(logging into the beating a slightly funny joke into the fucking ground website) they better not be beating a slightly funny joke into the fucking ground in here
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all this talk of vanilla extract is reminding me of this tumblr screenshot classic
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*Knock knock*
"Hmm, I wonder who that could be? A fairy? Or a walrus perhaps?"
*opens door*
"Life sized bottle of vanilla extract?!"
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Other Companies trying to stay relevant: *post a tweet or tiktok three weeks late*
Tumblr: *designs and markets a vanilla extract water bottle in 2–3 days*
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woke up and someone spilled vanilla extract all over my dash, so as punishment you strange little beasties are getting all the VANILLA FACTS i know:
vanilla is the 2nd most expensive spice in the world (2nd to saffron)
which is why more than 99% of what we call "vanilla extract" is actually vanillin (vanilla's dominant flavor compound) and is not extracted from real vanilla.
luckily, even professionals struggle to tell the difference when it comes to things like baked goods. but there is a distinct difference in non-heat treated products like vanilla ice cream. real vanilla has a more complex, individualized flavor profile.
why is vanilla so expensive? because it is a ridiculously delicate & demanding crop. complete primadonna.
vanilla beans come from vanilla orchids. these crazy flowers bloom for A SINGLE DAY and have to be HAND-POLLINATED in a process that is exhausting, delicate, and requires specialist knowledge passed down over generations.
then, if you're lucky, you get vanilla beans.
which then require months of further specialized treatment.
the entire process takes about a year and can go wrong at any stage
vanilla has been cultivated for over 800 years (possibly much longer). the first known cultivators are the Totonac, an indigenous people of Mexico.
the Aztecs used it as a sweetener to balance out the bitter taste of cocoa. it was popular in a drink called xocolatl--the precursor to modern hot chocolate!
it is only pollinated by a very specific orchid bee!!!
which is why no fruit could be grown outside of Mexico until the 1800s
Edmond Albius, born into slavery, invented the pollination method we still use today--launching a global industry when he was just 12 years old.
today, the majority of the world's vanilla is grown in Madagascar
if you want real vanilla, read the labels carefully--it's harder to find than you think!
in conclusion, those tiny black specks you see in fancy vanilla ice cream? those are vanilla bean seeds! itty bitty orchid seeds!!! they are delicious and also a PRISSY BITCH!
(src)
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Tumblr going hog on vanilla extract is proof that we're forgetting the old wisdom of ancient memes.
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You know, I always heard tumblr users were a bunch of kinky weirdos but I'm not so sure. I checked the polls and everyone here is super into vanilla.
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I've seen a handful of posts now like "WHERE DID VANILLA EXTRACT COME FROM" "i dont understand the vanilla extract meme" "how did you guys make a new meme in a couple hours" like how are you guys not acclimated to this environment yet. you come on, you see a post with vanilla extract and go huh. you scroll a bit and see another. huh? everyone is voting for vanilla extract. it seems to be the new meme. why? it literally does not matter. this is the committing to the bit website now jump on this fucking bandwagon and press the vanilla extract button.
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