#everything about this deck! is good!

[opens-up-4-nobody]

The way that the sun hits leaves and clouds. I feel like I could watch the colors change forever. If I could slow down for that long.

#i keep forgetting a have a deck now. i can go outside and sit there #im doing that now. sitting in the corner of a deck full of empty chairs. staring up at a big pine tree where the sun is striking it gold #at the top. i like how thr light hits the needles. if the sky was black it would look like its on fire #theres a tree outside my bedroom window too. in the morning. after the sunrises it catches thr light and refelcts the most perfect shade #of green. the kind of green that flutters translucent like youre looking up from the bottom of a pool. the light the light its all about #the sun. everything everything is about the sun. when i start my project I'll be focused on understanding how organisms catch the light bc #its so incredible and complicated it would make my chest swell to bursting if there wasnt an empty bleeding wound in my gut. a #metaphorical wound of course. i dunno. its just difficult bc right now my mood is inflated by hormones. not even that much i think I'm #just at what shoulf be a normal level of happiness so i can be slow for a minute. but just a minute bc i kno it won't last long #sorry i cant shut the fuck up when im like this but i dunno i just feel like i havr to document these ephemeral moments before they're gone #its just difficult when you kno the world is so full of beautiful things but 95% of the time your eyes are too clouded to see it #everyone tells me i work too much but i feel like im just staring off into space being miserable 60% of the time. ive just done so much #damage over the past few years im coming into a new lab as damaged goods. ive got an albatross around my neck in thr form of data i #collected so self destructively that the idea of having anything to do with its publication makes me hate myself. everytime someone tells #me good job on collecting so so so much data it feels like they're congratulating me for breaking something within myself. like i slit my #wrists and bled out on a lab bench and theyre saying good job and theyre excited for me and i have to grin and bear it and pretend im #excited too. but im not bc ive burned everything inside me to ash. so when im elevated enough to be distracted by the clouds and trees it #feels like healing. like seeing angels. beautiful ephemeral beams of light. i wish i could slow down enough to watch them. but now thr sun #is hitting the horizon and the sky is going gradually dark and i should go inside. bc i have many things to do in the morning. so that's #what ill do. and ill try to get more thsn 6hrs of sleep but its hard when your body is vibrating over with energy #but at least i dont feel tired in the morning. something in my head must be on fire #unrelated #hm i should maybe add a tw to this #tw self injury #but its the kind thst makes u good at ur Job. its the kind ppl reward. so they don't understand when u say its destroying ur life #but im trying to get better. i say as i gear up for an insane semester lol but i do mean it

[maelgwyn]

Not to be dramatic but I would die and also kill for Samanthan Rutherford.

#samanthan rutherford #lower decks #star trek #I haven't started season 3 yet so no spoilers please #sweet boy baby bear #warm up sketch #my art #why is the star trek comedy show also one of the most sincere and excellent representations of everything star trek can and should be #why did the funny cartoon make me cry #good job titmouse studios #lower decks is made by people who love star trek intensely but also aren't afraid to poke fun at it and that's why I love lower decks #I am normal about media

[wildtornado-o]

Granby's cursed gold coat

#tried to make it look shiny #and blinding #anyways unrelated but like. thinking about that scene in crucible of gold. the one where Granby gets pushed off the deck and caught on the- #rigging and is being pulled to his death and Laurence is doing everything he possibly can to save his life (made more difficult by Johns ar #being dislocated) and Laurence is putting himself at risk of being pulled down with him but he doesnt care because Granby is his Friend #AND LIKE comparing that to their dynamic when they first met and hated each other i just aughhhhh sobs and wails #Their friendship dynamic is really just #one of my favourites out of anything ever #and crucible of gold is such a good book to show it #SORRY FOR THE rambling. i have a lot of thoughts on them #my art #john granby #Just realized his head is huge in the first drawing </3

[bumblingbabooshka]

Worst Guy Ever - Also, Unfortunately, Very Homosexual Convo. (subtextually)

