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#everything MUST be his fault because HE's the broken one that needs fixing that needs changing and reinventing because that's
bird-inacage · 1 year
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Love in the Air: Sky’s Truth Scene
So the other scene I MUST absolutely do a deep dive on is Sky’s truth scene. This occurs immediately after the ambush aftermath. Before Sky had even stepped into the condo, he made a promise to himself that he would tell Prapai the truth. Because not sharing his past with Prapai was slowly eating him up inside. In this episode, it’s revealed that Sky was living in fear of what Prapai would think of him, of how he would react once he found out.
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So Sky decides to tell Prapai that Gun abused him and essentially shares a short re-telling of what we saw in the flashbacks. This is Sky finally telling Prapai his truth, and the cause for this trauma. As painful as it is for Sky to share that incident with Prapai, its the final piece of the puzzle that allows Sky to impart why he is the way he is, to the man that he loves.
As Sky is telling his story, Prapai is incredibly gentle and quiet throughout. He constantly strokes the back of Sky’s head - provides his warm, steadfast presence and allows Sky to say what he needs to say. This stroking action is a gesture of comfort first and foremost. We see Prapai do this a lot with Sky, but it also acts as a coaxing action. ‘It’s okay, you tell me in your own time, take it easy, I’m listening.’
Then Sky says the part that upsets Prapai the most.
“I’m trash. I’m damaged goods. When I returned home, I was like a broken doll. I didn’t speak. Didn’t listen. I spaced out so much that my dad got worried.”
For Sky, these are his inner demons. These are the poisonous type of inner thoughts that have plagued him ever since the abuse. Thoughts that have been deeply ingrained on Sky’s psyche. This isn’t just about how he felt back then, its how he still feels now. And Prapai has seen facets of that first-hand. The fact that Sky says this with a self-deprecating smile, speaks volumes. It’s not conjecture in Sky’s mind, it’s a matter of fact. Like he’s admitting a shameful part of his own character.
As Prapai listens to Sky say these things about himself, it deeply, deeply hurts him. One, because it insinuates a degree of self-loathing that derives from thinking this was brought on by one’s self. That Sky still believes he was at fault for causing this to happen. Sky doesn’t say, ‘He’s trash, He’s damaged, He’s an absolute lowlife for doing this to me’, it’s ‘I’m the worst, I’m nothing, I’m worthless’. And Prapai cannot bear hearing Sky say that about himself. Two, that Prapai (who loves Sky so dearly), knows and sees that Sky is everything but those things.
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Sky is sweet, he’s considerate, he’s loving. The Sky backstory really cemented my take on that Sky has always been an ardent child who wants desperately to be loved and to love. He just has so much love to give. And we saw evidence of this at the start of the episode. Sky is adorably clingy, he’s affectionate, he’s wanting. When he’s finally opened up to another human being, he showers them with his undiluted love and attention. And that earnest love is so distinctly palpable and wholesome. Sky truly gives his everything to someone he loves. Every ounce and every drop of himself he can muster.
Prapai remains silent, shaking his head in disbelief and seemingly taking this all in, but his eyes are screaming out. You can literally hear the thoughts in his head blaring, ‘No, that’s not true. None of what you’re saying is true. You’re the most incredible person I know. I love you so much. Please, please don’t say that about yourself.’ When you love someone else, you see all the amazing qualities they possess, the qualities that made you fall in love with them in the first place. To have your significant other say such awful things about themselves, knowing that there’s no easy way or quick fix to erase the cumulative years of self-hatred, is just unbearable. Loving someone isn’t enough to convince them to love themselves. Healing is very much a process that has to take place within oneself. Prapai knows this, and so he doesn’t deny what Sky’s saying. Because denying those things won’t dilute the impact they have on Sky. So all he can do is be heartbroken on Sky’s behalf. To mourn the Sky that could have been if none of this had happened.
When you hear stories in retrospect, aware that you cannot change the course of history, it can cause anyone to feel immensely helpless. Knowing that there’s nothing you can do to repair the past. This may also be a real point of fear for Prapai. It could have so easily gone a different way. For Sky to bear the brunt of that trauma and come out the other side - to be how he is and where he is today is nothing short of a miracle. There was always another possible trajectory in which Prapai never meets Sky. A version of events where Prapai doesn’t ever get to prove to Sky that he deserves to be loved and cherished. Where Prapai doesn’t get to do his darned best to heal and protect Sky. Prapai can now vividly envision how much could have been at stake, and how much could be have been lost. This wonderful love he may have never even known.
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Then Sky asks, “Can I love you? Can I?” And this is such an fitting piece of dialogue that encompasses Sky so completely. He desperately loves Prapai, and wants to love him freely, fully. But he feels he has to ask permission. That little additional “Can I?” sounds like the child in Sky speaking. ‘Please let me love you. Please don’t turn me away.’ It almost sounds like Sky is additionally implying, ‘I know my love may be a burden, but I promise I’ll be good and I won’t overstep.’ This links back to what Sky said last episode about Gun trying to programme Sky to be obedient. The fact that Sky even feels he has to ask just destroys Prapai, who has wanted nothing but Sky’s love. Who treasures Sky’s love above all else.
Sky asking if he can love Prapai can also be interpreted as - do I deserve to love again? Do I deserve to burden you with my baggage, with myself? Am I even capable of loving again (like a normal, undamaged person)? Akin to how Sky’s nightmares still plague him, Sky feels a huge sense of hopelessness over the shadow this has cast over him and his future. He has no idea when he will be free of this, if ever.
Every step of this conversation peels back another layer of Sky’s withered sense of his own self-worth. A chasm that Gun intentionally created. So Prapai is understandably tearful and devastated 
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And yet Sky, despite all this, is still the caring and considerate soul that he always has been. He asks Prapai why he’s crying and carefully wipes away his tears. Through all his insecurities and anxieties, Sky is still able to believe in Prapai’s good and Prapai’s devotion. He doesn’t want Prapai to cry out of guilt over something he could have in no way prevented. Because Sky is thankful. He’s immensely grateful. For everything Prapai has done for him. For everything Prapai wishes he could have done for him. It certainly doesn’t eradicate the past, but its a colossal comfort to Sky. It’s gives him strength to keep fighting.
Prapai goes on to emphasise that this isn’t about Sky asking whether he deserves to love Prapai, but Prapai can’t bear the thought of Sky loving anyone but him. Because Prapai loves him so much, he’s possessive and fiercely protective. He knows what a beautiful human being Sky is, and just how lucky he is to have Sky’s affection. So he also wants Sky affections to belong only to him, and to him alone.
I do believe that Sky finally sharing this with Prapai was clearly a huge weight off his chest. Yes, this conversation by no means ‘fixes’ the issues and trauma that Sky is still working through. But Sky and Prapai are taking those healthy first steps to allow Sky to begin healing properly, thoroughly. And that begins with acknowledgement, transparency, and letting go.
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romeulusroy · 11 months
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Hard To Love (Roman Roy Oneshot)
Character/s: Roman
Word Count: 1,210
Inspired By: Puke by Ava Maybee I loveeeee this song
Tag: @locke-writes
A/N: This is definitely for therapy lol I hope no one minds. Ya gurl feels very unlovable atm. Idk. It stems from something someone said to me once, someone who is supposed to love me unconditionally, they said I am hard to love. Of course I forgive them, I love them, but it still stings y'know? Feedback is always appreciated 💜💜💜
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Is there something wrong with me? You don't know if you’ve spoken the words or only thought about them. Either way he rocks you both back and forth, arms around you, hushing your fears. Your cheek is pressed against his chest, his heartbeat rapid, playing a tune you can’t quite name. Is there? There must be. Some innate, genetic wrongdoing. Something must be missing from you to make you this way. Sensitive. Forgotten. An easy target. They shoot their arrows into you, through you, but you always come crawling back. Always. The pain, the blood loss, the look in their eyes, none of that matters. You don’t matter. They know they can do whatever they want and you’ll cling to them like a lost child. Because they’re your family. Because they’re supposed to love you unconditionally. But they don’t. And that is not a fault on their part, but your own. You have done something to make them hate you, you have done something to make them turn on you, it is all your fault. You’ve seen them love others the way you have wanted to be loved. You have seen them be so caring, so devoted, so in love with someone it breaks you into pieces. It threatens to undo your very soul. There is something about you that is so undeserving, so unlovable, so broken that they could never fathom treating you that way. They could never see you as something to care for, to give a second thought. 
Is it my fault? No, he fights back, no, no, never. But he’s wrong, biased, blinded. You’ve done a good job fooling him. Everything is. Right? Everything, everyone’s emotions, their well-being, it’s all on you. You take care of them. You heal their wounds. You dry their eyes. And in return, you get nothing. You are forgotten. His arms grow tight around you, together, stronger, as if he thinks holding you will keep your brokenness from showing. Pieces of you slide off his lap, shattering against the ground. You want to fight against him, against his word, but you’re too tired. Exhausted. Tears well up in your eyes, threatening to fall. It can’t be like this every time. You question why you come crawling back every time, hind legs wounded, but you do it. The moment they give you a second of attention, you forget everything that has ever happened. Every unkind word. Every look. Every comment. It sticks into your hair like gum. You are so hard to love. A direct quote. Spoken to you in a moment of fury, of anger. Does that make it any easier to swallow? Does it make it any better knowing it was spoken out of frustration? No. The anger bites back, chewing you to bits and pieces. It is the hard truth, the thing that needed to be said. He knows the sensation, that sinking feeling in the pit of your chest, the expectations you’ve been carrying for this single moment deflating, dying in your arms. 
Why am I so hard to love? You whimpered through the bathroom door. What, what are you talking about? He jiggled the handle, but it wouldn’t budge. You sat with your back against the door, not letting him in. You wanted to, no you needed to be alone. To cry this out. I can’t help you if you won’t let me in. You didn’t want his help though, you didn’t feel worthy of it. You deserved to be alone, to feel alone. You were a burden, a hindrance, something people didn’t want alone. You kept running through the list in your head, all the reasons, the myriad of explanations. If they picked one, just one, maybe you could change it. Fix it. Fix you. Make yourself into something deserving of love. You pressed your face into your crossed arms, feeling small. Insignificant. He slid down to your level, speaking quietly, tenderly. You know whatever they said or did, it’s not on you. No one who loves someone would hurt them like this. Like his father. Like your family. You just shrugged, knowing he can’t see. You weren’t sure why you listened to them, why you let it get under your skin, it just did. Too sensitive, they called it, as if it were a bad thing. As if it were another reason to disregard your tears, your feelings. You never should have gone home, but you missed it, the idea of home. This grand notion that things would be different, they would be different. You always do. Hopeful, he calls it. Fucking stupid, you correct. It's naive of you to think they’d ever change, ever soften, ever share the same heart as you do. As soon as you go back you remember why you left, why you built this little life with him in your home, why you came home crying every time. 
