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surplus-of-sarcasm · 1 year

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Short Prompt # 9

TW: Violence, blood, worry, bruises, choking

"What is the point?" Villain hisses, fingers tightening with a subtle threat at Hero's throat, leaving scattered bruises all over their neck in ugly shades of purple and brown.

"Of what?" Hero rasps weakly, playing the fool and gasping for air. They refuse to meet the villain's steel-hard gaze, trying their hardest to pry their fingers off of their neck.

The criminal aims a cruel kick to their ribs with their knee, force just shy away from causing a fracture. The crime-fighter lets out a wince, and the villain sharply tilts their chin up, forcing them to meet their eyes.

"You're going to kill yourself! Running back and forth between the agency and I, like some frenzied animal, trying to reach the unattainable," they snap, the muscles of their face contorting into an expression of pure, unbridled fury.

But behind the reinforced concrete wall of anger, their eyes still hold a look of hurt, a sign of something the villain had tried so hard to bury deep within their being, to obliterate and destroy, shattering it like a flimsy piece of glass.

Yet, the hero was willing to pick up the pieces, to prick their fingers on the thorns in Villain's rose garden, just to hold them close.

Wrenching their nemesis's hand off their throat, they push them away, still trying to be gentle. A damned fool, as always.

"It's not 'unattainable', Villain. I want to be a hero, to save people. And I still want to love you. You don't have the right to tell me how to live my life," they answer softly, gently resting a hand on their shoulder, squeezing reassuringly.

The villain pushes their hand off like it was burning them. "You don't get it, don't you?" they say, tone disbelieving, shaking their head and laughing humourlessly.

"No," the hero says pragmatically, "I don't."

Villain let out an almost animalistic snarl, letting their fist collide with the crime-fighter's nose, drawing blood. "The desire I experience for you, these flames that I cannot put out, licking my heart and burning it blackened is not the one from the sonnets and the romances, Hero. It is the one from tragedies, torn apart and yet so incredibly close together, like a tapestry woven with the twisted threads of a cruel, beautiful fate."

"Then maybe," the hero says sharply, all the softness from their gaze gone, "I would gladly handle the heat of the flames." They pull the criminal close, kissing their jaw, leaving them dazed and at a loss for words, face flushed scarlet.

"But, it's wearing you down," the criminal attests, still breathless.

"Sweetness," Hero says softly, "I need to you to trust that I can do this." They cup the villain's face with their hands lovingly.

With a tenderness they don't think they deserve. . .

But, they nod at the hero fervently, eyes as wide as saucers, not saying a word because it didn't seem like it would make any difference.

They want, more than anything, to believe Hero, to register the kind words, to lose themselves in the feeling of being loved. But the sugar-sweet moments would always have a bitter taste; the villain's past, their fear of desecrating the hero trailing them like their own shadow. But Hero had always told them that their story didn't have to be a tragedy because it was theirs to rewrite.

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weepingfoxfury · 2 months

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'Futures made of virtual insanity' sings Jamiroquai ... the man on the radio talks of hats and unexpected snow ... the weather people declare themselves to be without a crystal ball.

Kafka wanted to let out what broiled within, fearful his whole life that he would break apart in doing so. His friend promised destruction of his unseen works upon his death but instead released them into the world.

I think of the future, dream of the future ... 5 seconds from now ... 5 seconds here ... 5 seconds gone.

Attempting to grasp the ungraspable.

Curtains closed, Suzanne Vega sings of Luca, I have only the next 5 seconds ... and maybe the next 5 seconds ... and who knows after that?

Pen to paper, hands to keyboard ... a masterpiece in the making? ... or merely meandering musings that will take me through the next 5 seconds before I head to the kitchen?

I'm fairly certain that my immediate future involves more coffee ...

