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billthedrake · 2 months

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ACCOUNTABILITY (PART TWO)

Jim felt deeply ashamed. There was the shame that he'd caved to his baser sexual urges. Even when he having conjugal relations with his wife, the married father imagined he was fucking some nubile 19 year old porn chick from the Hot Guys Fuck video. Then, as Jim got closer and closer to cumming, Jim imagined a hot, jacked college dude in bed with them, hot masculine hands touching his body while he fucked. The very forbidden notion made him cum like gangbusters. And kept him hard after.

But the real shame came from the fact that his son had more willpower than than him. After the two escalated their infractions on the Covenant Watch app, Ryan stopped looking at porn. Cold turkey, stopping as quickly as he started. There were some exchanges of eye contact between them, almost like Ryan was apologizing silently for stopping the little game the two were playing.

Jim never felt prouder of his boy. He'd imagined his role as a father was to lead his family by Christian example, and here his eldest was taking that role for him. It was humbling as hell, but Jim McCready also realized that humility was part of the church's teachings. His Ryan had led him astray almost to teach him that lesson.

And it was reassuring to have his world returned. Family life. Church twice a week, dinners together, soccer practice for the younger kids, football games on Friday.

Thanksgiving Eve was the big end of regular season for Ryan's team. Practically a high holiday in their small town. It was a close game, which only made the victory that much more thrilling. On a Ryan McCready TD catch no less.

It was a storybook end to his son's high school football career, which is what made the notifications on his phone bright and early Thanksgiving morning that much more of a surprise.

Covenant Watch showed 92 infractions.

"Fuck!" Jim thought to himself, almost saying it out loud. He was mad at Ryan, genuinely mad. This wasn't dipping his toes into sin, it was wallowing in it. And Jim was mad that Ryan was doing this only because the teen expected his father wouldn't do shit to stop him. Jim was angry he'd been made accomplice to this, because of his own weakness.

Jim slipped on some casual clothes and made his way to his study. He wasn't sure he could use the excuse of checking work emails on Thanksgiving morning, but he needed privacy.

Every video was a gay porn video. Jim began clicking on each link. There were ones of jocks with coaches, and ones with two college-looking guys fooling around. There were amateur hookup ones, and some gloryhole cocksucking vids. Jim was lightheaded as he watched each one.

He wasn't going to get through 92 of them, or close. He didn't have time. And he was too turned on. He quietly lowered his sweats and spit into his palm. He went back to one of the coach and jock ones and pressed play. Four tugs was all it took for the man to send his cum flying all over his desk.

"Fuck!" he grunted as he came down. He grabbed some Kleenex to wipe off and clean up. He felt out of control, like a teenager, like Ryan, but strangely the intense emotions of guilt were gone. A good orgasm will do that for you.

Even when his son came down for breakfast, sleepy from what was clearly a late night stroking off, Jim didn't feel self conscious. Ryan and he had more in common than he ever expected. Jim wondered if he'd have to have a talk to check in with his son.

Ryan took a private moment later that morning to lean in and whisper to his father. "I needed to treat myself after winning the game last night," he said. "Hope that's OK, Dad."

Jim McCready was in full accomplice mode now. Ryan knew he wasn't going to say anything or do anything. And the comment was as much to save face for Jim as anything.

Still, the father didn't want to let on that anything bothered him. If Ryan was gonna make Jim his accountability accomplice, he was gonna lean into it all. "With that catch buddy, you probably earned more than 92 dings."

Ryan was surprised, at first. But then broke into a smile. "That was pretty awesome, right?"

Jim clipped his son's strong back with his hand, a paternal pat of affection. "Insane, Killer..." Jim winked. "Doesn't mean you don't get out of helping out your mother today, though."

Ryan laughed. One of his duties was to help with the prep and cleanup for his mom for Thanksgiving dinner. He was kind of her go-fer for the morning. "I'll get dressed."

***

Jim felt like he'd handled it well. This was just Ryan's hormones spiking. The kid would get over his kink soon. Find his willpower again. Hopefully settle down with a steady girfriend, though Jim's doubts there were starting to nag him.

Besides, he had his own hormones out of control. He found himself with an alone moment and idly pulled out his phone. "Two can play at this, kiddo," he said quietly and pulled up Pornhub. Selected Gay setting and searched for "coach." Some of the thumbnails looked fake. 28-year old "jocks" with 30-year old "coaches." Fake sets, fake clothes. But one was real enough. Hidden camera, dim lighting, real bodies. The jock was of age, Jim reflected thankfully, but maybe a college freshman or sophomore. Bent over a standard-issue metal desk and getting railed by a beefy coach, zip up top and whistle around his neck and naked from the waist down.

Jim McCready was hard as a rock. Even after jerking off that morning, his dick pressed a thick ridge in his jeans. He didn't have time to watch more than this and over the next four minutes he forgot he was doing this to taunt Ryan. He was caught up in the fantasy and his own bodily response to watching two men fuck.

"Fuck," he hissed as he closed the vid and slid the phone back in his pocket. He was hyperventilating. He reached down to grip his boner, trying to pinch it into submission. Thinking about his work stresses or the friendly wager he had with his buddies on the Cowboys and Lions games that day.

When he was presentable, he made his way back to the family room. The younger kids were watching some movie on TV, and the domestic scene made Jim feel another pang of guilt. He had a wonderful family, a devout family, and here he and Ryan were sinning. Not just sinning, but enjoying their mutual sin.

But the father let his attention drift into the movie.

"Hey Dad," Ryan's voice said from behind him. Jim turned to see his strapping son standing there, car keys in hand. "Mom wanted me to go pick up some milk at the convenience store... need anything?"

Jim used to chastise Ryan for going out underdressed for winter weather, but the kid seemed not to have a normal relationship to cold. It might be Alabama, but it was still November. Only now the father was glad to see Ryan in just shorts and his FCA t-shirt, the gold cross necklace matching his father's. Maybe it was the way Ryan's clean-cut image hid a truly naughty side.

"I'm good, buddy," he said, trying to take his eyes off his son's lean, tall, muscular body.

Jim was still processing his thoughts after Ryan left when he felt his phone vibrate. There was a text from Ryan.

"Good taste."

It was cheeky and impertinent and just the right thing to write to turn Jim on. Somehow Ryan's text arrived right before the Covenant Watch notification. "Video watched: Pornub, Coach fucks player after the game"

Jim McCready's heart pounded. He slyly looked to make sure the family was engrossed in the TV before he typed a reply. "I would have thought 92 would have been enough for you, kiddo." Gently chastising but mostly playful.

Ryan's reply was immediate. "I'm 18, Dad. What do you think?"

Jim's throat felt tight. He was getting horny. Again. The idea of Ryan getting off multiple times a day fueled his imagination. "I think I should be stricter with you," he wrote back. Jim couldn't tell if he meant it tongue-in-cheek or earnestly.

Ryan didn't reply. Hell, for all the times he'd told his son not to text and drive, he should have been happy. But Jim worried he'd put an end to his game. And he hated that he wanted it to continue.

Ryan picked it back up when the father least expected it. There was always a flurry of activity in the McCready household as the kids helped their mother bring all the food to the table and as Jim poured the water glasses at each place setting. They were just sitting down when Ryan appeared, face flushed. His son was up to something, Jim knew, and from the buzz in his pocket, Jim had a good idea what.

"Let's say grace," he said. Then he led the family in prayer.

The meal was sweet torture for Jim. Keeping his good-father poker face on while they ate and talked. He didn't feel boner-horny but that kind of nervous energy horny. And Ryan's flitting eye contact had something else going on. The kiddo was nervous.

And when they'd finished up, Ryan offered to do Jim's normal task of cleaning up. "You go watch the game, Dad," he said. "I got this."

Jim's wife gave a look of pleasant surprise. Jim returned it the best he could but he had a feeling Ryan had an ulterior motive.

The women in the McCready household would watch Auburn football but had no use for the NFL. So Jim's wife and their two daughters got ready to go out to the park for a post-meal walk. They were always making talk about eating too much and needing to walk off their meal.

They'd barely left when Jim checked his phone. The Covenant Watch notification read: " Video watched: XVideos, Gaycest, Sauna Time." The father looked over at his two boys. Mitchell was engrossed in the game. Ryan was pretending to be, while sneaking glances over at his dad.

Jim gulped. His heart raced. This was so wrong.

Slyly he picked up his phone again and typed out a text to Ryan. "Can't wait to watch it buddy." Blushing as he did.

Ryan smiled as he read it. And quickly typed back a reply. "It's really good, Dad."

