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#excerpt from a story i'll never write

That night, Joseph decided to take Martha out for a wonderful play.


A woman character in the play, managed to attract a lot of attention from the crowd as she was involved in a death-defying stage combat on a testosterone fueled stage. Some men even wanted to go backstage to check if she really was a woman.

The play ended with an astounding applause from the crowd.


“What a wonderful lady that was? Did you enjoy it?”, Asked Joseph.

With an imperceptible smile, Martha said, “Yes, She was wonderful indeed . But..”

Joseph swiftly turned his face away as the crowd went on applauding and cheering for the woman character.


Martha sighed and thought, “May be the only time men admired a woman was when she was skilled enough to fight a physical stunt”.


~ An excerpt from a play I will never write.

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When you watch them fall out of love with you

I relied on men for my happiness, embarrassing to say, but it’s true. My self worth was determined how many times a man said I was pretty, or how often they praised me for anything. Now, I could handle being single, I mean you still get attention from guy’s validating you. But what I could never handle, was watching a man I loved, a man who made me feel better about myself, fall out of love with me.

I watched it happen twice. The first time was my first love. A love that filled me with so much excited for the world and for myself. He made me no longer insecure. He gave me a life I so desperately wanted. Overtime in the relationship, I watched as the texts got shorter, attention became only at night, I watched his eyes no longer glow when he saw me. And it killed me. I desperately tried to find ways to make it go back to how it was in the beginning. If he didn’t love me, then I had no worth. I was doing something wrong, and I could fix it. And I could go back to being perfect, but nothing worked. I eventually straight up asked him if he was. He reassured me that I was just over thinking. That he loved me and wants to see me walk down the aisle. I believed him. I wish I didn’t, I wish I just would’ve walked out myself. Two days after promising me the world, he left… I lost 17 pounds in one month. Because something had to be wrong with me, right? Why would he just leave? I developed anxiety and thought every single action I did was the wrong one, and I was embarrassed for it. In 9 months I moved on. It took 9 months…

The second time, I was on the lookout. In the beginning of our relationship, I constantly asked and asked and asked and asked if he still loved me. My last relationship left me with a lot of trust issues. It took me a while to believe anything he said. Because well, my ex said those things too, hell he said it all two days before me left me. I was constantly waiting for the new guy to leave me. I made sure not to get too attached in the beginning. Because he would eventually do the same, right? Well over time I believed him. And I wish I didn’t. I wish I would’ve just walked out earlier. I finally let myself love him, because surely this one was different… I was wrong. I loved him too late. I loved him when he fell out of love with me. I knew he did. I watched it all happen in my eyes before, so I knew what was happening. I think I knew it even before he came to the self realization he wanted to leave. However, he constantly denied it. But it didn’t matter. He started treating me worse and worse, because well, he fell out of love. However, this time I walked away. I wasn’t going to allow myself to get left. It was hard walking away from someone you loved, but this time, I had enough self worth to do so. I no longer needed a guy to tell me I was pretty, to be pretty. I didn’t need a guy to tell me I was funny, to be funny. I didn’t need a guy to tell me I deserved the world, to know I deserved the world.

If anyone is going though this right now. If you’re watching the one you love slowly lose interest. Please have self respect. I know you can’t just wake up and love yourself, but please understand that if you can feel it in your gut something is wrong, then it is. Even if he tells you it’s not. I promise you two things will happen in this situation, either he eventually leaves you. Or you understand that one day you will find someone who will never lose interest, and you walk out. You can’t make someone love you more, you can’t make someone stay, you can’t make anyone do anything. However, you can change yourself. So please love yourself.

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I am grateful for my family, my friends and all the privileges I have. That being said I want to bring to everyone’s notice that there are many who don’t have any of those privileges that we all have. I know it’s a miserable time we are living in, it’s even more shattering for them. Even though we cannot help them economically, we can strive to be a little bit humane. A little kindness could mean the world to someone. I try to be kind to my surroundings, the people I live with and all those whom I’ve encountered. There’s a sense of gratitude that I’ve witnessed inside of me and I hope to carry on with it my entire life.

~ Lockdown Day 100 ~

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These days you don’t cross my mind as often anymore and it’s freeing. I’m still teaching myself to not get so stuck in the past, and to instead focus on everything I have in front of me and everything that’s still to come. There’s no way of knowing what my future will hold - and while everything about that leaves me uneasy and frightened, I also feel very excited knowing that the best things in my life probably haven’t happened yet. It’s cliche, I know, but really though that’s how you get yourself through it. You keep moving forward and you don’t waste any more days dwelling on what could’ve been or what you could’ve done differently.

j.t.l

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Ethan looked at his brother for a second. It wasn’t often when the two were silent. He wanted to say something, but after 18 years of sharing a mind and soul with Matt… he was certain it was better if he didn’t. As his brother tossed his button up, Ethan could see a VERY prominent bite mark in the place between his neck and shoulder. He sighed quietly as Matt awkwardly stretched a few sore muscles.

Cole must have seriously jacked him up. Ethan looked away. Matt knew he’d seen it, he knew his brother was well aware of what happened today. He also knew that he was thankful that neither him, nor the twins said a word about it. Although Cole’s siblings were completely within their rights to do so.

He found himself wondering if any of her friends were aware. He was sure Leo probably knew, though he’d made no effort to hold her back when they dissapeared.

Matt hated to admit it… but he almost hoped that at least Danny knew. Not that he’d ever had TOO much problem with him, but he was sure the blue blooded, daddy’s boy was in love with Cole too. As soon as he thought it he felt the jealously slime through his veins and he flushed it back out with guilt.

