#except it did not work and I want to cry

[sailor-aviator]

I think I might actually legitimately be at my limit. Like I think I've reached the end of my rope, actually

#liz's personal tag #it's really not that big a deal I think #it's just been tiny things all piling up #one after the fucking other #and i think i just made a goof at work because i can't find an email telling this lady that i'm attending her fair on wednesday #even though i have confirmations for the other three schools i'm going to #and outlook looooooooves to delete my fucking emails #so i'm hoping and praying that i did actually email to rsvp #or that she'll be willing to make an exception and let me come #i'm just so fucking tired of having to teach myself how to do shit at this job #because there's only so much the people around me know how to do or teach me #and my actual supervisor never sat me down and showed me how to do the things i needed to know how to do #so i'm constantly finding out that i don't know how to do stupidly simple things and then i look like a fucking moron #and i'm so tired of feeling stupid all the time and i just want to cry even though everyone knows it's not my fault #and fuck y'all i just feel so fucking stupid right now and i hate it and now i'm crying #anyway here's wonderwall

[devondespresso]

just needed to say but its 100% ok to write characters out-of-character.

if you craft a version of a character that is completely different from the canon character its not necessarily bad writing and that fact alone doesn't make you a bad writer in any capacity.

its ok to use a preexisting character as a starting place to write your own characters even if you're not changing names or changing a lot about them. I've read and adored a bunch of fics where the characters are definitely not like they are in canon and if i saw that version of the character in the show id be so confused. but I'm decidedly not watching the show, im reading your fic and im completely immersed in your version of the character.

using characters as a vessel to make your own story based on your own experiences is not in any way inferior to writing fix-its of canon or adhering exclusively to canon characterizations. not everyone will enjoy it or read it because no tropes or ways of writing will appeal to everyone, but there will always be someone that enjoys your work and appreciates what you do.

writing is fucking difficult no matter which angle you choose to take. and theres no trope or plot or personal experience that you can't write for any character because there are no laws of writing that say you have to stick to your source material.

its still a good idea to tag if you're characters don't adhere to canon characterizations just because like any trope your reader wants to be able to know what they'll be reading beforehand (and it'll help clarify that the mischaracterization is not an accident you forgot to edit but just how you chose to write this character)

basically your writings are still good and valid even if it wouldn't happen in the show. in some cases "they wouldn't do that in the show" is a damn compliment.

#i wrote this with steddie in mind but it applies to most anything methinks #because i canon characterization for steve and fanon don't always line up but that's not a problem #i love that we like exploring different possibilities for his character from what his parents are like to his relationship with the party #and this applies to smut too it doesnt fucking matter how you wanna write it cause we havent seen them have gay sax so its not like we know #and even if we did it doesn't matter! write them however you want dammit #and especially when writing about serious stuff like if you're projecting your experience with eds or chronic pain or abuse or depression #onto a character who doesn't explicitly have that experience #sharing your experience realistically does more good for you and the readers than trying to make the character canon-compliant #and not to say everyone has to like the thongs you write. no writing will make everyone happy. even the most critical acclaimed works dont #make everyone happy (there are people who don't like arcane for crying out loud and thats the most exceptional/adored show I've ever seen) #steddie tumblr #because those are the only fic i read these days #and we have a lot of different popular tropes that aren't canon compliant and i want you guys to know you're epic and cool #fic writing #writing rambles #writing rant #writing positivity #devon thinks sometimes

[protect-namine]

had to go (near) bgc today......... I was so STRESSED just being there. I haven't been there in years but I get flashbacks to how bad commuting to and from bgc was like. and that stress is just gonna follow me every time I'm near that area

ofc no one here knows what I'm talking about except for maybe like a handful of people, but just know that if you're ever in metro manila, do NOT believe anyone who says it's nice to be in bgc. it is a soulless capitalistic haven without good public transportation. dude I'd rather commute to makati, or hell, mall of asia than bgc. bgc is a hellscape (if it's not apparent from the post, I live in north metro manila) (this is also funny bc like. it shouldn't be terrible to go to bgc bc it's quite near makati but makati is sooooo much more accessible. commuting to and from bgc and makati itself is also its own nightmare)