Jim was throwing hard. He didn't really want Ryan to see his boner, and he definitely didn't want Mitchell seeing it. With a lewd thought the father realized his younger son would probably grow into the studly jock looks Ryan had. But that was a ways off.

The dad slid the phone into his pocket and waited for a commercial break. His hardon had almost gone down. Almost. He stood up from the couch and made his way to the restroom. He probably didn't have a lot of time, but he needed to watch this, at least part of it.

His heart was in his throat he was so excited. The title promised the taboo material, but surely this wasn't gonna be what Jim thought it was? As he clicked and watched, it was. There wasn't any explicit dad-and-son dialogue, but the two guys were clearly cast that way, in a sauna, getting hard with each other, before sucking each other.

Jim wanted to stroke. But he was already taking longer in there than he should. If Mitchell hadn't been around, he thought with a shudder. With a pinch at the base of his prick, he willed himself into a softer state then stuffed his meat back into his briefs.

His face was flushed when he returned. Ryan noticed and had a grin. Mitchell was oblivious.

"Good?" came Ry's text.

Unconsciously, Jim nodded. But he typed anyway. "The best I've seen."

Ryan gave a darting glance over to his little brother. The jock was enjoying the sneaking around, Jim knew. Jim couldn't tell if he enjoyed that part too or if it was just uncomfortable torture.

A message came in on Jim's phone. "I've thought about that for a while."

Jim hadn't. But he knew he would now, and the idea Ryan had perved on him only made the idea hotter. "Yeah buddy?" he typed, now getting into the flirtation.

"You have no idea Dad." Ryan's cocky expression was giving way to a shy one.

Jim grinned now. "Maybe you can tell me sometime."

"I'd like that sir."

Jim McCready was boned now. Full on hard. He angled his body so Mitch couldn't see. But he spread his legs so Ryan could.

The high school senior smirked and did his own manspreading. There was a hard ridge riding up his son's loose shorts.

Just then the front door opened, the sound coming in from the other room. The women were back.

***

Ryan woke up late. He'd stayed up edging before finally shooting a huge load. It wasn't quite 92 videos this time, but it was a couple dozen. And some incest porn stories. He was a little mad at himself for even denying himself porn before.

He had to laugh at his morning wood now. His father had actually eyed up his cock. And shown his own. Ryan leaned up in bed. Plenty of time to take care of his needs later. Maybe he and Dad could tease each other some more. Ryan was VERY surprised at how this had escalated. Maybe the acorn doesn't fall far from the tree.

And, as he checked his phone, there were 117 Covenant Watch infractions. Most incest themed, at least the top listings. Ryan didn't bother to scroll through them all.

"Fuck!" he gasped.

He got dressed and made his way down to the kitchen. It was empty and he could see why. It was 10 AM. His mom and sisters liked to hit the Black Friday sales. Ryan wandered through the house. He had a good idea where his father was. Indeed as he approached his father's study, he saw the door cracked. He gave a quick knock.

"Come in, buddy," came his father's voice.

His dad was seated as his desk, in his preppy polo shirt that molded to his fit muscular upper body. From where Ryan stood he wasn't sure what his father was wearing below the waist, but the man's hand was down at his crotch, clearly jerking off while he held the phone in his other hand.

Jim looked up at him with a horny look. "Mitchell's over at his friend's, the girls are gone... it's just us, Killer." The tone was jocular but with a raspy edge to it.

"Yeah?" Ryan asked. The implications setting in.

Jim nodded and with a fateful motion he set down his phone and stood up. The man was indeed naked beyond the polo, and a thick hard ridge of dad meat stood up, a slight curve to the otherwise ramrod straight boner.

"Fuck!" his son gasped. Any retreat of his morning wood was giving way to a renewed hardon.

Jim's heart raced. This was so wrong, and he couldn't even believe he was doing this. Showing off his cock to Ry. But the young stud had worked him up, enraged him as surely as waving a red flag at an angry bull. The father's libido was now out of control. "You wanted to see me, right?"

Ryan nodded. He'd been the one to push the envelope so it was wild to see his father take the initiative like this. Silently he pushed his own shorts down, over his matching teen boner.

"Nice..." Jim grinned. "You're hotter than those porn dudes," he added.

Ryan could barely speak he was so horny. "You, too. I mean... fuck!"

Jim walked around, slowly, his thick hard paternal dick waving some with his steps. "We got a few hours alone, buddy."

Ryan was moving toward his dad, too. Was this really gonna happen? The touch of his father's hand on his hip was the first indication it would. Then a second later, their dicks touched, two McCready cocks making contact.

"God help me, son," Jim hissed as leaned in and turned his head just slightly before his lips pressed against Ryan's.

The jock was light headed as he felt his father's tongue trace his lips, then press into Ryan's opening mouth. It was his first french kiss was a dude, and it was his own dad. The videos of incest had been hot as fuck, but this was on another level. Pure mindblowing thrill. He hissed back and started feeling up any bit of his dad's body he could.

Jim was doing the same, humping Ryan's hard crotch and feeling up the kid's bare ass. "My room or yours buddy?" the man finally asked with a bedroom voice Ryan had never heard from his father. It was one that could have barely imagined. Sultry, deep, and playful.

"God, yours, Dad," he hissed. It was SO wrong to fool around in his parent's bed, and yet that's what Ryan wanted.

Jim grinned at that and gave Ryan's rump a light slap. For 18, the kid had an amazing rump, muscular and thick. "Naughty boy," he hissed. "My room it is."

Ryan's heart was pounding double time as his Dad led the way. Jim had an incredible ass, too, meatier and thicker with age. But his father was in shape and still a total stud. The two stripped down completely before the man sat on the bed's edge and pulled Ryan's cock body toward him. They kissed in that position a second, before Jim grunted and used his strength to leverage his football jock son up and on to the mattress.

Ryan was seeing a new Jim McCready, and feeling his father in all the man's nakedness too, as Jim climbed on top of his son, kissing and mauling every inch of the younger flesh.

"Dad," Ryan grunted. So turned on, but his mind racing a million miles an hour. "We could get caught."

"Fuck yeah we could," Jim growled before covering his son's mouth with his own. Again, that deep tongue kiss, more urgent than before. Jim McCready was full-on enraged with lust and it was rubbing off on Ryan. The older man had a grin when he finally pulled back. "But we're probably not gonna."

Already his was using his legs to push his son's legs apart. "You cherry, Ry?" he asked in a throaty rasp.

Ryan nodded. He was nervous but harder than he'd ever been in his life. Feeling his dad's body, seeing his dad's cock, and witnessing his dad's sexual hunger. That gold cross necklace a reminder of his father's outstanding public persona, a contrast to the sin they were committing now. "Yes, sir."

That answer made Jim's nostrils flare in excitement. Already he was reaching over for lube in the nightstand. It didn't get a lot of use. His and Kelly's sex life was normal, vanilla, and while Jim resorted to masturbation some he kept his habit in check. At least until lately.

"You can say no anytime, Ryan," he said, the father role returning, even as he applied the liquid to his son's jock hole.

"I want it, Dad," Ryan answered, his body breaking into goosebumps to feel his Dad's finger circle then penetrate his tight sphincter. He looked down at where Jim's arm was wedged between his spread legs and back up into this dad's hungry eyes. "I'm scared," the teen added. "But I want it."

Jim nodded. His finger pressed in and out slowly. "I got ya buddy. I just want this SO bad." He leaned in and kissed his boy while he fingered Ryan with a second digit. Then a third.

They didn't extend the foreplay. They were too worked up, and they'd been building up to this for the last 24 hours.

Ryan wish it didn't hurt, but the penetration stung.

"There, buddy," Jim said, the softer side of his bedroom voice coming out. "I'm inside in ya, Killer. Inside my son."

"Fuck, Dad," Ryan gasped. The psychological side of the incest fuck was winning out over the physical sensation.

More dad dick was sliding in him. "This is what you wanted right? What you wanted when you first sent me those videos?"

Ryan pulled his legs wider. Trying to accept his father inside him. He needed every inch of his dad now. "I don't know. Is this what you wanted when you set up the accountability buddies thing?"

Jim bottomed out and wildly kissed his son again. Not a protracted kiss, but deep. He pulled back with a leer on his face. Already his was pumping Ryan, fucking him. "I had no fucking idea, Killer. No idea how depraved I was."

"I like you depraved, Dad." Ryan said, maybe louder than he should. But they had the house to themselves. Hopefully.

