#everything's so hard and painful rn but ik we can get it i know we can but we gotta get up first and we can do that cant we yk

[nonclassyparty]

THE FUCKING REALISATION SHE HAD ABT HER HAVING BEEN IN YEOSANGS PLACE TWO YEARS AGO BLEW MY MIND, I SHIT YOU NOT, I GOT UP AND HAD TO PULL OUT MY PENCIL AND A PIECE OF PAPER TO MAP OUT THIS SHIT TO VISUALISE IT BECAUSE MY MIND WAS TOO OVERWHELMED AHAJSKDJ

glad to see fellow oc apologists !! like y/n bb girl *i* understand you, how abt WE get married rn 💍🧎‍♀️

and i am baffled by how everyone, her included, are siding with wooyoung instead of mingi in this parallel situation (ik she hasnt forgiven woo or anything, im talking abt the *positions* of mingi and woo in the parallel) because even though what mingi did and said was shitty af and her feelings are valid especially towards mingi not mentioning the thing at all after all this time, i still think choosing to date and be on the side of the person who has said awful things about your BEST FRIEND and never apologised for any of it is more hurtful than anything.

ofc wooyoung falling for yeosang is totally valid and like she said, it hurts like hell but you can get over it because you want the best for your best friend. but the problem isnt just wooyoung not bringing it up, he feels shitty for doing this too, but to LIE and thus hurt her when she straight up asked abt it, knowing she’s been continuously hurt by her loved ones throughout her life and woo being her only piece of family rn is insaneeeee to me. like she aint just a casual friend of yours, THATS YOUR MFKING BEST FRIEND !!

but for me, all of that is *nothing* compared to him attacking her for being broken and acting on her feelings after finding all of this out on her own, instead of being on her side apologising and being there for her when her heart breaks. like bro, we are asking the BARE MINIMUM from you woo 😭 like i get it she doesnt like the person you are dating but now is NOT the time to be protective over your partner in this situation ?? or am i even more mentally ill than i thought for seeing this whole situation this way 😭😭 ?

akjfdkghfghdfghdkfghdf waittttttttttt

okay so what you said about how she's siding with wy as well thats TEA!!!! bc it is wrong, she knows its not right (obviously since she's the one in pain rn like she knows it sucks and that wy was a little shit for that) but theres still that envious little part of her that was like "damn i wish mingi fought that hard for ME" bc deep down she's not faulting mingi for not choosing her bc she understands, she understood then and she especially understands now but she's still resenting him for it especially now after seeing wooyoung (who is like HER PERSON) fight with her just to stay with ys. its just a very human thing to do, we all want to be that someone's first choice 😭

as for the whole attacking her ordeal, WELL...let's look at it from wy's perspective a little bit. he cares about ys a lot and ys is as vulnerable and delicate as she is maybe even more than her actually. so wy's first instinct was to protect him now HEAR ME OUT... wy was obviously aware that yn would be upset by this and he was scared that ys would get the brunt of it. and also imagine ys just standing there while yn rages at him while wy is just apologizing to her, that would suck for yeosang, your partner begging to be forgiven by the person currently hurling insults at you? 😭 so wy always wanted to avoid that, he wanted to tell her on his own time at his own pace but then it happened unexpectedly and everything just went out of his control. so the moment yn even tried to be nasty towards ys, wy had to stop it and he did it by being nasty to her instead and he def fucked up with that but its a tricky situation for all of them really because wooyoung cares about both of these people. yn is his best friend but yeosang is his boyfriend and it was hard to get out of it without one of them ending up hurt😭

[chronic-gastro-illness-culture]

hello , i would like to request a second opinion related to doctor visits and the sorts if possible , if this doesn't follow up any of the rules or this is too personal of an ask to answer feel free to delete it /gen , some possible cws before i go further : mentions of doctors / tests , food mentions so , last year i had to get some emergency tests done bc the meds i got for my problems didn't help at all , aside from this i was suposed to have regular doctor checkups wayyy before this time but a certain family member has beef with my doctor and usually refuses to take me (i am 19 but i don't have a job at the current moment) a different doctor from my usual one prescribed new meds after this , i only started to take them a few weeks ago bc we couldn't read the doctors handwriting , thing is , i don't really know if they are working :/ , i have been having flare ups again , and some days they have been pretty severe , aside from the meds a family member insists i take this homemade remedy (homemade yogurt) bc someone we know claims it cured them , the issue is that any milk derivates fucking hurt to eat , and this "remedy" is no exception , so for now i am stuck between thinking i should wait more time to see if the meds really work or if i should get a second opinion with my usual doctor (aside from my family insisting the yogurt thing will finally be my cure) , i feel guilty for how much money my issues cost but rn i am almost in too much pain to care , i don't know what to do

im gonna apologize in advanced bc im rlly not that great w ‘delicate’ situations tbh but im gonna be real w u n say that between denying u access to a doc n forcing u to eat food thats a known trigger for u raised hella red flags n sounds like abuse

ik that docs n meds n appt can be hella expensive esp if u dont have proper or any medical insurance but if ur family rlly was only worried abt the cost theyd be working w u to find a remedy that isnt as expensive . instead ur being cut off from someone who can actually help u n r intentionally making u sick w this misguided belief that the homemade yogurt will make u better bc it worked for someone else

if i were u id lay a boundary down- if its safe for u to do so -n say ‘im not eating the yogurt i wanna give the meds a try’ or smth like that bc if ur eating smth that messes w ur guts it will be harder for the meds to work

idk what ur being treated for or what meds ur on but when i got put on protonix for my gerd i also had to change my diet n get rid of food that could trigger reflux that way the meds could work the way theyre supposed to . the same sorta thing works w diabetes n metformin . if someone w diabetes takes metformin they r supposed to watch the sugar n carbs n wtvr they eat n the metformin flushes excess trigger food out . the less of the trigger food a person w diabetes eats the less the pill has to flush out

normally ur supposed to start taking meds n adjust ur diet n after everything heals up or u find a dosage that works u then u start slowly introducing more foods into ur diet w exceptions to trigger foods . but if ur eating trigger foods while trying new meds it would be hard to tell if they r working or not

if u want a 2nd opinion thats up to u theres no harm in getting more opinions n getting more info n more perspectives can help u make a more informed decision when it comes to ur own personal health care . if u trust that doc n feel better w them bc they know ur history w ur digestive disorder then go for it . maybe they can tell u what to expect when it comes to how long the pills take to work what side effects u may have maybe they can find smth cheaper for u to try etc etc

but tbh the rlly alarming thing here is ur family/family member n their behavior . having a chronic illness sux but there is no one who suffers more then the person w the chronic illness . it would be great if there was some magic pill or remedy thatd make it all go away but it isnt . yeah its a pain in the ass . yeah it sux having flare up despite ur best efforts to manage symptoms . yeah it sux to have dietary restrictions n being That Person who has to ask if their food is safe or cooked correctly . yeah its expensive being chronically sick getting meds seeing docs getting tests for diagnosis or just symptom management . but ur family should be there supporting u thru it instead of making u feel guilty n denying u access to a doc n making u eat smth that hurts u .

wtvr u decide to do i hope one or both of ur docs r able to help u find meds that do work . the inbox is always open if u wanna vent or scream into the void or give updates etc etc

#anonymous #digestive disorders #chronic illness #stomach problems #abuse mention

[bluemooninlove]

i gotta say all this bc i don’t want to bottle it up.

I’ve been having so many questions you know? Been feeling every type of emotion imaginable; love, grief, regret, sadness, anger, hate..

But honestly no matter how hard I think ab it i’ll never know the answers.

It was easier for me to blame myself and be confused than to put the blame on you or stop being in denial. Why did you left me? Was it all worth it? Do you even remember everything we went through? Why did u hurt me? I remember it all too well and gawd you really broke me like all our promises.

It’s taking some time for me to continue because i’m still so hurt. But at the end I realized there was nothing I could do and that’s what’s making me move on.

It’s not that I am too much, or if I did something wrong at the end or what could’ve I done to make you stay or what to do better or or or,, but it was easier to think that than to realize that maybe you just didn’t want the relationship. You never wanted a relationship till i got here so you didn’t had any type of affective responsibility,, and maybe now you won’t even work on it since ur back at status quo. Anyways that idk so wont get in that.

It’s hard honestly because I didn’t got a chance or a voice in this. I would’ve stand by your side and try something or if u needed time i would’ve given you that. I would’ve gave anything bc i thought it was worth it. But it wasn’t enough and you chose to just leave.

It hurts but at the end ik it’s personal, me wanting for you to stand up for yourself or us would’ve been unrealistic because it’s not you.

Because no matter how hard I tried to make you feel safe and carried the burdens with you, you still had this idea of me of someone that breaks easily. So you just didn’t told me about what you needed bc you were afraid ab my reactions or how i’ll feel. You didn’t gave my a chance to feel MY OWN feelings and choose them. And it hurts because even if maybe I would’ve hurt, Ik that you know that I would’ve done whatever you needed. And you needed me to leave apparently, so because I loved you, I left.

Finding yourself is such a lonely path, and I wanted to be there for you. I had to endure so much shit from your parents and endure so much hatred because of you, and I did because told me it was worth it. And i really believed you. But I don’t think I deserved to get out this hurt and wounded.

Atp I can only continue little by little because now that I look back on all of it,, so many of the stuff was just you and a personal reflection of you and i got entrapped in it. Because i’m sure hurting me wasn’t your intention, or i hope.

I realized, that even in all that anger and hurt. I was hurting for you, I was angry because you’re not able to be your own, to have ur limits, to live how you want.. I’m hurt because ik it has hurt you and there’s nothing you can do ab it rn because you’re just learning and THATS OKAY, but ik you are hurt by it, and that it made you lonely and i wish so bad i could take your pain. So jajsjddj my gawd,, even all that rage is not directed at you, never at you. How can a feeling so destructive can come from something as love. I really want to be able to be angry at you so bad, but I just can’t. Because somehow even after all that, I loved you.

You hurt me, and I loved you.

You were not right for me, but i loved you.

I deserve better, but I loved you.

I left and am moving on. But fuck did I loved you.

#my perspective #i feel better now wow #man life is wild

[m1ckeyb3rry]

🌫 https://m1ckeyb3rry.tumblr.com/post/688159340143820800/httpsm1ckeyb3rrytumblrcompost68807032672210

at this point ik you’re not confirming or denying but i’m assuming the worst from now😭 i personally think he’s gonna leave the candidacy like maybe he’ll get kicked or just leave on his own (bc we know he wanted to when his brother died) and he’ll become a normal soldier and maybe die or something idk💀

i realized how difficult it is to read a morally condemnable y/n so i am preparing myself for hhg. double the pain 🫶🏼🫶🏼 i know hhg y/n is gonna break my heart just like sith y/n yesss😍😍😍 i don’t really support what eren did but i can see why he became that way and i really hope she’ll be better than him at least😭 but no we’ll have to see bc we haven’t seen much of her development yet but.. ugh i am sighing rn.. looking forward to the next sith and hhg chapters… but i read everything you post so🫶🏼

LMAOOO assuming the worst is always a safe option when it comes to me tbh.

