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#except i can't drink anymore
simptasia · 3 months
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look at me, listen to me, trust me:
as somebody who is currently living through the worst trauma and depression of my life, i gotta tell you:
you cannot live on coffee
coffee cannot be your replacement for sleep or nutrients. it will become less effective over time and mess up your endocrine system (the system responsible for hormone and sleep regulation). your stress and anxiety will increase and you may put your heart and kidneys at risk. you also might shit yourself sometimes
this may all seem very obvious but its possible to be in the mindset where Living On Coffee makes sense to you
what i'm saying is coming from a place of experience. and love. you cannot live on energy replacements. no matter how tasty
eat veggies. drink water. sleep. you can do other things, you can indulge, i promise! just please, do basic self care too
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advisorsage · 3 months
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I think I've fucked up
#i ranted to my girlfriend and i know she probably is just busy but my brain is screaming that i made her upset even though..#my rant was about my own situation and how i feel about it and then i apologized for complaining at her and said that i wasn't supposed to#and I'm worried she thinks she's not supposed to complain to me when i just meant that i don't like telling people about my shit#and i know she said i could tell her and that she wants to support me but she and my boyfriend are my first relationships#and i don't want to fuck up and i think i have and i haven't told my boyfriend about my diagnosis yet#and I'm scared I'll complain at him too when i tell him and i don't care that he's told me i can and should complain to him#i don't want to saddle them with my complaints#and i called out of work because of how I'm feeling from my diagnosis and that's what i ranted to my girlfriend about#and i'm terrified she doesn't want to date me anymore because my reaction to being diagnosed with one more thing is so fucking pathetic#and i just need to cry and scream and throw up and i can't do any of those things and i feel like everyone except her is telling me#it's no big deal when it is a big deal and i don't think i got it through to my therapist and I'm just freaked out and i don't want to cling#and and and I'm just. i hate existing right now#i feel like i shouldn't do what i want to at home because i called out from work and i know that's stupid but i don't feel like i deserve#nice things right now despite needing them and I'm just so tired but not sleepy and i feel like I'm going to have a panic attack and#i can't even do anything about it!#fuck#i fucked myself over basically#anyway#drink water you heathens
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coffee-elemental · 1 year
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bocchi moment
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no-one-hears-me · 10 months
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broooo I hate when people can't just give a solid answer to plans
#my friend told me he was gonna stop by so I was like okay cool I'll be done in a bit#bc I made cookies and I was gonna give him some#so he texted me to ask if I was done and I said yes#and he's like I'm so tempted to come over.... okay???? so do it???? I literally invited him#so I was like okay just lmk what you're gonna do and he hasn't answered. like bro....#I kinda wanna go to bed soon but I'm gonna stay up if he's planning on coming over#PLUS he usually brings his one friend and like 👀 I want him to. but he said his friend isn't allowed at my house anymore#bc he wanted to hit on me. so what??? I'll flirt with him too he's a baddie#but if not. he'll prob bring a different friend and I wanna know who bc we have to be quiet and ik his friends are rambunctious#except for the one that isn't allowed to see me. he's very polite and quiet#it's so funny that he's not allowed at my house according to my friend bc like. he texts me now#if my friend wasn't so protective I would be hanging out with this guy with my friend there BUT now we're unsupervised#he still hasn't answered my text I'm gonna fight him#also I don't want him or any of his friends showing up to my house drunk. and I'm pretty sure they're drinking rn#idk why but alcohol is making me uncomfortable tn??? that's how I felt when I was younger but then I got over it and started drinking#like. I love alcohol why do I feel weird about being around it#who knows. maybe the trauma is coming back hard idk#but fr where is my friend#also he does this fairly often like dude 😭 just tell me what you're gonna do#he can just say he's busy and can't come over? I would like that better than waiting around for him#his parents are chill and he just doesn't understand that people with strict parents can't be as spontaneous as him#Sera
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marriedtobigfoot · 8 months
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Steve ends up heartbroken, lonely and depressed after season 2. Nancy called him bullshit, even after he ditched all his old friends for her. Billy Hargrove took his spot at the top of the food chain. He can have it, Steve doesn't really want it anymore. But Steve does want to find some sort of connection. Someone to have in his life who isn't an 11 year old kid he barely knows. He tries to go on a date one night, take a nice-seeming girl to a party. He wants to find connection, to kill the loneliness that's been building for months, but just as he's feeling kind of good about things, his date ditches him.
So. He decides to drink his feelings. He gets majorly fucked up, and ends up laying on the ground in the backyard, contemplating how much life seems to hate him.
Only to literally get tripped over by Eddie Munson, who was at this party selling pot and is very confused as to why Steve Harrington is alone on the ground with a bottle of vodka clenched in one hand.
Eddie ends up chatting a little with Steve, nothing substantial, but enough to know that Steve is very very drunk, and also very very sad.
He asks if Steve wants to go back to the party, and Steve staunchly refuses. He doesn't want to be around a bunch of annoyingly happy people.
He asks if Steve needs a ride home, and Steve just kind of shrugs. His parents just left for another trip, so home is kind of depressing right now too. But he doesn't exactly have any other friends he can stay with so. Home it'll have to be.
Only Eddie can *tell* he doesn't really want to go home, though he has no idea why Steve wouldn't want to return to his veritable mansion after a shitty night. The reason doesn't matter much. He offers to let Steve crash at his place. Steve can take the couch, or hell he can stay in Eddie's room if he doesn't mind sharing, that way he wouldn't risk being woken up when Wayne comes home that morning.
And well, Steve agrees. Can't think of any reason not too. Munson has been nice so far, he's got a good easy-going energy that Steve likes. Why not stay the night.
By the time they get to Eddie's, Steve is *slightly* more sober. Not much, but he's slurring his words a little less, and he can walk with only a little help.
Eddie grabs them each a little plate of leftovers, because he has no idea if Steve's eaten at all. It's quiet while they eat, Eddie doesn't push Steve to talk, and Steve isn't sure what to say. Eventually Eddie sets the plates aside and give Steve an easy grin.
"So, do you want the couch, or are you crashing with me?"
Steve thinks about it for a while. He hasn't shared a bed with a guy-friend since he was a kid, and he's heard rumors about Eddie, whispers in the hall about the way he looks at other guys. But...Steve can't really bring himself to care. He's tired, and he really doesn't want to be alone.
"I don't mind sharing."
Eddie sets them both up in his room, letting Steve choose which side of the bed he wants, and they both settle in. There's a respectable distance between the two of them, and Eddie says a quick goodnight to Steve, figures they won't talk and just go right to bed.
Except Steve isn't sober, and he really isn't in a good headspace, so he can't stop himself from blurting things out into the quiet of the dark room.
"Are you really gay?"
Eddie stiffens next to him, he can feel it, he can hear the way that the other boys breath cuts off and he seems to stop breathing all-together.
"It's okay if you are, I'm not going to be an asshole about it, I'm trying not to be that guy anymore. I guess I was just curious."
It's quiet for another beat before Eddie seems to loosen just a little. He starts breathing again at least.
"Yeah I uh- I am. Gay. And if that's weird the couch is still open, I can-"
"It's not weird."
"Okay."
Steve let's himself mull over this confirmation, and then his mouth starts moving again, without his permission.
"Is it lonely? Cause I mean, it's got to be hard to date in Hawkins. People here are shitty. Unless you've got like, a secret boyfriend or something."
"No...no secret boyfriend. It does get a little lonely sometimes. I'm lucky though, I've got my uncle, and my friends are pretty great. That's enough most days."
"What do you do when it's not enough?"
"Hmmm?"
"When your uncle and friends aren't enough, what do you do? To try and...make it better?"
Eddie is quiet again for a long stretch before he shrugs.
"I try to focus on something else. I'll play my guitar or work on a new campaign, read a book. Something to take my mind off it."
"Oh."
Now Steve is the one who seems tense, his jaw is tight and he's got his arms wrapped around himself. His next words come out as a whisper, but Eddie manages to catch them.
"I don't know how to do any of that."
He sounds almost choked, and Eddie is caught off guard. He's never seen Steve Harrington as anything other than solid, as happy. He's the king, after all. He's supposed to be all smiles and great hair. Only...Eddie's noticed that he hasn't hung out with his old friends lately, that he's eaten alone at lunch too many times to be anything other than strange.
"Steve...are you lonely?"
Eddie expects a denial, for Steve to laugh it off and tell Eddie that he's perfectly fine and fulfilled. Or maybe he expects a shrug, a non-answer. What he doesn't expect is the gut-wrenching sob that seems to tear past the other boys lips.
He doesn't expect to turn and see Steve Harrington's face, a scant foot from his, shining with tears.
He panics a little at the sight.
"Fuck- I'm so sorry-"
"Don't be." Steve tries to wipe his eyes, to hide the tremble in his voice. "Not your fault there's something wrong with me."
"What do you mean?"
"It's like I'm broken man, like nobody can stand to be around me. Tommy and Carol hate me now, Nancy- hell even my own parents hate being at home with me for more than a week. It's like I'm repellent or something. Couldn't even get a date to stick around for a whole night."
And Eddie's pretty sure *he* might start crying now. He'd never have expected this much from Steve, all that sadness to come pouring out. It wouldn't have happened if Steve was completely sober. Without thinking, he reaches out.
