#excerpt from a story i'll never write
blooming-anna-rose · 2 days ago
“and I felt so uncomfortable being in my body. That’s how I describe my anxiety. I cannot breathe, I cannot take being in my skin, I want to take it off and flee, my brain needs escape my heart is beating too fast for my being so still and so I slip on my running shoes and my feet move till my heart is beating at the pace of the flat of my feet hitting the pavement. My brain stops thinking about anything but the next step in front of me, letting me feel lighter, letting me let go of my worries. I don’t usually know why the anxiety comes. It just does. It can be a from a mountain of little things or just seeing a photo from a few years ago that whispers to me everything is not alright, it could be from doing one embarrassing thing and feeling like a fool, or not liking the person looking back at me in the mirror that morning, either way I cannot stand it, I cannot bear it for one more second so I chase it away with my blood pumping and sweaty skin and running shoes.”
-n.c. // 6/10/22
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smokeinsilence · 2 years ago
have you ever noticed you pick up little habits and phrases from the people you love? it’s no wonder our hearts are so easily broken when people leave. we become a reflection of the people that we care about and those personality traits stick with us even if the people don’t
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lilithsorchid · 7 months ago
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I have lived a hundred lives, and none of them were my own.
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yourhandwrittenletter · 5 months ago
I don’t quite know how we’ve ended up here. How we’ve ended up as strangers when we used to spend nights staring at one another across the mattress, pointing and counting up quirks like constellations. I knew you loved me when you asked about the small bump beneath my lip that even I’d never noticed. You traced it with your thumb, something soft in those eyes. “Where did it come from?” you asked, like you’d give anything to see me in childhood just to know me more fully. That’s love, isn’t it? Not the sex or sacrifice or small talk you make after years of memorizing one another. It’s the digging, the prying, the eventual release. The discovery of your own uncharted territories. You saw me more clearly than I saw myself, and somehow you still walked away. Back then I thought you loved me so much that even if it crumbled, broke beyond repair, you’d stay. Touch my forgotten scar and sigh. When you left you said, “You’re all I’ve ever known” as if that was reason enough. It’s become blurry now, the certainty that you loved me once. More fresh are the fights, the never-framed photos. The times I prompted you to call me beautiful, begging for crumbs. I wish I could remember the lilt of your voice as you asked me that question. I stare across the mattress all too often. Alone in the dark, I can almost convince myself that you’re still here. I can almost feel you, fingers frozen on my face, so curious and consumed. Both of us barely breathing in wonder, unaware it would be the moment I’d miss most.
a girl who only writes when she’s heartbroken, pen on paper for the first time in three years
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juansendizon · 10 months ago
She deserves midnight dances, playlists about how she makes you feel, neck kisses, trips to classical museums, and heartfelt conversations.
Juansen Dizon
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melloncolliegalaxies · 11 months ago
i sent a lot of texts
that i wish i hadn't sent,
i returned a lot of calls
i wish never called again,
i spoke a lot of words
but they all came out abstruse,
I was fed a lot of lies
when i was hungry for the truth,
i gave people love
and they never had to ask,
i beg myself for some
but i never get it back.
- "i sent a lot of texts that i wish i hadn't sent"
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riptears · 6 months ago
“I can never be all the people I want and live all the lives I want. I can never train myself in all the skills I want. And why do I want? I want to live and feel all the shades, tones and variations of mental and physical experience possible in my life."
The Unabridged Journals of Sylvia Plath, Sylvia Plath
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badasssupertash · a month ago
if it was a dream, let me remember her and the way we were before i wake, before reality sets in. i can feel the ache in my chest, my heart feels heavy. it all felt so real. to have a fate so cruel, to never have known love, always guarding your heart to never let anyone in. for a life without love my heart feels empty. so i beg let me keep that safe, that feeling. just let me keep that memory of her, just that one, before i wake from this hopeless dream before this fades, before i forget her love.
maybe i was never meant to fall in love.//t.c
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whendidmythoughtsgocrazy · 10 months ago
"Are we in love with each other?", her hugging him while smiling so brightly. Him smiling from ear to ear, "Sounds like it. Feels like it", and hugs her even tighter.
k.b. // after confessing to each other
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thepiecesofmywarzone · 16 days ago
I guess I have to move on, right?
