#farts n sharts | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

raestarz · 10 months

Text

Rookie Hour

Chapter two - How bad is this gonna get?!

A/N: Kyaire is 19 and as we all know Leon is 21, there will be smut but I love a good slow burn :)

Once again, thank you @neteyamsmunch for inspiring me to post this

Word count: 4.1 k

————————————————————————

As Leon and I entered the police station, I took a quick look around examining the two pathways, one being closed off, the other was a shutter that was left slightly ajar. I decided to take a chance while still looking around, “Hello! Is anybody here?!” I shout walking over to the shutter. I pull the lever and it opens the shutter a bit more before stopping. “Hey Kyaire, come look at this.” Leon spoke and I walked over to him, “Huh?” I glanced at what he was looking at on the CCTV laptop, “There has to be someone here right?” I nod slightly, “I guess so.” Not really sure if there would be anyone left considering how it looks inside of here, I see a man shooting at zombies in one of the cameras. “Hey! Look,” I point at the video. Leon clicks on the camera footage, “Not good.” Oh yeah it definitely wasn’t no duh, Leon. Leon continued to click to the next camera that the man showed up in, he eventually spoke through the camera, “David! Marvin! You there!?” the man sounds panicked and terrified, he looks at the camera and holds up a small journal to the camera, “I found a way out! It’s in here!” I squint my eyes at the camera and look at the slightly ajar shutter, “Huh…” I start to think and walk over to the shutter as Leon keeps watching the CCTV. I hear the man speak again, “Send reinforcements! East Hallway!” I start to connect two and two together, of course… This shutter is to the east. I hear Leon walk over to me and I turn to him, “We gotta find that guy Kyaire.” I nod, “I’m guessing he’s over here?” Nodding my head toward the shutter and grimacing seeing the blood trail and the “KEEP OUT” sign. Leon nods, “Alright fuck it, just know you're doing all the shooting till I get a gun.” Leon looks a bit confused, “You know how to shoot a gun?” I nod and shrug my shoulders. “I mean yeah, I’m friends with the gun shop owner in town.”

Leon nods and starts to climb under the shutter, looking around with his flashlight and gives me the clear when he doesn’t see any immediate threats standing up on the other side. “Alright, Kyaire. It’s okay.” I raise my brows, “For now.” I mutter and climb under the shutter after Leon. “Aw what the fuck…” I grimace as I climb through fully and see the blood on the floor and on the walls. I shudder looking at the blood and hold back bile as I look at surroundings, “You alright?” Leon asks softly, his voice was so kind and understanding. I nodded slowly, “Let’s just keep going, no time to waste.” Leon nodded and started to walk toward the location of that officer, I followed behind him closely keeping an eye out for him. As we made our way down this dark ass hallway I mentally groaned, I heard Leon mutter something, “Huh?” Leon looks back at me and scratches the back of his neck flustered, “Ah, nothing…Sorry.” I nod slowly as we continued to make our way down the hall, going into what looks like a conference room with more blood and a dead body in there, well shit who wants to bet twenty that, that fucker is gonna get up, and then dude looks like he farted and sharted on himself as well. Leon goes over to the corner switch flicking it on and surprisingly the fucker doesn’t get up and jump on him. I let out a breath I didn’t know I was holding, looking around the room trying to find any sort of weapon I can use. Leon looks over at me, “Whatcha looking for?” I glance over at him, “Oh, just a weapon or something, I don’t wanna be a liability.” Leon nods slowly, “I’ll keep an eye out for something okay?” I nod back giving him a small smile as I take one of my dreadlocks and wrap it up and around my other ones to make a ponytail. Never be too careful…

…

We finally get to the corridor where the officer is, seeing plenty of dead officers bodies and civilians as well. I grimace, and go to the officer's body leaning against the wall, I search his body and find his handgun along with his flashlight. I checked his handgun, finding the standard twelve rounds and searching his body for more ammo, putting it in my back pocket. “Alright, now I can be the best final girl.” I laughed softly and kept the handgun in my hands, Leon looked at me as if asking if I was ready and I nodded. God, I can't believe pretty boy here wanted to be a police officer, actually I can believe it. I’m about to speak before I hear the officer screaming for help, “OPEN UP! HURRY! OPEN UP!” Both Leon and I’s heads whipped toward his voice and we jog into the office near the shutter to where it was coming from. We just get inside the little corner office before we hear a, “OPEN THIS GODDAMN DOOR!” I roll my eyes at the officer, but realize this is a life or death situation and no longer a game of cat and mouse, we move quickly to the shutter and start to lift it, the police officer starts to crawl under it face first he reaches his hand out holding the journal and it takes everything in me to not determine this cop a lost cause grab the journal and leave him for dead…Like everything in me, I sigh, “Give me your hand!” Leon shouts being a goodie two shoes as the officer begs for help as I continue to try to pull up the shutter Leon grabs the officer's hand helping pulling him out, “C’mon I got you.” he muttered. The officer turns over and grabs Leon’s other hand as I hear a zombie growling on the other side of the shutter. I groan, “Leon hurry!” still trying to pull up the shutter to no avail so I give up on it and try to help pull in the officer, the officer has blood splash all over his body and that can only mean one thing…the zombie fucker got to him, “Oh god…” I breathe a look of panic coming over my face Jesus, Mary, and Joseph. I can't do this, it's too damn much. I guess Leon sees the look on my face, his voice is reassuring but also determined to help this officer, “Kyaire focus, it’ll be okay.” I glance at Leon and nod, “Ok.” I breathe and focus on getting the officer out, the officer is now screaming in pain and there’s more blood seeping the floor into my jeans and my Doc Martens, oh great, I just got these yesterday dammit. There’s now more struggle pulling the officer in, “Hang in there!” Leon assures the screaming officer as the struggle finally stops and we pull out the top half of the officer's body, and my eyes widen as I see his guts on the floor…Oh hell no I didn’t sign up for this. Oh my fucking god.