Eddie puts a hand on Steve's shoulder and waits to see if the touch gets rejected, but Steve seems to lean into him, so he lets his hand linger.
"This probably won't help, but I don't think you're repellent. And that's coming from somebody who your whole group used to torture. I don't know much about you, but I kind of liked having you around tonight."
"Yeah?"
"Yeah."
Steve gives him a tiny smile. His eyes are still wet with tears, and the smile doesn't come close to reaching them. He seems impossibly small here in Eddie's bed.
"I don't know man. I just wish-"
He cuts himself off, apparently deciding his words are too far, but Eddie urges him to keep talking.
"What do you wish Steve?"
"I just wish that... there was somebody out there I could have a future with. Somebody who actually loved me, you know?"
It might be the saddest thing Eddie's ever heard, and he blames that fact for what he does next.
He takes his hand off Steve's shoulders and instead hauls Steve closer to him, fitting the other boy against his chest and wrapping his arms around him. It's a move that might get him decked, but he doesn't think it will. And he'll be damned if he doesn't hug Steve right that second.
He doesn't get hit. Steve tenses for a second, but it's just that one instant before he's melting into the embrace.
Eddie feels more tears falling against his shirt, and he couldn't care less. He keeps Steve close, let's him cry into his chest, runs a hand through that famous mop of hair.
He isn't sure how long it takes for Steve to calm down, but eventually he does. His breathing evens out, and he shivers a little before speaking.
"Thanks man."
And Eddie takes another leap of faith.
"I could be that person, you know."
"What?"
"I mean. You know Im... not straight. It may not be exactly what you're wanting but. I think I could picture a future with you. If you want to, just for tonight...I could be that someone who loves you."
Steve looks at Eddie, like he's a puzzle that he needs to solve, before a other shiver seems to wrack his body.
"Just for tonight?"
It comes out as a whisper, but Eddie hears it all the same.
"Yeah. For tonight Steve."
"I think...I think I'd like that."
Eddie gives him the sweetest smile he can muster, and nods.
"Alright sweetheart."
Eddie isn't exactly sure what it means, to love Steve for the night. After all, Steve is straight. He figures it doesn't matter much though, it's only for a night.
He keeps a hold on Steve, let's him get comfortable tucked against Eddie, and he does what feels natural. He runs a hand up and down Steve's spine, traces shapes into the soft fabric of his shirt. He tangles their legs together, and in a moment of insane bravery he presses a kiss to the top of Steve's head.
He's met with a sigh, full of relief, and figures he's on the right track.
"Just close your eyes Stevie, I've got you."
"Can you tell me about it?"
"Hmmm?"
"The future. You said you could see one. Can you tell me?"
And he asks so carefully, he sounds almost afraid, Eddie can't say no to that.
"Do you want the fantasy future, or the realistic future?"
"The real one."
"Alright then. Well, if I'm not going to be a rich and famous rockstar...I'll probably graduate and get a job somewhere in town. A real job, maybe working on cars or something. I'm good with cars. You'd come over all the time, have dinners with me and with Wayne. You'd have to meet Wayne. And we'd have more nights like this, sleeping close."
Steve let's out a pleased sounding hum, and shifts his face so it's buried even closer in Eddie's neck. He can feel Steve's breath on him.
"We could save up money and get a little place together, somewhere outside Hawkins. I have to stay kind of close, for my uncle, but maybe Indy?"
Steve nods, mutters something about staying close 'just in case'. He sounds like he might fall asleep, so Eddie keeps going.
"We could get an apartment, nothing too fancy. We would get two rooms, so nobody gets suspicious, but we would share a bed most nights. I'd play with my band on weekends, just for fun, and you'd join some little local sports team. I'd make sure to schedule DND nights so that I never miss a single game, even though I don't understand a damn thing about sports. We would come home for holidays, but most of the time it would just be us. I'd take good care of you, make sure you never go more than a few hours without me telling you I love you. I'll show up wherever you're working just to give you a hug and a kiss, and make sure you don't forget it. And I'll annoy the hell out of, but you won't mind too much, because I'll make you happy too."
Eddie can think of more. He can think about so many things. How he could give Steve one of his rings, even if they couldn't legally get married, even if Steve would never want that. Just as another reminder that he's loved. They could take trips together and go out to parties where Steve will never have to worry about getting ditched. Eddie doesn't do things halfway, and he has a hell of an imagination. He could picture them growing old together, if he tried, if he let himself. But this is just for tonight, so he doesn't. Instead he runs a hand through Steve's hair again, and listens to his quiet breathing. He thinks he may have fallen asleep, but he's wrong.
"That sounds nice."
It comes out muffled, spoken into Eddie's neck, but he manages to make it out, and he let's the vibration of it sink into his skin.
*It's only for tonight.*
He has to remind himself, because Steve is just feeling lonely. He doesn't want that future with Eddie, he just wants to feel loved.
But even if it's just pretend, just to help Steve for a few hours, he's okay with that.
Steve may think he's broken, but Eddie thinks he would be easy to love for a long time. Loving him for one night is nothing. He doesn't even have to try.
Tomorrow Steve will wake up sober, and he'll thank Eddie for letting him stay over, and they won't talk about it. Eddie will drive Steve back to his car in silence, and they'll say their goodbyes. They may not talk ever again, they never had before.
But for tonight? Eddie Munson will love Steve Harrington, and Steve? He'll let himself be loved, let himself beleive it. And he'll love Eddie right back.
Just for one night.
And if Steve ever needs it again? Eddie will love him for another night. And Steve will give that love right back. He's got plenty to spare, after all. And there's far worse people he could share it with.
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xsaltburnx · 4 months
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Jealousy
a/n: let's make our precious Farleigh a little bit jealous
warning: 18+, smut, swearing
word count: 1,975
Ever since you and Farleigh first hooked up, he became a little bit possessive. Always aware of who gets close to you. Whenever there was a chance, he had you however he wanted. Outside in a dark alleyway, in his dorm pressed against the window, on his desk, his messy bed or in the middle of that goddamn maze in Saltburn, you gave in because it was something you always craved ever since you met him. There was no one else for you except for Farleigh. If only he felt exactly the same.
Yes you didn't agree to be together officially and let's face it, nobody even knew about you two and if you asked Farleigh, you and him were just fuck buddies, here to help get each other off whenever you wanted but little did Farleigh know that you felt something more than just that. Maybe some would say that you were being selfish but you didn't care. You wanted Farleigh all to yourself.
And that's what you were planning on doing and telling him until you saw him stand in the corner of one of the rooms in Saltburn, some girl giggling at something he said. His arm was resting on the wall right next to her head as he was leaning in, his head bent down.
One of the Henrys was butchering a song, thinking he's smashing it. Watching Farleigh flirt with someone and on top of that you had to listen to that god awful sound, you felt like you were going to explode, like your blood was boiling inside your veins.
You were sitting on the couch next to Venetia with a drink in your hand, your eyes steadily fixated on Farleigh across the room. You watched her touch his chest, her hand gliding down to his stomach and he didn't even move an inch.
"Fucking hell." You whispered and drank the rest of your cocktail as you scanned the room, looking for Felix. If Farleigh wants to play that game, so be it.
You got off the couch and walked over to Felix, stumbling over your own two feet, almost falling down but his strong arms wrapped around your body, catching you just in time.
"Hey, are you alright?" He asked softly, his eyes scanning your face, looking for some kind of signs of wrong.
"Yeah, I just can't listen to this one anymore." You pointed towards Henry who just got interrupted by Farleigh by snatching the microphone and listing through the karaoke songs. He did find one and brought Oliver into the spotlight this time, his singing not any better than Henry's, but hey atleast it was a vibe. You started moving your body to the rhythm of the song, your hips swaying from side to side as you felt Felix's hands on each side of your body. You swallowed hard because you knew exactly what this would do to Farleigh.
"Whoohoo, you tell 'em!" Farleigh shouted, a cigarette in his hand as always.
"Farleigh." Felix said in a quiet voice, sounding more like a warning.
"This is your song as well Farleigh, come finish it." Oliver turned to Farleigh, holding out his microphone as you saw Farleigh moving gracefully towards him, grabbing the microphone. His voice was something else, melodic, actually a joy to listen to. Suddenly you felt Felix move closer to you, your body now completely glued to his as you felt his crotch pressed up against you. He leaned down and kissed your neck gently, your head falling a little bit to the side, giving him access. Your eyes were still glued on Farleigh and then there it was. He saw you and the way Felix's hands were roaming over your body and that was the last straw. He stopped singing and just dropped the microphone to the floor. He stepped over it and left the room without saying anything, everybody in the room confused as they looked at one another, trying to understand what exactly happened.
You swallowed hard at the mere thought of Farleigh not wanting to speak to you ever again or not wanting to touch you like he always did.
He didn't return for the rest of the night, probably locked in his room. Even the thought of him taking that girl to his room and fucking her brains out crossed your mind and made your stomach turn.
You waited until everybody was asleep and the halls were empty to go to Farleigh's room. You didn't even need the light because it was as if he was calling out to you, drawing you in like a magnet. You reached his room and gently opened the door, careful not to wake him up in case he was sleeping. You closed his room and leaned against the door, not sure what to do exactly.
