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#fake friends

I honestly had hoped that when I started college, things would be different. I thought maybe college would be the place to make connections and friends and maybe I finally would have some friends but no, all the people that I call my friends they are so fake, they are never there, they never call or check on me, no texts, fucking nothing. They only call when they need something, they don’t know me. They just pretend to be my friend and stab me in the back and do horrible things, first semester was tough. The second semester was going on, which btw was also going horrible when this pandemic happened. I feel so lonely when I see people on Instagram, putting up pictures of people they love, I feel like everybody is making connections but here I am alone again, feeling like I don’t fit in. Feeling alone in crowds and fake friends, why am I always there for those shitheads? I feel anxious about going back to my horrible fake roomates/ friends. I tried changing but all the hostel rooms were full, I’m stuck with them and I can’t do anything about it.

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ich bin kein kleines kind mehr, dass sich ständig einen Kopf macht ob ihr eigenes Verhalten anderen passt oder nicht. Du bist sauer ? Schön für dich. Reiß dein Maul auf und sag was, denn ich werde mir bestimmt nicht den Kopf zerbrechen und dir hinterherlaufen um dich zu fragen ob ich etwas falsches, deiner Meinung nach gemacht habe. Wenn du nicht mit mir klar kommst, ist das ganz allein dein Problem, welches mich nicht interessiert. Entweder gehst oder bleibst du. Keiner zwingt dich.

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This may seem stupid, but seeing that they are making a Sonic 2 has got me sad and my anxiety and depression is starting to rise. This time last year I had a boyfriend and friends I met through him. We went to movies all the time. We went out to eat . We all hung out. As soon as we broke up, all that ended. I haven’t heard from him or his friends who claimed they were mine as well. Now this movie is coming out and every store and restaurant is opening. I’m feeling kinda empty and lonely as well. I miss how happy I was. I miss how my life was just falling in place. Now I have no one again. It sucks to just reach a level of safe and secure and happy only to lose it all so fast. How am I supposed to move on when I have no one left? I have no friends. I have no one to care. How can people claim to love, care, be forever with you, or have your back and leave you and stab you in the back and front? I don’t know what I’m supposed to do?!

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Been asking myself if you even think at all. Did you even notice that you only talk to me when you need something? When you’ve got a fight with your boyfriend or some girlfriend drama? This is when you talk to me, and that‘s basically it. When I’ve mentioned something about myself, which also was when we were done talking about you for literal hours, I had to wait for a reply for days. Only actually got an answer because I double texted. It’s not always PEOPLE dissapointing YOU. It’s not always their fault. Something you gotta learn, at least someday. With or without me.

„Best Friends“

- another message of rage I’ll never get to deliver💔

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I caught my “friend” talking shit about me a couple months ago. I never said anything about it, but I’ve never really trusted her ever since. :/

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~diary thoughts~ #148

People think I’m shy because I don’t talk too much. (I’m actually very talkative if you get to know me.) But no one wants to get to know me. I try to make an effort to socialize, but no one returns the effort. So I stop trying, cause getting dry responses online and in real life suck.

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You can meet one person outside your household

But none of my friends are contacting me

They’ve contacted each other, multiple times

But never me, not even a whisper

Why don’t I just contact them? If they’re not messaging me then they obviously don’t care enough about me. I don’t want them to feel forced to meet with me just because I asked.

They have to make the effort because I’m tired of dealing with this shit no matter what I do

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Can we really be friends if you talk over me, often ignore me, and readily embrace others before you consider me? Friendship is not something so freely given by me but I don’t know if I have the strength to revoke it from you or the strength to watch you be crippled by your fear of confrontation. Your aversion to guilt is the only thing keeping me from uttering the words “you’re being a bad friend” because I know that is not your intent. Even the best hearts can make toxic, selfish choices.

-Nighttime musings, 26 MAY

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We could be friends again if you weren’t such a liberal sjw and were willing to resolve things and reconcilie our friendship putting the past behind us. But no, one of you has to be immature and insult me and make up false rumors about me that aren’t even true. People are fucking assholes man.

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I use to want to hang out with you all the time. I used to leave my Grandma’s house early so I could get back and see you. Now I barely see you. Now I don’t really want to see you. But do you know who I want to see? My Grandma. Sadly, I don’t have that option anymore. A part of me hates you because of it, but I can’t blame you for that. I only have myself to blame.

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I’ve been thinking about when
I was trying to be your friend
I thought it was then
But it wasn’t
It wasn’t genuine
I was just so furious
But I couldn’t show you
‘Cause I know you
And I know what you can do
And I don’t wanna war with you
I won’t afford it
You get sore even when you win

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Hmm… so this girl I used to be friends with on here is whining over people that unfollowed her. I had people unfollow me for expressing my opinions and they didn’t care for what I liked. And also she’s close to giving up so am I. Karma is a bitch and if you treat people that we’re nice to you like shit bad things happen when you do bad things. It comes back to bite you in the ass when you treat people badly.

Didn’t you ever learn in elementary school treat people the way you want to be treated or they completely skipped that over and you didn’t learn anything about treating your friends right. I don’t get a lot of love on my page either and now you are saying you’re not and you’re getting a taste of your own medicine you seem to be feeling as low as I do. The trick to getting loved is to be kind and resolve things with people whatever it is life is too short to always fight. You just never know the thing you say to somebody could be the last conversation to u had and you could live with regret for the rest of your life.

Just be nice to people you never know what somebody is battling and don’t be so judgmental. God punshies people for doing bad things to bad people I’ve seen it happen to people who’ve pretended to be my friend and bullied me. Maybe this is a wake up call and I pray for those people that were my fake friends and bullies because they went down very bad paths in life and I also pray for you to find peace. If you have read this then you know who you are.

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