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#fairytale Bangtan
wjqrfwfq · 2 days
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minniepetals · 1 year
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cry me a river | the second choice
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— summary: an illusion of free choice, it will always be namjoon in the end
— pairing: bts x reader
— genre: angst, mafia!au
— word count: 10.3k
— warnings: none but i do apologize beforehand for any anger/sadness you may feel :)
— PART 16 / previous post / masterpost
May 20XX; Age Six [Kim Namjoon]
“Joon.” Jungwon crouches down before him, his eyes a stare much more serious than ever before. There is still kindness in his eyes, there will always be kindness in his eyes, but as Namjoon looks up at his older brother, even the little boy can tell a storm may be brewing in the corner. “If I ever disappear,” he speaks in a low voice so that no one else can hear but Namjoon, “I want you to take over. You got that?”
Namjoon furrows his brows, a face of fear and confusion plastered upon his little boyish features. “Hyung…what do you mean by that?”
Jungwon smiles ruefully, the hand he has on his brother’s shoulder patting gently. “You know exactly what I mean.”
“But hyung, I..” Namjoon shakes his head, refusing to give into what his brothers’ words imply. “Disappear? What do you mean by that? If you’re not by my side, how can I ever go on, hyung? You can’t leave. I won’t be able to do anything without you.”
“Sure you can.” His voice is kind, sweet, always offering the gentlest words despite how cruel this world is. “I know you can.” Then, Jungwon’s tone shifts. “And I know you will.”
“Hyung?” Namjoon takes a step closer to his brother, anxiety weighing against his chest so strong he hopes it can disappear when he touches his brother’s hands but it doesn’t. Something’s not right. Something’s wrong. And usually, Jungwon’s always there to fix everything for him but this time it feels as if the very source of that problem is Jungwon himself.
And as if he’d disappear right before his eyes, Namjoon holds himself closer to his elder brother, panic settling in his chest in the most uncomfortable way. 
“Don’t tell me…” He whispers, afraid of the answer.
When Jungwon sends him a tight smile, the answer is clear. “It’s okay, I’ll be gone for only a few years.”
“Years!” Namjoon exclaims in defiance. “Hyung, you can’t—”
“Shh!” A finger held against his lips, he quickly shuts the younger boy down as he looks around instantly, trying to sense any other presence around the two of them. But Namjoon doesn’t care for that right now, all Namjoon cares for is the fact that he’s going to be losing his brother very soon.
As if Jungwon can feel just how afraid his little brother is for his disappearance, his eyes settle back on him, large hands engulfing Namjoon’s with a tight squeeze.
“You’ll be alright, I just gotta take care of some things. But just in case, Joon, and this is just in case, got that?” He doesn’t continue until Namjoon gives him a nod. “Just in case something…” He hesitates, knowing that frightening the boy further will only alleviate more anxiety but he also knows that he has to in order to make him stronger. “If something goes wrong, I need you to become the head of Bangtan, you got that?”
“But—”
“No matter what,” he emphasizes with a force. “You have to become the next head. And if that takes you years before you can pick up the courage, let it be. Just know that no matter what, father cannot live until he lies on his deathbed with greying hair. I want you to bring him there before even a strand of his hair whitens.”
“Hyung..”
“I know.” Jungwon nods, his lips tight in a straight line before he continues. “I know it’s quite the burden I’ve placed on your shoulders but this is the only way you can free yourself, Joon. If I’m not here to be the one to take him down, you’re going to have to step up to be the big boy. You can do that, can’t you?”
“I..I-I’ll try,” he says, though knowing he could never. He’s just a little boy after all, and thinking about becoming the next head is something that can only happen in dreams and fairytales. “But hyung, you…you can’t die. Please, hyung,” Namjoon takes ahold of his brother’s shirt, pleading, begging, as his tiny little hands that are balled into knuckle white fists trembles. “You have to survive, no matter what. Or else I’ll never forgive you.”
“I know Joon, I know.” Jungwon brings his little brother into his chest in order to try and relieve some of the stress he’s feeling. He holds onto him tightly as he hides his own fears and unease. “No matter what, I will do all that I can to return to your side. I promise I’ll be back and when I come back, we’ll take over Bangtan together and lead the gang into a new era.”
“You promise?”
“Mmn. I promise.”
That was the first promise Jungwon ever broke.
.
.
.
June 20XX; Age Twenty-Two
“I hope that you will treat my daughter well. She is quite precious to me. She knows nothing of the violent side to things and I wish to keep that pure and innocence with her until the day she no longer walks this earth.”
The Grim Reaper. Said to be quite ruthless and cruel. There were rumors that he had a daughter but Namjoon never knew it was a daughter he cherished so much. Perhaps her hidden identity and the reason as to why she was known to only exist in rumors and fantasies is because the Grim Reaper hides her well in the hopes of protecting her.
Huh.
What a decent father, unlike the man Namjoon wishes to no longer remember.
“Of course. You have my word.”
.
.
.
“Namjoon, are you alright?”
It’s strange the way you concern yourself in his business despite only being in a marriage of convenience. From the first moment Namjoon saw you, he knew you were someone who only held kindness in your heart, but even then this was nothing but a contract.
“You do not need to concern yourself with me. We may be husband and wife but you are not obligated to care for my needs. Our marriage is only a contract after all.”
He hopes you would leave then. You look like someone who would listen to each and every word someone tells you to. After all, you’re even timid around his own boys despite the fact that you are in a position much higher than them. If you had the heart to, you could even berate them without fear of any consequences coming down on you with the power you hold. Obviously, Namjoon would never let you but he knows that even then, having your father’s strength behind you would serve well were you to use that to your advantage.
Thankfully, however, to Namjoon’s relief, you aren’t some spoiled brat who only thinks highly of herself.
“Forgive me, I do not mean to cross your boundaries but I am not speaking as your contractual wife, Namjoon. I am speaking to you as myself. As Y/N. Not Mrs. Kim.” His fingers freeze against his keyboard just as you say, “So I’d like to ask again; are you alright, Namjoon?”
What a strange little girl.
Strange indeed.
Yet…not the bad kind of strange.
.
.
.
You’re a kind young lady who knows how to treat others with respect, though a part of him believes you may be too cautious for your own good. Seokjin could tell right away that you fear them, that even though you try your hardest to be the kind person that you are, you still distance yourself in subtle ways, timid and afraid of things unbeknownst to them.
You hide yourself well, present yourself in a poised and elegant manner, different from what he images a young lady of your age should behave. You’re closer to Jungkook’s age, and although the young boy has his own pasts and traumas he’s dealt with, he’s learned to work well with others and be free in the ways he can (mostly through Jimin’s efforts). 
But you’re different from Jungkook.
The both of you are on the quieter side, but unlike the way Jungkook’s content with his silence, you fall more rigid and timid and perhaps it’s all because you’re in an environment different from that of your father’s estate.
He wonders how you were treated there, how much he spoiled you, how the servants cared for you, and although a part of Namjoon envies you for growing up with a kind father who watches out for your wellbeing, he knows not to get jealous of those things.
Still, it makes him wonder just what sort of reaction you’d have were he to put you in a difficult position.
And through his selfishness, he makes his first mistake and lives to regret it the moment he sees you crying in the arms of Taehyung.
“I was scared,” you confess in a barely audible whisper. “I was so scared.”
He should have never mixed purity with the cruel world he grew up in. No matter how envious he was of the way you grew up, no matter how curious he was to see how you’d respond to being put in a spot that’d make things difficult for you for the first time, he should have never done what he did.
Namjoon was cruel.
A cruel, cruel man.
“I made you feel as if you had no choice to refuse, as if you were nothing but a pawn to me.”
“But, I am a pawn.”
He saw himself in you. In the way you coward before him as if he was still the little boy that he was years ago, trying to look his bravest but ultimately failing whenever it came to confronting his father head-on.
His father always made him feel like a pawn and here he is, doing the exact same thing to an innocent little girl.
“No. You are Y/N. You are not a pawn. You deserve to live just as much as the rest of us.”
He should have never forced you into that situation.
.
.
.
“Want to sneak out?” Namjoon hears a voice in the middle of the night, the tone whispered lowly as if up to no good.
He lets out a silent sigh as he remains hidden behind a wall, taking a small glance Jungkook’s way as the two of them were just on their way back from a meeting. The younger one remains the silent person that he is, not uttering a word as the troublesome Jimin tries to coerce you into sneaking out.
“What, I..-I can’t do that.”
“Why not?”
“Jimin, I’m…did you forget who I am?”
Daughter of a powerful mafia leader, wife to another powerful mafia leader. Perhaps living the life protected by others may indeed be burdensome at times. You have restrictions, unable to live the normal life you’d like, not being able to enjoy the world outside as much as you wish to, being cautious of your identity, and always having to ask permission for every little thing in order to remain safe and secure.
He’s seen the way your father treats you; eyes always kept your way no matter where you go as if cautious and afraid something would go wrong were something to happen. You’ve never lived a life without being under surveillance, have you?
He guesses even the love of a father may be burdensome, just as it is for a child growing up without love. Though he’s glad you didn’t have to grow up the way he did. At least you had people who cared for you and he hoped you’ve had nothing but the best growing up.
“Namjoon will be upset and angry at me if he ever finds out.”
When his name is brought into the conversation, Namjoon begins listening in more intently.
“Oh please,” he hears Jimin laugh, “If Namjoon ever finds out, he’ll only go after me. I promise.”
How shameful of him, knowing just how troublesome he is that he’ll be the only one getting scolded and yet continues on his antics without care.
“I can’t believe in that promise.”
“Huh. You really don’t trust him, do you?”
“Our relationship was arranged, Namjoon wouldn’t let me off if I were to ever disobey him.”
Namjoon leans away from the wall after those words, a hand placed upon the maknae’s shoulder as he whispers, “Watch over them, will you?”
“Hyung?” As he goes on to walk off, Jungkook looks back at him with confusion. “You won’t try to stop Jimin?”
The leader simply gives him a shrug before disappearing into the dark halls, leaving Jungkook to do what he wants with both you and Jimin.
It seems that as the day passes by, the boys are slowly becoming fond of you. Even Jungkook who’s usually very slow upon warming up to people doesn’t reappear before him later that night, leaving Namjoon to guess that he went on the expedition with you and Jimin.
When he asks you about it the next day, you put the blames all on yourself, not wanting anyone else to get in trouble, and Namjoon sighs.
“You are my wife, Y/N, not my prisoner. If you wish to go out, you have every right to do so. However, you must make sure that you have at least two guards with you at all times. You are my wife, after all, even if no one knows of your identity.”
Even if it’s just the smallest amount of freedom he can give you, Namjoon hopes it’ll give you a bit of a breather.
If even a little.
.
.
.
Yet freedom comes at a price and the second Namjoon thought he’d finally be able to see your happiness flourishing, the light that produced flickered away in mere minutes and you’re down on the ground, panicking with fear taking total control until it is Seokjin who has to be the one to ground you down.
“I’m here,” he repeats, “I’m here.”
He goes through a breathing exercise with you patiently, gently, until finally your exhaustion catches onto you and you collapse there right in his arms, falling asleep to the beat of his heartbeat.
Namjoon vows right then and there to give the man who had done this to you the slowest death he can offer.
You were so happy a few days ago, smiling and laughing along after what he had put you through, and just when he thought things have finally calmed down, your peace and joy has been ripped away from you once more.
He won’t forgive himself for using you as a pawn but he’ll kill the one who had scared you and shattered your soft, forgiving heart.
.
.
.
Namjoon fell in love with you just as fast as he had fallen out of love.
Just three years — two years of loving. And Namjoon grew tired of your silence.
Your silence.
Your quiet, quiet silence.
When he loved and cared and opened his heart up, revealing his deepest insecurities and pasts with you, things he never does unless he truly trusts someone, when he broke down his walls and allowed you into his arms, you remained silent.
There were times when you’d lean on them, when you’d turn to them during rough moments, when you couldn’t sleep, when you were feeling insecure about your position in the relationship, when you were afraid of an enemy, when you just needed a shoulder to cry on.
But there were also times when you’d awake in the middle of the night, shutting down and holding yourself together without the tiniest peep. Those were the times when Namjoon had to make an effort. To hold you, to remind you that it was okay to turn to them, to lean on them.
Because they loved you.
There were times when you’d shed tears and say nothing, remaining completely silent. No matter how much effort he had put in, how much they had put in, trying to ease the answers out of you, remaining patient with you all the way, reminding you of their love and care, you wouldn’t say a word about your struggles.
And it hurts because they’ve shared parts of themselves that no one else knew yet there you were, walls still held up high without the slightest crack in between.
Did you love them as much as they loved you? Were they showing you enough love? What if all their efforts were all for naught? What if their love weren’t enough for you to see, to feel, to have, to hold, to cherish? What if they weren’t good enough to keep you as their own?
What if you were better off returning to your father? In a place where you’re used to, surrounded by people who knows you, who understands just what to do when you’re like this? Those who can take care of you in ways they could never?
If you returned, would you be happier?
“Is she even happy?”
“What are you saying, Namjoon?” Seokjin looks at him as if he has two heads, brows deepened with confusion as he pushes aside the paperwork before him. “You can’t just go around coming up with your own conclusions without communicating.”
“I tried, hyung, I’ve tried.” He runs a hand through his hair, biting onto his lower lip to keep his emotions at bay. “But she doesn’t say anything, hyung. What am I supposed to do with that?”
“So you try harder,” Seokjin stresses, feeling irritated he even has to say such simple reasonings aloud. “She’s always been so patient with us, why can’t you do the same?”
“I know hyung, I know.” He knows, he understands, but the longer he’s kept in the dark, the more his thoughts stray away into thinking what if you were better off elsewhere? What if you were better off returning to your father? To your safe place? If he can’t provide you with the right love and care that you need, then wouldn’t it be better for you to return to the Reapers? 
“I feel like I’m not doing enough,” he says as he looks away from Seokjin, trying to hide the overwhelming emotions. “I thought that if I loved her enough, she’d finally trust us with her vulnerable side but what if this love isn’t enough for her? What if all that I’ve been doing has been for naught? What if—”
“Namjoon.” The eldest lowers his voice into a threat, not wanting him to utter any more words.
But Namjoon keeps going. “What if I end this?”
“Kim Namjoon.” Seokjin stands from his chair, feet stomping right on over and without hesitation, pushes Namjoon right up the wall behind him in a harsh and forceful manner. “Don’t you dare say that ever again. Just because the two of you are legally married doesn’t mean the rest of us shouldn’t have a say in it. If you end it for the two of you, you end it for the rest of us.”
“But she’d be happier!”
“You don’t know that!”
“What else am I supposed to think?!” He looks up with a force and Seokjin almost gasps at the sight of tears falling from his eyes. Namjoon isn’t one to shed tears, not like how easy it is for someone like Jungkook. Out of everyone, the leader always keeps himself composed no matter what situation he’s faced with and it has to take a lot in him to finally allow tears to fall.
Seokjin almost takes a step back when Namjoon leans against the wall and slides down, hitting the ground with a thud. He lets his tears flow, not caring to wipe them away, not caring to hide them anymore.
“I can’t love her enough,” he says in a low, low whisper. “My love isn’t enough for her.”
“...What are you trying to say?”
Namjoon falls silent for a moment. And a heartbeat later, he confesses his feelings. “I can’t love her,” he says, “not in the way I used to.”
As his nostrils thicken and his eyes redden, Seokjin pulls Namjoon back up by the collar. “What sort of pathetic excuse were you trying to make before?” He growls, the flash of anger and hurt clearly seen in his eyes. “She’d be happier with her father? Are you serious? Y/N’s silence shouldn’t be the reason for you to give up like this. You know perfectly well how love works. Not everything is exciting and filled with happiness. Sometimes it gets a little dull and that infatuation you felt at first will dwindle down but that doesn’t mean you give up on it the second you feel it. If you can do it with the rest of us, why can’t you do it with Y/N? You love us all the same, why can’t that be the same for Y/N? Was your love for her that weak? You know just as well as I do how much patience it takes to break down someone’s walls and the second you feel you can’t do it as easily as you’ve done for the rest of us, you’re willing to back down. You’re pathetic, Kim Namjoon.”
.
.
.
He knows.
He knows he’s pathetic.
But the more he tries, the harder it is, and the more he comes to learn that he can never love you in the same way he used to.
“Joon!”
Even the soft little nickname that always got him to smile no longer works for you and soon the rest of the boys all catch up to it. Fights break out behind your back and the longer this goes on, the more frustrated Namjoon gets.
He hates how pathetic he’s acting, hates the way feelings work, because he tries, he does, but doesn’t try enough to make things work and soon enough, the way the others care for you starts to irritate him as well. He hates how sweet they are towards you, how they defend you every time he has something to say, how he watches their love for you is kept the same and yet his is different.
And most of all, he hates how kind you still are despite knowing Namjoon’s changed.
He knows you know and he hates how you refuse to address it, wanting to believe in the Namjoon you fell in love with. For a while, Namjoon thought that was fine, that if he too refuses to see his changing feelings, he can come to love you all the same again.
But that doesn’t work and his frustrations get the best of him.
“If this continues, I’ll end up lashing out at her.”
He hates the way the others look at him but he deserves it, he knows he deserves it.
“So what? You’re gonna say it’s better to let her go before any of that happens? Before you hurt her? Return her to her father because she’d be happier there than pretend things are going well between the two of you?”
When Taehyung points out those things, Namjoon doesn’t say a word.
He just nods, and that causes another fight to break out.
The tension grows and grows between them, all the while you turn to Hoseok, the only man who’s unaware of what’s going on around him, finding your safe space in him.
Hoseok who doesn’t know a thing. Hoseok who still loves you more than anything else in the world and you, who clings onto his love because everything else seems to be falling apart. But even then, Namjoon sees the way you hide your true feelings from him, not wanting him to worry and perhaps afraid that if he knew, he’d also fall into the tension that has grown between the rest of them.
Namjoon knows how dumb he’s being, that he should try harder but trying harder only makes him grow more irritated, and soon enough he just stops.
Stops trying.
