This has always been what Jiheon is good at, being kind and cherishing anyone no matter who they are. So it was quite easy why you fell for her and to why Sunoo fell for her too. As the orange sky painted the sky, Jiheon's Beauty reflected it's beauty as a soft breeze past her her by. Your eyes saw how glowing Jiheon was as she adjusted her hair behind her ear. Her smile that never seems to fade just shined so brightly that it captivates you.

"Say Y/N."

"Y-Yeah?"

"Can you follow me for a bit? I wanna show you something."

Jiheon grabbed your hand and you felt how soft her hands were. It wasn't everyday when Jiheon showed you skinship and when she does, it made your flutter a thousand times than normal and right now, Jiheon looked so beautiful as she walked you around the park.

On the back of your mind, this felt like a date which you have always dreamed of doing. From laying on the bed dreaming of the day when You would take Jiheon by her hand and walking in the park. This was your dream and right now it was the reality of things. Everything was going your way with Jiheon as she smiled at you and walked with her hand in hand. But one part of you felt hurt knowing this was the everyday view of Sunoo. It felt so wrong liking someone who's already taken.

"Y/N, you have changed a lot huh?"

"Huh? What do you mean?"

"I mean appearance wise, you looked more... A-Attractive and your shy demeanor is now gone. Heck, Your even part of the Varsity team now."

She proudly look at you as your heart melted. Everything you have dream of doing with Jiheon was happening right infront of you yet something didn't sit right with you. It feels like there was a catch with how this was presented to you. It felt like there was a string attached to this and was a set up to something very emotionally draining for you.

The two of you walked all around the park admiring the scenery around as both of you were enjoying each other's silence. No word's was needed between the two of you inorder to enjoy the walk.

"We're here."

Jiheon finally spoke as both of you were standing un the park bridge. The small river below you made it so relaxing as you looked up and saw that the sun was setting and darkness will soon engulf the sky.

"It's a nice place."

"I know right. This place is my little sanctuary. Well I don't think it's little considering it's open to the public."

Jiheon chuckled as you smiled at her. A memory flashed through your mind as your smile only got brighter remembering the first time Hanni apologized to you.

"Y/N, I really wanna thank you for being there for me all the time. I wouldn't have gotten this far if you weren't there."

Jiheon's words caught you off guard as you really didn't expect the sudden words comming from Jiheon. You were obviously the person who admired Jiheon the most and was one of the reason why you continued on but to hear her admit this, made you realize that you were important in Jiheon's life.

"I merely did anything."

Jiheon shook her head and and grasped both your hands as she held it tight. This made you blush at the sudden contact as Jiheon giggle admiring her hands on to yours.

"Y/N, that nothing you speak off is a lot. Whenever I feel like giving up, you were there to cheer me back up. Even before you changed, you were my biggest pillar of support and I really, really couldn't thank you enough but..."

She trailed off and suddenly looked at you with an expression of uncertainty. Something that you were accustomed off whenever Jiheon had trouble with something. Everytime you see Jiheon make that face, it breaks you to pieces and you wished nothing more to help her smile. But something tells you that this issues of her is not something you can easily help.

"But an unexpected thing happen. Call me a crazy bitch for this but I... I actually liked you Y/N."

A phrased that got you frozen on your feet. The words that only played on your mind and imagination over and over again Hoping it would become a reality was now a reality. Your ears heard it very well.

Baek Jiheon.

The girl that became your beacon of hope when things weren't going their way.

The girl that you found amazing and beautiful.

The girl that protected you from the harsh reality.

The girl that made you heart ready to burst.

But

She was also the girl that made you hate yourself.

The girl that cause you so much pain.

The girl that confused you.

Yet

She was still the girl that you loved.

A sad smile appeared on your face. You retraced your steps of thoughts and realized that you already have an answer to your dillema. Jiheon was no doubt the best girl you have ever met and there was no way that the time you and Jiheon spent will be replaced.

"I liked you. I was too afraid to confess to you because I was scared that my confession could destroy the relationship we have. So I tried my best to ignore it and then Sunoo came and I though I should give him a chance. But I thought I would forget my feelings for you but they only grew more. And I ended up breaking up with Sunoo because I don't want to hurt him anymore. "

You were silent as you took this all in. The girl that you liked actually likes you back. That was the only thought that was stuck in your head and you couldn't believe it. You don't know what kind of string pulls was happening somewhere but this was it, Jiheon has finally confessed to you. The moment you have been dreaming off, the moment Jiheon say-

"Y/N, I love you."

3 words, 8 letters. A dream come true for you as Jiheon stares at you with a flustered cheeks and uneasy eyes. You can tell that Jiheon was very genuine with her emotions towards you. This made you flustered as well as your cheeks turn to bright pink leaving you a blushing mess. But time wasn't on your side. The longer the silence keeps playing, The worse case scenario will play out for the both of you. You feared that everything will be awkward between the two of you. With a gulp, you took all the courage you have and finally spoke.

"Jiheon, I-"

.

.

.

.

"Can't believe Minji got sick on a day like this..."

Hanni spoke to herself while sitting all alone on the beach side observing everyone happily smiling with their friends or loved ones. Today was supposed to be a happy day for Hanni as school was finally over and she gets to watch the fireworks with her friend but she got sick last minute. It also made her feel more sad considering that you are with Jiheon.

Her mood suddenly turned gloomy realizing that you must have the best time with Jiheon.

"He must be all smiles spending time with the girl she likes…while I'm out here, all alone watching the fireworks like the usual. Shit, why should I feel sad anyway? I have always watched the fireworks all alone, what's so different this time?"

Hanni tried to cover up the real reason why she was feeling sad this time unlike the times she was happy being all alone. The fact that a certain Dweeb caught her attention and shifted her perspective towards him. She chuckled at the fact that she was the one who helped him change himself yet she didn't expect herself to fall for him even more.

She saw how you were originally and what you really are a person. A guy with a big heart that was just scared to act because he lacks self confidence in himself. Something that she helped you overcome. But the reason she fell for you wasn't because you changed, it's because of what you showed her even before you changed. It was only now she saw her own mistake of bullying such a person that she felt so wrong falling in love with you. If she can, then she'll do anything to push you to Jiheon because she herself isn't worthy enough.

She can't seem to forgive herself for giving you so much pain and that's one reason of keeping her away from fully confessing to you. In her perspective, you deserve the world, you deserve someone more better, you deserve someone who would love you unconditionally and Hanni has all those things in an X mark.

She looked around hoping to remove those thoughts away as her eyes saw how the beach was filled with couples, families, friends and the like. But majority of them were couples getting all lovely dovey towards each other and a sour expression grew over her face.

"There's no way I will act like that. That's embarrassing!"

Hanni could only sigh as she observe the sea flowing through the sea. The sky has already turn dark and the moon was seen slowly climbing up it's peak but as of the moment, the moon's reflection can be see on the sea. The sound of the sea waves was weirdly relaxing for Hanni as she yawned a little. There was a soft breeze that past her by as she sat comfortably on her solo spot.

"I wonder if things worked out for them. I should probably be ready to face Y/N next school yea-"

"Hanni!"

.

.

.

THUMP THUMP

.

.

.

She froze on her spot. She didn't want to turn her back as she knows who was the person calling her name out. Her heart began to beat faster and all her thoughts began to be in shambles. She could hear your footstep getting closer to her and she wanted to run away right now. But her body was frozen shut as you took a seat next to her.

You didn't speak as you admire the moon's reflection and the sea breeze passing by. Hanni was the opposite, she was staring at you intently. She observed your handsome side profile as her eyes trails every part of your face. From your sharp jaw, small round ears, fluffy messy hairstyle, your Adam's apple and finally to your lips. In her view, your lips looked so perfect for hers as she wanted to know how would your lips locked with hers.

She almost lost herself but she snapped her thoughts away and realize that this wasn't the best situation for her heart and mental state. Something bad could happen or even worse, she might do something she could regret and she didn't want that. She suddenly stood up and turned around but you were quicker than her and grabbed her hand holding it firmly. Hanni silently squealed from the sudden contact as her back was turned against you.

"Why... Why are you here?"

Hanni managed to ask without sounding like a broken person yet you heard her voice. Hanni was at the brink of crying as this broke your heart.

"I wanted to.... See you."

Everything was wrong. This was wrong for Hanni. She didn't like where this was going and her heart was beating fast yet her mind was so confused and hurt. She doesn't want to believe it because she's not the one and she will never be the one for you. She can't accept herself being the person you choose over your first love.

"You could have just called me or texted me to meet up. No need to see me here."

"But I WANTED to see you. I NEEDED to see you tonight. Hanni."

Hanni bit her lips from making enough noise. Her eyes began to show tears as this was getting to painful for her. Her mind didn't want this happen because of the torture she would go through yet her heart was telling her to face it, To face you, to face the person she love.

"Y/N, S-Stop whatever y-your planning. I-I don't wanna to hear it. A-and let m-me go.."

Her body was beginning to shake from the stress of her emotions and her voice was beginning to crack indicating that she was close to tearing up and breaking down. You were no Idiot and you can tell that you were the reason why she was in this state of confusion, of pain and frustration. And tonight was the night you will help her clear all those emotions of hers.

"Pham Hanni, I'm not letting you go especially with how you stole my heart."

Hanni felt like she was just shot straight to her heart hearing those words. It felt so right and at the same time, it felt so wrong to hear those words out of your mouth. Her walls were beginning to break down as small drops of tears began to make their way down to her cheeks.

"S-Stop b-Bullshitiing M-Me and j-just go, leave me already!! Leave me be DWEEB!!"

Hanni's emotion was difficult to control right now and her defense mechanism from you was her screaming and scaring you but that didn't do anything. Instead of backing away, you closed the distance between you and her as you hugged her from behind. Hanni visibly yelped in surprised by your action but she also felt a soft, warm, protective embrace around her small body.

She hated this, she didn't deserve any of this but how come you were so stubborn especially with her.

"Let me go! L-Let me go!!"

Hanni squirmed in attempt to free herself from you hug but the more Hanni resist the more you hugged her closer to you. You don't want to let go of Hanni anymore and you want to protect her at all cost.

"Why... Why can't you let me go... Why do you... Like me..."

Hanni couldn't hold it any longer as she began to cry her heart out. It was painful for you to see and hear Hanni cry infront of you as you could only hug her and explain your take.

"Call me crazy, but ever since you helped me be a better version of myself, I started looking at you differently. I saw different sides of yours that I couldn't see before. The way you tried your best to change yourself made me proud and inspired to do the same. And seeing the side that you rarely show made me realize that you're beautiful, preety, kind hearted, hardworking girl. "

Hanni's strain walls showed cracked as she listened to you.

"Gone were the times when you were called the bully and now is called the the A student in class. How can I not love you when you helped me without any conditions and stayed by my side when I needed it too."

More cracks appeared on the walls.

"I admired Jiheon because of her angelic demeanor but the more I learn about and get to know you, the more I was getting myself deeper and deeper towards you."

"H-How can you say that you l-liked me? I-I bullied you and gave you painful memories. Why do you still love me?"

Hanni turned around and faced you. Her eyes were sad and her tears werw flowing nonstop as you began to stroke her hair.

"Yes you bullied me and I will never forget the pain you gave me."

Hanni avoided your gaze by looking down with her head head hanged low. This was what scared Hanni because there was no justification of what she did towards you yet you only smiled at her.

"But you also changed me and made me a fighter Hanni. You bullied me yet if it weren't for that bullying. I wouldn't be here talking to you, You probably didn't change for the better, and I'll forever torture myself seeing Jiheon happy with Sunoo. You get what I mean? It's like a butterfly effect. None of this would had happened if you didn't bullied me. I wouldn't be here confessing to you because I....."

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

"I love you Hanni."

Hanni's walls broke down and she couldn't hide it anymore. Her heart won at the end of the day as she cupped your cheeks and pulled you closer to her lips and finally closing the gap as you felt a soft pair of peach flavored lips.

Your world froze momentarily as your lips touched hers. Sparks and fireworks was all over your body. Your mind went haywire before going back online as Hanni pulled herself away from your lips. Her cheeks flushed red as she stared at you with her preety brown eyes. You touched your lips and stared at Hanni and it finally dawn at you at what transpired.

"Y/N. Do you really, really love me? Even after all what I did. You still love me?"

Her face still showed uncertainty but there was also hope now present unlike before. You gulped and took in a deep breath. Your answer to her question will determine what relationship will you have with Hanni.

"Hanni, I already have forgiven you when you apologized ro me. The past is past and what I want to look forwards too is how I'll spend my future with you. I Wil love you even if you turned to an ant, a bear or even a wolf. I love you Pham Hanni. I love you to the moon and back. I love-"

You were immediately cut off by the familiar peach flavored lips as Hanni kissed your lips shutting you up. Once again, her lips just send electrifying tingles all over your body and it also made feel relaxed and loved. You pulled her closer to you as you deepened the kiss.

.

.

BANG

.

.

Both of you were engulfed by a red light from the sky as both of you pulled away and looked up the sky as fireworks showcase finally began. Multiple fireworks began to explode in the air as the crowd was all mesmerized by the view. But you looked at Hanni as she looked at you two. Both your hearts began to beat again as Hanni pulled you close as your foreheads were at each other's.

"I love you too Y/N. I love you to the moon and back."

She gave you a heartfelt smile that was filled with happiness and love. And you showed your own smiled at her as your heart finally was at ease. You choose the person that your heart desired and didn't listen to your mind. You already went through a rough first love with Jiheon but Hanni, was the perfect love for you.

You could only laugh at the back of your mind realizing how your love story was so unique.

It started from bullying,

To her apologizing to you,

To her helping you change,

To see her change herself as well,

To being friends,

And now

Was finally lovers.

.

.

.

#pham hanni #kpop fanfic #new jeans #hanni #fluff #hanni x reader

[kiara-ish]

... Birthday

Pairing: None. BTS is mentioned.

Warnings: angst. Just angst. Bad parenting, sad childhood, loneliness, mental breakdowns.

a/n: It is my birthday and I'm very happy to solo celebrate so yay for that. Also, this fic is a little deeper than the surface and I am writing this note here also as a big thanks. I thank @apotatomashedbybts @m-yg93 @temptaetions @back2bluesidex @eoieopda @cowboylikeyoongi many many more for being the rational part of my blog and being the bigger adult to me more than my IRL people. I am also incredibly grateful to @sugarwithtea @oddinary4bts @lonelystudio @lokidows-yooniverse many more I'll probably edit this tagging part later for being absolutely crackheads with me and being my best friends ever. My birthday feels like New Years for me and hence this mini monologue. But once again, to everyone I had the pleasure of encountering and interacting with thank you so so so much for considering me worthy of your company.

Thank you so much if you are reading this! You are loved and appreciated ❤️

This is unbeta-ed and unedited. Just wanted to get this out so sorry for the chaotic mess this might be.

You paused your music in synchronization to Agust D's 'Dream' and breathed a sigh. How long had it been since you started listening to BTS? Long enough to know that even shuffled your next song to be played was Butterfly and you wondered how long it had been that the butterflies in you died down. When was it exactly that you stepped away from where people could see you? Was it when your silly fanfics started turning darker and darker? Maybe it was when you realised that running from it didn't really make you Bulletproof, let alone Eternal.

As a child, you wrote a lot about darkness — dark rooms, dark nights, dark sides of life. The entirety of the year, a whole three hundred and sixty five and sometimes the extended three hundred and sixty six made you restless. How did it work that life and lifetime was so immense but bliss in it was so rare? Or maybe, it was just you, like always maybe it was just you.

Sitting on the desolate terrace of the unfinished construction of a building, a supposed home of many in the future, you ripped a box of candles. The air was humid and everytime the midnight summer breeze stopped whispering in your loneliness, you would feel the tingle of sweat dripping down your neck.

You decorated the candles, letting the sharp end of it pierce through the small, spongy muffin. The muffin was wrapped in a bright, colorful shell and you giggled to yourself; you bought that as your first choice. Lighting the candles up, you smiled and blew them all off before the wind did.

When the candles were lying half burnt and the muffin was gone, you frowned to yourself. It was lame, trying to berate yourself for expecting something life altering the moment you blew the candles. All those years gone by told you that much as the basics. Just because you grew up enough to wish yourself on your own birthday, didn't mean the axis of life would suddenly tilt for better on a summer night. Even the night birds sang slower tunes in the heat.

How old did you turn? Your brain was hazy with so many thoughts, none coherent. So you willed yourself to shut down for the night and admire the skyline in the distance. The bright flickering lights that curved around the big bridge at the distance were fun to watch as they disappeared among the dazzling city lights. Were they going home to their families? Were they going home to cook for themselves, play the television to hide their loneliness and sleep only to get up and repeat? Were their days getting better?

You remembered all your birthdays. You could recall your mother shouting at your father for not being able to buy you a cake, let alone a gift and your father retaliating by blaming your mother for being a meek housewife. You — small, little, lost and confused you — you began to hate your birthday somewhere along the tracks, fueled by a hate towards yourself for being a burden even though your parents – the best you could ask for – never said a word of the likes to you.

There was a tall apartment, a posh residential colony, in your direct line of vision. The big glass windows seemed small from the rooftop and you watched as lights began going off in them. Were they retiring for the night? How was their day? And the ones where the light stayed on even beyond midnight, what were they doing? Was it their birthday too? Were they receiving wishes?

You remembered having a lot of friends growing up. A friendly kid who was a well balanced speaker and a listener, you weren't far from crowds. But your presence there was like their presence in the grand scheme of the world – minute, easily forgettable. So when the notifications stopped getting frequent and the wishes started getting more lifeless, your lights turned off early into the night. But you stayed up, long after zero o'clock, wondering if you repelled people or it was just life. Now to think, young and wild teenage you loved the madness of chaos and wishes but the urge to be the responsible one (responsibility for what, though?) was always stronger.

Dialing up your mother's number, you waited till the last ring when she answered.

"Why are you calling so late? Are you okay?"

You smiled at her words, "It's my birthday, mom."

"Oh? What time is it-" you heard her ask your dad before she came in line again but her words broke off and you waited till you could hear again, "... Birthday! I can't believe you are all grown up now, huh!"

"Mother…"

"Wait, dad wants to wish you-"

Then you heard your dad. Years of cigarettes made him sound like he was croaking out his words. There was again a crackle of the network and you couldn't hear the word you wanted to, yet again.

"... Birthday, daughter! Keep working hard, okay?"

"Dad…"

"Here, talk to your mother now."

You felt a warm sensation spreading around your face and the tickle of a teardrop down your cheek.

"You ate, right?"

"Mother, I don't feel happy."

There was a silence on the other side for a while before you heard her again, "You should go sleep now. It's not the time to act like a child."

"When did I ever act like a child?"

You wondered if she heard your muffled sob. But even if she did, the other side was silent. So you spoke again.

"Did I act like a child even when I was one? Why did I have to be the mediator to your fights? Why did I have to tame myself when everyone around me was throwing tantrums and getting spoiled? Why? Why me? Why did I have to fight my own battles and take on yours too? Why?"

There was radio silence on the other side when you began to wail and thrash your feet on the ground. Why did it have to be this way? Why did your birthday have to make you feel sad? You choked on your spit and coughed at the burn of your nostrils when you sniffled.

It wasn't long before you calmed down, breathing steadier and eyes dry and empty. The silence from the other side made you remove the phone from your ear, arm numb. You stared at your homescreen with a text from your mother a few minutes ago.

"Call disconnected. I'll call tomorrow again. We are tired. Goodnight, daughter!"

Yet another year of hoping that the ones who said, "Save me. I need your love before I fall," will save you again. You will need their love again.

#bts #bts fanfic #bts fic #reader insert #birthday posting

[ialwaysknewyouwerepunk]

medicine - a close reading

x

HUGE disclaimer for anyone about to read this: i got down to business. no words were embellished, no thoughts were held back. i'm talking about sex. so, if you're too young/not comfortable with unfiltered sex talk, especially relating to your fave, skip this one!

and if you're uncomfortable with the idea of harry "messing around" with more ppl than our trusted "you", then you can also let this one pass you by bc yes we're entertaining those thoughts here <3

LYRIC ANALYSIS

Here to take my medicine Treat you like a gentleman

right off the bat: deliciously ambiguous

like you're a gentleman

like i'm a gentleman

Give me that adrenalin Think I'm gonna stick with you

only just met? and already addicted? "you" is the focus of "i"s desires

Here to take my medicine Rest it on your fingertips Up to your mouth, feeling it out

this visual was unclear to me until @bluewinnerangel clarified it for me so thank you for your service once again, demy <3

routine of taking actual medicine: take the pill between your fingers and pop it in your mouth

it is loaded with innuendo, of course, bc it's fucking harry, esp with "feeling it out" revealing the true nature of the medicine and how both mouth and fingers are doing the feeling in question yk just spelling it out to be thorough

thx harry for the blowjob manual <3

I had a few, got drunk on you, and now I'm wasted

theme of love as a drug

"give me some morphine" - mmith

"cause there's no antidote for this curse" - esny sorry i did that to fuck with myself mostly

"loving you is the antidote" - golden

"i don't know if i could ever go without, watermelon sugar high"

the substance getting harry drunk = "you"

And when I sleep I'm gonna dream of how you tasted

yeah there's nothing subtle about this, nothing at all. harry had his mouth on "you" and he's still horny yes we know who wrote stockholm syndrome

If you go out tonight, I'm going out 'cause I know you're persuasive

they love to party, so much is obvious

sub undertones (overtones?) bc yes this entire song is about sex this nightlife scene is not innocent

You got that salt, I got me an appetite, and now I can taste it

i'm hungry and you've got the salt, so i need you to make my meal taste good

-- i need you

-- you taste good

salt = semen and harry is hungry for it

"now": is he imagining it so vividly he can taste it, or is he writing this song while there's something in his mouth? probably both

You get me dizzy, oh, you get me dizzy, oh La la la la la We're getting dizzy, oh, we're getting dizzy, oh

drunk on sex, drunk on love

dizzy from mouth fucking. from getting his brains fucked out

"we"!!! ～ ws: sex makes us one - ecstasy of sharing physical love, ecstasy of being close, ecstasy of sex - through this act we've become one

Tingle running through my bones, fingers to my toes Tingle running through my bones

arousal coursing through him

bones or boner, harry?

The boys and the girls are in I mess around with him/them And I'm okay with it

multiple interpretations:

boys as well as girls are into giving blowjobs and he's more than okay with it - fuck yeah we don't subscribe to heteronormativity

boys as well as girls are out with "you" and "i", "i" messes around with all of them and he's okay with it

boys as well as girls are out and "i" messes around with "him" and he's okay with it

they're out, having a good time, messing around. in terms of the pronoun used: is it "him"? is it "them"? - it's clear harry has sung both and has purposely left it ambiguous. he likes that the song is muddy, dirty. for everyone.

"him" or "them" could then definitely refer back to "you", but that's not set in stone

i literally picture a sex party here so i mean i don't wanna put ideas in your head and also pls don't hate me but. they like sex

I'm coming down, I figured out I kinda like it And when I sleep, I'm gonna dream of how you ride it

comedown from sex

"kinda" - understatement of the century - first time experiencing that? experiencing what? some kind of orgy?

"how you ride it": they're generous to each other <3

SYNTHESIS

Right, so! I'm turned on.

I hope all the kids have been scared off by the crude language by now.

This song is about sucking dick, we know this. There are interpretations that like to entertain the thought of it being about oral sex in general, but I think it's now clear that the only thing that's entering mouths in this song is dicks.

Just like many songs Harry's written, its lyrics are wonderfully ambiguous, offering the listener the opportunity to interpret it in many ways.

Do you want to think of it as purely homoerotic, as Harry makes "you" feel like a gentleman before going down on him, to then let him ride him, go for it, babe. And we know Harry, we know he's sung "him" more than anything in the live versions, and "gentleman" is not there for nothing, so I do think a safe assumption to be made is that the focus of the song is men, and that "you" is definitely one.

Do you want to think it's a bi anthem, since the boys and the girls are in, getting their daily portion of salt? Live your best life.

Is the song a dream, with all the references to sleeping and dreaming? Did Harry meet "you" and proceed to have the wettest dreams of his life? Is the scene with the boys and girls simply conjured up in his sleep? All possible.

Does it describe an orgy at a sex party, where "you" dragged "i" off to, because he's oh so persuasive? Where all genders were present, all eager to mess around, all simply "okay with it"? Also a very valid interpretation.

The song could be about the very beginnings of when harry met "you", since he decides to stick with them and still has to dream about how "you" rides it. Or it could describe how harry decides to stick with "you" once and for all, since he's addicted now anyway and "you" is too persuasive to resist.

Honestly, through all the horniness and sex in this song, there is still that element of "you", someone he's always coming back to. The one who makes him dizzy, the one who makes him feel the best. He's "okay" with the random messing around, but it's "you" who's got him out of his mind, who he follows blindly.

At the base of the song, though, before i get carried away by my romanticism, is sex. Desire. Being horny as fuck. Oral sex. Anal sex. Becoming one by having sex. The ecstasy of sex with the right person. Having fun with sex.

Whatever interpretation you think is the most correct one, this point can't be forgotten. It's just easy, mindless, physical, intuitive.

I just think it's important to note with this song that it's easy to get hung up on the possible meanings and implications of lyrics. It's just a fun sex song, and analysing the lyrics doesn't mean we know about harry's bedroom or nightclub habits.

Okay? Okay, good.

#medicine #lyric analysis #i hope ppl take the disclaimer seriously #bc i don't want any reactions about......................... #eh whatever i'll brave the storm #hope there isn't one tho #aren't we all on the same page about this dirty ass song? #anyway tonight seems like a good night to share sexy stories so why don't we do that #in honor of medicine <3 #also DO NOT send me a message about how they fuck i will not interact

[one-sad-human]

•Dinner First• Vince Neil

Pairing: Vince Neil x Reader

Requested? Yes! By an anon

Theme: Angst(?) to fluff

Warnings: Language, drinking, peer pressure

Word Count: 1.3k

A/N: Just when I was starting to post consistently. Sorry! I took a break from writing for a little, but I’m back now! Also, did you guys here that new GnR song? Tell me your thoughts!

