I just get to a point where i feed into anxieties, paranoia, doubts of my own capabilities, i get overwhelmed... over stimulated mentally and just as much physically, my reality becomes blurry, i become non verbal and dissociative pushing people away because thats whats best for them, even if though i dont want that. I don't want to push them away.
Its all self sabotaging.
I question if ill ever be happy.
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WELCOME TO SHIELD!
❝ A strategic and innovative new homeland, meticulously designed to be the perfect oasis where you can start brand new beginnings without any intervention and create your own endings without enforcement, all by your own logistics ❞
CROSSPOSTED ON AO3!
Pairing: Soft Dark!Bucky Barnes x Reader
Word Count: ???
Warnings: dark bucky barnes, manipulation, dark themes, violence... (will be added as i go on)
A/N: this is heavily based on wandavision and don't worry darling... because who doesn't love fake realities?
WTS! MASTERLIST
— PROLOGUE
— CHAPTER 1
— CHAPTER 2
— ???
disclaimer: this WILL have grammatical errors. no, i cannot fix it. i don't possess the intellectual ability to do it myself.
divider by @promenadewithme-graphics !
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Graagh 1ntro Post T1me
Name: Bessel Scaven
Age: 7.5 Sweeps
Pronouns: He/H1m
Blood Color: Burgundy
Other things to say here
- 1 w1ll NOT tolerate Hemo1sm on my blog
- Fuck the caste system and fuck the f1sh royalty
- 1 work as a Glad1ator, AMA 1f you want
- Hobb1es: Mus1c, F1lms, Games, F1ght1ng
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Gonna be honest, wish Goncharov has jumped from the clock tower in that one scene. Would have scared Andrey and I like the idea that he would have run to see Goncharov fall but for him to be right under out of sight and then smile back up at him. Idk, I like the idea and wish it had happened
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Outtakes
This bubble of joy I find myself in
Helps my world to not spin
Time is of the essence here,
Where the Gods are Queer
And walk amongst men
But I will say: Every now and then
I find myself wishing for the danger
but quickly I retreat away from the stranger
who may defeat me.
Not today, I won’t let me.
Although today is the day to truly be
Dancing, Dazzling with the Queen
The Queen? The Queen! for she
was right here, outside the bubble to the left
Wait… There I had just placed my weft
There… To the left.
In this world they spoke of enchanters
and master crafters
who’ll all keep you safe til the day you die
How that is guaranteed I know not why…
Yet no one told me of the opportunities outside the bubble
Outside the bubble! Beneath the rubble
Please take me in, I just want to live
I don’t care if you only have misfortunes to give
I didn’t want this at first, but now I’m torn.
My Fault. So I can’t mourn?
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⚠️!!!TW FOR HALLUCINATIONS!!!⚠️
It had been a few days since the incident with Haruto and the waterslide. The other three had mostly forgotten about everything, having better things to be thinking about than a child causing a minor inconvenience. But apparently that wasn't Aoi Nakamura's train of thought.
Being the salty boy he was, Aoi just had to sit with the thought for the whole week. Even as he was cooking dinner in the cabin the thought was still going through his head. He wasn't sure why he was so annoyed and pestered by the thought. His conclusion was that Haruto had been acting irresponsible and he was worried that would effect the team as a whole, but he didn't quite know.
"Atsuhiro? You there?"
"'Course, sup?" Atsuhiro appeared from around the corner, ready to help however he could.
"Could you get the other two? I have the sushi ready."
"Will do."
The younger of the two disappeared back the way he came, calling out for the baby's of the team. Both Aoi and Atsuhiro called Haruto and Kaito baby's. Sure, they were 15 and 16, but they were younger by quite a bit. Both were spring chickens while the older two were a summer ahead.
It took less than two minutes for Haruto to be sitting at the kitchen table, his legs crossed under the table. Kaito appeared from out of nowhere and appeared behind the brunette.
"Where did you come from?" Aoi asked, slightly in shock.
"I was here the whole time, just morphed into an ant." Kaito replied. He sounded proud of himself for being able to do that, or he was just proud he had managed to surprise Aoi. Atsuhiro hugged Aoi around the shoulders, whispering comfort to him. The older boy got stressed out way to easily, and Kaito seemed to be great at it.
After serving up the sushi, all four were seated at the table. It wasn't much considering where they lived, but it was good enough. The boys had gone fishing that morning, so all the food was fresh. Aoi put on his headphones to block out the others' conversation, not finding it worthy of listening to. He was also holding Atsuhiro's hand under the table.
The cabin was too bright and loud. Too much for him in general. He was starting to get that tight feeling in his chest again. The same feeling. He lifted his head from looking at his food to looking around. He wasn't in the room anymore. He wasn't in the cabin. No wooden furniture. No bright lights. No leaking tap dripping in the background.
Suddely there was a bucket of water dumped on top of Aoi. He gasped, shutting his eyes. When his eyes opened again he saw he was in the cabin again. All the wooden furniture where it had been. All the lights blinding him. The dripping tap drilling a whole through his brain.
Looking around he could see the other three looking at him with worry. Atsuhiro holding his hand still, squeezing it comfortingly. Kaito had a hand on Aoi's shoulder, shaking him slightly to bring him back to reality. Haruto was just sitting there with a smile on his face.
"What happened?" The Indian asked, still pretty shaken up. He took his earphones out, listening to his surroundings.
"We were going to ask you," Haruto said quietly. "you just zoned out and started hyperventilating."
"Are you ok?" Atsuhiro whispered, not wanting to make Aoi even more uncomfortable.
"I...have no idea. Maybe I'm finally going insane?" The others looked at him with understandable concern. "Ok maybe I just used my electricity too much."
"Yeah that seems more reasonable." Atsuhiro replied, sounding a bit calmer.
Aoi stood up, dragging Atsuhiro with him. He didn't say where he was going but it was pretty obvious when he started for the stairs. Kaito started cleaning up the plates from dinner.
Aoi dragged Atsuhiro into their shared bedroom, closing the door behind them. He pushed the younger onto the bed, laying down next to him and cuddling up close.
"Are you sure you're ok Aoi-kun?" He asked hesitantly.
"No." Aoi answered in a shaky voice. He cuddled up closer to his friend, who hugged him close. The blond ran his fingers through Aoi's black ringlets, trying to calm him down. The older boy had these episodes before. He would just fall out of reality for a minute or two. Atsuhiro had been meaning to get Aoi to a therapist, but being villainized outcasts ment that wasn't as easy as it could be.
Aoi buried his face in his friends jumper, fear taking over. Atsuhiro held him close as Aoife cried. It wasn't unexpected from the older boy.
The two fell asleep that night wrapped in eachothers embrace, promised to never leave eachothers side
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