There he was, laying on his back, upper half of his body exposed to the chilly air circling around his room. He looked so peaceful and suddenly you felt extremely bad about how you let Felix touch you in front of him. A few minutes later he started squirming, his eyes glued to you still standing by the door.
"What are you doing here?" You flinched a little bit as his low and sleepy voice echoed throughout the room.
"I wanted to see you." You trailed off quietly.
"Why? You finally had Felix all to yourself, why don't you go and bother him." He pulled his covers a bit more down, exposing the rim of his boxers.
You chuckled at his words and finally realized why he was acting like this. He was obviously jealous, the thought of Felix touching you driving him crazy. You walked over to his bed as you climbed on top, straddling him.
"I don't want Felix." You whispered and leaned forward, your nightgown falling open a little bit, your chest exposed to him. "I want you." You moved back slightly, your ass now sitting on his legs. You trailed your fingers around his belly button and right above where his boxers started. He swallowed hard when you pulled his boxers down, freeing his cock and seeing that he was already hard as a silent moan fell from his lips. You spit on your palm and wrapped your hand around him, moving it around his tip, caressing it slowly. The pace you set was absolute torture for him because even though he was enjoying this, he still wanted to be mad at you.
His body jerked at feeling of your small hand squeezing him a little bit harder, now embracing his entire length. You leaned down a bit more so your face was right above his, his lips parted in pleasure.
"Is my Farleigh a little bit jealous, huh?" You said teasingly, your hand keeping a steady pace. "You don't like the tought of Felix's hands on me?" You sped up a little bit, his moans getting louder.
"No." You chuckled at his short answer, but that was all he could muster at that very moment. You were driving him crazy in every possible way. Yes, he was jealous and yes he hated the thought of Felix having his way with you like he does, but that doesn't change the fact that he wanted to fuck your brains out.
"Is my Farleigh going to behave from now on?" You whispered in his ear as your hand stopped moving, another whimper falling from his full lips.
"You want me to behave?" He asked and not even a second later he got up, throwing your body on the bed. He wrapped his big hand around both of your wrists and pinned them down while his other one was around your neck. "You liked being a little slut today? Right in front of my eyes?" He moved the hand that was around your neck down to your nightgown and pulled down so hard that it ripped right down the middle, exposing your chest to him. His hand travelled down to your stomach and then to your clit, his finger brushing it for a split second before he pushed two of his long fingers inside of you, stretching you out.
"Farleigh.." you whimpered, the feeling of his fingers moving fast inside of you in a scissoring motion being almost too much for you.
"You're mine." He pulled his fingers out and flipped you over. Your nightgown now pooling around your waist, exposing your bottom half to him. In one quick motion he pushed his entire cock inside of you, a whimper falling off your lips. He was so big that it was almost impossible to handle. He reached forward and pulled on your hair, wrapping it around his hand while the other slapped your ass so hard that the sound echoed throughout the room.
"You're taking me so well, baby." His thrusts were merciless, the tip of his cock hitting that spot inside of you every single time. You tried to be as quiet as possible, not wanting to wake every single guest in Saltburn but with Farleigh's brutal pace, it was almost impossible to stay quiet. You felt that mindblowing, euphoric feeling begin to build up in the pit of your stomach, your moans turning into cries as a single tear fell from your eyes.
"Farleigh, I can't" you cried out and felt him pull out, your body suddenly feeling so empty. He flipped you over again and climbed on top of you, his cock sliding inside you once again with such ease, moving at the same fast and hard pace as before.
"Yes you can baby, c'mon, cum for me." He whispered in your ear, his lips resting right next to your ear, grazing your earlobe before he put his head in the crook of your neck, his lips sucking on that sweet spot.
"Fuck me." He placed his hands on each side of your body, your legd wrapped around his waist so tightly, you were scared to let go. He threw his head back in pleasure, the feeling of being inside of you, you wrapped around him so beautifuly felt like heaven and if he could, he would stay burried inside of you forever. "I'm so close."
He licked his fingers, gathering a little bit of saliva as he reached down between your bodies, his fingers skillfully cirlcing your clit getting you closer to your release, but it didn't take long. You arched your back as much as you could as you felt your orgasm taking over your body. Your vision suddenly blurry and you felt like you could pass out any minute now.
You noticed how close Farleigh was because of how sloppy his thrusts became, so desperate for his release. He looked down at you, his eyes literally staring into your soul when finally he let himself go, filling you up with everything he had. A deep groan fell from his lips, his hips thrusting inside of you a couple of more times before he stilled his movements and collapsed on top of you, his head once again burried in the crook of your neck.
You laid like that in silence, listening to each other's heartbeats and your fast and shallow breathing.
"I'm sorry." You said quietly, your voice cracking.
"I'm sorry too." He trailed off and his words caught you by surprise. "I wasn't thinking tonight. I should've been there by your side."
"I'm sorry for trying to make you jealous."
"Oh so that's what that was?" He chuckled and moved a strand of hair behind your ear, his hand carressing your flushed cheek.
"You know you're the only one I want." He touched your nose with his and placed a gentle kiss on your lips before pulling you in closer for a proper one, his hand cupping your face.
"I know."
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sxcret-garden · 4 months
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Ateez when they're jealous ღ NSFW Edition [M]
ღ Ateez all members x fem-bodied!reader ღ genre: smut, headcanons (dom-sub dynamics in some parts, semi-public sex in some parts, most of them get more or less possessive) ღ warnings: alcohol consumption in some parts
Author's note: Maybe I went a liiiittle overboard with this.... maybe I'm also very tempted to turn one of these into a full fic....
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Hongjoong:
He's usually one to deal with his jealousy in a very adult manner and simply talk it out with you. However, after coming home jealous one day and having what was probably the best sex in your relationship up until that point, you've made an arrangement to deal with your jealousy in the bedroom. So it's really become more of a game to him than a pestering feeling to get rid of asap. And today as well, after you've spent a little too much time (in his opinion) having a very engaged conversation with the cute waiter of your regular place to get dinner, Hongjoong can't wait to get home and to drag you off to his bed. And that's exactly what he does, as you're filled with expectation because you didn't exactly miss the evil smirks he's been giving you throughout dinner, and you could guess what would be coming once you're home. He's moving slowly as he crawls on top of you, brushing his lips against yours in teasing kisses, and then telling you to strip naked for him. Will be the biggest little shit ever as he touches you in all the ways he knows will rile you up, and has you cursing underneath him when he pulls his fingers out of you just as you're about to cum. "You're gonna have to beg for it, babe," he whispers, licking his fingers clean. "I'm not gonna let you cum until I know you can't take it anymore."
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Seonghwa:
Is so shocked when after weeks of suffering he finally figures out that seeing you with your male best friend makes him jealous, that he impulsively decides to get (almost blackout) drunk. What he forgot to consider was that you were scheduled to make dinner with him at his place, and so when you walk in on him having downed what's probably his third bottle of soju you're definitely mad at him. Wondering whether it'd even make sense to try to reason with your drunk boyfriend, you do eventually end up scolding him, but the second you're within reach he pulls you down onto his sofa, crawling on top of you. He's blushing from the alcohol, and usually you'd have found that cute, but today the cold stare he gives you makes you shiver. Worriedly, you ask what's wrong with him, and finally he explains. "I'm jealous. Like really jealous of your best friend. And drinking it away wasn't the best choice but right now I just need to make you mine." You're not sure if you should be impressed how in control he is for the amount he drank or if you should just be insanely turned on by his words, but when you give him permission with a nod it's not like he leaves you any time to think about this further anyway. Has you both naked in no time and pins you down as he fucks you rough, and if you think he'll be satisfied with giving you just one or two orgasms that night, you couldn't be more wrong.
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Yunho:
Doesn't get jealous ever, except for that one time when you had only just started dating and were still in a bit of an awkward phase of figuring everything out together. Now usually he doesn't mind you going out to see your other guy friends, he has no reason to worry about that because he trusts you to never betray him. However, who he doesn't trust is that one guy who very obviously has a crush on you and he wouldn't put it past him to try to steal you away. And so he even went so far as to warn you about it, but you just brushed it off, defending the other guy and saying he's just a friend. And well, when one night your boyfriend witnesses how that guy drops you off at Yunho's place and he's being just a little too touchy before he hugs you goodbye, that's when the jealousy sets in. Needless to say he's upset when you walk inside, and not knowing what to do with that feeling, he simply kisses you. And it's a passionate kiss filled with need, the kind of kiss you've never received from your boyfriend up until that point. Yet he takes the lead, and soon he pushes you up against a wall, hands roaming your body and his lips nipping at your throat. "I don't ever want to see that guy touching you like that again," he mutters, rolling his clothed hard on against your hips, making you throw your head back. "You're mine and nobody else's." When he feels you going limp in his hold and all you can do is agree and whine at his touch, he takes you right then and there, proving to you that nobody could ever make you feel as good as he can.
