Love Me or Just Let Me Go
A Jonathan Crane Love Story
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Look who's back and trying to find her footing again 🙃 sorry for the delay, but between my mental health and personal life, things weren't going well and I needed a break. ANYWAY, I'm back with a new series (as well as ready off a few others), and I hope you all enjoy it! I really missed posting.
Just in time for Halloween, Dr. Jonathan Crane. I just figured (as I start to branch out) it's time to write about my favorite Scarecrow. I'm sorry this is so damn long (I really am), but I hope you all enjoy it! Since Tumblr is still on its bullshit, I can only post part of it here, but the full post will be on AO3 (I'll leave the link). As always, thank you @fuckingbye for the amazing moodboard. I love you!
Word Count: 56,703 (I said I was sorry)
Warnings: SMUT (Minors DNI), Swearing, Drinking, Degrading Kink, Car Sex, Semi-Public Sex, Smoking, Arguing, Family Drama, Angst, Mentions of Abuse, Fluff (ish), Childhood Trauma, Self Hate, Revenge, Loneliness, Trust Issues, Mental Health (or lack thereof)...I think I handled everything?
Song(s) That Inspired This Chapter: Man, You Make It Easy For Me. So, Why Can't I Make You Love Me?
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I do not give permission/consent for my works/stories to be posted elsewhere. I do not condone this kind of behavior or relationship, this is for entertainment purposes only.
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“Doctor Crane,” you smile sweetly as your favorite patron makes his way to the counter.
Your smile may be sweet, but you know your eyes show the same thing they always do whenever he shows up: pure desire and lust. The coy smile he always returns lets you know that he’s very well aware of the effect he has on you.
Effect.
“Same as always?”
“Coffee, black, please,” he smiles as he pulls out his wallet.
“New admittance at Arkham?” you ask, turning and starting on his second usual
At least three times a month, he orders a black coffee.
“No, but it is late night for work.”
“When isn’t it in Gotham?” you scoff, placing the lid on his drink.
“How about you?” he asks, handing you a twenty.
“What about me?”
“Another late night?”
“I’m the only one brave enough to close the store, so yeah. I always have a late night,” you laugh softly, taking his money while typing the amount into the register.
“Gotham doesn’t scare you?”
“Well, I’m sure you’ve met my Mother already, and I witnessed what drove her to madness, because I saw my Father’s death, so no. Gotham doesn’t scare me.”
“Your Mother...” he trails off as he looks you over, “Y/M/N?”
“I’m surprised you’re just figuring it out,” you laugh handing him back his change. “Everyone always said I look just like her, but I’m guessing the piercings, dyed hair, and tattoos have changed my appearance a bit.”
“Your Mother is quite the character.”
“You’re putting it nicely.”
“Keep it,” he says, gently pushing your hand back.
“The coffee was only two dollars.”
“Your company is always worth much more than that,” he laughs. “If you don’t mind me asking, how were you able to handle it so well?”
“If I tell you that, there will be no reason for you to come around for your afternoon tea, will there? Besides, you’ve got a late night of work ahead of you, and I’ve got ungrateful customers to tend to,” you smirk, cocking an eyebrow.
“Guess I’ll just have to ask again tomorrow.”
“Play your cards right and you may just get an answer,” you shrug and he laughs.
“You have a good night, Y/N.”
“You too, Dr. Crane.���
“Jonathan.”
“Jonathan Crane,” you smile as he grabs his coffee, nods, and walks away.
And just like that, he was gone. It’s the same conversation every day, today a little more telling just because he knows a bit (or a lot depending on how you look at it) about you. It’s always the same amount of small talk, flirty eye on your part, and him looking as if he’s interested but knows better. Smart on his part.
Sure, he deals with crazies, but he’s never dealt with you.
For the rest of the evening, you live in the feeling of that little exchange. Yeah, the man looks like he can’t carry a bookcase, but you know it’s all an act. You’re not dumb. You’ve heard whispers about Dr. Jonathan Crane, and most of it isn’t pleasant. It’s most definitely in your best interest to stay away, especially considering that your Mother is a patience at his place of work, but you can’t stop yourself. Beside, you live in Gotham.
It’s not like you have a ton of “good guys” to choose from.
You can’t pin down exactly what draws you to him, but you know that you can’t turn it off. You’ve tried multiple times. From the first time you laid eyes on him, you wanted him. No, you needed him, in the most unnatural way. Maybe it’s from living in Gotham all your life but, for whatever reason, you feel a sense of security when he comes in.
Yeah, you’ve definitely been in Gotham for too long.
“You’re sure you’re okay to close up all by yourself?” your co-worker Michael asks as he grabs his backpack off of the coat rack, while the last customer scurries out.
“I do it every night, Mike,” you scoff, wiping down the counter. “Get home safe.”
“Ya know, working with you is hard,” he sighs and you start laughing. “What?! It’s true! You’re the only one ever willing to close up shop-”
“It gives me a thrill,” you smirk with a cocked eyebrow. “Go home and tell Josh that you fought off a mugger, if it’ll help your ego.”
“He’d kill me if I ever tried to stop crime from happening,” he laughs softly. “You sure you’re okay, babe?”
“I promise. Get home safe.”
“You too,” he nods before walking out.
You lean against the counter, pull out your phone, and scroll through all the evening news you’ve missed.
Another raping, another stabbing, another kidnapping....it’s all just another day in Gotham. You don’t even bother to look up when you hear the front door open and close.
“If you want coffee, you’ve come to the right place. If you want anything else, I’m afraid you’re in the wrong damn shop,” you mumble as an article about Arkham Asylum catches your eye.
You may not see your Mother often, but that doesn’t mean you don’t care about her.
“How about a cup of tea?” a familiar voice asks.
You look up to see Dr. Jonathan Crane standing at the counter, small smile tugging on his lips, but his hair is out of place.
“Rough night, Doc?” you question, pushing yourself up with your foot, making your way over to the kettle and setting it up.
“What makes you say that?”
“Your hair is out of place and there’s a bit of blood on your glasses, and the lapel of your shirt.”
“You’re more observant than I thought.”
“You’ve thought about me?” you tease, pulling out his his favorite tea powder.
Ginseng.
“More than you think.”
“And why is that?”
“Because you’re a mystery.”
“I’m sure you’ve met far more interesting subjects than me. You’ve already met my Mother.”
“While she is very much a fun case to study, now that I know she’s your Mother, you’re much more...complex.”
“I’ll choose to take that as a compliment,” you laugh, finishing up his drink before pouring it in a to-go cup. “That’s the nicest way I’ve ever been called insane.”
“Far from insane, Y/N. Very far. More like-”
“Troubled?”
“Not that either...a to-go cup?”
“You’ve never been one to sit and stay since you started working at the Asylum.”
“A good point. What else do you know about me?”
“Nothing.”
“What else have you heard about me?”
“Things I’m sure you don’t wanna hear about,” you promise, looking him over as you lean against the counter. “No charge. You get home safe.”
“You see blood on my glasses and my shirt, but tell me to get home safe?”
“Who am I to judge?”
“You know, this day has been very telling about you but, at the same time, I feel like I know you less than I did before.”
“If I’m not keepin’ ya guessing, what’s the point of our lovely little chats?”
“Who says that I need these little moments to keep me interested?”
“Show me that you don’t.”
“Have a drink with me and I will,” he smiles coyly, mischief in his eyes.
Every red alarm in your brain goes off, but you’ve never bothered to listen to them before, so why start now?
You poured yourself a cup of coffee and slowly made your way from around the counter, ignoring the the sirens as they grow louder and louder, and sit across from him at the small table.
“Jonathan,” you smile, mischief dancing around in your own eyes as you take a sip of your coffee. “Take your best shot.”
“What do you fear?” he asks with a cocked eyebrow and you scoff. “What?”
“What do you think I fear?”
“I can’t get a read on you.”
“That’s fair, I guess,” you shrug, swirling the coffee in your cup around a bit. “I’ll tell you what I fear if you tell me something about you. I’ll know if you’re lying, so don’t try it,” you proposition, meeting his gaze with a devilish glint in your eye.
You really shouldn’t be playing this game.
An evil smirk spreads across his face before he responds with, “I’m the one who created the fear toxin.”
‘Will you stop fucking playing this game?! Tell him you need to get home!’ your brain begs, but you’re just starting to have fun.
You’ve never been good at doing what’s in your best interest.
“That tracks,” you shrug before taking a sip of your coffee.
“It tracks?”
“You work at the Asylum, no one in this city really has a good and clean record-”
“Oh? What’s on your record?”
“I put laxatives in drinks of customers who piss me off,” you tell him nonchalantly and laugh and when he practically chokes on his tea. “What? I don’t seem capable?”
“For some reason, I thought it would be something along the lines of murder.”
“No, I’m afraid the only thing I’ve ever really broken is hearts.”
“Why’s that?”
“I learned very early in life to never get too attached to anyone in Gotham. Never works out well for me.”
“Your parents?”
“Parents, first real love, last serious relationship. I fuck until I’m bored and then I leave.”
There’s a flicker of something in his eyes, but you can’t tell what it is. It’s not disdain or disappointment, but more along the lines of...shock? Confusion.
“So, you have fear of abandonment?” he asks as your timer goes off.
“Well, it’s time for me to close up shop, Dr. Crane,” you smile, getting up making your way back behind the counter with your half full cup of coffee.
“I didn’t take you as someone who’s a liar,” he comments and you don’t miss the irritation in his tone.
“I never said I wouldn’t tell you, I said it’s time for me to close up shop. However, I do like having this effect on you.”
“And what effect is that?”
“Rattling your cage.”
“Oh, you do much more than that, and I think you’ve known that for quite some time.”
“Oh, but Doctor Crane, this is the first time you’ve ever had the balls to court me,” you smirk over your shoulder and he laughs.
“How long does it usually take you to close up shop?”
“As long as I want it to. Why do you ask?”
“Do you have any plans tonight?”
“Do you want me to?”
“I figured we could...take a walk around the city.”
“You’re a very confident man, Dr. Crane.”
“No one’s gonna touch me out there.”
“And what on earth would we talk about on this little walk?”
“You.”
“Your obsession with me is cute. I like it a lot.”
“I wouldn’t say it’s an obsession, more like...fascination.”
“And what’s so fascinating about little old me?” you ask, covering the tops of all the different syrups.
“Like I said,” he responds softly right behind you, causing you to jump, “because you’re a mystery.”
Oh, you’re fucking in it now.
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You can read the full story here
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tags: @autumnrose40
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La Dama Sin Cara (18+)
Part 7 of Ghosts and Mirages
Warning: STRONG mentions of blood/gore/violence! Heavy angst, use of guns/knives. Breach of trust, trust issues, jealousy, mentions of suicide, suicide letters. HEAVY smut, choking, aggressive sex, radio sex, overstimulation, unprotected sex, minor knife play, mirror sex, slight bondage, possessive kinks.
!Please Beware! This part contains multiple chapters, with their own unique summaries, tags/warnings!
Summary: Trust was everything to him, just as it was to you. You trusted him as much as you adored him to not hurt you, those were your own words. He trusted you to not actively seek out that pain, believing he was keeping you physically safe. You should’ve known better then to be too curious.
Additional Summary: Will take place into leading mission into Las Almas, where you learn the cultures of Mexico and its hidden vipers, alongside your new teammates, as well as discovering the consequences of your own actions.
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"Mirage? You listening?"
