#expect more this week bc I'm going to I think 3 more practices this week

[forest-hashira]

Lip Gloss

hello lovelies!!! i am back once again with more transfem gojo bc she's the love of my life. this fic doesn't have anything to do with her birthday, but it is in honor of it!

i sat on this one a little too long (most of it was written weeks ago and then i got distracted,,, and then i finished this at like 3 in the morning whoops) so i'm not as crazy about this one as i was about the ither two. regardless, i hope you all enjoy it!

pairing: gojo satoru/reader

content: transfem gojo, gender neutral reader, fluff, first time buying/using makeup, nothing actually happens but gojo gets a little flustered when you touch her lol

wc: ~2.8k

read on ao3 here!

After painting her nails, Satoru seemed more and more interested in making changes to her appearance, though she was still unsure about where she wanted to start. 

“Why don’t we stick with non-permanent changes for now?” you suggested. 

“Like what?”

“I could help you with makeup, if you wanted to start wearing any.”

She blinked dumbly for a moment, then tilted her head as she gazed up at you from where her head rested in your lap. “Like eyeliner and stuff?”

“Yeah, like eyeliner and stuff,” you agreed, gently stroking her hair from her eyes. “But you don’t have to wear any if you don’t want to. Plenty of women don’t wear makeup.”

She seemed to consider for a few moments, still holding your gaze. “I think makeup is a good next step. Do you have any I could borrow?” 

“Well, it depends on what you want to start with,” you began with a slight shrug. “I’m more than happy to let you try out my lip products and blushes and such, but it’s not a good idea to share things like mascara and eyeliner.”

“Why not?” she pouted. You just smiled at her.

“Because it could give us both pinkeye.”

“...Oh.” Satoru blushed lightly then, clearly not having expected such a serious reason.

“Yeah,” you agreed. “But I’ll help you find some of your own, don’t worry. And yes, I’ll teach you how to use all of it,” you added, practically seeing the question as it formed in her brain.

She smiled a bit bashfully up at you, her eyes twinkling with love. “You know me so well,” she said, catching the hand you’d been using to play with her hair and pressing a kiss to your knuckles.

You felt your face warm slightly, the combination of her soft touch and affectionate demeanor causing you to feel a little fuzzy inside. “I try my best,” you said softly, giving her hand a gentle squeeze.

She squeezed your hand back, kissing your knuckles again softly before she sat up. “So. Drugstore?” she asked, her eyes bright and hopeful.

You stifled your smile, pretending to consider her words for a moment. When a pout began to form on her lips, though, you relented. “Yeah, we can go see what kinds of makeup they have.”

Satoru practically bounced off the bed in her excitement, grabbing her sunglasses before rushing out of the room, calling over her shoulder for you to hurry up. 

Her actions pulled a small laugh from you, and you shook your head slightly as you pushed yourself off the bed, grabbing your bag as you followed her to the door. 

“You always take so long to catch up,” she complained, peeking at you through her hair, over the tops of her glasses. 

“Yeah, yeah,” you agreed half heartedly, easily sliding your shoes on. “Do you want me to go with you or not?”

She did want you to go with her, obviously, since she doesn’t know the first thing about doing her own makeup, much less what products she should start with. 

The pair of you wound up back at the same drug store where you had bought the sorceress’s first nail polish. Satoru had thought the nail polish display was overwhelming, but when she realized that not every makeup product fit on the same aisle, she looked like she might pass out. 

“There’s so much…” she said quietly, her expression more than a little lost as she looked around. 

“We’ll start easy,” you promised, giving her hand a gentle squeeze. “Let’s look at lipgloss, yeah?”

Your girlfriend agreed wordlessly, giving a slight nod and letting you pull her over to the lip products. You looked over the options in silence for a moment, then turned to Satoru to explain things to her. 

“I know you still want to keep this between us for now,” you started, and Satoru nodded in agreement, pulling her eyes away from the display to look at you as you spoke. “So I would suggest something really subtle. No bold colors or anything yet.”

“Okay. Is there, uh… what color do you think would look good on me?” A light blush dusted her cheeks as she spoke, and she looked away from you bashfully. 

A soft smile tugged at your lips at her behavior. “Well, I guess that depends. Do you want to have one you could wear out of the house without drawing too much attention? Or do you want one to play around with at home?”

She considered your words for a moment. “One of each, I guess,” she eventually answered. 

“Your best bet for something to wear out of the house would be a clear gloss,” you said right away, looking around the display for a moment before you spotted a clear gloss from your favorite brand. Plucking it from the shelves, you offered it to her. “This brand is my favorite, but you can get a different brand if you want.”

“What does it do? I mean, if there’s no color, why would you wear it?” Satoru accepted the gloss from you, looking over the packaging as she spoke. 

You have a slight shrug. “Not much. It makes your lips look shiny, makes ‘em a little softer, too, sometimes. A lot of people will put a clear gloss over a colored lipstick so it’ll look shiny, but I don’t think you’re quite ready for that yet.”

You half expected the woman to argue with you about it, insist she was ready for anything and to let her at it, but all she did was nod in agreement. “Okay, clear gloss for going out,” she repeated, mostly to herself. “And now a colored one for home?”

The process of selecting a lip gloss color didn’t take as long as picking a nail polish color had, and for that you were privately relieved; the longer the pair of you hung around the beauty section, the more likely it was that you could garner unwanted attention. Even though Satoru wasn’t a man, she still very much presented like one, and men didn’t usually spend this much time looking at makeup, even if they were with a partner. 

The snowy haired wonder eventually settled on a soft peachy color, just a couple shades darker than the natural color of her lips, and she seemed proud of herself for her choice. “Can we look at eyeliner now?” 

“Of course, baby.” You led her to the next aisle over, and as you began to scan the selection, you were disappointed but not surprised to find your only options were brown or black, which you told your partner. 

“We can get you one of those colors if you want, but I think it would stick out more, since you don’t have dark eyelashes,” you advised, turning away from the shelves. 

“They make white eyeliner?” She sounded surprised, but her eyes sparkled at the idea. 

You laughed softly, affectionately. “Yeah, some companies do, but we’d probably have to order it online. Do you want to do that? Or do you want to get a darker color?”

“If we can find white I think I’d prefer that.”

The nod you gave in return was easy, and you ushered her a few steps further down the aisle, where you reached the same dilemma as you had with the eyeliner. 

“Is white mascara even a thing?”

“Yeah, some companies that make white eyeliner will also have white mascara,” you confirmed. “But we could also try and find you a more lightweight product, probably some sort of clear gel, if you’d rather do that.”

This time, Satoru seemed less sure of an answer. “Let’s just see what we can find online when we get home,” she said after a few moments of consideration. 

“We can definitely do that.”

The bright smile she shot you practically melted your heart, and you were relieved to see her shoulders relax a bit. “Anything else you want to look for while we’re here?”

She shook her head almost immediately, and you were once again enamored by the way her soft, frosty hair shifted back and forth across her forehead. “No, I’m happy with this for now,” she assured you, holding the two tubes of lip gloss up slightly. 

If she was happy, you were happy, so you began to lead her towards the checkout again. You spotted something out of the corner of your eye on an aisle endcap as you walked, though, and you paused, turning to look at it. When you realized what it was, though, you inhaled a soft gasp of delight. “Ooh, Toru look!”

“What is it?” she asked, stopping and turning with you. When she did, she noticed the small collection of soft elastic headbands adorned with animal ears. “Those are cute,” she agreed, glancing away from the headbands and over at you. 

“Can we get a couple?” you asked hopefully, looking over at Satoru and sticking out your bottom lip slightly, giving her your best puppy eyes. “Pleeease, Toru? We can use them together!”

“For what?” she asked, tilting her head slightly; to anyone else the question may have sounded condescending, but you could tell she was genuinely curious. 

“When we do skincare and makeup together! It’ll help keep the hair out of our faces and everything.”

“Oh, okay. Sure, we can get a couple.” Her expression softened as you practically squealed with excitement. 

“Thank you! Okay, now, which one do you want?” you asked, expression growing a bit more serious as you examined the options again. “What about this one?” Without giving her a chance to respond, you grabbed a white headband that had cat ears on it, holding it up to her. “It matches you best, I think.” 

Now it was her turn to melt. All Satoru could do was nod in agreement; she didn’t really have a preference to begin with, so she was more than happy to let you pick for her. 

“Which one do you think I should get?” you asked next, seeming much less sure on that front. 

Wanting to give you the same consideration you had given her, she looked over the options, and after a moment, she selected a brown headband with little bear ears on it. “What about this one?”

“I remind you of a bear?” you asked, looking from the headband to your girlfriend’s face, your nose crinkled slightly at the idea. 

Satoru nodded. “Yeah. You’re like a teddy bear, all soft and cuddly with me. It’s cute.”

Her words left you feeling a little flustered, cheeks growing warm. “Okay. I’ll get that one, then.”

She let you take the headband from her then, a slightly lovestruck expression on her face as she followed you to the checkout. 

You paid for everything again, despite her protests, but she quieted down again when you took her hand for the walk back to the apartment. 

“Do you still want to see if we can find you some white eyeliner and mascara online?” you asked her after you’d gotten home again, slipping your shoes off and nudging them back into their proper spot. 

