Tumgik
#except for Ireland. ireland is still good.
mariemariemaria · 2 months
Text
yall prophet song is SO good
2 notes · View notes
maraczeks · 1 year
Text
+
#end of year review except this is probably the most Lived™️ year and i wanna whisper it#jan - got sc*mend hated myself but also i watched the newsroom and went to seattle w renata!!!#feb - turned 20 🤢 but i met the reid's this month that's all i remember spring sem was a blur#march - spring break i watched the newsroom again but i don't remember the experience also dc and cherry blossoms and prepping clue week aw#april - agong passed away i don't remember a lot else oh and started wr*ting because of that :( still remember watching chuck finale w laura#and tash that night :( mightve declared music major this month also i know i started working on the concerto#may also a blur at this point having met the reid's every week and jamie's hug when i gave her the snacks 🥺🥺 also maple and curo aw finals#etc being saur excited for ireland and bath omg but ten days in charlottesville and then IRELANDDD cliffs of moher my home#june bath program literally best housemates rereading austen and mhairi so good gojng to london and oxford genuinely so good i love travel a#and pubs and yeah just so many treasured memz#july getting covid 😭😭 terrible worst time of my life being alone in my parents house no actually like i realized i really hated myself lolol#aug wisdom teeth removed 😭😭 july/aug a blur seeing hs friends visitng angela's convent aw sunsets and then driving cross country with my par#parents bruh... cannot believe we did that and then ra training#sept also a blur lots of hanging in anna and ty's room not the most exciting classes idk that was so long ago but ohhh picnics and kayaking#w the reid's and then hurricane weekend and spending like the whole afternoon w them sweet sweet times#oct terrible busy packed taking my harp out every weekend ew but it got restrung ! weddings were also really fun but ya too busy then hallow#oh i forgot howloscream <3 and then i got sick and wmso halloween concert fun times#nov i barely remember the beginning like. nothing happened and then thanksgiving break ! lovely lovely sunken picnics and time alone and mor#family times w the reid's :') and omg the neighbors hosting us was literally one of the best times ever they're sooo sweet black friday shop#ping was so fun too then suddenly it's december ?????? the two weeks btwn tksgv did not exist but ahhh miss jellison's hug omfg best person#in the world i love her then wcc cofm advent joy week was so special then this past week kinda one of the worst weeks witnessing laura and h#er family lose her mom 😣😣😣😣 god#in conclusion : jaimie evie and miss jellison hugs :( cried practiced wrote the most this year omg i cant believe i forgot to mention bsf on#e of my strongholds and things keeping me upright i feel like this last semester was the closest i've been and most dependent even when i#didn't have the feeling like i was learning to constantly depend and praise Him it's incredible and i feel so so loved by my Father by the p#ppl He loves me through so. it's almost midnight on the east coast 2022 you were lived and loved.#dec 31 2022#i also forgot joining small group and actually getting involved in acf truly one of the best parts of campus#best media the newsroom and 27 dresses !!!!
0 notes
wosoamazing · 2 months
Text
Surprise
Summary: You surprise your Ma for her birthday.
A/N: Just a short one, based off this request.
Tumblr media
It was the day before international break, a period of time in which Katie’s Birthday feel, she was upset that yet again your little family would be split on a birthday, little did she know that your Mum was planning to come visit her, she had arranged with Tony to have a break however that was after the team had already been announced, so she asked Tony to wait until the day she surprised Katie to announce that she was no longer available.
“What if I just don’t go to camp this time, they’re only friendlies” she said as she opened a present.
“Katie, babe, no, you should go, it will be okay. Oh, and also you will get your main present on your Birthday” Caitlin said, she of course knew what this was, it was you and her, but Katie didn’t.
“What is it?” “You will have to wait to find out”.
_____
“Which plane ours?” You ask your Mum, you were standing on the window looking out at the planes in the lounge, Steph and Kyra were with you, as always, except for some reason you didn’t have nearly as many bags as them, where usually you would have more than them.
“We aren’t getting on a plane today, Monkey.” She replies, “But why?”
“Because we are going to fly to Ireland tomorrow, so we can surprise Ma for her Birthday,” your Mum informs you excitedly.
“So why we here then?” “To send her photos like we always do so she doesn’t get suspicious. We’re tricking her into thinking we are going to Matilda’s camp”.
“But you say tricking is bad” you pout.
“Well, most of the time it is, but this time it’s for a good reason, so it isn’t bad”.
“Because Ma is sad, she won’t see us on her birfday and if we go and see her she will get all happy?” you question trying to make sense of the situation “Exactly” “kay”
_____
“PLANE!” You exclaim as you watch a plane take off.
“Shh, Monkey, inside voice, people are trying to work and relax,” she tells you softly in your ear before she turns to a group of businesspeople near her, “I am so sorry, she is just very excited, we are going to surprise her Ma today, she is currently away for work, and its her birthday today,”
“Oh no, it’s sweet, and that is such a cute thing to do,” one of the Women say.
“It’s alright, we’re not really doing anything that important, trying to figure out what colour to use for our design, but I’m sure Katie will be happy to see you. Oh god I sound like a stalker, my daughter is an avid football fan, she plays and wants to become a professional”. The man who seems to the boss says.
“That’s okay, but I am sorry, if I ever see you at a game, I’ll make sure to say hi,”
“Thank you, we are actually coming to the first game after international break,”
“Well, I’ll keep a look out and maybe I’ll have a gift for her”.
“Now boarding flight BA830 to Dublin, flight BA830 boarding now”
“Oh, that’s us, nice meeting you all sorry for the noise again,” your Mum picked you up and headed to your gate, you got checked in and sat on the plane, it wasn’t a verry long flight, but you still fell asleep, something about planes sends you to sleep, you had also not slept much last night as you were excited about seeing your Ma.
_____
There was a car in the pick-up spot waiting for you, your Mum had asked Eileen if it was okay if she did surprise your Ma, she was nervous that Eileen would say no as it might cause some tension/drama in the team but Eileen said absolutely, she even offered a driver to pick you up from the airport and take you to the grounds, your Mum had said it’s okay but Eileen said it was the least she could do,
You got in a car with you Mum, which stopped outside a local flower shop, you went inside with her and helped her pick out the biggest and bestest bouquet for your Ma, after you had purchased it, you got back into the car. After about 3 minutes you were there.
“You ready?” “See Ma!”
Eileen was on the sidelines, near where you were entering, when she saw you, she yelled out “Katie, can you come over here for a sec,” you Ma turned around and started jogging before she saw you and stopped, her mouth dropped before she crocked out "Y/N/N, Cait".
“Ma,” you said as you started running as fast as your little legs could go, when you neared her, she put her arms out and you jumped into them, she lifted you up to give you a big hug before perching you on her hip, your Mum wasn’t far behind her.
“Happy Birthday my love,” your Mum said as she placed a kiss on your Mums lips and hugged her, before putting her arm around her shoulders. “How?” “That doesn’t matter now does it, we’re here.” “I love you so much, thank you for surprising me and for coming” your Ma said as a few tears left her eyes, but Caitlin was quick to wipe them away.
393 notes · View notes
Text
I've got McCabe
Tumblr media Tumblr media
Hi guys :)
So this is a request from here (never been so quick in my life) and I've never write with Katie before so I hope it would suit you all!
Enjoy :)
TW : Love fight, swearing, Nothing else I think
______________________________________________________________
Being Katie McCabe’s girlfriend is something you cherish in everyday life. Everyone knows her reputation on the football fields, and you will never deny the truth of this, but Katie obviously has good sides to tip the scales and drive you crazy about her.
Your little bickering comes mainly from her Irish origins of which she is very proud, while you are just as proud from your Scottish origins. You certainly don’t have a team as strong as England or even Ireland, but your talents have allowed you to be spotted by Arsenal for many years and this is where you still play today. Needless to say, where you met Katie.
For today, you don’t know exactly when your mutual teasing started. You have learned over time to respond to Katie when she starts teasing you, not wishing to leave her the last word every time.
The problem today is that neither of you seems to want to admit defeat. What started out as childish games is nicely being transformed into something else while a certain mutual annoyance is being felt on both sides.
Your teammates must have felt it, Leah grabbing Katie during the lunch break while you almost get kidnap by a Beth Mead apparently more than happy to show you pictures of her puppy. You can’t say that it didn’t work, you are literally a fan of this little cutie.
But after the lunch break, when the training started again, it only takes a little teasing from Katie to start again. And again, you don’t want to let it pass, there’s no reason why it’s always you who gives up, after all.
The limit is exceeded just at the end of the training, while Katie asks you to please go store her dumbbells with yours. Already having yours to carry and a ball in the other hand, you answer her that she only has to get up to do it herself. "Well, at least Ruesha would have done it for me." This one, it hurts.
You remain frozen a few seconds there before turning slowly in the direction of the Irish which seems to realize despite everything what she has just said. But Katie doesn’t add anything, just looking at you from the mattress she’s sitting on with wide eyes. "Fuck you, Katie" you mumble coldly before disappearing from the room. The idea of throwing the ball you hold in your hand on her head would have been tempting and you admit to having thought about it for a few moments. But you weren’t alone and it was out of the question for you to provoke a real scene with violence to the key. "Mate..." sighs Leah once you leave the room. "Wha' " grunts Katie without looking at the blonde. "That was a terrible comment" "Shut up" In truth, Katie knows very well that she has crossed the line and she is very uncomfortable. Hurting you is never her intention, she has always been very careful with her behavior with you, treating you like a princess on a daily basis. Except when she decides to test your limits like today. It never went that far though. Leah answers nothing, content to follow the brunette to the changing rooms to go shower and change. Katie frowns when she sees that you’re not there anymore and your stuff either. "She left. Alessia brings her home. And you’re definitely going to sleep on the couch tonight" Kyra informs her before going to take a shower. The information squeezes Katie’s heart, you live together, so it makes sense to travel together. But she particularly likes to see you in the role of HER passenger princess.
It’s with her mind elsewhere that Irish showers and changes, taking her time in seeking the best solution to fix things. However, it’s difficult for her to know what to do since she doesn’t know what treatment she will be entitled to once she arrives home.
Are you gonna yell at her? Ignore her? Are you even going to be there or will she be allowed a simple post-it on your fridge informing her that she just has to go to hell?
It’s not in a safe state that Katie gently open the door to your house. The living room is empty, but your sneakers are carefully placed on the shoe cabinet of the entrance, informing her of your presence at home. But you’re not in the part of the living room that she can see from where she is.
"Babe?"
Only silence answers her, which doesn’t particularly surprise her. You’re stubborn too and usually Katie liked that about you. But not today.
Sighing, Katie drops her bag at the entrance and walks a little further into the house. She finally finds yourself sitting at the kitchen table, apparently completely absorbed in your readings. Yes, because in addition to your training and games, you’ve been doing correspondence marketing studies. Just in case.
"Are you still angry?" Katie tries to get closer to you.
But you just answer her that a breath of the nose, without looking up from your book. If only she knew you couldn’t concentrate for more than ten seconds. You were really hurt by her remark, even if you think (hope) that she doesn’t think about it for a single second. What could be worse than being compared to her girlfriend’s ex by the principal concerned?
"Babe please, can we just…"
"Don’t fucking touch me McCabe!"
You jumped on your legs as she approached you, ready to put her hand on your arm. In your heart you obviously appreciated that she tries a reconciliation and that she tries to catch up, but it’s still too early for the moment. Your hands tremble with anger when you go to lock yourself in your room, slamming violently the door behind you.
********
"I don’t know mate, she seems really upset. She surname me!"
Katie walks around your backyard, whispering softly on the phone so you don’t hear her. She tried several times to knock on the door of your room but you never answered her, worse you even blocked the handle of the door so that she could not join you.
Leah, on the other end of the phone, has to admit that she is impressed by the strength of character with which you stand up to Katie. But Katie is still her friend and she obviously wants you to make up.
"At the same time, you compared her to your ex. Anyone would have taken it badly. I would have probably killed you."
"I know, Lee. But I can’t go back to the past, what do you want me to do?"
"Apologize?"
"She won’t listen to me, she won’t even let me in the same room as her."
"The good news is she didn’t strangle you" Leah comments with amusement.
"Not yet" answers Katie with a gloomy air.
"Let her calm down a little and in the meantime prepare an apology in good form"
"What do you mean?" asks Katie, mechanically looking up at your bedroom.
"Go get her some flowers, make her a candlelight dinner… what you know will please her."
"I have another idea" ended up answering Katie after a few seconds of reflection.
********
The night has fallen for a little while when almost timid blows are again thrown against the door of your bedroom. You sigh as you hear Katie’s voice rise from behind the door.
"I know you’re still very angry with me, but can you meet me at the livingroom please?"
You roll your eyes without answering, sitting on your side, back to the door. Now that the anger has dissipated, you realize that you were also hurt by the Irish comment. So you decide not to go. At least that was before you got a message on your phone.
Katie 🍀❤️ Baby please?
You let out a big sigh before you get out of bed. With your hands in yours (Katie’s) training pockets and your face frown, you finally leave your room. After moving the chair you had placed under the handle so that she could not enter.
When she hears your bedroom door open, Katie almost teleports to you.
"Can you close your eyes?"
"I’m not in the mood, Katie" you grumble in a low voice.
"Please" she whines.
You stare at her for a few seconds before sighing again and obeying. You let her take both hands to train you to the living room, stopping in the free passage left by the two sofas installed in the living room. Without letting go of your hands, Katie whispers
"You can open them"
You blink twice to regain clear vision and remain speechless in front of what was previously your living room. Katie installed cozy plaids and cushions on the sofa, she lit your fireplace and decorated the room with many Harry Potter goodies. You’re a fan of it, defending your house, Ravenclaw. Needless to say, the one you share your life with is from another house, which you confirmed when you forced her to take the test. Needless to say which one. (Slytherin)
On the coffee table Katie prepared bowls with several snacks and cups of hot chocolate with whipped cream and marshmallows. Everything looks like one of those photos that are on Instagram. Well, almost. Because in these photos, there’s not Katie McCabe looking at you with as much apprehension as if you were a bomb ready to explode.
