#except for today i needed a break

[cerise-on-top]

do you have any rudy hcs lying around? asking for a friend 👀

Hey, there! Yeah, I was able to come up with some!

Rodolfo HCs

He actually prefers men over women. He will still date women, he has had crushes on them, after all, but he more often than not dreams about being with another man. This has caused him some distress in the past. Considering he realized he liked men very early on, he thought he was gay back then. However, later on he developed a crush on a girl and so he thought he was straight after all. The realization that he might be straight broke his heart because he really wanted to be into men back then. Yes, he was unaware that you can like more than one gender, so he felt bad when he had that crush on that girl. It took him another few years until he realized he could be bisexual. He met another guy who was quite the flirt, having flirted with men and women alike. Rodolfo didn’t mind that, but did question that guy about it. Once he had the answer of simple bisexuality, it clicked and he felt absolutely stupid for not having realized it sooner. To this day he’s friends with that person and sometimes still meets up with him.

Although he’s severely touch starved, he’d rather die than admit to that. No amount of touch could ever satisfy him. Besides, he believes that, just because he’s a man, he shouldn’t really be held in a comforting way, especially not by a woman. He’s a strong, protective guy, he has to be the one doing the protecting, and that includes doing the holding during cuddling as well. Sometimes he might be a bit grumpy because he just really wants to be held, especially when his stress levels are at an all time high. However, he can’t really swallow his pride and outright ask for it either, his partner would have to be the one to come up to him and make the suggestion. Fairly early on, he might refuse such advances from a female partner, but once he knows she won’t think any less of him for that, he’s more willing. If his partner is a man, however, then he’d be honored. Rodolfo genuinely believes that every man out there believes the same thing that he does in that regard, so he can appreciate a guy “willing to swallow his pride”. He doesn’t outright ask for cuddles, he will only hint at the fact he wants some with him. He could literally have a sleepless night, with being held being the only remedy out there, and he’d still not ask for any.

He’s not at all an outgoing person anymore. He used to be when he was a child, making friends left and right with just about any kid he ever found, but he outgrew that phase. No one knows why, not even he does, but he sometimes does miss being a people person, it would make some things a lot easier. However, he does have Alejandro in his life, who is an outgoing person that knows lots and lots of people. Whenever Rodolfo needs anything he doesn’t need to look for too long, Alejandro is usually right there. The two go way back with each other, having known one another for almost 20 years now. Whenever Rodolfo needs anything, Alejandro is the first person to know since he knows he can count on him. Although he usually asks Alejandro for someone who might be doing this specific thing or knows how to do it well, it’s usually Alejandro who helps Rodolfo regardless. Those two have grown very close with each other and can tell what the other needs without them even saying anything. Rodolfo does truly appreciate Alejandro for that, he’s never had a better friend than him. When Rodolfo moved, all Alejandro asked for was some beer and watching some movies together. Rodolfo would literally and figuratively die for Alejandro, but the latter usually tells him there’s no need for that. He’d much rather have Rodolfo take a break.

#cod #rodolfo parra #apparently this was exactly 666 words long #poor Rodolfo that was unintentional. I love him though #I hope these are alright. You didn't specify what kind they should be so I just went with whatever came to mind #y'all don't know how hard it sometimes is to come up with miscellaneous HCs for a character #it's a nice break from writing something for this and that kind of reader though #Rodolfo is such a sweetheart though it's hard to not like him #he really grew on me ever since I started writing. I didn't really care too much for him in the beginning #but that's the beauty of writing: It makes you consider characters you otherwise wouldn't really think about #nothing much to report today. except I've been watching cod cold war #I saw a post that compared Adler to America from Hetalia and it was so funny to me #so naturally I started watching the game because I was intrigued. I need to know who Mr America in CoD is #fascinating fella so far. I would study him like a bug under a microscope #however I feel as though he'd notice and put me in a situation. the way a scientist always puts a rat in a situation #not a very nice man but oh well. I'm curious to see where it's all going

