#ew its my ex

[iconsumethesoulsofthedamned]

Just found out about the 'Gideon Graves wears women's underwear cannonicly' thing and also found out about the reasoning behind him doing that,

and can I just say that while this character has epic loser swag and while this loser is wearing women's underwear would usually be a huge epic win and green flag for me this was not in fact either.

What is wrong with him he literally has the most disgusting vibes what in the world.

#scott pilgrim vs the world #gideon graves #gordon goose #spvtw #scott pilgram takes off #scott pilgram vs the world #gideon gordon graves #hes literally the worst #what do you MEAN he wore Ramonas underwear bc it made him feel like he owned her what the actual FUCK #I HATE HIM EW #WHAT THE HELL BRO #I can excuse being an evil narcissistic nerdy loser man but I draw the line at cryogenically freezing your exes and then the underwear thin #its giving jail time #its giving death sentence #its giving I would not let him near my female friends

[rdlain]

I need to cut my hair (it's shoulder length, I shudder).....but to what....

#sorry radfriends but a buzz won't do--I turn into sid from toy story #the ramona flower cut is not off the table #my ex begged me to get one of them tik tok mullets b/c I could pull it off #and my petty side says its a good idea incase I run into her but my sane side says ''ew tiktok mullet'' #when I was 12 I almost printed a pic of rena from higurashi to give to the superclips girlie thank fucking christ I did not lmao

[baconcolacan]

What will S Tord do when he learns that R Tord slept with his Tom? Love the blog!❤️😘

cw: Slight suggestive talk (I just talk about safewords idk Im ace shut up ruskdnfe)

I really doubt STom would let it go that far, sure he might let RTord get a little bit spicy with him but he would DEFINITELY feel that something is off from there. His Tord is just as much of a perv as RTord is, but his brand of degeneracy has a respectful flavor to it, yknow?? The kind of degeneracy with a safeword.

RTord does not know their safeword, his husband always asks him if he remembers it whenever they start getting intimate, STom would ABSOLUTELY start clocking on that this man is NOT his husband.

Though, even so, just the fact that he got far enough would probably lead STord to initiate a smack down and boy howdy, RTord is in the body of an ailing old man right now and STord is NOT afraid to exacerbate his disabilities.

He will ABSOLUTELY throw down with a crippled man and right now?? He’s a decade younger and his bones dont hurt LETS GO WEABOO BITCH

#asks #blueengineercherryblossom #regimen ao3 #ew stay au #The Conference Table #also TY hahaha sorry its sorta dead on my content rn #as I am battling the climate of a country not my own #Also you don’t date someone for years and not know all the subtle facets that makes them THEM #Like my ex was somebody I dated for maybe a year #and even THEN I would be able to tell them apart from an imposter #its the ~vibes~ you feel me? lmao #STom: [squints] you’re a lot more confident today love #RTord: Oh? Well thank you #STom:….too confident…..*secretly powers up gun* #also I dont think its that suggestive?? #I’m violently ace so any mention of sex gets tagged riskdjf IDK?? #I just talk about safewords in this ask so it implies sex thats it #idk dont hit me HRHAJSJF

[perenlop]

weird thing ive noticed abt my college campus is that while the students pride themselves on being like #quirky and #weird and like “we break the bounds”, and like its full of people who like anime and cartoons and whatnot and are unapologetic about it, there’s still a weirdly large amount of people ive seen there who are like “oh.... you like erm... video games? like, that arent shooters? ahaha... thats uh. cute! i’m sure it makes you happy.” like in a really condescending tone. like ha ha you never outgrew that? sorta voice. and i think thats like a good example of people priding themselves on being different but dont actually take the time to destigmatize or get comfortable with what they personally consider childish but i also wanna look these people in the eye and go “how many degrees of separation are there between you liking anime and me liking nintendo”

#like my ex roommate did it; one of my newer roommates was just like ''oh thats nice iguess whatever makes you happy'' #when i set up my switch to the tv (with permission) #i suggested an article abt video games and this person who openly considers herself a band geek was like ''oooookay'' #and quietly removed it from the spreadsheet later claiming it was too childish #my cousin also goes here and she explicitly thinks im a childish weirdo. altho tbf she doesnt think shes quirky #shes more like ''ew im above everyone here bc im not a freak'' #i saw that attitude a lot in the wc community back in the early 2010s too where ppl went ''i just tried nintendo and it wasnt dumb baby shit #and im like. u run a warrior cats youtube why were you turning your nose up at ''dumb baby shit'' nintendo in the first place #echoed voice #idk im not saying im hashtag oppressed or anything but its a little saddening to me #that i got into this college and im apparently surrounded by people who claim to be accepting and love to just live life cringe free #and then i mention that i like pokemon games and they get weird #and go like ''ehehe... thats TOO weird for us!'' and tbf that absolutely isnt everyone ive met other pokemon fans here #and i think i sucked another person back into it but like so far ive met more people who were condescending #than people who were happy to meet another fan

