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gogh-with-the-flow · 1 year

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You know what? Fuck it uhhh

Slutty 141 headcanons

Feat @asterionex xoxo I love you bestie

Cw: absolute filth. Masochism. Cockwarming. Blood kink. Anal. When I say I'm a freak I mean it.

Price loves to use your mouth to keep his cock warm. He'll keep you kneeling under his desk for however long his paperwork takes. And don't you dare move or else he'll shove himself deeper down your throat and keep you there.

When the boys come home you know you're in for a long night. They fuck you like a starving animal, all open mouthed panting and barbaric groaning while they run themselves into you over and over again. You're absolutely plastered in cum by the time the sun is up. And when their fat balls are finally drained, they take you into the shower to clean you off. But running their hands over your wet, soapy body gets them hard all over again. And before you know it they're pushing themselves into your poor abused little hole again. And God help you, you let them. You let them use your body because you know they need it and they know you love it.

Soap is a switch. Argue with the wall. That man loves to make you cry just as much as he likes being made to cry by you.

Price is a switch in the way that when he's stressed and pent up, he loves it when you take control and let him lie back and watch you ride him. Deep down, he just wants to be taken care of.

SOAPS STUPID FUCKING SLUTTY COLLAR RAAAHHHHHH

Choke him with the collar and he'll be a wheezing, moaning mess

Soap pays for your nails so they look pretty wrapped around his neck (and cock)

Idk why but I just get the feeling that Price is mad flexible. Like he can do the splits. He's gotta keep his old man joints limber.

Hook Soap's collar up to a leach and shove your strap down his throat. He looks so pretty choking on it ugh.

Gaz loves taking your strap up his ass. He has such a pretty ass and he arches his back so nicely to throw it back on you. And when he's done, he'll bend you over and give it to you the same way.

Price likes to smoke his cigars when you go down on him. One hand holding the cigar he's puffing on, the other winding his fingers in your hair.

In the same vein, he likes to make you sit on his dick and keep it warm while he smokes. He won't let you move until he's done with his cigar. He'll hold you, back arched against him, thighs shaking begging to move because he's just so big and the size of him is making you so full, and he'll just ash his cigar on your shoulder and tell you to keep quiet and be patient.

Ghost smokes cigarettes and likes to put them out on your pretty thighs.

Ghost likes to stuff himself into you without any prep because he knows you love that sharp painful stretch of his cock. Fucking your ass without any lube, if you bleed a little that's even better. You cry at the feeling of him stirring up your guts. The size of him is almost too much to bear.

He likes the pain too. Raking your nails down his back while he pounds into you, breaking the skin and feeling the dampness of his sweat mix with his hot blood.

Gaz would make fun of you the whole time, degrading you while you're bent over speared on his cock and drooling on the pillow. "Aww poor baby, can't even talk. Tell me how good it feels, love. Use your words'' but all you can do is scream because your tongue is lolling out of your mouth and you can't feel your face anymore

Price is best at aftercare, followed by Gaz and Soap. Ghost depends on the day, sometimes he just likes to use your body, and you love it.

I hope you like Paris because Soap and Ghost are taking you to the eiffel tower all the damn time.

Sex with Soap and Gaz is always a little more lighthearted, both of them cracking jokes while balls deep inside you.

Gaz and Price together is all sensual. They know how to take their time with you, pulling orgasm after orgasm from you in every combination of the two of them.

Price and Ghost together are brutal. Between Ghost's roughness and Price's restraint, you're not walking properly for a while.

Gaz likes to fuck you in the shower. He likes the way the water runs down your naked body, making you all wet and shiny.

Did I mention Price loves cockwarming? Because he does. Price loves cockwarming. He'd wait until you're dripping down and around his thighs before he lets you move

You and Soap take turns being dominant. He's a brat. Sometimes you have to chain him up and sit on his face just to get him to behave. But when it's his turn, oh lord, does he give it back to you. His mouth is FILTHY, saying the nastiest shit you've ever heard while he pounds into you.

You love it when the boys hurt you. You'll take whatever they give you and you take it well.

Gaz looooooooooooves the taste of your pussy. He'll tie you down just to spend hours between your thighs and won't stop no matter how much you beg him to. He won't stop until he's eaten his fill and had dessert.

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gentlebeardsbarngrill · 27 days

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03/28/2024 Daily OFMD Recap

TLDR; David Jenkins; Leslie Jones; Taika Waititi; Vico Ortiz; Samba Schutte; Kristian Nairn; Watch Parties; Trans Day of Visibility: Cool Pirates; Fan spotlight; LoveNotes; DailyDarby/Today's Taika

Hey lovelies! I'm taking your advice and not stressing too much if I can't get the recap out by end of day due to life stuff. So! That means if you don't see one from me, it doesn't mean it's not gonna happen, it means I probably fell asleep and I'll finish it up the next morning :)

=Cast & Crew Sightings =

== David Jenkins ==

Chaos dad popped into to show @bainecessitiesco some love for their amazing affirmation cards we've all seen circulating :) If you haven't seen them yet, feel free to check out Mik's Instagram

== Samba Schutte ==

Samba's been a busy man today! Roaches Rascal's over on the Cameo discord server got another cameo from Samba! This one features some great impressions from Samba, but also a "legend" of how Rhys as Merstede got out of the water with that costume on.

= Cameo =

"How Merstede Got Out of the Water"

Full Cameo

== BTS ==

On top of his cameos, Samba gave us yet another pile of BTS Videos! This time shouting out the background and stand in actors! As usual, Tumblr only allows me to upload 1 video per post, so here's the videos on various tumblr posts below:

Video 1 - Spanish Jackie's

Video 2 - "How you hanging there?" feat Alex Sherman

Video 3 - Spanish Jackie's 2 - "Hey How you doin?"

Video 4 - Con O'Neill and His Middle Finger

Video 5 - Cursed Ship Background Actors

Video 6 - Republic of Pirates In The Evening

Video 7 - Goldie The Cow

Video 8 - Hot and Bothered Practice

Video 9 - Truck Full of Actors

Video 10 - The Red Flag Crew == Leslie Jones ==

Leslie's back at The Daily Show rocking it!

== Taika Waititi ==

New video on Rita's IG, see it here on tumblr on @fuckyeahworldoftaika's post

== Vico Ortiz ==

There's another episode of Date My Abuelita, First! Season 2, Episode 5 is out!

Source: Date My Abuelita, First Instagram / Website

== Kristian Nairn ==

Kristian Nairn is joining the list of the crew going to the San Jose Galaxy Con August 16-18, 2024! For tickets and info visit: Galaxy Con Tickets

= Dominic Burgess =

Jeffery Fettering is poking his head out again!! Can Dominic get any cooler, truly? Thank you JessieB for giving Dominic the inspiration to hit the high seas! Source: @edteachseawitch's Twitter

= Event Calendar =

For Friday It's #PhoneInFriday in the UK!

== Watch Parties ==

=== Boy ===

Sunday 31st, @tillychmo and @regg_official on Twitter will be hosing a 'Boy' Watch Party

Hashtags: #OurBoyMeansEgg

2 pm GMT

10 am EDT

7 am PDT

== Cool Pirates ==

First #CoolPirates for the celebration was Vico Ortiz! Feel free to visit the @saveofmdcrewmates tumblr to see the new ones each day!

== Fan Spotlight ==

Tonight's cast card is Mama Teach! Thank you @melvisik for giving our lovely Simone Kessell some love!

== Dead But Delicious ==

If you're near Alameda CA, there wil lbe a WWDITS Themed Variety Show going on at the Alameda Comedy Club on June 20th! 8 PM! Feel free to check them out! Learn more on their IG!