Maybe if he acts differently around you, maybe if he makes you hate him, it’d be easier to let you go. Because that way you can feel better about returning to your father. He’d rather you hate him than hold onto a false hope thinking he could change and revert back to the old him.
He’ll make you hate him and he’ll force you to take the step into calling for a divorce.
The night Namjoon lashes out on you, Taehyung meets him when he slams the door closed on your face, a look of disappointment clear on his face as he bites his tongue back when the two of them meet eyes. Taehyung’s jaw is clenched, hands balled into a fist, trembling by his side as he tries to subdue his emotions.
“A pawn?” He whispers, scoffing at the disgusting words that left his leader’s lips.
Namjoon looks away, chin protruding.
“You have no right, Kim Namjoon. To tell her such things.”
And when your cries echo softly from the other side of the door, Taehyung lets his own tears fall. His eyes redden as he keeps silent, not wanting you to hear a single peep, while he levels daggers into Namjoon’s head.
But the man doesn’t give him a reaction. He turns away and walks off, leaving Taehyung to hear your cries all to himself.
He stays there for the longest time, listening to you from the other side of the door, keeping himself concealed, hidden, despite his body screaming at him to rip open that door and hold you tightly. All the noises that leave your lips tears him down to pieces.
He hates it most when you cry, hates your tears, your broken state, and he hates himself most of all for just staying there stoned to the floor, not making a single move to walk towards you or away.
He just stays there, listening to the broken record that falls from you, left damaged by Namjoon’s words.
It is until two hours pass does Taehyung actually make a move. You’d gone silent an hour ago but he knows that in spite of your silence, you still cry. That’s just how you are. You hate making the slightest peep when you cry, hate it when others hear you even if no one’s by your side.
You hide all that you are even while basking in your own comfort.
So when Taehyung’s absolutely sure you’ve fallen asleep from all that crying, he opens the door to your bedroom and walks in to find you sitting against the wall, head leaned to your right where the bookshelf lies, eyes shut closed with faint dry tears marking your cheeks.
He steps in and takes a seat before you, watching as you breathe in and out, chest heaving slowly and peacefully. Taehyung lets his tears fall silently for you, hating every moment of this, and finally gets up to pick you up in his arms.
He settles you into your bed carefully and thoughtfully, making sure you’re comfortably tucked in, and just as he’s about to move away, he feels a tug pulling him back in and Taehyung freezes.
For a moment there his heart skipped a beat, worried you had woken up from him moving you around, but when Taehyung looks back to see that your eyes are still closed, his heart only tugs with an ache.
Look at you, clinging to his warmth even in your dreams, as if a second longer without them brings a second more pain into your life and he knows, he knows that he’s hurting you. He knows that you spend nights after nights worried about how strong their love is for you, about being a burden, about not being enough, and so he hates himself most of all for not being the one to soothe those insecurities of yours away.
“I’m sorry,” he whispers brokenly when he leans in and presses a kiss to your cheek. A teardrop escapes his eye, dropping onto your precious skin, and Taehyung cries a little more while trying his best to keep as silent as possible.
I’m sorry, I’m sorry, I’m sorry, he says them in his head, worried you may wake up and pray that you can hear them in your dreams.
He kisses you a few times, delivering apologies after apologies, knowing that no matter how many times he utters them, they will never be enough. Nothing will ever be enough.
When Taehyung leaves your room after some time, he takes another moment to himself right there in front of your bedroom door, and grabs a handful of his shirt to wipe the tears from his eyes, all the while knowing that sharp aching pain in his chest will never cease.
Someone’s footsteps are heard and when he looks up, he finds Jimin in the shadows of the darkness.
They don’t say a word to one another but Taehyung sees the way water glimmers in his soulmate’s eyes.
.
.
.
Five minutes.
It takes five minutes for Jungkook to make sure you aren’t returning for him to release his gun and slam it harshly to the ground.
It smashes into pieces with a loud sound but he doesn’t care. All he cares is for the hurt on your face he’s sure was there when he kept his back on you, speaking in short and blunt words to make you turn away from him.
The door is closed after you left but one look at the sandwich you left behind makes a tear fall from his eye.
“Don’t push yourself too hard,” you told him, voice kept kind and gentle yet he heard the restrain, the way you were holding yourself back from him. You wanted his attention, his soft smile, his words of affirmation, to stop focusing so much on his targets and turn around to provide you with his full attention in the way he’s always done.
But Jungkook had only hurt you and forced you out the door.
“What does loyalty mean?” He asks Seokjin later that day, eyes hard and demanding after walking in through his door without so much of a greeting, but Jungkook doesn’t care. “If I betray this gang, will I have to pay with my life? Will you kill me?”
The eldest hovers his pen in mid-air, silent.
“I know I owe him my life, he’s done so much for me and I love him but…” His voice threatens to fall apart, jammed against his throat, but Jungkook swallows hard to speak again. “I love her too, hyung.” He lets out a shaky breath and tears fall. Tears only seem to be falling these days. “It isn’t fair, hyung, can’t you say something? Anything? He listens to you, can’t you do something? You still love her, don’t you? If you say something that’ll make him change his mind, we’ll be okay again and we won’t have to risk Y/N—”
“You know just as well as I do Namjoon does not change his mind once it’s made up.”
Jungkook chokes on his tears because he knows. He knows nothing can be done.
Namjoon has fallen out of love and the rest of them has to pay the price.
“It isn’t fair what we’re doing to her, hyung, can’t you see? I don’t want her to hate me and I don’t want to hate her. Why do we have to hurt just because things stopped working out for him? Why do we have to hurt her too?”
“Jungkook–”
“If this was another life, if I was an ordinary man,” he grits his teeth, staring hard at his eldest hyung, “I’d choose her in a heartbeat.”
Seokjin can say nothing to that.
.
.
.
In another life, Jungkook would make you his number one priority. In another life, Jungkook would make sure you were his first choice.
Because in this life you will always come second to Namjoon whether he wants that or not. In this life, he has to choose Namjoon, in this life he chose Namjoon first so he can’t choose anyone else.
Polyamory shouldn’t be this hard. It was working out well for them without any problems in between so why did something have to start going wrong when you came along? You’ve done nothing wrong, you’ve done all that you could, but now your biggest insecurity is biting back at you and there’s nothing Jungkook can do to change that.
He can’t choose you.
Jungkook cries that night, hard, and punches Namjoon against his chest because he doesn’t want to let you go. He loves you and he hates that he’s forced into a position where he has to choose between you and Namjoon.
For them, for the boys, that choice will always be Namjoon.
Because Namjoon was there first and Namjoon is their boss. Choosing between a woman of another gang and the man who leads your gang will only lead you down one road.
An illusion of free choice.
Because loyalty to the mafia comes first. Without the mafia, they have nothing.
“Why, why, why?” Jungkook pleads in a broken voice, the punches he gives out weakening by the second and Namjoon stands there, taking it all in.
They hate it.
They hate it because you’ve voiced your insecurities before. Your insecurities about being a second choice, being left behind, and not being enough for them. You will always be enough for them, always, but when it comes to having to choose between their mafia and you, you will always be the second choice.
“Then…let’s divorce.”
Three words.
Gentle eyes.
A kind smile.
Breaking.
Breaking.
Broken.
They broke you.
.
.
.
“You’re okay with this?” Hoseok sits against a wall, his head lowered with no energy left in him as he asks Yoongi that question. 
The room remains quiet for the longest time as Yoongi holds his breath and Hoseok sits there, the fight in him slipping away as tears fall from his eyes, hidden through the darkness of his hair. Yoongi can tell he’s crying with the way his shoulders trembles and it’s a sight that breaks him.
A sight that hurts him.
“I thought you loved her, hyung, I thought…I thought that we…that…” The lump in his throat makes it hard for him to make out proper words and while Yoongi tries to comfort him with a hand on his shoulder, Hoseok only shakes it off with a forceful flick, not wanting his sympathy. “You’re a coward,” he utters with disgust as he takes a stand, refusing to meet him in the eyes. “Just because we weren’t legally married to her doesn’t mean it’s okay to let her fall victim to Namjoon’s abuse. You think you’re not bad? That it’s easier to forgive you because you didn’t do anything?”
He scoffs, laughing bitterly. “No hyung. It’s because you didn’t do anything that probably drove her to end things. Am I good enough?” He quotes your thoughts, uttering them clearly for Yoongi to hear every word. “Did I do something wrong? Was it something I did? Why won’t they look at me? Why won’t they care for me? They still love me, right? Everything’s my fault, isn’t it? Namjoon doesn’t like me but they still do, right? They still care, right? Ah, but if they do then that means I’m forcing them to choose between me and Namjoon. Who will they choose? They’ll choose Namjoon because they loved him first. They love him. They love Namjoon. Namjoon. Namjoon. And I will always be their second choice.”
Hoseok pushes Yoongi out of anger, hating every bit of this as more tears fall, his rage getting the best of him. “How dare you let her biggest nightmare come true? Made her think she would always be our second choice?”
“Hoseok—”
“While I laid there on the hospital bed thinking everything was fine, that everything was perfect and everything was good, you could’ve done something. Y/N wasn’t ever going to tell me anything no matter how much I begged it out of her. She was hurting and yet she always smiled my way, pretending all was okay and you know what’s crazy? How convincing she was.”
You just missed him, you’d tell him, that you were worried about his injuries hurting him and while a part of that must’ve been true, Hoseok knows damn well it wasn’t all of your worries.
You lied to him and he couldn’t see through those lies. Just what else were you hiding from him? What else did you hide under that perfect dollhouse smile? Living in a world that looked so perfect, filled with so many beautiful things, of sunshine and rainbows, with nothing but laughter and a sweet smile. You filled his world with warmth, with so much care and patience, always knowing just what to do when things weren’t right, when things went wrong.
You always knew.
Always knew whenever his smile was fake, when he felt as if the world was caving in, when he’d brave himself and put on a facade that would fool millions.
Among the seven billion people that live on this earth, you’re the only one who always knew the second something was wrong with him and in turn, Hoseok fell blind to your own sufferings, to your hurting, to your pains.
He thought he knew you best but he didn’t.
He never did.
I’m tired, you told him, and Hoseok’s eyes blind with tears as he looks up at his hyung, a fist ready to land right upon his face if it weren’t for someone holding him back.
Yoongi would have let him punch him but Jungkook doesn’t.
“Hyung, stop,” the youngest one says in a plea as he forces Hoseok away with a protective stance before the older one.
Their eyes meet and Hoseok knows. Hoseok knows he can’t let his rage blind him into hurting his loved ones so he takes a step back, punching the wall instead.
“Hyung-!”
“How did she look, Jungkook?” He turns to him with a force, hand trembling, knuckles bruised as blood drips from his ripped skin.
“Hyung..”
“Tell me, Jungkook. How did she look?” He asks again with a little more force, teeth gritting. “When you forced her to her breaking point, when you stood there doing nothing but watched on, not caring to do a single thing to help her out? How did she look when she took off her wedding ring and said she wanted a divorce? I know you were there,” he takes a glance at Yoongi, “both of you. All of you.” He glances back at Jungkook, jaw clenched tightly as he demands an answer.
The younger one averts his gaze to the floor, biting onto his lower lip as he usually does when he’s trying to remain calm over his emotions. He can feel the tears coming when he remembers your face.
Your precious, precious face.
So broken and defeated.
“She smiled,” he says and Hoseok’s face crumbles.
His lips quiver as he turns back to the wall, punching and punching.
“Hyung, stop! Please!”
Even as Jungkook tries to pull him back, Hoseok pushes him off aggressively. “You don’t deserve to cry, Jungkook!” He shouts with so much emotions it breaks them both. “You don’t deserve to regret it now. Not now, not when everything’s done and over with. It’s too late to cry now. It’s too late to feel guilty for what you’ve done.”
He rips his gaze from the tears that fall down Jungkook’s cheeks, looking away from the both of them as he hits his forehead against the wall. The punches that follow weaken and even with the pain he feels from his knuckles, Hoseok knows it’ll never hurt more than how much they’ve hurt you.
He breaks down again for the hundredth time that day, strength falling weak. “You could’ve done something but you didn’t,” he whispers, his voice trembling. “You could’ve…you could’ve saved her. I love her so, so much. How could you do that to me? To her? How could you…?”
.
.
.
When Yoongi cries, he does it softly and quietly and keeps it to himself. He doesn’t like bothering people, doesn’t like the attention and questions that he earns from people when they do see him cry because he’ll never know what to say.
He hates explaining himself and would rather be invisible to the world than anything else in those moments.
He’s usually good at hiding it when he’s cried. He’ll put on a straight face and pretend those past few minutes of shedding tears were nonexistent, but for some reason, someone always manages to see right through him.
“Hyung?” Hoseok will ask after him but Hoseok isn’t here to look out for him now. He’s got his own tears to worry about.
“Yoongi?” And you’re gone.
Gone from his life because he’s pushed you away and didn’t do anything to stop you.
You’re gone, no longer there to collect after his tears.
“I thought you loved her.”
He did. He does. He does.
But Hoseok’s right; he could have saved you. He could have done something, to have done anything, to have at least made it hurt less, to have protected you from Namjoon’s anger. He could have shielded you from such words that had broken you to pieces but his negligence and the way he left you to deal with everything all on your own had only hurt you more.
He broke you.
Hoseok’s right. He might not have been the one who had broken you down with crude words but he’s still part of the reason you were driven down the edge of the cliff. He’s just as bad, just as bad as Namjoon, and shedding any tears now, regretting anything now is meaningless.
You’re gone.
.
.
.
“Do you love me?” Jimin asks, his voice small and quiet.
“I love you,” Namjoon nods.
He falls silent, eyes still in his lap as he refuses to look up. Namjoon doesn’t know what to say nor does he know what Jimin’s trying to say but still he waits there, patient enough to sit through however long it will take for Jimin to speak again, even if that means missing his meeting.
“Do you love me the same as the day you fell in love with me?” Jimin asks as if that had been the question he was meaning to ask all along.
“I do,” Namjoon answers. “Though if anything, I probably love you more than that day.”
“Ah.” Jimin nods, falling silent once more, and when he speaks again, his voice is softer, weaker, as if afraid to offend his lover but at the same time, knowing he has to say it. “Then why couldn’t it be the same for her?”
Her.
You.
Namjoon’s heart aches when he hears Jimin sniffle.
“Why couldn’t…why couldn’t you love her all the same? I…I was so cold to her.” His voice breaks, trembling. “I ignored her when she sought for my attention, for my love, and despite how many times I pushed her away, she still pressed on a smile as if saying that she understood because I was busy. I wasn’t busy, hell if she asked, I’d stop everything just to spend more time with her — she doesn’t even have to ask and I’d do it in a heartbeat. And yet…yet I…”
“Jimin..-”
“I’m sorry,” he quickly apologizes though he feels no courage to wipe the tears that have fallen, knowing only more was to come. “I’m sorry, Namjoon, I know I can’t force your feelings to change but I…I just…I wish things didn’t end like this. I’m sorry. I’m sorry, Namjoon. I’m so, so sorry.”
Sorry for loving you, for choosing you.
Namjoon knows he doesn’t deserve this, doesn’t deserve Jimin’s apology. But as he sits there before the younger man, his voice refuses to leave his throat as he watches him break before him, tears falling, head refusing to even look up at him.
They love him and they chose him but in the end, they will always love you.
Why did he stop loving you?
Why did he have to break them like this?
.
.
.
“Do you think I’m selfish?”
Seokjin stops in his tracks just as he was on his way out, pausing to turn around and look at the man who sits alone in his chair, eyes distant as he stares blankly at nothing before him, head in a space elsewhere.
“Yeah,” the eldest admits without a thought and although Namjoon knows just how true that is, it still hurts to hear the truth. “I love you, Namjoon, but…do you really have no remorse?” Seokjin steps over towards him, eyes never leaving as he awaits the answer to his question.
“You know more than I do feelings are things that can never be forced,” Namjoon responds robotically.
“That may be true but that doesn’t mean what you did was right.” He places his papers onto the desk, lips pressed into a straight line. “Hoseok refuses to even look at us and the others…they aren’t doing well. Jungkook has gone completely silent, Taehyung refuses to leave his lab, Jimin doesn’t smile anymore, and Yoongi almost got himself killed the other night because he couldn’t focus. Did you really want Y/N to hate us that much? So that it’d be easier for her to leave? From what I saw, it didn’t look easy in the slightest for her.”
When Namjoon doesn’t say anything, Seokjin continues with his voice slowly growing strained as a lump grows in his throat, threatening to hide his voice, threatening to break. He presses on. “I put up with your play because between you and her, the only choice I could choose was you. This life has tied us down together, I have nothing if I leave the mafia. We owe you our lives and loyalty to the gang comes first and foremost but if I was a normal man who didn’t kill for a living, who do you think I would have chosen in that case?”
Namjoon remains silent upon those words.
“You thought you’d do all that you could to make her hate you because then it’d be easier for her to leave that way? Namjoon, can’t you see? Y/N could never hate you no matter what you do. She loves you too much for that. And yet you forced her to rip that ring off her finger.”
“If she stayed…I would have forced the six of you into a hard place.”
He knows. Seokjin knows.
Namjoon falling out of love would have broken the relationship either way and inevitably force them to pick a side. Allowing you to leave was him making their choice a little easier because they would have inevitably chosen to stay with him.
Loyalty to the mafia comes first.
Loyalty.
But, “That doesn’t mean she deserved what we did to her.”
“...I know.”
.
.
.
It takes a lot for someone like Seokjin to cry. Out of all the members in the group, no one has ever seen him shed a tear and he intends to keep it that way.
So when night falls and no one is by his side, Seokjin leaves the sanctuary of Bangtan’s manor and goes on a long, long drive down a road that never seems to end. Everything is silent when he stops in the middle of nowhere, eyes staring blankly at the stars against the horizon before him.
He remembers one specific night when he thought everyone was asleep, when he thought he was safe all to himself, only to hear a small little voice reaching out to him when he was on his way out the door.