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Yeosang:
When he's jealous he needs reassurance above all else, especially towards the beginning of your relationship. The only problem is that he's kinda slow at figuring out that he's jealous, and so it's often you who picks up the cues before he does. And you know he tends to get sulky and avoidant when he feels bad but can't quite put his finger on why, so one day you decide to try to help him out of that. And so you approach him, telling him straightforward that you want to have sex with him. And pulling him out of his bubble takes a while of hesitation from his side, but when you take him by the hand to walk him to your bedroom, he doesn't protest. Crawling on top of him and making out with him, you wait until you can feel him somewhat relax underneath you. Your fingers of one hand tangled in his hair while the other roams his toned upper body has him melting underneath you, and just then you ask him whether he's jealous, in the sweetest tone you can muster. "I... I think so," he mumbles. "Do you need me to prove to you that I only want you?" you ask, and Yeosang nods. And you'd be surprised how quickly he can go from desperately clinging to you as you get him off slowly, humming praises for your boyfriend, to him flipping your positions around and with a "Sorry, I need this now" he starts thrusting into you, hard and slow. The pace as well as him suddenly taking charge of the situation makes you see stars, and his desperate but possessive groans could make you cum right then and there.
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San:
Seems more helpless than anything else the second he comes back from picking up some takeout coffee for the both of you when he sees a complete stranger flirting with you, and you doing nothing to ward the guy off. And of course he'd be jealous at the sight, but he decides to play the tough guy for now, telling the guy off as he approaches. "Dude, what are you doing flirting with my girlfriend?" He puts an emphasis on his last word, and his voice sounds darker than usual. And though the stranger leaves immediately and you two continue your date as usual, something's off about San once you arrive home. Dragging you off to the bedroom by the sleeve of your shirt, he doesn't say anything and doesn't let you see his face right until he has you pinned to the bed, hovering above you and pressing a fiery kiss to your lips. Clothes don't stay on for long, and when he finally has his hips snapping into you, you have to slow him down from how rough he's being. "Fuck, that guy pissed me off," he mutters as he buries his face in your neck, leaving his mark there. When he has you coming undone underneath him, he doesn't stop, continuing to fuck you towards your next high, and your head starts to spin when you hear his next words, growled into your ear, "Don't ever flirt with another man again. Don't even look at someone else, or do you think anyone else could ever fuck you this good?"
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Mingi:
Well if he isn't a wild card idk what. Gets jealous rather easily, and from him sulking like a kid to him taking charge and dragging you off to the nearest secluded space, anything could happen. It entirely depends on his mood that day, and a bit on the situation too. Mingi definitely needs you to comfort him if it's the former option, but the good news is that he'll be fine rather quickly after you assure him he has nothing to worry about. However, after you've been dating for a while and he's internalized that you're not gonna let someone else take you away from him, that helplessness soon turns into anger at whatever guy is flirting with you. And so one night when you're out with friends, all being a bit tipsy and this one guy just won't stop giving you all of his attention, Mingi eventually shoots up from his seat and drags you to the restrooms without an explanation. Kisses you feverishly after locking up the stall he entered with you, and only when you ask him what's wrong he gives you an explanation. "I don't like the way that guy looks at you. It pisses me off," he hisses, before going right back to kissing you. His hand finding your core underneath your clothes in no time, he starts fingering you, even teasing you about how you're already wet for him, and eventually he'll flip you around so he can grind his clothed bulge against your ass as he gets you off, relishing in the way you're desperately trying to suppress all noises.
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Wooyoung:
Big switch energy so this can go one of two ways, but after the initial deep conversation you had about jealousy and how you can trust each other despite that feeling sometimes arising, the one thing that's for sure is that you're gonna resolve it with sex.  Even when the jealousy is barely even there, just like earlier today when you had commented to your boyfriend on how handsome one of Wooyoung's friends looks in his latest insta post, he doesn't miss the opportunity to seek proof that at the end of the day you only have eyes for him.  "And what about me?" he'll asks as he walks up to you from behind, hands put on your waist and his lips ghosting above your neck. The tone of his voice gives his intentions away immediately, and it doesn't take long for him to spin you around in his hold so he could kiss you, dragging you off to the nearest surface to have sex with you on (whether that's the bed, the sofa, or the dining table he doesn't care). And it really all depends on your mood whether he'll pin you against it, making you beg for him until he's satisfied, or put all the power into your hands and let you have his way with him until he's the one whining for your touch. One way or the other, the reason for his jealousy will soon be forgotten, because now all that matters is you and him chasing pleasure together.
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Jongho:
You're at a party hosted by a mutual friend of yours, and from the moment you dressed up at home you've known that your outfit choice today is doing something to your boyfriend from the looks he's been giving you. You like the attention, you're not gonna lie, and you can imagine what this night will lead to once you're back in the comfort of your own home, after making him stare at you all evening. However, what you didn't expect were the death glares he's been giving one of your male childhood friends who's been occupying you ever since you walked into that party. You know Jongho isn't the type to get jealous easily, but when he does he usually struggles with expressing it. However, you also know your boyfriend will usually do the right thing anyway, and so when he pulls you into the empty kitchen and locks the door behind himself, you expect him to simply tell you about his feelings. What you certainly do not expect is him backing you up against a counter with a possessive stare glued to your lips. "What's wrong...?" Kisses you instead of answering your question and makes your head spin from the way he runs his hands down your body alone. There's need and anger behind his actions, and in no time he has you pressed up against the kitchen counter, facing the wall now, both your pants and underwear pulled down just enough so he could fuck you from behind, teasing you with just his tip until he has you begging for more, and this really is just what he needed to alleviate his unnecessary feelings of jealousy...
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d10nyx · 1 month
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over again
ft. leon kennedy x fem!reader
cw: 18+ content, dark content, heavy dub-con, forced ddlg, kidnapping, stockholm syndrome, fingering, p in v, creampie, mentions of past drugging, daddy kink, lots of pet names
a/n: took me forever n ever to write this ahhh sorry :/ hope you all enjoy it !! feedback always appreciated !! hopefully the writers block will finally perish.
word count: 1.6k words
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14 weeks. 98 days. 2352 hours.
Leon leaves the house at 7.30 am every morning, except for Sundays. From Monday to Thursday, he's home around 6 pm. On Fridays, he isn't home until around 9 pm. Saturdays are the worst because he's home just after lunch.
Usually, when he comes home, he goes to the bedroom and unlocks the door to let you out. He threads his hand in your leash to take you upstairs, giving you a kiss on your forehead as he takes you to the kitchen to eat a meal. He gives you your food on a pink, plastic princess plate with plastic cutlery, and cuts the food into bite size pieces. More often than not, he hand feeds you.
You don't fight it. You'd learned your lesson. You refused food from him once. For 2 out of your 14 weeks locked up in his home, he'd underfed you to the point of starvation until you were begging him to feed you. He sat you in his lap, cooing all sweet as you chewed and swallowed every mouthful he'd given you. That day was the first day he slept with you.
It wasn't all bad. He was sweet. Gentle. If you closed your eyes, you could pretend he was a loving boyfriend. Someone who cared for you, not the creep who'd snatched you from the street after you had a few too many drinks at your friend's party, promising you a better life, safe from the world.
But he isn't sweet, or nice, or kind. He didn't do this for you, despite what his twisted brain tells him. You can pretend all you want that he's something other than what he is, but it doesn't change what he is. A monster.
✦ .  ⁺   . ✦ .  ⁺   . ✦
“Where's my little princess?” Leon's asking as soon as he walks into the house, kicking his shoes off and hanging his jacket up at the door. You recently got free reign of the home for being on your best behaviour. Didn't even have to keep the leash attached to your collar anymore. Lucky you.
“Here, daddy.” You say meekly, poking your head out of the living room to approach him, fiddling awkwardly with the edge of your shirt. Head down, so he doesn't have to see the defeated expression on your face as you force out the words, swallowing thickly to hold back your tears.
“You have a good day, sweetheart? You do any coloring in those cute little books I got you?” Leon's hands come up to your cheeks, gently stroking his thumbs back and forth across your cheekbones. You shake your head, gritting your teeth to stop yourself from saying something.
“No? Why not, baby? You don't like them? I got the one with lots of kitties. Pretty girls like you like cute things, don't they?” He coos, squishing your cheeks in his hands to make your lips all pouty so he can lean down and give them a little kiss, letting out a loud ‘mwah’ as soon as his lips make contact.
“You eat at least? I left some food in a lunchbox for you.” You shake your head again, and this time it seems to elicit a worse reaction. His brows furrow, and his hand grips your face even tighter. “No? Silly baby… can't do anything without daddy, can you? Come on. Daddy'll feed you, cutie.”
He heats up some food for you and puts it on a plate. The pink, plastic princess plate. He sits you on his lap and feeds it to you from a fork. Pink, plastic fork. The routine is the same, no matter how much you wish for it to change. When you finish eating, he presses a tender kiss to your head and rocks you in his arms.
“Such a good girl. Good girls get rewarded, princess.” He murmurs, pressing soft kisses against the skin of your neck, trailing them up until he's nosing at the hair behind your ear. His hand slides up your thigh and under your skirt, his thumb swiping your swollen bud through the already damp fabric. It didn't matter if you didn't want it. Your body didn't seem to understand what was happening - all it knew was Leon made you feel good. You hated how compliant you got when he touched you, how any thoughts of defiance melted away.
You go limp when he touches you. Docile. You let him do what he wants to you, just like a good girl should. Back-talking daddy is a big no-no. He wrote that in big writing on the rule list that's pinned to the fridge. Escape didn't use to seem impossible, yet now the thought never even crossed your mind. You'd tried, but he kept a tight lock on you. You wouldn't be surprised to find out one of the many injections he gave you when you were unruly had a tracker in. He always seemed to know exactly where you were.
