#feb 1 2021 | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

mostlysignssomeportents · 2 months

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Google reneged on the monopolistic bargain

I'm on tour with my new novel The Bezzle! Catch me TONIGHT in SALT LAKE CITY (Feb 21, Weller Book Works) and TOMORROW in SAN DIEGO (Feb 22, Mysterious Galaxy). After that, it's LA, Seattle, Portland, Phoenix and more!

A funny thing happened on the way to the enshittocene: Google – which astonished the world when it reinvented search, blowing Altavista and Yahoo out of the water with a search tool that seemed magic – suddenly turned into a pile of shit.

Google's search results are terrible. The top of the page is dominated by spam, scams, and ads. A surprising number of those ads are scams. Sometimes, these are high-stakes scams played out by well-resourced adversaries who stand to make a fortune by tricking Google:

https://www.nbcnews.com/tech/tech-news/phone-numbers-airlines-listed-google-directed-scammers-rcna94766

But often these scams are perpetrated by petty grifters who are making a couple bucks at this. These aren't hyper-resourced, sophisticated attackers. They're the SEO equivalent of script kiddies, and they're running circles around Google:

https://pluralistic.net/2023/02/24/passive-income/#swiss-cheese-security

Google search is empirically worsening. The SEO industry spends every hour that god sends trying to figure out how to sleaze their way to the top of the search results, and even if Google defeats 99% of these attempts, the 1% that squeak through end up dominating the results page for any consequential query:

https://downloads.webis.de/publications/papers/bevendorff_2024a.pdf

Google insists that this isn't true, and if it is true, it's not their fault because the bad guys out there are so numerous, dedicated and inventive that Google can't help but be overwhelmed by them:

https://searchengineland.com/is-google-search-getting-worse-389658

It wasn't supposed to be this way. Google has long maintained that its scale is the only thing that keeps us safe from the scammers and spammers who would otherwise overwhelm any lesser-resourced defender. That's why it was so imperative that they pursue such aggressive growth, buying up hundreds of companies and integrating their products with search so that every mobile device, every ad, every video, every website, had one of Google's tendrils in it.

This is the argument that Google's defenders have put forward in their messaging on the long-overdue antitrust case against Google, where we learned that Google is spending $26b/year to make sure you never try another search engine:

https://www.bloomberg.com/news/articles/2023-10-27/google-paid-26-3-billion-to-be-default-search-engine-in-2021

Google, we were told, had achieved such intense scale that the normal laws of commercial and technological physics no longer applied. Take security: it's an iron law that "there is no security in obscurity." A system that is only secure when its adversaries don't understand how it works is not a secure system. As Bruce Schneier says, "anyone can design a security system that they themselves can't break. That doesn't mean it works – just that it works for people stupider than them."

And yet, Google operates one of the world's most consequential security system – The Algorithm (TM) – in total secrecy. We're not allowed to know how Google's ranking system works, what its criteria are, or even when it changes: "If we told you that, the spammers would win."

Well, they kept it a secret, and the spammers won anyway.

A viral post by Housefresh – who review air purifiers – describes how Google's algorithmic failures, which send the worst sites to the top of the heap, have made it impossible for high-quality review sites to compete:

https://housefresh.com/david-vs-digital-goliaths/

You've doubtless encountered these bad review sites. Search for "Best ______ 2024" and the results are a series of near-identical lists, strewn with Amazon affiliate links. Google has endlessly tinkered with its guidelines and algorithmic weights for review sites, and none of it has made a difference. For example, when Google instituted a policy that reviewers should "discuss the benefits and drawbacks of something, based on your own original research," sites that had previously regurgitated the same lists of the same top ten Amazon bestsellers "peppered their pages with references to a ‘rigorous testing process,’ their ‘lab team,’ subject matter experts ‘they collaborated with,’ and complicated methodologies that seem impressive at a cursory look."

But these grandiose claims – like the 67 air purifiers supposedly tested in Better Homes and Gardens's Des Moines lab – result in zero in-depth reviews and no published data. Moreover, these claims to rigorous testing materialized within a few days of Google changing its search ranking and said that high rankings would be reserved for sites that did testing.

Most damning of all is how the Better Homes and Gardens top air purifiers perform in comparison to the – extensively documented – tests performed by Housefresh: "plagued by high-priced and underperforming units, Amazon bestsellers with dubious origins (that also underperform), and even subpar devices from companies that market their products with phrases like ‘the Tesla of air purifiers.’"

One of the top ranked items on BH&G comes from Molekule, a company that filed for bankruptcy after being sued for false advertising. The model BH&G chose was ranked "the worst air purifier tested" by Wirecutter and "not living up to the hype" by Consumer Reports. Either BH&G's rigorous testing process is a fiction that they infused their site with in response to a Google policy change, or BH&G absolutely sucks at rigorous testing.

BH&G's competitors commit the same sins – literally, the exact same sins. Real Simple's reviews list the same photographer and the photos seem to have been taken in the same place. They also list the same person as their "expert." Real Simple has the same corporate parent as BH&G: Dotdash Meredith. As Housefresh shows, there's a lot of Dotdash Meredith review photos that seem to have been taken in the same place, by the same person.

But the competitors of these magazines are no better. Buzzfeed lists 22 air purifiers, including that crapgadget from Molekule. Their "methodology" is to include screenshots of Amazon reviews.

A lot of the top ranked sites for air purifiers are once-great magazines that have been bought and enshittified by private equity giants, like Popular Science, which began as a magazine in 1872 and became a shambling zombie in 2023, after its PE owners North Equity LLC decided its googlejuice was worth more than its integrity and turned it into a metastatic chumbox of shitty affiliate-link SEO-bait. As Housefresh points out, the marketing team that runs PopSci makes a lot of hay out of the 150 years of trust that went into the magazine, but the actual reviews are thin anaecdotes, unbacked by even the pretense of empiricism (oh, and they loooove Molekule).

Some of the biggest, most powerful, most trusted publications in the world have a side-hustle in quietly producing SEO-friendly "10 Best ___________ of 2024" lists: Rolling Stone, Forbes, US News and Report, CNN, New York Magazine, CNN, CNET, Tom's Guide, and more.

Google literally has one job: to detect this kind of thing and crush it. The deal we made with Google was, "You monopolize search and use your monopoly rents to ensure that we never, ever try another search engine. In return, you will somehow distinguish between low-effort, useless nonsense and good information. You promised us that if you got to be the unelected, permanent overlord of all information access, you would 'organize the world's information and make it universally accessible and useful.'"

They broke the deal.

Companies like CNET used to do real, rigorous product reviews. As Housefresh points out, CNET once bought an entire smart home and used it to test products. Then Red Ventures bought CNET and bet that they could sell the house, switch to vibes-based reviewing, and that Google wouldn't even notice. They were right.

https://www.cnet.com/home/smart-home/welcome-to-the-cnet-smart-home/

Google downranks sites that spend money and time on reviews like Housefresh and GearLab, and crams botshittened content mills like BH&G into our eyeballs instead.

In 1558, Thomas Gresham coined (ahem) Gresham's Law: "Bad money drives out good." When counterfeit money circulates in the economy, anyone who gets a dodgy coin spends it as quickly as they can, because the longer you hold it, the greater the likelihood that someone will detect the fraud and the coin will become worthless. Run this system long enough and all the money in circulation is funny money.

An internet run by Google has its own Gresham's Law: bad sites drive out good. It's not just that BH&G can "test" products at a fraction of the cost of Housefresh – through the simple expedient of doing inadequate tests or no tests at all – so they can put a lot more content up that Housefresh. But that alone wouldn't let them drive Housefresh off the front page of Google's search results. For that, BH&G has to mobilize some of their savings from the no test/bad test lab to do real rigorous science: science in defeating Google's security-through-obscurity system, which lets them command the front page despite publishing worse-than-useless nonsense.

Google has lost the spam wars. In response to the plague of botshit clogging Google search results, the company has invested in…making more botshit:

https://pluralistic.net/2023/02/16/tweedledumber/#easily-spooked

Last year, Google did a $70b stock buyback. They also laid off 12,000 staffers (whose salaries could have been funded for 27 years by that stock buyback). They just laid off thousands more employees.

That wasn't the deal. The deal was that Google would get a monopoly, and they would spend their monopoly rents to be so good that you could just click "I'm feeling lucky" and be teleported to the very best response to your query. A company that can't figure out the difference between a scam like Better Homes and Gardens and a rigorous review site like Housefresh should be pouring every spare dime it brings in into fixing this problem. Not buying default search status on every platform so that we never try another search engine: they should be fixing their shit.

When Google admits that it's losing the war to these kack-handed spam-farmers, that's frustrating. When they light $26b/year on fire making sure you don't ever get to try anything else, that's very frustrating. When they vaporize seventy billion dollars on financial engineering and shoot one in ten engineers, that's outrageous.

Google's scale has transcended the laws of business physics: they can sell an ever-degrading product and command an ever-greater share of our economy, even as their incompetence dooms any decent, honest venture to obscurity while providing fertile ground – and endless temptation – for scammers.

If you'd like an essay-formatted version of this post to read or share, here's a link to it on pluralistic.net, my surveillance-free, ad-free, tracker-free blog:

https://pluralistic.net/2024/02/21/im-feeling-unlucky/#not-up-to-the-task

#pluralistic #monopoly #seo #dark seo #google #search #enshittification #platform decay #product reviews #spam #antitrust #trustbusting

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iww-gnv · 2 months

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Reuters: "Home Depot Ban on Worker's Black Lives Matter Apron Was Illegal, US Agency Rules."

From the article:

Feb 21 (Reuters) - Home Depot violated U.S. labor law by barring a retail worker from wearing an apron that said "BLM" in support of the Black Lives Matter movement, a federal labor board ruled on Wednesday. The National Labor Relations Board in a 3-1 decision said the worker's refusal to remove the writing from the apron was protected by federal law because it came amid complaints about racial discrimination by employees at the New Brighton, Minnesota store. The worker, Antonio Morales, who uses they/them pronouns, in 2021 was told not to return to work with the altered apron and quit in response. Morales and other workers at the store had previously raised concerns about racial harassment and discrimination, and wearing the BLM apron was a "logical outgrowth" of those complaints, the NLRB said. The labor board found that Home Depot broke the law by forcing Morales to quit because they had advocated for better working conditions, which is considered protected conduct under U.S. labor law. The board said Morales did not have to explicitly link the apron to a workplace protest because, in light of the complaints about discrimination, "the BLM symbol accumulated meaning relevant to working conditions there." Home Depot was ordered to reinstate Morales and compensate them for lost pay and benefits. The company, which can appeal the decision to a federal appeals court, did not immediately respond to a request for comment.

Read the rest here.

#news #us news #home depot #nlrb #national labor relations board #blm #black lives matter #racial justice #workplace racism

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stephdrawsjohnlock · 2 months

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Fandom Trumps Hate 2024!

