#everything with my aunt keeos getting worse i want her to leave but shes gonna be here until the 18th still and its just so bad

[winderrific-moved]

so thats a lesson i think ive learned

#wind howls #by which i mean: sleeps isnt an escape from problem affecting me right now #trauma tornado #everything with my aunt keeos getting worse i want her to leave but shes gonna be here until the 18th still and its just so bad #she keeps trying to talk to me about the past. she keeps asking me if i remember the years before kindergarten like ! #WHY would you try to make me remember that !! the only things i remember are. BAD. theyre bad theyre terrible and #its her fault and my parents fault and so many of my memories are not even available to me because of how bad they are #why is she so hung up on trying to make me remember those years when i was under her control. its the last thing i need right now. #and since i tell her that i do NOT in fact rememeber she just tells me about my own childhood. things that she things are fun and quirky #things a traumatized child does when it has little escape from a waking hell. why does she think its funny to remind me of this #do i matter that little ? is what i went through just not real ? i dont remember all od it but i know this happened but why is she like this #is it too much to ask to be left alone or treated with care ? or. am i just not worth it. i only mattered to her when i was her toy.