"What? Yeah, I am."
"Right. So, they're estimating we'll be arriving aroun' 0200, hopefully we'll be back before mornin, y'know?"
"Mhm."
"Yeah," Soap slowed his words, staring at your bowed head, your gaze lingering down along your plate in front of you. "An' if you were listenin' to me, you'd agree that I'm a better shot than you."
"In your dreams." You looked back at him while stabbing your fork into your food, smirking just a bit at his cheeky grin.
“Christ, eat woman. Or I’ll force feed ya myself.” He muttered while bringing his spoon down towards his tray, watching you roll your eyes before shoving food in your mouth.
The two of you found each other during dinner time, taking up residence at one of the vacant tables by the entrance. Usually, Gaz would join the both of you, but his current mission with Price had him in Amsterdam, but you weren't saying you enjoyed Soap's company any less if he wasn't here regardless.
With the raging lines entering the mess hall dimming down significantly, you could eat more comfortably with your mask off, sitting in a way where anyone would at least see the normal side of your face upon first glance without doing unnecessary double takes.
Everyone stares, it's the human's natural curiosity. Even you were victim to it, but it didn't make you feel any better regardless of how many times you've tried to ignore it.
"So," You brought your knuckle over your lips. "You want me to be completely oblivious if he asks me?"
"I'm just sayin' if he asks, pretend you don't know nothing. That's all."
Soap watched your head nod, smiling a bit before losing focus once more. You looked like you had an awful lot on your mind lately, and he wasn't too sure why. Maybe it was just for the mission the two of you were assigned to tonight, wondering if you were planning on getting in a few hours of sleep before the trip.
The silence made him a little weary, clicking his tongue purposefully loud to break you from your thoughts.
"Christ, for a woman like you, I'd imagine you'd pay better attention to your superiors."
"A woman like me?" You huffed as your head rose again, reaching your left hand over for your drink. "Elaborate, please. I'm dying to know what you mean by that."
"Oh, y'know, a woman like you." He gestured at you with his spoon, swallowing his food before continuing. "Yer strong, smart, got bigger bollocks than any other man I've met thus far."
"Easy there, Ghost might get jealous." You snickered a little, watching him smirk. "Eh, Simon ain't around to glare at me for it, think I'm in the clear."
You giggled again, setting your cup down beside you. "You're sweet John, but you're just being nice."
"I'm bein' serious, learn to take a damn compliment every once in a while." His brow firmed, making your gaze grow a bit firmer towards the Scotsman.
"What you've been through to get here now, an' everything that's happened in between, I need to admit, I admire you, lass. You're still standin' an' still smilin', that takes strong guts."
You reached for your drink again, lowering your gaze for a moment down into the liquid in your cup. Your mind raced with various thoughts, not really expecting a talk to from Soap like this of all times like now, of all places.
"Hey," John spoke up to gain back your attention, watching your eyes nervously glance up back at him. "Hope I didn't make you nervous, it's just... I don't know, you've changed is all. Just wanted to remind you of the strong woman I see now. The one who looks like she'll kick me under the table if I say another word."
Change? You almost snorted into your cup, catching the thin streams of liquid that rolled down the sides of your lips.
"Jesus, John." Reaching for the napkin he held out to you with a loud chuckle, you cleaned your mouth before composing yourself, showing him a slight smile after that minorly embarrassing outburst.
After composing yourself, your eyes trailed down towards his casually rested forearm on the table. You reached your hand out to rest against the back of his large palm.
As sweet as he was trying to be, a small part of you deep in your mind wanted to refuse his words. Compliments like these were flattering, sure, but you were just you. Despite what's happened, you were just as much of a soldier as anyone else.
Still, you couldn't deny the warmth that spread throughout your chest from his words.
"You don't have to say those things, John. I appreciate it though. Thanks."
"Aye." John smiled a little more, glancing down at your hand, his gaze following as you removed it.
"Is he starin' at me?" He suddenly asked in a low mutter.
"Who?"
"Ghost." He states, making you raise a brow. Ghost?
Your eyes flicked upwards towards the exit, spotting none other than the tall, ever so familiar man standing in the vacant entryway behind Soap.
His posture was stiff, his shoulder pressed against the left side of the wall he leaned against. His broad arms were crossed, his head tilted downwards as he glared at Soap with hard, narrowed eyes at the display, almost making the whites of his eyes look nonexistent from the black paint shadowing his lids.
Maybe he heard every word Mactavish said, or maybe he came and saw the moment your hand settled on his. Regardless, he stood there like a bouncer at a nightclub, glaring down at someone who tried entering with a fake ID.
"No. He isn't." You chose to say, meeting John's gaze with your attempt at a serious expression.
"You're a terrible liar, lass." John squinted his eyes at you, watching your corners of your lips diligently try to refrain from smiling.
"Check." You flicked your head upwards, watching him turn his head to look over his shoulder.
Just like you expected, he was gone. As if he was never there.
The relieved look on John's face right after left you trying to use every facial muscle you could to stop smiling.
"Coulda swore he was there." John chuckled just a bit, proceeding to smirk at you again. "You looked like you had hearts in your eyes when you looked up."
"Oh, fuck off," You giggled, picking your abandoned fork off your tray.
"You sure he didn't come by to view his most favorite Seargent?" You tilted your head, watching his hand freeze. His brows fiercely furrowed, looking at you with an intense look of confusion.
"Who? Me?" He pointed at himself.
"Duh. Who else?"
"N-no," He chuckled, proceeding to shake his head. "No, lass. Don't get any ideas."
"Are you blushing??" You smiled more, starting to laugh when he shook his head again, a faint flush kissing his cheeks. "John! That's cute!"
"Christ, enough!" He barks at you, unable to hide a smile as you laughed again, joining in with you when you head tilted back in amusement.
"Forget everythin' I said. You didn't change a bit, kid."
"So, who exactly is it again?"
"Major Hassan. Long story short, the Ambassador I was sent to oversee get executed during a meeting with the Russians a few months back, this is his second in command."
"So, he's got all this army together and upgraded in less than three months?"
"It has been three months, but you're correct."
You asked questions you already knew the answers to, all for the sake of putting up the minor facade to keep Ghost from questioning otherwise. That was the plan, supposedly he had no idea that you and Soap were getting assigned under his command to go tonight.
You found him in his office after dinner, busying himself with his work. His office space was quite similar to Price's, but more... plain. Bland.
Price's office had a bit more character, which was a fancy way of saying he had a lot more clutter during the time you spent with him, mostly due to the fact he was always busy with the paperwork. That was part of being a Captain after all, it wasn't all just leading soldiers into battle.
Ghost's office was neater, no clutter of any kind laying around along his desk or overflowing the filing cabinets. All the offices that you've seen looked the same; limited space, bare bones walls, all sealed in by a single door.
When you came in after knocking, Ghost glared at you like nothing more than a recruit, an unknowing fly invading his personal space. In a matter of seconds, upon recognizing your pretty face once you pulled down your mask, his hardened, cold gaze melted just a bit.
You two spoke for a short while, the man attempting to continue his work, but eventually set down his long-forgotten pen. His eyes followed you as you mindlessly paced around his office, not really finding much to look at to keep yourself visually occupied.
You set Ghost's mug of lukewarm tea down on his desk after nursing on it while he spoke, exhaling a little bit while crossing your arms. "Wow, looks like you got your work cut out for you then." You paced away from his desk a bit, bringing your thumbnail to your mouth. "Capture mission, right?"
"Right," Ghost nodded once, watching you from where he sat in his chair. He didn't have spare chairs. He wasn't keen on visitors in his office in the first place.
“C’mere.”
“What?” You turned your head to look at him.
He glared at you, raising his settled hand from his lap to beckon you over with two fingers.
“I said, come here.”
Lowering your hand, you came closer, walking around the edge of his desk to stop in front of him as he turned his chair to face you.
"Why're you here?" He asked, watching you avoid your gaze for a split second before shrugging. "Just wanted to come see you."
"Did you now?" His large hands settled along your waist, instinctively making you take a step closer. "Sure it wasn't for somethin' else?"
Your hands settled along his shoulders, watching his head tilt to look you firmly in the eye. Small height differences like these never mattered, with eyes like his, piercing cold blue on a shade of pink tinted white canvases, he always looked stern, even if he didn’t intend to be. Or maybe it was just his mask doing a very, very good job.
"Tell me, love." He says, giving your waist a minor, semi-warning squeeze.
You leaned closer, keeping eye contact while settling your forehead over his. Being this close left you taking in his natural scent, his sharp, spicy musk mixed with a hint of generic aftershave from this morning, scents that had no business being so comforting, but they were his.
"Are you still jealous over John?" You confessed.
“Which one?” He gruffly questions.
“The one you stared down earlier,” You retorted, huffing a bit.
"What're you jealous over? What did we leave out last time? Hmm?" You leaned your head down to the side, pressing a kiss against his covered jaw before bringing your head back.
"Nothin," He mutters, giving your hips another additional squeeze, his palms slowly lowering down the sides of your thighs.
“Are you jealous because we laugh a lot? Is it cause Soap makes me laugh?"
He didn't look all too pleased with your choice of words. You tilted your head a bit, thinking of something else to say.
“Try it." You then proposed. "Make me laugh."
"You serious?" His brows either furrowed or raised in surprise.
You looked at him with said seriousness while nodding, giving him a bit of a shrug. "Tell me a joke.”
Ghost blinked, finding himself caught a bit off guard by your words. Tell you a joke? What an interesting request.
"Alright." He lowered his arms, folding his hands together in his lap while sitting forward.
“You’re aware that the terms ‘I’m sorry’ an’ ‘I apologize’ are the same thing, right?” He starts off, watching your face contort while thinking.
“Yeah,” you nodded slowly.
“Right. Well, not at a funeral it isn’t.”
You blinked. Ghost blinked right back at you, watching for any sign of... something. Anything.
Your lips started to curl, turning your head to the side as your cheeks puffed. A small snort left your mouth, followed by a growing giggle as the dam quickly fell apart.
Ghost simply continued to stare at you, watching the way your eyes closed as you tilted your head back, your arms falling out of their crossed position. It wasn't a loud bellow, nor was it really an overexaggerated chuckle. It was an honest laugh, your honest laugh, and he could tell was genuine.
That was more than enough to make his heart flutter.
"Christ Simon, not bad." You smiled through your words, "Didn’t know you were hiding some jokes in that head of yours.”
"You'd be scared to find what goes on in it." He sat back in his seat just a bit. "We all have our fair share of secrets to hide, kid."
“Oh, sure. I have a ton of secrets in my fluffy diaries.” You mused, settling your arm comfortably behind his shoulders, pressing your thumb along a strain of muscles that had his eyelids slowly lowering in delight.
"On a side note, I don't like keeping secrets from people I care about." Your voice was soft, as if you were speaking to yourself. Convincing yourself that you would never do such a thing.
His gaze lingered on your face, his hidden lips turning downwards for just a minor second or two.
"That a promise, sweetheart?" He questions you, glancing at you as you reached for the mug once again.
“Of course.” You smile at him before taking another sip of his tea, watching his eyes slowly soften with your answer, though something was a little off about the way he looked at you. You couldn't exactly place your finger towards how.
Releasing your hold on him, you took a step back until you leaned comfortably against his desk, cradling his mug in your hands.
“That can't be comfortable.”
“It feels fine to me.” You adjusted your footing, running your palm along the edge of his desk. “It's quite sturdy.”