No. Cole deserved to be happy. Even if it was with that prick. Ok, maybe he wasn’t quite a prick. After all it was only him that Danny didn’t like. Besides, maybe she’d be happier with someone who actually had money to their name. Besides… if there was anything he’d learned over the years, it was that those blue blood kids took care of each other.

Matt violently shook his head. He didn’t notice that Ethan had been watching him disassociate for the past 10 minutes out of the corner of his eye. Matt just stood there, staring at the headboard for a while.

“I need a shower” Matt next to muttered. Ethan didn’t argue.

“Yup.”

Matt let out a heavy sigh and quickly left the room. Ethan plopped himself down on the bed. He felt so distant. This was one of the few things Ethan and him didn’t share. Knowing wasn’t the same as that stabbing feeling in Matt’s chest; like a cleaver repeatedly jabbing into him. Ethan could almost feel that when it was particularly strong with Matt. It was part of their twin thing. It still wasn’t the same though.

Matt broke down when he was finally alone. The water poured over him and he sunk to his knees. Ethan could feel that. Matt was in there for almost an hour. When he finally came out he looked bleary and crushed; almost worse off than when he got in.

Ethan sat on his bed for a moment. Then, he stood and crossed the room. Matt could feel it coming, but didn’t move to match his brother’s embrace. It was only after an entire minute that Matt finally squeezed his arms around Ethan.

“I’m sorry…” Ethan whispered.

“I’m so bloody stupid” Matt whispered back.

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image

Dear You,

You’ve never noticed me before, and I don’t really blame you for that. For as curious as I am for wanting to know more about you, I just can’t bring myself to walk up to you for some reason. This may sound like some love confession, but really, I promise it isn’t! I guess I would call this more of a… Friendship confession. Yeah, let’s go with that!

You may be wondering why I didn’t even sign your name, and it’s for one simple reason, we don’t really know each other! I see you around school, and I definitely do know your name, but I feel like I shouldn’t refer to you by it until you actually ever want to introduce yourself to me. I hope you don’t take that too offensively. But regardless of that, like I said, this is what I consider a friendship confession. I really want to get to know you by these letters! As weird as I know that definitely sounds, I really hope you don’t take this as some creepy letter a stalker gave you or something.

Whatever though, right? Anyway, if you do think maybe we could be friends, or could try becoming one, I let you know only three things about me: I’m 16, a female, and in the same grade as you. I don’t know when I’ll really work up the courage to talk to you face-to-face, but if you want to ignore this, please, go ahead! But, if by chance, you want to continue this weird little pen pal situation. Write me a letter back, and place it in this black box by the giant tree of our schoolyard that I placed there. I’ll check it tomorrow by lunch time, and if there isn’t anything there, that’s totally cool! I promise to not bug you with more letters if that’s the case.

From your unknown fellow classmate,

Me

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Dear myself, take a step back and look at all the mistakes you made, even the really bad ones and forgive yourself. Accept that it happened and there’s nothing that you can do about it. Stop beating yourself about it and get on with your life, and just try to never make the same mistake again. Okay? Stop getting so hung up over it and get on your life. You’re human and you need to realize that you can’t be perfect and as tough as it is at times. Let stuff go and if you have to forgive yourself as well. Stop messing with your mental state and just better yourself. I want you to live a happy life because you deserve to and don’t let your mistakes stop you from living a happy life.

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erased messages. deleted photos. archived our chat. unsaid words remaining on the tip of my tongue. butterflies are left in my stomach. feelings lingering in my heart. your words in my brain. your touch on my skin.

// i tried to get rid of you, yet you’re still here. // j.k.

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Laughter is the Best Medicine

“There is a certain kind of magic that some people have. It’s unconscious and uncontrollable but so, so powerful.”

“What is it?”

“Joy.”

She stared at him for long enough that he started to look slightly unnerved.

“Is there something wrong?”

“Joy?” She repeated incredulously in lieu of an answer, and he smiled at that as though he had regained the upper hand in their conversation,

“Yes, it is a magic more powerful than any other.”

She threw up her hands at that, and muttered something he didn’t quite catch about unnecessary journeys and tricky people, he watched her impassively,

“This is not the answer you were expecting.”

“You’re damn right it wasn’t!” She exploded, lunging towards him with the frustration of a caged animal that has now seen the outside world, “I travel all this way, looking for an actual answer, and instead I just get the same hippy bullshit that I could have got from the town freak!”

He continued to watch her impassively, drawing his legs up into a folded position and situating himself more comfortably on the rock. “Would you care to join me for some tea?” He asked, as she didn’t show any signs of ceasing her pacing, “I find it’s quite calming.”

She glared at him, her movements stopping with a suddenness that he could not have predicted, “I don’t have time to be calm!” she snapped, twisting her fingers around each other, “My brother is dying!”

“Yes, I remember you mentioned,”

“And the only thing you can say to help is ‘joy’?”

“Who will determine whether or not your brother lives?” he asked, moving to begin brewing the tea anyway.

“Me! I will!”

“Hmm. Will you? Do you have control over the fates? The elements and the people?”

“No.”

“So?”

“The Gods.” Her previously expressive voice had fallen into a monotonous fact.

“We cannot hope to know who they will decide to take, but- we can make their lives better for the time they are with us. What do you want your brother to remember you doing for him in his time of incredible sickness?”

Based on the prompt in bold by @givethispromptatry

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