Morally condemnable Y/N is so tough to read and write but it’s so interesting at the same time? But I’m also glad I have Pomegranate Ink and Swear with their nice normal kind Y/Ns because it can be hard to only ever write people that consistently make the worst possible choices.

Ahahah yes we will have to wait and see what HHG Y/N’s all about and why she eventually becomes a Jaegerist. She…okay idk if she’ll be better or worse than Eren tbh. I suppose it depends on how you look at it! But either way she’s in general not going to do great things.

[badcountryofficial]

Buddies having a fight again in my head like im imagining it

#:/ i love u both so much #yes even stu #i only say i hate u cos u remind me of myself so damn much #stupid romanticist putting himself in harm's way for it #his whole being used schtick is a v me thing and i hate that that was his whole Alive relationship w him #that's basically how i live my life. dreaming of that lol #'this is all so painful but surely it will end in something beautiful' #:( it sounds cute and optimistic but rlly it's just suffering for no damn rzn #like u need something you will never ever doubt. go and get it #stop waiting for it to grow that's not happening #everything's so hard and painful rn but ik we can get it i know we can but we gotta get up first and we can do that cant we yk #you can get up and put one foot in front of the other and even if every step hurts you can take em #you hate being called strong but you are #ignore me i'm finally talking to myself. this is a step in the right direction #AKSKJDHFJFJDDJAHAHAHAHAH #ive been so disconnected from all of me from all my selves fr like #theyve just been gone ive been too tired and upset

[thisdreamplace]

ashamed to say the 3D reflects our true inner reality, yes? my ENTIRE family has turned against me, after some atrocious conflicts in which they all ganged up on me nd judged me, name-calling, very hurtful things too, provoked me. i been dealing with some serious mental uh 'issues' on my own nd when this happend i was already on the verge of a breakdown nd the good news is while the conflict happened i kept telling myself theyre only reflecting me u can get thru it etc. Later i looked at the hard facts nd realised some of the hurtful things they said were my deep secret feelings abt myself. BUT my question is why the HELL cant they talk to me like normal people? confronting one person vs whole family, why?! i felt so small nd like an object, nd not a single person defended me. am i not a part of the family?

Part 2 is simply its been a week and theyve still been cold towards me as if I yelled AT THEM ABT THEIR PAINFUL 'tRuThS' in front of EVERYONE LMAOOO. At first if i was around we'd have dinner together while they'd all talk to each other like best friends aka sickeningly overly friendly while completely IGNORING me while i sat there. i could tolerate it. I WAS PISSED AT THEM TOO Now its too painful. They're having dinner without telling me, yesterday didnt leave enough food for me knowing i hadnt eaten, serve tea/snacks without my portion. i honestly feel so unspeakably trigered nd sad. worst is these things r reminding me of deep school memories when id feel excluded like this by other kids at parties or class activities nd its like im back there. anyway im glad i controled myself a bit nd didnt counter with horrid things abt them to THEM yet they think they can say the same to me. im so hurt rn i cant even tell u lol i was okay the whole week but now its too much,, ive been crying the whole day

thing is, ik this seems like 'im a victim oh noooo they ganged up on meee'. Nope its more like how do i change myself to change them?! u could say why not talk to them how they made u feel, except whenever ive defended myself in the past regarding hurtful things they/anyone in family did, the siblings/parents would say irritating things like: "oh so YOU'RE the one hurt? Oh thats right, its because YOU'RE right! yes, yes, you're always right. Forgive me for saying anything against the perfect person u are." Or one of them says: "You?! I hurt YOU? What about me? You don't care about me! So you think what ur doing is okay?" or "no, who do YOU think u are to tell ME what to do?" it just goes in circles like this! i dont deserve to hurt myself or do smth to myself even if they dont give a damn, even if years of silent suffering of the 'mEntAL pRoBlEms' (which my lovely parents have already told me is my fault years ago, hence why I NEVER show it to them, unless im crying too much then lol they just mock me, but idc abt THAT bcoz now ik i hav a right to let out my emotions)). i mean this is worse rjan usual. its kinda insane nd when guests come they start talking to me as if nothing's wrong then when they leave, they ignore me!

this whole twisted dynamics, feelijf left out nd helpless is ig some crazy assumptin from childhood of being alone nd unable to defend myself. plus when they argye with anyone, they become overly self-righteous nd over the years its clear they can only scream, blame the scapegoat and never talk abt serious matter like normal ppl. And yes, in the past when i bring this up, they like to reply with stuff like: "no YOU'RE the one who doesnt talk to US bla bla" like, when i do u just shut me down? have belittled my mental 'issues', mocked me when im at my worst, stabbed me with cruel silent treatments nd thinking its alright "bcoz of self-righteousness blegh". Or maybe i think its okay for them to punish me? or whatev? Like law says u get what u r. if these ~~~ keep doing this to me, im doubly ashamed to say this means im the one at fault?! i let this monster assunptin grow nd now idk what to do. the worst thing imo is how i failed to tell them,even if they ignored me in the past, how i feel when anything like this or a conflict happens nd none of them stand up for me, or at least are neutral to me. bcoz now if i do, they say nope, u dont care what we do, YOUR the shameless one :! so yeah they hav the advantage of 'numbwrs' while im too afraid to stand up for myself lol. btw they never apologize nd i suspect they expect ME to apologize to TYEM bcoz everything's already ruined bcoz of 'me'..... i give up on them, i really do, but my heart hurts. Either i harden my heart, nd save up to move out, OR i try to change my self or whatev assumptins i have. But how do i do that? i try afirming: "my familys so nice to me, im respected by them" but it feels so fake tears literally enter my eyes lol

firstly i want to say, thank you for coming here to vent and being open about your feelings. it’s so important sometimes to just let it all out, without holding back. so that way you can move forward more bravely, to create the life you truly want to experience. that being said, i am going to be completely honest with you here in hopes that perhaps it may inspire you and you will be ready to do what is needed for the life you truly want to experience.

��BUT my question is why the HELL cant they talk to me like normal people?” -> “i felt so small nd like an object, nd not a single person defended me. am i not a part of the family?” here is your question, and here is your answer. i think that being completely honest when venting your feelings can actually be so helpful, because if you read back what you have said, you will be able to clearly find the patterns that are creating your personal hell. FEELING IS THE SECRET. ASSUMPTIONS HARDEN INTO FACT. the true way you feel, becomes your experience. Feelings/assumptions/beliefs come first, and the experiences come second to confirm them. That’s all that’s happening here.

i am glad that you were able to keep your reactions to a minimum! that's wonderful and as many of us know, it can sometimes be hard to do in such hurtful circumstances. but you managed to do it, this shows just a small glimpse of the power you truly hold within. although emotionally you may feel out of control, there is still the choice to choose better for yourself which you demonstrated through your reaction to them. good for you!

the truth is, you acknowledge the victim mindset to seem like you’re not engulfed in it, but no, you’re still very clearly engulfed in it. as i have said before, you can’t be a VICTOR and feel bad about it. feeling bad about taking responsibility, about everyone is you pushed out, about any of these types of concepts automatically shows a victim mindset. talking to them won’t do anything, because there are no second causes. you could talk to them nicely, you could be the nicest person in the world. but you can’t pretend your way out of your inner world. your inner world is the one and only cause of your experiences. until you change the story you tell yourself, they will stay the same. this is a hard pill to swallow sometimes. and it can feel heavily, because it’s ultimately only you’re choice. they can’t change until you do. the heaviness of the situation may make it seem impossible to turn around, but that’s just an illusion. your emotional attachment to the situation makes it seem so real and hard to change, but no. that’s just an illusion too. however, it’s ultimately your choice. Do you want to take responsibility for your life, or do you want to keep being tossed around like your lost at sea, victim to the merciless angry waves? Because we always have a choice. No one chooses your inner world, you do. No one can go into your mind and decide things for you, that’s only your job.

you can harden your heart, but who would be the one who suffers more? It won’t be your family, i can assure you. it’ll only be you. by doing that, you keep that old story alive and therefore you keep experiencing it. you keep those stories alive that are desperately showing themselves to you, saying “LET US GO.” but you remain identified with those painful stories, so you grip onto them tight. you keep on thinking of possible reasons for their behavior, but you could just read your entire ask back to yourself and you’ll see every reason. your reactions, your beliefs about them, your emotional pain. its your refusal to let those things go, and focus on what you truly want that keeps you in this state and keeps them in this state. sure it’s painful to face the responsibility at first, but it’s not a blame game. thinking its about blame is just a misunderstanding of the teachings. it’s not about they’re so perfect and you’re so not, so you have to change your ways. it’s about this is how life works here. this is about... you can ONLY ever experience self. whatever is going on within, will be reflected in your outer world. it’s about how they can’t change, UNTIL YOU DO. so instead of feeling sorry for yourself, you have to decide to give yourself the gift of a wonderful life because you have that power too. you stop deciding they can be in control of your experience, and you decide your experience yourself.

to change your assumptions, stop trying to affirm over them and actually face what’s keeping you from believing in your desires. yeah, it’s going to be painful and uncomfortable. but you need to face the pain that you’re running away from, so that it can finally be released. you have to realize, it only stayed true because you believed it to be true. and if you are to live a life free from that story, and experience a more desirable story, then you must let the pain go. give yourself love and grace as you work through it, and know that there is a more beautiful side of life that awaits for you to accept it in.

No One To Change But Self

There is Nothing to Forgive

How to Sit with Your Triggers

give yourself the time you need, it's not race. the love that you wish to experience exists, allow it in. 💖

#eiypo

[sexydreamgirl]

thank you so much for having this vent box. i’m literally breaking down rn & i need to yell. my chest even hurts. i’ve been trying to consciously manifest. my entire life is on the line. i keep picking myself up, hoping i won’t fail this time but i did. it hurts so bad. i can’t even explain the amount of pain i actually feel. it’s just tiring. i believed in it all so much but i got let down again. i don’t even want to be on this earth anymore. sure, i “could” get my dream life but at what cost. i hated life before i found out about all this but now ik. it’s all dangling in front of my face. i was confident in myself and my abilities. it was a good feeling. i finally had hope but nothing ever changes man. 😞 i’ve bought & did so many things just based off the knowing that life is in my hands. but it’s not, it’s fucked. i just hate everything. i’m angry. i’m sad. i’m crying. i’m lost. i feel numb. what makes it all worse, i can’t fucking do anything. i’m fucking crying & having chest pains as we speak. no matter what i want, i don’t get it. why? just why me? i try to look for why everything just hates me. it hurts. i hate being alive so much. my self concept is out the door now. idk what i’m going to do with myself now. everything is just complete bs. and i can’t do anything. it all just hurts & i tried so hard to pick myself back up from the last time bc we have to “persist” and do all this other bs while actually living through the 3d bs. 😭😭 i saw future me & she was lovely but i keep failing manifesting. idek if there will be a future. i feel like i will be no more, eventually. if you catch my drift. life is not worth anything. at least not the one i’m living. i believed in my power. i believed everything was mine. it’s not & i don’t think it ever will be. that’s why people still struggle. life is so much deeper than these damn powerful feelings, yk? all these affirmations & wish fulfilled. we’re literally living through shit. how can we keep living in our minds when we’re hurting it in real life??? idk. just thanks for this venting space. maybe letting all this out will stop me from ending it. i just feel filled with so much bs. i’m so tired. i just wish if there was something out there or anything in me, it would hug me & make everything better. if you read this, thanks again for the venting box. you’re a real one for this lol.