He hummed a bit, proceeding to offer his left hand towards you. You rested your palm against his, smiling a little when his thumb brushed along the back of your hand.
“Get off.” He gave your hand a firm tug.
“Make me." You stated, determined to stay where you were.
“My office isn’t the place for that.” His eyes hardened at your choice of words.
“Offices are boring," You rolled your eyes, setting the now empty mug down. "I bet you if I walked in here in a coat with nothing under it, you’d change your mind.”
A hidden brow rose at your sudden, peculiarly interesting choice of words. “You suggestin' that I’m missing a coat rack in here?”
“You have any I can borrow? Coats, I mean.”
“Got a gray one. You could borrow that, if you get off my bloody desk.”
"Again, Mr. Riley. Make me."
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Enjoy the chapter so far? Enjoy the rest of these (smutty) chapters on my Ao3!
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57 –-out of boredom. :)
Write a Kiss
thank you <33 left to my own devices, i will always default to cyrusXwyll...
57) --out of boredom
Cyrus doesn't trance well, but he trances longer than he can ever remember, meditating in fits and starts for hours and hours while trying to ignore the thread of pain stitched from his shoulders to his wrists, pulled muscles and chafing rope and a body too tired to feel the fear his mind wants desperately to hold on to. His mind doesn't want to trance. As if what he almost did last night wasn't bad enough, now he's wasting precious time better searching for the source of Ketheric's immortality, what more is he ruining by passing the day away flitting in and out of consciousness? But his body won't let him do anything else.
Come midday, he finally has the energy to pull himself from his tent, but little else to do with it. Almost everyone has left, carrying on his duties in his absence, with only Jaheira, Halsin, and Wyll around to keep an eye on him, and Cyrus can't stand to look any of them in the eye right now. He's been ducking his head around the druids since Last Light fell, unable to stomach what his failure to save Isobel from Marcus had cost them: Jaheira's harpers, Halsin's chance to break the Shadow Curse.
As for Wyll...
There's a new gash through his collarbone, stitched up now, but bloody and dripping against Cyrus' eyelids every time he blinks.
So he doesn't seek out company, but he has little else to do around camp. With the exception of their party after saving the grove, he's never had to spend more time in camp than was strictly necessary, and that afternoon, he discovers that that was for the best. Now marginally refreshed, his body is as restless as his mind, utterly discontent with his companions' passing references to getting more rest. He tries to occupy himself, fussing over their supplies or exercising or toying with some of the alchemical techniques Gale and Halsin were showing him, but mostly he can't think of anything to do but pace. Tracing endless, dogged circles around the camp, he feels so damned useless. Good for nothing but killing and dying.
The boredom is gnawing at him deep as anything else that's emptied him out when Wyll is suddenly in front of him.
"Sorry," Cyrus blurts out instinctively, "a-am I bothering you?"
"Not at all," Wyll assures him with a gentle smile that leaves Cyrus' stomach churning. "I only came over to suggest, if you're wanting for something to pass the time, we could... finish what we tried to start yesterday."
Cyrus swallows around the thick knot of emotions suddenly rooted in his throat. It had been such a nice night too, Cyrus would have been so happy simply watching Wyll prance in the firelight until dawn. Safer, too, had he kept his distance, but Wyll offered him his hand, and Cyrus was foolish enough to accept it.
A strangled gasp of a warning was all he could get out before the bone-knife was in his hand.
And here is Wyll with his hand outstretched again.
Cyrus recoils from it. He wouldn't care if it hurt him--would be nothing but gracious if he were to hurt, bleed, die by the Blade's hand--but he cannot trust his own. "Why would you... After all I've done, how can you bear to be near me?"
Wyll's smile doesn't dim, but the dark brown of his eye shimmers with something like grief. "I've borne many burdens in my life," and that open hand comes up to cradle Cyrus' cheek, his thumb stroking one of the crimson fault lines etched into his skin. Cyrus doesn't know if he wants to flee or sink so deeply into Wyll's touch that he loses himself. "I swear to you that you are not one of them."
He tilts Cyrus' head down and presses his lips to his forehead, a brief caress of warmth that has Cyrus trembling. This is wrong. He's wrong. Dangerous. If he had any sense left, he'd push Wyll away, and yet...
And yet, when Wyll pulls away, Cyrus grabs the collar of his shirt and crashes their mouths together. It's selfish and stupid and sweet, Wyll tasting like honey wine and penance, and Cyrus kisses him until he is too breathless to feel anything--boredom, blood lust--other than the places where they are touching.
Mind quiet. Body still.
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Weekly Roundup: Prompts
FSN
Luvia Edelfelt/Emiya Shiro For some reason Luvia is one of the only women in fate Shiro isn't shipped with. I will fix this by force if necessary, but would rather just do this. threesomes are acceptable.
FGO
Penthesilea "I will literally murder you if you call me pretty" x Medb "I am horny for everyone that is heroic" I think they'd make a weird but cute couple
anyone done sakamoto ryouma / possessed ryouma? the idea haunts me. evil ryouma's hot. sfw or as nsfw as you like, i'm not picky, but it's nsfw in my heart.
smut, Caenis pounds Altera into the bed
Oryou and Ryoma are called Fujimaru parents while out. Oryou takes the rolled very seriously whiles Ryoma just laugh it off. But when Fujimaru asked them to be his parents both agree to do so right of the bat.
Izcalli and Tlaloc having straight yuri energy, maybe reminiscing their time back when he was king and the garden he loved. I just want more melancholic and nostalgic servant interactions. This can be romantic or not it is up to you.
I want Jinako to let slip one day the her parents died when she was young (we can assume it’s understood that she means “her” parents and not Ganesha’s parents) and Salieri hears this and just goes “Alright, guess I’m your new father now.” And she think he’s joking but he absolutely is not, she is his daughter now and that is final. Salieri was a father when he was alive, and he wrote about how much he loved his kids, so I just think it could be nice for Jinako to have a loving and supportive father figure. Also they both really like sweet things, and it’d be nice to see them bonding over it, especially since Salieri probably wouldn’t be judgey about Jinako having sweets. He can platonically co-parent with Parvati, Durga, and Kali
smut, Izo is allowed into Ryouma and Oryou’s relationship, as their cuck. And watches them have sex.
smut, After Takasugi is followed following the events of Guda6, he makes good on his dying wish to hook up with Okuni. She graciously accepts and the two fuck nasty. The flirtier and more intense things get before the bedroom the better. That's all.
Just finished lb4, can I get some Ganesha being unable to return to her shut-in lifestyle bc of the thousands of years she spent alone, and (character of your choice) helps make sure she knows she's not alone anymore?
"Wait, what do you [servant couple of writers choice] aren't married?" Cue all of chaldea arranging a wacky but personal wedding ceremony
smut, Castoria is Excalibur, right? Ergo, I want to see someone polish her (because she's literally a sword) (gone wrong) (gone sexual) (gone right)
Martha tells the Christians of Chaldea, along with anyone willing to listen, what sort of wacky shenanigans Jesus got up to. Apparently, one such thing was Jesus being so good at being a carpenter that anything he worked on could be considered an angel of heaven because of how well done the job was and not because he was the Son of God.
Izou gets some tender love and care and appreciation
smut, man idk i just want izo and oryou to spoil ryouma and give him a wildly fun and hot and tender night that leaves his face hurting from smiling, his ass hurting from taking them both, and everywhere else hurting from bites. man works so damn hard Please he needs a break and a nice fuck. also oryou and izo bonding over their love for this man is always 👌
smut, Any one/robin hood, but mlm is preferred! Robin with a praise and humiliation kink being showered with love and praise. I'd love to see his low self image and self defeating attitude be bludgeoned with love. ☺️❤️
Guda and Castoria kiss for the first time. It would be a great, intimate moment... except they quickly discover that Castoria has a barbed tongue like a cat. It doesn't have to be a dealbreaker, but I do want the fic to have an emphasis on how different (and slightly painful) that tongue feels compared to a normal one.
smut, All the artoria variants (except for lily ofc) have an orgy, bc that girl deserves some self love
CROSSOVER
Izo talks about stabbing a british guy who had a blue policebox with him and being scared off when he started shooting fire out of his arms and head as everyone listens on in horror as they realize that not only did he nearly permanently kill The Doctor from Doctor Who, but also that apparently The Doctor is a real person and was nearly killed by Izo of all people.
ANY
A perhaps annoying patron asks one half of a romantic couple (doesn't matter which canon or even if its canon) for a good time. What leaves after can no longer be identified
The backlog of unfilled prompts, framed like pets in an adoption center.
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I AM SO SAD RN😭😭😭 i wrote a looongggg ass feedback fr this time and i clicked on some shit and it VANISHED. JUST LIKE THAT. I WAS SO PROUD 💔💔💔 and now i'll probably forget half of the things i wrote☹️☹️☹️
BUT i'll try my best😜 (i'll write this as if it's the first time)
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NO WHAT THE FUCK HE DID NOT JUST SAY THAT. YOONGI YOU KNOW BETTER THAN THIS. WE DIDN'T FUCKING AGREE ON THIS SHIT 😭😭 bro's on drugs or something??? i was so happy when he confessed and now he's like "If I said anything, let's just say I didn't mean it." UMMM EXCUSE ME??
YOONGI YOU DUMB BITCH!!!! SHE WAS READY TO SAY IT BACK💔💔💔
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oh shit and now jimin and y/n will have an argument 🤣🤣🤣 CAN THINGS GET WORSE THAN THAT????
oh wait THINGS GOT FUCKING WORSE❤️
because fuck this shit even jimin is leaving WHY GOD WHY
AIN'T no way she just said that🤗🤗; "A little more notice would've been nice," bro we're not even HALF WAY THROUGH AND SHIT IS ALREADY DOWN
•i am so scared to even read the next word. em what have you done?•
OH THIS TOOK AN UNEXPECTED TURN
having him is a need at this point.
i love jimin
i love jimin
i love jimin
i love jimin
and now i love jungkook☹️☹️ BABY STAR CANDY IS BACK!!!! we all missed this kid my dear y/n 🥺💜 I'M GLAD THEY SORTED THINGS OUTTT!! even though things won't be as they were but at least they talked like grown ups🙏🏼💜
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"I think we should both just focus on work, and stop being so distracted." UMMM I DON'T THINK SO???? CAN YOU JUST STOP IT FOR A SECOND CAUSE I HAD ENOUGH.
ohhhh now i seeee, he thinks he's not enough for her🥺 BABY YOU ARE YOU JUST HAVE TO WAKE UP CAUSE I'M DYING HERE!!!!
"I think you told the truth for once in your life, without this weird 'I don't care about anything' veneer and it fucking terrified you." DAMN GET IT GIRL
"I guess you jusy tell everyone about the time you almost jumped off a bridge?" OH SHIT NO PLEASE DON'T GET IT I TAKE IT BACK😭😭😭😭 y/n my dear friend i'm tired.
•i am so scared to even read the next word. em what have you done?•PT2
"I am not somebody you want to be with. At all." YOONGI STOP UNDERESTIMATING YOURSELF PLEASSEEE YOU'RE SO PERFECT I'M GONNA CRY THEN DIE
"We hooked up a few times," "That's all. It didn't mean anything. And it's over now." noooo🥺🥺 DON'T DO THIS AGAIN!!!