His dad's hips pumped faster. The physicality of the cock thrusting in and out felt good to Ryan, the harshness turning into a pleasant intensity that made his ass and cock and hole buddy buzz.

"You got it, Ry. Gonna be hard to keep my hands off you." The man was losing focus, the pleasure and tightness of Ryan's ass getting him close so soon. He paused and reached over for the lube again. He'd watched this in the videos, the bottom jerking off while getting fucked. He wanted his son to get off, too, like one of those porn dudes.

The second Ryan's hand wrapped around his lubed prick, the sensations in his ass felt night and day different. No longer challenging, every movement of his father's cock, whether small or deeper, made his cock feel more pleasurable.

"Go for it, buddy," Jim urged. Fucking faster, leaning in more to gaze down into Ryan's youthful handsome face. The father was gonna cum any minure, any second, but he hoped his son would get there too.

"Fuck me Dad!" the jock cried, his toes curling and his body entering a deep O.

"God yeah, Ry! Shoot it!" Jim watched in excitement as heavy ropes of white cum shot out and landed on Ryans' mostly smooth ripped torso.

Three more hard shoves was all it took for Jim to unload. Ass fucking was so different than sex with Kelly. Jim was addicted.

The father and son made out, clinging to one another while the dad's prick slowly softened and retreated it.

Jim was in tender lover mode as he stroked Ryan's hair and held the boy close. "So.. I got your cherry...."

"Yes, sir," Ryan said. It was wild the number hormones did on you, the teen thought. Making you hard charging one minute, clingy the next. He'd experienced this with girls, but with his dad it was a hundred times deeper. "I'm glad you got it."

"I'm going to hell," Jim said, half a joking comment but the religious misgivings were real and coming on strong.

"It'll be worth it," Ryan said softly. "Please... don't freak out on me, Dad."

Jim gave a smile and patted Ryan's warm chest. "OK, no freaking out, buddy. Promise." He looked up at the clock. "We have maybe two hours. Wanna get showered off?"

Ryan nodded. He was glad his father helped him up off the bed. The jock felt surprisingly drained from the sex.

The energy came back as they shared a shower, though. Sudsing and rinsing each other. Kissing each other beneath the spray. Getting hard again. Jim held his son and pulled the wet warm athletic body toward his. The kid was right. Hell would be worth it. His hands snaked down to cup Ryan's bubble ass, a finger digging in naughtily.

"How you doing down there, Killer?" Jim asked, concern but also flirtation in his voice. The father felt very honored to have taken his stud son's anal virginity.

Ryan gave a soft grin. "Empty, sir."

Jim let out a soft grunt. He kissed Ryan, harder, then pulled off and turned the football jock around.

Ryan knew what was happening and he wanted it. Who knows how often he and Dad would have the chance for this. He braced one arm against the tile wall and reached back to pull one cheek apart, letting his father in.

Jim was fuck hard now, and quickly sudsed up for lubrication. The entry was easy now, Ryan now learning how to relax.

Ryan grunted a grunt of pleasure. His dad hit some amazing spot deep inside him. "Yes," he hissed just as he felt his dad's lips kiss the back of his neck.

"It's like fucking honeymoon sex," Jim growled. Thrusting into his boy once more.

It was a thrill to hear his dad curse and get that bedroom voice. But Ryan's head also went to the idea of his dad fucking his mother on their honeymoon. Maybe that's when Ryan was conceived...

Their pairing was less verbal as the men communicated with their bodies. Jim's slow but urgent pump in and out of Ryan's ass, the father's hands caressing and holding the jock's wet muscle. Ryan arching his back in just the right position to be taken.

Jim came alone this time. His muscular middle aged body thrusting more spasmodically into his son's smoother one, the grip around Ryan's torso getting tighter and more possessive as he nutted inside his son's bare ass for a second time. Then the soft kisses and relaxation returning.

"God, Dad," Ryan whined. He so turned on. He never wanted this feeling to end yet he also needed to get off.

There was that light smack again as Jim withdrew. "Turn around," came the back of an order.

Ryan complied automatically, showing off a hardon that was matched in size and shape to his father's. Not a twin, but clearly related.

Already Jim was crouching down in the shower, the spray soaking his hair as he leaned in and swallowed his boy's prick.

"Yeah!" Ryan gasped. He was so primed it wasn't going to take long. Just six or so bobs of his father's mouth on his cock did it. Ryan was spurting hard and heavy into Jim's craw.

The jock didn't know what to expect but he watched as his dad clearly swallow it all. The man had a proud look on his face when he finally stood up too. "All right, let's get dressed. I better air out the bedroom too."

Ryan was concerned that the post-nut business-like vibe was his Dad's way of feeling guilty. Or dealing with the guilty. As he went back to his room and got properly dressed, Ry felt like he should be feeling guilty himself. But he wasn't. He went to his father's study and gathered his and his dad's shorts and brought them and his father's phone to him.

"No one can fucking know," Jim said. Not harshly but clearly needing to say it.

"Of course, Dad. Jesus."

Jim smiled and patted Ryan's arm. "You've certainly grown into a fine looking man."

Ryan grinned back. He could see a glint in his dad's eyes. "You wanting round three, sir?"

Jim laughed. "Can't fucking risk it, buddy. But yeah..."

An idea occurred to him. "Why don't you keep a watch?"

That got the dad excited. "You mean?"

Ryan nodded. So Jim stepped to the bedroom window, where he could peer out onto the driveway.

Meanwhile his son knelt down and started unzipping his father's jeans. The dick was plump and firmed out completely in Ryan's fingers.

"Oh yeah, buddy," Jim hissed. Ryan had about as much technique as he did - not a lot - but it didn't matter. His kid was eager and the idea of getting a Ryan McCready blowjob had Jim getting close in due order.

"I'm gonna blow," that bedroom voice hissed. A warning.

Ryan kept at it, though, sucking a little faster and trying to take another inch of his dad's cock into his throat. The whole experience was incredible. He didn't even know if he'd enjoy sucking another guy remotely like he did his father.

The cum shot wasn't heavy. Just a spurt and some dribbles. But Ryan was tasting his dad's cum for the first time. Sweet and briny. He knew he'd want more in the future.

He finally backed off to see his dad grinning down on him, even as the man was already tucking himself back into his jeans. "That, young man, was amazing." He looked out the window. "Fuck!" he grunted.

Ryan didn't need to be told. He got up and made his way down to the family room. He turned on the TV and found some ESPN channel, right before he heard his mom and sisters walk in.

"You're dressed," his mother said when she saw Ryan. "I thought you might sleep in the whole day." Then, "Where's your dad?"

Ryan shrugged, playing dumb. "I don't know. In his study, maybe."

Already his sisters were rushing past with shopping bags, acknowledging their older brother, but barely.

Ryan's phone buzzed. He saw he had a message from his friend Kyle. But the latest one was from his father. "Thank you, buddy. I owe ya."

Ryan smiled. Then another message came in. "James McCready, Covenant Watch app removed."

"You dog," Ryan quietly said to himself. Then proceeded to remove the app on his own phone.

#drakestories

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marksbear · 1 year

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Cod Ghost with a bf who is a pornstar?

(Gay porn to be exact)

This just crossed my mind and I was like “hell yeah”

It will be something else if tumblr doesn't flag this one. I'll do it even though there's a 99% chance of that happening lol. It feels like i'm sinning writing this 😭.

Warnings! A lot of NSFW

SIMON "GHOST" RILEY X PORNSTAR MALE READER

-When you told him about your job during yall's first date he was beyond shocked and a little jealous.

-He makes comments about the job since then, but doesn't fully judge you because of it.

-The fact that you're famous for it scares him a little.

-But once you two get more serious and dating long he'll begin to warm up to it. BUT he made rules for you to follow. Like make sure the man is clean from any disease, nothing too romantic/intimate or personal, AND especially the guy can not hurt you in any shape or form or wear protection or at least pull out.

-Feels awkward if hes at the set.

-If hes there while you're working he'll keep a protective distance. Not too close for you and the other workers to be distracted, but close enough to step in if anything happens.

-If anyone in the military making fun of one of your videos he would literally lash out. He'll beat the living shit out of anyone who says anything bad about you.

-Sending him your solo sex videos while he's out serving.

-He watches your videos while he touches himself every time he misses you/ horny.

-He's a little embarrassed to feature in your videos, but he'll do it ONLY if he's faceless. So really under the neck he's comfortable showing. What he didn't expect that the video would go viral on the platform.

-Your fans going crazy about the two of you. They love the energy and connection you two had.

-You convincing him to make more videos with him.