Hi sweetheart, I'm so sorry to hear that you're feeling this way. It's good that you were able to let it all out, take all the time you need to deal with your emotions. Allow yourself to be upset and cry all you need. I understand you feel like the whole world is crashing down on you and you feel like there's no getting out from the situation you're in but the truth is that it can. You just need even the tiniest bit of faith to hold on to and it'll do absolute wonders for you. I'm not only saying this for reassurance sake but I can tell you with absolute conviction that it can get better. So many people in the law of assumption community discovered the law at a point in their lives where they felt like it was simply not gonna get better. There are success stories of people who have manifested getting out of abusive households and frugal living. People have done a total 180 on their lives and if they can do it so can you. It is never the end and nothing in this world is fixed. You are not doomed and your life is not over. You will come to understand just how powerful you truly are and when you do you'll realize that absolutely nothing is impossible and you really can live the life of your dreams. Don't be so hard on yourself for the fact that circumstances haven't played out as you would have liked them to. Just know that you really do have the ability to obtain anything and everything you want. You deserve to wake up every day to the life of your dreams. You deserve to feel happy and loved and secure. You're worthy of all of that and so so much more. Take all the time you need to process how you're feeling and recover. When you're ready to finally pick yourself back up, give the law of assumption another go. Manifesting is your birthright and your desires are literally a guarantee. I really wish I could provide better support for you but the best I can do for the time being is to remind you that there's always a way out and you're most definitely going to figure it out.

I'm sending you the biggest hug. I promise you're gonna be okay.

#vents

[chateautae]

I for duck's sake need help people.....see, I would be very pleased if anyone of you would just help me out....the thing is, I have been in a relationship for like around 3 years and trust me, he is like the most perfect kinda person I have ever met..but now comes the main issue, he has till now, never ever hinted me about doing anything ( the max. we have went is uk till just a little makeout types, ik spoiling my sex life like this sucks but that's why I am going anonymous and I think some of you might have experienced it ig, don't take me wrong, I mean like uk). The good thing is, we both are understanding and extremely working persons (he works as a employee in a business firm and I am a newbie doctor (kinda just started my practice as a doctor)....and even though I am a doctor and that having sex is like a normal thing because we literally studies everything, I still freak out upon thinking about doing it with him....it's not like I am scared or anything but I just want some uk girl tips upon how to actually do it....reading about it is quite, tbh, okay for me, but then doing it is like, a difficult task....i bet you he knows about everything and that's why he hasn't hinted upon anything but like from the past 1 week, he jas been dropping kinda hints ig.....like I won't go into the details, otherwise I would be hella embarrassed, not that I am not right now, I am literally sitting in the washroom typing this ( don't judge me)....while reading about it, it feels so easy to execute everything but then when doing it in real life is like so much like wierd ig....I mean how do I respond to it.....I am nervous and what not.....as 25yo, I sometimes feel wierd that I can't uk do it......can anyone of you just help me please......like some girl tips.....I searched it on Google too, still I don't have the courage.....amd moreover, my friends circle is so wierd amd plus, I am too shy to ask anyone.....ik asking this in such a way and place is way too inappropriate to be even considered normal....it's not like I am not ready for it, it's just I am quite nervous about how to do it.....tbh, he hasn't forced me even once still remained to be sweet and all but internally we noth know, we might wanna step up.....HELP PLZ.....my mom is way too conservative to even have an open conversation about kisses let alone doing it....

Oh hun, you are completely and tOTALLY allowed to come to this blog for any advice and not feel ashamed. This is an 18+ blog and anyone here would be so glad to help you, something like this is totally normal!! I shall leave my words under the cut, though if anyone else would like to help this lovely anon please do not hesitate to drop off a reply or even something in my inbox! I'll answer right away to help anyone wondering the same thing 💓

Alright hun, first and foremost I am so happy your relationship has been so strong! And I'm glad you're with someone who hasn't pushed you or anything into doing anything sexual yet, I'll tell you from experience that can be extremely daunting and uncomfy so I'm super relieved your man has been sweet!!

In terms of real advice, tbh I'm quite the wrong person to go to. I lost my v-card with my first boyfriend when I was 16, literally we were both inexperienced and even the times we did you know, do the deed it was very clumsy and nobody knew what they were doing, and the second person I've been with was a Kiseok situation (if you read maybe I do, yes Kiseok is based on a real person in my life) so fuck that dude. But maybe my own inexperience can also help you out, here are at least some lady tips I can think of:

1. Make sure you're comfortable. I say comfortable instead of ready because I'm quite the believer in if you wait until the moment you're ready, you'll wait your entire life. So my best advice is to make sure you're comfy with the situation and your partner!!

2. Ensure your partner is someone who cares about you. I know everyone's stories are different, and not everyone has sex with someone they've been with for a long time or even love, one night stands are totally okay and I salute you sister. get that dick!!! But even in situations where you're with a stranger, sex is a very intimate thing, and it would make your experience 1000x better if you can at least tell the person cares about you and your body and your wishes during sex. Everyone deserves to be respected during an intimate act like sex and if you feel you're not being respected, whether it's your body, your wishes, your limits, your choices, do not feel obligated to still go through with this person.

3. You have to be wet. Of course not all sexual encounters happen the same way, and every female gets off on different things or turned on by a variety of actions, but essentially you have to be wet for sex. Most men understand this but a lot also don't, basically you gotta get into that juicy foreplay to get wet my girl. Try making out, maybe if you're sitting down swing a leg over his lap and bam you're straddling him. This position is usually optimal because you gain the opportunity to grind against yo man's crotch and my fucking God, does that shit feel hella nice. It's also highkey ego-boosting feeling how much the guy's getting worked up because literally anytime you grind or move over their crotch it immediately spikes to their dick and you can usually feel them against you. If you're standing, try moving to an area that has a wall and keep grabbing at your man's neck, usually men naturally will indicate you to jump and you'll easily be all up against the wall making out, this gets hella fun too cause being carried like that is so 😩

3.2. Okay cool, we're making out, now it's essentially a game of go with the flow. Men usually take the initiative and begin the escalation of things on their own. Maybe he'll start kissing down your neck, his hands are gonna be somewhere at your waist, maybe inching down to your ass or maybe he's an ass guy and he's already palming at yo cheeks. Regardless, I can confidently say you can sit back and relax, let yourself feel, get into the kissing and grinding and if you love the way he's touching you, make some noise and let him know, don't be afraid to be turned on and goddamn horny, dudes love that shit. You however are also allowed to take the wheel, and guys usually search for the greenlight from girls by sensing their movements and how eager they seem for the go-ahead on anything. If maybe you begin tugging at his clothes, they'll usually think "okay, she's okay with this rn" and so on. This part's sincerely just go with the flow, you don't need to rush and honestly the more foreplay the better for getting your puthy wet. Make sure you're comfy and your partner makes sure you're okay with that they're doing to you.

3.3. Whoop dee doo your man's hands are suddenly going, you know, places. Another case of go with the flow, if you're comfortable with your man wanting to do a lil rubby dubby on your kitty then totally let him, this shit feel's god-like I tell you. Maybe I'm just a sensitive ass whore, who knows but something about feeling a man's hands do what your lady fingers can't just HHHHHHHHHHHHHHH. But essentially from here maybe you wanna reciprocate. Get them pesky pants open and feel your man up. Reach inside those boxers and touch that beast he's hiding inside. Make sure to go nice and slow and your hands aren't rough, men's dick are super sensitive and if you go too hard on at least a dry dick it acc hurts them. Men usually leak pre-cum at their tips so try using some of that to slick up your hand.

3.4. That's handjobbing, now if we're getting into oral, very important things to remember. A) retract your teeth, it's hard and it hurts to do it for a long time but teeth will hurt dudes a lot so suck them in and away from their cocks. B) Hollow your cheeks, men like the tightness of a mouth and that's what really gets them going. C) BREATHE THROUGH YOUR NOSE PLEASE DO NOT JUST STOP BREATHING AND TAKE YOUR TIME OKAY BLOWJOBS ARE ACC VERY FUCKING HARD AND FUCK YOU UP especially for someone like me who has a small mouth, yeah that shit sUCKS but nothing is more beautiful than seeing a man fold under your touch. D) Tease yo man a bit, kitten licks and kisses, dragging your tongue over his slit, maybe a pump and then take him out, slick him up with some saliva maybe, anything you feel like doing go ahead girl, that dick is yours for the time being and I promise he'll love it. E) Deep-throating is really when gets guys going cause they only acc feel shit at their tips, so please deep-throat with caution, and take your time if he's a big one, you can acc really hurt yourself especially if you're constantly deep-throating a really big one. F) Go to town girl, get up and bobbing, go down on him like he can't survive without you, go at your own pace and own it. G) Balls usually go neglected and I promise if you even fondle them or grab at them your man will combust.

3.5. Okay so with actual sex, FIRST OF ALL BE SAFE!!!! USE A FUCKING CONDOM, IF YOU DON'T HAVE ONE THEN DON'T FUCK BUT IF YOU'RE STILL HORNY THEN PLEASE RECIEVE SOME MONEY FROM YO MAN FOR PLAN B!!! IT'S NOT ENTIRELY FOOLPROOF THOUGH PLEASE REMEMBER THAT RISK. You can totally go on birth control too but this has its complications, there are also monthly shots you can take and other contraceptives.

3.6. Okay it's sexy times, this is just gonna have to be a thing for you. Everyone's different and has different comfort levels, maybe you can take someone that’s bigger while some women can't and that's fine. Just make sure when he does go in, you feel okay with it. It will hurt if you’re dry and not wet, like hurt a lOT but if you do feel loads of pain just let your partner know to go slower, and let yourself get used to the feeling of something inside. You can always say stop if it hurts too much, seriously it's normal and that's what I did with my first boyfriend. Hell I fucking kicked my ex off me LMAO and he was so sorry and we just ended everything there, and had actual sex the next time I visited him. From here on I've really got no lady tips, essentially it's up to you what you like and what you'll do, get it on!!!

General Tips:

4. Be you, and be confident. I know sex can be really daunting especially when you consider men usually tend to be more experienced, and maybe you become afraid you won't measure up or be as good as his previous partners or you’re not good at sex, but baby girl it ain't about that. This dude is going to have sex with you because he wants to have sex with you, and whether that's his dick speaking for him or his heart, it means he will not be thinking about some other  chick he got it on with a year ago, he will be thinking of you and your pretty mouth and what you're doing, focused on touching your body and thinking he loves the way it feels. The more confident you are, the better. You're sexy and pretty and you are desirable babes, let those noises he makes when you touch him drive your confidence, the way he groans a little when you do something, the way he's tugging your body close to yours cause he wants to feel you, it all means he wants you and that's hot, let it boost your lady ego my love. You're allowed to be shy, I totally understand that, and if your partner really cares about you then they'll easily take your hand and guide you through it. Let them know you're a little nervous, and they'll really try to make things more comfy and easier for you because sex is about both parties, not just one.

