#feel like i ahould share this here

[powerpolyculeshowdown]

once this round ends i might need to take a break before round 2. ive been wondering if i ahould talk about this here or not, but im going throigh a rough time rn and this showdown which has been mostly a source of comfort during this period is starting to backfire.

this has nothing to do with hate, people here have been very nice, it's for entirely personal reasons. i dont wanna share too much of my personal life but lets just say the polyamory poll came at a rlly bad time, and ive been trying to keep going cause its fun and i didnt want smth that happened right after i decided to start this to take that away from me. But things kinda changed and its been rougher than i expected these past few days. Maybe ill be fine next week, maybe ill need a month, maybe tomorrow or maybe it will take longer. I just cant do this right now. It stopped being a comfort and now it feels like rubbing salt on the wound.

im sorry to do this literally right after part 4 came out - which is also the part that happened to have my auto entries so i was v excited about this lol - but oh well. sometimes things go to shit ig.

[currentfandomkick]

Bio! Dad strange AU continued

Marinette grew up between Gotham and Paris—strange gets her every summer.

Zsasz has taken on babysitting duty with a strange glee that causes everyone to give him a few feet. Why?

Becuase a murder-happy mercenary is cooing over a tiny girl who’s response to ‘how ahould i take them out’ during a consultation was to tilt her head and say “why do that when you can make them your puppet? Find what they want, tease them with it and make it just yours to share if you want. If that doesnt work, break in and have poeple sleeping on the floor. No murder and new minion are much better, right uncle vic?”

Her other favorite babysitter is Jerome, aka the Joker, aka someone who should not be around tiny children unsupervised ever. Why? This conversation.

“Do you know how i got these?”

Tiny marinette squints, gasps, then says “you beat Koh the face stealer! How!”

Instead of correcting her, Jerome decided to tell her this. “I woke up, hunted him down and killed him for stealing my face.”

“Oh! Is that why he is t stealing faces anymore?”

Jerome rolls with it. “Yep.”

Marinette just smiles and asks about how to foght bad people since ‘maman says i need to be prepared. But she doesnt have time to teach me since she store’s busy.’

This lead to tiny little Marinette getting lessons from the goddamn joker and victor zsasz teaching her villany 101 disguised as needed Gothamite skills. Zsasz gets how to dislocate joints, hit properly, and how to break into anything with various odd ends, and how to ‘properly intimidate and threaten enemies without killing them’. Joker gets sneaking around, throwing knives, helps with her acrobatic instruction (she likes the flying bits, ok?), how to ‘inspire minions’ (she thinks he means start political movements) and how to know when the rules are not important anymore— “if they hurt you, hurt them back. They wont learn otherwise, took me forever to get that one right.” And “remember kiddo, its all about how you present yourself. Be what they cant stand when you cant stand them.” And “someone made those rules up. They could be made for very dumb reasons, like the no meta ones. Make those rules wish they were never born.”

Her favorite person is harley quinn. She wear her hair pig tails, can go on and on about her psychology research and work, thinks its fabulous. She’s part of the new Sirens dedicated to protecting victims of abuse, oh, and is a survivor of abuse from jerimah (yes, from gotham. Yes, he is Mr. J but everyone thinks he’s the joker and it pisses him off and he took it out on Harley when he was alive... he dies and revives a lot here.)

Poison Ivy’s cadmus clone, Rose, adopts Marinette. Rose loks about 10 when she meets toddler Marientte. Rose is only a few weeks old at the time, and was the practice for Superboy’s eventual cloning. She escaped by accident, ran into batman of all people, and was dumped onto a very cofused poison ivy in her green house. Little Marinette followed Rose around, gigled when the plants tossed her around and ended up with a cool plant mark that only appears in UV lighting. Rose is DoneTM woth the Justice League and Batman, often complaining to Marinette about things she notices—like her being given to a known criminal, confined to a greenhouse filled with deadly plants and unable to go to school due to the plants revolting if she tries to leave with Ivy.

Poison Ivy accepts that she is now a mother (has no idea how that happened. But then again, she did skip puberty so...) and takes having Marinette hang out as a little kid as another part of being a Mom.