“Seokjin?” You called unto him sweetly, a small croak in your voice indicating that you had just woken up. You rubbed your fists against your eyes, an action that caused him to immediately walk over to grab your hands away.
“What’re you doing up in the middle of the night?” He had asked. This was a year ago when things were okay, when things weren’t falling apart.
“I think I woke up because..hm…someone feels a little lonely tonight.”
“You?”
“You,” you said, eyes looking up right at him and for a second there Seokjin felt as if you had seen right through him, as if your eyes were magic and could see a portal right into his soul. He tried to shake it off, not wanting to make it a big deal, but you asked if you could go with him on the drive instead, refusing to let him be.
There was a gentle smile resting on your face as if you knew, as if all the parts of him that he was hiding from you and the members were unveiling just by a single look from you. He allowed you to ride along with him but kept silent and you basked in that silence, not uttering a single word to push him through anything he didn’t want to say.
No one’s ever seen Seokjin cry but he’s seen you cry before, lots and lots of times. And that night, you cried again right before him when he spoke the tales of his past, the life he lived before he met Namjoon, of the little boy he was who had been exploited by the people around him as if he was nothing but a living doll who had no control over his fate.
You cried hard, words choked up against your throat when you tried to say something until it got too much you resigned to just crying.
“I’m sorry,” you said, as if you were the one who had put him in such a situation, as if you were the goddess of fate that had led him to lead such a life.
In the middle of the night with nothing but the light of the stars up above shining your ways, he held onto you as you cried for him, cursing at the world for hurting the little boy that he was and for putting him through so much.
But he reassured you that he was okay now, that he didn’t have to dwell on the past anymore because he was saved. Namjoon saved him, took his hand, and gave him the life he so deserved from the very beginning.
Namjoon saved him.
Namjoon.
“Please.” The image of you kneeling on the floor flashes in his mind. Your broken voice, desperate and craving for the warmth they once so effortlessly gave you. “Please, I...I’m sorry. I’m so sorry.”
A tear falls from Seokjin’s eye, and when one falls, another follows along until the whole dam breaks and there’s nothing he can do to stop them.
He loves you.
Seokjin loves you so much.
But does he really deserve to say any of that now after tearing you down to pieces?
.
.
.
It was a rough, rocky road. Everything fell apart after the divorce and Namjoon took all the blames for it because he knew everything was his fault; Jungkook and Yoongi’s insomnia, Taehyung being holed up in his lab refusing to speak, Jimin’s silence, Seokjin’s anger, and Hoseok’s pains and distance.
They fell into a place darker than the depth of the ocean and Namjoon himself could feel just how different things turned out to be after you left. 
It was odd how things were okay before you came into the picture but the second you left after making such an impact in their lives, nothing was ever the same again. It was like a piece of them was missing, broken hearts that could never be filled, their souls shattered.
Your smiles, your giggles, your kindness, and your warmth.
All of it was gone.
Even the ones who never fell in love with you in the first place could feel just how empty the mafia came to be after you left. You treated the mafia well, after all, taking the effort in getting to know their names, appreciating them for their works, and greeting them with smiles whenever you got the chance. You made an impact in everyone’s lives and Namjoon took that all away from them.
But regretting was something that could never happen.
He could regret and feel guilty for all he wants, he knows he can never get you back. The contract the two of you made in the lone presence of each other wrote out rules upon never seeing each other again, no matter the circumstances.
You wrote that line yourself and it was probably a way for you to properly heal from them. Seeing them would only hurt you after all, and Namjoon accepted the words of the contract.
He has to abide by them.
Everything was his fault and he could feel the weight of that burden shaking his core. But the boys loved him, they love him.
And because of that, eventually, things came back together.
Piece by piece.
With lots of patience and lots of time.
They grew to forgive him, knew that losing feelings wasn’t something that was under his control, but Namjoon knows a part of them will always resent him for the way he treated you after he gave up on trying to keep the relationship together. You didn’t deserve his heartless actions towards you after all, and Namjoon knows that.
It took Hoseok the longest time to return to their side but he came back.
Eventually.
But while the rest of them came to accept the fact that you’re gone from their lives, Namjoon knows Hoseok still holds onto a small little hope from within.
Because whether it was out of romantic or platonic feelings, Hoseok never stopped loving you.
.
.
.
Hoseok doesn’t look at him the same way but Hoseok still loves him and Hoseok still cares.
And perhaps the reason why Hoseok decided to return to his side is because he knows you would rather it turn out that way than be the reason for their downfall.
Truth is nothing was ever your fault, Namjoon can admit that. He can admit that everything was his fault, that he is all to blame, and that a part of him will always seek for an answer as to why he stopped loving you.
He never meant to, never meant to grow irritated, never meant to get impatient, get angry, upset, and made you out to be the villain when in reality, everything was his fault. He never meant to grow envious of the way you grew up, living a peaceful life adored by your father. You told him that just because you grew up differently from him didn’t mean you didn’t have a rough time and Namjoon knows that.
He knows it in the way you have scars down your back, hidden away from prying eyes. He knows it in the way you present yourself, always kind, always gentle, towards anyone and everyone. He knows it in the way you flinch at guns, when you’d wake in the middle of the night because of nightmares, when you’d silently reach out for a hand to touch you, for arms to caress you. He knows it in the way you hold your walls way up high, always there for others but afraid to let anyone in.
He should have been more patient, should have been more careful, but his restlessness and his greed got the best of him. He wanted to know, to hear, to help, to support, but in doing so, grew impatient and snapped at you.
His excuse was wanting to make you hate him and as a result, hoped to create an easier path for you to walk on when you returned to your father. 
But in truth Seokjin was right. He knew, he always knew, that you’d never have it in your heart to come to hate him. You’re too kind for that, too gentle, too forgiving, and too loving.
You loved him too much to hate him.
“Hyung…” He stares at the picture of his precious older brother who in thought still lives and is hidden away somewhere. Namjoon lets a tear slip when he hangs his head, shoulders hunched, elbows resting on his thighs. “Tell me what to do, hyung…”
The only thing that keeps him from feeling too much guilt is the fact that you have a home to return to. A loving father, a loving family, a loving mafia who holds you to a pedestal and would never let anything happen to you.
.
.
.
Bang!
Sweet little Y/N.
Sweet and kind and gentle.
The image shatters like a glass tipped over the table with nothing soft to land on, falling into tiny little pieces with nothing that can be done to put it back to one full glass.
You hold your gun right at him, finger ready to pull the trigger without a blink in the eyes as the roaring thunder pours on and on, the only sound filling up the silence that has walked in.
The loving father that Namjoon thought him to be lies dead on the ground behind you, and the very daughter who, without hesitation, pulled the trigger on, stands before him with eyes he has never seen before.
No light shines in those eyes, not in the way he was used to, as if darkness took control of your heart and snatched away the precious light that once lit up his whole world.
Dead.
What happened to the Y/N he knew?
.
.
.
“I killed him.”
I killed him.
I killed him, I killed him, IkilledhimIkilledhimIkilledhim.
The brother he loves with all his heart, the brother who stood by his side, there from the very moment he came out of his mother’s womb, the one who held his heart, who stood against his father whenever he made a mistake, protecting him, loving him.
The very brother he held onto the hope of finding him someday lost somewhere on this tiny little Earth.
Is dead.
“..When I come back, we’ll take over Bangtan together and lead the gang into a new era.”
“You promise?”
“Mmn, I promise.”
A promise broken. A promise shattered.
“I have a brother. He…he’s missing. I don’t know where he is and I don’t know where he went but he made me a promise that he’d return. I’m saving my seat on the throne for him so that when he returns, he can sit on a chair that’s warm rather than cold.”
“You’re going to give up your seat for him?” You ask, a small little tilt in your head.
“Mmn,” Namjoon nods as a tear slips from his eye. He keeps a pressed smile on his face as he looks back at you who sits right beside him, listening to every word he has to say with much patience and much love. “The throne was rightfully his after all.”
“What will you do when he returns?”
You don’t question his disappearance, you don’t doubt Namjoon when he says his brother will return. It’s been years and those years made his own allies doubt in his words but you, you keep his hopes alive, shining bright in the darkness of the night, without any doubt clouding your thoughts.
You believe that his brother will return to his side and Namjoon smiles just as another tear falls.
“Hmm..I’d love to go on vacation with the seven of you,” he says in a jest, chuckling as he imagines the scene. “Though I’ll probably have to stay a few years to help Jungwon out first, get him adjusted back into Bangtan, let him catch up on everything’s he’s missed in the past few years.”
“And then?”
“And then,” he wraps an arm around your shoulder, pulling you in close, “we’ll travel the world, go wherever you’d like.”
“Wherever I’d like?”
“Mmn. Wherever you’d like.” Namjoon looks down at you with a gentle smile as you lean in close to his chest, eyes looking straight up at him. “If you could go anywhere in this world, where would you go?”
“Hmm…” You purse your lips, thinking, but the thought doesn’t stray too far because you’re back to answer him in a heartbeat. “I wanna go where the sun never sets. I wanna go to the Land of the Midnight Sun.”
Namjoon chuckles at your reply because it’s such a you response. You hate the night, you hate the darkness. “Alright,” he says as your hand reaches out to brush away the last of his remaining tears. “We’ll go there,” he promises with a kiss pressed to the tip of your nose. “When my brother returns, I’ll take you there.”
“The day of the incident, I watched him with my very own eyes as life slipped away from him. His eyes were lifeless, dead, a corpse. In the same way I killed my mother and father, I killed your brother as well. The man who cared so much for me died at my very own hands. His death was all..my...fault.”
“Joon!” He hears his brother’s voice in the back of his mind.
“Joon!” He hears your voice in the far, distant memories.
Dead.
Dead.
They’re both dead.
The brother whom he loved more than anything in this world.
The woman who once held light to his world.
You stand before him without an ounce of emotion on your face, eyes as dead as the night you held onto Seokjin, crying out two single words uttered in a soft, soft whisper.
“Save me,” you said before falling lifeless right before their eyes.
His hands tremble by his side, fingers crawling into a fist, and he knows, he knows he shouldn’t harm you in any way, not after what you’d gone through in London, not after what Leehyung had done to you. He knows, he knows, and yet the rage and anger, the disappointment and hurt he feels overtakes his control and he lunges right at you in a blinding rage.
You killed his brother.
The first man who loved him without an ounce of hatred in his heart, the first man to accept him and welcome him into this world.
You killed his brother.
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Hey there BMT
Happy new year
So...after today's Tae Wlive...I was left feeling a bit confused
Okay to be honest...ever since the solo chapter two era began...I deleted my twitter account and it has been one of the best decisions I made...but in my journey as an Army...Tae has always rubbed me the wrong way and I couldn't really pinpoint what exactly it was about him because when you first come into this fandom it is ot7 kumbaya all the time....so I can't help but realize Tae doesn't like being left out on being in the spotlight...he is someone who seems to know what goes on in the fandom like how most of his solo stans are shippers of him and the maknae...and how said shippers are one of the biggest reasons this fandom is going to shit and how they portray he's supposed soulmate..so...it's how he always comes online when one of the other members is on the spotlight for some reason and he feels the need to name drop the maknae..like today...he comes on for two minutes,comes back and mentions how he is with the maknae and friends but he decided to do the live cause he was bored...plus I found it a bit weird how he didn't mention Jihope being in Paris....considering he likes fashion...something so big and new and exciting for his bandmates,his family,friends...but instead go on and just rally up his psycho cult by adding innuendos with strawberries and "pineapples?"....and I'm just wondering JK couldn't even pop in his head for a second to say hi but then I sit down and remember he likes to lie?troll?be funny? So many narratives to explain away his behaviour....anyways...what was the purpose of all this....you are one of the bangtan fans who is so level headed and I wanted to know if I'm just tripping..
Have an amazing day/night
Alright, I think it's time for a real talk here. I'm not going to mince my words because I don't care what anyone says. I'm no Army, you all know where I stand, so let's fucking go.
This fandom is made of butthurt, two-faced, kumbaya, fruity bangtan-lover people who are rarely able to show some spine because they're too afraid of losing their clout on twitter and their followers on tumblr. They're so programmned to believe that a bunch of seven men are the epitome of perfection, unable to do something even worthy of mentioning any type of criticism because they all live in this fairytale-like world. They are super human, incapable of actions and emotions that govern the daily lives of us, the inferior human race. Well guess what? Believing it doesn't make it real.
We can like nasty people and we can dislike them for the same damn reasons. We can dislike nice people and we can love those good people all the same. And guess what? BTS are people. Tae is one of them. Rm is one of them. Jimin. Yoongi and so on. And we can like BTS, while at the same time, not like some of the things they say or do. It's not the end of the world, the sky won't fall on us. Just as we have complex emotions and reactions towards the people in our own lives and towards our own self. I know I'm seen as some Tae/RM anti. Unfortunately for those people, I can never give them the satisfaction because I don't have a ''hate Tae today and talk shit about him'' on my to-do list every day. And they can say I'm biased and I only care about two people in BTS and I see them as perfect and I get frustrated when someone else talks shit about them. Yeah dude, I do care only about two of them. There ya go. The Earth is still spinning. And you know what? I can dislike stuff about them too.
I don't like Jimin treating the fandom as if they're all kids and even going as far as to cover a damn photo on a hotel wall. It's stupid and it won't help and he's part of the problem. I once thought that Jungkook is going to do something more artistic in the future because I saw the potential after My Time, but for now, all he did was confirm how damn basic he is from an artistic pov. I think he made a wrong decision making that song for the World Cup in Qatar and it shows that money comes first. I don't like RM because he's pretentious as fuck. I don't like Hobi because he's too damn loud and as a fan, I couldn't give a flying fuck about his presence at FW or what brand deals he gets. I think Jin is severely out of touch and money does that to you.I think Tae is insecure for no fucking damn reason, but he is. I think Yoongi can be so damn insensitive sometimes and he doesn't know when to shut up. And, for the sake of inclusivity and fairness, I'll add myself too in this dislike fest (not that I'm some world superstar and I have no fans, but you know what I mean).I am a selfish bitch that tends to ghost people. I have ex-friends that probably hate me and I don't blame them.
What does all this mean? That my opinions are facts? That the aspects I've mentioned reflect someone's entire being? That when I look at Hobi, all I see is an obnoxius loud guy? No. Of course not. He's not just that because none of us are only one thing. Layers, people. As simple as that. And if I or anyone else ends up thinking that Tae is insecure and doesn't like being left out, then so be it. Just as I mentioned all that stuff that I personally don't like, there are many more reasons that still make me enjoy them. They're not horrible people worthy of being burned at the stake. But one bad word and this fandom acts like that's exactly what one means when they are not a fan of a BTS member. Then they jump to call people antis, bitches, cunt whores and every other insult. Because that's certainly nicer that any sort of criticism made towards BTS, but it's an acceptable and desired form of bullying. If this was twitter or perhaps my inbox after this text is posted, some will jump and say that Tae would burn me to keep himself and JK warm. Oh no, I'm about to cry and do my penance and apply 30 lashes on my naked body.
Everything is so absurd and every day when I go on twitter and come here, I'm taking the bad pill on purpose so I can enter this alternative reality. And I accept that, I made my bed. But I'm also not going to be some sheep that parrots whatever this fandom deems acceptable.
So yes, anon. I don't blame you for thinking this. Yes, it does seem to look like a pattern. Why? I don't fucking know. Why doesn't it seem genuine? Because there's a history of lying for no damn reason. No one in their right mind should be upset that he's hanging out with his bandmate (be it in person or playing online games). That's not the problem here. It's just that it has become such a habit of only him doing this one-side whatever the fuck he is trying to do, that I had a bunch of people in my inbox from one-two weeks ago saying that this exact thing will happen at the right moment. And it did. I say we should place some bets next time. It will be more fun.
Why does he suffer from a bad case of mimetic desire? Is it needed? Not from an outsider pov, but I have no idea what insecurities Tae has. Except from that time he told Jungkook during their ITS talk that he uses weverse to get some love from fans because he was indeed insecure at that time. So, that tells you something. Which means, it's not completely out of the realm of all possibilities that some of the stuff he does can be on purpose. I'm glad I'm not a Tae stan or some ot7 army cause I would feel kinda shitty seeing Tae's attitude towards his fans. He laughts at them on Weverse while they believe they're laughing together. Look at how the others are using a live stream to connect with the fans they so much love, while he uses that because he's bored for 5 minutes. What is he? A teenage girl that gets bored after the guys come over? Is this high school? I didn't know he's some 16 year old cause at least his behavior would make more sense. But his fans thinks this is cool behavior, except he's a rebel without any cause that makes threats when the Paradise heir gets dragged in a scandal and other times he's keeping his mouth shut. Anyway......
And if we're dropping names (which doesn't happen just with JK, it's only that he's the main character lately) and if JK was there too, why couldn't he just give a shout and call him to say hi to his beloved fans? No one would think it's weird. We have footage of all the group hanging out together for years everywhere. Either tell him to shut up cause he's about to be live and doesn't want anyone to know, or actually do something? Cause this is what I don't get? Making situations be odd when it's not necessary. Now, it's not confirmed that JK is actually there, it could be just a theory and people having bad hearing and apparently Jungkook can sing like shit sometimes. We don't know.
And I don't want to hear anyone saying he doesn't know his stans and his shippers. First of all, they all do and second of all, he's on damn twitter and there's evidence of that. No, he doesn't have to call out his fans, but why rile them up? But then again, all of them are like that, so there's no escape.
Tae doesn't need to go live and talk about Paris Fashion Week and what his bandmates did. He's not the news so he can cover all the events that are happening. But the timing...like clockwork, every single time. Sometimes it's during and sometimes immediately after. Now he waited a day. Good for him, he's being considerate. If anyone would have to patience to look at the bts archive for the last half of year, I bet the pattern is more easily recognizable.
The point to all this and I'm going to end this post cause it got way too long, celebrities (that includes BTS) are people like everyone else. They put themselves in the public eye which means that everyone else watching them is bound to draw conclusions. Some are favorable and others are not. And saying that Tae seems to want some spotlight and he's not very nice sometimes is not a smear campaign. Whoever believes that, get a life. You have no idea what that means. But this fandom distorts all sense of reality and the actual meaning of words.