“Is it okay if we wait a little bit on that?” Satoru asked, biting her lip lightly as she glanced over at you. “I think I want to get used to wearing the lip gloss before I buy anything else.”

“Yeah, that’s fine,” you assured her. “We’re doing this at your pace, remember? Just want you to be happy, princess.”

The sorceress went the prettiest shade of pink at your words, and she nodded slightly, offering a quiet and slightly flustered “thanks.”

Deciding against teasing her for blushing, you took her hand, leading her back to the bedroom and sitting her down on the bed. “Let’s see what that tinted gloss looks on you,” you suggested, though you waited until she agreed to dig through the bag to grab the small bottle. 

She stared up at you with wide eyes as you stood between her legs, smiling down at her sweetly. Her eyes fluttered closed for a moment as you reached up and removed the sunglasses from her face, settling them carefully on the bedside table before turning back to her. 

“You ready, princess?” you asked softly, rubbing your knuckles lightly along her cheek; you wanted to make sure Satoru was comfortable with every step of her transition process, even something as small as trying lip gloss for the first time in the privacy of her own home. When she nodded at your words, you relaxed slightly. 

“Part your lips for me,” you instructed softly, subconsciously parting your own. When she seemed a bit unsure about the directions, though, you took her chin in your hand, thumb pressing lightly on her bottom lip and tugging her bottom jaw down the tiniest bit until her lips were parted like you needed. “Like this.”

Though her blush had died down a bit from when you’d arrived home, you could see that it had returned high across her cheeks, and her eyes were slightly dilated. You felt a bit of heat rising in your own cheeks at the way she looked at you, and you bit your lip as you released her chin from your grasp, instead beginning to twist the top off of the tube of lip gloss. “Satoru,” you sighed, hoping you didn’t sound as flustered as you felt. “Be good, okay? None of that right now.” 

When you met her gaze again, you felt a bit more in control of yourself, and you couldn’t help but giggle softly at the obedient nod your girlfriend gave you. Once you were confident she was going to behave and hold still for you, you pulled the cap away from the rest of the tube, making sure the applicator had a good amount of gloss on it before gently swiping it across her bottom lip. You were careful to keep the gloss just on her lips, not wanting to make a mess of it, and after a moment you put the top back on the tube.

You showed Satoru how to rub her lips together in a way that would distribute the product across her lips a little better, then used the applicator to touch up a few spots that needed it. 

“You always look pretty,” you told her quietly. “But right now you look even more like a princess. Do you want to see?”

She nodded eagerly at your words, white strands of hair dancing around her face at the movement. “Yes, please.”

A smile tugged at your lips at her response, and you turned to pull the little mirror out of the drawer in your bedside table, though you were stopped when you felt something press into you a little harder. You glanced down to see what it was, and were a little surprised to see your girlfriend’s hands resting on your hips; you weren’t sure when they’d gotten there, but you’d apparently been so focused on your task that you hadn’t noticed. 

You said nothing about the placement of her hands, just smiled to yourself a bit more as you opened the drawer, shuffling around for a moment before pulling out the little hand mirror and offering it to Satoru. “What do you think?”

Satoru accepted the mirror as you offered it to her, somewhat reluctantly removing her hands from your hips in the process. She tore her gaze away from your face to examine her own in her reflection, and what she saw made her freeze for a moment. All in all, she didn’t really look that different from how she looked at work every day, but something about the enhanced peachiness of her lips had her transfixed, and her eyes widened slightly as she stared at herself silently in the mirror. 

Her silence began to make you feel a bit anxious the longer it stretched on, and eventually you couldn’t take it anymore. “Baby?” you called gently. “Do you like it? If you don’t, that’s okay. You can take it off and you don’t have to wear it again.”

The words seemed to snap her back to reality, and she looked up at you again, eyes still wide and slightly awestruck. “I really do look pretty, don’t I?” she asked quietly, unable to help the slow smile that spread across her lips at the thought. 

Relief crashed over you as she finally gave you an answer, and returning her bright smile was easy. “You always do,” you assured her, gently taking her chin between your fingers again and angling her face enough for you to kiss her soft, plush lips. “My pretty pretty princess.”

anyways happy birthday to my babygirl!!! ilysm toru

also the headbands will come into play in a later installment i promise

#fallon's fics #gojo #jjk #gojo satoru x reader #satoru gojo #jjk gojo #gojo x reader #gojo satoru #jjk fanfic #jjk fluff #jjk x reader #gojo jjk #gojo fanfic #dividers by cafekitsune #transfem gojo #trans gojo #trans gojo satoru

[studentbyday]

☕ december study challenge

i didn't do much schoolwork on friday, so i need to catch up! 🥺

📈 study stats (30 min):

S: 🍅🍅🍅 Su: 🍅🍅🍅🍅🍅🍅🍅🍅

🎒 school/cs50:

finish reviewing biochem module 4 ✅ (i have a little more than 1 section left)

finish reviewing 4 pages of mol bio module 3 ✅ (😬 let's hope i remember it. out of all the courses i've taken this semester, i have the least solid background knowledge for this one...i haven't repeated the info enough times over a long-enough time period to be sure it'll stick yet 😅 at least for biochem, i have some "pegs" of solid background knowledge from physiology to hang the new content on...)

finish remainder of flask lecture (~50 mins) ✅

🩺 self-care:

physio exercises ✅✅

full body floor workout ✅

journal ✅

meditate ✅

🎶 winterstella - stella jang / appassionata, 3rd movt (piano sonata op. 57 no. 23) - beethoven / my day in music, sunday edition

💌 uuuuugggggghhhhhhhh lately not been feeling too good bc the dictionary of lost words is depressing ("poignant" as @zzzzzestforlife described it) and it makes me feel lonely along with school and whenever this happens (or i otherwise feel like a mess) i get in a philosophical mood. i have been in this mood for at least a month now (before i started the book but after midterm season). it used to only last about a week or 2 (every month, mind you 😂). i can't wait to take philosophy so i can hopefully fix my brain by practicing being more rational and critical about *waves hands* whatever things my mind drifts to, to try to piece myself back together (which sometimes pulls me back apart with an existential crisis) 😅 (i also think the fact that some of the same thoughts i'm thinking have also been thought many times by others would be some comfort 🙂) but i think i'll only be able to take it the year after next bc of other (technically higher priority) subjects (for my field 🧬🦠) which...in better days i would be really excited about. i comfort myself by thinking the christmas break will restore me.

💌💌 also i'm not going to officially finish the dictionary of lost words anymore. i've slowly been reading the ending out of order so i basically know what happens and i saved the final major happy event for last. my final thoughts are that i want a relationship like esme's and gareth's but i want it to last longer than theirs did 😭 that's it. i can't deal with this depressing stuff anymore. maybe someday i'll come back to it, but right now i cannot. sometimes i ask myself why i feel so fragile these days...i'm not sure i know why... sometimes i get a feeling that smth is missing, but it will eventually pass as i fill my cup in other ways.

💌💌💌 recently discovered this channel and loving their hyperspecific titles that tell me exactly what vibes i should expect from the music. i especially like the chemistry playlist for studying (hot take but i'm not a huuggee fan of ludovico einaudi, but for studying, it's okay) and the playlist for "making your brain shut up"

#bookblr #booklr #studyblr #stemblr #studyspo #women in stem #study aesthetic #cozy aesthetic #cozy academia #codeblr #progblr #100 days of code #100 days of productivity #100 days of studying #100 days of self discipline #100dop #study motivation #student life #philosophy studyblr #philosophy #mental health #self care #depression #study music #heyfrithams #heydilli #mittonstudies #diaryofastemstudent #astudentslifebuoy

[inkofamethyst]

September 6, 2023

Actual goals for this school year:

Stay within my monthly budgets (I'll give september a pass if needed)

Take a programming course (in R or Python probably)

Go to fitness classes both to stay fit and to meet people

Maintain connections with interesting people (pretend to be the fearless extrovert)

Try at least one new recipe each month (again, september gets a pass)

Decorate my room

Go to symposia and talks in various departments; bask in the intellectual community

Read for fun or listen to audiobooks on occasion

No studying while eating (exceptions include: exam in 48 hours or less, expected reading due in 24 hours or less)

These are more like "additional" goals, I guess, since I would indeed like to become hotter, weirder, richer, more terrifying, and more unpredictable. I know I should become richer and I'm always on the trajectory to become weirder, but I may have to put work into the other three.

A wise man on tiktok once said "not every day can be a slay" and you know what? He was right. Sometimes it's totally worth having a chill day where you just don't put massive amounts of thought into your life. Yes, romanticizing the little moments feels good. But if it requires more mental energy than I can reasonably give that day, then it's not worth it. Same goes for outfits and meals and all sorts, really. It's actually something I've been putting into practice long before I'd heard it put into those words. Granted, a day of "non-slay" might look different for everyone. But it doesn't mean that I'm a failure for deciding to wear leggings or sweatpants on a day when I really just can't be arsed.