== Kudoboards Reminder! =

REMINDER! KUDOBOARDS close on the 31st.

Go send the cast and crew some love folks!

David Jenkins

Nathan Foad

Con O'Neill

Ruibo Qian

Leslie F*cking Jones!

Matthew Maher

Vico Ortiz

Samson Kayo

Alex "Ass Tonight" Sherman!

David Fane

Gypsy Taylor

Kristian "Wee John Wondays" Nairn!

Samba "BTS and Baking King" Schutte!

Fellow OFMD Fan Crew!

== Love Notes ==

Hey Lovelies! This is a bit of a silly love note today because I'm behind on everything, but I just wanted to give you some silly permissions (I dont have any real authority to give permission but this is a reminding you YOU have the authority!) to go out and do something out of the norm today.

I decided that I was going to have some ice cream after breakfast today. Why? Idk cause this weeks been crazy and ice cream sounded good.

Give yourself a treat today, whatever that happens to be for you-- going for a walk, eating ice cream, going to see that movie you have been holding off doing. Do something that makes you smile, you deserve it!

== Daily Darby / Today's Taika ==

I think some of these may be repeats but they make me smile every time I see them so tonight's dance time!

Darby courtesy of @thunderwingdoomslayer

Taika courtesy of @celluloidbroomcloset

#ofmd daily recap #ofmd daily recaps #daily ofmd recap #daily ofmd recaps #ofmd #our flag means death #vico ortiz #rhys darby #taika waititi #leslie fucking jones #ofmd bts #samba schutte #cameos #cameo #dominic burgess #david jenkins #save ofmd #long live ofmd

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mashmouths · 17 days

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i was tagged by the wonderful @biolums to post the top 10 songs in my spotify on repeat playlist (thank you jace mwah ily <3)

"jason" by perfume genius (i feel like miss playlist needs to update bc i've listened to other songs more than her recently but who am i to disagree i guess) (i do loveeeeee this song to be clear)

"silly" by troye sivan (she was my background work song and also she's a bop in her own right <3)

"die 4 you" by dean (when will he return from the warrrrrrrrr i need morrrrreeeeeeeee i LOVE this song)

"water" by ten (what can i say she's cute she's fun she's everything)

"any" by skz (one of the songs of the century to me, she's gotten me through so much)

"la quebradora" by banda el recodo (listen to this song and you will understand) (that's an order)

"she's such a bitch" by mirage amuro (i am a weak man and this song is cunty what do you from me. i miss her............) (i'm fucking stressed about the lip sync lalaparuza this week but that's another story bc i get to see her hopefully redeem herself <3)

"quiereme" by johnny sky (i guess i was in a 2022 mood this last month? anyway listen to her she changed my life <3 i'm a bachata bitch)

"one of your girls" by troye sivan (self-explanatory) (also she was another work song but mostly she's just good)

"perfume" by dojaejung (she's groovy but to be so honest idk what she's doing here)

honorable mentions:

"heyday" is still on my on repeat and i feel like i've listened to her more than i've listened to "jason" recently so i really don't know what's going on at spotify hq? but i will be suing <3

"put my hands on you" by dean feat. anderson .paak bc i cannot get enough of her <3 <3 <3 shots of the chamiseul blue dream chief up jagiya iri wa palli wa kaja <3 <3 <3

"bizness" by tune-yards is a fucking banger and must-listen in my book, also it's proof that i do listen to cool alt-leaning music it's just that i play those albums more and one song on repeat less

also i've been super into artie shaw the last 2 days? i love trumpet and you should too <3

i'm tagging @waltzingbi @boupin @mikkouille @callisteios @kuchipachi @bulletsfrank @alienhazy and @limitedfucks but only if y'all want to, no pressure <3

#i feel like i've let 3racha down bc i let them get bumped from the top 10 by a handful of twinks 😔 christopher i'm so sorry #i'll play it until she's back where she belongs at number 1 #jace thank you for tagging me this was so fun <3 #a post #tag game

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darkpoisonouslove · 8 months

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Hello, how are you doing? I was wondering how do you think Griffin would've reacted to Valtor being badly injured during the Coven days? And what about after she left? I think her feeling would somehow get in the way, he was the man she loved and she simply cannot be blind to his suffering.

Hi! I'm not doing as badly as I feel I am and simultaneously everything sucks so idk how to answer that question. I'm trying not to stress (I had an anxiety attack in the middle of the sidewalk the other day so that wasn't fun) and also completely failing to catch enough shuteye in order for my brain to be able to do something (and to prevent my eyes from dying). Everything is going slow, which is frustrating, but hey, at least it's going... I guess.

Anyway, I'm going to assume that you're the same person from that other ask I got a few days before this because the text is almost word for word. I suppose you can infer from the paragraph above why I didn't get to your questions earlier. I've answered the first half of this ask before here.

As for Griffin's feelings on Valtor getting injured after she's with the Company - it's complicated. If she's the one fighting him, I can kind of see her getting vindictive and wanting to hurt him because she knows that he wants to hurt her as well (not necessarily hurt her physically, but he definitely wants to punish her for betraying him). She kind of blames him for making her want to leave him so she has no problem fighting him tooth and nail even if it means both of them getting injured. But she also knows that no matter how much they hurt each other, she could not bring herself to kill him even if she had the means to do it.

Watching the other Company members fight him is... surreal as much as it is hard. She knows that they have to use every opening they have to hit him and hit him hard because he won't hesitate to do the same. She knows she has to let them do whatever it takes to stop him, because she cannot bring herself to be as decisive. She knows it might mean standing there and watching as they kill him and she's torn. On the one hand, she's aware they will have to kill him to stop him for good but on the other hand, she's relieved every time he proves that that is a practically impossible feat. To top it all off, she has to restrain herself from blasting the other Company members when they fight him. She was watching his back for a long time and the old instincts are still there making it so confusing sometimes, making her ask herself why she's fighting on the side of the Company. Of course, he doesn't help when he's making compelling points about why she shouldn't have left him (such as her having to play nice with politicians that hate her guts when she could have just intimidated them into defeat before while she was still with Valtor).

And then there's the matter of the Ancestral Witches, of course. While I don't believe Valtor would have told her what the deal with them is, Griffin is smart enough to have figured out that he would absolutely not play second fiddle if they didn't have some kind of serious hold on him that he couldn't overcome. Given everything else she knows about them (aka that they are willing to possess their own descendants even if that ends up killing the person once they leave the body), she's reasonably concerned about what will happen to Valtor if the Company starts gaining the upper hand and if they defeat him. She knows that killing him would be a more merciful fate than ending up imprisoning him together with the Ancestral Witches but he makes killing him too hard. In a way she knows that he's sealing his fate because he'll either win the war for the Ancestral Witches and probably be disposed of after he's served his purpose or he'll lose and end up tortured by them for all of eternity when he's making his imprisonment the more easily achievable option. To say that she's worried doesn't quite cover it.

Honestly, I love the idea that Griffin proposed the imprisonment in Omega just to keep Valtor away from the Ancestral Witches. She had to convince Marion and Oritel that trapping him alongside the three witches would increase the chances of them all breaking containment so it's worth it to go out of their way and search for the means to ensure he's kept separated from the Ancestral Witches. Can you imagine his reaction if he learns that she was the architect of his imprisonment in Omega? Would he believe her reasoning and would it matter at all even if he did? Fuck, I don't have time for another idea right now!