-During the live streams you sat on his lap as you answered questions etc. One of the questions asked "Are you and faceless dude dating?" You gave Simon a quick look before answering. "Uhm yeah! He's my boyfriend everyone!"

-The whole platform broke at the news.

-Him feeling insecure once in a while and thinks that you'll leave him for someone better or than your getting bored of him. And especially while hes in the military.

-So to try and ease him by only making a few videos with different actors or by yourself for your audience while he's out fighting. Buut when he's back you make however videos you want.

-Would never ask you to quit. He'll feel selfish asking it even though he'll probably won't quit his own job if you ask.

-Showing him your old videos before you got famous.

-He isn't ashamed of you.

-He won't hesitate to fight a creepy fan/ actor.

-You started his porn addiction. BUT he only watches your videos don’t worry.

-Making him cum early/fast just from a few teasing/moves.

-Doing things with him he’ll can never imagine doing with a different partner.

-He tries to mind his business with your work life and everything, but once in a while he likes to read the script about a video.

-if you have a specific company he doesn’t like it. I mean he likes how your getting famous and a lot of money, but he doesn’t like the way the company control you.

-You satisfying every thing he likes and what he didn’t even knew he liked until you.

I’m summary hes a keeper. 9.25/10 to have.

#ghost simon riley #mw2 ghost x male rwader #ghost x male reader #simon riley x male reader #Simon Riley x reader #mw2 x male reader #cod x male reader #x male reader #male reader #the bear club

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mynqzo · 1 year

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my insane batshit gritty semi-realistic sapphic reimagining of barbie and the three musketeers

okay so many people were confused on if that last drawing of mine was just an oc named barbie or whatever but im here to tell you no! its my insane reimagining of the corinne in the movie barbie and the three musketeers, but sapphic and insane. so today I’m going to dump on you my insane reimagining of barbie and the three musketeers in a semi realistic gritty setting where they’re all sapphic and when they become musketeers they instead work to overthrow the monarchy. this is not a joke I've been thinking about this for months. like i will take alexandre dumas legacy and make it so gay and barbie.

okay so first things I thought of were weapons and such and what they could be replaced with in this setting cause most of the characters have things like ribbons and fans as weapons (and while that's so slay and I love that/never want that to change in the movie, I wanna make it semi-realistic in this gritty reimagining). so corinne’s weapon in the movie is a rapier so we’re keeping that. viveca has those two long ribbons (I’m sure they have a name but I forgot them sobs) and I think in my head she would have a two whips instead, whip dual wielder ohooo. renée has a slingshot (honestly so lame of the movie to give her that) and in my head she has a musket or pistol. aramina has two fans and I think replacing those with daggers would be really swag. and just to be clear all the characters in this version are aged up to be in their late twenties to early thirties.

for corinne, the story will follow the traditional ‘the three musketeers’ storyline but instead corinne is actively held back by her mother from going to paris and becoming a musketeer because her mother believes she’ll fall into the same fate as her father did and die. so she instead sneaks out because she feels like if she became a successful musketeer she could establish a comfortable life for her mother. in my head she's kind of like a cocky playboy kinda character where she's a little full of herself but has a lot of drive to find out what happened to her father and how he came to pass but also to succeed so she can take care of her mother better. like she's essentially the person who would ask you to fence shirtless because she wants to prove that she doesn't need armour.

for aramina I feel like her concept of a hopeless romantic can be made more complex if added with religious calling like for aramis in the original three musketeers. like she has a deeply religious upbringing but she cant stop falling in love with people and getting into trouble about it and it especially shows when she meets corinne and the others and; you guessed it, falls in love with them too. a nice mix of guilt and romance. she could have been a faithful follower of the church and been a nun but fell in love with one of the nuns and was caught and therefore shunned and punished, but she kept doing it again and again and her behavior became too obnoxious for the church to allow so they kicked her out, and she’s still plagued by this guilt while also wanting to follow her heart. she essentially ended up as a maid because her church rejected her and her family refused to take her back in on account of her sinning (rip) so she's essentially trying to find purpose in life while also overcoming this insane guilt she's carrying with her for her own desires.

renée’s story in my head follows that of a noble who then became a street musician and eventual musketeer. in the original musketeer story, athos was married to milady de winter [who was the villain] and attempted to kill her after discovering she was a criminal and then he became a drunkard about it because it made him so sad. for renée, she could have been married to a wealthy man that her family arranged her to marry but he was like, a bad guy and wasn’t really nice to her etc and also was a criminal on the run, so she tried to kill him because she was sick of his shit but her kill attempt ended up with her being fought off by him and excommunicated by her and his family (because they dont know he’s a criminal) so she ended up as a street musician and that lead to her being a maid in the palace and you know the drill.

viveca, the same as was in the movie and book as porthos, loves fashion and clothing and is always dressed super dapper and i feel like this could easily make her be a seamstress in the palace who directly works with the royal family when it comes to making them garments (alongside being a maid). she would know the internal workings of the royal family and be the person who could spy on the politics of everything the easiest out of everyone. i feel like she can put up a facade very well with the royal family where she can act like she’s totally into what theyr doing and not totally planning to go against them at any point like at all.

essentially they work for the palace as maids, one way or another, and do all the shenanigans of protecting the prince from getting assassinated by snooping around and whatnot only for them to turn around and be the people who go out of their way to assassinate the prince because they quickly realize that he’s kind of a shit head. they essentially side with the group of people planning the assassination which leads them into meeting a group of rebels and people who protest the royal family. there’s this journey to realize that the true villain of the story is renée ex husband she tried to super kill who became an advisor to the prince and king after the assassination attempt (and the old advisor was kicked to the curb). so the ex-husband is now doing evil whispery advisor nonsense where he’s trying to convince the prince that the musketeers all are actually planning his assassination (even if its true like how dare you sir ex-husband) and that he should execute them publicly and then provided a bunch of false evidence to ‘prove’ (like its True they do wanna take down the prince but like yknow). and its like a whole thing. during this all they all fall in love and form a sapphic polycule and its complicated and nasty and oof.

thanks for coming to my ted talk.

#what do i tag this #barbie and the three musketeers #is it obvious to say barbie has affected my upbringing

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romanarose · 1 month

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If You Wanna be Wild: Chapter 7

Co-written with @my-secret-shame-but-fanfiction my beloved Fen, who I could not do this without. Thank you for being my emotional sounding board, my dear friend, my wonderful cowriter and helpful beta reader. I adore you.

Javier Peña x Latina!sex worker!informant!Reader x Santiago Garcia

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Summary: Everything falls apart and evryone is alone.

Content and warnings for whole fic, not chapter by chapter unless something is added: Sex work, drug trade, some drug use/pressured used, sex workers and the mistreatment/stigma surrounding them specifically in the 70’s (my blog is sex worker positive) but ima put potential dub con depending how you look at it as a sex worker who works with dangerous men, some action surrounding reader and the guys and the drug trade, SMUT HEAVY, corruption kink (were corrupting santi here, he’s young, 25), no loss of virginity tho, threesomes, some slight m/m smut but that’s not the focus here, but as you know this blog is an lgbt blog so I’m always open to gay shit. Talk of war and some PTSD but I won't be going a whole lot into it. Covert/emotional incest in the past, Santi's mommy issues, m/m dynamics, internalized bi/homophobia

Reader speaks Spanish and has hair. I've decided Candy is just latina bc she's a sex worker in Colombia so this is what I'm doing. Reader also has curly hair and dark skin.

ADDITIONAL WARNINGS!:mentions of rape an violence, what happened to Helena, smut, repressed feelings, angst.

Almost everything was written by Fen <3

2.7k words

Support writers! Reblog and comment!

**************

There was no making up. There was no Javi bringing Santi food as an apology, there was no talking.

When Santi walked into the office on Monday, he saw the fucking desks rearranged, Javier’s and Santi’s on other sides of the room instead of pushed face to face. Santi quickly rushed to the bathroom where he panic vomited and had an anxiety attack, resulting in him being 45 minutes late. Javi didn’t say anything about it.

Where Santi couldn’t eat, Javi couldn’t stop eating, munching down food and taking frequent trips to the vending machine. His doctor was going to kill him. Santi could barely function, even coming in late or leaving early which was a cardinal sin in his book. Still, none of it stopped him from seeing Candy. Occasionally Candy asked about him because all month Javi hadn’t been to see her either. Santi couldn’t get much answer either.