#mine musings #my commuting skills got put to the test but since i refuse to drive (i get driving anxiety) i still got it (finger guns) #like to get home i rode: a jeep. a minibus. the mrt. and fx #should've ridden a tricycle too so i could say i was testing out all the transportation systems we have in the metro lol #if i did a different route i could've ridden P2P then trike #only the minibus was unplanned. it took me 2.5h to get home........ and that was BEFORE the rush hour. i want to cry #bc i KNOW if i had left later the commute would take me 3.5h. at least #what's worse is that that place i was going to wasn't even really INSIDE bgc #BUT when i was going home i rode a jeep that should've gone to guada but the driver didn't want to follow that route lmao #the route ended in market2x which..... is inside bgc................ ofc he told me beforehand and i was like. fine #i can take a minibus from there to guada. also for some reason the jeeps/minibus seldom show up in the road i was in anyway #like i even asked the guard outside about it. the road i was in was a car road... the minibuses and jeeps go there but not often #anyway i used to work there so i'm conditioned to always feel anxious when i'm close to the area #similarly i'm conditioned to feel relieved when the mrt crosses the boundary to qc lol #and mind you qc itself is BIG but commuting within it is more reasonable to me (except if you're in somewhere like. sauyo novaliches)

[redstrewn]

#it is my headcanon that leander is mentally not quite right #bc i am not #redstrewn talks #would fit his theme of intangible otherness tbh #of invisible “monstrosity” #“ure making it up. its all in ur head. everybody does that. thats normal” and then they get pissed at u for failing to #meet neurotypical expectations #ok. #i also relate to the “mind over matter” and “u can do and be anything u want to” that he goes hard at #i was like that before i had a crash. idk what its called but undiagnosed adhders could do very well in school and then just crash #me rn #i would work hard and “play hard.” aka cry and scroll on my phone while not sleeping bc i felt like i had to or id go insane #who knew it was bc of dopamine deficiency! #i could put an act of normalcy. i have good days. and that would be weaponized against me for all of my many more bad ones #“you did it before you can do it again.” yes except im disabled #my version of “cocaine and drinking w ur friends” is chronically online and sugar #not to mention obsessions w crushes #not broken enough to be believed to be broken but broken enough to suffer #RSD is fucking crazy tbh. im headcanoning leander w that due to his insecurity and inferiority complex #this is why i like art and fantasy. u can make it mean whatever u need it to mean to u.

[whsprings]

"I feel like you're desperately holding onto your ed" that's because I am. next question.

#cw// ed #iop again #had a chat about how i am unwilling to do the work which is always fun to hear #and i was like 'that makes me feel like a lost cause' and g said 'youre not though! i just cant do this for you.' #also ive been in iop for two months and my weight is the same. idk how i managed that. except also i do. #i convince myself that living like this is sustainable and that i dont need to change #and i have no evidence telling me otherwise #g asked if i wanted to stop working on my ed and just do anxiety work and i told her id probably relapse if i did that #she also asked why i am honest on my meal check in sheets in iop and i told her its because lying is pointless and honesty is #the right thing to do #she said it sounds like a cry for help and i said maybe it is #i honestly dont know what i want or what im doing #i hate this

[toastsnaffler]

tried going to bed early bc ive just been sitting staring at the wall or my phone all afternoon but it's been 3 hours now and I can't stop crying. :(