You whimper as he dips his hand under the waistband of your panties. He parts your puffy lips with practiced ease as he continues on with the next part of his routine. 98 days later and he's mapped every inch of your body perfectly - found out everything that has you keening under his touch. Your hips buck as he runs his fingertip between your folds, gathering slick before rubbing small circles into your clit.
“Poor, dumb baby. She's soaking me already. You couldn't make yourself feel good when daddy was gone, huh, sweetheart?” His words are followed up by a finger burying itself in your tight heat, curling to find that gummy spot that has you clenching around him and bucking your hips. “Pretty princess cunt's been drooling for me all day.”
A choked sob leaves you when he pulls his cock out and sits you on top of it. He pulls you down until he's buried to the hilt, groaning as you tighten around his length. He buries his face into the crook of your neck, peppering it with tiny little kisses. You can't help but cry whenever Leon fucks you. 98 days later and you still sob whenever he bullies your cervix with his dick. No matter how many times he makes you cum or makes you go dumb on his cock, it doesn't change anything. He took everything from you - your family, your friends, your job.
You hated yourself more than Leon. For letting him break your walls down. For clinging to him as he tightens his grip on your waist, manhandling you on his cock, lifting you up and down. For finding yourself missing him when he's at work.
“Love…love you, daddy…” Your words come out more like a cry, nose all runny and cheeks wet with tears as he fucks up into you, his head shifting to hang back in pleasure. His fingers dig into your waist as he hears the words, a breathy laugh leaving him as he smiles - all toothy and bright like it always is when you say that.
“Love you even more, princess.” He grunts out, leaning back on the seat to force himself deeper into your pussy, guiding your hips back and forth so you're grinding his cock inside of you, rubbing your pretty clit against his happy trail. You gasp at the sensation, your hands gripping into his shoulders as your brows furrow in pleasure.
“Daddy… daddy…” You gasp out as your orgasm hits, your lips parting as you gush all over him. The look on your face as you cum is enough to have his balls tighten, his teeth gritting as he starts to shallowly thrust into you once more, chasing his own release. You always cry when you cum, and Leon always kisses the tears away when you do, his lips pressing against the wetness on your cheeks repeatedly. Another part of the ritual, another moment repeating day after day.
“Want daddy to fill you up, sweet girl?” He grunts, nipping at your neck as he wraps his arms tight around your waist in a bear hug, holding you steady as he fucks up into your drippy cunt. “Gonna warm you up right in that cute lil’ tummy.”
His hips stutter as his orgasm hits him, his jaw going slack as he presses the tip of his cock right up against your cervix, filling you to the brim with his sticky cum. He slides a hand under your shirt, his thumb rubbing gentle circles into the skin of your tummy.
“That's it. Keep it all in, okay? Daddy doesn't want to see his little angel spill a single drop.” He says softly, pressing a gentle kiss to your lips. He holds you there for a couple of minutes, cradling you against his chest until it's time to go to sleep.
Before bed that night, Leon ushers you into the bathroom. Like every night before this one, he gently grips your jaw with one hand as he stands behind you, his other hand gripping your pink princess toothbrush as he brushes your teeth, his eyes locked onto you through the mirror. At bedtime, he tucks you in and curls up behind you, spooning you with one hand on one of your tits, and the other wrapped tightly around your waist.
Tomorrow is a Friday. He wakes you up at 6.30 am with a kiss to your head as always, a warm cup of milk in one hand and your breakfast in the other. He feeds you off of a pink, plastic princess plate and presses a kiss to your lips before leaving at 7.30 am on the dot.
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ilthit · 11 months
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Okay oooone more Cha Cha Cha post. 'Cause have we talked about stuff about that song that I recognize that could never come through to an international audience?
He's from Vantaa. I grew up there in a different time, it's a working class area.
Finnish ballroom culture leans heavily on Latin American dances, and cha cha is one especially associated with fun and parties in a kind of an uncool way, like a conga line, which the act also references.
Finnish drinking culture is drinking too much. Finnish party culture is also drinking too much. You wanna have fun, get prepared for alcohol poisoning.
Finnish songs tend to be sad or angry. Ballroom songs are sometimes the exception, though they can be melancholy too. Finns are kind of stiff and keep their problems to themselves, and Finnish masculinity means showing anger and competitiveness and being funny and clever, but hiding gentleness or vulnerability or need or anything too queer. It's the opposite of Latin heat, it's Nordic chill.
The way to break this is through getting shitfaced. That's what the song is about. You have locked yourself up inside yourself, all your rage and your gentleness have been held in check, you can't take another minute of it, but you know now you can drink. And you drink until finally the rigidity releases its hold. You are free. You are gentle. You are happy. You're not afraid of this world anymore.
The ugliness of the costume, the kind of a comedic reference to Latin culture is not, like, a pisstake on Latin music, but a reference to the bland imitation of it in Finnish ballroom culture. He is mocking himself and his own awkwardness and the specific culture he comes from (I could even say specifically Vantaa), while addressing this experience of being locked inside yourself, needing to drink so it will be socially acceptable or possible for you to defy that which is expected of a Finnish man.
It's not cringe if you were plastered. And when you're plastered, you're brave enough to be cringe.
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talkbycolor · 5 months
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john doe game headcanons . . . ↷
A/N; i'm actually really sensitive about john doe JHSAJHSAJAS
Pairing; "John Doe" x GN!Reader
CW; Just doe being the weirdo we love / PISSPISSPISS / implied cannibalism? not so much tho / ew stinky gay / sex with a hairball
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john doe as a partner.
His love for you is pure, but the lack of understanding in humans makes it complicated, he doesn't know how to express it in a "correct" way.
He has little interest in humans but all his interest in You, do you want to learn to play an instrument? Doe too, he would learn to use a phone to call you although it would be useless since in the end he would follow you to work, he can't stand having you away for even a second!
He tried to eat you (unfortunately not in a sexual way), he wanted to bite, pull your teeth, and tear them out of your cheeks to eat them, you had to use a lot of patience to explain to him that this was painful and you could die
He likes your fluids, your sweat smells so good, it tastes great, your tears, he knows that tears mean something is wrong but he can't help but want to lick them, at least he's like a puppy in that way and that will make you laugh, Doe wants to help! your urine, he will drink it all without a problem, if you are both having a loving session in bed and you want to go to the bathroom, forget it, he will open your legs and help empty your bladder, he loved being your personal toilet, your blood is the sweetest of his paradise, be careful with accidental cuts or his mouth will stick like a leech to your wound
Ideas for romantic activities will probably come from television, be careful what he watches
At this point, Doe lives by and for you, he will adapt to your lifestyle and tastes, although he cannot understand most of them, the idea of "breaking up" does not exist in his head, you can walk away, even stop talking to him and he will continue behind you
But he has feelings, why don't you talk to him anymore? Did he do something wrong? He no longer leaves rats in the kitchen, he no longer tries to make You dinners with raw meat, is that the way he looks? Tell him your standards! Doe will change everything for you, even reality
He can definitely purr, he's more like an old, ugly, stray cat that will rest on your lap, but he's YOUR, old, ugly, stray cat.
He doesn't know how to give compliments, it's more like observations or comments about how you make him feel "You're wearing a big hat!" "A red dress!", "I'm so happy to see you!" but it's adorable that he reminds you that you are his whole life…somehow
It's like having a child at home, in the strangest way possible, he will try to make horrible crafts for you and help with housework without much success.
If you demand sex, Doe would probably do his best to make a nice cock, just for you, or a pussy depending on what you like, he will be submissive but if you ask him to take control he will try
And that will probably be the messiest and hardest sex you've ever had in your life, Doe always adores you like it's your last day on earth so in a sexual sphere it would be ten times worse
If you put on a movie at night, he will fall asleep halfway through, no exceptions, the sound of the television and your smell will be enough
Doe would definitely kill for you, he doesn't understand jokes so please don't say "Ugh I hate that guy, I hope he's dead" because yes, the guy will be dead.
In case You doesn't like the smelly boy, Doe will try to take showers regularly, at least to not smell like something out of the sewer, the pain doesn't matter if it's about you
Loves physical contact and quality time
Surprisingly, Doe has a driver's license, he would be your personal chauffeur, you may think it's an adorable gesture but he just wants to be sure where you are at every hour of the day… and help, of course.
Aside from adoring you, Doe actually has his own tastes and hobbies, he HAS feelings! He has tried knitting since the technology is very confusing, he really is like an old man
He tries to have a good relationship with your friends and family, if you have a big family he will probably feel overwhelmed but that doesn't mean he will stop trying to show that he loves you and wants to be with you.
Your younger nephews love it, they think of Doe as a weird-looking uncle who lets them play with his hair
Doe shirt always has hearts when he looks at You.
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iosagol · 4 months
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The Boy and the Heron, lads
*lying facedown on the sofa*
Spoilers, all the spoilers
So can we talk about the cyclical nature of life and death
The way the past and future are linked to one another and just because the past doesn't get to be the future, it doesn't mean that's bad
"In the future I am dead," Himi says, essentially. "I am not afraid. You have seen me as I want to be remembered, and I have left books for you to open and leave open, and even though I'm not going to be alive anymore, I once was, and I loved you."