"I’m sorry I was stupid like that and I hurt you. I didn’t think about it and you have no idea how much I blame myself. I should never have said that when I haven’t thought about my ex in forever and even less since we’ve been together. I mean, of course we see each other when we’re training on the national team, but that’s it. She has nothing to do with you. I’m so sorry, Baby, I swear."
Katie rambles a little bit and you get to see the nervousness behind her clumsy speech. And it makes you feel terribly tender. Realizing that she still has your hands in hers, Katie gently pulls on it to draw you a little closer to her.
"I’m not just angry. What you said is hurtful, too, Kat."
"I know" she whispers, dropping one of your hands and putting hers gently under your chin. "But I don’t mean a word of it. No one can match you."
Your gaze in her blue eyes is enough to convince you of her sincerity and despair at the idea that you may not forgive her. It’s that side of Katie that you fell in love with as well, that part that she shows almost nobody. Katie is a loyal and attentive friend, which people know as well. But she is also a tender woman who enjoys cuddling with her girlfriend. You.
"I love you so much" she adds after a few seconds, pressing her forehead against yours. "Please, forgive me."
"Okay" you end up answering softly.
Her smile is so great of joy and relief that you can’t help but smile back.
"But on condition that we watch the first film" you add, pointing to the television with a nod.
"Anything you want."
Katie hurries to make you settle into the couch, perhaps doing a little too much by hurrying to bring a stool so that you can put your feet on it. But you let her, amused by her behavior. She then runs to dim the light in the living room, hands you a cup of hot chocolate and a glass of water if « the chocolate is too chocolate ». She tenderly wraps you in a plaid, asking if you want a cushion and arranges the food bowls so that you have everything near you.
"Are you missing something?" Katie asks, looking closely around her.
"Yes" you answer with a smile.
"What?"
"You."
Bowing an eyebrow, you lift a corner of the blanket in which you are wrapped so that she comes to settle next to you. What she does smiling, even accepting that you shift to allow her too to put her feet on the stool with you. After making sure again that you didn’t miss anything, Katie launches the film and you gently lean your head on her shoulder when she puts her arm around yours.
Ten good minutes passed when you look up at Katie’s face, lit by the lights of the television.
"Babe?" you call her gently, making her look off the screen.
"Yes?"
"I love you too."
A soft smile is born on her face and you would swear that it will remain there until the end of the evening. Including when she leans over you to kiss you right now, then every other time during the movie.
Katie McCabe may be a fool, but she’s your fool.
________________________________________________
So… Katie McCabe is a Slytherin, what do you think? 😂
428 notes · View notes
wileys-russo · 5 months
Note
A halloween fic where Leah and her gf go to a Williamson family halloween party. Gf secretly dresses up as the always serious Lioness captain and everyone finds its hilarious except Leah (maybe she finds it kinda hot lol)…
narcissist II l.williamson
"oh she is going to hate this." laura laughed as you emerged from your room, the younger girl waiting patiently in the living room while you'd put the finishing touches to your halloween costume.
"thats the goal!" you grinned with a wink, giving yourself a once over in the hallway mirror, adjusting your hair a little. "you look so good lau!" you beamed at laura who was dressed up as cowgirl barbie, having somehow convinced kim to go as her counterpart western ken, who agreed to meet you there.
you'd all been invited to a halloween party thrown by leah's cousin holly, which was an annual tradition among the williamson family and their close friends. leah had been out all day having gone over there this morning, promising to help holly set everything up.
you'd gotten out of it given you had picked up a last minute shift this morning and promised a very nervous laura that she could come over and get ready with you.
with most of the girls away on international break the austrian had spent nearly everyday at yours and leahs shared home seeking out the company she missed when her house mates were away.
not that you or leah minded at all, both looking at laura like a younger sister. you'd always fit in well with leahs friends and team mates since the two of you started seeing one another a few years ago, though you'd become exceptionally close to the fellow members of her coveted infamous acl club.
you glanced down as your phone buzzed, alex texting that she was outside in an uber. "scottys here." you informed, grabbing your house keys and lauras hand, the two of you running to the car with a laugh after you'd locked up.
"jesus christ alex!" you jumped in shock as you opened the door and came face to face with the older woman, who grinned at you devilishly, dressed head to toe like a sexy pennywise the clown. "that is a nightmare." laura laughed, climbing into the car alongside you.
"you look gorgeous!" alex pointed toward laura as the driver pulled out from the curb. "you...well, you look bang on mate." alex nodded her approval as you grinned happily. "down to the very last detail." you pulled a very stern face, causing both women to laugh loudly.
you'd opted that out of all the options you had, the best and most top tier costume you could pull off was to dress up as your lovingly strict girlfriend in her natural element.
so you were clad out in her favourite england kit from the euros with williamson splashed across your back, having to roll the top of her shorts twice so they didn't hang down to your knees. you'd even pulled your socks up and stole an old pair of her boots which you had no doubt you'd hear about from the girl in question soon enough.
then there was the thin black headband which sat on your head pulling your fringe out of your face, leahs now having grown out beyond the need to use it but you'd still given her endless amounts of shit while she'd needed it so it seemed a perfect accessory.
the final cherry on top was the one love captains armband wrapped tightly around your bicep, loaned to you by katie before she'd flown off to ireland for national camp. having laughed till her stomach hurt when you'd explained what you needed it for she made you promise to send her lots of photos.
pulling up to hollys house the party was clearly in full swing as there was cars everywhere and people lounging around smoking on her front lawn, every single sort of weird and wonderful costume in sight.
thanking the driver the three of you slipped out and made your way inside, holly spotting you right away as she grinned and hurried over. she hugged alex who dipped with a wink, spotting some of her friends across the room.
laura was next to go, kim waving her over where she sat with amber, jen and a few others in the living room, the sight of the arsenal captain with a cow print tracksuit on making you let out a loud laugh as she winked and playfully rolled her eyes, dipping her hat at you as she stood to embrace laura.
"and you...babe you are a spitting image!" holly grinned after she'd hugged you tightly, holding you away from her at arms length and looking you up and down.
"god the world can barely handle one leah williamson, but two? good luck to us all!" her brother ben appeared beside her, hugging you tightly and spinning you around before darting away to mingle.
"where is she?" you asked, holly taking your hand and dragging you away to make you a drink. "outside with her mum i think, and i need to see her live reaction." holly handed you a drink and again pulled you away with her.
you spotted your girlfriend stood by the fire pit in the middle of the yard, surrounded by a few of her family members you'd met several times before, following holly over as amanda spotted you and the girl gestured for her not to alert leah.
"well hello sexy, is it hot today or is it just you?" you smacked your girlfriend on the bum as she so often greeted you, the older girl spinning around as you did, having been messaging all day how much she missed you.
though once she actually took you in you were unable to read the look on her face, her family members all exploding into a round of applause and whistles as you took a bow.
"leah williamson; england captain, european champion." you held your hand out toward her mum with a blank stare, and a near perfect impression of your girlfriends thick milton keynes accent, sending the older woman into a deeper bout of hysterics as you were showered with compliments.
"you are unbelievable." finally finishing making the rounds hugging her various family members leah was next as you returned in front of her, sending her a beaming smile and a wink.
"like it? think its pretty accurate." you again made fun of your girlfriends tendency to replace her th's with f's as even leah was unable to hold back her smile.
"you might be fucking annoying but i have to say i do love it baby girl, imitation is the best form of flattery." leah smirked, pecking your lips a few times as the two of you hugged tightly.
"you're looking proper fit babe." you grinned, your girlfriend dressed up like a sexy jack sparrow, the bandana and corset combination doing wonders for you. "are you going to speak like that all night?" leah grimanced at the thickly dramatised impression of her accent.
"sure am, welcome to my every day reality my love."
~
"leah where are we going!" you laughed as she dragged you through the house by your hand, both of you a little tipsy you stumbled on your feet as she pushed you into hollys room.
"you look so fucking good tonight babe its driving me crazy." leah breathed out, shutting the door and pressing you up against it, hands gripping your hips.
"are you seriously telling me you're finding me dressed as you a turn on right now?" you laughed quietly, arms wrapping around her shoulders and fiddling with the baby hairs on the nape of her neck as she gave you a toothy grin.
"what can i say baby? you're hot, i'm hot. put them together? i very much like what i see." leah whistled with a smirk making your eyes roll playfully. "such a narcissist." you teased, standing on your tippy toes to connect your lips to hers.
your head spun as her lips ravaged yours, the kiss desperate and messy and passionate, the older girl doing her very best to show you just how much she'd missed you today, and just how much she was enjoying your little get up tonight.
"leah." you released a breathy moan as she took your bottom lip between her teeth, tugging on it as her eyes locked with yours and winked, sucking your lip into her mouth and pressing you even harder into the door as her tongue slipped into your mouth now taking full control of the kiss.
but tonight, tonight you were determined to stay in character.
you pushed back against her taller form, walking her back until her legs hit the bed and she fell, the kiss breaking for a moment before her hands grabbed at you possessively, tagging you to straddle her lap.
"i think you should keep this on when i have you a whining mess underneath me later my girl. you know i love when you wear my name." leahs hands slipped under her jersey which adorned your top half, short nails scratching your abs before she tugged teasingly at the material.
"maybe i'll even let you wear my euros medal if you beg me nicely enough." leah smiled wickedly, hands gently sliding up higher on your torso until you hastily grabbed them and pinned them to her sides.
"mm tempting but not tonight lee baby, tonight i'm the captain." you breathed out against her lips, ducking your head back with a smug smile as she tried to dive back in to kiss you.
though before anything else could happen a fist was pounding at the door. "i swear to god the two of you better be out out of my room and fully clothed in 0.5 seconds or i'll kick this fucking door and your heads in!" holly yelled menacingly, hitting the door again as you and leah shared a grin.
"don't worry love, this isn't over yet-" you paused, leaning back to proudly tap the lionesses badge on your chest.
"the english are never done."
784 notes · View notes
wrishwrosh · 2 months
Note
hey, i find your posts about historical fiction pretty interesting, do you have any recs?
anon this is the most beautiful and validating ask i have ever received. absolutely of COURSE I have recs. not gonna be a lot of deep cuts on this list but i love all of these books and occasionally books do receive awards and acclaim because they are good. in no particular order:
the cromwell trilogy by hilary mantel. of course i gotta start with the og. it’s 40 million pages on the tudor court and the english reformation and it will fundamentally change you as a person and a reader
(sub rec: the giant, o’brien by hilary mantel. in many ways a much shorter thematic companion to the cromwell trilogy imo. about stories and death and embodiment and the historical record and 18th century ireland. if you loved the trilogy, read this to experience hils playing with her own theories about historical fiction. if you are intimidated by the trilogy, read this first to get a taste of her prose style and her approach to the genre. either way please read all four novels ok thanks)
lincoln in the bardo by george saunders. the book that got me back into historical fiction as an adult. american history as narrated by a bunch of weird ghosts and abraham lincoln. chaotic and lovely and morbid.
the everlasting by katy simpson smith. rome through the ages as seen by a medici princess, a gay death-obsessed monk, and an early christian martyr. really historically grounded writing about religion and power, and also narrated with interjections from god’s ex boyfriend satan. smith is a trained historian and her prose slaps
(sub rec: free men by katy simpson smith. only a sub rec bc i read it a long time ago and my memory of it is imperfect but i loved it in 2017ish. about three men in the woods in the post revolutionary american south and by virtue of being about masculinity is actually about women. smith did her phd in antebellum southern femininity and motherhood iirc so this book is LOCKED IN to those perspectives)
a mercy by toni morrison. explores the dissolution of a household in 17th century new york. very different place and time than a lot of morrison’s bigger novels but just as mean and beautiful
(sub rec: beloved by toni morrison. a sub rec bc im pretty sure everyone has already read beloved but perhaps consider reading it again? histfic ghost story abt how the past is always here and will never go away and loves you and hates you and is trying to kill you)
an artist of the floating world by kazuo ishiguro. my bestie sir kazuo likes to explore the past through characters who, for one reason or another (amnesia, dementia, being a little baby robot who was just born yesterday, etc), are unable to fully comprehend their surroundings. this one is about post-wwii japan as understood by an elderly supporter of the imperial regime
(sub rec: remains of the day by kazuo ishiguro. same conceit as above except this time the elderly collaborator is incapable of reckoning with the slow collapse of the system that sheltered him due to britishness.)
the pull of the stars by emma donoghue. donoghue is a strong researcher and all of her novels are super grounded in their place and time without getting so caught up in it they turn into textbooks. i picked this one bc it is a wwi lesbian love story about childbirth that made me cry so hard i almost threw up on a plane but i recommend all her histfic published after 2010. before that she was still finding her stride.
days without end by sebastian barry. this one is hard to read and to rec bc it is about the us army’s policy of genocide against native americans in the 19th century west as told by an irish cavalry soldier. it is grim and violent and miserable and also so beautiful it makes me cry about every three pages. first time i read it i was genuinely inconsolable for two days afterwards.
this post is long as hell so HONORABLE MENTIONS: the amazing adventures of kavalier & clay by michael chabon, the western wind by samantha harvey, golden hill by frances spufford, barkskins by annie proulx, postcards by annie proulx, most things annie proulx has written but i feel like i talk about her too much, the view from castle rock by alice munro, the name of the rose by umberto eco, tracks by louise erdrich
158 notes · View notes
bronzeymccabe · 4 months
Text
ᴄᴏᴄᴀɪɴᴇ ʙᴇᴀʀ (ᴘᴀʀᴛ 6)
Tumblr media Tumblr media
ꜱᴜᴍᴍᴀʀʏ: Aisling Byrne tries and succeeds in being a pain in Lucy's side.
ᴘᴀɪʀɪɴɢ: Lucy Bronze x OC
ᴡᴀʀɴɪɴɢꜱ: significant age gap (13 years), swearing, smut, fingering, fem going down
ᴡᴏʀᴅꜱ: 2.4k
ᴘʀᴇᴠɪᴏᴜꜱ ᴘᴀʀᴛ | ɴᴇxᴛ ᴘᴀʀᴛ
Aisling awoke bright and early the next morning, smiling to herself as she looked beside her to see Lucy still fast asleep. She tiptoed out of her bedroom to the kitchen, to make a coffee.