[todayisafridaynight]

ignore if you don't give one for my streams Anyways potential stream schedule goin forward Just Until I Finish Judgement

thursday i'll stream judgement from like. 3:30 ~ 7:30

friday'll be 4:30 ~ 8:30

saturdays will be the usual 3:30 ~ . fuckin whenever LMAO art stream i do

#snap chats #ew i just remembered i have my spanish exam tomorrow im going to throw up #anyway i thought i'd stream today but the more i thought of it the more i wanted to throw up #im already really drowsy and plus i dont want to be stressed under the time crunch in-between class #plus assembling and disassembling The Tower is nerve racking i dont need something breaking while i rush to class LOL #thursday'll be chill since i only have my morning class then and friday i only have The One class. and its friday. #i'm putting a strict time limit on gameplay days since i want to try to record these and i think four hours is just enough time #firstly to watch but also i think it's small enough to be able to be saved onto my computer #idk we'll see how it plays out. i think the usb could only record about two hours before it ran out of space #and my computer's space As Of Now is about twice the size of that usb #i'm gonna try to clear up more space but yeah thats the deal for right now #four hours is by no means a lot of gameplay time- much less than id like LMAO but we do what we gotta #maybe i'll do a similar schedule for IW except instead of thurs being a game day i'll make it sunday #i have a night class thursday next semester unless i edit my schedule at some point #honestly i might cut out art streams during IW... lemme speed through the shit so i can draw stuff for it LOL #but we'll get there when we get there

[lucalicatteart]

Poll adventure (paventure? lol) Day 6: read the small story tidbit below the poll for more details, OR just vote based on initial impression

(✦ see past poll results + further information HERE (link) ✦)

The winning option of yesterday's poll was that the adventurer should ask the Innkeeper about the suspicious egg he got from the Well Creature….

-

After finishing his food scraps, he awkwardly creeps back over to the main counter, pulling up a stool and just hoping the Innkeeper will eventually make eye contact with him... She finally looks to the side whilst cleaning a glass, his chance to blurt out whatever he can.

"SO!- uh,, I um... I found something weird, or uh.. I didn't find it actually, I guess, I..... s-someone, or something.. gave it to me, as maybe..? a reward, or.. oh, well i-it doesn't matter why.. but UH, but so, I was just wondering, d-do you think you might know anything about it? about like, uh... stuff? Objects.. perhaps.....?"

She stares with equal parts amusement and concern, crossing her arms and letting out a soft chuckle, "Well, I've seen quite a variety of things while working here, so - Yeah, I could try to help you identify an item, if that's what you're asking."

"G-good. Okay. Well.. It's, uh..... this." He's barely even placed the little wooden egg box up on the counter before she's already slamming the lid shut and reaching over to force it back into his bag. Suddenly serious, her eyes dart around the room, scanning to ensure no-one else happened to notice.

"Don't EVER let anyone see you with that, okay??". Abrupt tone shift making him even more nervous, he just stares blankly, muttering a few gibberish noises whilst nodding at her in confirmation.

"I mean, I'm not absolutely certain," her voice lowers as she speaks, "but to me it looks exactly like a Caiploras egg. Those animals have been nearly extinct for at least a hundred years. Only tiny groups of them still exist here and there, and even those eventually get wiped out as soon as they're discovered. Kings and nobles used to hunt them, especially for the eggs, 'cause of all the theories - unique magical properties, uses in enchanting, shit like that.. I don't really know, I'm not that experienced with magic.... But.."

She pauses for a few seconds to stare him down (this does not soothe his anxiety at all), examining intently, as if to determine whether he's actually trustworthy before continuing..

"...My brother is. He's a mage, and a scholar, and he specializes in stuff like this, all these rare animals and whatnot. He'll hate me just sending a complete stranger over there, but.. I think you should go see him. He'd definitely be able to identify it- hell, he'd probably even pay you for it, if it really is what I think it is. And, he'd know how to take care of it properly, raise it well, not just cut it up for fucking potions or whatever...", she scoffs bitterly.

Grasping at a nearby napkin to fan himself with, he shifts sweatily in his seat, "W-wh... but,.. How would I do that?"

"What do you mean? Do what?"

"F-find, him.. IHhh... I just.. I don't, know the area well.. is all, I uh...."

"I'll give you directions, obviously.. Are you okay? Do you like... need some water? You look-"

"NHnnnou, I'M FINE! I just, haha.. uh... Maybe, am.. not very good at....uh.. this.." He gestures around himself nonspecifically.

With a brief confused glance, she pours a cup of water anyway, then casually plucks a small notebook from her pocket to begin scribbling messily. "Well, look, I'll give you the information, and if you feel up to it, you can go. I really think you should, but, eh... your choice, y'know."

