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i keep seeing jokes about Imagine Dragons showing their support by performing for WGA strikers, like about how bad their music/singing is and jokes about how it’ll hurt the movement and normally i’m neutral to the hatred of popular/used to be popular things, but GOD. as a queer ex-mormon i so badly wish more people knew what this group and what specifically Dan Reynolds has done to support queer kids
(article from screenshots)
also while im here Enemy (the arcane song) is also about queer mormon kids <3
I spend a lot of time on here ranting about how angry i am at the church and how much growing up mormon fucked me up. And I want to switch it up a bit.
Things I'm grateful for since leaving the church
The right to my body. I look forward to every new piercing and tattoo I get. I'm almost 1 year on T. Every day, my body is looking more and more like home
The right to my own money. it's so nice to own all the money I earn. I'm not stressed about covering bills or the guilt I would get when I wasn't able to pay tithing. It's honestly so freeing
The right to my sexual desires. It's taken me a while, but masturbation and watching porn no longer fills me with guilt. I'm able to enjoy sexual things and the way they make me feel, without feeling awful about myself. Once I made that switch in my mind, that anything sexual is natural and not inherently wrong, my life has been so much better
The right to my own time. I posted about this a few weeks ago, and let me tell you. Having an additional 5+ hours of time a week to just do whatever, you can do so much. I reorganized my whole room last week while my family was at church. I've been learning sign language while waiting for my brother to be done with mutual. I've picked up book binding and writing during the times my family was at the temple.
The right to consumption. While I absolutely do not advocate for the use of drugs or alcohol, I'm able to enjoy a night out with my friends. I can share a blunt and take shots (of the alcohol variety) without the fear of god looming over me. I can drink coffee and tea without even batting an eye anymore.
I promise you. It does get easier to live life. It's taken me a lot of work, but I'm no longer fully mentally tied to the church. I've still got a lot to work on, but I'm starting to understand the appeal of just living. Taking every day and making the most of it.
For those of you who are pimo, hang in there. I was pimo for 5 years so I get it. It's really fucking hard, but eventually your life will be yours to do with as you please.
Love yall, (p.s. in 9 days I'll be a year inactive!!)
Reading M. Kelters essay in Knowing Why: adult diagnosed autistic people on life and autism 
There was a moment where I couldn’t help but feel so seen and this page was it
I hid, but my favorite place wasn’t in the ceiling but in a tiny secret closet off of one of the classrooms on the second floor above the sacrament meeting. I could see the meeting from up there and would know when it would be over.
And yes I see the irony of literally hiding in a closet at church!
I HATE the way the mormon church automatically assigns m*therhood to all girls/women/afabs.
M*ther's Day at church always looked like making ALL the girls and women 12 and older (literal children) stand up while a member of the bishopric/branch presidency placated them with meaningless missives of gratitude and about how being a m*m is the most divine role a woman can hold (🤮🤢) while the young men passed out a cheap little gift to every single women standing.
I thought this tradition wouldn't exist in the singles ward. I was wrong. Same shit again. It was around then (18/19) I realized how gross this felt to me.
I don't want to be a m*ther. EVER. But I didn't even realize I had the choice to opt out of parenthood until I was a full blown adult (fortunately before I had any children) I was literally groomed for m*therhood by the church.
Young women's lessons and activities spent planning out children's names, making baby quilts for our future children (ma'am I am 12 years old. I AM children.) And learning parenting tips and how to be a good stay at home wife/m*ther.
I have such a difficult relationship with m*therhood and the mormon church is the cause for a LOT of it. I've been out of the church for many years now and I am still unpacking and unlearning.
okay every once in a while ill remember some random thing from my upbringing in the church. i don't know if anyone else heard this growing up but, in young women's, so many times when the leaders asked someone to say the prayer and no one volunteered they'd say that the more you pray the hotter your husband will be like 💀💀 hello wtf
i know lots of religions use rewards/punishments to get people to do things, but this one is just so weird to me. yeah anyone else have this experience? i wouldn't be surprised if it's common.
Take care of yourself today, and tomorrow. Do whatever you can, and are able to do, to make yourself feel safe again. You will find a way to escape. I believe in you.
Hey, it's conference weekend, which means it's time for some reminders:
You are loved, just the way you are (I know it's been a while since I said it, but yes, I still love you).
The church is not true.
The Bible actually says some pretty specific things about man speaking for god.
You are not broken or lost.
You will get out.
I won't be watching because my husband works over the weekends and I don't want my toddler hearing this shit, but please don't hesitate to reach out if you need to vent or ask questions or even if you just want a distraction.
Your body is not your enemy. It isn't a shell that you inhabit or an empty temple. Your mind is not a separate entity, your soul is not an inhabitant. Its desires and needs are not the devil trying to trick your soul. The 'natural man' is you. Your body is you. That's YOU.
It's okay to treat yourself with love and respect.