Maybe he should have warned you. He didn’t want to dampen the mood. Roman could see how excited you were, proud to show yourself and all your achievements, no matter how small. Naming every relative, how much you missed them, how long it’s been since you’ve seen them. Maybe he should have gone with you, protected you, becoming your human shield. It wouldn’t have mattered. You wouldn’t have let him get hurt like that. They were smart in their cruelty, knowing just the right insecurities, the right buttons to push to shatter who you are inside. He watched you try on countless outfits, worried they wouldn’t like what you chose, worried you wouldn’t make the best impression. It didn’t matter what you chose in the end, they had enough choice words about your body regardless. Y/n, will you let me in? He asked softly, not moving. You let the question hang in the air, sniffling, letting yourself relax, take deep breaths. He checked your bedroom, the couch, kitchen, every nook and cranny where you might try to hide. This always happens. The disappearing act, the lack of self-worth, the hatred turn in on yourself. It’s them you should be mad at, but you can’t be. You love them too much. You need them too much to think harshly of them. The handle turns, the door creaking open. He moves with open arms which you fall into.  He doesn’t have any jokes to make it better, anything to lighten the mood, he knows better than that. Now, you need comfort. You need soothing and reassurance. Your head against his chest, the rest of you heavy with grief. You go back every time because you want to be loved the way you’re supposed to, the way all the songs and shows and movies promise you: unconditionally. And every time you’re disappointed. Because your life, this life, isn't a movie. It doesn’t have a happy ending. It just keeps going despite the heartache, despite the pain. It threatens to collapse in on you, cave in, when it gets bad. There’s no such thing as unlovable, he says to you, to himself, to the universe. Discarded like a kicked puppy. He can handle it from his father, Gerri, everyone, but you? You don’t deserve that. There’s no such thing as unlovable, he’s sure of it.
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Better Boyfriend Pt. 2
I’m a little mad when you bring Kyle around again. Like, the very next day? I’m sitting in my room stewing when I hear him leave. And then you knock on my door. I answer, and you’re standing there, beet red, arms crossed.
I don’t wait for you to say anything. “That sounded disappointing as fuck, babe,” I say.
“I just thought maybe now he could…” you say, because you’re kinda dumb sometimes.
“What, do you think I fixed your broken pussy or something?” I ask, and you gape, “Well, newsflash, hun. You’re not the broken one, he is. It’s not your fault he can’t make you cum. It’s not like there’s something wrong with you that I magically fixed. It’s his dumbass who doesn’t know how to fuck you.”
You take a half step back with a whimper when I walk closer, our chests touching as I look down at you, “The only thing wrong with you is that you thought anyone but me could satisfy you.”
That’s when I hear the gasp that I’ve been looking for and I grab your chin and kiss you again. Finally, you speak. “I just… how did you know that I thought…”
“Because I know you. Better than he does, even. I hear how you talk about yourself when you’re on the phone with your friends.” A tear rolls down your face, and I wipe it away.
“Sorry,” you say, unnecessarily, “I… I know I’m messing up somehow. Either by doing this, or by inviting Kyle back over, or… I didn’t touch you at all when you…”
I kiss you again, and pull you into my room. Your eyes are wide when I pull away and I start to unbutton my shirt.
“Fuck,” you say.
“Yes,” I answer, “If the lady wishes it.”
You must be too preoccupied with my tits to laugh at how funny I am, because of course that was hilarious. But I’m not too put out by it. So I come over to you and pull your shirt off. You squeak, and shyly cross your arms over your breasts. You must not have put a bra back on after Kyle, because your cute little nipples are bared to the air.
I grab your bare hips and pull you in for another kiss, and you moan into my mouth, your lips parting and your tongue seeking mine, and I smirk into it. You’re so fucking gone on me. You want it so bad, it’s almost funny. I’m lucky I’m the first butch with the balls to eat you out, because otherwise you’d fall for them instead of me. I lift you from where you’re standing and you make a very high pitched noise before I set you on the bed.
“It’s… going to happen, isn’t it?” You ask, “You’re going to fuck me?”
“Unless you tell me not to,” I respond. I keep my voice easy, like I’m not inches away from devouring you in some kind of horny sapphic frenzy. You put your hands above your head and arch your back with a whimper. You are not good at asking for what you want, I’m realizing, so instead of making you wait, I pull your pants off.
I could drool. You’re soaked. I watch you seperate your legs and I see that even through your panties your legs have been coated in slick, and a line of fluid clings between your thighs.
“Please?” The word draws my attention back to your face, and I bite my lip. You’re looking at me with such big eyes, so pathetic and cute and needy that I almost ask if you practice that look in the mirror.
Instead of totally ruining the mood with that question, I crawl between your legs and lay over you to kiss you more, enveloping you in my body. I work my sweatpants off, and grind my cock on your cunt, and you whine. “You’re packing?” You ask, and I grin.
“I guess you wouldn’t know, but… trust me, I don’t need to add anything to my pants for vanity. Everything I got down there is au natural.”
Your eyes bulge like you’re about to have some kind of early-onset orgasm, and I pull it out. You cover your face, the way you do when you’re embarrassed, and I start rubbing my cock, making sure it’s as hard as possible before I split you on it. With my other hand I grab at your chest, pinching your nipple at first, enjoying the way you gasp, before I squeeze the whole thing, drawing a moan from you.
I’m satisfied with how hard I am now. I hook my fingers under the waistband of your underwear. I look up at you, and once you nod I pull your underwear down.
Your pretty little pussy. I could get off so quick just stroking myself and looking at it. Instead I let myself leak onto the bedspread and I crawl down to start eating you out again, the way I did before, but you grab my hair before I can.
“I just spent an hour having bad sex. If you make me wait any longer to have your cock in me I’m leaving.”
I tug on your hair and you yelp and pout, “You’re so fucking demanding.”
Before you can respond, I shove my cock into you and you practically scream. I’m gonna have to buy the neighbors fruit baskets. I push in harder, go deeper and your arms fly around me, nails digging into my back and I hiss at the pain, before pulling out and slamming back in.
“Cu-cumming!” You say.
“Already?” I say, “Then we’ll just have to keep going for a few rounds. Let’s see, how many times have you had sex with Kyle in the last week? Seven times? Sounds like you’re owed seven orgasms.”
I don’t know if you heard me, you might be too busy swearing and begging and sobbing with pleasure to pay attention. Instead I keep pounding and enjoy the welts you’re digging into my back.
Ugh. Do you have any idea how beautiful you look when you cum? I’m tempted to never tell you, so you don’t get self-concious over it. The way you shut your eyes, how your mouth falls open with a silent scream of pleasure. You’re a work of art.
I slow down a little and your eyes open, and you say, “Wow, that was-“
I’m a rude bitch, I know this. I inturrupt you, rude as ever, by putting your legs over my shoulders, and leaning down to pound you some more in a mating press and soon you’re babbling my name again.
“Fuck, fuck, fuck,” you say, like a religious mantra, “c-cum in me, I wanna feel you fill me up, I wanna feel you covering me in the morning.” That’s how I learned that as shy as you are, you can dirty talk like a champ. My mind is filled with images of you covered in my drying cum, sticky and satisfied after a night of rest. Waking up in my arms.
I thrust harder and try to focus, your moans and the way your hands feel. Our tits brushing. How your hair feels in my fingers. The clap-clap-clap of my hips on yours. I kiss you, and then say, “Cum for me.”
“You first.”
I pull your hair again, “Fucking demanding.”
But I do cum in you, my hips stuttering and bucking into you wildly. I barely maintain my steady pace, sensitive from climax, and I reach between our bodies to rub at your clit, and soon you’re spasming under me again, making that face and those noises that are quickly becoming permanent fixtures in my spank bank.
As we come down from our climaxes together, I let your legs back down, and I lay on you, our bodies sticking together messily. I kiss you again.
After a warm eternity of silence, you say, “Thank you,” so quietly, “I really enjoyed tonight.”
I whisper into your ear, “Oh did you think we were done?”
After all, we’re only at two out of seven.
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sammy-witha-c · 2 years
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tbh i’ll admit i’ve been putting off my relisten of dndads season 1 because i’m at henry’s arc and i vaguely remembered it being a bit slow even though i remember enjoying it a lot and. i am SO upset i put it off i’ve binged it all in one night and i have THOUGHTS LIKE...
GOD. henry’s character arc is so fucking good like. he came from this toxic, emotionally-abusive place, where over time it became more obvious to him that he didn’t belong. his dad was never proud. he was bullied regularly and then told HE was the problem. his mom, which he clearly loves very, very much, pulled away from him probably from a mixture of the abuse she herself was facing and the fact that henry reminded her of how messed up it all was too. she tried to KILL HIS DAD. which was justified but GOD it must have fucked with henry’s head like. there is something so painful about being raised in a toxic environment and then having the feeling that nothing changes even though you know it deeply should and dungeons and daddies nails it on the fucking head. 
so he finds this broken mirror, right? maybe he knows its purpose. maybe he doesn’t. maybe he wants to escape. maybe he just wants to make his dad proud. but he fixes it, eventually, because he’s smart, and then suddenly he doesn’t remember anything from before and he’s in this whole new fucking world. 
god. henry loves nature. henry loves earth. henry grew up surrounded by trees that were all the same and people who were all unfair and suddenly he was surrounded by so much beautiful diversity... he’s treated with love. the only thing he really remembers is he had a fight with his dad and they never talked again which is so??? he forgot everything except that his dad was bad news and that hurts me so much. he wants to know about his past but he also doesn’t. it’s so painful. i have the hc that henry didn’t forget for any magic reason, it was just him repressing his trauma. and it makes me so SAD man. 
and then his boys- the light of his life- are born. he loves them. he loves them so much it hurts. and they love him too, he thinks, and henry doesn’t know what the hell to do with that. his mom loved him but hated him at the same time. his dad was never proud, always saying henry was to blame. but now he’s got these two beutiful kids who he loves so fucking much and he’s so scared of screwing up. he’s so scared. 
henry comes back to the forgotten realms and he can do magic. he doesn’t know why but he can. henry find out his dad brought him here and he’s suddenly faced with repressed trauma he doesn’t want to remember. he loves his boys. he loves his wife. he needs to go home. he heads to oakvale. 
can you imagine how painful that must’ve been??? for him to visit this place where he never belonged and find he still doesn’t??? henry is such a forgiving and nice person. i have to imagine there was a part of him- however small- that thought, maybe it changed. maybe it’s okay now. but it isn’t, and nothing’s different, and henry’s just a kid again who can’t make his dad proud. 
and his boys are there. they’re saying they love him. henry is having a mental breakdown and they love him. henry has found out he doesn’t belong anywhere, actually, and they love him. 
he sees his mom. he loves his mom. she seems excited for a moment. it all goes dull. he loves his mom and she is telling him she was happier when he wasn’t here. he loves his mom and nothing’s right. 
they’re your grandchildren, he says. they’re you’re grandchildren. henry isn’t confident in himself- henry has a sort of hatred for himself, actually, because he was never shown to love the parts of him that were faults. but he’s confident in his children. he loves his children so fucking much. they’re a lot sometimes and they don’t listen but they’re the best thing that’s ever happened to him. they’re your grandchildren. be proud of me. they’re your grandchildren. mom- i love you. 
i don’t want to meet them, autumn yells. and henry finally understands the extent of which he will never. 