As he fights his shaky hands to maintain control of the water glass, she lays out the paper on the table, pointing at parts of her sketch. "He's over in Fargahel, which should be a few days travel from here. See? The roads kind of go like this, but it's mostly a straight path. Look for the ruins of an abandoned castle. He's holed himself up in there, the underground part, repurposed into some sort of 'sanctuary' for rehabilitating injured birds or whatever the hell he's up to now. He probably won't attack you or anything, but I signed a little note on the back of this so he knows I sent you.. just in case."

Neatly folding up the map, she slides it towards him as she leans closer to intensely meet his eyes. "Just remember, no matter what you do, do NOT let anyone know you have that egg. There are plenty of folks out here still hunting for them. You don't want someone recognizing it and coming after you. Especially with how, uh...", it feels like she might mention he doesn't seem he'd be very good at combat, but she simply lets the sentence trail off, shrugging with a smile and politely patting his hand as he takes the paper.

"Just get some sleep, yeah? Think about it. And talk to me in the morning if you have any more questions."

He slumps over to lean on the counter, resting for a moment after she walks back to the other end of the room, just trying to wrap his head around all the new information.. He only took the egg because it looked pretty! He just wanted it to hatch into a cool chicken or something! Why does it have to actually be some big stinky scary secret rare item?... With a heavy sigh, he resolves to never again trust mysterious creatures that pop out of abandoned wells....

Eventually trudging up to his room for the night, he flops onto the lumpy mattress that seems to just be hay stuffed into dusty old potato sacks. As he rustles around waiting to fall asleep, he considers all of his options... What should he do with the egg?

#paventure posting #polls #choose your own adventure #SORRY I KNOW THE TEXT OF THIS ONE IS LONG I just could not make it short #There's too much information to convey and I feel like it seems unnatural if it's too matter of fact #like if she was just like 'yeah its this. go here. do this. okay thanks' #it would feel too robotic #there has to be SOME meandering and pointless sentences that just lead into other sentences and etc. lol #BUT most of them will not be this long. I'm still majorly trying to keep a 2-3 paragraph limit #the only exceptions will probably be occasions where he actually has convesartions with people because it'd #just sound really rushed and weird to try to fit a whole full detailed conversation into like 2 paragraphs worth of text #unless they're barley saying anything to each other. but etc. etc. you know what I mean #A majority of it will be short interactions in the woods a little choices and etc. Just sometimes when there's like #some explaining a full quest or whatever obviously that needs more context #Also this one is really late because I wanted to give myself a break and not draw every single day #so I already did the writing part so I'd have it ready today but then waited to do the sketch until this mosrning #I still have that chest injury thing that flares up if I use my shoulders and arms too much. which for some reason even if #I'm only doing a quick 30 minute sketch and like an hour or less of typing - it still starts to be achey #I have to have days where I just take a break from the computer lol #ANYWAY... day 6! What to do with the mysterious egg? :0 #sorry to the one person who sent an anon ask talking about how they hope he gets to talk to the musician lol #That option did not win. But - depending on how voting of things goes - we could still come across some of #the people who were in the Inn during later parts of the journey. I had kind of a vague idea of like who the hooded #figure is. the musician. the person that would have been in a stables if you tried to steal a horse. etc. #Might still never come across them though but- they do exist in the world so. always a possiblility #wowe so many typos in these tags whoops.. im not going back and retyping them either

[gibbearish]

so like i want to talk more abt what suicidal means but the problem is "suicidal ideation presents in two general forms, active and passive. the thing most people think of as suicidal is the active version, where the person *actively* desires to be dead and/or is making a plan to get there. the passive form however gets almost no attention in media so many people experiencing it are unaware they are even depressed, much less passively suicidal. some examples: not wanting to experience death but feeling like you wouldn't mind if you didn't wake up tomorrow or just stopped existing; feeling deeply exhausted with just the entire concept of being alive; even feeling like you want to run away, change your name, and start a whole new life; none of these look like suicidal ideation to most people because they don't involve actively doing anything to get from point a to point b, especially the more abstract ones like the start a new life thing - but remember that in order to truly start a whole new life, you have to destroy your current one. it's not suicidal as in wanting to actually DIE die, it's just. wanting something close enough to scratch the itch. but just because you haven't booked the ticket doesn't mean you don't still revisit the 'vacation activities at point b' tab occasionally to daydream, yknow?" is i think very informative and specific, but its also quite long and run on-y so people are v likely to tap out like a third of the way through it, whereas "suicidal doesnt necessarily mean wanting to die" is way shorter and therefore catchier, but is also the kind of nonspecific phrasing that gets you a thousand angry anons about how you said all suicidal people are just pretending they actually want to die or some dumb shit. so it's a fun line to toe

