you ever feel like your life is falling apart but literally nothing is changing or “falling apart” in any substantial way
sometimes I get hit by the understanding of how not real I am.
I live so much in my head, by myself, or with other people who are not real.
we all see each other and gossip and hang out but none of us are real.
we don’t connect to the dark things, the sad things, to people who go through these things.
we carefully nip and tuck our emotions away and serve them in palatable portions with a silly voice or pauses for the obligatory laugh track.
I spend so much time wondering if I’m a good person, if others like me, if I’m doing any good, but on the outside I’m home on the couch just existing.
anxiety and depression are such selfish diseases- with all my energy taken up worrying about how others view me, how my actions are making them feel about me, what I feel and how I feel, how can I really just be?
lately I’ve become so aware of my own biases towards the people around me, and how I project my own worries and fears onto them. In my constant anxiety state I don’t see them as people sometimes, it’s more like things to move and move around, to cause as little conflict as possible and make sure everyone likes me.
I’m surrounded by head people, by friends who deflect and deflect and never feel comfortable connecting- it’s like I put a corset on whenever I go back there. sure I look good, but I can’t breathe.
i can’t believe i’m back at work on wednesday wtf
I am so glad I’m not straight
Perform well and catch up on the destination. Purchase from Bandidos Pitstop.
call or WhatsApp us at 8891020202
when you can’t find a single thing to put on in the background while you write so you have to resort to ambient noise
“Lorelei is the Komaeda of this series”
“I think she’s more of a Onceler”
is not a conversation I ever wanted to have and YET
i had a dreadful nightmare last night tht someone broke into my house n destroyed/stole most of my dolls it was traumatising
im so fucking exhausted
deaf people are like, catch these hands
not my friends saying that i have changed (jokingly but still) because i don’t do certain things anymore as if i’m not having a crisis already
having auditory processing disorder is weird because without trying i can hear the cars humming in the background, oh a few are going down that street to the left of me, dad’s eating chips, mum coughed a few seconds ago, there are birds chirping both behind me and ahead of me and i can’t filter any of it out
ok i just got hit with emotions. im so so so so so glad that my ct actually showed there’s something actually wrong with me it made me feel so relieved and reassured that im NOT making this up, that it’s actually happening and that im not crazy or a fraud i could cry im just so happy, not at the fact that there is something wrong with me just that i have proof it’s REAL!!!! this wasnt all for nothing, those doctors bills meant something ugh now i just have to know what i can DO about it..
i know a lot of it is probably pms hormones being stupid but like… damn bitch, stop crying lol.