I take a breath to calm myself, then I see the zombie that tore the officer to shreds reaching out under the shutter grabbing his guts. Leon looks shaken up himself as the officer is somehow still alive like a chicken with its head cut off, Leon mutters, “Jesus Christ…” The officer dies in Leon’s arms and we both stare at each other, grief stricken for a moment before Leon shakes his head deciding not to live in this moment of sadness. He grabs the officer’s journal flipping through, not understanding the context within the contents. I hear banging on the door leading into the office, “Leon,” my voice croaks, sounding broken, “We…we gotta go.” I say between tears, gulping I shake away my feelings. I stand up fully and take my handgun out ready for whatever’s on the other side, a zombie bursts through and I’m quick to shoot a headshot into its skull three times before it bursts and goes down. We start to run out of the office and through the hall back to where we came from, dodging a zombie that bursts through the glass. Oh my god! How bad could this get?! I just want a break! Two more zombies pop up ahead of us, Leon yells a quick, “Jesus Christ!” And we both pick and take down each one with our guns. Quickly maneuvering around their bodies, back toward the shutter I get there first and start to climb under, barely getting through before I stand up out of breath. I see Leon coming under, having to lift the shutter up with his shoulders, damn he’s kinda built…this isn’t the time for that Kyaire! He’s almost out before a zombie randomly grabs his foot, he yells, “Goddammit! Kyaire!” I nod quickly and start to pull Leon under before another officer helps pull Leon out fully, “Watch out!” I warn and the officer slams the shutter on top of the zombie’s head with his foot. Both me and Leon look up at the officer who was clearly fucked…UP. Like bad, the officer is panting and looks at us both, “You're safe. For now.” The officer groans and leans against the shutter, “Thanks…” Leon breathed still out of breath and panicked from the incident. The officer introduced himself, “Marvin Branagh,” I nod in acknowledgement of his name. Leon talks first before I can, “Leon Kennedy and Kyaire Birkin…” Leon stammers trying to explain what happened earlier, “There was another officer…I-I couldn’t…We couldn’t…” He gasps taking shuddering breaths, I step toward Leon and crouching down, I put a comforting hand on his shoulder, “We tried, ok? That’s all that matters,” Marvin nods in agreement and helps lift Leon up. Marvin tries to give some extra reassurance, “I’m sure you did what you two could. Ok, Leon?” Leon nods.

…

Leon comes back from an off distance door in a police uniform and I let out a low whistle, I had no idea someone could look this good in a uniform. Marvin side eyes me and smirks as Leon walks in, “Does anyone know what started this?” Leon asks earnestly. Marvin shakes his head as he checks the CCTV on the laptop from before, “Not a clue. But honestly, all you two need to know is that this place will eat you alive if you aren’t careful.” I nod in acknowledgement as Leon hands me a holster with a pouch like he has, “Sorry, couldn’t find any female uniforms.” I grab the pouch and click it around my waist, “That’s fine, really wouldn’t wanna be associated with the RPD anyway.” I state smirking and the two officers give me a ‘Really?’ look and I shrug, “Sorry…” Leon checks his gun as he adjusts his uniform, “Yeah…well, I was supposed to start last week and I got a call to stay away. I wish I’d come here sooner.” Leon shrugs as if he was gonna actually be able to stop this outbreak a week ago, I shake my head and stifle a laugh. “You’re here now, Leon. That’s all that matters…” Marvin states and I nod in agreement. Leon glances at me to see if I’m ready and I nod, “I’m ready whenever you are, rookie.” I smirk teasingly, Leon shakes his head, a small smile gracing over his lips. Leon walks over to Marvin, “Ok. Lieutenant, we’re ready.” Marvin is looking at the journal we found earlier, going over the pages, “Hopefully, you’ll be able to find a way out of this station.” He sounds so hopeful, I sigh, listening to his words, “That officer you met earlier─Elliot,” I raise a brow in acknowledgement while, Leon nods slowly as Marvin shows him the stuff in the journal pointing at the pictures with the statues, “He thought this secret passageway might do the trick.” Leon takes the journal looking at where Marvin pointed and smiled looking at Marvin, who was shuddering in pain, “This is good news. We can get you to a hospital.” Leon said hopefully. Marvin shook his head, “No, no, I am not the priority here. You need to get you and her,” Marvin nods at me, “out of here.”

Leon looks at me and back at Marvin, “Lieutenant, I’m not just gonna leave you here─” Marvin looks at Leon and bursts out in anger but his voice was also stern, “I’m giving you an order, rookie. You save yourself and this girl first.” He takes a breath calming down his anger, “I’d come with you both, but I'd just slow you down…” I let out a sigh, feeling bad for Marvin and his situation. Marvin looks down and hands Leon a knife, “Now you’ll need this,” Leon shakes his head denying the knife, “I can’t take─” Marvin interrupts him, “Stop.” Leon sighs and takes the knife from Marvin. Marvin’s face goes serious as he looks at the both of us, “And don’t make my mistake. If you see one of those things─ uniform or not─ you do not hesitate. You take it out…or you run. Got it!?” Leon nods and gives a quick, “Yes, sir.” Marvin looks at me giving me a stern look, and I nod, he winces in pain and sits on the couch again. Me and Leon look at each other and give a silent nod of understanding.

We step away from Marvin and I start the conversation, “Now what?” Leon shakes his head slightly and takes out the journal, “I guess we find the medallions and get outta here, huh?” I nod and Leon leads the way, going over to the locked off pathway. Leon takes his new knife and slices the tape from it, opening it and pulling the lever, he glances at me as the pathway opens up, “You ready Ky?” I raise a brow, “Ky?” Leon looks away flustered, “I figured it would make sense ya know? Plus in case there’s danger, it’s quicker off the tongue.” I hum and nod, I wonder if that’s the only reason he wanted to call me that, “Okay, that’s fine. Yeah, I’m ready.” We start to go inside and Leon chuckles darkly, “This is not how I imagined my first day…” I laugh and shake my head, “I can imagine.” We both smile softly and go through the door both clicking on our flashlights, walking down the hall and seeing a dead body on the floor. Leon walks over hearing a radio go off, static in between words, “This is 73-Bird── for rescue.” Leon walks over to the dead body, crouching down and hums, “What..?” he lifts up the person's head their jaw nearly comes completely off, I suck in a breath trying to keep myself from puking, “Leon, what the fuck are you doing?” I hissed, looking around and down the hall. Leon sucks in a breath, “Oh…Oh, what the fuck!?” whisper shouting, “Uh no duh, what the fuck, let go of it’s head.” I direct and we both hear a can come down the hall, we both snap our heads at the same time, “Huh?” we say in synchronization. We continue to go down the hall, me following closely behind him jogging, we see a zombie pop up in the window, Leon mutters a quick, “Shit!” Well, shit someone has quite the potty mouth, I laugh softly. We continue to go down the hall and we hear the window break as the zombie gets through it. We quickly make a right into another room, “Oh my god, everytime I turn around there’s another damn zombie.” I grumble and take a breath. “Are you doing okay, Ky?” Leon asks, his voice soft as he walks over to me and touches my shoulder. “Yeah, yeah…I’m okay Leon.” I breathe and the hairs on my neck stand up as the zombie busts into the room, I turn around swiftly shooting it in the head. These fucking things are so damn annoying, it almost makes me sick having to kill things that used to be people. Almost. Leon grabs the map on the board, then nods his head toward the only escape out. Up the extra storage and hopping out through the broken window Leon gives me a hand up and helps me out first, I land on my feet and move to the side as Leon jumps through as well. We both hold back a laugh as we see the oversized zombie banging on the vending machine comically, Leon takes out the zombie swiftly and I give him a fist bump, “Good shit, Kennedy.” Leon smiles and nods, “Thanks, Ky.”