#man on the radio #musings #meandering #persiflage #future #franz kafka #jamiroquai #a hint of coffee #the next 5 seconds #photographers on tumblr #original photography on tumblr #dirty window #eeriecore #fear of the future #wry humour

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env0writes · 1 year

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Unwritten, 4.30.23 “May, Tomorrow be Kinder"

Tomorrow’s always waiting With a song made just for me It ducks through the hallways of my eyes Catching on stony promises Tomorrow’s always waiting With outstretched taunting hands Drawn and quartered sketchy Skip proof reminders Tomorrow’s always waiting With mistakes I’ll save for Monday’s Since today is almost over Any tears shed stop at sunrise Tomorrow’s always waiting Pushed on by yesterday’s success Impatient for the sun to rise I’ll meet you in tomorrow Always waiting To wake, rested, in humid air Tangled mess of hair For autumn eyed pitfalls; pitiful

@env0writesC.Buck Ko-Fi & Venmo: @Zenv0 Support Your Local Artist! Photo by @mynamemeanscloud

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bloody-bee-tea · 2 years

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Lost

Jiang Cheng lets out a deep breath once he’s out of the hall. This has to be the fifth celebratory feast that is happening this week alone and he is tired of them. Sure, they worked hard for it, and they deserve it, but there’s also still so much to do. Not even to mention all the people they lost and the places that need rebuilding.

Jiang Cheng thinks that maybe they should stop celebrating so lavishly and get started on that, but then again it’s not as if Jin Guangshan shares any of his worries. He barely lost anything in this war.

Jiang Cheng tries to push these thoughts as far away as possible, because he’ll have enough to do in the future. There’s no space for all this hate he feels towards Jin Guangshan. He’ll need his energy for other things soon enough.

He aimlessly wanders around, hoping to get a clear head but the sounds of the feast can still be heard. Jiang Cheng doesn’t begrudge anyone the joy they get from it, but he’d prefer some peace and quiet right about now.

And it seems like he is not the only one, he realizes, as he spots a shadow in the dark.

Usually Jiang Cheng would move past–he left the feast to be alone after all–but he recognizes Nie Mingjue even in the deep of the night and he finds that he can’t just walk away.

Especially not when he notices the vacant look on Nie Mingjue’s face.

“Hey, you alright?” Jiang Cheng asks as he sits down next to him but he gets his answer a second later when Nie Mingjue starts to hyperventilate.

Jiang Cheng has seen his fair shares of panic attacks–both with an anxiety riddled Wei Wuxian when he first came to Lotus Pier and with soldiers on the battlefield–so Jiang Cheng kneels down in front of Nie Mingjue and takes his hand to place it on his own chest.

“It’s alright,” he says, keeping his voice down and trying for a soothing tone. “You’re safe, it’s just me here. How about we breathe a little bit, huh? In,” Jiang Cheng takes an exaggerated breath in, “and out.” He makes sure to keep Nie Mingjue’s hand on his chest, so he can feel the movement.

It takes a while until Nie Mingjue can follow along with Jiang Cheng’s breathing and even then Jiang Cheng keeps it up until Nie Mingjue takes his hand away.

“It’s fine,” he roughly says, clearly embarrassed and Jiang Cheng nods, deciding to give him face for now, instead of prodding further.

Besides, Jiang Cheng learned that most people are not good with silences. So he simply keeps quiet as he sits down next to Nie Mingjue and waits him out.

He doesn’t have to wait too long, though.

“Xichen wants me to swear brotherhood with him and Meng Y–Jin Guangyao,” he finally whispers and Jiang Cheng bitterly presses his lips together.

Of course. Leaving Yunmeng Jiang neatly out of the equation, and with the perfect excuse on top of that. Four is an inauspicious number, after all.

“And what do you want?” Jiang Cheng asks, because for all the bitterness in him, he realizes that Nie Mingjue is apparently not as okay with this as he might think.

“I don’t know what to do,” Nie Mingjue says and the lost look is back on his face. “I just–I don’t know,” he breathes out.