You grimace, pulling Nikki's hair back as he pukes into the toilet. You're in the cramped bathroom of a tour bus, wishing you were literally anywhere else.

"Alright, I think I'm good now," the man says, contradicting his statement when he starts heaving again a moment after.

This isn't the first time you've been in this position, you doubt highly it'll be your last. You've been in similar situations with all of the men in Mötley Crüe, although Mick usually handled himself.

You're something that could be compared to a babysitter, except instead of taking care of children, you watch over almost constantly intoxicated men on tour. Their manager had hired you to do so, as you're one of his old friend's children and the most responsible young person he knows.

You don't drink or do drugs, you wear put together clothes, and— in the nicest way to say it— are a tad stuck up. You're a goodie two shoes, you don't have a rebellious bone in your body.

You're the perfect person to take care of the Crüe. You're paid to make sure they make it to all their shows and don't overdose or do anything equally as stupid. The job isn't glamorous, but you get to tour the world and get paid along the way.

"Ok, Nik. Time for bed," you say, a mockingly sweet tone to your voice. Nikki nods, going along with it and leaning against you heavily as you walk him to his small bed. You make sure he takes two Advils before passing out.

You sigh, rubbing your temples as you feel a headache brewing. You take some pain relievers yourself before stumbling over to your bunk and passing out shortly after.

The morning comes too quick, and you heave yourself up. You half walk half shuffle over to the coffee machine, moving on autopilot to make a fresh pot of pure caffeine.

"Mornin' good lookin'," says Vince, the blonde leaning on the counter next to you.

"Good morning," you say, ignoring the nickname. "You're up early."

"Heard the coffee machine," he lies. He wanted to talk to you alone without anyone bothering him. "Listen, we have the day off in a new city. I was wondering if maybe you'd want to—"

"Coffee, outta the way," Nikki says, shoving past you and Vince. There goes that.

Vince has been desperately trying to get a date with you for months, ever since the tour started. It seems like every time he works up the nerves to do it, he's interrupted.

"Sorry, Vinnie, what were you saying?" You ask, patiently waiting for Nikki to get his coffee so you can. The blonde shakes his head, waving a hand to dismiss the question and walks away.

"Nothing," he says and walks to sit in a small booth. Vince has never feared rejection like he does with you, usually he has all the confidence in the world. Vince is usually the definition of cool confidence. He isn't sure what there is about you, but it makes him nervous and gives him butterflies.

"Day off, no gig, what're we doing?" Tommy asks, now coming to join everyone to get coffee.

"We're in fucking New York, we're hitting CBGB!" Nikki says, nursing his cup of coffee you can only guess he made Irish seeing as his eyes have opened all the way.

"Fuck yeah!" Tommy speaks up. Vince sighs, knowing he won't get a date and you'll end up taking care of all of their drunk asses by midnight.

     You sigh into your cup of soda, swirling it around and watching the bubbles fizzing and popping. It had ended up like every other night, in a bar with overly obnoxious, head pounding music playing.

     "Having fun yet, Y/N?" Tommy asks, doing that weird trick where he sticks the cigarette in his nose. You make a disgusted face, rolling your eyes before agreeing.

     "You're such a fucking buzzkill. Would it kill you to just live a little? Have a drink! Here!" Nikki chimes in, sliding a shot of liquor. You slide it back.

     "No thanks." He rolls his eyes.

     "They don't want to drink, Nikki. Just leave them the fuck alone," Vince says, narrowing his eyes at the bassist. Mick takes his leave and ventures into a darker corner or the club, not wanted to be apart of the fight that is sure to ensue.

     "Well, excuse me!" He says snootily. "I'm just trying to get Y/N to have fun! All they ever do is breath down my neck. Makes me fucking nervous."

     "Nikki's right Y/N! Have some fun with us!"

     "I'm not here to have fun, this is my job," you say, you're face getting flushed and hot with anger. "I'm just here to make sure you live to see your next gig."

     "Killjoy," Tommy mutters. "Just one shot? I'll do it with you!"

     "Shut the fuck up!" Vince suddenly yells, his fist hitting the table and making the glasses and bottles rattle. "Leave them the fuck alone, all you're doing is making them upset. They said no, so stop badgering them."

     "It's alright, Vinnie—"

     "No it's not! They're constantly pestering you and I'm fucking tired of it!" Vince suddenly stands up. "Come on, lets go."

     You hesitantly stand up, grabbing your coat and following Vince out the door. You're already embarrassed for them causing a scene, you wouldn't want to stay behind where you're sure to get strange looks.

     "Where're we going?" Vince shrugs, protectively putting an arm around your shoulder and leading you farther from the crowed club. It sends tingles all the way down your spine, and you have to be extra careful walking to make sure your knees don't give out.

     "Away from those dicks. I hate the way they try to pressure you into shit all the time." You raise a brow and turn your head to look at the handsome blonde. The street lights bounce off his tanned face in an angelic way, his light locks of hair swaying in the warm breeze.

     "Why did it bother you that much?" You ask him, your voice low. Vince suddenly looks nervous.

     "Because," his voice is quiet and shakes with nerves. "I like you, Y/N. A lot." He stops walking and turns to you. "You're always so cool and chill, you always have an answer to everything and you're put together. You so goddamn smart, if I have a problem I know I can always go to you because you'll have a solution. It pisses me off when they think you're some weakling who'll do whatever they say."

     You're shocked into silence. Your mouth opens and closes a few times but no words form. You had no idea Vince had any feelings for you, you always thought he just liked that you made sure he didn't kill himself doing something stupid.

     "Seriously?" You ask once your mouth and brain start to function again. "You really feel that way?"

     "Would I lie to you about this?" You answer him by pressing your lips to his, your soft plump lips moving against his slightly chapped ones slowly and lovingly. His lips taste of cheap beer and cigarettes but there's a shadow of minty toothpaste. Vince has had his share of make outs, but nothing has ever felt this close and intimate.

     "I really like you, too." You smile when you pull away, your head dipping down slightly with a blush tinting your face. Vince smiles back and places his hands on your hips.

     "What do you say to heading back to the bus? It's empty." You shake your head, and Vince deflates instantly and disappointment floods his eyes. Maybe he got his thoughts up too soon, maybe you don't like him as much as he likes you.

     "Dinner first, and if you're nice and gentlemanly, and only if you're nice and gentlemanly, I'll think about going further," you say, and Vince laughs a little in relief before nodding. "Deal?"

     "Deal."

#classic rock imagine #motley crue imagine #motley crue x reader #motley crue #vince neil x reader #vince neil imagine #vince neil #80s

[a-small-batch-of-dragons]

Black

Prompts: After POF, Roman takes over the abandoned color black. He becomes the hated side that Virgil used to be. By most, anyway. Janus and Virgil are concered. Patton chooses to ignore it. Romans room is really cold? and boy is he touch starved - anon

(Sanders sides Prompt) Any one of the sides is touch starved. fluff. (You dont have to do this just thought I might ask) - anon

Hello there!! I just wanna say that I love your work and I think you’re such a talented writer. Idk if this is a weird ask but would you consider writing Roman angst with the song “it’s OK I wouldn’t remember me either” by crywank as like inspiration? Thank you so much <3 -anon

buckel up babes this one's a doozy

Read on Ao3

Warnings: implied/reference self-harm by way of self-negligence, pretty intense self-hatred and neglect that could verge on suicidal, but NO ONE DIES, everyone's fine at the end, we don't break shit and not fix it in my house

Pairings: it is platonic found family hours

Word Count: 5697

Do you know what no one ever tells you about the color black?

It’s seamless.

There are no cracks, no tears, no imperfections, because everything’s so dark you can’t tell what’s a trick of the light and what isn’t. Everything blends together. At first, second, even third glance, it’s perfect. Pristine, even. It hides absolutely everything. It’s intimidating, honestly, that level of deception. The way it can make anything look like it’s meant to be there, as if to live the colorless and lightless life is all it was ever destined for.

Darkness has always found a way of feeling like home, even to the ones who are afraid of it.

You either die the hero or live long enough to see yourself become the villain.

Roman hadn’t wanted to go to the wedding. He didn’t want to go, but it’s what Patton wanted. It’s what Thomas would’ve wanted. If Roman hadn’t been so loud. But it hurt, it did, when they said that they shouldn’t go to the callback because there was such a slim likelihood of Thomas winning. Because Roman couldn’t win. But Roman wasn’t supposed to be the villain and do something bad so he sent Thomas to the wedding.

Bruises were supposed to be yellow, or green, or purple, not black.

But if he had yellow, green, or purple bruises, he would’ve blamed a yellow, green, or purple Side. And that was bad.

So he hid them, because as he learned, no one was looking for them anyway. Patton cared when he didn’t show up to the video and then he was there and oh, having someone there, even if they only cared a little, was like rainfall in a desert, it was wonderful, Roman would’ve sung if he thought it wouldn’t make everything worse. But Roman was good, so he never complained, and he did his job to the best of his ability.

But what if his job was bad?

But there are two Creativities, a Roman and a Remus. And no one else liked Remus, because Remus was bad and Roman was good. But Remus isn’t bad, he’s just the opposite of Roman. And Roman didn’t want to be Remus because Remus was bad. But Remus isn’t bad.

Creativity isn’t bad.

Bruises aren’t supposed to be black but they can’t be red.

Roman isn’t supposed to be the villain but what else do you call someone who laughs at vulnerability, who scorns people’s earnest attempts to help, who single-handedly ruins someone’s life?

Roman isn’t supposed to be the villain, but bruises aren’t supposed to cover every inch of his skin unless he deserves it.

His skin burns. It crawls and aches and screams and darkens into bruises. His throat aches from the wordless screams and the horrible things he’s said to everyone. He’s been so selfish, he’s tried to make everything go his way, tried to make it about him, not about Thomas, because everything they do is supposed to help Thomas, help Thomas, that’s what they’re supposed to do, they’re supposed to help Thomas, not themselves, why is he doing this, why is he doing this?

Because he’s the villain.

Roman cries.

What else is he supposed to do?

He cries until the tears grow thick, sluggish, oozing out of his eyes until he can’t see anything but them, until his breath grows thick and his chest heavy. He cries until he has to struggle to open his eyes because of how swollen they are, how globulous the tears have become on the ends of his lashes. He cries until his head splits and his chest wails from the pain he isn’t supposed to have but deserves, deserves every little bit. He cries until his body is consumed by the bruises.

His costume is a straightjacket. He needs it off. The white hurts now, it burns his arms and cuffs his wrists. He doesn’t deserve it so he rips it off. Every seam that he ruins is another bruise. The rips are so loud they burrow into some soft part of his brain and live there. The white is still imperfect because it’s on him.

Only when his costume lies in tatters around him, his sash torn off and thrown away, far away, does the white look pure.

He cries himself to sleep with a smile on his face.

Far, far away, a black hoodie is tugged back into the Conscious Mindscape.

When Roman wakes, his head is full of static.

His lungs inflate and collapse on autopilot, driven by the merciless pump of some distant machine, turning the crank to draw air in and out, in and out.

His hands are numb, fingertips rubbed raw and inflamed from tearing relentlessly at fabric. He turns them slowly and it’s like watching himself in a video game.

His face is cold. He paws at his cheeks and feels sticky residue, etched into his skin. His eyes stick slightly when he blinks and he doesn’t know if that’s just his face or if there’s something else.

He is swathed in black fabric, an old threadbare hoodie that has gone years unloved, untouched, unseen. It’s selfishness that makes him tug it closer, feel a faint bubble of pressure on his screaming body.

He should get up, he should go make sure he hasn’t hurt anyone else with his tantrum again, he should apologize.

But…what would be the point?

Like Patton asked, does there come a point when someone keeps apologizing so much that you just have to admit they’re bad?

Roman isn’t good. Has he ever been?

Something interrupts the pleasant numbness and it shoots from his chest to the soft points at the base of his wrists, making his hands tingle. He decides he doesn’t like it. He doesn’t want it. He wants everything to stop.

He’s selfish, they all know that, he’s just going to end up hurting them anyway, so why bother trying to fix it?

Apathy, his tired brain supplies when he lies there, unmoving, on the ground, for hours and hours and hours, unwilling and uncaring to fix things.

But that can’t be right. Roman is here because he cared too much, he did too much, he was too much. How can he now be the epitome of not caring at all?

If only he never cared, if only he wasn’t so attached, if only.

If only he had been Apathy, maybe he wouldn’t have been so hurt.

His pride got him here. His pride, his wants, his his his. He wanted everything and burned down the things that would’ve helped him get there because he couldn’t do it right. He is the villain and villains always have too much pride.

Pride. Apathy.

Prapathy.

Apride.

I’m not Creativity anymore, he thinks to himself as he lies there, still on the floor as his chest aches and his eyes sting and the sticky residue drips down his cheeks onto the bruises. He stares and stares and stares at the wall and a faint part of his mind that exists outside of the static realizes he never did get around to fixing that crack in the baseboard.

Pride, apathy. It doesn’t matter. There’s a much easier word that he can use to describe both of them.

Wrong.

—————————————————————

“I don’t know, Thomas,” Logan sighs, pinching the bridge of his nose, “I don’t think that’s a valid solution either.”

“But it makes sense,” Virgil protests, shoving his hands into his pockets, “all we have to do is not talk to anybody else—“

“But that will hurt their feelings!”

“But we won’t hurt ourselves.”

Janus and Patton look at each other for a moment before Patton sighs and scratches the back of his head.

“I—I don’t know, this…this feels weird.”

“None of us are happy about this, Padre,” Virgil mutters, “but it’s the best solution we’ve got.”

“Real high bar we’re setting there, isn’t it?”

“Listen, Snake Face, if you’ve got a better idea—“

“Virgil, enough.” Logan shakes his head. “We need to keep thinking.”

“We’ve been at this for an hour, Logan,” Thomas says cautiously, “I don’t know what else you think we’re gonna get to.”

“We’ve already passed the optimal point for productivity, yes.”

“Oh, well, we can’t just give up now!” Patton puts his hands on his hips. “I’m sure if we just keep at it for a little longer—“

“You said that half an hour ago, Patton.”

“And I’ll say it again!”

“Because that’s going to make everything go much easier.”

Thomas sighs as the Sides fall back into bickering. Normally, this wouldn’t be anything out of the ordinary—pretty much all they do is argue back and forth—but Logan’s right. They’ve made almost no progress. He finds himself staring at the TV.

Why is he staring at the TV?

He frowns, tilting his head. It’s literally just his TV. Why is he so fixated on it right now? It’s not like it’s gone anywhere, it’s sitting right where it always is. He stares at it most of the day, why is it so weird that he’s looking at it now?

Wait—

“Guys,” he interrupts, still staring at the thing he’s not supposed to be able to see like this, “where’s Roman?”

The room pauses. Then Logan sighs.

“Oh, of course, that’s why we’ve been having such a hard time coming up with solutions, we don’t have Roman.”

At Virgil’s side-eye, he glances around to see similar looks of disbelief on the other’s faces.

“What?”

“Did you…did you just admit we need Roman?”

“He is Creativity, it makes sense that if we are struggling to be creative, he isn’t here.”

“Okay, that makes more sense.” Virgil shakes his head. “Thought you were admitting he was important or something.”

“Please, his head is big enough as it is.”

Janus hides a snort.

“Why didn’t he show up earlier,” Thomas asks, “he’s normally one of the first of you to get here.”

Virgil shrugs. “I dunno, I haven’t seen that much of him lately.”

“Is he…okay?”

“Who the hell knows, he’s Roman.”

“My guess is he’s been in his room,” Logan says, glancing at Roman’s usual spot, “I haven’t seen him either.”

Thomas doesn’t miss the way Janus and Patton glance at each other. “If you two have information now might be the time to share it.”

“Roman…hasn’t come out of his room,” Patton says after a beat, “not since…”

“Wait, he hasn’t come out since the wedding?”

Janus shakes his head. “I’ve barely seen him open his door.”

“That doesn’t…normally happen, does it?”

“No,” Patton says, “and, uh, he doesn’t normally ignore us either.”

“Ignore you?”

“We’ve tried knocking. It doesn’t work.”

“Perhaps Thomas can summon him,” Logan offers, “you have more power than any of us do, he’d have to answer you.”

“Well, here goes nothing. Creativity!”

Someone pops up in front of the TV.

Someone in a white costume with green embellishments and a mustache.

“Remus?”

Remus glares at them, his Morningstar at his side, his costume white, pristine, and light.

“What the fuck have you done with my brother?”

—————————————————————

It’s been weeks.

The fans have accepted Remus as Creativity. They think that the videos are better than ever. They think this was Thomas’s plan from the beginning.

There is one end card where the Sides are watching a movie and some of them spot a dark figure in the corner. Who could this be? Is this the mysterious orange Side everyone has been waiting for? Is this the Side that’s been hurting Thomas so much?

Zoom and enhance. It’s Virgil’s old hoodie. They’re sitting where Remus used to sit. They’re not staring at the screen, they’re looking at the others. What could this mean?

Someone spots the faint outline of a tiny crown perched atop the figure’s head.

And then, well, then it all makes sense.

There was always one Side that messed up everything, that made everything more complicated. There was always one Side that, if you thought about it, you could trace everything back to. There was always one Side that was told he was making the bad choice and yet, never seemed to learn.

They start to put together timelines, evidence, essay-length meta posts on how of course, this is the plan, why didn’t they see it before? Those that had disliked him from the start crow about how they were right, how everyone doubted them but look who’s laughing now. They point out how he’s become a Dark Side, maybe he was always a Dark Side, and how incredible would that storytelling be? To warn against the pressures of society’s expectations, the idea of good versus bad, or authentic versus forced. How of course, they’re wearing Virgil’s old hoodie because they’re the hated Side now. How they’re not looking at the screen because that’s not what they want, they want to be a part of the famILY.

Vitriolic rants. Accusations. Vent fics. The unsympathetic tag is overflowing.

Because who else could the villain be?

—————————————————————

Roman lives in the cold now.

His fireplace isn’t lit anymore. The door to the Imagination doesn’t work anymore. The blankets on his bed aren’t thick enough anymore. He drifts through a haze where only the emergency systems in his brain are online, where only the awareness needed to sleep, breathe, and move the little bits he needs to move are present.

He doesn’t know that there’s nothing behind the red door anymore, that when Janus and Virgil come to knock on it, worried, or when Remus storms through the Imagination and tries to knock it down by force, there’s nothing for them to find.

He doesn’t know that a new door, a black door, leads from his room to the hallway, far away from any of the other rooms. He doesn’t know that it’s so dark back here that no one would be able to tell there was a door if they didn’t put their nose right up against it.

He doesn’t know and he doesn’t care.

A new kind of ache settles in his bones now. Pain is an old friend, but he’s yet to give suffering a proper handshake.

He misses when he could go and ask someone for help.

He misses when Patton would turn to him without any judgment in his eyes, without any ‘well, you know, kiddo—‘, without any ‘let’s start off with—‘, just the soft words of I’m here, I’ll help you. He misses being able to walk up to Patton’s door and knock on it and know that he would be safe on the other side.

Patton would open the door and soften, his mouth curling up into a small smile as he says hey, kiddo, come in. He would sit Roman down on the bed and press a glass of water into his hands. He would rub his back as he drank, taking the empty glass gently and cupping Roman’s face in his hands. He would ask what’s wrong, sweetheart, what can I do? And Roman would say he just wants a hug, he just wants to not be alone for a bit. And Patton would smile and coo about how Roman was always welcome here, sweetheart, I’m right here, I’ll take care of you. And Roman could fall asleep with his head on Patton’s chest and believe that everything was okay.

He misses when he could walk up to Logan and ask for help and he wouldn’t be scoffed at or turned away, he wouldn’t be looked at suspiciously and asked what he really wanted. He misses when Logan could come to him too and just spend time together.

Logan would knock on his door and ask if you have a moment, would you like to walk with me? And Roman would smile and say, of course, he always has time for Logan, and they could go somewhere in the Imagination and just talk. And Logan would say that’s an interesting idea, I wonder if—and they would walk and talk for hours. And Roman could bustle up to Logan’s door and say I’ve just thought of something, and Logan would open his door and be happy to talk with Roman and it would be okay.

Roman curls up tighter and feels nothing.

He wishes he could have something to miss for Virgil. He wishes they could have bonded over their love of Disney, their want to talk about the things they’re interested in, or even the need to just have someone else in the room with them for a bit. He wishes their relationship wasn’t just spitting barbs at each other, each hoping to hit the bullseye first and knock the other one out of the race. He wishes he could’ve done better.

He wishes he could have something to miss for Janus. He wishes they could’ve done this right, that they could’ve bonded over the want to keep Thomas safe but also have him be himself. He wishes that he hadn’t laughed, hadn’t scorned, hadn’t fallen back on his pride to keep himself safe at the expense of Thomas. He wishes that maybe, just maybe, if he had been a better puppet, then he wouldn’t have been dropped so suddenly.

But as it stands now, more than anything he wishes he could hear them when they say the things they say about him because then he could figure out which bruises were theirs and take comfort in knowing that they still touch him in some way.

The bruises are a constant now. From the online hate to the casual remarks from the others to the way that Patton hasn’t even tried to come find him anymore—he can hear that, you know—he can’t turn over without landing on a new smattering of bruises. The hoodie helps to cushion the blow a little bit.

He misses Remus.

Remus was…

…Remus was everything.

Roman misses his other half. Roman misses his brother. Roman misses his Creativity.

When they were small they would curl around each other as if they could fuse if they focused hard enough. They would wrap their arms around each other so tightly that it would be a pleasant ache when they woke, never minding because they were tighter. Remus was always so warm and Roman hoarded every single bit he could get.

Roman was cruel to push his brother away and now he understands how it feels.

He misses Thomas.

He misses when he was allowed to go and see Thomas. When he could talk to Thomas. When his presence was celebrated or at the very least, tolerated. He misses it. He misses helping.

But he’s helping now, by staying away.

He’s cold.

He’s so cold.

—————————————————————

do you remember what it felt like

to be touched?

press of fingertips against shoulders

bump of a forehead against yours

palms meeting and parting a mere second later

in days gone by

do you remember

warm?

humans thrive off physical contact,

we’re not built to hold each other

at arms’ length.

infants will die

if they aren’t held enough.

and I am so

so

cold

—————————————————————

Something is wrong and even Patton can’t ignore it anymore.

The Sides shuffle uneasily in front of the red door until Remus raises his hand to knock against it.

“Roman?”

Silence.

“Roman, please, please, just—just say something.”

Silence.

“Where the fuck are you, Roman?”

“Don’t yell,” Logan mumbles, “you’ll make him think we’re angry at him.”

Remus takes a deep breath.

“We’re not angry, Ro-bro, we’re just—just please make some noise.”

Silence.

“…we’re coming in, Roman.”

But they can’t. Because as Remus turns the knob on the door, it falls forward. The entire door comes off just to reveal—

A blank wall. With no sign that there was ever a room behind it.

Thomas can hear the scream.

—————————————————————

Roman hears the scream and can’t move. But he can close his eyes and reach out and see what’s going on. After all, he hasn’t done anything, so something must be wrong if someone else is screaming.

He feels something in his chest twist and snap.

“Re?”

Across the Mindscape, Remus’s head jerks up.

“Ro,” he breathes, getting to his feet and rushing off down the hall as the others hurry after him, “Ro!”

“Remus, what’s going on?”

“Why isn’t Roman’s room there anymore?”

“Where are you going?”

They barrel into the hallway and smack into a black door. Logan’s eyes widen as he realizes what’s happened.

“Roman’s become a Dark Side,” he says, fingers scrabbling where the door meets the wall, “he’s—he’s really hurt, we have to help—“

“Move, L, I’m gonna break the door down.”

“You’re not gonna do it without me.”

“Roman!”

Roman turns his head to look at the door. Are they…here? The hoodie rasps against his undead skin and he winces. There are still bruises.

“Roman!”

The door shudders its frame. He could open it. He could. He just has to reach out and—

“Ro!”

Remus.

The door unlatches and his brother pours into the room, letting out a wail when he spots Roman in the bed.

Janus hisses as soon as he crosses the threshold, this room is freezing. It feels as if no one’s moved for years inside, as if the heat has been sucked out entirely. His gaze flies to Remus, who’s over on the bed, his hands scrabbling at something in black material.

Roman.

“Oh, little prince,” he whispers, horrified, “no, no, no—“

“We have to get him out,” Logan orders, startling Remus into action as he scoops Roman into his arms, “we have to get him warm. His core temperature is too low.”

“Shower? Bath?”

“No, if we shock his system we could make it worse. Janus, I need your heating pads, Patton, something warm to drink.”

Janus and Patton vanish.

“Virgil, weighted blankets, Remus—“

“I’m here.” As Virgil ducks away as well, Remus helps Logan cradle the limp and freezing form of his brother in their arms as they begin to rush out of that horrible, horrible room. “You thinking bathroom?”

“Get him to Janus’s, that’ll be the safest place.”

“Got it.”

Sure enough, Janus has no objection and sweeps them inside, setting down the heating pads as Patton bustles in with two thermos flasks and a mug. Virgil pops back with thick blankets as they lay the cold form on the ground. Roman’s eyes blink sluggishly as he stares up at Remus.

“...Re?”

“Yeah, Roro, it’s me, I’m right here, I’m so sorry I wasn’t here faster.”

“What’s…wha’s going on?”

“You’re too cold, Roman,” Logan says gently, “we need to get you warmed up.”

“Oh…”

“It will be easier if we take a few of the layers off,” he explains, still careful to keep his voice low and even as the others scurry around, “is that alright?”

“Okay.”

“I’m going to unzip the hoodie.” Logan works slowly, patiently, stopping when any flicker crosses Roman’s face. “That’s it, you’re doing very well, I’m almost done.”

By the time he’s coaxed the hoodie off of Roman’s shoulders, there’s a little bit of color back in his cheeks.