They worked, but mostly separately. Javi had even been trying to find somewhere else to work, but there weren’t exactly free rooms in the precinct. They talked occasionally but only about Lorea… making Santi desperately lonely. He had his family and he loved his tias, but they weren’t Javi. It was the day of the rally for the beatification of Laura Montoya, which forced them to be in close proximity as they dressed in plain clothes and scouted the area for any sign of the Lorea family. Not wanting to look too much like officers on alert, Santi tried making conversation, none of which was working with Javi, only getting few word answers.

The boy was going to drive him absolutely batshit insane if he didn’t stop talking. It was bad enough he kept asking. ‘Should we get food’ or ‘it’s nice out today’, but his voice mixed with the crowds and noise and music and chatter or the rally, people shouting about whoever it was they were here for, politicians trying to stop them and constantly flashbacks of that night of the ball… Then Santi had to go and say

“She misses you.”

“You mentioned her name one more fucking time and I’ll-”

“You’ll fucking what?” Santi snapped, his nerves had twisted, hardened suddenly by rage.

His anger took Javi by surprise, he’d never heard him speak like that to anyone let alone him.

Santi took his pause as indignation. “I mentioned Candy once. Once. And that’s only because you haven’t seen her, or called her or anything!” He hissed. “She’s worried about you actually, she-”

It was Javi’s turn to snap.

He grabbed the younger man by the back of his collar and pulled him into a side alley, using his own momentum against him and slamming him up against the brick wall.

Sant let out a little huff of air as his back collided, gritting his jaw as pain raced along his back.

The action had been forceful, but not enough to cause discomfort for most people. However, a rough, uneven lump of mortar had poked oddly against the scar at the nape of his neck, sending a tingle down his back.

Javi rammed the heel of his hand into the wall next to Santi’s head, using his height to his full advantage as he leaned over him like he was interrogating a suspect instead of a colleague. A friend.

Santi breathed hard, his frown pinching his eyebrows together, and Javi would say he even looked cute if he wasn’t so bloody annoying, so obsessed with getting under his skin. Unable to let anything go, constantly digging at him in his self-righteous attitude, just needing to push, and push, and push, and…

Cute. The thought caught him off guard. When had he started to think of Santiago as cute?

“What the fuck are you doing Peña?” He growled, puffing his chest out, but not pushing back.

Javi shook his head slightly, trying to break his racing mind, trying to get back to reality. “Candy, look, you can’t just-”

“She’s an adult Javi, I can-”

“You’re going to get her killed!” His voice raised at the end, louder and more desperate than he had intended, with just the slightest waver. He hoped Santi didn’t hear it, but he probably did. Nothing got past him. “Do you understand?” Santi glared at him, the muscles in his jaw flexing. Those stupid large doe eyes looking painfully dark and enticing. “You’re flaunting her. Taking her to the ball and, and-”

Santi scoffed. ��That’s none of your business, I asked her, I-”

“You’re gonna get her gutted and dumped on the side of the road!” Javier screamed, haunting flashbacks to Helena’s beaten and raped body, wrapping his coat around her and having to carry her out, not sure if she was dying or not. “You know how easy it would be for Lorea to do something? This isn’t even a put two and two together situation, Pope, it’s you waving a four right in his fucking face! And what do you think is gonna happen when he takes her, huh? When he beats her and rapes her an tortures her to get information on YOU!”

Santi swallows, his face still hard, but that little bob of his Adam’s apple draws Javier’s eye, but he doesn't respond. Javier lowers his voice, fist still gripping Santi’s jacket.

“She’s not gonna give you up, she’s not gonna help them hurt you. She’s gonna end up dead. You’re gonna…” He closed his eyes for a moment, took a small breath. It was easier not to look at him, not to have to stare at his soft eyes and plump lips. “You’re gonna end up dead too, Pope. I can’t… I’ve seen it, okay?”

Javier screwed up his face, opening his eyes so that he could look at Santi man to man. Implore him to see reason.

“I’m not telling you to stop seeing her, I’m just saying.... I’ve seen shit happen to girls in her line of work. To officers like you that are still wet behind the ears to this kind of thing-” The second it was out of his mouth, he knew he’d made a mistake.

“I’m not a fucking child, Peña.” Santi hissed, pressing forward and getting up in Javier’s face. “I know that’s what everyone at the station seems to think and all their little Virgin Maria mierda. I don’t care. I don’t give a fuck if all they see is that.” He pushes firmly on Javier’s chest, almost smacking as he punctuates his sentence. “But I thought you’d know better! I was black ops special agent, I spend years of my life in almost every goddamn continent doing retcon, assassinations, covert operations and rescuing women and children and getting SHOT! I’m not-”

“I’m not saying you’re a child-”

“You are! You are!” Santiago growls, smacking Javi’s chest repeatedly. He doesn’t care that he does sound like a child in that moment, arguing relentlessly on semantics. His emotions are bubbling over and muddying his head. “You’re saying that you know best. That your word is law. Despite all you do to endanger Candy!”

“I do n-”

“You do! You think you’re above it all, you’re just as bad, you pretend to care but you-”

“Shut your fucking mouth, Garcia!”

“Make me!”

He doesn’t think.

There’s always times he doesn’t think. When he gets too lost in whatever emotion he’s letting overwhelm him. Sometimes rage. Sometimes guilt. Usually negative either way. That’s where Santi is a good partner, keeping a cool and level head while Javi plays bad cop.

Usually ends up with him throwing a punch, not a kiss.

Santi knew ‘make me’ was childish. Knew it was playground nonsense reserved for kids still in single digits. But if everyone was going to keep calling him that, keep pretending that he wasn’t the only actual goddamned adult in the room then-

Then…

Javier’s lips on his steal his breath away, rob him of every thought that has ever run through his mind. And, for once, it’s blissfully quiet. The anxieties pushed away for the peace of a lover's kiss.

Javi presses closer, pushing Santiago further into the wall and cupping his face with his warm hand as he kisses him, body to body, warmth to warmth. Darting out his tongue to just trace Santi’s bottom lip and groans when he parts them immediately, no hesitation, and lets him lick into his mouth.

The angle’s a little awkward, Javier’s body trapping Santi’s hand between their chests. But Santiago’s fingers curl into his shirt, pulling him closer as his kisses leave him breathless and desperate for more.

Javier’s leg bumps into his and Santi moves a step, moaning softly and then whining as his thigh presses against his half hard cock, a sharp spike of pleasure running up his spine and-

His thoughts all come crashing down. What the fuck, what the fuck was he doing? His mother’s voice rang in his head, screaming his name.

He could get arrested for this, thrown in jail, worse. He was going to burn in hell.

Santi pulled back quickly, disentangling himself from Javier so quickly that both men nearly fell. He turned, not giving the older man a second look, and ran out of the alley into the crowded street.

He didn’t even hear Javier call his name.

“Are you okay, baby?” You asked, your naked body covering Santiago while giving him tender kisses, scooting yourself up and down his cock. You loved to tease him, get him whimpering and watch as all those troublesome thoughts left his pretty little head. He was too pretty to be so worried all the time.

He’d been stressed on and off about Javi, occasionally bringing it up, but you think he stopped when he realized it upset you. You were really good at pretending to care when old professors droned on and on about academic works or when men talked about themselves or complained about their wives and mothers again and again and again. You could’ve faked not being upset when Santi, but you didn’t fake anything with him. Javi’s absence hurt your feelings. You were worried about him, and you were angry at him for abandoning you and hurting Santi. For continuing to hurt his feelings. Bitch.

But honestly… you just miss him. A lot. It would take more than a poster to patch this, he’d have to make things right with Santi too, but you’d forgive him. You just wanted him back, and you wanted Santi happy again. He was already thin enough, and as your body slid up and down the sweaty length of him, you could feel he’d lost weight.

Santi moaned loudly, gripping onto your hips as you bounced on his length, his eyes rolling back in his head as your heat engulfs him over and over. Pulling him deeper and deeper.

The fat tip of his cock presses deliriously, perfectly rubbing over your walls with every slick slide. Stretching you so wonderfully like he was made for you. He was, he really, really was. Something was bothering him today, and he was finding solace in you. You were happy to give it to him. Pushing all other thoughts out of your head.

He whines, babbling nonsensically with his eyes closed, “please, please, please,” He rocks up against you, letting his body override his brain as you fuck him into the mattress. “Please, gonna come, please, need you so much,” he gasps, almost sobbing from pleasure.

You stroke his cheek and pick up your pace, even if he hasn’t said you could tell how close he was. The way his stomach muscles tense, how his eyes are screwed shut and head thrown back into the pillow, “it’s okay, it’s okay, you can come, give it all to me.”