Riddler and Ed Nygma are two separate personalities sharinga body. riddler is pacified from ciolence if Marinette or his son, code name Puzzler, can out riddle or maze or puzzle him. He is happy to teach them both about florensics, biology, engineering and how to make mazes and traps. He is the weird but fun uncle, who has the most effective grounding strategy—put you in a puzzle maze building. Ed is the parental one, who listens to their problems and suggests talking it out and not hitting the other person or manipulating them into revenge oswald. Ed takes the time to let the kids be kids and offers positive feedback, especially on their interests and both of their babble fits as ‘its good to see the real you without those silly little walls people keep insisting on’

Uncle penguin is a joke to little marinette. Who she keeps having to sneak out of arkham. Why? ‘Uncle penguin, you make bulls in china shops look like shadow assassins.’ She helps him becuase ‘he’s obviously dating uncle riddler, duh’ and uncle riddler and uncle ed are very nice to her and encourage her curiosity.

She hates Jerimah. Who hates her for liking Jerome.

She is terrifed of Tetch/Mad Hatter. She cant find words for it other than he feels wrong. Jerome has been quantined for beating the shit out of Tetch for getting to close to a leery Marinette and saying “she’d make a wonderful alice.”

Professor Strange is a good dad here, albeit a semi-villianous one. Mostly de-villianed. Mostly. He lets Marinette be her affectionate self, encourages her interests in everything and her love of just learning things, supplies her with her sticker treatment, and does his best to follow her love languages—touch and gift giving. He is the reason she so many things for fashion, he supplies the money for it (much to sabine’s shock the first time) and also choses to help fund and mentor the science-centered members of the RKC or Rouge Kids Club who do actively undermine the Rogues for big things like murder, joker gas, fear toxin, and have attacked medical conpanies for making bad products. He just, sometimes, sicks a Rogue on someone that tries to get his daughter’s identity. Ok?

Also for purposes of witness protection, Marinette is called “Jill” or “Jillian Smith” in Gotham.

The rogues kids or RKC call her safety net or nets. More on that later.

#maribat au #marinette strange dupain cheng #marinette strange dupain cheng part 2 #ml au #bio!dad strange #my au #my idea #my head canon

[wings-of-indigo]

A Note on Relationships (that shouldn't be controversial but probably will be)

At work the other day, I got asked by one of my coworkers if I was single. On this particular occasion, that coworker was male. However, before everyone thinks this is another post about misogyny and the assumptions men make about women's availability in the workplace, let me note that I have been asked this question before by several female coworkers of various ages, but all near or over thirty.

And Everytime, when I reply that I am currently single and generally happy to be so(and go on to explain my reasons for this rare state of single happiness) I've gotten a combination of Looks.

There's the 'ooookaaaay' Look, the 'you're weird' Look, the 'You're wasting your youth' Look, and the 'You'll regret that later' Look. (Just to name a few). I've gotten used to it.

In the interests of full and unbragging disclosure, I know that I can be considered 'attractive' for a female (And wow that was hard to say outside my head. But the difficulties female assertiveness about appearance will be saved for another date). Dancing all the time keeps my relatively skinny by non dance world standards (I'm 5'3.5", usually within 5lbs of 130 lbs and I generally wear an upscale size 4), and while I'm definitely not the archetypal model thin ballerina, the fact that I fit a small size 4 (occasionally cursing and swearing) states my point quite neatly. I fit into conventional standards of female beauty.

Here's the thing though, about those Looks I mentioned earlier. I didn't date in high school, and I generally don't date now. Sure, if I get lonely or drunk enough I'll window shop OkCupid at one in the morning, but rarely do I have the inclination to follow through once recovered. And for a lot of people my age, that seems to be weird. In our society Single people arent supposed to be happy about it. Especially women.

And that's just stupid.