The fact that Himi's little sister is no more recovered from the grief than Mahito
she's grieving too over her sister, but her sister's husband is now her husband and did she really want this to happen? and she's having this baby
It's a lot to handle because someone she loves just died and right after this she's bringing a new life into a vicious world in the middle of this war
And she has this boy now that looks like her sister
so she goes into the forest looking for that peace that isn't at home
and just she's lying in that room with those circling…. fans? Fans made of bandages(?) just spinning around her it's a cycle of hurt and patching up wounds and getting hurt again and patching up wounds until her stepson is webbed in it and she's webbed in it and both of them are so in pain and trying to patch up their wounds and it doesn't do them any good
The fact that in order to find his mom, our boy Mahito has to go into the Secondary/Underworld and he has to get a fish and he has to survive and draw water and go looking for this woman and descend into the abyss and come out again and he has to shun power
It gives Spirited Away, almost, except Chihiro had to learn to mature in the sense that she had to consider others and respect and learn manners
she has to respect others
meanwhile Mahito has to learn to forgive himself for not saving someone he loves
he has to respect himself and stop hurting himself and be open to love again
So he's just... Living, for the most part, it seems. He's gutting that fish and eating jam and butter on bread and also soup and he has to bicker with Heron and drink tea and steer a boat and observe the complexities of life and death
He's living and healing
But really, there's no balance to the Secondary/Underworld the greatuncle made because he wanted every creature to thrive within it
And if all you have is life on top of life, then creatures are going to start killing each other
The pelicans are starving because the fish can't be eaten, they turn on the waro-waro, the humans rush to protect the waro-waro, both sides are burned
happiness for one and all is competitive, it's cutthroat
The fact that coming home looking scraped isn't enough, Mahito has to slam a rock into his head
He says it's to prove he fell down, but really that's the biggest mark of human violence
And he does it to himself maybe because he's just so angry with himself for being alive and well, while his mother isn't, and he needs to level that playing field to feel better
Self-flagellation
The overboldness of the dad, how he packs all his human gear and tries to elbbow his way into the Fae and it does him no good
how he tries to solve his kid's problems by again elbowing his way in and that also does nothing
The fact that our boy Mahito realizes something is wrong with the old ladies on sight
something about them is very inhuman
when he first sees them the look on his face he knows something is up because he's meant to go into Faerie and he doesn't have the preconceptions of the adults and he has to see the signs
I ugh
Ugh it's so beautiful, all of it
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upsidedownmvnson · 8 months
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tell me you love me vol 2 | steve harrington
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warnings: fluff, more pining
a/n: AHHHHHHHH thanks for the love
tell me you love me vol 1
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Steve barely slept. He couldn't focus with you this close to him. He couldn't not love you anymore. And it was worse now, like the entire burden of knowing you love each other was crushing his chest. He wanted you to remember your conversation last night. He needed you to. But also, he didn't. What if you were just drunk? What if you thought your friendship was too valuable to risk?
It was already at risk... he sighed, giving up on trying to sleep and instead just laid with you. Steve couldn't fathom a world without you in it, he didn't want to live a life where he didn't see you every day. He needed you, more than he needed a girlfriend, maybe... maybe it just wasn't meant to be. Steve was in agony.
You shuffled in your sleep, groaning and stretching. The blankets kicked off in the night, and wrapped around your legs, and when you stretched he was forced to endure the torture of your beautiful half naked body. He couldn't look elsewhere, he couldn't keep his eyes off of you.
He had to get out of here.
The phone ringing was a good excuse to get out of bed, but he didn't know who the hell would be calling this early. It was quickly answered when he picked up only to be met with a word vomit of questions from Robin.
"I don't really remember but I think I just left y/n at the party," Robin was saying, "Is she there? Is she with you?"
"Yeah, she's here," Steve whispered, hoping he didn't sound as exhausted as he felt. "You left her sleeping, dude. Not cool."
"That's fucked," she said, disappointed in herself. "I was not thinking clearly, I woke up in a panic. But she's okay?"
"Yeah, she's fine. She's still in bed," he said.
"Good, good. I'm really sorry, tell her I'm so sorry."
"Yeah, yeah, okay..."
"You okay, Steve? You sound weird."
"No, I'm fine I just..." he sighed, "Robin I can't pretend not to love her anymore. I just - I know it's bad to date in the friend group but... I love her."
"I know you do," she said, "I only said don't date her if you weren't sure. If you're sure then go for it."
"Really? Do you think... do you think it'll work?"
"I don't know," she answered, "but I know you guys are crazy about each other and it's probably time to find out."
Steve hung up the call after promising to tell you that Robin was sorry, very sorry. He didn't want to go upstairs, he still felt confused. Would you remember what you guys had talked about? Would you change your mind? He decided on breakfast, and got to work making some bacon and eggs, deciding he would wake you up when it was ready. But first, he needed coffee.
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When you woke up in Steve's bed you were confused, and disappointed he wasn't there. What time was it? The clock read just after eight, and you could smell the breakfast cooking downstairs. You groaned, stretching as much as you could before contemplated getting up or just staying here.
You didn't really remember much after the party, it all got a little fuzzy when you first started falling asleep. You loved this bed, you were staying in this bed every time you stayed over from here on out. In fact, you were never leaving it.
Except the distant call of food being prepared made you get up. The least you could do was go lend a hand.
You tiptoed down the stairs, and tried to peak at Steve in the kitchen. He was still shirtless, drinking his coffee while leaning against the counter, shuffling scrambled eggs around lazily.
The sight of him made you sigh. The ache in your chest only grew with the sight. He was so beautiful, and he just looked so... boyfriend. You wished he could be yours, you wished that you could wake up to this more often.
"Good morning," you said, joining him on the main level.
"Morning," he said, smiling at you. But it was different, it didn't reach his eyes.
"Can I help?" you asked, padding over to him and looking at all the good stuff he had going on.
"No it's okay," he said, "I'm just about done. Make yourself a coffee."
You nodded. But his demeanor was bothering you. He was being cold, distant. He wasn't acting like himself. You wondered if you did something wrong.
"Do you uh, remember much about your party?" he asked, trying to seem casual but you could tell he was prying. Looking for answers about something.
"Most of it yeah," you smiled, sipping the hot coffee. "But I don't really remember leaving, or coming here."
And it would've been impossible to miss how Steve dropped his shoulders, clearly disappointed by your answer. You wanted to say something, but you forgot how to speak. You didn't know what to say.
"Do you want to plate everything?" he asked, slinking out of the kitchen. He mumbled some excuse about the bathroom, and left you alone, thinking about what happened last night.
Breakfast was quiet, save for the tv playing quietly in the background. This was typically your favourite kind of morning, lazily getting up at Steve's, making breakfast together, just hanging out. But the air just felt different today, he didn't want your sous chef help in the kitchen, and there was no charming banter. In fact, he barely looked at you.
When you finished he said, "I guess I should get you home," as if you didn't usually hang around all weekend, and added, "I just gotta change."
And he pushed away from the table, leaving his dirty dishes abandoned. So, you guess he didn't want your help do the dishes either? Something obviously happened, or he wouldn't be this cold with you. You felt your throat getting tight, and held it together as you gathered the dishes, bringing them over to the sink.
You both got dressed, with him loaning you some sweat pants to go with the big shirt you wore to bed so you didn't have to climb into your party outfit. It still reeked of booze.
"Did something happen, Steve?" you asked, unable to tolerate the uneasy air as you both slipped your shoes on. Maybe you... maybe you confessed your feelings to him, and he felt uncomfortable, you did this... Did you ruin everything?
"What?" he asked, "What are you talking about?"
"Uh, nothing," you muttered, not wanting to push his buttons. You didn't want to pry.
"Everything's fine, babe." He put his hand on your shoulder, letting it slide off, and back to his side. "Just a lot on my mind."
Even the drive was quiet, and the tension made you feel like crying. He had the radio playing quietly, but he just didn't seem like he was totally there. But still, every question got stuck in your throat. You guys didn't say a word until he was parked in your driveway, hands remained clutched on the wheel.
"I'll see you tomorrow?" you asked, hoping that your movie plans with Robin were even still on.
"Yeah, of course. I'll call you later..."
Now or never. "Is everything okay, Steve? You're being so quiet. I feel like you're trying to push me away."
He looked at you with those beautiful eyes, those beautiful, sad eyes and you could see his anguish, you could see there was something he couldn't say. Words were being left unsaid. Was he scared? What was he scared of? You thought... you really thought he could tell you anything.
"I'm fine," he said finally, giving you another small, fake smile.
You faked a smile, trying not to show that your heart dropped into your stomach. You had this painful fear that you'd told him that you loved him, and he'd wished you hadn't. What the fuck happened between the party and Steve's house? It was killing you. His pain was torture, and you wouldn't forgive yourself if you'd ruined the most important relationship in your life.
You nodded, and patted his leg before climbing out the car, shuffling inside before he could see how concerned you were about him.
You leaned on a wall near the door, just pondering what happened. You woke up in his bed, usually you slept in the guest room, or when you were really drunk you'd even crash on the couch. Did you being in his space make him unhappy? Maybe you were stubborn, refusing to leave his bed until he loved you. But, that didn't seem like something you would do.
A knock on the door kicked you out of your thoughts.
You opened it, and Steve was there, standing still, breathing heavy. When the door fully opened, he nearly sprung at you, not intimidatingly but like... like he couldn't stop himself from scooping up your cheeks in his hands and kissing you.