[lotuso3o]

i have realised that the storyline im thinking of going with for secret garden is really similar to me & my ex minus the manipulation 💀💀

#msg from lotus #tbf its just sapphic friends to lovers where one realises they do in fact like girls #but like . my sim has a similar name to my ex SO ITS EVEN MORE CURSED #(like so similar i was thinking of making it her nickname) #(i am no longer doing that cos EW)

[ayyponine]

(fainted at work yet again rip. maybe the issue would b solved if when customers start acting like dicks i just get to bite them instead of growing upset having to deal w it)

#literally got my blood taken yesterday desperately waiting fr results so i know what the fuck wrong w me #and its friday afternoonnn groaannn can i even reach a doctor in time if i ask to go home now or what #as an added lil fun bonus people instantly called the ambulance. so i have to pay for that too now i guess #friday the 13th babes...this morning i saw an ex at the grocery store ooof and then today this shit #w customer who was first being rude as hell then suddenly being all concerned (still in a rude & demanding way tho) #and ew put my head on her lap and started stroking my hair trying to coach me into not hyperventilating fuck offff #adding insult to injury i wanted to go outside fr fresh air so i sat on a delivery box which was ofc wet w rain and got soaked to the skin #plus the ambulance payment rip. dont be surprised if on my way to the doctor later i get hit by lightning or smth

[beaversatemygrandma]

It’s a fun realization when you finally notice that all the guys you were previously into weren’t really guys you were attracted to, but ones that gave you gender envy and you had No Idea what that feeling was.

Bc all of those men were messes and atrocious. But the vibes. I want those vibes. Not the atrocity tho.

#taks speaks #specifically the guys i was into in high school #and maybe a few before i had the whole gender realization #then i realized what kind of guys i'm actually into and as it turns out: it's not many of them. #turns out its the soft and nerdy ones #the vibes of those pretty stoner guys still gets me tho but i know better than to actually get with them now #bc they really are All An Absolute Fucking Mess #i mean i am too so no judging #but. those were some Toxic ass relationships man #a whole lot of jealousy and anger #one was positive. a good guy. but. turns out he was actually a fuck boi so. nah. #he may have been a good guy all around but once it hit me that he was genuinely just there for sex it was a hard no #i dont mind casual relationships. if anything i prefer them. but it got to the point where i overheard him talking to his friends about me #and uh. ew. no. don't do that. #the gender envy was STRONG with him tho #either way im bi as hell and idc what gender i end up with #but jeez. men. #i may have already posted about this before but whatever im thinking about it rn #just looking over the pile of exes in my contacts. i need to delete a lot of these #esp the ones on snapchat bc im 90% sure im going to post a story once im in FL #just saying 'im back bitches' or smth like that and see who contacts me #and knowing a few of those guys. they will. but not for reasons i'd want #time to do a fuck boi cleanout

[angorwhosebabyisthis]

one reason i'm grateful a) to have been getting into treating my meta as An Art Form as much as fanfic/art/etc, and b) that there's an import function for that on AO3, is that i write very little prose these days, and Actually Having Substantial Things to Post helps me get past the stumbling block of 'well there's nothing much worth going to the trouble for anyway, is there' to the 'alright let's address all the other baggage that makes using AO3 so emotionally fraught for you bud' step (staircase.)

#whosebaby talks #for one thing i met my abusive ex through reading his fics on AO3 for years before we *actually* met and started interacting directly #more specifically me and my *other* abusive ex were fans of his during that time; and gushed a lot to each other in private about his fics #and Indirect Interaction with Ficwriter Crush Through Posting Fic to AO3 was one of the things that *got* us both posting on AO3 for a whil #that's not remotely the only reason i have baggage about it but. yeah. #it has taken me like four years to get to the point where i can *mostly* look in the AO3 tags for any given fandom i'm in #without feeling panicky or sick. mostly. #and not having had anything i felt able or up to posting there for so long means right now the bulk of my current stuff on AO3 is either #'hey remember when you were in an abusive/otherwise hideously toxic friendship/relationship while you were posting this' #or 'hey remember when you were involved in a fandom community that was positive + supportive; that's dead now or you wandered away from it' #'or both; and now it's too late to go back' #which itself is just. tied to a lot of trauma from *before* Fandom as It is These Days Being Its Current Flavor of Fucking Mess #and there are a lot of years-old lovely comments on my old fics that i feel deeply guilty for not having responded to before now #which it's probably not too late to and that's the beauty of AO3. but just. it's a lot #as well as the constant voice whispering in my ear that 'okay well you were pretty good at writing Once but you peaked and now you're shit' #there's a Lot. so yes i am hoping that having meta to post will help put a little distance there #while still preserving my old writing and the snapshots of who i used to be #because she deserved that much; regardless of how the person i am now feels about her; and the evidence that she was there. #anyway. this post brought to you by found a bunch of glowing recs for my exes' fics i had completely forgotten in my dusty AO3 bookmarks #it was an unpleasant surprise but after the initial OH EW that they were there all that time it feels good to know that it's gone #personal stuff #abuse cw #the salt files