She had a flight later in the afternoon, back to Ireland, for international duty. So she planned to finish packing, put her coffee in a travel mug and do some cleaning around her apartment. Except she couldn't do any of that while Lucy was asleep so for now she would settle on catching up on a bit of tv.
Further into the morning, about to start her second coffee, Aisling's phone rang from the couch.
"Morning Leah, you alright?" She asked the England captain and her Arsenal teammate.
"Yeah all good, have you seen Lucy since she dropped you home last night?" Leah asked, unaware that on the other side of the phone Aisling's smile had dropped and her heart had skipped about six beats. Aisling took a moment to compose herself before speaking again.
"No she walked me to my door and left, why?" She lied to the English woman.
"She's an hour late to training now, just thought I'd check with you. She probably just slept in," Leah reassured the young striker before saying her goodbyes.
Aisling silently panicked. Should she wake Lucy up? Would that be awkward? Would she be mad?
Eventually she decided on waking the defender up, she didn't want her to be any later to training. Knowing how much trouble she was probably already in, no matter how nonchalant Leah sounded.
"Lucy, wake up," she nudged the woman, leaning over her. Lucy just snuggled further into the bed.
"Luce, come on, get up!" She urged again, shoving the player a little harder.
Lucy caught her wrist mid shove, not even opening her eyes, "whats up, baby?" She asked.
Aisling tried to hide her blush at the pet name, "you're late for training."
Suddenly the English defender shot up, "how late?"
Aisling cringed at the question, too afraid to tell her the answer. She didn't need to once Lucy had seen her face. A string of curse words left her mouth as she clambered out of the bed, scurrying around the room and grabbing all the clothes she could find.
"Leah is going to be so pissed!" She fretted, pulling her trousers on and yanking Aisling's tshirt off her body, pulling the waistcoat she wore the night before back on.
"Why didn't you wake me up?" Lucy demanded as she continued to get dressed and gather her stuff.
"How was I supposed to know? Why didn't you set an alarm or something?" Aisling retorted, shocked at how Lucy could even try turn it around on her. Furious as the left back rolled her eyes at her.
"Besides, the international break doesn't officially start until tomorrow so this is all on you Bronze." She finished.
Back to square one, she thought as the defender just glared at her.
Aisling retreated from her own room, making her way to the kitchen and watching as Lucy emerged from her bedroom to grab her shoes.
She grabbed her freshly made coffee, handing it to Lucy as the older woman put her shoes on in the hallway.
"Don't argue," she warned as the defender opened her mouth.
"Thanks," Lucy mumbled as she stood up.
"I guess, I'll see you around," she uttered as she stood in the doorway of the open door, travel mug in hand. 
"Uhh, sure," Aisling answered before closing the door in the older womans face.
As soon as the door closed, Aisling once again cringed at the whole morning. The night before had been so relaxed and the morning had ruined it. Their relationship had gone right back to where it started, and she wasn't sure how she felt about it. Maybe thats how it should be, a relationship between them was very unlikely to work.
She collapsed onto the couch, mind swirling with a million thoughts.
Lucy stared at the travel mug in her cup holder. She'd started the morning off being a bitch to her and Aisling had still given her the coffee cup. She would honestly much rather think about the young striker and the argument she'd had with her than about how upset Leah was going to be.
Thankfully, she had a kit in the car and wouldn't have to worry about stopping at home first.
Arriving at the training facilities, she grabbed her kit bag and the cute mug Aisling gave her, prepping for the telling off she would get from Leah and Sarina.
"I'm so sorry guys, I slept in," she apologised profusely, unsurprisingly Sarina made her work even harder for the rest of the session, after a telling off about tardiness.
Leah however, was unusually calm.
"You and Aisling have the same thermos," she pointed out, "Aisling loves hers. Says its the best thing she's ever bought."
Lucy looked down at the mug in her hand. It was Aisling's favourite? Why would she give it to her then? Especially when she'd been so short with her that morning. Why would she give her such an important flask when they'll never see eachother, except for games?
"Oh yeah, its a great flask," she answered absentmindedly, still thinking over what Aisling giving her her favourite flask could mean.
Now she'd have to see her again to give it back to her. She sighed at the thought, she didn't want to see the younger girl just to argue with her all over again. Why couldn't they just get on? Even just as friends, she'd even settle for colleagues. She ignored the unknown emotion that bubbled to the surface when she thought of Aisling thinking of her as a friend.
Leah looked at the older defender suspiciously, the look going unknown to Lucy. Who was busy changing out of her training gear. She was never late for training, and she never brought coffee with her.
Aisling left her partly unpacked suitcase in her room as she heard a soft knock on her door, she was exhausted from the early flight home and the week of international camp and games. She certainly wasn't up for a chat with whoever was at the door.
She contemplated just pretending not to be home but reluctantly opened the door.
She was met with a very unexpected face.
"Hi," Lucy greeted, holding Aisling's thermos in her arms.
"You didn't need to return it," Aisling responded, unsure of what else to say.
"Leah said it was your favourite," she said. Of course Leah would know that.
"Did you tell her?" Aisling asked, voice barely above a whisper. She wasn't sure what she wanted the answer to be.
"No, she just pointed out that we had the 'same' one," Lucy replied, her tone equally as soft.
Aisling shifted nervously on her feet, she didn't know if she was supposed to invite her in or say thanks and slam the door in her face like she'd done the week before.
"Can I come in or..?" Lucy asked, snapping Aisling out if her thoughts.
"Oh, I'm sorry. Come in, come in." She squeaked out, moving aside and giving Lucy room to take off her shoes and close the door.
"I just wanted to say sorry for how rude I was the other morning. It wasn't your fault I slept in," she apologised quickly, the two of them awkwardly stood in the hallway unsure of what to do with themselves.
"You're fine," Aisling responded, quickly forgiving Lucy in hopes of alleviating the awkwardness. Even when they argued they were less awkward than this. Aisling would rather be fighting with Lucy than whatever they were doing right now.
"Can we just stop being so awkward, this is really weird," Lucy spoke up, voicing Aisling's exact thoughts, as they still stood in the hallway avoiding eachothers gaze.
"I'm sorry, but what am I supposed to say? That despite how utterly painful this whole interaction has been I still desperately want to fuck you right now," Aisling sassed, finally making eye contact with the English woman in her hallway, still holding her favourite travel mug.
"Is that how you feel?" Lucy questioned carefully, the tension in the room had increased tenfold.
"Yes," Aisling declared, looking Lucy dead in the eyes, daring her to do something about it.
Lucy gently but firmly pushed her into the wall, her muscled arms holding Aisling in place. The travel mug abandoned on the floor beside Lucy's shoes.
They stared at eachother, Aisling felt much braver than the previous week, she smiled up at Lucy as her hand trailed underneath the older womans shirt. Her fingertips dragging teasingly over Lucy's abs, as the woman in question sighed at the tantalising contact.
"I've been thinking about you all week," Lucy admitted, forehead meeting Aislings as she continued to run her hands up and down Lucy's torso.
"Really? What were you thinking of?" Aisling inquired, their breaths mingling as they spoke.
Lucy didn't say anything, she'd gone unusually quiet. Aisling's smile widened at the realisation that Lucy was thinking of her in 'that' way.
Her hands stopped roaming and instead pulled Lucy closer into her by the hips.
With the brunette woman snug to her, eyes closed and breath heavy, she whispered into her ear, "if you tell me, I just might do it."
In a moment of absolute ecstacy in Aisling's eyes, Lucy let out a quiet and quickly stifled moan. She hadn't much thought of what it was like to be the one who held all the power, and she liked it.
She took Lucy's jaw, pressing feathery kisses on the older womans lips.
"Stop teasing Ash," Lucy pleaded, their lips just inches from the others as Aisling held Lucy's sharp jaw between her thumb and index. 
"Do you want me?" Aisling asked her, Lucy's eyes dropped down to her lips as she spoke, her head nodding in response to the blonde girls question.
"All you had to say," Aisling giggled, pushing Lucy away, looking to see if she was following as she made her way to her room. Just as she predicted, Lucy followed like a lost dog.
Aisling couldn't help but enjoy how needy Lucy was for her, she wanted to make Lucy feel good. Like how Lucy made her feel the last time.
She pointed towards the bed and Lucy gladly took a seat, grinning as Aisling straddled her, her hands roaming the young Irish players thighs and ass. Aisling trailed kisses along Lucy's jaw, dipping to her lower neck. Sucking and nipping at the skin until she could see the violet bruises forming.
Her hands reached for Lucy's tshirt, waiting for a nod before she took it off, disposing of her own moments later.
Lucy was mesmerised by the girl on top of her. She had spent all week thinking of her, how to apologise to her, about the sex they'd had and honestly, how to avoid having it again. Clearly the third was not working out, she promised herself this second time would be the last. She liked Aisling, that was why she couldn't have sex with her or be with her. Yet all of that was trumped by how good Aisling was making her feel in that moment.
Aisling pushed her further into the bed until the striker was on her knees on top of her. She gripped the younger girls hips tightly, her hands drifting upwards to feel her tight core muscles and eventually her chest as Aisling bent down further. Immediately Lucy was quick to unhook her bra, watching the clothing fall right off Aisling's beautiful boobs. Her hands were immediately all over them as Aisling kissed her.
Aisling's lips parted slightly as Lucy's hands massaged her nipples, allowing Lucy to deepen their already heavy kiss even further. Aisling's hips grinding gently on Lucy's as they kissed. Aisling was quick to remove Lucy's sports bra as well, halting their heavy kisses to pull it over Lucy's head.
"I want to make you feel good," Aisling admitted breathlessly as they pulled away again momentarily.
"You're already making me feel good," Lucy smirked at the striker, touched by how innocent the statement seemed.
Aisling pulled away completely and sat up, "I want to make you cum."
Lucy looked up at the irishwoman in absolute awe of her, watching as Aisling stood up and pulled off her tracksuits so she was only in her underwear. She sat up to pull her own off as well, Aisling helping her.
Aisling smiled at her from the edge of the bed, a goofy smile that had Lucy uncharacteristically blushing. Aisling's hands tentatively reached for Lucy's underwear, pulling them down slowly much to Lucy's dismay.
Aisling would never admit it but this was her first time on this side of sex and she was running on pure adrenaline. She leaned back onto the edge of the bed, her hands running up Lucy's thighs, stopping at her hips.
Her thumb moving to massage Lucy's clit as the defender sighed in bliss. Her fingers moving to run through the older womans folds, her lips pressing soft peppered kisses on Lucy's boobs as the englishwoman let out sweet moans.
Lucy's breath caught in her throat as Aisling's tongue stuck out to lick her nipples, the soft sensations driving her insane. Soft kisses were lined down her stomach and teasingly close kisses pressed against her inner thighs, the younger girl driving her insane as she edged closer and closer to where Lucy really wanted her.
Aisling's tongue glided through Lucy's folds, her lips forming to a smile as Lucy let out a much more audible moan. Her fingers teased the defenders hole as she lapped at her clit, two fingers finally finding a rhythm.
Lucy was in pure bliss, the different sensations driving her crazy, she had no control of how loud she moaned or the way her back arched when Aisling's fingers hit that one spot.
"Keep going babe!" She urged as her hands knotted in the young irishwoman's hair, guiding her.
Aisling looked up as the hand in her hair loosened, her fingers slowing to a softer pace as Lucy's back arched. Her tongue continuing to lap lazily as the older woman came down from her high.
Then Lucy's hands were back in her hair, guiding her back up to her. She kissed the striker feverishly, hands still gripping Aisling's hair tightly as their tongues mingled.
"Did I do good?" She asked as they pulled away.
"Amazing, Ash," Lucy whispered, pulling the young striker into her as she settled on top of her.
137 notes · View notes
Text
Chapter 3 - sallie house
Tumblr media
AUTHORS NOTE :Y/n’s pronouns are she/her btw also in this fic it’s just you, and it’s not going to be super accurate but I’m going to try. I want this sorry to be more about y/n and Colby. Also it’s just Sam, Colby, u, and Seth in this and I’m going to deviate from the story in the video a bit bits in general they are still in the sallie house
CONTENTS: HUGE Y/N LORE DROP, fluff, lime
when we got there we met up with Seth and this medium called the black pendulum and the black pendulum holder (lol. When we get in the house I can already feel a negative presence around me. We see a portrait of a creepy looking little girl. “when we got there we met up with Seth and this medium called the black pendulum and the black pendulum holder (lol. When we get in the house I can already feel a negative presence around me. We see a portrait of a creepy looking little girl.
“this is what she would have looked like” Colby said pointing to her with his hand
We all sat down on the couch to listen to the history about the sallie house
as I looked around I got a weird feeling about this house, like a ghost was trying to reach out to me. Ever since I could remember I could feel a connection with ghosts more than anyone in my family. Except for my grandma. My grandma was an imagrant from Ireland and was always strange compared to the rest of my family. She could communicate and feel ghosts. Many people thought she was a witch. Witch she basically was. But a good one she would help heal people with her homemade remedies from her exotic garden. She had more crystals than I could count. Ever since I was little she took a shine to me she would always say
“y/n your different from this family. your just like me, Your gifted. You will be the one that carries on my legacy”
she was the only one in the family who really understood me. Before she died she gave me a necklace with a big quartz crystal on it. She said,
“ y/n I know I don’t have much time left on this earth. But I also know that you are going to face many problems in your life. This is because your gifted like me and they will seek you out. So please y/n take this necklace. I have said a spell over it to protect you. This way once I die my soul will still protect you or your loved ones in some way”
I touched my crystal necklace as I always do when I’m thinking but stopped zoning out and listened. They were talking about how the ghosts in this house like to leave deep scratches on men witch made my heart sink.
after they finished talking I ask if I could borrow Colby for a second I walked into the next room where we were alone together.
“what’s this about? We gonna make out or something?” He said jokingly
“Not exactly” I said with a faint smile “ I came to give you this” I said taking off my necklace my grandma gave to me “my grandma put a protection spell over it. So no one who wears this necklace can be touched by a ghost while there wearing it. These ghosts target men and I want you to be safe tonight” I put the necklace on him and my hands stayed behind his neck for a second.
