Can I go to the top of the mountains? Let me scream out that I’m healing, let the world know that I’m okay. Tell the ones that doubted me, that I am healing.

The world fell to pieces around her

She stood on rubble

Barely grazed by the downfall

As people rushed to her aid

A few scrapes scattered around her body

No broken bones

She was fine they said

But the scars inside her head

We're untraceable.

I'm going to write about you long after we've parted ways. That's how I'll keep you around. That's how I'll keep us alive.

n.j.

— autumn artemis, Buried Hopes // inspired by the line "My life is a perfect graveyard of buried hopes." from Anne of Green Gables by L.M. Montgomery (1908)

I just want to live in big oversized sweaters and read while drinking hot coffee and look out at the rain from the comfort of my tiny cozy little home.

One day I’ll buy you all the paperback books you wanna have, and I’ll read them with you, or you can read them alone, or I can read them first and tell you how they made me feel. I’ll go to a bookstore every Tuesday and ask for any poetry book about hope and love, for that’s what you always make me feel like I am being loved by a poet who can show me how wonderful existence can be when it is expressed with the right words. I’m going to write about you when no book can explain how precious you are to my heart and when I pass away I’ll give you all my books then I’ll always be a part of you, and when I’m always a part of you, then I’ll never get to say goodbye for every time you read a book there was a time when it was my whole universe. You are my library, my every page, and my entire heart.

Juansen Ryne Dizon, Paperback Books

have you ever noticed you pick up little habits and phrases from the people you love? it’s no wonder our hearts are so easily broken when people leave. we become a reflection of the people that we care about and those personality traits stick with us even if the people don’t

—Me (JNH)// Grief greets me in the mornings

13 things i learned in 2020

nothing stays the same. without a moment's notice, everything can change and leave you wondering what the hell happened. living in the present and appreciating the small things is important because nothing else is guaranteed or permanent.

we humans are not as important as we believe ourselves to be. when the bee dies so do the flowers. when we die the flowers grow back. if we are to build a better future, we must give back to the planet by changing the ways we live on it.

time is not real. there is nothing in the laws of physics that can prove it is anything other than a human construct.

power of the people will always outweigh the people in power. the 1% are scared of us realising this and acting upon it.

home is more of a person than a place. the way i see my family has changed. all that other stuff i thought i wanted when the true treasure was here all along.

distance does not lessen the value or strength of true friendship.

self-care is by far the most important skill to learn in life. being aware of my needs, how things effect me, and eliminating harmful inputs has gone a long way in improving my physical and mental health.

social media does not offer an honest or healthy way in which to view the world. like a toxic friend, it uses our desires and insecurities in all sorts of manipulative ways. being able to take a step back and reconnect with the real physical world can be both invigorating and revelatory.

simple acts of kindness cost nothing but are as precious as gold dust.

eye contact has become a new form of communication. with masks hiding half of our faces we have no choice but to look at each other's souls. we see each other more now and we offer strangers in the street smiles from our eyes rather than our mouths.

being lonely doesn't mean we're alone. everyone is going through something. even if they don't show it.

laughter is the closest thing there is to magic. watery eyes, burning chests and aching ribs from laughing too much are the most wonderful feelings in the world.

i am much more resilient and capable than i thought i was.

i sent a lot of texts

that i wish i hadn't sent,

i returned a lot of calls

i wish never called again,

i spoke a lot of words

but they all came out abstruse,

I was fed a lot of lies

when i was hungry for the truth,

i gave people love

and they never had to ask,

i beg myself for some

but i never get it back.

- "i sent a lot of texts that i wish i hadn't sent"

He starts to kiss her softly. Then looks at her again. Into her eyes, at her lips. She comes closer and kisses him back. Again. And again. And again. Takes his face into her hands. And again. And again. He pulls her closer, as close as possible. And again.

k.b. // and again

A letter to you;

Hi,

I imagine that sometimes you still check my social media. Check here to see how I am. I hope you do, so if you read this. Hi. I’m okay, I feel better than I ever have. But I miss you sometimes, there’s so much I wish I could tell you about. I don’t think about you everyday anymore, but it still hits me that you are gone and my heart hurts.

The worst part about losing you was losing a best friend. I wish I could call you and tell you about her, tell you about my new friends and the new tattoos.

But I know I can’t, we need to move on. To learn to be an independent person, need to learn how to love other people, need to love ourselves. But I hope you are okay, happy and healthy.

I hope you found a new stile that fits you, I hope you smile with your teeth and I hope you laugh loudly with no shame. I hope you embrace yourself and who you truly are.

Forever yours,

-

Aesthetically pleasing activities that you can start doing right now

Grab a random book you have at home, read few pages and underline all the words or phrases that inspire you most , search for their meanings or use them to create your own poetry.

Fill out a gratitude list.

Set a daily reminder on your phone to drink water.

Practice belly breathing.

write down about your best self, who is she like ? and how can you move closer into being her ? when you’re done hang that paper you used in a place where you can see it daily.

Stretch for 15 minutes.

put on nice comfortable clothes.

Loose yourself into the internet archives https://archive.org/

Repeat after me, We deserve and still have time to be all the things we want to be! ( if necessary write it on a post it and keep it near you as a reminder.)

Start a recipes journal.

Start a Commonplace book , if you don’t know what that is let me explain  “it’s a notebook/book into which notable extracts from other works are copied for personal use. 

I like to think that in another life we might have met under different circumstances. Imagine something like this: a crowded café downtown, where the rich smell of freshly brewed coffee hits you the moment you open the door. People are tripping over one another in their haste to become someone worthwhile and their chatter drowns out your favourite part of your current favourite song. You take out your phone and replay it, and that is when you see me. Doesn't it always go like this? In movies and books and songs? Eyes meet across the room and the whole world stops. It's different for us, though, because you told me you didn't believe in love at first sight.  So maybe you wouldn't fall in love right away. Maybe you wouldn't even notice me. But perhaps you'd start visiting that busy café more frequently. Not in hopes of seeing me again, but because of that unexplainable pull you feel toward that place. Toward me, even if you aren't aware of it yet. Because if there is one thing I'm certain of, it's that we'd find a way to meet even in another life, again and again. Never the same way but always with the same outcome. If there's one thing I want to believe in, it's that my soul would reach out and find yours through the years, different lives, across universes and mountains and the sea. And that your response would always be the same: come find me, I'm dying to meet you.

in another life / n.j.

You are not your own person , really you are not. You are the laughter of your mother . The anger of your father. You are the warmth of your best friend and the kindness of the last book you read. You are pages of torn history , you are the music you sway to and beauty of stars on a clear night . You are the clouds on a rainy day and you are the clear skies on the sunny day. You are fragments of everything and everyone in your life regardless of where they are now. You are not you own person — but the whole universe.

You wake up every morning to fight the same demons that left you so tired the night before and that my love is bravery.

You deserve to be with someone who makes you feel the happy kind of tired because they hug you after a sad day, and you can’t help but melt in wholeness. You deserve to be with someone who offers you the rest of their mornings because they want to carry your light with them as they carry on with their hopes and dreams. You deserve to be with someone who kisses you where you feel the most unlovable, and you feel safe there like nothing can ever harm you nor hurt you, and you want to stay a little bit longer in their touch. You deserve to be with someone who makes you believe that you’re worthy of living well because they’re always there, ready to catch you when you fall, and I want to be the person you deserve to be with.

Juansen Ryne Dizon, A Love Letter in August

omg, who made this, this is the realest thing i read for last 5 days

—Me (JNH)// it scares him, it consumes me