#especially when youre far too lazy to dig up sources however if u google passive suicidal theres a lot of info #pretty front and center altho you will get jumpscared by the size 1000 font suicide hotline number #or maybe you wont but i sure was. why was it so big #in this house we simply post both as part of another hashtag relatable post in the hopes that the two for one bargain #will entice viewers to read the whole thing and go 'wait but /i/ feel like that what do you mean' #and then make a meta joke about it in the tags so the viewers think we're hip and cool #nah but seriously i see ppl not knowing abt this . so much and every time im like !!!!!!! no youre not crazy youre not supposed #to feel like this!!!! #so its one of the things where im like nah idc if im being annoying abt this as long as i hit the one (1) todays lucky 10000 who needs it #this one i dont remember seeing on any articles but id like to propose also that having trouble imagining your future can count too #and like obviously all of these have exceptions right like. ppl can just want to start a whole new life for non suicidal reasons #but if theres a pattern of these things or you find yourself being drawn back to one over and over again thats #when you should start being like ok somethings afoot #like the imagining ur future one you could easily have trouble visualizing things or even just Not Be Especially Imaginative #...or... it could be that deep down you dont feel like you /have/ one so your brain just. steers away from the subject entirely #and ykno. knowing which one it is is usually pretty helpful LOL #anyways. sorry theres no paragraph breaks i could not for the life of me figure out a good spot for them #/suicide #/suicide mention #/suicidal ideation #/depression #/death mention #and of course i think also like a lot of things this is more of a spectrum than a binary like obviously 'run away and #start a new life' is def a bit less active than 'id be ok w it if i didnt wake up tomorrow' but theyre still both on the lassive side #passive* #eugh im rambling now and not even in the slightly contained way the post itself is #im hitting post without rereading for the 40th time otherwise ill remember another tangent so if theres #any errors left my apologies

[opens-up-4-nobody]

...

#feelin weird. feelin real weird. in a bad way? no i guess not but more like im a haha wtf is happening here? #like i should maybe track my mood just so i can be like wtf is this? more bc i think its interesting #bc like i mean im spending ~11hrs in the lab and the stress has been real high and ive not been sleeping well #but like currently? i feel like i wanna run a mile. like i wanna run around in circles and scream and laugh until i cry #too much energy. too much energy. but y? where is it coming from? its weird #its like the edge of a headache. the cusp of turning. it doesn't quite feel bad yet but like i woke up at 4 #and was insane until 6 when i had to get up and then i was in the lab all day until 6.30 #and immediately i went for a run like empty stomach. i need to run now. and i still feel like that. like i need to run and run and run #but like y am i not exhausted? im not even tired? im vibrating #i watched the new successi0n episode twice and im losing my mind abt it #so its weird and i dont understand. but its not bad. it feels out of control like it feels fucked up but im not being like irradic #like if i was standing beside someone i dont think theyd notice. except maybe my sister bc i think if i talked id be noticeable #energetic. idk maybe im just exhausted and brain is pumping me with stress hormones so i csnt stop but i also csnt feel it #but i suspect its something to do with estrogen and progesterone levels changing which isnt great bc ive got a cycle that borders being #concerningly short but like idk rn its fun. im sure itll break and ill split apart but rn everything feels hilarious #its also weird bc im always like: y do i have so much energy after i dont sleep? is not sleeping thr answer. and today i was like hm #maybe i cant sleep bc i have too much energy. hm. idk its not bad. it doesn't feel bad #it just feels interesting and notable so im noting it. weird stuff. hopefully it pulls me thru tomorrow #bc my back fucking hurts lmao and its monday so ppl r back in the lab as i stand around for 11 hours #unrelated

[dragons-and-yellow-roses]

Okay crew. I have three hours to get out of my apartment and get going to my parents' house. I don't have to pack my mattress or get rid of my furniture anymore because my strong af girlfriend helped me take care of it. I just have to fit what I can into my van (not a lot) and abandon the rest. Then drive four hours. Wish me luck. I'll need it.