People can like Tae for exactly the same reasons I don't. I wish he would be an actual bad boy. That would make him at least interesting. I like shitty people. I like nice people who do shitty things. I like people who are considered persona non grata. So what? So if his fans like Tae for who he is, then absolutely fine. But then I can also say that I don't. That's the basics of all of this.
And one last thought. I can't truly take someone seriously or argue with them in some weird act of defending men. I value myself a bit more than that. So whoever wants to be an Army on a high horse and call me names, you can take them and shove them.
Happy New Year, Anon!
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orangie-drabbles · 2 years
Text
Summer Wine [Jimin x (f)Reader;  Taehyung x (f)Reader] part 1/2
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➜ Jimin x Reader ( ft. Taehyung x Reader) 🔞 
✦ Read on Ao3
✦Tags: smut; angst; some fluffy moments, mafia!AU; established relationship; forbidden romance; love triangle; a bit melodramatic; friends to lovers; strangers to lovers; complicated feelings; complicated relationships; 
✦Word Count: 14K
✦Summary: You are going to marry Taehyung in 2 weeks. It’s what you promised to do; it’s what your family expects you to do. Thus, you have to break up with Jimin. Tonight. But would you have the will and strength to say goodbye to the man you love ..  
✦Warnings: explicit sexual content ( light sub-dom; unprotected sex; slight degradation); mafia!AU ( it’s a bit dark and deals with the world of crime, has questionable morality and mentions of violence and minor characters death).
The relationship between Taehyung and Reader is very angsty and a bit toxic. 
 If you think I should add other warnings, let me know 
✦Notes: I created this story based on a prompt with the following 4 words: romantic comedy - mafia au - wine - it is because of you. 
✦This is also part of my submission for the Bangtan Bingo Spring Event by @bangtanwritingbingo​ - filling the square “Park Jimin”.
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 “We have to stay together. That will make everyone happy.”
“What about us, Taehyung, will we be happy?”
He didn’t answer for a while, his eyes studying the white flowers painted over your dress. The silence between you grew so heavy that its presence started to choke you. It was only you and him in the old basement - a space deprived of daylight and smelling of mold. A single bulb illuminated the room, painting the old furniture in shades of rusty yellow and dirty brown. It was a creepy and depressing place, yet like a little mouse, you hid in its darkness, fleeing from the responsibility your family wanted to set upon your shoulders. 
Everyone else was upstairs, waiting for you to calm down and accept their decision. 
Tae took a step closer and leaned over you, his gaze lifting from your dress to find your eyes. 
“As long as we have each other, we will be fine.” he said, his voice deep and disarming. Different. He no longer spoke as a friend. He spoke as a lover, addressing his loved one; as a husband talking to his wife; as a grown-up. The change frightened you; it made your heart beat fast and your stomach tighten.
 He glazed his fingertips over your cheek. “I know this is shocking to you. I was surprised by the news myself.” He paused to remove loose strings of hair from your face, looking at you with growing fondness. He had never acted as gentle; he had never appeared as calm. It was hard to recognise the wild, disobedient boy you knew in the eyes of the man that stood in front of you at that moment. 
“We don’t have to get married immediately. We are too young.” he said. “Let’s give each other 10 years to grow into the people we have to become. During that time - meet all the men you want and do all the things you’ve dreamt to experiencing. Live your life. I have things to settle as well. Then, when the right moment comes - we will be together. And I promise, we will be happy. We ought to be.”  
And just like this, at the fragile age of 19, you got engaged to Kim Taehyung. Your childhood buddy, the boy you grew up with and loved as a brother. Your best friend. He was to be your husband. Your families wanted it to happen. It had to happen. And it would happen. 
You would become Taehyung’s wife. It’s the kind of blessing fairy godmothers give to  young princesses in fairytales - to grow up and marry the handsome prince… A spell that once cast becomes your destiny. A blessing anyone would dream to receive. 
But in your case - is this truly a blessing… or is it a curse?
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You drop the strawberry in the glass of sparkling wine and make your way towards Jimin. The afternoon sun shines bright through the open balcony door - its blazing rays almost blind you as you tip-toe through the light, as gallantly and triumphantly as a Broadway star stepping on stage.
The wind lifts the curtains behind you; the soft fabric caresses your bare ankles, tickling your skin. You slow down to take in the salty scent of the sea that spreads in the air. Your mind drifts into that sweet feeling the summer breeze brings in - a sensation of freshness, warmth and tranquility. 
The distant cry of seagulls reaches your ears. You are tempted to glance sideways and marvel at the view, yet your attention belongs to Jimin and there is no view more beautiful than the fine features of his face. 
He is entirely focused on you, too. He studies the shape of your body and the movements of your dress. His eyes travel from your legs, over the outline of your breasts to finally linger on your mouth. He bites his lips as if he can taste you already. So deliciously forbidden. But only his. 
You smirk to yourself. You chose that mini dress to impress him and it seems the effort was worth it. He is impressed alright. You read it in his eyes. He is already undressing you in his mind, kissing you, sucking your skin and sliding his fingers inside of you. Your core clenches as you imagine all the things he will do to you tonight. 
But you are in no hurry. Despite being desperate to taste his lips as soon as possible and for as long as possible, you intend to take it slow tonight. Savor each second. 
Tonight will be special. This is why you booked this suite - spacious and luxurious, painted in soft creamy colors, decorated with white flowers and exquisite paintings. A room placed at the end of the world. Nothing can be seen outside its windows but the blue sky reflecting its mindless thoughts into a vast ocean of possibilities.
What a lovely dream to be a part of.   
Yet, you are not far from civilization. Not at all. On the contrary - on the other side of the hotel lies one of the biggest, dirtiest and nastiest of cities. An overflowing cauldron full of people drowning in the filthy waters of their ambitions. A hive. A prison.
But now you can pretend you are far away from all this chaos. You can be as cheerful as the sunlight that dances over the surface of the ocean, ignoring all the darkness hidden below. 
Jimin welcomes you to sit on his lap, his hands wrapping around your waist. Luckily this sofa is big and stable enough to hold you both, not like the many chairs you broke while kissing a bit too vigorously in the past.
“This brand is of the finest quality.” You swirl the wine in your glass and lean forward to sense its pleasant smell - an enchanting aroma of strawberries and sweetness. “There is a waiting list to get one of those bottles. How did you obtain it? Did you steal it?” 
He smirks. “Depends on how you look at it. The wine was there, and I took it. Of course, I could have paid for it, but where is the fun in that?”
You giggle and lift your glass to drink. You close your eyes, concentrating your senses on the taste of the wine - it’s rich and nuanced, taking you on a journey through golden fields bathed in sunlight. It dazzles you. Just as Jimin does.  
“Is it good?” he asks. 
“Fantastic.” You smile, opening your eyes.“But stealing from Pierre Antoine’s winery is dangerous. It’s risky.” You frown with the expression of fake reproach. “Why would you do such a foolish thing?” 
“Because of you.”He leans closer and bites your lip, pulling you into a kiss. You might want to take things slow, but he is inpatient. Eager to feel you. You answer the kiss, unable to resist. His lips taste like summer, adventure, lust and vanilla ice-cream.You could spend a lifetime kissing him and it will never be enough. 
“It’s always because of you, you must know by now,” he says into your lips. “If I ever get shot, if I set a building on fire, if I jump from an airplane - it will all be because of you.” He plants another gentle kiss on your lips. “Because of you I would do anything.” 
His words sound like a cheap phrase from a chick flick, yet you know that everything he says is true. Jimin is a little crazy like this - he does the most outrageous things for you. He would travel for hours in the middle of the night to see you, only because you texted him that you miss him. He would steal for you, lie for you, turn the world upside down for you. 
Even coming to see you today is putting his life in danger. You shouldn’t meet with him. You’ve promised Taehyung, and your family, that you will stop seeing other men 9 months prior to your wedding. 
If Tae knew you disobeyed his request, he would be crushed, not to mention angry and upset. He would not hesitate to get Jimin beaten up and abandoned at the bottom of the sea. 
For that reason you intended to end things long ago. Yet, every time Jimin calls you, you pick up the phone. You can’t resist. You always fall into temptation. As you do now.  
You kiss him. You melt into him. You sink into the pleasure of his presence, the adrenaline of his lips, the feeling of his warm body. You sink… deeper and deeper, until you’ve lost your direction and you cannot go back. You are drunk. You’ve been drunk by this feeling for more than a year now. And neither the danger, nor the guilt have managed to make you sober up. 
Park Jimin turns you into a foolish girl. He transforms your life into a romantic movie full of happy endings and sweet beginnings. Even if only for the short duration of your meetings. In those moments, you are careless, happy and in love with living itself. You are free. 
Yet, this is only an illusion. You are not the quirky, cute female lead of a movie; your life is not a rom-com. It’s a crime scene. And you are the criminal. Known as the Ice Princess on the underground, you live your life in the shadows and outskirts of society. 
Your family is powerful. Untouchable. Merciless. They rule over the city and no one is capable of shaking their influence. Your grandfather was in charge of the family business for many years, working himself to exhaustion. Soon Taehyung will take his place. After your wedding, Tae will become the next leader of the Bang Clan and rule over the dark underground, keeping the fragile peace between the crime organizations in this city. The dominance of your family will continue. Your power will grow. Peace will endure. 
But it wasn’t always like that. Before there was a war. An underground war you knew little of. For many years you remained isolated from the dirt your family was sinking into -  you were just your grandfather's precious little princess. You lived in a beautiful house, you had all the toys you wanted and you didn’t have to go to school - your teachers came to home-school you instead.
 In fact you were not allowed to go out much - locked in your fairytale. You had very few friends, Taehyung being one of them, and a lot of small cute dogs. Your grandfather knew you were fond of puppies and he got you a new one almost every year. They were running around the house after you, wagging their tails happily. You made sure to educate them and keep them in check. You made sure to cuddle them and shower them with love. 
Ironically, you do the same now - you order around a bunch of men that follow you as shadows - loyal dogs you provide food and shelter for and who have to protect you in return. 
But there are no cuddles and kisses - only cold orders and respectful answers. 
“You are wearing my favorite perfume.” Jimin says into the kiss, “I appreciate it.”
You pulls back from his lips, smiling. “Baby, every perfume I wear is your favorite.”   
“Indeed….” He sticks his tongue out to trace it along your lower lip. Your body shiver, your legs feel lighter, weaker.  
“I love everything about you…” He captures your lips into another kiss, his tongue slipping into your mouth and finding yours. You tilt your head and deepen the kiss. Your mind spirals, your thoughts disappear. The only sensation that remains is the pleasurable touch of his tongue brushing against yours. Your body melts, as if you drank that whole bottle of wine in one go, and now the alcohol spreads through your veins, intoxicating you. Two urges fight inside of you - the want to kiss him forever and the want to fuck him as soon as possible, to feel closer to him. One with him. Only him. 
 “You have to keep quiet. Stay here and be still.” Taehyung’s father told you and closed the basement door. You were shaking all over, the nightmare from the previous attack flashing before your eyes. 
Only a year ago you were living  happily and unbothered by anything. Almost anything. Few things annoyed you. Like how you were not allowed to go anywhere. You had asked your parents to let you go out more, but they refused. You only went where they had planned you to go - to the cinema with Taehyung’s family late at night; to the beach in private resorts, far from the crowds; to visit your grandfather in his hidden house. Nowhere else. 
It was hard to meet new people or make new friends - any friends, outside the circle of your family and their acquaintances. But it was okay, you told yourself, you had Taehyung and your dogs. What more can a girl want? You lived in a fairytale. All was good. 
But all crumbled down when you turned 15. In one single night, your rainbow world turned black. It was your birthday party, it was supposed to be a grand event. Instead it turned into a bloodbath. 
Your house got ravaged by a group of masked men - swiftly, suddenly and violently. You don’t remember much else but the panic and the blood. So much blood. On the carpet, all over your clothes and books…. everywhere. You remember the yelping of one of your dogs as he scratched on the window door in an attempt to escape, a trail of blood left from his wounded leg. 
It was the last time you saw any of those dogs. They ran and scattered around - homeless, abandoned and forever broken. Like you. 
That night changed your life. 
Your father got shot and hardly survived. Your older brother got kidnapped and went missing for months. When he returned he was never the same - his eyes were lifeless, cold and never lit with happiness again. 
Yet, you survived. The bodyguards managed to get you out unharmed. 
They left you in Taehyung’s house. His family was loyal to yours - Mr. Kim was your father’s most trusted man. You lived there safely for a year, and you thought things would soon get back to normal. Only that they didn’t.
That day they attacked again.  At least 20 men - heavy armed and faceless. They were after you, you knew that - you were the leverage they wanted to use to lure your grandfather out of hiding. You were his weakness - and thus you were the weakness of the whole family. 
“We must stay here.” Tae repeated in your ear, his voice shaking. “Then all will be good.” 
He had assumed the role of your protector ever since you came into his house. He tried to cheer you up, to encourage you, to give you strength. But now he was terrified and wide-eyed. His hand holding yours was sweating and trembling. You knew there was nothing he could do to protect you if you were found. Nothing. 
Loud footsteps ran over your heads, the ceiling shaking as something heavy fell.
“They will find us here, this place is too obvious hideout.” You whisper. “We need to run to the garden, hide in the tree house. We built it for that. We have to go there.”
You attempted to open the door, but Tae grabbed your hand. “No, he told us to stay here.” 
A series of gunshots echoed in the corridor leading to the basement. They were coming closer. Then a short silence followed. Your heart was pounding loud in your chest, in your throat, in your ears. It was the only sound you could hear. 
“We have to go.” Your eyes filled with tears, you were on the edge of throwing up. “Please, let’s go.”
“Okay, okay…. relax.” 
Tae unlocked the door, and opened it just a tiny bit to peek outside. But someone grabbed it and yanked it open. As if they were expecting you, as if they were sniffing around undetected, waiting for you to crawl out. A pair of hands tried to grab you. You screamed. Taehyung’s hand slipped from yours as he was dragged outside. You scratched and kicked the stranger, you bit and hit him until his grip loosened. You ran. 
You stumbled, fell, and ran again.  
“Go back, child, go back.”  Tae’s father called after you. 
You turned in the direction of his voice, but you couldn’t see him. You were not sure where you came from or where you should be going. You panicked, you froze, your heart beating into your ears as a gong. 
“We need the girl alive!” a deep voice shouted. 
“Fuck this, I am here for revenge. If I can’t get the old man, then I will shoot her instead.” 
Time slowed down - you saw the gun firing, the black figure jumping in front of you, the floor zooming closer as you fell, pushed by large hands - all happened in a heartbeat. 
He collapsed over you, sheltered you, covered you from the world. Another bullet hit him, the power of the shot resonating throughout his body. All sounds muffled -  the gun shots, the shouting, the heavy footsteps of more men coming into the room. You knew the man, you recognised the smell of his cologne. 
“Mr. Kim?” You tried to lift him up but you couldn’t. You saw nothing but the black fabric of his coat, covering your eyes. “Mr. Kim, are you okay? Mr. Kim!”
“Father!” Taehyung shouted in the distance - it was the last thing you heard before you passed out. 
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Mr. Kim - Taehyung’s beloved father; the backbone of the organization that protected you, was gone. He took a bullet for you, a few bullets to be exact. One in his stomach, one in the lower back, one in the left leg. And one in the heart. 
It was a debt, your grandfather could never fully pay. 
Yet, he took Taehyung and his mother under his wing and made a promise to protect them. But he could not save Tae's mother from the people who were after her; from those who swore to wipe out the Kims for being on your family’s side. She only lived a few more years. Then the bastards kidnapped her. Three day after she disappeared they sent a note. In the envelope there was a lock of her hair,  the address of the place where they had buried her. And the following message:
You are next, Taehyung. But I will let you live for a while; I will let you shake in fear, wet your bed and cry in terror. And when you least expect it, I will come for you. Your father took the wrong side and he will pay. All of you will pay for it. 
Taehyung broke into pieces, devastated by the news about his mother. He shouted at your grandfather, threw a tantrum, and blamed him for failing to protect Mrs Kim. Then he went silent. He didn’t speak for a month; he started to disappear often and to returned with cuts and bruises all over his face. He was seeking revenge, looking for that man responsible for his parents’ death, and nothing you said or did could make him stop. 
It was your grandfather who managed to get to him - he called him in his private office and told him that if Tae wants to destroy the people who harmed his family, he needs to become a strong and powerful man. Your grandfather promised to aid Tae in his quest for revenge, in exchange for Tae's loyalty and forgiveness. 
Taehyung told you all about that meeting, about how he had decided to become a strong man. You were both relieved to know he will stop roaming the streets, and worried about what your grandfather might have promised him exactly. Of what your grandfather intended to turn him into. 
A few months later,  it was announced that you were to be engaged to Taehyung. The news shocked you. It made you question everything you knew about your family. Were you really your grandfather's precious girl? Or just a reward given to the Kims for their services to your family; a way for your grandfather to ease his guilty conscience? 
Whatever the reason, there was nothing you could do. Once your grandfather decided something - that’s it. No one can change his mind. You had to accept it. 
Tae didn’t have much choice in the matter, either. It was considered a huge honor to be engaged to you. All his relatives congratulated him and urged him to accept you as his wife. It was impossible to refuse that offer. But such an opportunity didn't come without the weight of responsibilities and obligations. 
Taehyung had to prove himself, he had to become the man your grandfather envisioned him to be. And he worked hard to do just that. So hard that you rarely saw him for the first years of your engagement. 
You watched from afar as the sunny boy with the boxy smile turned into a man of mystery and shadows. He became the strong man he wanted to be. Detached, calculative, relentless. He stopped at nothing until everyone involved in his family assassination was dead. 
People started calling him The Shadow as no one knew where he was and when he would make his next move. He became one with the darkness and feared nothing.
Despite you being the one who owes him a debt, Taehyung acted as if he was the one indebted to you. Even from afar, he was always looking after you and treated your safety as his main responsibility. 
