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#fax
wonderful-emoji · 13 hours
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📠 and 📟please?
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harammamii · 3 months
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your mom would love me
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PSA for Americans: If you want to send your representatives physical letters, but stamps are too expensive, faxzero.com lets you send free faxes (up to five a day) to your elected officials. You can also pay to send more or to send larger than usual messages (for example, news articles you think they should read).
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excusemeaminute · 2 years
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Good 👏 Morning 👏 to 👏 BOLO 👏
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rachymarie · 9 months
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Another day another Aliyah post 💞
ig: aliyahsinterlude
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rhinexstone · 6 months
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Obsessed with how everyone on DS9 has a crush on Jadzia
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fuckyeahfang · 6 months
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i am such a sucker for ships that are not “friends to lovers” but instead: “the absolute best of friends” to “i guess we’ll just be lovers? cause i don’t like anyone else more than you (and i know never will) …is that okay?”
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suengmi · 1 year
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✧ the mirror doesn't lie ✧ 3k, m
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this wasn't about chan's validation to your body. it's about your own. it was about how you felt, not how someone else did. it didn't matter than chan loved your body. it mattered that you did.
pairing: chan x fem!reader (plus size/curvy reader with tattoos) genre: angst/hurt, romance, nonidol!au, chan/reader are graphic designers warnings: please be aware this fic is on the topic of certain health/eating disorders and body issues etc. warnings are under the cut! pls be safe!! lapslock and mostly proof read (this is kind of like a love letter to all you thicc baddies, fuck everyone else.) ♡please reblog if you liked! it rly helps and i love to hear your feedback♡
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!!warnings!!
mentions/implications of sex, eating disorders, descriptions of food, negative implied weight discussions, fatphobia, mentions of purging/vomiting (no acts done in fic) of any of this triggers you please don't read! ❤️
-
you were never uncomfortable in your body. if anything, you celebrated all of your curves and slopes. it was a blessing to to have this beautiful figure, large chest and hips matching with your full pouty lips.
the mirror doesn't lie, but sometimes the lighting does. when you glance in the mirror, just leaning over the sink, you notice the softness of your neck, the way it gently sits on the slant of your jaw bone. you run your finger along the side of your cheek, the plush flesh sinking in with your touch.
a sigh leaves you, knowing the weight of the words your co-workers rang in your ears. 'we're trying to help you, you'll feel better,' they said, 'if you lost a few kilos, your jaw line would would be stunning if it showed.'
they coated it by saying they'd be able to see your face more, your 'beauty'. as if you weren't already stunning.
in other words, you were ugly. you were not the ideal. gentle gaslighting in their words, laced with fucked up ideas of singular ways of beauty and fatphobia.
you weren't stupid, you knew this was all rooted in the capitalist ideals of beauty culture, fucked up ways to make women into barbie dolls and control them. it was tempting, just to see what it was like to be viewed in the way society wants you, validation pouring into your cup until it runs over.
you hang your head, maybe i should try it.
maybe. just to see what it's like.
-
tiredness was in your eyes, dark circles barely covered by concealer and setting powder. you were a shell, hunger making you irritated the more the days went on. some days you'd just sleep, body overtaken by lack of energy. other days you'd fill yourself up with fizzy drink, laying on the couch scrolling through your phone mindlessly.
your co-worker chan sits across from you, eyeing the coke zero and apple sitting in front of you untouched.
"not hungry?" he asks, slurping a mouth full of noodles as he draws with one hand on the mouse.
chan is somewhere in between some design sketches, half concentrating on you and half on the monitor. one of your favourite things about chan was his smile, the cute way his cheeks lifted and how they pushed up his glasses. he'd always complain about the way they sat but never did anything about it. sometimes, his tongue would stick out just a little bit to the side when he was in the zone. it was your favourite thing.
you shake your head, mind failing to muster up the energy to concentrate on anything. "nah, had a big brekky."
that was a lie.
chan says nothing, eyes glancing up you. he pulls his lips in, mouth curling at the side.
-
a few mornings after, you arrive at your work desk. there's a small tupperware container, sitting just at the front of your keyboard. there's no writing, just a small little heart on the front of the paper. you plop down to your chair, legs running on nothing but an iced latte.
it's food. the one thing you've been avoiding. but who's it from?
you open the box a large sandwich cut into a love heart. it's absolutely adorable, you almost don't want to think about eating it.
"hey chaaaan..." you begin, moving the sandwich around to admire it. it's cute. "did you see anyone leave this at my desk?"
chan shrugs, looking up at you from his adjacent desk just in front of yours, sipping on his orange juice. "i dunno, haven't seen anyone."