Most people agree that a single-by-choice man, even a confirmed I-dont-ever-want-romance man, batts no eyes in any context. A woman of the same, however, is immediately assumed to have something wrong with her. Either she is traumatized from some past experience, or she is simply defective and frigid. Even a woman who has previously proved her 'correctness' with marriage, even children, is not immune. If that woman does not want to enter another romantic relationship (and I'm including the full spectrum of queer identities as possible partners whenever I say marriage, partner, or romantic) after a time, then she is Wrong and Broken. Even if she has been abused by her partner and doesn't feel comfortable or capable of exposing herself like that again. Even if she has lost her long term 'soul mate' and does not want anything or anyone else after their loss. One of our media's favorite romantic tropes is The Woman who Learns to Overcome her Tragic Past and find Happiness in the (99% male) Protagonist's Romantic and Sexual Intrest. Little girls are brought up to dream and plan their future wedding from the time they know what a wedding IS (which, spoiler alert: is pretty damn young. I first remember playing 'wedding' when I was about five and got a box of dress up costumes for Christmas).

So, it makes sense that a woman or girl, especially young not engaging or desiring to engage in Romantic Ventures hits some socially ingrained trigger points. It's still stupid.

Here's some reasons why (for me, y'all night have your own valid reasons). While not at intensive like I am now, I am holding down a full time job while doing anywhere from 15-20 hours of dance classes in studio, not counting any supplemental physical training and gym time I put in outside of class, while finishing an unrelated Bachelors Degree online, trying to shop for and cook dance supporting meals on a strict budget, do laundry, get a healthy amount of sleep, go to acting and singing coaching, and find funding for an upcoming dance program should pass auditions. I really, really don't have the time or emotional availability for a relationship.

And that is key here. People seem to underestimate the importance of emotional labor on both sides in a healthy relationship- you can't just show up to date night or activities together and make small talk. There's a reason people talk about 'emotional avaliabilty', and in most traditional 1950s style relationships it's the woman's job to avaliable for whichever man she's involved with. Unfortunately, the vast majority of men still seem to carry an unconscious bias towards this kind of relationship.

And, I'm sorry (not), but Im really not interested in That. I'm reminded of a tumblr post about cat ladies, and why men seem to think that's an insult to woman rather than themselves- that they're so unappealing they can't get a man. Leaving aside the sexist assumption a womans ambition ahould be to 'get a man'- Dude, if I wanted a man, I could get one. Any girl off the street could get one easier than ordering takeout when she's too tired to cook.

The problem lies not in the getting, but with the shopping. While I identify as bisexual and happily enjoy fun times of the erotic bent, one of my personal quirks is that I Can't Do One Nights. This is not misplaced slut shaming- I am fully aware and bear no disapproval towards pursuing casual sexual attraction. Your body, your choice. I just know myself, and that any sexual interaction with a stranger would be exceedingly unpleasant for me in an emotional sense.

I tend to be extroverted, and I love people. But I also grew up in an alcoholic household with a very dysfunctional and fraught marriage. My mother never beat us, but she's still controlling and can still make me feel like shit, and my dad still tends to be an emotional leech with terrifyingly destructive rages. (Yes, those are mental health issues, and I still love them-distantly- but it's not my job as their child to fix them or get them help.)

As a result, It takes me a while to trust someone, especially emotionally. And, as a female, sex is a huge act of trust and emotional investment.

I would love to create the loving marriages and relationships I see my friends having. It's one of my future fantasies- creating a home with a life partner, sharing dinner and cuddles and movies and giving each other good sex.

But here's the thing. I can give myself satisfying sex. And I, quite frankly, have other dreams too, ones that are going to demand a superhuman level of work. Getting back to the 'shopping' anology- the sad fact is that it is going to be very difficult to find a man who doesn't expect his partner to place him and his dreams above her own, and just as difficult to train one out of that mindset. (And girlfriends for girls are about as common as rainbow unicorns).

Having grown up as I did, I might have ridiculously high standards for romance. But I made a vow to never be my parents, and frankly I see no point in taking time away from what I want more than anything in order to appease an archaic societal preference.

Love does not mean the surrendering of self, and I am not going to devote myself anything less than something extraordinary.

So that's why I'm single, and I'm fine with that. Suck it.