“you would do that for me?” He said touching the necklace smiling
“I love you Colby of course I would do that”
he brought me in for a kiss. The kiss was long and passionate and grew rougher as time went on. His hands were roaming my back. The thing about Colby is he always wants to have his hands on me. But Sam called us back to the investigation. “God, can you two keep your hands of each other for 5 minutes” and we all laughed
AUTHORS NOTE: sorry this is a short chapter but I worked really hard on it thank you for reading please like I worked hard on this.
475 notes · View notes
phantom-of-the-memes · 2 months
Text
And don’t let me see you freaks posting about eurovison this year. You know good and well that Israel (which isn’t even in Europe!) will be performing with no repercussions.
I don’t care that Ireland’s entry this year is goth and looks cool and you like her song. This competition is platforming a genocidal apartheid state!
And no you’re not boycotting by illegally downloading it. Boycotting means you don’t support or post about it in any way. I don’t care if you boo when Israel comes on or don’t vote for them. You’re still watching! You’re still giving eurovison clicks and engagement.
Acting like that competition doesn’t exist, except for pointing out their politics, is the only true way to make them suffer viewership loss.
52 notes · View notes
stitchtehzombie · 11 months
Text
My esc 2023 opinions no one asked for
Way too many ballads
Switzerland having one of the worst ballads, being pretty insensitive
Käärijä on stage:👁👅👁💃🏋
Käärijä in the green room: 🧍‍♂️😐
Irelands literally going down in esc history as "the guy with the golden cameltoe" who was winy about not qualifying
CZECHIA BEING ABSOLUTE GIRLBOSSES although i wish it was entirely in czech cos i didnt really like the english parts
Austria girlbossing their tits off with a funny, original song that fucking SLAPS
Some of the most disappointing results in history. My stomach actually hurt after the final result because i did not expect the generic sweden ballad to actually win points with the audience when sexy finland man was RIGHT. THERE.
No i dont hate her. I hate the jury
And on top of that, even though I got the impression that Austria and Czechia were fan favourites, their scores were soooo low. Which saddens me because they really stood out between all the boring entries
"12 POINTS TO ISRAEL" 👁👄👁???
Im sideyeing anyone who voted israel
I genuinely do not remember anything from italy except for the trampoline and his glitter shirt
Sweden vaguely sounding like "the winner takes it all" by abba
Graham norton going 😐 when he was listening to his earpiece
The hosts utter confusion when the crowd was chanting "käärijä" and "cha cha cha" which they handled pretty awkwardly imo
EBU does not care what we think about the results. Any sort of publicity or engagement is still engagement.
Albania is so overlooked imo T-T i really liked that they were performing as a family and the song was pretty good! The vocals were impressive! And it wasnt an english ballad !
France is tall vampire mommy <3
the jury system is inherently rigged. This is not new. But this year it was just very apparent.
Netherlands was boring and no one was surprised
Australia casually eating sandwhiches during the jury results not expecting douze points from anyone and then having cameras on them while their faces were stuffed gave me life
Germany deserved better
286 notes · View notes
Text
Local European law PhD person is breaking down why Twitter is in trouble with European authorities - bc we live in a dystopia and I am procrastinating my research.
TL;DR : Twitter is loosing all the experts required to actually make (good, but really any) decisions regarding data privacy in Europe, and it's even funnier because they picked the one(1) European country that would give them the most tax cut but it's also the one that is really into dragging Big Tech all the way to the highest instances in the EU to make knock them down a peg.
But also more under the cut bc this is hilarious and I CANNOT WAIT for Elon Musk to discover the EU. Very much going to be a unstoppable force meets unmovable object situation, because trust me, TRUST ME, there are few things as slow, inhert and full of bureaucrats who are NOT on twitter as the EU. Anyway here is too many paragraph of me putting my diploma to good use or something, my Masters Director would be proud.
Step 1: TF is the GDPR, like, actually.
Ok the the General Directive on Privacy Regulation is a European Union Regulation, which sets clear rule on what you can and cannot do with people's information/data, in order to protect their privacy. It is very wide and very cool and the US wishes it had it (Except you, California, you're doing great).
And what's cool is also that the moment you want your digital services to be available on European territory, you need to comply with the GDPR. Doesn't matter where you are based, if it's not GDPR compliant, you don't get access to that sweet sweet European market.
For example, after the GDPR was entered into force, there were a bunch of US News Media website I could not access, because they were not complying with the GDPR yet, and were not willing to take the risk to infringe on the GDPR. Doesn't matter if they are not Europe based. What matters is the market. Dw they are fine now.
Ok, cool.
.
Step 2: Twitter was doing ok so far - I know, I'm surprised as well.
So Twitter is a US-based company, but blue-bird had to comply with the GDPR like everyone else. So far, so good-ish, and by that I mean that Twitter was not really targeted by any European or national authority for not complying.
But let me tell you the thing about the GDPR: it is. a. mess. Getting to UNDERSTAND what's even required guaranteed my cohort of European Law major that we would ALL be employed in the upcoming years. It is atrociously difficult. THE REGULATION HAS ITS OWN WEBSITE imagine a law having its own website, what the hell honestly.
The GDPR is challenging for your local true crime book club handling the email addresses of its 12 members, ok.
IMAGINE WHAT IT'S LIKE FOR TWITTER.
Behemoth social media platforms require a massive amount of workforce and expertise to make sure they comply with the GDPR. Like, I cannot stress the absurd amount of work and constant vigilance it requires. But they were doing ok.
.
Step 3: Elon Musk is an authoritarian manchild and Twitter is bleeding experts
I know both things are related but trust me, it's important to mention them separately, you'll see in a second.
Among the many high-ranking people who left, we have:
The Chief Information Security Officer
The Chief Privacy Officer / Data Protection Officier
The Chief Compliance Officer (unconfirmed officially but I would bet on it)
So they are trying to do some emergency creative problem solving by apparently having data engineers be the ones certifying compliance with the GDPR (lmao as someone who works with a bunch of data scientist I would pay money to see that happening) and nominate people to temporarily take over all these positions. To be transparent the guy they nominated as "acting GPO" (lmao I'm really feeling the confidence right now) does not seem fully incompetent, but this is still hilarious.
.
Step 4: Haha it's funny because it's Ireland
Now, ok, here is the kicker.
Twitter so far has been using a system that the GDPR allows, which is the One-Stop Shop. OSS means that Twitter picked the authorities of a specific EU State to report to, when it comes to compliance to the GDPR, it's easier for everyone than massive online companies like Twitter going to 27 different states to report what they are doing.
So they picked Ireland, because their European headquarters are based in Ireland.
HA.
I. WONDER. WHY. IRELAND???
(spoiler: it's because Ireland is a tax haven).
Now. You might think there is ONE problem on the table, but get ready, there are TWO, baby.
Haha Twitter's GDPR person has left, mate, you want to explain how you're going to comply with the GDPR when you don't have you GDPR experts anymore??
Elon Musk is, as stated before, an authoritarian manchild and the GDPR is also not super super fond of that, mate if you want the OSS system you actually need to give minimal guarantee that the data-privacy-decision-making is happening in the State of the OSS. When clearly, right now, decisions are happening wherever the hell Elon Musk decided to have his morning protein shake, and I'm pretty sure it's not Dublin. And also around 50% of the Dublin headquarters have been fired, so I don't know who is supposed to take decisions over there, honestly.
AND YOU KNOW WHAT'S EVEN FUNNIER.
IRISH COURTS IS REALLY. REALLY INTO EU LAW AND EU DATA PRIVACY
Like the case about the guy who sued Facebook for violating the right to privacy in the way it handled data? It's the Maximillian Schrems v Data Protection Commissioner case, and it comes from Ireland. Irish Judges had no issue being like "Yeah, Facebook or not, we're choosing violence".
.
Step 5: Ok now what ? Aka I sit back and grab some popcorn
So right now, Twitter is trying to convince the DPC that it's totally absolutely doing GREAT.
Sure Jan.
Anyway, the question is whether the DPC is willing to buy it. We know there has been meetings, and the DPC is at least putting SOME form of pressure on Twitter.
Outcome 1: the DPC is feeling petty and does NOT buy it. Then I'll write another post, but I think the DPC would give Twitter some time to put things in order and give enough guarantees before going on the offensive.
Outcome 2: the DPC buys it (because Dublin LOVES its Big Tech companies, and they are driving prices up to the point where Dublin is experiencing a massive housing crisis, it's fine, this is fine) . And we wait for an individual/NGO to bring a formal complain to the DPC, for the DPC to refuse it, and for the individual/NGO to challenge that decision before the Irish Courts and that becomes a whole new story that will warrant its own post - and I get to show off some useless knowledge on EU procedural law.
473 notes · View notes
eagna-eilis · 7 months
Text
Star Wars Characters at a Family Wedding in Ireland
ANAKIN - Gets extremely nostalgic about his own wedding and makes his adult twin children groan in embarrassment. Is in such a good mood that he isn't even mad when Leia calls him a fascist for voting Fine Gael, and manages to give his grandson an effective pep talk.
PADMÉ - So resplendent that the bride is almost jealous but honestly how could you be upset with her she's just so nice. Gets giggly tipsy over dinner and waltzes with C3P0 afterwards. Touches up literally everyone's makeup for them throughout the night and does a better job than the actual makeup artist.
OBI-WAN - Waits til the night is winding down then magically locates a squeezebox, fiddle, a guitar, and a tin whistle and hands them out to start a sessiún. The sing-song goes on until 5am and it's all his fault. His signature song is 'The Lass of Aughrim' because it makes him feel all literary.
R2D2 - Has at least four too many double Jamesons and literally starts arguing with the wall. Shmii finds him passed out under a table the next morning, wherein he swears he's not drinking until Christmas.
C3P0 - Wrecks the heads of the hotel staff over dinner with all his requests, to the point of embarrassing the other people at his table. Conducts impromptu ballroom dancing lessons while the band plays and charms the pants off everyone with his patient explanations of how to foxtrot.
LANDO - Pulls out a deck of cards and starts a game of 21s in the corner. Absolutely swindles everyone. It's okay though because he puts his winnings behind the bar so nobody has to pay for their drinks after that.
AHSOKA - Brings enough weed to share with a chosen few, like an absolute queen. Ends up hanging out in the loo for ages rolling for herself, Sabine, Maz, Kanan, and eventually Ben. Despite her relative stillness and quiet, she enjoys the music more than basically anybody else and people will quote her fondly slagging Anakin over dinner for the next 20 years.
SABINE - Camera queen who tries to look like she isn't enjoying herself. Fools nobody because she keeps grinning and snort-laughing. Her photos are a thousand times better than the photographer's and are the ones that the couple use for their album.
HERA - Helps Leia gang up on Anakin about politics because goddamn it, Leia isn't wrong. Hands out isotonic powder sachets and paracetamols to everyone before they go up to bed. They're gonna need it.
EZRA - Gets so hyper after consuming so much 7up that Hera has to send him to bed before the DJ takes over from the band. Sneaks down later for the cocktail sausages.
DIN DJARIN - Couldn't get a babysitter so he's tucked up at home watching The Late Late and hate-tweeting it.
GROGU - fell asleep in front of The Late Late. Delighted when somebody brings wedding cake to the house the following day.
KANAN - Literally will not be at peace until the DJ plays Kenny Rodgers' 'The Gambler' because it's not a wedding without it. Once that's done he insists on 'Come On Eileen'. Somebody's gotta be the keeper of the flame of tradition, after all.
CHEWBACCA - Requests all the group dances. Rock the Boat, The Siege of Ennis, The Macarena, The Walls of Limerick, Chain Reaction. Bullies everyone into joining in, except Ben who is the absolute antithesis of craic.
LUKE - Every wedding requires at least one merrily drunk uncle and Luke does not disappoint. Suit jacket? Gone. Top buttons? Open. Tie? It's now around his head while he stands on a chair playing air guitar to 'Hotel California'. Ends up puking in a flower pot. Iconic.
LEIA - Would have been okay if she stuck to wine all night but a single gin and tonic on top of the shitty hotel merlot and suddenly she's having an hour-and-a-half political argument with Anakin. Embarrasses the hell out of her parents, brother, and son by smooching Han repeatedly while dancing.
HAN - Organises the pre-ceremony pints. His sotto-voce asides are funnier than anything in the speeches. Quietly sings along to 'Brown Eyed Girl' by Van Morrison in Leia's ear while they dance, prompting all that smooching.
FINN - Sneaks into the hotel's public bar to check the hurling scores on the telly then reports them back to all the lads. Keeps his wits about him regards alcohol so he can take care of Poe later but eats so much cake he feels sick.
POE - Holds court in the bar, telling long anecdotes about his life that are only 75% true. Dances and flirts with all the aunties and nanas and makes them feel great about themselves. It doesn't convince Ahsoka to give him a spliff, though, because she is immune to his charms.
ROSE - The boomers yell at her for getting the DJ to play 'Celtic Symphony' by the Wolfe Tones, but she calls them hypocrites who are oozing postcolonial shame. Anakin offers to adopt her because now she's the centre of the politics argument. Knocks it out of the park at the sing-song because she knows all the words to at least 20 rebel songs.
MAZ - The first to place her handbag down on the dancefloor so as to coax the other nanas onto the floor. Jovially flirts with every man over 18 and under 60 that isn't her blood relation. Asks Poe to marry her.
REY - Finishes at least three other people's dinners. Sings along very loudly to every song that the band AND the DJ plays. Can't dance at all but it doesn't stop her. Should probably check on Ben because she knows what he's like but decides that tonight he's his family's responsibility. Loses her entire shit when ABBA plays.
BEN - Zero craic, God help the poor craytur. Drinks brandy as an affectation and starts quoting James Joyce after four of them. Gets extremely mopey after brandy number six and ends up having a long heart to heart with his Grandda Ani. Cries then throws up. Auntie 'Soka gives him a joint to settle his tummy. Subsequently feels better and then knocks everyone's socks off singing 'Raglan Road'.
SHMII - Begs off the party at 10pm because she's 97 years old. Still makes sure that everybody takes their hangover down to breakfast the following morning for a Big Feed of rasher-sausage-and-pudding, and maybe hair of the dog if they're desperate.
64 notes · View notes
foreverindreamlandd · 2 years
Text
Sweeter Than Honey • 2
Tumblr media
Pairing: Mechanic!Bucky x Fem!Personal Assistant!Reader
WC: 5.4k
Summary: It all started with a failed attempt to buy your boss a new phone, and then suddenly you're in the middle of nowhere Ireland crying your eyes out in front of a handsome mechanic who would do just about anything to make you smile again...