“Very good, Roman, you did well. Virgil’s brought a few warm blankets and Janus has heating pads for you, do you think you can sit up?”

“Don’t know.”

“That’s alright, you’re doing alright.” Logan glances up at Janus.

“Little prince,” Janus murmurs, sitting by Roman’s head, “if you can sit up, I can sit behind you and help warm you up, does that sound alright?”

“Okay.”

“Thank you, sweetie, we’re going to sit you up now.”

Logan and Janus sit Roman up slowly, only to pause when the long sleeves of his shirt fall down.

“Roman,” Logan asks, trying frantically to keep his voice calm, “are you hurt?”

“Mhm.”

He bites back the fearful response and patiently asks where, how bad, can he see?

“Everywhere.” Roman lifts his arms weakly. “’S all bruises.”

“…can we see?”

“Okay.”

Logan’s hands begin to tremble as he works the shirt over Roman’s head. He wasn’t kidding when he said everywhere.

There’s barely an inch of skin that doesn’t look bruised black and blue. Patton stifles a cry as he drops to his knees next to them, looking at Roman like he’s never seen it this bad before.

Oh, Roman, how did they not know? How could he just ignore him like that?

“Get him covered,” comes Virgil’s voice, “he’s still too cold.”

Janus grabs one of the blankets and wraps it carefully around Roman’s form. It should help distribute whatever pressure they apply so it won’t aggravate his injuries too severely. He takes one heating pad and scoots forward, bracketing Roman’s legs with his own and wrapping one pair of arms around him to press the pad to his chest.

“Can you feel that, sweetie,” he asks softly, “is that too warm?”

“No.”

“Good, good, little prince, you’re being very brave.” He turns away to reach for another and so misses the little shudder that goes through Roman. “Do you think you can handle another if I press it to the back of your neck?”

“Mm.”

“Let’s try, little prince, and if it’s too much, I’ll stop.”

“Okay.”

“Here we go, sweetie—“ Janus presses it carefully to the base of Roman’s skull, just at the edge of the blanket— “there, does that feel okay?”

“Mm.”

“Good, sweetie, you’re doing so well, so good for us, that’s it, you relax now.”

Roman starts to tremble.

“That’s alright,” Logan soothes, “you’re warming up, it means you’re going to shiver a little more, you’re alright, Roman, you’re safe. You’re doing well.”

It certainly doesn’t seem that way once Roman’s breath starts to come in gasps. Virgil nudges Patton out of the way and sits, gently calling Roman’s name until his gaze snaps to Virgil’s.

“Hey, Princey,” Virgil says slowly, “you gotta stay with me now, okay? We’re right here, no one’s angry, nothing’s going to hurt you. Just focus on me.”

He ignores the startled noises when Roman starts to cry thick, black tears.

“Eyes on me, Princey, that’s it, stay here. We’re just gonna sit here and breathe for a moment, okay?” Roman nods and Virgil starts to take big, exaggerated breaths. “Good. That’s it, Princey, you focus on me and you breathe. It’s okay. You’re doing great. Just stay here.”

When the viscous black liquid slows, Virgil reaches out and begins to tuck Roman’s hair back. A moment longer and he pauses, noting how the scratch on Roman’s face is covered in the thick black tears.

“Princey, can I clean your face off for you? You’re doing really well at breathing, I’m proud of you. Can I help you with the rest of it?”

“O-okay.”

There’s a bottle of micellar water and a pack of cotton circles pressed into his hands. He moves in slow, careful strokes, changing out the circles as often as he needs to. A pile of them grows beside him as he works, doing his best to get all the black off of Roman’s face. Roman just cries.

“It’s alright, sweetheart,” Patton murmurs when Roman’s cry gives way to a wail, “it’s okay, you cry all you need to, we’re not going anywhere, it’ll be alright.”

“We have you, sweetie,” Janus says against Roman’s neck, “we’re here.”

Remus lets out a broken noise.

“Oh, Roman, you didn’t…”

Logan’s head whips sharply around to scold Remus only for his mouth to fall open in shock.

Remus’s costume is bleeding too. The same black that drips down Roman’s face is slowly coloring Remus’s costume again, back to what it normally looks like. Remus’s mouth is agape, staring horrified at Roman.

“Oh, Ro—“

“What’s going on?”

“Check the bruises on his neck,” Remus orders as Janus pulls back the blanket, “are they still there?”

“They’re here, but they’re…lighter, how is that—?”

“Roman is the Ego,” Patton mumbles, “he gets bruised when—when—“

“Oh, shit,” Virgil curses, before quickly hushing Roman’s discontented mumble, “and with all the hate that’s been gunning for him—“

“Oh, sweetheart—“

Roman lets out another sob and the tears run clear.

“The Ego is kept healthy by positive attention,” Logan says softly, scooting closer and rubbing Roman’s shoulder through the blanket, “you’ve been starving, haven’t you?”

“He’s not cold because he’s hypothermic,” Remus blusters, “he’s touch starved.”

“It’s still not safe to introduce him to direct contact all at once,” Logan warns when Patton and Remus look like they want to rip the blanket off, “we have to take it slow.”

“So what do we do?”

Janus just leans down and presses a kiss to Roman’s temple. “You’re so brave, sweetie, you’ve been so strong.”

They watch as Roman’s tears begin to wash away the black.

“We love you, sweetheart, you’re so important to us.”

“Stay with us, Princey, we need you.”

“You’re doing very well, Roman, we’re very proud of you.”

Roman cries, ducking his head into Virgil’s waiting hands as Remus’s costume colors itself black again.

After a long while, when Remus looks like he normally does, Roman shakes his head and looks up at them.

“Where am I,” and he sounds like Roman again, “what’s happened?”

“You were starving, sweetheart,” Patton mumbles, “and we didn’t notice until it was too late.”

“O-oh,” Roman blinks, “is that…is that why I’m so cold?”

“You’re touch starved too,” Virgil adds, “and we, uh, L said it wasn’t a good idea to try and shock you out of it.”

“Try and drink something,” Logan says quickly as Patton reaches for the mug, “you’ve been crying for a while and you’re dehydrated.”

“Is that…hot chocolate?”

“Your favorite, kiddo.”

Remus sits down at Roman’s side as he drinks, staring at him like he’s not seen him in ages. Which, well, none of them have, really.

“I’m sorry.”

“What?”

“I’m sorry,” Roman repeats, looking sheepishly at all of them, “I, uh, well, the last video I messed up a lot. I, uh, I shouldn’t have laughed at your name, Jan—where are you?”

“Right here,” Janus mumbles, giving him a gentle squeeze, “and you’re forgiven.”

“Oh. Uh, that was easy…are you sure?”

“I’m sure. Yes, it wasn’t great of you to do, but I’m not exactly blameless either and…”

He squeezes him again.

“…you’ve been hurting enough.”

“Logan, you too, I—I’m sorry.”

“Thank you, Roman, but I agree. It’s alright.”

“Why are you all forgiving me so fast?”

“Because,” Remus mumbles, cupping Roman’s head and resting their foreheads together, “this happened.”

They all watch as Roman shudders as Remus shows him what happened.

“Oh—oh—I—oh no—“

“It’s over now, sweetie,” Janus reassures, “we’ve got you. You’re okay, you’re safe.”

“C-can I have a hug?”

“Of course, honey, come here—“

“Let’s get the blanket out of the way, L, is he—“

“It should be safe now, yes.”

“Remus, I—oof!”

“I gotcha, Ro-Bro.”

“It’s still—I’m still—“

“Patton, grab that end of the blanket.”

“This one?”

“That’s it, yes.”

The Sides end up swaddled in the blanket, their heads poking out, as each of them pulls a little bit of Roman into their arms to warm up. Janus and Remus wrap around his upper body, mindful of the few bruises that haven’t been healed yet. His legs are in Patton’s lap, as Logan and Virgil each hold on to his hands. The poor thing is still shivering, still shaking, still a little overwhelmed.

But Janus coos into his ear as his head lolls back, Remus holding him tightly. Logan’s thumb strokes over his palm as Virgil lets him squeeze as tight as he needs to. Patton makes sure he’s off the cold tile and he’s warm.

They’re going to have to work out what to do about the fans, about the videos, but right now they need to worry about Roman.

Speaking of Roman—

“I—I need to apologize to Thomas.”

A cry goes up as he says so, Patton reaching up to pat his knee. “You don’t have to do that right now, sweetheart, rest, it’s okay—“

“I won’t—he won’t be able to rest until he knows what’s happened.”

As if he can hear them, they feel the familiar tug of one of them being summoned. A quick glance around shows that if one of them is going, all of them are, so they appear on the floor of the living room, swaddled in the blanket.

Thomas’s mouth drops open and he rushes to their side.

“I was gonna ask if you found Roman, but I—Roman, buddy, are you okay?”

“I…I don’t know,” Roman mumbles, “but I’m sorry.”

“For what, buddy?”

As Roman begins to apologize, for being away, for hurting Thomas, for being selfish, Thomas just shakes his head.

“No, buddy, that’s not all on you. You—yeah, okay, some things happened, but it’s not entirely your fault. You don’t need to think of it like that.”

“Well said,” Logan mutters, “now help us get Roman to rest.”

“So what Disney movie are we watching and how many pillows do we need?”

A lot, as it turns out, is the answer. And they have to bite back laughs at the way Thomas makes a noise when he’s swept into the blanket too. But Thomas is warm and Roman is still cold and the movie plays on the screen.

“Hey, Roman?”

“Yeah?”

“You’re my hero.”

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[universalistotalis]

The Fifth Date

Bokuto Koutarou (Timeskip!!!) x Female Reader

credits to the owner of the picture :)

3k words

kinda long but it's worth it i guess

Masterlist!!!

You can’t believe this. You just can’t!

-

“Hey, are you alright?” Bokuto Koutarou looked at you with utmost sincerity in his eyes. You looked up and wondered if he really was worried or just being polite but either way, you stared right at his pupils.

“I am.” You agreed, letting go of his gaze and wanting to end the conversation.

This was your fifth date with him but there were no sparks since the first. You just didn’t feel his vibes and he could be so noisy at times which you hated. There was selfishness underneath his skin and it reeked in your nostrils. You hated egotistic people and you weren’t going to tolerate this much longer.

What your friends saw in Bokuto, you had no idea! They were all swooning over him when they set you up on a date together. They kept saying that he was perfect so you, being the hopeless romantic that you are, expected a prince who would be a gentleman, who would listen to you talk for hours on end, who would be so loving and caring… But instead, you were presented with boastfulness and chaos all wrapped up into one big muscle of a man! He did look like a prince but that was it!

“You know you can tell me right? I’ll listen.” You didn’t mistake the softness in his voice as he continued to stare at you lovingly.

You didn’t know if it was the beautiful place that he brought you to or if it was his kindness that made your brain turn into mush. But for the first time in five dates, your heart was hammering, its beats already like drums in your ears.

“I-I’m fine.” You stuttered and kept your eyes on the horizon.

You heard him sigh beside you on the railing you were both leaning on. The place you both drove to was divine as it overlooked the city. The twinkling lights below were mimicking the stars above and there were lanterns that hung overhead as well, casting the whole place in a lazy glow. You took a deep breath of the fresh air as you calmed yourself from the most stressful day of your life and from your whirlwind of a date.

A little rustling was heard and before you knew it, you were enveloped in warmth and his scent. Bokuto wrapped his jacket around you, letting you face him, so that he could pull the zipper up to your chest.

“There, so you won’t have to worry.” He smiled sweetly.

So he did notice the large coffee stain on your shirt and not once did he show that he was irked by it. You tried your best to cover it but of course you can't. Everyone at work gave you the side glance or the 'what-the-fuck-happened-to-you' look but he didn’t!

-

This can’t be happening. Were you reminiscing all those moments with Koutarou? AND NOW YOU’RE CALLING HIM KOUTAROU?!

You rolled around on your bed, a pillow tucked underneath your arms. A muffled scream was released as you felt an intense tingling sensation all over your body. You were supposed to end that fifth date! You were supposed to tell him that you both should see other people!

But the way he acted that night… it was as if he’s… perfect.

-

“Don’t hide from me.” He whispered in your ear as you cried in his arms. As his scent and warmth put your senses to overdrive with the jacket, you couldn’t help but sob. It was like the world was against you today. Even the document from work that you were so ready to pass, crashed on you. Even the coffee that you made this morning with care, splashed your white collared shirt. Even your ID lace that seemed so insignificant, decided to get caught on the doorknob and almost snapped your neck in two! And to spice things up, your evil boss humiliated you in the inter-department presentation even when the CEO of the company congratulated you on a job well done!

It was the little depressing and annoying moments that accumulated in your chest.

“Today has been s-so hard.” You cried in his shirt. “I keep on trying my best but it’s like I’m not doing enough. I'm not enough.”

The gentle rocking of your body stopped as he heard the words fall out of your mouth.

“Hey, don’t say that.” He cooed and trying to hold you at arm’s length. “You’re more than enough.”

You shook your head and tried to avoid his eyes again as he searched for yours. Fingers gripped on your chin to steady you and you melt for the nth time tonight.

“Don’t be too harsh on yourself. Alright? This day may have been difficult for you and maybe there are more days that would be the same but you shouldn’t doubt your efforts. The fact that you made it through, that’s already something to be grateful about.” He said while wiping your tears away. “But that doesn’t mean you shouldn’t cry about them once in a while. Let yourself feel but then get back up again, yeah?”

You nodded but you felt another round of sobs escape your mouth. He pouted as he saw your wounded state and again, you were held close to his broad chest, away from the hurt, the pain, the stress…

-

This was dangerous. Are you actually falling for him? You’re actually falling for the loud guy that you swore you hated?!

‘Hey, hey, hey!’

His voice reverberated inside your skull and with that sound came the print of his smile on your brain. He had the nicest set of teeth and the nicest golden eyes you’ve ever seen. His skin was flawless too and under any light, you swore he was shining.

You couldn’t help but grin at the—

Yes…

This is bad. Really bad.

-

“You wanna dance?” He offered his hand out to you, smiling shyly. You were surprised at his somehow timid expression as you were so used to him being his confident self.

“I don’t know how.” You said breathlessly as you stared at his gorgeous face.

He let out a chuckle and reached out for your hand under the table. “Let’s figure it out, c’mon.”

The platform was small and there were four couples slowly dancing to the romantic song that was being played by a live band.

He led your hands to encircle his neck while his rested on your waist. All the motions, even the slightest graze of his skin on yours, were making your mind hazy. Everything seemed to blur and the only thing that made sense were the two of you in each other’s embrace.

“You’re so tall.” You whispered mindlessly which made him chuckle. He noticed that you could barely wrap your arms around his neck and that your arms were getting floppy due to fatigue. He then guided you to hug him around his waist instead so he could pull you closer.

“I’ve never danced like this before.” He confessed, swaying stiffly at the music.

“I can tell.” You giggle and look up at him in time to see him pout.

He poked your side, deliberately tickling you for a while. “That’s mean.”

“But it’s my first time too. And I kinda like it.” You said shyly, feeling your cheeks warm even with the cold night air.

“You think you could get used to it?” He asked, hope laced in his question.

“Of course.” You smiled up at him.

He smiled back and his eyes twinkled as he stared. He scooped your right hand and brought it to his lips for a quiet kiss then slowly intertwined your fingers with his, all while maintaining eye contact.

-

“AHHHHHHHHH!” You screamed into your pillow again as your head played that scene.

Sleep was so far away now that your adrenaline was so high because of him! You swore you could still feel his lips on your skin. It was as if he imprinted it there and nothing on earth can take that away now.

“Bokuto, stop haunting me! Let me sleep!”

-

“Now, listen here, missy.” The owner of the restaurant pointed to you sternly as she stood behind the counter. “Tell this boyfriend of yours to stop going here and actually get some much deserved rest! Athletes shouldn’t be tiring themselves!”

You chuckled at her actions and stole a glance at Bokuto who’s pouting excessively at the older woman with his hair seemingly deflating at her ministrations.

“But I like your food!” He whined.

The woman clicked her tongue, as if annoyed. “You can have better food from where you live. Now, stop pestering me!”

“I will come back here more often if you say that!” He smirked and leaned on the counter.

“As if! I know you’ll come back no matter what happens.” She rolls her eyes then turned to you. “We can’t get rid of him even if we wanted to!”

They kept bickering back and forth as you waited for the fruit shakes and other snacks that Bokuto ordered for takeout. It was a long drive back home and he said didn’t want you to get thirsty or hungry. You just listened to their banters and even though they were dissing each other out, you can’t miss the loving and motherly look the owner had for Bokuto.

“You’re a regular here?” You asked him as you settled on the carseat.

“I’m a fan of the view. And as you saw, I’m quite close with the owners and the workers. This is my safe space.” He replied and started the engine.

“When was the last time you went here?” You inquired, suddenly curious of his whereabouts.

“Yesterday.” He shrugged. “And the day before that. And maybe the whole of last week.”

Your eyes widened at his answer. “This is like two or three hours away! How?!”

“I needed some place to relax. And think.” He smiled sadly as maneuvered the car to begin the journey back home.

“Are you alright?” You blinked at your question. His voice seemed low and so sad in contrast to his usual loud and noisy screeches that you were so damn used to. This Bokuto in front of you was so hard to read!

He turned to you for a split second before averting his eyes on the road. “I am. I guess.”

“Don’t hide from me.” You bit your lip hard as you repeated his words to you. You wanted to know him more, to understand his feelings, and to make him feel better.

“Hey, you can’t use my lines against me.” He laughed lightly as he looked at you. Your eyes were begging him to tell you how he is and who was he to resist? “I’m just nervous about the incoming games, that’s all.”

“You still get nervous?” You turned to him, a little surprised.

“Why are you so shocked? Of course, I do! Some less nerve- wrecking than the others but I do always get tension at every game.” He sighed and ran a hand through his hair while thinking. “But the upcoming match is a qualifying game for the Olympics so everyone is anxious.”

“Who are you against with?” You asked.

“See, now that’s another one of my worries. The competitors have still not been announced so we have to wait for a month. A whole month! What am I supposed to do?!” He said exasperatedly. “And just last week, one of our teammates got injured so they gave us time off. You know, to rest and shit. But I am restless and—"

“So that’s why you come all the way here?” You concluded.

“Yeah.” He breathed. “The drive gets my mind off of the anxiety and their food just makes me feel like I’m home.”

‘So he is human after all.’ You said to yourself. It was the simplest realization but it did so many wonders for your feelings and understanding towards him.

The drive home was filled with stories of sadness and laughter. You both sipped at your drinks and munched at the chips he bought. And as you both neared your home, it dawned on you that this was the best date you’ve ever had in your life! Bokuto’s so laid back and chill, kind and generous. He listened so intently and patiently to all your life stories and he had a good memory too, remembering the things you’ve told him about yourself in the past dates.

-

You sighed while sitting up. There’s no question that you were falling in deep for this guy. During the drive, he became his noisy self, acting all the spikes he did at the games comically but instead of being annoyed, you had tears in your eyes because you had laughed so much at his acting. You loved listening to him talk and you realized he wasn’t selfish at all!

Go figure.

Maybe you just mistook his confidence for selfishness and egocentricity.

-

You can’t believe that you were itching to lengthen the time you had with him. The car was now parked in front of where you lived and it was time to say goodbye.

Your eyes met and there was a tinge of sadness in his eyes which surprised you.

“Look.” He turned to the passenger seat and leaned closer. “I know that I’m not the best date there is and you may have been agreeing to these just because of obligation from your friends but… I’d like you to know that I—“

Closing his eyes, he exhaled. “I really like you.”

As the words were uttered, your body visibly tenses under his gaze.

Panic rises in his gut as he realized what he did. “S-sorry, I didn’t mean to scare you.”

“N-no!” You tried to swallow. “You didn’t scare me.”

“Then why do you look like you’ve seen ghost?” He chuckled lightly not giving up his stares.

Your shoulders slumped as you sighed. “I’m just surprised, that’s all.”

He nodded, still looking. “I guess this will be our last, huh?”

“What?”

“I know you don’t like me and you hate my company. I just really like you so I tried to drag it out for so long.” He said sheepishly as he deflated back into his seat. “I don’t want to make you uncomfortable and I’m so sorry if I did.”

This was not how you imagined ending your date. You were supposed to be the one saying that this will be the last. You were supposed to be excited about not seeing him again. You were supposed to go now! But the universe really did pull a reverse card on you today.

“Bokuto…” You started, feeling the guilt consume you to the bones. “I’m sorry if I made you feel that I didn’t like you.”

He was fiddling with his fingers now.

“It's just that your first impressions lasted so bad that it blinded me to who you really were.” Be honest. Just be fuckin’ honest! “I did think I didn’t like you but after tonight, you proved me wrong.”

His face looked at you in a flash, eyes finding the meaning behind your words.

“I didn’t know you could be like this!” You gestured to him, a little frustrated because your heart was pounding so bad and it became so difficult to breathe.

“Like what?” A smirk was beginning to form at his lips.

“This!” You laughed. “You’re fun to be with. You’re calm and reliable when needed. And just… yeah.” You’re just perfect.

You stared at each other’s eyes for a while longer, trying to read and drown in each other.

“If you don’t mind, I’d like to give it another try?” You asked, hoping to god he’ll say yes to your request.

His eyes widened for a moment and his gray hair perked up a little bit.

“I told you I like you.” He smiled. “Why would I say no to that?”

-

Your phone beeped beside you. And if you weren’t so red enough from the memory, you knew that you were flaming red now.

It was a text from Bokuto.

Can’t sleep :(

You sighed at what he said. His anxiety about the game catches onto him so much that he often gets insomnia. The poor baby. You were about to reply when another text popped out.

I may or may not be outside your home.

“What?!” You panicked while swiftly looking for a hoodie to put on. Why is he here and why were you feeling excited at the thought of seeing him?

You asleep, little owl?

You bolted towards the doors and true enough, he was there, leaning on his car and dazzling in all his six feet and three inches glory. He looked unreal in this light even in his simple hoodie and joggers.

“I’m sorry, did I wake you?” His husky voice greeted you as you walked closer.

“No. Can’t sleep too.” You smiled. “What brings you here?”

He shrugged. He didn’t know what came over him when he closed your distance and hugged you tight. To him, you looked like an angel sent to earth only for his eyes to see! You were in an oversized hoodie, hair a little tousled, and your face was so calm under the moonlight. Something inside him prickled at the thought of being domestic with you.

Slowly your arms wrapped around his waist and you surrendered your weight to him. In that moment, he felt like he would burst! Never did he expect for this to happen, for you to give him a chance, but here you were. He deeply breathed in your scent and planted a kiss on the top of your head.

“Do you want to hang out tomorrow?” Your voice was a mere whisper when you looked up at him.

“Like a date?” He grinned and wiggled his eyebrows playfully.

“Yeah?” You nodded.

He wondered if you had any idea about how you're making him feel crazier by the minute. If you don’t, then that’s much worse. “What am I gonna do with you?” He chuckled, arranging stray locks of your hair.

“You can go on a date with me.” You laughed and he was sure, so sure, that you felt his heart do a cartwheel when you were resting your head on his chest.

“I’d like that.” He replied hugging you tighter.

It was funny to you that you planned that fifth date to be the last. It turned out to be the first. The first real date where you felt like a princess in a fairytale. It was the first out of a never- ending series of romantic dates because Bokuto Koutarou had no plans of letting you go. Ever.

--

Okay, wait, hear me out. Have you seen that scene where Bokuto and Akaashi were just outside the hotel and they were just talking all calm and casual? MA'AM THAT'S WHERE I DIED SEEING BOKUTO AHHHH HE'S JUST SO PRECIOUS AND I DO BELIEVE HE CAN BE SERIOUS AND MATURE IF GIVEN THE CHANCE. I AM SIMPING HARD HELP

Masterlist!!!

Reblogs, replies are appreciated! <3

#haikyuu #bokuto koutarou #bokuto x reader #bokuto koutarou x reader #haikyuu fluff #fluff fluff fluff #haikyuu koutarou #koutarou x you #hq koutarou #haikyu fluff #haikyuu scenarios #haikyuu reader insert #haikyu #haikyu x reader #haikyuu!! #haikyū!! #bokuto x you #koutarou fluff #i was screaming while writing this ngl #this was one of my faves #bokuto in a hoodie fck #mature bokuto #bokuto koutarou loml

[jj-ktae]

Melomaniac (M)

Banner by @jaebeomsmullet​ !

Title: Melomaniac Pairing: Park Jinyoung x Fem!Reader
Genre: Smut
Words:1111  Warning: Explicit, Oral sex, strong language, use of lyrics from WAP. 

Summary: You love music and how it reaches everyone. Music is deep and also meaningful, which is why you often recommend songs to Jinyoung. He likes it most of the time so let’s see how he feels about WAP.

AN : Please blame @jaebeomsmullet​. It’s short and written very hastily so it’s not the most sensual smut out there. I just wanted to use WAP because I’m a creep. 

-- 

There’s no way you just said that.

Jinyoung doesn’t know if he stayed for too long under the sheets or if you just asked him to swipe his nose like a credit card.

There’s no fucking way. Not after a whole day of lazing around, not after dating him for so long. He has to be hearing things from staying for too long around a creep like you.

He parts from your moist flesh, his lips shiny and face concerned.

“What did you say ?”

You look down, puzzled and slightly panting. “What, you don’t know that song ?”

He tilts his head, his brows rising and he looks everything but amused.

“WAP.” You add, your hips moving involuntarily.

“You’re going to talk about a song right now ? I have no idea what you’re talking about.” He looks falsely mad, the same type of mad as that one time you forced him to listen to Pony while riding him.

“But you just did, you swiped your nose.” You tease, earning a grimace from your now outraged boyfriend.

He chuckles, bewildered before leaning again. “Stop this. I’m serious.”

Jinyoung knows how to shut you up. He doesn’t need to argue for long and why would he when he is supposed to be sucking on your damn clit ? He isn’t a talkative sex machine and he’d rather focus on a few impactful words and hair pulling than speak for hours.