Looking for a scene drawn for your story? A piece to help inspire you to write a fic? A new icon? How about covers for your story with full print-ready Graphic Design service? Maybe a pinup, or some trading cards (up to 10)?? Maybe a gift for someone, or just your vision of a character(s) (up to 3 character sheets) for your AU?

Well, that’s just some of the stuff I’m willing to offer for this year’s @fandomtrumpshate Charity Event! FTH is a WONDERFUL community project that supports amazing non-profits through donations for fanworks via this wonderful annual event!

I am participating for my fifth year by offering 2 fanarts for y’all in either the BBC Sherlock or Good Omens fandoms, starting at 20$ for the non-profit of your choice!

Here are some past FTH pieces I’ve done, if you’re interested in seeing the scope of the work you would be getting from me:

2020:

GO - :FTH 2020 – Lagniappe for Big_Edies_Sun_Hat:

GO - :FTH 2020 BONUS – Réveillon for Big_Edies_Sun_Hat:

2021

SH - :This Year: (FTH #1 for @discordantwords)

SH - :Burlesque Johnlock: (FTH #2 for @ohlooktheresabee)

2022

SH – :A Quiet Moment: (FTH #1 for @totallysilvergirl)

SH – :Against the Wall: (FTH #2 for @anarfea)

2023

SH – :Let Me Come to You: (FTH #1 for ShakespearelovedLadyMacbeth)

SH – :Couch Cuddle: (FTH #2 for @discordantwords)

SH – :More Every Minute: (FTH #3 for @totallysilvergirl)

And of course, you can browse all my art to see my range:

@stephdrawsjohnlock

stephdrawsfanart on Instagram

@stephratte (Primary Multifandom Art Blog)

stephratte on deviantART

I will draw any ship from any of the above fandoms. All my work is done as a hi-res 3000x3000 print-ready piece in Procreate. Traditional media (markers, India ink, and pencils) is also available if you prefer, done on illustration or marker paper at the paper’s size, with the option of acquiring the original if you choose. I will also do it at a requested size if you have a preferred format for something specific (like a book cover or a comic panel). Feel free to DM me if you have any questions.

The browsing begins on Feb. 26, and the bidding opens on March 1! I hope I once again get a chance to do a couple fantastic pieces for y’all!! I love doing this so much, so keep an eye out for my info post soon once it’s official!

#fandom trumps hate #fth 2024 #i've signed up!!#I'm shocked I get bids at all lol

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lonestarflight · 2 months

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The Ingenuity Rover's Helicopter, nicknamed Ginny, is broken and alone

"In this most recent photo of Ingenuity, the dual-rotor 'copter can be seen motionless on a sandy dune in the background, as a barren, rocky Mars landscape fills the foreground.

The photo was taken on Feb. 4, 2024, at 1:05 p.m. local mean solar time, a little over two weeks since it suffered its mission-ending damage.

NASA and JPL's Ingenuity helicopter on the surface of Mars as seen by the Perseverance rover's Mastcam-Z camera on Feb. 4, 2024.

Ingenuity suffered damage to its rotors during a flight on Jan. 18 as it made a landing on a featureless, "bland" patch of sandy Martian landscape. The helicopter usually makes use of landscape features such as rocks to help it navigate, but its 72nd flight found the drone without visual cues.

The Jet Propulsion Laboratory (JPL) is still analyzing the damage to Ingenuity's blades, but regardless of what JPL finds, the helicopter's mission has officially come to an end now that it's no longer capable of flight.

Ingenuity landed alongside its robotic companion, the Perseverance rover, on Feb. 18, 2021. When it took to the Martian skies in April 2021, Ingenuity made history by conducting the first flight of a powered aircraft on another planet.

The Ingenuity-Perseverance duo has been exploring an area known as Jezero Crater ever since, discovering signs of ancient bodies of water on the Red Planet that may have once harbored life billions of years ago. Ingenuity served as a scout for Perseverance, identifying areas of interest for the rover to explore.

In recent weeks as NASA and JPL have been coming to terms with the end of Ingenuity's groundbreaking mission, agency leaders have praised the helicopter and the teams behind it.

'We couldn't be prouder or happier with how our little baby has done,' said Teddy Tzanetos, Ingenuity Project Manager at JPL, during a livestreamed tribute to the helicopter on Jan. 31. 'It's been the mission of a lifetime for all of us. And I wanted to say thank you to all of the people here that gave their weekends, their late nights. All the engineers, the aerodynamic scientists, the technicians who hand-crafted this aircraft.'

Tiffany Morgan, NASA's Mars Exploration Program Deputy Director, added that Ingenuity leaves behind a legacy that could pave the way for future aerial missions on other worlds.

This image, which shows the shadow of a damaged rotor on NASA's Mars helicopter Ingenuity, was taken after its 72nd and final flight on Jan. 18, 2024 on the Red Planet.

'The NASA JPL team didn't just demonstrate the technology, they demonstrated an approach that if we use in the future will really help us to explore other planets and be as awe-inspiring, as amazing, as Ingenuity has been,' Morgan said during the livestream.

NASA is already developing another drone destined for another world, the nuclear-powered Dragonfly, to someday explore Saturn's largest moon, Titan. The agency expects Dragonfly to launch no earlier than 2028."

#Ingenuity #Ingenuity Rover #ingenuity helicopter #Ginny #Helicopter #Mars Helicopter #Mars Rover #Rover #Mars #NASA #JPL #February #2024 #my post

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seungmoonandstars · 2 months

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𝐵𝓁𝒾𝓃𝒹 𝒟𝒶𝓉𝑒 𝒫𝒶𝓇𝓉 𝟧

Kim Seungmin/Female Reader

wc: 7.4k

rating: fluff/light angst/mature/explicit ಇ (contains: f/m receiving oral, pet names, Seungmin being sad)

comments: Blind Date part 5! Wish I could’ve thought of a better title. This is separated into pieces by month. All of the oneshots in my masterlist happened after these events. And since I tried following a strict timeline for the entire series (part 1 started in sept 2021), we are now in Feb 2023, the morning after Last Date.

⠂⠄⠄⠂⋆ ⠁⠂⠄⋆ ⠂ ⠂⠄⠄⠂⋆☽

February

The next morning you wake up warm and too well rested. You never wake up like this. There was no blaring alarm at 6:45, and no noisy upstairs neighbor while you tried to get to sleep.

No, none of that happened. You’re not there anymore. You breathe in the brand new scent of a brand new bed and finally focus your eyes on the spot in front of you. It’s empty, but you can tell he was there. The pillow isn’t fluffed, and if he tried to fix the blanket, you messed it up again in your sleep. He was here, though. And he’s still here. You can hear him right outside the door, walking down the little hallway.

And then it’s quiet when he reaches the kitchen.

You search for your phone and find it tucked beneath his pillow—10am. Seungmin sent a text twenty minutes ago…

good morning ☀️🤍

He’s too sweet to come force you out of bed on your first morning here.

One long shower later, you wrap yourself in the sweatshirt he left folded at the foot of the bed. You’re not sure if he left it there for you, but you’re taking it anyway…at least for now. And just as you walk for the door, you hear him again.

He’s humming something.

Now you remember what you were talking about right before you drifted off to sleep last night. You listen carefully as you get closer, and he gets louder, but then he hears you and stops for a second, starts again, and smiles at you.

“Morning,” you wrap your arms around him from behind and squeeze. “How long have you been up?”

Seungmin spins himself and hugs you back, “not long…maybe an hour.”

“What was that you were humming?”

“Oh…uh, it’s called Wish. I can sing it, if you’d like.”

He remembered. Maybe not until just now, but you’re glad that he did. As soon as you nod at him, he smiles and hums again—and very slowly, he starts to sing. You can tell he’s hiding himself a little, busying his hands with the coffee grinder and not making eye contact. He’s being shy, so you decide not to watch him too closely.

First, you walk toward one of the windows and pull the blinds back a little. Winter sunlight pours in and lights up the room. Seungmin looks back to see what you’re doing. You catch him and smile, and he smiles back. Then you open one of the moving boxes. This one goes to the kitchen, and you notice now that Seungmin has already emptied one of them. He specifically found the one with the coffee maker, the coffee, and everything that goes with it.

You sit on the arm of the couch and watch. He doesn’t realize it for a while, so you get to watch him work.

First he plugs in the grinder—he must have waited to do this part so he didn’t wake you, but he still waits while he sings. He pours in the beans and closes it, but doesn’t turn it on. Next he fills the coffee maker with water. He fumbles with it a little, so you wonder if he typically uses something a little more fancy.

The grinder turns on, and he looks back at you, and he stares for the few seconds it takes to finish and stop itself. Smiles. Turns and goes back to his task. Pops in a filter, pours in the coffee, turns it on.

“Thank you”

“For what?” He closes the distance between you and tucks himself between your open legs.

“Getting the coffee out, and making it. And singing for me.”

He leans in and kisses your forehead, “that’s my job. I’m going to get you a Nespresso machine, though.”

“You don’t have to do that.”

“I may have ordered it already.”

You pull him closer and push your face into his chest, “are they wondering where you are?”

“Probably. Not curious enough to ask, though. Or text.”

“Are you worried about it at all? Should I not be as worried as I am?”

Seungmin stands you up and holds you tight against him. Rubs your back, kisses your ear and works his way down to your neck. “You don’t have anything to worry about. But maybe this is why you had trouble sleeping.”

“Yeah, but I…I’ll try not to worry. I have you, that’s all that matters.”

“You have me. And we will have each other all day…what would you like to do?”

What would you like to do? There isn’t much the two of you can do—you have to stay inside, away from people and prying eyes, because if anything ruins this, you’ll have nobody again. You won’t have Seungmin.

But you’re perfectly satisfied spending the day with him here, looking at him, talking to him, touching and kissing him. Doing nothing. He already has the coffee going, so you’ll make breakfast and sit on the couch with him nestled between your legs. Maybe you’ll find something to watch together. Or you’ll just watch him play one of his games. He can tell you all about the last few weeks—the weeks that you’ve seen in so many photos and videos; ones that don’t tell the whole story.

“Nothing”

“Nothing?”

“I just wanna be here with you. What are you hungry for?”

“Hungry for? Hmm…” he grabs your hand, does a cute little spin—you watch his hair bounce up when he shakes it out of his face—and he sits on the couch. “What am I hungry for?”

The feeling of falling hits before you realize his hands are on you, and you do fall, very neatly into his lap. One arm squeezes you around the middle, and the other hand pulls at the collar of your shirt. The fabric is in the way of the kisses he traces along your shoulder, but he manages well. And he gives you goosebumps. You can feel every hair stand up, and the shiver that runs through you feels so loud in the quiet room.

“Min,” your lips tremble, “Minnie?”

“Yes love, is this okay?” Your knee is pulled back and your legs spread across his lap. But he doesn’t touch. His fingers knead gently into your soft inner thigh, slowly moving up, and then down.

You relax against his chest and nod.