[girlwithfish]

i want an electric bass so bad

#obsessed w a baseline from a song off toro y moi's recent ep its so nice #like when theyre simple but solid and perfect and fit the song so good #i love #i learned a few songs on bass bc of my ex lol ew

[mlamhfynaeai]

i was in a date just now and had to excuse myself bc i needed to post the last fm chart and ranking positions

priorities, right

#its alright we chatted alot but hhhh #she was nice but everyone knows everyone in this small town so hhhhh #anyway im in second the ranking w my friends in lastfm so YEAHHH #the new fob song was in second on the chart deadass #she talked about boy exes i was like 'okay girl do not talk with man anymore ew' #lesbian

[dumbseee]

reunited.

when you’re the one interviewing lando norris for the podcast you co-created with your best friend, the only issue is that you’re his ex.

lando norris x ex!reader.

fc: riley hubatka.

_

liked by y/b, yourbestie, ameliadimz and 271 728 others.

cutthecam: guess who’s joining us tomorrow 👀

_

fan1: NO FUCKING WAY???

fan2: THEY’RE HAVING LANDO NORRIS???

fan3: how tf did they manage to get him on that podcast?

fan4: it looks like everyone forgot that y/n and lando used to date…

fan5: WHAT

fan6: FOR REAL???

fan7: is y/n doing the interview?? because yourbestie is literally in cabo partying with tana mongeau

fan8: Y/N AND LANDO REUNITED YEARS AFTER THEIR BREAK UP??

fan9: i used to pray for times like this

fan10: MY DIVORCED PARENTS ARE BACK

see more.

_

imessage:

you:

i fckg hate you bitch

how could you do this to me??

out of EVERYONE you picked lando??

ONLY TO NOT BE THERE FOR THE PODCAST??

yourbestie:

oops 🤪

no fr i totally forgot i was leaving for cabo

thank me later you’re reuniting with the love of your life

you:

BITCH

you’re the first name going on my suicide note

i’m not doing it

AND HES NOT THE LOVE OF MY LIFE

yourbestie:

stop being dramatic omg

you have to be professional

besides mike already confirmed him on the podcast and you doing it

you:

i’d rather bleach my eyes than do it

yourbestie:

it’s been YEARS y/n

btw you still call him in your sleep so maybe he didn’t forget you

why would he even say yes??

he’s totally into you

i can smell it

you:

says WHO

we broke up years ago and he got a lot of gfs after me

but it is weird that he said yes to the podcast when he knew i co-created it

yourbestie:

i told you

totally in love with you

_

liked by landonorris, yourbestie, tarayummy and 372 819 others.

y/n: 💋

_

yourbestie: you’re so fucking hot

liked by y/n.

fan1: MY QUEEN

fan2: pls invite charles leclerc for your podcast!

fan3: the prettiest podcast owner fr

fan4: your hand in marriage pls maam

fan5: i understand lando tbh i wouldn’t move on if i were him

fan6: pls get back with lando

fan7: she’s so pretty wtf

fan8: forget about lando i need her

fan9: can lando fight?

fan10: I LOVE YOU Y/N

see more.

landonorris just posted a story!

caption: cheers my friend 🥂

_

_

imessages.

yourbestie:

you sneaky bitch

"he’s not the love of my life 🤪🤪"

and literally goes to the restaurant with him

LIAR

you:

okay okay let me explain

HE invited me for the sake of old times and i said yes bc i was hungry

yourbestie:

hungry for his dick

you:

WTF NO

EW

as if you’d say no to a free meal in a fancy restaurant

yourbestie:

with your hottie ex bf? ofc i’d say no

(just bc he’s your ex, i would’ve said yes otherwise)

you:

SEE?

anyways i won’t see him ever again

yourbestie:

whatever helps you sleep at night pookie

_

ig message:

landonorris:

hi

i have some paddock pass for the japan gp, wanna come?

liked by landonorris, larray, monetmcmichael and 562 929 others.

y/n: blocked @.yourbestie for this

_

fan1: OMGGG ITS HAPPENING GUYS

fan2: I KNEW IT

fan3: pls not her blocking her friend bsjslslsl

fan4: how to be her

fan5: YESSSS MY PARENTS ARE BACK

fan6: let’s not jump into conclusions omg they could be friends!

landonorris: nah we’re not

y/n: LANDO

fan7: HOLY SHIRBZJSKLSLS

fan8: OMGGBZKSKSLLSLSLSLS

see more.

imessages:

lando:

can you follow me back now :( ?