This is why he acts like nothing happens but actually buries his face deeper into your folds, his tongue now flat against your pussy. You shudder, legs closing instantly like he has control over your body.

He does. He really does.

Nonetheless, it urges you to rile him up so you risk everything and speak again.

“Can’t you park your big Mack truck right in this little garage.”

He freezes. Looks up. Leans on one elbow. Sighs. He looks done already.

“That’s not sexy. Not at all.”

You just laugh, choosing not to explain further because Jinyoung looks like he doesn’t really care.  It’s even worse to see him continue, like nothing can surprise him anymore.

You observe as he gets up to lean over you, his frame sweaty and chin wet. He takes a second to judge you and even less to grab your leg and lift it.

You arch your back when he slides inside you. He keeps the pace soft and clean, allowing you to feel inches of his hard dick. He lifts a brow and you can see he is proud of himself.

Still, Jinyoung stares, his face looking for what your next move will be. He knows you too much and even as he starts going out to push back inside, he observes you yelp, surprised by the sudden thrust.

“Make it cream, make me scream.” You whimper, as if you both couldn’t hear the sound of your wet cunt hitting his balls.

Jinyoung ignores your words but slightly shakes his head before leaning for a kiss. You have no idea when he will have enough but his pace fastens and it’s a sign he is losing his notorious patience. His tongue goes out to share a bit of that said cream you seem to be craving for and you kiss him back, sucking on his chubby mouth.

Jinyoung hates innuendos. He loathes whenever you try to be sleek, even if it involves heavy compliments on his penis and sex abilities. He is a down on earth type of guy, one who wants to hear the praises clear and loud with precise words.

It’s when you pull him against you to turn the both of you around that he understands you will not end this on a regular note.

He looks up, flustered and his whole body feels hard under your palms. You trace the soft skin of his pectorals, hips moving gently and revealing tight abs with every movement.

“When I ride the dick, imma spell my name.”

“What the f-”

Jinyoung doesn’t get to finish his sentence, probably because of the way you start shaking over him, your lips swallowing him so deep he can only grunt. You puff, the air feeling hot and legs a bit sore from the sudden exercise.

Jinyoung can only grab your thighs for balance, words forgotten as he observes his dick appearing and disappearing.

He even wonders if you are actually spelling your name with your pelvis.

But there’s no need for him to wonder any longer, not when you cum around him and contract so hard he almost bursts. His hands press you harder around his penis, his tip tingling inside you and making you moan his name a little bit too loud.

Jinyoung scoffs, welcoming his upcoming orgasm as it starts twisting his balls but there’s no way you’re going to end it like this.

He whimpers when you hop off his dick, cum dripping on his leg.

“Can you not-”

He gets cut a second time, his brain barely handling the rollercoaster or temperature from your hot pussy to the icy air and your now burning tongue.

He is the one arching now, head too sensitive and length too fragile for the way you’re sucking him.

You look up, adoring the look on his face and how furrowed his brows are. His eyes are closed and cheeks pink but you can’t have mercy just yet. Not even after seeing is blissful state

And not with one last sentence.

“I want you to touch that lil' dangly thing that swing in the back of my throat”

And you swear he laughs for a nano second, but it’s too fast for you to hear when you swallow him whole, dick going so deep it probably pokes out somewhere else.

You make pitiful noises, ones that prove you’re going a little too hard for a simple love making session before bed. Jinyoung says words you don’t hear, grabs your hair and he can barely pull any deeper than you already are.

You scrunch your nose, pubic hair tickling and drawing patterns of body fluids all over your face.

It’s a damn mess.

When he cums his hand stills and thighs contract under your fingers. It feels like force feeding but it’s too exciting for you to care. You let his penis slide off your mouth, lips wrapping around his head for more and he jerks away in both pain and overstimulation.

You’re panting, face stained with your own juice and hair messy from his previous grip but even after a mind-blowing orgasm Jinyoung looks down.

“We’re gonna need a bucket and a mop.” He muses, before pulling you closer.

“I knew it!”

#got7creators #kwritersworldnet #jinyoung scenarios #jinyoung smut #got7 #got7 jinyoung #got7 park jinyoung #got7 smut #park jinyoung scenarios #jinyoung x you #got7 x you #jinyoung x reader #jinyoung #park jinyoung #park jinyoung x reader #park jinyoung fanfic #got7 fanfic

[oohnoniall]

The Lantsov Emerald [Kaz Brekker x OC] - Chapter One (Anastasia)

WARNINGS: cursing.

       The Grisha were puppets. She could tell that from the way her father had them paraded before him. No one should be treated the way they were and yet, it was the safest they had ever been. She had not grown up in a time before the Darkling. She had only ever known him to reside over the Little Palace. He kept the Grisha safe.

       That didn't stop them from having to perform great feats at the winter fete every year. She had been in attendance every year since she was six.

       She still remembered that first one clearly. It had been the first time she had been presented to the court. Her mother had actually come to her room, getting her ready to be shown off like a prized horse. It was the first time she had been allowed to wear a tiara.

       Nikolai had teased her for it the entire night. He still teased her for it.

       "Annie," a voice hissed to her right. Her eldest brother looked proud in his jacket, his medals pinned to his chest. They showed that he had claimed something in his year of service. Even if she was certain that it was not a brain. "Get your head out of the clouds."

       Vasily had never exactly been close to Anastasia. He had always been more focused on learning how to run Ravka, how to be the king that their country deserved. He had never paid much attention to her as Nikolai had. He hadn't paid Nikolai much attention either. Vasily was less their brother and more an acquaintance.

       Yet he was all that she had.

       Nikolai had left three years before to study and to serve in the military. Anastasia had written him daily letters for the first year, weekly the second. Now, she was lucky if she wrote him monthly. He didn't answer the letters. Too busy with his studies, with forgetting all about the life he had lived back home.

       Forgetting Anastasia.

       "My head is never in the clouds, Vasie," she huffed as she straightened her spine. She found it somewhat hard to breathe in her gown. Her corset was too tight, her mother had said her waist needed to be smaller and her maids had apparently agreed. Despite the lack of oxygen, there was no denying that the gown was beautiful. It was a shade of cream that matched Vasily's jacket perfectly with sky blue lace detailing on the bodice and matching blue flowers embroidered along the hemline.

       It was not the prettiest gown she owned, but it was one of her favorites. If only because she liked that she stood out just a bit from her family. Her mother's gown would be plain, letting everyone focus instead on the Lantsov emerald that would rest on her left hand. Her father and brother would both be sporting their military jackets, the pins and medals gleaming in the light. If Nikolai had been there, he would have at least been the one to escort Anastasia.

       Instead, her arm was linked with Vasily's. A bored smile crossed her features, taking away the seventeen-year-old's normal vibrancy. She despised the winter fete. The past three years had all been more disappointing than the last.

       It had nothing to do with the Grisha. But it had everything to do with the fact that she had no one to speak with. No one to confide in or giggle with when the night grew boring. Life without her brother had become stale, boring even.

       She sighed softly, trying to push out all those negative feelings as Vasily began to gently pull her out of the small antechamber. Her heart pounded in her chest. A four-eighths rhythm that seemed to skip the second beat. She wondered what it would sound like as an aria.

       "Presenting His Highness Crown Prince Vasily Lantsov and Her Highness Princess Anastasia Lantsov," a booming voice announced to the waiting crowd of nobles and rich merchants that surrounded Os Alta.

       A small smattering of applause greeted them, as it did every year. They were not the show though. They were merely just important guests, visitors to the show of something amazing. Something that none of them were entirely prepared for. At least, not yet.

       "Mingle," Vasily murmured in her ear, not bothering to bend. The two were only mere inches apart. A fact that Vasily hated and Nikolai had found humorous. "Just don't wander far from my sight."

       "And if I don't?" She did not move to raise a brow or do anything that might cause alarm. She barely moved her lips as she spoke. Speaking with Vasily just meant keeping it quiet and not allowing anyone to hear.

       "Then you'll never make a friend that isn't Nikolai." Despite their lack of a relationship, he did care for his younger sister. He cared for his brother as well. Although that relationship was far more strained. Not even Vasily could ignore the rumors surrounding his siblings. Anastasia, however, would never be a threat to him getting the throne upon their father's death.

       She gave a very slight nod of her head. If one happened to see it, they would merely assume she had just shifted her stance or something of that nature. They'd never realize that she had agreed to do something for him. Even if it was as simple as mingle with those who gathered with them in celebration of the second army.

       Her brother released her arm, allowing her to slip free from him and into the crowd. She would not leave the room. She knew better than to cause Vasily a heart attack. Had Nikolai been there, she wouldn't have had to worry about any of it. She would have been able to do as pleased. He'd just follow after her, his charisma hiding the fact that he was threatening people or watching over the sister he'd never asked for.

       Soft laughter, low tenors mixed with high sopranos, filled the air with a gentle melody. One that Anastasia could feel tingling in her bones and in her heart. The melodies of life in Ravka had always seemed to flow through the princess. She just hadn't said a word about it to anyone. Her mother had only ever been told she excelled in music lessons.

       She had strived to excel in everything though. Anything to avoid being sent off like her brother.

       "Princess," a tall young man stepped in front of her, blocking her from moving forward. He bowed at the waist to her, his left arm going behind his back in a sign of respect. His dark, blue-black hair fell into his face in the softest of waves. Briefly, she thought about reaching out to run her fingers through them. "I was certain we wouldn't be graced with your presence this evening."

       "And why exactly is that?" Her tone was soft, lilting and pretty. If she added a bit more breath it would sound more like a song.

       "There's a rumor that your parents sent you to Fjerda a week ago," he admitted as he straightened his spine. His eyes were bright, only a few shades darker than the Lantsov emerald. She wondered how many women he had enchanted with his eyes alone.

       Anastasia forced a gentle laugh to leave her lips as she looked at the man. "I'm afraid I will not see Fjerda for a few more years. Although, my departure date is not to be common knowledge." Her eyes glinted in the light, matching the sky blue detailing on her dress.

       "Of course, your highness," the man nodded his hand once. "Might I have this dance with you?"

       She considered it for a moment. A dance didn't mean they'd be courting. Nor did it mean she would be respected. Everything was so political nowadays. If she did not do the right thing, she would create a scandal. However, most of the time it felt as though if she breathed wrong she would cause a scandal or trouble of some sort. It was all quite exhausting if she were being honest.

       Slowly, Anastasia took the man's outstretched hand. "Of course."

       He led her towards the small dance floor. The winter fete was not a place for dancing. But her mother had thought that it would be nice to have a bit of a dance. She was certain that it had only been in case Nikolai or Vasily had caught sight of a woman that might one day become a queen. Or at the very least it made for a good chessboard.

       "What is your name?" She asked as he placed on hand on her waist. She could feel eyes on them. She was certain his family was watching closely, certain that her brother was preparing to protect her honor.

       "Dima Antonov," he said as the music began to swell. He led her through an intricate waltz. One that she had danced a million times. It was practically drilled into her feet.

       The music spoke to her in a way that nothing ever had before. She loved the way it made her feel as though she were floating on air. Every rest was like holding her breath, the crescendo was the beating of her heart as Dima twirled her across the floor. Her gown floating around them as though there was nothing holding her onto this plane of existence. She could fly away, farther than any bird.

       "You're an incredible dancer," his voice brought her back down to the earth. Gravity pulling against her limbs and her hopes.

       "Oh?" An amused smile crossed her features. "You're not so bad yourself."

       A glint of something was in his eyes. She could not tell if it was amusement or something darker. She prayed to the Saints that she would not have to deal with a pining lordling with dreams of becoming king. It wasn't as though the throne would ever fall to her. Yet, some of these lordlings seemed to believe that they would inherit the throne upon marrying her. Her betrothal didn't seem to matter to any of them either.

       Why would she marry a backward Fjerdan when she could have a good, honest Ravakan? Honestly, the whole thing was rather dull.

       There was nothing that could be done about her marriage. Contracts had been signed long ago. Although, the Fjerdans were not holding up their end of the bargain particularly well. It seemed as if they assumed they could do whatever they wanted to the Grisha and get away with it. It seemed as though all they cared about was getting another country to trade with them. Something that her parents also wanted.

       "Thank you, your highness," Dima broke her out of her thoughts as he dipped her in time with the music. Her long flowing hair nearly touched the floor as strands began to fall from the mess of braids that her maids had put it up in. Her heart skipped another beat as she stared up into his eyes.

       Love was such a trivial matter to her and yet, she found it hard to not be wooed by bright eyes and a dazzling smile. She was just a girl after all. A girl with hopes, dreams, ambitions.

       Dima's dazzling smile just happened to be distracting enough to keep her mind off of her ambitions.

       "I've heard that the Princess of Ravka was a sight to behold, but I didn't expect the rumors to be true." He admitted as he gently pulled her back up. She found that she was pressed rather closely to the young man.

       "I take it that this is your first winter fete?" One of her eyebrows rose just a fraction of a centimeter, barely enough for anyone but the man standing in front of her to notice.

       "I've been spending my time with the First Army. My father is a general," he admitted as he stepped back enough to make their dance proper once more. "I've finally been allowed leave and thought I would spend my time is Os Alta."

       "And this has nothing to do with our new Sun Summoner, does it?"

       "Nothing at all," Dima's lips quirked in a handsome smirk. One that sent heat racing to Anastasia's cheeks. She fought down her blush, not wanting a soul to know her feelings.

       Her mother had once told her that she was an open book. Her emotions were easy to read and easy to figure out. Her mother had made sure that she knew it was not a good thing. Beauty was what mattered. At least, until she had done what she needed to. Then she could worry about falling in love and being in love. Until then, she had to focus on the Fjerdan prince and providing an heir when the time came.

       Anastasia's life was nothing more than a game of chess. She just didn't know if she was the pawn or the queen.

       The music slowed to a stop, her heart still kept the steady beat of the waltz. If only to keep it inside of her for a few hours more. Dima stepped away from her, bowing his head politely.

       "Thank you for the dance, your highness," he took her hand in his and raised it to his knuckles. He brushed his lips against it once, before he slipped away, disappearing into the crowd and out of her life.

       She knew better than anyone that it was easier to dance with royalty than actually spend time with them. It was one of the reasons why Nikolai had been her only friend for so long.

       Anastasia did not allow for this to keep her sedated for long. Instead, she slipped away into the crowd. Her eyes searched out Vasily, who was drinking something that was not water while flirting with a lord's daughter. One that he had been speaking with for nearly a year now. She was expecting a courting announcement any day now.

       Vasily being preoccupied was a blessing to her. She could escape from his supposedly watchful gaze and find something to do that was not fawn over the Grisha and what they could do. It wasn't like she hated the Grisha. She just thought that they didn't need to be put on parade. There was no reason for them to be a sort of sideshow.

       Anastasia slipped out of the throne room of the little palace. The noise of the music and the endless chatter allowed for her to be silent, despite the harsh clicking noise of her heels on the tiled floors.

       She could not lose herself completely in the crowd. Others moved out of the way for her, occasional bows were thrown her way while others tried to speak with her about some piece of political jargon that she didn't particularly care about. She was certain that they were only speaking to her because they thought she had her father's ear. It would be quite a shock to them when they realized that she didn't. She had no say in anything political. She was not allowed in council meetings.

       All she was was the pretty princess. The one they could trade for marriage and gain political allies through. It was quite aggravating if anyone were to ask for her opinion. Which they more than likely wouldn't. No one ever did.

       She kept her head held high, her chin pointed just slightly to show she knew who she was and what power she held, as she walked down the hallways and through the crowds. She rounded a corner, her brow furrowing as she noticed something out of the ordinary.

       A man in a guard's uniform. A man that she did not recognize.

       Anastasia knew every guard in the palaces. She had trained with much of them under Nikolai's orders. They had treated her with respect and constantly allowed her to win while also ignoring her horrid aim. Seeing someone new at the winter fete? That was quite unlikely.

       "Excuse me," her voice was soft, barely carrying above the noise of the music and idle chatter. Yet, anyone who knew the royal family would have stopped at her voice. The man kept walking for two steps before realizing his mistake.

       Something was very wrong in the Little Palace. None of the guards should have continued walking. Not even the freshest of faces would have made that mistake.

       She could tell that the man was cursing his mistake as he turned on his heel. There was a look in his eye. A glint of rage, of anxiety even. She would never wish to be the one that rage was directed against. His blue eyes seemed to stare into her soul, drowning her as though it were the depths of the sea or the Fold. His cheekbones were high, sharp enough that they might cut her if she were to touch them.

       She ignored the thundering in her chest, her four-eighths time had become a sixteenth. Fast, quick, ready to jump into her throat.

       The fact that his rage soon melted into the look of one of a new recruit did not help. His features still made him deadly, despite the innocence that he had schooled into his features. Anastasia was someone who wore a mask every day of her life. She had gotten rather good at figuring out who was faking things. She had found different ways to discern who wore a mask and who wore their true face. It was normally in the eyes, in the quirk of their lips, the slightest motion of the eyebrows. There was always a tell.

       It didn't matter who wore the mask.

       "Your Highness," he bowed somewhat awkwardly. It was almost as though there was something wrong with him. Like he had been hurt before or like he found it difficult to bow before anyone. Perhaps he thought himself a king in his own right. "May I help you?"

       His Ravakan was somewhat harsh, the syllables not coming out as easily as they would for a native speaker. She didn't think that was a warning sign. If they had needed more guards, they would have looked to recent immigrants. They'd be too happy to work for the palace and send money back to their families. She just wondered where exactly he was from. The accent didn't seem to be anywhere she could place.

       It was too prim for Kerch and too gentle for Fjerda. Maybe he was from Novi Zem, but he didn't have the air. She figured she would find out later. Now was not the time to question anything as simple as where his accent stemmed from. That would be a conversation for later.

       "You're new," she said as she stepped forward. She did not step close enough to be within his personal bubble, just enough so that he could hear her without straining himself. "I haven't seen you on the grounds before." She had not sparred with him before. It was just improper for her to say so with the entirety of the court present.

       He cleared his throat once, as though he was unsure how to approach her. Or maybe just the topic at hand.

       ”They’ve had me preparing for tonight for the last few weeks,” he said it casually, as though it were nothing but the truth. It should have been. No one would have been fool enough to break into the palaces on the one night when everyone was on high alert.

       At least, that’s what they had all been led to believe.  There was no telling if this was the truth or not. No telling if they were actually safe or if they were all just pawns in someone’s chess game.

       Anastasia was prone to believing one over the other.

       ”I see,” her eyes blazed as she looked at him, not daring to back down from his soulful gaze. “Well, in any case, I like to be well acquainted with my guards, Mr?”

       ”Vanzin,” he said quickly. He no longer looked nervous, the name fell smoothly from his lips. “Nikolai Vanzin.”

       ”Nikolai?”

       ”My mother thought it would be lucky to name me after a prince,” his cheeks heated slightly, enough to make her believe the excuse.

       ”Very well then, Mr. Vanzin. I will see you later then.”

       “I’ll be here all night, Your Highness.”

       A small smile crossed Anastasia’s lips at that, a gleam in her eye that had nothing to do with mischief and everything to do with the new handsome guard. “I expect to see you on the training field tomorrow.” She did not wait for his answer as she turned away.

       Anastasia did not notice the scowl that crossed Vanzin’s face, nor did she notice as he slipped unnoticed into the crowd. Vanzin soon becoming nothing more than a ghost.

       A ghost who went by the name of Kaz Brekker.

#six of crows #shadow and bone #grishaverse #kaz brekker #kaz x oc #mobster x princess #kaz x princess #kaz steals an emerald #nikolai lantsov #lantsov emerald #vasily lantsov #inej ghafa #jesper fahey #grisha netflix #shadow and bone fanfic #shadow and bone fanfiction #i'm not sorry #brought over from my quotev

[jewish-space-laser]

ok i have an idea for a cbl blurb? could u do a blurb from harry’s pov from the night where he got drunk and how he felt when he saw yn and stuff? ik it already happened but i think seeing it from his viewpoint would be interesting!

Could be Lethal - Part Three (Harry’s POV)

“And every time I’ve held a rose, It seems I only felt the thorns, And so it goes, and so it goes, And so will you soon I suppose...”

– And So It Goes, Billie Joel

HELLO EVERYONE! It’s been months since I’ve posted anything on here, but I randomly got the motivation to pick this up last week. I apologize in advance for my rusty writing skills! This ask has literally been sitting in my inbox for 10 months, so posting it actually feels quite cleansing. Anyway, here is a (long) blurb full of angst, angst, and you guessed it, angst! I hope you love Harry’s take of that night as much as I do. I love you all muchly, thank you for your ongoing love and support <3 xoxoxoxoxoxoxooox Tile

(3.8k word)

You and Harry were friends, with a capital ‘F’. Yeah, you’ve been sleeping in his bed for the past two months, and maybe your entire nervous system goes into hyperdrive when you’re in the same room, but that’s normal, right?

or

The one where you and Harry have an arrangement… of the cuddling sort.

 See the CBL masterlist here!