And Steve was kissing you like a starving man. Like this was the moment he'd waited for his whole life. He was soft, and tender but also desperate and passionate and you could feel everything. You could feel how he felt. Like you were one person. You kissed him back, taken by surprise but delighted. You loved him. And he loved you. And being together like this just felt right.
You moaned, unable to deny the sparks between the two of you for one more moment.
His lips were just so soft, and warm. And as his thumbs rubbed your cheeks soothingly, you thought for sure your knees would buckle from the romance of it all. You swooned, this was real life swooning.
"Tell me you love me," he whispered, barely pulling away to say it. You realize he's crying, barely, lightly, but he is, because this is the scariest thing he's ever done. He thinks that he'll perish, die if you don't actually love him back. And he's immediately returned to kissing you, backing you both up until your back hit the living room wall. "Please," he begged, breathless and desperate to hear it. He had to hear it. He was sure he would die if you didn't say it. He has to know he wasn't wrong to risk it all...
And everything came rushing back. Laying across from Steve, asking him if you were in love. Confessing your love for him and telling him him that you would still love him in the morning...
And you did.
Of course you did.
You think there's a part of you that has loved Steve since the moment you met.
He feels like home. Just being near him makes you feel safe, and comfortable. He was everything you needed, and you two were idiots to wait this long to confess. But, better late than never.
"I love you," you whispered, mumbling against his lips, returning his feverish kisses. His hands trailed down to your hips, gripping tightly and pressing himself into you. Trying to mold himself to you. You wrapped your arms around his shoulders, pulling him as close as he could get. He was a part of you, a part of your heart.
His tongue rolled into your mouth, and the grip he had on your hips tightened, making you moan again. And then he slowed, kissing you slowly. He sucked your bottom lip between his teeth, and pulled away, letting it slip out of his grip and back into place. He kissed you tenderly a few times.
"Say it again," he said, pulling back and resting his forehead against yours. It wasn't demanding, it was loving. He wanted to hear you say it over and over for the rest of his life.
You were breathless, but you still whispered, "I love you."
"I love you," he said, kissing you one more time. "I can't stop it, I don't want to stop it," he said. "I love you, y/n. And I want to be with you... if you'll have me."
"I love you Steve," you said, relieved that you could just love him without the longing, without the pining, and the hiding. You two were free.
"Again," he demanded, smiling, and the smile made it all the way back to his eyes. And he was himself again.
"Don't want to wear it out," you laughed, pulling him into a hug. And you held him there for a while.
"Never," he whispered, "I'll never get tired of it, I promise you that."
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TAGLIST: @thebeatles-world @thatbItchs-world @plk-18 @pausmoon @onlyangle1
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joelmillersmunch · 10 days
Text
cruel summer (dbf!joel miller x chubby/curvy!f!reader)
Summary: After being away for five years, you've returned home for the summer. Joel doesn't expect to see you tonight. He doesn't mean to stare, really.
Ratings/Warnings: E. MDNI. NSFW. NO OUTBREAK. modern! au. dad's best friend! au. age gap (reader is 25, joel is in his 40s) curvy reader. reader's mother is awful. reader struggles with self image and insecurities. reader and joel flirt. reader gets touchy with joel. masturbation (m). joel can't stop staring at reader. I HOPE I HAVEN'T FORGOTTEN ANYTHING.
Word count: 2.2k
A/N: Soooo, I'm dabbling with the idea of making this into some kind of short series. Let me know what you think! I hope you enjoy! Please ignore any grammar or typos. I didn't spend much timed editing. Ooooops.
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He couldn’t keep his eyes off of you. Joel knows he should be ashamed, gawking across the room at his best buddy’s kid. Except you weren’t a kid anymore. You weren’t the same 20 year old, sophomore-in-college girl he met when he moved across the street from your family five years ago. You were so much more now. A gorgeous grown version of the girl he had met only a handful of times before you left for the fall semester. 
You hadn’t been back since, having gone on some fantastic trips abroad over the summers to expand your studies. You graduated about a year ago with your bachelor’s degree and have been enjoying post grad life with your friends. You decided to come home for the summer, having been so long since you’ve been back to Austin. It’s been two weeks since then, and he only got a brief glance from his window when you pulled in, jumping out to embrace your parents. 
He had no idea you’d be here tonight. The crowded dive bar was Joel’s normal Friday night spot, usually accompanied by Tommy and some of their other crewmates. Joel had texted your dad an invite, completely forgetting about the fact you’d come back into town. Your dad walks in first, a huge grin on his face as he makes way to the table Joel is seated at.
“I hope you don’t mind, but I brought some company,” He says, stepping aside to reveal the fact you had joined him tonight. Joel’s breath catches when he sees you for the first time, covering it up with a fake cough. 
“Mr. Miller, so nice to see you again! It’s been so long!” You say brightly, reaching for an embrace. You feel so soft in his arms. Joel quickly tries to compose himself, but your voice entrances him. It’s so grown, so sexy. He can’t help himself from breathing your perfume in a little harder than he probably should have. Oranges and lime, the beach, summer, sunshine. It made him dizzy in the best way, a refreshing hug of aroma encasing him. 
“Hi, sweetie. Welcome home, nice to have you back.” He says, releasing you. You have a big, beautiful smile plastered on your lips and agree that it’s nice to be back. 
“I’m gonna go get a drink,” Your dad cuts in, turning to face you. Saying your name, he asks if you want to join him. “I know they don’t have the wine stuff you usually get, but any daughter of mine can drink a beer!” He finishes, teasingly wrapping his arm around your shoulders and leading you to the bar. Joel can hear you complaining to your dad, furiously telling your dad you know they wouldn’t have wine here. He laughs and turns back to his beer. 
So here he is, thirty minutes later, watching you from the bar. He’d offer to buy the next round after you very proudly proved to be your father’s daughter and downed your first beer like it was nothing. He watched you while he waited for the handful of beers as you hovered over the vintage looking jukebox. A wide grin spreads across your face when you find the song you were looking for, and a folky-banjo country song plays loudly from the speakers. Joel thanks the bartender after paying, and takes the tray of beers back to the table as you find your way back with him. 
“I can’t believe they have this song!” You exclaim, happily taking one of the beers from Joel and taking a big swig. Joel and your dad laugh at you and you look at them confused.
“It’s 2024 here too, sweetie. Don’t know why you’re so surprised. That jukebox is brand new, it just looks that way to fit in better here.” You dad says, chuckling with a shake of his head. You roll your eyes at him and take a seat next to Joel, across from your dad.  
“You know what? You can sit by yourself now, Dad. Joel here won’t be rude to me, now will ya, Joel?” You say, jokingly patting his arm as you lightly rest your head against his shoulder. Joel’s eyes go wide, and your dad breaks out in a bark of a laugh.
“Oh, yeah. Cause Joel’s such a big softie,” Your dad says, taking a swig of his beer. You laugh and release him, allowing Joel to finally breathe again. “When’s Tommy getting here, Joel?” Your dad asks.
“Oh, uh, didn’t plan on inviting ‘em tonight. Was gonna see if you wanted to go watch the game at my place after this, but..” He trails off, trying to politely hint to your dad that things are different now that you’re here. Not that Joel minds, but you probably don’t wanna go back to his place and hang out with two old dudes watching baseball all night. Joel accidentally catches your eye, and quickly looks away before you can catch on. 
“What? Before you knew that I was coming?” You ask with a light laugh. “I can watch baseball! But if you two don’t want me hanging around, I can just walk home. It’s not like I live across town.” You joke. 
“No, it’s not that!” Joel says, not wanting you to feel like a nuisance. “I just figured you didn’t want to hang out with these ol’ guys all night.” He finishes, giving your dad a friendly shove on his shoulder. 
“No, I don’t mind! But please tell me you have something better than this beer at your place?” You ask, an exaggerated pleading look on your face. Joel can’t help but laugh and offer you an apologetic smile. 
“Sorry, darlin’. Welcome home, I guess.” He says and the three of you make your way out of the bar. 
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When the three of you arrive at Joel's place you’re already pretty tipsy. You’re laughing at a stupid joke your dad made as you stumble into the house. Joel rests a hand on your shoulder trying to steady you. You lean into his embrace and sigh out a thanks. 
“You okay, kiddo? You sure you don’t wanna head home? I can walk you over there and come back,” Your dad says, a concerned look on his face once Joel has you seated on the couch.
“I’m fiiiiine,” You say, waving him off. “Joel, could I have some water?”
“Of course, darlin’,” He says, rising from his chair. “I’ll grab it for you. Do you want anything while I’m up?” He finishes, looking at your dad who declines. He walks into the kitchen, leaving you and your dad alone in Joel’s living room. 
“Didn’t realize you were such a lightweight, honey,” Your dad says with a chuckle. 
“I’m not usually, but I don’t know…” You start, immediately sobering up at his remark. “Lately, I’ve been struggling with my self image. I think all the drinking has something to do with it.” You pause, looking at your dad’s shocked expression which causes you to scowl at him. “Oh, don’t act so surprised. Mom made sure to let me know that she noticed my weight gain.” You finish with an eye roll.
“She said that?” Your dad asks, a certain tone in his voice you didn’t recognize. 
“Yeah, when you brought my bags into the house for me when I first got back. I just figured she told you or you had noticed too,” You say, crossing your arms over your waist. 