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and now for the panic attack!💔💔 it's so sad ☹️☹️ and the way you described it made it even sadder😔 you did a fucking great job describing this scene babe💜💔 i actually started crying..
PS. i was writing this yesterday with tears all over my face.
and the fact that jungkook helped her.. GOD I NEED A JUNGKOOK I'M DYING
wait he used to have them? HE STILL DOES?💔💔💔💔💔
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"It should have been you, Baby Goth." UMMMMMMMMM PLEASE NO
annnnnnd he left.
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"Extending a cup of coffee to Yoongi on your first day." DAMN THAT'S WHERE EVERYTHING STARTED!!!!
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WHY IS EVERYONE LEAVING ALL OF A SUDDEN????? she has to though ☹️ to move on and take a new path💔 it's just hard WHY DO I FEEL LIKE I AM THE ONE WHO'S LEAVING????
and the boss is so sweet too like??😭 i wish my boss were like him fr🤣 #stan_theboss
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WHEN I BELIEVE THAT JUNGKOOK CAN'T BE NICER HE GOES AND THROWS HER A PARTY??🥺🥺🥺 now where can i find someone like him? IN HEAVEN????
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OH GOD YOONGI IS HERE!! PLEASE DO SOMETHING I'M BEGGING💔💔💔
he did not do a single shit 🤗 baby what does "I just want to be happy." mean when you're not around???😭😭
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she said her goodbyes to jk😭😭💔
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"Yoongi doesn't stop you. So you go." OUCH THAT HURT SO BAD??????😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭 YOONGI PLEASEEEEE WHAT THE ACTUAL FUCKKKK
——————————
ain't no way.
first of all i can't believe i wrote my feedback again😭 i just knowwww the first one was cooler😭 what makes a
feedback cool though?😂😂😂
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ANYWAYS😜 the beginning.. WHEN I TELL YOU I SCREAMED 💔💔 my heart broke into a million pieces!! i don't know if i was upset because he acted like he didn't mean it or because of the fact that he thinks he's not enough for her.💔
goooddd!! she really needed to hear that from jimin😔❤️ he's a great friend for real. i really thought he was gonna leave just like that, but my baby jimin is too sweet for this💜💜💜💜 i'm so sad he's leaving though 😔😔
the panic atttaaaaackkkk??? WOMAN I COULDN'T CONTROL THE TEARS💔 i hope no one gets to experience this in real life!! it's so heartbreaking 💔
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i wanna point out the fact that this chapter didn't include any sexual scenes BUT it has my heart!!! it's my favourite till now🤭
i never read such an ANGSTY chapter like that!! i said before that i love angst so much😜 i really do. SO THANK YOU HEHE.
it was a hard one tho💔
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AND FINALLY THE ENDINGGG??? well of course he wasn't gonna go and propose to her but like did he really let her go that easily?☹️☹️ i hope he does something in the next chapter 🙏🏼
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this chapter right here got above my expectations!! not because you're incapable of writing such a magnificent chapter BUT (let me explain hehe🤭)
y'know when you stand there, with your jaw literally on the floor, and your hands pulling out your hair because of one BTS performance?? even though you're so sure they eat everytime but STILL they amaze you.
YOU'RE BTS TO ME.
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THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU SOOOOO MUCH!!!💜💜💜💜💜💜
PS. the best chapter award goes to.. EMMMMM💃💃💃💜💜💜 and yes i just invented an award 😜💜
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i hoped i would be one of the first people to read this one 😔
OMG SARAH THIS IS SO LOVELY I'M OVERWHELMED I'M GONNA TRY TO RESPOND TO ALL OF IT BUT JUST KNOW THAT HEIUKJFHSGHDGUS I LOVE YOU A LOT 🥺
UGHHHHH yoongi snatching that confession right back 😩 you truly HATE to see it !!!! he's got a lot of inner turmoil and shit to work out 😭
ahhhhh the jiminie scene 🫠 he really told her what she needed to hear but fuck writing that first REAL argument that we've seen between them was so tough too. they've had moments of disagreement or attitude but nothing like this. i so appreciate jimin for being so brutal with her but still delivering it with all the love and support he could. I JUST LOVE THEIR FRIENDSHIP WEH
yesssss you get it yoongi is seriously struggling w his own self-worth and feeling like he deserves Anything good 😭 ughhhh it's so tough when you know the Why of what he's doing, but it doesn't make it any less PAINFUL!!!! yoongi pls..... LET HER LOVE YOU 👹 (also lmfao "y/n i'm tired" DEEPLY FELT)
hiuehfekfjgfg i'm so sorry for the tears!!!! that panic attack scene was ROUGH to write lemme tell you. and yes 🥺 a lil baby star candy backstory for u there 🥺 i just love him so much....
god the jk scene and her playing it all back 😭 truly the lowest low.
LOL STAN THE BOSS !!!! i really loved that scene, she REALLY needed to hear that especially at such a tough point in her journey 💜
honestly if i ever figure out where to find a baby star candy IRL i'm telling ALL OF Y'ALL bc wtf.... i need one too 😭 he's so wonderful.... and yes yoongi showing up to not fucking do anything heikjskfgjd he's the epitome of that "my work here is done" "but you didn't do anything!" meme LMAO
oooooof thank u for making it through all that pain, i KNOW it was tough and i appreciate you being a trooper 🥺 i promise there are better days ahead, but it means that world that you were still so invested and enjoyed it all (maybe enjoyed isn't the right word lmao) - and YES this was a chapter with NO SMUT which means i felt very unsure and unconfident about it. so to hear that it's your FAVORITE???? that means so so much!!!
NOT ME BEING BTS. NOT ME WINNING AN AWARD. YOU BETTER GET OUTTA HERE YOU ARE TOO DAMN NICE TO ME AND I CANNOT HANDLE IT 😤 seriously you are so wonderful i love you so damn much. THANK YOU for reading and taking the time to send such lovely long feedback (not to mention type it TWICE because tumblr is the devil omg!!!!) 💜💜💜
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Peacemaker Season 1, Episode 1 Live Post
(this is just a collection of my thoughts as i watch through peacemaker <3)
-the recap of the movie after i put off watching episode 1 so i could watch the movie
-i will start this by saying i did not like him in the movie, he was sorta funny but he’s so fucking douchey which i suppose is the point HOWEVER here’s hoping he’s at least funny or the side characters and plot r good enough for me to power through (spoiler it is and also he’s growing on me)
-john cena ass
-“aqua man fucks fish? I DONT BELIEVE IT” JDJWONCKS ok fine FINE . this is a little funny
-ok this opening scene is funny hehe
-the way he’s walking out of the hospital is so fucking funny like a kid who just stole a toy in a shop and is trying to get the hell out
-HES DANCING
-THE OPENINF CREDITS???,,,,,
-i see my man Adrian in the background tho 🗣️🗣️
-these opening credits are. something fr….i enjoyed it tbh IFNWKDNSJD so fucking dumb i love
-DANIELLE BROOKSSSSS!!!! my beloved
-IS SHE GAY IS SHE GAY GUYS
-SHES GAYYYYYYYTYT OH MY GOD 🗣️🗣️🗣️🗣️
-HE TOOK HIS HELMETJSJXJSJDJD deserved
-the vigilante voicemails JFKWODNKWJD i’m giggling hes <3
-“my life fucking suck!” me core
-i love superhero movies/tv shows where they can curse
-peacemaker winking at harcourt (? is that how it’s spelled) and her flipping him off <3
-john eating his food <3
-LEOTAAAAAA love her she’s so :,) she just has so much love HER LONG SPEECH ABT HOW EXCITED SHE IS TO BE WORKING W THEM JDJDIDJSJD IM GIGGLING
-she is the love of my life
-“how the FUCK am i supposed to fight a mothra without a jet pack?”
-he has a side kick named eagley
-i like the soundtrack
-THE AMEIRCAN FLAG CARRRR IM SICK
-his dad being robert patrick
-NOT THR FACT ATTACK FOX NEWS BULLSHITTTTT
-oh so his dads a cunt got it
-don’t make me feel bad for this mf GOD DAMN KT every time a man has daddy issues i’m like :( i could fix him :(
-EAGLEYYYYY
-EAGLEY IS HUGGING HIMMMMMM :,)
-man FUCK auggie smith
-they’re being mean to leota. i will be killimg james and emilia.
-“nice gaslighting” shut uooisnfownfiwnf
-men bonding with their evil dads 🙄
-IS HE DYING I HOPE HES DEADDDDDDD
-he’s alive.
-u want to spoil myself and see if he beats the fuck out of his dad i hope so 🙏🙏 need someone to edit christopher to that modern baseball song
-“i never gave you a second thought while you were in there” ok and if i kill you, then what????
-ok so his dad is racist got it
-stop everyone is so mean to him why do i feel bad for him
-them being mad he called her sweet cheeks JFJWIFJJWD
-ADRIANNNN
-HES HEREEEEEEEE
-DYE BEARDDDD
-giggling
-“you always gonna be this difficult?” “yep!” MEEEE
-ADRIANS DANCEJDIDNJEJD TWEERK IT AND TWERK IT
-HIS BUTT DANCEDJWIDNIWJDJS
-oh i’m in love with him….
-HIS EXCUSESJSNFKWNDKSNDN oh he’s so funny
-i have feelings for him.
-leota and christopher r gonna be besties <3
-I LOVE HERRRRRR
-“you hubbed up” SHUT UPPODNSIWND
-him explaining HFKWICNWJ
-sorry he just said they called his dick chimp arm
-anyways leota calling him sweet cheeks :,) BESTIESSSSS
-EAGLEY EASILT BEST CHARSCTERRRR HES STICKINF HIS HEAD AND TONGUE OUT THE WINDOWWW
-ew tell me he and emilia aren’t gonna have a weird love interest thing
-OH ok she’s a girlboss
-him falling in love w her like get in like bitch
-“that was so fucking hot” me
-me when women are cunty >>>>>
-“no touching past here….no fuck it it’s gotta be here i have to touch your boobs sorry” JFKWOFNWODNISDB
-major tits
-HIM SCREAMING FREEDOM AS HES HAVING SEXX SHUT UPIDBDIANC
-oooh leota is working double time w amanda waller
-OH
-AMANDA IS HER MOMMMMMNNN
-OH SHIT
-this man and his tighty whities 😭
-“this is back to when men were real men because they weren’t afraid to be women” oeriod peacemaker
-the amount of veins on thid man is crazy
-guys is there a sex scene with adrian i wanna see that man’s dick 🗣️🗣️🗣️ i know he fucks good
-sorry
-IM FISNXOWNDONS
-“i gotta thank you you for tonight. i was having a crazy fucked up day, but when i was in your pussy back there, i felt, i don’t know, fucking hope!” IM IN AWE AT THIS SHOW
-him singing into the vibrator ENDIWNDONW
-oh she’s gonna try to kill him
-HES HOLDING IT ON HIS FACE STOPSBDISND
-the soundtrack once again is rlly good
-kick her ass chris 🗣️🗣️
-GOOD LORD WHI IS THUS
-WHAT THE HELL JS SHE
-SHES TRYINF TI BREAK HIS SKULL
-no bc i’m so confused 😭😭😭
-EAGLEYYY
-OH MY fucking GODDD
-he sonic boomed her ass to a pulp
-AWESOME
-eagley bringing him a dead animal to make him feel better :(((
-ok end credit scene and then final thoughts
-SCABIES
-“this one will give you scabies” “scabies? why would i want scabies” “to challenge urself” BFIWJCOJS
-ok snort that was fun OK FINAL THOUGHTS OF THAT EPISODE
THIS WAS A GREAT FIRST EPISODE!!! they had everyone introduced in a good way, gave some characterization and backstory to everyone without it being too heavy handed, the fight scenes were fun, the characters are all interesting so far!!! 8.5/10 only bc i need more adrian 🙏🙏 OK ONTO EPISODE 2 >:)
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I posted 2,772 times in 2022
That's 118 more posts than 2021!