Once, 5 years ago, you told him you miss him. It was not something you planned to say, but you were drunk and stupid at the moment. You had opened your “memory box” as you moved your belongings into a new secret apartment. The box had survived a lot and you always made sure to retrieve it from previous hideouts. That treasure chest hid old photos, cinema tickets and funny drawings. All the little things that reminded you of the past.
“I miss you a lot,” you mumble over the phone. “You never call me, you are always busy. I know we said we will live our lives separately before the wedding but… what if we forget each other, what if we lose each other. Tae, I miss you …” 
The next morning you cursed yourself a thousand times for being so sappy and annoying. Yet, you received a bouquet of red roses and a note: I miss you, too. 
It made your heart race, it sent warm fuzzy sensations all over your body. 
Since then Taehyung makes sure to send you a surprise gift once per month - a book, a painting, a vinyl record, a teddy bear, a refined piece of jewellery or a hand drawn sketch - something small but thoughtful. 
It’s his way to show you that he is thinking of you. You think of him, too. Often. And you want him to know it. But instead of gifts, you send him songs, every week a different one. Sometimes he sings them back to you over the phone or sends you a recording of his voice. He has a beautiful voice. 
Taehyung calls you every last Sunday of the month just to check how you’re doing. You make sure to meet him in person every other month to have dinner together. Yet, he always keeps some distance; he tells you that you need to experience life without him. Almost as if he feels guilty that you were promised to him against your will. Every time you meet, you intend to address the feeling of guilt and the strings of obligation choking you both. But you never do. You leave a lot of half-utter sentences to linger between you and Taehyung. 
But if you are ever sad, frustrated, lonely, beaten, tired or crushed by the weight of the life you live - you call him. Even in the small hours of the night he always picks up. He tells you he loves you before wishing you a good night. His voice softens the edges of your worries. His presence in this world makes you feel less alone. You love him. But not as you should. 
So, here you are, in the hands of your lover, unable to control your desire for him.Your left hand closes behind Jimin’s neck and digs into his hair - such a soft and beautiful hair, all bleached to blond now, but you love it in any color he experiments with. You love everything about him. Especially the way he kisses you. The way he experiences you. The way he smiles into the kiss, the way he smiles at you.
The grip of your right hand loosen up, the glass you hold tilts and spills wine over your wrist. You don’t care. Your mind is captured by the soft, deep kiss that rules over your sensations. 
You drop the glass, you hear it fall and shutter on the carpet. You don’t fucking care. You straddle Jimin, your knees sinking into the gentle fabric of the sofa; you lock your arms around his shoulders. You kiss and kiss and kiss him and still it is not enough. It’s never enough. 
He pushes your dress up and grabs the flesh of your tights; his lips travel to your neck, licking and sucking your skin. He is hungry. Starved for you. You love how famished he is for your touch every time; as if it has been years since he last saw you, even if it was only days or hours. 
He grabs your right breast and squeezes it gently, continuing to plant kiss after kiss along your collar bone. 
Wetness spreads between your legs; your skin burns hot and overly sensitive to every touch of his lips. He pinches your nipple through the fabric of your dress, making you arch your back. You let your head fall back and close your eyes, lost in the desire, the need and the pleasure. Your core burns for him, yet you want to prolong each second of this bliss as much as possible. 
Many people claim that you are the most important person in their life - your mother, your grandfather, Taehyung…. But Jimin is the first and only person who loves you not because of a blood connection, obligation or a promise, but because it is you. He loves you despite, and because of, your snarky character. He adores your sweet lips, gentle voice and the softness you show only to him. He loves you. You know it. He doesn’t have to say it. You know. 
Before you met Jimin you didn’t even realise how lonely you have been. How much you've missed being with someone. Yes, there were a lot of men, and a lot of sex. But no love. No attachment, no connection. 
You only realised how neglected you have been when someone finally treated you with care and affection. Your family’s love for you was expressed in expensive gifts, bodyguards and useless advice. Your relatives were overbearing, overprotective, generous but never warm or loving. The only warm and loving person in your life used to be Taehyung. But he was consumed by your family coldness and grew to be a carbon-copy of your grandfather. They both loved you to their bones, but none of them knew how to express it. 
Or did they? Did they really love you? 
In time your grandfather grew very fond of Taehyung. He spent more time with him than with you, he protected him and took care of him. Tae was the successor he always wanted; he saw himself in him - a young man full of ambitions and strong drive for success. You would argue that your grandfather grew to love Taehyung more than his own family. 
Your father's business failed; he almost ended in jail. So he retired to a distant part of town where he dealt with organizing illegal fighting games. Your grandfather thought him weak and useless. 
Your brother was a brutal man everyone feared. He gambled all the money he earned, and ended up in fights all the time. Your grandfather thought him unpredictable and unstable. 
But Taehyung - Taehyung was everything a young crime lord should be - merciless, focused, driven, calm, smart, inventive and decisive. Taehyung enjoyed the work he had to do. He liked to submit people to his will, to rule over others and keep the peace in the city. He liked that life of darkness. You hated it. 
Your glamorous life of Ice Princess was nothing but a prison - a luxurious, comfortable, large prison. If you could leave this life behind, you would. 
But a promise was made. Your grandfather has given his word. There is no way out. You belong to Taehyung. And he belongs to you. You are shackled to each other, living in the shadow of your grandfather, in the shadow of this grand empire of crime you need to rule over. 
There is no way out. 
 --- 
“I have missed you,” Jimin whispers into your lips. “So damn much.” 
You look into his eyes, smiling at him and taking in the sight of his delicate face - so dreamy and perfect, little blushed now, lips swollen from kissing. You trace your fingertip over his lower lip. “You like me a bit too much don’t you?”
He kisses your finger, sending a warm chill down your spine. “I do…”
“But not as much as I like you.” You lean in for another kiss - deeper and sweeter. You love to have hour-long arguments about who likes the other more - a silly and childish talk, you would never have with anyone else. You would never kiss anyone else in this way, either. You wouldn't be able to. Only Jimin makes you act like that - kissing him as if he were the air you breathe. Because you love him. You love him. 
Every time that realisation strikes you; every time it fills your heart, overflows your senses and spreads to the smallest atom of your body; every time you feel that loving warmth - you smile. You feel alive. Buzzing, burning, bursting with life. Happy. 
You never knew happiness like this before.
After your engagement with Taehyung, things didn’t get easier for you.The criminal war of dominance over the city only grew more intense. Difficult times followed. Times when you had to change homes often and study in basements. But you did study. You studied art.  
A peculiar choice for a person who sleeps with a gun under their pillow. But it is what you liked. You often dream about stepping inside a painting and disappearing into another world. 
You wanted to go to college and get a degree in History of Art. Work in museums, travel the world… Yet, that was never truly an option for someone like you. Your family had to stay low key, stay together, stay hidden and protected.
At one point you got fed up with hiding. You asked Tae to help him in the war against the other crime organizations. He declined at first but you kept insisting. There was one thing your grandfather and Taehyung had in common - they could not say ‘no’ to you. 
So they let you help them. You led a small group of spies, looking for the locations and whereabouts of key figures of the underground - potential allies or old enemies of your family. You visited brothels and game houses; you had dealings with very dangerous people. You interrogated the toughest of dudes. And you broke them all. Because you wanted the war to end. 
And it did. It ended. You won. 
Your family climbed to the top. It seized control. It dominated over the whole city - any illegal activity happening on its streets was supervised and approved by your family.  
You could finally retire from the ground work and occupy yourself with more pleasant activities. Taehyung was still busy securing the peace but you went back to your hobby - art. 
You started to smuggle and sell illegally obtained pieces of art from all over the world to the local millionaires. You became rich, powerful and deeply corrupted. You pay to get what you want, you order for people to be beaten up and threatened to give you what you want. This is how your world operates. You can’t get things done with kind words. You have to be cold, calculative and very careful. You know the rules of the game and you are good at playing it.
You are powerful… Yet, you are not free. 
You cannot leave this city or do anything without your family’s approval. You are the daughter of criminals who lives outside the laws of society. But you are a captive of other laws - much more strict and cruel laws. 
Deep down, beyond the iron crust you’ve covered your heart with, you yearn to live a different life - free from restrictions and away from darkness. You’ve pictured that freedom in a particular format - bottle of wine. One that you have produced yourself and that you can share with the person you love.
This is a dream that has been growing in your head for years. A dream born when you saw a smuggled painting by a painter long gone - a field of grapes reflecting the setting sun. A vineyard. 
The more you thought about that idea, the more appealing it grew to you. It fascinated you. You started to visit vineyards and taste wine; you studied its properties and the way it is produced. You wanted to travel to Italy and open a small winery somewhere in Tuscany, run your own business and live a tranquil but meaningful life. You had a scrap book where everything was planned, described and illustrated. But you considered all of it as fiction, the novel of the life you will never have. 
The only person who has ever seen that scrap book is Jimin. And since then he keeps bringing wine to your meetings. He feeds you dreams, he creates them, he enhances them and he inhabits them all.  
In the dark hours of the night, when your anxiety keeps you awake, you no longer call Taehyung. Instead you imagine the Tuscan sun setting over fields of grapes; you imagine Jimin walking towards you with a sweet smile on his face and a glass of wine in his hand. You imagined happiness you could never reach. A life you cannot have. 
You belong to Taehyung. 
There is no way out. 
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At one point, a year after you first started exchanging gifts, you called Taehyung and asked to see him. You had just started your art-smuggling business and had to deal with a lot of issues and problems. None of your family members supported your ideas. You have been growing distant from them for some time now. But it only got worse in the past months. 
You, who was so overprotected as a child, now felt alone and under-appreciated by your relatives. You needed someone to care for you. To sympathize with your struggles. And who best fits that description, than your toy Taehyung, who would do anything for you. 
You had dinner, you drank more than a few glasses of wine, you even danced together. The restaurant was empty - it was booked for only you and him. No one else. You hadn't been alone with him like this in a while. It was almost midnight and it was raining outside. You could not see the rain, only hear the drops bombarding over the roof. You remember that sound very clearly - it echoed in your ears together with the beating of your heart. Exhilarating. Quickening its pace as you moved closer and sat on Taehyung’s lap.
“I had a very nice time tonight.” you whispered to him. 
“Me, too.” He smiled. 
You remained like this for a while, listening to the rain. 
Then you kissed him. It was spontaneous and stupid thing to do. But you did. You were getting ready to leave, he was closing your coat in front of your chest, making sure you are warmly wrapped up. You raised on your tiptoes and kissed him. A soft and gentle peck. Previous to that you had only kissed him once - on the night of the engagement in front of everyone. You had returned from the basement holding hands and everyone congratulated you. Then you looked at each and kissed, sealing the deal. Kissing him back then felt like kissing ice - ice so cold that it burns. 
Now his lips felt warm and comforting. Yet Tae flinched back. 
“We should wait until the wedding,” he said. 
“Why? Are we living in the middle ages?” 
He wetted his lips with his tongue. “I can’t be with you now… I am so close to finding that man - the one who ordered the assassination of my family.” He furrowed his forehead, digging his fingers into his hair. He looked almost comical, despite the seriousness of his words - like a kid who has too much homework and is worried how to finish it all in time. “He has been hiding like a rat for years, I have to focus on capturing him. If I am with you, I will be distracted. I will lose my focus. I will want to stay with you longer and I —”
“Relax,” you interrupted him with a soft, drunk chuckle, your head spinning from all the wine you drank. “Don’t panic. I know you are busy. I am not asking for us to start dating, or to be meeting more often. I am asking for one night…for tonight. I really need you now…”
He wetted his lips again, looking sideways.“You can meet anyone you want… You have a few guys on standby, don’t you?”
“I have no one I can be myself with.” Your eyes stung, filling with tears; your suppressed feelings erupted to the surface. “I am so scared, Tae. This business I started is something I really care about. I want to make sure each painting goes to the right hands. My brother laughed at me today, he told me I am not smart enough to handle such deals. My mother told me I should go to pilates lessons with her and stop wasting my time with something I am not good at. Even after working hard to help you and grandfather, they still don’t believe in me…no one believes in me… ”
Tears overflowed your eyes and blurred your vision. You were crying, like a fool. In front of Taehyung who had always been strong. You felt small, broken and insignificant. 
“I believe in you. I know you can make it.” He hugged you and let your head rest on his shoulder. “Now let’s get you home.” 
Taehyung never once talked about other women in front of you, yet you knew he had many one-night stands with pretty girls - actresses, models, dancers, high-class prostitutes. The best of the best. None of which he saw twice. Even if he wanted to, you knew he would never risk developing feelings for anyone else. As if he had ripped his heart out and locked it away. Only so he can give it to you when the time comes. 
If only it were that easy. If only one can love by command, ordering to his heart when and for whom to beat faster. Then, you would choose to love Taehyung fiercely, passionately and endlessly. As you should. 
Taehyung once said he is learning to be the perfect lover for you. And you believed him. Because he was that devoted. Even in his private time he thought of you - about how to make you happy in the future. Even when pleasuring other women he thought of you.
Your grandfather kept telling him. “You need to become a man who deserves my precious girl's love. Make sure you don’t disappoint her.”  
You wished you could strip that responsibility from his shoulders, but you could hardly rip it out of your own heart. Because you heard similar things, uttered by every member of your family: “You own Taehyung’s family your life. He is trying so hard for you. You should become a good wife to him.”
Being the best lover was just another obligation Taehyung had to perform to perfection. 
Yet, he never initiates anything with you; he was never intimate with you. He used to hug you far more often in that year when you were hiding in his house. Back then, on certain occasions, you felt butterflies forming in your stomach when he stared down at you and told you all would be fine. He was not even that handsome back then - he was skinny, his hair sticking in every direction, his fashion choices rather questionable. He could not articulate his thoughts very clearly. Nothing to do with the elegant, handsome man he grew to become. 
But he was smiling more back then, he spent every minute with you. He was there for you. He felt closer to you. You missed that closeness. You pretended to be tough and unbothered but you missed the safe haven of someone’s embrace. Fuck, you missed that intimacy that once existed between you. Childish one, but a truthful one. 
That night you were so desperate to feel that intimacy again that you acted foolishly. Selfishly. 
Taehyung closed the door of your apartment and left his coat by the door. 
“I will make you something warm to drink before bed, and then I will be on my way.” he said, smiling at you. Yet, that smile was forced, tired, worried. You could tell he was uncomfortable to be in your house, that he was in a hurry to leave.  
“You need to sleep more and eat better,” he added. “You get drunk so easily; it might be good if you don’t drink so much.”  
His patronising attitude angered you. You crossed your arms and blocked his way as he tried to step towards the kitchen. 
“Taehyung, do you even like me?”
He tilted his head confused. “Of course I do.”
“I am not convinced.” 
He took your face between his large, burning palms. Or was it your face that was burning? You could not tell. 
 “I love you.” he said. “You are the most important person in my life.” 
Your eyebrows knitted together. “I know you love me. But do you like me as a woman? Do you feel any desire for me…ever?”
He removed his hand and took a step back, not losing sight of your eyes. He was drunk, too. It wasn't showing so much, but he had to be. Taehyung is not much of a drinker and you finished 2 bottles of wine over dinner. 
“You are very smart and beautiful,” he said in a low voice. “I am lucky to have you as my fiance. ”
“Kiss me, then.” 
His eyes widened. “Don’t ask this of me. I told you I can’t get involved with you now. Remember, we promised to wait. To give each other time.” 
“You wanted to wait, I never said I want to wait.” 
You sprang forward and kissed him. You wrapped your hands around his neck and pulled him nearer. This time he answered your advance, kissing you back. Delicately, gently, making your head spin. You were kissing Kim Taehyung, one of the most attractive men in town. It felt nice. Soft, warm, good. Yet, it was not the electrifying storm you yearned to feel. Not the type of sensation that shakes your body from head to toe. It was soft and loving. But passionless. 
“It feels weird, right…” you said, breaking the kiss. “Because …. we are almost family...”
His eyes sank into yours. “We are family…”
“Yes, soulmates, twin flames, call it as you wish. The two halves of the same thing. Is that who we are? Twins born from the same darkness.”
“Yes, we are the two halves of the same thing ….”
In the faint light of the corridor his face looked magical, mysterious, even more alluring than usual. Kim Taehyung. Your best friend. You knew his features so well you could paint him in the dark, with eyes closed. He was all that you had. 
“Do you want to fuck me?” 
He pulled out of your hands and stepped back. “You are drunk and you have no idea what you are saying. I am leaving.” 
You grabbed his arm. “Don’t go. Answer me this - have you imagined doing it with me, even once?”
He swallowed, avoiding your eyes. “I have too much respect for you to imagine such things.” 
“Am I too precious for you to touch me?”
“Yes, you are precious…” His eyes locked with yours and a thrill ran down your spine. He looked at you differently. As he did back in the basement - as your lover, as your husband. Not as a friend. And it frightened you.  
He leaned closer, glazing his finger over your lips. He was so beautiful; his eyes deep, dark and seductive. But you could not unsee in those eyes your best friend, your brother, your childhood pal. You wanted to see the man, you wanted to be attracted to him. But you didn’t know him, you never got the chance to know him. He was never there. He was all around, he defined your whole life, his messages filled your inbox, his gifts filled up the shelves in your house. But he was never there.  
“I want you to fuck me.” You glazed your hand over his pants, grabbing on his cock as a prostitute, trying to seduce a client. You felt cheap and desperate. But you didn’t care. You wanted to feel something strong. Something…, anything. 
You kissed him, your other hand closing around the back of his neck, under the locks of his black hair. He was frozen, confused. Left at the mercy of your madness.
“Fuck me, Taehyung…” you whispered into his lips. “I beg you…” 
You bit his lower lip, glazing your palm over his bulge, sensing his cock hardening under your touch. 
“We should wait….we shouldn’t…. ” His voice cracked, his breath quickened. 
“We waited long enough. How long has it been? 5 years? 6?” You continued to palm him, pressing your hand harder over his growing erection. “You are my fiance, I need you. Not your countless promises, your nice gestures, your cute gifts - I need your cock inside of me. I want you to fuck me.” 