"weird." you say curiously, placing it back down.
-
it's been a week, every morning you're met with something new. yesterday was a hearty salad, with salsa dressing. the day before a stir fry, a small note with a heart every time. it has you confused, maybe someone had noticed you weren't eating. is it that obvious?
but this one morning, you decided to go in early to begin on a a large project your company was beginning on. you were actually thrilled about the current work, loving the fact that you were in charge of it this time. unfortunately, your lack of energy had you so damn tired. it had been three weeks since you started this so called diet, you weren't sure you could do it much longer.
when you arrive to the office there's no one there, but some of the lights are on. maybe someone had the same idea. you make your way to the bathroom, dizziness swarming inside your body.
the mirror is the enemy you say to yourself, sighing as you lean on the counter. your company had never been formal, so you were happy to be able to wear whatever you pleased. your tee, now less tight across your chest, and black shorts not as snug as they once were on your waist. two more belt sizes down and you'd need a new one.
it was working... but at what cost?
the sound of feet shuffling enters your ears, your body automatically creeping over to inspect the noise. you lean around the corner of the bathroom, holding onto the door frame for balance.
it's chan, but he has something in his hands.
curiously, you inch forwards, not wanting to disturb him. here he is, placing a small box down in front of your computer. it's a small purple container, a banana placed down next to it. chan steps back, nodding to himself as he goes around to his desk. he looks kind of sad, like he's mourning something.
you don't want to make it obvious, so you rustle as you make your way to your desk, acting as if you didn't just see the man placing food on your keyboard.
"oh shit, hi." chan says, eyes wide with surprise. he clears his throat, eyes darting around. "when did you get here?"
"hmm a while ago, was just in the bathroom." you say standing to your desk. you look down at the package, your heart suddenly swelling.
chan knew, he knew this whole time. he noticed it when no one else did.
a few of your co-workers had mentioned your weight loss but you just insisted it wasn't anything new you were doing. knowing full well it was lies escaping your throat with every syllable. chan had always frowned, exiting the conversation quietly.
"did you... see someone?" you say gesturing to the item on your desk.
"hm? me? nope, nah." he shrugs, lips pouting. "i just got here."
that was a lie, he had been here for a while. the iced tea on his table nearly finished told it all, a few rings of water along the front of his desk.
you nod slowly, taking a seat. your head spins for a moment, neck giving out as you hang your head low.
"i, uh," chan begins, clearing his throat, "have a some tim tam cake, if you want it?"
you hadn't eaten in thirty hours, only thing your body running on was coffee and desperation. a small snack wouldn't hurt, your body needed something. anything. you didn't care if it was sweets. your mouth watered at the thought.
"who eats cake in the morning?"
"me." chan smiles, eyes crinkling at the sides. "c'mon, have some."
"alright then, i'll try." you say, leaning forwards.
chan scoops the cake with his spoon and holds his hand forwards, other underneath to catch any fallout. you take the spoon in your mouth, letting the food slide in. it tastes like heaven. you missed this so much, body practically jolting at the sugar rush.
chan smiles widely, eyes lighting up as you enjoy your food, your eyes closing for a moment to savour it. before you know it he has another spoon full sitting at your mouth, hands gesturing for you to take one more bite. he says nothing as he continues to feed you, his smile gentle and warm.
the sudden carb rush has you feeling weird, your body adjusting to the foreign intake.
"it's so good, who made it?" you speak with your mouth full, chocolate on the sides of your mouth.
"i did." he smiles without his teeth, handing you the last piece. you look down at the plate, realising you've eaten the whole slice. shit.
"i ate the whole thing, oh my god i'm sorry."
"dont be sorry, i have plenty more."
you smile, chocolate on your teeth. chan just laughs, pointing to your face. "you look cute with chocolate on your teeth."
you gasp, hand covering you mouth. "chan! stop."
the heavy weight of food in your stomach fills you, your body rushing with energy the more time goes on. it feels amazing, you forgot what this was like. the last few weeks without proper food having you appreciating every taste.
-
it's around lunch when chan asks you go to go to the cafe around the corner. you need some energy, a coffee will do. you've eaten enough for today.
"sure." you smile, grabbing your bag. you've got to avoid food this time, it's too much.
when you arrive at the cafe, chan spots a seat, slinging his tote bag on the back of the chair. "they've got this amazing ham and cheese croissant, i'll get you one."
"but-" you begin, but he's already off to wait in line.
anxiety jolts in your tummy. how would you avoid this? maybe say you just feel sick, that the chocolate cake has your stomach feeling funny. anything. chan sits across from you, a few minutes later with a coffee and some other drink in his had.