Note: No warnings for this one except I'm pretty sure I've lost my damn mind LOL
Series Masterlist
Tumblr media
Once the event had ended, Sarah brought her two sons over to meet Tony, and the light in their eyes as they met their favorite author caused you to completely melt.
Seeing the look on Bucky’s face witnessing their joy was the only thing that could top it.
As the group was still mingling, you handed the new phone over to Tony, and his mouth hung open for a second before he gave you an impressed look.
“I’ll be damned, Y/n,” he said, opening up the box and taking out the phone, “You managed to do the impossible.” He checked his watch and smiled. “I bet if I set this up as soon as we get back to the hotel I can call Pepper and Morgan in the next hour or so.” He looked up at you again. “Thank you. You really outdid yourself with this.”
You beamed. “Thanks, boss, but I gotta say, Bucky was the one to really pull through with this.” You looked over to the tall Irishman at your side and your smile grew. “I wouldn’t have been able to survive this day without him.”
Bucky gave you a side smile and a quick wink, the two of you completely forgetting that you were surrounded by others for a few seconds. 
But then you looked back at Tony whose eyes were now narrow, gaze flickering between the two of you and you felt heat rise to your face. Looking over at Bucky, you saw that he was blushing.
“Right…” Tony said, nodding his head slowly. “Well Bucky,” he held out his hand and Bucky shook it, “Thank you for all of your help today. You and Y/n sure make a great team.” He paused for a second, then said, “You know, we’re hosting a big fundraiser dinner tomorrow night. Great food, expensive drinks, stupidly rich people to mildly poke fun at. I’d love for you to attend as one of my guests as a thank you for getting us through today.”
Bucky’s eyebrows shot up and he cleared his throat, looking over at you for approval. 
You bit your lip, giving him a sure, why not look. Of course, you would love to have him go for a multitude of reasons. The only other person you would know at this event besides Tony was Quentin, and there was no way you were going to get stuck with his grumpy ass for the night. 
It was more than that, though. You really wanted any excuse to spend more time with Bucky before you had to go back home. And the idea of seeing him in a suit? Yes..yes, he could come.
So with that, Bucky looked back to Tony and shrugged. “I mean, if it’s no trouble….and for a good cause-”
“Great!” Tony said, clapping his hands together. “It’s settled. I’m sure Y/n can fill you in on the details and arrange a seat next to her at our table. Sound good?”
You bobbed your head up and down. “Great.”
Just like that, you had two upcoming dates with Bucky in the books.
Now, it was time to get the first one in motion. You and Tony drove back to the hotel in the newly-repaired rental. Bucky said he would pick you up in an hour or so to give both of you time to freshen up.
You ran to the shower as soon as you got to your room, washing off the sweat from running around Dublin and beyond all day.
Bucky said that the pub was a casual spot filled with regulars, so you figured you didn’t need to dress to the nines like you would for tomorrow evening. Instead, you went with jeans, an army-green crop top tee and black leather jacket. The shirt left a bit of your midsection exposed, something that you hardly ever felt comfortable allowing.
But hell, you were in Europe going on a date with a man you’d probably never see again, so if he for some reason was repulsed by your stomach, it wouldn't really matter in the end. Why not further put yourself out of your comfort zone and have a little bit of fun?
Plus, in the short time you knew Bucky, you had a strong feeling that this was the farthest thing from an issue.  
Said dashing Irishman was waiting at the entrance of the hotel as soon as you stepped out onto the cobblestone sidewalk, leaning against the door of his truck with both of his hands in his pockets, smiling at you sheepishly. His smile grew tenfold as he looked you up and down, taking in your outfit and you felt heat coursing through your body from his gaze.
You also felt a sense of jealousy that he had something to lean on as you took in his appearance. No longer in the henley, Bucky had thrown on a pair of dark blue jeans and a black knit sweater that clung to his body in all the right places. His baseball hat was gone, allowing his wavy chestnut locks freedom to flow around his smiling face, and all you wanted to do was rake your fingers through them.
After standing there a few moments too long, both ogling one another, Bucky stood straight and walked toward you. You figured he was just going to just escort you to his car, which is why you let out a surprised gasp when he enveloped you into his arms and hugged you.
His sweater was so soft, so warm, and he smelled faintly of sandalwood. It worked out with your height difference that your cheek rested perfectly against his chest, and his chin landed right on the crown of your head.
He held onto you, not too tightly to make you feel like you were suffocating, but with enough strength to bring a sense of safety, as if nothing could touch you while you were in his arms.
When he pulled back, you gave him a wide-eyed grin.
“Three hugs in one night, Buck? People are gonna start talking…” you joked, feigning nonchalance as if your heart weren’t beating out of your chest.
He shrugged, running his fingers through his hair. “Look, love, ye started it with the first one earlier. And I gotta admit, it was so grand, I don’t know if I can ever get enough.”
You bit your bottom lip, rolling your eyes at the level of charm. “Oh really now?”
He chuckled. “Yes. Really.” His arm reached out and you grabbed his hand as he led you to the passenger side, opening the door and closing it once you were settled.
Tumblr media
The Golden Elixir Tavern basically fit every bar sitcom stereotype you had ever seen on television. The tiny establishment was completely packed, and yet it seemed like everyone there was each other’s best friend.
As soon as you and Bucky walked in, everyone turned and erupted into cheers, beer glasses sloshing around in the air.
They - for obvious reasons - spotted the massive man that had walked in first, but when they saw your shorter form following behind, hand in his, the place went eerily quiet, and suddenly there was a sea of confused, inquisitive faces before you.
You could have sworn you heard a cricket chirp somewhere in the building.
Bucky turned his head to you with an apologetic expression and huffed before turning back to the crowd and shouting, “Aye! Fuck off ye nosy lot!”
And just like that, the silence ended as everyone else yelled profanities back at him, and returned their attention back to one another.
He squeezed your hand and gave you a wink. “Come on, let’s get ye a drink.”
The two women running the bar had to be the most gorgeous people you had ever laid eyes on (aside from Bucky, obviously). They both had their own uniquely fierce, fiery red hair that glistened under the soft glow of the bar, and though they were smaller than most, you could tell by the way they carried themselves that they were not to be messed with.
One of them walked up to the end of the wooden bar as the two of you approached, looking at you up and down and then giving Bucky a narrow-eyed smile.
“Barnes,” she said, her voice smooth as butter, causing your immediate girl crush to increase tenfold. Her accent was American, you noted.
Bucky nodded. “Romanoff.” He looked down at you and smiled. “What’ll ye have?”
You pursed your lips, contemplating. “Whiskey?”
His brows shot up, but then he let out a small laugh before turning back to the redhead. “Ye heard the lady. Two.”
Romanoff grinned, moving her gaze to you with an impressed look. “Coming right up.”
Your eyes swept the pub as she poured the amber liquid. The walls were lined with high top tables and massive wooden barrels to sit on, with various random art pieces, signets, and photos covering every square inch above. In one corner, a small stage was set up with a few mic stands, piano, and an acoustic guitar.
“Do they have live performances?” you asked Bucky.
He shrugged, clearing his throat. “Every once in a while. Ye like music?”
“I mean, I’m not a stellar performer, but I was a music and theatre geek in high school. That’s one thing I love about New York. They have live music practically everywhere. It’s great when it’s intimate like this.”
Bucky was about to speak when the redhead returned. “You’re from New York?” You nodded and she looked to Bucky. “Barnes, that’s-”
“Thank you, Natasha,” Bucky interrupted, grabbing the glasses and handing one to you. Before you would wonder what had just happened, he was giving you another dazzling, boyish smile, tilting his whiskey toward yours. “Cheers, love.”
You gently tapped your glass to his. “Cheers, Buck.”
With a wink, he knocked his glass back in one gulp, no trace of a wince on his beautiful face as he swallowed it down.
Alright, tough guy, you thought. Two can play this game.
You sent a silent thanks to your grandma in the U.S. for introducing you to scotch and whiskey the moment you turned 21, then mimicked Bucky’s movement as you downed the glass in one go.
When you brought your eyes from the ceiling back to his ocean irises, his mouth hung open in shock.
You winked back.
“I like her,” you both turned your head to Natasha, who was giving you a side smile as she wiped off a glass. Then she extended a hand to you for a formal introduction. “I’m Nat.”
You shook it. “Y/n. Sorry if this is, like, super rude to ask, but are you American?”
Her grin widened and she cocked her head to the side, eyes flickering up to the ceiling for a second before returning to you. “Technically I’m Russian. My family and I moved around a lot, and I spent a lot of time in D.C.” Suddenly, she switched to an Irish brogue out of nowhere as she said, “I can basically speak in any accent. I guess it would be easier to talk like this while I live here, especially with the hair and everything making it so easy to fit in.” She switched to American again. “But I just love keeping people on their toes.”
You shook your head in awe. “I think I’m in love with you.”
She blew you a kiss before sliding over two newly filled glasses in front of you. When had she even refilled those? “Most people are.”
“Alright, alright,” Bucky groaned out, hooking an arm around your waist to guide you to the other end of the bar. “Let’s go meet the much less flirtatious Wanda.”
Nat smirked as you were whisked off. “Let me know if you need anything,” she joked, shaking her head in amusement as Bucky’s feigned annoyance.
Wanda was the other redhead behind the bar, who was surprisingly also Eastern European, her accent more pronounced than Nat’s. One smile from her made you feel like she was the type of person who was really good at hugging and listening to others. Like you could unload all of your problems on her and she would happily take them with open arms.
The next person you met was Steve, the one you recalled Bucky speaking on the phone to earlier that day when you were dealing with the flat tire - had that really only been today? Feels like it was weeks ago, you thought.
Up until now, you were positive that there was no one on this earth larger than Bucky Barnes. Steve Rogers was the exception, and you took a step back as the giant blond man barreled into the bar, wrapping Bucky’s neck into a headlock that seemed to be an affectionate greeting between the two.
“Alright, ye blimey bastard,” Steve said, blue eyes glistening, “I was promised all the pints in the world, so let’s get goin’.” His eyes shot over to you and then he grinned. “And who’s this?”
Bucky groaned, removing himself from Steve’s hold and moving to your side. “Steve, this is Y/n. Y/n, Steve.”
Steve’s eyes bounced between the two of you, grin widening. Then, he extended out his hand, which you took thinking he was just going to shake it. But then, he was leaning down, bringing your hand up until his lips softly pressed against your skin.
“Pleasure to meet you, Y/n,” he said smoothly, and you weren’t sure if you wanted to laugh or roll your eyes.
“Jesus, Steve,” Bucky muttered, taking your hand out of his best friend’s hold and bringing it to his side. He didn’t let go, just interlaced his fingers with yours. “Can ye not be an arse for like, five seconds?”
“Perhaps if I had a pint in my hand, I could consider it,” Steve said, and you giggled.
Bucky just shook his head, looking over at Wanda. “Wan, can ye please help me out?”
“On it,” she responded with a smile, giving you a knowing look as she grabbed a glass and worked on getting Steve a drink.
More people followed in after that, all of them dying to meet the person Bucky refused to stay more than a few inches away from. 
During that time, they opened the stage to performers, and various members took their turns singing, reciting poetry, playing piano, guitar, everything. Some songs were jovial tunes, others more somber, all of it was beautiful, and there were moments that you found yourself lost in the performance. Then you’d come to and see Bucky smiling at your dreamlike expression.
Eventually, two of them were introduced to you as Sam and Becca. Becca, as in Bucky’s sister.
You lept forward and pulled the short woman with unruly brown curls in for a tight hug and she let out a small laugh.
“Well hello to ye too, darlin’,” she said, returning the hug.
You pulled away, hands on her shoulders and staring into the blue eyes that almost matched her brother’s to a T. “You saved my ass today,” you said. “Both you and Bucky. Thank you.”
She smiled. “Of course. I’m glad things went…” she looked and Bucky, “...so well.”
“Apparently she’s namin’ her first child after ye,” he grumbled. “Even though I was the one to actually rescue her from BHOD.”
You nudged his stomach with your elbow. “Second kid. I’ll name my second kid after you, okay?”
He let out a huff in response and Becca cackled. “God, yer so dramatic, brother.”
Bucky opened his mouth, ready with some sassy retort when Natasha called out to him, “Oy! Barnes!” He turned to the redhead and she pointed to one corner of the bar. “You’re up, buddy.”
He turned to your confused expression and blushed, giving you a small grin. “I’ll be back, love.” Before leaving, he placed a hand at the small of your back and leaned forward until his lips brushed along your cheek for a soft kiss. You clenched your jaw to prevent a noise from escaping you, and then next thing you knew your blue-eyed mechanic was heading over to the microphone.
You turned to Becca, gaping.
She raised her brows in a just you wait expression, nodding her head to Bucky and you watched him grab the guitar by the wall and a stool. He sat down, positioning himself so that the guitar rested on his leg and he raised the mic stand to reach his tall form. The whole room started whooping and hollering as he got himself settled and he blushed.
“Um,” he said in a deep, low voice, tuning the guitar. He cleared his throat. “Haven’t played this one yet. But it seems like a grand enough night to do so.” His eyes met yours and he gave you a small smile before his fingers started strumming.
You knew it before he even started singing, and it brought an unfamiliar ache to your chest. 
“I had a thought, dear
However scary
About that night
The bugs and the dirt”
His voice was, of course, perfect. Sweet like sugar with just a bit of a grizzly bite to it. Hozier usually sang the song in a higher key, but you could tell that Bucky transposed it to fit within the range of his grizzly baritone voice.
“I will not as you where you where you came from
I will not ask you, neither should you.”
His eyes locked on yours once again.
“Honey just put your sweet lips on my lips
We should just kiss like real people do.”
You chugged the rest of your whiskey, placing the empty glass on the bar and Wanda refilled it.
Suddenly, you felt a large presence behind you. You turned to see Steve smiling down at you. 
“He sure is somethin’, isn’t he?” he asked, eyebrows wiggling up and down.
You bit back a smile, shaking your head. “Is this his move? He rescues people from a ditch in the road and then brings them to a pub to sweep them off their feet with his ridiculous charm?”