“I’ve missed you,” his hand jumps up to your arm and does the same, “touching you…the way you touch me. I didn’t realize how much until after I left last month.” He sighs and pulls you, turns you on his lap until you’re chest to chest and straddling him. “You weren’t there. And I left you alone, and I felt…guilty.”

“No, don’t ever think that. I don’t want you to feel that way.”

“I know. I thought about it before, too. Before everything, after everything. And what would happen if things, you know, got serious.”

“We knew it would be like this, Minnie.”

“We did, I know.” Seungmin’s mouth twists and he sets his head back against the couch. “I was so worried about how you would deal with everything, I forgot about myself.”

“Oh, Seungmin…I thought about it.” You adjust yourself, sit up a little on his lap. “You always act so stoic, so I wasn’t sure if I should even worry. You’re tough to read sometimes.”

“I am, I’m sorry.” He looks at you again, eyes still glossy and big.

“No, I like trying to figure you out,” your fingers graze over his ears, tuck the loose hair behind them. They’re warm and pink like the flush of his cheeks. “I get a little more every time.”

“Not enough to scare you away yet?”

“Not even close”

The kiss you lean in for is so eagerly returned, you almost lose your balance. But Seungmin takes you by the waist and holds you tight.

“You sure?”

You yes into his mouth and push your tongue in. The coffee maker beeps loudly from the kitchen, but it doesn’t distract. Seungmin pulls you closer and grips your thighs, hard. It feels good. He pushes down until you’re on him—and his dick, still mostly soft, is growing against you.

His heart is racing. You can feel it when your hands move over his back, and you pull away to give him a moment to breathe.

He lays back and looks at you, and then looks down at where your hips meet. There’s a smile forming on his lips, but he’s biting them and making them even more swollen and red. You can’t read him, of course.

“Hey, look at me.” You touch under his chin with your knuckle until he lifts his gaze. His eyes give him away—he looks sad, but you don’t think he is. Worried, maybe. Hopefully not worried about some part of him you don’t know yet, and it being a part you won’t like.

“Hi,” he closes his eyes and lets the smile take over. Eventually his shiny, braceless teeth appear, and he relaxes. Sighs. Squeezes his fingers into your hips.

You lean down and kiss his jaw, and you can’t help but suck a little when you get to where his pulse is still beating wildly. Leaving a mark sounds…appropriate. He can cover it, of course, but knowing it will be there, and that you put it there—why not? You suck until you can nibble on the skin, until he makes a sound and moves his hips.

“That’s a little naughty,” it comes out like a laugh and a moan and a feeble attempt at a protest all at once. “Now they might get curious.”

It is. It’s a bit bold. You pull away and move to a new spot. “Are you good with your concealer?“

“I’m sure I can figure it out.” He laughs and his throat jumps under your lips. “Can I request?”

“Of course, what would you like?”

First his shirt comes off, and he grabs the back of your neck, gently guides you further down, then stops when your lips graze his nipple. You look up and his hand is covering his eyes and he can’t contain his smile.

You run your tongue over him, hard; kiss and suck him into your mouth as loudly and dramatically as possible. Then you move to the other side and do the same.

He’s red in the face.

“Don’t be shy, Min”

Seungmin looks down at you and squeezes your neck. And he whimpers when you do it all over again.

“…puppy”

His hips jump up into yours, “hmm…did you call me puppy?”

“Yeah, your eyes when you look at me like that,” you glance at the red mark forming on his neck, “puppy eyes,” you move to it again and kiss while your thumb circles his hard nipple, “my sweet pup…does it feel good?”

It does, and you know it. You can feel it in his little movements—his thighs shaking beneath you and his quick deep breaths. His eyes glaze over and he sinks into the couch as the blood rushes to his dick. And his sounds, so needy, coming from deep in his chest. But they’re soft. He breathes them right into your mouth when he grabs you for a kiss.

The time you’re apart from him is filled with cute texts and selfies, late night phone calls, Seungmin’s stories he tells you in a hushed voice in his hotel room—because the last few nights he has had to share the space. It makes up, to some extent, for when he’s not here and you can’t talk until one of you falls asleep; when you can’t make coffee and stare at him across the table the next morning.

When you finally come together, this is what will happen. You miss his touch, and (now you know how much) he misses yours. He’s shy about asking for new things, and all you want to do is give him exactly what he wants.

Your hands slide down his stomach, grab at the waistband of his sweats, and when your fingers graze over the hard tip of his cock, he groans.

“Yeah,” he finally answers when you pull away, “…so good.”

“Any other requests?” You dip down again and kiss across his chest, over his stiff, sensitive nipples.

"Uhmm…uh," he’s smiling and licking at the corner of his mouth—thinking. His brain seems to work a little better once you stop kissing.

“Mmm, yeah…maybe”

“Tell me”

Before he can get another word out, his phone buzzes. And then again. A few seconds later, it buzzes one more time. It sits there on the counter just a few feet away, innocent, but not really. You hate his phone when he’s here with you, because any notification could mean he’ll be on his way out.

He’s still looking at you when you pull your eyes away from it.

“I can grab it for you”

“I don’t want it”

“No?”

He shakes his head, “I want…mmm, I want you—” he pauses for a few seconds. One hand hangs from his neck, the other is kneading into your thigh, “to lie on your back.”

One more kiss, then you lift yourself from his lap, and do what he says. You make yourself comfortable; one leg hangs off the side, and the other slides down until the sole of your foot can rub his thigh. Seungmin doesn’t move yet, just sets his head back and looks at you…looks at you like he’s still a little unsure, and a little bit hungry.

As soon as he moves, your heart races and your legs start to shake. He turns himself and closes a hand around your ankle, and he holds tight before he slides his palm up your shin and to your knee. It’s forced back against the couch, and he puts himself right between your legs.

His lips are warm and wet on your thigh, but the hem of your shorts gets in the way, and he stops to grab them by the waist band.

“Minnie…”

He looks at you as he pulls them from your hips, and you watch his gaze move down.

“Min”

The air is cool against you, and you open your legs further without realizing it. Seungmin’s lips hit your other thigh and kiss, moving closer and closer…

You gently grab a handful of hair and tug until he looks at you, “Seungmin.”

“Yes?” His hand is so close to touching you, and his mouth isn’t much further away.

“You haven’t tried this yet…are you sure?”

“Mhm…yeah”

Maybe he’s a little clueless about what he’s doing down there, but his mouth closing around you, the temperature change, and his tongue sliding innocently over your swollen clit does what it needs to do. You move your elbows from under you and let your back hit the cushions.

He sucks hard, and the sound he makes when he releases you is so loud and dirty and satisfying, the little laugh you can’t contain turns into a sigh.

“You can tell me what I’m doing wrong.” You look down at him again, and he looks up, pokes his tongue out to lick his lips, “and what feels good.”

“That felt good”

He does it again, and then his tongue slides into your folds, and it’s not much, but it feels perfect. Every part of you is so sensitive, and the thought of him down there is really all it takes to set your nerves on fire. You roll your hips into him, and he pushes his mouth harder into you, moves it side to side, tongues your clit so delicately that you spread yourself open even more.

“Seungmin,” it comes out like a delirious giggle, it makes him laugh, and his mouth vibrates. You stutter when you start up again, “did you…ah…ooh.”

“Did I what?”

You don’t answer right away, because he doesn’t stop. He’s sucking again—his fingers circle your opening, you can feel how wet you are against them, and you desperately want him to slide them in, but he only teases.

“Did you research?” It comes out like a laugh and a moan, because he’s doing something very right down there. He’s a little erratic and his touch is light and careful, but it’s driving you crazy. It feels good.

“Maybe,” he smiles and kisses. “Am I doing okay?”

“Yeah, you are…don’t be shy, though. You don’t have to be so gentle.”

“Am I being too gentle?”

Seungmin is always gentle. It’s the only way he knows how to be. Even now, he’s staring up at you with his cheek nuzzled against your thigh. He’s been so careful with you every time you’ve been intimate, and you can’t wait to get him out of his shell.

“Mhm, but I like it,” you run your fingers through his hair and scratch, and he groans. "Keep doing what you think I'll like.''

One long hard lick from your opening to your clit, and then he’s back on you. He kisses back down and pushes his tongue in deep, lapping up every bit of arousal that he can. He moans and pulls you by the hips, and you wonder if he can even take a breath.

“Minnie,” you purr and squeeze his hand, and he grabs back to lace his fingers with yours, “aah yeah that’s so good…fuck.”

He keeps going, and his thumb slides over your clit and sparks go off behind your eyes.

The sound you make for him is so needy—you weren’t ready for how he was going to make you feel, but it’s just him. His touch and his sounds and his eagerness. It’s as if that year of built up frustration…that year of waiting for him, pours out of you every time he gets close. And it feels so good.

“Make me come”

His drawn out, dramatic mmmm sends a shiver through your thighs and up your spine. He’s working hard, and he’s so focused; two fingers reach deep inside of you, and the tip of his tongue moves softly. His lips close tight and suck. You’re overwhelmed with his touch now, and you need the slow rise of your orgasm to last forever.

But Seungmin gives it to you, and your moan echoes so loudly off the bare walls of the empty apartment.

His lips stay put, but his fingers slip out and move up until they reach his mouth. You can feel the heat from his tongue as it slips out to run over them

“Hey…” you nudge him with your leg, but he doesn’t move, doesn’t respond. “Seungmin, you okay down there?”

“Mhmm.” He’s there so suddenly, hovering, looking down at you with lusty eyes—even more hungry than they were before. “I am very okay”

“You work too hard, you know that?”

“Do I? I guess I should relax more while I’m here.”

Your legs catch and pull him down until you can grab for his waist. “Yeah, I wanna take care of you,” you kiss him once, “sit down…”

There’s something about the way he listens and obeys without question, and the way he looks at you when he does it. You like that look.

“Lay back and get comfortable. Do you want some coffee while I suck your dick?” You touch him, just to get a rise.

“Do I…uuh, do I want—“

“Iced?”

“Iced is good”

You watch him carefully when you get to the kitchen. His back is to you, but you can see his face when he does finally get comfortable against the pillow.

The clink of ice on glass brings him back from his daydream. He keeps his eyes closed, though, because the sun is a little too bright coming in now, but it doesn’t last—a few seconds later he hears the blinds being pulled closed, and now it’s dark.

One eye opens when he feels you climb back onto the couch, coffee in hand. The bittersweet smell hits him when you set the straw to his lips, and he takes a long, slow slip. Now he opens his eyes and grins at you.

“Is it good?”

Seungmin nods and grabs your sweatshirt when you reach over him to set it down.

This is new for him, too. You’ve done it before, very briefly during your first time together, and he remembers it very well, but you’ve never gotten yourself comfortable between his legs like this.

His head falls back when you touch. It’s just the palm of your hand moving softly up and down, and there’s still fabric separating you, but it feels so good. And he does relax, just like you want him to.