#winx club #griffin x valtor #winx griffin #winx valtor #winx headcanons #ask #anon

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that-bi-bitch-writes · 8 months

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My Fav Characters (Haikyuu Extended edition)

Okay so i'm gonna do three teams: nekoma, aoba johsai, and inarizaki

Nekoma:

1)Kenma: look at him. i rest my case. NO he's actually so cute and smart and there's not many other reasons he's literally my little baby and i would love and care for him (but i'm not cleaning up after anybody he has money we can hire someone. i might cook through)

2) Kuroo: I don't think i have to explain this honestly. I don't think of him as some seductive force or "rizz master" as the kids say but he's certainly attractive and i like his passion. also idk i feel like he's a neurodivergent nerd who just happens to be kinda handsome and why would i not like that

3) Kai. Handsome (probably black) man. He's calm and approachable, slightly above average height which is good for me bc i'm short, but he's driven. He's not to be left behind are miscounted. Nekoma definitely needs him on the team. He's sweet and reliable. HE NEEDS MORE LOVE AND I WILL GIVE IT TO HIM. also i like gardening to an extent so having someone who is an arborist in my life allows me to dabble

4) Yaku: He's yaku I mean. one of the best liberos in the game. (why do the best ones not come baaack) love my short king he is literally life to nekoma just like the other three and i love his chaotic energy and defensiveness on and off the court. don't let them make you think he's violent lev be starting with him. also for a volleyball player he has some nice kicks

5)Fukunaga Shohei: When i first saw his eyes i knew i'd love him. his design is literally so cute and friendly and he's one of the most deliberately cat-like and it works for him. I love that he's always making jokes that no one gets or only he laughs at because that is soooo me and i feel like we could parallel play together so well

Aoba Johsai:

1) Hajime Iwaizumi: I'm sure this came as a surprise to absolutely no one. This is the love of my life right here and he's in my top 3 haikyuu men which is a feat of it's own. Never in my life have i loved a character with such little screen time as i love iwaizumi. Just thinking about him telling me to call him hajime?? wow. he's so cool, he's sweet and only mean to his bff yet the love between the two of them is undeniable. he has a huge heart and huge arms that he can put around me. I feel like he'd kinda be a little shy about someone he's dating and have a proud smile but also faint blush. He definitely gets women easily but i feel like he'd turn them down politely(for me! he's saving himself for me)

2) Matsukawa Issei: If you're surprised i mean i get it but i don't. Never let them tell you Issei is an unloved character. If he has 100 fans i'm one of them, if he has 10 fans, i'm one of them if he has 1 fan it's me and if he has no fans I am dead but take me to his mortuary pls so i can see him one last time. He had me a little interested after he scared hinata off that one time but someone else piqued my curiousity a little more and now i read any fanfic of him i can get my hands on and i love my relaxed king.

3) Oikawa Tooru: a master of his craft, charismatic, petty. One of the greatest "villains" of all time (this is a joke based off of what i see on twitter all the time) Oikawa has all his opponents stressed and even his enemies want him on their side. There's no denying his skill or game play. The fact that he could just come in seamlessly to teams "above" his skill level while in high school should prove it to you.

4) Kentaro Kyotani: His design is literally insane and I feel like he's probably not as aggressive as one would think. To me it feels like he bottles up his rage until he can play volleyball which may lead him to do reckless things on the court but he's undeniably skilled and a good guy. This might be me projeting but i feel like he's neurodivergent and he gets a bit overstimulated/understimulated and that's where the anger comes from but he can be shocked out of that state like with yahaba. It was clear he never meant to negatively affect the team he just got swept up

5) Akira Kunimi: To me he's like a mashup of kenma and tsukishima with a bit of his own flavoring in it and i like both of those characters. He's dedicated to volleyball but only while playing volleyball. He's obviously smart/clever and he's just kind of overall adorable and hard to hate. He sticks out to me even though i don't think that's what he's trying to do

Inarizaki: (changing the ranking slightly from earlier)

1) Osamu Miya: He came in the game, he conquered with his twin brother, he served looks, attitude, wasn't the "cool twin" nor the more subdued twin even though he called "less" attention to himself than Atsumu. Most anime twins are either the exact same until you can tell the difference or they're like polar opposites. Osamu looked at that and kinda spit on it. They got their separate hair colors for individuality and then went about their business being too similar to not fight and different enough that there was no jealousy and osamu hung up the volleyball and made his own place in the restaurant industry. That's my baby right there

2) Shinsuke Kita: I was gonna make a volleyball joke but it fell flat. Anyway Kita is always serving looks. If anyone wants to look at a character similar design wisesto that misogynist naoya from jjk here you go. Kita was the responsible upperclassmen/older bro whatever you want to call it but it was organic and natural and despite not being a starter, the way he ran the team proved that he was invaluable and when they showed that to him and he cried? He's such a sweet character and i feel like he has some hidden mischief i'd like to be a part of. also once again sometimes i get the urge to farm or garden so i'm just gonna be like "give me a task shinsuke"

3)Aran Ojiro: I'm rooting for everybody black. Okay anyway look at him. just look and appreciate all you're getting to look at. Okay now look at his timeskip goatee. alright are you back on earth yet? I must have a thing for aces/hitters. We love an emotionally intelligent man who is yet another heart of the team i mean without kita an ojiro where would inarizaki be? He knows his shit, he's one of the top five aces of the country, he's gorgeous and he's sweet. need i say more? Should i?

4)Suna Rintaro: He's so pretty i would be scared to bring my s/o around him (i'm joking why would i be scared to bring him around himself) I feel like we'd vibe and i'd tell him i love his eyes and he'd say he loves mine and then we'd be messy together while somehow making sure to stay out of it. He's smart and analytical and i feel like he could give me a run for my money in terms of noticing and knowing stuff (i'm literally psychic and i love gossip) also i love that he's just slightly scared of kita

5)Astumu Miya: just cause he's at the bottom of this list doesn't mean i don't love him. I would prefer him as a bff or brother in law if i'm being totally honest but his character is way too cool to not make it on a top 5 list. He serves (literally) he has good chemistry with a couple people) he's a bit petty, he's pretty, 100% ND and i think that could explain how his passion is both intriguing and scary. He's 100% misunderstood and mischaracterized but he could be my clingy best friend i just wouldn't let him teach me volleyball bc he'd be mean (accidentally ofc)

#rating my fav characters #i guess it's more like ranking huh?#not a fic

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strwbrryeyes · 3 months

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𖦹°｡⋆ broken mugs and new beginnings

⟡ featuring: osamu

⟡ cw: reader is stressed, dramatic, like really dramatic, idk man i just miss my mug

⟡ a/n: the smallest of drabbles because i broke my mug today and it was my breaking point </3 so yes this is self indulging leave me alone. i also just felt like posting today even if it isn't either of the series im supposed to be working on (i swear im working on them)

"babe, can you please go wash your mug?" your boyfriend, osamu asks you referring to the pink mug that was sitting on the counter next to your sink. it had been there for a few days after you drank hot chocolate. the reason you hadn't washed it properly yet was because you let it sit overnight after you finished drinking it and the leftover residue had harden leaving you to let soapy water soak in it. the problem was...it's now been 'soaking' for three days. it's not like you've been lazy, you've just been busy and had a stressful week so lately you've just been moping around. osamu knew this but he thought that you getting up and doing something somewhat productive may pull you out of this funk. he would soo find out that he was so wrong.

"ahhh...fine..." you groan as you get up from the couch. it was only one mug and you knew osamu was only trying to help you, you knew he was worried about you so you just agreed and walked over to the sink where he was standing holding the mug filled with water. you take the mug from him and he gives you a kiss on the forehead.

"thank you, my love" he then gives you a small peck "you got this, i believe in you!" osamu exclaims giving you a pat on the shoulder before walking back to the living room.

after a few seconds of standing doing nothing, you sigh and finally pour out the three day old soaking water and beginning to properly wash it.