…

We continue to explore around the police department taking out zombies while also solving combinations, grabbing more ammo and keypads to unlock more things in the Safety Deposit Room. We get to the library when Marvin radios Leon, “Leon, it’s Marvin. I need you two back here ASAP.” We both looked at each concerned for Marvin wondering if his condition was getting worse, and I knew if worse went to bat shit crazy. I would be the one to put Marvin down. Leon radioed him back, “Are you okay, Marvin?” Marvin is quick to respond, “I’ve got something to show y’all. It’s important.” Leon glanced at me and I nodded, whatever’s up ahead can’t possibly be worse than what we’re dealing with right now. It’s been a pretty easy night so far, “Copy that, we’ll be right there.” Leon reassured the man as we started to head back to the center of the police station toward Marvin after we finally got our first medallion, from the Unicorn statue.

…

We get back and Marvin looks so much worse than before, I frown slightly at his worsening condition. “There you two are…Come on, take a look.” Marvin clicks on a camera and it opens CCTV of Claire staring at a gate, “Oh, shit.” I gasp softly. Leon grins, “Yes! I knew she’d make it.” Leon nudges me softly smiling, knowing earlier while we were exploring I had spoken about my doubts of Claire surviving. I rolled my eyes, crossing my arms. Marvin looks at us, “Y’all know her?” Leon nods, “Yeah, name’s Claire. We came into town with her.” I nod agreeing with Leon. Marvin grunts, “You can get to that courtyard through the second floor…East side.” Leon looks over at the second floor and I follow his eyes, “We’re on it. Thanks Lieutenant.” I interject and smile softly at the officer. We head up the stairs finding the door to what would lead to the east courtyard, Leon takes out the spade key he found earlier opening the door getting through the Waiting Room. We go through the Waiting Room and start to head down the hallway when we hear a large crash. “Yo what the fuck?!” I scream looking panicked and Leon looks back at me, “Ky! Everything okay?” He gives me a quick once over, his eyes full of concern and grabs my shoulders. I’m shaken up, this is too fucking much. I can’t handle this, I’m not prepared or trained for shit. I take a breath and my eyes finally meet his concerned ones, Shit. Shit. Shit. I close my eyes for a moment and swallow whatever feeling I was gonna feel. I’m not gonna have some cliche movie romance shit, that’s dumb. I nod as I open my eyes again, “Y-Yeah, I’m okay. I'm just starting to get so overwhelmed, I don’t understand how you can act as if everything is so normal…So okay.” Leon lets out a small laugh, without any humor, “Nothing that’s happening is normal right now. Nothing at all, but I’m keeping shit together for us? You know? So we can get outta here.” Leon gives me a determined look and I nod, “Okay. Just gotta keep my shit together.” Leon nods back and smiles, we both head out and down the exit to where Claire is.

The rain pours on us as Leon looks over the balcony excitedly, “CLAIRE! HOLD ON WE’LL BE RIGHT THERE!” Claire looks back at us and smiles happily, “OK!” Leon races down the steps and I follow behind him, seeing the helicopter catch on fire. Oh fuck…That isn’t good. We get down the stairs to Claire, us being separated by the gate, I smile as I approach Claire leaning against the gate next to the gate door as Leon leans against the gate door. “Claire…It is so nice to see you. I’m being suffocated by testosterone here.” I joke laughing softly. Claire laughs back and shakes her head, “How’re you two doing? That helicopter came outta nowhere…” Leon looks back at the helicopter, “Yeah…We’re in one piece.” I nod in agreement smiling. Claire gives Leon a once over at his uniform, she is so clearly checking him out, but honestly I don’t blame her any hot man in a uniform, makes me slightly feral. She smiles back, “I’m guessing you don’t have a key in one of those fancy pockets?” Leon looks down slightly embarrassed, “Uh…Unfortunately, no…But, how are you doing?” Claire sighs and leans against the gate door, “You know, just surviving.” Oh my God, she is so flirting with Leon. This is hilarious. Leon leans back against the door, clearly, so oblivious to her flirting, “That’s good. Any luck with your brother?” Claire grimaces and shakes her head, “No, not yet.” I smile and interject, “Claire, don’t lose hope…I’m sure we’re gonna find him─” getting cut off as well when the helicopter explodes, we all jump and look up at the now flaming helicopter. “Oh for fucks’ sake,” I mutter annoyed. Leon looks back at me and Claire when the fire alarm starts to sound, “Dammit. You know what that means…” Me and Claire glance at each other, “Yeah…Dinner time.” We say synchronized and laugh slightly. Claire turns around taking out her gun and facing the zombies rising from their ‘slumber.’ Leon looks concerned as he sees what troubles await Claire, “Claire, I think you should go.” I nod in agreement, Claire looks back smiling softly, “Don’t worry about me, Leon. You two take care of yourselves, have each other’s backs.”