Your voice rings in his ears (“gotta get you hard again, love”). He still feels a little drunk from eating you out and making you come, because he wasn’t sure he could. And he thought he was going to come, too, but he somehow controlled himself. Now he’s softened up a bit—but just seeing you here, pulling at his shorts, stroking, leaning down to kiss and lick—he’s growing in your hand.

The warmth of your mouth warms his entire body. You pull every inch of him in, and when his head hits the back of your throat, he whines and bucks up.

“Sorry…sorry”

The feeling of your lips pulling up and off of him makes him do it again.

“It’s okay, you might not fit in a few seconds.”

“No?”

“Just wanted to go for it while I had the chance.”

“Are you still going to try?”

He can feel the hard pulse of blood rushing to where your hand is gripped tight, the other palm is gently cupping his balls, caressing them, “oh yeah, I’m gonna try,” and then your mouth is on them.

“Ah…that—" he sighs and lays back even more, trying not to disturb you while you work. The warm wet licks across his skin—Seungmin didn’t know he was that sensitive there, and that it would feel so intense, “wow.”

He hears and feels you giggle.

At the same time he’s trying not feel so self conscious. Maybe you felt the same when he had his face between your legs, but all Seungmin could think about down there was making you come, how horny your taste made him, how wet he was making you.

Now you’ve switched places, and he should know better anyway. His mind, heavy with pleasure as you explore him, still skips back to all of your previous times together—your first kiss, sweet and surprisingly intense. Seungmin wasn’t ready for it, and he wasn’t ready for the hard-on he tried, with great difficulty, to hide and calm down. Somehow, you did not notice. Or you didn’t say anything. And then you kissed him again, and again, and he never told you that was the first time someone really kissed him and meant it.

aah…mmm his hips buck again when you run your tongue up his shaft.

You’re taking your time with him, and he thinks you might be doing this more for your own pleasure than his. And that makes it even better.

The second date, when he somehow found the courage to kiss you himself—more than kiss you…he pulled you right on top of him. And then your hand found his erection, and he hoped for a moment, before he got nervous, that this would be his first time. He liked the idea of it being with you, even though you didn’t know each other well. But you liked him, and you didn’t hide it. You were exactly what he needed.

As soon as he scared you off, he so badly craved your touch again; your fingers running down what you obviously wanted.

“Minnie?”

He hears you, and he smiles at you, but it takes him a second to reply, “yeah…aegi.”

“You’re quiet, are you okay?”

“Perfect...don’t stop, you feel so good,” he sighs and reaches for your hand.

You grab his and slowly work him into your mouth, further and further back. The warm, wet feeling is familiar…but watching you swallow him and gaze up at him, it’s so much better in the moment. Seungmin whines when you suck hard and pull back, and bucks up when you push back in.

This time you take all of him, and when he feels the tight squeeze of your throat, he groans and grips your hand in a desperate attempt to keep his hips still. Now his mind is blank and buzzing, and all he can comprehend is you, and the hot radiating pleasure moving through his body.

In and out, so perfectly timed, his head is pushed down your throat—the tight stroke of your hand, your palm and fingers delicately massaging his balls. He could scream. His free hand fists the pillow under him, and he lets himself moan so loudly. He has to, otherwise he’ll lose control, push himself deeper and choke you.

You push him in even more, and now your lips are flush against his skin.

Every last inch is in your mouth, down your throat. It’s such a pretty sight. Your eyes water, and you hold onto his hips as you carefully, slowly pull him out. You leave a mess of spit, and your face is pink when you breathe in deep and cough, but you’re back to stroking him as you catch your breath.

Seungmin wipes at your lips with his thumb, and the look he gives you is full of worry, and concern. He doesn’t want you pushing yourself for him.

“I’m okay, Min”

“Are you…” his breath catches when you close your mouth over his head and lick, “…sure? Mm, yeah you’re good…fuck. Right there.”

“You like it like this?”

Your tongue circles his head, over and over, and he rolls his hips upward when it slides hard over his tip.

“Yeah just like that”

Seungmin lets himself relax again—back against the pillow, neck arching delicately over the arm of the couch. If you could see him like this, you’d tell him he looked like a painting; a statue, something too pretty to not be preserved. He stares up at the ceiling and lets himself get lost in the moment. His head swims. All he feels is you—the steady, hard stroke of your hand, and the pressure of your tongue on every perfectly sensitive nerve.

When he finally lifts his gaze to peek at you, you immediately look back, and your eyes lock. Neither of you seem to want to look away first, so Seungmin doesn’t. And you don��t. If anything, your stare intensifies as your hand and mouth work harder on him.

“Should I warn you?” he asks, and a shy laugh follows. “When I—“

You nod and pull him in again, not completely, but enough…a mouthful.

Seungmin is still holding out, but he can’t do it much longer, especially now that he’s looking down at you and watching every movement you make. It’s an overwhelming feeling.

The last time the two of you had sex, it was so intimate, and it was slow, and he almost doubted you for the briefest moment beforehand. But then you told him you loved him, and he was so relieved you stopped his mouth from saying anything stupid in that moment. Or not saying anything at all, because he just can’t get the words out even if he feels it.

But he is thinking and feeling it now as he watches you. And he feels himself getting there, and he can’t hold it back any longer.

“I’m gonna come…I’m gonna come”

He lets go and you hold him tight, work your mouth gently up and down as he empties himself for you—swallow, lighten your touch, kiss across his head. His hips relax again, and you move your mouth to the softest part of his thigh.

He just watches you kiss up his hip and stomach, and he wonders how long you’ll take to get to his lips, because that’s where he wants you. Until you get to his nipple. Now Seungmin hopes you’ll stay there a little longer, and you do. He’s even more sensitive than he was before, and you feel the goosebumps that jump up all over him.

“Now what?” he asks just as press your lips to his.

“We eat lunch. I’m so hungry.”

｡˚☽˚｡⋆

Every hour you get with him is special, and you take care to remember that whenever he’s here with you. This time it was four. Four perfect hours. Seungmin continued to ignore his phone when, eventually, you both got yourselves off of the couch.

He made you coffee, and he finished the one you made for him.

You ordered and ate lunch, helped him do his laundry and playfully scrutinized his folding techniques. And then you helped him pack.

It’s in the middle of this that he finally checks his notifications, and he takes his time doing it. You watch closely as his eyes move up and down the screen, and then he types and waits for another message to come through.

“Did you get everything you need?”

You just need to break the silence. There’s not much here that belongs to him...not yet at least.

Seungmin leans in to kiss your cheek, “yeah, I think so. My ride is on the way.”

“Oh…we should get you zipped up and ready to go.”

“We should?”

“No,” you stand and hold your hands out for him. “Maybe.”

His phone buzzes in his pocket as you head for the front door. He doesn’t check it—instead he drops his bag and works on getting into his shoes. “I think he’s here,” he checks after a second buzz, picks up his bag again, then sets it back down when he looks at you, “come here.”

You’re already halfway to him when he says it, and you squeeze the air out of his lungs

“Be safe, and don’t forget about me”

“Forget about you? I won’t if you remember to text me all day.”

“I don’t wanna bother you too much”

“I better have a text waiting for me every night when I get off the stage…no, a voice message. Both.” His hands rub in big circles over your back and shoulders.

Another buzz from his pocket.

His arms slip away, but he goes in for a kiss, and Seungmin lets you hold him there for as long as you want. You grab his hand and hold it as he unlatches the locks, squeeze tighter when he turns the knob and clicks the door free.

“I’ll see you soon”

“Seungmin?”

You stare at him, and one by one your fingers begin to unhook until only your middle fingers remain. The words just don’t want to come out. Even as you repeat them over in your head, when you open your mouth, it’s only air.

His other hand tickles beneath your chin, almost like he's coaxing it out of you. "You alright?"

"Yeah”

“Yeah?”

“I love you”

His mouth opens, but nothing comes out. A blush rises up his neck, and you can see his vein jump. But he still doesn’t say anything.

“I…uhm-“

Seungmin pulls you against him, and his hands are all over you again, moving gently over your back, down, until one sneaks under your shirt. He presses his warm palm against your skin and keeps it there.

“—I miss you already”

Still no reply, just a soft, sweet laugh against your ear. He pulls back and places a wet kiss on your forehead, then his bag is over his shoulder and his hand is on the doorknob again.

“I’ll call you as soon as we land, I promise”

｡˚☽˚｡⋆

March

｡˚☽˚｡⋆

May

“I know you’ve been busy, you don’t have to explain yourself,” you can barely hear him grumbling, “and don’t apologize.”

“Please”

Both of you are silent, but there’s still commotion on Seungmin’s end. Endless voices, an intercom, kids screaming. He’s at an airport somewhere.

“Okay, you can do it once. Only once.”

“I’m sorry I’m sorry…I won’t see you for a few more days.”

“It’s alright, Minnie. I’ll be at work, I’ll have plenty to keep me busy, I promise.”

“I’ll make it up to you, somehow. Is there anything I can bring home for you? I’ll find you something anyway.”

“No, I don’t need anything. Just you and your dirty laundry.”

Seungmin laughs, and that’s enough of a gift. You hear one of the others teasing him, but you can’t tell who it is, and he laughs again, tells them to stop being nosy. You figured one of the others knew about you, and that confirmed it.

“Give meeee…” he thinks and hums, “three days. How does that sound?”

“Tuesday? Okay I’ll see you a Tuesday.”

He sighs and fumbles with his things, and it sounds like he almost drops his phone, “you’ll be at work.”

The worry and uneasiness in his voice is too much, but you know now matter what you say, he’ll feel bad—he’ll feel guilty.

“Just tell me when, and I’ll be there to greet you.”

｡˚☽˚｡⋆

June

“We’re okay, right?” Seungmin is standing in the kitchen, leaning against the counter. His back is to you, but you still hear his soft voice. It almost sounds like he's not talking to you, like he's speaking to someone else in front of him, like he doesn't really want you to hear.

And you’re not sure why he would even ask you that, because as far as you know, yeah, you’re okay. The two of you are the same as you've ever been. He just got home a few hours ago, though, and he’s been a little quieter than usual.

“I think so,” you watch him carefully, but he doesn’t move from his spot. “I mean…I’m okay. Are you okay, Min?”

“Yeah, I am.”

“Anything you wanna talk about?”

From where you’re sitting, you can see him slowly shake his head, slump his shoulders a little, and drink his coffee. He’s tired, and he needs to sleep. Maybe talking can wait until after he’s gotten some rest.

“Come sit with me. Please.”

He rubs at his neck and turns to face you, and he looks…off. He didn’t look quite like that this morning when he came through the door. And he still isn’t getting any closer to you.

“Baby, what’s the matter?”

Finally he starts toward you, but he doesn’t look happy about it. His head falls back and you can see him scrunch his nose at the air, “I’m okay.” He sits down next to you and sinks back into the couch.

“Maybe you should get some sleep.”

“I’m not tired.”

His voice is still soft, but he says it quickly and with no thought. He sounds annoyed, and you’re not sure how to take it, or reply. He’s been gone for a while—either away or just so busy that he couldn’t get away to even see you. You haven’t seen him face to face since the 23rd of May, and you only spent the night together—he’s been spending every night for the last few weeks at his dorm.