5. Orgasming is hard, but it's still achievable. Especially in an open, established relationship, really let your man know what turns you on. Let him feel at your cooch while he's penetrating you and I promise that can usually get you orgasming. Other than that, another huge case of doing what you need to do to get yourself off, and always let your partner know. If you’re really searching for an orgasm in a newer relationship or if you’re too shy to say something, then literally just take your man’s hand and place him over your clit and start rubbing with him, he’ll get the hint and start doing it himself. 

6. Communication is key. This is obvious, but even if it's dirty talk, usually it's still a way to communicate and see if you're okay. You can ask to go slower, faster, softer, harder, stop altogether or entirely wreck your goddamn shit. Your partner should listen and if they don't, get the fuck out of there and leave that man, he don't fucking deserve you at all, especially in situations where you ask to stop or to slow down cause maybe something hurts, if he doesn't listen here then no, he don't deserve shit and LEAVE. Don't be afraid to make noise either or say something, dudes usually love hearing you. If you don’t like something please let your partner know, I’m sure they’re wondering if you do and would love to hear you communicating. 

7. Be clean after you're done woo-hoo-ing. Make sure you're tidy and stuff before putting clothes back on, sex can get messy especially if it's your first time you can bleed. Usually if the dude is a sweetheart enough they'll clean you, which is obviously aftercare uwu.

8. Pee after sex, UTI's are not fun. 

9. Your body may also feel weird or go through changes after you have sex for the first time, but that’s normal. Just you body’s response to feeling something foreign inside you. 

10. Ladies, remembering during sex that you have power, IT’S YOUR BODY!!!! Whether it’s because you’re totally domming or because your man is super duper sweet and will not do anything unless you want it, sex is meant to be fun and for both parties’ enjoyment. It’s not a chore nor is it something you HAVE to do to keep your man around or something, let yourself have fun girl, you deserve it. The flow of sex and any activities as such are usually dictated by you and what you want, so remember you don’t have to go through with something if you don’t want to. It shouldn’t matter if a dude really badly wants to get his dick wet, this is your body and you are to decide what happens to it. If a man makes you believe otherwise, FUCK THAT DUDE!!!! HE DON’T DESERVE YOU!!! YOU DESERVE LOVE AND RESPECT AND TO BE CARED FOR AS A HUMAN BEING!!

#sammy's advice #sammy files #inbox #anon

[becca-e-barnes]

pls don’t get tired of me 🥺

i went back to work and everything was bearable and fine but saturday…. i had a good day at work. and i knew i was off today and i was so excited when i got off of work. but i had this feeling in my heart that something was off.

while i was at work, my emotional support dog of almost 4 years was hit by a car. i didn’t find out until late that night when i got home. it happened not even 2 hours after i got to my job. and we love on a dirt road (we’re southern) so they had to be going pretty fast.

my parents met me at our restaurant and we ate and i was happy but mom was quiet. about an hour and a half later we went home. we keep her inside bc she’s so small and dogs have all ready attacked our other dog to get to her in the past, she’s a pure pomeranian but she’s a “throwback” so she’s the original size. well i didn’t hear her scratching on the door like she does when she hears me come home. i go inside and i don’t see her. i call for her bc that’s the first thing i do when i get home. she’s just like a child that i birthed to me bc we are literally inseparable. ik how that sounds but there’s no other way to describe it. i love her like she’s my blood.

as soon as i call her name and look around i get confused bc i don’t see or hear her. mom is acting weird now so she’s like hold on and she gets my dad and she’s holding his hand and begins explaining:

she was outside and she likes to chase the cars that go by and i’m usually the one to tell her to get out of the road or be careful but i wasn’t there. i wasn’t there. mom said it got quiet she couldn’t hear her bark so she looked out side and called and she didn’t come. mom got worried. she happened to look over and see her in the road. trying to get up. but she said her front legs were stiff and her back legs were paralyzed almost bc she couldn’t move them. and mom loves her so much to. she picked her up and started talking sweetly to her, caressing her, holding her.

long story short she IMMEDIATELY hauled ass and hit the road calling any and every vet bc obviously she thought that she had been bitten by a snake, it’s pretty common down here. well anyways that’s how she ended up at the hospital and found out it was a car accident. hanna couldn’t even bark. and she was crying and my mom was crying. and she had to leave her there.

i cant keep going bc i’m too emo and ik it’s too much to read but she’s still there tonight and not doing any better. she might not get to walk again. but if she lives i would build and paint her any prosthetic i could. im so depressed. we all are she is literally our family. i cant live without her. she’s kept me alive for so long. i cant sleep in my bed not only bc of arachnophobia but bc her spot beside me is empty. i feel like a child that i birthed and raised with flesh and blood is in the hospital fighting for her life rn. ppl don’t realize the impact dogs have on us. she is my everything. we got so close that we both have separation anxiety for eachother. i cant function. i stayed on that one spot on the couch that’s right under where she sits on the top to look outside, all day. i couldn’t leave it. i wanted to feel close to her.

what if i lose her? how do i cope? i’m so lost. it feels like she took my heart with her. do you know what i should do? do you know what i’m feeling? everything i see reminds me of her. i still think i can hear her barks outside. im beside myself. i need someone to confide in outside of my mom. i just need you i think.

(i’m sorry if i missed some details or it doesn’t make sense i’m very not myself rn and it’s hard to think)

-r.a.

Oh my god sweetheart, I can’t even begin to imagine the pain you must be in, I truly am so so sorry, you really don’t have it easy at the moment. Literally ready to cry on the train just reading that

I couldn’t even imagine the mess I’d be in if something happened to Belle, I know I wouldn’t cope with it and I really wish there was some way I could help.

But if nothing else, you just have to focus on being strong until you’re able to cuddle her again because I just know she’d hate to think you’re upset without her there to comfort you. You can’t think about what would happen in a worst case scenario, it’ll only make it all so much harder on you and you don’t need that right now. But I know it’s probably the only thing on your mind.

And please make sure you’re taking care of yourself the best that you can. Make sure you’re sleeping and eating and focusing on your own well-being because your body is still probably recovering from that mf spider bite. You really need to be kind to yourself above anything else and if you ever need me a little more urgently, please feel free to dm me, I’ll be here. Please don’t try to handle it by yourself, you don’t need to 💗 sending you endless love and support and I’ll pray for you and your Hanna too if you don’t mind.

Also if you need a few numbers for support services I’m more than happy to find you some. I’m just conscious of the fact I’m not trained or educated enough to help as much as I’d like to so I’m more than happy to find you some professionals if you think that would be useful just to have in case it’s needed

#asks answered <3 #ranting anon #tw: pet injury #tw: pet illness #tw: car accident #spider #my heart is breaking for you rn #I truly hope she’s okay #this must be so hard #and if I’ve missed any warning in my tags PLEASE let me know #sending you so much love #sad post

[olderthanthemorning]

south london forever (sirius black) part 1

pairing: sirius black x reader

summary: "and everything i ever did was just another way to scream your name." in which reader remembers adolescence and a certain someone's youthful grin.

wc: 1.6k

warnings: mentions of drinking

a/n: look so i fell off the face of the earth for the past few months but i'm in school and also mentally unwell so that's my excuse. this didn't turn our the way i wanted it to but i feel like that's ok?? not quite as painful as it could've be. (also ik i need to do gold rush pt2 but ive been trying to write it and never like what i write so :/) anyway, feedback is always welcome! also request stuff! characters or songs!! (p.s. i'm obsessed with SOUR by olivia rodrigo rn so pls request songs !!)

the night bus jolted and shook you awake. it was a long journey from hogwarts, but you were finally near your own neighborhood. as you looked around, everything seemed just slightly different. you were suddenly hyper aware of the fact that you would never be in any of these places as a student, or a child, again. the old church that had at least 4 weddings every spring seemed a little faded, the park and playground where you and your mates would drink at night looked much smaller in the light of early summer.

within the playground was a swing set, which hadn't meant much to you until a year ago. after a night of singing way too loud with a group of your friends, the manager of the local pub, david, kicked the lot of you out. after a few playful swears and hand gestures to the man, you promised to be back the next night and headed across the street to sit and sober up before trying to climb back into your bedroom window. the group you were with seemed larger than usual so you linked arms with mary, a fellow witch that lived up the street from you.

"picked up a few stragglers, have we?" you asked. mary was a social butterfly, and when you didn't know someone, you could count on her to know them.

"yes! and even better, they're from school," she was careful not to name hogwarts. one of the only downsides of hanging out with muggles was having to police your conversations. "that one there is james," she said pointing at a boy in a slacks and a button down that looked like it was only tucked in a fraction of what it had been at the beginning of the night. his hair is neatly cut and he wears glasses, although they make him look young, like you can see him growing out of them in while you look at him.

"he looks like he's far from home," you laughed, the boy seemed far to sheltered to have been just thrown out of a gay bar.

"tell me about it," mary snorted, "but no he's here with the other one," she nods at another boy who looks more like the others. he has on jeans and a t-shirt that is just short enough to threaten showing his middle at any moment. his hair is dark and curly but a lot messier than james', like he had been listening to a lot of rolling stones. "he's called sirius. apparently he's staying with james this summer because his parents kicked him out. they're pure bloods, real pricks."

"you'd have to be a knob to call your kid sirius," you snickered, letting go of your friends hand and flopping onto the grass. you looked up and saw the upside-down face of sirius, "just wait until you hear my brother's name."

you feel yourself go pale and cover your face with a hand, "shit. i'm sorry," although embarrassed, you couldn't help but giggle.

he chuckled, "no, it's alright. but i your going to make fun of my name, i should at least know yours." he sat beside you, prompting you to sit up, and frantically brush the grass from your hair. "i'm y/n," you say, sticking out your hand, "and that's mary."

"hi mary," sirius give your friend a knowing smile, which confuses you. "you're both going into seventh year?"

you nodded and he continued talking for a bit. sirius seemed to be engaged in the conversation with you and mary but would look around every so often, like he was expecting something. over the course of a few minutes, he managed to refer to three family members as "dickheads," admit to a prank that had involved a charm on a library door that resulted a tidal wave dowsing whoever tried to open it, and start an argument about how the chudley cannons were so much better than the holyhead harpies. the last of which you disagreed with, hence the argument.

"come on sirius, you're not fighting about quidditch again, are you?" james sat down on mary's other side.

"i like to think of it as educating our new friends. they support the harpies, james. they need all the help they can get."

"no no, harpies are decent. they've got you there." james replied, smiling softly at mary.

"listen, y/n, do you want go on a walk?" sirius suddenly turns to you.

"um..." you're caught off guard by his forwardness, you only just met the guy.

"yeah, come on. just a short walk." he pulled you up to your feet and dragged you away.

you follow him into the middle of the street, illuminated by a dim yellow glow from a light post. "how come i've never met you at school?" he turns around to look at you, walking backwards.