#why we need feminism #feninism #relationship #dreams #romantic relationships #misogony #misogny #societal norms #societal standards

[toomanyskeletons]

AIGHT now that i have calmed myself down enough it is tim e to shar e with you my Tragic Backstory(TM) fell free to skip it if you like but im on mobile so i cant do a readmore sorry so like couple years ago, probably one or two i had settled into a new school, had a few friends who i wasnt particularly close with but i hung out with anyway and like one day this girl comes out of nowhere all like 'lets be besties!!' i basically had no idea who she was, maybe i had seen her around the school or maybe i had talked to her before and forgotten, but this was really out of the blue. like. really. she like. runs me around the school and shows me to all her other friends. okay honestly i dont want to say anything bad here because i really did feel sorry for her, im pretty sure the other people weren't really her friends but argdxbdgdh i have lost my wording skills anyway fast forward because honestly i dont actually wanna share too much of this i learn (or work out) she has adhd, like a fairly typical/noticeable form, she was really hyperactive and everything. i have two friends at this stage, her and another girl. she (quite often) would hit me, kick me, call me a bitch, etc. like. one time i was waiting for the bus and she just wouldn't stop punching my arm and calling me names and at that stage i thought to myself 'why am i even friends with her?' the thing was that on some days we were almost normal friends, i guess her good days and then on the bad days it was just pain and not getting any work done in class she and my other friend would fight constantly, sometimes evolcing to shouting, over me i really didn't want to be a part of it? i just wanted to sit alone and draw and not deal with shouting and pain andyway im rambling again long story short this girl had impulse control issues and was a compulsive liar and honestly did fuck me up a lot. it made me hate school more than i already did and just . i should also mention she almost drowned me at one point?? Good times. When i cut my hair, she said she was sad because she couldnt pull it any more. Dhdhdbdbdkdbdhsosk After a while she told me she was moving schools. I didnt really believe her. She had lied about literall y everything else, her mother dying, having cancer, being on a tv show And she'd come to school and for about a term she said she was moving schools. Then she didn't. A while later she started again. Coming to school, telling me she was moving schools I didn't really believe her. And then she stopped showing up to school. Probably about a month or so later somebody told me she moved school. Everyone else had known the entire time and nobody had fuckin told me?? So for a while i was like "SWEET, I DONT HAVE TO FEAR PERMANENT INJURY AND/OR DEATH AT SCHOOL NOW" and then time passed and i just ??? i ahould have believed her i should have believed her i s houl d have believed her i never said goodbye which, now that i look back on it with hundreds of positivity posts in my head- Fuck that. She treated you like shit and you still feel guilty about not being good to her. I thought for a long time- I should get her email I should apologise I should tell her im her friend and im sorry Eventually i decided that i would tell her "I'm sorry. I understand why you did those things. I'm thankful you apologised. But we can't be friends again." or something like that. But i never got her email, or mobile number, or anything. Anyway. Fast forward to today, about a year or two later, after regret and pain and telling myself i was not a bad person for hating her, i get a friend request from facebook from her at first i just saw i had one and i was just "ew friend request gross lmao" and then i checked it and read it and just. J u s t What do i do what do i do what do i do what do i do what do i do what do i do w h a t d o i d o If i ignore it will she notice? Why is she contacting me now, rather than a year ago? What does she want? Why is she contacting me? Why? I dont want to talk to her - but i do, i fucking do, but i dont, i want to forget she existed, i want to apologise, i dont want to talk to her ever again what do i do

#vent #long post #y e a h #lms if u read pls and thank u #d ont re/blog thanks #im already paranoid enough that she is already following me and will see this post #um #yeah if you have any suggestions reply to this or use the askbox? or messages? #honestly im scared #i dont know why im scared i dont know what to do #am i making sense? does any of this make sense? #i was so calm about thinking about contacting her #until it actually happened #fuckin christ #im gonna just call a meeting #with my friends that dont exist #they might be able to help me #oh yeah ask to tag lmao #g o d im a mess #tell me if im being ableist or anything in this post but for the love of god dont make a separate post about it or anything? #im already fucked up enough as it is #im leaving out some things i think ive forgotten a lot of it #luckily