And he is tired. He can tell you whatever he wants, but you know him well enough to hear it in his voice and see it in his eyes. They’re in the middle of a comeback, so you’re actually surprised he showed up this morning, unannounced.

“Okay, okay I’m sorry.”

He looks at you, eyes heavy. It feels like he’s looking right through you and at the wall. For the first time, you’re unsure about leaning forward and kissing him, or grabbing his hand.

The quiet between you continues, and the longer it goes on, the harder it is to break. Seungmin closes his eyes and lets out a deep breath, sinks even further into the couch. You sit back on the other end and try not to look at him. Instead, you look at your phone. Stare blankly at it. There’s nothing there you want to see. You have him here with you, and he’s the only thing you want.

The last time you sat together here on the couch, he was cuddled on top of you, unable to sleep, but trying to relax. Humming happily against your chest, rubbing his hand over your arm. You think back to greeting him at the door this morning—he kissed you on the lips, pecked you on the cheek, then disappeared into the bedroom with his things.

The sinking feeling in your stomach gets even worse.

His eyes are still closed, at least. When you rise from your spot on the couch and head for the kitchen, he does exactly what you hope he does—it only takes a few minutes until he folds himself up and gets comfortable. And you know when he’s fast asleep, you can see it in the way his body rises and falls so steadily with his breath, and how his fingers twitch every so often.

Now you just have to hope everything is okay when he wakes up.

｡˚☽˚｡⋆

"Hey...hi."

Seungmin is peeking around through the crack in the bedroom door. You closed yourself in there so the living room would be silent for him. And you know when he finally woke he was groggy, confused by the dark, and by the quiet. There are so many windows in there, but you made sure to pull every curtain shut tight.

"Can I come in?" His voice is still small.

You give him a nod, and he immediately steps in and pushes the door most of the way closed. A half finished water bottle swings from his hand, his bare feet shuffle a little on the carpet. He seems to be avoiding your gaze as he makes his way to his side of the bed. Carefully, he climbs on—trying not to disturb the papers you have strewn around—curls up into a ball like he did on the couch, and even though it's warm, he gets all the way under the blanket.

"You wanna talk yet? We don't have to…but...“

You told each other you’d always talk and be open, even on the bad days. Especially on the bad days. Seungmin is having one (or several) of those, and he’s obviously struggling. He has spoken to you openly about his feelings before, so you know he’s capable. You just wonder if he will this time.

“I’m your person, remember? You can give me some of what you’re feeling. Whatever is going on in here…” You set your palm on his forehead, run your fingers through his hair. He relaxes, but still doesn’t talk or move as you gather up your things, set them aside, and get under the covers with him. There’s a moment of hesitation and a little jump in your stomach, but eventually you reach for and grab his hand. He doesn’t pull away, and you’re relieved when he squeezes his fingers around yours. “You can tell me.”

“Mm…I’m not sure.”

“Not sure what’s going on in here?” You rub his temple and a smile tugs at the corner of his mouth. “That’s okay.”

“I do…but I don’t.”

“Is it work?”

“Sometimes.” He looks at you. “You’re right, I’m very tired. I’m sorry.”

“Is it just that… just worn out? It seems like more.”

Seungmin squeezes your fingers again. “We have been doing so much, I have been…I don’t feel like I’m doing my best.”

Being hard on himself is not new, to him or to you. But he’s usually able to see through it and pull himself up, keep going, push forward.

Everything lately, and you’ve kept up with every single comeback moment, performance, interview, etc…has been exhausting as a spectator. You can’t imagine being him. You can’t put yourself in his place. The amount of eyes on him, and the criticism—you could never handle it.

“Oh, pup…I wish I could make those feelings go away. You do so well, all the time.”

He moves closer to you, puts your arm around his waist. You squeeze him until he finds a good spot and nuzzles against you, but he’s still tense.

“I know I’m biased and you might not believe me, but I watch you all the time. Only you. And you’ve been amazing every single day. Did you go back and listen to yourself singing Laundry?”

He nods against you, hums a little mhm.

“You sounded beautiful. And you looked like a prince.”

“I do believe that you’re biased,” Seungmin laughs a little into your neck, “I’m glad you think I did well, thank you.”

“It’s not an opinion, Minnie. It’s the truth. And I know there’s more. You’re always hard on yourself, but you’ve never come home like this.”

Seungmin squeezes himself even harder against you—face in your neck, legs twisted with yours, air being forced out of your lungs by his grip. He groans loudly as he softens his hold.

“Why did you ask if we were okay earlier?”

He goes right back into your neck and sighs.

“…Seungmin.”

Another muffled sigh, a groan. “I’m just being stupid.”

“You’re not being stupid if something is upsetting you.”

“My sister accidentally told an old school friend of mine about us. She didn’t believe her, she said this would be worse than a long distance relationship, and something like this is silly and would never last.”

“Silly?” You take him by his shoulders and force him out. You need to look at him. “Us?”

Seungmin nods and looks anywhere but at you. “She said it’s just a matter of time before you lose interest in me. We spend too much time apart, and it’s not normal.” He pulls the covers up to his chin and pushes himself down. Now all you can see is his eyes, his forehead, and his blond hair spread across the pillow. “I ignored it, but then I didn’t hear from you yesterday, or the day before so I started thinking about it too much. And we haven’t seen each other at all lately, I’m so exhausted, and I feel like I’m not doing well enough. I’m not a good boyfriend.”

“Oh…” his words, no matter how softly he speaks, knock the wind out of you. You think back to yesterday, the text you typed and didn’t see sitting in the message box, unsent, until very late last night. And the day before…you were at work for twelve hours, but figured Seungmin was so busy anyway. “Oh, Min…I’m so sorry I didn’t text you. But none of that is true.”

The room feels warmer, but it’s not. You’re just angry at yourself for leaving him on read. You push the covers away from both of you and plant kisses all over his face, “I love you more every time I see you, or hear your voice,” you move your lips gently over his ear, making him giggle, “even if I’m an idiot and forget to send a text.”

“I was starting to think I was away too long.”

“You have been gone too long, and I’ve missed you, but you’re gonna have to do a lot more than that. I haven’t forgotten how long I went without you after we first met.”

Seungmin covers his face with both hands, but his hesitant smile is peeking out beneath it. He runs a hand through his hair, flips onto his back, and kicks the blankets away. “Don’t remind me.”

“Don’t ever say you’re not good enough.”

The look on his face is still unsure. He’s staring up at the wall, blinking slowly. Lost in thought, maybe.

“I think we’ve done pretty okay so far.”

“I know you could find someone to be with you every day if you wanted, and you deserve that.”

You reach out and grab his hand again, “finding someone isn’t easy, and finding someone like you is…impossible. I’d take this over any of my past together-every-day relationships.”

Seungmin looks you up and down, settles his gaze on your face, and rolls over until he’s hanging over you, “yeah?”

“That didn’t make the relationship good. You make this good.”

Lips graze your cheek—he kisses softly down to your jaw, and across your neck, “good,” he sighs when your fingers run through his hair, and he collapses onto you. He mumbles something into your neck.

“Hm?”

“Did you call me…pup?” He’s smiling fully for the first time all day, beaming at you. A completely different person from earlier.

"Yeah, I've never called you that before? I’m pretty sure I have”

"I don't remember, but I like it.”

｡˚☽˚｡⋆

124 notes · View notes

mars101 · 2 months

Text

5 Reasons To Love Lee Juyeon

☆ PAIRING = juyeon x reader

☆ GENRE = established relationship, pure pure fluff, i love love so much :<

☆ WARNINGS = reader is shorter than juyeon, eating, one use of y/n (i tried not to use it for once :<), pet names included: sweetie/sweetheart (to reader) & hon/honey (to juyeon)

☆ WORD COUNT = 3k?? or 2.9k??? one of those

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★ SYNOPSIS = "What made you love me?" a question not usually asked when it's your eighth year together. but juyeon was just so curious, so here's five reasons why (and how) you fell in love with lee juyeon.

★ RELEASE DATE = 02.14.24

★ PLAYLIST = 💌

★ AUTHOR’S WELCOME = happeeee (late) juyeon day !!!! i love you juyeon ☹️☹️ ok now its happy valentines day !!! lolol i was supposed to post this for his birthday but it was still a wip 💀 so now happy vday juyeon !! ok bye enjoy this pls (NOT PROOFREAD OR BETA READ BTW)

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Date: Feb 14th, 2024

“What made you love me?”

Juyeon’s sudden question made you stop mid-bite into your food. His tone makes you think he's playing around but when you look up at his face, he has a serious but curious expression displayed.

“So suddenly? Uhm…”

His eyebrows raise in curiosity as he awaits the answer. Mouth parted while he nods gesturing you to go on.

“You're you.”

“Huh?”

“I love you because you're Lee Juyeon”

The male pouts as a blush paints his cheeks, “I wanted to hear specifics. Like, like… you know!”

You chuckle at your lover's reaction and caress his hand on the table. “I'll give you specifics then, alright?”

“More than alright”

“Hmm let's see…”

No.1: “Lee Juyeon is a caring man.”

Date: Feb 14th, 2019.

Valentine's Day 2019. The day you weren't able to go on the date the two of you had planned for weeks because you had a fever.

The two of you have been calling each other all day, hearing the sound of his voice made you feel better each second.

During the whole call you heard rustling in the background but decided not to comment on it until you heard him walk out his house and enter his car.

“Juyeon..? Where are you going?”

“….Nowhere.. where are YOU going…?”

Once he returns the question back to you, the two of you say nothing. The voice of Juyeon’s gps tells you everything you need to know as you hear it say your street name.

“Juyo.. You shouldn't come over, I don't want to get you sick”

“Who said I'm coming over? I'm not coming over, just going somewhere..” He continues to act clueless the whole car ride, dodging questions and comments as he makes his way to your house.

Even as you watch his car pull into the driveway next to your mom's car, Juyeon still tries to act like he isn't at your house.

“Sweetheart, I don't even get what you're saying. I'm at home, is there another handsome, tall, kind, sweet, and did I say handsome man you're seeing?”

The phone hangs up as the doorbell is rung. Outside the window, you can see Juyeon on the steps to the door. Red roses hidden poorly behind his back.

“Oh! Didn't think I'd be seeing you here hon”

“This is my house.”

You sigh as Juyeon happily skips his way into your house, ignoring the sniffles of your nose and coughs escaping your mouth. “Juyeon you really shouldn’t be here. Even if it’s Valentine’s Day.” Opposing to your words, you shut the front door behind you.

“But if I wasn’t here, how could’ve I brought you these flowers?” He pulls out two bouquets of roses from behind his back, “One’s for your mom, because she's so sweet for having to deal with me here everyday”

Juyeon opens his arms with a big smile, “A small cold isn't going to stop me from showing my love for you” Your engulfed in his hold as he rests his head atop yours. “Sadly, I don't think anything will stop you Juyo.”