WARNING: Detailed descriptions of heavy drinking

~~~

It was bullshit. It was all bullshit. 

Harry was miserable. He knew it, his friends knew it, his family knew it… it seemed the only person who wasn’t picking up on his desperation was you. 

You were a complete enigma to him. Sometimes, you were the warmest, most open person he’d ever met, indulging him with interesting conversations, stupid jokes, and even the occassional existential discussion. It was always difficult for Harry to truly open up to a person, having been jaded time and time again by people who weren’t able to look past his famous exterior. 

That’s what makes it so much harder, he thinks. Knowing you properly, you knowing him properly. It made the moments where you were closed off harsher, colder, more difficult to read. 

Since you left his house two days prior, he had done just about anything he could to take his mind off of you. He loved thinking about you, but he also hated thinking about you. It was tortuous and circular and he just wanted a brief moment of emotional respite. 

No, he didn’t want respite, he needed it. 

So he watched all three Lord of the Rings movies in a row, tested out a new stir fry recipe, spent way too much money online shopping, and even scrolled through the Humane Society website in a moment of weakness. But none of it mattered, because even if he could distract himself for a moment, you were still there, lingering in the peripherals of his mind like a song stuck in his head. 

It was dizzying and mind-boggling, and Harry was at a loss for what to do. So when Sunday morning rolled around and it still felt like his lungs were being crushed into a ball, he started drinking. 

It was only 8:00AM, but he bypassed the coffee cabinet and went straight to the fridge, pulling out a chilled bottle of champagne. The pop of the cork was as loud as a gunshot, but Harry didn’t even flinch, hardly registering the sound of it hitting the floor across the room as he rushed the bottle to his lips. 

Bubbles fizzed past his tongue and dripped down his chin, sliding down his bare chest before puddling on the floor. He had to squeeze his eyes shut tightly at the burn of the carbonation, but each gulp sent pleasant tingles over his skin. 

For the first time in ages, his mind felt numb. He didn’t necessarily feel good, but he didn’t feel miserable anymore, and that’s what mattered. He could close his eyes without seeing your smile flash in his head, he could listen to music without immediately relating the lyrics to you, and after his second bottle of wine, he was even able to brew a cup of coffee without thinking of you. 

Okay, maybe he thought of you a little. 

At some point, he passed out on the couch, cartons of Vietnamese takeout sitting cold on his coffee table. When his eyes finally blinked open, the sun had already started to set.

“Fuck,” he muttered to himself. There was a familiar ache pulsing behind his eyes, and he groaned loudly into his empty house. It never used to feel empty, but now you’d come and gone, and it was too late. You’d left your mark on his house and his coffee and his heart… so he drank more. 

There was no more wine, so he started in on his collection of hard liquor, expensive bottles lined on top of his cupboards. Normally they were reserved for when he had guests over, but this fell into the realm of desperation. His sunken eyes scanned the glass bottles before settling on the cheapest of them, an unopened Maker’s Mark. It would do. 

He was pouring a healthy sized glass of the whisky, and then suddenly he wasn’t. His heavy eyes blinked in confusion as he stared across the bar at the bartender, who was raising his eyebrows expectantly. 

“That’ll be thirty-five pounds, mate,” the bartender said, “got roped into buying the first round, eh?”

“Yeah,” Harry grunted, glancing over his shoulder to see Thomas and Jessie watching him from a booth. 

He doesn’t remember leaving his house, let alone coming to the pub with his friends. In fact, if he tried to think about it, his memory of the entire day felt fragmented, like pieces of a puzzle that didn’t quite fit together. 

In his mind, this was a success. A full day gone without thinking about you or talking to you or seeing you. The clock behind the bar read 00:43 in red neon numbers. He took one of the shots quickly, signing the bill and taking the remaining five back to his friends. 

“Harry mate, we told you we’re not getting pissed tonight,” Thomas groaned, “what’d you get six shots for?”

“What kind are they?” Jessie asked, wrinkling their nose. 

“I dunno,” Harry shrugged, setting the tray down directly in front of himself. His vision swayed to and fro, but he still managed to down another shot, disregarding the concerned look his friends shared. “It’s rum. If you don’t want any, that’s fine.”

“It’s a Sunday, mate,” Thomas reminded him gently.

“We’re at a pub, aren’t we?” Harry slurred. “Supposed to get drunk here.”

“You asked us to come here,” Jessie said slowly, “said you needed to talk to us about something.”

Harry blinked at them slowly, swaying slightly in his seat. He didn’t remember any of this. 

“Actually, he said he needed a drink,” Thomas corrected, “I didn’t realize he meant twenty drinks.”

Another shot burned down his throat, and then everything was cold. 

“Harry.”

His head was pounding. Every limb felt heavy. He couldn’t bear to open his eyes, already overwhelmed by the echo of Thomas’s voice reverberating off of the tile floors. 

“Harry.”

He knew that somebody was trying to get his attention, but he just couldn’t. The alcohol had done its job for most of the day, keeping his brain muddled down and diluted just to spare him the pain of remembering. But now, it backfired, trapping him inside his own head with no way out, with nothing to do but remember. He could hear people talking in the background, but couldn’t make out what they were saying. It was as if he was underwater, slipping further and further down with each painful clench of his heart.

He felt a hand press against his arm, and jerked away, causing his stomach to twist. He didn’t want to be here anymore, and he certainly didn’t want to be bothered. 

“G’way, Thomas,” he managed to grunt. 

“It’s me.”

Your voice was clear as crystal to him, but he knew it couldn’t be real. You had left him, after all.

The image of you driving away from his house was burned into his memory, playing over and over again in slow motion. If he thought hard enough, he could even remember the way your body had felt beneath his, whining and squirming and gasping, just like he’d always dreamed about. He could remember the sunken expression on your face the next morning, the heavy silence of the car ride to the coffee shop. He could remember how he’d hoped, so badly, that you’d finally talk about it, this unspoken connection that could no longer be denied. Most of all, he remembers the way his heart dropped when you told him that you didn’t remember any of it.

Another gentle brush, this time along his hairline, and he managed to open his eyes just a sliver. 

You looked amazing. Well, there were circles under your eyes, you were wearing your pajamas and slippers, and you were frowning in concern, but to Harry, you were the most beautiful thing. 

 “You’re here… y’really here….” he sighed. 

You were crouched in front of him, holding a plastic cup of water, and all he wanted to do was pull you into his chest. You looked sleepy and cosy, just like you always did when you stayed over. Before he could reach out to pull you close, you were putting the rim of the cup against his bottom lip.

He took it, grateful for the relief it provided his dry mouth. For the first time since he came to, he took in his surroundings. He was in a single stall bathroom, curled on the floor next to the toilet. The walls were an ugly pale yellow, while the floors were white, making the streaks of dirt and grime more noticeable than ever. Thomas was leaning against the sink across the room, watching you as you tried to get him to finish the cup. 

“Y’look so pretty, always look so good,” Harry slurred, “just wanna snuggle, like we always do.”

He loved the way your mouth dropped open. Everything about you was endearing, really. He watched as you twisted your head to say something to Thomas, water sloshing around in the cup when you nodded your head quickly. Thomas left immediately after, but Harry hardly even noticed. 

When you turned back around to face him, he felt blinded. Despite the dark circles under your eyes, they’re bright and they pierce through him just like always. He loves the color of your skin and the shape of your nose and the little crease that forms between your eyebrows when you’re anxious. He thinks he could probably paint you with his eyes closed. 

Warmth licked across his skin when you brushed your fingertips against his forehead, tucking a stray lock of hair back into place. Harry leaned into your touch, unwilling to let the moment pass too quickly. 

“Can you try taking a sip of water, H?” You tilted your head. “For me?”

He could have laughed, had he not been so nauseated. He would do anything for you normally, but he really did feel awful. “G’na make me sick,” he insisted, wrinkling his nose at the cup in your hand. Even though he could hardly focus, his eyes zeroed in on the faded X scrawled in sharpie on the back of your hand, a souvenir from your night out at TAVERN. He had a matching mark on his hand, and he dreaded the moment the ink would wash off fully. Just another thing forgotten.

He just wanted you.  

He hadn’t meant to say it out loud, but the look on your face told him that it had slipped out. There was no way he regretted it though, not with you right in front of him. Not in this state of mind. 

“It’s gonna make you feel better, and then we can go home,” you urged softly, scooting a tiny bit closer to him.

Home. When he thought of home, he thought about mornings in his house, sunlight filtering in through the blinds and leaving shadowed stripes across your skin. Home was the way you squinted your eyes tighter together right before waking up. Home was you at his kitchen table, going off at him about not doing his dishes. 

“Y’coming home w’me?” He managed to say. Your eyes softened.

“Only if you drink this whole cup,” you lifted it up to him once again, gingerly tilting his head up with a finger on his chin. Even though he felt like his stomach would combust if tried to swallow anything, he allowed you to help him drink some water. Some sloshed messily onto his shirt, but it felt sobering. You met his eyes for a moment, “is that good?”

“I’d do anything for you.”

If you asked him to drink water, he would drink water. He would drink an entire ocean of water. It was achingly clear to literally everybody but you. He could tattoo your name over his heart and you still wouldn’t see.

You gulped loudly, but didn’t say a word, simply prompting him to take another sip of water. He wished more than anything that you’d say something. Make some kind of facial expression. He just wanted a signal, a sign, that you felt anything towards him; disgust, affection, pity. 

He was sure you must pity him. 

Harry drank the rest of the water, cheeks burning as he asked you for a refill. He was still drunk, but the fog had cleared enough for him to sit up straight without feeling like he was going to hurl. He watched you refill the cup in the sink that looked like it hadn’t been cleaned in decades, but that was honestly the least of his concerns. 

“Y’must think I’m pathetic,” he grumbled, squeezing his eyes shut and tilting his head back against the wall. “Can’t lose you.”

“You haven’t lost me,” he heard you say quietly.

But it felt like he had. Because even though you were friends, it wouldn’t be the same if he couldn’t fall asleep to the sound of your soft exhales. It wouldn’t be the same if he couldn’t feel that rush of excitement when you sneakily texted him under the table on nights out. Having you at a distance could never be enough. 

“Harry…” you sighed, rubbing your eyes, “why did you drink so much tonight?”

If your obliviousness hadn’t been so devastating, he would have laughed. How could you sit here with him, look into his eyes, and not see that his heart was entirely in your hands? How could he explain anything to you if you hadn’t already seen it?

So he wouldn’t try. Not right now. 

He mustered up the strength to push up onto his knees, managing to stand up fully with your steady grip on his arms. He took one shaky step as his head spun, and felt your arms snake around his waist to keep him balanced. Without even thinking about it, he wrapped his arm over your shoulder, reveling in the feeling of having you so close as you helped him out of the toilet. 

You brought him to a stop in the main room by the bar, and he couldn’t help but bury his nose into the top of your head. You smelled just like you always did. It had only been a few nights, but your scent was already fading on his bedsheets. 

“Y’smell like lavender,” he hummed, squeezing your arm lightly, “s’like you’re tryin; t’torture me…. So pretty.”

It really was torture, having you hold onto him as you both walked out of the pub. You were distracting, with your warm skin and soft hands. Each step was difficult; his feet were heavy as anvils and he just wanted to curl up right here on the sidewalk. 

Just as he was considering plopping down on the pavement, he heard the familiar beep of your car opening. He closed his eyes once he was sat in the passenger seat, feeling you fuss over his seatbelt. He flinched slightly when you slid a cold water bottle between his knees.

Harry blinked, and then suddenly you were buckled in behind the steering wheel, poking his arm and peering at him with tired eyes. “Can you stay awake for me, H? Just till we get to your house, okay?”

“Y’coming to my house?”

You were so good to him, all the time. By the looks of your attire, you were ready to be in bed hours ago, yet here you were, patient as ever.

“Yes, I’m taking you home,” you said through a yawn. 

“Miss having you at my house,” Harry exhaled. He didn’t even know what he was saying really, just the same thoughts and memories circling through his mind like planets around the sun, all them centered on you. “My sheets don’t smell like you anymore.”

Suddenly, he felt hot all over. His trousers were too scratchy against his skin, his palms felt clammy, and the longer you stayed silent on the other side of the car, his stomach started turning. In an effort to cool off and calm down, he let his head fall against the window, the cool glass soothing his skin. 

Drunk or not, he was trying to tell you how he feels, he was constantly trying to tell you how he feels… and you didn’t say a word. You never did. It was so frustrating that he found himself biting back tears. 

Finally, after what felt like hours, you cleared your throat. “You can’t…” your voice cracked, “you can’t say things like that, Harry. It hurts me when you say things like that.”

“I don’t wanna hurt you,” Harry managed to say. “But it’s the truth.”

He was so confused. How on earth could you be hurting when he was sitting here with his arms wide open? Was he so repulsive that the mere thought of being with him caused you pain, somehow?

He was too drunk for this. 

Luckily, you seemed to be on the wavelength. “Let’s just… not talk,” you said, shoulders slumped. 

Harry was feeling awfully dejected himself. He’d spent the last few days trying to cope with his complicated feelings, and now he was back at square one. Every time he thought he knew where the two of you stood, you would say something vague and he would start all over. Your relationship was like a house of cards; delicate, fragile, and knocked to the ground with the slightest shift, the tiniest gust of wind. 

The headache started out small, but by the time you pulled your car into Harry’s driveway, he was feeling like he might keel over. Somehow, he was simultaneously drunk and hungover. If he was going to make it up the stairs to his room, he was going to need something in his stomach, and water that wasn’t from a pub bathroom.

It was humiliating enough that he’d needed you to help him from the car, but upon entering his house, he nearly kicked his shoe through the living room window, grumbling about toast. He knew he’d been less than impressive tonight, but perhaps this was what you needed -- seeing him at rock bottom -- to finally open up and have a real conversation about what you could be. 

When he woke up in the morning, he would be sober, and he would be ready. He would make you coffee like he always does, and maybe he’d even run out and pick up fresh pastries.

“Want some toast,” he said, though he was fairly certain he’d said it once already. 

You were standing in front of him, toes just inches apart, and it felt instinctive to place his hands on your waist and pull you in. The silk pajama top you were wearing was cool against his hands, but he could feel the heat of your skin underneath, the frantic thumping of your heart against your ribcage tickling his fingertips.

Your hands were on his shoulders to keep him steady, but he was suddenly feeling more sober than he had all night. All day, really. 

Harry slid his hands further behind you, locking together behind your back. Having you close felt incredible. It hadn’t even been three days since he last saw you, yet every atom in his body was craving your touch.

“You, um,” he felt your shaky whale against his collar bone, “you have to let go of me if you want me to make you toast.”

Letting go of you felt physically impossible, so instead, Harry dipped his head down and rested his forehead against yours. The anticipation was excruciating as he waited for you to do what you always did: sink into his arms, wrap yourself around him, soothe him to sleep with the weight of your head on his chest.

Fissures cracked through his heart when you pushed him back, taking a single step back that may as well have been a mile. Suddenly, the air all around him felt cold, the room felt darker, the silence felt louder. He took a deep breath in, but still felt like he was suffocating.

“Do you really not remember?”

He needed to know. He had done everything in his power to think about anything else, but had somehow ended up here, standing face to face with you. He wonders if this is how it was supposed to be, if throwing you together over and over again was the universe’s ultimate plan, if all of this misery would be worth it in the end. 

He’d experienced heartbreak before, but this was something else. And when you choked out, “Harry, please don’t make me say it,” in the smallest voice he’d ever heard you use, he knew that he could write millions of records about the pain of this moment, and still never do it justice.

“You remember, don’t you?”

All you did was nod your head once, but he suddenly felt drained. Maybe it was the full day of heavy, reckless drinking… or maybe it was the realization that things really might not work out. He still wanted to try, though. Even though you’d left the other day, there were countless other times you had stayed. For months you’d been coming over in secret, coming out of your shell and showing him how amazing you really were. That had to count for something; there had to be a reason. 

Coffee. He would make coffee in the morning and the two of you would fix everything. 

“Should we head to bed? ‘S getting kind of late, y’must be exhausted.”

You really did look tired, your eyes rimmed with red from yawning over and over, back hunched and shoulders slumped. He was feeling knackered himself, and was more than ready for this night to be over.

“Actually… I think I’m gonna head back home,” you gulped. Harry felt like he’d been slapped, but he couldn’t move. He couldn’t speak. It’s as if you’d turned to sand; there one moment and slipping through his fingers the next.

“You don’t want to stay?” Harry tried to keep his voice even, but even he could hear how it wavered. He clenched his jaw to keep from crying.

“I just… have to go home,” you said, looking everywhere but at him. 

He waited for you to say something else, but instead watched as you hoisted your purse further up onto your shoulder and walked out the door. Shell shocked, he stood there frozen, even as your headlights disappeared down the street. 

A long breath blew past his lips as he finally moved to lock his front door, any hope of you walking back through it dashed by the way you’d walked out for a second time. 

Harry likely would have benefited from a glass of water and pain medication, but with a buzzing brain and a shattered heart, all he could manage was to pass out on the couch fully clothed, dreaming about what might have been if you had just stayed.  

~~~

As always, let me know what you think! I love talking to you <3 xoxoxoxox Tile

[youreacowgirllikeme]

Intoxicated

note: this was a request from @dappertapper69 , I hope you like it :)

words: 4238 (oops)

warning: alcohol, swearing, smut, unprotected sex (pls don’t do that) hope that’s it

“Focus, damn it! “you told yourself, hastily writing down some notes on your tablet before looking back up to where your boss was standing in front of the white board. It was the daily morning meeting, so you still were a bit tired, but that’s what coffee was for and it was certainly not the reason you weren’t able to pay attention.

It was him, your boss. Right now, he was showing some poll graphic, but your eyes were fixed on his muscular arms and rolled up shirt sleeves. He looked so good when dressed casually, the top two buttons of his dress shirt were undone, and you desperately wanted to run your hand into the neckline.

Yes, your boss was hot, but he was also really intelligent, kind and funny to no ends. The whole package, and your crush on him was big.

But your boss was also Jake Tapper, the lead anchor of CNN Washington, and there was no way he would ever see you this way. No, he was your mentor, and you basically owed everything you had right now to him.

You’ve met about a year ago at a debate Jake was moderating. Covering the event had been the first major job you’ve gotten from the newspaper you we’re working at back then, and while you weren’t really satisfied with print media, you had to take what you could. But meeting Jake had changed your life for real. You had started talking about what you were currently writing about, and you showed him some of the freelance articles you had done in for various political blogs.

He had liked your work, you exchanged numbers and two weeks later, a job offer from CNN Washington was on your desk, assistant producer for The Lead with Jake Tapper. You had to read the letter three times before actually believing it. It was the opportunity of a lifetime, and you had no doubt who was behind it.

You didn’t hesitate for a moment, you directly called Jake to confirm, and two weeks later you were all packed up and ready to move to DC.

Jake went above and beyond to make sure your transfer was smooth in every sense, he helped you find an apartment, gave you a two-hour long office tour on your first day of work and regularly checked up on you in the first weeks to see if you were adjusting. He still did that, to be honest, even now that you’ve worked here for months and had learned the ropes.

But you didn’t mind at all, you have learned so much from Jake, journalism-wise as well as when it came to politics, history and literature. His general knowledge was so impressive, another thing that made him so ridiculously attractive to you.

But considering all the facts, jeopardizing your entire career by making a move at Jake was just impossible. But Lord, you wanted to.

You were so caught up in daydreaming that you didn’t even notice that the meeting was over, everyone already left except for Jake. He was packing up his stuff and looked over to you.

“Y/N, everything alright. You’ve been really quiet today, and you look exhausted. Is there something you need?” He asked, sounding genuinely concerned.

Bless his heart, you thought. There was definitely something you needed from him, but you would not go there. And it wasn’t like you could tell him that the reason for your exhaustion was the wet dream you’ve had of him last night, one that made you wake you up drenched in sweat and with soaked panties, unable to fall asleep again.

So you just dismissed him. “I’m fine, don’t worry. Just a lack of sleep.”

“You know you can always come to me when there is something up.” Jake said, putting his hand on your arm in what was meant to be a friendly gesture, but just got you even more worked up. You had it bad for the man, and that was why needed to get out of this situation right now.

“Of course, I know.” You gave him a tight smile, hoping he would buy it. “But I really need to go now, lots of stuff to do. I’ll see you.”

Later that day, when you were alone in your office booth, you texted your friend who was working in another department of CNN.

I def need to let off some steam tonight. Club? Xx

She texted you back a couple of minutes later.

Run in with the hot boss again? ;) But sure, let’s do it xx

Even though it was a weekday, the club was bursting with people. You already were on your third or fourth round of shots, and the base was humming through your body, blasting away your worries.

You dragged your friend over to the dancefloor when you heard your favorite song starting to play, the alcohol creating a warm and fuzzy sensation you totally got lost in.

+++

When you woke up the next morning, you regretted every decision you ever made. You didn’t remember how you got home last night, and your head felt like someone had smashed it in with a hammer. And on top of all, you were late for work.

When you finally got the office, everyone was already coming out of the morning meeting. You carefully made your way inside the meeting room, where Jake was still packing up his stuff, as always. As you approached him, your heart almost jumped out of your chest, as it usually did when you were alone with him, but now with the added fear of his anger.

But when he glanced up and saw you, he looked…relieved? You were confused, you had expected a telling-off, but he appeared as if he was happy to see you.

“Thank god you’re alright, Y/N, I was so worried when you didn’t show up this morning.”

It was when he took a closer look at you that he noticed your appearance, and undoubtedly sensed the alcohol still lingering. He had a very keen sense of smell, something he told you a while back. You swallowed when you saw his expression shift from friendly to irritated.

“You’re hungover.” He stated matter-of-factly, his voice cold.

“Jake, I’m really sorry, I-“you began to apologize, but he was not having it.

“Look, it’s really none of my business how you decide to spend your free time, but I expect you to act professional when it comes to the job, and that doesn’t include showing up late and hungover. I will let this one slide, but this happens again, and we have a problem, am I clear?” he was definitely angry, and you should be intimidated my that. You really felt remorse, but seeing Jake worked up like that also made your stupid brain come up with thoughts of him throwing you on the desk of the briefing room and working out his frustration on you.

“I said, am I clear?” Jake asked again, you had clearly zoned out again.

“Yes, sure, clear.” You said in a small voice, now immensely ashamed that you had disappointed Jake, after everything he had done for you.

“Again, I am really so sorry.” You called after Jake as he was making his way out of the room, but he just dismissed you with a wave of his hand.

The thoughts you had about Jake didn’t leave your mind for the rest of the day. You wanted him so bad and seeing him constantly when he was so out of reach was getting harder every day. You desperately needed to clear your head, the only way you knew. So, against your better judgement, you texted your friend again, and a couple of hours later you found yourself in the same club, drunk and dancing without a care in the world.

You almost hated how much you needed this, the music, the people surrounding you, the alcohol flowing through your veins, making you forget everything.

You lost count how many drinks you’ve downed, but you lost sight of your friend as well, so you decided to go outside for a smoke and some fresh air.

You picked your phone out of your pocket to message your friend when a fantastic idea hit you.

Why not call Jake? You were having a great time, and it only made sense that you should share it with him, because you really liked him, right?

“Y/N? It’s the middle of the night, what’s wrong, did something happen?” a still sleepy, but increasingly alarmed Jake asked from the other side of the phone.

“Hiii Jake, oh my god, I’m having the best time ever here, it’s so fun, you should come too! C’mon its Friday, you should party a bit.” You basically screamed into your phone, your voice slightly slurred from too many drinks.

“Shit, it’s Friday morning, which means there is still work tomorrow. Wait, are you drunk? Where are you?” Jake asked, his voice was full of anger now, and under normal circumstances you would be really worried about that, but right now, you did not care a single bit.

“Oh, I’m at that great new club downtown, it’s called the red…I can’t remember, something with red, and the people are so nice, but I lost my friend, so I think I’m going home soon.” You rambled on, the alcohol loosening your tongue.

“There is no way in hell you’re going home like this, Y/N. You stay right where you are, I’m coming.”He definitely sounded infuriated now, and even your intoxicated brain understood the instructions.

“Alright, Jakey, I’ll see you.” But he had already hung up.

You kept aimlessly walking around in front of the club for a while, making drunk small talk with other club goers, when suddenly, someone grabbed your shoulder and yanked you around. It was Jake, tired looking and with a deep frown on his face.

“Jaaaaaake, you came!” You exclaimed and threw your arms around his neck. He stiffened against you and softly pushed you away.

“Y/N, you’re wasted. Come on, I’m getting you home.” He said, voice leaving no room for arguments. He grabbed you by the wrist and basically dragged you to his nearby car, pushing you into the passenger seat. When he leaned over you to buckle your seatbelt, he came incredibly close to you, and again, you spoke without thinking.

“You smell so nice, Jake, like a forest.”

He just gave you a puzzled look and walked around the car to get in the driver’s seat.

The drive to your flat passed in tense silence, you were busy staring at Jakes hands angrily gripping the steering wheel, wondering if they would feel as good around your neck as you imagined. You could feel a tingle between your legs and started squirming a bit, until Jake grabbed your bare tight just below the hem of your skirt and snarled “Stop moving like this, I have to focus on traffic.”

You had to stifle a moan at his rough touch, but if he noticed he didn’t comment on it.

When you finally arrived at your building, Jake had to support you while getting into the elevator and to your door, you weren’t that steady on your feet anymore and by now, more of a tired than a giddy drunk.

“That’s mine.” You said and started fumbling with your keys. “You wanna come inside?”

If you had been sober, you would’ve noticed the pained expression that flashed over Jakes face just before it hardened again.

“No, I certainly won’t come inside, but this is what you are going to do. You will drink a glass of water, brush your teeth and set your alarm, so you will be on time at work tomorrow where we can discuss” he gestured angrily between the two of you “whatever this stunt was. Understood?”

“Yes.” You answered meekly “and thank you for taking me home!” you called, but Jake was already on his way back to the elevator.

+++

When your alarm woke you up only a few hours later, you felt like hell. And that was because you could remember everything. No blissful blackout this time, you were able to recall every vivid, horrible detail of how you had made an absolute fool out of yourself in front of the man you admired most in the world. You owed him one hell of an apology, and you were not really sure how to go about this.

You entered the office like a beaten dog, shoulders hanging and praying to the gods you looked better than you felt. Jake ignored you in the morning briefing, so you stayed behind to face his wrath. When you were finally alone, you spoke first.

“Jake, about last night, I can’t even begin to tell you how sorry I am. Not only did I act extremely reckless and unprofessional, but I also took advantage of our friendship, which is something that a value more than anything. I accept whatever repercussion you see fit, I just hope you can see how sorry I am.” By the end of your little speech you were almost crying, your disappointment in yourself and your fear of Jakes reaction were making you physically sick.

Jake stayed silent for what felt like forever, and when he finally spoke, your anxiety was almost killing you. “Yes, I am immensely angry about what happened last night. But most of all I’m worried. The Y/N I know doesn’t act that irresponsible, getting absolutely wasted two nights in a row. I went to talk to your friend down in the sports department earlier this morning. I know, that might be considered unprofessional, but she’s just as worried as I am. She told me you’ve been drinking a lot lately, and always more than you should. What is wrong, Y/N, what are you hiding from me?”

That was the perfect timing to tell him everything, how he was on your mind all the time, how you wanted to kiss him, touch him, be with him in every way possible, so bad that it was keeping you up at night or haunted your dreams. But you couldn’t, there was too much on the line.

“Nothing, work is just stressful, I’ve been working overtime so much; I had to blow off some steam. I’m just sorry I dragged you into this.”

Jake stepped closer to you, and you could feel your heart speed up at the way he was looking at you, something like heated curiosity on his face.

“So, this has nothing to do with the way you threw yourself at me last night, or how you told me I smelled nice?” he asked, his deep voice making goosebumps break out all over your skin. “Or with the fact that you tried to invite me into your apartment?”

“Jake, it’s not how it looks like, I swear. I won’t bother you like this again, ever, I promise.” Your voice starting to become panicked, this couldn’t be happening, he couldn’t know.

But Jake just chuckled and leaned down to whisper into your ear.

“I think I know exactly how this looks, Y/N.”

He took a step back, suddenly looking calm and collected again, as if the moment you just had never happened.

“I have to go now, but I see you tonight. The office party in the bar down the road, you remember? I expect everyone to at least show up for a while.”

Great, you thought, having totally forgotten about the event. You just wanted to curl up in bed and feel sorry for yourself, but obviously that wasn’t in the cards for you today.

And so, a couple of hours later you found yourself in said bar, surrounded by your colleagues. You already had a short talk with your friend, ensuring her that you weren’t mad that she talked to Jake, you were convinced it came from a place of concern.

You kept it at two drinks, but it was enough to lighten your mood a bit. Jake was talking to someone in another corner of the room, and he looked fantastic with a casual blazer and no tie. There were moments when you felt like he was watching you, but you were never able to make eye contact and were too shy to approach him directly.

It got late and people were starting to hit the dancefloor. You decided to give it a go as well, and soon you were totally lost in the music.

Suddenly, you felt a set of strong hands on your hips and the presence of a warm body behind you. You spun around to tell whatever creep decided to grope you to let it go when you saw that it was Jake. He was smirking down at you, moving his body to the music. You weren’t sure what to do, you were incredibly nervous, but having him close felt so good. Deciding to be brave, you just took his hands and put them back on your hips, giving him a small nod. His grin broadened and you could see his eyes sparkling in the dim light of the dancefloor. He pulled you closer until your bodies almost were almost touching, you put your hands around his neck and started to lightly move against him.

Jakes eyes were darkening as he looked down at you, and his grip on your hips tightened noticeable. Being the center of his attention like that, in combination with the pulse of the base and the pleasant warmth of the alcohol in your system made you slightly lightheaded, you felt like you were in your own little bubble, just you and Jake. You started to lightly gyrate your hips, and you could swear that you heard him groan over the sound of the song playing. He pulled you even tighter against his body, by now you were grinding against each other, never leaving each other’s eyes, and your body felt like it was on fire. The tension between the two of you was so thick, you could cut it with a knife. Your faces were coming closer and closer to each other, and your heart was basically jumping out of your chest by now, when suddenly, someone burst your bubble.

“Jake, we need you in the studio, there’s been an incident with…” some agitated guy tried to scream over the music, and you couldn’t make out all the words, but the next thing you heard was Jakes voice as he leaned down to address you.

“I have to go for now, but this isn’t over. I’ll see you on Monday.” It sounded promising, and a delicious shudder went down your spine at his words, easing away some of the frustration you felt at being interrupted.

The weekend was long, you didn’t call or text Jake, unsure what to say. So you just tried to distract yourself until it was finally time for work again.

The week started with the usual morning meeting, and you and Jake weren’t even trying to hide the glances you were giving each other. The dynamic between you had definitely shifted, and the tension only increased over the course of the day.

He was purposefully standing closer to you than usual, you let your hand lightly brush against his leg when he was sitting next to you at lunch and during the afternoon shows ad breaks, his eyes were fixed on you, never leaving you out of sight. You looked back, biting your lips and Jakes eyes widened, he looked like he wanted to devour you. You knew that sooner or later you had to face him and address what was going on. So when you got a message from Jake shortly after the show was over, telling you to meet him in his office, you basically ran there.