He shakes his head rapidly, “no, please,” he moans, “need you, need mommy to come, please.”

His whines change in pitch, the little sounds getting higher and higher as he reaches the point of no return. His mouth hangs open, his skin flushed and sweaty, and heat floods to your core.

You brace yourself with your left hand on his leg behind you as you ride him, leaning back ever so slightly to change the angle just enough that he continuously hits perfectly inside, stretching you to your limit.

Santi sobs, the position change sending a buzz up his spine, pressing on the thick length of his cock to a surprisingly maddening degree. His whole body pulsed, stealing the air from his lungs.

He bucks up once, his eyes fluttering open in surprise as he comes, his length pulsating. He empties himself deep inside you, his orgasm stretching onwards and overtaking every possible thought.

You smile as you watch him, happy to see him so blissed out. You ride him throughout his high, trying to prolong his sensations as long as possible. He deserved it.

He sighs, shivering with aftershocks as he comes back to himself and looks up at you. You open your mouth to speak, the words on the tip of your tongue.

Santi grabs you by the hips, urging you up and off him and pulling your aching pussy onto his face. He lets out a small groan at the mess he made, his cum leaking out of your folds before he runs the tip of his tongue through them.

You bite back a moan, grabbing onto his hair for stability as his mustache brushes against your clit.

His mouth feels like heaven as he lick and swirls around your clit, his movements soft but certain, quickly pushing you towards your peak.

Instinctively you buck your hips, grinding down on his mouth to chase your high. He rocks you against him, urging you tp move and fuck his eager tongue.

“Santi…” you whine as you come hard against him, pulling fiercely on his hair.

He continues licking, moaning against you as he drinks down every drop of your release.

You breathe heavily, boneless for a moment before slowly moving away to lay down next to him.

He pouts a little as you settle. “I wasn’t finished.” He smiles cheekily, your cum shining all over the bottom half of his face,

You giggle, and gently swat his arm and cuddle up next to him. Santi didn’t need instruction, scooting his back to your chest. In your arms, where he belonged. You loved being like this with him, but somehow it always felt like something was missing. You loved when Javi used to hold you, protecting you with a strong arm around your body, but again, you felt like something was missing, in your arms this time instead of around you.

You kiss the scar on his spine. “Good boy, Santito.”

It happened so fast. Santi teanses and you barely have a second to register how he turns to you, his eyes widen in panic, his skin turning ashen before he’s up, out of bed and pulling on his clothes so fast that it shouldn’t have been possible. What the fuck? Did you do something wrong?

“Santi?” you start, trying to keep your voice soft but unable to hide the fear that has overcome your words.Why is he leaving? What did you do wrong? Did you mess up things with Santi too, the one good thing left? You barely sit up before he’s shoving a handful of dollars at you, practically just throwing them in your direction and the bed.

“Here.” His voice is quiet, distant. Like he’s not really there. A stark comparison to his panicked, edgy movements. He doesn’t even bother tying his shoes, simply shoving his feet inside them and stumbling towards the door.

“Wait, Sant-”

He slams the door on his way out.

Leaving your bed cold, and you alone.

It was supposed to be sex, talking. Build a nice repour. That was it. You were good at it too, making old ugly men think you were infatuated, but yourself detached from even the most charming and attractive. Something happened with Javi and Santi, a line that became blurred, friendship and genuine attraction and care. Now they were gone.

You hate yourself for how hard you cry.

***************

thank you so much to everyone whose stuck around while i sort my SHIT OUT (its never ending)

If you like me writing javi, i wrote a drable today too, and if you wanna see a totally insane version of santi, come to rooms on fire!

be sure to give @my-secret-shame-but-fanfiction a follow, he's amazing and my everything. they are pumping out AMAZING works rn for the moon knight bingo.

I appriciate you all very very much, please let know your thoughts in the comment!!!

I know you've stuck around for this song, please drop a comment and say hiiiiii!!!!

follow @romana-updates for more!

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catindabag · 3 months

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In your opinion what would be snows gay or bi awakening lol

In the books, I think Coryo is too depressed (he is) and too stressed (he is) and too mentally unstable (he is) to really think about love (the sincere kind of love), friendships, and bi/gay awakenings.

He does feel things like pain, sadness, anxiety, and desire. However, his childhood war traumas (the horrific 2 year Capitol siege by the rebels that almost starved everyone to death), hunger (physical and psychological), and early losses in life (the death of his parents and other financial problems) were great factors that shaped him to be as cold as his name.

We also have to understand that he was raised in the Capitol. He was raised in a place that was ruthless and merciless to those who don’t have money, power, or status. If you don’t belong or have no relations/connections with one of the “Old Guards” like the Ravinstills, Heavensbees, or Creeds, then you’re a “loser nobody” who has no place or future in the Capitol.

Propaganda was also everywhere (and I mean everywhere). Sympathizing with the rebels who almost starved and eradicated your people to death is a great no no. This also applies to those who secretly aided and supported the rebels.

Don’t forget, the punishment was so severe as well. Either you die a horrible death or you get turned into an Avox. Die or suffer. Those are your only options if you get caught helping a rebel or even know someone who aligned themselves with rebel sympathizers.

So I understand that Snow had to be selfish AF and put great importance to his and his family’s self-preservation and ambitions no matter the cause, reason, or outcome. And because most people in the Capitol will also choose to put themselves first before others. Heck. Being ruthless and selfish are a form of mercy to one’s tragic self if you live in a country like Panem.

Is it wrong to think like that? To most readers who value goodness and love, yes. However, for those who survived a horrific war, no, not really. And for those who are constantly starving or suffering, no. Sometimes hunger will drive anyone (and I mean anyone) to madness. Even the best of us will be tempted to commit such grave sins in order to survive and live a comfortable life.

In addition, we can’t deny that Snow was living in a cruel society where one mistake will cause you and your whole family’s life and reputation. So a poor Coryo had to pretend that everything was splendid and his life was perfect (like most of his rich classmates) because the House of Snow must not fall. It must always land on top.

Moreover, I believe that pretending and performing are one of Coryo’s strongest coping mechanisms when facing the harshness of reality. In a way, you could say that Snow would rather live and accept his crazy delusions than face the consequences of his actions. If not, he might’ve ended up being sent to the gallows or being turned into an Avox.

Even in the books, when Snow was sent back to the Capitol to meet with Dr. Gaul, there was a part of him that screamed and believed that he and his family would be severely punished. He was even in the verge of accepting his “Avox fate” for the mistakes he made while serving as a Peacekeeper in D12.

So is Coriolanus Snow capable of sincerely loving someone above himself? His childhood war traumas, mental instabilities, ambitions, self-preservation, and depression say NO.

Was Snow in love with Lucy Gray? His lonely life and delusional mind say yes, but he’s too afraid of love and just wants power after experiencing one horrible breakup. So no.

Let’s just say that love is the death of power/ambitions/glory and Snow chose the latter in order to survive and thrive.

Was Sejanus Plinth in love with Snow? Yes. Definitely. I won’t question it.

Did Coryo have feelings for Sejanus? I believe that a tiny part of his cold heart will say yes, but his confused AF mind and “rebel allergies” say no.

But these are just my thoughts and opinions anyway. Lol. I specialize in writing and editing crack!AUs. Not angst.

But I do read a lot of psychological & mental health books, Greek tragedies, historical literature, and crime stories.

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gothlute · 4 days

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Since you said it was okay to send you asks about Lute (and I really wanna talk about her ajshgs): do you have any headcanons for her as a character, fallenwings and/or guitarspear? :)

Also, as a doodle idea: fallen angel Lute!

I love this so much!!!!

Okay so the fallen angel Lute doodle will be done a bit later since I ordered a graphic tablet and I wanna draw it on it. I'll tag you!

Ive already made a post about Guitarspear headcanons too :D I might post more if I get ideas!

___________________________________________

Lute headcanons.

• Metalhead & likes goth music

• Had an emo phase, obviously, tho she won't admit it

• She's REALLY into music, either listening to it or making it. Adam and her make music together! She can sing and kinda play drums (tho she's a begginer)

• Her favorite bands is Type O negative

•Her favorite colors are black and red

• Super picky eater, and so is Adam

• High IQ, and possibly autistic, she gets told to get tested a LOT but she doesnt want to

• Is SUPER good at make up, she does her eyeliner super fast

• Very very good at strategy games. She's overall very smart and learns fast. The kind of kid to learn how to read super early and then get pissed at other kids because they can't do it

• Super serious most of the time, but the most unhinged mf with Adam because she trusts him deeply. She actually makes almost as much dirty jokes as him when it's just the two of them

• Both bi and homophobic : she was raised in a SUPER religious family and feels attraction to girls but is deeply ashamed of it.