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ambiguouspuzuma · 4 months
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Fixed
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well if you were desperate for a source to all of this I suppose you could trace it back to Little Ritchie Wilkes and his arm and his bike-riding accident although that's not say it was his fault exactly as after all it had been an accident and accidents were no-one's fault at all but in any case he broke his bike and his left arm at the same time and that's why they brought him to me and opened the gates for everything else.
folk had always known I had a knack for the mending of things and would bring me their dented pots and broken vases for me to put together but never an actual person until Little Ritchie arrived in tears and a torn orange sweater as brightly coloured as he was pale with a broken arm slung against his chest and a broken bike under his other hand which he also wanted me to fix.
well I did the bike nice and easy and the arm went a treat as well although I was worried about whether my gift would work for flesh and blood like it did for porcelain and tin as although I helped that poor chickadee that flew into the porch windows the year before and it did fly away again quite happily I thought in that case it might have just been stunned rather than having any broken bones that needed welding back together like the ones in Little Ritchie's arm.
anyway I patched him up and packed him off home and forgot about the whole affair and hoped that he would too except he clearly remembered everything because some twelve years down the track the man that was now Big Ritchie or at least Regular Size worked in that new car factory and got his arm caught in the machine and it didn't break although the machine did and everyone was shocked and he lost his job as they thought he must have put something else in there but he said it was just his hand and pointed its finger to me.
I remember when I had that old silk dress my Great Aunt Gracie left me when I was a young woman and foolish and Ma told me to treat it with care but I went out one night and drank too much and snagged it on the briar on the path home and this was before my gift had manifested so she took it to patch up as best she could with needle and thread except the thread she used was coarser than the silk so you could always see the stitches and that side itched something terrible to wear but of course it never tore again.
I realise that the other things I fixed didn't come back to me again and I had always just thought that people were more careful with their favourite vase or such-and-such having so nearly almost lost them but now I think about how scar tissue heals thick and heavy on the skin and wonder if when I fix things I fix them better so that they don't break and need fixing again and anyway that's what Regular Ritchie thought and what he told them and why they came.
so all of a sudden I had people turning up with this-or-that injury for me to look at and of course some were honestly won but preferring me over a doctor because of the rumours and I was sure that some were faked or even forced such that the person had deliberately broken their own arm to get a better one which couldn't be broken again and they were all begging for my help and some I fixed and some I didn't and I hoped I'd been good at telling which were which.
but of course some will have slipped through or even some of the honest ones might have turned dishonest in the meantime in the way that Little Ritchie the bike-riding kid became Regular Ritchie the factory worker and perhaps because of their newfound strength or invulnerability they were tempted into wicked ways they might not have otherwise found and so the fault is doubly mine for healing them in the first place.
so yes the long and short of it is that yes I am responsible for your supervillains as you call them and no I cannot turn them back and yes I've seen the error of my ways and no I do not do that anymore not even to nice detectives who want to lock them up because I can never know what that might do to you or what you might one day become with a badge and a gun as well as all that power.
and you can never know either and frankly you may also come to regret having such a gift because I know that my gift may seem wonderful on the outside but when you show me all these pictures of what these people have done I wish that it had never come to me I would have rather been ordinary and not have the power to fix things rather than create a problem that no-one can fix at all.
well yes perhaps if it was me and I was dying or in pain I would of course feel the urge to save myself yes even if I fell off a tall building and had to fix every bone in my body which would in theory make me stronger than any of my other patients but you have to see that would be different as I would already be responsible for all my future actions and so there would be no added burde- no what are you doing? where are you taking me? I don't know how to fight I don't know how
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radiant-reid · 2 years
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from the prompt list: 🦀+🚀
(preferably a really *messy* breakup)
and again congrats on 5K. you deserve it!!
come celebrate 5k friends with us i love love love this prompt and thank you ! i didn't know if you wanted a happy ending, but they got one.
🦀 Exs with feelings 🚀only one bed
"Why is there only one bed?" Spencer asked, almost disdainfully, as he glanced around the room. His tone had already sounded like he blamed you before there was just one bed, like it was your fault that you had to double up on rooms.
"I don't know." You replied flatly because he didn't mean it rhetorically. It was awkward, yeah, but you weren't about to throw a tantrum over it like Spencer looked like he was about to do.
He sighed loudly, determined to make it a big point. "It's bad enough that I have to share a room with you, but now I have to share a bed with you, too." He complained. Honestly, you weren't sure why Hotch paired you up. No one knew about the 10 months you were together, and this was the first time any room sharing had to occur in the two months you'd been broken up. If you thought about it, it was probably because they could all sense the distance between you, less friendly with each other now that you couldn't tell him you loved him whenever you liked. So, he'd probably made you share so you could fix whatever had been broken. Which wasn't going to happen. Breaking up with him, well, getting broken up with, was never something that felt inevitable when you were dating him.
"So don't." You offered, dumping your stuff on one side of the bed. "Sleep on the chair."
He'd slept in worse places in his life, and the armchair did look comfortable, but the chance to sleep next to you again was far too tempting. Dangerously so. And he wasn't going to do the grown-up thing and express his feelings properly. "That's ridiculous, I'm not going to do that." He huffed out.
"Okay, so shut up so we can go to sleep, wake up and pretend this never happened." You instructed, knowing it would make him mad. Any orders you have him or ideas you had in the field were guaranteed to make him irritated.
He waited until you were looking at him to roll his eyes. "I'm going in the bathroom first." He announced, taking his stuff out of his bag. When you were together, you always took the first shower. Always. Which was why he went first, determined to not let it feel like it used to.
Once he was gone, you unpacked some of your things, getting out your pajamas and toiletries. He took longer in the bathroom than he usually did, probably to annoy you, and you didn't say a word when you passed him to take your shower.
When you came back from your shower, he was sitting up against the headboard on your side of the bed. The side you had always slept on.
"What?" He must have noticed your scowl. "I always liked this side of the bed."
"Not where you used to sleep." You muttered, rolling your eyes.
Spencer rolled his eyes. "I'm so sick of compromising with you!" He exclaimed, uncharacteristically raising his voice.
"You do not compromise with me." You shot back, glaring at him.
"It's all I do, Y/n." He complained.
Now would have been a good time to stop, to be the bigger person, and let him sit there pouting. "Really? I had been ready to move in with you for months! And I was prepared to wait for as long as you needed me to."
"Shut up! Just shut up, I don't want to think about that." He stated, shaking his head and squeezing his eyes closed.
You were resisting the urge to touch his hand, squeeze it and tell him everything will be alright. "Well, if I have to think about it, so do you." You decided, crossing your arms over your chest defensively.
His face softened in a way you've only seen a few times before, and he looked at you with a long-lost tenderness. "You think about it."
Honestly, you answered him. "It's pretty much all I think about." The bad breakup replayed in your head whenever you didn't see him, and you still dreamed about being next to him when you slept. Even though you broke up because of him and his persistent need to take things slowly and keep your relationship a secret. At some point, it just got too difficult.
"Me too." He admitted, almost shyly, like it was an alarming secret. It had been since you broke up. He couldn't feel mad at you, just sad he'd ruined what you had. It was just easier to act mad to mask his feelings.
"How do we move past this then?" You asked, ready for the whole mess to be over.
His face dropped at that question, turning sad. "Move past it?" He whimpered out.
"Yeah. I guess we have to decide whether we get back together or not." You simplified it, trying not to give him room to overthink it.
"I..." He started, unsure about how to continue. His eyes were everywhere but yours. "I w-want to be with you, I always will."
You nodded, sitting on the edge of the bed, so you didn't look awkward standing in the corner of the room. "I can't do that if nothing changes." You told him.
Spencer gulped as he nodded, eyes flicking up to meet yours. "I want everyone to know. I just- I was... scared before, but being without you is the worst thing imaginable."
"It sucked, didn't it?" You laugh, earning a nod from him. "I love you, Spencer, and I'm not going to stop."
With the additional confidence, he reached forward to take your hands, leaning so close your lips were almost touching. "I love you, Y/n, and I'm going to tell everyone." He vowed before moving the extra inch forward and attaching your lips. It was the first kiss you'd had in too long, but the passion felt like no time had passed.
"Can we cuddle now?" You asked, crawling up the bed with him while wrapping your arms around him so you could cling to him. "I've missed that a lot."
"Me too." He agreed, pulling the blanket over you both and pulling you even closer to his chest.
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penflicks · 1 year
Note
It's me again. Could you write a story with Beatrix helps Saul after the burned attack because she knows his relationship with Andreas and she brings him to Andreas, please :)
Setting a burned one loose was probably overkill, Beatrix realised later as she stood on the edge of the road and watched it tear into an entire battalion leaving only Saul Silva alive but wounded. Oh her dad was going to kill her. She pulled out her phone and called him.
"What happened to radio silence, Little Storm?" Andreas answered after the first ring which ruined his chastening since it meant he'd been keeping his new phone with him constantly since she'd got it for him.
"I've done something terrible." Beatrix could feel her lower lip quiver. He was going to be so upset with her. Her mission had been so simple, break out Rosalind, leave Saul out of it.