301 posts created (11%)
2,471 posts reblogged (89%)
Blogs I reblogged the most:
@llywela13
@regionalpancake
@procrastinatorproject
@tuibelle
@dduane
I tagged 1,530 of my posts in 2022
Only 45% of my posts had no tags
#dmbj - 178 posts
#cats - 112 posts
#the lost tomb - 77 posts
#podfic - 62 posts
#writing - 56 posts
#star trek picard - 53 posts
#nirvana in fire - 45 posts
#meta - 44 posts
#dracula daily - 41 posts
#star trek - 31 posts
Longest Tag: 110 characters
#sometimes you just need to see a girl in an increasingly ragged dress beat the complete shit out of bad people
My Top Posts in 2022:
#5
I Am Having A Very Bad Day
Any pictures of fluffy animals would be most welcome.
49 notes - Posted January 13, 2022
#4
Love Like The Galaxy is killing me. I’m going to be dead before this is over.
*spoiler*
Okay, so Heroine’s marriage to Cupcake has been cancelled due to external reasons and it wasn’t easy for any of them but Heroine made a, like, sweet and honourable choice and is now getting pilloried in public for it because people are shits. I mean really. Shits. I’m weirdly invested in how Cupcake and his new bride’s life is going to turn out. She was kinda objectionable when introduced but she’s gone through a lot and I hope the pair of them can make things work. (The General gets bonus points for being there, all quietly supportive for Heroine, and saying (even though he desperately wants her to withdraw so he can marry her), ‘I’m not going to advise you. I know whatever choice you make will be the right one.’ and just quietly killing me.)
But!
The General has lost So Much Social Credit of late. First, by pressuring her family to let him marry Heroine - and he had the Emperor right there, pressuring away. (Look, I know, and the Emperor knows, that those two will be a good match. But it’s an inauspicious start which reminds everyone involved that The General is a... Duke? Probably a Duke in European terms and Heroine’s family are minor gentry just recently raised to extremely minor aristocracy and without any damn backing. Or to put it another way, as far as they can see - if The General mistreats their very young daughter, there is sweet eff all they can do about it. And he has an... ominous reputation, well-deserved.)
Second... Oh god, he’s trying, he’s trying so hard, to be respectful and, and nice, but somehow, turning up with a file of troops to invite himself to family breakfast* and stiffly telling a horrible joke, and informing the Heroine she shouldn’t eat so late in the day because it’s bad for the digestion (and I swear, he was trying to talk that out, he expected her to talk back to him and explain her reasons but she’s depressed and intimidated and he comes across as v. overbearing)...
Has now surrounded Heroine’s Family House with armed guards. Purely, I believe, to show respect and to guard them from harm but. Oh god.
He is just so awkward. Never have I seen a man try so hard and fail so badly at Being Nice.
I’m dying.
* Like Darth Vader sitting down with a cup of tea with his little finger crooked out because he read that you should do that in an etiquette guide, earnestly making smalltalk...
51 notes - Posted August 31, 2022
#3
[ID: "A scattering of black and white and sepia photos of women in scanty, Victorian-era dress, most notably a middle-aged woman with a kind face, Big Hat, and stripy stockings. Shuffled into the pile is a policeman in full uniform sitting in a chair for a portrait. Title reads, Owed, by copperbadge, read by Thimblerig" End ID]
Chapters: 1/1
Fandom: Discworld - Terry Pratchett
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Relationships: Rosemary "Rosie" Palm/Samuel Vimes
Characters: Samuel Vimes, Rosie Palm
Additional Tags: Drunkenness, Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism, Prostitution, but really it's quite a nice story, Podfic Length: 20-30 Minutes, Podfic, Repod
Summary:
Vimes owes Rosie more than money.
*
Repod of something I did two and a half years ago by @copperbadge because it’s a lovely story and it wasn’t a bad podfic at the time but Jesus H Christ I have learned a lot about projecting from the diaphragm since then.
(My question is, did that relationship between them exist before ‘John Keel’ wrote that letter...?)
62 notes - Posted July 18, 2022
#2
DMBJ Meta: Bai Haotian
So, since I’m in the middle of a Sound of Providence rewatch (I’m up to the murderous puppet theatre), I’m also having thinky thoughts about one of the supporting characters, Bai Haotian, also known as Xiao-Bai (Little Bai).
She’s present in the webnovel as well, incidentally, though she and Warehouse 11 are much less filled out. Anyway. (Some spoilers to follow.)
So Little Bai is a short drink of water, tiny, bright-eyed, who appears when Wu Xie enters W11. She’s extremely helpful, and also extremely mysterious, but after several mini-adventures it’s revealed that the giant flaming crush on him is entirely genuine and also, she’s a third-gen manager of the Warehouse (which is why she knows so much). In season 2, she’s recruited for the Thunder City arc as a diver; in the second half she’s involved in the W11 shenanigans that fill out the season.
She’s adorable in her own right, but what interests me in the narrative sense is how much she is like Wu Xie when he was a Baby Adventurer, Very Staunch. Young, brilliant, family connections to weird shit but also very sheltered, doggedly loyal to the people she admires. She’s got a lot of talent but also needs some teaching and seasoning before she can compete in the big bad world. Does that sound like our Xiao-Xie? And it’s nice to having someone in that ingenue role since he’s thoroughly aged out of it by now, but also.
If we treat Xiao-Bai as an analogue for Young Wu Xie, in that story Old Wu Xie is a mash-up of two different roles - Xiaoge (his long-time crush) and San-shu (uncle, mentor, tricksy manipulative bastard). And I think that Wu Xie, at least, is aware of the parallels.
So when Wu Xie tells her, “You’re young: you don’t understand the difference between love and worship,” is he also talking to his younger self? Is he looking back fifteen years to the young sprat he was and kindly patting that boy on the head for being enormously silly but sweet? Does he think whatever his *waves hand helplessly* Thing with Xiaoge is, it’s stronger than that or does he also worry that after all this time he’s still... the wide-eyed infant to Xiaoge’s tired self. I mean, on the surface level she’s just found out he’s dying and he wants her not to grieve so much so he’s trying to de-escalate her feelings, and that’s a solid bit of story-telling right there. But Xiao-Bai, and Piaopiao for that matter, have a lot of parallels and resonant themes with what’s going on with the Iron Triangle, and I think this is one of them.
And! A large part of drama plot is Wu Xie’s drive to prove that San-shu (the first one, at least, the one before the Xisha Shipwreck Tomb) was a decent man. That whatever bloody deeds he had done, he was forced into it, that he meant well, that he was doing his best.
The point being, this is Wu Xie post-Sand Sea, where he spent most of a decade being tricksy, manipulative, pragmatic, bloody-handed, using his allies as harshly as his enemies. The actor Zhu Yilong made sure we remembered that every morning he spent extra time painting a bloody great scar on his neck. The text reminds us by bringing in Jiang Zisuan and his accusations which are... inaccurate regarding A-Ning’s death but not without weight, either. Wu Xie’s walked in the footsteps of Third Uncle: he’s done some shit. So it’s interesting to me, and sweet, and bittersweet to be honest, in this quest to prove San-shu was a good man, just how much work Old Wu Xie puts into keeping Xiao-Bai, this mirror of his younger self, safe.
Also she’s cute. Did I mention she’s cute? OMG I could just die.
Anyway, back to the show... Run from the clams, my good man! Run!!
62 notes - Posted July 21, 2022
My #1 post of 2022
other people, intellectuals: *some drollery about cats, so independent and aloof*
my cats: Mother, did you see me? I did a thing, were you watching? Come into the garden, Mother, for the sun shines brighter on the grass when you are there. Mother, if I don’t crack open your chest and sleep nestled inside your ribs tonight I might literally die. Mother. Mother. Did you see me, Mother?
2,204 notes - Posted August 1, 2022
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I bring...you an idea to give you..feelings.
So basicly, matteo, being unable to? Do much with luca, maybe say(i know its not your thing, but...sub luca) Luca wants to be a sub, or something, or is so like..stressed he cant rail matteo right, he cant cant even find proper pleasur in metteo trying to pleasur him!
So Matteo gets an idea, he's ran into..all kinds before, so he raccomends Luca dress up, "I can get you some..nice clothes to help you relax." And he come back the next day to Luca's litlte aparetment and oh? Its meny bags and boxes full...oh...??
Oh god..it's womens lingerie and clothes and makeup even.
"Matteo i'm not putting this shit on.." He says holding up a simple black pice of lingeie..he even got stockings and other things. "Oh you will luca belive me, i was told it helps you relax."
"You got me bath stuff too? THe fuck am i a sissy?" "Si you sar today...but i like to think of you as a sweet..little doll." Oh that made luca's heart skip, oh he..he was tempted.
Its a two sides of one coin deal, luca is stressed and cant do anything, and matteo dosent have the nerves or guts to rail luca unless he's drunk, or dressed up as a girl.
And god has he been dying to say he got the boss into a pretty dress and "Ate him out" and "railed him into the bed" to some freinds. ANd well, luca defaintly likes this, and who knw teh big damn capo could be so needy and subby.
sub luca for your unknown sub luca needs.
I’m slowly giving in to this unknown sub Luca needs you mentioned, and it’s probably thanks to you lol.
As for me, I was picturing this scene a while ago, which refers to a situation where Luca is very stressed, and I think that happens more often than he likes, and Matteo has this great idea of helping his boss relive some of it. His idea is blowing him. I’ll give you the scene, which I’ll also add to my masterlist under “Stress Relief”
***
Luca’s been doing his part in the family business for quite some time; he’s always been good at it, and he’s often been praised for it, too. Many times people have sought his help when things got rough, however, the final decisions were always up to his father, and now that he’s gone and he’s had to take his place in such a rush, he’s found himself having to carry a weight on his shoulders that yes, he was expecting, but not in that precise moment. He has debts to pay, deals to seal, and too many enemies.
He’s always stressed, always tired, he doesn’t eat, drink or sleep for several days in a row, and he snaps at every little provocation. Everyone notices, but no one has the courage to say a word.
Except, Matteo isn’t anyone. They’ve spent every single day together, more often than not in the same room, for more than a decade, and even though Matteo is always careful not to cross the line and to always remember where he stands, he can say he’s earned some privileges others can’t boast. So he occasionally comments on his recent condition, “I brought you lunch, you should eat” or “Leave it to me, get some rest”, without getting more than a dirty look and a “Fuck, you sound like my mother”.
One day Matteo wakes up and decides he’s had enough. Luca has not been productive lately, and if the boss doesn’t function, all of the organization will follow that path.
They’re in Luca’s office, which used to be his father’s. Luca sits in the leather chair behind his wide mahogany desk, wearing a white shirt rolled up on his forearms, with the first three buttons down showing a trace of dark hair on his chest. Matteo watches him from the other side of the enormous desk. They couldn’t be more different. Matteo is the perfect image of someone who has it all together, with his rigid posture, pressed suit and hair on flick; Luca looks like he’s just returned from a shipwreck, slouched on his chair, with his rumpled clothes, tired face and messy hair.