"dunno, not looking hard enough i guess?" you tried to test the waters of flirting, since he tried so hard to get you alone.

"i guess not," he smiled and stuck his hands in his pockets. a silence fell over the two of you as you continued to walk, just around the block.

as you rounded the corner to the opposite side of the park from your friends you decide to speak again, "so do you just really like walks or something? this seems like something you could've done alone." you continue to follow him up to a swing set and sit down in the swing next to the one he had perched in.

"you can be kind of thick, you know?" sirius looked at you as if he had just explained a simple concept to you.

"i'm sorry?" you felt annoyed, like he was mocking you. "look, you're the one that asked to be alone with me and then go on acting like a preteen boy that's never kissed anyone."

"y/n, i wasn't trying to put the moves on you, honest. i know i can go on a walk alone, but it's a little awkward to make out with someone while their best friend's right there, innit?" he pointed across the park to where mary and james were coming up for air from a kiss, giggling.

"oh." a different kind of embarrassment washed over you. "how long has that been happening?"

"james hasn't shut up about her for about a week, but tonight was the first time he's had the guts to actually talk to her."

"right." you had a sudden wish to recall a hex that would allow you to melt into ice lolly goo and seep into the mulch at your feet. you took a chance and glanced at sirius, who was grinning at you. "please don't say anything, my ego is already bruised," you said, dropping your head again.

"i mean, i'm flattered, really," he clutched his heart, dramatically, "but if i was really trying to pull you, we would be long gone by now."

"wow, you know some people find humility endearing."

"not me. how could i be humble with a face like this?" you're unsure if your eyes have ever rolled this much before in your life.

"so your ego has also had enough attention for the evening," you laugh. there is another short silence, much less awkward than the one during your walk.

"it's a star, by the way," it's sirius who breaks it this time. "sirius is a star in canis major," you realize he's referencing to your comment about his name earlier.

"yeah, i know. brightest star in the sky, right?" night lessons in the astronomy tower hadn't prepared you for much, but it was proving helpful now.

"something like that. i agree with you though, it's a little much. my parents are kind of," he paused, "supercilious? that's not the right word. but i'm not sure there is a good word for what my parents are."

"i didn't mean to give you shit about it earlier. i actually like your name," while calling it your favorite name would be a stretch, but you felt like this was the sensitive thing to say. he couldn't change it, after all.

"thanks."

"oy!" james calls to you two. the entire group had gathered and was waving you over.

"well, i guess that's our queue," you stand up and walk back together, making small conversation on the way.

the group had gathered because it was apparently time to call it a night. everyone said their goodbyes and started walking their separate ways. you were now waiting on mary to say goodbye to james, as she was always your buddy to walk home with. once again, you're left with sirius as he waits for james.

"well, it was a pleasure to meet you y/n, i look forward to next time." he said. you rack your brain and try to remember if you had made plans to hangout again. you were drunk but not still drunk enough to have missing memories.

"next time?" you ask.

"i've already bragged about how quickly i could charm you. now i just have to prove it." you hope the light post is dim enough to hid your slight blush.

"well, then i look forward to disproving you." and with that, mary is ready and the two of you link arms once again to walk back towards your homes.

#sirius black imagine #harry potter #sirius x y/n #sirius black #mauraders #james potter #sirius blurb #harry potter imagine #hp imagine #imagine #florence and the machine #hp #hp marauders #marauders imagine #marauders blurb #sirius #reader

[stray-tori]

TPN S02E09 - Initial Thoughts (anime-only)

[ Reaction video w/ captions/subs ] we collectively have a breakdown about the pen, please enjoy it pff-

.

... hmmm... yeah I... ain’t feeling it. I think my tpn feelings overall are carrying this more than anything pff. I didn’t hate it, it was just...... mediocre... like if this wasn’t tpn, I probably would have dropped it at this point.

BUT IT IS TPN SO LET’S GIVE SOME THOUGHTS.

.

. Random thoughts I don’t want to re-arrange

when Emma was like “share your pain with us!!”, I liked how Norman turned to Ray like “Ray. help. tell her I’m right” kind of like Ray did in s1 pfff-

Norman cried the words he didn’t allow himself to say in s1 :( I’M EMOTIONAL. it might not be the icing on the cake execution wise but GOD MY HEART. And knowing he’s going to die to it’s just- (well not if the pen has something to say about it but more about that later)

where- wheres my trio hug :((( RAY HUG THE CHILD NOW

it’s interesting that while Emma got the entire emotional speech spotlight, only Ray got a reaction shot to “I won’t live long”?? equivalent.... exchange...?

I thought Norman had a seizure when he broke down in front of Emma and Ray and I kinda wish he had because while it’s good to have him say it outright (a win for communicationnn), imagine THE ANGST. “I want to live with yo- *coughs up fountains of blood*”.

So. yknow that hideout Cislo or Vincent referenced when talking to Emma and Ray. Yknow where Norman hid the children they stole from farms, making it look like demons did it? ... w-what about them? will we see them? Are they getting left behind? it would have worked for Norman’s plan, since all they had to do was stay put and wait for demons to be yeeted. But now... he’d have to take them all too. But... I doubt we’re gonna introduce a bunch of new designs and characters? Or are we? Who knows. I don’t. I have unreasonably amount of protecc feelings for those children I’ve never even seen haha- WHERE ARE THEY. I mean... the plan rn is to immediately use the gate right? or is the plan to eradicte the GF farm staff and higher ups? I guess if thats the plan it might work. Or I guess the plan is to save Phil for now???

the idea of Sonju just... slicing his arm and throwing it at demons in a loop sounds so funny to me please someone make that.

I liked that Mujika turned to the lambda kids after giving a cup to the demon children but then we didn’t see their reaction or anything and then it cuts to the temple??? that was weird. was there sth missing there? confusion.

I also like Isabella remarking "[a radio] was supposed to be there" regarding the shelter, because it further heavily implies they know of the shelters and just let them be. Which further confirms that they should have just reframed the shelter and had the kids escape from it quickly but oH WELL.

I really liked demon Emma apologizing and Norman's reaction to that. it was a sweet little moment and like, the realization of apologizing for something that she didn't do but is aware of and all that. Cycle of hatred and all that shiz hell ye. Ik the anime won't rly delve into that but I kind of relish in the angst potential of the village - sure it was undone but some were still eaten and died and transforming people back won't bring those back. So, that’s some hella terrifying implications for families; and I'm assuming Norman is aware of those so. guilt time! not that he wasn't aware it was bad but yeah- I teared up at that moment :<<

I feel like this season really does its best when it’s doing the whole two worlds/species angle. Mujika and Sonju, the village, demon and human Emma... all that stuff.

I wish we had gotten more time (god this is really the season’s downfall) thought to see Vylk talk to the GF kids more often. it’s implied he told them not to hang out there before but I would have liked to have him show up a few more times before that but yeah. Runtime very RIP.

I also feel like CW is bending over backwards to put cliffhangers at the end of episodes. that was already a problem in s1 when they had Phil come in when Don and Gilda were in Isabella's room. it was obvious it'd be a copout but they still did it. I'm just wondering why we had to have Vincent disagree with the group to this extend (and if the shock value might play a part in that). we have 2 more episodes, why are they introducing more plot threads? Just streamline it you dofuses. I just don't know what good can come of it unless it's like an ultra big brain move to help them?? (and then we're back with the forcing cliffhangers thing) - if it's actual conflict, this'll just make things more confusing and clustered, and we don't have time for that right now imo. But who knows maybe it plays into something I just don't understand yet and it'll work out somehow

.

. Animation flow kinda dead.

I felt like this episode was kind of... awkwardly executed whenever something that was a slightly dynamic movement happened?

The whole bit while Emma is walking up to Norman could have been better, but it’s passable, except that a lot is spelled out for us.

But then she takes his hand really weirdly in a far away shot with bad inbetween timing?? what is that haha-

Or him collapsing is cut really weirdly. you barely really see it, you just kinda piece it together from Emma’s reaction and her catching him.

Most facial expressions are good though, which is arguably the more important part in this scene. I feel like a better execution just would have elevated it even more.

The only one I felt was really awkward in its entirety is Barbara’s scene with the children demons. I felt like that was in particular kind of stiff and the cut between the child and her was too sudden and felt jarring. TPN anime doesn’t really do that sort of stuff a lot, so imo it’s kind of “??” when they do it. With Norman it was too, but that at least had a good transition over to it (with bg and fg panning) and nice animation. Barbara’s just kind of switched. Tbh don’t switch it out, and as the child screams, switch over to her facial expression as her own voice fades into the scream? I think that would have done it too and also be low effort.

I think it’s moreso the flow of the shots than the actual shots though? it’s a bit too fast paced and sometimes missing inbetweens (like the wild demon eating sonju’s hand is literally just 2 frames) - it’s very weird. It’s jarring, but I can’t really explain why.

I’m sorry for the staff, I’m sure the production hasn’t been easy. maybe with the bluray release we’ll get some updated animations/inbetweens.

Some appreciation though:

as mentioned, most of the facial expressions, even if the body language was a bit stiff.

the cut from the trio talking to the eye-transition of the demon and the following breath animation looked nice. Also his arm regenerating!

Sonju smirking as he cuts his arm off, what a bastard

they didn’t have to show Vylk’s arm regenerating casually while they’re talking but they did.

.

. the lambda crew

If only I cared about you guys. Hahhh it’s just... introducing characters so close to the end is just. A mess. A recipe for disaster.

Where has the anime’s “show off the younger kids” angle gone? I thought they were always pretty good at that. but they haven’t really contributed anything since the whole tidbit about the older children always eating less for them. And even then it was just Lani and Thoma.

Potentially, what segments we saw in the shelter will come back for the GF raid thematically but I’m just... EH?

.

. the cure pen

at this point, just stick a syringe part at the end of the stick and just inject it and it’s gonna solve everything probably.

I just don’t understand why that needed to happen. Assuming they go to the human world, it’d be perfectly acceptable for me for medicine to be so advanced that it’d be able to like, lessen their symptoms and significantly improve their lifespan.

Don’t just... REMOVE their struggles. It’s okay to not be normal and cured. it’s okay for their lives to be impacted by it going forward. In fact, I’d much prefer that.

(added in later) OH wait they literally spell out why the cure being in the pen is meaningful - because it opens up a path where they can live through not having annihilated all the demons - it's essentially the moral "reward" for not killing them. Since they probably wouldn't have gotten it if they did that. I still think it wasn't needed and the blueprint on its own would suffice for another pen-convinience moment but I kind of get what they're going for, I just don't think it's worth it . In their case, going to the human world (while they don't know it) means having more medical expertise at their disposal which they can then use to survive. UNLESS they're actually not welcome over there and have to hide or something, in that case... that might be hard, true. I guess I'll come back to think about this once it's over. For now, it feels kind of unearned and it wouldn’t even have to be this way in my eyes which makes it somewhat worse.

But good, let’s say in-universe you need it NOW, then at least don’t put??? the medicine??? recipe??? INTO the hologram.