In front of his door, you took a moment to collect yourself before you knocked and entered.

Jake was leaning against his desk, tie and suit jacked discarded, arms crossed over his chest.

You made your way over to him and when you were close enough, he put his hands on your hips, like he was picking up right where you left it Friday night.

“You know.” He said, and his voice was a bit husky. “I’ve been in quiet the state since our dance Friday night. And your little touches here and there haven’t helped at all.”

He accentuated his words by pulling you flush against his body, and you moaned simultaneously when you felt the evidence of his arousal pressed against your belly.

You smirked and got on your tiptoes to whisper into his ear “I see, now what am I supposed to do about that?”

You pressed a kiss to his neck, and the deep groan he let out was almost sinful.

He reached out to grab your jaw and kissed you in a way that made it clear that he had lost his usually tight control. You held onto him with both arms while he spun you around and probed you up onto his desk, sending papers and pens flying in all directions. No one of you cared.

His hands found their way under your skirt, climbing up until his fingers were stroking over your already soaked panties. He pressed a finger to your covered clit, and you couldn’t suppress a loud moan.

“God, Y/N, how are you already so wet, I have barely touched you.”

“Get on with it then, please.” You groaned, spreading your legs to give him better access. He complied, pushing up your skirt. You lifted your hips so he could swiftly slide your panties down your legs, exposing your glistening center to the cool air of his office.

His fingers crept up your tights again, parting your lips and plunging two digits inside you while his thumb was rubbing your clit in light, circular motions, the pressure creating the most perfect sensation.

“Yesssss.” You hissed and tried to move your hips into the direction of his fingers to increase the friction, this wasn’t nearly enough for you.

“Please Jake, I need more.” You looked up at him and his eyes darkened.

“Don’t worry, I’m going to take care of you.” He whispered, withdrew his fingers and opened his fly. He pulled down his trousers and underwear, revealing his cock. You licked your lips at the sight of it, you were definitely going to enjoy this.

“You better come over here right now.” You whispered, and Jake stepped between your legs, the tip of his cock nudging at your entrance, teasing you.

“Damn, Tapper, fuck me already.” You groaned, and a second later he was thrusting into you in one fluid motion, instantly setting a brutal pace. You slapped your hand over your mouth to suppress the scream that was bursting out of you at the feeling of being filled so roughly. By now, you were almost lying almost flat on his desk, various clutter digging into your back.

Jakes hand were on your hips again, grabbing them tightly while slamming into you over and over. You had to keep your hand pressed to your mouth to prevent your loud cries from spilling out. Jake was hitting a perfect spot deep inside you with each hard thrust and you already knew you wouldn’t last long.

“I’ve been thinking about this for the whole weekend, throwing you on that desk and fucking you.” He growled through his clenched teeth and hearing him talk like that made your arousal spike. You had never seen him so unhinged, and it was glorious.

“You feel so good inside me Jake, so good, please fuck me harder.” You whimpered, and when he deepened his thrusts it only took another moment till you hit your peak with a guttural cry, a disfigured version of Jakes name falling from your lips.

He fucked you through your climax, never slowing down. Beads of sweat were beginning to form on his forehead, your mixed breathings and groans and the sound of skin slapping against skin echoing through the office.

When he reached between your legs to rub your clit again, it almost felt like too much, you were overstimulated, but he was relentless, rubbing and pressing until you were on the edge of another orgasm.

“Jake, ugh, I’m going to come again.” You cried, and when he pinched your bud between his fingers you felt like you died and went to heaven. The walls of your pussy were fluttering and clenching down onto his cock as you hit your second peak, this time dragging Jake along with you over the edge. He gave one last forceful thrust and released himself deep inside you with a growl.

After he pulled out, Jake helped you get up from the desk and pulled you against his chest.

“You should have told me earlier.” He said, voice still slightly breathless. “How you felt.”

You lifted your head to look him in the eyes.

“I wish I had.” You answered. “Would have saved me a lot of trouble.”

“What is this too you?” he asked, his voice strangely emotional “What do you want from this?”

“I want you. If you’ll have me?”

The kiss he gave you in response was all the answer you needed.

#jake tapper #cnn #cnn anchors #jake tapper x reader #jake tapper fic #fanfiction #cnn fic #smut

[autumnleaves1991-blog]

One Night - Outcome 3 (Bourne Legacy)

A/N: I am falling into a hole that I may need to crawl out of at some point but I don’t really want to right now so I am going to keep writing for Outcome 3 until I am satisfied. This is a prequel to my other story Just a Dream. :)

Pairing: Outcome 3 x F! Reader

Warning: Getting hit on at a bar but taking care of it. Talk of sexy times, and kisses but mostly romantic.

My Masterlist

You hated clubbing. The entire atmosphere of smoke and music, blinding lights, and the heat from all the bodies packed tighter than a tin of sardines. But it was Missy’s birthday and she wanted to go clubbing. So instead of a comfy sweater on the couch with popcorn and Netflix; you dressed in a skimpy dress in a sea of strangers. Watching your friends get drunker and flirt with several eclectic men and women. You were sporting a buzz nowhere near the rest but enough to let loose and move your hips to the music.

The back of your neck burns like someone is watching, but every time you turn to look, no one was there. The club was dark, and the bass thumped as the bodies swirled together in time with the music. Everyone gyrating and touching so close to one another, the heat in the air stifling, a thin sheen of sweat clinging to your skin.

As the music shifts, you shout to your friends and point to the bar, and they nod, waving as you move over to the lit-up bar along the far wall. It was one of the most popular clubs in town, and the bar was busy, so you wait for a bartender to notice you. A younger man in his early twenties with a towel swung over one shoulder approaches.

“Can I get a gin and tonic?” you shout across to the bartender, and he smiles and nods. Sitting in the chair, you catch your breath and take a moment to look around. All too soon, your view is obstructed by a man in a white crew neck and jeans, the word tool instantly coming to mind. He looks at you like a piece of meat, and his voice is sickly sweet.

“Hey, baby, can I buy you a drink?” The bartender comes by and puts your drink down before you, and you hand him your card.

“No, thank you, as you can see,” you gesture toward your drink before taking a sip, “I already have one.” He smiles and persists further.

“Well then, how about a name? Mine’s Brent, your gonna want to remember that when I make you scream it later tonight.” Wow, this one is bold, you think to yourself and turn in the chair to face him.

“Oh, really now?” He nods enthusiastically, and you take another sip looking at him over the rim of your glass, “You do realize lines like that do not work, right?”

He scoffs and takes a long drink, “If it’s not working, then why are you still sitting here sweet-cheeks?”

“She’s waiting for me,” a deep voice drawls behind you, and you both turn to see a man looking between you and Brent. “I’m sorry I’m late baby,” he puts an arm around your shoulder, and you look at him through narrowed eyes.

You shrug his arm off and look between the two of them. “Do I have a damsel in distress written on my forehead somewhere?” Brent looks taken aback, but the other man smiles slowly. “Listen, I’m not going to sleep with you tonight, or ever. And you, I don’t need you to come and pretend to be my boyfriend to get me out of a shit situation that I shouldn’t even be in, in the first place. But thanks.” You turn back towards the bartender who places a refill in front of you and winks.

Brent shuffles off with a huff, but when you turn, the stranger is still standing there smiling. He sits down on the recently vacated stool and orders a whiskey on the rocks. You turn to him and watch as he takes a long drink, his Adam’s apple bobbing. His hair is black and filled with curls, some of them falling over his forehead gently. You lick your lips at the way he fills out the navy t-shirt and leather jacket, his broad shoulders filling it wonderfully. He looks over at you, and his eyes are amber like the liquid in the glass he brings to his lips.

“I didn’t mean to treat you like a damsel in distress. You seem more than capable of handling it yourself. Maybe it was just me looking for an excuse to come talk to you.” You let out a little smile and shake your head.

“There is little thing called hello and a handshake that is also perfectly acceptable here on the planet Earth.” He smiles and holds out a hand; you put your hand in his and shiver at the tingles trailing up your arm. “What’s your name?” he whispers, and you tell him your name, but when you ask for his, he surprises you. “Three.”

“Three? Like the number?” He nods, “Is that like a nickname or something like that?”

He smiles in his glass, “Yeah, something like that.”

“Cryptic,” you mutter, and he lets out a booming laugh.

“What do you want to know?” He catches your eyes, and you can’t look away. His eyes draw you in like a drug, and you need your next fix.

The words come out breathier than you intend, and you feel your neck warm instantly as you let out “Everything.”

The two of you lose track of time as you play twenty questions over a couple more drinks in between glasses of water. He somehow answers all your questions, but you learn almost nothing about him. Always skirting around anything too deep and keeping the questions playful like your favorite color or favorite holiday. He is straightforward to talk to, and as the night progresses, you move closer to him, hanging on his every word and watching his lips form the words. The way they move and how much you want him to use those lips for something else.

The song changes to something slower, and the dance-floor clears out a little as people go to refresh their drinks, swarming to the bar. “Do you want to dance?” He asks, and you hesitant for a second before nodding. His hand envelopes your own, warm and calloused as he drags you toward an open space under the flashing lights.

While others might pull your back flush and grind on you, he keeps you facing him, his arms coming to your wrist and bringing your hands up around his neck. Hands trailing down your arms and to your waist as you sway together. The rest of the room disappears as he pulls you close and presses your foreheads together, his eyes baring into your own.

His hands are pressed into your hips, and he controls every movement of your body. You let out a small gasp and close your eyes as his lips gently brush yours. The room disappears until all that was left in him. Three. Nothing more than a number burned into your brain. An enigma like the man before you.

His arms came up to wrap around you as he tilts you back and swings you, and pulling you back up to him. You head like a rag doll hanging from side to side until he cups your cheek and envelops your lips with his. He consumes every single one of your senses. His cologne of sandalwood fils your nose. The whiskey and hint of peppermint on his tongue swirling in your mouth as he licks inside your mouth. Your hands entangle in the curls so soft to the touch they are like velvet running through your fingers.

“I want to make love to you,” he murmurs against your lips and pulls away, breathing heavy and holding you so close like a butterfly about to float away. “One night, that’s all I can give you.”

Your voice is quiet in the loudness of the club, but he hears you when you whisper, “what if I don’t want you to leave? What if one night isn’t enough?”

He sighs and begins pulling you toward your group of friends so you can say goodbye and collect your coat. Your friends eye the handsome stranger with mild interest as they tease you about getting laid, much to your horror. Three reaches a hand for you, and you intertwine your fingers as he pulls you onto his arm and walks out into the cold. Shivering slightly, he throws an arm around you and calls for a cab.

You give the driver your address and take the time to watch the city lights shine past. Three still has your hand tightly held in his own. You reach down with your other and give his thigh a squeeze. His head lays back in the seat and turns to you, smiling before he reaches forward and kisses you softly.

The driver coughs as you get more heated, and you tear yourself away giggling. Three pays, and both of you make your way to your apartment and up the stairs. Hands everywhere and lips following behind. When you enter the apartment, he pushes you back against the wall and kicks the door shut. Turning the passion back up to a hundred and sucking the air from your lungs.

When he breaks for air and places his forehead on your own, you take a moment to think about what you’re doing. “I can’t,” he breathes, “I can’t offer you more than tonight. My job’s not something you want to be involved in. If you want me to leave, tell me now because I don’t know if I can stop.”

You think for a moment before you pull him closer and seal your lips with his and pull away, whispering, “Please don’t leave me.”

Taglist: @oldstuffnewstuff @yespolkadotkitty @heythere-mel @justanotherblonde23 @artsymaddie @anetteaneta @lunarthoughts @aellynera @lucifer- @houseofthirst @phoenixhalliwell @chicken-ona-stick @agirllovespancakes @amberembers @santiagogarcia

Tagging who might be interested: @itspdameronthings​ @veuliee2​ @softboywriting​ @helga1031​ @be-the-spark-flyboy​ @marvel-and-mischief​ 

#Outcome 3 x reader #female reader #Outcome 3 #The Bourne Legacy #Oscar Isaac

[all1e23]

Between the Stars [Pt.3]

Pairings: Past!Steve x Reader, Bucky x  Reader

Series warnings: CHARACTER DEATH. Grief. Overall sadness. Depression. It’s pretty angsty if I’m being honest. Things mellow out as the series goes on. TW: Military/Spouse death

A/N:  Each chapter is a month since steve has been gone as a reminder because this chapter does pick up the morning after Bucky arrived home. Big thanks to my pizza love @moonbeambucky​ for looking it over for me. As always for this series, flashback are italicized. If you like it write a book report, sing me a song or come scream at me. Remember not to judge everyone too harshly till all the secrets come out. ;-)

***My fics are not to be saved or posted on any other sites without my written permission. Reblogs are my jam, though! Thanks!****

“What’s missin’ in here?” 

Bucky stood in the living room, surveying the 420 square feet, coffee in hand, and squinting. You were both tired even after finishing off a pot of coffee between the two of you. Last night ended much like it started; in tears. You weren’t sure how long you cried or how long Bucky held you. There was a lot you needed to get off your chest, a weight you let Bucky carry for a few hours. This morning the burden was back resting heavily on your heart. It was your hardship to carry after all, not Bucky’s. 

He had his own you suspected. 

You stayed quiet as you watched his eyes move around the open floor plan, glancing from the dining to the living room. His eyes flicked along the bookcases lining the staircase, the tan leather sectional, and the two cream color chairs that Steve hated. You had a massive fight over those chairs, a real knock-down-drag-out. Steve didn’t want them. “Why would we buy white furniture when we are going to have kids? They will be covered in stains.” You had argued they weren’t white, they were cream. Things only escalated when you told him you wouldn’t have kids for a few more years anyway, and by then, they would be old enough that a few stains from sticky hands would be okay. Steve had thought kids would come along much sooner, it seemed. You simply couldn’t see how that would work while he was enlisted, and he thought the two of you could get through anything together; lack of communication and assumptions. Steve slept on the couch that night. If only you could go back and say sorry, beg him to come back to bed instead of being stubborn and staying mad to prove a point. 

What you would give to be able to go back and relive it all again, even the bad moments because they always turned into the next good ones. 

Bucky took a step towards the empty space by the front window, the sound of his boots on the hardwood made your heart clench. It was hard to miss now. The whole room looked uneven, looked off. Bucky spun back around to face you and asked gently, voice barely above a whisper, “What happened to your piano?” 

You’ve been waiting for the shoe to drop since Bucky showed up yesterday evening; he spotted the change faster than Sam had. 

“I sold it.” 

Bucky didn’t move or make a sound at your admission. His face stayed impassive, and after a few moments of silence, he simply nodded. The subject was dropped. Sam had flipped his lid when he saw that you had really gone through with selling it, “You loved playing! You shouldn’t be making big decisions like that right now, ones you might regret later.” You didn’t understand why Sam was so shocked, you made it clear that you were done with that life. It didn’t bother you, so it shouldn’t worry Sam. At least, Bucky didn't care. Perhaps he was only better at hiding it; if Bucky was disappointed in you, he made no outward show of it.  

“What plans do you have today?” 

You regarded Bucky with a blank stare over your steaming mug and shrugged a shoulder. You couldn't remember the last time you made plans or filled your day with something over than hiding away in your house. Over the previous two months, your days have consisted of avoiding everyone that you could and staying locked in the safety of the walls you built with Steve. It was the one place no one could judge you for still loving your husband. 

“All right. All right.” Bucky blew out a breath and rested his elbows on the kitchen counter, immediately going into fix-it mode. “Here’s what I was thinkin’ for today--”

You couldn’t help but take in the way Bucky was leaning against the white stone as he talked about the plans he had in mind for the day, what he thought the two of you should try to accomplish today, but you weren’t listening. It wasn’t that you were actively trying to ignore him, but there was something about his hair cut that short, and the way he was watching you as he spoke made you think of times that had long since past. When you were just a bunch of kids with no idea how the world worked or what it meant to be in love. 

“Hey, Trouble.” 

The deep voice calling you made you jump, you turned to see who the culprit was and narrowed your eyes when you saw Bucky holding back his chuckle. The scowl you were giving him looked menacing enough to scare most men off, but it only made the hold Bucky had on his laughter break. You dug an elbow into his ribs, and the groan that slipped from his lips was for your benefit, you were sure. Stupid cute boy. Bucky leaned against the railing, resting on his elbows and doing everything he could to keep his eyes focused on the water rippling under the wood beneath your feet. 

You weren’t sure what reasons Bucky had when he came looking for you because he was actively avoiding meeting your gaze now that he was by your side.

“Sorry,�� Bucky said, soft and unsure. “I didn’t mean to scare you.” 

You smiled at the sincerity in his voice. Bucky rarely let himself be soft and vulnerable when everyone was gathered together like this, in party mode, but that was the side of him you saw more often than not; a secret piece of Bucky only you got to see. 

“It’s okay. I’ve seen one too many horror movies. I feel like Jason is going to come up out of the lake or something,” you said with a shiver and instinctively slid closer to Bucky, letting your arms brush against his. This time you only glanced at him out of the corner of your eye, and he was grinning as if he found something so funny about the situation the two of you were in. 

He wouldn’t find it funny when a swamp monster trudged through the mud and ate you both. 

Bucky leaned his head towards your, still eyeing that same dumb piece of wood bobbing in the rough motions of the lake, the proximity of his lips to your ear made your skin tingle, and he whispered in your ear, “I’ll protect you, Y/n. I promise I’ll always protect you.” 

You turned to face him, and he finally pulled his attention away from that ugly log so he could stare into your eyes. How could they look so blue when it was this dark outside? You swallowed the lump in your throat, worrying your already reddened lip between your teeth and whispered so softly you were scared he wouldn’t hear you, and you wouldn’t find the courage to repeat it.

“Always saving me. How’d I get so lucky to have a friend like you, Buck?”

You have no idea why you said that. It was so stupid! Yes, you were friends, and if you kept saying things like that, things would stay that way. At this rate, you were never going to get a chance to find out if there was something beyond this silly little crush you’ve developed. 

Why didn’t you tell him? Your brain hissed at you. You’re just a big scaredy-cat. 

“Y/n?” 

The firmness in Bucky’s voice brought you back, you shook your head to clear it of the times past and quickly followed it with a nod as if you were answering a question, but you had no idea what was said. Bucky didn’t mention your momentary blackout, but he did take the cup from your hands because your fingers were trembling, and you had yet to notice. You wrung them together to stop them from shaking, but they continued on.

“Have you been by to see Sarah?" Bucky asked again, picking up where he left off without missing a beat.  

You cleared your throat and shifted from one foot to the other, your guilt was shining through loud and clear. No, you had not been by. You had intended to and even tried a few times, only ever made it to the end of the driveway before you retreated back inside and crawled into your bed. It was too hard, and you didn’t think you could face her after everything. It was as if Steve was staring back at you, and that hurt more than your heart could handle. Bucky sighed and pulled your jacket off the hook hanging in the kitchen, holding it out for you to take and gently urged you, “Come on Trouble. I’ll go with you.” 

You grumbled something snarky under your breath that Bucky couldn’t make out, but it made him smile regardless. Your jacket was still hanging off his fingers, so you yanked it off and tucked it under your arm, refusing to let him win every battle today.

“I was thinkin’ we could stop in at Dixie’s on the way.” 

“I’m not hungry,” you grumped, a sour face and firm pout in place.

Bucky held the screen door for you and raised a brow with a smirk curling up the edges of lips, “I didn’t say you had to eat. I’m starving, and I’ve missed their stuffed french toast.” 

Your frown deepened at Bucky’s words and trudged across the yard through the snow to Steve’s truck. There was that stomach sinking expectation that he was trying to force you to eat, the same way everyone else did when they saw you. As if they were trying to cure your grief with casseroles and baked goods, not Bucky, though. He opened the door, and you climbed up into the passenger seat without second-guessing the action. Bucky made his way into the driver’s seat and pulled Steve’s keys out of his pocket; you never even saw him grab them.

It was quiet in the cab as Bucky fiddled with the radio, leaving it low once he had found a song he liked. You turned your gaze towards the window, and after several minutes of silence, you rolled your eyes, admitting with a huff, “I do like their french toast. They do that thing where they put the caramelized bananas on top, and the one with the cream cheese in the middle is pretty good.” 

A small smile formed, but Bucky didn’t say anything. He was smart enough to stay quiet. 

---

Despite having to face your mother-in-law for the first time in two months, you surprisingly felt better than you had this morning. All that sugar from Dixie’s helped. Even though you didn’t want to admit it, it felt good to do normal, everyday things again. Things you would have done with Steve or even before him. It didn’t make you a bad wife to go to breakfast with a friend or to order Steve’s favorite instead of avoiding it. It was okay to laugh a little when Bucky dribbled syrup down his grey Henley and missed the bit in the stubble that was beginning to grow back. Spending time outside the darkness didn’t mean you loved Steve any less or that you had to move on if you weren’t ready to. It simply meant the world continued on, and it was okay for you to do the same when it was time. 

That was a nice reminder, though, standing in front of your mother-in-law's door made it feel as if everything was at a standstill once again and the high from all that sugar was fading fast. You raised your hand to open the back door four or five times, but you couldn’t force yourself to touch the handle. Sarah had her own mourning to work through and didn’t need to add yours on top of it. She shouldn’t have to comfort you, and you were in no shape to console her.

Bucky’s knuckles ran up and down your spine to soothe the jitters you were emitting, he encouraged gently, “Go on, Trouble. She loves you. I know she’ll be excited to see you.” 

You took a deep breath and pushed the backdoor open, it creaked which made you smile. Steve would have complained about adding a little something to grease the hinges, so it wasn’t so loud. Sarah would say no, she liked to hear it squeak when you came in. Sarah’s eyes widened when you stepped through the door, but they quickly lit up with excitement. She was in the same spot as always, sitting at the kitchen table with the newspaper in front of her, thin blonde hair pulled into a bun on the top of her head, and you might have been wrong, but it looked like she was wearing one of Steve’s old shirts. Sarah pulled her glasses off, rising from her chair before you could tell her to stay. 

“Hey, sweetheart. I didn’t expect you to drop by…” 

Her words died off, and her smile quickly fell when Bucky stepped through the door, dusted off his boots on the mat, and smiled at her. It was obvious she was excited to see him, but there was a shake in her hand and a mist in her eyes no one could miss when he spoke, "Hey, Mama R." 

“I-I spoke to Winnie this morning. She didn’t think you would be stopping by right away,” Sarah stopped to give you a hug and whispered she loved you before she reached for Bucky and pulled him into a hug only a mother could provide. Bucky seemed happy to be on the receiving end, “Are you kiddin'? I had to come see you. I’m not home till I do.” 

Maybe it was what Bucky had said or the tenderness in his voice when he said, but it broke whatever glue Sarah was using to hold herself together. You took a few steps back and let your weight sag back against the counter, Bucky stood in the doorway holding Sarah, and you heard her choked whispers from where you were hiding, “Did it-- Were you there? Was it--” 

He shook his head, answering her unspoken question, was it bloody and painful. Bucky assured her, “Yeah, I was there. It was quick, and he wasn’t in any pain. I promise.” 

You met Bucky’s eyes over her shoulder, and he quickly dropped your gaze, his focus back on Sarah and comforting her the best he could. Bucky was lying. You knew him well enough to know when he was telling tall tales and right then was the tallest he’s told. Either he wasn’t with Steve when it happened, or it wasn’t as quick as he was claiming. 

Sarah was quick to wipe her eyes and pretend it never happened. She offered to make lunch, and despite your efforts to stop her by informing her you just came from breakfast, she began cooking anyway. You wanted to protest, but Bucky shook his head, so you let it go. Sarah was only trying to fix what she could, she couldn’t bring Steve back, but she could make ridiculously good turkey Reuben. Steve wasn’t mentioned the rest of the five-hour visit, and you had a feeling it was done for your benefit. It should have been a relief because the last thing you want to do is breakdown in front of Bucky or Sarah, but it only made you angry. 

Would they talk about Steve if you weren’t around? Would they share secrets and memories? Would Bucky have told her what happened to Steve if only you hadn’t come? It wasn’t fair of you to be angry with either of them, but nothing was fair about any of this. 

The ride back to your house was silent. You barely spoke five words to Bucky through lunch, and even though you promised you would soon, you weren’t sure when you would go back to Sarah’s. It wasn’t as hard as you expected, but today had been exhausting. Bucky never turned the radio on, and you were grateful. The quiet gave you a chance to hear the whistle in the wind as the trees rustled and listen for leaves blown by your window. It was a pretty whisper that made your skin prickle, you had forgotten how pretty spring could be. 

Bucky gave you space you so desperately needed once you got home. You bolted towards your bedroom the moment the front door opened. It wasn’t him you were running from. You hoped he knew that, so you left your door cracked. The stale air of your bedroom felt like you were suffocating, and the sight of your blankets in a heap on the top of your mattress only added to your unease. With the window cracked and one of Steve’s shirt now replacing yours, you slowly started to untangle the sheets and gathered your throw pillows off the floor in the corner of the room. Baby steps. That was what Sam was always telling you. So, maybe you start with making your bed. It wasn’t like anyone would know if you gave up. You were all alone. There was a soft knock on your door, and you looked up to find Bucky standing awkwardly in your doorway. 

“Everything okay?”

Bucky cleared his throat and gave you a curt nod. There was something dark in his hands, and he was gripping it so tightly you thought for sure it would rip in two. The stiffness in his frame made you stop, drop the throw pillow in your hand onto the end of the bed, and you took a step towards him. You inspected the hand he was holding out, and your chest tightened when you realized what it was.  

“I wanted to make sure you got this back.” 

Bucky brought your scarf back home. 

“He would want you to know it was with him when it happened. He had you with him when it happened.” 

You ran your fingers along the frayed threads and the new holes that were littered throughout. You could see spots where the sun had faded it, the darker pieces where he tucked it into his shirt. “I, uh, I didn’t wash it. I kept it wrapped in one of his shirts. I didn’t know if...” 