His hand locked around your waist, pulling your closer, his forehead rested on yours. “This is too sudden… and we are drunk.” 
He was breaking. Was it because of desire for you or because he felt obliged to give you what you wanted? You didn’t know. But you wanted to win. You said whatever lie was needed to make him do what you wanted. “I am tired of pleasuring myself thinking of you, Taehyung. I am tired of dreaming of you while you are away. I want to feel you, every part of you. Fuck me. I am yours. Make me yours."
Just as the wind of a raging storm rushes into a quiet room, forcibly opening the window and howling through the silence, shattering and scattering everything that has been so carefully arranged inside - in such a way Taehyung emotions broke free, destroying the calm facade he had been building for years. 
His lips crashed on yours, kissing you fervently and possessively. He grabbed your chin and tilted your head; his tongue parted your lips and slipped into your month. You struggled to breath, yet you didn't care if you might faint from a lack of oxygen. You kissed him back - messily, intensely, trying to match the pace of his madness. 
He pushed you backwards until your back hit the wall. He spread your legs to glaze his erection over your core. You moaned at the friction, your body catching fire, your walls clenching over nothing. He sucked your neck so hard that you knew it would bruise badly. 
“What do you like?” he asked in his deep raspy voice, making you legs tremble with need. 
“Anything will do. Do what you want - no condoms, no limitations. Use me as you wish.” 
He grabbed your breasts over your dress, grinding himself into you. You gasped at the sensation, eyes losing focus. He was intense, hasty, not giving you time to adjust to what was happening. 
“You like that, don’t you?” He grabbed your hips to turn you around and pressed his body into yours, squashing you against the wall. “My princess wants to be used like a slut?” 
He slipped his hand under your dress and glazed a finger over your soaking panties, leaving a trail of hot desire. Your body tensed and you scratched your nails against the wall. You hadn’t had sex in a while. That might explain the spike of desire that spread from your core to every nerve in your body. Or maybe it was him. Maybe it was because Tae was finally paying attention to you. 
“Slutty princess….” you said. “That defines me better.” 
He chuckled in your ear - his laugh a deep, low sound that made you shiver. This was not the sweet boy from your memories, this was a man you barely knew. Yet, here you were, spreading your legs for him.
He pulled your underwear down your thighs, sliding his finger over your heated skin in the process. You shifted and raised one leg after the other, helping him get the garment off you. Once your panties were on the floor, you attempted to turn around and kiss him. But Taehyung held your wrists and pushed you towards the wall. 
“Stay as you are.” 
His dominant voice, the tight grip of his hands and his body pressed into yours was turning you on. Making you eager and inpatient. Your walls closed over nothing in anticipation of his next move. And he wasted no time. He pushed your dress up to your stomach and grabbed your ass to squeeze it hard. Your hips moved backwards on their own, chasing his touch. Your walls clenched again, and then again, each contraction bringing you a new wave of quick pleasure. You were so overly sensitive, so eager to be fucked that you would have felt embarrassed, if you had any shame left. 
“What a pretty thing you are.” He mumbled, spreading your legs. “What a treat.”  
He grabbed your left wrist to pin it against the wall; bringing his other hand down to your heat. His finger glazed over your folds, the sensation pushing a soft moan out of your lips. He continued to move - sliding his finger up and down repeatedly, teasing you until you begged for more. 
It was so fucking weird. Your body was eagerly responding to his advances -  your skin heated up, your legs weak with desire, wetness spreading under his touch. Yet, you felt a little off and you could not pinpoint why. Was this the kind of attention you wanted from him? What the hell were you doing? Part of your brain was only a spectator of all that was happening, another begged him for more and more. 
“I didn’t know a nice girl like you would be begging to be fucked in such a pathetic way.” he said into your ear. “Do you beg all men like that?”
“Only you. The others beg me instead.”
He circled your entrance, making your body jerk under his touch. “Nice. I like to be the only one who rules over you, my pretty slutty princess.” 
His finger plunged into you, stretching your walls. You gasped and arched your back, your core clenching around him. He started to move slowly, lazily, sliding his finger into your pussy again and again, the wet sound of it echoing in the corridor.
It felt good; it felt really good. He added another finger, and sped up the movement. The pleasure inside of you grew and spread. Fuck, it felt so good. His long, beautiful fingers fucking into you without much foreplay, him being as bossy and dominant as you’ve imagined him to be during sex. It was exactly what you wanted. It felt amazing. 
Yet, it also felt odd. It felt like a theater play. Similar to when you were playing superheroes as kids - you ran from the bad guys you imagined, trying to emulate all the feelings of fear and urgency you’ve seen on TV. In those moments Tae always acted as your saviour, trying to shield you from the bad guy. Trying to impress you. He would jump in front of you and shout “I got this, take cover.” 
It felt like one of those games. 
Only that this time, you didn’t fight monsters. You wanted to be madly in love, fucking as passionately as people do in erotic movies or romance novels. You wanted to feel that love you often confessed to each other. 
You heard yourself call his name loudly, feverously. Way too loudly, unnecessary even. To the point your throat hurt. As when you screamed at the bad guys. Wanting to sound fearless. Wanting to sound involved. 
His fingers curved into you, glazing against your walls in the most delicious of manners. It felt so good, so so so good. It had to feel good. You moved your hips backwards, eager to feel more. Desperate to feel more. 
“Don’t think of coming before I say you can.” Taehyung said, pulling his fingers out of you. 
“For fuck sake… please… “ You pushed your hips back searching for his touch. You wanted to come. Badly. You wanted to feel the electricity of your orgasm as if it was the only feeling that can evoke the emotions you wanted to experience. “I want to forget everything else. I want to think of you only. Make me forget, Taehyung…” 
You heard his pants drop to the ground. 
“I will make your brain turn off, if that’s what you like.” He grabbed your hips. “Make sure you scream loudly, so I know how much you like my cock inside of you.” 
He spread your legs further, his fingers squeezing your flesh. You placed both palms on the wall to balance yourself. You were ready for him. You belonged to him. You wanted him to get from you what he wanted. Everything. 
He penetrated you slowly, inch by inch, his huge cock fitting perfectly inside of you, stretching your wall with the most pleasurable friction. Your legs turned weak, your hands slid down over the wall. You clenched around him, feeling his length sinking deeper into you. Fuck, he felt so good. 
“You like that?” he asked.
You managed to mumble a broken yes, your hips moving backwards, seeking the fraction you craved.  
“You are so fucking inpatient.” he growled. “Let me give you what you want.”
He started fucking you. Moving slowly at first, then quickening the pace with each trust, sinking in deeper every time. It felt wonderful. 
And it also felt wrong. You didn’t know why at first, but then you started to understand. This was the moment when you forced yourself to think of Taehyung as a man. To desire him. To break the image of him as your friend, and rebuild it as the image of the man you will marry. 
You had slept with a dozen men by then, but this - this is when you lost your innocence. Your best friend was fucking you; his cock was buried deep into you; he was listening to you moaning his name as a horny teenager who can’t get enough. 
It was intense, wrong, weird. 
Taehyung was inside of you - the boy with the big smile who swam with you in the ocean, wearing only shorts. The boy to whom you complained about how painful and unpleasant it was to get your first period. The boy you shared your lunch with. The boy you studied history with. The superhero who fought side by side with you against evil aliens. He was thrusting deep into your wet pussy, his voice called your name in broken breaths. He was getting lost in your. He was fucking you as a man who has been holding back a lot. Your body was shaking, burning, your heart racing fast.
Whatever friendship lingered between you was shuttered. Friends don’t fuck in this way. Their connection is pure, based on mutual trust, understanding and love that requires no physical pleasure to be strong and true. You had that pristine image of him in your mind - of the brother who cared for you - your other half. Now what image is gone.
Cute TaeTae was the last piece of your innocence. Innocence swallowed and devoured by the burning need growing in your core. Now Kim Taehyung became one of your lovers. And love is messy. Sex is a complication. But sex would help you get rid of that yearning for the past, it would help you sober up. It would move your relationship forward. Or so you hoped. 
You shouted his name as he hit your g-spot, making your back arch. You felt good, so good. This is what you wanted. This and more. Much more. You wanted to feel more. Why? Why were you so fixated on experiencing something extraordinary with him? Why couldn’t you enjoy this for what it was. A good old  sex - intense, amazing sex. 
A good fuck. But not the explosion of emotions you craved. Not the special connection you sought. Yet, Taehyung was special - he was different, unique. Your relation to him was not based on attraction or hormones, you didn’t like him because he is handsome or because he has a big dick. He was your soulmate. Back when you were kids. Fuck, you missed that connection and there was nothing you could do to rebuilt it. Now your whole relationship seemed to shrink down to the feeling of his cock rocking into you. 
It felt weird. Weird to fuck your best friend. 
None of you spoke, only the noises of his wet thrusts echoed in the corridor. His grip around your wrist grew stronger and almost painful. Your dress got glued to your body, soaked with sweat. He kept thrusting deeper and faster, cursing and panting. 
It was so fucking intense and yet none of you could reach their high. Taehyung swore out loud, growling in frustration. He could not make you come. That drove him mad. He pulled out and grabbed you around the waist. Your body screamed in protest, your walls closing around nothing and begging for him. But you were too dazed to say anything. He kicked his boxers away from his ankles and lifted you into his arms. 
He carried you to the bedroom and placed you over the bed. The smell of the sheets reminded you that you are home - in your intimate world. Where you didn’t let any men enter. But he was here - Kim Taehyung. 
He ripped your dress apart, as an angry dog. You shivered at the wildfire in his eyes as he took your bra off and stared at your naked breasts. It was the only moment he paused to get a look at you, to take in the view of your naked body.  
In that moment you believed he had thought of you before, he had pictured you naked, he had imagined fucking you and he had thought it would be so special and unique. Like you did. You thought the same. You wanted the same. But you rushed things. You ruined everything with your impatience. And it was too late to pull back. 
He grabbed your breasts and circled your nipples with his thumbs until you started moaning, your folds drenched with desire, your core begging to be filled, walls closing over nothing.
“Please…” you said. “I need you inside of me…” 
He turned you around and spread your legs, lifting your ass in the air. He was not gentle at all - his moves were harsh and quick. He positioned himself at your entrance, teasing you, glazing the tip of his cock over your swollen pussy. You cursed him out loud, your mind overpowered by lust. 
He entered you with a single deep thrust that made you toes curve. He started moving, picking up the pace fast, making your body shake by the power of his movements. The need inside of you grew stronger, unbearable. 
You hid your face in the pillow, grabbing on everything you can get a hold on - the sheets, the covers, the other pillows, the teddy bear he sent you last week. You were consumed by need, by the desire to feel desire. 
He sank deeper, hitting your g-spot with mad precision. Your body entered a state of frenzy. 
You forgot all about who he is or who you are, you only wanted to reach your high, desperate for release, the only thing coming from your lips were pleads for him to go faster. 
“I thought you were a nice lady, but you are nothing but a slut hungry for cock.” He said, hardly breathing. The sound of his deep voice made your walls clench around him, yet he slowed down as if getting tired. 
“Taehyung… please…” You pushed your hips backwards, frustration and desire tearing apart every atom in your body. “Pleaseeee…” 
He slowed down even more, pressing his fingers over your clit, stimulating your nerves to the edge of ecstasy. Yet, never enough. You cursed and kicked your leg into the mattress. 
“Taehyung!” You couldn’t recognise your voice - a broken squick of despair. You could not control your moans or the movements or your body. You only begged for him. 
He speeded up, both fucking you and circling your clit with a messy movements, overwhelming your senses. Your nails scratched your palms as your hands closed into fits; you were so fucking close to the edge, yet unable to reach it. 
“I really love you.” he said, panting and thrusting deep into you. His voice was desperate, shaken, broken. Nothing to do with the dominant persona from earlier. He sounded drunk and uncontrolled, pouring out whatever thoughts were passing through his head unfiltered. “I really do…I love you. I have to love you… I love you…..I fucking love you.” 
He started slamming himself into you faster, his finger dancing around your clit in merciless circles. The pleasure in you kept on building, rising, intensifying. His cock plunged deep into you, hitting your g-spot again and again. Fuck, you were so damn close. 
“I live for you, I breathe for you, I exist for you.” he kept speaking in a frenzy. “I belong to you. Please come for me, please… please milk every drop out of me….I am so close… please...Come for me... ” 
His broken, raspy voice did the trick for you, something in his words of despair clicked with you. As if that was the one feeling you both shared; the one feeling that connected you. Despair. And Belonging. You belonged to him. You were his; you were finally his. You belonged to someone. 
You came all over his cock, screaming into the mattress. Your legs shoke and convulsed. Your walls contrasted around him frantically, the pleasure spreading inside of you so overwhelming that it dazzled you completely. He came a second after, emptying himself into you, grunting and cursing. His hot cum filled you up, your walls contracting around him uncontrollably.  
You were his now. He owned you. He fucked you hard, as you thought you wanted. He made you see stars. He detached your brain from your body. This was the best fuck of your life. 
“Is that what you wanted?” He asked, sliding out of you.
“Yes…” You barely found the strength to speak. “This is what I wanted, thank you.”
He pushed the hair away from your neck and kissed the sensitive skin behind your ear.“I am glad you’re content. But we are not doing this again before the wedding. I have to go now.” 
The door closed with a bang. You remained in the bed disoriented by the intensity of your orgasm and by the confusing feelings raging in your heart. It took you a while to come down from your high. You shivered, feeling cold in the empty room. It was raining outside. You didn’t see the rain but you could hear the drops smash against the window. The way your heart smashed in your chest. 
Taehyung fucked you as you wished. Yet, it didn’t bring you closer to him. It didn’t make you happier. 
You only acted your roles. To perfection. Perfection that left your body burning but the heat of it didn’t reach your heart. 
Then why? Why did you do it? Why were you so selfish? 
You used him. Before he had the courage to opened his heart to you again, you asked for this - for mindless sex. And it was not even what you wanted. You just wanted his company. You wanted him to be with you. 
More than the sex, you yearned for the hug that follows, for the soft kiss of someone who stays. Someone who cares. Yet, Taehyung left. 
He was busy with his revenge. 
You never asked him to sleep with you again. 
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Jimin was a flirt. You didn’t like him. Yes, you thought him handsome and attractive, but you also thought him empty-headed. A sweet, dumb boy. The type of guy who would fuck anything that moves. And you were not into dumb boys; or fuck boys. 
A man that fucks around seemed to you as tasteless as a man eating dinner at a fast food restaurants. You consider yourself a woman of refined taste, you never hurry your meals, you don’t pick cheap clothes or cheap men. 
You selected your lovers carefully, making sure they would be an enjoyable distraction and not a total waste of your time. You used to dump them in a few months, growing bored with them quickly. You never bother to get closer to them. It was pointless. You knew you would have to leave them sooner or later. 
You had no intention to fall in love in Jimin. None at all. You were certain you would be bored with him soon, as it always happened. 
But Jimin didn’t bore you, not even for a second. He excited you. The more time you spent with him, the more you wanted him. 
The tricky thing about love is that you rarely see it coming. You think you are above and beyond those petty feelings, you think you can spot them and erase them at will. You laugh at the very possibility of falling in love with someone. Until it is too late. 
Until you can’t stop, can’t walk away, can’t turn back. Instead your hunger grow stronger. 
-
You kiss him slowly and deeply as you both like. His hands travel all over your body - Jimin loves to touch you in this way. He loves to squeeze your flesh, to lick it and taste it - he loves to feel you. He is not the type to hurry to get into your pants, not at all. Not before he has explored every little part of you. 
“Did you miss me, too?” he asks, his voice a melody that makes your heart flutter every time you hear it. 
“You know I do.” You kiss his cheek, his jaw, his neck. “I miss you all the time...” 
He lifts your head to look into your eyes. 
“Do you often space out during the boring briefings with the boys? While they talk about the new deliveries, do you think of my cock sliding into you?”
You slap his shoulder. “For fuck’s sake, Jimin. I am serious about my job.”
He chuckles, happy with your reaction. He loves to tease you sometimes, to push your buttons. He loves the little frown that forms on your forehead when you are annoyed with him, or when he fucks you too hard. 
He pokes your nose. “If you don’t space out thinking of me, then I need to do a better job, leaving a more lasting impression.”
You shake your head. “You are fucking idiot.”
“You adore me for that.”
You chuckle, biting your lower sip. “Indeed I do…”
His face turns serious. So abruptly and unexpectedly, that it catches your off guard. He stares into your eyes, imprisoning your attention into the depths of his stare. 
“Kitten, I love you.” 
A hot wave washes over you. It’s not the first time he says he loves you, yet he hasn't said those words in a long time. And never with so much longing.  Your heart hurts, it bleeds, it shatters. 
You need to say goodbye to him tonight. But you have no idea how you would find the strength or will do it. 
 ---
Jimin was not like your typical lovers - one of those rich young businessmen you loved to seduce, lying about your identity; or one of those handsome models you met on private fashion shows. Jimin was trouble. 
He works for some dangerous people who smuggled diamonds. A cruel bunch of ruthless bastards. Jimin was definitely the nicest of them all. Yet, he was the typical charming swindler, red flags painted all over his seductive smile. 
He was a regular in one of your cousin's underground clubs, a constant guest to his private parties. You avoided those parties like the plague. Not because you didn’t like to have fun, but mostly because you didn’t like the type of people frequenting those events. 
 But that time, it was your cousin’s birthday and it was your turn to show up and represent your family. The previous year your brother went, started a fight, broke someone’s nose and was forbidden an entrance to the club. You had to smooth things over this year. 
You mainly drank and stared ahead, counting the hours until it’s time for you to leave. Somehow you ended up talking to Jimin, you are not sure who introduced you to him or why.
He was flirty and annoying, and you were not into the small talk he started. Yet, he was the least obnoxious person in the whole room, rather pleasant to look at as well. So you kept talking to him. You changed the topic to his work, asking questions about what he does exactly. Your questions were very intrusive but he answered him willingly. 