When I was talking to that random dude the day before school started, I told him that this school year felt different. He asked why and I had to say that I couldn't really put my finger on it. That was a lie. I just didn't want to make our lighthearted conversation into a therapy session. In fact, I could place not just a finger, but all of my fingers and some of my toes on it. 1. far away from home for an extended period 2. the whole thing with ~~~elite~~~ education (not imposter syndrome, more like the internal and personal discomfort of contributing to a system of hierarchies (the same way that race is a human construct that isn't really real but the effects of racism are real? academic elitism is socially constructed but has real effects (and you know ultimately this may not matter because the academic job market sucks and I may not be offered find a position (that I like bc why not be picky) in the first place lol))) 3. feeling very young 4. feeling ungrounded because, unlike the rest of my cohort, I came up here a week before school started and moved in merely days prior, so I wasn't nearly as grounded in my space as I would liked to have been. There's probably some other things that I just can't conjure up right now.

Full disclosure, most of the above comes from before school started. I'm not swamped with work, not exactly, but I certainly haven't had much time to devote to journaling (tbh this is exactly the time that I should be journaling). I don't really know where all of my hours are going (and maybe it's just the school adjustment period, it is only the second day, after all). I'll do a full recap sometime later. Ultimately: I'm doing okay.

Today I'm thankful that I'm doing okay.

Last thing: considering auditioning for/joining a choir. It's mostly undergrads, though they take grad students. It seems like a dope program. But there's a musical theatre one (also mostly undergrads lol) that also seems cool. It's been a long while since I've done MT. I do miss it, I think. But doing MT covers doesn't make me feel nearly as powerful as singing as part of a symphony :/ I could always go for the real choir some other year if I really wanted. I'll be here for six or so. I've got time.

I mean I've always wanted to do a musical theatre duet.

This could also just be pre-audition nerves ha.

[sappho-shalom]

CONVERSION UPDATE ?!

Long time no see!!! So I think in my last update I said I was considering enrolling in college and guess what? I did! It's just community college and I'm doing it part time and I'm not entirely sure what subject I want to focus on, but I'm a few weeks into it and so far it's been going well. I also got a job which is great because I've needed one for awhile lol. Also, re: sims 4 jewish cc, I never was able to get sims4studio to work (I consulted many forums) so I don't think that's happening anytime soon sorry!!

But anyways, what everyone is here for: conversion updates! I've started studying with a partner, she's older than me and is marrying into a Jewish family so she's a little more knowledgeable about certain things compared to me, but it's still cool to have a partner and she’s really nice! I think the first time we met together with the rabbi we were discussing the Akedah and he asked us why we thought G-d would command Abraham to do something like that, and I had just finished my first watch of Good Omens season 2 so I pulled out some references to the Book of Job and he seemed very impressed with me LMAO.

But more importantly: I've finally been to services! My first service was Rosh Hashanah so, to quote my rabbi, I was kind of thrown into the deep end LOL. I was a little anxious (although less than I thought I would be) and it was kind of awkward when everyone but me kissed the Torah (and of course everyone was watching bc I guess you face the Torah when it’s carried around the room? I learn new things everyday!), but I really enjoyed it!! I was worried I was going to get bored or something (it was a 3 hour long service) but I ended up adulting for my mom who kept asking when we could go home lol. I also went to the Kol Nidrei service which was nice, there were way more people!! I also got to take home a tzedakah box (except it only takes coins and this is the 21st century so I never have coins LOL). OH and last week I got to light Shabbat candles for the first time!!!! But not really, it was Thursday and we were just practicing (and I butchered the Hebrew). BUT I did ask the rabbi and he said I could start lighting Shabbat candles myself!!!! I'm genuinely so happy and excited about it.

The synagogue also has services for Sukkot and their own sukkah which I wanted to go to but the first one was a potluck (I hate cooking) and I almost went to the second one because they had pizza but then I found out that we had to pay for an entire pizza ourselves ?!?! I don't have money for that LOL. (Okay that sounds a little mean lol, I was just expecting it to be like everyone chips in $5-10 and there are enough pizzas ordered for everyone to get 1-2 slices, not $14 for your very own pizza!!)

I've been working Friday nights a lot but I finally worked up the courage to talk to my manager so after this week I'll be free on Shabbat evenings and hopefully go to Shabbat services (or just just spend it at home LIGHTING MY OWN SHABBAT CANDLES BC THATS SOMETHING I CAN DO NOW?!?!?!)! Sorry if this post is a little all over the place or there's too many exclamation marks, I'm genuinely just so excited. It really feels like studying is starting to ramp up, although that probably has something to do with all the High Holidays lol. Anyways, I think that's it!

Chag sameach!

#richie.txt #jewish convert #judaism #jumblr #jewish conversion

[batmanisagatewaydrug]

hey makenzie, i've got a bit of a situation here. i'm 25, never had sex before, and never paid attention during those safe sex psas bc i was sure i was ace and never wanted to have sex, due to a number of reasons - i'm autistic and very particular about things touching my body, especially food or fluids (i need to wash that shit off *immediately* or else i will combust) and probably also not eating enough but i digress. i matched with an amazing guy and now i think i want to do it but (1/?)

(2/2) i honestly don't really know where to start here. i know the risks and so i want to buy condoms but for some reason i get nervous about people seeing me buy condoms. i also haven't ever looked into getting PrEP or monkeypox vaccine bc i didn't plan on suddenly becoming a horndog. idk i guess i'm just looking for general advice for a 25yo male having sex for the first time and what i should expect/how should i prepare. like idk what douching is and at this point i'm afraid to ask lol

oh yeah, one more thing i wanted to add - while i'm not nervous about going into this bc this guy is seriously great and understanding as hell, i worry about my roommates hearing us and idk how to approach that. i probably worry too much as they seem to be fine with the noise level here (and me making protein shakes at 1am) but like. i still do. should i play music? put a sock on the door? i don't want them to hate me. ps: i love your blog and hope you have a good day

jesus christ I'm about to fit so much sex ed into one post

1.) start wherever you want; sex is whatever you and your partner(s) want it to be. only way to do it wrong is to do with without consent and communication.

2.) here are two fun facts about being an adult. the first one is that no one actually gives a shit about you buying condoms. no one gives a shit about you buying anything. your fellow customers aren't scrutinizing your purchases they're too busy worrying about you scrutinizing your purchases. the cashier definitely doesn't care, the cashier is contemplating killing everyone in the store and then themself. just buy the condoms.

the second fun fact is actually a house rule of mine, which is that if you're too squirrelly to acquire safer sex supplies yourself you don't get to have sex. the good news on that front is that ordering condoms online from places like Condom Depot is, like, really easy.

3.) PrEP is great to know about but only necessary if your intended partner is at risk of transmitting HIV to you during sex, which is a conversation y'all should have if you haven't already.

getting the monkeypox vaccine is always a solid move if you're in a high risk area, although I do need to emphasize again that it's worth talking to your partner about whether or not they're a considerable risk for transmitting monkeypox (if they haven't had any other partners in the last two weeks, or none of their other partners have tested positive in the last two weeks, they're probably good). regardless, you can easily find somewhere to get vaccinated here.

4.) re: first time having sex, if you've spent literally any time following me you know the best advice I can give you is that you should literally just Talk To This Guy about what you both want to do and feel comfortable with, but watching this video from incomparable sexologist Lindsey Doe isn't a bad place to begin. I'm a big fan of how much she emphasizes lube!

5.) douching is the practice of washing out a bodily cavity with fluids. many people like to do it before anal sex to lower their risk of defecating on a partner by accident, but it's totally optional and not a requisite for anyone. if you're interested, you can find a good introduction here:

it's worth noting that douching presumes anal sex will be taking place, which is something to discuss. anal sex can absolutely rule but it also requires care; I'd recommend this other Lindsey Doe video for some hot tips on how to start exploring that:

if anal penetration isn't your cup of tea but eating ass may be, check out dental dams - even a clean anus runs the risk of harboring fecal matter and baby you do NOT want that in your mouth! in a pinch, a dental dam can be made in a hurry by cutting a condom open down one side and laying it flat.

6.) similarly to sexual partners, the best way to learn what roommates are okay with is to ask. do the courtesy of giving your roommates a heads up that a guest is coming over and that sex is on the agenda; let them decide if they want to clear out, put on headphones, or what.

why are you making protein shakes at 1 AM. what's happening there.

#sex edventures 2022

[taeyamayang]

hiiiiiiiii bestie omg omg omg another event !

i’d love love love to take part in your 365 days event ! <3

the character i would like is my baby my everything, aone takanobu and i’d love something soft and fluffy and i’m feelin some domesticity bc oml

maybe just, a small cuddly sleeping piece ? <3

whether or not you can bubs, thank you so so much and treat yourself well !! <3

have a flower while i go for another entry 🌷✨—

ahhh requesting for aone reminds me of my untouched draft/one shot written for him. i think the best motivation to get my ass to work on it is through this so thanks for the boost!

i haven't been writing in ages (will tell why soon) so please don't expect so much on this

just one more day.

tomorrow he will be back in the city and you will be with him but, again, he was gone for twenty one days. three weeks without his towering height shadowing the carpeted floor makes the apartment suddenly feel empty, lifeless even. the loud chuckles from a late night show on television is not enough to fill the space with a bright tone the room once had.

so, another day without him is unbearably long. you miss him so much you would be willing to skip a sunset just to cut the day short. for now, all you can think of is a quick remedy to patch up your longing. a piece of sweater from his drawer may not be the best to replicate him but anything works fine as long as you get to snuggle in his scent. in that way, he feels much closer.

the sun had finally set and the moon pierces through the window. it wasn't long when you succumbed to sleep, letting your droopy eyelids take you to dreamland. and maybe you were too deep in slumber, too indulged in dreamscape that vision slowly merges with reality.

although, it isn't surprising that you're having a dream about him. the bed dipping under his weight as he crawls next to you. he wraps his arm around your waist as he kisses the top of your head.