“You can accept or decline,” Jiang Cheng says with a small frown. He doesn’t think it’s that deep, and it certainly shouldn’t be enough to send Nie Mingjue into a panic attack.

Nie Mingjue’s breath goes a bit more shallow at his words and Jiang Cheng is quick to press their shoulders together. Jiang Cheng is no longer sure what is going on but he thinks prodding Nie Mingjue for answers might not be the right course of action.

They got–somewhat close over the course of the Sunshot Campaign, mostly due to the fact that there weren’t a lot of other people of the same standing they could talk to. Lan Xichen was traveling between their different bases as a courier and barely stayed for long enough to have a non-critical conversation with. And Jin Zixuan–well, he was more concerned to not lose any more face for his father than striking up a conversation with Nie Mingjue or Jiang Cheng and that really only left Jiang Cheng and Nie Mingjue. And they have found their way together–on the battlefield and afterwards–more often than not. It had been good, to have at least one person to confide in, to talk to during this whole mess of a war and Jiang Cheng already knew that he is going to miss their late night talks once they both return to their own Sects.

Or the burned out shells of their Sects, in Jiang Cheng’s case.

“I just–” Nie Mingjue starts but then cuts himself off with a look towards Baxia. “I don’t know what to do now.”

It sounds like a confession of a sorts and Jiang Cheng frowns. There’s always so much to do and even for Qinghe Nie, whose lands are mostly untouched by war, there surely must be something to rebuild.

But before Jiang Cheng can articulate any of his thoughts, Nie Mingjue goes on.

“I was made for this, you know. I–I’m sure you don’t remember but I ascended as Sect Leader even younger than you are now.”

Jiang Cheng doesn’t even want to imagine that, because if he’s being honest, then he still feels too young, even now.

“I was not even sixteen at the time when my father died. And since then my only purpose has been to kill Wen Ruohan.” He lets out a bitter chuckle. “And even before that as well. My father was always suspicious of Wen Ruohan, so as soon as I could pick up a sabre, I had to. I mean–I am martially inclined so it wasn’t that much of a hardship but I only ever trained with the explicit goal to one day be able to kill Wen Ruohan. Huaisang makes fun of me for not appreciating the arts, for never sitting down to relax and do something I like but the truth is–I don’t know what that is. I never had any free time I could spend like I wanted. I only learned calligraphy because it’s needed for Sect business. I never learned an instrument or how to paint. I wasn’t allowed to. And now–”

“And now you feel bereft of the only goal you ever had,” Jiang Cheng finishes for him when it seems like Nie Mingjue can’t.

“And it’s not even that,” Nie Mingjue eventually goes on. “It’s our cultivation style as well. We cultivate our sabres differently than you do your swords. And it’s killing us. Baxia is a very good sabre and trying her hardest not to hurt me, but it’s already started. The qi deviations will only get worse from here on out and it was fine, before, you know, because–”

Nie Mingjue cuts himself off and Jiang Cheng has to blink against the burning of his eyes. If all of that comes together for Nie Mingjue right now, then he can definitely understand where he’s coming from.

“Because you thought you wouldn’t survive Wen Ruohan anyway,” he whispers into the night.

“I thought I’d be long dead,” Nie Mingjue agrees with a small nod. “And instead I have to figure out what to do now.”

Jiang Cheng mulls his next words over for a while but he figures it’s best to go with honesty when it comes to Nie Mingjue.

“I can’t say that I can relate,” Jiang Cheng huffs out. “There is so much I have to do now, and I don’t know how to do any of it. I wasn’t properly trained as Sect Leader, you know. I don’t know enough about trade agreements, rebuilding, training, budgeting or even leading in general. And on top of that I have to deal with a wayward shixiong and a sister who might yet still marry out. I don’t even know where to start, honestly.”

“You already did a good job, though,” Nie Mingjue tells him and somehow manages a small smile for Jiang Cheng. “You showed up here with disciples, people who follow you. I would say you have the leader part down.”