“Nope!” He pulls his head away just to come back and plant a kiss on your forehead. “Whether you're healthy or sick, I'll always be here beside you.”

No.2: "Lee Juyeon is a romantic man."

Date: Feb 14th, 2021.

Everybody knows what happened this year, no need to explain it. Juyeon was thanking the gods for the fact that the year prior, he came up with the idea for the two of you to move in together.

But there was one problem this Valentine's Day. He couldn't go out to get flowers this year. To him, it's the most important part of the gift. He didn't need to go out to get your gift because he got it a year before. But the flowers! What's February 14th without the surplus of flowers in the air?

A day before Valentine's Day, Juyeon did the last thing he thought he would be doing. Googling last-minute gift ideas for Valentine's Day.

It took an hour for him to find something to replace the missing flowers and it was perfect. Especially since they were easy to personalize. He's lucky they're easy to make too as he finished them while you were sleeping and hid them in his bedside drawer.

“Good morning, Juyo Honey~ Happy Valentine's Day!” You softly kiss his cheek, and he rustled awake at the warm feeling.

He blinks his eyes open and squints as he takes in his surroundings. Once his eyes land on you, they widen, and a soft smile makes its way onto his face.

Juyeon’s hands lay on your cheeks as he brings you closer to him for a soft kiss. “Happy Valentine's Day, sweetheart. Sorry I didn't make you breakfast in bed this year, I stayed up making you something last night.” He yawns and does a big stretch.

“Hon, you don't have to apologize.. I'm happy just staying here with you for hours- Wait made? Don't tell me… You made another giant card filled with pictures and glitter??”

“No! Come on, sweetie, you know I try not to repeat gifts. It's something even better,” He turns to his bedside table and reaches into the bottom drawer to get the first gift for you.

A gasp leaves your mouth as you lay your eyes on a bundle of paper flowers made by the man next to you.

“Juyeon! What- I- When did you make these? And how long? Oh my” You sit up, and the bundle is placed on your lap.

“Made it last night after you fell asleep. Only took me about… three hours?”

“I fell asleep at ten… You stayed up till one to finish these?”

“Well yeah, I was missing only the flowers this year. I had to find a way to have them for the day.”

Your face drops at his words, “There’s more..?”

“We're baking a cake together, I got the ingredients delivered.” Juyeon pauses before glancing towards the closet door, a common spot for hiding gifts in the household. “And there's a giant card…”

“Oh no…”

“It's confetti, not glitter this time! So there's a difference!”

No.3: "Lee Juyeon only has eyes for you."

Date: Feb 14th, 2016.

”sent to lee juyeon”

”For: lee juyeon”

”can this go to juyeon?”

Your school was doing a cute Valentine's Day event, pay a dollar or two to send your crush or lover or friend a simple carnation rose. Seems cute on paper, doesn't it?

Yes... But all the work of delivering flowers on Valentine's Day is as stressful as staying in class for the whole day. Who knew flowers could start so much drama?

People coming to the busy student council room and yelling at you because their flower wasn't sent first, couples sending flowers to other people and confessions. Way too many confessions.

Someone at the center of a majority of these confessions is Lee Juyeon. Last year his friends, Younghoon and Hyunjae graduated so now it's like all the confessions piled onto him.

“Flower delivery!” You knock on the classroom door, and the teacher inside gasps at the amount of carnations you and your fellow council member were holding.

“Oh my! Is there one for every student? Why is there so much?”

“All for Juyeon.”

“Oh..”

“We'll be back here don't worry.”

Valentine's Day was never your favorite holiday, why show all your love for someone on one day when you can do it every day?

The door to the student council room slammed open before you could even touch it, another annoyed and entitled student bursts out. Your friends inside sigh at the outburst.

“Oh Y/n! There's something up with this one flower” Yunjin beckons you to the table with notes and letters. “Did you plan on confessing to Juyeon today? Because if so, you made a mistake on the form.”

“Confessing on Valentine's Day? I thought you knew me by now. Let me see this.” Before you can take a look at the note, it's snatched out of Yunjin's hand.

“Eric?!? What the??”

“Oh uhm… I'll go and deliver this flower, hold up.”

“But you're on writing duty! Your handwriting's the best-”

“There’s two piles done!”

Eric runs out the door with the note, grabbing a red carnation to complete the set.

“It's everyday with this kid.. Sorry Y/n but, do you think you can go and bring him back. Easy way to get a small break from delivering flowers”

Yunjin looks at you with a pleading look on her face, and you send a nod and a thumbs up her way as you head toward the door.

Luckily Eric didn't wander far and good thing his voice carries across the hallway as you were able to find him quickly. Oh! He's talking to Juyeon..

“Dude! You're lucky I got a hold of the note before they did-"

“Eric? You keep on running off. What's the excuse this time.”

“Uhhh….” Eric's like a deer caught by the headlights as he thinks about what to say, “This is my excuse” He pushes Juyeon towards you and runs back to the student council room.

“Hi..”

“Hi Juyeon, don't worry, all of your flowers were delivered. You don't have to go home with like three piles of flowers-”

“This is for you,” The boy in front of you holds out the red carnation. He looks away from you with blushing cheeks and shy eyes. “Happy Valentine's Day, Y/n.”

"What the fuck???"

After the initial shock fades away, you find yourself softly smiling at the surprising actions of Juyeon. Hands reach out towards the flower in his hands, “Happy Valentine's Day, Juyeon. Are you free after school?”

“What?!?” His head flinches to your direction and his eyes widen, “Me? I mean, I think so.”

“Juyeon, do you want to go out on a date with me?”

He's left speechless at your boldness, his face almost as red as the flower in your hand.

“Of course!”

No.4: "Lee Juyeon always knows what you need."

Date: Feb 14th, 2022.

“Are you sure you can drive yourself back home?”

“Yes, hon, I'm sure. And I'm already halfway there!”

“Okay okay, just making sure..”

You were currently on your way home from work. Yes, you were working on Valentine's Day, unfortunate, right? Plans had to be rescheduled due to the sudden schedule changes your boss made without warning.

A bouquet of roses rested in the passenger seat next to you. Waiting to be gifted to your lover, “Juyo, When I get home, do you think you can-” Through the phone, a loud crash is heard, followed by a faint ‘oh no!’, “Juyeon.. Are you okay?”

“Sweetheart.. Why are the suitcases on the highest point of the closet..?”

“Because we never go any…where….”

“Oops…” Juyeon hangs up the phone right as you pull up to the house. Your keys rattle in your hand as you unlock the door, roses in the other hand.

Juyeon is nonchalantly sitting on the couch like nothing happened, “Oh hey! How was work?” He gets up to embrace you and plant a kiss on your forehead.

“Hon you can't just ignore what you hinted at just now.”

“Hinted?? What did i hint at? Ha.. Oh, wait! What's that over there??” Juyeon points to a random object behind you, and foolishly, you turn. The bouquet is snatched out of your hand, and Juyeon bolts into the kitchen.

“Juyeon!-”

Laying across the kitchen table were rose petals. They formed a heart around an envelope and your passports. Inside the envelope was confetti and a printed out paper conforming the plane tickets of Juyeon and you to Italy.

“Don't worry, I contacted your boss for the days off. He's actually weirdly nice, asked me if I wanted a job.”

“You.. booked us a flight to Italy…”

“Yeah, sweetheart you've been working so hard these days. You were literally just on shift not even an hour ago, and it's Valentine's Day. My love needs a break, I know there's a bunch of stress bubbling inside that pretty head of yours.”

Juyeon pulls you closer to him, his hand stroking your head, “You've been doing so well, sweetie. I'm here whenever you need me.”

You bring your arms around his waist as you bury your head onto his body. “I don't know what I'd do without you, Juyo.. Every year, you always manage to show me up on Valentine's Day, though.”

“I think it's because I'm better, haha!”

“I'm throwing my luggage at you later.”

No.5: "Lee Juyeon loves you."

Date: Feb 14th, 2024.

“Why'd you ask me that question?”

Juyeon’s eyes start to waver across your face, his hands resting beside him as he leans back into his chair.

“No reason, it's just.. did you notice it yet? The flowers..”

Your eyes land on the flowers sitting on the side of your kitchen table. A mix of red and pink roses fill the vase. One flower sticks out from the rest, a red carnation.

A soft smile appears on your face, and fingers reach out to softly caress the flower. “The first flower you ever gave me.. How sweet” Your hand softly grabs a hold of the flower, pulling it out of the vase.

“No wait!-” Juyeon was cut off by the sound of something falling off the carnation's stem. His hands were quick to grab the object before you noticed what it was. “Uhm…”

“Juyeon… What fell from the stem?”

“What fell from what? Haha.. More like, what's that over there?!?”

“I'm not falling for that again.”

“Oh.”

Juyeon sighed and mumbled under his breath, “You know what, I was going to wait till after we finish eating, but why wait any longer.”

He stands up from his seat and makes his way around the table until he's right by you. The male grabs ahold of your hand as he takes a seat next to you. His lips softly make contact with your knuckles, and his eyes lock onto yours.

“Juyo..? What.. What is this..?”

“Something I've wanted for years, a romantic dinner in the house I share with the person I love the most.” Juyeon says with a soft smile, his thumb caressing your hand. “Can you believe it's already been eight years since I confessed to you?”

“Eight years already? That's so weird. It felt like only a few years ago. Maybe it's because when I'm with you, you always make me feel like a high school student with a crush.”

He chuckles at your words, “Valentine's Day has always been a special day for us, hasn't it? I can’t wait to spend more and more years with you.” Juyeon pushes himself off the chair and onto the ground on one knee.

“Your shoelaces are untied-”

“Juyeon I'm not wearing…shoes..”

Your words trail away from your mouth as Juyeon looks up at you and reveals the object he that hid from you, a ring. In his hands lay a sparkling and beautiful ring.

“What the fuck?? Juyeon?-”

“Ever since I met you in senior year, you've been the only person on my mind. My mornings start with you, my nights end with you, and my days are all about you.” His shaky hand comes back to your own, and he holds on tight.

“You are the light of my life, and I knew you were my one true love since you made that same reaction when I confessed to you. So… will you let me spend a lifetime with you by saying yes?”

By this point, both of your eyes are watery, but the love in each other's eyes is visible through the blury tears.

“Will you marry me?”

“Get out! Of course I will!!”