"Are you hurt?" Andreas asked, his voice awash with concern.
"Saul Silva has got hit by a burned one. It's all my fault," Beatrix whispered.
"Fuck." Andreas sounded wrecked. "Did it at least kill him quickly?"
"No, he's the only survivor." Beatrix looked around for a sign of back up. "I don't know how long he'll have to wait for someone to notice they're missing."
"Alright, well. I'm coming to say goodbye then. I didn't get a chance last time." Andreas sounded old. Tired. Broken. A soldier who had lost too many comrades this way.
The guilt ate at Beatrix as he hung up. Saul was supposed to be his reward for getting Rosalind out. They'd rescue her and in turn she would fix things between him and Saul and they'd be reunited.
Andreas must have been closer nearby that Beatrix had realised because he arrived in ten minutes and exited the car dressed for battle.
"Watch my back and let me know if anyone comes or the burned one returns." Andreas touched Beatrix' side softly in that way that meant she was forgiven.
Beatrix nodded and cast an amplifying spell over the area. Nothing could move without her hearing it, although to everyone else the wood was the same. It had the downside of meaning she could hear everything Andreas and Saul said to each other, but she'd take her dad's secrets to the grave.
"Hey, Pretty Thing. Looking a little bashed up there." Andreas crouched down by the tree that Saul had hauled himself up against.
"I'm dead huh?" Saul offered a weak smile in the direction of Andreas's voice. Even from this distance Beatrix could tell the infection was setting in and Saul's vision was failing.
"Not yet, but you're heading that way." Andreas stroked Saul's cheek with the back of his fingers.
"Wasn't expecting you to be the one to meet me. I'm glad you are though. I've missed you. I still love you. I promised I raised Sky in a way you'd be proud of." Saul sniffled.
Beatrix heard the snap of a twig and the distant murmur of voices. People were coming, it wouldn't be long before Saul Silva was discovered and they needed to be out of there long before he was.
"We need to go," Beatrix projected her voice through the air to a spot just beside Andreas's ear.
"Hang in there for me, Pretty Thing. You're not done yet." Andreas stood up reluctantly.
"No, don't leave me yet. Please. I need you. Please." Saul clawed at the air trying to catch hold of Andreas but his eyesight had failed and he could only hear now.
"You'll see me again, I promise." Andreas stepped back and wrenched himself way from the love of his life to return to Beatrix. "Let's get you back to school, Little Storm. No point wasting this division."
Beatrix followed Andreas to the car and climbed into the passenger seat without a word.
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Text
Perfect
"Gah!"
Mandy and Nolan looked up at each other quizzically. The sound had come from Nolan's bathroom where they were hanging out. "Everything okay?" Mandy called down the hall.
When there wasn't a response, the two got up from the table to investigate. Mandy nodded for Nolan to go first. He sighed and walked in, finding Lou with a brush in one hand and the other pulling harshly at one of his bangs. "What...are you doing?"
Lou turned to Nolan with a frustrated look. The bang fell limply over his eye. "Trying to fix this mess!" he pointed at his hair.
Nolan squinted. "What mess?" Once again, Lou took one of his bangs between his fingers and let it fall unceremoniously. "Ah," Noland still didn't understand, "w-well it looks fine to me. Don't you like it?"
"I did before it dawned on me," Lou huffed and raked a hand back through his hair. It did little to fix the curl.
Mandy peeked inside. "What did?"
"Obviously, I must not be able to go to the Big World because I'm still not perfect. Ergo, I need to fix every. Single. Mistake." Lou brushed back his hair again, only for it to bounce to its original state. He groaned.
"Okay," Mandy took the brush from him and set it down, "what makes you think you're not perfect? Or that being perfect has anything to do with going to the Big World?"
"Shouldn't it?" Lou didn't tear his gaze away from the mirror.
"No. You just..." she was at a loss for words.
Lou finally turned to her, eyes watering. "Just what? What am I doing wrong? Does it really come down to being a prototype?"
That's what all this was about. A part of her already knew that letter wounded him a lot more than he had let on. The factory denied Lou's request to go to the Big World. They said it would be "bad for business" if they allowed a prototype to be given to a child.
Unfortunately, they hadn't left it at that. They included the risks of letting a prototype doll go to the Big World. One of which was that if Lou was defective they wouldn't find out until it was too late. Then the media would be blowing up with how the Perfect Dolls were broken and soon the factory would be sued.
But all Lou had hung onto was the word "defective."
Nolan came up beside Lou, hugging him. "I think you should stop blaming yourself. It's the factory's fault that you can't leave."
"They won't let me leave," Lou emphasized, "that means I'm doing something wrong--"
"No, it doesn't," Mandy cut him short. "We'll find a way to get you through that portal, okay? There has to be a way to change the system." He didn't look convinced. She took his hand to lead him back into the hall. "For now, let's get your mind off of that and onto something happy."
Nolan rushed to the living room. "Ooh! I have a fun board game we can play!"
Lou sighed, allowing a small smile. "Alright, I guess there's nothing I can do about it right now anyway."
Mandy sat down beside him on the floor while Nolan got the game out. She lowered her head to meet his gaze. "Hey, we'll bring you to you kid. I promise." He smiled.
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bcbdrums · 2 years
Text
Solid Ground
A/N: Inspired by @midnightcaptions latest art, by her car not working, and by the endless rain outside my window. Set during canon, and with an established romantic relationship. (And regarding the art...you know those shorts are just a quick cover to the real version *cough*) I forgot how to write again... Trying to remember how. Enjoy, maybe.
Gonna stick a Mature rating on this one. Mild perhaps, but still.
Read on:   FFn      AO3
----------------------------
The dome to the hover-car was inoperable. Ordinarily, Shego wouldn't care about this. She was used to Drakken's penchant for flying with the top down, because it was "cool." (Totally not a mid-life crisis vehicle, she had teased at times.) But on the one day the dome was actually needed, it wasn't working. Some faulty circuit due to lack of use, or perhaps a mouse had chewed through some wiring, Drakken had said as he fumbled for an explanation.
Unfortunately, the dome not working had just been the first symptom of what quickly became a cascade of unexplained mechanical failures. And before long, they were going down.
Shego barely heard any of Drakken's excuses or apologies, resigning herself to misery as she sat in the broken-down hover-car on the side of a small mountain. She was too upset to bother to think of mechanical solutions herself, except that she recalled the hover-car previously showing signs of difficulty when it got the least bit damp. And the damp that day, and the reason for need of the dome, had unfortunately come in the form of a massive downpour.
That was why she sat shivering, her suit soaked in rain and her arms crossed in a feeble attempt at retaining some body heat as veritable sheets of water dripped down over her hair and puddled in the seat around her. Her throat hurt from screaming at Drakken on the way down, and the man was uncharacteristically quiet now as he attempted to repair the vehicle in the sudden storm, invisible to her eyes presently as he was bent under the hood.
She had nothing else to do while waiting for the ride to get fixed than run her mind back over the day's sorry events, starting with an unexpected encounter with Kim Possible that had led to their flight in the first place. As she considered everything, she found Drakken's lack of protest in the circumstance to be very intriguing. Usually it was a long back and forth over who was to blame for their defeat at the hand of the teen leading to further arguments, but that day he had, for the most part, simply accepted her vicious, verbal assault.
Perhaps it had been because of the hover-car not functioning properly when he had ignored its signs of needing maintenance for months. Perhaps it was because their plan had been foiled before it even began. But regardless of the reason, and in spite of the inch-deep waters around her thighs on the ruined leather seats, she was starting to feel badly for how she had treated him.
The rain had begun to lessen, she realized, as she considered how Drakken was probably shivering even more than she as he was forced to manipulate tools under the vehicle's hood, his extremities likely numb by that point. It wasn't in her nature to apologize, but, Drakken hadn't really deserved her vitriol. It wasn't his fault the pesky teenager had just appeared while they were viewing a new potential lair location. The sudden storm wasn't his fault either.
However, she was still feeling too sorry for herself to force an apology. Drakken needed to do better. Something must have tipped off the teen, and even if not he needed to keep the hover-car in optimal working order. Not just to keep them dry, but now they were stuck on a mountainside for who knew how long.
As she continued to ruminate over the day's misfortunes, she watched as sunlight began shining through the rain. The clouds in her field of view were thick and dark with rain, but clearly somewhere behind her the storm was breaking. The light hit the treetops first and then slid downward, lighting up the rain like sheets of falling crystal. And it wasn't her imagination that the density of the raindrops was lessening.
"Oh...Shego, look!" Drakken said, startling her. His voice was cautious yet tinged with excitement. She looked first to where his expression was shifting between anxiety and boyish wonder, and then followed to where his shaking hand was pointing. "A rainbow!"
The word was spoken with hope. 'Hope for what?' she wondered, as she gazed at the large, colorful miracle as a slow breeze began shaking the pine trees, interrupting and intensifying the show that the sunlight was putting on through the rain both in front of her and in the distance. She turned blankly toward Drakken, and his hopeful expression faded. His head rapidly vanished back behind the hood of the hover-car.
The rain lessened further, and after a few moments Shego rolled her eyes. She rose slowly from the puddle she was seated in, shaking the water uselessly from her boots as she climbed out of the car and moved to stand next to Drakken.
He jumped slightly at her presence, looking at her in a mixture of fear and question.
"So...you figure out what's wrong yet?" she asked flatly.
"I...I think the spark plugs got wet," he said nervously, seeming to want to shrink in front of her and yet still holding his ground.
Shego blinked. "That's it? Then why are you standing here?"
Drakken seemed to want to look anywhere but at her. Suddenly, it clicked. He preferred freezing his fingers off in the rain than risking more of her ire by joining her to wait out the storm in the hover-car. Something about that made her feel even worse than just sitting in the downpour, and she squeezed out her hair as the rain finally faded, being replaced by a thin, chilly sunlight as she barely restrained a growl at herself.
"Look, let's just get the dome up," she said, trudging back around the car to find the manual controls.
Drakken followed her a moment later, and she scowled as she saw how uneasy he still looked being near her.
They forced the cover up manually and then bailed a little water out of the seats, finally sitting and shivering in silence as they waited for the engine to dry out enough to be started. As the minutes passed, Shego kept glancing sidelong at Drakken and watching the conflict on his face. She knew she could end his misery. All it would take would be to shift across the center seat to sit next to him and share in some body heat, letting him know with the wordless gesture that her anger didn't really run that deep.