#I dont even know why im so fucking sad. this last week has felt like getting hit by a train repeatedly for no reason whatsoever #and it fucking hurts so bad and i cant fix it because i dont know whats wrong!!!!!! #i think thsts why its been so hard sleeping lately like my brain is problem solving but theres nothing there to be solved #and i dont even have anyone to talk to about it and even if i did i wouldnt have anything to say bc i dont know im just fucking. sad #like yeah ive gotten upset abt other things but thats me projecting my mental state onto everything. theres no original cause #unless it really is just pms and some hormonal shit which is likely but kinda insane to think abt. like yeah my body has decided #to flood the entire fucking system with Kill That Egg™ for a straight week except its too effective and makes me want to kill myself also #but apparently not fucking effective enough to start my actual fucking period. yippee #i want a thousand year long hug and to cry rly snottily into someones shirt and then to fall asleep and wake up feeling rested #man. nothing makes me feel any different. exercising and sleeping and socialising and eating and showering and reading #and i can feel my interest in things trickling away like i havent been able to do a lot of shit i rly want to bc of this barrier #and ive been trying to make myself do some things regardless bc inactivity will just make it worse. but nothing works!!!!!!! #i dont even know anymore man. i do everything right and im still as depressed as i was like 8 years ago #and i know thats just the depressed brain talking like i know i dont constantly feel like this but its hard to see outside of it man #u spend ur whole life drowning but its ok bc sometimes u get ur head above the surface long enough to take a breath or whatever #insert overused mentally ill metaphor here etcetcetc #ok i think ive run out of things to say im gonna try sleep again. day 1 billion of making longass vent posts sorry everyone #gn #.vent

[curiosity-killed]

On the note of love as an action, sure fucking wish my family was better at it

#like I’m not unloveable in the sense that no one feels love for me #but fuck if my friends and family are all really bad at actually *loving* me #like I really don’t think it should be that hard! and yet somehow no one fucking does it #blegh #i know like ‘’is it really a bad day or did you let 5-10 minutes ruin it’’ or whatever #but like yeah today kind of sucks #personal #like bad news (that I was expecting but still kinda sucks) #then surprise! shitty work steamroller #still have this fucking dog which isn’t a problem except it’s just One More Thing #and then tried to call my mom #in part bc they have a lot of feelings about calls but also won’t do it themselves #and partly bc like trying not to do the self-isolating thing #and then just #complete shit #I really don’t want to go to dance tonight #I just want a good cry and to curl up on the couch #which I can’t even do because it’s full of fucking dog hair #ugggggh

[arthur-r]

i have the most insane fucking news

#fafsa got reprocessed they gave me a pell grant and my college saw that and gave me 20 fucking thousand dollars of grants #i’m in a special club now too with a special name for Scholars with Exceptional Financial Need #i fucking THOUGHT so. was terrifying when they gave me zero dollars and i am so glad it was a mistake #anyway i told my teacher this and he says it’s cause i manifested it…. #i would say that my anxiety around the matter was not the kind of energy that brings in good things. but maybe i was secretly being positive #idk shdhdf it did arrive like five seconds after i decided i should commit anyway and figure out how to make it work #so then the universe said oh you’re actually gonna do it?? maybe i’ll save you from the hundred thousand dollars of debt actually #maybe college can be actually a possibility for you without ruining your life forever #so anyway everything is freaking incredible now and everything is okay #and i needed this. cause things have been getting worse and worse at home so like. positive news from an outside source is very much needed #i fucking knew i qualified for a pell grant and financial assistance i felt like i was being gaslit #they literally just miscalculated my family contribution. thought my dad must be funneling his income into something illegal cause we do not #have the money that the fafsa told me we did. but it was literally just fucking wrong and everything is okay #and my dad came into my room crying a couple days ago saying he wants to do everything he can to help me with my loans as soon as he’s done #with paying off his own or once they get forgave in a couple years. so arthur supportive father arc i guess. SHDHDHDF #that graph benji made about my dad getting less transphobic over time it’s coming true. guy put prefer not to answer in the gender section #of a form and he HOVERED OVER THE TRANS BUTTON. that’s insane coming from having screamed at each other about trans issues since before i #even knew that i was trans my dad and i had gotten in screaming debates about queerness and now he keeps saying weird stuff about how he #wants my life to be good. which is fucking baseline father behavior that’s what you’re supposed to get out of a dad but like. i have always #felt like i’m either drenched in expectations or that he just can’t wait for me to leave. so this is really good progress. and with the #financial aid that means that he’s actually going to be able to help. do you understand what this means my dad can help pay off my couple #thousand dollars of loans that are gonna be left over (cause now that they noticed i need aid it’s so fucking cheap) and do you fucking know #do you know what this means. i’m sorry for swearing i don’t know why i am. but what this means is. i won’t be in thousands of dollars of #debt when i graduate or i will be but the monthly payment will be so low and. i can get fucking top surgery is what this means. and go on t #i thought i was gonna be in so much debt that i couldn’t. but its gonna be like. a couple thousand dollars a year something insane like that #so foreseeably i could be getting top surgery by the time i’m 24. that’s insane i can’t even imagine #so anyway. just. everything is going to be okay and there’s actually hope in the world and i’m going insane #obviously saying this can very easily jinx me to literally never ever be happy. but i’m gonna take the manifesting route actually shdhdhf #my life will be So Good Forever. i Believe This Wholeheartedly. Good Things Will Come To Me #anyway i’m gonna run out of tags in a couple seconds but i really needed this you have no idea. i hope everybody is doing well