"i'm not that hungry." you say, fingers scrolling through something in your phone.
"you are." he says, tone a little serious.
you look up at him, his eyes trained on your own. he stares at you, lips curling to the side. "i know you're not eating."
"ah, yes i have." you gest, eyebrows raised. "of course i have, i have."
"you wouldn't be over justifying it if you had been."
the words sound harsh. it's almost like a feeling of bitterness, a throbbing stings in your skull.
"i was just like, watching what i was eating. that's all." you shrug, taking a sip of your iced latte.
"not eating is not watching what you eat."
you've never seen him this serious, but there still a softness in his voice. you're thankful it's coming from him, otherwise you'd probably be crying by now.
"why are you being so... mean? it's not your business." you scorn, emotions feeling high from your mood swings.
"i'm not being mean... i just want you to eat."
the words are gentle, forlorn expression on his face. his bluntness surprises you.
you sit in silence, eyes avoiding his. the waiter brings over your food a couple of minutes later, you're thankful for the intrusion, but now you have to eat. it's like you've forgotten.
chan digs in, not waiting a second to eat. his eyes are looking at your food, then back at you.
"eat." he says, almost commanding, mouth full of food.
fuck it. you think, grabbing the knife and fork beside the plate.
before you know it you've finished the whole plate. the fullness of your stomach just a little bit too much, but you love the feeling. it feels amazing, your body rushing with dopamine. the more you eat the more he smiles, happy you finally have something in your stomach. what he doesn't know is the sick urge you have to release it all when you get back to the office.
-
you're hunched over the toilet, hair pulled back by your fist as you attempt to empty your stomach. something tells you to stop, you just can't do it. your body isn't allowing it.
in defeat, you flush the toilet. your legs are cold from the bathroom tiles, lines dented into your knees. you leave the stall, wiping the side your mouth with the back of your hand.
a figure startles you, your eyes widen at the intrusion.
"chan! shit, you scared me." you half laugh, walking to the sink to wash your hands. the man says nothing as he steps behind you. you look at him through the mirror, his eyes searching your body up and down.
"you know what i think?" he questions quietly, manoeuvring himself to stand behind you. his hands raise to your hips, resting gently on the curve.
the touch confuses you, your mind fuzzy from the retching. the feeling of his fingers running across your skin tingles, hands making their way just underneath your shirt.
"do you?" he asks again, chin resting on your shoulder. he's not too much taller than you, but enough to tower the slightest bit.
"no..." you say, voice slightly shaking.
"look." he says to you, nodding towards the mirror. "do you know how sexy you are?"
a red hue appears across your cheeks, ears tingling with embrassment. you go to move but chan holds you in place.
"hm?" he hums, pressing a small kiss on your neck. "tell me."
you shake your head, squeezing your eyes shut.
"you wanna know else what i think?" he chuckles, hold on your firmer.
"yeah." you breathe, hot flushes running through your body.
"i think you look so fucking hot when you walk, your hips are mesmerising. especially in these black mini shorts. even now, your eyes puffy and red, you look so cute."
"chan, we're at work." you mumble, hands covering your mouth. you feel him move closer, hands snaking their way around your waist to press into the plush flesh.
"fuck everyone else." he says, kissing your neck once more.
before he leaves you in your daze he leans to your ear, speaking ever so softly. "the thought of my cock between your lush full thighs sits in my mind, my hands on your chest, lips on yours.. it's all i think about."
-
it's not as if you and chan hadn't talked about it. you were always against work relationships, saying it would eventually end in a mess. he had asked you out a few times, but every time, you had turned him down. it was mutual, of course, a few staff parties you had snuck off to make out, all giggles and kisses, drunken talks about how much you wanted each other. you put it down to just the alcohol and nothing else.
one thing you noticed was how chan had always commented on how nice you looked, how he loved the vine of your tattoos peeping out from your tees. he enjoyed the black and grey tartan pants you would wear a lot, fitting perfectly on your ass and hips. pants that sat on your smaller waist and larger hips were so hard to find. they're probably a bit over worn at this point.
when you think about it, maybe he was right. the worm of this fucked up beauty standard culture wriggling it's way in. actually, you knew he was right. this wasn't about chans validation to your body. it's about your own. it was about how you felt, not how someone else did. it didn't matter than chan loved your body. it mattered that you did.
this was ridiculous, the idea that you needed to fit into something smaller.
clothes are made to fit you, not to fit them.