Unfortunately for them both, she felt too guilty to eat crow yet, and so silently sat and pretended not to look at the vibrant rainbow in the distance as the storm gradually stopped.
-----------------
Two hours later and back at the lair, she still hadn't apologized. She had worked through her anger and guilt throughout the wait and return flight, and had realized it was going to take more than a simple 'sorry' when every glance at Drakken's face showed that her words were continuing to cut him deeper. The man was obsessive and created catastrophes in his mind out of things that were mild to others, and she knew he deserved more than the casual and flippant 'sorry' that she'd be most at ease with.
Drakken had already showered, dried his hair, and was flopped moodily in his pajamas on the large, round bed, seemingly ready to cocoon himself in the dark of the lair and write off the entire day by the time Shego emerged from her own shower, watching him silently from the bathroom door. She mused briefly on how warm water was such a comfort while cold an utter torment as she squeezed out her hair, staring at Drakken's un-moving back. She'd let him shower first as a gesture of reconciliation, but it had obviously gone unnoticed. She'd even considered joining him under the warm streams, but he was giving her such a cold shoulder that she knew her presence wouldn't have been welcome.
However, her stubbornness was taking over as the comfortable bed called to her as well the sheer idiocy of continuing in the moody separation her anger had caused. She decided then exactly how they were going to restore their equilibrium, and after giving her hair one final squeeze, she dropped her towel on the floor.
-----------------
Drakken opened his eyes in sudden fright when a warm weight settled atop his back. The emotion immediately subsided into sadness when he realized it was Shego, and then annoyance as he felt her wet hair dripping all around him when he'd only finally gotten dry.
"Shego," he broke the silence that had been between them for hours save for necessary communication, "it's been a miserous day and I would like to sleep."
Shego ignored him however, her knees coming to rest on either side of his hips as she folded herself over him. His pajama shirt was rapidly moistening due to her hair, and as she nestled snugly atop him, her fingers running up over his shoulders and her damp cheek leaning against his ear, he realized she wasn't wearing anything.
"Shego, please. You're soaking wet," he said, the words coming out like a complaint that didn't reach his heart. Said organ had begun beating rapidly as his mind swirled in confusion. She was furious with him...wasn't she?
"Heheh, you bet I am," was her less than subtle reply, and Drakken's brow shot up to his hairline.
Her fingers had slid under his collar and she began feeling her way down his neck, her wet hair falling around them to the sheets as she wriggled for better access.
Drakken was torn between what she was clearly offering and the ache still in his chest at her fury toward him before, leveling blame upon him for everything from the teen nuisance showing up at the new lair ("You must have left a credit card trail!") to the change in the weather itself ("Another climate control experiment gone wrong!?"), among other insults. He swallowed nervously as her fingers found his shirt buttons.
He had been trying to work himself into a state of apathy, pretending like his life depended on it that the approval of the woman he shared his bed and heart with didn't matter to him. But her touch quickly dissolved that shaky wall he'd been building, like floodwaters on sand, and it was less than a minute before he couldn't resist and made to roll over to receive the fullness of her affections.
She paused when he was finally face-up, smirking at him as if nothing had happened, and part of him wanted to keep pretending and imagine the day had been normal. Perhaps a success even, and she had come to him in celebration and not...erasure. But everything within him yearned for her true love, possibly too much, and even if it meant he would lose that moment with her...he had to know.
"Shego?" he said simply, his eyes communicating the rest he was sure as he held his breath to stay the oncoming tears.
Her hands stilled on his buttons again as she met his eyes, and he saw the twitch at the corner of her mouth as he knew she understood. There was a flash of something in her eyes that caused his chest to seize in fear, but it vanished a moment later as one of her hands slid up to cup his cheek.
"I'm sorry," she said simply, seeming to hold her breath with the difficult admission as her eyes darted away from his more than once. But it was enough, and he pulled her damp hair away and guided her to roll over as he felt all the fear and self-loathing within him began to drift away, like the lifting of a fog.
He gave no resistance when her hands sought to rid him of his shirt again, and he accepted her apology with a deep, longing kiss.
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sylleblosscm · 2 years
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@inimiicus​:
character meme: ardyn jazz hands
---
Opinions
First impression • I have to level with you guys, as one of those bi of sexuals you’ll hear a lot about this month, I just. When it comes to the over-the-top, super camp, sassy villain who is also genuinely scary, my response is automatic. I see, I love. He was already great. Aspirational. Iconic. An absolute treasure to behold. A gift to my eyeballs. Ardyn didn’t need to be more than that for me to appreciate him, and at first, I didn’t think he would be.
Impression now • Like the great philosopher Cloud once said: hoo boy. You know when a property fucks up a character so severely that they’re kind of obligated to give them a redemption story down the line, and it’s so obviously hamfisted that people respond with, “wOw, tHaT FixEd eVerYtHiNg!”? That, but unironically for Episode Ardyn. Not that Ardyn was especially broken to begin with, it was just frustrating that we never got a full grasp on his motivations or place in the narrative. While giving the villain a Tragic Backstory™©® in order to make them sympathetic is a hamfisted and annoying move most of the time, XV really pulled it off for me. After learning the kind of person he used to be, what was done to him, and the existence he’s been forced into, he doesn’t really come off so bad anymore. Especially if you reject Bahamut at first, and witness the cruel and inhumane lengths he’s willing to go to, to see his own will done. Much like with Regis, I’m left wondering what I’m supposed to be angry about. He’s up against a literal god. And clearly XV isn’t interested in being that kind of jrpg (though it really should have been, salt, salt). Not only do we have context to his behaviour, but it actually shifts the dynamic of the entire cast, world, and story, because the villain no longer seems villainous, and the hero doesn’t feel quite so much like a hero, as much as he does a helpless pawn. (But that’s an entire other rant I may go into someday.) I suppose in the end, all I really want for Ardyn is justice for his character. Not to harp on Dawn or anything, but I really liked that ending for him. He found peace in death or whatever; more important is that he did it on his own terms, regaining his agency in his final moments. He chose how to go, was able to reconcile with his brother, and take his justice from a cruel and unforgiving god that was willing to raise 114 generations of his own blood to slaughter. Honestly, call me captain of the Ardyn Defence Squad, because I’d go to war for this greasy weirdo, Man Of Every Consequence.
Favorite moment • It’s a tie. “For what sins must I atone??” SAY IT AGAIN FOR THE PEOPLE IN THE BACK. But also, probably the entire talk with Bahamut, because again, that’s the thing that shifts his character from Sassy Villain to genuinely devastating. You really get an image of just how helpless and powerless this seemingly all-powerful man is in the face of his destiny. And it’s all capped off by knowing that he became this way because he wanted so desperately to help others. I just can’t fault him for that. And finally, the moment he kills Luna. I hate that for Luna a lot, but I love how she reaches out and tries to offer her help. You see this perfect, unbreakable facade of carelessness crack, and it elicits one of the few honest-to-goodness reactions we ever see from him. He’s disgusted, afraid, and a little hopeful all at once. All because someone was kind to him for the first time in a couple thousand years. 
Idea for a story • I’m still hung up on anything that lets him and Luna be besties. He needs a friend. I’d also like to see a deviation in canon where he instantly regrets harming Luna and manages to help her somehow, sparing her life and forcing him to reconsider his actions and accept her help.
Unpopular opinion • Honestly, if what I’ve already said thus far isn’t too unpopular, then there’s nothing I can add that would be so. Ardyn began as a great villain and ended as something between that and a sympathetic antihero. I just want more for him. 
Favorite relationship • I really, really wanted to see more of his relationship with Somnus. It was intriguing and nuanced, with neither side wholly in the right or wrong, and their rivalry stoked by forces well beyond them. I like that Dawn gave Somnus the chance to truly apologise, and I like to think that, in kinder circumstances, they could have been an amazing team. 
Favorite headcanon • That, after daylight returns, Ardyn’s rightful place in Lucian history is cemented; not just as the Accursed, but as the man who was almost King, but for his boundless compassion, and willingness to put himself in harm’s way to save others. It’s what he deserves. 
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southrcn · 2 years
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‘ nobody likes a quitter! ’ / @fearbend​
                    katara   knows   she's   hotheaded.   she   KNOWS   that   things   get   an   emotional   reaction   out   of   her.   she's   trying   very   hard   to   stay   away   from   that   ,   to   be   the   steadying   influence   that   azula   needs    —    someone   constant   ,   someone   she   didn't   have   before.   but   azula   makes   it   HARD.
                    azula   makes   everything   hard.   and   it's   not   her   fault.   everyone   she's   ever   known   throughout   her   entire   life   has   failed   her   in   one   way   or   another.   azula   is   broken   and   bent   in   ways   that   no   one   will   ever   really   understand.   that   has   to   be   lonely.   even   zuko   will   never   fully   understand.   her   own   BROTHER.   because   while   he   was   out   on   the   seas   hunting   for   an   avatar   that   may   not   have   been   alive   ,   azula   was   groomed   and   prepped   to   be   ozai's   perfect   little   monkey.   she   spent   years   vying   for   affection   that   was   never   going   to   come   ,   for   approval   that   stung   like   a   knife.   
                    katara   has   to   remind   herself   of   that.   because   while   it   doesn't   EXCUSE   her   horrible   behavior   ,   it   does   explain   it.   they're   the   same   age   ,   and   azula   needs   a   friend    —    azula   needs   someone.   this   is   the   closest   she   was   ever   going   to   get   to   admitting   it.   so   ,   okay.   she'll   take   it.
                    she   takes   a   deep   breath   ,   one   of   those   grounding   breaths   that   aang   takes   before   practicing   his   airbending.   one   that   fills   every   inch   of   her   lungs   ,   one   that   feels   like   it   reaches   her   toes.   then   she   turns   around    —    she   closes   the   door   ,   she   faces   azula.   there's   something   horrible   in   her   face   ,   reflected   in   those   golden   eyes   as   the   torchlight   dances   across   her   skin.   a   DESPERATE   kind   of   loneliness.   the   kind   that   never   expects   to   be   fixed.   the   kind   that   refuses   to   suffer   alone   ,   so   must   make   others   suffer   alongside   it.   
                    “   okay   then.   we'll   start   over   ,   ”   she   says   ,   sinking   onto   the   floor.   “   i'm   katara.   what's   your   name   ?   ”
outlast.
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k-atsukibakugou · 2 years
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angst dialogue prompts
disclaimer: i do NOT claim ownership over any of these prompts, i've been compiling/collecting these over the last few years to help me write small things each day, i'm not posting these here in an attempt to claim ownership over these prompts/ideas, just to have followers send requests with these prompts to see more of my writing.