• Had a situationship with Vaggie, but had too much internalized homophobia for it to work. She's SUPER bitter about it

• Pretty interested in mythology

-She's pretty muscular and very strong, she works out a LOT and pretty much all gay exorcists have/had some sort of crush on her (and everyone's aware of it except for herself)

• Wears a band shirt and black sweatpants like 50% of the time when out of uniform

• She would LOVE the Saw movies. They have gore, interesting lore and she'd love to learn about all the traps (she would wanna try them on demons LMAO)

___________________________________________

Now let's dive deeper into the Lute and Vaggie part.

Fallenwings headcanons (sorta)

!!CW interalized homophobia

I don't believe Vaggie and Lute dated. I do think they had something going on though.

To begin with, I think Lute is bisexual, with INSANE. amounts of internalized homophobia and religious guilt. She's plain homophobic, and thinks it's a sin, while ignoring the part of her that likes it. It has been easy at first because she wasn't into ONE specific girl.

But when she started liking Vaggie, everything was way harder. Her feelings were too hard to ignore. She felt genuine physical attraction, to the point where training with her was getting hard. Everything was complicated.

And Vaggie felt this way too. She started flirting with Lute, and even though she felt painfully guilty about it, she gave in.

They kissed a copious amount of times (never in public), slept together almost as much, and genuine feelings were developping for both of them.

But Lute's self hatred was only getting worse, and it was getting in the way. She would rather die than make their relationship official (though let's be honest you'd have to be blind to miss the sexual tension during training), and Vaggie had to constantly remind Lute that it was okay, that it didn't make her a sinner.

She didn't believe it.

She sometimes pushed Vaggie away when she initiated any contact, even chaste and friendly, and got very cold and disgusted to talk to her. Because after all, she's gay.

Vaggie tried to be as understanding as possible, but it was getting too far.

Her and Lute got into an argument.

Vaggie was like "this is stupid, you insist that we hide when we see eachother, you seem uncomfortable and it's clear that you don't really like me SO we should probably just stop". She wasnt that mad just a bit annoyed and sad

Except Lute took it very badly, and got VERY defensive and mad, because Vaggie was right. She got mean and lashed out on her, Vaggie left and they just...stopped talking

Basically, Vaggie thinks Lute used her to "try it with a girl" while Lute had actual feelings, and she HATES Vaggie because she let her see her weaknesses and thinks she's disgusting for making her fall for her!! She was a lesbian after all.

+ She betrayed heaven and it was OVER. It was the proof Lute was waiting for, proof that Vaggie was just a filthy sinner, disgusting, that she deserved to rot in hell, and that Lute's little phase was over, probably a test from God she passed.

Sometimes, Lute still dreams of the filthy sinner, of her sweet words and the warmth of her embrace. She still feels all warm when seeing two girls kiss, she still gets jealous. But she knows better than to indulge in those feelings now, she's a warrior.

#hazbin hotel #lute hazbin hotel #hazbin hotel lute #hazbin hotel rambling #fallenwings #vaggie hazbin hotel #lute x vaggie #vaggie x lute #dangervag #I hate this name LMAO #lute #vaggie #queer

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enbyleighlines · 8 months

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I always make the mistake of looking at the comments when I watch compilations of Soren’s cameos in Engage because inevitably, I always come across Those People who are sole-minded in their determination that Ike and Soren are Not Gay and somehow feel the need to argue this in every part of the internet where ikesoren shippers might gather.

And it’s just always an instant mood killer.

It also just… confuses me. Like, okay, I can understand why someone might be adamant that Ike is straight. I think they’re wrong, but I understand the mindset. Ike keeps his emotions close to his chest. He’s stoic and beefy, a stereotypical red-blooded manly man.

I don’t think they’re correct. I think there is plenty of subtext (and like, actual text) that validates the idea that Ike is, at the very least, some shade of queer.

But Soren? I feel like anyone who argues that Soren is straight must be either lying or have no clue what they’re talking about.

For one, the way he talks to and about Ike leaves little room for doubt. Ike’s place is where he belongs. Ike is special to him. Serving Ike gives him purpose. He doesn’t care if all the cities burn and the seas swallow the earth, so long as Ike survives. So on and so forth.

There’s also the literary parallels in Ena and Rajaion’s relationship in the first game, and Micaiah and Sothe’s relationship in the next, both canonically romantic pairings.

But I feel like even Soren’s character arc is a metaphor for the queer experience. He grows up suspecting that there is something different about him, something that causes the beast laguz of Gallia to ignore him, to be unsettled by his mere existence, to give him the impression he would be better off never having been born. And in early adolescence, he again notices something off about himself, things that set him apart from his peers.

Then, still within his adolescence, he figures it out. He learns a key part of his identity, something that he cannot change, something that marks him as sinful, a physical embodiment of a religious taboo.

If his secret gets out, Soren risks rejection. And so he is desperate to keep it secret, to pretend to be “normal,” to deny anyone who insinuates that he might be just like them. His fear is so great that, when Nasir threatens to effectively out Soren to Ike, Soren stops questioning Nasir, fearing Ike’s reaction more than the potential of having a traitor in their midst.

Then, in Ike and Soren’s A support, Soren finally reveals his secret, fully expecting it to be the end of their friendship. Instead, Soren finds immediate acceptance. Because it doesn’t matter, not really. This aspect of Soren doesn’t change the core of his character. It’s part of who he is, but it’s not who he is.

Is it not a clear metaphor for being gay?

Gosh I love Soren so much. A+ character. I just wish there were less people who were so dedicated to misunderstanding him.

#ikesoren #soren #tellius

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jonathan-cranes-mistress-of-fear · 1 year

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"He certainly is a queer fellow" || The Scarecrow and his LGBTQIA+ Metaphors

From his first appearance, to the early 90s, there was one word used to describe Scarecrow that fans have really attached themselves to. And that is the word "Queer" (please note: I don't want discourse over the word itself on this post, please be respectful in your comments and tags)

In his first ever comic, his fellow professors call him a :"Queer Fellow" (Note: mine is a reprint, but if you find scans of the original comic, you can also see that Jonathan refers to himself as "Queer" instead of "Strange") (They would often replace the word in later retellings of his origin, all except for in the 90s with the three issue story God of Fear, where they use the word once more)

Obviously, as with lots of words, Queer did not meant what it does today. It was just another word for weird. I'm not going into the history of queer, as there's still a lot I don't know myself. BUT--whats more "weird" then being queer? In the eyes of those professors back then, that is.

And of course, who can forget "Queer Grasshopper Leaps" which appears not once, but multiple times in various comics. With all this said, it makes sense for queer kids of our generation to feel like Jonathan. Weird. Unliked. Different. Queer. Let them raise their flag in the name of Scarecrow, I say!

And the thing is, Jonathan learns to accept himself. If they're going to call him queer, he's going to embrace it. He's going to be a symbol of poverty and fear, something they couldn't even begin to comprehend. It's all very similar to internalized feelings of inadequacy related to ones queer-ness. Learning to love oneself for who they truly are

And that's not all....

In Scarecrow Year One, a story rife with religious trauma, there is even more to discover. In this story, Jonathan is yet again fired for shooting a gun in the classroom, but the classic queer metaphor is missing. This time, to be replaced with a gay/trans allegory.

Jonathan, a young kid is obsessed with reading. He reads all kinds of books, Most notable--Jame's Joyce's Ulysses. The kids who bully Jonathan in the backstory call it a "fairy book" and try to burn it. But great granny? She takes it a whole new level

It's one thing for a boy to read a so called "fairy book"--possibly effeminate of him? But it's another to suggest he's masturbating to it. That's just downright ignorant.

Ignorance is something queer kids often face. They get told how sinful they supposedly are, and how they're deranged and weird. Weird huh? Like...queer?

Depending on how you read year one, it's possible to see a trans or gay allegory hidden in it's pages. It's also possible to see some racist notes, should we image his father as Native American. Either way, there's a lot of deep conversations that can be had about this origin. Whether you headcanon Jonathan as trans, gay or both, these stories are great fodder for headcanons and character development.