#when i wrote this in my head it konda sounds like a general inspiring his troops #except im both the general and the troops #oh god i have three hours to condense my life into my minivan #i took 70mg of vyvanse and i feel great. i think im gonna take 30 mg more just because i have to get rid of it #see i stole the 30mg from my brother and im about to go see him. i dont want him searching my shit and finding his own meds #its okay he only takes these meds while hes in school. and i stole them over winter break #please only take medicine that is your own. dont fuck with prescriptions that belong to other people. do as i say not as i do #holy shit im not okay #i went to my fav local coffee shop today for the last time and started tearing up while i was there #im gonna miss this place #im moving across the country to live with my sibling #and honestly i dont think its gonna be my forever home. i think this is just a much-needed adventure and change of pace #i can see myself living in this city for years and years. but im still leaving #i know i need to leave. i need to live with someone. be with family. i need to get out of my shit job. i need a new start #so itll be worth it. but i think ill probably come back here eventually. idk. but for now im leaving. i need to go #i need to go in three fucking hours

[pepprs]

like i hesitate to make this comparison when i don’t actually have the condition and god willing never ever will but it’s like with c*vid how sometimes it alters your tastebuds forever and everything you once loved tastes rotten. that’s exactly what this is like. and it fucking sucks

#purrs #i was looking back on stuff i wrote in 2020 today which was also DEEPLY. VISCERALLY hellish for obvious reasons but i think the difference #is that then it felt like there was a very clear way things would get better (the lockdown ending even though the way it did fucking sucked #and covid isn’t over even though everyone thinks it is etc etc) but now it’s like.. the world is just bad. and my life is just bad. and #there are ways to fix things but they’re small and there are some things that in my lifetime i will never transcend or if i do it will come #at excruciating consequence that i am not currently in a position to even fathom let alone experience given the fact that i live where i #live and am constantly… like not to say it bc it’s so overused now but ACTUALLY literally genuinely g*slit. lol. like i need to not be in #this situation and that’s the key to everything but i don’t have the strength to transcend it rn so it’s an ouroborus situation or however #you spell it where the issue just begets itself. im in such a doom spiral of that and i have to break it but every day i just lose more and #more of my will to try. i heard a story on the radio the other day about scientists inducing depression in mice by pinching their arms over #and over until they gave up fighting and that image has been stuck in my head all week. that’s what it feels like rn. except im the one #doing most of the pinching and i don’t know how to stop #delete later

[thursdayg1rl]

first half term of year 13 done baby!!

#quite proud of that tbh #this half term I’ve been really dedicated #like I haven’t been counting down the days to the break (didn’t even know today was the last day until Wednesday) #and I went in every single day except for the train strike even tho I was really sick for weeks #and I really revised hard for tmua even tho it didn’t go well like at least I did something #also unrelated but I am considering entering for physics Olympiad #but idk if I’m good enough so perhaps will do a past paper #also need to finish my Cambridge application and possibly write a second personal statement #but I have 3 days for that #so today I can afford to do nothing #and I’m really tired so probably for the best #honestly near suicidal in the morning when I got up at 6.30 and it was pitch black outside #and felt like I slept for like. one hour max.. #not having problems w waking up at 3 am randomly thank god #how tf was I functioning in year 12 bc that would literally happen every night

[thedarklyblue]

i want to KICK someone !!!