#Evidence of Tom being a bad boyfriend is also in a file labeled 'Tom wants to fuck Steth so bad' #but seriously I wanted to deck him in this convo v_v FORTUNATELY it is bearable bc I think that's the point - like the narrative is #showing that Tom is 'ruining what he's worked for' by being a dick to B'Elanna so I'm not like meta-mad about it (like OTHER Tom/B'Elanna #moments) <- Ex: Tom saying 'I have a beautiful girlfriend' instead of something like #'someone I care about/a girl I love' but that's a like...tv writing thing. I don't like it but I know it's a tv writing thing #Woman as like a status symbol instead of a person you care about #I never care about Tom's inner conflict in Tom episodes (with the exception of the one where he gets thrown in solitary - him going full #rogue was fun) bc his inner conflict is always the most boomer bullshit #Literally he's just having a midlife crisis in this one. #BUT...GUYS....IMPORTANT NEWS...BULLDOG'S IN THIS ONE?? #BULLDOG ?? My enemy BULLDOG BRISCOE from Frasier??? Good to see you man! This makes sense. #Steth....WHY would you choose to turn into a guy with a detailed and established web of interconnected relationships on a ship with a #complex hierarchy? Steth really thought he'd be able to play it cool on VOYAGER...the USS codependent...nu uh #they sniff you out and maul you like gophers on that baby #EHHEHEEH the Emh is funny as hell...'WOW...I had no idea me being so perfect at everything was making you feel bad! It all makes sense to #me now...' / Steth(as Tom):....Yeah v_v #SNRKEHEHEHEHEHEH GUYS..I'm taking a mental health day so I can reflect on myself and how even though I'll never be as good as the Doctor #I'm probably still worth SOMETHING #Steth(as Tom): Hey now B'Elanna...let's not go around blaming Steth for things. He's a pretty cool guy actually. #Okay yes confirmed! The above convo is also to show that Steth is 'being better' than Tom by telling B'Elanna what she wants to hear #unfortunately this does not make me like Tom more #SHE WANTS SO LITTLE. SHE ASKS FOR SO LITTLE. #BC Tom DOES say that B'Elanna is 'overreacting' and basically calls her crazy even when it's not for a later moral lesson and #this isn't framed as bad by the narrative. If your girl's always mad at you then your relationship ISN'T good. #There's literally NO resolution once again to their relationship issues. Tom shows her his garage program and when B'Elanna says she feels #she doesn't value her he says 'Yeah I do.' episode ends. #T/B scenes are literally [conflict arises then they argue or kiss] <- it is never...RESOLVED... #Me @ The Writers: (B'Elanna voice) Is this your idea of an adult conversation? #OH. Gay subtext: I hate spending time with my girl I want to hang out and live the bachelor life with my cool guy friend. #Tom's grease monkey program might as well be a subscription to playgirl magazine sit DOWN dude

[obessivedork]

I got so caught up in the euphoria of new Star Trek that I forgot SNW has some of my least favourite writing of the new shows. I think I’m frustrated with it because there are so many aspects I SHOULD like! On paper I SHOULD like this show more than I do! I just do not vibe! :(

#Happy for everyone who loves the show so much god I wish that were me #tagging for my own blog's sorting system not here to be a dick #it is only dethroned by season 3 of PIC for my least favourite writing #but. STOP TALKING ABOUT GENETIC MODIFICATION STAR TREK. IT HAS NEVER BEEN GOOD. IT HAS ALWAYS BEEN BAD. ALWAYS. #EVEN THAT ONE BASHIR EPISODE THIS IS A HOT TAKE I WILL TAKE TO MY GRAVE #(but there are other things that are good about that Bashir episode) #It's too nuanced and difficult of a topic to handle in a 45-60 minute episode. It really is #Children should never be blamed for the sins of their parents etc etc but it is SUCH a double edged sword #what they did with La'an was neat I guess. something something facing ancestral ghosts that put guilt on your shoulders #Like at least this guilt and trauma isn't entirely needless like the Gorn shit #It makes sense that a descendant of HIS would have complex thoughts and feelings. Just wish it was a descendant of a DIFFERENT #genegic augment from Earth's history. Makes the universe feel SO SMALL #The La'an episode got me reluctantly back into being willing to see where they're going with everything because it was a decent episode #I mean I'll watch the Lower Decks episode no matter what but I was hoping the show would grow on me more this season #and it still hasn't really #There are fun elements (Funky old engineer lady! Still mad about killing off the season 1 guy but she's fun! I'm so gay for Ortegas) #I want to like this show more so bad! :( #but I'm just overall not vibing :( #star trek #snw

[lenievi]

SkyShowtime: Here, FINALLY, have Star Trek Discovery

Me: !!!!!!!

SkyShowtime: it's just the first three seasons for now

Me: .............................................