'this is actually easy' you think to yourself slightly smiling as you admire the now clean cup. it's a small achievement but after the week you've just had, you felt like things were finally starting to pick up!

being proud of this little feat, you set it down quickly before you rush over to osamu to come drag him back into the kitchen.

"baby! come look! it's all clean!" you excitedly say as you pull him by the sleeve of his hoodie.

"really? that's so good! i'm so proud of you." osamu praises you as he looks at the freshly clean pink mug that you had picked up to show him in a fancy manner.

"thank you! you know," you start out as you turn around to open the cabinet where you would put the mug "this is what i needed. me cleaning this cup is just the start of thing starting to lo-" you're cut off by a cracking and crashing noise.

you slowly turn around to face osamu, whose face is in shock, eyes wide opened and everything, then look back to your hand- your now, empty, hand, and finally your eyes land on the ground only to see the pink fragments of ceramic shattered all over the ground. the mug had slipped out of your hand.

"baby-" osamu walks closer to you to try and calm you down but before he could reach you, you fell to your knees and buried your face in your hands.

"my whole day is ruined, samu." you sob out, all the stress form the past week finally floods out of your system, the breaking of your favorite mug being the thing to finally break you.

"no no no," osamu squats down in front of you, using his finger to lift your chin up "your day is not going to be ruined because of some stupid mug." he tries his best to reassure you but the words 'stupid mug' only trigger more sobs from you.

"i've had that mug since freshman year of college though!" you cry out clinging onto his chest.

osamu lets out a sigh. he knows how much you loved this mug and how long you've had it but he was still determined to make you feel better somehow. "okay, look, listen to me, yn" he says and a soft but stern tone causing you to whip your head up at him again. "i know you loved that mug, but look at it this way." he stands up and goes to get a broom from across the kitchen.

"not everything was meant to last forever, right?" he asks when he comes back to where you were sitting, next to the broken mug. you nod in response as you scooch over to give him room to sweep.

"exactly. so that means, this mug, was not meant to last forever. just like this awful week is not going to last forever." osamu says as he goes over to the trash bin. "so what we're going to do here is throw away the broken pieces of this mug, and buy you a new one." he dumps out the broken pieces.

he walks back over to you and your tear stained face and sits next to you "and then, we're going to take the rest of today, and forget about this last week, and look forward to the new week ahead of us." osamu says as he turns your face to look at him so he can brush your hair away from your face "sound like a plan?" he asks looking at you with love and care.

"sounds like a plan..." you respond quietly, crawling into his lap. you didn't care that you were on the kitchen floor. it didn't matter that it was cold or dirty from the cooking osamu had just done moments prior to the mug incident. all that mattered was that you had a loving boyfriend who could talk you down in any situation, who is always patient with you, and always looks for the good in every bad situation and you wouldn't have it any other way.

so instead of dwelling on the loss of your mug and all the hardships you've been through this week, you follow through with the plan of getting a new mug, and go into the next week optimistic and excited because you knew that this week was going to be so much better than the last and that osamu will do anything to make sure that happens.

#𖦹°｡⋆ 𝓃𝒾𝓃𝒾 #osamu x reader #osamu miya x reader #osamu miya fluff #osamu fluff #haikyuu x reader #haikyuu fluff #haikyuu drabbles #haikyuu #osamu miya #miya osamu #hq x reader

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chocolate-failure · 3 months

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Man, shit would be so much more comfortable if I didn't have to have a strong series of thoughts and emotions about any one given experience 😕 extremely ghetto. So I'll try to be concise but I feel kinda horrible and the more I think about it the more reasons I find to feel bad so maybe I should stop thinking about it but I can't and I hate myself for not being able to let go.

I went to a concert. I had a few friends who came to visit expressly for this event and I hosted it at my parents'. Cool, so the weekend before I did shrooms with my bff and while it was nice I, of course, had a lot of mfkn thoughts about it. A lot of self hatred and negative criticalness... Idk I don't like myself and while that shouldn't come as a surprise I didn't realize the extent to which I obssess over shit that doesn't fucking matter. But hanging out with this friend made me feel like hanging out with my other friends would be a cakewalk promptly forgetting that ✨this✨ friend is both intimately understanding of my personality and also a friend who exercises an astounding amount of reciprocity. These friends aren't quite the same, well one is but the other two ate just varying degrees unhelpful which just stresses me out. I gained 6lbs over this, what, 2½ day stent?

So let me attempt to set the stage for this endeavor because I feel like there is an impossible amount of context to lay out but also this could definitely be understood without it.

I'm into kpop, over the years I've made friends due to our mutual love of kpop. Some of these friends are pretty chill while others are not so much while yet more are a bit too chill. The friends I've invited into my home for this weekend are as follows ((may be subject to change cuz I'm coming up with these names on the fly) as a matter of fact I'm really not in the mood to come up with names and trying to think of them is just holding up the story. I'll just call them 5, 6, and 7.

5 is probably the person I know the most and like the most, which is always a feat because the more I know someone the less I tend to like them. They are very insightful, thoughtful, and kind. You can tell they're an introvert but in many ways have been beaten into submission by life and toxic relationships. 5 is overall a great person but has quite a few neuroses that very much blind them from seeing their inherent worth and how valuable they are to the people who's lives they enrich. Coincidentally they are also legally blind which has hampered them living a fulfilling and independent life not only because of the disability but because of their family being less than supportive and fostering some wicked codependency.

6, I don't know so well but all that I've seen so far I'm not impressed with. She is older than me but seems to have far less of a grip on adulthood than I had as a kid. I think the reason this is is because she is a taker. I don't necessarily think she's lazy but she wants to always do the minimum, cut the most corners but receive the maximum. To me that is the definition of lazy weather you're working or not if you expect to get more than what you put in you're abusing the system in some way. Either you're taking from someone else or you're not giving your fair share which is tantamount to taking from someone else. She's aware that what she's doing is underhanded and taking advantage of a relationship but she rather have what she wants over upholding any semblance of integrity. I have people in my family who are just like her. They're the type of people to get invited to a potluck be asked to bring a dish and they arrive with paper plates or something they bought from dollar tree. They're only happy with a deal if they feel like they're ahead of you in some way and will make any given process a living hell by never shutting up about how put out they're feeling. That being said, I don't like her. I thought initially I disliked her attitude cuz just hearing her voice pissed me tf off but I think it's just her. She just doesn't give much to the relationship I have with her and I'd be better off not knowing her.

7 is new to the group. Well new to the people who have hung out irl. I've hung out with her one time before and enjoyed myself but she wasn't staying at my house. She's definitely an extravert and doesn't so much collect introverts as she attracts them. She has a very inviting and boisterous personality without being too overbearing, pushy, or loud. She's nice to be around for events but I think day to day I'm not a fan. In my home we are very giving and extremely hospitable but we also expect guests to have some fucking decorum. Like we're not going to ask you to clean the toilets or some shit but if someone is making you a meal you should participate in the preparation whether it's reading the recipe or gathering ingredients or helping to clean. After all I'm housing you on my own dime so that you won't have to pay for a hotel. I'm preparing a recipe you found online because I'm a good cook and you'd like for me to do it for you. I bought the ingredients and got all the shit ready and asked for help cooking as I needed to finish up and get in the bath because the stress of this event is causing my autoimmune disease to flare up. I'm not going to just drop everything and not do it cuz I'm not a child but I asked for help and received none. It very much felt like my childhood home was being treated like a resort rather than idk my fucking house. It's kinda shitty to act like you're on vacation at someone's house when that person is also trying to a nice time but can't because you've decided you're fun is more important than their physical health. Like could you not still have fun and also have helped so that I could treat my fucking disease??? She and 6 talked, watched vids, and otherwise made themselves unavailable until it was time to eat. 6 would later say she felt like she'd get in the way. That is one thing about 7 that it better than 6, she at least knows how to hold a conversation without complaining in every other sentence so she's a good deal more palatable even though the outcome was the same.