What if they just checked the GF blueprint and Norman goes “hey, Vincent... do you think this [database/archive room] could have some data on our experiments?” - Norman said he tried to develop a drug to help them but the supporters who had that data were purged. but... they had Smee to help them too. But SOMEHOW, a dude from 15 years ago just HAS the cure??? (at least let Norman develop it himself and have the data be just THE DATA and not the recipe).

It might still check out somewhat??

15+ years ago, James Ratri was assumingly still the gatekeeper since the switch to Peter seems somewhat recent considering his big "era of James has ended" speech.

I guess the implication is that just like Smee => Krone => Norman, a supporter all that time ago gave random person the pen when they escaped.

When Vylk found him, he also had just the data medium of the pen (not the entire pen), so maybe the farm thought they eliminated it and that’s why they didn’t change their methods to not work with those drugs anymore? It's still a bit curious that their experimentation hasn't changed at all in 15 years but maybe that's because they keep killing the smart people instead of making them scientists to research for them :D

Somewhere since those 15 years, Smee gave Krone the pen (probably a few years before she got to GF?), which means that at that point the gate the keyword "future" sent them to, was still in tact when Smee gave Krone the pen. Maybe WM wasn't discovered yet at that point?

then WM got discovered, James was chased. He made that phonecall update and was probably eventually killed, along with the human location (and likely bunkers since they knew a radio was supposed to be there, begs the question why they didn't remove it) being discovered (the one with the future keyword) and the gate there being destroyed.

The problem is just that it can make sense when you think about it for way too long and assume things in good-faith, but it still feels unearned.

Maybe I would care more or this would feel a little more earned if we knew ANYTHING about that person? They seemed fairly young, so it’s probably not Minerva/James Ratri. The “hope” talk reminded me of the book in the shelter, but I’m not sure if that checks out either? The cookies were rotten but not completely. I know cookies hold out relatively long, but would they rly not be completely rotten after 15 years? I MEAN. Maybe not. Who knows. I tried to google it but didn’t find anything. 

But anyway. That tidbit is going into my “shelter kids OC project” I guess.

But even if the worldbuilding makes sense, I think the data set in itself makes little sense?? How did they find that pen part? Did a supporter give it to them? Why do they have the cure? Clearly their group of escapees wasn’t doing too hot (#help) and they seemed relatively young too so they probably couldn’t have worked in the farm.

Were the shelter escapees lambda escapees? but if that was the case, wouldn’t the WM group have secured the cure information more properly than in just one pen (maybe it was and those were just destroyed, to be fair) - it’s just WEIRD to put the cure for Lambda experiments on the same blueprint as the GF layout??? that makes so little sense.

Plus, why would you send them to GF, when it’s so secured and all that, and not just send them to the human support place our GF kids were sent with the “future” keyword, which had a gate. Maybe it didn’t exist 15 years ago (that the humans had control over it, that is), but even then it seems weird to me to imply to send them to GF instead of one of the other gates that existed. I mean. The “future” location’s gate wasn’t destroyed when Krone got the pen right?

I’m guessing maybe it was meant as help for escaping? But then again, why the cure? I guess if they met lambda experiments? I’m just confused.

Also: do we just accept that the layout of GUARDS and SECURITY MEASURES has not changed in 15 years???

.

*sigh* welp. Still looking forward to seeing some stuff with Isabella hopefully. Time... is not on their side and it shows. Neither run-time wise nor production wise.

#tpn anime #tpn s2 #tpn anime-only #tpn #tori talks #tori has opinions

[billyhottamale]

Over a year ago I was fucked up

January 2020, I came home right as the year begun and cried my eyes out, my friends went ahead and kept celebrating, I told them I wasn't in the mood for that

I had two breakdowns before going home that night, I had started therapy and was taking God knows how many pills they were, I was steady in December 2019, the pills were doing it's job, they were controlling me, the pain was gone and so was the sadness, with the beginning of 2020 I was taking less pills, doctor's orders, and I missed them, I wanted them, they were keeping everything away, everything that was bad, and when the effect stopped it all came back, and then I took the pills again like I was supposed to, and it was all good again

I always told myself I hated pills, I didn't wanted them, I have a hard time swallowing them, but I was addicted to them, I knew they made me feel better and I wanted them all the time, I did as the doctor said, no more pills than the ones I had to take, no pills outside the time, take them in the morning and in the night, only 1 of each and that's it

Meanwhile covid arrived and we were sent home, weekends are crazy, I could barely handle my family for two days let alone months without leaving the house, I grabbed what I learned in school and made some activities for us, I was busy, my family was busy and tired, I had peace, with peace came the time to talk to my mother, exactly how I felt, she did the best she could, she understood when I felt sad and had to be left alone, when I had my panic attacks she did her best to comfort me knowing I didn't wanted to be touched. I remember having a sensory overload and trying to explain it to her so she could keep my siblings quiet, in the end I learned she felt that too sometimes, just didn't knew what it was, only that she needed space

I got in touch with friends(never lost touch, just didn't wanted to talk to anyone at the time), I explained my feelings and told them all I had to say, I felt better talking to someone

I spent 2019 asking for a cat, July 2020 I got a cat, then another, my mom thought it might help me

I kept talking about my feelings, I got busy with the cats, I told my doctor I stopped medicine and of course he wanted me to take it for at least an year and I did as he asked

I remember by the end of 2019, looking out the windows and looking at the cars passing by "man, what if I just jumped" but hey, I wanted a cat and I wanted to have kids, I wanted to fall in love and fucking kiss someone, have my first time, get drunk, go to college, travel, I just wanted some fun and love, I wanted to live, but if one day I just decided it was enough how was I going to do those things?

I have three cats and I've gotten drunk, I have so much more to do, so much more to look forward to, so many books to read, and to write! Oh God do I have ideas! Am I going to college? Oh boy we're just waiting for the end of September to know, rn I'm learning fashion design and I'm sewing my own collection to present on a catwalk with the rest of my classmates, planing on traveling next year, fuck love dude, i couldn't care less about rn, though I did fall in love this year, I'm too busy and too worried about my future and career to think about boys or girls or wtv

My driving exam is soon, I'm excited but my body responded with a panic attack followed by a depressed episode (or so my doctor calls it), I responded by letting do its own thing, it needed to cry, go ahead buddy, it needed to feel mad and punch something, sure, for as long as I don't hurt myself or others you are allowed to feel and do wtv you want and goddamn is it important to let your body feel this, to let yourself feel negative emotions, you're not a fucking box with a lock, you're a person, you feel things, you can't let yourself keep this feelings inside you, talk to someone, see what's best for you and do it

Ending it doesn't do the trick, you have so much to live for, so much to do, life sucks ik, but it doesn't last forever, so while we're here let's get the best we can out of it

You know that stupid thing about depressed people? The one when they say you should just go outside and be happy, yeah that one, well...I didn't went outside at first, I felt sad and miserable, I saw ways of hurting myself, so first why don't you talk to someone? Even if you just need them to listen, then you can do something that always made you happy, hey do you like eating cake? Well learn how to make one, maybe then you can learn new ones, maybe you can learn how to make other sweets, and then you can just say "damn I'm still sad, but I made this cake and it's kinda pretty, also it tastes good, maybe other people would like it, maybe I could start doing stuff like this when I can, guess I'm not worthless, just hadn't found something new that can make my life more exciting"

This is probably hella confusing but what I'm trying to say is, find something worth living for, something new you might actually like, reach out, reach out to me if you want, I won't always be there, I still have my bad days, but it's OK, because two years ago I didn't wanted to be here, now I want so many things, have so many plans, hey I'm getting a tattoo if I pass my exam first try, mom's going crazy, but it's my life, I own it, I'm the boss of me and not even my anxiety can take it away anymore, I am stronger than my disorder because I choose to be, because I tried and I cried and I fell and i got up many times, and I'll keep fighting until one day I have everything I've dreamed of and accomplished all I wanted and I'll be sitting somewhere finally happy and I want that for you

This is hard to get rid of ik, but we're not aiming for perfection, we just want some stability and love

Darling listen

You are loved and beautiful and so smart, so funny, so VALID, everything you are going through is valid, you're not less than anyone, you need me to hold your hand? I'll do it, we'll go through hell and back just so you can smile again

I love you, you're capable of so much more than you probably think, stay with me please

Don't forget, life does get better, but it all starts with you, if we don't change, things won't change

Hey tell me about yourselves, let's spread some positivity and love, you deserve a break today

Also drink lots of water, sleep well, brush your teeth, cry if you feel the need to, sometimes it helps

Once again, I love you!

#anxiety #depression #mental illness #mental health #didnt felt so good today thought i could try to make someone else happy

[well-shit-im-a-morosexual-now]

Guess what just dropped in Obey Me.

I'll give you a hint: it starts with a ‘L’ and ends with a ‘39’...

Then again, you probably already know this, but just in case you don't...

In other news, I finally decided to go and complete Lesson 31, so yay me. Now I'm just gonna stay on Lesson 32 for a bit.

-Lesson 31 32 Anon

Proud of you for graduating past 31!!!👏💖

I played 39 and im sobbing?!? I already went through this bs why do I havta do it again!!!!? Also do you think lesson 40 will be the last lesson for a while?

Spoilers for 39 ahead cause I'm emotional and need to rant

So MC ends up at a party at diavolo's, he thanks them for saving Lucifer and the devildom (pretty sure that was all just simeon's doing but whatever) and says he's holding a party in their honour (really should be in Simeon's honour but whatever)

MC has a flashback about what happened after they woke up during the whole ring and speaking to Michael (and hopefully not God) thing. The rest of the brothers all rush in yelling, asking if MC is okay cause beel saw a light from the celestial realm coming from their room, Lucifer yells at them to shut up and they realise he's regained his memories

Mammon who's the first one who came in, arrived while yelling and asking if MC was alright, if they had died and if they had vanished....sure hope lesson 16 didn't leave any lasting scars there...

Back in the present time the brothers are crowding around MC and Lucifer. Belphie & Satan note how they'll miss Lucifer with amnesia and how they'll have to get back to pranking him. Asmo calls them out about actually caring about Lucifer.

Diavolo asks MC for a dance, and has one of those dialogues that make me think he'll be a romanceable character in the future. He tells MC how they're helping him bring the three worlds together and how they're his guiding light and how he wants them by his side forever, except before he finishes that last sentence the song ends and Luke cuts in. When MC tries to leave he grabs on to their hand, and you can either say 'ow that hurts' or ask him if he wants a second dance. If you choose the second he blushes and you dance again but he doesn't finish his sentence from earlier

The next morning Lucifer is nagging everyone even more than normal (possibly to make up for lost time) but at the same time he seems even closer with the brothers (asking about Levi's game and Asmo's crush)

On the way to rad MC meets up with the angels and Solomon. Solomon says that they'll have to be leaving soon to their own worlds (why!!!?) Luke and MC both get visibly bummed. They tease Luke and tell him he can live in the devildom if he wishes (he denies it) and Solomon asks MC if they want to leave MC can either say they don't wanna leave the brothers or 'the human world fuckinh sucks what the fuck have you been up there recently it's the worst' (since we got those 'hang in there' pandemic voice messages from the brothers can we assume that this game happens in the present? Y'all really wanna throw MC back out there?)