Jimin was that crime group’s errand boy - he arranged the details of the deliveries, bribing people, making sure the cargo would be safely retrieved at the port and then taken where it needs to be - all under the nose of the local police who was desperate to stop those blood diamonds from entering the country. 
Jimin knew of a lot of ways to smuggle things from every corner of the world. He had a lot of connections. 
Jimin was useful. He promised to help you smuggle a few paintings together with their diamonds. That’s why you gave him your number. Not because of his charming, soft smile. It was all business. Yes, there were sparkles in the air around you two, but it was thanks to all the wine you drank. Nothing else. Everything was strictly professional. 
A month later, after many phone calls and long meetings with Jimin - much longer than necessary but somehow he almost made you linger around him more than you intended; you got the cargo. Everything seemed perfect…. and yet. One painting was missing. You were furious when you discovered that there was nothing in the box. 
Jimin wasn’t picking the phone, he was nowhere to be found. That swindler, he tricked you. How dare he. Didn’t he know who he was dealing with? You were enraged and you weren’t even sure why you were so angry. It wasn’t the first time someone tried to steal one of your paintings and resell it. Yet, Jimin had been acting so friendly with you, so flirty and cute, that you blamed yourself for falling for his charm and not seeing the obvious trap he was setting for you. 
But it didn’t take you long to find him after all. He was soon spotted drinking away his money in some pub. He could not even utter a word before he was taken by your men. You had him tied to a chair and locked in the winery basement of your brother's restaurant. You asked to be left alone with him and you freed his mouth from the cloth only when the door closed behind the backs of your thugs.
“Talk.” You placed your booth over his precious balls, resting the heel on the edge of the chair, ready to step on him if he moves an inch. “Where is my painting?”
“You could have asked before tying me up.” He bit his lower lips with a cheeky smile. “Or maybe you love this type of games - men tied up and submitted to your will. Sexy.” 
“Cut the crap.” You lowered your booth over his groin. “Tell me where my painting is.” 
In other circumstances this would have ended with him crying and asking for mercy, as you turn his balls into marmalade, teaching him not to steal from you. 
Instead, he laughed - so suddenly and loudly that you were taken aback. His whole body shook and the chair swung sideways. You lost balance in your leg and stepped back. 
Everything else happened in a blur. He moved free from the restraints, probably had used something to unlock the chains holding him, he sprang to his feet and grabbed you, slamming you against the door. 
“I love playing with you, my dear,” he said, leaning over you. “But your games lack common sense. You should think before you act.”
He wasn’t cheeky and flirty as before, his eyes lit with dominance and darkness. Even if his voice was still soft and sweet, his aura changed completely. That side of him startled you, captured your attention and made your skin crawl with weird tickles. 
“I did not steal your painting,” he said. “I only delivered the box. What was, or wasn’t inside, is none of my business. So if you want to get your money back, you better talk to your supplier.”
“He has never let me down before.” you snarled at him. “Yet, you are one of those low lives who are waiting for the opportunity to grab some money and drink it away. Thinking they can get away with it. As if!”  
“You don’t know me at all.” He leaned closer, his breath caressing your lips. 
“I know your type. So I had to act before you fled as a scared mouse.”
He smiled, his flirty attitude returning. “You didn’t want to lose a catch like me, did you? If you are looking for an excuse to meet me, just ask me out, no need to kidnap me.” 
“Ask you out.” You scoffed. “Why would I want to spend a minute with you?”
He smiled in a way that made you want to punch him, kiss him and then punch him again. Something about his attitude that night made your brain malfunction. He was sassy and annoying but so damn sexy. His posture, his manners, his voice, his lips, his eyes. He was so damn alluring. One second you were arguing with him, the next his tongue was in your mouth. And once you kissed, things were never the same again. 
Your first time together was rough and intense. It happened right there in the winery. He fucked you against that door, giving you one of the best orgasm of your life. His kisses were full of need and urgency, his hands moved with purpose and intention. He was skilful, yet he didn’t rush things. He fingered you slowly and deliciously, swallowing your moans with his soft, plumb lips. 
Then he fucked you, but not with your face against the wall; he fucked you while staring into your eyes, as if possessing your completely. He made you come hard, leaving your body in a state of ecstasy you needed a few minutes to recover from. 
You hadn’t had such an electrifying and satisfying sex since… well, never. The only thing that came closer was that one time with Taehyung. And yet this - this was different.
This was an experience .
 Jimin knew you were a difficult woman to seduce and he knew this might be the only time you let him touch you. So he did his best to impress you - but not with the sheer force of his trusts or the size of his cock; but with the slow, sensual movements of his body and the attention to your every need and desire. He impressed you alright. 
Yet you were certain that this would be a one time thing. You had no intention to sleep with him again. But you did. 
In the back of his car, in the small room behind your office, in random hotel rooms, in a basement, on the beach. You could not get enough of him. You craved his touch constantly. 
The sex was getting better each time. He was spoiling you, worshiping you, adoring you as you have never been adored before. And you adored him in return, you did things with him you would never do with another man. There was trust, understanding and harmony between you. 
And it wasn’t just the sex. It was so much more. You talked - you spend long hours chatting in his bed, on the phone, via texts. You spent time together - he invited you to walks in hidden little parks, you watched movies together and tried to cook together. Then ordered take away after the food burned. And laughed.
You danced to slow music late at night. He drove you to the edge of the city, where you parked by the road and sat on the top of the car and looked at the stars. For the first time in your life you felt young - you felt the blood running through your veins buzzing with excitement, vigor and passion.
Jimin smiled a lot and often, his laugh was contagious and sincere. He was the type to call you at 3am to tell you he misses you. The type to bring you a flower because he saw it on the way and thought of you. The type to bring you breakfast in bed. 
You weren’t just having an affair - you fell in love. Deeply, madly, crazily. 
Jimin made you dream. About life where you don't have to hide. Life where you could be free from the long shadow of your family. 
You were tempted. Tempted to do the impossible - to stand in front of Taehyung and tell him you want to break the engagement. But that would be madness. TaeTae from your childhood might have agreed; but Kim Taehyung, the Shadow of the criminal world, - he would just shoot Jimin in the head and end this.
 Taehyung would not forgive you. Moreover, you can’t bear to disappoint him in this way, you can’t abandon Taehyung no matter what you feel. You would rather pull out your own heart and squash it, then hurt Tae.
This must be your last night with Jimin. Tomorrow morning you will leave and tell him goodbye. Forever.  Yet, you pretend this is just another one of your sweet secret meetings, a meeting no one should know about. Especially not Taehyung. After all he sacrificed for you, he deserves better. 
Jimin knows about your engagement; he knew what he is getting himself into. He should know the end is near. This is why he is saying he loves you now, this is why he is so hungry to feel your lips. He knows the clock is ticking. 
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Your wedding dress is ready, the cake is chosen, the venue booked. You’ve prepared the guest list, you’ve sent the invitation. Tae showed you photos of the magnificent exotic resort he selected for your honeymoon. He was excited about the trip, honestly thrilled and happy. His boxy smile, the one you haven’t seen in years, returned on his face as he spoke about the trip during your last meeting. 
“We can go swim with the dolphins!” he said, pointing at the screen of his tablet. “Look, we can also dive in that cave. It will be real fun.” 
He looked up at you, his eyes lit with enthusiasm. This will be the first break he will have in years. Maybe the last for many more years to come. No wonder he was so into it. 
“We will finally have time for each other.” He added, his voice dropping lower and more gentle, making your heart break into two. Poor Tae, always busy with work, never having the chance to be with someone, to grow close to someone. 
You have Jimin now, but he has no one. Only you. Tae worked relentlessly hard to become the man everyone approves of. The man that you deserve. But do you deserve him?
When Tae asked you about Jimin more than an year ago, you told him it’s nothing but a fling that will end soon. Then, nine months ago, you looked into Taehyung’s eyes and lied that you’ve ended things with Jimin already. 
You actually tried to. Only that you failed. You told Jimin you love him instead, you cried in his arms and he asked to be with you a day longer, a week longer. A week that turned into months. But it has to end. No matter how much it hurts. You will break up with Jimin and keep your promise. 
“Yes, it will be real fun.” You smiled at him, yet there was no joy in your heart. You can’t force yourself to feel it. You just can’t. Not while knowing you need to break Jimin’s heart in a few days. 
Tae moved closer to you, leaving the tablet on the sofa by his side. “Remember, I promised we will be happy. I will keep that promise. We will be happy.” He caressed your cheek, his eyes fell on your lips. “Very happy.”
He leaned over you in an attempt to kiss you. You pulled back. On instinct, before you could realize what you were doing. 
He frowned. “What’s wrong?”
“Nothing.” You smiled nervously. “We haven’t kissed in so long. Let’s wait until the wedding. It will be more special.”
“Sure” He grinned and kissed your cheek. “The wedding will be the most magical and special moment in our lives. All will get better afterwards.”  
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Jimin knew he should not get involved with you. You had the fame of a female fatal and you were the promised bride of a crime-lord even he was afraid to face. But damn, you were so annoyingly attractive. So pretty and bossy. Such a cute lady, playing the role of a ruthless bitch.
He had to have you. He just had to. 
Such a conquest would an exciting and memorable experience. One worth his time. Even though Jimin had the fame of a fuck boy, he wasn’t one. He flirted a lot, but the women who ended up in his bed were a few. 
He was a busy man, and had too dangerous a lifestyle to allow himself to form attachments. He only allowed himself to have fun. And you were the perfect doll to play with, without risk of complications. 
Oh, was he wrong. 
You were more than a good fuck - you were intoxicating, mesmerising, sweet and addictive drug. And you were not the cold-hearted bitch he thought you were. Not at all. It was all a facade. He could tell by the way you passionately talked about your paintings, the way you managed your business and took care of your people. You were caring, thoughtful, smart, refined and so damn sexy. 
He liked you. But he though his desire for you will evaporated after he fucks you once. Yet, it didn’t. He had to see you again. Just a few more times. He intended to be your next affair, making a lasting impression and becoming the number one lover you would ever had. The one you would think about late at night when your future husband is too busy to meet you. 
Jimin thought that one month of a steamy sex would be more than enough to satisfy you both. Then you would get bored and part ways. 
Instead the time spent together only increases the appetite you had for each other. Things got complicated. You and him - you just clicked together. It was so natural. Yes, you argued sometimes, over stupid things, but that only made the sex afterwards better. 
He loved talking to you, listening to you; he loved looking at you and breathing the same air as you. You were intriguing - a woman who has been through so much shit and yet remained grounded. Your sense of duty impressed him. Your loyalty and your determination fascinated him. And that laugh. It took a long time to hear you laugh - but once the sound of your cheerful voice reached his ears, Jimin knew he felt something different for you. He knew it by the way his heart fluttered as if growing wings; by way he smiled and giggled in return; by the enormous sense of achievement that filled his chest. He made you laugh. And that made him happy. 
It also scared him at first - that warm feeling that spread in his chest as you smiled at him. But the fear was nothing compared to the excitement that buzzed into his veins. He had never clicked with someone in this way.  
 A lot of his ex-girlfriends found him clingy, a bit annoying even. Yet, you loved his attention. You loved the fact he would send you 10 text messages per minute, telling you exactly how much he missed you. You appreciated and noticed all his little gestures - the breakfast, the wine, the flowers. And you gave him so much in return. You listened to him. You really listened  to him - your eyes calm, wise and full of understanding. And he told you a lot. More than he has ever shared with anyone. He wished he could tell you everything. But he was a little afraid to do it. Yet, tonight he will tell you everything. Before it is too late.
People who didn’t know him assumed that Jimin is a careless man who floats through life, but in fact he is very driven, decisive and has a good plan for what he wants. He had it all mapped out - all the steps he needs to take for his future. Until he met you. Now he can’t picture his life without you. 
But he can’t picture his life with you, either. The kind of loving, sweet and fluffy relationship you have doesn’t fit into the dark world you live in. Maybe it is exactly why you both crave it. It is an escape. 
The only way for you to be together, is to alter your reality. To leave everything behind. But you would never leave Taehyung. Jimin knows it. 
Yet, Jimin has a plan - a desperate proposal. He has to try. Even if you refuse him and curse him. He has to try to change the rules of this world. Because of you. 
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a/n: Let me know what you think, and if you like this story, please share it around. Thank you for reading! 
Part 2:  Coming soon. 
MASTERLIST
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Good author
once upon a fantasy | mlist.
Fantasy, fairytales and romance shit!
divine seduction | kth. (m)
➵ pairing: demon king!taehyung x angel queen!reader  
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Pairings: Jungkook x Female Reader  
Genre/Tropes/AU’s: Slice of Life AU! Fluff, Angst, Smut (the holy trinity if you will)
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pairing — drug lord!jungkook x reader, hotel owner!taehyung x reader
genre — heavy angst, smut, fluff
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Pairing: Yoongi x Reader
Genre/au: postgrad!au, eventual relationship!au, grumpy yoongi
tsundere (m)
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pairing: fuckboi!namjoon x organization president!reader(f) rating/genre: m (18+) ; smut ; university au, enemies to lovers?
what happened in neverland (m) 
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UGH F*CK 
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Scent of a Woman {KNJ romance}
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pairing - ex-boyfriend!Hoseok x reader
genre - exes2lovers, enemies2lovers, angst, smut, fluff
good girls go bad | series
pairing: kim taehyung x female reader, frat au
Hobi recs
FORBIDDEN || request
Hoseok is your brother’s best friend.
Protecting the Bloodline [JHS]
Genre: vampire au, royalty au, fantasy au, strangers to lovers, smut, angst, one-shot, 18+
Welcome Home [MYG]
Genre: 18+, PWP, Marriage Au, Smut, One Shot, father!yoongi, kissing, blow job, unprotected sex, you guys have a child, etc
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Vampire lords series
bewitching | jjk (m)
➵ pairing: Jungkook x female reader ➵ rating: 18+ ➵ genre: fwb/f2l (kinda?), vampire!au; fluff?, light angst, smut
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birthright (m) | k.sj. | one-shot
pairing: seokjin x reader rating: m (18+) genre: angst | smut | suspense | drama | vampire!seokjin | supernatural!au | historical!au | strangers to lovers!au
T H E  P R E S E N T – P O R T L A N D, M E
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Genre: Fantasy, Romance, Smut, Angst, Hurt
⇾ money shot (m)
⇁ smut || pornstar!au
⇁  dom!yoongi, submissive!reader, verbal humiliation, spanking, roleplay, rough sex, cum play, dirty talk, this is porn ok and everything is consensual
Fantastical Stories For Curious Souls, Chapter Two: Endymion
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Beneath the Boughs (M)
Pairing: Dryad!Namjoon x Reader, very mild peril and angst, tooth-rotting fluff, smut - fingering, oral sex (male receiving), unprotected penetrative sex, multiple orgasms, virgin!Namjoon.  
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⟶ 𝑝𝑎𝑖𝑟𝑖𝑛𝑔: human!jungkook x sea spirit!reader
Working Man Bangtan Masterpost
Men doing men business
Tasty Tryst (M)
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What the water gave us
↠ PAIRING: water ghost!MYG x reader (f)
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pairing: reaper!jk x reader   rating: mature / teen and up (for themes, please see warnings)   genre:reaper!AU, strangers to something, hurt/comfort, and some fluff and angst
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Rituals gone bad and worlds colliding series
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Pairing: Husband! Seokjin x Female Reader
Genre/Tropes/Au’s: Smut, Angst, Fluff, Drama. Slice of Life! Broken Marriage AU!
The Cock Tales Masterlist.
Suga Fic Recs
twirl for me (teaser) | myg
✿ pairing:   dad!yoongi x reader (ft. jungkook)
✿ rating/genre: BTS | 18+ | strangers to lovers | angst | eventual smut | eventual fluff (?)
Bomb author
Tip Drill: The Trilogy (M)
Rap group series
The Iron Ring | Series Masterlist | pjm
♦ Pairing: fae prince! Jimin x human! reader
♦ Genre: fantasy au, strangers to lovers, enemies to lovers
Mixtape | Series Masterlist | myg (m)
♦ Genre: Older brothers best friend, f2l, a lil’ angst
The Tiger and The Dragon Series Masterlist
♦ Genre: friends to strangers, friends to sort of enemies, fantasy, angst, eventual smut, slow burn
Good author
Slow And Steady (M)
↳ Genre | Painter!Jungkook, Smut, Angst
We Are All Dreamers [M]
↳ Genre | Enemies to Lovers!au, Soulmate!au, Smut, Angst
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⤑ Genre | Royal Guard!Namjoon, Princess!reader, Royalty!au, Smut, Angst
⤑ Warnings | Dom!Namjoon, Sub!reader
Bad Things [M] | myg
⤑ Genre | Brothel!au, Street Fighter!Yoongi, Escort!reader
Clair De Lune (M)
↳ Genre | Musician!Yoongi, Escort!reader
Shifters | Fic Index
Carousel | Index
↳ Genre | Arranged Marriage!AU, Heirs!AU, CEO!Yoongi
In Need of Orders (M)
Pairings: Seokjin x Reader Word Count: 15K Rating: M Genre: Kingsman AU, action, drama, romance, smut, comedy, rivals to lovers
yoongi, it’s y/n
f1 driver!min yoongi x mechanic!reader
Across the Hall (M) | MYG
{Genre} smut/fluff/neighbors to lovers
《the emperor’s dagger》 ch4 | myg
❦ pairing: emperor!yoongi x concubine!reader
everytime; chapter 3 — myg
╭ pairing: fuckboy!yoongi x ex!reader
Siren Call
➡Pairing: Siren!Hoseok x reader
heart-on.
◇ hoseok x reader ◇ smut | strangers to lovers!au
The Modern Prometheus (KNJ x F!Reader)
pairing: scientist!Namjoon x f!reader (feat. Jungkook), slight Namjoon x OC genre(s): smut, angst, some fluff, drama, mystery, slight horror au(s): based on Frankenstein by Mary Shelley
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→ pairing: kim seokjin x poc!reader
→ genre/au: victorian era!au, pride&prejudice vibes, angst!!!, smut, fluff
Classical lit./ fantasy 1
Worthy author
Classical lit/ fantasy 2
Destruction Of A Muse (I)
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Caught in the crossfire (Masterlist)
Pairing: Taehyung x reader
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His pet
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Pairing : mafia boss jk × chef reader (f).