[crossbackpoke-check]

wait you got me so invested in the stammer & heddy tailor au....

this is my standard disclaimer that i have never posted a fic on ao3* and for however much i say “au” i truly mean that it’s a universe that lives in my head & i am absolutely delighted to tell you all about, all the time <3 if it helps i ALSO got me so invested in the heddy & stammer tailor au

ok now that the author’s note is out of the way here’s some notes about the not!fic heddy & stammer tailor au:

stammer as the tailor from gent’s playbook, very reserved, quiet, with an excellent eye for details (honestly the evidence i have for his style sense is just that he’s best friends with pk subban so it has to be there somewhere if only by proxy irl) is hired by victor hedman, star of the tampa bay lightning who is every other tailor’s nightmare to dress (huge, opinionated, fashionable)

heddy is decently well-known throughout the league for being very well-dressed & becomes quietly well known for also being one of his new tailor’s favorite loyal customers [heddy has the nicest fabrics. he has his suits the first day a new collection drops & e v e r y o n e is jealous]

stammer’s business booms after heddy takes a chance on him as his first big client & promotes him, heddy sees him grow in popularity & get more clients

heddy also moonlights as a model for stammer’s suits on instagram, initially to help him grow his business because then he won’t have to pay for a model and then because he’s over there all the time anyway because they’re dating (that’s why the model’s face is never in the pictures)

there’s not really a plot to this besides the vague idea of a plot where stammer makes heddy his lucky suit that he wins the cup in & sews a special little tag into the lining of his jacket that says i love you

because love sometimes is picking out the perfect right color pocket square to match your husband’s beautiful suit that you fitted like a kiss to the curves of his huge body

& also sometimes love is making your beautiful husband who makes you beautiful clothing enjoy nice things for himself once in a while, like the fancy watch you bought him or the nice suit you custom-ordered for him (from him) just so you could take it off of him

#*i did very much post a zine on ao3 that was part of a really fun exchange that i loved doing (thank you leah for organizing!!!) #& had a fantastic time with however i have not strictly speaking posted a fic. one day i will. eventually. hopefully. pray for me :) #also one time my horoscope told me i was a ‘neutral projector’ & i’ve never felt more called out (‘loves making up things’/‘will not #actually write or plot but will explain every intricate detail of their world & character relationships’/‘hype up every member of the #writing chat & give good advice but never follow it’) like HI CAN U NOT DO THIS TO ME HOROSCOPE THANKS i was read to FILTH #liv in the replies #i do LOOOOOVE me a good one of them plays hockey the other one does not au sometimes they’re so fun to explore dynamics outside/inside sport #at the time i came up with this stammer was out on IR & heddy kept showing up to the playoffs in ridiculously nice suits what was i to do?? #the gent’s playbook tailor will sometimes model his own suits w/o showing his own face which made it look like he had a secret model come in #heddy canonically says his suits make him feel better when he plays esp during playoffs & if he wins in a suit he’ll keep wearing it #oh also the truth of the love is in the pocket square bit? angela price i will never forget. anyway that blue suit i posted in the last ask #with the perfect pink pocket square? that pocket square is a pair of stammer’s boxers heddy took To Me. in my brain #me about the beautiful clothing: this is like daisy crying in gatsby’s silk shirts except it’s baby alpaca fur & also it’s not sad #it’s simply decadent & the inherent intimacy of a fitting mapping the body yada yada yada knowing the ways to flatter someone is a form #of loving them etc etc. love is art love is food love is given love is stored in the custom three-piece suit and tie #is this an enemies to lovers? workplace drama? is the secret plot i only just now invented & added that heddy is ‘difficult to work with’ #but it’s just because he wants to look good & in the words of his own (real) tailor the hardest guy to fit because he’s so big? OHHH HOLD IT #I GOT THE PLOT IN THE TAGS Y’ALL AND IT’S STAMMER TEACHING HEDDY TO LOVE HIS BODY heddy who’s been told what to/not wear & you know. #the commodification of the body in hockey (but we’re not getting that deep) but stammer with a mouth full of pins tightening heddy’s pant #leg down even further as he listens to what heddy wants for once & lets him pick fabrics (this is the daisy shirt moment but it’s heddy #looking at fabric swatches dozens of books of them stammer helps him pick out matching linings &outsides &squares) & stammer compliments him #& they’re in love & idk NEARLY enough abt fashion but there r like codes? messages? to wearing suits i think w/the etiquette so that too #should this have also gone under a readmore? yeah probably. whoops #victor hedman #steven stamkos #tampa bay lightning