Steve sighs, shaking his head. “Nope. He’s never brought anyone here. Ever.”
Your eyes narrow, the ache in your chest growing. “Ever?”
“Ever. He knows if he did everyone here would give him so much shite for it and rag on him for bein’ sweet on someone.” He lifted his glass to his lips and murmured, “Guess he thought ye were worth it.”
You turned back to Bucky, noticing that his focus was still on you as he sang.
There was absolutely no fucking way that this was actually your life. It had to be a dream. The best damn dream of your life.
Your eyes looked down at his fingers, moving effortlessly across the strings. Then, to his hair, how the dark brown color seemed to glow underneath the lights. His eyes once more, trained on you and sparkling, as if looking into your very soul.
“I will not ask you where you came from”
Little did he know, he was claiming it for himself with each word he sang.
“I will not ask you, neither should you.”
As stupid as that was for you to do. To allow your heart to drift its way over to this man who you would never see after tomorrow. His life was here, and yours was in America.
“Honey just put your sweet lips on my lips”
It was going to hurt like a motherfucker. But you had officially decided that until then…
“We should just kiss like real people do”
You were going to spend whatever time you had enjoying every single moment of it to the fullest.
Everyone began cheering again as Bucky played the final note, and he nodded at them in thanks. You took another large swig of whiskey while he put the guitar away, allowing the warmth of the liquid to give you courage as he walked toward you.
He only had a second to narrow his eyes in confusion before your hands cupped his face, pulling him down until his lips met yours.
If he was caught off guard at all, he didn’t show it. Instead, he wrapped his arms around your waist and pulled your body flush to his, completely enveloping you within his form. You opened your mouth to allow his tongue to slip in and as soon as he got a taste of you, Bucky let out a low, guttural moan.
Meanwhile, you were going feral, hands moving up to take hold of his hair, which was even more soft than you imagined. Everything about Bucky was better than you could have imagined. The way his scruff lightly scratched your skin, the sweetness of his lips, his large hands desperate to touch every part of you.
Sure, there were probably dozens of eyes on you, and you could hear the whistles and cheers and a way to go, Buck from Steve, but you didn’t give a damn. None of them mattered in this moment. Only Bucky.
You were the first to pull away, only because you were on the verge of passing out. The two of you were breathless, his eyes were scanning your face, licking his lips as if trying to hold onto the taste of you.
“Hope I didn’t read the situation wrong,” you joked, one hand moving a strand of hair out of his face. “I mean, it seemed like you were practically begging for it with that song.”
His face broke out into a wide grin and he let out a low chuckle. “Believe me, love, if ye weren’t gonna kiss me in the next hour I was actually goin’ to start beggin’.”
Your left eyebrow shot up. “Now that is something I’d like to see.”
He chuckled again and then pulled you in for another kiss, less hungry but still intense enough for you to have to lean on him for support because your legs were about to buckle.
“Okay,” Steve groaned, “Will you two get a room already?”
Bucky moved back and glared at his best friend. But there was a lightness in his crystalline irises as he looked back at you. “Wanna get out of here?”
You nodded. “Absolutely-”
“Wait! Ye can’t leave yet!” Becca exclaimed. You turned to see her staring, arms crossed over her. “Y/n still hasn’t performed.”
Bucky shook his head. “Becs, she doesn’t need to-”
“Um, yes she does,” his sister cuts off. “Them’s the Elixir’s rules. Newbies have to get up there and do somethin’.”
You gave a panicked look to Bucky and he shook his head again. “Ye don’t have to…”
“Sorry Barnes,” Natasha called out. “If Y/n ever wants to come back, she’s gotta pay her dues.”
If she ever wants to come back.
Back to Ireland, back to the Golden Elixir, back to Bucky.
You sighed, then wiggled your way out of Bucky’s strong hold and downed your whiskey. Natasha filled it one last time and then you were walking slowly to the mic.
You bit your bottom lip, eyes scanning the pub until they landed on a very anxious looking Bucky. He looked as if he thought you would never want to talk to him again after going through with this.
Obviously you were going to talk to him, and nothing was going to stop you from kissing his pretty face when you were done. So you gave him a reassuring smile and a wink, which seemed to relax his shoulders.
“Hello everyone,” you started, “I’m Y/n…”
“Hi Y/n,” everyone said in unison and you laughed.
“It’s been great meeting you all and drinking your whiskey. I gotta say, it tastes a lot better than most of the shit I drink back home in the states.” That was met with loud cheering, even from Bucky. “I do know part of a song that I feel y’all will know, and I have to admit I found it on TikTok being performed by the beloved Hozier.” Bucky’s brows shot up and his smile widened. “Hopefully I don’t butcher it too much, but if I do, I just ask that you’ll help me out.”
More cheers. And then you cleared your throat.
“Come guess me this riddle, what beats pipe and fiddle,”
The whole pub erupted, and Bucky was whooping and clapping his hands.
“What’s hotter than mustard and milder than cream?
What best wets your whistle, what’s clearer than crystal,
Sweeter than honey and stronger than steam?”
You lifted up your whiskey glass and took a sip as everyone kept cheering. As you continued with the song, everyone sang along with you, until the entirety of the Golden Elixir was swaying side to side, waving their glasses in the air as they belted out the classic and well-beloved tune. Even Natasha was smiling, singing her heart out.
Bucky sang along as well, the entire time looking at you like you were the damn sun and he was all of the planets orbiting around you. He was enraptured, smitten, completely lost in everything that made up you.
“And, boys, I’d half wonder if lighting and thunder
Was made from the plunder of whiskey, me boys.” 
With the last words sung, you downed the rest of your glass, raising it all the way up as you giggled at the riot happening before you. Swarms of people ran up to hug you and pat you on the back, calling you a true Irish lass and telling you that you were welcome any time you wanted.
Eventually, a path cleared for Bucky to get through to you, and now it was his turn to cage your face in his hands and kiss you senseless, and everything around you seemed to go quiet as you lost yourself in his lips.
When he pulled away, he whispered into your lips, “Ready for another adventure, love?”
You nodded, brushing the tip of your nose with his. “Lead the way, Buck.”
Tumblr media
It was a 30 minute drive to your destination, most of it surrounded by fields. It was too dark to really make out anything, but you were more than content with looking out the window at the stars.
The stars and, well, Bucky’s smiling face. 
His hand remained on your leg the entire trip.
After a few miles, he veered off the main road and onto the grass, driving a little bit further until you were a couple hundred feet from the main road.
“Stay here, love,” he said as turned the ignition off.
“Is this the moment you tell me that you are actually a serial killer and you’re about to murder me in the middle of nowhere, Ireland?” you remarked, unable to fight back a smile.
Bucky shook his head with a chuckle, moving to get out of the truck. “Nah,” he said, grabbing a lantern from the back seat. “I mean, that was the original plan, but now I like yer voice too much. Can’t get enough of it, really.”
Your breath hitched as you watched him close the door of the back seat and move to the bed of the truck.
A few minutes later, he was opening your door, taking your hand to help you out to lead you to the back of the truck.
A small gasp escaped you as you took in the display. Bucky had lain out a blanket with a few pillows and had unknowingly created your literal dream date.
“I come out here every once in a while when the sky is clear,” he said, jumping up onto the bed and turning to help you. “Ye said yer from New York, and I feel like ye don’t get to see the stars like ye can here in a big city like that.”
You nodded slowly, looking up at the infinite number of stars above you in awe.
It only took seconds for the two of you to entangle yourselves together on the blanket, your head resting on Bucky’s chest, arm wrapped around his abdomen while his held you close to him, fingers running along the side of your body. A chorus of crickets was the only sound aside from the heartbeat against your cheek.
“Have you been to New York before?” you asked, eyes still looking up at the glowing constellations. 
You felt him nod. “Me mum was from there. Met my da when she was travelin’ and then the rest was history. We’ve gone a couple of times to see family.”
“Do you still go?” You tried to remove any sense of hope in your voice.
His hand stopped moving along your side for a fraction of a second, and then continued traveling down to your waist. “Not as often, but yes.” He let out a long sigh. “Not gonna have much time to travel soon with school and all.”
You looked up at him. “You’re going to school? For what?”
“Engineering, hopefully,” his lips curved upward in excitement and you felt your heart almost burst. “Wasn’t able to go to uni when I turned 18 cause we couldn’t afford it. Started workin’ at the shop instead, but I’ve been savin’ and studyin’.”
“That’s amazing, Buck. Do you know where you’re going?”
He opened his mouth, closed it, then opened it again and said, “Not sure. Still waitin’ to hear back from a few places for the fall.”
You cupped his cheek and turned it to face you. “Any place would be lucky enough to have you.”
He beamed then, eyes drifting down to your lips as he moved forward to kiss you. It was slow, lazy, more intoxicating than any of the whiskey you had consumed that evening. It was as if you were both taking the time to memorize the feel of one another, desperately trying to permanently etch the feeling of each other’s lips in your minds.
Suddenly, you were giggling into his lips, and Bucky pulled away, eyes narrowed in confusion though he was still smiling.
“Sorry,” you said, still laughing. “It’s just…I can’t believe that this is my life right now.” Your pointer finger traced his brow bone. “I mean, I’m making out with the most gorgeous man I’ve ever laid eyes on, who casually lifts cars and can sing, but also makes me laugh and is genuinely so sweet and kind….and I get to KISS him? Like, how is any of this even real-”
Your words were cut off by Bucky’s lips crashing into yours. Gone was the slow, lazy movements. This time was harder, desperate, dizzying as he crushed your body to his.
You weren’t laughing this time when he pulled away, both of you panting. 
“Does it feel real yet, love?” He stroked a finger along your hairline.
Still unable to speak from the lack of air in your lungs, you simply nodded. 
“Good, because I don’t ever want ye to ever think ye can’t exist in a world where I wouldn’t want an angel with a smile brighter than the stars above to kiss me ‘til I’m blue in the face, ye hear? These lips are yers for as long as ye’ll have them.”
Yours.
It amazed you that in just the few hours you had known Bucky, your heart had managed to swell to sizes you didn’t think possible.
Yet here you were, a pulsing ache in your chest that threatened to crush you or transform you. 
Bucky was yours….whether that was just for a few more hours or something beyond the time you had left here.
“I’d have them forever, if you let me,” you breathed out. 
It was a bold statement, intense, binding, but as Bucky’s smile threatened to split his face in two, you knew he felt the same.
He shifted his body then, gently guiding you until your back was on the bed of the truck and he was leaning on his elbows on top of you, caging you in. His thumb grazed your bottom lip.
“Sounds like a plan, love,” he murmured before his lips found their way to yours once more.
Tumblr media
Chapter 3
No pressure at all, but if you'd like to support me for my writing, please consider buying me a Kofi!
631 notes · View notes
wosoamazing · 2 months
Text
Opening Match
Summary: It's the Matilda's first 2023 World Cup Match, against Ireland and you're starting.
Warnings: Panic (I guess – but not like a panic attack, I don’t think), mentions of Sam’s WWC injury….
A/N: ACL injuries don’t exist in this universe, if only that was the case in the real world. Tried to make it semi-factual, so like the times at which things happen are factual, however obviously the goals aren’t. (Also I know the Lionesses were in QLD and the Matildas were in NSW but let’s just pretend they weren’t)
Tumblr media
It had been an hour, and you still couldn’t get to sleep, you were too scared for tomorrow, Tony was starting you, which he had told you this morning, Sam had injured herself and he decided you were the best replacement, the only saving grace was that only the your Captain’s, Tony, and yourself knew this, the rest of the team would find out tomorrow, so at least you weren’t reminded of it all day.
You had millions of thoughts racing through your mind, preventing you from sleeping, causing the panic to ever so slowly increase. “What if I screw up” “What if this team wasn’t the right team” “What if I let the whole team down” “What if I don’t meet their expectations” “What if my streak at Arsenal has just been a fluke”.
A few tears had left your eyes at these thoughts, creating little puddles on your pillow. You decided to get up and go into the hallway, if you were going to cry you didn’t want to wake up Steph. You were crying for such a stupid reason, anyone would kill to be in the starting 11 for the Matildas, let alone a 16-year-old, yet here you were crying, wishing you could be anything but the Matildas starting 11. You quietly got out of your bed and walked towards the door, you opened the door just enough so you could slide out, trying to minimise the light that flooded the room, you made sure to keep hold of the door as it shut in hopes of it closing silently, you didn’t want to make a noise, you didn’t want to wake Steph or anyone else up. Except the thing was, Steph was actually still awake. She waited a while to see if you would come back thinking you had just gone to fill up your water bottle at the end of the hall, however when she noticed your water bottle was still sitting on the side table, she grew a little concerned, but she reassured herself that maybe you were just getting some Panadol or something from the medics. However, when she heard a faint sniffle come from just outside the door she panicked, she quickly jumped out of her bed, and made her way out into the hall.
“Oh bug,” she sighed out at the sight of you, beginning to sit next to you. You sat curled in a ball leaning against the wall, body slightly shaking with your sobs, you looked up at her, your face was red and tearstained, and your eyes were puffy. “It’s okay, I’m here,” she said softly as she pulled you into her lap, you sat there as she rocked you slightly trying to calm you down, you felt like a baby, how could you be so upset over this, and now you had disturbed Steph’s peace because of your pathetic little problem.
“I’m sorry, didn’t mean to wake you” you mumbled into Steph’s chest.
“Don’t be sorry, you can always wake me for absolutely anything, but you didn’t actually wake me I was still awake” she gently replied, as she wiped your tears away with her shirt.
“Oh,” “Do you want to tell me what’s going on?” “I don’t think I should start tomorrow, what if I stuff up, what if I’m not good enough for them, what if I don’t live up to their expectations, what if-” you were cut off by your ever increasing sobs, making it hard to speak, Steph sighed at your words, she had suggested that they didn’t start you, just brought you on early, but Sam and Tony thought starting you was best, coming out with a bang. Steph had hoped maybe her suggestion would be taken, reducing some of the pressure, the media was all over you already, pressuring you, so too were the fans. You were the sister of Leah Williamson, the women who captained the Lionesses to Euro’s victory in 2022, the women who once again would Captain the Lionesses in the fight for yet another victory, one that could well possibly be theirs. There was something extraordinary expected from you by the public, and the second the starting line-up was released that would only increase.