"take a rest, my angel."

you wriggle around his caged arm to turn around and face him. the scent from his sweater must have triggered lucid dreaming because everything feels too real.

you feel the sweater trapped under your body move as takanobu gently tugs on it. in a swift motion, you hear the poor sweater meet with the floor of the bedroom.

"you didn't have to do that. i'm here." he whispers in your ear. thereafter, leaving a sweet peck on your temples, giggling at the sight of your curled body next to him. his fingers brush your hair before burying your face further into the space between his neck and shoulder.

and you swear that this is the best dream you ever had. as you pull him closer to you, interlacing your short legs around his' you murmur into his chest. "i miss you, i cannot wait another day without you."

right then, you feel a gentle push on your shoulder and a broad hand cupping your cheeks.

"babe? babe, i'm here." you hear him call. it was through a gentle tapping on your cheek that you finally fluttered your lids.

shock wakens your senses as your eyes meet with a pair you're most familiar with. you earn a laugh from him and by instinct you push him away. you are not expecting a guest tonight, more so not on your bed. still quiet confused with what's unraveling before you, you blink away the blur from your sleep for you to see a better picture of him.

is he here or is your mind playing tricks on you?

"y-you- how-" disoriented and surprised, you are unable to form coherent sentences yet you continue. "you're supposed to be home tomorrow not tonight. why are you here? it's not that i am not happy you're home but i wasn't ready and i missed you so much. is this real or am i going crazy-"

takanobu cuts you off as he pulls you back into his arms. the slow rumble from his chest resonates as he embraces you tightly. "i missed you too."

"how about tonight's practice?" you question, still snuggled into his hug.

"done."

"tomorrow morning's meeting?"

"done."

"how?"

"we finished early."

"how early?"

"around 10pm." he nonchalantly states making your eyes round in shock. your skim through the dim lighted room to search for the wall clock. the smaller hand points to four.

"babe, it's 4 in the morning!" you swat him on his shoulder albeit he smiles endearingly as he watches you go nuts over impulsive decisions.

"yeah." he nods.

"what do you mean by "yeah", mr. aone takanobu? have you slept a wink?"

"kinda."

"kinda?!" you look at him at shoulder length. the whites of his eyes are a bit reddish and the bags under his eyes are more prominent than the last you remembered.

"i took a nap on the plane."

"have you eaten dinner?"

"yes, on the plane too. now please can we sleep?" he pulls you back to him, rubbing his cheek on the side of your head. "this is what i missed the most in my trip."

hence, you settle in between his arms. your head resting on his arm, and just a few minutes in, he speaks again. "does sleeping with sweater work?"

"maybe. i like your scent. it feels almost like you're here." a small smile plays on your lips as he says,

"i'm bringing your sweater the next time i leave the city for a game."

m.list | hq.list | 365 DAYS EVENT

#haikyuu!! #haikyuu #pea.event #hq aone #hq events #hq drabbles #hq imagine #hq fluff #hq romance #hq x reader #aone x reader #aone takanobu #aone x y/n #pea.writes

[scarabiaa]

*tumbles into your asks* HELLO 🥰💗💞 I COME PRESENTING.....

*drum roll*

✨ How I perceive Sol/Ivy x Vil ✨

Sort of as a late bday gift kdnfmdn plus as a ty for all the writing you do and joining in the brainrot 🙏

The Theatre Couple™ but not in a bad way, in the best way possible actually

You talk about projects (shows, plays, movies, etc.) you're currently working on

Both of you learn new stuff from each other all the time I think! Since he's mainly an actor and you're mainly backstage

He asks you to watch him practice lines or asks you to join sometimes! (When he has romantic roles haha—)

Watching stuff together and being critics 🤝

Giving tickets to the other for stuff you're in and being so proud while watching

I think both of you would be like. Kind of like the parents of nrc's film research club. You're the ones who know the most there so everyone looks to you for guidance

I can imagine you being at one of Vil's shows or something then you notice a detail that could've done better if they did something else so you call up whoever is in charge. Then the person is just like "who tf are you" but you're still giving an entire essay on what they did wrong

In my head you're truly like a power couple. You'd rule the entire industry I'm so sure of it

You're not like those couples you see on TV where they're all lovey dovey all the time imo, you more like constantly support each other. You have your lovey dovey moments, yeah, but to me this seems more romantic. A very healthy relationship

Vil always makes sure you're taking care of yourself bc he KNOWS it's not easy to be backstage either

As much as you probably admire Vil for being super successful for someone his age, he admires you just as much. He didn't expect to find someone who clicked with him so well AND who can relate to him too

I just know both of you would look so slay side by side. 100% convinced.

Though I've been rambling about stuff more related to your work, I imagine your time spent together without worrying about anything is way softer <3

He'd love to kiss your forehead and your hand affectionately. It's one of his favorite things

His smile being so soft for you?? And only you get to see it?? And knowing you're the reason why he's smiling???

When you're holding hands, his hands are so soft. They're impossibly soft. And you're the only one who gets to hold his hand like that omg

He gets gifts from people often and if he can share them with you, he does (food. very expensive food from around the world)

He enjoys doing your makeup and stuff and in the end, you look stunning. And he's proud of his work because wow you look absolutely jaw-dropping?? He can't help but give you a kiss

Aaand I hope you enjoyed this 💗💞 Have a great week and know Vil is always proud of whatever you do 💪 (He also wants you to never forget your skincare routine)

BAWLS AND SOBS AND CRIES LOUDLY

LIKE I SAID BEFORE. I HAVE AN ESSAY. I AM RAMBLING. I AM FREE MWAHAHAHAAHAHAHA

no. no dude. they are the Theater Couple, i guarantee it. NO BC the way that she's probably the assistant stage manager at some point (just because she wants to try) and he's playing one of the leads, but they're just. subtle with each other. there are times where he just gently grabs her elbow while he's leaving to go on the OTHER side of the stage bc he knows she has to stay on her side, so it's their little "goodbye for now" AND ITS SO CUTE SINCE ITS IN THE DARK AND ONLY THEY KNOW!! ONLY THEY KNOW!! ohmygod during their breaks, they usually go off on their own and he definitely takes her to his favorite place, where they will talk about what they're working on. he'll go, "I have a featured role--" and she's already preparing to scream for that role when he appears on screen. SHE WANTS TO DIRECT HER OWN MOVIE WITH A SCRIPT SHE'S WRITTEN and he's already prepared to send it to producers that he knows (it's even better bc she demands for him to be the lead) <3

oh god when they practice lines together, she's usually a lil monotone at times (but she is definitely turning pink due to the romance lines AND BC HE USES HIS BLOCKING FOR HER AND IT FEELS SO REAL AND JUST OAIGJEOAIJGOIAJG) anyways, when they watch stuff together, they're both so judgmental it's not even funny. they are the WORST people to see movies with, i stg. she judges every little thing about the lights, sound, directing, sets and he judges every single part about everyone's acting, the directing, the script itself. the one time that they were invited to a film festival to watch new shows that were coming out, the way that he was calm and deadpan but she was making disgusted expressions that just turned her into a meme.

SHE'S HIS BIGGEST FAN, HE'S HER BIGGEST FAN. fun fact, its usually actors that get flowers backstage but vil ? if she's doing anything backstage, he's sending flowers. "send this to ivy, please." "she's working--" and ivy's sobbing in the bg bc he sent her flowers !!! with a note !!! SHE SCREAMS FOR VIL EVERYTIME HE BOWS ONSTAGE, she's lost her voice so many times because how she wants to be the loudest one for him (fans can scream "I LOVE YOU VIL" but she's pulling out a megaphone).

OH GOD THEY REALLY ARE THE PARENTS OF THE FILM STUDIES CLUB. its the way that she teaches everyone backstage and she's the one hanging upside down from 100 feet just to set up a light, while he teaches acting plus directing, while staring at her fondly (always makes sure there are people underneath to catch her if she falls, would probably move so that she falls into his arms). THE DAY SHE SEES SOMEONE MESS UP HIS SHOW, SHE'S CALLING WHOEVER'S THERE AND GOING "who do you think you are, how did you mess up so bad" "who are you and who do YOU think you are" "GIVE ME YOUR SCRIPT I CAN DO IT BETTER"

he definitely takes care of her. it's the way that she's always sore after a concert and sleeping for a while because she doesn't go to sleep until like. 1 in the morning sometimes, which is far past the time she should sleep. he has to get his beauty rest, but he'll always leave out some healthy snacks so that she'll feel refreshed, plus have warm water waiting for her (which, she thinks, definitely means he was up after 11 just for her). THEY BOTH CLICK SO WELL AND IT'S LIKE. they can read each other's minds and when one is forgetting something, the other is immediately behind them with said thing. they are so cute in that regard.