That's one thing I definitely inherited from my parents that's a bit of a double edged sword, being kind and generous is all well and good until you run into people who are either looking to take advantage of you or don't understand that they are, 6 being the former and 7 the later.

Safe to say with just those circumstances in place this weekend was going to be a drain. Nevermind the concert we attended and litany of emotional baggage and mental traumas tied up in the experience of self expression, self disclosure and fandom. This was overall an uncomfortable and exhausting experience.

If you've been here for any period of time you'll know that I'm rather feminine looking both in physical features and presentation. While I feel like my literary voice isn't necessarily all that feminine I hold no delusions that I don't look like an afab person though I suppose that's not entirely true because a non-negligible number of people have assumed I'm a transwoman. And while I'm not always thrilled with the fact it certainly is not lost to me that to many I am rather okay to look at. Maybe not pretty in the conventional sense but Tumblr has never been a place to be conventional and even still I do possess many of the features commonly thought of as pretty. I don't say this to be concieted or self important but to outline an experience that is common for me and known to those who find themselves reading this. I am not unattractive but something that may be lost to those who frequent this blog is how tall I actually am. I am tall for an afab person and almost short for an amab person, probably p close to the average international height for males. I'm 5'8 (173cm) and that's never been a big deal to me, like at all. I've always kind of enjoyed my height and would actually lament wanting to be taller. I would've been happy to be 5'10 but this day was the first in a very long time where I wished only to be small.

In kpop the average listed height is probably 5'10 though that is most certainly a lie. I've always been a rather saunch supporter of shorter men, I think a part of me felt us to be kindred spirits, growing up as a tall girl I thought that short men were both genuinely attractive in a way I find hard to articulate but also just generally strong to exist in a world where their worth is heavily weighted on an attribute they have 0 control over.

Honestly I've always loved short men and tall women for their fortitude but their also just fucking beautiful. I never really considered myself a man or a woman more like some kind of weird gremlin creature pretending to be a person and perhaps I had grown too comfortable in thinking I was a passable human being because holy hell did I let the gremlin come out. And maybe it's just a product of neurodivergence but the way I acted caused me so much distress I'd rather avoid having it happen again than try immersing myself in the experience again. I'm trying not to be dramatic but I feel so goddamn horrible about myself atm this isn't an exaggeration. Did I have a bad time? No. Did I have a good one? Also no. I've always enjoyed music but I think I may hate myself more than I love music and that is a sobering realization to come to.

It started with the fansign. I didn't know there was going to be one until it started and I was sharing air with these beautiful strangers that I know so much and absolutely nothing about. It's a spiralling dichotomy that I don't have a hard time reconciling myself with until I'm in the same room with these people. And I can't be a fan, there's no room for it in between racked breaths and racing thoughts. I'm just a fucking gobo trying so desperately not to give away the fact that I am in fact subhuman scum perpetuating an elaborate fraud, for what? To feel what it feels to be a girl? To enjoy the spoils of fandom? To meet my heroes? I don't even know these people and I'm expected to know what to say to them? And they're expected to tell me I'm pretty and then what? What's that suppose to do? Make me feel like I matter? To them?? What's the fucking point of any of this? And I'm surrounded by these excited screeching girls who are over the moon that he looks at her, of all people, held her hand, said she was so beautiful. What tf is this??? Is this what people do? Is this what joy looks like? I don't think joy comes in a form I'm equipped to consume and if that's what it looks like I don't want it.

I was just felt ridiculous, all dolled up in the corset I spent the better part of a month working to fit into because of course I need to lose weight and it's been the only thing I can think about for the past 10 months (10 years if I'm being honest) but apparently this was enough to strengthen my resolve. Idk, It just rings hollow to me. But maybe it's because I'm hollow. I'd like to think of myself as the thoughtful one out of my friends but maybe I'm just the cynical one. All these insights and disclosures seem to be at the expense of my own joy and I can't seem to wrap my head around what exactly is the point of all of this if it makes me feel even more horrible.

And not so much horrible as I feel utterly alien. As beautiful as I'm told I am the eyes and mind I was born with weren't designed to consume reality. I wish I could be a delulu stan. I wish I was afforded the grace of being so in love with myself that I think the world is too. That I could ever think I was anything but a lumbering oafish loser standing next to this dude I thought was unspeakably attractive or an overstimulated oddball for running through the hitouch line because I'm literally freaking tf out and want it to be over as soon as possible. I can't help but look at the snapshots from the concert and cringe. It's like looking at a tryptophobia trigger, I can't stop despite the immense discomfort it elicits. A form of self flagelltion for disobeying the dogma of an institution I was never meant to be a part of. And the kicker is I don't even want to fucking be here. I'm just visiting womanhood, casually consuming it so that maybe this shit will mean something to me. I mean look at me. There is nothing endearing or cute or attractive about the way I look. I'm just this weird kid trying not to be weird and failing in front of people I hold in high esteem. I'm much too big, much too intense, much too me to be a person to whom this experience truly belongs, to be someone who even remotely belongs here. This literally had me remeasuring my own height because I couldn't have possibly grown from last time, had I really gaslit myself into believing these men towered over me? I can't suspend my disbelief enough to feel like this is anything but thinly veiled transaction nor can I immerse myself enough to overcome my inability to read others' expressions to intuit how they feel about me. I've never been one for reading between the lines so an experience like this is hand crafted to be both overwhelming and underwhelming I'm ways that are hilariously disorienting and depressing.

I feel ridiculous for thinking that I was normal. For wanting to be normal and wating to enjoy a, while certainly not common, still rather unremarkable interaction. I think I wanted to be laughed at because at least that's an expression I understand, regardless of how someone feels about you making them laugh seems to overcome some level of decorum, it's the sliver of raw humanity that breaks through our built affects, the masks we wear to pretend we're civilized. I'm afraid that with as many masks and proxies that I've so painstakingly designed that the mask is only as convincing as its wearer and the fact that I've never been human means my masks aren't either.

#journal #the big shrink #agender #nonbinary #they/them #kpop #kpop concert #gender dysphoria #body dysmorphia

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chena-h · 1 year

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Man, it's been raining so much lately. On the one hand it's nice but oof, I do not like driving in rainy weather. Way too stressful.

So, I've been in a reflective mood lately. Sure it comes with the time of year. Creatively speaking, I feel like 2022 was pretty good for me. Im feeling more confident about things I create or ideas I get than I have in the past. I'm kinda happy about that.

Definitely focused more on writing than drawing. While I didn't publish much, I did feel great about the things I did managed to complete. Started taking more notes and being ok with wips. I feel like that's helped a lot. Head feels a little less cluttered and I'm relieved to know that I have a place where I can revisit my ideas when the time is right.

Didn't sketch or draw as much as I wanted to. It's hard because I have so many pencils and pens now (my brother even got me a set of pastels I'm excited about using). I'm not one for resolutions but I'd like to make some time to practice drawing more things. More practice in colored pencil for sure and trying to get through all my pens. At some point, I would like to venture into painting with inkwashes. Watercolors seem super intimidating to me. I've only painted with acrylics a few times and I don't really have the space for it. Maybe someday.

But yeah, this year, I want to try and work on my sense of organization when it comes to my creative projects. Art wise, I tend to be scatter brained ;w; I don't know what that will look like yet, but basically I want to balance time for writing and art projects.