“Y/N/N, it’s okay to be nervous and a little scared, everyone does, it won’t stop, but you get used to it and before some games you will get more nervous than other games, why do you think I wasn’t asleep. But you can’t let the outside world affect you, the people in this building and in this team believe in you, and if you don’t do as well as you hoped well so be it, everyone had off days, off games. Don’t listen to them, they would faulter the second they took a step on the pitch, even the commentators yes they do know what they are talking about but at the end of the day they are there for the public so they are going to feed them, and I promise, we wouldn’t have chosen you if we didn’t believe in you, and Tony only expects that you try your hardest every time you step onto that pitch, that’s all any of us want.”
“Yeah, I guess,” you sigh before continuing “but why are you nervous for tomorrow?”
“What do you mean?”
“Well, you said you weren’t sleeping, and then you said some games you get more nervous than others, so I just assumed-” you were cut of by the sound of a door opening, you both look up to see Sam sleepily walking over to you rubbing her eyes.
“Shit, sorry did we wake you up, I didn’t think we were that loud” Steph whispered as Sam sat down.
“No, don’t worry, I couldn’t sleep, thought I heard something so just wanted to check, what’s wrong?”
“Nothing, it doesn’t matter” Sam gave you a look, causing you to blurt it out “I’m scared Sam, what if I stuff up, what if I’m not good enough for them, and now I’ve disturbed both of you when you should be relaxing and sleeping and I shouldn’t be upset about this, it should be something happy but I’m too scared to be happy, and, and my problem isn’t even a big problem, I mean you can’t play and now I’m technically in a way complaining about being in the starting 11 to the person whose spot I took” at those words Sam looked down at the floor, the tears that had started welling up in your eyes, started streaming down, “I-I’m S-sorry, I-I, I shouldn’t have said that”.
Sam looked back up at you, her face held a sterner and more serious look “No, don’t apologise, it’s okay, you did nothing wrong, and never think just because some else may or may not have a bigger problem than you, that your emotions and feelings aren’t valid, and never apologise for what you say. And yes, I can’t play and you get to play but at the same time that doesn’t mean you can’t be upset, it’s a big thing starting in a major tournament let alone …..” you nodded finding her words to be oddly comforting and had stopped crying, Sam had pulled out her phone and was messaging someone, so you looked up to Steph.
“You know, you never answer my question from before,” “Really, I thought I got out of that one” “Nah-uh” you say with some sass as you shake your head.
“I don’t know, I just guess I didn’t really expect to be leading the team out, it’s kind of scary, I mean this is our chance to make history and I guess in a way I’m leading the team out and am in charge of the start of our chance. I just don’t know, its silly anyway,” Steph let out as a singular tear rolled down her check.
“Steph, you have nothing to worry about, you are such an amazing player, and you are such a great leader, and such a great big sister and mini Mum, I believe in you, as you said, Tony wouldn’t have picked you if he didn’t believe in you,” Steph blushed at your kind words, before letting out a small laugh at your end comment, she hug you tighter and mouthed ‘thank you’, before the three of you feel into a calm silence.
“I think we should go outside, get some fresh air quickly” Sam said, breaking the silence whilst almost winking at Steph. “Good idea, Sam”
“But its late, wont we get in trouble?” The last thing you wanted was to be getting in trouble the night before your first world cup game.
“No, we’ll be fine, we will only be quick and plus as Sam said some fresh air will do you good” Steph said as she practically dragged you upright. As you left the elevators and walked towards the hotel doors, you noticed an oddly familiar figure standing just outside the doors, they were holding something, what you didn’t notice was the smile your two captains exchanged at the sight of this figure, Sam opened the door and you stepped outside into the cool air, before you found yourself running up to the figure, “Le!” you exclaimed as you jumped into the arms of your sister, “what are you doing here?”
“Well, I might’ve been told by a certain someone that my little sister was upset, and I thought I would quickly come visit to cheer her up.” You planted your feet back on the ground and said thank you to Sam before turning to talk with your sister, after a few minutes you both had to go back to your rooms, so you said bye to each other. She gave you one of her hoddies which you put on, it being the next best thing to being with her. You fell asleep almost as soon as your head hit the pillow, you were tired after all.
______
You were lining up in the tunnel when the nerves started to kick back in, probably due to the fact that when the teams were announced it was also announced that this is your first time starting, first major tournament playing for the Matildas and thus your first World Cup. You were also reminded that your sister had captained the Lionesses when they won the Euro’s just last year. But you felt Caitlin hands on your shoulders, and she squeezed them, Steph had obviously been discussing things with her. It was strange to you that the shoulder squeezes worked, but they did, they almost seemed to bring you out of your thoughts and into the present. As you walked out of the tunnel the stadium erupted, fans cheered like you’d never heard before, which is saying something considering you did attend the Euro’s final, you took your place in the line as the anthems were sung and soon enough the game was starting.
15 minutes in and a free kick was given, you took it, it was almost close enough to just go straight for the goal but you didn’t want to risk it, so you crossed it in, but instead of the ball finding a place at one of your teammates feet or head, it found a place in the back of the net, you had just scored your first goal for the Matildas, your first goal at a major tournament, your first goal at a world cup and the first Matildas goal of the world cup. You were elated. Your elation only increased at the 26th minute, when you headed the ball and it hit the back of the net, however you couldn’t take full credit for that one, Steph had delivered it in perfectly, you just had the easy job of tapping it in.
It was now extra time for the first half, you knew Tony was taking you off at half time, he had told you at the 35th minute during the ‘team tactical’ while Katie was down, Ireland was playing more aggressive than expected and Tony wasn’t risking having his two best strikers injured. Knowing this you decided to push yourself to your limits, you were running after every ball, you were taking tackles, and somehow by some miracle you scored your third goal in the final minute of extra time, you didn’t even know how you did it but you did, and with your goal the ref blew her whistle and the first half was over. The team ran over to you to celebrate, “Hattrick baby!” was screamed in your ear by someone, you all jumped up and down continuing to celebrate before deciding you should probably head back inside.
“Good game?” Sam asked as you walked into the tunnel together.
“Great Game!” You exclaimed, as you followed her through the door, to the locker room.
You took a seat in your locker ready to listen to Tony, being number 8 your locker was in-between Steph and Caitlin’s, “She might hate you now, though,” Caitlin said with a wink, it was a compliment in its finest, but it felt nice to get an inside compliment, like an inside joke not everyone would understand what she means.
“How do you feel? Like a million bucks?” Steph asked.
“Nope, like I chose the right team.”
202 notes · View notes
qqueenofhades · 2 years
Note
I don't follow you but I would just like to thank you for your thorough research about this queen bullshit. I hate how people tend to have selective memory about the terrible history of certain important figures and it just boils my blood. So thank you for all your hard work. :)
You're welcome. The way I see it is like this. Vladimir Putin has not set foot in Ukraine, or fired a weapon, or personally killed any Ukrainians in the current war, but everybody (except for tankies, but they don't count) has no problem understanding that he is ultimately responsible for what is happening there. He gave the order, it is happening under his government and with his say-so, and in pursuit of policies which the entire Russian state apparatus has long supported. No, QE2 is not functionally equivalent to an autocratic dictator with essentially absolute power over the degraded political systems in his country, for any number of reasons. But she was likewise the head of state and ultimate authority of the British government and the many terrible actions it took both at home and abroad between 1952-2022 (the period of her reign). Any idea that she doesn't know or bears no responsibility for her enthusiastic, unwavering, and lifelong support of the institutions that facilitated and carried them out, often with her direct advice and counsel (see: weekly meeting with the PM, privileged access to state papers) is just... wrong.
As others and myself have pointed out, the monarch actually does have considerable power in the UK system, even without getting into the shadowy process of Queen’s Consent and backroom wrangling to get the Palace exempted from diversity laws (because what are they going to do, say no to her?) She opens Parliament, she gives the speech laying out the government's agenda (even if it is written for her), she has to give "consent" to all draft laws, and so forth. Besides, her figurative and symbolic role also confers a great deal of assumed social and cultural authority on her, which is why she was often held up as an impartial "beacon" somehow above the muck-slinging of regular party politics. To act as if the literal Queen of England, head of that entire system, when even the minority party in parliament has to style themselves "Her Majesty's Loyal Opposition" to demonstrate that they're opposing the other party, but not her personally, is totally exempt from that, is, to say the least, strange.
This is obviously, again, rooted in white supremacism, the Anglo-American cultural background, and the fact that the British (and the British Empire) are still largely portrayed as "cool," "aspirational," or "universal" (why does everyone in every period piece have modern British accents, regardless of the time or place, and why do we accept that was how the past sounded?) In other words, it's the "good" empire, rather than the "bad" empire (as the rhetoric was during the Cold War in re the USSR). This ignores the fact not just of the British monarchy itself and the actual things that QE2 did in support of that paradigm, but the fact that an empire is by its nature an inherently harmful, exploitative, and assimilationist political structure. Besides, you would think that the least she could do would be to proactively address the bad stuff of the past and try to fix it, right? Nope. All the "modernization of the monarchy" came under extreme duress and only in moments of reactive crisis, and even after all the shit that England did to Ireland over the centuries (including the height of the Troubles during QE2's reign) she could only, on one occasion, offer something that was described as "the closest thing" Ireland had ever gotten to a formal apology, without being an apology. Even the goddamn Pope has apologized for the historical injustices/sexual abuse scandals of the institutional Catholic Church. If those guys are doing better than you in the historical-atonement department, there's something REALLY wrong.
Likewise, there is no doubt that overall, QE2 will have an absolutely glowing, lavish, and uncritical epitaph, and people who call that legacy into question will be stigmatized. Which is the last thing Britain needs right now, with a new hard-right government, a massive cost-of-living crisis (splashing out on a state funeral while people cannot both eat and heat their homes? Huh), and all the economic and social crunch that will be put on its most vulnerable citizens as a result. QE2 was sitting on massive amounts of automatically granted taxpayer money, and yet she steadfastly resisted any attempt to let the public have any notion at all of how she spent it (along with, as noted, sealing Philip's will and that of other senior royals). That alone was a massive moral failing of the country she supposedly "dedicated her life to serving," and it is neither bad nor disrespectful to point that out and seriously question all the saintly hagiography we are expected to uncritically embrace.
295 notes · View notes
foundtherightwords · 5 months
Text
The Simple Thought of You - Chapter 1
Tumblr media
Pairing: Billy Knight x OFC (Esme from "The Quiet Chaos")
Summary: Billy and Esme have been dating for nearly two years, and naturally, their thoughts turn to the next step in their relationship. But when it turns out that their future plans may not align, can they reconcile their differences and stay together?
A/N: I've been thinking about a sequel/epilogue for Billy and Esme's story for a while, but it didn't take shape until I happened across an article about the scouring of the White Horse of Uffington, so here it is. It's short compared to "The Quiet Chaos", but I hope you enjoy!
Warnings: angst, discussion of children and being childfree, mentions of mental health issues, some smut (non-explicit)
Chapter word count: 3.9k
Chapter 1
Everyone agreed that the weather was perfect for a wedding. The sky was the clearest, brightest shade of cerulean, the sun was warm and gentle, some of the cool spring air still lingering about, slowing down the march of the heavy summer heat, and the lawn where the ceremony was to take place shone a brilliant emerald green.
Esme, however, paid little attention to the gorgeous weather except to feel relieved that the rain, which had been plaguing them for a week, had decided to stop. She was relieved, too, that the cake had been delivered in time, and that her youngest sister, Tiffany, had been convinced not to dye her whole head of hair rainbow-colored for the occasion. Tiff had settled for the hyacinth blue that was part of the wedding's color scheme instead.
Clutching her bouquet of grape hyacinths that matched her bridesmaid dress, Esme fought the urge to run into the kitchen one last time to make sure everything was OK. Across the aisle, Billy caught her eyes and gave her a reassuring smile as if to say "Relax". He must have noticed how nervous she was. He always did. Esme smiled back and let out a breath. Yes, relax. Billy's smile never failed to have a calming effect on her. She stole another glance at him, and her heart soared with a familiar sense of pride and affection. He looked nice today, with his hair brushed back from his forehead in soft waves, his beard trimmed, and in a new brown suit that matched his eyes, though he still forwent a tie, as usual.
A crash from the kitchen made Esme jump, and she closed her eyes briefly. What possessed Sybil and her fiancée Roisin to have the wedding at their parents' house, Esme would never know. Their flighty, artistic parents may be able to host boisterous Bohemian parties for their friends, but they couldn't handle anything more structured than an afternoon tea, and with Roisin's family coming in from Ireland, that would not do. So it had fallen to Esme, as the maid of honor, to make sure everything was perfect for her sister's big day.
When I do get married, it'll be at a registry office, Esme thought resolutely. Short, sweet, and simple, with none of this faffing about. Then she looked at Billy again and blushed. Thankfully, he was bending over to play with their dog Angua, and didn't see her.
They had been together for nearly two years, two years filled with love and joy, but also heartache and uncertainty. In the first six months, Billy's struggle with his mental health and the return of his no-good older brother, Jimmy, had nearly derailed them. They were parted for several months while Billy recovered in the hospital, agonizing months for Esme, though she'd visited him every day. But once he left the hospital, they moved in together, and had been inseparable since.
With so much on their minds, they had never discussed marriage in those two years. Billy's condition meant that Esme had to learn to take one day at a time, be happy with what they had in the present, and never look too far ahead. It was difficult for someone who used to plan her day down to the hour, but she'd managed it, for the most part, for him. Still, she would be lying if she said she hadn't thought about marriage at all. She'd almost gotten married once, right before she met Billy, and in the fallout of that, she no longer cared about weddings, or even marriage for that matter. After meeting Billy, though, she'd started thinking about marriage again. Not because she had any particular hankering for a big wedding, but because she felt marriage would give both of them some much-needed stability in their lives.
What about Billy, though? She didn't know how he felt about marriage. He had progressed in leaps and bounds since a year ago—the fact that he was here, at this wedding, amongst all these virtual strangers, was a testament to that—and had been holding down a nice, steady job at a woodworking studio, making furniture and doing some woodcarving on the side. Anyone looking at him now would see a healthy, happy young man.