HIS SMILE, WHEN HE SMILES AT HER, SHE LITERALLY HAS TO LOOK AWAY AND FACE THE WALL SO THAT NO ONE CAN SEE IT, IT ALWAYS MAKES HIM LAUGH BC SHE'S USUALLY THE ONE FLIRTING HEAVILY. no no hear me out. backstage, they're waiting in the wings until it's his turn onstage, but everything is dark and they're right next to each other. i guarantee you he always plants a kiss on her forehead, just the smallest one before he gets onstage and she always takes his hand in response, ITS A SOFT AND TINY MOMENT BUT IT SAYS EVERYTHING. it always winds up in her gazing at him softly from the wings as he acts. if any actor asks her or teases her abt vil, she just bonks them.

THEY GIVE EACH OTHER GIFTS CANON, she knows a lot about makeup and skincare products now so whenever she's abroad for a vacation, she'll find new products that could possibly be something he likes and gifts them to him. he'll get her food and they both look through his fanmail. (one of those letters is definitely from her, she snuck it in). OH MY GOD WHEN HE DOES HER MAKEUP its such a quiet and soft moment bc she's usually impatient but when it comes to him she just. sits still the whole time to let him work and it's the cutest thing to see how he watches her as she keeps her eyes closed for him.

EXTRAS BC I CAN AND I LOVE THEM. when they hang out in the green room with the other actors and she's sitting but he's standing near her, she always leans into him. HE ALWAYS PETS HER HAIR SUBCONSCIOUSLY AS HE TALKS TO THE OTHER ACTORS AND ITS ADORABLE. the one time they were hanging out alone in the boys' dressing room as he put the last touches of makeup on, she was leaning backwards in a swivel stool chair to the point where he was afraid of her falling. once, he thought she was and immediately raced to catch her. she wasn't falling but her head landed on his lap as she looked up at him and said, "wow, are you gravity? because i just fell for you" AND HE JUST. HE HAD TO LOOK AWAY WHILE TRYING NOT TO SMILE.

they've definitely got the cutest moments in their plays backstage when they're together, because she'll be in the green room, sitting on the counter and he's always right by her to lean against her. in the wings, OH GOD WHEN SHE'S STRESSED BC OF ANOTHER ACTOR, there was definitely one time where, it was after a transition for the second act, she was just standing there with her arms crossed and looking down--a sign that she wasn't okay--and he just asked what was wrong. when she told him everything and he saw her so close to tears but holding it back, he just hugged her, even though he was supposed to do a costume change.

THIS ALSO APPLIES TO HER WITH HIM, when he hasn't gotten a role he wanted, she knows he's secretly disappointed in himself to which she prepares a self care day for him. facial masks, a good movie, snacks he likes as well as some calming drinks, she does an entire thing for him while saying, "the director is an idiot, he literally can't see talent when it slaps him in the face, someday i'll make a movie to make you the lead" and he always feels better in the end.

tldr: vilivy the most supportive couple of each other and the cutest and i have heavy brainrot for the two of them

#🔮.oc talks ! #🐚.taruchi ! #STOP BC THIS ESSAY TOOK ME FOREVER TO WRITE AND IT WAS ONLY BC. MY CLASSES #my classes think they can stop my vilivy brainrot but they never will #i will draw them someday i swear #BUT I HAD TO ADD THE FINAL PART BC. listen they're so cute #they deserve that part #I NEED TO WRITE FOR MY OCS AGAIN once i am free from this show NYAHAAHAHAHAHAHA

[corals-corner]

Uhhhh little rant about smth that happened today, feel free to ignore I just need to get this shit out before I bury it down

Ok, so I play basketball. I'm not great at it, I'm aware, but I'm not bad when I actually try. Today was ouR second game

By "our" I mean just the starters and like 2 other girls. The team consists of 14 players. 5 of them, I think more, are failing one or more of their classes, meaning they weren't allowed to play, some aren't allowed to play for 3 weeks because of that. The ones who are passing are mainly the ones who are on both JV and Varsity, like me and like a little less than half the V team.

Unfortunately the head coach doesn't care about the jv team. During practice she'll use as as practice dummies for her old team and starters. This means that we don't get the same opportunity to learn and practice the plays we're supposed to do.

Now, the reason I need to rant is because of what those girls who are failing said. We told them that they need to get their grades up. Then they said that we depend on them too much and that we should know the plays because we have the same practices.

NO DUMBASS WE DONT. WE DONT KNOW THE PLAYS AND WE DONT KNOW THE WEIRD ASS POSITIONS. YOU ASSHOLES GET PRIORITY IN THE COACHES EYES AND WE GET SHIT. WERE TRAINING DUMBIES FOR YOU SO WE DONT GET THE SAME AMOUMT OF PRACTICE YOU GET FOR ANYTHING. YOUR ALL FUCKING FAILING SO WHY THE FUCK ARE YOU JUDGING US?

I literly got less than 30 seconds of playing time at the very end because the coach didn't want to get in trouble and I was confused as all hell bc I had been sitting on the bend the entire game. They fucking used me to full up the players water bottles when they began to get emptied. I'm sorry, but I didn't see this last year in jv when we literly only had 5 girls on the team playing the whole time with the only breaks being the time outs and half time. Someone to fill waterbottles would have been great for us then.

Istg I didn't even want to join basketball this year because I do not like the coaches. One doesn't even play basketball, and somehow she's been more help than the actual coach when it comes to actual moves. I know I'm not the only one who feels like this bc while the game was going on, me and another girl who got about a minute were talking about this. Like miss, we don't know how to trap well, we don't know where you want us to go when the play falls apart, and we don't know what you want us to do when no one is open and we can't dribble.

I know where gonna get in trouble when we go back to school on monday, but I better not have to do anything because I played for less than 30 seconds. I love basketball, it's really fun for me, but the coach pisses me off and I feel like the girls who weren't in jv last year don't see how they get a better coach than everyone else. Idk why I even go to the ga,es if I don't get to play. The first game I didn't play at all and I was still expected to show up in full gear. I know it's probably normal and this happens in every school, but it just passes me off that I and a bunch of other girls are being held to the same standards as the girls who get much more practice than us.

The jv team is larger than last year which I'm thankful for, but most of the girls in jv are in Varsity too, so the practices are merged. I thought this mean that we'd get more practice but apparently not.

This shouldn't piss me off this much but oh well, I just needed to get this out, please ignore

#not deltarune #rant #idk if this counts as a vent but uhhh #sorry im just pissed at the coach #and i know she can be a good coach #god it feels good to get that off my chest #ive already ranted about the coaches and the team to someone and i just needed to get this out in one swoop #sports

[readerxlit]

The 3-5 protagonists (including femc) with a younger S/O, since I already did w/ an older one. In reverse order this time

Ren/Akira

You'd expect the struggles with him to be different from if you were older, and they are, but they are also the same.

He has a hard time actually letting his guard down, and while you won't have additional struggles with that due to your age, being younger doesn't actively help.

Afterall how can he burden you with anything when you're the younger one?

He's far too busy teasing you for being "cute" or whatever to tell you about his trauma

As with most things he's very good at shifting focus to things he can do. As such you gotta be persistent with him to finally get through.

He doesn't want to rely on you, he'd much rather you do the relying on him. This is especially true here, where you're younger than he is.

You've gotta remind him that age notwithstanding, you're equals. If he wants you to trust him, he has to be willing to trust you.

You'll get through to him eventually. Then the only problem is him teasing you and, well, you knew who you signed up for a relationship with, anyway.

8/10, bit difficult at first, be prepared for teasing throughout

Yu/Souji

Man's caretaker instinct is already through the roof- especially with those he genuinely cares for- and now you've added you being younger than him to the mix?

The difference can be as minimal as possible and he'll still go, "I'm older, let me do this."

It's never patronizing, he 100% understands and respects that you're his equal, he just likes taking care of others, and this is more of an excuse to than anything else.

Obviously like all of them he's not the most talkative person in the world but he may take every opportunity to gush about you, if he can.

Whereas he's nervous about having an older partner, he's all set for a younger one. The first year IT members have given him plenty practice being a senpai and he's taking those lessons into this relationship

Honestly a little difficult to get him to understand that as his s/o you don't need to be treated differently because you're younger than him.

He will eventually chill out and reach the balance necessary for the relationship but the first weeks-to-months are an ongoing adjustment.

Genuinely sweet, 9/10, get those reminders in his head faster and he's lovely.

Hamuko/Minako

Haha, cute, she thinks you're adorable

Genuinely doesn't care if her partner is older or younger, but she does usually go for people older than her.

Thus this is actually pretty unique territory. Sure the age difference can be minimal, but that doesn't mean she isn't going to milk being the older one for all its worth.

Unfortunate side effect is that she'll feel a sense of responsibility, no matter how small the difference. And since she's already the responsible one in so many situations, it's pretty obvious she isn't as relaxed around you as she should be.

Gotta get through to her that she doesn't have to be "the mature one" just bc she's x-amount older than you.