(ok, the 4th comes on the 22nd and then the 5th in April. Good)

#also the second batch of short treks pls #if you're new here discovery is my favorite trek #probably don't expect me to go back to trek atm tho #i'm just excited it's finally available again #but i wonder if i'd be able to maybe just watch it slowly on my own - no rambling. but i can barely keep up with the new look lol #i just don't know if i want to rewatch everything or just s3 #since I've seen s3 only once #picard lower decks and tas and then everything will be in one place #not that i care about these but good to see they're honouring their word

[piratespencil]

The Cinderbrush one shot is sooooo so so good.

#i’d heard it was good but i finally watched it and it’s sooooo good #the stakes are high it’s funny it’s queer it’s teen angsty it’s fantastic #if you’ve ever wanted to see taliesin jaffe fully decked out as a teen witch drug dealer #and ashley johnson as an angsty high school hot boy #then you HAVE to watch this one shot #there is also #erika ishii as a Peak high school movie mean girl and ally beardsley as the worlds most endearing teen werewolf #i loooove af they are my favourite. their little ascot. everything about them. werewolf bby #critical role #cinderbrush #kk talks about stuff

[cardbored-box]

Current yugioh gx watching experience (I’m well into season 3)

#i mean this in a good way #this show was silly for so long but then it’s like haha jokes on you were no longer primarily episodic we’ve got linear storylines now #hosestly it’s just making me go insane over jaden #like everything about him screamed GOOD GUY for most of the show #from his deck of literal heros to his actions he was just a genuinely nice guy #who got along great in life when things were good #thinking back I don’t think he had any major flaws #like he wasn’t good at school but that’s not really a flaw in a show like this #but being thrown into a serious situation like this #brought out the worst in him #his concern for Jesse overshadowing the friends right beside him #he promised to be more careful and not go out on his own and immediately broke those #and look where that got him #watching this guy who was seen as a great hero and greater friend #end up getting all his friends killed because of his own flaws #idk man #i know this is just the beginning i know it’s going to get worse #I think deeply flawed characters especially deeply flawed protagonists are much more interesting then good guys who want to save the day #so I expect jaden is going to go from a character i like a lot to a favorite #my goodness #it’s 1am and I have work tomorrow #is this even coherent #aaaaAAAAAAHHHHHH FICTIONAL CHARACTERS #AAHHHH #AJDKKAAJAK #FJSKAKAJAHHA #goodnight everypony

[redcheekdays]

— I call dibs on the Malcolm Reed! — Well, only if you get there first!

Star Trek: Lower Decks s4e5 Empathalogical Fallacies

#star trek #trekedit #lower decks #shaxs #lwdedit #brad boimler #mine #m:trek #/// #shaxs my absolute BELOVED #i have simply acres of meta in me about this. how good it is for starfleet #for security in particular #how fitting it is that shaxs has this holistic view as a bajoran #i love him so much. ok bye #wait also the ending tag about malcom reed jkdslajkl the guy who wanted to militarize security. lower decks i love everything you choose 2b

[dcviline]

I can't help but side eye when people say ned was an idiot (unironically). like . . . that kinda misses the whole point? ned wasn't an idiot, ned was trying to play by the rules. and idk I just don't think that valuing your honor or expecting others to *not* be unreasonable, treacherous assholes is a mark of stupidity. let's also not forget that he did cave and decide to sacrifice honor and play the game in his last moments in an attempt to save his family, but where did that get him? nowhere. because the game is fucking rigged and ned was doomed either way because the wrong person had too much power.

tldr; if your takeaway from the series is that trying to do right by others = being a fucking idiot, I am begging you to think more critically about what you watch / read

#᯽ ooc. ⊱ ── ❝ 𝘖𝘩 𝘯𝘰 𝘪𝘵'𝘴 𝘔𝘢𝘳𝘪. ❞ #listen I don't mean the jokes. I love a good joke. if we can't laugh about our faves then what's the point? #BUT. I get that cynicism is a common thing in this series but sometimes the fandom takes it too far #and a lot of people lose the underlying idea of everything #this is not normal behavior. this is brutal power grabbing. #ned was not wrong or stupid for not expecting that or not wanting to play into it #normal people do not fucking act this way! and ned? he was just a normal guy! #he was forced to play a game with his opponents hiding half the deck under the table from the start :\ #I feel like people often forget we ARE supposed to look at these things through the lens of our own morality as readers #and not just accept 'well this is how this world works' because the entire point of this series is that this world is fucked up !! #and we are supposed to SEE that it's fucked up !!