#.txt #just bein cranky it's not a whole thing but i can and will complain #dislike my asm. he just fucking rubs me the wrong way #hes a big fan of bitching which just makes me anxious i don't see value in it #i don't want to think about how rehearsal sucks and he doesn't want to be here today i want to be excited that it's the last rehearsal #before break #feels like hes doubting me like the guy will not stop asking when i'll set up a prop table #today specifically he keeps snorting. like the gross wet 'i know you have a runny nose but go blow it and be done' #he's not actually that good at his main job like the kid is basically just on book rn #but it takes him a full fifteen seconds to find where he is when people call line #and he still looked at me today and said 'yeah i think i have the harder job rn you're just watching some lines and i'm following all of it' #well Not Well #also fuck you cues are complicated and i have to watch the full script just as much #and hes decided to sit next to me which is fine i guess #except im at the tech table so now he's blocking my way out of the row and i keep having to get up #and hes In The Way and just looks at me and goes 'oh do you want me to get that' #ALSO note on his job 'being harder' hes literally on a pokemon tier list maker half the time #he works in costumes and keeps passive-agressively being like 'huh. why am i the scenic liason when i work in costumes. inconvenient.' #guess what it's because i don't trust you to be costumes liason #she asks a lot and you complain if scenic needs you more than twice a week #he complains when he has nothing to do and he complains when he has something to do and he's one of those #self described leftist communists who literally just complains about how everything sucks and he could do it better #like go off but stop bitching dear god i don't want to be around you #it would be more complicated and i'd have to spend more time here but i think i could run this more smoothly my fucking self #but he's my only asm and i really should have one. #he wants to be a full stage manager and like................ #i want to work on next year's jterm show so bad. i didn't want to be above an asm. but he's applying to stage manage it #and if he's in charge i am literally not doing it #so guess who's applied to be sm bc i have seniority. #so yeah he gets on my nerves

[catkin-morgs-kookaburralover]

I hope my brother can arrange something so he can bear me part of the journey home after this week is all over and done because I am starting to suspect I will not be a safe driver and it could pose an unacceptably high risk that I'll semi-accidentally drive off the road.

#when will this pain end #i hope to discuss it and hopefully minimise the fallout and at least we won't see each other for a week or two. hopefully by then he might #at least be not avoiding me :/ #ridiculous and foolish to care so much about any single thing or any single person #i was already nearing the end of my tether socially for this week in any case #and is that a surprise? ive barely eaten and barely slept during this time #i want to talk to his mother who suffered almost identically the same thing at the same age but i dont know if i can bear it or not #i just want to clear this up with him somehow #and now - finally - ten hours after i was first told this - the tears are coming but they cannot #if they do i dont think they will stop #i just need to get through today and then i can break down #maybe i wont help with packing up tomorrow i might not be up for it i dont know #this week has been such a mix of so so good and so terrible #the talks have been really good and all #and i do not regret spending time with him #altho one problem was one time he apparently would have liked me to go away and didn't say but oh! i would have preferred if he had #i feel terrible for not realising that i should've gone away at that point bc it should have been obvious #except it's not to an idiot like me :/

[desperatepleasures]

i did overcome a major stumbling block wrt my fic earlier and now im like. well what am i supposed to do for the rest of the day? not chores, surely.

#but i like hit a mental wall productivity-wise once i figured all that shit out. like i think my brain needs a break #i did get the carpet vacuumed and maybe if im feeling up to it i'll fold the massive pile of laundry in front of me #today is my second-to-last day of my vacation :(((( #im kinda tempted to play a video game except video games only go one of two ways for me #1) i give up almost immediately. or 2) it sucks 7hrs of my time away in one go #anyway im proud tho i forced myself to think of the non-smut parts of my fic and now i have it mostly figured out #chapter 3 is still a hot mess tho i need to sort that out and a few other things before i can start writing it in earnest #fic tag

[kuiinncedes]

bro the way im on tumblr rbing heartstopper shit as if it's my job

#i need to do my actual job lol #altho i've done a good amt this week so part of me was like today can be a break #but like it also shouldn't ... i gotta get to this page goal lolol #it ok i might do some stuff tonight #i cant stop tho alskldfngjsdkfbgklahkjf #me talking to my brother abt how i watched the season for the second time and it came out yesterday #and hes like wtf why wouldnt u just watch it once and then like think abt it and then just watch smth new #like . we are fundamentally different ppl LOL #if i could i wouldn't stop rewatching it. i'm Trying apparently with how much im just looking at fucking gifsets of it XD #also if u follow my main and not for hs im so sorry except not rly but it is a little excessive but also i cant stop sorry LOL #jeanne talks

[all-thestories-aretrue]

I want to puke oh my god. Wow so many decisions. That was so much so much. That payoff though. I am so fucking ready for 128. Tomorrow!!! Tomorrow!!!