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“I hate the way you love her”
“They can’t hurt you anymore.”
I don’t want to be her rebound guy. I want to be the guy.”
“You’re one to talk, Dad”
“Please, don’t be mad.”
“You know I only have eyes for you”
"I never want this to end…”
“Because I can’t lose you too!”
“Who are you?”
“I am not going to let him go near you”
“Because they’re a good kid and nothing like me.”
“Don’t go”
“I promise, just trust me.”
“I thought you were happy, I’m sorry.”
“Please, just stay a little longer.”
“I hope you don’t get your heart broken.”
“Why didn’t you say h-how bad it was?”
“Am I going to die?”
“When will this end? Please can this end”
“How many times has he told you he doesn’t love you?”
“You need to find happiness without me.”
“I want to help you through this, I really do, just not as your girlfriend.”
“I know exactly how this ends.”
“You don’t have to pretend you care when you already have one foot out the door.”
“You can keep pretending, but you’ll never be happy.”
“Why won’t you admit it!”
“When she told you to leave, you should’ve stayed.”
 “I’m not good at this. I never have been.”
“The only person who will end up hurt here is you.”
“Please don’t cry.”
“I was hoping his flight would be cancelled, but miracles don’t happen.”
“How could we have gotten this so wrong?”
“You were never one of us.”
“This is what they warned me of.”
“I would’ve died for you.”
“You almost died! And for what?”
“If I leave now, I won’t come back.”
“There will never be a place for you here anymore.”
“Everything is temporary, this was merely one of those things.”
“You didn’t care, even a little bit?”
 “I’m just tired of this. I’m tired of it all.”
“I thought she made it. It was clearly a figment of my imagination.”
“Wishful thinking will always be my downfall.”
“She didn’t even try to save me.”
“I saw it in her eyes, she wanted a different thing I wanted.”
“I’m not going to cry, it’s not worth crying.”
“Don’t look at me like that, I don’t want pity.”
“And then he left.”
“I wish I could fix this.”
“I deserve more than this.”
“You hurt me and I still trusted you.”
“It should never have come to this.”
“Don’t be sorry, it was no one’s fault.”
“I’ve spent all this time wondering and worrying about you. You didn’t think of me once?”
“I’m not a lot of people’s favourite person.”
“She quite clearly doesn’t want you.”
“I think that’s enough.”
“You’re angry with me, I know.”
“Can we have this conversation when you’re not upset.”
“I don’t think I can forgive you.”
“It’s never been as easy as you think.”
“Why would you put so much hope in me? Things have clearly never worked out for me.”
“Oh, was I just another notch in your bedpost?”
“You really had me fooled. I might’ve almost said something I’d regret.”
“You put yourself in that position! That wasn’t my doing!”
“How could I be so blind?”
“Why are you still with me?”
“When was it when you realised that you didn’t love me?”
“I can’t even look at you right now.”
“Don’t put this on me!”
“I really think it’s easier for people when I’m not around.”
“I know, but you didn’t have to use her like that!”
“I’m not someone who breaks easily, but I must commend you on this.”
“There wasn’t even a moment when you smiled at me like that.”
“I’ve never seen this side of you.”
“If you were in my situation what can I do to stop hurting this much?”
“This never would’ve happened if we hadn't met!”
“I’m glad I get to see you walk away from me.”
“You really did play me like a goddamn fiddle.”
“There isn’t a way to fix this now.”
“You know I wouldn’t call unless I was in pain.”
“You really were my first and last.”
“Don’t say anything else, just stay.”
“We can start over. I’ll do anything, everything can be perfect. Just please don’t leave me.”
“I heard the doctors. I know you haven’t got long.”
“You could’ve told me, or helped me! Anything other than what you actually did!”
“Don’t wish me the best, you were my best everything.”
“It was never up to me.”
“I wanted to save you. I wanted to be the hero and save you. How did I miss my chance?”
“The only thing I can do is love you!”
“Why can’t you see that?”
“I hope he will make you happy.”
“You never get what you want. Haven’t learned that by now?”
“There hasn’t been a day I didn’t think of you and it’s starting to hurt.”
“You weren’t here when I needed you the most, why now?”
“I should never have trusted you.”
“You don’t know what you’re saying.”
“This can’t be the end! No, this isn’t how the story goes!”
“Just close your eyes for now. You’ll still be hurting in the morning.”
“This will be a pain you won’t forget, I’ll always be with you.”
“I never thought I’d love you this much.”
“It was always you. No matter how many times I disagreed, it was always you.”
“Why does it hurt so much? Why does it feel like she’s broken my soul.”
“I haven’t stopped crying since Thursday. It’s pathetic.”
“This was a mistake and I know I can never fix this.”
“I hope it hurts to think of me.”
“This isn’t over. You always come running back and I always welcome you.”
“Don’t make me fall in love again.”
“I thought I didn’t miss you, but then I saw your photo.”
“Give me a chance.”
“Not you again…”
“Leave me alone.”
“I don’t love you anymore.”
“Why do you hate me?”
“I thought you loved me.”
“I don’t need you anymore.”
“I can’t believe you!”
“We can’t keep this up forever.”
“You’re a monster.”
“I hate you.”
“Don’t leave me…”
“You’re a disappointment.”
“Don’t die on me. - Please.”
“I never meant to hurt you.”
“Are you upset with me?”
“I wish I’d never met you.”
“I’m going to kill you.”
“Please don’t hurt me like this.”
“Thanks for nothing.”
“Don’t call this number again.”
“Why did you spare me?”
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mellaithwen · 2 years
Text
last unhinged point for now....
i can't get over the fact that Buck was so sure he was to blame for Chimney leaving - for the team being a man-down, for Hen having to partner with Eddie - that he obviously never even mentioned it to any of them. it's only once he says he's transferring (!?!) that they all say; "actually Buck, we all spoke to Chimney individually before he went, we get it" & that information was offered up so freely too, no one was tiptoeing around it, they weren't glancing at each other first to see if they should say something, they just said it, because it was a fact.
Buck says to Taylor "it's like no one's even talking about him, they're just avoiding the subject, avoiding me," but really it was this self-fulfilling prophecy because everyone else wasn't avoiding the subject, they were trying to respect Buck who was so clearly avoiding the subject.
the way Hen knew straight away what was going on and why Buck was acting differently, even telling Ravi as much. the way that instead of just talking to Bobby or Hen or Eddie who he's so friggin' close to Buck just shuts down in work. the way he's so adamant in his own head that everyone else was blaming him and he didn't want confirmation of that, so instead he just withdrew and focused on ringing Chimney and Maddie over and over because he was trying to fix it - because if Chimney's home and Maddie's home then nobody has a reason to be mad at him anymore, right?
i just.
fuckk.
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robininthelabyrinth · 3 years
Note
Jin Zixuan knows what he wants, and that’s to be the next pretty but useless Madam Jiang. All that he has to is 1) pass his title of heir to his new brother, 2) convince JYL to fall back in love with him, 3) not embarrass himself. Three easy enough goals, right? -🙃
ao3
Untamed
Jin Zixuan was almost – almost – not surprised to open his eyes and find himself sixteen again.
Instead of, you know, dead.
Honestly, it just seemed like the perfect capstone of his life of happenstance: born an idiot, raised an idiot, continued to be an idiot, realized he was an idiot, remained an idiot but a better class thereof, and somehow despite all that managed to hit the jackpot of luck not only once but twice – the first in being born in the right womb, the second in convincing Jiang Yanli to give him a second chance despite the aforementioned unbroken streak of lifelong idiocy.
Possibly because of. She thought he was cute.
Anyway, as if to make him pay up for that amazing streak of luck, just when he’d finally achieved all the things he’d ever actually wanted – a wife that loved him and who he loved in return and a son to dote upon – he had, for the first time in his life, grown up and decided to not be a complete idiot…only to immediately die.
Being reborn seemed pretty much part and parcel with the whole stupid tragedy.
Not that he regretted inviting Wei Wuxian to come visit. That’d been the right thing to do, and Jiang Yanli had been so happy – it hadn't even been his fault; it had been Jin Zixun’s ambush that had ruined it all, really. Jin Zixuan wasn’t even entirely sure what it was that had actually killed him, whether it was a stray arrow or a misplaced sword or even the Ghost General gone berserk, but he was sure that if his stupid cousin hadn’t decided to attack, Wei Wuxian would have come and left in peace.
If he hadn’t rushed out by himself to try to fix things, to make sure the one thing he’d ever managed to do right by Jiang Yanli worked out well, then maybe he wouldn’t have ended up leaving her and Jin Ling behind.
Alone.
In Lanling City.
He shuddered even to think it.
Jin Zixuan knew that there were people who loved their sects – passionately, devotedly. Jiang Cheng had been one of them, defying death itself to resurrect the Jiang sect in his parents’ honor and reestablishing it as one of the Great Sects. And then there was Lan Xichen, the steadfast and honorable, who had sacrificed everything, even honor, to make sure his sect’s books survived what they had feared would be the end. And all this was to say nothing of Nie Mingjue, who had come to power painfully young and had played the game of politics that he so despised in order to stay the course, to avenge his father and keep his sect strong…
Jin Zixuan did not love his sect.
He did not love his city, he did not love his people. He had wondered if it was a failing in himself, but then looked at the rest of his family and realized it was just his blood running true. Lanling Jin had a soul of rot and a heart of stone, each one of them careless and indifferent in their own way – his father couldn’t give a damn about his sect except in the sense that it aided his personal power, his mother the authority it gave her whether through her husband or her son, his cousins the impunity they could derive from it…
Jin Zixuan had told Jiang Yanli about it when she agreed to marry him, worried that she'd change her mind when she learned the truth but even more worried that she'd wake up one day to find herself trapped and disappointed in him. But she was as ever the luckiest thing that had ever happened in his life: she’d said that she would be fine because she had him by her side, and he would be fine because he had her, and they would balance. He’d accepted that argument – and then, of course, he’d gone and died, like the idiot that he was.
And yet, somehow, he’d been reborn, granting him another chance to change his fate, and this time, this time, he wasn’t going to deceive himself.
After all, it seemed pretty clear from his last life that he was never going to not be an idiot, and that fate wasn’t too happy about him trying to stick his nose into politics or major events.
This time around, he wasn’t going to struggle against his destiny – Jin Zixuan was going to accept it.