Leon grabs the gate door, emphasizing his point, “Claire, you need to go─ NOW!” Claire looks back taking what he says more seriously and nodding, she takes a couple steps away from the gate toward what waits for her. Claire looks back at us, “Hey…Let’s get through this. All three of us.” I think about Sherry for a moment, “Hey, if you see my sister, somehow…She has a pendant like mine!” I quickly hold up my matching pendant of hers. Claire nods and runs away, Leon looks at me confused, “You have a sister?” I nod, “Yeah, we’re not biologically siblings but we’re siblings…” Leon looks even more confused, “As in…she’s not black, Leon.” I laugh softly at his cluelessness. He nods slowly, “Oh…Well I’m sure if she was, she would be as beautiful as you.” He smiles cheekily and I roll my eyes, adjusting my nose piercing. Leon radios in, “Uh, Marvin. We’ve got a situation here…We’re surrounded by zombies!” We both look at each other slightly panicked as zombies crowd the gate, Leon continues to try to contact Marvin as I see some bolt cutters, I quickly cut the chain on the door. “Leon, c’mon!” Pushing the door open, Leon follows quickly behind me. I go to another chained door, reading ‘East Office’ Leon follows behind me again quickly grabbing the grenade on a desk. I quickly go into the other office finding the round handle to the problem in the bathrooms. As soon as I step out, Leon runs up to me, “Ky, let’s go. I got everything in here.” I nod, “Aight, let’s go…” Leon runs to remove the chair in front of the door, I take down a zombie that was on Leon’s right quickly approaching him. We run out of the room and Leon puts the fuse into the fuse box, the shutter finally opens fully. We both smile at each other grinning, Leon gives me a once over, “Oh, wow. I didn’t even notice your piercings.” I smile at him and look away a bit taken aback, “Oh these? They aren’t anything.” Leon chuckles softly, “Well they suit your attitude, minus this one moment.” He teases. I roll my eyes, “Let’s just focus on getting outta here, hm?” I walk ahead and start to walk ahead toward the bathroom on the second floor with the broken pipes.

Maybe cops aren’t so bad after all?

Nah, this one just isn’t corrupted.

#leon kennedy x reader #resident evil #leon kennedy #re2make #re2 leon #blk reader

30 notes · View notes

corntort · 9 months

Text

LAST ONE i need to go to bed . rgrrgrrg i wanna keep drawing shart n fart....

#miiirart #doodle #stej #spark the electric jester #fark stej #spark stej

14 notes · View notes

maiverie · 2 years

Text

vice versa — ft. yang jungwon (preview kinda)

you have a date with your crush. you’re also trapped in a boy’s body. what the fuck now?

synopsis: you’ve been in love with park sunghoon for years. five gruelling, torturous years. and barring that one time you sharted (shit + farted, duh) in your pants in front of the whole school, sunghoon has never noticed you — until one day, you finally summon the courage and ask him out to a date. . . and he fucking agrees.

obviously, you completely lose your shit. you’re over the moon. you can’t stop smiling. you even brag to your cat about how you and sunghoon are going to grow old with five thousand children in a cottage home with a white picket fence.

however, in a horrific turn of events, you suddenly wake up on the morning of said date and find yourself in a boy’s body. it’s not just any boy’s, either — it’s yang jungwon’s, who, by the way, does not have your best interests at heart.

pairing: yang jungwon x fem!reader

genres: romance, crack, fluff, light fantasy, high school | oneshot

au(s): body swap au, k-drama inspired, “no no no no this cannot be fucking happening why do i literally have a penis no no no no no WAIT FUCK I HAVE A DATE WITH MY DREAM MAN IN LIKE THREE HOURS???” au, jungwon likes to tease you, crack galore <3

contents: a series of unfortunate events in which u simp for the untouchable ice prince sunghoon but get severely cucked by the fact that u and jungwon swap bodies ☺ —or— you and jungwon are the main characters of a modern fairytale (crack version) and somehow fall in love ?!

warnings: swearing, lowercase intended, some crude humor

spotify playlist !

a/n: yes this fic will be absolute chaos BUT IM SAUR READY FOR THISSSS :DD this is actually my entry into ely’s collab; the theme is ‘k-drama inspired’ so i picked secret garden bc i thought body swap romcom would be funny SKDJF anyway omg i hope u give this fic a chance! :> thank u sm for checking this out ehhe <3

taglist is open for when this is released ! :>

PREVIEW NOTES

full release date tba. definitely before dec 7 (collab deadline) though hehe

est. word count: 10k+

taglist is OPEN for anybody that would like to be notified when this oneshot is released :> just send an ask, dm or reply !

everyone on the perm taglist will be automatically tagged !!

please support me via liking, reblogging w tags & interacting! ♡ thank u sm for reading, hope u enjoy this one :> my other works can be found here.

306 notes · View notes

txjisbabydoll · 19 days

Note

Hey! Me and my friend @llllllllllllloser would like to request fart play with Yaga!

Y/N is Yaga’s coworker and they are filing reports in the office, when Yaga get up and says that he needs to go to the washroom to let one out!

Y/N says that it’s okay and that he can stay and that she doesn’t mind, but Yaga gets nervous about it and accidentally toots— like, maybe a loud, wet one if you’re okay with that?

Y/N is just flabbergasted by this and is quickly turned on by it and eventually the two end up together in the janitor’s closet!

It would make us extra happy if maybe it turned out he sharted a little too!

Thanks!! Love your works!!!

girl.

#can't have shit in detroit #moots

2 notes · View notes

pregnantsecondo · 8 months

Text

Pov the papas react to lactose intolerant y/n eating week old microwaved ice cream 🧻🧻🧻

0. Nihil

"are there any leftovers, I've had trouble pooping lately and I need to shit so fucking bad. I'm not kidding y/n it is agony in my stomach right now."

1. Primo

"lately I've been having romantic and sexual thoughts about you, but this information has made me reconsider some things. Give me a week and I'll decide if I'm into this or not."

2. Secondo

"i know, I can smell your mess from here. I've reported you to the local authorities and you are henceforth banned from this ministry."

3. Terzo

"I heard you in the bathroom sharting and sobbing and I just have to say that you are very brave."

4. Copia

"damn y/n, do it fart 😩" (note: he said the damn emoji, I don't know how he did that either)

#save #i love doing these but im gonna need more photos for these fuckers

3 notes · View notes

emmymaehereeeeee · 11 months

Note

Idk if you'd do thissss, but I'm gonna ask anonymously because I'd be embarrassed otherwise 😔 BUT BASICALLY, PICTURE IT 🤚🤚 y/n and Austin Butler are in bed one night and y/n makes a joke and (in a VERY flirty voice) says "I'm in the mood, Mr. BUTTler" and then she jumps off the bed and shows him her massive collection of butt plugs and she says "what do you think...? 🥺👉👈" and Austin is like "AUWH, BITCH WHATDA FUCC ARE YOU ON?? EUGHHHH" and waddles out of the room to take an angry shart, furiously holding his butt cheeks and farting with each step as he speeds to the toilet. Y/n quickly follows after him, putting her nose under the bathroom door and sniffing hard, pleading with him "just let me come in and watch, daddy 🥺". And then you could use your imagination for the rest, lovely. Thanksss 💗❤️

seriously if you don’t stop with this b.s i am going to block you.