#critical role #mighty nein #cr2 #cr2ep127 #i am losing my mind #i cannot fucking wait #and im not doing shit tomorrow after work #no cleaning #no packing #i need a break!!!!! #unless i get the mover guys to come saturday in which case all bets are off but that is highly unlikely #also maybe news about the job tomorrow #i am still waiting and it sucks #but i have to keep in mind theres essentially been 4 business days between my interview and today #the wednesday before thanksgiving does not count because class was not in session and everyone on the hiring committee is faculty #except for one person

[oak-and-hurricane]

head in hands i am Not doing well this week

#keep fuckin stuff up #first with intern 2 who is maybe my closest friend on this side of the country #now with one of my kids who i forgot to tell i was out on monday then promised to be there today #except im not gonna be there to pull him when i promised bc i have to be in a different building this morning #i feel fucking awful this kid really needs that break time and no one else can pull him today #f.txt

[arthur-r]

i ran out of storage while drawing this so i had to add the white parts in markup and call the rest of it good but this is “self portrait with future beard and pending scar” and i drew it after surgery this morning

#the outfit is stuff i have in real life and so is the scar except it’s not a scar yet it’s a wound #that’s what my mom keeps on telling me when i say wow this is such a cool scar #which is what i say to not terrify myself about how i might always have this scar #anyway if i had still been in ibispaint for the end of this i would’ve added some bright light behind me #because that’s what i was planning on but then i ran out of storage #anyway hi i did the surgery this morning and it went good the IV hurt and the anesthesia was scary but everything else was good #anyway i was gonna fix the shape when i was still in ibispaint but i would need 250 megabytes of storage and i don’t have it :( #so markup is all i have now shdhdf i can’t erase i can only draw on top #which is mostly how i draw anyway but still #anyway the surgery to make my face look regular again all the way would cost money and not insurance at all #so unless it heals really good on it’s own i might look like this forever #so i started thinking about forever and i reassured myself by adding a beard to the picture. and so. that’s why i drew this shdhdf #anyway i missed my dynamic brush and this was my first time using it in a lot of months and i had missed it shdhdf #idk if this is like. good. to people who aren’t on anesthesia. i will have to find out in the morning #but i wanted to break to you guys that it might never go away. but i did that by drawing instead of a picture #because i get nervous on the internet and especially today #and anyway i hope i still like this in the morning but mostly the point before is i have a scar there now #cause that’s what i had to get to not have a tumor there now. and so it’s better and it’s okay but also makes me nervous #but i’m gonna grow up and it will still be okay and this is scary but the worst dangerous part is over #and this is just maybe what i look like right now and maybe it will heal. but i will just have to find out #me. my post. mine. #my art #delete later

[dragons-and-yellow-roses]

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#im at the sketchy laundromat and im the only one here except for the owner (i think) #the (i think) was because i think the woman is the owner but im not sure. its been awhile since ive been at this laundromat #and my washer keeps making weird noises #which makes me nervous especially because i think she's the owner #im so afraid of breaking laundry machines at laundromats. its in my top ten minor fears tbh #so i hope i dont break it #update: shes definitely the owner. shes taking the quarters from the machines. so either she's the owner or a thief i guess #im seeing my friend in a musical today!! im so excited #im not even super close with this friend. but my best friend and i have decided that we need to support their theatrical endeavors #so we saw them in a play in the fall and now their musical tonight #and i have so many fucking errands to do before then. i have to finish my laundry. turn in some paperwork #buy a part of my camp uniform #and then go to the musical. and THEN hang out with my best friend afterwards. hes gonna doend the night at my apartment #and then tomorrow we're going to estate sales #i dont have money to buy shit or space to keep it but its worth it #my washer is making weird noises again! fuck! #pray for me and my washer #im dressed up real cute for the musical btw #its addams family (i love addams family) so im eearing black cuffed jeans and a black shirt with torn shoulders #then a necklace with a black crystal on it. and earrings from hot topic that have a chain and cuff and little crystals at the bottom #you might be thinking 'austyn thats too much black' #but i only own black jeans. and most of ny shirts are also black. so my jewelry is primarily black #(although the earrings have glitter on them as well and the necklace has silver wire holding the crystal) #and really i only know how to match black. im really bad with other colors. plus addams family is dark so i have to match that #oh and im gonna wear some high heeled boots i have. can you guess what color the boots are? #but first i have to finish all of this adult shit and i really dont want to #shit i have to do a lot of driving too. to get to the musical. and ill have to drive back in the dark #this is a nightmare. but at least i got off of work today #holy shit i texted my best friend 'hey. address?' and he replied 'no im josh. some best friend you are. cant even remember my name' #that sounds a lot like another friend of mine but idk. either way i fuckin hate it /j