“That’s not gonna help me figure out how to pay for rebuilding, though,” Jiang Cheng gruffly says, uncomfortable with Nie Mingjue’s praise. “I think I’ll have to rely on your guidance for a while there.”

At his words Nie Mingjue turns towards Jiang Cheng, a strange light in his eyes.

“What if I help you in a more hands-on manner?” he wants to know and Jiang Cheng frowns.

“How?”

“I mean–I have to figure out what to do now, right? And I know all the things you just mentioned. I’ve had experience with them. I could help you, teach you.”

“You have your own Sect to lead, though,” Jiang Cheng interjects and Nie Mingjue shakes his head.

“Being a Sect Leader is all I know. That and being a warrior. There–has to be something else, surely? And if I help you, I get a break of being–both of these things and you can benefit from my expertise.”

The idea is not without merit, Jiang Cheng has to admit that, but still–

“What about your Sect?”

Nie Mingjue hesitates for a moment before he shakes his head. “Huaisang has to learn. Even without the war, the qi deviations will kill me before three years have passed if I keep cultivating the way I do. And he showed he has a head for logistics during the Sunshot Campaign. It wouldn’t be too far-fetched to make him acting Sect Leader, so he can gain some experience. It’s not like I’m out of reach for him. I would just be–with you.”

“With me,” Jiang Cheng whispers and ruthlessly smothers the rising feeling in his chest.

He got kind of good with that over the course of the Sunshot Campaign. It did help that either of them could die at any moment, so giving any more thought to these feelings was downright stupid, but now the war is over and Nie Mingjue is right here next to him.

And he’s offering to stay at Lotus Pier indefinitely.

“I can’t ask you to do that,” Jiang Cheng mutters and Nie Mingjue huffs.

“But you’re not asking. I’m offering. And honestly, you’d do me a favour. Like that I would still feel useful, have something to do. I can figure out what I really want. Who knows, maybe I have an ear for music or a head for poetry.”

He’s trying for a joke, Jiang Cheng can tell and despite everything he has to laugh. He truly can’t imagine Nie Mingjue as a poet.

“Maybe,” he allows and his stomach does that funny thing again when Nie Mingjue smiles at him.

“It would also give me time to put down Baxia and figure out a way to make it so that she won’t kill me. It’s probably a good thing Huaisang doesn’t like picking up his sabre.”

“We have–” Jiang Cheng starts, fiddling with the bell at his belt and wondering if he can share this secret with Nie Mingjue.

But he thinks if he can’t share it with him, then there might never again be someone.

Nie Mingjue looks expectantly at him and Jiang Cheng takes a deep breath.

“Our clarity bells are called that for a reason. We have some background as healers and even though my mother never liked me learning that stuff, my sister took me with her sometimes. I picked up a thing or two. Maybe enough to help.”

And even if he didn’t pick up enough to help right now, Jiang Cheng is convinced that he can figure something out. There has to be a way to counter the side-effects of the cultivation, if only so that Nie Mingjue might live a year longer.

“Would you?” Nie Mingjue whispers as if he doesn’t even dare to ask the question. “Help?”

“I think it’s the least I can do if you offer to help me first,” Jiang Cheng snaps but then he takes a deep breath. “But yes, of course. Even if you didn’t help me. If I had known that you had these problems then I would have offered to anyway.”

He might not have offered it for everyone else but this is Nie Mingjue. Jiang Cheng would probably offer him a whole lot more if he’s being honest.

“Thank you,” Nie Mingjue breathes out and leans in to press their shoulders together. “Thank you.”

His voice is a little choked up and Jiang Cheng is not sure what to do with that.

“Yeah, sure,” he awkwardly mumbles and stares out into the dark.