You brought it up to your nose to take a breath and smiled at the familiar earthy citrus scent. When they told you Steve was lost during a mission, you assumed you would never see it again. It was nice to hear Steve wasn’t lying all those times he told you he took it with him, it never left his side just like he promised and it was nice to have that piece of him back.

“Thank you,” you whispered.

Bucky shrugged his shoulder and gestured towards the end of the hall, where he would be if you wanted him. You weren’t going to say anything. The plan was to stay in your room for the rest of the night and wallow, but now… you didn’t want to be alone and holding that thin fabric between your fingers; you had to ask. With Steve’s scarf resting on the corner of your bed, you called out for Bucky before he could leave your sight. 

“Hm?” 

Bucky stopped short and leaned against the doorframe as if he was preparing himself for what you were about to ask. You’ve always been able to read each other, there was no doubt he knew what was coming. 

“It wasn’t quick, was it?” 

Bucky only shook his head in response. It wasn’t an answer to your question, he wasn’t going to answer you right now. He didn’t want to talk about it. Maybe that was for your benefit, or perhaps he simply couldn’t talk about it yet. Either way, you wouldn’t push him.

“W-would you want to, um, have dinner with me?” Your voice cracked when you asked. He caught it, but you pressed on, ignoring the concern darkening his eyes, “I don’t have any groceries. I haven’t been getting out much. There was a thing with a pie--” 

“Thing with a pie?” Bucky interrupted with a curious tilt of the head and playful smirk forming. 

You rolled your eyes and brushed it off with a wave of your hand. 

“It’s not important. People are nosy, and sometimes baked goods make you emotional, okay? It’s normal… Just-- nevermind. I was thinking we could heat up one of those stupid frozen dinners everyone keeps bringing by and stuffing in my freezer.” 

Bucky chuckled and waved his hand, silently telling you to lead the way, “Yeah, let’s go see what we’ve got, but I’m handling the stove.” 

“It’s just warming it up, Buck.” 

“Still,” Bucky whistled lowly, wearing that silly smirk. “I don’t wanna risk it, Trouble.” 

As hard as you tried to fight, you found yourself smiling for the first time in a long, long time. 

--

The next four weeks continued to drag on like every week since Steve has been gone. The hours crawled by, the minutes took forever to pass, and you counted the seconds until you could hide away in your room. Bucky didn’t smother you, but he did hover. He liked to check-in by walking by your room, never saying anything, just glancing towards your bed where he often found you. Bucky didn’t crowd you the way Sam had, but you knew he was taking notice of your lack of sleep and your poor eating habits from the moment he arrived. It wasn’t that you were purposely skipping meals; you had no appetite and forcing yourself to eat felt like torture some days. Your appetite had improved some since Bucky came home, but you still rarely venture out of the house or do much of anything.  Most of your days were spent hiding in your room, and your nights were spent on the back deck. 

It was the best place to stare at the stars.

That’s where Bucky found you yet again, you heard the sliding door rolling along the tracks and Bucky’s bare feet getting closer and closer with each step. Bucky was getting a glass of water like he did every night. He wasn’t the only one paying attention. Bucky slowly sat down next to you, letting his legs hang off the deck like yours but didn’t say anything. It was becoming somewhat of a nightly tradition, and most nights, you didn’t talk. Sometimes you didn’t even mind having the company, other nights weren’t so giving. You turned your head after several silent beats and looked at the man sitting next to you. Bucky gave you a small inquisitive smile, and you shrugged your shoulder. Bucky grinned and leaned his own arms on the railing, mimicking your stance and followed your gaze to the sky.

“So, why are you always out here? I come down every night, and I see you sitting in the same spot.”

It was a fair question, but the answer wasn’t so easy to give. 

“I don’t sleep much anymore.”

Bucky understood that better than most. He really did. Bucky had once told you between the things he had seen and the things he had done, he found it hard to close his eyes and rest. Sleep often meant nightmares, and lately, you had a feeling those were filled with images of Steve. Bucky gazed up at whatever set of stars you were trying to spot through the tears in your eyes, the ones you tried to hide when he came outside. 

Thankfully, Bucky would never bring them up.

“The house feels confining sometimes, but I’m not ready to leave it. It’s quiet, and my bed is cold. Empty. I don’t like it. And…” You sighed heavily and quietly admitted, “I like looking up at the stars. I feel like wherever he is, maybe he’s looking down at the same time I'm looking up. Feels like he’s not fully gone when I do that. It sounds stupid, I know.” 

“It doesn’t sound stupid, Y/n.” 

Bucky tore his eyes away from the sky and looked back at you. He shook his head and let out an amused sigh, "He used to say the same thing. A lot actually. Which didn’t make a lot of sense because our night was usually your day, but he said he liked to look up at the stars hoping you were doing the same and thinking about him." 

You smiled at the thought.

“Why are you downstairs every night? Checking up on me?” You nudged Bucky with your shoulder, and he gave you a gentle nudge back before answering.  

“Hmm. Nightmares. Things I’d rather not see a lot of. I try to avoid them if I can.” 

You hummed in understanding. Even if he hadn’t confided in you years ago about the things that haunted him when he closed his eyes, you knew about nightmares. You were constantly running from yours. The bags under your eyes and the constant yawning was the first sign that sleep no longer came easily. 

“Come on, Trouble,” Bucky urged you as he slowly stood and held his hand out for you. You looked up at him, brow furrowed with a question burning in your eyes; it was three in the morning, where could he possibly want to take you?

“Come on?” you repeated, hoping he would elaborate. 

“Let’s go lay down.” 

Your face went dark, and you looked back up at the stars, shutting down the offer. You couldn't sleep. Bucky tucking you in wouldn't change that. The bed was far too big now, with a cold side that never felt right and left you with an empty chest when you woke. 

"I’ll hold you until you fall asleep. I’ll stay with you, so it doesn’t feel so empty,” Bucky whispered as if he knew all the thoughts bouncing around your head. You slowly reached out and took his hand, letting him help you to your feet. He didn’t let go. Bucky held your hand as he led you through the house. He paused at your bedroom door and waited. It was the space you shared with Steve, and he wasn’t going to step into that territory unless you made it clear it was okay to do so. 

“Can you wait a second?” You whispered. 

Bucky nodded and released your hand so you could slip behind the door. A few minutes later, you stepped into the hallways wearing a baby blue tank top and matching cotton shorts, holding a pillow to your chest. It was Steve’s. You both knew it was. There was no reason to dwell on it or make an outward admission. You waited for Bucky to grab your hand and lead you back to the guest room that he had moved into, staring at his bed covered in more than enough pillows you’re filled with a bit of embarrassment and remorse. 

Bucky was only trying to help. 

“I’m sorry--” 

Bucky quickly pulled you into his arms and shook his head, soothing you with all those pillows bearing witness, “Don’t. You have nothing to be sorry for. Some wouldn’t understand, but I do. I get it. We’re okay, Y/n."  

You nodded even though you didn't feel any better about it, and glanced at his bed. It was the same size as yours, but this one looked much smaller now that you were sharing it with someone else. It’s been nearly two years since you shared a bed with someone else, and you weren’t sure if it was better or worse than sleeping alone.

Steve was always the big spoon. Always. There were rare moments when he would let you carry his troubles and let you hold him, but those didn’t come along often. You didn’t want to do that. It felt wrong even though there wasn't anything indecent about Bucky's offer. The offer was derived from his love for Steve, and for you, he was worried about you, and it was plain to see despite his best efforts to show you otherwise. You could give him an inch, and sleeping didn’t sound so bad after all the nights you have spent struggling to rest. Bucky waited for you to get comfortable; finally, you settled on your side, facing him with Steve’s pillow resting comfortably behind your back as if Steve was holding you, and he gave you a small smile. 

You were stiff when he wrapped his arm around you and pulled you towards him, so your head rested on his chest. It felt odd to let someone other than Steve hold you. Not that you haven't curled up next to Bucky on the couch during a movie or held his hand at Coney island. You’ve felt his lips on your forehead more times than you could count. That was a long time ago, though. Back when you all were just friends, and you thought maybe Bucky had feelings for you. Before that night, the night that changed everything, before vows had been exchanged and the Army, Bucky always seemed to be buzzing around you. He would walk you to class, bring lunch by your dorm whenever he could, Bucky would stay long after everyone else went home and held your hand whenever it was free to hold. 

There was a second, a fleeting twinkle when you thought he was finally going to admit he had feelings for you but, Bucky never said anything. 

Then Steve happened. 

Things between you and Bucky changed fairly quickly once Steve kissed you. Bucky no longer reached for your hand when it was bare. He was quiet. Distant. It took a few months before Bucky finally seemed to be himself again when the three of you were together. Things had changed, you didn't blame him. Steve had, only a little before you talked some sense into him and assured him it would take time for everyone to get used to the new dynamic. Steve had said, Bucky better get used to it because this, you and him, was forever. Forever wasn't quite as long as you or Steve thought it turned out.

“Did Steve ever tell you about the time I caught him fighting two guys double his size behind that old Pizza Hut, holding nothing but one of those red plastic trays as some sorta shield?” 

You chuckled through your sniffles and shook your head as best you could against his chest. The tension in your shoulders lifted enough that you began to relax, and Bucky ran a hand up and down your arm to help take the rest of the weight you were forcing on yourself.

“No, what happened?” 

Bucky snorted, and you knew the look he was wearing. The same look of indignation he wore every time Steve ran headfirst into trouble without thinking of the consequences. 

“Nothin’ good. Little punk ended up with a broken nose, and I lost most of my paycheck tryin' to cool them off enough to leave before they pummeled him into the ground. Then he gets mad at me for stepping in.” 

You tucked your head further into his chest to hide your smile and mumbled against the soft cotton of his shirt. “Lemme guess, he had it under control?” 

Bucky gave your arm a squeeze and confirmed, “Yeah, he had it under control.” 

“Tell me more stories.” You begged quietly, “Please?” 

Bucky was quiet for a few moments, and then his chest rumbled under your ear, “Let’s see, all right. All right. I got one. In fifth grade--” 

Bucky talked until your breath evened out, and soon you were snoozing soundly against his chest. He hoped tonight your nightmares would give you both one night of peaceful sleep, but he wasn’t counting on it. 

The night was coming to an end, and you spent most of it watching Wanda attempting (and failing) to stop Pietro from flirting with every girl present, Clint and Nat making out by the fire all night long and Sam having several serious conversations with Bucky. Dot was still fawning all over Bucky after she got her claws in him and pulled him off the dock and away from you. Not that, that was unusual when everyone got together. She was always all over Bucky. Everyone seemed to have someone and that someone wasn’t you. Even Steve was avoiding you tonight for a reason you couldn't begin to understand. Maybe it was time to throw in the red Solo cup and head home. 

“Y/n?” 

You spun around to see Steve standing behind you, looking out of sorts and a little nervous.  “Hey, Stevie.” 

“Hey. Hi...” Steve gnawed his bottom lip and stared at the fire in front of you, trying to process something by the look in his eyes. He was struggling with something, and you were starting to worry something was seriously wrong. 

“Are you okay, Steve?” 

“Am I okay?” Steve echoed your words. You giggled at the way his brow crumbled, and his nose scrunched up while he thought your question over, making him grin.

“Screws this,” Steve whispered. 

Steve tossed his cup in the fire and took two long strides into your space, cupping your face in both hands, and his lips were on yours before anyone knew what was happening. There were a few whistles and shouts from your idiot friends, but you didn’t notice any of them. All you could see at that moment was Steve. His lips were softer than you pictured, and your heart jumped in a way you didn’t think was possible from one silly kiss. It wasn’t anything indecent, but it was enough to make your knees go weak, and your breath stutter when he finally pulled away Steve pressed his forehead against yours, still cradling your face in his hands when he apologized. 

"Sorry. I really love that laugh." 

Your heart fluttered, and your fingers tightened around his wrists, hopeful it would be enough to keep you standing when the ground drops out from under you a second time.

"You kissed me because you love my laugh?" 

Steve’s cheeks turned a pretty rosy color. His embarrassment wasn't enough to make him let you go just yet. "Yeah, I guess I did.” 

You paused for a beat. 

“How long have you wanted to do that?”

Steve smiled in that sweet, shy way you’ve always liked and whispered just loud enough for you to hear over the noise of the party and the fire raging next to you, “Pretty much from the moment I met you. I mean, It’s you, Y/n. Who wouldn’t want to kiss you?” 

A bright grin stretched across your face, and you stepped back out of his hold, holding your hand out for him to take. Steve took your hand but pulled you back into his arms, this unusual display of confidence coming from him was disarming.

“I was thinking about heading home, but I’m suddenly starving. Wanna go get some cheese fries and drive me home?” 

“Yeah, yeah, we can do that.I’ll go anywhere if I get to go with you,” Steve promised with a grin.  

Your eyes snapped open, and you stared up at the guest room ceiling, trying to catch your breath without waking Bucky. You hated that thinking about that night, let alone dreaming about it and having to see it all play out.  It used to be one of your favorite memories. You would beg Steve to replay the details as if he was reading from the pages of some silly storybook and now you couldn’t stand the slightest hint of that night. Your breath wasn’t steadying, it was only getting worse, and you could feel the panic building, clawing at your throat. You slowly slipped out of bed, leaving Bucky sleeping soundly and retreated to the safety of your room. Closing the door behind you, you flipped the lock, and your legs finally gave out from under you. You slid down the wall, unable to stop your tears you’ve been holding in since you woke.

Sam kept telling you to give it time. It would take time, lots of time to heal, but you didn’t think you could keep going on this way. Not when your own memories are there to torment you. You would give everything you had to simply forget. Forget it all -- his death, the phone call, all of your fights and the makeups, too. The bad and the good. You’d trade the memory of all his kisses if you could just let go of this hurt. 

This wasn’t how fairytales were supposed to end, maybe it was all a lie from the start. Perhaps you were never meant to end with a happy ever after. 

Previous //  Next 

#past!Steve Rogers x reader #bucky barnes x reader #bucky barnes x you #bucky barnes x y/n #bucky x you #bucky x reader #bucky x y/n #alternate universe #james buchanan barnes #james bucky barnes #tw: military death #tw: character death #tw: death of a spouse #tw: depression

[the-second-tonks]

Hey Tani! I’d like to be apart of your game and send in a request for Marvel please. I’d like everything you have to offer me.

Facts about me: My pronouns are she/her, I’m 5’5, I’m black, I have short black wildly curly hair. I have deep brown eyes often mistaken for black. I’m a Libra Sun, Leo Moon, Capricorn Ascendant, Leo Venus, Scorpio Mercury, Sagittarius Pluto, and MC Scorpio. I’m sassy and sarcastic. I’m an INTJ. I’m really funny and creative. I get jealous easily. I have a hard time with my emotions and being vulnerable to others. I also have really bad coping mechanisms. I might potentially have anger issues. I have trust and commitment issues. I can get very clingy. I’m pretty straightforward, but sometimes I’ll hide how I feel to appease others. I’m very intelligent. I’m an introvert, but once I get know you and feel comfortable around you I’m very silly, loud, and chaotic. I’m pretty tough. I’m really passionate about things, maybe because a lot of things really resonates with me and I’m able to find a real life connection with things sometimes. I like to think I’m romantic. I’m often daydreaming. I can be arrogant, narcissistic, and selfish at times. I usually see and assume the worst of people before anything else.

Likes: Music, dancing, singing, cooking, writing, drawing, researching, and reading. Food, cherries, roses, Disney World, Disney, binge watching. Nature, especially water. Doja Cat. History, Science, Language Arts, Psychology, Biology, and Astrology.

Dislikes: Messes, drama starters, people quick to anger, slackers, people less efficient than me, people who try too hard, people who think they’re better than others, eggs, sushi, and seafood.

Hii Alex!! I'm so happy you're participating . You added the info about wearing glasses and loving cats , so here you go !!

Thank you for participating !

Your power is

High IQ

Definitely , I don't have any doubts . This suits you very well . Your high IQ will definitely bring you into limelight . Your IQ will be very helpful to the Avengers for creating new stuffs and things , new suits , new theories , etc . You'll be a very great addition in the team . I'm very sure you'll have a suit designed for yourself . Your IQ might even overtake Bruce and Tony , Peter too . They all will always consider you as their best lab partner and will wait for you do that you all could start working together. You will be one of the brightest Avengers ofcourse and also to add , your decision is going to matter a lot . Sometimes everyone might even go with it because you calculate everything and then declare your decision .

Your life with the Avengers

so , your backstory . Being a member of a very normal family , you never expected yourself to be so different until you were answering tough questions of high standard science in middle school . Your IQ was very appreciated by your school , your parents , your friends and the world . And so from Tony Stark and the Avengers . But , since your IQ was very high , you wanted to do further studies . Asking your mom and dad for funds , they couldn't provide you , which angered you very much . Setting out for an internship , you came across Tony Stark . Ypu joined them in the age of Ultron movie and fitted very well int he group . All of them adored you and you liked them back . But soon , you found someone who was so good to you , Natasha (okay I know I shipped you earlier and it was Nat as your bestfriend but right now , I'm leaning more towards Peter Parker as your bestfriend) . So nat was a good friend but meeting Spiderman in civil war , go you a bestfriend , Peter !!

You and him , both were in the bus when his senses tingled . He nudged you and you both launched towards the strange looking spaceship as soon as Ned created the disturbance . You summoned your suit from the Avengers tower and readied yourself for the fight .

Soon , you ended up from following Peter into the spaceship despite Tony's order to fighting the strange creatures in the war beside Black Panther, Captain and Nat . You fought bravely , until everything fell down and people started disappearing . Wishing Peter and Tony (also the rest) to be alive , you went back with the team . Getting to know that your bestfriend disappeared and your lover was in pieces , you set out to bring Peter and others back .

Succeeding in it , you were with Tony throughout the Endgame . Ending the war happily , you smiled at Peter and Tony . Returning back with everyone , almost everyone alive , you locked yourself in the room to handle your crazy emotions over the loss of Natasha and others .

Your bestfriend would be

Peter Parker !

"How in the earth did you-" Peter huffed while speaking this . You both had challenged eachother on who would finish the reaction first . And guess what ? Who had won it . Peter slammed the book shut , sad at his loss . You smiled at him teasingly and spoke "So , Spiderboy" you smirked . According to the challenge , if he would loose it, you'd call him spideyboy , which he hated ofcourse . But you also loved him as a friend . You couldn't see him sad ofcourse . Clearing your throat , you began singing a song which was slow and happy . He smiled a bit with his head down . You got up manly and offered him your hand , asking him to dance . He took it , half laughing already . Okay , for a few seconds you both did dance , sophisticated . But later , you both were dance juggling your bodies at your own wish , doing weird steps and jumps to make each other laugh . Ending with this , you both plopped down on the bed with a smile and another beautiful memory in your brains . You slowly got up and walked to the kitchen of Peter's home , exiting his room . Taking in your hand-made dish you had made for the meet-up you and Peter had , you carefully walked up . Peter had already smelled the food and was all excited to execute the plan in his brain . As soon as you opened the door , the plate in your hand was smashed right on your face .

After a 'small' fight and cleaning the mess , you were back in the kitchen but with Peter this time ..

Your s/o would be

Tony Stark !

You smiled at the thought of working with Tony alone today . Bruce was on a holiday since he wanted to go on a date with Natasha . Entering the Avengers tower and greeting F.R.I.D.A.Y , you walked to the lab . Surprised at not being greeted by Tony , you looked around the empty lab , expecting Tony to be in a corner , working on something . But nothing , except for a note on your workspace . It said

'Find the code : Iodine Livermorium Yttrium , 111 '

You sat with the note , confused as hell . Trying the atomic number , adding them , subtracting them , adding the half , subtracting the other and every other pattern , adding up the atomic weight , doing every arithmetic possibility with them but nothing. You got nothing until your brain told you to see it alphabetically and not numerically . Checking it out with detailed eyes , you figured out only one thing , which wasn't possible. 111 indicated checking the alphabets of the number in each word . Writing them down, you noticed 'I L Y' the abbreviation of I love/like you . For a second, your excellent mind went blank , only possibilities it could see was either someone had got to know about your feelings for Tony or maybe Tony wanted to say this to you . You ran your hand through your short hair in frustration , removing your glasses for a while . Suddenly , the door of the lab opened again, revealing the man which made your face go pale . You weren't able to move , but he was being so casual . Smiling , moreover smirking , he spoke "Did your cat catch your tongue ?" . Before you could reply , he walked over to your desk , peeping over your shoulder and speaking "Oh , so you figured it out huh? I thought you wouldn't get it until I return from setting up our date .."

Now , I'll leave it to you if you wanna say yes or no ◉‿◉

I hope you liked it !

Thank you for participating !

#tani plays games #game for you all #tony stark #tony stark x reader #avengers life #marvel avengers #avengersedit #marvel ships #marvelheroes #marvel #peter parker x fem #peter parker x tony stark #peter parker #peter parker x platonic!reader #ship request #ship requests #send in requests #Alex✨

[hearteyesbowen]

Idk if anyone has asked you this but I was watching josh’s live yesterday and all the faces he makes when he sings are adorable anyways I was wondering if you could write something where he doesn’t like the faces that he makes and he gets self conscious about them but you reassure him that they are cute and that you adore the faces he makes.

livestream ☆ joshua bassett

joshua finally lets y/n stay with him while he does a livestream, but she tends to distract him without her even knowing it

warnings: fluff, shorter than what i usually write

♡ ♡ ♡ ♡

“Please, Josh, I promise I won’t do anything bad.”

“No, because I’m going to be in the middle of talking to my fans or singing a song and then you’re going to do something that catches my attention and suddenly I have to explain to everyone who I’m looking at, again.” Josh argued.

You pouted, slouching on his soft bed. You reached for Franklin, his teddy bear, and cuddled it close to you as you plopped back on the bed. You sighed loudly, making sure to let him know your despair.

Josh watched you overreact on the blankets he left messy on the mattress. He was sat at the same chair in front of his desk that he always sat at when he does live videos. He thought you looked adorable at how you begged to be with him.

He remembered the first time he allowed you to stay with him during a live video. You were on his bed and admiring him from far away as he sung. Every time he sang a song or engaged with his fans, you could tell how happy he was. After he sang a Bruno Mars song, you felt giddy inside, so you silently clapped your hands together as to not make a sound. Josh noticed you and blushed while he stared at you. This erupted thousands of comments on both his live and his Instagram posts about who he was with and if he had a girlfriend. Of course, he didn’t get mad at you, but it was hard to convince everyone that it wasn’t you and only a friend, since you were often questioned on social media if you were Josh’s “mystery girl.” It’s also why you were not allowed to be with him anymore during his livestreams, just to be sure he wouldn’t have to do any other clarifying.

As for your relationship with each other, it was somewhat complicated. You both knew you have some sort of feelings for each other. You went on a couple of dates, a lot of them staying over at one’s house and watching movies. Neither of you had made anything official, your guess was that he wanted to take things slow. However, it didn’t dawn upon you how slow he liked to be.

You sat up and gently placed Franklin on his pillow before you stood up and walked over to Josh. He raised his eyebrows at you, wondering what you were about to do. You motioned for him to move his hands from his lap so you could sit. Once he held his hands up, you sat down on his lap and held your arms around his neck while he held you at your waist.

“Please?” You begged one last time, taking off the hat he wore under his hoodie and throwing it on the wooden surface next to him.

Finally, Josh groaned, pinching the bridge of his nose. “You can stay in my room, but no distractions.”

You smiled widely, tightening your arms around him for a hug. You heard a small laugh escape his lips as you stuffed your face into his neck. You pulled away and took a glimpse at his red lips, noticing how much softer they looked today. The room was silent, as if everything stopped. You gazed at each other for what seemed like years, just you two. All you could think of was how nice it would be to have your lips on his, holding onto his body tightly.

As if he read your mind, Josh slowly leaned up, hesitantly reaching for your lips. You both tried inching closer, but it was clear how nervous you were. Your lips were still somewhat far, but it didn’t stop the anxiousness you felt the more the space between you closed. You had never kissed anyone yet, so the feeling you felt as his breath fanned over your lips sent shivers down your spine.

The alarm on Josh’s phone went off, making you both jump slightly. You tapped the screen to check the time, seeing it was only five minutes before he said he would go live.

You turned back to him and patted his chest. “You should get ready.”

Josh sat there, silently frustrated at himself for not making the move. You stood up and threw yourself on his bed, reflecting on the past two minutes that you could have changed.

➢➣ ➢➣

Halfway through Josh’s livestream, you stopped paying attention to him. You loved listening to him and sing, you could listen to him forever, but the memory of your possible first kiss engulfed your brain every time you even heard his voice.

Now you were lying down on your back, holding your phone up high above your head with your headphones plugged into your ears as you blocked out Josh’s voice as best as you could. Usually his livestreams don’t last too long, but it felt like it’s been an hour already.

Clearly you were lost into thought, too busy scrolling through Twitter, that you didn’t even notice when the mattress sank down by your legs. Josh crawled over the bed, resting his hands on either side of your head and his knees between yours. Soon your screen was covered when a curly-haired boy shoved his head between your arms, forcing you to wrap your hands around his head. His face expressed worry the more you stared at him without talking.

“You’re less talkative than you usually are, what happened?” Josh wondered.

You shrugged, not letting out a single noise. He huffed, lightly blowing some of the curls away from his head, and plopped himself down next to you on his bed. You let him rest his head on your arm once he went to cuddle your torso, leaving your other hand to mess with your own hair. Instantly, the warmth of his body clutching yours overcame the uneasy feelings you had earlier.

“What were you looking at?”

Josh took your phone from the other side of your hip and tapped in the passcode, the day of your first date. The Twitter app opened, showing your timeline of tweets from the people you followed.

“Some of your fans are already posting screenshots from your live.” You murmured as you see the first screen recording of Josh.

A silent groan escaped his lips the more he watched the clip. He sang “Say You Won’t Let Go” by James Arthur, one of your favorite songs. You giggled as you watch him struggle hitting the lower notes, scrunching up his nose and his repeated use of the word “yikes.”