#f1 fandom #f1 au #f1 fanfic #f1 fic #f1 imagine #formula one #formula 1 #lando norris x female reader #lando norris x you #lando norris x oc #lando norris x y/n #lando norris x reader #lando x reader #lando norris #ln4 #ln4 x reader #ln4 imagine #ln4 fic #ln4 fluff

[phoenixgirl55]

God, what is wrong with me? I used to think the cringiest thing someone could do was write a song about their s/o, but here I am, writing a song about my s/o

#kill me #I mean its more about relationship anxiety #but still #ew #probably feel more weird about it than I should because my creepy ex wrote a song about me #idk

[kittytual]

will never get over how someone on twt stole my earthbound au idea from three years ago. well obv they didn't steal it but the fact that they took an idea i had and got popular bc of it meanwhile i posted abt it and got nothing in return is just 😭

#sorry for my freshman year self and its bad writing it wasn't my fault 💔 #i rlly do think i had smth cool going and wish i continued #i might rewrite it soon too ??? bc. Ew old writing #it's just annoying when an ex friend tells u abt it like it's this Cool New Idea he's never heard of even tho i told him my version of the #idea years ago #there's not even that much of a difference it's like word for word my idea #talk tag

[harrysfolklore]

hey bff can you do a insta blurb with a non binary person and harry 🫶🏻 could be any non binary face claim i’m not picky THANK YOUUU

ahhh here it is ! ex!yn inspired by kill bill by sza, i hope you like it, let the know your thoughts !

if you want exclusive blurbs, tropes and polls SUBSCRIBE TO MY PATREON

ask me anything | masterlist | likes and reblogs are appreciated !

liked by mileycyrus, jorjasmith_ and 2,028,976 others

yourinstagram if i can’t have you no one should

view all 78,927 comments

ynfan1 SLAY

dualipa my best friend is gorgeous 🤍

ynfan2 they’re the hottest ever

ynfan3 is this shadeeee

dojacat 🔥🔥

harryfan1 them posting this when harry is dating someone else? i call shade

ynfan4 new song ??

liked by harryfan1, harryfan2 and 3,093 others

harryupdates Harry and Olivia at a farmers market today!

view all 926 comments

harryfan1 aweeee

harryfan2 i don’t like this i miss yn

↳ harryfan3 they broke up move on

harryfan4 cuties <3

ynfan1 anyway

liked by dualipa, bellahadid and 2,986,008 others

yourinstagram i might kill my ex, not the best idea. his new girlfriend's next, how'd I get here?

coming soon 👀

view all 80,873 comments

ynfan1 OMFGGGGG

mileycyrus YES 🔥

ynfan2 THEY’RE ABOUT TO SHOCK THE WORLD

harryfan1 harry and olivia should consider witness protection

ynfan3 they’re really going to release a song about murdering their ex and his new gf SO CHAOTIC

harryfan2 just shady and for what

theestallion No one is readyyy

liked by jefezoff, lizzobeeating and 2,313,461 others

harrystyles Love On Tour. Los Angeles XI. November, 2022.

view all 49,938 comments

harryfan1 my babyyyyy

harris_reed My little star ❤️

ynfan1 oh look yn hasn’t unalived him yet

oliviawilde 😍

↳ harryfan2 ew

liked by tinashe, steve.lacy and 3,102,827 others

yourinstagram KILL BILL the lead single from my third album is out now 🖤🖤

view all 87,027 comments

ynfan1 OMFGGG FINALLYYY

selenagomez So excited 🔥🔥

theweeknd So proud of you my friend ❤️

ynfan2 THIS NEEDS TO BE #1 ASAP

harryfan1 the lyrics 😳😳😳

harryfan2 they’re being so bitter and shady over harry being happy.. disappointing

liked by ynfan1, ynfan2 and 5,093 others

ynupdates Kill Bill full lyrics !