They fall into silence for a moment, and even that is nice. Jiang Cheng thinks back to the things Nie Mingjue has admitted to and it makes him feel even more for the other man. It must be hard not knowing your own purpose and he hopes that Nie Mingjue will figure something out for himself.

But these thoughts only bring him back to the original topic at hand.

“But what about the sworn brotherhood?” Jiang Cheng forces himself to ask because even if he doesn’t want to hear about this, he’ll need to know if only so he can prepare Yunmeng Jiang for it.

“I should agree to it,” Nie Mingjue mutters and Jiang Cheng rolls his eyes.

“Forget about what you should do for a moment. What do you want to do?” he asks and Nie Mingjue huffs out a laugh.

“Didn’t we just establish that I have no clue what to do now?”

Jiang Cheng laughs as well.

“Fair, I guess. But for this you must want something. I assume it’s safe to say that you want to be sworn brothers with Lan Xichen, right? But what about Jin Guangyao?”

Nie Mingjue had confided in him once, what he caught Jin Guangyao doing back then and for Jiang Cheng that would be an unforgivable breach of trust. But maybe Nie Mingjue is different.

“Do you trust him?” Jiang Cheng asks when Nie Mingjue fails to answer and this finally prompts a reaction from him.

“No.” The answer is quick and immediate. “No, I don’t. But Xichen, he–I’m not sure he understands.”

“Understands what?”

“Jin Guangyao is–the things he did–you can argue that it was to keep his cover but the satisfaction and glee in his eyes–” Nie Mingjue hesitates. “You can’t fake that. No actor in the world could fake that. And if we take into consideration what he did back in Qinghe– No. I don’t trust him, and I don’t think I ever can, not again.” Nie Mingjue balls his hands into fists. “He killed my men and he hurt me, and he liked it. You should have seen the look on his face. He liked it.”

“I believe you,” Jiang Cheng whispers, wary of the look on Nie Mingjue’s face. “It’s alright,” he says, carefully putting his hand on Nie Mingjue’s arm.

He doesn’t want to lose him to another panic attack and the faraway look in his eyes suggests he’s heading there again.

“It’s not–I–” Nie Mingjue cuts off. “What else am I going to do? Tell Xichen no?”

Jiang Cheng bites his tongue when the words that want to slip out are ‘Maybe you should for once’ and instead he thinks it over for a few moments.

There is another idea forming in his head.

“Or you could swear brotherhood with me,” he finally says, and it feels wrong to so boldly ask for that, especially when he didn’t even make the cut in the first place, but with everything they have talked about, Jiang Cheng thinks it might just be okay.

Nie Mingjue sucks in a surprised breath but before Jiang Cheng can feel self-conscious about his offer, his face lights up.

“That’s actually perfect!” Nie Mingjue exclaims and turns towards Jiang Cheng again.

The look on Nie Mingjue’s face reminds him more of the one he used to wear for a moment when they won a battle and Jiang Cheng forces himself to relax. Of course Nie Mingjue wouldn’t judge him harshly for asking for something for himself.

Jiang Cheng should have known better.

“Like this it’s much more plausible for me to stay in Lotus Pier for a while; it’s my duty as the older and more experienced one to guide you after all, and it would give you tangible ties to my Sect. This is much better.”

He sounds satisfied but Jiang Cheng can’t help but to chime in.

“For me. It’s better for me,” he mutters, because while he gets that it would be a valid excuse for Nie Mingjue to take a break as leader, it wouldn’t really benefit him at all.

There’s still a very good chance that Jiang Cheng will fuck up and drive the Yunmeng Jiang Sect into the ground, even with Nie Mingjue’s help.

“Yes? That’s a good thing. You deserve good things, you know.”

“You, too,” Jiang Cheng immediately gives back. “You deserve to take a break and figure out what you want, you know.”

Nie Mingjue laughs at his words and Jiang Cheng sighs a silent breath of relief. It seems like Nie Mingjue’s mood has improved and Jiang Cheng is glad for it. He didn’t like seeing Nie Mingjue hopeless and lost like that.