This isn't SEES, she doesn't have to be "the responsible leader" she can just be your significant other

The only other struggle will be getting her to stop giving you horrible pet names, unless you enjoy them. In which case return the favor. Be warned she doesn't flustered easily, though.

8/10, a little rough to start but otherwise fine

Minato/Makoto

"Haha cute," said in full deadpan

Okay jokes aside, does he actually care that you're younger than him? No. Is he going to tease you about it? Ehhh, maybe?

He will when it's easy, or just when you least expect it, but generally, no.

He's not overly concerned with you being younger than him. If anything he probably forgets more often than not.

It's only when you being younger is in prime joking territory that he comments on it at all.

This is not to say it doesn't affect anything.

He actually- in spite of all his claims not to care- has come to enjoy being relyed on. (Afterall, his responsibilities have lead him to genuine bonds for the first time) So any amount of "I should be taking care of you" feelings you being younger than him gives, are a positive.

Mostly he just uses it as an excuse to poke at you for being "cute"

8/10. Teasing but in deadpan, probably for the added effect

#gn reader #ml writes #persona 3 #minato arisato #makoto yuki #p3 #p4 #persona 4 #yu narukami #souji seta #p5 #persona 5 #ren amamiya #akira kurusu #minako arisato #hamuko arisato #completed #persona

[babycatlix]

all right, i have been in my trays for over 5 hours, with little to no soreness 😁 my bottom teeth, which are the worst part, are a little sore, but i'm expecting them to be worse over the night and over the weekend as they move with my trays.

i have 16 attachments, little buttons, on my teeth that will help them move better. i have 8 on the top and 8 on the bottom. getting them attached was fairly painless and actually the easiest part of the appointment. i also had some IPR, inter-proximal reduction (aka filing between my teeth), on my bottom teeth to make it easier for them to move. i personally did not like this part. it's supposed to be painless, but i have some sensitivity issues on my bottom teeth, so some teeth hurt a little when he was filing between them and i hated the sound of the electric file. but... the little gaps between my teeth, when my trays are out, are kind of cute 🥰

my tray change schedule is every 3-4 days, which seems a little quick to me, but i'm just the patient 🤷🏻‍♀️ from the videos i binged before my treatment the shortest time i saw was 5 days before a tray change. my tray changes are kind of unique, i have even tray days and odd tray days. each set of aligners is numbered and i change to an even tray on sundays and to an odd tray on thursdays. since i started my treatment today, thursday, i'll wear my first tray until sunday. then sunday evening i'll change to tray #2. i haven't fully decided yet if i'll change my tray during the day on sunday, but i saw a lot of ppl changing their trays at night to reduce the amount of pain. i may try changing it when i wake up, just to experiment, since i have no plans sunday, it won't matter too much if I'm in a little pain during the day 🤷🏻‍♀️

i said i was worried about eating... let me tell you, eating with the trays in is the weirdest sensation. for me, crunchy things are the weirdest so far. i can feel the crunch, but not against my teeth... it's hard to explain. and don't get me started on chewing 😂 i'm afraid to chew too hard, but i think this is something that i'll get used to over time. tonight during dinner, i basically swallowed my mashed potatoes in 2 minutes. as for my macaroni and cheese, i chewed VERY lightly (the pasta was a little softer than expected), and then swallowed. i did eat most of my food and even took home the leftovers for lunch tomorrow! i also have to be VERY careful about the temperature of my food. hot food (or water) can cause my trays to warp and not move my teeth correctly. with my mashed potatoes, i was putting a small bit on my tongue and, basically, throwing it to the back of my throat 😂 that way, the hot food didn't touch my trays at all. but i'm going to stick with cold food, like yogurt, fruits and cottage cheese for the coming week.

taking my trays out was a struggle. i know that it takes practice and i'll get better at it the more i do it. once my trays are out i floss and brush my teeth like normal and then put my trays back in. tomorrow morning though, i think i'll soak my trays bc i imagine they'll be pretty gross after sleeping in them. also... my lips are hella dry 😂 i have put on SO much chapstick in the last 5 hours.

anyway, that's my teeth update. I'm not sure if I'll get to making enough content for the coming week over the weekend, but i'll do my best! i hope you had a good week, please stay safe out there, and stay hydrated my friends! 💖

#invisalign rambles

[ink-stained-words]

this helps a lot, actually

it'll hurt more tomorrow, I'm positive

how am I supposed to sleep without you close?

but it's helpful, knowing you're not here but also not far

I'll see you later, and give you the biggest hug

we'll watch our movie and snuggle and it'll be good

I'll miss you. so fucking much

but it's okay

we'll survive

I can message you how wonderful this was, how even the bad moments were more than made up for by the better ones

how I'll remember doing karaoke with you for the rest of my life

how I'll never get war child out of my head

how I'll laugh to everyone about you elbowing me

(how it was okay that you did, because I liked the reminder you were still okay. I liked being woken up when you kicked me, I liked holding you bc I could feel you breathing)

(it's deeply important to me, knowing whether or not you're okay)

I'll spend weeks or months or whatever picking apart pieces of it, the tiny moments I've already half forgotten

how bright your smile was at the park

how it felt to let you dye my hair, ridiculously at peace

how amazing you are at dead by daylight & call of duty

how your laugh sounds, how your hair smells, how progressively disastrous your makeup got

just you in general. everything that's lost through the camera

I know we'll have two beds bc it's like,,, more practical

but I wouldn't mind if we pretended we didn't, in our apartment

you're very warm. I feel safe next to you. nothing in the world could hurt us

except maybe our brains. but I was even able to make mine go quiet

I hope you were too. or that someday you can

I'll see you in a couple hours. then again in a couple weeks

we're okay, I think?

we're not tired of each other. we don't hate each other

we're still figuring out how to coexist, but that wasn't going to be immediate, I didn't expect it to be

both of us are still living a bit in the past. coping with instincts built within a distinct sort of badness

it isn't bad like that anymore. I hope soon we can believe that. it's not going to get bad like that again, I promise

I'm not going to leave you. you're not a bad person.

you deserve love, and I will do everything in my power to give it to you. I've decided on you. I'll keep coming back

I'll keep giving you way too many head kisses bc I like proving to myself that you're still here, still alive, still okay

we'll watch ridiculously mid horror movies and eat ice cream and I'll watch TikToks over your shoulder even if it's probably a bit annoying to you

this trip has just made me even more confident in the fact that I want a future with you in it. my home wouldn't be complete without you. there'd be a distinctly shaped emptiness

I want to build a safe place like your bedroom, one with a box of comfort things for the bad nights, one without people who fuck up plans, one with lots of stuffies and blankets & lights that turn on when we go to sleep

for now, we're surviving. that works. that's okay

I love you. no matter what happens, that won't change

anyways it's super fucking cold bc I just took a shower & I have to walk to the bus stop with your dad soon so!! farewell <3

#thoughts #best friend trip 2.0 #complete with an 100000x increase in snuggles #I was here for Friendsgiving!! #I sang karaoke!! #we watched otgw!! #I slept in the same place as him #we sat on the couch #it wasn't entirely perfect #but it was us #it was ours #which makes it lovely #I love him even more than I did when I got here #he's more distinct as a person in my head? #I know him better #he's safe #and he's good #my future will have him in it #I'm positive #beloved if you read this far #uhhh you get to know that one of your Christmas presents matches your dice bag design #that's as much as I'm telling you <3

[queerloquial]

(under the cut: me sorting my thoughts on the ts4 early access drama bc if i don't put it Somewhere i feel like i'll explode)

as a blanket statement, creators are allowed to want to be compensated for their effort. this is not inherently a bad thing

i'm unsure of the like. Legality of Expecting compensation when one's work is based entirely in an existing work. or maybe legality is the wrong word. media fanartists and fic writers are known to have patreons/ko-fis/paypals/etc, but ime these are for accepting tips and/or sharing wips, running polls to decide next work, private original commissions, etc

ts4 is the Only game i know of where modders do early access *at all*, much less have enough paywalled content that the parent game has to put out a statement on it. skyrim had the *idea* of paid mods for like three days and there was Such an uproar they axed it and never looked back

i've seen some creators calling players entitled or ungrateful, which, almost puts me in mind to delete their existing works from my folder. yes, you work hard on your mods. no, i don't think you're a bad person for wishing there was more benefit to doing the work. the thing is... why are you doing it if your only concern is making money? why do *video game modding, specifically,* if your goal is making money? the *one* hobby famous for *being done for free*?

if you, like, quit your job to focus on *ts4 mod creation* and intentionally made *that* your sole/largest source of income, look, you're just dumb as fuck. video game modding is absolutely not a profitable venture and you had to know that going in