[arklay]

did not just think about diana finding al just sitting on their bed holding their wedding photo in his hands after she brings him back, and he's just looking at it, visibly distressed, and the moment she touches his shoulder he starts crying and buries his face against her chest because he thinks he really ruined their relationship. good lord

#leah.txt #pair: ewskers #baby boy she would not have spent years regenerating your body if she hated you i am going to disintegrate i can't do this #i think when his viruses are stable his emotions are very much Not. i think the mutant strain changed specific brain chemistry and he lost #a lot of empathy and just the ability to really feel emotions. he was very numb. he knew he should feel a certain way and emulated that but #he didn't really *feel* and after everything is stable he's feeling things he hasn't in over 10 years and he's also in a very bad state of #mind from everything that's happened so oh boy things aren't going great for them #also numb except like anger. and hatred. he was being turned into a literal killing machine after all. notice how blood thirsty he got? #i have so much post volcano lore for them i can't do this i need to just. explodes. and like they are still working through things ofc (it #takes years) when diana is alerted of activity with the company and even though they go and do all of that like he is still trying to find #himself again and decondition everything spencer and umbrella drilled into his head. they are still evil and scheming don't worry there #besties. and they still think they are better than everyone else. this is fact in their minds. but like. there's a lot going on for him #i put him through a lot of pain and as much as i joke that i want to put him through a blender it actually makes me really sad. he doesn't #need more trauma lmao. yeah he is evil and fucked up but no child deserves what spencer did to him #fictional man making me really sad. i need to wrap him in a blanket #sir why did you have to go and try and kill everyone on the planet whadda hell is wrong with you i'm holding your hand #maybe if your wife was there kissing you then you'd calm down a little bit and not throw yourself into a volcano #not unfolding time coming on shuffle as i type this what is wrong with you spotify i can't go through this right now #i like to see powerful men weak and cry but also he is a ball of trauma and it hurts me #i have Many thoughts about why he did what he did in 5 cause yeah it's out of character for him to follow through with spencer's vision #but i don't think that's what he was doing. kinda hinted a bit at this with that one fight fic but also i have a whole essay somewhere

[kuiinncedes]

listening to the jatp soundtrack again for the first time in 437856387459723562534 years