4 notes · View notes

messenger-of-stupidity · 2 years

Text

My Hero Academia Incorrect Quotes!

A/n: Here. Im dead inside. Some of these are courtesy of my brother and are marked with an asterisk.

Back to Masterlist ========+========

Dabi: Am I going too far?

Y/n: No. You went too far about two months ago. Now you’re going to prison.

========+========

Midoriya: Lol heads up if you try to make a candle with food coloring, the food coloring will just sink to the bottom of the glass, and when the flame eventually reaches the bottom all the food coloring will catch fire and become one giant tall flame that you cannot possibly blow out and the glass will start to crack and then you'll throw your tea on it in a panic and then the extremely hot food coloring will boil and sizzle horribly and then the glass will shatter. Please take my word on this lmfao Todoroki: What did you do?

Midoriya: A MISTAKE

========+========

Y/n: If you were to vacuum up jello through a metal tube, well I think that’d be a neat noise

Bakugou: I beg to differ Y/n: Then Beg

========+========*

Midoriya: I made food.

Todoroki: Is it soba?

Midoriya, cautiously: No...?

Todoroki, standing up: You know I'm on a soba-only diet, Midoriya. You need to take dietary restrictions of your friends into account.

========+========

Bakugou, kicking a rock into the road: WHAT ABSOLUTE IDIOT PUT THIS ROCK HERE?!?!

Midoriya: Kirishima did yesterday. And now Rockman is dead.

Kirishima, coming from around the corner: Hey Bakubro, hey Midibro! Anyone seen Rockman around?

========+========

Kaminari: Hey, Shinsou!

Shinsou: Get out.

Kaminari, 5 minutes later: Hey, Shinsou!

Shinsou: Was I not clear enough? 'Get out' for you means an eternal ban. Now... Get. Out.

========+========

Todoroki: I have decided that today is Shoto Appreciation day.

Midoriya: Do we really even need a reason to appreciate you, Todoroki-kun? You're awesome anyway!

Todoroki: If you appreciate me so much, why haven't I gotten soba from you yet?

========+========

Bakugou: WHERE IS THE DAMN PEPPER?!

Midoriya, voice cracking: I dOn'T kNoW!

Shinsou, who intentionally hid it so that way Bakugou would yell at Midoriya and he could have some entertainment: Heh.

========+========

Shinsou, who just got his driver's license: I don't know what god has decided to give me this much power, but they are soon going to learn that I do not give a fuck and I can and will use my newfound power for evil.

Aizawa, overhearing:

========+========

Midoriya: Listen, I tried my best, and-

Aizawa: And you will stop talking and let me sleep.

Midoriya: Will it give me a higher grade?

Aizawa:

Midoriya:

Aizawa:

Midoriya, now running away: AAAAAAaaaaaaaaaaaaAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!

Aizawa: Finally, he's gone.

========+========

Uraraka: I wonder what Deku is thinking about...

Midoriya, on the other side of the room and thinking/mumbling: Todoroki-kun and his conspiracy theories are really getting intricate... He's almost making ME believe them!

========+========

Shigaraki: Has anyone seen Father?

Dabi: Nope.

Shigaraki, suspicious: Are you sure?

Dabi: Maybe he went to the church over there.

Shigaraki: ...

========+========

Hawks: I am important!

Dabi: Really?

Hawks: Of course!

Dabi: You're sure?

Hawks: One-hundred percent!

Dabi: You truly believe that?

Hawks: Stop making me doubt myself, and no, I don't...*

========+========

Midoriya: .. .----. -- / ... --- .-. .-. -.-- [translation: I’M SORRY] Bakugou: What's that?

Midoriya: Remorse code. Bakugou: I'm even angrier now.

========+========

Sero: Aweem away Aweem away

Kaminari, at the top of his lungs: EEEEEeeeeEEEEEE

Kirishima, hopeful: In the jungle, the manly jungle the lion-

Mina, interrupting: Farts tonight!

Sero: Aweem away aweem away

Kaminari, still at the top of his lungs: EEEeEEEeEEEEEeeee

Mina: When he sharted, an earthquake started

Bakugou: AND EVERYBODY DIED

Bakugou: SHINEI *boom* SHINEI *boom* SHINEI *boom*

Kirishima, crying:

Sero and Kaminari: *continuing the ‘Aweem away’ and ‘EeeeEEee’*

The Dekusquad in the common area: *genuine concern*

========+========

A/n: And that’s it! :)

#mha #mha incorrect quotes #yn incorrect quotes #dabi #shigaraki #bakugou #kaminari #mina #midoriya #todoroki #shinsou #sero #kirishima #hawks #aizawa #quotes

31 notes · View notes

tea-time221 · 7 months

Text

snrrkkk mimimimimi

good morning wyllstarion nation -holds this post out like its birdseed in my palms-

#ive scrolled thru like the same 50 posts in the wyllstarion tag #im so desperate for content #the pose in the first image took me a collective 4 hours i hope it looks right heart emoji !#i am completely enamoured by these guys its insane #bg3 #here goes the 20 different tags for this damn pairing #wyllstarion #bloodfrontier #bloodpact #bloodblade #wyll #astarion #farts n sharts #baldur's gate 3

3K notes · View notes

arthursbubblebutt · 11 months

Text

(Swiss army man synopsis tings, this time, my bestie n i were communicating via the doc while watching the movie)

Hank: alpha switch

Manny: sigma top

We see from the first scene that the alpha switch is uh… not in a good place if you will. The scraggly man tries to commit the sin of exit life but then he sees a man off in the distance. Surprised (◉0◉)ᵎᵎᵎ and hope coming in he runs, the waves crashing against the shore in the cloud covered sun but tis was not to be for the man was dead. Deader than a doornail, that he was.

Hank has a monologue but then hears the corpse… fart.

The sharting corpse keeps interrupting him til he decides to go back to his early exit via rope or ribbon or whatever the blue thin rope was. Still the comedian the corpse keeps interrupting him when he was humming a tune while the corpse flops like a fish trying to get back in the water trying to get its rocks off. Hank sees this while the rope is still around his neck but he tries to get to the corpse anyway.