''modders provide a valuable and necessary service by making the game playable'' this is not a wholly incorrect statement but also, no you are Not necessary. you are a video game modder. see again the note about this being an unpaid hobby for literally every other game

also there is a sizeable chunk of the ts4 player base that chose piracy over giving even a cent to ea. keep that in mind when trying to say you are entitled to players' money

if i could afford to sub to the patreons of my favorite creators i absolutely would, whether or not it got me earlier access to their work. i enjoy the product they release and wish i had the kind of disposable income to go "hey nice job :> get yourself a little treat"

the creators waiting for a clearer statement from ea before they make the official choice to stop the 2-3 week early access model they've been using are well within their right. every statement i've read from ea said something slightly different, there doesn't seem to be one cohesive policy that's been distributed to the people running support/help channels. this portion of the chaos is entirely on them for not being clear whether it's *only* perma-paywall content that's now banned or the *entire* practice of locking mods behind subscriptions, even when it's only for a very short period before public access goes live

[therealgarfield333]

2/2 blog :3

hey blog!! soo yesterday was both fun and shitty.

the a thing

so i don't know if we are, but i feel kind of like a and me are drifting apart a little bit? idk. we didn't really talk a lot this week because i went to main st after school like 3 times and the library during lunch, so we didn't see a lot of eachother to be honest.. i dont think we are drifting apart, but i want to ensure that by going to extended more next week.

the n, y and d drama

ok so i leave history class to go to the bathroom, and i see y. we walk in, talking and joking around, whatever. inside the bathroom, n is washing her hands, and y and n start talking. i'm not gonna explain it so here's the gist of what she and y said: d is ugly, she smells bad, and her make up is cakey. i was literally SHOCKED when they said this. i knew y didn't really like her and wasn't friends with her, but i did NOT expect n to say all that! first of all, n literally called d her best friend and her sister from another mother.. THEN SHE TURNS AROUND AND CALLS HER UGLY AND SMELLY? crazy. second of all, i dont know what the hell y is talking abt calling her ugly when y LITERALLY HAD THE FATTEST CRUSH ON HER last year! when i mentioned this, she was like "ok well that was LAST YEAR!" girll... and third of all, they were LYING. d is one of the prettiest girls at the school. also, i hang out with her all the time and she doesn't smell bad... honestly i don't know why they were just making shit up. if n said something like "yeah she's ignoring me and was talking about me behind my back, so i don't like her anymore" i would be fine with that, but they were just talking shit and lying.. like that's boring im sorry. honestly i prefer talking about the rude things people do, that's just more entertaining imo. so anyways, y and n told me not to tell her but uhh why wouldn't i.. they're dumb for that fr. i hung out with d literally all week, and i'd say we're pretty good friends, so why would they talk about her when im right there?? just say ur dumb...

anyway yea so i go back to history and my group for a project goes to the auditorium to practice our presentation, we didn't really practice bc my teacher didn't really care if we worked or not. so i bring p aside so no one can hear us, and i tell her what happened in the bathroom, and we decide to tell d. since we don't have history or spanish with d, we meet up with her at the gym like we planned and n is with her. im literally side eyeing her the WHOLE time because why are you walking with her when you literally were talking shit abt her like an hour ago?? so fake. yeah so me and p are walking d to her car and i start telling her what happened. she seemed kind of pissed, but it didn't really seem like she cared that much, she seemed kind of unbothered. im glad tbh because they were being really rude. but yeah, that's the end of the drama!! that was on thursday and we don't have school today, but i need to remind d on sunday when we go to the mall not to be acting weird around n because if she does, then n will know i told her.

main street and the basketball game

after dropping d off, me and p went to wawa!! i literally love going to main with my friends, it's so fun. i feel kind of bad tho because she paid for me again, but i don't think she minds. i definitely have to remember to pay her back. we got monsters - pipeline punch for p and ultra strawberry dreams for me -. i wanna get pipeline punch next time because i had some of hers and it was SOO GOOD!! apparently it's basic to like that flavor but i literally dont give a single shit. anyways we also got peanuts, pringles, and gummy lifesavers. i was literally so unhealthy all week so i definitely have to work out this weekend! no because i literally had four monsters this week.... on monday i had a mango loco and half of d's mango loco, on wednesday i had a mango loco and half of d's zero sugar, and then on thursday i had an ultra strawberry dreams. d is so nice for sharing her monster with me!! then we walked back to school to watch a basketball game, because p's crush is on the team. the beginning of it was really fun! we cheered on her crush and also we cheered on a guy in our grade who we call taper fade because he has a really ugly taper fade. it was so funny because his brother, who was sitting like TWO ROWS AHEAD OF US, kept looking at us like what the hell are they doing... IT WAS HILLARIOUS LMAOOO. so during half time me and p went to see if our school was selling snacks, because at another game earlier that week, they were. after, we walked into the gym and looked at where we were sitting earlier, and H WAS SITTING THERE. THE WAY MY STOMACH DROPPED. i was literally so mad because we were having such a good time and i knew she was about to ruin it. so anyway, we walk over and harmony's talking shit about someone!! what's new!! im pretty sure she was talking about m, who i'm friends with. i couldn't hear very well though, but i my mood dropped because i kept hearing snippets of the conversation and she was just being so fucking mean. a specific thing that i heard was y saying "why are you fake, just tell them that you don't like them" and she said "well if i have classes with them, it would cause drama." and it's just so dumb. like if you dont like someone, say it with ur chest. i hate j.a and r, and i tell them constantly! i was texting d about it later, and she explained it perfectly. " "

anyway, that's all for today's entry! i didn't do much today since we had an off day, so i just wanted to write about yesterday &lt;3

#my posts

[vizthedatum]

Hey I sent you the ask yesterday but I absolutely don’t mind you just posting it normally on here! Sorry if this is really long <3

my whole life I have felt like I couldn’t cope with things or do things in the way that ‘most’ people do & I am grateful that I have the things I’m really good at or enjoy but I still have times when I just can’t keep to the same schedules or cope with certain situations like others and finding out this is directly because of autism is a relief honestly 😭 I know a lot of people don’t like the church or Christianity and for real, I understand why especially when I think of things for me lately but I guess you could say I found my own beliefs on my own and I want everyone to be included in everything and be loved, happy and supported & I found this church that seemed to go outside the box and want to help and include everyone (also I felt like I belonged somewhere) but the more I realised they were almost pressuring me into doing stuff that I didn’t want to do but would almost get weird or angry w me if I couldn’t make it or didn’t want to. I have been really sick the last few months and couldn’t make it to literally anything or barely get out of bed some days and literally none of them reached out to me or would talk to me like I should make an effort even though I was so sick, sad and alone and the one day I actually felt good enough to attend, I signed up to help on the team and they deadass took me off and told me I’m ‘unreliable’ and can’t not be there for weeks and expect to just walk back in and be part of team after that. I was so hurt I felt like crying. I have tried to open up to people about things in the past there too and honestly most of the time I get a reaction like I’m to blame and like if I ask for help I get this weird reaction like ‘WeLL SHiT DuDE maybe you should just do this and not ask us?!!!!!’ And it takes me by shock every time :( but yeah I’m so sorry for the rant but it makes me feel like I’m such a burden for struggling w stuff and now I don’t want to even bother offering up my time to help them especially speaking on autism bc they treat me like I should still be able to cope with things idk it’s just hard and it makes me wanna have a breakdown sometimes 😅

Hey I sent you the ask yesterday but I absolutely don’t mind you just posting it normally on here! Sorry if this is really long <3

Hi!! I wanted to take my time with my response to be able to respond appropriately and to show myself care as well (I've had a rough week). I will respond in line to your message.

I don't mind long messages! I send long messages too haha <3

my whole life I have felt like I couldn’t cope with things or do things in the way that ‘most’ people do & I am grateful that I have the things I’m really good at or enjoy but I still have times when I just can’t keep to the same schedules or cope with certain situations like others

I think we often get bogged down with "how we should be" instead of checking in with ourselves with how we actually are.

Similarly, I have felt like I couldn't cope with a lot… and would kinda just struggle through it or force myself through it (burning myself out in the process). It wasn't until I got more support in adulthood from my therapist (and I've cycled through a couple!), psychiatrist (I am thankful I found a good one - I've been seeing her for the past 3 years or so), medical team (I have chronic health issues but assembling a good group of docs has been a challenge), my community (asking and receiving help is really important, I'm finding out), my NEURODIVERGENT community (it's been immensely helpful/validating to be vulnerable and to LISTEN to other people who have a wide range of neurotypes to observe how they do things or what they enjoy), spirituality practice (which is something I've been in and out of my whole life (was very atheist for a long time) but now I'm reclaiming this on my own terms), etc.

I'm glad that you have things you're really good at and also things you enjoy!!!

I think many schedules or even constructs of how to be human… can be really restricting because they're often not customized to your needs and abilities.

However, figuring out what your needs and abilities are (especially since they're dynamic) is NOT TRIVIAL.

and finding out this is directly because of autism is a relief honestly 😭 I know a lot of people don’t like the church or Christianity and for real, I understand why especially when I think of things for me lately but I guess you could say I found my own beliefs on my own and I want everyone to be included in everything and be loved, happy and supported & I found this church that seemed to go outside the box and want to help and include everyone (also I felt like I belonged somewhere) but the more I realised they were almost pressuring me into doing stuff that I didn’t want to do but would almost get weird or angry w me if I couldn’t make it or didn’t want to.

I'm happy you found a group and a set of beliefs that help you lead your life. Interpersonal relations within a community can be hard, especially if they do not understand or empathize with your needs.