#HOW DARE THEY TAKE THEM AWAY FROM ME #im like happy but sad listening rn XD #i better not cry im in my room w my roommate lmao #*sobbing inside* EVEN IF WE HIITTTTTT THEEEEEE GROUUUND WE'LL STILL FLY KEEP DREAMING LIKE WE'LL LIVE FOREVER #OH THE BRIDGE #WE'RE THE REVOLUTION THATS BEEN SINGING IN THE RAINNNAFDGNSDIUGHIRHGA;KJG #ok so im . reigniting my obsession w j/atp again XD #i have been reading/rereading some j/atp fic so #sigh here we go again XD not a bad thing but also it is a very time consuming thing lmao 🤪 #WAKE UP MAKE ME CRY MADI EXCEPT DONT EXCEPT AHFUGHADFIHGADFUGAJDFBJLFGHF #🫠🫠🫠🫠🫠🫠🫠🫠🫠🫠🫠🫠🫠🫠🫠🫠 #jeanne talks #gonna try to keep working on my hw lmfaoooo #WHHYYYYYYY DID THEY TAKE THEM AWAY FROM MEEEEEEEE #SHES READYU TO POWER THRU IT!!!!!!GONNA FIND THE STRENGTH FIND THE MELODY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! #*screams* im fine #no but ive been wanting to listen to it again for so long but i was scared of like . the time commitment XD / emotional effects lolll #so in that sense this might be the worst week to do it but . i needed it #life is a risk but i will take it . and listen to the j/atp soundtrack for the first time in forever during one of my busiest weeks :D #i've also been putting off rewatching for a while i gotta do that :] maybe over break :DDDDDD #why is this so good TT #i do still have to finish rewatching the g/ood pIace....... im scared of the last two episodes lmfaooo mainly the last ep lol #but i've also been putting off the second to last :P anyway HOMEWORK

[miserye]

perhaps made a grave mistake telling my parents to pick me up before finals are officially over

#do i really want to take the risk #of working immediately when i could be lazing around doing nothing for three days #i have knitting projects i'm tryna finish #but also i can't spend those days crying over tsurune #maybe this was a bad decision #chatterye #i love the period in finals where i have nothing to do except exist idk why i did this to myself #my roommate hates it so she's literally going back in the middle of finals week which i think is fucking insane #but it's because she 'has a bf and i don't' direct words #but like i still think it's stupid

[pepprs]

also like my school literally doesn’t report covid cases on campus for like almost 2 weeks. they haven’t updated the dashboard since May 12 and in that time SO many ppl i know on campus have gotten it. so im sure cases are very high and i do not fucking trust then to keep us all safe. they don’t fucking care <- is applying to work for them full time 💀 but still

#purrs #this person who graduated from here in December and is disabled became a covid activist and started this whole organization about keeping c #campuses covid safe and im just crying looking at what they did because of how horribly they were treated and how i fucking backed down when #they were like we already are doing the maximum we can do ♥️ like no you FUCKING aren’t. you are denying reality. you are pretending like #covid is over and it isn’t. and im not even disabled or immunocompromised like there are students who are who won’t be able to go to this an #and it doesn’t even matter because no one wants to wear masks anymore ♥️ like how fucking stupid can you be. not everyone is onay with mask #mandates being removed. not everyone can SURVIVE if mask mandates are removed. so why can’t everyone just endure a temporary inconvenience s #so EVERYONE who worked hard for this can attend and not have to worry about risking their lives and their families lives. its fucking #horrific. like does NOBODY care anymore. are we just giving up completely. fuck them andfuck all the people who are making it hard to access #care and actively denying people who want or NEED stricter guidelines an opportunity to go. this fucking sucks and i feel so bad for that pe #person bc they got ruthlessly mocked on Twitter and had to go thru all this legal bullshit with the admin and they did NOTHI NG and it’s lik #like i don’t even know you h it good for you for taking how painful that was and trying to help people navigate it. and i don’t know what to #do with any of this except not go but also im in pain and not thinking clearly but this is fucking nightmarish. like you want to talk #draconian how about the choices being miss your graduation or get a disease that could lead to chronic illness and death. lol #ask to tag

[rustedleopard]

In reference to this post.

@twothpaste​ The especially rich thing about people who justify their cruelty by saying that “The world is screwed up anyways” and “People who are kind are actually stupid, I’m just seeing the world as it is and acting accordingly” (or whatever excuses they conjure up so they can act like an asshole with no sweat off their conscious) is that it’s self-fulfilling.