At rad MC tells this to asmo, beel and mammon (I imagine they do this while facedown on a desk cause that's the only appropriate response rn)

They're all upset and MC says they don't ever want to leave. The brothers tell them to go tell this to Diavolo after RAD.

MC goes and tells this to diavolo (in the presence of Lucifer & barbatos). Lucifer & diavolo aren't surprised and were both expecting this. They tell MC that they are happy that they made such lasting connections and that hey want them to stay as well (yesyesyes-) but (MOTHERFU-) MC is a human and belongs with the humans and that they don't have to leave immediately but that they have a life in the human world anhddjdidndjx do y'all not remember when they were moping around in the human world and how they literally jumped at the chance to come back down to the devildom with no preparation at all???? Y'all remember how asmo noted that they had got thinner after they came back????? Can you pls just ask them if they have anything worth going back to!?

Anyway MC's back home moping around in the library with Belphie and Levi. They tell MC that Lucifer & Diavolo are just playing hard to get and want MC to stay as well but think their positions mean they can't ask for it.

Belphie says that if MC can learn teleportation magic they could constantly drop down to the devildom

MC invites Solomon out to a fancy date and asks him to teach them teleportation magic. He tells them that though their raw magic power surpasses his, they don't have the skill yet and that he'll teach them but teleportation magic usually takes years to learn.

He tells them that usually when making pacts with demons they are done in the human world and a ritual must be conducted. At the end of the ritual a demon may give the human what is most dear to them and the human can use it as a token to summon the demon at any given time (while this is great and all I need my family feels and it'll probably not be practical to summon all 7 of them at a time....maybe MC can summon Lucifer and show him how bad life can be when you're (probably) someone in their mid twenties with no attachments or consistent job and he'll feel sorry for them and whisk them back home?)

Asmo had given Solomon is favourite picture of himself. Except back in their times cameras didn't exist so really it's a large portrait of himself. Solomon says it's a real problem (and I'm cackling, imagine bringing someone home and you have a -knowing asmo- giant probably vaguely sexual picture of some guy on your wall!!!?)

Back home MC meets Satan first (he's being crushed under a collapsed mountain of books after Lucifer told him to clean his room) MC helps him not die and clean his room. He gives them the body switch book (remember that!!!!) He says its power's all gone so it's basically worthless but he still treasures it because of what it did for him (I'm not crying!) He tells MC that even though they'll be able to summon him, he'll still miss them and that he won't be able to be with them when he wants to and it's all really sad and meaningful and I'm okay I swear. You get a choice to either kiss or hug him. Even if you choose to hug him he tells MC he wants to always be with them

Lucifer has asked asmo to throw out all the clothes he doesn't use (the reason lucfier is an undateable option to me is cause he reminds me too much of my own family) and now Asmo's struggling with 10 packed boxes of clothes. MC helps and asmo tells them that Solomon told him about everything. He tells them that he can't give the things dearest to him 'cause those things are himself and MC. MC suggests taking a picture together.

After taking pictures in his room they tell him that now they'll miss each other less and he gets teary eyed and tells them that as long as they're not with him he'll still miss them and he asks them to summon him whenever they want even if that means everyday, he asks them never to forget him (lucifer why the fuck are you putting your family and yourself through so much pain just let the human stay!) you get to stroke his hair and he says he'll miss not getting physical affection from MC whenever he wants to.

(There should probably be ways to get the option to kiss asmo and belphie but I couldn't get them in my first play through and I didn't want to immediately do all that again to check out other options)

MC finds Belphie hiding in the music room from Lucifer who has asked him to clean up the attic (imagine asking someone to clean up the place you locked them up in???? I mean ik Belphie likes the attic now but that's still all kinds of messed up)

MC and belphie head to the planetarium and watch the stars belphie says that MC has a look on their face that means they want to ask him something. You can either immediately dive into the whole summoning thing or tell him you want to be by his side forever. He tells MC about their stars, which he spoke about in s1, he tells them each of his brothers has a star and even though he lives with them when he comes and looks at their stars altogether he feels closer with them/like they're all together. So he gives MC his star. MC gets to say all these things about how they don't wanna leave him and wish they could stay together forever, they hold hands and there's this gorgeous visual & line of dialogue

And well that's it. If mc has to leave and if all the brothers' interactions are like this my heart will be well and truely broken

#asks #answers #obey me spoilers #obey me #obey me shall we date #shall we date? obey me! #obey me! #swd obey me #obey me diavolo #obey me solomon #obey me satan #obey me asmodeus #obey me belphegor #om! diavolo #om! solomon #om! satan #om! asmodeus #om! belphegor #swd diavolo #swd satan #swd solomon #swd asmodeus #swd belphegor

[cheekblush]

happy birthday my beautiful angel !!! oh my goodness, i hope you know that i’m not ignoring you or tht i’m not seeing your posts but i just feel like i bombard you w messages and feel so guilty for doing so bc you have sm on your plate as it is and i don’t want you to feel pressured to reply to me !!!! that’s the last thing i want! i love you sm! and ik you have so much going on atm in regards to relationships and i just want you to know that you’re not alone! it’s honestly so common and i feel like that just shows how many issues we all have, no matter how hard we try to present otherwise 😪 i promise you matters will improve my dear! there will be light at the end of the tunnel! but i just wanted to say that you make me so happy, just the thought of the smile on your face when you see my messages means the world to me and your kindness for others is one i wish you’d show yourself bc you truly are most deserving of it my beautiful darling 💖💕🏹✨💒 you make me so proud, i hope you know tht no matter what happens, you’ve got me in your corner, i am forever in your corner my darling! it’s kind of wild that when i started this it was bc of a little nerd crush i had and i was just so in awe of your light and positivity, i just had to say something to you, and then it became this lol ... i can’t believe you think i’m your guardian angel when in fact kathi, you’re mine 🔒🖇👼🏼 and i’m so beyond blessed for you !!! i even told my loved ones abt you 😭😭😭 ((felt like i further reinforced how peculiar i am to them lmao)) but you and your light mean a lot to me ... you’re just so wonderful my love and i hope you know that! thank you for being so wonderful ... oh my goodness my auto-correct just changed that to ‘wife’ .. OH 😭 anyway, i love you! i love you! i love you! i love you! i hope you have the most wonderful day! and you get everything your beautiful heart desires my love, many happy returns of the day 🎈 i hope you and your loved ones are safe and sound! nothing but love for you my dear! i love you ALWAYS ! 💕🦋🌙🌷🧚🏻‍♀️🐚💌🍓🧸

okay second try bc apparently tumblr hates when i type out long replies... (i put a read more bc of course i couldn’t shut up as always sdjhdfksdjkdk)

my goodness... where do i even begin???????? 😭😭😭💘💘💘🥺🥺🥺💖💖💖🤧🤧🤧💗💗💗 how do i collect my thoughts and form a coherent sentence when i'm just so overwhelmed by the LOVE i feel for you!?!? 🥺💘😭 (i'm literally that picture of usagi rn reading your message back and forth and being absolutely in LOVE with you 💓💘💓)

first and foremost of course, i want to wholeheartedly thank you for thinking of me on my birthday and sending me such a lovely, thoughtful and warmhearted message 💌 and please don't you EVER apologize or feel guilty for sending me your beautiful messages my dearest guardian angel!! every single message of yours has quite literally saved and rescued me and given me so much hope and faith!! 🌟💗🌟 i'm the one who has to apologize for i make you wait so long for my replies 😔 your messages NEVER put me under any pressure, on the contrary, they are such a delight and source of happiness and joy to me! 🧸💫🎀🍭🎠✨ every single message of yours has made me feel so loved, cared for, understood, supported and SEEN 💗💗💗 so please don't ever think that you burden or bother me with your messages, that is absolutely not the case! i'm simply a lacking person and sometimes take forever to reply 😭 and to be quite honest i thought you'd be fed up with me by now.... like i would genuinely understand if you didn't want to talk to me anymore... but you still show up, check in on me, stay patient with me and show me so much unwavering support, love and kindness even though i am such a lacking person 🥺💖😔 i truly don't think that i deserve you and i will probably never understand why and how you chose me out of all people, but i am infinitely grateful for your presence in my life 🤍🕊🎐 (i just noticed that we really do this every single time.. you apologize for sending me too many messages and i apologize for not replying enough sdfhsjhfjskd we're really quite the pair, huh? 🤭💗)

as always a simple thank you will never be enough and all the words in the english dictionary don't suffice to properly describe my gratitude and love for you 🥺💗🥺 at this point i could write a whole novel talking about how much i love, treasure, adore, cherish, admire and appreciate you and it still wouldn't be enough!! i really think that i can never express my immense gratitude, love and appreciation for you enough, i can only hope that you know how much you truly mean to me and how much you have helped me 🥺💘💓💖💞💗💕🥺 these days i seem to receive bad news every other day and i'm really starting to think that someone up there has it out for me but then again they also sent you, my beloved guardian angel 👼🏼, to watch over me so i am incredibly blessed after all 💫💓💫 you shine so much light on me and my life and every time i am at my lowest you magically appear in my inbox and shower me in so much warmth, love, comfort, support, understanding and kindness 💖🌟💖 and it honestly baffles me how fondly you think of me.. 🥺💘 you always say the nicest and sweetest compliments about me and view me in such a positive light that i can't help but blush and smile 💞🥰💞 i really cannot believe that you see me this way and think so highly of me 😭💘🥺 and you started messaging me because you had a crush on me??????????????? and you even told your loved ones about me???????????? 😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭💘💘💘💘💘💘💘💘💘💘💘💘💘💘💘💘💘💘🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺💖💖💖💖💖💖💖💖💖💖💖💖💖💖💖💖💖💖 i'm??????????????? truly?????????????????? omg??????????????? what????????????????? how??????????? why????????????? my heart is about to burst from all the love i feel for you!!!!!!!!!!! 💓💓💓💓💓💓💓💓💓💓💓💓💓💓(what did you even tell them tho?? there's this girl who always takes ages to reply to me sjfhsdjkfhksjdf now i feel even more ashamed and guilty 😭🙈) and autocorrect changing wonderful to wife kfhskdfhsjf at this point i might as well be your wife!!! 👰🏼💍💖 we exchanged secret love letters and now we secretly got married so that our disapproving parents wouldn't find out 🤫💌💍👰🏼💕🤭 (do you remember our medieval love story?? kdfksdef 🕯💌🪔) truthfully every single word of yours is like honey for the heart and soul, like a balm that heals all my wounds and pain 🍯💛💫 i do not know and probably will never comprehend what i did to deserve this but what i do know is that it is such a privilege, honor and blessing to be loved by you! 💘💓💖💞💗💕 to experience your love, kindness, care, generosity and support is truly a miracle that i will treasure and be thankful for all my life 💝 i feel like i keep going in circles with this reply and just repeating myself over and over again so let me end this already way too long reply simply:

I LOVE YOU I LOVE YOU I LOVE YOU I LOVE YOU I LOVE YOU I LOVE YOU I LOVE YOU I LOVE YOU I LOVE YOU I LOVE YOU I LOVE YOU I LOVE YOU I LOVE YOU I LOVE YOU I LOVE YOU I LOVE YOU I LOVE YOU I LOVE YOU I LOVE YOU I LOVE YOU I LOVE YOU I LOVE YOU I LOVE YOU I LOVE YOU I LOVE YOU I LOVE YOU I LOVE YOU I LOVE YOU I LOVE YOU I LOVE YOU I LOVE YOU I LOVE YOU I LOVE YOU I LOVE YOU I LOVE YOU I LOVE YOU I LOVE YOU I LOVE YOU I LOVE YOU I LOVE YOU I LOVE YOU I LOVE YOU I LOVE YOU I LOVE YOU I LOVE YOU I LOVE YOU I LOVE YOU I LOVE YOU I LOVE YOU I LOVE YOU I LOVE YOU I LOVE YOU I LOVE YOU I LOVE YOU I LOVE YOU I LOVE YOU I LOVE YOU I LOVE YOU I LOVE YOU I LOVE YOU I LOVE YOU I LOVE YOU I LOVE YOU!!!!! 💘💓💖💞💗💕🌟💖💞💗💕💘💓🌟💖💞💗💕💘💓🌟💖💞💗💕💘💓🌟💖💞💗💕💘💓🌟💖💞💗💕💘💓🌟💖💞💗💕💘💓🌟💖💞💗💕💘💓🌟💘💓💖💞💗💕🌟💖💞💗💕💘💓🌟💖💞💗💕💘💓🌟💖💞💗💕💘💓🌟💖💞💗💕💘💓🌟💖💞💗💕💘💓🌟💖💞💗💕💘💓🌟💖💞💗💕💘💓🌟💘💓💖💞💗💕🌟💖💞💗💕💘💓🌟💖💞💗💕💘💓🌟💖💞💗💕💘💓🌟💖💞💗💕💘💓🌟💖💞💗💕💘💓🌟💖💞💗💕💘💓🌟💖💞💗💕💘💓🌟💘💓💖💞💗💕🌟💖💞💗💕💘💓🌟💖💞💗💕💘💓🌟💖💞💗💕💘💓🌟💖💞💗💕💘💓🌟💖💞💗💕💘💓🌟💖💞💗💕💘💓🌟💖💞💗💕💘💓🌟💖💞💗💕💘💓🌟💖💞💗💕💘💓🌟💖💞💗💕💘💓🌟💖💞💗💕💘💓🌟

#you do NOT want to know how long it took me to reconstruct this reply 😭 #i used my laptop and phone simultaneously to make this reply work so tumblr better not let me down again 😭😭😭 #I LOVE YOU SO MUCH (BASS BOOSTED) 🔊🔊🔊🔊🔊🔊🔊🔊🔊🔊🔊🔊🔊🔊🔊🔊🔊🔊🔊🔊🔊🔊🔊🔊🔊🔊🔊🔊🔊🔊🔊🔊🔊🔊🔊🔊🔊🔊🔊🔊🔊 #thank you once again for EVERYTHING 💗💓💘💕💖💞💝 #my guardian angel 👼🏼 #replies #keep forever 🗝 #when sad #210119

[thisdreamplace]

I had a nasty fight with my former bff. This was long ago. She did the whole 'boycotting me' thing at school and afterwards had a mutual friend pass her msg to me, saying "tell her [me] to get it into her skull that she's not the center of the world, who does she think she is? Stop acting like a #" Im simplifying the words, her actual words were nastier

I got thinking today abt this fight, and her comment abt me that is still way too fresh in my mind even tho I hadn't recalled it in 2-3 yrs!, and I actually decided to use the law to revise my friendship to feel better as what happened after the fight was shameful on my part. But before I knew it, I started rmmbring my relationship with her. How I became a total victim. Got so stuck on her validation, begged her to be friends with me (after I got the degrading msg. 🤕 silly me w/o a backbone lol) and stayed her 'bestie' for way too long. Only after it's all over im noticing smth messed up abt out 'feiendship'. It wasnf that normal I think. She would get so pissed if I did anything that went against her thoughts/beliefs/way (which is why she called me a selfish # that major fight). It was so subtle the way she showed her disapproval. To her, if I did anything not aligned with her, or even makih decisions on my own which didn't involve her, it was wrong. And had consequences like her beinf distant for days etc, or getting angry if I didn't mind read her bla bla, I just had to keep her at the top 24/7 and she expected everyone else to do the same... which I thought was normal... It wasnt. And what would be even more crazy is she never realized how that meant she always wanted the attention. That she always wanted it her way! It just makes me feel... Sad.... When I look back. How couldn't I have notived it before? I used to be strong headed, opinionated before I became 'besties' with her.. That all has changed. I wonder why -_-

It may be dumb on my part but with the weak mind and insecurity I had then, I took that fight/her reaction to the heart and internalisef this stupidiy (DENY MYSELF if the other alternative was denying HER. I didn't think it was wrong. For the oldme, it really wasn't wrong smh). Aaah I'm so sorry old me :(

This fight started bcoz she asked me for smth and I refused, instead of relenting like I always would, and I see now that her reaction (to me not being an obedient # to her ig?🤢) was basically her setting rules. It was wrong of me to refuse, yes, but why did she react that way? Why did this pattern continue? That everyone was selfish if they didn't think of her ;_; like how do u deal with this? And the icing is when I too started to defend her and make excuses for her all the time. And ik I'm making her out to be so strong, don't worry... I accept the strong only rule when the weak submit. And I was weak as hell, so its understandable this whole thing. I think 😅

Idk. I seen your posts abt eyipo with other anons so i hope u can tell me figure out what this was. Its clear to me she was projecting smth about me, and mb throughout our whole friendship she was projecting me. And I would think it was her hurting me, that she was right and I was wrong or maybe I did smth wrong. Mb I thought I deserved being punished that way?!

Today I suddenly had an aha moment and I realised... this is how a victim thinks. I didn't know I was a victim when I was living that stoey aka thought I was powerless. When in fact I really wasn't?! Haha still accepting I 555% created ALL that. The law can knock you out haha

Enough old story I just want to ask, what du u think the msg she sent to me was? Did I really deserve such a reaction (did I mention she included other girls in the boycot? 🤢) just for standing up for myself? What about the whole 'fight' aka showcase of power? And the entire yrs of being friends why did I never realize I was only hurting myself so much by putting her before me? And also, with the everyone pushed out thing, how did it fit in? Like why the hell did I give her too much power in validating me by giving in after the fight in the first place?, and while I did have some fun times (saying this so anyone else who reads this doesn't think it was pure torture lol. We had some common interests tyat no one else in the class shared when we first became 'friends'), deep down I was so unhappy so why didn't this reflect on her? I mean why didn't she ever sense just how much she'd hurt me, why didn't she see how much I put on the back burner coz of her?! Was it as she saw it as her right? I'm just so confused

This is still a bitter pill to swallow tbh but I have to face this in order to move on. This person and my life with her has left me wit many scars and I got to understand how I did this so I never attract such a person in my life again. Its not even abt bejnf a victim. As I said, these victimy things were subtle and I only noted them when it was too late and I was a shell, like she getting super pissed and disapproving if I had a differing opinion and me blowijg it out of proportion and tailoring my views or not expressing them so as to not feel the disapproval...thanks boycott conditioning ig? 😭 Aaaah even talking agaunst her rn is making me uncomfortable. Which makes me think I still am scared of her subconsciously even tho she's no longer in my life. Like, what in me made me choose her? I haven't healed, obviously by this ask as u can tell, but idk what is it in my self concept that had this whole thing in my past even happen

My friend, I also want to say I think you're a beautiful soul 🥺. And im sorry for the long ask lol. And I pray you'll always have all your desires. And plz, was it hard for u at first when u learned about u creating everything? The good, the bad, and the repulsive (like this story)? How did u get over old stories? Ty ty ty 😭

To begin with you're being really harsh on yourself. Like, I know it's hard, but it's never that serious. And trust me, this is something I have to remind myself of regularly. Because there have definitely been moments in life where I look back on myself in that moment, and I feel like I was pathetic and would slap myself if I could. But the truth is, there's just no need for any of that. We always did the best we could. We always did, period. We couldn't have done anything differently and this will continue to be true our entire lives. Looking back on the past with such overwhelming feelings, is really not needed. I get looking back to learn from it, but practice coming from a place of love and acceptance instead. It will help you grow, rather than get stuck back in this cycle of self-hate and confusion. Plus, you actually never need to analyze the past to grow but that's beyond the point right now.

To me, by reading your ask, the message she sent to you was clear. You feel you deserve less in life, you feel you're not good enough, you feel like a victim to life and others, you feel like you're not empowered or the operant power of your reality. It's not about her being wrong and you being right, and I get this is one of the hardest pills to swallow. Everyone is you pushed out. Therefore, there's simply no such thing as who is right and who is wrong anymore. It was only ever you.

When it comes to everyone is you pushed out, you have to understand this person isn't this way because that's who they are. They were that way because that's who you were. Inside of you, you brought their character to life. Therefore, the same way you are not stuck to such an undesirable self concept, neither is that person. It's not that you chose her and attracted her in. You were just dealing with yourself. That's what I hope you walk away from this response understanding. Because by thinking she was outside of you, you're missing the mark. And this is such an important concept to understand when it comes to the law of assumption, because it's really at the forefront of everything. People play such a huge role in our lives, whether it's relationships, jobs, opportunities, etc etc. So understanding how everyone is you pushed out actually works is extremely important.

So instead of putting all this blame on her or even putting the blame on yourself, all these memories really do is give you a glimpse into who you were at the time. It shows you the beliefs you held about yourself. It shows you what your self concept was. That's all it's doing. So in that way, there's actually no one to blame at all. I know it feels good to put blame, even when it's on yourself, but the truth is there's no room for blame when you learn about the law. You simply take responsibility and become empowered by the power you have held this entire time. And you practice making it work in your favor.

If you want to see how something was apart of your self concept, all you have to do is pay attention to what you are thinking/feeling. Shame, not being good enough, etc etc is all just stories you once held onto. Now you don't have to hold onto those stories anymore. Now that you know the power you hold, you get to make a new decision for yourself. Rather than ruminating of the painful past, allow it to be and know how that's not your story anymore.

Was it difficult for me to accept how I created everything? Yes and no. It's been a journey. While I could accept it logically, emotionally it was still very painful. Many times I wanted to cry and lash out when I felt alone and felt upset that no one was there for me. Although, I knew deep down it appeared that way because of my own concept of self. So yeah, it's been a journey. And it's honestly not always delightful. But this is the journey we have to take for the rest of our lives, so we might as well get used to practicing and applying these concepts. Instead of continuing to hold ourselves in such painful lights. I got through old stories, and I continue to get through old stories, by feeling all the pain that came up. By allowing myself to cry and feel however I felt like during those times. And in the back of my mind I knew I was getting stronger in my power. I knew how I would keep persisting once the pain subsided. And little by little, old stories fade more and more. That persistence to continue choosing better for yourself, is truly more powerful than it may seem in a difficult moment. Have trust in how it's all working out for you regardless.

Hopefully this is helpful! Thank you for your kind words. 💖

#eiypo