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It’s been a while since I last posted as there was a lot happening over the past few months. Honestly, it has just been real crazy.

As we all know, there is a serious pandemic going around in this world. Covid-19. I still had a few weeks left in my psychiatric rotation when they told us to stop visiting the hospital. I don’t know why I thought that the suspension would be a temporary thing but I was very wrong. A few days later, they told us that it would be best for us to go back home as the rest of the semester is likely to be done online. I then had to fly back to Singapore, which was roughly 3 months ago. Since then, I had finished 2 Psychiatry exams, 2 GP exams, after completing the whole GP module online, and 1 Paediatrics exam. The academic year is far from over though as we still have 2 OSCEs and 1 written exam to complete before we would be promoted to fifth year in October. 

Finishing part of the semester from home was such an unique experience. Although it was nice to have hot fresh food everyday and I didn’t have to worry too much about cleaning or laundry, I realized how convenient it must be for the local students (most of them) to be completing their university education from home. Honestly, they are so lucky and I hope they do realize it. The only thing most of these students would have to worry about is studying as everything else is taken care for you, whereas this would not be the case if one is staying overseas, away from their family. I was surprised as even though I was very very very stressed out due to the exams, I never broke down and cried? Which is an achievement to be honest as there is always at least one cry session during exam season. I also skype studied with my friend who is currently still in Ireland, almost everyday which helped alot as well. 

I wish studying was the only problem that I had to worry about over the past 3 months, but sadly no. Our roomie was gonna move out of our 3 bedroom apartment so we were trying to find another roomie to replace her, through facebook. But that didn’t go very well as our rent for the place is a little expensive. We had to email the agency and tried to coordinate with them about the rent but that didn’t go well. In the end, we decided to move and our super nice roomie offered to help us pack up ALL of our things. We then finally secured a place, and with some help from other friends, we moved in to the new apartment. All while we weren’t even in Ireland… This housing issue made me break down so many times over the past few weeks but I am just glad that it all came together in the end. 

On top of that, my laptop kept crashing a few days before my exam so that caused me a whole lot of stress as all my exams were going to be online. We then had to buy a new laptop 3 days before my exam. 

Overall, this was such an unique experience. While I was stuck at home due to studying, the whole of Singapore had been in lock down as well. Now that it has been lifted, I was finally able to meet my friends and catch up with them. (: There is still quite a bit to do over the holidays, study for interviews, the remaining exams and my online elective, but I hope it all works out for the best. 

It is very unfortunate that all of my original plans of doing my elective in India and travelling around had been ruined but I am glad that I am safe and sound, with my loved ones. Although the spread has been well controlled in Singapore, it is still pretty bad in some other countries. Hence, it is important to play a part in controlling this spread, by washing our hands regularly, wearing face masks and minimizing contact with others. And let’s hope and pray that they find a vaccine soon. 

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Wednesday 07.15. 


I’m sorry I didn’t post anything for so long but the end of the year was rough. 

I finished my exams on the 22nd of June and the results finally came up a few days ago.        

I’m officially admitted for the masters aka the 3 finals years in clinics ! 

I hope everything went fine for you ⭐️

Also sorry for the second picture I felt so confident on the moment. 

Let’s now enjoy summer 💛

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lately I’m feeling so useless again. I don’t now what to do with my life. Everyday I’m waking up and I do know what I have to do but I just haven’t got the motivation and that sucks.

I wish I just had a job, and be in a happy relationship.

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Hey there!

I’m just here to remind you that you’ll do great in your exams. You worked very hard and it will pay off. Just remember to take a deep breath and keep calm before your exam. You studied for this, you will remember the content; just hang in there, and show them who’s boss.

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okay so uh basically i made a little questionnaire about gcses to help me out with some revision so if you don’t mind doing it…

people who aren’t sitting them/haven’t sat them yet are also cool to do it, im mainly just hoping to get some revision tips and workbooks and whatnot

thank you so much !!!

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I am a part of an education system where teachers tell students to not write hefty vocabulary in their English answers because the teachers cannot understand it. 

I am a part of an education system where my love for language and learning is surpassed by a rat race choked with competition and pressure.

Is it even about learning anymore? 

Is it not just about passing?

Passing till you top the most gruesome entrance exams in the world, passing till you reach the top university of the country, passing till you secure that white-collar job in that multi-million dollar company, passing till you have a mental breakdown and cannot cope up with the failure and then, failing. Failing until your brain is in a rattrap of suicidal thoughts. 

Why the hell are people not scared, not choking with fear to even envision that society forces the students to believe that how well you do in your teenage years will determine your whole life?

I don’t know a lot of things but I certainly know that there is a fucking huge difference between a healthy amount of challenge to do better and being so stressed about school that you breakdown and cry.

Students in schools are all open textbooks and closed minds. 

They are not allowed to write what they think if it is against the ideologies of a textbook written by a person who is not a feminist, a homophobic and does not know the difference between equality and equity. 