Like, yeah, sure there are things in the world that are terrible and unavoidable like natural disasters and disease. There’s no amount of “being nice” that can make cancer stop existing. But people’s actions are controllable and if you’re being a terrible person, then you’re part of the reason why the world is terrible. What you do impacts the universe around you, and there is nothing you can do to isolate your actions from the rest of the world, so if you’re being a dick then: Congrats! You’re feeding into your stupid worldview and making everyone else around you miserable, you Ouroborus motherfucker!

#there will always be people out there that will (intentionally or unintentionally) do terrible and evil things and hurt people #and that's just the reality of life. it sucks but it happens #but if you're acting that way intentionally and you're proud of it then i hate you #and also your worldview is beyond my comprehension. why would you actively try to make other people miserable? #you're not teaching anyone anything except that they should avoid you #''yeah i knocked over that kid's sandcastle and sure he's crying but little Timmy's gotta learn that the world ain't fair #I am so smart :smug_face:'' #but to get back to Porky it's so fascinating. when he said that he's the 'same old boy at heart' in M3 #he really meant it. even as his body aged he never learned why he shouldn't be a jerk. #he decided to make that his identity and then just ran with it (and it clearly wasn't low on mileage by chapter 8) #he's fascinating in the same way a pimple popping video is: #interesting to observe from a distance and contemplate maybe #but also i would not want to get personally involved with whatever's going on there #(i actually can't stand pimple popping videos but the simile works... kinda) #anyways #i meant to get back to this earlier but i got very very ill and then forgot #did you know that there is a limit to how much pedialyte and soup i can take before i start to lose it??? I learned #in related news: i suggest being careful. i think norovirus might be going around

[taketheringtolohac]

haha wow this day is horrible!

#on top of the being forced to donate. every single one of my books. and being scolded constantly for not being fast enough or being lazy. #i have to find a place to donate them bc it’s ‘my responsibility’ when I don’t even want to do it in the first place. #and then there’s the fact that no one fucking wants 7 boxes of books bc books take up SPACE #and they’re heavy. and ugh. #so I did find a place. it’s my old hs. it would be perfect except school doesn’t start until after labor day and can’t do anything til then #but I’m leaving tmr to go back to school and tonight to go to my moms to pack and just. yeah. #so I got yelled at and told I need to find another solution. great. #my dad just came and said that he’s just gonna give it to housing works which is fine. but then also said apparently #my Lola is in the hospital w a brain hemorrhage and needs and mri this is. great. amazing. sigh. #and now it’s my responsibility to tell my brother. sigh. same as it ever was. #and I still have to pack for school bc leaving tmr but also now that my room is just. not gonna get done at all that means. #everything is liable to be thrown away or donated. I’m just. yeah. this is bad. i am going to have a breakdown bc of it. #but it’s fine. nothing to be done. I’ll just have to stop having feelings or what fucking ever. #and everyone is gone rn bc it’s not even two pm and i am about to cry and I hate it. so much. this sucks. #roxy talks

[ambreiiigns]

anyway. carlotta & fam left this morning :( so :( i'm sleeping some more and then i'll be watching wrestling all day until i have to go out w friends

#i HAVE to rewatch last night's dynamite bc the stream was so shit #also i shut it off as soon as i saw kenny. i just. can't deal w that rn #can't deal w that NOW either #but i did go to bed w the biiiggest smile #yes i am so scared and i have so much anxiety. yes it just feels good to see the three of them back together #so besides that. i haven't even seen summerslam yet. & i left impact off around the same time. so i have a LOT of fuckin catching up to do #and one of my Besties from I Porci is back in town (moved away after middle school and we don't really see him much anymore except summer) #so tonight we HAVE to go out and celebrate #which is good. cause i (like the rest of us tbh) had a real good cry abt carlotta. & i don't think i can handle being alone for a while 😔 #i got too used to her and uncle and his gf being here ! and we spent all day every day at Grandparents' House together! #i haven't been alone in weeks !!!! and i would like to keep it up. i don't want whiplash #but also i need me time to watch wrestling & slashers & DRAW GODDD I HAVE TO DRAW OR ELSE I'LL DIE #the thing i'm working on is so fuckin. outdated at this point. seeing what happened last night. but i can't drop it #sigh.... anyway... #oh nay