Luca’s left hand holds his head like it’s carrying the weight of the whole world, with four fingers on his forehead and his thumb massaging his temple in circles. He senses the start of a fucking migraine. He holds a pen in his right one, in a grip so tight his knuckles are fighting to break the thin skin above them. The tension climbs on his arms, shoulders and neck, and runs down his legs and feet. He’s about to implode.
Matteo gets up and walks to the desk, rounding the corner to place himself to Luca’s left, never once taking his eyes off him. He hasn’t even noticed, so Matteo puts a hand on his shoulder, which makes him turn his head, fingers sliding on his forehead.
“You need to relax.” Matteo starts, hoping Luca doesn’t just roll his eyes and turn back to the papers, because he hasn’t planned this and doesn’t really know how to proceed.
As expected, that’s exactly what Luca does, and while he thinks of something else he could say, he forgets to remove his hand.
“What?” Luca looks at it, because it is weird, they’re never that confidential to each other, which makes it even harder to do what he wants to do.
Matteo doesn’t reply, because he has no idea what to say, but he lets his hand fall on his side. He closes his eyes for a second, gathering the courage to go though with his initiative, and steps between his boss’ legs, forcing him straighten his posture on the chair to give him space, and so, he finds himself in front of him, just between his legs.
That’s where he gets on his knees.
He doesn’t look up, because he’s sure Luca’s eyes would crash his bravery in an instant, and because the tension is already hitting him like a probe in a magnetic field.
Luca is shocked, how to blame him, the unexpected action paralyzes him, and he can only set his wide eyes on Matteo’s head, that is until he feels the touch of one hand on his thigh, and he unfreezes, pushing the other man backwards with his right hand, but leaving it to clasp him between his shoulder and his neck.
“Che minchia-” (What the fuck-)
“Fammi fare.” (Let me.) Matteo interrupts him, which takes Luca aback; he never dares to speak over him, out of respect for the authority, but the grip on his shoulder is speaking facts: it’s blocked his motion, but it’s kept him from withdrawing as well.
Matteo takes it as a positive sign, he’s confused, but not refusing.
He goes straight to his belt, skipping any additional touches, since Luca doesn’t seem to like it, and focuses on working his pants open, with a pragmatism fit for a soldier.
Luca wonders if he’s done it before, he seems confident in every move, like he’s practiced them on someone else. It’s not the greatest blowjob he’s received, he’ll admit. Matteo has gone straight to the point, not licking or stroking or playing any sort of tease as he’d liked; instead, he’s took the base in a fist as soon as he’s freed his shaft, and took almost half of him in his mouth right after.
His head bobbing up and down between his thighs is hypnotic, and Luca follows it through lidded eyes as he grips both armrests tightly, mouth half open as he takes uneven breaths. He’s suddenly hit by the need to reach a hand out and assist him in the process, but something tells him if he dares to touch him, he won’t be able to help himself from running his fingers through that perfectly combed hair, or palming his cheek and swiping his thumb on his lip as he usually does with his women.
That sounds way too intimate, and the the mere fact of having thought about it disturbs him.
He lifts his gaze to the door to fight that urge and for a second the thought of someone barging in on them distracts him from the bubble of pleasure that’s surrounded him, the wooden surface seems to be screaming at him to come to his senses, ‘look what you’re doing, look who’s doing this to you’, but just then Matteo’s suction takes an aggressive note to it, which tears a low moan right out of his throat, and he finds reassurance in the thought that well, after all, a mouth is just a mouth, and he’ll enjoy it.
Matteo seems impatient to finish him off, and that leads him to slide his lips lower on his cock, until he reaches the hand that’s still holding the base. It’s a struggle, his eyes water and he pulls back as fast as he went for it, but his throat has tightened just enough to make Luca’s toes curl in his shoes.
The boss bites his lower lip as he reaches his climax, leaning his head against the backseat as the tension built in the last moments breaks, and washes over him. His eyes stay closed as he revels in the peaceful sensation, he feels light as a feather.
When he finally opens his eyes, Matteo has already gotten up, the back of his hand is wiping his glossy lips, and the poor amount of fluids tells him he’s just swallowed his load.
Luca fixes his clothes in silence, as Matteo turns around. None of them dares to speak, and yet Luca’s earlier doubt returns, he’s dying to know. He tries to formulate the question in his head, but then-
“Ti porto un caffè.” (I’ll bring you a coffee.)
He doesn’t have the time to stop him before he leaves the room, or perhaps he does, but he’s too scared to speak. He grabs the pen again, setting his eyes on the documents he’s supposed to be working on.
Not one more ink drop touches the paper.
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crush stuff !! very slight rant and then me gushing
we havent talked im a week and im going rabid and i dont want to text him Again for a reply but :((( AND and i dont even know if he likes women, or whatever gender i am (transmasc bigender ?) but lets be real everyone percieves me as a woman so . i know he likes men but otherwise idk and how do i Tell without just straight up asking ??
but anyways onto the sap shit :
my crush (he/they) made me come to the embarassing realization that my type is Nice People. like just give me someone warm and sunshiney with a sweet smile and i will be done for, doesnt matter if its more exciteable golden retriever energy or more soft and quiet, if they are extra nice then im down horrendous
with Them i was done for the moment they spoke bc holy shit that Voice it was the softest kindest fucking voice i have ever god damn heard and in our first 2 min convo they somehow managed to be The most considerate person ive ever spoken to and . ugh
also he offered to shave my hair for me once and if that isnt any punks dream idk what is 😔😔😔
“My type is nice people” well damn there goes me /s
Man not hearing from someone for a week would drive me crazy if I had a crush on them in an FP way. I would have to send a meme or something.
I feel that with the “everyone perceives me as Woman™️ anyway”. I mean I AM wearing a wlw shirt today so I can’t be like “why don’t people perceive me as a guy? I’m wearing a lesbian shirt :(” BUT yeah what is gender? What is plurality? What is singularity? Where do “I” end and “someone else” begins? I don’t know, so I just Don’t Talk About It With People Irl! If you like women cool we can date. You can perceive me as woman it’s fine. Because I would feel insincere being like “lol nooo gay guy I’m totally a guy like once in a while not really lol”. How do you ask without outright asking? Ask about a character or actress or something? Be like “omg isn’t uuuh Taylor Swift (?) sooo pretty man girls am I right haha-” ? Maybe ? I feel comfortable when guys I’m dating are at least a little bisexual so I can feel okay about being gender funky.
You should let him shave your hair for you, people doing your hair for you is so intimate. I mean like in a professional setting less so but I grew up with someone who was like my sister dying my hair for me and it was just two teenage girls (kinda) sitting in a bathroom listening to pop punk and talking about boys with piercings and life shit and like it was great. And then having anyone I love touch my hair makes me melt for real.
Don’t be embarrassed for having a “type”/it being “nice people”. I think that sounds really heal to y and good compared to me getting the bad boy of my dreams I always wanted as a kid and obviously carrying that drama that comes with having a “bad boy”. Good to try, get a little taste of, just not good to keep. Do it while your young and get it out of your system and all that in my opinion. Not saying I won’t go back to someone like that while I’m still young but when I’m older I hope I have people who are dependable.
Best of luck to you, it sounds amazing (minus not hearing from him/them).
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I watched episodes 7-12 of TharnType in one go. I love this show. I will hear no criticisms. It was straight up soap opera trash and I got my entire life.
NOT TYPE TELLING HIS DAD ALL THE BOYFRIEND STUFF THARN DOES FOR HIM. Don't be suspicious, don't be suspicious.
Type needs so much therapy. Just so much. Baby. He just needs so much help. Out here whole ass dating a man and being homophobic af. My dear sweet child.
Champ wearing a shirt that says I Am Basic when he's turning Mai down. Damn the women just could not catch a break in this show. Just catching strays left and right.
"Do you seriously think I'd tell him we're together?" Oh baby. I get you have issues but that's just not a nice thing to say to your boyfriend. But also like this whole conflict, like Tharn baby you're right and valid but also you're dating a man so deep he's in Narnia, what did you think would happen?
Tharn baby. Just tell him you don't like raw food. Oh love.
NOT THIS SALESLADY BEING LIKE YOU NEED A DURABLE MATTRESS FOR TWO MEN.
Why the HELL is Thorn still hanging out with this guy that is like "I miss the 14 year old you I fucked at school." Thorn, you are not passing the literal bro code.
I would die for Techno. The boy just does not know how to be silent. Just out here saying everything in his mind. No situational awareness.
Not Type out here scalping his friends for dragging Tharn for being rich. That is His Boyfriend okay. Also not Type out here being so emotionally constipated he can't even say happy birthday to his boyfriend but he can get mad at his friends for indirectly dragging his man. Oh baby boy.
Not Type's present to Tharn being an entire gift box of condoms. Type really had sex with Tharn once and then straight up stayed gagging for it for the rest of his life. I like that about him.
Techno just be out here blabbing everyone's secrets. He is THE main character okay.
Tharn must really want to die though cause he knows Type is like a jealous ball of rage and he's like oh hey here's my ex let's let them meet. I know he didn't want to see San but still. Baby even calling like oh hey I can't go out anymore sorry would be better than that.
NOT TECHNO INVITING SAN ALONG. He really has no situation awareness at all. How does the boy even survive the day. Oh my GOD. No situational awareness whatsoever. He's so dumb. I would die for him.
Oh this man. I want to scalp him. I already wanted to scalp him for being 17 and fucking a 14 year old so badly he never bottoms again. But now I'm like oh you bitch. Why the hell do faulty ass people stay surrounding Tharn.
I'm sorry Type calling Tharn a shitty boyfriend cause he's like finally mad at Type's shitty behavior. The audacity of this boy. He is such a brat. I see why Tharn loves him.
Thorn really is like a bad brother I'm sorry. "You let me punch you so it's fine you fucked my 14 year old brother in a classroom." Thorn. No. Absolutely not.
Type baby. Kneeing Tharn in the dick is a self own. Now you're both not getting any. It hurt itself in it's confusion.
Type looking at Thanya like he's never seen a child before. Now he has to have dinner with the family. The poor boy is the having the most awkward dinner. I am dying.
Techno's shirt says "I'm a boy not a toy" and Techno is THE main character okay. Every time he's on my screen I am just so thrilled.
Oh the trife one has shown up. "Remember when your photo was posted all online calling you a homophobe." I see you villain!
I mean, y'all. Techno is right there! Y'all. But I get it. If my musician man said I was his most cherished instrument I'd jump his bones too. Also like Type baby you fucked your boyfriend in the same room as Techno. Of course he heard you. I love one horny dumbass.
Also okay wait Tharn was like "I wanna tell Lhong we're together but only if you're okay with it" but he invited him to their place with one bed. My dude. My guy. There's one bed.
Lhong really needs to be gone. This evil villainous music. You can tell this is a trife ass bitch.
Oh no baby, you don't go through your man's phone. That's never a good thing. Just ask baby.
I know this baby has trauma but I'm really like about to throw hands with a 13 year old. OH NO TYPE. You can pinpoint the exact minute his heart breaks. You can also pinpoint the moment he decides to make a bad decision out of anger. Oh this is gonna hurt.
I'm sorry it just hit me that Tharn was really fucking his bandmate's baby brother. Like way to go off code like a motherfucker dude. My god. Like that was a child and your bandmate's baby brother! A whole mess. Why is Tharn's life so messy. I know he's a gay slut by my god man.