Art wise, I still have that thing I was mentioning last year that I want to finish. I'm about a little over a quarter of the way there, I think? Just need to practice sketching some pieces out more before I draw the final versions. After that, I have a similar project I kind of want to do as well as a short series of portraits feat. one of my blorbos. At first, I wanted it to just be one drawing but I like all the ideas too much to choose just one orz. I also am undecided on which medium(s) to use. I'll see.

Writing wise...lol, I have so many wips now! Which is good. I do feel like I'll return to the Akira manga au series at some point. I've got more scenes from that AU (and I figured out how to end it)! There's also some one shots and a shorter series I hope to finish, but I'm very particular about the order in which I publish fics so idk when that'll be. Right now, though, the bnha fics are what I'm drawn to the most so I'll likely be focusing on those. Want to finish the first part of the series I posted, continue with the Villain AU, and maybe (maybe?) get the first chapter of the other series posted??? Gonna shoot for February for that one, but no guarantees there. There's also that highly ambitious AU fic that I want to write and publish this year, but there's still kinks for me to iron out with that one.

I think this is the longest time I've focused on fanart more than anything original, which is new for me. There are some projects related to my OCs that I have kicking around. Maybe I'll get to those later in the year. I've been debating whether to post original fics to AO3. I went on a deep dive the other night looking for fics tagged as QPR because I was curious and found way more original works than I expected. I know AO3 isn't technically for that, but I generally prefer to have one dedicated place to share stuff. I do have a RoyalRoad account though, so maybe I could use that instead.

Trying to stay positive about this year.

#chena.txt

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incorrect-assvengers · 3 years

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Steve, nervously walking into the living room: Bucky... Don't get mad or anything, but... I think I might be bisexual

Bucky, sitting on Sam's lap: ....

Bucky: Okay.

#ehehe #alright let's do this one last time #sam wilson #steve rogers #bucky barnes #feat. idk man i'm stressed #captain america #the falcon #the falcon and the winter soldier #the winter soldier #winter soldier #captain america: the winter soldier #ca: tws #marvel #incorrect bucky barnes #incorrect quotes #incorrect sam wilson #incorrect steve rogers #incorrect avengers

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lexpressobean · 3 years

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I've been thinking about these 3 alot...

... and how much they seem to really respect Shino. I know it's a filler, but, like... Why does it seem like Shino has a knack for finding children who have wondered off away from school? Like, he's just taking a walk, making his way around the village or surrounding forest, and then there they are. Kids playing hooky or some shit. And Shino just takes it upon himself to approach them and steer them back to where they should be, while getting them attached to him somehow in the process??

But honestly. If this was just one of many times this had happened, I'd say Shino does this not out of his knack for teaching or having a way with kids. Rather, he developed a way with kids and easily applies that to his teaching because he has a strong desire to simply protect children. And it's not even from some paternal instinct as much as survival, because I think it stems from the developing trauma of losing Torune to Danzo. And I don't think it's all subconscious either.

Like I know the novel and anime frames his desicion to teach as a sort of a new goal in life as the war has ended for a couple years already and a noticable Peace has been achieved by the Blank Period and well... He's an Aburame.

Like, the Aburame are literal living, breathing, walking bioweapons. With no fight to utilize that, what else is there? Well, much like the Nara have the Nara forest and Pharmacology specifically, The Aburame most likely have a historical stake in the area of Konoha, perhaps it was simply in their Ancestral Home. Idk, but they're here to stay, they ain't budging. They're Clan Culture is very Martial and I'd argue Spartan in nature, but otherwise, they do other things too. I think they'd do well as major players in the conservation and research of native species of animals and plants, but definitely insects too. I bet they play a huge part in the general area's ecosystem, especially due to the fact that the Kamizuru clan attacked with a whole clan's worth of non-native Hymenoptera that could very well have become and still are an irritatingly and consistent problem as invasive species tend to be. And as a far as goods go, why not put some of them to use and handle an apiary? Honey is a great good to sell. All of this is great as a clan that no longer needs to fight. But, what about individual members in general, and so Shino?

Well Shino is the Heir of this clan. This Noble Clan. This "ready to throw hands at any moment" clan. It's future is in his hands, so to speak. So I doubt Shino would completely sever his connection to Shinobi life all together. And so, teaching at the Academy would be a great way to keep that connection. Teachers have to know their stuff, after all.

But what if in order to ensure teaching was his calling, Shino did his absolute best to make Jounin ASAP so he could take on a Genin Team. And. And by chance, it ended up being these three?? And they are absolutely STOKED!!! And they also pass Shino's genin test, which... would probably be a feat in it's own right. But they already know Shino, and Shino has bestowed upon them some wisdom they actually took to heart! Yeah, well, in reality they might be just a tad too old to be Shino's first official genin squad, but they were still his squad one point in a sense, right?

Kon Nohara, Tano Ikemoto, and Aoki Kobayashi

I even gave them names help Imagine these three are already chuunin at least and decide they want to pay Shino a visit and even volunteer to help Shino during class time on a collective day off because they admire him so much (T~T)

But even then if not these three kiddos, maybe these three li'l shits lol

Even in times of Peace, Shino's special set of skills seem too useful to waste, and being a Jounin teacher would definitely have been a way he could still go on missions, but also definitely commit to becoming a Sensei at the academy once he was 100% sure and got older. Kurenai became a Jounin/Genin Squad Leader in her late twenties, but in comparison I see Shino doing that more mid-20s. (He needs some time to travel and find his big bug friend and generally live a little?)

Kurenai was a Genjutsu Specialist who manned a Tracker/Sensing based team. This sounds like it was a highly beneficial combination, even if she ended up being somewhat sadistic lol. Asuma was bound to Team 10 by Tradition as InoShikaCho and Sarutobi have that Pact together. Kakashi's team was literally Cherry Picked for him specifically by the 3rd Hokage. And Gai, a Taijutsu Specialist, had a team that Specialized in Taijutsu and Physical Offense.

Of all four teams, Kurenai and Gai were very suited to their teams, Gai in a complimentary way and Kurenai in a Challenging way. In that same vein, I think Shino would imitate Gai. Shino as a Shinobi himself has a general set of skills, but the way he goes about them are very niche. But, he was always very stealthy, and could sneak up on nearly anyone. Gags aside, he could go unnoticed as long as he wanted too, and by the time he was noticed or was ready to attack, he has you quite literally surrounded. Honestly I can see why Search and Destroy would be an Aburame's forte, but when there's no need, a person with a personal skill of high quality stealth could probably man a team with an emphasis on Reconnaissance and/or Surveillance, even Bodyguarding. I feel like Shino would probably put an emphasis on Stealth and Tracking too, utilizing his insects as sort of assistants that keep tabs on his students (Stealth Test) as well as to encourage just enough fear during too much down time in his students to inspire quality training opportunities, so maybe Kurenai rubbed off on Shino more than they all realized haha

(Plus I'm sure his students would be be smart and thoughtful enough to eventually understand what Shino and his bugs are: a complete unit. They realize just how strong and dedicated Sensei really is to be the way he is, and they all learn more in depth about Kikaichu and it's like WOW SENSEI YOU REALLY ARE RISKING BEING EATEN ALIVE EVERY SINGLE DAY, AREN'T YOU? But he's still here, because THAT'S how strong he's become over the years and the confidence to manipulate the Kikaichu while having to think of current chakra level, the most efficient use at any given time, how many he actually needs, how long usage will last, ect. They are high maintenance, man!)