Like Like bubbling idiot it tightens on his neck but with Christ's luck it snapped and he uses the man's corpse as a jet ski across the water to who know where but then promptly falls off and wakes up on a beach where he precedes to yell his lungs out and say that the corpse saved him from death on an island where he was stranded.

No one heard him obviously but he still didn't give up on finding civilization. Carrying the corpse on his back farting every few steps he takes, he could smell the pheromones on him, he was dead for sure, but you could still tell which secondary gender they would be by their scent even when dead. This man on his back didn't have a distinct scent though. What was even curiouser was that when he wanted to place beta he didn't feel it would be right to call the man a beta, neither alpha like him, nor Omega.

On his trek through the forest he finds a wine bottle and sees a cork and looks back to the corpse of the man that he has placed down to look for food.

The cork, the corpse… hmmm 🤔.

The lone alive male finds shelter in a small cave resting there. Setting there for a bit to find food and water he scavenged for what could be days till it starts to rain and whatever sets a cup outside the cave to have some drinking water and falls asleep.

Unbeknownst to him the corpse (presumably) blinks.

First thing in the morning hank verbally abuses the corpse but stops after 2 minutes cause he sounds like his dad and apologies because the corpse did save his life but having all the rain water in him and using that to drink and not die of starvation.The body says alright buddy and the most sane reaction I have ever seen in media is that Hank, the man that has not talked to people but himself and a corpse, runs.

The chain of events that happened in the morning was… startling to say the least. Hank explains to the corpse from a coming of age to masterbation when the corpse suddenly has sentience again.

He explains all the wonders of civilization and love to Manny, he named the corpse, and the corpse, Manny goes to the brutal truth when describing Hank. Hank is embarrassed and tells him in society you just tell people what you think, it's rude, and so Manny apologizes.

Falling down a ditch Hank drops his phone and Manny sees the lock screen. He tells Hank how pretty the woman on screen is and Hank hurriedly gets the phone to turn it off. Manny is like "no my phone! " and Hank goes "trust me we need to save the battery, so it's going off." Hank wants to see the woman again to remember his lost memories if he knew her., so he could help Hank.

Wanting to save the battery Hank has an idea.

Getting the few materials that are available to him he dresses as similarly to the woman in the picture as possible. He stays hidden from view from Manny but Manny calls for him so he could see. Reluctantly Hank goes out of his hiding place |д･) and asks if Manny remembers anything.

He doesn't and Hank tries taking off the garb but stops when Manny tells him he looks pretty.

Hank builds a bus out of sticks and leaves to reenact of the two's meeting "go and talk to her" Hank says. Manny blows it off with a few sentences that would make any woman leave immediately. So Hank romanticizes the moment and Manny gets cold feet, why? Because she is too beautiful, he says. Hank gathers him in a strut and makes him swagger to the gorl that Hank dressed as.

It goes well, too well. Thoughts fly by Hank ignores them to focusing on Manny who seems to be remembering the woman in the photo. Sarah, he says. Could he actually know her, or thinkin he does? Or..!

Manny grip on his hand scares away the thoughts he was having and then he has an idea to use his grip on many things.

Building a house, bar, people and many others things to recreate the society Hank has lived in to maybe jog Manny's memory. They go on dates, Hank as the woman, and Hank finds himself to notice something welling in his chest. It's been there before but not as strongly as before when he was with other people, he places the feeling in a box.

A party is arranged with all the people they made and they surprisingly have a good time. it's well into the party when Manny and Hank look into each other's eyes and Hank feels like the world is too loud and the clothes on his skin too rough.

After the party they have a moment to themselves talking as if the world was just a background. Manny talks about Hank and many wonders of jerking off to Sarah and how he should just be happy. In that moment of clarity and infatuation Hank leans in and Manny flutters his eyes closed, when they have stopped the acting for just a second and they are just, Hank and Manny. The pheromones surrounding them speak of their attraction but the door creaks too soon and they trip over themselves, both laugh it off and go to bed.

Early in the morning Hank is going over thick pipes across a river while Manny is describing the feelings he had and in Hank frustration and strain on having the male on his back he slips and Manny is saying he feels fear. Feat of him dying because once he does, he won't be able to see Hank again.

They fall in the river

Hank sees Manny sinking and in that same instance he feels like he's drowning as well. Not seeing his companion again would fill him with endless regret and anguish.

He doesn't know what to blame his next action on other than fear and adrenaline but his lips meeting Manny's felt almost fated. Suddenly he feels air in his lungs, he leans back to see Manny giving a dopey grin, Hank gives one of his own and leans back in for a breath giving kiss. Maybe living in a society is overrated.

The fire they started heats their cold wet bodies but neither care of the cold as they rut against each other till both cum to a blissful orgasm. They lay there panting, looking at the stars, Manny talks of civilization and when they meet the real Sarah he could tell her how much he missed her. The pain wells up in the Alphas chest so he tells him the many things they do out there they cant do in society. Manny thinks it's sad how people hide their farts. Hank is mature enough to think it was childish of him to do that but he leaves it be and tells Manny he needs to piss.

Pissing he hears a car go by as well as seeing the lights flash against the leaves in his area of pissing. He looks to the phone and sees a signal, he sees all the messages and what his life was before and misses it. He goes to Sarah's insta and looks over almost every picture and stop on one where she is with her husband. He knew she had a husband but Manny didn't.

He feels guilt and once he's done he goes to tell Manny who's phone it actually was but Manny had something to say too. Hank says its important and tells him but then hears noises and Manny tell him that's what he wanted to tell him, a big raccoon is eating their food.

It's a bear and he tries to use many as a weapon as he drops his phone but he can't cause Manny sees the picture and still in his delusion he thinks Sarah = Hank xo think Hank is cheating on him and questions life.

Fighting a bear, Hank says, we don't need her anymore. They don't need Sarah. They don't need an illusion, Hank doesn't need it to keep away from Manny. He doesn't need to keep pretending they haven't made a soul bond. The mark behind Hank's neck proves that.

They get flung into a tree where Manny is crying and doesn't like it and Hank tells him to think of something nice but the first thing that's nice is of them having a date but with the circumstances of the situation in the present makes it so much more painful and with the soul bond intact and fully working in acknowledging it he fully sees Manny's thought process. The pain is excruciating, suffocating even.