I don’t know about other schools but my school gave us sex education like it was just a trivial biological scientific evolution and not an important social expression and an identity.  

I was 15 years old going through a sexuality crisis when the “Reproduction in Animals” chapter read, “Here’s how you prevent STDs? Wear contraceptives and don’t promote homosexuality.”

Forget discussing sexual orientations or romantic orientations or different gender identities, our school textbooks said that homosexuality gives you STDs. 

100 points to Heteronormativity, 1000 points to Homophobia, and -5000 points to Respecting Identities.  

And people say school is the home for learning? 

A home that never taught the young minds that being homosexual, bisexual, transsexual, pansexual, asexual, non-binary and the whole spectrum and umbrella of other genderqueer or romantic identities does not mean you are broken. 

Because you are not, not broken. You exist, you belong, you are loved. You are not broken, dammit. 

The school did ingrain the fear of academic excellence in my brain but at one point it also ingrained the fear of my own identity in my goddamn soul. 

Fearing yourself is the worst kind of fear because it does not let you live yet pulls you back from dying, It is like carrying the burden of your soul and hanging over a cliff but you never fall in the jaws of death.

But nobody cares about it, right? Nobody cares about acceptance or even the reason why we need to ask acceptance. Nobody cares about respecting the identities of others, their ideologies, their mad-hatter crazy imaginations, and the magical portal through which they view this world.  

They teach us secularism and equality’s constitutional definition but differentiate between the genders in class. Nobody cares about how you treat other humans. Heck, nobody cares about how education is about being a good human. 

Nobody cares because numbers matter. Numbers matter. Numbers matter more than your lives, from test papers to weighing machines. We step around the kids having panic attacks in hallways. We become the kids having panic attacks in hallways. Our parents see the straight A’s on report cards and not the purple moons stamped under both our eyes after countless all-nighters. 

We slaughter our creativity to revise quadratic formulas and covalent bonds. We know the Pythagorean Theorem by heart, but short-circuit when asked, “How are you?” We don’t know. We don’t know because that wasn’t on the study guide. We usually know the answer, but rarely know ourselves because nobody cares.

Nobody cares if you’ve been crying all night as long as you get the chemical reactions right. Nobody cares if you’ve been lying in bed all day long your body frozen as long as you know Newton’s Laws of Motion. Nobody ever talks about the aching in your heart as long as you’re thorough with its anatomy and the fact that it has four chambers.

So, don’t tell me schools are the home for learning. They are not and people are surprised why children are homesick for a place that does not exist.

So, the next time they ask you, “why do you hate schools?” 

Tell them:

Because we need closed textbooks, open minds.

Because we need healthy and happy children who believe that the home for learning is a place where they can proudly say that their identity matters. It is a home where people are proud, smiling wide and waving rainbow flags and their address is no longer a closet.

Because we need people who care, care about their ideas and imaginations and physical, mental, and emotional health and not just about numbers.

Education is not numbers, it was never numbers.

Education is just a guide where we all learn how to be the bits and pieces of pixie dust left in this tattered world.

Education is just a guide that whispers within my soul, “Be a good human, darling because humanity is in ruins. Be a good human because you care.” 

And suddenly I am home. ~ enigma

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I have my first lot of GCSE mock exams in the morning and my brain is kind of being a dick about it.

“You want to know about Macbeth? And Jekyll and Hyde? Absolutely not.”

“What, you want to do maths without a calculator? Go fuck yourself.”

“You need to know about the human body? No, here’s a load of information about physics that you will have forgotten by the time you need it next week, have fun!”

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Hey guys, so I just got a 83.4% in my ISC.

It’s not often I end up with 80s….

I will tell you I wanted a 90+. And I sure as hell worked for it….

I just wonder were I went wrong.

I needed to prepare for jee too….

In india school finals and college entrance are two entirely separate things.

We have two papers my first one went fine, I made the cut off.

Now idk why I just can’t study, like at all.

I feel worthless and stuff.

Idk what to do.

My family is extremely dissappointed and we are middle class they think I will help them and like raise the family …

I can’t cope sometimes.

It does not help that I live in a joint family. ( My uncles, aunts, grandparents and little cousins and us live under one roof. It’s hectic. We are 12 people with 5 rooms. I don’t even have a studytable, I mostly have no other option than studying on beds. I am a girl and normally other people would be trying to get me a normal art degree and married off, I need to prove better. No, I don’t have my room, I sleep with granny. Condition is so bad I need to go to the washroom to cry or for privacy, I just turned 18. No teens don’t do job or move out here)

Maybe I was not at fault but I can’t stand this. I will be trying to study but end up staring at walls.

My parents died to provide me with good coaching and schools, which were a complete rip off and also a centre for favouratism and stuff.

I have been seeing the studyblr community and I thought I might get some valuable advice or reassurance, I feel worthless.

Plz just say anything. I can’t ask anyone for help irl. I don’t have many friends. And my parents are good but I - I can’t dissappoint them again.

Idk why…

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