Shino would no doubt produce highly skilled Bodyguards and Masters of Stealth. Maybe the type that would end up being in high demand for the eventual Celebrities that start to pop up as times change, but still very much needed when it comes to Criminal Activity, like in Sora-Ku?

But as time passes and he decided to teach at the Academy, he'd feel very at ease to do so. He'd be happy to be put in charge of all these children, because he would be able to help teach them things they need to know to defend themselves and others in a world where adults like Danzo had and will continue to exist. Maybe while he's at it, he'd use his stance as a Noble Clan Heir and accomplished Shinobi to push for changes in government with Sai's help and with Naruto and Shikamaru's cooperation? Like, the truth does come out, everyone on the Council were actually horrible and had too much power. So HERE are some ideas and REASONS why these ideas should be implemented because Shino's not going to let his brother's life and death be in vain!? HELL no, we WILL make some changes around here. Shino sees his students and just wants a future where no kid ever has to live in fear of being completely taken advantage of by the very system that was supposed to keep them safe and they pledged allegiance to.

I cannot help but think of the quiet but absolute fear little Shino was harboring for the years to come after Torune was taken by that strange man and Father Shibi didn't even attempt to stop him. His own father didn't dare beat the shit out of this strange man who came looking for him, and the only solution for Shino to stay was for Torune to make himself look more desirable as an asset and be taken instead. I bet there was a lot of misplaced resentment there for a while, and talks that just didn't happen. Maybe a classmate doesn't show up to class one day and Shino is IMMEDIATELY stressed out and just... takes it upon himself to look for them after class. And he's relieved when he see they're simply at home with a fever. Shit like that just fucks with Shino, because theres people taking kids and no one is doing anything about it?? And then as Shino grew older he realized exactly what happened and how slimy the machine of Konoha really is and it was never completely Shibi's fault that Torune had to leave. He grows mentally at a faster rate than most of his classmates, and knows more than a kid really needs to know.

Shino doesn't want that for any other child. Shino is the kind of person who hears kids screaming outside of his house and he can't tell if they're playing or being murdered and it's stressful to the point he'll check through his window and he sees them for himself. He get stressed out seeing a kid in public unattended and WANTS to approach them to help if need be but also maybe he's overthinking it and the parents are there somewhere and he'd just end up looking suspicious. Like, that's what I kind of figure for Shino. He's so hyperaware of the power dynamic between kids and adults and seeing a kid so ready to fall victim to that makes Shino feel ill the more he thinks of what could happen. And he wonders if watching the kid in the market until they finally reunite with their parent so he could move on with the rest of his day causes him even a fraction of the the utterly disgusting flurry of nerves and fear that Shibi must have felt all those years ago. It goes along with his desire to spare every single little insect's life he can. It goes a long with the fact he only gets violent unless absolutely necessary. Like he wants to be strong but he doesn't want to go mad with power either, less he becomes the very thing that hurt him and his family in the first place.

Originally Shino wanted to become strong to be able to defend himself because at a very young age adults failed him and Torune. But then that changes to defend not only himself, but others as he grows on a team, and realizes trust is important. And then he figured if there must be adults out there that would hurt a child, it's only logical that he should become one that would only nurture and teach one to be strong as well.

Anyway, yeah. Had some feelings. Thanks for coming to my TED talk.

#anime: naruto #aburame shino #shino aburame #tis i #i wish we could've seen jounin-sensei Shino #imagine he's consistently given a team of -bad kids-#but by the next chuunin they're an absolute unit in sync #people think he's the -scare them straight- sensei #in reality he's the -im not mad im just dissapointed- sensei #its super effective lol #being such a positive figure in the open as an Aburame would definately make the clan look good too #because I have a suspicion that Aburame were very often taken into ANBU and ROOT and while good for Shinobi life #its not seen as the best for public relations #anyway don't mind me im just rambling

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gemma-collins-ily · 3 years

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Hello, I wanted to ask for a request with Jesper? I wanted to see him being very protective of the reader. Maybe he saves her from a fight during a job or something (like, she can handle herself just fine but ended up getting trapped by a lot of guards idk) and he comes and shoots them at last minute and is very worried because she did got hurt. Then later she can be all like "it's nothing, I'm fine" but he insists on patching her up and caring for her wounds (maybe make it a soft moment with him being all gentle and lovey with her), kinda blaming himself for her getting hurt, and maybe then confessions are made? Thank you :D

Fools In Love

a/n - yessss more Jesper appreciation! He needs more credit! It sounds a bit creepy in the beginning I'm sorry 😭 Also Jesper and the pet name lovely ugh my heart! Thanks for the request xoxo💕♥️

Warnings: knives, blood, alcohol (used for cleaning of injuries), brief mentions of nausea and not sure what else!

Partners.

That's all you were. That's what Jesper kept telling himself, at least.

But it was so strange with you - he felt so strange with you. Like he should protect you, admire you, love you, care for you whenever he could.

He felt you should always be in his heart, and you were. Some part of him, yet every part of him, was saved for you.

On the days he was truly tired, had run errand after errand, participated in a heist, anything that exhausted him, he would save just a simple smile or two for you.

Because he felt he couldn't, and shouldn't, leave you without one. He needed you to be in his life and wanted you to need him too. He wanted you to rely on the him as he would you, and most importantly, deeply desired that you could love him the way he did you.

This was not in a warped version of reality, a figment of his mind and imagination as a sick, manipulative goal, he only wanted to be loved.

By someone. Alright, anyone. Any person. Admittedly, one specific person.

He wanted to be loved by you.

Jesper knew he did, in fact, love you. And when he realised, his heart had raced, Nina looking up in alarm before seeing the lovestruck bliss upon his face.

Jesper Fahey was in love with you.

And boy, was he in trouble now.

Chaos.

You were extremely similar to Jesper in that way: the way that meant it followed you wherever you went. There was no escaping the chaos, not when you were apparently born from the very depths of it yourself and had a friend quite the same.

A friend.

That's all you were.

It sent a pang of agony rippling through your chest, possibly enough to send you to your knees, but you swiftly shook the thought away.

Focus was what was needed.

Although, it seemed so tempting to think of him, to picture his face in your mind's eye one last time. One last time before you died.

Because it had been going well. But later, there was a high chance of fatality. But, you decided to do what you did best, instead of giving into the niggling voices that told you to remember every brush of the arm, every smile across a room, every chair he pulled out for you; instead, you decided to give into something else.

You decided, to give in to the chaos.

Your strategy was giving fairly good results, just as you had anticipated, considering it always did. Going with your gut seemed to be the best way of going about it, and it was.

Until it wasn't.

Since you were now improvising and no one appeared to be taking any notice of the shots fired, or grunts of pain heard, when even more men than previously swarmed the alley, you were taken aback.

You had not predicted how much effort the rival gang you were on a heist against would gamble on you, sending out what seemed to be the majority of their forces for just one person.

You supposed that meant whatever Kaz had up his sleeve would work fairly easily now though, the level of guard lowered and their numbers dilapidated.

He better thank me later.

Just as you flipped a man over your back, quickly and efficiently leaning down over him, your shadow looming as your hand reached for your knife that was meant to be in your belt.

"Looking for this?"

You gasped and your eyes boggled as your dagger, that the man beneath you had obviously stolen, plunged into your side, the hilt far from buried in your torso as you recovered from the shock as soon as you could find it in your abilities to.

Another knife was ripped out of a corpse beside you and burrowed in his chest, right above his heart, before he could register what was taking place.

You stood, groaning as you clasped the sore flesh surrounding your wound, not yet having pulled out the weapon to prevent further blood loss.

You spun to face the remaining gang members behind you, grimacing as you felt the bile slip upward in your throat, stubbornly rising no matter how many times you swallowed.