He was going to be absolutely useless.
He sat up in his bed, observing that he was in the Cloud Recesses, and that his eye hurt; it must be not long after his fight with Wei Wuxian, which meant his engagement was broken. He’d have to win Jiang Yanli again – still, he’d somehow managed it last time around, so that wasn’t what he was worried about.
No, the main problem was definitely how he was going to manage the whole “be useless” part of his ambitions – and for that, he needed the advice of an expert.
“Nie-er-gongzi, can I ask you for some advice?” he asked.
Nie Huaisang blinked blearily at him. “Jin-gongzi? It’s the middle of the night.”
“It’s important,” Jin Zixuan said apologetically. “It’s something that only you can help me with.”
“…me?”
“Yes, you. I need to learn how to be a good-for-nothing.” Jin Zixuan thought about it. “Also, I need to get in contact with Meng Yao. He’s at the Unclean Realm now, right? Someone needs to inherit Lanling Jin, might as well be him.”
Nie Huaisang blinked owlishly at him.
“…okay.” He pulled open the door. “I think you’d better come inside.”
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kariuann · 3 years
Text
When He Cries for Him
yay part 3! sorry for the long wait, thank you for supporting this series!
i put all my heart and soul to this part
warning: cusses. also angsty
synopsis: Mammon is taken back to the Devildom to be punished for breaking the rules.
Part 1 | Part 2 | Part 3 | Part 4
Back in the House of Lamentation, the day before Mammon got caught
Satan and Belphie slowly walked towards their older brother’s room. They never, ever wanted to do this because they hate Lucifer so much, but for the sake of the brother who cared for them so much than anybody else, they would take the risk. It was high time for reconciliation.
“Open up. Lucifer.” Satan knocked while Belphie holds his meal. They only got silence as a reply.
“Open the fuck up, or you’re losing a door.”
Still nothing.
Satan kicked the door hard. They were met with puddles of alcohol, Belphie almost slipping. In front of the desk was the ever so messy Lucifer. Belphie slammed his food to get his attention.
“Eat up.”
“Get out.”
Satan only snickered.
“Get out or what? Transform into your demon form and try to kill us? Please, Lucifer. You’re treating us just like how you punish Mammon back then. Ever the strict older brother, huh, Lucifer?”
“Shut up.”
“Why the hell would I want to listen to you? Would you hang me across this house as a punishment, huh? Go on then! For all I care! Besides, all you do to this family was to ruin it anyway, just to show how ‘strict’ you are.”
Lucifer just stayed silent.
“We’re having a private meeting tomorrow. If Mammon comes back, we’ll make sure you’ll never lay a finger on him ever again.”
.
Present Time
“No! I’m not going anywhere!!”
Mammon bawled, hiding behind you as Barbatos and Diavolo walk slowly towards you. Lucifer just silently looked away, pain creeping from his eyes. It was a look you’ve never seen before—but then your thoughts snapped back to reality as you felt Mammon tug the hems of your shirt, gripping for his own life.
“I apologize, Mammon. But you will be coming with us no matter what.”
“No!!”
“Mammon, ple—“
“I SAID NO!!! I don’t wanna go back there anymore, I just wanna be here with her!!”
Diavolo reached out to help him stand up, but Mammon shoved his arm away. Barbatos was ready to retaliate, but Diavolo insisted. Lucifer slowly inched forward, making Mammon flinch.
“Get away from me! It’s all your fault, I hate you all—especially YOU!!”
Lucifer just watched Mammon release all his burrowing anger towards him. He never thought in a million years just how much he broke his own brother—the one who was always near him since the fall, the one who took care of his other brothers when he was incapable of doing it—and just seeing the look on his face breaks his soul even more than before.
“All I want…! All I want from you… was praise…”
Mammon bawled even more, gripping harder and sobbing louder into your arms than before. Barbatos took charge and swiped him away from your hold, with Diavolo giving you a knowing look before leaving, with Mammon struggling to get out.
“Lucifer…”
He responded slowly, tears falling from his eyes. You quickly wiped it away and fixed his appearance.
“Don’t do this, please… I don’t deserve this…”
“Shh…” You slowly brought him to your arms, rubbing circles on his back. Lucifer could only nuzzle against your shoulder and sob even louder. He was too broken, but he knows that Mammon suffered so much more than what he feels right now, and all of it was his fault.
Once he composed himself, he offered you to come along with him. You obliged.
.
.
Diavolo held a private meeting the day after. All the other brothers attended, along with the purgatory hall members. They didn’t fully know what was going on, but they had a slight clue. Their thoughts were confirmed when Diavolo and Barbatos entered alongside a white-haired man. You followed afterwards and sat beside him.
“Mammon…!”
“Y/N!!!”
All the brothers rushed towards both of you—including Belphie—but was soon interrupted by Barbatos. They had no other choice but to be seated and wait as the meeting starts.
“Today we are all gathered here to discuss something very important. We do know that entering another realm should be done with permission from the heads, and entering without it is a heavy violation of a rule—and when someone violates the law, they deserve to get punished. Am I correct, Mammon?”
“…”
“…Thus, I hereby sentence Mammon to be locked within the deepest chambers of Devildom for years, and that no one should ever enter it besides me and Barbatos. Any violent reactions?”
A deafening silence ensues. Everyone was frightened at the declaration—even Luke was shaking that Simeon had to calm him down. Everyone knows Mammon doesn’t deserve another punishment—he already suffered that much from someone else. Yet, they also know about the law, and whoever breaks it must be severely punished.
They all got nothing to say. Diavolo continued.
“Well then, shall we—“
“I object.”
All looked around to know the source, and as it turns out, Lucifer just walked in. Mammon trembled from his seat, gripping your arms immediately.
“…State your reason.”
“Let me take the punishment instead.”
Gasps were heard across the room, particularly Mammon. Everyone was shocked by his statement—even Satan and Belphie, who both despise him so much. He quickly jumped from his seat and rushed towards his brother, but Beel and Belphie immediately grabbed him from both sides.
“NO! Don’t do it!!!”
Lucifer could only look at him. Then he continued.
“I don’t want him to suffer more than he could ever have. So, I’m doing this as an apology for all I’ve done.” Lucifer bowed, but then you stood up.
“If you don’t want him to suffer more, then why are you still doing this? Aren’t you hurting him much more with your decisions?”
“…I’m sorry, Y/N. But I need to do this.”
“No, Lucifer!! Don’t do it, you idiot!!!” Mammon cried out.
Lucifer flinched, but he didn’t let that deter his decision. He was determined to do this, to protect his brother who he trusts so much. He was determined to fix everything he ruined, and all the other brothers know that if he’s already made his decision, no one could ever stop him—even Diavolo.
Because of his pride.
“Let me be selfish one last time, Diavolo. I will take any punishment you’d give. Please.”
It wasn’t something Diavolo hears often, but he knows that when he says ‘please,’ it’s already final. Diavolo just nodded and ordered Barbatos to take him to the deepest chambers of Devildom. Lucifer was to take the same punishment he used to give to Mammon, but this time, no one could ever help him.
Before he was taken away, Lucifer looked from his behind and smiled at Mammon.
The smile that Mammon had never seen since they were back in the Celestial Realm.
“NOOOO!!”
Part 4 coming soon!
Taglist: @obeythebutler @huaxxian @simping-hours-are-24-7 @kamiaka @breezethroughthesummertrees @sufzku @its-evelyn @garnetashblurb @raissatajra @undertaker-02 @strwbrryxprtzl @mammonangstsquad @thedum1 @marvelous-maniac @satans-favorit3 @lilred8220 @tiredpinkghost @ehjane @silentw-lkr @casey-the-writer
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linkspooky · 3 years
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The Todorokis and the Shimuras...
The Shimura family is the set up for how we are supposed to judge the Todorokis. They were the original broken house that fell apart. Everything in Shigaraki’s flashback, informs Dabi’s flashback later. We see the same abusive dynamics repeating again and again, and yet nobody learning from them. @logicalbookthief wrote almost a week ago and it turned out to be near clairyvoyant to this weak’s chapter. 
Interesting that Dabi, Shigaraki and Toga all internalized the idea they’re “bad” or “not good (enough)” as children. Interesting how rather than discouraging this idea, the adults around them reinforce that they don’t deserve the care a “good” or “perfect” child would be entitled to, by seeing their pain and doing nothing to help.
Shigaraki and Dabi are established as foils precisely because, they ar both children who, literally no matter what in their household, kept trying to be good heroes. However, every adult around them treated them like they were the problem, that they were at fault for what went wrong in the household, no matter how hard they struggled to be good they were labeled as “bad children.” They’re the scapegoats of their household, and as they grow into adults they become the scapegoats of society. “Do you really want to be a hero?” is asked to both Shigaraki and Dabi, they can’t be seen as good
Because it’s easier to divide between good children and bad children, good victims and bad victims, then for the adults to actually try to fix their mistakes. That would mean admitting that they might be the problem too. In order to enforce this, they even lift up other children as “good children” creating golden childs, and because they didn’t react as strongly to the abuse then it puts Tenko and Toya as the ones to blame for not trying to be good enough. It’s Toya’s fault he became a villain, unlike Shoto who tried to be the hero of his family despite all of his abuse. Toya must have never really wanted to be a hero in the first place.
1. Tenko and Toya were good boys
If Tenko and Toya were not forced to carry the blame for how their household went wrong. If one actually looked at them as children, it’s easy to notice what good children they were, actually.
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When Kotaro punishes Tenko for playing hero again he assumes he was just not listening to his rule, and trying to cause trouble. However, when Nao asks him why he was doing it, we learn his motivation, Tenko didn’t want two bullied kids to be left out.
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Tenko is five, so he doesn’t really have like a developed personality yet, but a lot of the positive qualities Shigaraki displays as an adult are all their. 
Tenko always follows his own dream, no matter how much the adults around him try to discourage him. His desire to be a hero is that strong. He has the same quality that Deku is constantly praised for. 
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Tenko is also, extremely emotionally intelligent. He realizes that his father is the one in the wrong for always picking on him, and that his parents are siding with his father and not him by reassuring him of his father’s good intentions. Your father has a reason for always forbidding you to be a hero. Your father means well. Everyone puts, Kotaro’s good intentions, and Kotaro’s well being over Tenko’s. It’s Tenko’s fault for provoking him, it’s Tenkos’s fault for not giving up on his dream of being a hero. 
