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inkskinned · 8 months

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because sometimes there are invisible tests and invisible rules and you're just supposed to ... know the rule. someone you thought of as a friend asks you for book recommendations, so you give her a list of like 30 books, each with a brief blurb and why you like it. later, you find out she screenshotted the list and send it out to a group chat with the note: what an absolute freak can you believe this. you saw the responses: emojis where people are rolling over laughing. too much and obsessive and actually kind of creepy in the comments. you thought you'd been doing the right thing. she'd asked, right? an invisible rule: this is what happens when you get too excited.

you aren't supposed to laugh at your own jokes, so you don't, but then you're too serious. you're not supposed to be too loud, but then people say you're too quiet. you aren't supposed to get passionate about things, but then you're shy, boring. you aren't supposed to talk too much, but then people are mad when you're not good at replying.

you fold yourself into a prettier paper crane. since you never know what is "selfish" and what is "charity," you give yourself over, fully. you'd rather be empty and over-generous - you'd rather eat your own boundaries than have even one person believe that you're mean. since you don't know what the thing is that will make them hate you, you simply scrub yourself clean of any form of roughness. if you are perfect and smiling and funny, they can love you. if you are always there for them and never admit what's happening and never mention your past and never make them uncomfortable - you can make up for it. you can earn it.

don't fuck up. they're all testing you, always. they're tolerating you. whatever secret club happened, over a summer somewhere - during some activity you didn't get to attend - everyone else just... figured it out. like they got some kind of award or examination that allowed them to know how-to-be-normal. how to fit. and for the rest of your life, you've been playing catch-up. you've been trying to prove that - haha! you get it! that the joke they're telling, the people they are, the manual they got- yeah, you've totally read it.

if you can just divide yourself in two - the lovable one, and the one that is you - you can do this. you can walk the line. they can laugh and accept you. if you are always-balanced, never burdensome, a delight to have in class, champagne and glittering and never gawky or florescent or god-forbid cringe: you can get away with it.

you stare at your therapist, whom you can make jokes with, and who laughs at your jokes, because you are so fucking good at people-pleasing. you smile at her, and she asks you how you're doing, and you automatically say i'm good, thanks, how are you? while the answer swims somewhere in your little lizard brain:

how long have you been doing this now? mastering the art of your body and mind like you're piloting a puppet. has it worked? what do you mean that all you feel is... just exhausted. pick yourself up, the tightrope has no net. after all, you're cheating, somehow, but nobody seems to know you actually flunked the test. it's working!

aren't you happy yet?

#almost wrote the champagne line as ''effervescent'' but legit could not write it without saying ''effervescent like a snail''#ah tumblr...#writeblr #warm up #idk . having trouble writing rn #ps i don't like to talk about it . it is my medical information. but before you ask. yes this is about being on the spectrum #i really don't like when ppl make my writing about how im [whatever ID]. i want it to ring true for the people who it rings true for #i don't want it to be like ''awwwww look at this person!!! she's the EXCEPTION!!! :)" .....#no.... not really.....#idk something gross happens whenever i admit to certain conditions and i turn into like inspiration p*rnography #like yes they actually let us use keyboards these days #furthermore i just... dont feel comfortable talking about this part of me. i had too bad of a childhood. adhd is one thing...#this one im like. still coming to terms with. which is like. my own journey.#idk. just please be kind. some things are more private than others. this one feels private to me.#i do not know how to help others w/this . and i do not know how to help myself. i will talk about it if im ever ready. idk if that will #actually ever happen #ty in advance i love u im kissing you we are kissing somewhere on the spectrum

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charlotteandthechocolatefactory · 6 months

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💐 flowers_are_cool Follow

i like flowers. they are pretty and smell good

🌲 I-SpeakForTheTrees Follow

flowers are so cool, and so are trees! but yk what's better? flowering trees!

💐 flowers_are_cool Follow

wow, i agree! tumblr is such a nice place with such nice people.