I have often felt pressured by previous friends and family members into doing stuff… and then guilted/shamed about it if I couldn't do it or didn't want to. I think it is important to stand up for yourself and advocate for yourself in ANY SETTING… even if it disappoints others. Even if you're in the wrong. At least you're speaking up. (But I get that that's really draining, too... and sometimes not possible. I have often been non-verbal or didn't even know how to express what I was feeling)

I used to not stand up for myself because I assumed (or had a very unfair assumption) that people should just know! But people didn't know how to interact with me. And I think this is maybe autism because I felt like I was supposed to "know" unsaid rules of society for other people. I spent so much emotional energy trying to "intuit" what other people wanted… and didn't even realize how drained I was getting, how much I was masking who I was, or even who I was.

If things you can't or won't do disappoint a person or a group of people, then that could be a starting point for y'all (or even that person) to figure out why that's bothering them. A discussion needs to be had and reflections need to be made. If there is consistent harm or abuse that's being done (which I'm not saying there is, in this case, necessarily), then you may need to set some boundaries.

I have been really sick the last few months and couldn’t make it to literally anything or barely get out of bed some days and literally none of them reached out to me or would talk to me like I should make an effort even though I was so sick, sad and alone

I'm so sorry to hear that. I know what that's like. Long-term illness or chronic illness can be so isolating. And some people don't even know what to do to support.

Have you told your friends or community ways you'd like them to reach out to you when you're sick/sad/alone? It may help to say "Could you message/call me if you haven't heard from me this week?"

and the one day I actually felt good enough to attend, I signed up to help on the team and they deadass took me off and told me I’m ‘unreliable’ and can’t not be there for weeks and expect to just walk back in and be part of team after that. I was so hurt I felt like crying. I have tried to open up to people about things in the past there too and honestly most of the time I get a reaction like I’m to blame and like if I ask for help I get this weird reaction like ‘WeLL SHiT DuDE maybe you should just do this and not ask us?!!!!!’

Yeah that's highly inappropriate and ableist TO BE QUITE HONEST.

I feel like that's why we have to advocate and push back a little. Not a lot of people know enough about neurodivergence or disability needs. Or even human needs. I hate that the onus of that education and advocacy falls on us (the ones who need the help or support!)… :(

And it takes me by shock every time :( but yeah I’m so sorry for the rant but it makes me feel like I’m such a burden for struggling w stuff and now I don’t want to even bother offering up my time to help them especially speaking on autism bc they treat me like I should still be able to cope with things idk it’s just hard and it makes me wanna have a breakdown sometimes

I want to validate your shock and disappointment and hurt. That is a valid response to what you've been through.

You can rant and vent!! I do it on my blog and to my friends/partners a lot - but I'm trying to also be mindful of how much bandwidth they have for it too (my friends/partners are not my therapist or anything - and that's such an important line). Emotional expression is a really good way to help us regulate, in my opinion.

And your autism and neurodivergence is valid too. The way they can cope with "Thing X" is JUST AS VALID as you not being able to cope with "Thing X." I understand that a lot of people don't get that.

Final thoughts: Feel free to vent either to me or trusted friends/supports. I may not always be able to respond in a timely manner, but I'll try to let you know.

You shouldn't have to repeatedly assert your boundaries and needs in environments where you're supposed to have human connection and bond. That's not fair to you.

#anonymous #anonymous ask #answered asks #healing #neurodivergence #asks #anon ask #asked and answered #answered #autism #autistic #late diagnosed autistic #thoughts #opinions #neurodivergent #neurodiversity #neurotype #disability advocacy #disability #disabilities #disability rights #ableism

[dreamaze]

hi tis cacophony anon! :3 well wasn't it a long week or 4 or 5 :'3 my apologies for that lateness i did take care of myself, met with a friend for a week which was pretty fun and exciting but alas some things simply refuse to wait dhgjdfhks how are you doing? <3 so i did finally listen to xdinary heroes, a few times, and they gave me the same feeling as txt when they debuted: good first album, a sound not quite mature enough yet which is a good thing in my books bc it suits them at this stage and this is a first album not their 6th, and i'm expecting their next three comebacks too see if i like the direction they take and the sound they grow. it worked really well with txt hdghf i'm pretty much of a "wait and see" person when there's not much in their discography yet, and the artists are young. test me was really fun, especially with the "whoo-oo-oo-oo-ah" and the chorus. i really love the pre-chorus, and the last post-chorus. the pre-chorus is my favourite part shgbhd for knock down, if genius isn't lying to me, jungsu's and gaon's voices really got to me. gunil may have had only two lines but damn did they count as they are in the bridge which is my favourite part. also a big fan of multiple voices singing at the same time, even if it's only for na-na-na's. sunker punch!: the calm before the storm of the chorus, a few nearly silences well used before the real silence for the last chorus. love it when silences are effective and ironically what i remember the best of a song. i'm just asking to be hit with music right in the face. strawberry cake: this is a song i expect to grow on me bc it has a lot of the sounds i love, but for some reason the chorus and the bridge don't stick well with me, even if i really like what they did instrumentation-wise i really enjoy pirates with the brass instruments and the "down down down / make you upside down" i would really love for all their instrumentals to be released actually shdbgdgkhsg

my dearest cacophony anon!!! i am THE worst tumblr penpal and i apologize for that :( i was thinking about you literally the week before you sent this and was so happy to see you back in my inbox, and then life and the semester really got away from me. whether you are still around to read this or not, i hope you are doing well and i'm broadcasting good vibes out into the universe to you~~ <3

i'm glad you enjoyed getting into xh's first album, and now of course their second is out!! i haven't spent nearly as much time with it as i intended (the monsta x brain rot is still going… Very Strong sdkfjksdjf and kihyun's brilliant solo album dropped right before Overload, too), but my favorites right now are ghost, crack in the mirror, and (somewhat to my surprise) X-MAS. back to the first album though-- i actually really, REALLY love the mixes to their "live clip" versions. there's a video for every song on the album, in case you missed it! i was obsessed especially with the knock down live clip back when it aired. the audio clearly has some post editing done, but… idk the vocal production is a lot closer to what they truly sound like live, i imagine, and i really dig them. not sure if they plan to do them for the second album, but i hope they do!! if you haven't seen it, they also have an instrumental band practice vid for knock down here (jun han going wild at 3'39" is an especially beloved moment). i agree it would be fun to get instrumental tracks for all their songs :') they probably have some new fun things rattling around YT for latest album that i've missed, hopefully i can get more caught up now that i'm on school break.

before i forget!! i completely agree about the effectiveness of silences in music <33 they can really take your breath away when done well!

again i hope you are doing well my dear, and if/when you ever have time to drop by my inbox again, i'll try to be better about answering sooner! take care!! <3

#asks #cacophony anon #music box

[sun-bloom]

Why am I here?? (in a non-dramatic way)

Lately, I've been feeling weird about talking. Whenever I speak, I'm not so much focused on what I'm saying but, instead, on how I'm saying it. I analyze the pitch of my voice, I regulate my breathing (bc if I don't sometimes I hold my breath), I worry about my pronunciation, and, after all this, eventually I forget what I'm actually saying.

Sometimes I don't even know what my natural speaking voice sounds like because I'm convinced I never use it. All my focus on how words come out of my mouth has made me feel like my speech is something that I've practiced and am now performing rather than something that comes naturally.

The best thing I can compare it to is how Bumblebee talks in the Michael Bay Transformers movies, assembling thoughts through other people's voices on the radio. I go through conversations cycling through memories of things I've heard other people say and have most of my mental effort go to trying to imitate how they said it in the most natural way possible.

Not to be annoying and make another comparison but, when I am able to speak without overthinking everything, it's like a baby learning to walk. Everything goes well for a few steps, but they're most likely going to fall over if they don't grab onto something soon. If I talk without thinking for too long I'm most likely going to: talk for way too much, say something dumb, start pronouncing stuff weird because the thoughts have kicked in and I'm wondering what my voice sounds like again, forget what I'm talking about mid-sentence, etc. My only hope is for someone to interrupt me.

Now I have a job where I work from home 2-3 days out of the week, no one in my house really talks to each other, I only see my boyfriend on the weekends, and I don't really have any friends. Shit sucks! I think I'm talking less than ever! Even though I'm not the best at communicating my thoughts, it still feels weird to be so lonely.

So anyways, with all this, I wanted to get on here and kind of have a little public diary. I guess I want it public bc even though I don't really expect interaction, I at least want to have my thoughts out there. I don't know why tbh. I guess having this public makes me feel like I am talking even if no one talks back.

It was nice to come back here and see my old blog. I've never actually posted but it was nice to see the little ~aesthetic~ I was trying to build when I was 16 and how it's not that different from what I like now. (not sure if that's embarrassing to admit or not) Whatever, I'm kind of proud of myself for not being too cringy online lol. Who knows how long this will to write out what I'm thinking will last but I hope I do it at least a few more times. I have some stuff I want to say and no one to say it to.

Thank you for reading <3

#has the mobile app always been ugly like this #I remember when the blog default mobile layout first came out and thinking it sucked #it looks the exact same #always threw me off that you could have an elaborate theme and then just an ugly 2 tone layout gets default status #shout out theme makers