★☆★ AUTHOR'S GOODBYE = technically, its still valentines day… so i made it before the deadline hehe anyways thank you for reading i love yall and shout out to all the hotties out there mwah byebye

☆★☆ TAGLIST = @sanasour, @boomhoon, @loonaluvz, @deoboyznet

#deoboyznet #tbz imagines #tbz x reader #the boyz drabbles #the boyz imagines #the boyz x reader #juyeon x reader #lee juyeon x reader

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operationslipperypuppet · 10 months

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1: Baggin’ it with Balnor: Loud Libraries, Questionable Drug PSAs, and Staying Fit w/ Pendergreens (NADDPOD Aug 5, 2020)

2: Clash of the Corn Cuties (Fantasy High, Ep. 2)

3: “…AS ANY OF YOU” Blast from the Passed (Fantasy High: Sophomore Year, Ep. 15)

4: (finishes with “Only thing that could take us out was a trip to the zoo.”) Rolling up the Hill (A Starstruck Odyssey, Ep. 2)

5: (he misspoke, had to walk back everything, and didn’t remember what it was from. this was after 10 unrelated off topic minutes on the Flintstones.) D&D Court: Bonus Cases - King Robert Can Klump (w/ Ally Beardsley) (NADDPOD Short Rest Jun 24, 2022) [this is a Patreon-exclusive but it’s so unhinged i needed to include it]

6: (including writing a letter to his former wife and expecting her to read it while he watches, then ending the conversation with this song) Leap of Faith (Neverafter, Ep. 15)

7: Everyone else gave a number that was less than 5. Murph thought they were all crazy for saying numbers so low. He said sixteen. Hearthside Chat Q&A: What’s Your Clown Tolerance? (NADDPOD Short Rest, Oct 1, 2021) [this is also a Patreon-exclusive and it’s soooo goddamn ridiculous]

8: Cult of the Trident, thinking a child was named Nana, there’s literally too much to name Trinyvale x Bahumia Mini Arc: Eps. 1-3 (NADDPOD Feb 10, 17, & 24, 2023)

9: Donkey Kong One-Shot: A Bananksgiving Special (NADDPOD, Nov 27, 2019)

10: I’m literally so sorry there are so many moments, the man is insane. if you choose this, tell us what moment, and include the episode title/source/date so we can all enjoy the unhinged moment.

#dimension 20 #naddpod #brian murphy #a starstruck odyssey #fantasy high #fantasy high sophomore year #fhsy #bahumia #trinyvale

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one-time-i-dreamt · 2 years

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I usually don't care that much for celebrity culture nor use Facebook, but a couple of years back his posts made their way to my dash (I think it was a cute photoshoot with his dog or something like that) and I somehow ended up following his page and have learned about his plight recently.

I'll always respect the celebrities who use their platform to fight for their people.

He was suffering from cerebral malaria and congenital diseases including coronary heart disease and asthma at the time when he was arrested, so thank everything that he was released but so many people are still in jail for simply protesting and exercising their human rights.

If you want to learn more about what's happening in Myanmar, here are some resources.

#not a dream #myanmar #paing takhon

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heroesriseandfall · 1 month

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Canonical Batfamily Birthdays

Here are all the birthdates I know of that are canon somewhere in DC, with a preference for the main comics continuities. I have included exact sources and image references when possible. I am not including character introduction dates, just actual birthdays.

If you find any other sources for Batfamily birthdays, please do share!

A moment of silence for Batfamily characters who don’t have canonical birthdays yet, so far as I know. This includes Damian Wayne, Stephanie Brown, Duke Thomas, and more. :(

Summary

Source images will be further down, but here’s an overview in roughly age order (I’m not sure of Kate vs Selina’s ages) with the dates the birthdays were introduced and used:

Tim Drake: July 19th (from 2003)

Jason Todd: August 16th (from 2004)

Cassandra Cain: January 26th (from 2002)

Helena Bertinelli: February 14th (in the Batman: The Brave and the Bold universe, from 2010)

Helena Wayne: September 7th (from 1984), potentially October 20th or the 22nd of unknown month or maybe October 22 or maybe Feb 28th (all the New 52 on passports from 2011-2012). These could also be New 52 Helena Bertinelli’s birthdays or nobody’s birthdays. who even knows.

Dick Grayson: March 20th (from 1995), October ~24th ish (from 1990), November 11th (from 1976), December 1st (on Earth-16 in animated Young Justice universe, from 2012)

Barbara Gordon: September 23rd (from 1976), sometime in fall (from 1987)

Selina Kyle: March 14th (from 1976)

Kate Kane: January 26th (in Batwoman TV series from 2020), March 21st? (word-of-god by J.H. Williams III from 2012)

Bruce Wayne: October 7th (from 2021), February 19th (from 1970s various to more recently), April ~7th (from the late 1940s)

Jim Gordon: January 5th (from 1976)

Alfred Pennyworth: April 8th (from 1976), August 16th (in the Injustice: Gods Among Us universe, from 2016)

Note: in this post when I say “main comics continuity(s)/universe” I’m referring to anything that’s been a “home” continuity for the comics at some point. For example, pre-Crisis Earth-2, Earth-1/New Earth, and Earth-0/Prime Earth, as opposed to Elseworlds or DCEU earths that are still part of the broader DC multiverse but have never been the primary continuity of the comics.

Below are further details and source panels.

Details and Sources

Tim Drake

Tim has only been given one canon birthday. He turned 16 on July 19th in Robin Vol. 2 #116 (cover date Sep 2003).

Robin Vol. 2 #116 (Sep 2003)

Jason Todd

Jason turned 18 on August 16th in Detective Comics #790 (March 2004). This is his only canon birthday.

Detective Comics #790 (Mar 2004)

In post-Crisis/preboot (1986-2011) continuity, there was a gap of six months between when Jason died and when he was resurrected (Batman Annual 25). Jason died April 27th according to his death certificates in Batman Annual 25 and Batman Files 2011, so he would’ve resurrected near late October.

Batman Annual 25 (May 2006)

So, it could be that post-resurrection Jason is biologically 6 months younger than he chronologically should be. But honestly, do we even really know what multiverse-breaking resurrection punches and then a Lazarus Pit on top of that do to someone’s body??? Either way it’s just much more simple to just use his chronological age.

Cassandra Cain

Much like Tim and Jason, Cass has only ever been given one birthdate: January 26th from Batgirl Vol. 1 #33. With that birthday, she turned 18 in Batgirl Vol. 1 #37.

Batgirl Vol. 1 #33 (Dec 2002)

When Jan 26th actually comes, Bruce suggests David Cain could’ve lied about it, but Cass denies that idea and continues to treat the day as her birthday.

Batgirl Vol. 1 #37 (Apr 2003)

Why it's likely her real birthday: Bruce initially believes Cain must’ve lied because he doesn’t think Cain could’ve known her birthday. However, we later learn Cain had lied about her origins and was actually her biological father. Batgirl v1 #62 and #73 show he was there for her birth and could absolutely know the date.

On top of that, in Batgirl #37 Cass remembers celebrating her birthday with him as a child, so he did seem to actually keep track of it. I honestly don’t see any reason to believe he’d lie (Bruce is just a jealous spoilsport).

Helena Bertinelli + Wayne

I’m combining them here because the New 52 gives me a headache.

Helena Bertinelli celebrated her birthday on February 14th in a spin-off comic from the animated Batman: The Brave and the Bold series. This is obviously not part of regular comics continuity and the characters differ from the usual comics in many ways. And yet, for reasons that will soon be clear, it’s my favorite for actually being about Helena Bertinelli the Huntress and for not being an utter mess.

Batman: The Brave and the Bold #14 (Apr 2010)

In a character profile at the end of Infinity Inc. #7 (Oct 1984), Helena Wayne’s birthday was September 7th, 1959. Calculating back from October 1984, that would make her 25 at the time.

During the New 52, Helena Bertinelli was initially portrayed as a long-dead (secretly alive but don’t worry about it) mobster’s daughter and replaced by Earth-2’s Helena Wayne who got stranded on Prime Earth. This H. Wayne stole H. Bertinelli’s identity in the form of several forged passports and IDs, which had hints toward birthdates. The question is, can we take any of those birthdates seriously, and if so, which birthdates and for which character? (Cue my headache.)

Skip ahead to Dick if overthinking fake passports sounds boring.

When comparing to a real Italian passport, the date on H. Wayne’s fake Italian passport appears to be a birthdate. Note that the fake name is Carol Bertinelli, not Helena. H. Wayne said her IDs were inspired by H. Bertinelli but clearly she’s taking liberties for the IDs so that’s a point toward these being useless for H. Bertinelli birthdays.

Huntress Vol. 3 #1 (Dec 2011)

I don’t recognize the month abbreviation as a real abbreviation, but from the visible letter O I’m going to assume it means October. If it is, then the date is 20 October 1985. Sidenote: a 1985 birthdate during 2011 could put her age at about 26, which is actually quite close to how old she could’ve been based on pre-Flashpoint! 1985 has been given as Helena Wayne’s death year before, so it’s an interesting choice of a birth year for her. (Thanks to DC’s sliding timescale, though, birth years don’t actually mean anything in the comics.)

They don’t show her complete US passport, but I can see a “22” in line where the day of the month should be for her birthdate. This already contradicts the previous passport. This one uses Helena Bertinelli’s actual name, though–does that make it more relevant than the Carol one or this all still ridiculous because of the discrepancies?

Worlds’ Finest Vol. 1 #1 (Jul 2012)

We can try to glean the US passport birth month from the passport number at the bottom. The first two digits (“12” here) indicate the agency that issued the passport. 12 means the Honolulu agency. Right after “USA” is supposed to be the birthdate plus an extra number, in the order of year/month/day with the year being the last two digits of a year. Here we encounter another problem. It says 810228. This would imply her birthdate is 1981/02/28. That’s February 28, 1981. Since the earlier line indicated her birthday fell on a 22nd, this already contradicts itself.

Interpreting a Machine Readable Zone (MZR) on a Machine Readable Travel Document (MRTD)

However, I’d bet comic writers and artists aren’t always well versed in passport numbers (it’s already a stretch for me to bother checking it…). If they put the extra digit before the birthdate instead after, and the date is formatted month/day/year (the most common format in American English, so probably their first instinct), then we can drop the first 8 and it’s 10/22/8[?] with the last digit unknown. This would put her birthday as October 22, sometime in the 1980s. The 22 matches the earlier line, the October might match the previous passport if that really did say October (but contradicts the 20th), and the 1980s year could be 1985 to match the Italian passport.

At the end of the day I’m personally just going to let Helena Bertinelli be a Valentine’s born baby and call it a day, unless/until she gets a better one in the comics. For Helena Wayne I’d easily pick September 7th.

(My question is: did they give the crossbow vigilante a Valentine’s birthday as a Cupid joke??)

Dick Grayson

Dick has probably had the most birthdays of everyone (unless Bruce has more I don’t know about). All of them have their drawbacks.

In a main comics continuity, his most popular and most recent is “the first day of spring” so probably March 20th. This comes from Robin Annual 4 when his mom says she calls him Robin because he was born on the first day of spring. That presents some problems since there are other explanations given for the origin of “Robin,” including that his mom said he was “always bobbin’ along” (Dark Victory #12, page 17) or the original inspiration of Robin Hood (Detective Comics #38, p3).

Robin Annual 4 (Jun 1995)

Before that, in Secret Origins Vol. 2 #50 (Aug 1990), Marv Wolfman wrote a version of Dick’s origins where Dick turned 10 a week before his parents died on Halloween. That would make his birthday October ~24th (presuming that “a week” before Halloween literally means 7 days here).