Techno really is absolutely terrible at keeping a secret.
Type is now also on the "nearly threw hands with a 13 year old" train and I can't be mad at him for that one.
I do feel really bad for Tharn but I also like feel so bad for Type. Like he's homophobic af cause his trauma but then falls in love with a dude and now he is being played by a Master Manipulator in this trifling ass bitch.
Not shitfaced Type being furious about Tharn but still cuddling his face. And doing all that in front of Lhong's bitch ass. Seethe hoe.
"You're awful." I love you. As I said in my first 6 episodes thoughts. they are a Ludo song.
Oh I wanna punch Lhong in the face so badly. I AM ALSO GOING TO THROW HANDS WITH A 13 YEAR OLD. Okay I no longer want to punch the baby because logically I know he's a victim of the master scammer herself, but I still want to punch Lhong in the face. I CANNOT wait for him to get wrecked.
"But I didn't do anything." Oh Tharn baby. My baby boy. This whole scene. Damn. I know how it ends up but like my baby is begging on his knees and my other baby is ugly crying. I'm glad I know what happens because I would have been PISSED if I had no knowledge. Straight up pissed. He is just crying oh the ground. Like goddamn.
Lhong just went on his villainous monologue. Sis is crazy crazy. Which we already knew but that train has gone off the rails. Oh damn we had a whole breakdown of Tar and Tum and now we've cut back to Lhong still delusional monologuing to no one. I love this show. I love this show so much.
Okay at least Thorn is there for Tharn. I still side eye the shit out of him for staying friends with San, but I'll allow it.
Lhong can't even stop his talking aloud when he's in Tharn's house. This crazy train has gone fully off the rails baby. I can't decide if Thorn is picking up on the BATSHIT INSANE vibes Lhong is giving off and is like "let me be nice to this insane man before he kills us all" or if he's genuinely like "wow such a good friend." Because, let's be real, it's not like he knows about good friends.
Lhong really has gone and lost his damn mind. Punch him Tae! Kick his ass! Song baby you should have let him catch that fade.
Lhong has LOST HIS DAMN MIND. How can you be dickmatized if you never even got the dick? How sad.
Aww, Type really loves the hell out of Tharn cause he's like "he might not take me back, but then he'll go be happy with Tar" and that's love baby.
I absolutely adore the random piece of concrete just right there in the road. The drama of it all. This young man playing Lhong is kinda amazing though cause he is GIVING IT. He is straight up batshit insane delusional.
I'm sorry Type's face during Lhong's complete break with reality is like just amazing. He is just straight up disgusted.
Techno once again saving the day and getting everyone to leave while holding on to both Tharn and Type. That's the realest of the reals right there. That's my boy. Champ, you get a gold friendship card as well. Those are some real ass friends.
Like okay this is a nice scene with Lhong and his sister but like he had a 16 year old gang raped. I'm for letting him die. Straight up. I'm Pro Lhong Death.
They've been together for like a semester and a half and are like we will be together the rest of our lives. And I mean. They end up married so they were right. I love dramatic gays.
Lhong didn't need to show up for this I'm sorry no one heard or cared about. Sorry I'm not sorry, he deserved to get wrecked way more. I didn't need his emotional catharsis.
Tharn singing a whole ass love song about how he wants Type to be his last first kiss in a bar of their friends, so I'm guessing everyone knows now? I still go back to my initial "what was their thought process of getting a studio with one bed if they were a secret couple?" But I know I will never get answers.
Overall, I really liked it. Like. So much. Was it "problematic?" Yes. But I don't watch things for perfect fluff, I'd go to hallmark for that. I will hear nothing bad about this show and I can't wait until I have time for s2 even though everyone says it sucked. I know Type becomes a monk at some point??? What the fuck is this show even. I'd die for it.
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Aha geddit. Venting. (This one is really really spoiled)
Ok this is not serious but I'm feeling. Paralysed. Because everyone in my life is trying to be so lovely but they're making me feel not listened to at all.
I've always set a bit of my paycheck aside to travel/ spend time with my partner, plus some just for fun money. I often used it for buying commissions, and I was saving for possibly quite an expensive one.
But with world events, I changed my tack. Still putting aside the money to see my partner - which is the main thing I really want to do - but donating the fun money. And that's fine, I guess I missed the fun money I'd been saving for a bigger present for myself, but it's not that bad. I'm literally going on holiday for a week after my birthday. Like, my life is jammy.
That birthday is rolling around and I literally want nothing. If I really stretch, I need a new pair of cheap sunglasses, but it could honestly wait. I have some long-term-goal savings, but they are beyond birthday and I want to buy them for myself so that my family don't have control over them. Right now, I actively want less stuff. So I asked for charity donations, so I can really put some money to stuff I care about - my family are all richer than I am by a long shot, they spend double what I do on their birthdays for mine.
But everyone is taking issue with this. I thought it would just be my partner, but my sisters and my parents all trying to buy me some kind of tat:
Can I get you a candle? No! I don't burn them because I'm forgetful! And don't get me soap and shower stuff, I'm allergic to all but the bar ones, and have no dry place to stock them up.
Can I get you new clothes? I just chucked out 1.5 wardrobes of handmedowns. The fact that I still have plenty of clothes tells you all you need to know about my clothes hoarding!
Can I pay for a meal for you? Fam I am in a bad way with eating as well you know. I can't normally eat in public, especially when there's pressure and lots of people around. You're giving me an anxiety attack for my birthday.
So now I'm thinking I'm just gonna ask for money for the holiday I've already bought myself and donate it myself, then lie and say I spent it on a day out. Because nobody is listening. They're very sweet, really, but I don't even like gifts on my birthday, it's too much. I actively want them to make charitable donations. I don't know why this is so hard. I don't need a lecture from everyone about allowing myself things - if I wanted things I would get things! I'm so damn privileged for my age! I am sick of being lectured and pressured into wanting crap, when it's all crap!
I already gave up the shit I really wanted - which is always nice sonic art and commissions, now - and there's no way any of them would buy those for me anyway. So just get me nothing, if you think charity is a waste, but don't tell me I should want things I literally don't need! I have baskets full of wool. Buckets of colour pencils and crayons and crafts and nice paper. I have shelves of books and hours of games that I don't play. I cannot stress enough how spoiled I am. I don't want another day of treating myself. My whole life is a treat! Meanwhile, 2000 miles away people are dying of starvation if missiles don't get them quicker. Why am I being treated like the one with a problem for wanting less of that happening for my birthday?
Anyway I brought up my paycheck when I started this post because when I mentioned that while trying to convince my boyfriend he got genuinely cross with me. He says it's ridiculous self-sacrifice and I'm trying to be a martyr and I just- what? Sorry, the martyrs of this world; 25yos who can't buy a digital picture of Omega in a tutu with a bubble gun. God, I have the hardest life! I stopped buying coffees that make me shit myself at work. I'm the real victim here!
It's the same argument as when I said I don't wanna take planes for the environmental impact. He - and everyone - acts like I'm cutting out a huge part of my life, my right to holidays? Come the fuck on. We sound disgusting.
I do get that individual contributions to all these things pale in comparison to the big corporations' impact. I know that lobbying and boycotting could be more effective tools for change than my personal contributions. But I'm not going to marches because I don't handle the crowds, and I'm not a debater so I don't think I'm changing anybody's mind. I just wish I could explain that doing these things is how I feel like myself, like my morals matter, and like I can feel proud that I stand up for what I believe in. And those are way more important to me being happy than a new pair of cool boots and sunglasses.
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thoughts while/after reading a court of wings and ruin for the first time
I sped through this book so I didn't really write much down as I was reading so these are thoughts after I read the first half and then once I finished the rest
first half, chapters 1-32
italics is stuff I've added after finishing the book
I love lucien so much I feel bad that feyre was using him for her schemes but also I love her liike she's so sneaky. even if it didn't work out as planned
'he's a different breed' made me laugh
so a faerie's mate being a human is a thing? that's weird/interesting/idk
ianthe die challenge (I won)
I was wondering why tf feyre's power was so low bc she's supposed to be strong as fuck. I was like um ?
lucien and feyre leaving together!! I kinda knew it was gonna happen bc in the recap vid of mist and fury that i watched she was like 'lucien would get on well with rhys' group wink wink' but also like, it was obvious anyways - elain is his mate, lucien has clearly been a bit iffy about the way tamlin has done things
made me sad that feyre wasn't just straight up like yeah lucien you should come with me like I get it but also :(
lucien and feyre travelling together for a bit was cool I love their dynamic a lot
lucien and nesta's first dinner with everyone is my fave like both of them slowly realising that the vibes are fun and being kinda surprised
amren being stuck teaching nesta is funny, I feel like they're a good duo
are we gonna get an eris is actually a good guy story bc I am here for it idk, I'm very intrigued
so everyone knows that cassian and nesta are mates right they just for whatever reason won't just say it? or is this vibe purely bc he broke his promise or whatever? surely not
azriel being all soft with elain is so cute wait. but also her and lucien would be cute too and idk UGH
nesta and elain had the potential to really irritate me but they haven't been too bad actually. I'm intrigued by whatever is going on with nesta. elain being a seer is a bit less fun bc that's not massively my vibe but it's fine. also I feel like the second she starting being cryptic like she was having visions it was kinda obvious she was some kind of psychic
it's almost comical how non-evil rhys is like wdym he has a library for abused women like okay sarah we get it he's actually very nice under that bad boy exterior
current ranking? lucien > amren > rhys > azriel > cassian > feyre > mor > nesta > elain
second half, chapter 33-end
I teared up way too many times and lowkey can't remember them all but this some - feyre being like that's why luciens mum loves him so much, them all holding hands before the final battle, the bone carver looking at freyre before dying, tamlin telling feyre to be happy, amren leaving
I wish lucien wasn't gone for like half the book
very mixed feelings about tamlin like fuck him fr he's clearly got Issues but also him being there to help and help bring rhys back was very sweet
and also I feel bad for tamlin but I struggle to feel THAT bad in terms of like am I supposed to care that feyre ruined the trust he had with his ppl bc I don't. also he was so twatty during the meeting like omg how embarrassing
kinda need to know more about eris idk like am I supposed to like him or not I still don't really know
tbh I thought lucien was just more tan than his brothers bc the spring court gets a bit more sun than the autumn one 😭
I was worried that all the battling going on in the book would bore the shit out of me but for the most part I was really into it
what is the deal with lucien, elain and azriel like is elain gonna say fuck the bond and get with az? I could be swayed to root for either one of them tbh. azriel seems to be better for her so far tho, like he knows how to be there for her
I stg after the last book I was like damn where are the gay ppl and this book was like HERE are the gay ppl. not that this is like rep central but yknow
kinda don't know how I feel about mor not telling at least azriel idk bc part of me is like if you just tell him and be open I'm sure it'll be a bit awkward (especailly since you waited 500 years to do it instead of telling him ages ago) at first but in the long run it'll be way better and maybe he'll even understand why it was hard for her to tell him. and also everyone else would obvs be supportive of her. but also maybe az is the weird one for not just getting the hint and leaving her alone like if it was gonna happen by now it would have happened and the fact he's soooo protective of her still, in a way that shows how he truly feels, is like okay bro maybe leave her alone
new ranking? rhys > lucien > azriel > cassian > feyre > mor > nesta > elain? idfk
there was a lot of names to remember and idk I defo got most of them down but some of them I'm like idk who you are I'm gonna be real. and miryam etc, I'm still not 100% clear on their story but honeslty it's fine, I understood it enough to not get too confused. I'll pay more attention if/when I reread
low-key feel like either rhys or amren (preferably amren) stayed gone like idk, both of them leaving/dying only to be brought back kinda takes something out of it I want STAKES sarah kill someone
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hello hello! i had the absolute fuckall busy 2days, hope u didnt mind the accidental ghosting. i kept wanting to reply but i was feeling too tired to do it lmao. hello! hope ur doing well! i absolutely love the word coinkydink btw, im stealing it thank u. the fact!!!!!!!! that u do music production!!!!!!!! so cool!!!! consider me amazed yayy. ive always been unhealthily obsessed with chan's vocals, seeing him sing, esp with as much love and enjoyment/passion as he does is chills inducing to me. and yeah!!! his skills are so impressive, esp 3racha with rockstar album i very much agree!! i still cant pick a favorite song, and its funny bcs that's seldom the case no matter how much i love the whole album. cover me was played a lot tho (i was soo proud of hyunjin!!) and their vocalss yess!! seungmin han i.n leeknow and then ofc chan felix hyunjin changbin, they all did such good jobs, and their voice shined a notch brighter yes!! (mildly obsessed everytime changbin sings btw i am a sucker for it) their vocal heavy songs have always been some of my beloved!!!! never-ending story that i never get enough of, levanter and in christmas evel the way 24-25 was my immediate favorite! skz and ballads is smth mind-scratchingly wonderful, like always. what are some of your other favorite kpop groups?? what genres do u like as well, like i really love and find myself obsessed with k-indie, if we are talking korean language songs? what kind of songs do u like and listen to!! just wanted to know more abt u as well!! esp now that ik u produce too!! and just wanted to say ur art!!!! its so amazing and gorgeous!! so talented!!