Genre : oneshot, mafia au, yandere.
after dark // jjk (m)
➳ GENRE: vampire/knight!AU
No Rest for the Wicked | jhs (m)
➳ PAIRING: devil!hoseok x witch!y/n
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➳ PAIRING: hades!yoongi x persephone!y/n
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→ Pairing: camboy!Yoongi x f. reader
→ Genre: friends to lovers, pwp
Highway to You | MYG
~mafia!au, gang!au, mafia!yoongi, innocent!reader turned rival gang member, childhood friends to lovers
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~angst, fluff, comfort, enemies to lovers, mafia!au
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genre | mechanic!namjoon
smut: dom!namjoon, brat!reader
TWISTED
( magnate!namjoon x waitress!reader )
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lost in the funhouse (m)
⇥ warnings: psychological manipulation, Daddy kink tldr; prisoner Namjoon
catharsis (m) | MYG
➾ warnings: impregnation kink, cumplay, nipple play, ball play, daddy kink, cock worship
all an act → ksj
✳ pairing: acting major! seokjin x acting major reader
✳ genre: enemies to lovers, fluff, college au
Simmer
✰ pairing: Hoseok x Reader
✰ au: waiter au, Summer Job au Exes to lovers
headlines of the next (m.)
pairing seokjin/reader
Head Over Heels to Hell
➜ Genres: Childhood friends To Enemies To Lovers!AU, Reverse Soulmate!AU, Historical!AU
ISEKAI AUs (focused on novels/video games)
degausser | m.yg
➢pairing; detective!yoongi x detective!female!reader
- match made in hell (m) ; masterlist
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Aim For The Heart- Masterlist
Pairing: hitman!jk x female reader
Genre: E2L, romance, angst, drama
BTS Infidelity/Cheating AUs
RECORD(ING) - MYG
pairing — asmr artist/camboy yoongi x reader
genre/rating — R | fluff, smut, crack, pwp, college au
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bangtan-oasis · 1 year
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Bangtan Oasis' Grand Opening — A Mini-Event
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The Oasis Bazaar staff would like to extend their deepest thanks for choosing to become Traders with us. Each and every one of you have made this grand opening very special. We hope you're all enjoying your stay at the Bangtan Oasis thus far.
Now let's set up a stall, show off the existing wares you're all most proud of, and get excited for all the amazing wares yet to come!
REMEMBER: If something catches your eye, be sure to read all posted information & warnings before continuing to view. You are responsible for the content you consume.
All wares are sorted alphabetically & by member below the cut.
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🌴 • 𝕂𝕀𝕄 ℕ𝔸𝕄𝕁𝕆𝕆ℕ • 🌴
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About You by @magicshopaholic
Pairing: x OC
Rating: 18+
Genre(s)/AU(s): angst
There’s something Namjoon isn’t telling you. After finally getting out of him, though, you find yourself wishing you’d never asked.
Made In A Fairytale by @apotatomashedbybts
Pairing: x Reader/OC
Rating: PG-13
Genre(s)/AU(s): angst, fantasy, fluff / royalty!au
She is a keeper of realms. Her job is simple: save realms from falling apart. And she has been doing this for long enough to cover her each body part with wound marks. But she is a human after all with her own limits. So when she was sent on a mission to Titan Realm a series of events and a specific person makes her test her own limits and she finds herself on a new edge of sacrifice, love and bravery and probably a new wound. 
The Library of Our Love by @raplinesmoon
Pairing: x Gender-Neutral Reader
Rating: PG-13
Genre(s)/AU(s): angst, fluff / college!au
From this day forth, the rules set out by the users of the study table should be: 1. This table shall only be populated by one Kim Namjoon and one ___, all others must ask for permission before using the premises. 2. Albert L. Lehringer’s word is the supreme law of the land. 3. The library is for learning only, not for falling in love.
Oops.
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🌴 • 𝕂𝕀𝕄 𝕊𝔼𝕆𝕂𝕁𝕀ℕ • 🌴
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The Heart of a Demon by @meirkive
Pairing: x Reader
Rating: PG-13
Genre(s)/AU(s): angst, fluff, supernatural / demon!au, enemies to lovers
Your roommate just wanted to revive her plants, so how come you have a forked-tongue demon in your kitchen, now?
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🌴 • 𝕄𝕀ℕ 𝕐𝕆𝕆ℕ𝔾𝕀 • 🌴
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Quiet & Qualms by @egocypher (prev. @/sugafreeagustd)
Pairing: x Gender-Neutral Reader
Rating: PG-13
Genre(s)/AU(s): angst, fluff / non-idol!au, slice of life, established relationship
Your quiet vacation brings your qualms to the surface.
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🌴 • ℙ𝔸ℝ𝕂 𝕁𝕀𝕄𝕀ℕ • 🌴
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Je T'aime by @astronaut-jin-moon
Type: Visual - Graphics
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🌴 • 𝕁𝔼𝕆ℕ 𝕁𝕌ℕ𝔾𝕂𝕆𝕆𝕂 • 🌴
A Year of Sunshine by @herecomesjoon
Pairing: x Reader
Rating: NC-17
Genre(s)/AU(s): angst, fluff / idol!au, established relationship
You had always talked about being parents, but you didn’t imagine it would happen like this.
At My Worst by @pjmsdior
Pairing: x Reader
Rating: PG
Genre(s)/AU(s): angst, fluff / college!au, established relationship
In which despite the ups and downs of your relationship, Jungkook plans to ask you to stay by his side.
Chocolates & Laundry Do Not Mix by @ggukcangetit
Pairing: x Reader
Rating: PG-13
Genre(s)/AU(s): fluff / strangers to roommates, roommates to friends
When your best friend, Namjoon, asks if a junior from his business ventures class can live with you till his lease comes through, you don’t think much about it. But one month with Jeon Jungkook proves to be extremely difficult because of how little the boy says but how much he seems to topple over without much effort.
Mugs & Kisses by @sunshinerainbowsbts
Pairing: x Reader
Rating: PG-13
Genre(a)/AU(s): fluff / strangers to lovers
Jungkook has something he’d like to tell you, but he can’t find the words. So he’s thought of another way.
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Banner & divider created by Bangtan Oasis' Resident Artist, Siya (@missgeniality). Thank you again! 💛🌴
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stormblessed95 · 2 years
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Hello, there! How have you been? Have you seen the latest Coway promo? Don’t the members look stunning? I’m loving the natural hair on them. I’m also truly loving JM’s short dark/hair (he looks so powerful like this - even if I’m still holding out hope for him to dye it) and Jungkook has long hair!?! Extensions maybe? I’m in love. They’re also doing so much? This coway promo, they’ve got whatever they’re cooking up with the MyBTSTracks, the BTS Weekend photos (from last year, but still) and today’s the start of the ‘Proof of Inspiration’…there’s just so much going on. I’m a little overwhelmed given that it’s not 8 a.m yet for me😵‍💫
Anyway, I was wondering if you, or anyone you know, has any idea if the Membership Army Kit is gonna switch up themes soon? I wanna get it, maybe, but I don’t know how much I love the ‘at the office’ theme they’ve got going on currently. And I know they do change them, but I don’t know when😅
On a completely separate and unrelated note, do you think that JM can still do the splits/spins/flips? I listened to We Are Bulletproof Pt. 2 before going to sleep last night and I can’t get that choreo out of my head (yet again). It still blows my mind. I know that, as of 2020, he’s done some of his famous tricks, but not so much recently. Obviously, just because we haven’t seen them or he hasn’t had a chance to perform them doesn’t mean he can’t do them or that he’s stopped practicing them or working on his mobility/flexibility - a dancer/athlete like him must be rigorous and disciplined in his practicing/rehearsal schedule - and we know for a fact that he’s hella strong (his core strength is just…ridiculous🫠) and physically fit/in shape. However, it’s all extremely physically demanding and he is getting older/has chronic pain to consider (although, I don’t think that’ll stop him and he does have access to the best care in the world). I just wonder if we’re ever gonna see him do all those crazy flips again. I really hope so. I have to admit that a huge part of why I wanted WAB Pt. 2 to be on the anthology album was to see 3J’s dance break again…alas, maybe someday🤞🏼🍀
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Hope you have a nice day and you rock😊💕
Dark haired Bangtan for the win! Kookies hair is definitely extensions.
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Lol I'm pretty sure we are in the midst of the membership exclusive photoshoots/interviews changing themes. The last one was the fairytale themes they did. We just got weekend interviews and photoshoots, so I would imagine it's coming to a close soon
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I mean, in 2022 we've got Jimin sitting in mid air and flipping himself up in Black Swan
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In 2021 we got flips too lol
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And a one armed couch handstand
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So I mean, yeah, I'm pretty sure he is just as crazy agile and can still do all this stuff he if wanted to. Jimins core strength is insane! 🥰🥰 and the WAB 3J dance break will always be iconic for sure!
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sugaglaze93 · 1 year
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Sometimes I feel like BTS isnt real. They are like a fairytale to me. They are my happiness and I cant believe that they are human. When I see their mvs or bangtan bombs it feels like a movie.
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taetaespeaches · 9 months
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liv, omg speak now tv. ahhhhhh i love it so much. i feel like an 11 year old me listening to it in 2011. so much nostalgia of me wanting to find a fairytale love at that age, and at 22 rn i'm still looking (blaming bangtan for making my standards too high)
I knowwwwww!!! I was like 15? listening to it in my room every day after school and this whole release has been so nostalgic. You and me both, babe :/ those standards are in the sky at this point
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bluewhale52 · 3 years
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THE QUEEN’S SECRET - TEASER
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Summary: No one expected the shy little Queen to have enamored the King so completely. What secret does she have?
Pairing: Jungkook x reader, Namjoon reader, Namjoon x Jungkook
Genre: Royalty au, arranged marriage au, fantasy au
Rating: R for this teaser as it has a bit of hanky panky talk. However, the final fic will be explicit.
A/N: Inspired by the fairytale The Princess & The Frog. To be published sometime next week.
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The first few days passed in a blink of an eye. You were introduced to your household staff, to the Court, to the foreign dignitaries, and more people that you could remember. The King was kind and patient, quick to jump in whenever your shyness took over, but he was only with you when his schedule allowed, which was not very often at all. Lord Yoongi, who had been appointed as your Private Secretary, stayed by your side most of the time, always ready to assist you in navigating this new chapter in your life. You were pleased to have him; you liked his quiet demeanour and no-nonsense attitude.
Your nights however, were torturous. You had made the mistake of listening in on the maids gossiping (when you were as quiet as a mouse, you heard the whispers all the more clearly) that the King was spending as much time as possible with his lovers before his impending nuptial.
“Who cares if you could please him? All you have to do is bear him an heir. Or two.” Nari said when you confided in her. You cuddled your rabbit closer. You did not want to be just a vessel.
“All kings have lovers, you know that.” Iseul added, trying to comfort you.
“I know, I’m not that naive. I just… I just don’t want to be so boring that he’d lose interest in me completely!”
Your two friends looked at each other. “You’re asking the wrong people, we’re as clueless as you are.” Iseul admitted.
Nari scoffed. “Said someone who has been flirting with a Lord!”
“I have not! Lord Seokjin smiles at everyone. It’s not my fault if his smile is sweeter for me.”
Nari swatted Iseul, and the two quickly fell into a playful bickering. You caressed your pet rabbit as it nibbled a cookie. It tickled you how the animal had such a sweet tooth, preferring your sweet snacks to carrots.
“What am I going to do, Cookie? How can I please the King?” The rabbit merely twitched its nose in response. You laughed and brought it close to your chest, cuddling it.
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This will be the first fic in my upcoming Fairytale Bangtan Series (happy ending optional).
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thoughtsonkm · 2 years
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New BL kdrama coming to you soon.. 💘💘
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hckat · 3 years
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“ The universe has moved for us Without missing a single thing” ― Park Jimin, Serendipity
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Hybe released today on their youtube channel the documentary on Le Sserafim’s debut. It’s a one hour and a half content that is presented as a documentary, while it’s far from being that. It’s on four parts, I’ll link the first one here:
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 I’d like to start with a very short and simple definition of what that is. A documentary expresses or deals with factual events. Instead, what I saw was footage manipulation because they decided that because Kim Garam is no longer in the group, then she shouldn’t appear in the pre-debut footage. How was that achieved? By using methods that are basically unethical in the documentary practices. In the editing phase, they reframed the shots by cutting them in order to not show a sixth person next to the other girls; they carefully selected clips and made a mosaic by choosing close-up shots, fragmented discussions and rarely showed everyone in a full frame, although there are moments where it’s obvious there is another person there (hips or arms in the background or at the edge of the frame); and finally, by digitally removing Garam out of full body shots, where there is an obvious empty space in between the girls when they pose. 
I checked the reactions on twitter and the usual explanation was that, because Garam is no longer under contract, using footage of her would be illegal. Then how does anyone explain why they were able to show a trainee who didn’t make their debut? Presently, Hybe is still making money out of Garam, along with the other remaining members, through album sales. It’s not like they can remove her voice from the songs, unless they rerecord the album. 
The actual point is that Hybe is trying to manufacture another reality through manipulation and I’m shocked to see this actually happening like it’s no big deal. This is a very serious matter and it’s definitely not acceptable. If they didn’t want that scandal to loom over the group, they could have chosen to not use the footage and instead, make a documentary focused on something else that include the current members. Instead they went the unethical route. And it’s funny (not) that the company has people that are taught to ‘’document’’ what is happening using certain techniques that actually makes it easier to do what they did. The typical close-up shots are ever present, which helps them a lot when they have to edit. We see that with Bangtan Bombs as well. 
And one last thing about this ‘’doc’’. These girls are also singers. As much as K-pop is an important fusion between music and choreography, what I saw was not that. 90 percent of the footage was focused on rehearsing the dance moves, while only 10 percent of them in the recording studio or vocal training. It’s like they were backup dancers, not singers as well. I want to make this very clear. I’m not criticizing the girls. I’m sure they worked really hard and it’s not easy to debut and I’m 100 percent sure they spent countless hours in the recording studio, otherwise they wouldn’t have been able to put out an album. But I think this ‘’doc’’ is a disservice to them as well because they are not shown working more on a major part of what a music group should do. 
By only releasing documentaries under the the company name, Hybe is able to present a manufactured image of their groups, without even allowing the possibility of an outside perspective. And it doesn’t mean that such an approach will reveal some dark secrets. That’s not the point or the intention. But an actual documentarian would be able to look at it with fresh eyes, without the need to promote the group. Because that’s what Hybe is doing with this type of content. It’s just another promotion material. 
I’d like to recommend watching 9 Muses of Star Empire, a 2012 documentary made by a filmmaker who had no official connection to the company. They show the good and the bad, because pre-debut and what comes after is not a fairytale. And I’m not talking only about the hours spent working, but about egos getting in the way and how shitty people are everywhere. The company does not come out with a pristine image and the filmmaker is not shy from showing that. And lastly, they mention at the end what happened to every girl, including the ones who didn’t make their debut and also those who left later, a year after being in the group. No one erased their existence, regardless of their motives. And what was interesting is that they were able to show that not every one of them is perfect. They were real girls who made shitty decisions, did ‘’bad’’ things, they complained, some of them suffered and others were really passionate and made it. 
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cuntysexylovely · 3 years
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can’t escape from the place we created in our dreams, we belong to this fairytale
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secfir · 2 years
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Recs
once upon a fantasy | mlist.
Fantasy, fairytales and romance shit!
high-class | masterlist.
Love lives of the seven most prestigious CEO’s in seoul.
namkook moonrise masquerade | mlist. 
The Deal Masterlist
Drug Lord!Yoongi x Coffee Shop Owner!Reader. Strangers to Lovers!AU, Angst, Fluff, Smut
Fuckboi aus 
Hobi recs 
Fire author
5 star author 
Bomb author
Good author
Worthy author
three tangerines (m) | myg
rating/genre: m ; smut ; brother’s best friend au, implied age gap au
Briarwood Manor ☾ | m.list
Vampire lords series
Working Man Bangtan Masterpost
Men doing men business
Fantastical Tales For Curious Souls
Fantasy aus
IN THE SPOOP
Rituals gone bad and worlds colliding series
The Cock Tales Masterlist.
Suga Fic Recs
Tip Drill: The Trilogy (M)
Rap group series
Shifters | Fic Index
Classical lit./ fantasy 1
Classical lit/ fantasy 2
Proper rec lists
Good rec list
Yoongi lib w A+ rec listing
Recs w materialists
A+ rec listing w tropes
—melodrama tour. (series masterlist)
Fic rec blogs
Fic rec blogs 2
f2l/ e2l list
Tumblr ami guide
Good author
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call-me-amanda · 2 years
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𝗠𝗼𝗼𝗱𝗯𝗼𝗮𝗿𝗱 — 𝗟𝗶𝘁𝗲𝗿𝗮𝘁𝘂𝗿𝗲 𝗕𝗼𝘆
↳ 𝚕𝚒𝚔𝚎 𝚊𝚗𝚍 𝚛𝚎𝚋𝚕𝚘𝚐 | 𝚌𝚞𝚛𝚝𝚊 𝚎 𝚛𝚎𝚋𝚕𝚘𝚐𝚞𝚎
↳ 𝚍𝚘𝚗’𝚝 𝚛𝚎𝚙𝚘𝚜𝚝 | 𝚗𝚊𝚘 𝚛𝚎𝚙𝚘𝚜𝚝𝚎
↳ 𝚌𝚘𝚖𝚖𝚎𝚗𝚝 | 𝚌𝚘𝚖𝚎𝚗𝚝𝚎
“Years ago, when I was younger
I kinda liked a girl I knew
She was mine and we were sweethearts
That was then, but then it's true
I'm in love with a fairy tale
Even though it hurts
'Cause I don't care if I lose my mind
I'm already cursed”
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