[writhe]

i have been making croissants (two day process) and i just totally fucked them by letting them get too warm while proving and the butter melted. lets see what happens (-,:

#have had such a nice day tho #nice to talk to olive last night and do something tactile after (baking and cleaning) #woke up went on a walk with a friend and it was so so so nice to reconnect #got up to no good and our dogs played #super impromptu vet visit ive been putting off #to pickup hal's flea and tick and heartworm meds and get him a vaccine #but they fit us in today with like a 30 min notice! #made myself some armor and it felt very ritualistic...wore it today #it got indirectly complimented which felt like a sign hehe #pulled some a crazy little reading for myself with my new deck which im intimidated by but really like #i find tarot in general a little intimidating but still cool #curious how these croissants will bake. theyre kind of for someone so i hope they turn out well #did everything by hand bc im a luddite and find stand mixers impersonal #got some Plans tomorrow maybe tripping??? #and tonight seeing two friends i feel supported and cared about and frazzled and better and angry and like a big mess

[neverendingford]

.

#friendship arc over. time for your regularly scheduled unfriending of all new social contacts #the problem with making friends is that if you're not actually making good friends then they're not worth the energy they cost #I have a limited amount of mana and low value friends with high mana cost are simply not worth keeping in my deck. #I'm never going to get anywhere spending my energy on people who provide nothing in return #yes altruism is good. yes we give and love and grow #but I cannot give without recharge. I cannot love if I am not loved in return. #I can't hold a conversation if you never talk back #it's not a date if only one of us shows up #sorry. I'm in a mood cause I'm watching Arcane and honestly I might be vibing with Jinx a little too hard #I could keep talking but the problem is people read these now. you see me now. you see me hurt. you see me scream and cry and bleed #do you remember the night I rambled about Mononoke? I talked about ego death and how my whole world was spinning #I couldn't see straight and I could barely sit up #I poisoned myself. did you know that? I tell everyone I cut my veins because that's easier #easier than telling them that I put my chemistry skills to good use that night. natural oils and pills from the local pharmacy #all in neat little capsules homemade #I make everything myself. food. lanyard. comb. gloves. even shoes one time. #I've made my skin a hundred times over. I counted one time. you know that? I counted how many scars I have. #give me a second I'm gonna make art now #tag talk

[beholdthemem]

I think I might be jetlagged, because it's already 11 and I'm still exhausted. I don't know if it makes more sense to try sleep more or to try and stay awake to get back in a more normal rhythm.

#personal #i think i might be sick. i was so worried and convinced that it was covid again that this morning i took a second test #after taking the first because i thought 'a negative can't POSSIBLY be right-' but. another negative. #i still don't like the idea of potentially passing something on when we need all hands on deck though #so. mask every time i leave my room for anything. #torn between frantically wanting to spend whatever time i can with granddad and being terrified at #the idea of going near and potentially giving him some nasty bug and making things worse #just conversation makes him tired. i hate it. i love our long conversations. he's always had such good input on things and taught me #to think about whatever the subject is from more than one angle #this is all happening so fast i hate everything

[rosicheeks]

hi rosi! well, i was the anon from yesterday or whenever about the fantasy about being with you and read all your tags so like...i guess i'll be an emoji anon! i'll decide by the end of the ask which ill use i guess lmao. how was your day? i kinda wanted to ask like, so i guess you just go in your car and hangout at parking lots or whatever a decent amount, is that just to get some alone time? i forget what your current living situation is. also like what do you do for fun?! i know your a lil weed girly and you do your art (which i love btw, i want to try and buy a piece next time i get some kind of spare money) but is there anything else you like to do? i hope you had a good day whenever you get around to answering this<3 (btw i wanna smooch you i am telepathically kissing you right now) - 🎤

Hi hi hi!! Welcome 🎤 🫶💖

My day was pretty good! How was yours lovely? 🥰

Hmmm why I chill in my car is kinda complicated tbh. But I guess the main reason is so I can smoke and just kinda relax and enjoy myself ya know?

Yes yes yes I am a lil weed girly 🥰😇 and I do love my art (any sort - painting, photography, coloring 💖, scrapbooking, trying to get back into drawing)

I’m also a huge music nerd! I went to a performing arts high school and trained in vocal music. Learned a bunch of music theory and did a buuuunch of voice lessons. My goal was to be an opera singer but life had other plans.