Ay no but this bicc 🙄

They talk it out when Manny gets philosophical and is wondering why his best friend lied to him and Hank apologizes while being dragged by a bear.

(come one guys I think he had enough punishment for playing with Manny's feelings aakxbfjxjz)

They work it out and Manny surprisingly gains mobility (actually surprising really like wtf)

Scrunkle bf fights off bear uwu and then Hank blacks out.

He's on Manny's back when he regains consciousness and sees Sarah's house, the one on her insta and almost shits himself. He scrambles off of Manny but Manny thinks this is what he wanted and all he wanted to do was make Hank happy so he tries to get Hank to meet Sarah even if he's putting up a little of a fight.

Fighting in broad daylight may not be the best decision since the bond mark, Hank thinks after he's feeling all these emotions from Manny and in close contact does not negate the fact they rubbed against each other like teenagers yesterday 😀.

Kid comes out and Hank tries to right himself and Manny does some questionable things till a woman comes out.

They exchange looks when her daughter tells her they've been lost in the forest, she tells them to wait there and goes back inside.

Manny in his fantasy tells Hank to not tell her how much he loved her.

The bond allows him to see that he's fading, fading away, to where? He doesn't know.

Paramedics are called and a reporter is there for an interview and sees they have mistaken him as Manny and Manny as Hank. Well, not like they were wrong, they've been one being this entire time. His Dad was there and not even looking at the corpse thinks its his son and leaves to his truck.

During his interview he hears the officer calls the real Sarah over to ask her questions if she knew Manny, because of the phone.

Revelations are revealed and steals Manny away but in his dashing escape the people follow him and see everything that was made, everything they made together. Hank runs farther till he's at the beach again, where Manny brought him back.

He calls out to Manny but he doesn't respond. He calls again, to show them but again he does not answer 😒 😑 😐

He farts when the officer handcuffs him and says it was him. He calls out to Manny again but only silence answers him.

But then he hears a little toot.

Come one man, the officers says but it wasn't him.

All of a sudden a real sharter is heard and they see the corpse flopping like the first time Hank saw him, flopping like the day he was born (brings a tear to my eye)

He's ready to go so Hank walks over to whisper to him, "I'll see you on the other side." Off he goes in the distance and what he felt during his time with Manny, it was felt with the people that were there with him.

Maybe he wasn't so crazy after all and he really did bond with a dead sigma and once he gets his things settled he'll find Manny again.

The accidental bond mark Manny made on Hank will keep them bound by fate so wherever Manny goes Hank knows he'll find him or Manny will come to him, and by the emotions that comes through the bond he can tell it will be soon.

THE END >:D))))

Rat: FUCK YOU IM SOBBING OVER HERE 😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭

Me: ADTSTDDHGGKHGHJRTY

Rat: THAT HAD NO RIGHT TO BE SO GOOD HELP IM LOSING IT YOU MAKING ME LOSE MY MIND EVEN MORE OVER THIS MOVIE

#swiss army man #paul dano #daniel radcliffe #anyway yeah

2 notes · View notes

dopeybois · 1 year

Text

THE CLIFFSON BOYS

A supernatural experience, featuring a ton of gross and gassy boys (and otherworldly entities?) located entirely within your backyard in CLIFFSON CITY.

This is just a welcome and a general rules post. Please read if you can. I know it's long...

Things To Note

QUEUE: SEVERAL upcoming posts (no requests at this time)

This is a kink blog. If you aren't interested, please DNI.

In fact, DNI if you are a minor, not interested, an ED blog, pr0shïpper, tr4nsphøbe, bigoted, n0n-c0n enthusiast, h0mophøbe, or räcìst.

The blog owner is 19. And you should be around that age or above. (18+)

My request asks are currently: N/A

My art asks are currently: N/A

I post NSFW and SFW content. I will put read-more on NSFW, suggestive posts and art.

KINKS AND STUFF BELOW.

About

I'm dopeybois, 19 pan fem (she/her), but you can call me dopey or doopey. If you are interested in seeing my male ocs do braps while chillin then you can stay. If you are also interested in Gen//shin boys indulging in gross kinks (mostly braps), then you should visit my main blog @dopeygurl. I tend to ramble a fuck ton so my posts are usually long. And sometimes they are brief. I'm inconsistent.

My kinks are SUBJECT to change.

You can request asks (scenarios, hc prompts, or basic questions regarding my ocs) You can hc anything you want to my ocs (as long as if it isn't something stupid) and discuss them with me! I like having discussions. You can also write up scenarios and submit them to me.

Do NOT ask me personal questions in asks or in DMs. Do NOT ask me Gen//shin stuff here. I will not answer them.

I will allow shipping between my ocs (they're much appreciated and I like seeing what you guys think is cute ^^) You can ship your ocs with mine, as long as you don't ask me to write about it. You can write about that on YOUR blog or something as long as if it isn't proshipping. Do NOT steal my ocs either.

If you are from my main blog, do NOT ask me about things pertaining it. This means no Gen//shin asks. The same goes for this blog. Don't ask me for OC stuff on there.

What you WILL see (kinks)

This is stuff I am comfortable posting about and will commonly see in the blog. It's preferred that you request or ask me to post about these.

Eprocto (MAINLY) [literally any scenario unless specified]

Stomach bloating, aching, gurgling / growling

SFW content w/ kinks (cuddling and fluff)

Omo (piss holding, bladder, relief)

A LOT of men :3

What you MIGHT see

This is stuff I am also okay with posting. I'm not against requests for these but I prefer you ask for the above. That or you're probably going to see me post about or mention the following...

Copro (relief ONLY. I have very strict yes and no's with this one and am selective. Yes, people from my main blog will give me bombastic side eye on this but I want this for my OCs.)

Emeto (slight mentions only)

Sharting/Messing (slight mentions only)

Diarrhea (Nothing graphic or specific, please... I will only take a few requests per month)

Eructo

NSFW and Smut (BDSM, typical vanilla stuff, pegging, humiliation, degrading, etc.)

You will NOT find

Golden showering (not even piss drinking)

Copro (No shit eating, diapers, or smearing)

MPreg or Vore (i dont mind mpreg in general... just not with my OCs please)

Non-con

Hyper farts (my ocs cannot make the earth quake with their farts... and they never will be able to)

Ageplay and RPF

Thanks for reading and enjoy!