“Honey, you know I think that you’re beautiful. You are just growing into your adult body. I can’t believe your mother would say something like that to you! I don’t know what her problem is lately..” He says trailing off. He coughs to cover up the tension when Joel reenters the living room, handing your dad a beer.
“You know me so well,” Your dad says, chipper as ever. 
Joel can’t help but overhear your conversation from the kitchen. It’s a small house, for christ's sake! But that doesn’t help make him feel any less guilty while he listens to your vulnerable conversation with your dad. He had to admit, he was a bit surprised at how drunk you got off just two beers, but he’s not one to judge. It all made sense now, and he can’t believe your own mother would say that to you. No one should speak that way to their own daughter, but especially to you. Joel always thought your mom was a bit insufferable, and now he knows he was right all along. 
He loves your figure. The way your jeans curved over your hips and ass. The softness to your cheeks and arms. He will dream about roaming his hands over your waist and legs tonight. For now, he has to interrupt this very personal conversation between a father and his daughter. His friend and his daughter. His friend’s daughter. Joel sighs, grabbing a beer and hoping he doesn’t embarrass anyone.
After about an hour and a glass of water later, you’re fully sober and mindlessly scrolling on your phone as your dad and Joel watch the game. Well, as Joel watches the game and your dad snores softly in the recliner. Joel is sitting next to you, his eyes never leaving the TV. At least, that’s what you thought. In reality, Joel can’t stop checking you out from the corner of his eye. The way you’d laugh at something on your phone and then bite your lip to suppress a smile when you realized you laughed a bit louder than you meant to. God, he needed a beer. 
“I’m gonna go grab another beer. Need anythin’?” He asks, standing up. The feeling of your warmth and smell of your perfume invading his head, intoxicating him. You look up at him and smile, shaking your head no. He nods and quickly leaves to the kitchen. He leans over the sink, hands on the counter and dropping his head. Breathing in and out, he tries to calm his fucking dick. The way you looked up at him, beautiful eyes burning with attention. He wanted to kiss you, leave your eyes wide in surprise. Fuck, this is a problem, AND his dick won’t get soft. He continues to calm his breathing when he feels a tap on his shoulder, his stomach dropping at the contact. He turns to face you, a worn out smile on his face. 
“Oh, you startled me, darlin’,” He says. You give him a coy smile, shaking your empty glass. 
“I realized I did need something.” You say, stepping closer so that your bodies are touching. Your fronts nearly rubbing as you lean over him, chest bumping against his arms as you turn the faucet on to get more water. He breathes in a sharp breath, your scent invading him again.
“Now, sweetheart…” He says as you move closer, standing so that one of your legs is in between his thighs, and the other on the opposite side of his leg. You were almost straddling him, sipping your water back. You cock an eyebrow at him, a trail of water sneaking past the cup and sliding down your chin. He closes his eyes and breathes out, feeling you move to rub against him. He opens his eyes to see you smirking back at him, finishing the rest of your water in a final drink. You lean back over him, chests bumping into each other. You place the glass in the sink, jumping when you feel him wrap his arms around you.
“Thank you, Mr. Miller. I feel so..refreshed now.” You say, lifting up to whisper in his ear. “But you want to know what else I need?”
He feels you grind into his leg, looking up to stare you in the eyes. You’re smirking at him, and he feels himself flush.  He’s so hard it feels like he won’t ever get soft again. You pat a hand over his cock through his jeans, a satisfied look on your face when he grunts at your touch. A loud snore from the living room snaps you and Joel back into reality, and about 6 inches away from each other. You look at him and laugh. 
“Maybe next time?” You ask, and leave him in the kitchen. He needs to come, now. He plans to make a phony excuse to you to go to the bathroom when he enters the living room, just to see you raising your dad from his slumber. 
“Sorry ‘bout that, Joel. Long day, I guess.” Your dad says, patting Joel on the shoulder as the two of you make your way out of the house. You turn to look back at Joel, a smile on your face.
 He watches as you enter your own house. He pretends to not notice for the first time that your room faces his own. He pretends that he can still feel your hips dip into his. He pretends that it’s your hands on his hardened cock, thumbing over the swollen tip. He pretends he can still smell your perfume on your neck as your chest rubbed against his forearm. He pretends he doesn’t like the way you called him “Mr. Miller.” He pretends you’re watching him from your window. He pretends he can feel your eyes scanning over him as he thrusts into his fist. He pretends it’s your mouth. He pretends to see your shocked expression, eyes wide as he comes. He pretends it’s all over your face. With a groan, he grabs a rag and cleans himself up. So much for pretending.
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A/N: dividers by @saradika-graphics thanks so much!!
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wosoamazing · 2 months
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Sad Times & Surprises
Summary: You get upset because everyone seems to be ignoring you on camp.
Warnings: None?
A/N: It's only short and I deffo have written better fics. Hope you like it. Also this was based of a request but I can't find it....
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You lightly knock on the door, Sam opens it.
“W-where is Steph?”
“Kyra isn’t feeling too well, so she is just with her currently, I don’t know if she is coming back or not”
“Oh okay, don’t worry then,” You start to turn around.
“What’s wrong?”
“Nothing, it doesn’t matter” you said bitterly, you hadn’t completely fixed your relationship with Sam, you weren’t sure if you could trust her.
“It clearly isn’t nothing,” she said putting a hand on your shoulder to stop you walking away “you wouldn’t come knocking on Steph’s and my door if it wasn’t nothing, it has to be quite a big something considering you’re here in front of me.,” you hated how well she knew you.
“You don’t have to talk to me, but at least sleep in Steph’s bed, she might come back at some stage,” she moved to the side to let you in, you hesitated for a moment, contemplating what to do before you ultimately found yourself walking into the room, you slumped onto Steph’s bed, and crawled under the covers. However you weren’t able to sleep, and instead finding yourself tossing and turning in the bed.
“Y/N, are you okay?” Sam asked after around 10 minutes, you sat up and looked at her, except you couldn’t respond, your words choked you, and your body quickly let its protective barrier fall, as tears started to stream out. You didn’t really know what was wrong. It seemed to be millions of miniscule things, some of which you couldn’t even pinpoint what they were, they just all seemed to have joined and become too much and now you were here, sobbing, in a room, in a bed that wasn’t yours. Sam quickly got out of her bed and joined you in Steph’s bed, pulling you into a tight hug, you melted in her arms, she held your hand and rubbed it with her thumb, trying to help comfort you, you slowly managed to fall asleep
You woke up to Steph in the bed with you rather than Sam. Steph had come back during the middle of the night and was confused when she saw you and Sam asleep in her bed. So she woke Sam up and asked her what was happening, Sam explained before she moved back to her own bed and Steph joined you in her bed.
“Hey, what’s up?” Steph asked after she noticed you were awake. You just shrugged your shoulders in response to her, you didn't actually know what was happening. She hugged you, before you got up to get ready for breakfast.
____
The rest of your day went about as usual. Until training.
____
You had to split off in teams and went over to Steph, Kyra and Caitlin as you were usually with them, however they had Mary this time, it was Tony’s decision to swap the strikers around but Steph and Caitlin didn’t get the chance to tell you that before Kyra lied to you to tease you. “We don’t want you in our team anymore, because you’re leaving us.” She said in a childish voice, her comment which you knew she said to be annoying tipped you over the edge, and you could feel tears welling in your eyes. You went over to the drinks, where the staff were, which someone would do if they were injured slightly, however you didn't stop there, instead you just picked up your water bottle and kept walking along the edge of the pitch as tears started to spill from your eyes. Tony looked over to see what was up, but he just received a shrug back from some of the staff, so he looked around at his players.
“I’ll go,” Sam said before jogging to catch up to you, when she did reach you she stopped in front of you before putting her hands on your shoulders.
“Want to tell me what's wrong now?” She asked.
“It’s dumb,” “No it’s not, it’s upsetting you whatever it is, how bout we go round the corner so no one can see us.” You nodded before you both made your way around, you slumped down on the ground and leant against the building, Sam sat down next to you and just waited for you to talk.
“I don’t know what's wrong. I just feel like no one likes me. I feel like everyone thinks I’m the issue and everyone is avoiding me because of last camp.”
“Oh Y/N/N, you know that isn’t true right. Everyone still likes you.” She pulled you in for a hug.
“Then why will no one talk to me, or like only make small talk with me, Ellie even avoided eye contact with me before.” You let out a deep breath “Am I just being too sensitive?” you said as a tear rolled down your cheek.
“No, you aren’t. If you promise not to tell anyone, I have something to tell you,” you nodded at her “Well, I might have organised a surprise for you with the team, you know, because you’re moving to Barça, but I told them not to say anything at all, not even that we have a surprise. And you know the team, they are all huge blabs, so I think they are avoiding you so they don’t slip up.”
“What is the surprise?” you asked her as she started to get up.
“You’ll have to wait and see,” she said, she had her back to you but you knew she was smirking you could even hear it in her voice.
“But Sam.” you whined
“Are we going back to training or what, I’m pretty sure your new captain wouldn’t be happy hearing that her newest addition is slacking off on national camp,” “You wouldn’t” “Oh but I would.” She said as she started jogging back pulling out her phone for effect. 
“Sam, I’m coming. Don’t you dare,” she was joking right.
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