Josh had enough of watching that clip and exited the app. He went to the Instagram app and typed in his username, then going to his tags. Numerous screen recordings and photos of his livestream were being posted by the minute. Curious, he tapped the most recent one of him singing yet another song.

You stopped paying attention to the video, now only watching his face in disgust as he watched himself. You pouted, using your free hand to remove your phone away from his grasp and pushed aside some of the hair still framing his forehead.

“What ails you, dear?” You ask, holding back a laugh from your choice of words.

He raised an eyebrow at you, grinning for a second before sighing. “I make the stupidest faces when I sing.”

You pushed yourself up, using your arm to hold you up. Josh still lying down, he covered his face with his hands.

“Why do you think that?”

“Look at me!” He reached for your phone and quickly finding a clip to show you. “Why do I look like that?”

“I think it’s cute.” You argue, pushing his hands off his head.

Josh grumbled, almost ripping out the locks of his hair. “But I feel like I look like an idiot. I’m always making those dumb faces, like I can’t even sing normally. I hate seeing myself sing because then I just get self-conscious.”

“Joshua, you’re being so overdramatic. You look perfectly fine. If anything, your fans love the cute little movements you make.” You reassure.

He studied your face for any hints of deceit. You smiled, feeling the heat rise to your cheeks the more he watched you.

Josh finally sat up, your faces now inches apart. The tingling feeling you felt in your stomach a while ago came back. His fingers crept onto your cheek, pushing aside some of the hair by your eyebrow.

“You shouldn’t have to feel insecure about how you look, Josh. You’re literally the cutest guy in the world.”

Your whisper set off a sudden new confidence in him, something that he had been trying to discover since your first date.

“I am?” He wondered with little bits of disbelief from your comment.

The tips of your noses touched, and you hitched your breath. This has been the closest you two have ever gotten. You were not going to chicken out of this one, not again, at least.

You pushed your lips onto his, leaving a short peck on his lips. The new feeling of someone kissing someone set fire to your body. Once you pulled away, your eyes grew wide at Josh’s surprised expression. His mouth was slightly agape, eyes still wide open.

The corners of his lips curved upwards, forming his familiar smile. “Why’d you pull back?”

That phrase barely left you enough time to think about what just happened, as Josh crashed his lips back to yours. Your eyes widened at his sudden move, but you soon relaxed as the feeling of his lips on yours became more important than anything.

You reached up behind his head and clutched his hair, making Josh let out a soft moan. His hands snaked your waist as he pushed you back down on the bed, hovering over you again.

It wasn’t the most experienced kiss at first, but you quickly found your way. Nothing between you two has ever felt more passionate. Your lips moved slowly, still captivated by the thought of you being with each other.

Josh pulled away, lingering one last kiss on your swollen lips. Your eyes blissfully fluttered open, soon looking up at his red, smiling face.

“If I knew that talking about my insecurities meant you would finally kiss me, I would have done it much sooner.” He joked, reaching down to capture your lips on his once more.

A/N - sorry this is short and late i was finishing up with some online school work but now im on spring break so hopefully i can get another post this saturday !! also another sorry for the person who requested this , i was trying to finish my other drafts before i started requests , i hope u like it (: next post is the second part to twenty-dollar baby so be on the lookout <3 love y’all xx

#ricky bowen imagine #ricky bowen x reader #ricky bowen #ricky bowen blurbs #ricky bowen fluff #ricky bowen angst #ricky bowen oneshot #joshua bassett x reader #joshua bassett imagine #joshua bassett #joshua bassett oneshot #joshua bassett blurbs #joshua bassett fluff #joshua bassett angst #hsmtmts #hsmtmts imagine

[sasa-writes-fandom-things]

Love on the menu

Fandom: Haikyuu

Pairing: Kotaro Bokuotxf!reader

Summary: Spending the merriest day of the year at work in an old diner seemed like a horrible idea but spending it with your handsome coworker from abroad, might turn out better than expected.

Words: 2.4k+

Warnings: SMUT, a bit fluff, misunderstanding, Exchange Student AU

A/N: My first time writing for Haikyuu and for Bo. Part of this wonderful server collab! <3

Another cheesy Christmas song was blaring out of the shabby jukebox. The old but cozy 24/7 diner lay quiet and deserted on the otherwise busy main street. Usually there was always a lot to do here and the young exchange student with the gray and black hair hardly had time to ponder or mop up.

But today, one evening before Christmas, things were different. To this day, Bokuto did not understand why he had swapped shifts with his colleague. He sighed resignedly as he cleared the last empty cups from one of the tables. Maybe he was just too nice. After all, his colleague had a wife and child and wanted to be at home for the holidays. Bokuto, on the other hand, was alone, his friends and family were in Japan and he was stuck here in the pampa.

A clanking noise from the kitchen startled him and alarmed he went back to look. There on the cold, worn linoleum floor he found you kneeling and cursing under your breath. And while watching you pick up what used to be a glass, he couldn't help thinking that maybe he hadn't drawn such a bad lot after all.

“Be careful not to cut yourself, (Y/N).”

You looked up and shot your colleague an annoyed look. Working only one day before Christmas got on your nerves and in a childlike fit you stuck out your tongue. Bokuto couldn’t help but laugh at your behavior. “Here let me help you.” He offered and knelt down beside you. “Thanks, Bo.” You quickly but away the shards while he swept the floor. He dismissed your thanks with a short wave of his hand. “Anytime, (Y/N).” He beamed at you while his golden orbs sparkled in the bright kitchen light.

You enjoyed working with Bokuto from the moment he started his first shift. He was friendly, always so energetic and a really good guy. Sure sometimes he could go overboard with his enthusiasm for volleyball but you admired him for having such passion. The doorbell chimed and announced the next customer. No time to think about your wonderful and more than handsome co-worker.

“Have a Merry Christmas, sir.” You said your goodbye to the latest customer with a big and honest smile. Lost in thought you looked outside the window, watching the people hurry from one shop to another, getting those famous last minute Christmas presents. You leaned on the counter and looked over to Bokuto who stood next to you.

“How come that you’re not with your family in Japan?”

“Flights are expensive.” He shrugged his shoulders and with a sly smile he added. “And I couldn’t let you work the shift with Donnie, now could I?” You smacked his upper arm playfully.

“I bet Donnie wouldn’t be such an effective support, given the fact that he would be busy admiring you all the time…”

“Stop it! I swear to God I will never tell you anything anymore!”

Bokuto just laughed and crossed his arms before his chest.

“All I am saying is that if you know about his feelings, why not give him a chance?”

You groaned and opened one of the glass domes on the counter. While nibbling on a delicious brownie you thought about his suggestion. Maybe Bokuto was right, maybe poor Donnie deserved a chance. An image of your colleague crossed your mind and a shiver ran down your spine. Nope, Donnie was a real sweetheart but he just wasn’t your type. There was no use in going out with him when you didn’t find him attractive. It would only make him hope and you didn’t want to hurt his feelings.

Bokuto was still waiting for an answer and his intense but questioning look made your cheeks hot for some reason. “He deserves a chance with a girl who wouldn’t pretend to be interested in him just to spare his feelings.”

Bokuto nodded in agreement. “Very thoughtful of you, (Y/N). Maybe he would have better luck with Nancy.” He contemplated while grabbing himself a blueberry muffin. You giggled lightly. “Yeah, maybe that would work better. Have you noticed that every time Nance sees him he adjusts her hair and pushes her cleavage down a bit?” Bokuto shook his head. “Slipped my mind, I am not paying much attention to Nance anyway.” He admitted and took another bite from his muffin.

Somehow that confession made your heart skip a beat. Everyone paid attention to Nancy. Even you did, Nancy was gorgeous. Full plump lips, big reindeer eyes and an hourglass shape. You on the other hand, well let’s just say that on some days you felt utterly ugly next to her.

Your shift was only half way over when suddenly it started to snow. It was beautiful. The street looked straight out of some Christmas movie with the snow and the lights. But over the next hour the snow fall increased drastically. With a mixed feeling you were trying to get a clear TV signal. “It looks like a real blizzard out there.” Bokuto said with a worried expression. “Seems like we’re gonna be stuck here for at least some more hours.” You gave up on getting a signal and joined Bokuto in front of the huge window.

Worried you hugged yourself in an attempt to gain some comfort. You felt a couple of strong arms hugging you to a large and warm body. Surprised you looked up to the foreigner. “You looked like you needed a hug.” You felt safer almost instantly and subconsciously you leaned into his embrace. “At least the power is still on.” You sighed and watched the snow pile up.

Wind and snow whipped along the now deserted street. The door rattled in the strong draft and the bell hardly gave any rest. “It’s kinda romantic, huh.” Bokuto mumbled above your head. “What? Snowed in with your co-worker?” You mumbled back with a hint of sarcasm.

“More like snowed in with a beautiful girl, who needs a comforting hug from her big, strong co-worker.”

“You’re being totally cheesy now.” You tried to joke but a faint blush dusted your cheeks nevertheless. You couldn’t deny that this young man peeked your interest. With those golden eyes and his cheery personality he easily made his way into your heart.

“I meant it, (Y/N).”

“Pff ya, ya. Sure…”

“I am serious. You are pretty!”

“Pretty needy, you mean.”

“(Y/N)! Stop putting yourself down and look at me!”

Just when you gathered all your courage to look him in the eyes, a strong blow whistled over the diner and all the lights went out on the whole street. Shocked, you blinked in the darkness, trying to make out your surroundings. With a thumping heartbeat you realized that you were still in Bokutos arms. Hurriedly you tried to get out of his strong arms but in an attempt to do so you managed to stumble and pulled him with you when you fell.

“(Y/N), are you ok?” A soothing soft voice asked in the blackness. You were laying flat on your back and Bokuto was hunched over you, trying to put all his weight on his forearms and not bury you underneath him. Although the thought of you trapped underneath him, only held in place by his body-weight made a tingle run down his spine and settled with a simmer of desire in his lower region.

“I am ok, just hit my head.” You breathed with a yelp of pain shot through your brain. “That will leave a bruise for sure.” You noticed that Bokuto made no move to get up. Heat rose to your cheeks and to the throb in your head another throb much lower joined in.

“Ehm, Bo… Could you … move?”

He blinked several times but his brain couldn’t process the request properly. All his thoughts were set on you, how your small body felt under his own, how your sweet breath fanned over his heated cheeks and how you would taste if he just leaned in.

A couple of seconds went by where nothing happened and then everything happened at once.

Under the cover of darkness you let your hands roam over his chest up to his neck where you buried your fingers in his silken roots. Bokuto understood your intention and lowered his face to just stop mere centimeters away from your lips.

A shared heartbeat went by and then his lips were on yours. He kissed you with such eagerness that you wouldn’t have expected from him. Willingly you deepened the kiss when you felt his tongue licking over your bottom lip.

Panting after just one kiss you separated for only a couple of much needed breaths before you pulled him back to you again.

“Is this really happening?” You breathed between kisses. The lights were still out and you could only make out schemes of his face. He sealed your lips with a hot kiss and proceeded to leave open mouthed kisses on your neck. “I stop if you aren’t sure, but I meant what I said earlier.”

He stopped peppering your neck and exposed cleavage with kisses and straightened up, giving you space to think. You nibbled at your swollen lip and your thoughts were running wild in your head.

Bokuto could feel your restraint and as he really cared for you, he wouldn’t push or persuade you into doing something with him. So he did the only logical thing and got up. Still a bit hazy from the steaming make out session you needed a few moments to catch your breath and sort your feelings. And if things weren't even complicated enough the lights sprang back on with an electric zing.

“Perfect timing…” Bokuto remarked dryly and tried to fix his messy hair. You felt like you needed to explain yourself to him. It wasn’t that you didn’t want him. By God you wanted him but not like this. Not for a fling. You cared too much about him and your friendship to ruin it in a heat of passion.

“Bokuto, I…” You coughed slightly, making him fixate you with those owl-like eyes. 

“No need to explain, (Y/N). I get it. No hard feelings.”

“Wait, it’s not that I…”

“Really, it’s okay for me. You made yourself pretty clear back there.”

“Bo, wait! I want to explain!”

But he didn’t listen to you and went into the kitchen. You hated that look on his face. His expression switched between longing, lust and pure agony. So you followed him into the kitchen.

“Bo, I really want to explain why I didn’t, you know back there!” You desperately wanted to set things straight. He needed to know that it wasn’t his fault and that he didn’t do anything wrong. Bokuto stood with his back facing you, putting away the clean dishes from the dishwasher.

“Bo, would you look at me please.” No reaction.

“Bokuto please!” He still put away the dishes and paid you no mind.

“Kotaro! Look at me!”

You demanded with a stern voice. Using his first name let him finally halt his actions. “I would rather not face you right now, (Y/N). Please I said you don’t need to explain yourself. Just give me some time, okay?” He pleaded breathlessly. The raw emotion in his voice made you back off a bit. A sigh escaped you and you pressed your lips together.

After a couple of minutes where neither of you moved a muscle, Bokuto couldn’t stand it and turned around to make sure you were gone. But to his surprise you were still standing a couple of feet away from him. Seeing the true reason why he didn’t want to face you, heat pooled between your thighs.

“Bokuto, you…” You trailed off. “Kinda pathetic. Just a couple of kisses make me into this!” He pointed to the bulge in his pants. You licked over your suddenly dry lips and tried to swallow. Vigorously you shook your head. “I don’t think it is pathetic.” You kept moving closer slowly. “I think it’s flattering… for me I mean.” Heat shot to your cheeks.

Standing in front of him you could feel the heat he radiated, making you forget that you wanted to wait or that you wanted to set things straight. Women are only human beings too and right now your primal instincts were taking over.

You placed one hand on his chest and the other one gripped his hard on through his pants.

“We really need to talk after that as I don’t want that to be a one time thing!” You purred while massaging his cock. Bokuto gulped audibly and his hands were tangled in your hair a second later. “That is also in my mind!”

He leaned down and pressed his lips on your pulse point and sucked hard. A moan escaped your open mouth and you threw your head back. You directed him to one of the kitchen counters while his mouth never left your neck.

His hands were opening the blouse, almost ripping off the buttons. You chuckled slightly, he was so eager. But with the burning desire to feel him entirely you didn’t mind his eagerness at all. Bokuto switched your positions and now you were sitting on one counter. His clothed cock pressing against your heated core, making you both moan audibly.

“There is no stopping me now!” Bokuto warned you with dark eyes and ragged breath. “I have no intentions to.” You responded by pulling at his belt and freeing his cock seconds later. “Not anymore!”

You hissed and arched your back when he entered you in one swift motion. The feeling of his hot thick cock buried deep inside you made you shiver and you had to cling to his shoulders for support. His rhythm was fast and hard. He fucked you like a man starved on that cold stainless steel surface.

It ended as heated as it had started, he only lasted a couple of strokes after you had cum around him with strong and trembling contractions. You both bathed in the afterglow, caressing each other and sharing tender kisses.

“That was the best Christmas ever!”

“You are such a dork.”

“And you just had sex with that dork.”

Amused you shook your head. “That was a quickie at best.” His eyes lightened up like the sun itself and his lips turned into a sinister smile. “Then it will be my pleasure to show you real sex with that dork!” You shivered at his promise and pulled him in for another kiss. “I like that idea.”

“Merry Christmas, dork.”

#sasa writes #hawtn'horny #haikyuu x reader #bokuto x reader #kotaro bokuto #server collab

[tamagochiie]

--would you be so kind [tsukishima kei]

genre: fluff/slight angst 

pairing: tsukishima kei x reader 

song: would you be so kind by dodie

synopsis: you’ve fallen for quite a boy and what’s the best way to confess to someone if not during the school festival? 

wc: 2.37k

a/n: truth be told, i was inspired to write this when i was listening to dodie, and i tried to somehow tie the lyrics in with the story, but i kinda lost my flow in between, but the story still works! 

"This might seem strange..." You should've known better than to reach out to Yamaguchi and Yachi the moment those words left his lips. You should've cut him off, stopped him before he could finish the thought and left, but you didn't. You had sat there with your attention wrapped around Yamaguchi's finger as he conceptualized your perfect confession.

I should've gone to someone else, you thought. But you didn't have many friends and the ones you did have had no experience with love. You were lucky enough to have been friends with the ultimate Karasuno High duo canonically known to the student body as: YamaYachi.

Though, you weren't entirely sure if you could even deem yourself lucky.

They were quite meddlesome since you've come to know them and let them into your life. Though for someone as quiet and kept together as you, their presence helped spice up it every now and then. Like when they volunteered you to be the new volleyball manager without your consent, or when they had found out your heart had unwillingly fallen for Karasuno's notorious jackass, Tsukishima Kei, and butt in.

They would crack a wedge in every small opening they found to get you two together and chucked you right through it. During practice, when it came to water breaks, they'd make sure Tsukki wouldn't be able to get his water bottle, forcing him to go to you to ask for it. Whenever they heard Tsukki wanted to stay behind to practice, without your consent, they'd volunteer you. When it came to walking home, oh, they'd make sure you were always by his side while they followed behind.

Though it had been extremely uncomfortable and embarrassing, a friendship did blossom. Eventually, Yachi and Yamaguchi no longer needed to manipulate the forces of nature, and Tsukki would just come looking for you on his own.

So here you were, determination shaking in your bones as you strode down the crowded corridor of your high school, going against the current as you ignored your friends' attempts to catch your attention. You took deep breaths to calm the persistent thumping of your heart and to the ease  the miniatured yous dashing around in circles in your mind.

If it had been up to you, your confession would've been as toned down and discreet as you: sticking a note in Tsukki's locker and making a run for it. But your high school life had fallen into the hands of two people who shared the same brain cell, so of course, go big or go home.

At least that's what Yamaguchi had said.

He made it a point that it was their final year while you were still struggling in your second year. "If you're gonna tell someone you like them, you might as well do it facing them head on, right?"

As much as you hated it, he was right. But you shook the pompous image of Yamaguchi as you drew near your meeting place. You met Yachi at the corner away from everyone else. Her face softened when she saw the nervousness in your eyes and greets you with a hug."How are you lungs?"

"They're a bit in pain." You answered honestly, breaths shaky. "This so dumb, I don't think I can do this."

"If I could swap chests with you today, I would." She joked as an attempt to ease you; it was her silly way of saying, "I'd trade the storm in your heart for the stillness in mine," and though her odd one-liners would help, it wasn't working. "You don't have to do the funny stuff Yams said—just  go up to him and tell him. That's all you really need to do...They boys are just over there by the ramen booth,"

You leaned to the side to catch a good look at Tsukki, but what you find tightly gripped your heart and squeezed out the little confidence you had been mustering the entire day.

Another girl—a pretty girl—who was glued to him by the hip, laughing and twirling her hair. But what shocked you the most was the way Tsukki looked at her intently as she spoke, like he was making it a point to actually listen to whatever was coming out of her mouth.

Yachi caught the pain etched in your face and turned to see what the problem was, "Oh shit."

You didn't exactly know what came over you, but before you brain could match the tempo of the rest of your body, you called out his name and marched towards him. "Tsukishima Kei!"

Eyes dilated and looking down at you, he blinked at the sudden sight of you. His lips twitched in a smile as if he was happy to see you, but before he could address you or even say hello, you cut him off, unintentionally yelling, "I like you! I-I know you know that I like you, b-but that's not enough...So, i-if you would—Please go out with me! "

Time was such a fickle thing; because though it had only been a mere couple of seconds, it felt like you were stuck in a forever as the silence lingered between you, Tsukki, and everyone else that was within range to hear not only your confession, but your unexpectedly bold decision to ask him out as well.

Holy fucking shit, you thought. Though the silence was a loud and clear response, the rapid thumping of your heart was louder; and you couldn't stand the thought of staying there any longer. So before Tsukki would even manage to part his lips, you bolted out of there.

You ran to the pool side, far from where everyone else had gathered, where you were supposed to watch the fireworks with Tsukki if things had fallen into place like it was supposed to. You plopped yourself onto bleachers and sunk your head into your hands as you wept. You felt in incredibly silly.

"There's gotta be some butterflies somewhere," Yamaguchi had said this when you asked if it was a smart move for you to confessing to someone when you weren't even sure if there was even the smallest possibility the feelings were mutual. You should've taken it as a sign that you shouldn't have done.

But you did.

Oh, god, you did.

The image of Tsukki looking at you dumbfounded by your confession bled through and all you could do was sob harder into your hands. You remember  the teams' faces, how shocked they were to have heard you say more than three words in one breath.

Oh, shit, the team. You were gonna have to quit being manager because there as no way in hell you could bounce back from the depths of your embarrassment and pretend as if you hadn't done that, especially in front of that pretty girl.

You wanted to hate Yamaguchi and Yachi, to place the blame on them, but they never said to screech out a confession let alone ask him out. So, this was undoubtedly on you. In the end, you were the idiot and you probably just lost a really decent friendship with someone you didn't even believe could be a good friend to begin with.

Regardless of Tsukki's reputation, he was quite kind, considerate, and attentive; if you were struggling with math or life in general he was willing to listen if he couldn't physically step in to help. Thinking about it, he always seemed to match his pacing with yours. If you were in a good mood, he'd banter with you, but if you weren't he'd tread lightly and do something to lift your spirits.

During lunch, he'd buy food in pairs; one for him and one for you because he when he asked why you didn't bring food every day, you told him you didn't have time to do it in the morning and you were too tired to bother when you came home. He'd lend you his jacket if you felt cold.  He'd always wait for you after club if you had to pack up equipment or do extra tasks.

All these small gestures made your heart stand on its toes, but maybe you were bold to assume he saw your more than a friend.

Maybe you were bold to assume anything.

"I wanna die!" You groaned as you finally lifted your head from your hands, your eyes meeting the sky. The sun had fallen into the horizon and it was beginning to grow dark.

"Well, if you drop dead now, I won't be able to give you an answer." You jumped at the disembodied voice, gasping. You whipped your head to find Tsukki stepping out of the tall shadow of the pool shed. A sly smirk played across his lips with this hands hidden behind his back as he waltzed towards you.

You frowned at him, not really looking at him, but rather the buttons on his shirt. Too tired to run, you accepted your fate and swallowed the little pride you surprisingly had left and decided to face the rejection head on.

"H-How'd you find me?" Your voice was strained from the crying, so you cleared your throat and tried to relax. But when Tsukki took up the space beside you, you couldn't help but flinch back into stiffness.

"Yamaguchi said you might be here..."You scoffed as you brought your knees up to your chest, still avoiding looking at him. You looked ahead at the backdrop of the night, your ears trained on the subtle chirping of the crickets nearby. This would've been an ideal date moment, thought. The embarrassment once again creeped in and you shiver at what you had done moments ago.

Why was he here? Shouldn't he be with that girl? If he was here to reject you, he should hurry up rather than spend another moment wasting it on silence.

"Hey—"

"If you're going to reject me, please do so now." You deadpanned, cutting him off. There was a tingling, numbing feeling that began to build in the tips of your fingers, and would later spread throughout your whole body. "I'd rather you be straight to the point and reject me now. I'd rather you be cold and straight to the point rather than sit here and pick at your words, so please  just hurry and reject me."

Tsukki scoffed at you, pushing the frame of his glasses further onto the bridge of his nose. "Well, damn," He seethed. The way he said your name made your heart float, but your stomach drop. "What the hell do you want?"

"Excuse me?"

"You asked me to go out with you, now you want me to reject you? Tell me, which is it?" You looked at him, finally meeting his gaze. He looked annoyed—no, he looked angry and you couldn't tell why.

"I—"

"Because I came here with an answer and a bag full of that spicy ramen you liked so much," He leaned in, lessening the gap between the two of you. Though you should've been wary at the close proximity, you couldn't help but have your thoughts wander over to the spicy ramen. Did he really bring me spicy ra—" You're so annoying! I listened when you told me what you had to say, so shut up and listen to me."

"Tsukki I—"

"Yes." He said, firmly. He swung his leg over to the other side of the bench so that he'd be completely facing you. Your cheeks began to burn and you swallowed thickly at the action. "Yes, I will go out with you. I want to go out with you. Damn it, I was supposed to ask you myself, but you had to go ahead of me. I didn't even know you had that in you."

"...I didn't..." You muttered.

"Then why'd you go and do it?"

"I—" You were at a loss for words; partly because Tsukki had just said yes, but also because of his bluntness and the aggression laced in the words that so easily left his lips. "I wanted you to know before you graduated...and it would've been a waste if I stuck a note in your locker instead of facing you head on..."

"So you decided to yell it at me?"

"I panicked!" You retorted.

"Why?"

"Well," You caught your bottom lip between your teeth before you could let yourself finish. You remembered the pretty girl, how close she leaned onto Tsukki, and the bitter taste that followed. "I—Cause...That..That girl you were with...I kinda just...I snapped, okay?"

"The girl?...Oh." It was as if you heard a clicking sound the moment Tsukki had realized what you meant. "That's my cousin... She'll be an incoming first year next year, so I wanted to show her around."

Oh, my god, shoot me in between the eyes.

You buried your face back into your hands as Tsukki began to laugh. You wanted to die right then and there, you prayed to the deity's to grace you with some sort of blessing and hit you with a rock—maybe even get set on fire by a firework. Anything.

"Wooow, I can't believe I like you." Tsukki sighed as he leaned back with his arms stretched behind him for support. You peaked at him through the spaces between your fingers, watched as he smirked to himself.

"W-Wait you really like me?"

"Duh!" He spat, rolling his eyes. "Did you think I said yes to you as a joke? I would've said yes to you in front of everyone back there if you hadn't taken off like that." You sat there as you pressed your legs closer to your chest, resting your chin on your knees completely dumbfounded. You had many questions, but not enough time to take up in the night to ask it all.

You sat up straight before completely twisting yourself to face him. He furrowed his  brows at you, watching you shift in your seat as you tried to regain the confidence you had lost. You cleared you throat and met his eyes, leaning in. "Then, would you be so kind to fall in love with me?"

A playful smirk tugged the corner of Tsukki's lips, "I already have."

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