Now you had nothing. Nothing to defend yourself with and nothing to help you in this fight. Nothing and no one.

Dying alone was a nauseating fear, circling through your head and running rampage, sending you into a frenzied panic.

Your back hit the wall, the skin burning as it was grazed against the bricks and your heart racing as you failed to bend to the side, only a grunt sounding from your throat as your hand pressed further against your abdomen.

In that moment, you closed your eyes and prayed. Simply prayed to the Saints you had once ridiculed with Kaz, hoping there was a chance, if even just a miniscule one, that you could be saved.

And maybe Inej had been right all along, that you owed her an overdue apology, because maybe, just maybe, Saints did exist.

And perhaps, Jesper Fahey was yours.

He came barrelling around the corner, your eyes clenched tightly shut as you heard gunshots ring out, believing that moment could be your end, that heist your undoing.

But no, because when you peered through your lashes, swaying precariously on your feet, he was there.

You gaped in shock, confusion and finally, joy. You wanted to jump into his arms, tell him of your gratefulness, all because he hadn't left you alone.

Dying was no incredible feat: it happened in Ketterdam everyday, bodies piled in corners and rotting in the dank, narrow streets. To die with no one to close your eyes, only being forced to gaze glassily into the deep grey sky, or no friend to comfort you in your last seconds or less, even, seemed terrifying.

Although, now you wouldn't have to worry about that. Because he was here.

Jesper rushed to you, nimbly leaping over corpses and stepping around barrels or other obstructions, eyes full of concern that only grew when his line of sight landed upon your side.

You could only weakly smile as his arm was slung over your shoulders and his other was suddenly dipping below your upper leg.

"Jes, I don't need picking up!"

"Hmm... I beg to differ, darling. So do your knees apparently."

That was when you realised just how they had buckled and how much of your weight you were making him support. You sighed and gave a sheepish yet irked nod, giving consent to let him swoop you off your feet, and he did so without hesitance after he observed your approval.

He traipsed through the streets, using his knowledge of shady back alleys to keep away from crowds and even if he had swaggered down the main street, no one would have batted an eye.

Or offered help. Ketterdam was not the place for helpful neighbors or friendly coworkers, and often the inhabitants were cruel, selfish and overall generally appeared to be disappointed with their whole lives.

Go figure.

The capital of Kerch was not an actual hospitable place, but some little nooks and crannies could just squeeze you into a sort of community. You had once known a baker that had given you free whole loafs of bread, shaking you off when you tried to pay.

Your palm was still positioned flat over your wound, digging in uncomfortably and your fingers splayed slightly in the air. You didn't dare move it, not making a sound either, only letting soft whines out when Jesper shifted you in his arms, to which he would respond with an apologetic gaze, no words said.

The scratch was not life threateningly deep, just shocking, and well, frightening; it reminded you anything could happen, just one simple change of plan could kill you.

It mortalised you in a way, made you think of how easily it could all be over. Sometimes, galavanting off with the Crows, searching giddily for trinkets with Nina and Jes made you feel as though you could do anything, stay in that moment forever.

But you were human. And right then, you had a knife in your side. Maybe it would have been better to pull it out, considering now every jostle sourced from your friend's sharp steps, heels tapping forcefully on the stones, could possibly send the dagger closer to your ribcage or organs.

"Jes."

"Yes, love?"

"Pull it. Please."

It was a beg for help, and a desperate one after he had only glanced down at you as he continued walking when answering to his name.

He did as you asked, laying you down to the side for a moment. He always had, providing whatever you needed and doing what you thought was best when it came to you.

"Ready? It'll hurt, lovely."

"You're making me more stressed, just do it already!"

It was true. You had broken a sweat as he had been trying to prepare you, beads of perspiration forming on your hairline.

If you had expected another warning, he certainly surprised you by wrenching the mini sword out of your side without anything else said. You cried out, gasping like a fish out of water and feeling just so, the crusting of the aging blood aiding that.

"I know, I know. Just give me a sec, okay? It'll be fine."

Jesper continued to mutter reassurances as he wrapped your scarf around your lower back and torso. The hardest part was when you had to lift your hips and rotate your body slightly so his slender fingers could grasp the other end of the garment to tie it together fully.

"I know. It's okay, yeah? It's fine."

He was in now way immature but his voice was definitely becoming higher and squeakier in fear: the tell tale lurching of his stomach appeared as he accidentally took a glance at the deep crimson blossoming over the scarf and staining his hands, managing to seep into the creases of his palms, depositing itself under his previously pristine nails and cuticles.

You could tell he was worried as he picked you up once more, yelping out a 'sorry' when his wrist brushed your blazing, sensitive flesh.

It was a troublesome trip to return to the Slat, Jesper aggravating the cut when he shifted to prevent you from slipping downward.

Once you were there however, you were adamant you could treat your injuries yourself, only really having a few minor scrapes and bruises, especially a sort of natural eyeshadow in the form of a black eye that had not fully appeared, yet was still already prominent.

You practically tumbled out of Jesper's arms, limping up the stairs to your room while the Zemeni followed closely behind you, a hand on the small of your back to support you while you found your balance, ticklish tingles spreading from the spot his fingertips made contact with your shoulder blades.

"Jes, I really don't need help, like, at all. Just let me-"

You were cut off as he pulled the alcohol out of your grasp, grinning in that charming way only he could pull off, only serving to irritate you further as he winked.

"Sure you don't. It's just that I can help. And I will, alright? I don't care if you don't agree, it's happening."

With that, the scarf was gently pulled from your skin, a hiss drawn from you as the rag he had tipped the alcohol onto touched your side. You forced yourself to control a flinch, only shying away a little as his unoccupied hand came absentmindedly and immediately to your unharmed side, pushing you back to have the cloth back on your skin, scooting you along the desk you were perched on.

"Just a bit more. I promise, darling."

You nodded, gritting your teeth against the pain until it subsided, choosing to focus on the warm and calloused hand resting on your other side, not yet removed.

"Alright, now it's only the little things."

Your mouth opened to protest, explain you could easily do that yourself, but Jesper only tutted under his breath and used two fingers to close your jaw and tilt your head simultaneously to observe the shiner decorating your eye.

"None of that. Now, all we've got is this, which I can't do much about, and that nasty gash on your arm."

He didn't think about what he was doing, how casually and carefully he was caring for you, as though you were a china doll, porcelain and fractured, broken with any move that was not delicate.

You didn't think about how much you enjoyed someone looking after you for once, taking such a chunk of his time to simply stand between your legs and help.

Suddenly, as you pouted and your bottom lip was drawn between your teeth, withholding a groan while he cleansed your upper forearm, his thumb came up to untuck your lip, barely ghosting over it, although the feeling was still so delicious. Tantalising.

And his arm dropped, cloth soaked with a random drink dropping to the rug as his gaze stayed on your lips. And he leant in, as did you, finally sharing a sweet kiss, tender and loving, all things beautiful and wondrous.

His stare burned into the floor as it drew downward, a murmur heard drifting through the air a few seconds later, "You know, I was so worried about you?" You moved to speak before he hushed you, "No, just let me... I'm saying, I was more concerned than a friend probably should have been. Maybe, I mean I don't know. Actually nevermind..."

But he never had a chance to finish as his locks of chocolate brown were swept away from his forehead, a kiss planted there in replacement.

"I'd love to go out with you, Jes, love. Or, I mean, whatever you want to do..."

Chuckles filled the room pleasantly as you both laughed together, cheeks flushed and lips almost swollen, at your embarrassment and haplessness, plus the lack of tact.

You supposed you were just fools in love. And in that moment, you wanted to be suspended there, floating forever.

With him.

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