Only Esme knew how Billy's past still loomed over them, how its shadow haunted his looks, how some nights it sent him into her arms, trembling with fears that were very much real but could not be put into words. Marriage is a big step. She knew how difficult it was for him to form connections, to trust, and didn't want to push him into anything he wasn't comfortable with. She'd made that mistake early in their relationship; never again.
Stop stressing about it, she sternly warned herself. One day at a time. If and when it felt right to get married, they would talk about it.
And then music started, the two brides came down the aisle together on the arms of their fathers, and Esme pushed all thoughts of her potential wedding out of her head, to focus on her sister's actual one.
The ceremony went off without a hitch, though Esme couldn't quite relax until all the intricate rituals of the reception—all the speeches and the cutting of the cake—were done. Nobody told an embarrassing story in their speech, nobody tried to smash anybody's face into the cake, and nobody tried to request the DJ to play "Another One Bites the Dust". She counted that as a successful wedding.
She had just barely sat down with Billy and Angua at their table when Sybil and Roisin came over. Both gave Esme rib-crushing hugs. "Thank you so much, sis, for helping us with all this," Sybil said.
"Yeah, it was perfect," agreed Roisin. "You've got a superstar here," she added to Billy, and he responded with a smile as if to say I know.
Before Esme could hide her blush, a little girl, about six or seven, holding the hand of a little boy, about three or four, came running up to them with a bashful look. Roisin's niece and nephew, Esme remembered, her older brother's kids.
"What is it, Daffy, darling?" Roisin asked, turning to them. The little girl leaned over and whispered something into her aunt's ear. Roisin turned back to Esme and Billy, smiling. "Daphne and Jamie are wondering if they could play with your pup," she said.
"Of course!" Esme said. "Angua is very friendly. Let's take her over there so she can run around and don't bother the people dancing, OK?" She half-rose from her seat and motioned to the kids, but Billy gently pushed her back down.
"I'll go with them," he said. "You sit and rest."
Nodding gratefully at him, she watched as Billy led Angua and the kids to a corner of the garden, where he started throwing a ball for the dog to catch, making the kids shriek with delight. Esme smiled to herself. For all his shyness, Billy always had a way with animals and kids, a natural, almost childlike openness that made them feel at ease around him.
"So, when are you two going to get married?" Roisin's question pulled her back to reality. Esme looked over. Roisin and Sybil were smiling at her like two cats that got the cream.
"We're not," Esme said automatically, then remembered to add, "Yet."
"What are you waiting for?" Sybil said. "He worships you, and you adore him. It's sickening to watch, really." Esme gave her sister a playful slap on the shoulder, like she used to when they were little, and Sybil grinned. "And he'll be a great dad."
Esme's embarrassed laugh died halfway to her lips. Suddenly the sky lost its brilliance and the laughter and all the joyful sounds of the wedding faded. A strange coldness spread across her chest. She realized there was something else she and Billy had never discussed, something much more fundamental and perhaps even more important than marriage—the question of having kids.
In all her previous relationships, regardless of how serious they were, Esme had always been careful to bring up the discussion about kids early on. With Billy, between her anxiety about his condition and the drama surrounding Jimmy's return, it had completely slipped her mind.
No, that wasn't quite true. It had occurred to her once or twice to ask him about it, but like the question of marriage, Esme didn't want to make it seem like she was rushing Billy or pressuring him, so she just shrugged it off. Besides, he had never expressed an interest in having kids. She had always assumed that he didn't want them. But now, watching him play with Daphne and little Jamie, she was no longer so sure. And it frightened her. It frightened her terribly.
Because she didn't want kids. She had spent most of her childhood taking care of her siblings while their parents were busy with their latest creative projects, and it had soured the whole idea for her. Oh, sure, she liked kids. Her friend Priya had three and Esme could always be counted on to babysit them, but it was always a relief to be able to hand them back at the end of the day.
Looking at Sybil's teasing smile now, Esme realized her younger sister had no idea about any of this, despite the two of them being the closest in the family. Esme had never told any of her siblings that she didn't want kids. She didn't want them to think that she resented them.
Flustered, she muttered something about making sure Billy didn't let Angua run into Mum's delphinium, and got up. By the time she reached Billy, Angua had tired herself out and was laying on her belly, panting, and the kids had wandered off. "Fancy a dance?" she asked, and Billy looked up at her with a smile. At the sight of that smile, Esme breathed a little more easily.
They didn't move to the dance floor. They remained at the corner of the garden, amongst the delphinium and hollyhocks, and Billy held her while they swayed slowly to the music.
"You OK?" he asked.
"I'm fine, just tired."
"Here." He pulled her a little closer, and she put her head on his shoulder with a comforted sigh.
"How about you?" she asked. "This isn't too much for you, is it?"
"No, no. I'm all right as long as you're here with me."
Standing there in his arms, with the music barely audible, only serving as a backing track to the peaceful chorus of a summer garden, of birds and insects, Esme suddenly felt rather silly about all her worries. She knew Billy, and he knew her. Perhaps she was getting worked up over nothing after all.
But what Billy said next shattered that illusion. "Besides, I don't mind people so much now," he said. "Actually, I've always wanted a big family."
Her head snapped up. "Have you really?"
"Well, you know how it was, when I was a kid..." Billy's voice trailed off uncomfortably.
Yes, she knew. Billy's mum died when he was two. His dad was alcoholic and violent. His brother, Jimmy, older by ten years, was cut from the same cloth. The Chiswells, who employed Billy's dad and on whose estate they lived, were dysfunctional in their own way and had been partly responsible for the worst memory of Billy's childhood, perhaps even of his life. Yes, with such a childhood, Esme could understand why Billy would want a big family, something to give him the sense of kinship and belonging that had been sorely lacking in his life.
And with that understanding came a horrible, sinking feeling in the pit of her stomach.
Billy must have noticed how she'd gone quiet and stiff, because he leaned down, brushing his lips over her hair. "Esme?"
"So does that mean you want kids?" she blurted out.
He went quiet as well, contemplating the question. A part of her was dying to look at him, to gauge his reaction, but another part was terrified of what she may find there. On the grass next to them, Angua turned over with a sleepy whine.
Then Esme felt Billy shrug. "I don't mind them," he said.
The sinking feeling became an abyss, and Esme fell into it, falling without anything to hold on to, without knowing where the abyss would end. The music and the chorus of birds and insects stopped. Billy was saying something to her, but she didn't hear him. All she heard was that he wanted a family, and she couldn't—no, even worse, wouldn't give it to him.
She couldn't deal with this right now. Her head was crowded with nasty thoughts of not good enough and he deserves better. All the fears from her last breakup came flooding back. Dropping Billy's hands, she staggered into the house, mumbling some lame excuse about checking on the caterers and ignoring his confused look.
He wanted kids. How could she have been so stupid, so thoughtless? Now she had wasted two years of their lives, all because she neglected to have a conversation.
But if you knew earlier, she asked herself, would you still be able to give him up?
No! her heart, her foolish, cowardly heart, cried out.
That's just selfish.
Once before, when Billy checked himself into the hospital, he'd wanted to give their relationship a break, saying it wouldn't be fair to her. Was she going to have to do the same for him now?
She took refuge in her old bedroom. Being the eldest, she'd had the privilege of having her own room, though after she moved out, her mum had turned it into her study and few traces of Esme's childhood remained. Not that there was much to remain in the first place. Esme had always preferred a nice, clean room, not a book out of place, not a wrinkle on the bed sheet, and she'd taken everything with her when she moved. Now, sitting down in a sagging armchair by her mum's desk, Esme was surprised to discover Mum had kept all the awards and trophies she'd won in school, including a sad participation trophy for lacrosse in year six—Esme had hated playing; she couldn't imagine why Mum would keep that. Still, a little smile crept around her lips when she looked over the row of trophies on the shelf. Her parents may be feckless and infuriating at times, but they still cared.
Would it be so bad? Would it be so bad to compromise, have a kid, make Billy happy? She was sure she could be a good mum, if—
No. If staying with Billy was unfair to him, then having a kid would be unfair to all of them. She knew what it was like, growing up feeling like an outsider in her own family, feeling like she was not wanted. Children knew these things. She would never put a kid through that.
Just get out of your head and talk to him!
Esme pressed the heels of her palms into her eyes and sighed. She couldn't avoid this. She would have to talk to Billy and live with the outcome, whatever that may be.
***
But Esme didn't find the courage to talk to Billy until a few days after the wedding. She knew he'd noticed something was off but was waiting for her to break the silence first. His consideration only drove the hot needles of guilt deeper inside her. At night, whenever she looked over at Billy, at his face so young and relaxed in sleep, yet the hair falling across his forehead already had a streak of silver in it, those needles would scorch her insides, making her want to cry and tell him to stop wasting his time with her and find someone that could give him the family he wanted. She didn't want him to stay with her only because he thought he wasn't good enough for anyone else.
That day, Esme didn't have the night shift at the clinic and came home in the evening to find Billy already seated at his table, whittling something. They still lived in her tiny two-room flat because it was close to both the vet clinic where she worked and Billy's studio, but their dream was to find a bigger place, preferably somewhere with a garden so Angua could run around and Billy could set up a shed for his woodcarving. Right now, he had to make do with a table in a sunlit corner in their living room, so he only bought home the smallest pieces or his personal projects, little spoons or jewelry like pendants and brooches, carved out of wind-fallen branches he found during their walks.
"You're home early," she said, taking off her bike helmet and leaning down to rub Angua between the ears.
Billy got up and gave her a peck on the lips. "We finished that monstrous Chippendale-knockoff cabinet today, so Jacob told us to have an early night." Jacob, Billy's mentor and boss at the studio, was one of the few positive influences in Billy's life before Esme met him. "What'd you fancy for tea?"
As she watched him move into the kitchen, Esme realized this was it. She had to talk to him now, before her courage failed her or life got in the way and she found another excuse.
"Let's hold tea off for a bit," she said. "There's something I'd like to talk to you about."
Billy sat back down, his big brown eyes turning serious. "I thought you would," he said. "It's about what I said at the wedding, isn't it? About wanting kids?"
A bewildering mixture of relief and dread coursed through Esme—relief because he knew her so well and had taken the difficult task of starting the conversation for her, and dread because the conversation was started so quickly, giving her no time to gather her thoughts. She could only sit down in front of him and nod.
"I know it was kind of sudden," Billy began, "but I mean what I said—"
"You mean you do want kids?"
"I never really thought about it," he said. "Never been with anyone where I had to," he added, taking Esme's hands, "until I met you. Just—you know, the idea of a mini version of you running around—how could I not want that?"
Esme's heart twisted when she thought that she was the one that made him want kids and that he wanted to have kids with her because he loved her so much, yet she—fool, stupid fool! Billy stared at her, probably wondering why she was looking so stricken.
Then it dawned on him.
"You don't want kids," he said. It wasn't a question, not really.
Esme shook her head. "No."
"Is it—is it because of my condition?"
If Esme's heart had been twisting before, then it broke now to see the sad look in Billy's eyes. "No, no, no," she said quickly, putting her hands over his. "No, it's not you. It's just—I've never wanted kids. With anyone. I've spent my entire childhood taking care of Sybil and Sam and Tiff, and that's enough for me."
"But—you'll be a wonderful mum."
For some reason, that raised her hackles. People always say that to women, don't they? But you'll be a great mother. You just haven't met the right person. Biological clock is ticking. You'll change your mind later. On and on and on. To hear it from Billy's mouth felt like the ultimate betrayal. "You mean I should have kids, lest I squander my precious potential, is that it?" she bit out, jerking away from Billy's grasp.
Billy seemed to realize he'd said the wrong thing. "I'm sorry, I shouldn't have said that." He reached for her across the table, then thought better of it and dropped his hand again. "And I should've been clearer about the whole kids thing. I only said that because I thought you wanted kids! I don't mind having kids, but I don't mind not having them either." Now he did reach for her and squeezed her hand again. "You're so much more important to me than having kids. Really. Besides, with my genes, I probably shouldn't have kids anyway."
He tried to joke, but every word was another needle in her heart, another painful reminder that she wasn't enough, that she couldn't make him happy.
"We could've adopted," she said.
"But that's not the point, is it?" Billy said, exasperated. "It's not that you don't want to get pregnant, the point is that you don't want kids!"
"Yeah, that's the point," she agreed, her voice muted. "So perhaps you should find someone else. Someone who does want kids."
Billy jumped to his feet. "What the hell are you saying?!"
"This is a deal breaker, Billy," she said. "This kind of incompatibility—there's no going back from it. You either want kids or you don't. There's no in-between."
"Who says there's any incompatibility here? I told you, I don't care about having kids. Why do you have to change your mind and not me? Why is it always you that has to sacrifice?"
"I don't under—"
Billy was getting worked up now, picking up his tools and throwing them down again, his hand flying to his nose and chest in an agitated manner that Esme knew well. She wanted to calm him down, but it was too late. "Is it because I've had it worse?" he said. "Because I've been through more? I thought we'd agreed not to think like that."
Esme was stunned. She'd never considered it that way. "It's not—I don't—" she stammered, trying in vain to keep her voice steady. "I just want you to be happy."
"I am happy! With you! What can I do to convince you?"
A tiny hope bloomed in Esme's chest, making her heart beat wildly behind her ribcage like a frantic bird. She fought to keep it down, trying to stay rational, practical. "What if you regret it later?" she asked.
"I won't."
"How can you be so sure?"
"Well, how can you be so sure that I will regret anything?"
She didn't have an answer for that. Seeing her relenting look, Billy softened as well. He drew her into his arms and tucked her under his chin. "I know you're worried about me," he said, "but don't be. Why would I want a mini version of you when I already have you?" Esme let out a choked laugh, and he laughed softly as well. "You're my family, Esme. I don't need anyone else."
Esme nestled her head against his chest and allowed herself to believe, for a moment, that she was enough. But she couldn't shake the feeling that Billy was just saying all that to placate her. She knew that the nasty, nagging voice in her head had not been shut down completely, only quieted. If only she knew how to silence it for good...
Chapter 2
Tumblr media
I know the consensus is for daily chapters, but I want to give everybody a chance to read this chapter first before I post the others. Don't worry, Chapter 2 and the epilogue are coming soon!
18 notes · View notes