^^apologies if i sound mildly incoherent (ik i do) its so damn cold outside both my face and brain have made it a mission to resemble chunks of ice cream so im!! thinking in circles p ls excuse. hope u have a good day an amazing week and great end of year and holidays!!
no worries at ALL dude the holidays are crazy, i really like this secret santa project but there’s so much else going on it’s also a lot 😅 yes! i’m stoked you liked rockstar. i thought it was so good, i was really in love with the songs/choreo/vibes and the members all seemed so happy! OMG YES Changbin’s voice is so good…why doesn’t he sing more it’s crazy…i have rewatched their conodoll episode a couple times because all their voices are just wonderful to listen to
i like 24-25 too! and that music video is just too sweet, it gave me cavities lmao. my fave kpop groups are skz, txt, and my OG (and forever) kpop band is shinee! i’ve been getting into xdinary heroes too. it seemed like everyone released amazing EPs this october-november, i was living for it. good music was raining down left and right.
i like so many genres in all languages! rock, punk, electronic, indie—i used to listen to a lot of k-indie (nell, the black skirts, the koxx, clazziquai) but now i don’t really know any more recent bands. i’d love to hear what your favorite songs/bands are!! i’m in a finding-new-music phase right now. i just found out about this new zealand band called the beths, their album “expert in a dying field” is a lyrical masterpiece.
thank you for your sweet compliments!! haha i’m trying to get better at portraits…oof, sorry it’s so cold where you are! bundle up and i hope you get some sun soon!! i’m in california so it’s actually really nice weather. exactly like the rest of the year. i do miss having seasons. but it’s also nice to go to the beach and not freeze lmao
best of luck in the final week before the holidays!! gonna be a crazy one i think, i have to bake stuff until my oven gives up and cries
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Random headcanons about me and Stanley's life after Ggbb
⚠️Spoilers⚠️
In this Stanley lives because I say so👍
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Me, Stanley, and Jamie would absolutely be the trio
We'd probably all even end up living together at some point
FAMILY DINNERS WHERE STANLEY BEING THE SWEETHEART HE IS ALWAYS ASKS ME AND JAMIE WHAT WE WANT FOR DINNER
Jamie: "So are you gonna propose to her soon orrr?"
Stanley: "W-what?"
Jamie: "Well I mean it's kind of a give in after everything that happened that you two are gonna stay together, so I was just wondering when"
Stanley: "Well, as true as that is, I don't wanna rush it, I don't want it to feel like I'm proposing because she accepted me, I want to do it right
Idk how to explain this but like in those edits/videos (Like a specific one of Pam Miller I saw with a guy dying laughing at her acting, in a good supportive way not like she's bad😭💖 If I can find the video maybe I'll include it here) (I FOUND IT https://www.tiktok.com/t/ZT8hTvPdQ/) there would be so many little things I do and little idiosyncrasies of mine that would either, if they could tell I was agitated at someone, (And they'd defanitely always be able to tell) they'd sit there awkwardly eyeing eachother or just dying laughing at random shit from me
US BEGGING STANLEY TO LET US GET A PUPPY
Me finding random animals and bringing them home
*Stanley looking at Jamie* "This is what I have to deal with"
If anyone comes for Jamie Reynolds they're gonna have to go through me
My family and Jamie's family would absolutely volunteer themselves as Stanley's new adopted family no ifs ands or buts (Doesn't matter that he kidnapped their son😌)
I'd probably end up hiding some of my own personal issues with my family from Stanley for awhile, not wanting to add any more to his plate family wise, especially compared to what he's been through
But he'd fond out eventually and be the absolute sweetest about it
He'd still fully be welcomed into my family though, by everyone
If Stanley ever feels like he has to pay someone to keep his secret again I'm absolutely being the one paying for it this time, he's never having to work two jobs again. Even if there wasn't anybody he felt he needed to pay I'd still be willing to have two jobs just so he could have a break after doing it for so long and not have to work at all
Cara would come over all the time to flirt with me infront of Stanley
Cara: "Her hair is so shiny have you seen it? It's hard to miss"
Jamie running his hands through my hair: "No knots either damn"
Obviously one of the main reasons Stanley has such a good security system at our house is because of his past but it's just a very big bonus that he gets to make sure I'm safe
I'd also probably have the effect of everything that happened to Stanley in Ggbb building up inside of me and the thought of losing him before I break down infront of him but again he'd be so sweet
So many moments of Jamie catching random marks/hickies on the both of us
These last few headcanons could really be either be before or after the events of Ggbb give or take Jamie being there but I really like them so I wanted to include them
I feel like I'd try to be super sweet upfront but an absolute cunt when needed so I can completely imagine Stanley reassuring people I'm nice and telling then how adorable and stupid I really am with him if their first impression of me was during bitch mode
I'd be standing there with Stanley, Pip, and Cara (MY BABIES) like "😄" and then someone I knew was awful would come up behind me and call my name and I'd have to close me eyes and switch before spinning around with an eye roll like "😀/sar🤬"
I had another one I think including Jamie but I can't remmeber😭 But if I remember I'll include it
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Stanley deserves the best life and I'm gonna do everything in my power to give it to him😭👉👈💖
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A quick update; some more thoughts on Shaman King 2021 — and this time, it's Episodes 33-37!
Episode 33
The last instalment of Mt Osore La Voile and wow... I was just on the verge of weeping the whole time. It's so sweet to see the reciprocated feelings between Yoh and Anna (and the fact that Yoh was the one who doki'd first? 2001 made their relationship feel a bit one-sided, somehow) and this flashback makes it pretty clear that no, Yoh loves his bride-to-be a looot.
The revelation that Anna can read minds is one that I have to come to grips with because it raises questions about everything that's gone before; I think the lack of foreshadowing makes it a bit iffy but whatever, it just really illustrates how much of a powerhouse Anna is.
But damn — the origins of the 1080 beads and Yoh's necklace? My heart...
I love Matamune. I am so sad about what passed between him and Hao and how he holds it in his heart even now... I'm trying not to scroll through the Shaman King tag too much in order to avoid spoilers but sheesh, it's hard when I wanna reblog fanart! But yeah, I definitely love Matamune... sobs...
The ending poem really got to me. I loved the way it was sang.
Episode 34
HOROHORO REMAINS THE COOLEST
And that just makes it seem like I'm making a lousy joke but for reaaaalll, he's such a cool character — "I suck at math!" — and a good person, guh!
And his dad just being right there?? What??
(Glad to see Pirica finally getting some screen time; she was so much more prominent in 2001.)
And poor Ren being traumatised at the thought of being Sleeping Beauty'd good grief HIS EXPRESSIONS ARE TOO FUNNY
Ren: As far as I'm concerned, I owe you another one
Yoh: But if you died, how would I call in those favours?
SCREAMNS. YELLS. WHAT AN EXCELLENT DYNAMIC.
Episode 35
KOORI NO SEKAIIIII. Hyoutei intensifies!
Love the way Horohoro (the coolest) pulled off that combination attack — and I think it says a lot about his power that he flawlessly worked with strangers' spirits. Once again, he is just a top-notch kid.
Marco has issues, man. Why is he always hitting Lyserg fjgkfk MARCO STOP
And my first intro to Gandhara! They definitely have a presence! I can't wait to see more of them!
Ooft. I did wonder if the babies' dad might've been killed by Joco.
Mikihisa is still adopting everyone.
Episode 36
I saw a post that reflected that all of the past few episodes have taken place on the SAME DAY and wow, what a wild day it's turning out to be!!
I literally cannot believe my job is keeping me from watching more Shaman King right now SOBS
But bloody hell!!! Muntzer possessing Seyrarm the whole time? MY JAW DROPPED
Team Bleeding / Dying / Throwing Up showing up to save the day at the end OH MY HEART
Episode 37
Hao just. Hopped away. Just like that. We didn't even see him leave. He was just gone.
Wow... so everyone is gonna die and be reborn again to boost their mana, huh? Gandhara are pretty kind to be freaking healing everyone every 5 seconds (though! It wasn't explicitly stated that Yoh was healed by them so huh, maybe our boy did manage to heal himself after all).
Man, Joco losing his eyesight... his upgrade was seriously cool.
The Golem arc wrapped up a bit toooo quickly, but it was still good stuff! There was a lot of drama and it was nice (?) to see Lyserg work with the team... but I have to say that the X-Laws are freaking lenient to be letting him run off all the time, lol
And it's nice to have clarification that Anna can't read minds anymore!
Phew... Manta. It's hard to take the depth of his and Yoh's friendship that seriously because he spends so much time getting overwhelmed by the situation, complaining ("Why didn't Yoh tell ME about his past?") and just plain running away. The friendship has probably been one of the victims of the intense pace but... I know Manta is Yoh's first human friend, but the poignancy just doesn't feel like it's there, which is really sad.
And even Yoh is a bit of a funny one. I love him a lot but it feels like his values flip-flop depending on who he's talking to; his ideals seem to change according to what works for the narrative in that very moment. And then you have Anna (and occasionally Ryu or Ren or someone) giving a speech about why Yoh is so powerful, and sometimes it lands, but other times... boyo's values feel they lack conviction (probably because, "Everything will work out in the end."). And while that is SUPER understandable for a 14-year-old, it is a bit distracting for a protagonist...
So while I loved the Yoh of the flashback, I wish that I could really love the Yoh of the actual Shaman Fight...
I still have 10+ episodes left, so I hope I get hit with a wave of emotion!
Oh, and Lyserg has very Lelouch-like features. The chin!
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