#idk why i made this #it's like playing with dolls #except on tumblr #i had so much fun making this

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phantasymistart · 4 months

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uh oh guys new favourite character time

#i seriously have not thought about anything except mizu for like. 2 weeks.#just some studies while i try and learn how to draw her <333 #blue eye samurai #bes #mizu blue eye samurai #mizu #phantasymist #art #illustration #my art #procreate #artists of tumblr #artists on tumblr #digital painting #digital art #fanart #blue eye samurai fanart #bes fanart #mizu fanart

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jitterbugbear · 9 months

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malanya the horse god - mixed media

#MY FAVEEEE #this gif got really cronched and you can't really make out the eyes #but honestly i just want to get this off my hands at this point #so uhhhhhh i spent weeks on this how are yall doing #i handpainted everything (except link and the particle effect) and then scanned and animated in after effects #you can't really tell it's painted because its so crunchy so lollllll #it was still good to try some new things #animation #gif #zelda #totk #botw #horse god #artists on tumblr #art #jitterbugbear art #mixed media

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meercraft · 20 days

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100% convinced Scar has a secret twitter account btw bc that man appears in the most random conversations. he’s out here replying to a tweet of someone who was trying to promote their ranchers fic. how did he get there. i KNOW he’s out there lurking. he has to be. secretly. in the shadows. i know it

#tumblr is safe. thats why im here.#surely none of them r here except for like gem #anyway.#goodtimeswithscar #gtws #hermitcraft #hc s10

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mjulmjul · 9 months

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The South Downs

#artists on tumblr #good omens #good omens 2 #aziracrow #tennant is All Leg I do enjoy that about him #good omens spoilers #except not cos this is like the original ending but whatever #i could not resist

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qiinamii · 7 months

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old men's little guys

#again they're separate tweets in the linked words! the first pic is older #got a buncha whoopsies in the 2nd pic so this is the revised one LMAO i give u the tumblr priviledge #ive been playing HSR since release day would you believe me that the standard banner gave me every 5* charas except yanqing #and bronya like i s2g if it gives me bronya or Not yanqing b4 i can hit its 300 pull. i will sue yanqing personally idc if hes 14 /lh #old long-life grandpas with their boys whos either unsatisfied or doesnt know how to accept gifts pick a struggle #qiiarts #zhongli #jing yuan #yanqing #xiao #lumine #sword choices were hard SKDJFHSDF #genshin impact #honkai star rail #stelle

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solarockk · 2 months

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cod boy and salmon girl do some fishing

#do you know like- those photos of men posing with the fish they just caught? this is the same thing except its the fandom assigned sister #avian/canary jimmy became popular so they had to steal the seablings aesthetic adskjdakds #grian mc #grian mc fanart #pearlescentmoon #pearlescentmoon fanart #hermitcraft #man i love season 10 #so much fishing #mcyt #artist on tumblr #digital art #fanart #sol art #skyblings #grian #grian fanart

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bulkhummus · 1 year

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i just know he’d be insufferable

#and he’d be RIGHT #im not saying cecil wouldnt murder for the crown but— no i am saying that actually #hes a bitch #babygirl supreme <3 #you deserve it king #i love sans but unfortunately i love cecil more #cecilsweep #sans undertale #cecil palmer #sexymanotd #wtnv #welcome to night vale #art tag #this is prolly the last sexyman art ill make except for the one ill post to patreon #tumblr sexyman poll

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anglerflsh · 4 months

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hold. I'm curious about this now

*chosen/proper name, not necessarily a dead/legal name

edit if you have more than one name and aren't attached to any of them pick the fourth option thank you love and light second edit if your view of your name is neutral or you feel like you'd respond to anything. fourth option too

#[.txt]#poll #I'm on an end of the spectrum because idc about the name I'm called except prefering it not to be aligned with my agab #but I have recently been told that to some people it's a really important thing so I'm curious as to how that rates to tumblr dot com #anyway #take in count that I also don't have a solid sense of identity so my view of names and of the self is: skewed 👍

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ded-lime · 9 months

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