He’s also just a little bit proud that he was the one to help chase those bad feelings away but he doesn’t dare to linger on that thought for too long.

“Thank you,” Nie Mingjue says, leaning in yet again to press their shoulders together. “Really, thank you. When I came out here, I was–lost. Have been ever since the war ended, really. But now there’s a plan, something for me to do. Thanks to you there might just be a future for me yet.”

“Shut up,” Jiang Cheng grumbles because he feels uncomfortable with that praise. “It was all your idea anyway, and I’m only profiting. It would be stupid of me to refuse.”

“It would have been in your right. It still is,” Nie Mingjue says, searching Jiang Cheng’s eyes to make sure he understands that it’s still an option.

As if Jiang Cheng would ever give this up again.

“You let an outsider meddle with your Sect. It would have been your right to yell at me and spit curses. Instead you agreed, and for that I am thankful.”

“I would be stupid not to, outsider or not. There’s a bigger chance that I’ll ruin the Sect with my ignorance or even on accident than you doing it on purpose.” Jiang Cheng hesitates. “I trust you, you know. Not just on the battlefield.”

“And I am grateful for that. I promise not to break that trust,” Nie Mingjue replies and he’s earnest enough that Jiang Cheng believes him without hesitation. “I’m not even allowed to, as your elder brother now,” he then adds with a wink and Jiang Cheng rolls his eyes.

“I’m sure that a vow has never been enough to stop people from betraying each other, but I appreciate the sentiment,” Jiang Cheng wryly says and Nie Mingjue smiles, a little wistful thing.

“And that is exactly what I would worry about if I were to swear brotherhood with Jin Guangyao,” he admits and then sighs. “I’m sure I don’t have to have those worries with you.”

“I hope you’re not implying that I’m too stupid to scheme,” Jiang Cheng sniffs out, a little bit miffed at how Nie Mingjue seems to see him.

“Never. You’re just too straight-forward. If you had a problem with me, you’d tell me. You wouldn’t scheme and plot and deceive and I appreciate that. We’re much alike in that regard, I think.”

Okay, that is something Jiang Cheng can appreciate, actually and so he simply nods.

“So I don’t have to be suspicious of you, either, right?” he gives back and Nie Mingjue gives him a soft smile.

“Never,” he promises, and despite everything that recently happened in Jiang Cheng’s life, he believes him.

And he’s looking forward to working with Nie Mingjue, for however long he decides to stay.

(Nie Mingjue stays forever, in the end, because it turns out the one thing he really wants to do is grow old with Jiang Cheng. And seeing as they both cultivate to immortality, thanks to Jiang Cheng’s clarity bell, that’s never going to happen. It suits them both more than fine.)

Link to my ko-fi

#bt writes #mingcheng #the untamed #mdzs #canon compliant #fear of the future #panic attacks #hurt/comfort #pre-relationship

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haikuku · 1 year

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Good Riddance, February

The end of the Accursed month Is finally here. February, you bitch, Why can’t you just Leave me alone To shiver in your chill? You barrel through My calendar Every year Like a hurricane Leaving a path Of chaos and Destruction In your wake. Sure, you’ve been Peaceful The past couple weeks, But only after You tore my life apart Yet again Even worse than last year Which is saying something. You may well break me Most odious month, As I am battered By your repeated blows, But I refuse to go down Without a fight Bitch.

–haikuku 27 February 2023

#poem #poetry #haikuku #feelings #emotions #poets on tumblr #new poets corner #february #i hate this time of year #grumpy #depression #anxiety #fear of the future #calgontakemeaway #it's all too much #good riddance

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artsychaosbean · 11 months

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I'm so terrified I don't know what to do

My mother was kicked off of disability for getting "too much money" She was on old age pension and disability. Every single cent went into bills, rent and food and medication for a household of 4. Along with the money I get every 3 months, the money my siblings make off of their freelance careers. All of it went into living expenses.

