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#fatws incorrect quotes
slytherclaw2005 · 23 hours ago
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Dr Raynor: Are you and Sam friends?
Bucky: I wouldn’t say that. More like two guys who have a mutual friend that is gone so we are just two guys.
Dr Raynor: Well that is sa-
Bucky: I sleep on his couch. He has a very nice couch.
Dr Raynor: Okay-
Bucky: Very nice couch. Like that couch in Restoration Hardware you want with all the pillows that has the deep sides and the toughened leather. That’s like 42 inches deep. It’s like a daybed but a couch.
Dr Raynor, dying inside like Bucky does in most therapy sessions: Well okay then-
Bucky: It’s like a 5000 dollar couch! Then he has like the cashmere blankets that are too small but they’re so warm to curl up to fit under them. He has those!
Dr Raynor:
Bucky: IT’S A GOOD COUCH! It’s a good couch.
Bucky: He just needs bigger blankets. He needs dude sized blankets. Like 6 by 9s cause he has 4 by 5s and I don’t fit :(
Dr Raynor: *jumps out of a window before he can go on*
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slytherclaw2005 · 23 hours ago
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Sam: Thanks for helping with the boat man!
Bucky: Sure.
Bucky: 🥺🥺 Now I 😿 guess 😔😔 I have to sleep in 😇😇 a hotel 👉🏻👈🏻
Sam:
Sam: For fucks sake. Take the couch.
Bucky: :D
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slytherclaw2005 · 23 hours ago
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Sam: :(
Sarah: What are you moping about?
Sam: Bucky keeps flirting with you.
Sarah: *thinking back to every time she’s seen Bucky and he was staring lovingly at Sam*
Sarah:
Sarah: Is your gay ass blind?
Sam: Wha-
Sarah: He wasn’t flirting with me! He likes you!
Sam: What no-
Bucky, appearing out of nowhere: Yes actually. Also I’m sleeping in your room tonight. Join me or sleep on the boat.
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Conversation
Bucky: Why do people always ask me if I'm okay when they see me lying on the floor?
Bucky: Yes, I'm okay. I'm living my best life
Bucky: Can't a guy just lie on the floor and stare blankly at the ceiling, listening to 1970's Swedish pop sensation, ABBA sing Waterloo? I'm having me time
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slytherclaw2005 · a day ago
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Walker: Bucky isn’t answering his phone.
Sam: I’ll call.
Walker: Lemar and I have both tried six times each, what makes you thi-
Bucky, answering on the first ring: Hello?
Sam: Hey did you get their calls?
Bucky: Whose?
Sam:
Sam: You blocked Walker didn’t you?
Bucky: First thing I did when he got my number.
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slytherclaw2005 · a day ago
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Sam: I currently have 7 empty notebooks and I have no clue what to put in them. Suggestions?
Bucky: Put spaghetti in it.
Sam: I'm currently taking suggestions from literally anyone but you.
Zemo: Put spaghetti in it.
Sam: I'm currently taking suggestions from anyone but you two.
Sharon: Put spaghetti in it.
Sam: I'm no longer taking suggestions.
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slytherclaw2005 · a day ago
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Sam: Everyone, synchronize your watches.
Bucky: I don’t know how to do that.
Sharon: I don’t wear a watch.
Zemo: Time is a construct.
Sam:
Sam: Why has god abandoned this timeline?
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slytherclaw2005 · a day ago
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Store Announcement System: Would a Mr. Wilson please come to the front desk?
Sam, arriving at the desk: Hello, is there a problem?
Store Worker: *points to Bucky and Zemo*
Store Worker: I believe they belong to you?
Bucky and Zemo: We got lost :(
Sam: I didn’t even bring you guys here with me-
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slytherclaw2005 · 2 days ago
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Zemo: Super soldiers cannot be allowed to exist.
Bucky: Well technically as a bisexual many people seem to already think I don’t so...🤷‍♂️
Sam, overhearing all of this: 0_0
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Sam: [gets down on one knee]
Bucky: Oh my god, it’s finally happening
Sam: [falls over]
Bucky: The poison is kicking in
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slytherclaw2005 · 3 days ago
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Bucky: I got a birthday cake for Sam!
Sharon: It says “Happy 42nd Birthday Aaron!”
Bucky: Oh shit he’s gonna be 41 isn’t he? Or 46 depending on how you slice it.
Sharon: His name is Sam. Not Aaron.
Bucky:
Bucky: Do you think there is a guy named Aaron who would like a cake?
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slytherclaw2005 · 3 days ago
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Sam, Sharon, Zemo, and Bucky: *out on the street*
Officer, talking to Sam like a dick: Sir, stop bothering these civilians.
Sam: I-
Bucky: *pulls out two dozen knives and starts strutting towards Officer Douche*
Sharon: *hacks his vehicle*
Zemo: *blows up ANOTHER FUCKING BUILDING*
Officer Douche:
Bucky, talking directly to Officer Douche: I think WE the ones bothering civilians now and YOU are bothering my *coworker* so fuck off why dontcha.
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