— S
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myonlywayoutofhere · a year ago
“I wish I could tell you how much l love you without ruining everything”
-Day 564
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blooming-anna-rose · a month ago
““You have kind eyes,” she told me as they talked over us. I glanced away after she said that, breaking eye contact because I know I do, I know people look at me and see my softness but sometimes it feels like my biggest weakness.”
-n.c. // it feels like an invitation to be hurt
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fatimatuzzohraaa · 4 months ago
if softness becomes an ache, i would ache a lifetime for you, i have met tenderness in all forms but never have i ever seen twice the tenderness of your love for mine, i would kiss my fingertips before they touch yours and i would engrave your name with mine , all this love, all this softness in the entire whole world is small, for all the gentleness my hands hold for yours, each moment spent with you is better than the last one.
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ninasdrafts · a year ago
I like to think that in another life we might have met under different circumstances. Imagine something like this: a crowded café downtown, where the rich smell of freshly brewed coffee hits you the moment you open the door. People are tripping over one another in their haste to become someone worthwhile and their chatter drowns out your favourite part of your current favourite song. You take out your phone and replay it, and that is when you see me. Doesn't it always go like this? In movies and books and songs? Eyes meet across the room and the whole world stops. It's different for us, though, because you told me you didn't believe in love at first sight.  So maybe you wouldn't fall in love right away. Maybe you wouldn't even notice me. But perhaps you'd start visiting that busy café more frequently. Not in hopes of seeing me again, but because of that unexplainable pull you feel toward that place. Toward me, even if you aren't aware of it yet. Because if there is one thing I'm certain of, it's that we'd find a way to meet even in another life, again and again. Never the same way but always with the same outcome. If there's one thing I want to believe in, it's that my soul would reach out and find yours through the years, different lives, across universes and mountains and the sea. And that your response would always be the same: come find me, I'm dying to meet you.
in another life / n.j.
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beyondgenre · 3 months ago
I want so obviously, so desperately to be loved, and to be capable of love.
-Sylvia Plath
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buttercupcolainclassics · 6 months ago
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I see children getting excited for Santa's coming tonight,
Me secretly wishing for you so that I could hold you tight.
You're still not aware and have no clue,
That all I want for Christmas is you.
(Excerpts from my poetry)
25th. December. 2019-2021
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melloncolliegalaxies · 11 months ago
sometimes i feel more like a house than a person with the way i decorate my body and my face to hide damaged walls and empty spaces; my heart is more like a door with changed locks because i've made multiple keys for people who walked all over me with filthy shoes, people who said they could live here, but they were just passing through. i hope my eyes are not windows, because i fear what the world might see—all of my flaws and insecurities on display like a coffee table or some shoddy love seat. sometimes i swear i left the oven on and forgot because my mind feels like a smoke detector with the way my apprehension never calms. i smell smoke, but i can't see it; i'm told things are never as bad as i make them, but every wildfire starts with a spark and it's easy to burn when you're a house made of straw.
- "house made of straw"
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poetsbloom · a year ago
I feel too small for the world tonight,
But that's okay.
Sometimes i like the thought of travelling the earth unnoticed.
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badasssupertash · 2 months ago
one day we’ll get a second chance at happiness, and fate will be on our side. and there will be no leaving each other ever again. i’m sorry darling, our story should never had ended this way, with me losing you.
i’m sorry baby, it was not mean to end like this | letters of a lost love.//t.c
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juansendizon · 10 months ago
What I dream of is to live in nature with someone. Someone I can call my home, my family, my life. I want to live the rest of my days in creation, searching for the right words to explain how I’m truly, truly happy that you’re the girl I get to call my wife. In the morning light, I’ll be the happiest to see you paint, read and smile. In the morning shine, I’ll be the luckiest to drink coffee, write sweet poetry, and dance with you even for a while. I want dogs in our laps and wildflowers in our laugh. I want the hoping, the believing, the endless search for something that can make this existence more than enough, except it’s you, my darling love that makes me look at the sky and say “amen and amen and amen” for my life is an answered prayer with the privilege of having to grow old with someone as special and wonderful as you. I promise to love you when you’re a sad day. I promise to love you in your every journey to okay.
Juansen Ryne Dizon, The Blue House
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