view all 994 comments

ynfan1 SONG OF THE YEAR

ynfan2 they ate and left no crumbs

harryfan1 im worried about harry

harryfan2 @oliviawilde @harrystyles you should fly out of the country

ynfan3 SLAYED SO HARD

liked by harryfan1, harryfan2 and 3,863 others

harrysposting yn is being so shady in their new song and for what ??? them and harry broke up two years ago and he moved on unlike them 🤷‍♀️

view all 863 comments

harryfan1 agreed

harryfan2 idk, at the end of the day they’re a singer just like harry is and they write about their personal experiences

ynfan1 you harry fans act as it he didn’t release songs about yn and their relationship in his new album

ynfan2 so harry can drop songs like little freak where he talks about their breakup but yn can’t do the same thing ?? okay

harryfan3 the song will flop anyway

ynfan3 STREAM KILL BILL

liked by harryfan1, ynfan1 and 102,973 others

deuxmoi Trouble in paradise? Months of messy, embarrassing headlines about their personal lives, have started to take its toll on the couple.

Styles and Wilde, accompanied by a group of friends, attended a Wolf Alice concert in Los Angeles Wednesday night.

Concert-goers shared photos and videos of the couple on Twitter, the “Don’t Worry Darling” stars rarely interacted — despite the fact they sat next to one another at the show. The perceived distance between the couple might have been due to Harry’s ex, YN, recent single “Kill Bill” which lyrics were explicitly about the couple.

view all 43,037 comments

harryfan1 OH

harryfan2 please this is a reach

ynfan1 it’s not yn’s fault that their relationship is going downhill 🤷‍♀️

harryfan3 fuck yn

↳ ynfan2 keep their name out of your mouth

liked by florencepugh, dojacat and 2,985,873 others

yourinstagram THANK YOU for making kill bill the #1 song in the world ! music video coming soon 🥲🤍

view all 75,837 comments

ynfan1 SLAAAYYY

arianagrande 🔥🔥

harryfan1 bestie save us from olivia’s shackles

ynfan2 imagine being this iconic

steve.lacy Yoooo🤍

gemmachan I love you ❤️

harryfan2 don’t kill your ex please

ynfan3 they’re the moment

liked by ynfan1, ynfan2 and 5,027 others

ynupdates YN at Harry Styles show in Los Angeles tonight !

view all 1,002 comments

ynfan1 PAUSE ???

ynfan2 THEY’RE SO UNHINGED

harryfan1 olivia is there with the kids 💀

harryfan2 SO MESSY

ynfan3 they’re going to unalive harry and olivia and livestream it and that’s going to be the kill bill music video

harryfan3 what does this mean 😭

liked by jefezoff, paulithepsm and 3,155,317 others

harrystyles Love On Tour. Los Angeles XII. November, 2022.

view all 79,827 comments

harryfan1 MY BABYYYYY

paulithepsm immaculate

ynfan1 good to know he’s still alive after yn attended his concert

annetwist ❤️❤️

harryfan2 yn fans get out of his comment section

harryfan3 olivia didn’t like or comment this 👀

liked by harryfan1, harryfan2 and 192,927 others

people Harry Styles and Olivia Wilde are hitting the brakes on their romance.

The “As It Was” singer and the “Don’t Worry Darling” director are taking a break from their relationship after nearly two years together. Tap our bio link for more details.

view all 28,836 comments

harryfan1 OH

ynfan1 interesting 😳😳

harryfan2 they looked happy together :( i hope harry is okay

ynfan2 kill bill impact ??

harryfan3 PLOT TWIST OF THE CENTURY

ynfan3 this happening when kill bill is the #1 song in the world is just so funny

↳ ynfan4 them attending his show was his last straw

harryfan4 SINGLERRY

liked by theestallion, arianagrande and 3,021,983 others

yourinstagram rather be in hell than alone 😊

view all 79,873 comments

ynfan1 BESTIEEEE

zendaya they’re an icon they’re a legend and they’re the moment

harryfan1 it was their plan right 💀

iamhalsey ❤️

florencepugh 👀

ynfan2 THEY’RE UNBOTHERED AS THEY SHOULD

harryfan2 not thisss

harrystyles wants to send you a direct message

taglist: @cucciolafaerie @eleanordaisy @sunflowersndpeaches @golden-hoax @alienorknight @daydreamingofmatilda @vanteguccir @ivyproblems @ayeshathestyles @stylesmygucci i @gimsaysay @rosaliedepp @dontworrysunflower @milfrrynation @manifestrry @iceebabies @harrystylesrecs s @pleasingrryyy @harianaswhore @leadmetogarden @abeanontoast @grapejuice-rry @vrittivsanghavi @msolbesg @tati813 @sad1esgf @ivegotparticulartaste @eviesaurusrex @itsgabbysblog @theekyliepage @gumballavocadoharry @watermelonsugacry @be-with-me-so-happily @a-strange-familiar @reveriehs @musicforcinemas @harrybabyyyyyyy @tinydeskwriter @noooovaaaaa @tenaciousperfectionunknown @mxltifxnd0m @rach2602 @balletdancerry @b-reads-things @juiceboxrry @lomlolivia @itsgigikay @goldensstateofgrace