Secret Origins Vol. 2 #50 (Aug 1990)

The first drawback of the October birthday is that it’s tied to Dick being 10 when his parents die on Halloween. Dick’s age and the date his parents die change a lot depending on the writer (Nightwing Vol. 1 #1 says his parents died June 27th, Dark Victory #8-9 says May, etc.). The second drawback is that few people remember this version of his birthday even exists.

Dick’s birthday is November 11th in Super DC Calendar 1976. Note: Despite being a non-diegetic calendar from almost 50 years ago, this source remains well known and used among comic enthusiasts (including those working at DC). Generally, I would say it should mainly apply just to pre-Crisis continuity, but it is also useful for characters that haven’t gotten updated birthdays ever since (like Roy Harper, Barbara Gordon, or Selina Kyle, for example).

Super DC Calendar 1976

Sidenote: Since Damian doesn’t have a canon birthday, November 11th is favorite to steal for my own fan canon Damian birthday. Dick has plenty birthdays to share and I think it’s cute. @ DC, give Damian and Steph birthdays, they’ve been birthday-less for decades!

Indeed, DC writer Tim Sheridan and editor Mike Cotton debated whether Dick’s birthday was in March or November. They favored March 20th and wrote a birthday scene in Teen Titans Academy #1 (published March 23rd, 2021). The publishing time near Dick’s birthday was intentional, though the date isn’t mentioned within the comic itself.

Link to tweet

The above birthdays were all meant to apply to a main comics continuity at some point. However, Earth-16, better known as the animated Young Justice universe (therefore outside of main comics continuity), says YJ Dick’s birthday is December 1st.

Young Justice Vol. 2 #20 (Nov 2012)

Unlike Helena Bertinelli, Dick has plenty of comics birthdays to choose from, so personally I’ll only count Dec 1st as being the birthday for YJ animated/Earth-16 Dick Grayson until or unless it’s ever mentioned to apply to main comics continuity.

Barbara Gordon

Super DC Calendar 1976 says Barbara’s birthday is September 23rd.

Super DC Calendar 1976

Since then, the only time I recall her birthdate hinted at is in Secret Origins #20 when her adoptive mom says her birthday is in the fall. This could support her birthday being September 23rd.

Secret Origins Vol. 2 #20 (Nov 1987)

Although she has celebrated her birthday on panel since then (the end of Nightwing Vol. 2 #153), she hasn’t been given any other actual birthdate. So I’ll keep September 23rd and call it a day.

Selina Kyle

Super DC Calendar 1976 says Selina’s birthday is March 14th. Once again, although it hasn’t been mentioned within a comic, it’s stuck around in popular consciousness (see: Catwoman actress Zoë Kravitz wishing Selina a happy birthday on March 14th).

Super DC Calendar 1976

Selina celebrated a birthday on panel in Catwoman (2002) #37 but the date was never mentioned. I don’t know of any other reference to her birthday, but my reading of Selina is thus far more sparse than my reading of the others.

Kate Kane

Kate’s birthday options all come from outside of the comics themselves.

In “An Un-Birthday Present,” season 1 episode 11 of Batwoman, a parallel version of her twin Beth had a driver’s license showing her date of birth as January 26, 1990. She and Kate later celebrated their birthdays on an episode aired Jan 26th, 2020. I don’t keep up with live action DC shows so I unfortunately can’t offer a screenshot (if anyone has one or the timestamp, please let me know!).

(I kinda wonder if somebody looked up Batwoman’s birthday for these episodes, saw Batgirl’s (Cass’s) birthday, and just ran with it. Batwoman and a Batgirl sharing a birthday is just. Ughhh.)

In 2012, one of her comic writers tweeted to choose a random date for her birthday and picked March 21st, which so far as I know has never been used as her birthday in comics.

Link to tweet

Bruce Wayne

Bruce’s most popular birthday is February 19th, but his most recent one is October 7th from the digital-only comic Legends of the Dark Knight. I believe that’s the only time October 7th has been referenced, but I’ve heard the animated show The Batman said his birthday was in October (can’t confirm, haven’t watched it recently).

Legends of the Dark Knight #10 (Jun 2021) - Note: two pages have been combined into one for this post

Still, even associates of DC seem to remember his February 19th birthday better. In February 2023, Warner Bro’s Gotham Knights game did a sale for Bruce’s birthday. I’ve also heard the birthday was used in the Gotham TV show, but again, I don’t watch much live action DC shows.

The February 19th birthday appears to come from the 70s and 80s. It’s his birthday in the Super DC Calendar 1976, and in Batman Family Vol. 1 #11: “Suprise, Suprise!” (May 1977). Bob Rozakis (known as DC’s “Answer Man”) said Feb 19th was Bruce’s birthday in the letter column of Detective Comics #494 (Sep 1980).

Letter column of Detective Comics #494 (Sep 1980)

Batman Family Vol. 1 #11: “Suprise, Suprise!” (Jun 1977)

Super DC Calendar 1976

Way back in the 40s, his birthday was in April, possibly April 7th. During a birthstone murder mystery, Bruce says his birthstone is a diamond, which is traditionally the April birthstone.

World’s Finest Comics #33/6 (Mar-Apr 1948): “The 5 Jewels of Doom!”

Star Spangled Comics #91 (Apr 1949) might imply the exact date was April 7th but we’d have to assume the party is on his birthday and that “this month” refers to the publishing month of April. I believe this is where people get the April 7th birthday when they bring it up.

Star Spangled Comics #91 (Apr 1949)

Early April also shines in Batman: Year One where it shows Bruce’s first night out as Batman being either the night of April 6th or the early morning of April 7th (Batman #405). So although the April Bruce birthday hasn’t been used in decades, it’s still a Batman birthday in a way.

I have also heard people say Frank Miller considered Bruce’s birthday to be in November. However, I have yet to find an original source of him saying that, and honestly (just like the “March 21st” birthday for Kate) if he never used it in any canon material I don’t put much weight in that.

Jim Gordon

The only birthday I’ve ever seen for Jim is January 5th from Super DC Calendar 1976.

Super DC Calendar 1976

Alfred Pennyworth

Alfred’s birthday in Super DC Calendar 1976 is April 8th.

Super DC Calendar 1976

In the Injustice: Gods Among Us universe (an alternate reality where the video game of the same name is set in), they show Alfred’s birth certificate, where it says his birthday is August 16th, 1943.

Injustice: Gods Among Us Year Five #26 (Jun 2016)

Maybe you’ll notice that August 16th is Jason’s birthday. A little funny considering the issue features Alfred refusing to share his birthday only for us to learn it’s the same date as Jason’s. Still, annoying. There are so many days in the year! Stop choosing the same ones!

This Alfred birthdate runs into a similar problem Helena’s birthdates did: it’s not part of main comics canon, it’s an alternate universe, so it may not be applicable to the main comics universe.

Note: if we calculate that 1943 birth year from Jun 2016 when the comic was published, that’d make Alfred 72 soon to be 73. Does that mean anything in canon? Probably not, but oh well. Also...token British character born by Windsor Castle? …of course.

Personally, I would rather go with the April 8th birthday than the Injustice one, since Injustice is an alternate universe. Also, outside of the humor of it, the idea of Alfred and Jason sharing a birthday is a bit too much for me. Still, it’s up to people’s own cherry picking.

Chronology

The birthdays in publishing order alongside notable reboots. A soft-reboot refers to reboots that only changed a few details with minor consequences, keeping the overall continuity mostly intact. A major reboot has significant effects on continuity (too many to list).

1935-1986: Pre-Crisis era (Golden Age begins ~1946, Silver Age runs from late 50s--early 70s)

Mar-Apr 1948: Bruce’s birthday is in April

Apr 1949: Bruce has a birthday party on the 7th of “this month”

Skipping a good three decades because I barely even know what’s in there. Sorry lol

Mid 70s to early 90s: Bronze Age era

1976: the super dc calendar says Bruce’s birthday is February 19th, Alfred’s is April 8th, Dick’s is November 11th, Babs is September 23rd, Selina’s is March 14th, Jim’s is Jan 5th

Jun 1977: Bruce celebrates his birthday on February 19th

Sep 1980: letter collumnist says Bruce’s birthday is February 19th

Oct 1984: Helena Wayne’s birthday is on September 7th, 1959

Mar 1986: the major Crisis on Infinite Earths reboot (begins post-Crisis/New Earth era, many previous comics are now considered Earth-2 instead)

Nov 1987: Babs birthday is in fall

Aug 1990: Dick turns 10 a week before Halloween (probably October ~24th)

Sep 1994: Zero Hour soft reboot (Batman and Robin become urban legends so Robin is not allowed on video, Bruce’s parents’ murderer is changed to unknown instead of Joe Chill, Selina is no longer a once-prostitute)

Apr 1995: Dick’s birthday is the first day of spring (probably March 20th)

Oct 2002: Cass learns her birthday is January 26th

April 2003: Cass turns 18 on January 26th

Sep 2003: Tim turns 16 on July 19th

Mar 2004: Jason turns 18 on August 16th

Jun 2006: Infinite Crisis soft reboot (Joe Chill is restored as the arrested Wayne family murderer, Superboy-Prime's punch retroactively resurrects Jason)

Apr 2010: In the Batman: Brave and the Bold universe, Helena Bertinelli celebrates her birthday February 14th

Oct 2011: the major Flashpoint reboot (end of post-Crisis/preboot, begins the New 52 and changes the primary universe to Prime Earth; significant character/timeline changes and erasures)

Dec 2011: Helena Wayne’s fake Carol Bertinelli passport seems to list October 20th as a birthdate

Jul 2012: Helena Wayne’s fake Helena Bertinelli passport lists some 22nd unknown month, Oct 22nd, or Feb 28th birthday

Sep 2012: Batwoman writer J.H. Williams III randomly picks Kate’s birthday as March 21st on Twitter

Nov 2012: Earth-16/YJ animated Dick Grayson celebrates his birthday on December 1st

Jun 2016: In the Injustice: Gods Among Us universe, Alfred’s birth certificate says his birthday is August 16th

Jul 2016: Rebirth reboot (restores some pre-Flashpoint continuity, some characters regain previous histories but now semi-synchronized with the New 52 era)

Jan 2020: Batwoman TV show Kate celebrates her birthday on January 26th

Mar 2021: Writer Tim Sheridan says he & his editor chose March 20th as Dick’s birthday, between the March or November birthdays

May 2021: Infinite Frontier holds all previous continuities as potential canon, restoring more of pre-Flashpoint

Jun 2021: Bruce says his birthday is October 7th in a digital-only comic

Feb 2023: Gotham Knights game has a sale for Bruce’s birthday

#batfamily #batfam #tim drake #dick grayson #bruce wayne #dc continuity #heroesriseandfall #cassandra cain #dc comics #jason todd #helena bertinelli #selina kyle #barbara gordon #jim gordon #alfred pennyworth

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