It’s interesting how Tenko and Toya almost come from seemingly opposite households. Tenko comes from a friendly household where he has an extremely close relationship with his sister, where his grandparents are almost always comforting him and doing fun things with him, and yet he still feels smothered by it all because nobody wants to tell Kotaro off, so his emotional needs are neglected. Tenko spends a lot of his time with his family, Toya spends time mostly isolated from his mother and father and yet, they both feel rejected fundamentally from the household dynamic.
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It’s because no matter what at the end of the day they are the scapgoat for their household, it doesn’t matter what Tenko and Toya’s actual emotions and intentions are, because they’re perceived as thebad ones. We as the audience see Tenko’s sensitivity, his care for others, his desire to be a hero, but his family labels him as a troublemaker for... having the same dream every other five year old kid his age as. Tenko and Toya aren’t really allowed to make mistakes, or be wrong about things like normal kisd would because they’re not really normal kids, they’re “the problem child” or the “problem” of the household.
It’s not just that Tenko was abused, it was that he was abused in front of everybody, and not a single person tried to help.
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He could have stopped if anybody in his family did anything but watch, but in that moment they didn’t. Of course it’s hard to stand up to an abuser, that’s only human, but not only did they leave Tenko to cry alone afterwards, they also created the atmosphere where Kotaro was constantly apologized for, and Tenko was constnatly blamed, which eventually led up to this.
Tenko is not a bad child, Tenko is five. The story repeats for Toya, I don’t think the adults around him realized what an amazing child Toya was. 
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He’s just as hard working as any other kid at UA. Isn’t that the motto? Plus Ultra? Always put the effort in and be willing to break yourself to be the best. That’s what Bakugo is taught, that’s what Shoto is taught later on. They always have to be willing to push themselves to their limits and surpass it.
Yet, for doing what any other kid did, Toya is punished. It’s not his father’s fault, it’s Toya’s, because Toya just can’t give up. Literally nevermind his fact that Enji taught him to think this way, that literally every other kid his age is taught to push themselves to be a hero, no it’s just something wrong with Toya. Toya’s the one who won’t give up, and there’s nothing Enji can do to make him give up.
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Let’s ignore the fact that Enji is also. you know, a liar. Having more kids to replace Toya isn’t for Toya’s sake, it’s for the sake of Enji’s dream. Enji doesn’t do what’s best for Toya’s welll being like ever, he gives up on Toya because Toya won’t surpass all might so it’s pointless, he continues making kids until he gets one with the quirk he wants, because, that’s what his goal is. Enji’s goal was never to have a family or be a father, it was to get an heir with an ideal quirk.
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Yet, Enji is given the benefit of the doubt that he’s doing this for Toya’s sake, and Toya isn’t. Toya is just the proble child causing disruption in the household. It’s Toya who won’t give up on the training. 
Except once again, by seeing Toya as the bad child they’re missing out on what a good child Toya is. Look how hard he tries, look how he doesn’t give up, even when everyone around him tells him his dream is impossible he keeps on struggling agaist impossible odds. Is it wrong for a disabled person to want to run a marathon? Is it wrong for a person in a wheelchair to want to play basketball? Yes, Toya’s quirk may have gotten in the way of him being a hero, but there were ways Enji could have accomodated his disability, supervised him, taught him how to become a hero without hurting himself.
Except, Enji was never ever interested in any of those things. Enji didn’t care about Toya’s dream. Enji didn’t even care about Toya besides the fact that Toya could be made to carry his own dream.
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Toya’s extremely hardworking, dedicated, and also intelligent as well. When he was a kid he was capable of comprehending that it was wrong of him to attack Shoto. He realized that in the household he was being abused. A thirteen year old was even capable of understanding that Enji SHOULDN’T be able to get away with what he’s doing. 
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Like everyone goes on and on about what Toya says about his sister and his mother this chapter, but no one mentioned the fact that  Toya was right. Toya had the correct political take. An abuser should not be allowed to keep his job as a hero like this if he’s going to treat his family this way. Just like a hollywood producer who abuses women shouldn’t be allowed to keep their job if they’re using it to take advantage of others.
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Toya confronts his mother for the fact that she’s failing him as a parent as well. That’s not Toya being misogynist towards Rei, he’s telling her the truth and holding her accountable. Yes, Rei is also a victim, but Toya is thirteen he doesn’t understand that. All he understands is that he’s being neglected by both parents. I mean, look at how Rei sees Toya. Look at how the scene is framed visually. This is Rei’s flashback of Toya it seems like.
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She paints him like an incrediblly disturbed child.  As if Toya is the disturbance in the household. As if he’s the bad one. As if he’s the one causing the problem. As if, if he just gave up his dream of being a hero then everything would be better.
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Ignoring the fact that, Toya would still be an abused child even if he didn’t react the way he did. If Toya was quiet. If Toya shut up. He’d still have grown up with zero parenting at all. Enji still would have gone on to abuse Shoto. Look at Toya’s reaction in his eyes. Look at the way his pupils shake. He’s being told that if he just gave up his dream of being a hero, the household will be happier, but he knows that’s not true. Toya knows the problem in the household is Enji. If Toya gave up  his dream of being a hero, he’d still be a deeply unhappy individual, he’d just be suffering more quietly. The household would still be an abusive one. Toya in the end, still won’t be parented properly, because, Rei and Enji don’t see Toya as a kid.
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Literally all Enji had to do was lift up a finger. All he had to do was walk up to the mountain and talk to him, and he couldn’t even be bothered to do that. Toya was trying so hard to be good, to meet his parents standards, and yet he never would because his parents standards were impossible to meet in the first place. 
“Well, gosh I didn’t know what to say to him it would have been hard.” Yeah, I bet it was hard when he LITERALLY BURNED ALIVE. 
It’s not just the one incident of this though. Enji and Rei both frame it as an oopsie daisy. If only he had been stopped on that one day. And not like, the five continuous years of ignoring him that built up before that point. The fact that he was never really taught how to handle his emotions in a healthy way, because neither of his parents treated him as a child.
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However, the narrative of the scapeogat and the good child still remains. Despite the fact that Toya and Tenko were children trying so hard to be good, and all they needed was someone to tell them that. 
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When all they wanted was for people to see the good in their own actions, to see how much they were trying, struggling, to be good, because they are the scapegoat they will always be the villain of the family. 
I think it’s amazing that Toya is trying to be good even now. Toya, unlike Enji who only ever cared about the number one spot, is interested in creating a world where heroes are actually taken to task and treated as heroes. Shigaraki cares about people who were similiarly rejected to him, and offers them a helping hand. 
Shigaraki and Dabi are capable of so much good. They still care about the world. They’re still trying to create a world better to others than it was to them. Shigaraki’s goal even shifts from empty destruction, to just, I want to give a world to my allies where they can be free.
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Instead of seeing them as victims, they divide victims into good and bad. Shoto is the hero of the family because look how good he turned out even though he went through the same thing Dabi did. 
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Is Rei wrong for focusing first on stopping Dabi rom hurting innocent people rather than focusing on getting him the help he needs.
Well, you think Rei would know. That people who come from abusive households. People who are constantly abused. Can lash out and abuse completely innocent people. I’t almost like that’s exactly what she did to Shoto, blaming him and burning him instead for what Enji did.  And it’s almost like Rei didn’t start to improve until she received outside medical help. 
Heroes pretend to protect society, while turning a blind eye to those who they can’t save, who are most in need of their help. They blame bad victims, and uplift good victims to use an example against the bad victims, well why couldn’t Toya have turned out a good child like Shoto.
Man.
It’s almost like. Shoto didn’t burn to death. Because Enji couldn’t be bothered to walk up to a mountain. It’s like letting a child starve to death and then saying “Well, why didn’t this child learn how to cook?” 
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They divide the good and the bad and throw the bad out. Well, isn’t it a tragedy that Toya became Dabi. Isn’t it just a tragedy that that child couldn’t be saved. It’s not the five years of neglect, it’s the one day on the mountain that was the turning point for that.
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It looks like on the surface that Toya’s family is admitting what went wrong, but they’re really kind of not. Toya doesn’t need to be fought as a villain. Toya doesn’t ned to be stopped. Labeling bad victims as villains and putting them down with violence literally never helps, because that’s thementality that created them in the first place. It was Toya’s behavior that needed to be stopped, he was the thing in the Todoroki household, that made everything else go wrong. If only Toya had not died, then Enji wouldn’t have abused Shoto so hard EXCEPT WE ALREADY KNOW THAT WAS ENJI’S INTENTIONS ALL ALONG FROM THE START. If Toya had lived Enji would have kept on doing whatever he wanted with Shoto, because no one in that house was going to hold him accountable. 
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Even now, Enji gets the unconditional support that Toya deserved as a child, that he needs now, just because he happens to be a hero. Certain people are labeled as heroes, certain people are labeled as villain. Good victims are saved and given the support they need, bad victims are violently put down. 
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Even Natsuo says this, that he should have just told Toya to stop complaining about the family. 
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But aren’t the things the villains saying you know right? That Enji should not be allowed to keep his job. That Enji abused his whole family. Wht would have been different if Natsuo and Toya had their talks? Toya would still be a severely abused child who carried that abuse into adulthood, but he wouldn’t be making a fuss about it? He wouldn’t be loud about it?
It’s suppression over recognizing the victim’s pain. It’s blaming the victims without looking at the cause. The Todoroki family set up Shoto as the hero responsible for saving the whole family because he is the good victim, and as a indirectly, they imply that Toya is the villain in need of stopping.
Once again I return to both the Todorokis and the Tenkos. By refusing to see the good in their children, to see that Tenko and Toya were just children who wanted and tred their best to be heroes and were unfairly punished for it, they ultimately suffocate both children. By labeling them as deviants who need to be stopped rather than victims who they abused, they just, keep suffocating them.
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Which is why no matter how much Toya or Tenko may love their families, no matter how much they may sympathize and love their mothers, they still feel denied, suffocated by the whole family. Because their whole family fails to see their good intentions, fails to see who they are as children. They can’t see how much they genuinely wanted to be a hero, and they can’t see how much they were suffering as well, because they’re not good children they’ve alraedy been labeled as bad ones. 
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That’s why they ask over and voer again, do you still want to be a hero?
When all they needed to be told was it was possible for them to be a hero. When that was all they needed to hear, they were rejected instead. That’s why they can’t go back either, because they know after all this time their family still doesn’t understand. They’ll be rejected all over again. 
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And the scapegoat will remain a scapegoat forever. 
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