-
the light of the morning sun through the clouds hits your eyes as you enter the office. it's nice, warm on your skin. today, you decided to wear a purple crop top, black shorts with buckles down the side showing off your swerves, your arms and beautifully designed tattoos on display, if you paid so much money for them, you should show them off.
when you sit at your desk, there's, of course, another box.
you pick up the note on top, it reads: do it for yourself♡
what chan had said yesterday; you can't help but love the validation of your body, you're human after all.
but, last night you hit a turning point. slightly ashamed of how you let yourself succumb to the beauty standards when you of all people were self aware and smart enough to know it's all about profit and control. it's not worth it, the consistent struggle. why on earth were you being hard on yourself when society already is? it's hard, living in a world where control is the norm. there is already so much pressure on you, on everything you do. you start to feel sorry for your co-workers, how stupid they must be to fall for it.
fuck everyone else.
it rings in your mind, chan's right.
fuck everyone else.
chan approaches his desk, hands on the back of his chair.
"i dunno who that came from." he says, pointing to the box. "gotta be a cutie though."
you let out a pretend shock, hand on your chest. "oh absolutely, and he cooks well. damn, a catch."
"oh yeah." chan says, tapping his mouth in thought. "seems like a good to date kinda person, very dateable."
"if only i could be persuaded to date someone at work, if only." you say as you lean back, sighing dramatically.
chan stands up straight, realising this is his moment. "should i quit? i'll quit."
you laugh, his expression is cute, eyes wide and brows raised higher than you've ever seen, he really wanted this. so you give in, allowing him to do a little dance of excitement when you say yes to the question he never asked.
"but!" you pause, "only if you make more tim tam cake."
he stands to attention, hand flat on his head like he's saluting. "will do."
the journey to self love isn't finite, nor is a linear. it doesn't matter that you slipped, it's okay to feel like that sometimes. but with chan by your side, you know it'll be easier.
-
a/n: sorry this took so long (as always) but at one point i'm sure we've all struggled with body issues. if this triggered you, please seek help or feel free to message me! i'm not a psychologist by any means but i do understand the struggle, helps to not feel so alone. remember that all beauty standards are built in structures to control people, especially afab women. so yah this is kind of a love letter to all my plus/fat/curvy babes, you're all so fucking HOT and ur tummys are a BLESSING, remember that pls <3
in the wise words of a'keria davenport:
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7races · 3 months
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face look better with no makeup on it
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oldwindowsicons · 8 months
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Windows 2000 - faxui.dll, icon 304
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harammamii · 2 months
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my love language also includes putting you onto music
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spockvarietyhour · 1 year
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never-obsolete · 1 year
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auntieoneandauntietwo · 4 months
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*rubs hands together* okkkkk, time to over analyze lessa and gemma’s deathbed conversation
As gemma is dying, lessa hurts her (squeezes her hand really hard) cause she’s angry that gemma intentionally interrupted fax and f’lar when they were about to duel. She then tells gemma her whole villainous plot, and gemma, confused, reveals that she was defending f’lar, not fax. Then she dies and women don’t have a conversation for like a hundred more pages.
What’s crazy and pivotal about this scene is that lessa has been hellbent on revenge since she was eleven and basically hasn’t spoken to a soul in a decade and now suddenly there’s someone on her side! She’s not alone in her hatred or her goals! And not only does gemma hate fax, she agrees that there’s something really weird happening with that red star that’s been showing up lately. So this is a moment of genuine human connection and support for someone to whom those concepts are completely alien.
And now lessa the stone cold revenge demon is feeling REMORSE, because she just caused a woman on her deathbed more pain. She even acknowledges that gemma “had suffered far more subjective brutalities and indignities” than she herself had. It’s a serious awakening of humanity for our motivated hero.
THEN she goes “she had no time for regret or contrition” and immediately resolves to at the very least spin gemma’s death in a way that will avenge her.
I feel like this whole interaction actually sets up a lot of lessa’s ongoing character struggles (or maybe I’m reading into things but bear with me) where she makes decisions that she knows risk herself or ramoth or other people (her famous backwards jump, manipulating fnor to go to the red star, is she the one who sends Jaxom back to get the queen egg from southern?) and then she does them anyway. In this scene with gemma, she discovers some of her humanity and also discovers she can operate despite it.
This is also another example of some of the most pivotal scenes in these books being interactions between two women that are weirdly subtle and unnoticeable. Am I grasping for straws in books that barely pass the bechdel test? Absolutely. Do I think I’m right anyways? Kinda, yeah.
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akaonly · 6 months
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No honestly, I don't know how people can call themselves Stays while doing some bait accs and making fun of skz, calling then flops and joking about something serious that happended. Like, no. You are NOT a stay. Why would you even do that ?? Istg, people these days omg.
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