#harry styles fake instagram #harry styles imagine #harry styles fanfiction #harry styles blurb #harry styles writing #harry styles one shot #harry styles fic #harry styles au #harry styles x reader #harry styles x you #harry styles fake social media #harry styles story #harry styles headcanon #harry styles fluff #harrysfolklore #harry styles instagram concept #harry styles fic rec #1k #hsfolklore archive

[ellephlox]

Echolocation

Summary: A bat gets in the apartment. You discover that Daredevil actually does have at least one fear.

Pairing: Matt x Fem!Reader

Warnings: Just some swearing.

The apartment was serene.

And it was serene in more than volume level. There were no bandages left unwrapped on the counter or dried blood on the floor. No paperwork scattered on the table; Matt's work had somehow hit a lull over the past few days. The billboard outside was flashing a steady rotation of neon orange and blue, rhythmic to the point of atmospheric. Outside, there were no sirens, no screams. You wanted it to stay that way, because Matt was currently in a tee shirt and boxers, stretched out on the armchair and listening to an audio book with his earbuds in. You were curled up on the sofa, a book in your hands, fully absorbed and hardly paying attention to anything else.

It was, mercifully, peaceful.

And then Matt's head snapped upward, so fast that he rubbed his neck as though he had cricked it. "There's a bat in here," he said, so flatly that you thought you misheard him.

"A bat?"

"In the hallway."

"I don't see anything," you said, twisting around. "Are you sure?"

And that was when the thing soared by your head, flapping near enough that you felt it breeze by your head. "Oh, shit." It circled overhead, black and small. You dove to the floor, snatching a pillow to cover your head with. "Matt! Get it!"

You expected him to leap onto the couch, maybe do a flying kick through the air and knock the bat to the ground. But Matt went on the floor beside you as the bat swooped again, his head tilted as he listened closely to its movements.

"What are you doing?" you hissed, cringing as the bat flapped nearby again. "Aren't you going to... attack it? Shit — stop dive-bombing us, you little—"

Matt's face was reluctant. It was an expression you rarely saw on him, and it was disconcerting. "I'm not a fan of bats."

"Are you serious? You're — no offense — but you're practically a bat yourself!"

"They used to get into the orphanage sometimes and the nuns would just let them fly around for awhile until they found their way out. I've woken up to a bat on my bed before."

"On your bed? Ew."

"It was just sitting there, like it knew I was terrified."

"Damn. We're going to have to make a list of Things Matt Survived. Diving out a window, hundreds of fist fights, double-edged blades, undead ex-girlfriends, massive building collapse..." you said, ticking each on your fingers. "And now rabies. You're an official rabies survivor, Matt."

"I never actually had rabies."

"But the bat on your bed could've had rabies."

Matt winced as the bat flew overhead. "Why don't you take the reins on this one?"

"Take the reins?" you demanded. "I'm not the one with superpowers!"

"So you're going to burden the blind man with the responsibility of catching a bat?"

"You really don't like bats, do you?"

Matt lowered closer to the floor as the bat reentered the living room. "Whenever they got into the orphanage, they really hurt my ears, because I didn't know how to filter sounds as well back then," he admitted.

"Right. Bats make high pitched sounds for their echolocation, right? High frequency pulses, or something?"

"Yeah. I hated them. Still do."

"Ugh." You got onto your hands and knees, scoping out the room. The bat wasn't visible at the moment. "Can't believe I'm doing this."

Matt's eyebrows raised. "You're going to catch the bat?"

"For your information, I don't appreciate your incredulity. And it's your fault—" You thrust your pillow you had been using as a shield at him. "—for making me feel bad for your ten-year-old self. So, yes, I'm going to go catch myself a fucking bat tonight. Do we have any fishing nets?"

"Yes, right in the closet next to my badminton rackets and surfing wetsuit."

"Your sarcasm is not helping, Matt." You got to your feet, hunched over in case the bat came in. "Where is it right now?"

"Behind the coatrack. Be careful it doesn't scratch or bite you, in case it does have rabies."

"Are you really going to make me do this on my own?" you asked, hurrying to the kitchen for a trash bag. "Because, seriously, you're more agile than a cat and you beat up bad guys at night, yet you're leaving your poor girlfriend to risk her life all by her lonesome."