Other than that I’m kinda boring. Just like chilling and watching shows (occasionally movies but I’m a sleepy baby so I usually fall asleep pretty fast).

#ok ok ok let’s get a lil more detailed shall we 😇 #I usually reply only in the tags but I KNEW I was going to run our way too fast so I needed to say the basics up there (which felt weird 😂) #I had a pretty good day so far ngl! I was there for moral support for my friend (ended up taking forever but everything turned out good) #now I’m just chilling in my car for the night 🥰 #as for why I spend so much time in my car - at the beginning of the year I had to move back with my parents #pls don’t get me wrong ​I’m super grateful to have a roof over my head and a bed to sleep in… its just not the most comfortable place #the main problem I have is not being able to smoke anymore (I used to be able to smoke inside at my last place so it’s just an adjustment) #I was hoping to be able to smoke out on the deck downstairs but my dad didn’t like that either #so I just chill in my car and smoke in here and watch and color and paint #I mean another reason is I’m a night owl and my dad sleeps in the living room (due to health problems) and I don’t wanna wake him #I guess long story short is I’m more comfy in my car than in my room which is sad but true #not to mention I live in the basement and there’s so many spiders ☹️ if you didn’t know this about me - I’m terrified of spiders!!!!!!!! #thank you so much for the compliment on my art 🥺🥺🥺🥺 I wish I could give you a big hug!! #absolutely no rush trust me I understand not having the cash for extra things (also by the time you’re ready maybe I’ll have more available) #but yeah like I said other than weed (which can be paired with anything tbh 😂) and art - music is my other love #i sing all the time (especially when im alone haha) and one of my fav things to do is watch mouthdropping talented performers #usually they’re broadway based but they can be all types of genres…. I just usually lean towards the ballads #the songs that have lyrics that hit your heart and music that warms your soul - the ones that make me sob uncontrollably 😂 #I have a feeling I’m running out of space sooooo enough about me!! how are you?! how was your day?? tell me more about you?! #I noticed you picked the 🎤 …. do you sing??? or did you just randomly pick it? #omg!! I felt your kiss 😳 I’m telepathically sending you kissies right back to you 🥺🥺🥺 #thank you for the ask 🥰🥰 #I’m shocked I still have room???? like you’re telling me this isn’t 30 tags? ok sounds good #I’m super proud of myself tho #usually I run out of room SO fast and then I get sad cause I either have to redo it or not say everything I wanted to #anyway I hope you have such a wonderful day/night 🥰😘😘 #ask #🎤 anon

[toxiicwcste]

Tag dump: Belladonna Weiss!

#Ouroborus: Belladonna Weiss #Spewing vemon: Belladonna Musings/Isms #The real me; lost in that brilliant glare: Belladonna About/Character study #The woman was arrayed in purple and scarlet colour: Belladonna's Wardrobe #Decked with precious stones and pearls: Belladonna's inventory #A sickening shade of violet: Belladonna Aesthetics #Thou'rt poison in my blood: Belladonna's craft #The patriarch: Fredrick Weiss #Weeping willow: Elethea Weiss #Living on the edge: Nicholas Nico Weiss #He's the king of everything and oh his tongue is a weapon: Romeo Moore #Conceal don't feel: Belladonna & Elethea #Be the good girl you always have to be: Belladonna & Fredrick #Forever in your shadow: Belladonna & Nico #Oh baby girl you know we're gonna be legends: Belladonna x Romeo

[mercurytrinemoon]

You guys ever get a reading from a close person and the cards keep talking about a certain individual and they even describe the individual's disposition and career to a t in a weirdly funny way and both you and the reader know EXACTLY who is this about but you act like you don't know and then 30 minutes later you talk openly about that exact individual as if nothing happened and it's just AWKWARDDDDDDD 😭😭😭

#idk how much longer I can take it #hopefully not much more waiting for me for things to move forward #because I may at one point just yell out #“we both know who is this about *insert name*” #but that would be even more awkward idk #like I absolutely LOVE that cards are picking up on everything #and I truly truly appreciate that #there's so much value in a good reader and a solid card deck #but it's been going on for years #and aside from the fact that my heart is struggling with all the wait #my mouth is also struggling to not talk about it ahahahh #random