LAST EDITED: apr. 28, 2023

#eproctophilia #eprocto #omo #omorashi

2 notes · View notes

fartquen12 · 1 year

Note

can i have a zhongli x reader where he makes a tea out of his gf's caca to show his gf he loves her pls and tanks <3333333

Valentines dokie dookie tea ft. john stamos

ALSO HUGE SHOUTOUT TO @itsthemickeymousecrackhouse FOR BEING THE BEST SUPPORTER

TRIGGER WARNINGS: dookie, Fart, Nonconsenstual stealing poop, tea, dookie tea, zhongli being my version of zhongli, y/n, bl00d, cringe, she her prns (y/n), valentines day. (will defenitly offend you if you are a mini ravi/kyle)

*RING RING* "oh fuc- OWWAA" I screeched as I fell out of bed. *RING RING* I slammed my hand down on the alarm to shut it off. "goddamn." I said almost silently. I got up off the floor and made my bed. Thats when I realised it was valentines day! I have a date with zhongli and I look like a poop riden child! I ran to the bathroom and took a cold shower. It was so cold I literally sharted. After that I went to my closet to look for some nice clothes since our date was in 1 hour. I saw this brown and black and white box print dress in my closet. I wore it because I wanted to loook like i havent changed since the easter event. I went to the bathroom and did my makeup. Brown lipgloss. pink and red eyeshadow with a bit of brown and purple to make it look like i have a disease and pink eye (dookie in eye dont be an asspiker). I did some mascara and lots of hot pink blush so i can look dead. highliter on my nose eye corner cheeks eyes and a lil on my buhol.I ran to the front door and put on my ninja turdl socks and my paw patrol shoes. I opened my front door and locked up after i left. I got into my adorbs car. My car is a red car it is 4 ft tall and 3 ft in legnth. It has orange flames on the side and black stripes. I got in and started blasting... "IM A BAD BAD DOG!" and I have a billy fartgrove funkpop in my window aswell as vecnas bumhole printed on my lisence plate. My windows are fully tinted so no one can see me and I have a student driver sticker on the back of my car!

I buckled myself into my booster seat bc even though I am 18 I am 3'4 uWu. I looked at myself in the mirror and winked. I quickly backed out of my driveway. As i drove out of my trailer park I saw eddie munson twerking at me. I thought that was nasty. I worridly drived because my date starts in 15 minutes and it takes 1 hour to drive to the resturant he said to go to. Its called "dilucs tavern" anyways I drove at 200 miles per hour on the free way and i do not know why everyone honks at me. I rolled down my window and said "FUK U". I mean it is the "free" way right? anyway i drove and drove and after about 45 minutes i arrived. I saw the man from tinder crying through the window at an empty table. I quickly got out of my car and locked it. The sound to make sure I locked isssss..... *fart* Perfect. I walked into dilucs tavern and i was greeted by the man. "OH! Y/n so good to see you!" The man said. "Yeah! I'm so sorry I was late I um..... uh. I got stuck in.. traffic yeah." I said hoping he wouldnt realise my fatass actually slept through the 50 alarms i set. He smiled at me and handed me a menu. As I read through the menu I decided on "fart lard and turkey" from the menu. The waiter then asked me what I would like to drink "Hmmm. I will take a finger lickin poopy ass dookie as potatoe ass green dookie fart penis poop salad beer!" I replied. "Good choice!" the waiter said smiling. It was silent for about 3 minutes. Best 3 minutes of my life. "So uh. What do you do for work?" The man across me asked. "oh! uhm. uh.... well i- um i-." i didnt exactly know what to say. "Its okay if you cant tell me." he said looking quite sad. "No! Its fine! I'm a..... well um.... i clean poop out of old peoples butts at scaramouchers nursing home..." I said. I tried to scan his expression for any thoughts of strangeness but the man didnt say anything. He smiled. "I wish I had your job!" the man said. I laughed assuming he was joking. it was silent for a while till i decided to speak up. "you have any kids? and pets?" I said awkwardly. "Oh no! You know me I hate kids haha." the man said. I stared at him agressivly for a second because I have 10 p named children at home. I just laughed. he looked at me weird but then the waiter gave us our food and drinks.

"Thank you!" I said to the waiter. He looked.... fimiliar. wait. I stood up and got in his face. I pulled his face mask off as he said "MAAM PLEASE DUE TO COVID STAY SIX FEET AND DONT TOUCH ME!!!!" i paused.... "Y/n????!!!" The waiter said angrily! "XIAO????" I said even more angrily "OH FUK YOU" The xiao said to me. "YOUR GONNA GET IT NOW BITCH!!! I SCREAMED! "WTF!!!!" zhomgli said standing up now recording this.. "YEAH TAKE YOUR TOP OFF!!" some random man said from across the bar. I locked myself in the bathroom. I came out covered in blood. "WHERES THAT MAN!!" said zhongli. "I juST KiLled mY eX." i said zhongli threw something in my face it was a brown liquid "TF IS THAT!!!!" i screamed. "I STOLE POOP FROM YOUR SHOWER AND MADE IT INTO TEA BC IM LITERALLY YANDERE FOR YOU DADDDY!" ZHONGLI SHOUTED. "THA FUCCCCC!!!" I yelled "ALSO I KNOW YOUR A BIG FATASS I PUT A CAM IN YOUR BEDRROM AND SAW YOU SLEEP THROUGH 50 ALARMS!" He shouted again. I ran out the bar so fast got in my car locked it and started blasting "IM A BAD BAD DOG!" while driving out of the parking lot i saw eddie munson twerking at me again. "FUK YOU!" I shouted at him. Then he ran faster than the speed of light and jumped on my car denting my ceiling cuz hes so fat and he broke a window and got in with me "BOY WTF!!!!!" I screamed "PULL OVER!!" Eddie yelled. I did as he said. and thats when john stamos himself got in my car and started blastinf Taco farts! I laughed so hard ive never laughed harder in my life. Me and these guyes quirky lil guyes drove off into the sunset and I hope to never see zhongli ever again.

THE END

Also guys tysm for 50 likes! You guys are the best! Make sure to request!

#zhongli #zhongli x reader #steve x eddie #eddie stranger things #eddie x y/n #eddie munson #john stamos #john stamos x reader #xiao x reader #valentines day #febuary fic #febuary #nominiravisallowed #nominikylesallowed

3 notes · View notes