But we STILL never had enough for a full 4 weeks of groceries, we scraped by on 2 - 3weeks of groceries. We STILL never had enough for our disability diets for mom and I so we ate the least. And we dont have enough never had enough for all the medications we need like my vitamins and supplements for my deficiencies or the medicine for my stomach issues, or mom's thyroid medicine.

Never been able to afford asthma medicine or seizure medicine. Even if it wasn't for her paying for us to live too. It STILL isn't enough to cover just her medications or food. Majority of it goes into bills and rent. Very little is left over for food or medicine which is why I and my siblings chip in to try to help.

But its still "Too much money"? Even when if she was alone she STILL couldn't live off of it? We live in the cheapest house in the area, thats including among other neighbouring towns. We eat UNDER the calorie limit we should be, we never throw a single bit of food out unless its unuseable. We eat like mice nibbling on everything we eat and trying to fill more space with water so we don't eat as much every meal.

So mom was kicked off, and we don't know what we're going to do. Theres no jobs in my town, we cant drive or afford a license much less a car. We cant pay for a daily bus pass for interviews we have no garuntee in passing and getting a job from, out of town and back.

We don't have the ability to save up to do so either and mom and I are disabled we can't work we physically are unable to. My eldest sibling has a screwed up knee, we all have PTSD bc the system failed us when I was younger and left my family stuck in an abusive situation to protect me from being r*ped when I was a m!nor bc its all we could do. We went through years of court cases, and s*xual and physical abuse until I was 14 when the monster died. Then years of stalking and attempted break ins, harassment, by the a**holes family until I was 19 with no one in my town helping not even law enforcement. So we have PTSD, things like ambulances, sirens from cop cars, sirens from fire trucks cause us to have panic attacks. We struggle to be separated bc for survival we never could be. We have flashbacks out of our control. No amount of therapy fixes it. We can't afford therapy anymore either. Yet its being decided we are "Able enough to work" and we make too much money by having just enough to barely scrape by or survive?

The system is so broken, cold hearted and cruel and it NEEDS to change it NEEDS to be fixed. Just because our disabilities are invisible like PTSD and Epilepsy or inconsistant where some days the pain isn't as bad as others or is sporradic like tourettes doesn't mean we aren't disabled.

and my older sibling and I still have dental work to get done. The only place in town that takes people with anxiety is going to charge around 2.5k to do both mine and my sibling's teeth. plus we have to get mom's top dentures fixed and my other sibling needs a tooth fixed. So thats even more. But my one sibling and I can't wait until free dental is in for us in 2025. The dental plan will take too long for us. Our teeth can't wait that long, their's has active decay and mine is in severe pain and worn down from bruxism from tourettes. My whole family needs new glasses but we cant even afford an appointment to get a prescription for them much less afford a pair of glasses from any local shops. What are we going to do? I feel helpless and scared. I'm watching my whole family destroy themselves in depression over the news because they lost all hope in seconds because we CANT get back on disability and theres no hope in this town. Its so painful. All I can do now is try to act like everything is normal and keep myself distracted so I can stay the strong one for them. But im terrified. I'm really terrified. Its hard to even afford pads in my town its so expensive just for a bag of pads. When we have to buy more it means less food. What will I do now? I can't use any alternatives bc of medical reasons, pads are my only option among feminine products. Even if no one can help us, can I please ask everyone regardless of your religion to keep us in your prayers? Just incase it might help. I like to keep hope and believe it would. And even if you aren't religious please send us your good thoughts and energy. I believe the universe will get it to us still anyways. Maybe im being a bit silly but right now I need anything to believe in to get through this. Yknow?

#Disabilities #Trigger warning #financial issues #anxiety #tourettes #abuse mention #epilepsy #mental health #physical health #abuse survivor #dysfunctional family #family #struggle #fear of the future

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