"You were the one who volunteered," Matt reminded you, still pressed against the floor.

This is getting ridiculous. You straightened, pulling the trash bag out and whipping it open. "Alright. Take notes, young grasshopper. I'll show you how it's done."

Matt watched you with what seemed to be amusement as you crept into the entryway. You could see the bat, sitting on the floor. Scooping it with the trash bag wouldn't be easy. But now you were determined to catch the damn thing, so you neared it a bit loudly in hopes that it would get frightened and go back into the air.

It stayed on the floor.

"Okay, then," you muttered, bending onto your knees. "Stay still." You lunged forward with the bag, but the bat took off at the last second, its wings grazing your hair as it flew upwards. You fell backwards, desperately covering your head, but the bat wasn't interested in you; it continued back into the adjacent room and flew to the top of the stairs, near the roof access.

"I know you're laughing," you snapped to Matt as you got to your feet. "Why don't you do it, tough guy?"

"I'm content here on the floor."

"My knight in shining armor."

"Want a good luck kiss?"

"No," you grumbled, pursuing the bat up the stairs. "I'm going to get it."

"Don't fall off the stairs."

"Ha. Wouldn't you feel bad if that happened and I ended up breaking my leg?"

Matt didn't say anything as he sat up slightly, smiling as though he were watching a damn comedy movie. He probably felt like he was. You were fairly sure that you were projecting quite the scene in his world on fire.

This time, as the bat flew near you, you refrained from getting out of its way and instead slashed the bag through the air, roughly where the bat was.

And—

It worked. You felt the bat hit the other side, inside the bag, and you sealed it shut immediately, yelping as the bag moved furiously. "Matt!"

"Go release it on the roof."

"What? What if it flies back at me in anger?"

"It won't."

"Or it could come back into the apartment — I don't even understand how the hell it got inside in the first place!" You thrust the bag towards him. "Take it! I caught it, you take care of it!"

"Alright." Matt got up and loped towards you, his hands in his sweatpants. If you didn't know any better, you'd think he was strolling into a spa for a massage. He took the bag, twirling it a few times to tighten the top, and then went up to the roof access. A few moments later he returned with an empty bag.

You looked at him suspiciously. "Why were you on the floor the whole time if you weren't even afraid? I thought you said you hated bats."

"I do."

"But you weren't afraid!"

"I wasn't," Matt confirmed, grabbing you by your waist and pulled you in closely. "My hero. You saved us from the bat."

You pushed him away. "Excuse me? If you weren't afraid, then why the hell did I go just catch a bat with a fucking trash bag?"

"Because I wanted you to enjoy the triumph of catching your very own bat," he deadpanned. "You were amazing, sweetheart. And... it might've been slightly entertaining for me."

"I can't believe you! Lying there on the floor! You asshole! And what if I'd gotten rabies from it?"

"I could smell the bat. I knew it didn't have rabies."

"Of course you smelled the bat," you muttered, drawing in to Matt against your will. Speaking of scents — he smelled clean, like fresh detergent, and you wanted to bury yourself in him. Sensing your change in disposition, he pulled you in again, this time towards the couch.

"I'll make it up to you," he said mischievously, tugging at your sleeve. "Come here."

"Fine."

"Although... I might've gotten a video of you while you tried to catch it in the entryway, just so Karen and Foggy can witness your accomplishment, too."

And to his credit, Matt let you tackle him into the couch without a complaint.

A/N: I dearly wish that I could say this all comes from imagination. A bat spent about five days living in our house last week and we could NOT CATCH IT. Literally it would fly in the living room, I'd scream and dive for the floor, my dad would be hollering at the dogs to get them safely outside, and by the time we got our act together it would always be gone, in hiding, until it emerged again the next night promptly at 9pm.

#daredevil #matt murdock #marvel #matt murdock x reader #daredevil x reader #reader insert #reader #mcu #x reader #matt murdock x fem!reader #fluff

[fushiguroll]

“I’D GET BACK WITH MY EX” PRANK ON HIM 

⇢ iwaizumi hajime, kuroo tetsuro, sugawara koshi

ʚɞ iwaizumi hajime

it was oikawa toru’s idea to prank his best friend and who better to prank iwaizumi hajime than you? 

after his incessant begging, you finally give into Oikawa’s request

you get ready for the prank as oikawa is hiding somewhere nearby with his camera

“hey Hajime...” you whispered, trailing off, earning a weird glance from your boyfriend. 

“why are we whispering?” he responded, moving a little closer to you, “we’re at the gym right now, a public space, you don’t have to whisper.” 

you smiled nervously and he put a hand on your forehead. you feel the callous on his palm as he compared your temperature to his. “good, you’re not running a fever. why are you acting so weird today?” 

