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#excerpt from a book I'll never write
painting-thoughts · a day ago
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I believe you traumatized my heart, and ever since you happened, I’ve been paralyzed in love with you. You broke it in a cruel way, and I wasn’t ready to break for you yet. Maybe that’s why it feels like I haven’t begun healing. I really haven’t healed from you at all. It’s just time that’s passed that has managed to numb the pain, but not make the knowledge of its existence go away. You won’t go away. And I wish I could live my life without you haunting me everyday. Why did you have to come into my life in the first place? And why did I ever have to fall for someone like you?
c / I don’t recognize you anymore - I don’t recognize the person I loved
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poems-of-nothing · a day ago
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Feigning
All this wasted time
doing things I never wanted
to do, slipping through
the cracks in my fingers;
And I was so polite in
my dissatisfaction,
I didn't want to ruin
the illusion
for anyone else.
I kept pretending,
feigning, faking, flaking,
until I didn't recognize
my own reflections.
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blooming-anna-rose · 2 days ago
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“and I felt so uncomfortable being in my body. That’s how I describe my anxiety. I cannot breathe, I cannot take being in my skin, I want to take it off and flee, my brain needs escape my heart is beating too fast for my being so still and so I slip on my running shoes and my feet move till my heart is beating at the pace of the flat of my feet hitting the pavement. My brain stops thinking about anything but the next step in front of me, letting me feel lighter, letting me let go of my worries. I don’t usually know why the anxiety comes. It just does. It can be a from a mountain of little things or just seeing a photo from a few years ago that whispers to me everything is not alright, it could be from doing one embarrassing thing and feeling like a fool, or not liking the person looking back at me in the mirror that morning, either way I cannot stand it, I cannot bear it for one more second so I chase it away with my blood pumping and sweaty skin and running shoes.”
-n.c. // 6/10/22
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i. greed, the most desirous of sins
lush silks and blinding gold, we have empty castles for hearts. even eternity won’t be long enough for those of us grasping at exploding stars. we don’t want much. just glory without all the blood that comes with it. just pearls in our crowns and immortality slipping through our palms like sand. just empires to be rulers of without the curse of eternal damnation. just power and impenetrable fortresses without the promise of ruination. we don’t want much, just love without any teeth. but you know better than anyone that there are some things even gods aren’t allowed to have.
// (thinking about writing one for each of the seven deadly sins)
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divyachamaria · a month ago
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I have a special love for those people who despite it all, manage to stay soft. Who keep their heart kind and their soul warm. It takes real strength to keep those qualities when life kicks you down.
— Divya C.
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vomitingwords · 8 months ago
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when things are not FINE / ma.c.a
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ninasdrafts · 5 months ago
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For the next year, I hope you have faith that there is more out there for you - that life still has a lot to offer and that you’re deserving of it. I hope you have the courage to keep your heart open even though you’ve been hurt and misled. I hope you still find it in yourself to trust. I hope you can hold on to the thought that things do get better in time even though there have been days when you nearly gave up. I hope you give yourself enough time to heal, as much as you need. I hope you keep your patience and your good heart and I really, really hope 2022 treats you well. And even if it doesn't, I hope you'll do what you always do: you fight and you fall down and you get back up again.
2022 / n.j.
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beyondgenre · 8 months ago
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I just want to live in big oversized sweaters and read while drinking hot coffee and look out at the rain from the comfort of my tiny cozy little home.
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aretherestarsinhell · 7 months ago
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“i still love you. you know that right? i always did, probably always will. lord knows i was never good at letting things - or people - go.”
-and other things i’ll never tell you. c.r.
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juansendizon · 10 months ago
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One day I’ll buy you all the paperback books you wanna have, and I’ll read them with you, or you can read them alone, or I can read them first and tell you how they made me feel. I’ll go to a bookstore every Tuesday and ask for any poetry book about hope and love, for that’s what you always make me feel like I am being loved by a poet who can show me how wonderful existence can be when it is expressed with the right words. I’m going to write about you when no book can explain how precious you are to my heart and when I pass away I’ll give you all my books then I’ll always be a part of you, and when I’m always a part of you, then I’ll never get to say goodbye for every time you read a book there was a time when it was my whole universe. You are my library, my every page, and my entire heart.
Juansen Ryne Dizon, Paperback Books
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letterstothestone · a month ago
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it's weird how when a child screams they don't feel loved at home and don't feel safe around their family, the first thing that a parent might do is list the number of things they have done for their child instead of asking themselves what made their child feel that way. parents aren't supposed to be strict and feared. when a child walks into this world, they are naive and parents are supposed to be the home and safe space the child looks for when they need help or when things get messed up instead of going "my parents will kill me for this". by engraving your fear into your child's mind, you are just making sure that they to lie to you. i don't know what kind of cruelty we are forcing onto generations by making them fear their own parents. how would they learn love when they never knew what it is? and in a world so cruel and unkind, love is the most important thing we need. not fear.
Parents scare the hell out of their children and then have the audacity to ask "why you put your friends on such a pedestal". well maybe because they taught me love and maybe you should learn how to parent. you can begin from going to therapy and getting your traumas and misconceptions resolved.
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painting-thoughts · a day ago
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He showed me what love wasn’t.
c / I think I have a better idea of who I want now, and it’s not you
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becherdireinen · a year ago
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It’s kinda cool how someone can just pop into your life all of a sudden and become so important to you within such a small amount of time. I think that’s what makes life so interesting though. There’s always a reason to be hopeful for the future because you never know what good things will come your way next.
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i-wrotethisforme · a month ago
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I knew the second I saw you. I don’t know what I knew, but I knew it and I’ve never been more sure of anything.
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because you were only 5 when you learnt the dark was something you should be afraid of and that night, a child found god in the bathroom light
when you turned 11, someone said you were too loud, too brash, too annoying for a girl; they made you think you’d never make it in this world
then came your 13th birthday when you realised that your mother would only love the person you could become for her, so you made yourself smaller and smaller until you ceased to exist outside of your own mind, screaming “are you happy now, mother?” but no voice comes out because you can’t be too loud, remember?
at 15, you hated yourself for not being able to fight without crying (you still do) so you don’t let anyone in that can hurt you
and now that you’re 17, you’ve waited for summer long enough to know it will never arrive for a person who says so little of what she means.
// you’ve been 8, on your way to 18, and barely survived the years in between
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smokeinsilence · 2 years ago
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have you ever noticed you pick up little habits and phrases from the people you love? it’s no wonder our hearts are so easily broken when people leave. we become a reflection of the people that we care about and those personality traits stick with us even if the people don’t
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vomitingwords · 7 months ago
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"And I realized that what I want to end is not my life." she said. "But what makes me hate living."
It's that time of the year // ma.c.a
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somewhatsomelikepoetry · 7 months ago
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When I miss you I sit down and write you letters that never gets sent
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random-writing-thoughts · a month ago
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Thought #52
Warning: Kidnapping
"Where did you learn how to drive?" Villain shouted from the backseat.
Hero clenched their jaw gripping the steering wheel tight. "Usually the kidnapee doesn't talk."
Villain glared at Hero. "Usually the kidnapper isn't the worst driver in the world. I hope a cop pulls you over and sees me tied up in the backseat."
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aretherestarsinhell · 5 months ago
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maybe all the signs were there-
maybe i just refused to see them.
after all, red flags just look like flags when you see them through rose colored glasses.
-why did i believe you when you said you'd never hurt me? c.r.
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