You had hope to find a smooth transition into your question without giving it away that its a prank but it failed when you blurted out, “babe, ask me what I'd do if we broke up.” 

“if you say you’d get with oikawa toru, I'd punch him so hard.” 

you punched him lightly on the arm, “ew! why would you ever say that! hurry, ask me the question.” (ngl, oikawa was lowkey hurt when he heard your response).

he looked at you in silence before finally asking you the question. 

“what would you do if we broke up.” 

“I'd get back together with my ex.” 

Iwaizumi Hajime said nothing except look at you as his ears got redder, a telltale sign of extreme annoyance.

 “I'm gonna go cool off,” he took off without waiting for your reply. 

“YOU WOULD BE MY EX, HAJIME!” 

He finally turned around just in time to see Oikawa stumbled out from behind one of the chairs, laughing hysterically, yelling a string off, “YOU SHOULD’VE SEEN YOUR FACE IWA-CHAN!” 

Iwaizumi ignored the pretty captain and walked over to you, “you mean it? if we ever break up you’d just date me again?” 

“yes, but I don’t plan on breaking up with you. ever.” 

“me too.” 

He gave you a hug before turning to Oikawa’s direction. 

“where are you going, babe?” 

“I'm gonna punch that him so hard today, he’ll be seeing those aliens he love so much.”

ʚɞ kuroo tetsuro

You were both studying for an upcoming science test

being the smarty pants that he is, Kuroo easily grasped all the concept, leaving you to struggle in the dust

You could not for the life of you memorize the periodic table, causing your boyfriend to tease you

You decided to prank him as revenge

“Just remember the song I taught you, I don’t know why you won’t use that as a study aid,” Kuroo smirked.

“you literally changed the lyrics of WAP to include the elements, I don’t want to sing that”.

“Now from the top, make it drop, add an H and thats some hydrogen. Take a bucket and a mop...” He sang out loud, hyena laughter echoing in the study hall.

You shake your head annoyed, wanting to take a little break and get revenge for him teasing you all afternoon, you asked,

“Hey Tetsu, ask me what I’d do if we broke up”.

His laughter died and he faced you with fear in his eyes, you almost laughed at his reaction.

“Is it because I’m singing this song? I’ll stop, don’t break up with me”.

“I’m not breaking up with you, it’s just a hypothetical question.”

Kuroo looked confused, “okay...what would you do if we broke up?”

“I’d get back with my ex,” you said with no hesitation.

You guys looked at each other, your eyes twinkling with laughter, his shocked with hurt.

“wow...you said that with no hesitation. have you thought about this question a lot? How can you say something like that?!”

You continued laughing, “for someone who’s so smart, you sure are dumb”.

“what does that even mean! why are you hurting me like this?” He whined, before realization hit him.

“Oh, wait, I would be your ex”.

You smiled at him and he smiled back, before breaking out into his rendition of WAP again, earning him a smack on the head from you.

ʚɞ  sugawara koshi

baby would be so hurt, especially if you pull this prank out of the blue

you’re both seated on the sofa, your legs on top of his

He’s playing a new game not paying any attention to you at all

You remembered this tiktok video you saw a while ago and an idea formed in your head

“Koshi! talk to me,” you poked the pretty setter on the cheek. He playfully swatted your hand away, “hold on, I’m almost done with this level.” 

You huffed in annoyance, Suga immediately looked at you, eyes softening.

“I’m sorry, does my princess need some attention?”

You nodded.

“Okay baby, let’s chat” He sat up taller, keeping his hands on your thigh, turning his entire attention to you.

“Ask me what I’d do if we broke up.”

Suga furrowed his brows, “why would I ask you that?”

“Just do it.”

“No, I don’t want to. I don’t ever want to break up with you.”

“Babe, it’s a hypothetical question. Just do it.”

“Fine, what would you do if we broke up, which would never happen.”

You paused for a second and pretended to be thinking, “I’d get back together with my ex.” 

Suga.exe stopped working. He sat there, red in the face, whining, “why would you say that! how you could say that to me!”

You started laughing at his reaction, which got him more worked up.

“calm down! use your brain.”

Apparently his brain stopped working because now he’s just nuzzling you in the crook of your neck, whining.

“Ko, if we broke up, who would be my ex?”

A moment of silence, as he looked up at you, understanding registering in his eyes.

“Oh. You cheeky little....” He never finished his sentence as he started tickling you before pulling you into a tight embrace, “I’ll never give you the chance to get back with your ex.”

The two of you spent the entire afternoon cuddling, his arms locked around your waist, never letting go.

reblogs are wildly appreciated <3

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