There's one thing that can be said about all this, if you headcanon Jonathan as LGBTQIA+ -- you are valid and amazing, and the comics support you. <3

#Jonathan Crane #Scarecrow #The Scarecrow #Year One #Origins #Queer #LGBTQIA+#Queer Metaphor #sorry this took so long #I was lazy and didn't wanna get the scans made lol #my scans #scarecrow analysis #I thought about including more but this post got long

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wonderbutch · 2 years

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Cassie Sandsmark’s Relationship With Femininity

ok so i want to dive more into cassie sandsmarks character and her relationships.

throughout her comic appearances, gender, femininity, sexuality and lack thereof is very prominent in cassie sandsmarks character. Its shown as soon as she appears. shes 14, short haired and wears baggy clothes and overall gives off the stereotypical tomboy vibe which continues on and off throughout her young justice appearances, but she also battles deeply with what she really wants.

she also clearly shows multiple times that she wants, or thinks she wants boys, specifically superboy (kon-el) to like her, going as far as to join young justice to see him (although i have more thoughts on this which ill get to later)

she also shows jealousy towards cissie because of kons attention to her.

HOWEVER i have reason to believe that this is born of compulsive heterosexuality and a misguided attempt at displaying her need for attention and validation (often from guys because, again, comphet).

for example, here it mentions that cassie cant stop thinking about cissie “doing something romantic” with superboy.

which, i may be reaching here, but if she was truly romantically interested in kon, wouldn’t she mention him first rather than cissie? also, she mentions shes not thrilled that boys are looking at her, even though she thought thats what she used to want.

later on she becomes best friends with cissie, almost instantly after seeing her stick up for others, going as far as to literally fall asleep holding her hand. you cant tell me thats not at least a little gay.

as shown before multiple times, cassie strives for companionship and attention, its not a bad thing, in fact it further shows that cassie is kindhearted and loves those around her deeply, even if they don’t necessarily feel the same or treat her well (for example, the boys are constantly underestimating her in the early issues, especially kon who goes as far to be outwardly shocked when she takes a risk and turns out to be right)

(this isnt hate against kon, theyre all learning and figuring stuff out)

but after cissie leaves the team, which cassie doesn’t take very well, her “attraction” to kon seems to fade away, she also seems to be slightly more aware of the fact that kon doesn’t exactly take her completely seriously.

after young justice: sins of youth, cassie sheds the wig and the shorts and swaps to jeans and a leather jacket which is more “masculine”. she also refers to her old outfit, which could be seen as symbolic of her comphet, as her “what was i thinking phase”

despite seeming more sure of herself, shes still battling with who she is and how she wants to be, she gets angrier and moodier, which is touched on in issue 22

she doesn’t know what she wants, and it scares her. shes 14-15 and a superhero and people have expectations for her, she has expectations for herself too, which she often projects onto other people (which ill mention later when i get to her in teen titans) shes only sure of a few things: she wants to be a hero, she wants her best friend back, she wants to be taken seriously. between those three things though? she has no idea.

around her, everything is breaking down. cissie is struggling with her mother and cassie (for the most part) had a healthy upbringing and doesn’t know how to relate and help cissie with that. despite this, she still has unrealistic expectations of cissie. she doesn’t understand why she doesn’t want to be a hero because cassie has always wanted that, and wants cissie to want that too.

so, we get to issue 35 where everything comes to a head with cissie.

she refuses to listen to cissie even though time and time again shes told. after cissie proves a point, cassie finally starts to understand (although she still pushes it a few times in the next issue)

and then after going through a war and having tim and bart leave, and tim come back, and suddenly shes running for leader and confesses to “kon” that she loved him, or thought she loved him, and then she is leader and shes handling a full on invasion of zandia.

so needless to say, cassie doesn’t really have time to think about herself and her identity. at this point her hair has grown significantly, and she’s no longer acting entirely like herself.

so this all happens, greta betrays everyone (deserved) and then suddenly shes human and then donna dies which cassie takes very hard.

a pattern ive noticed is that the more disconnected from herself that she gets, and the more angrier, she changes her appearance to be more feminine, like she’s in denial or at least trying to hide behind femininity so she doesn’t have to admit her own emotions to herself.

as she starts a somewhat vague relationship with conner, she never really refers to him as her boyfriend, often using the word friend instead, despite conner referring to her as his girlfriend.

she also starts to project this idea of femininity and repression, specifically onto raven. when raven expresses considerable discomfort at wearing a dress, cassie counters this with a “you said you wanted to expand your wardrobe”, like she wants raven to be what she’s trying to be. feminine, happy and without fault.

later, she mentions her previous appearance, ambitions, and seems to have a sense of hatred for her previous self, despite in all accounts she was quite happy and open during that period in her life.

to me, cassie’s femininity is a way to hide her true self. its the way she can feel better and not as confused, and try to be someone shes not by just denying the way she really feels.

in conclusion cassie is a butch lesbian thank u for reading this makes absolutely no sense but idc bc the cassie brainrot is real and has taken hold

#cassie sandsmark #character analysis #does this make sense #wonder girl #dc comics #lesbian cassie sandsmark #queer cassie sandsmark #young justice 1998 #young justice #teen titans #teen titans 2003 #teen titans v3 #quinn shut the fuck up challenge #cissiecassie

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jbaileyfansite · 5 months

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Jonathan Bailey's interview with The Standard (2023)

(TW: this interview contains a story of Jonny being threatened by an homophobe in DC the day after the Human Campain Rights Gala)

Queer as Folk, Will & Grace, It’s a Sin: it’s not as if TV hasn’t tackled the gay male experience – and well – before. But I can’t think of a gay, straight (as it were) drama that matches the sweep and sheer mainstream gloss of Ron Nyswaner’s new eight-part Paramount+ series Fellow Travelers.

Nor can I think of one that does sex quite as brilliantly – frequent, searingly hot, sometimes tender, sometimes perfunctory, sometimes borderline brutal (one of the writers’ rules, Nyswaner has said, was “that we would never repeat the same act. When we got to episode eight, we were really kind of flummoxed”) and always articulate in a way that the necessarily secretive characters can’t be.

It’s certainly the first series I’ve seen that explores gay relationships in such an unapologetic yet nuanced and, frankly, expensive way, I tell Bailey, when I meet him at the Corinthia hotel in London.

“Totally,” he says. “And you can see it on the screen; the respect. In the early 90s, you needed a straight superstar like Tom Hanks [in Philadelphia, also written by Nyswaner] to bring a queer story and commission it. Cut to thirty years later, and it's the story itself that is the commissionable thing.”

I think the heartthrob star of Bridgerton is underselling his own clout a bit. The series follows the love affair between Tim Laughlin, an idealistic young congressional staffer (Bailey), and the vastly more experienced, cynical and outrageously handsome State Department official Hawkins ‘Hawk’ Fuller (Matt Bomer, whose all-American jawline could open a can of luncheon meat) that begins at the height of McCarthyism.

It jumps around a thirty-year timeline, expanded beyond the mid-century scope of Thomas Mallon’s original novel, to explore the relationship’s far-reaching repercussions, and the way that legislated oppression shapes people.

The other thing that stands out about the series, which begins in 1953 at the start of the Lavender Scare – the government crackdown on homosexual federal employees that resulted in upwards of 5,000 losing their jobs, and an alarming number taking their own lives – is that all the gay leads are played by out gay actors.

Bailey has said before that the important thing is gay stories being told, rather than slavishly ‘appropriate’ casting, and “I still 100 per cent stand by the fact that I think all actors should be able to do everything,” he says. “But to have gay actors chronicling the oppression and the trauma of it, I think it only adds to the experience. It's exciting that people welcome it.”

It’s encouraging too, that an out gay man was trusted to anchor a heteromantic behemoth like Bridgerton, to the point that having been snapped at Wimbledon with Ariana Grande (with whom he stars next year in the movie of Wicked), a newspaper was calling his agent threatening to out him as straight (“I'm in two minds about whether that's a really good sign of progression”). But all this progress is set against a sobering backdrop.

Rights for women and LGBTQ+ people are being rolled back across the world. Hate crimes based on sexuality have risen by 112 per cent in the last five years in England and Wales alone. How does he feel, right now, I ask him. After a moment’s consideration, he tells me a story that shocks me to my core.

He’d been to Washington DC, he tells me, at an annual event for the LGBTQ+ organisation The Human Rights Campaign.

“It was an incredible experience,” he says, sitting one leg tucked under on a tasteful beige chaise longue. “I met President Biden. I was there with Shonda Rhimes, she was being given an award, Matt Bomer was given another one; I was introducing him. My first political gala. I had the most amazing night; had a drink; couldn't sleep; buzzing.

“I woke up the next morning, it was like a montage. Sunshine, I was like, this is brilliant. I went into a coffee shop, and I was wearing a Human Rights Campaign cap from the night before. And the young lady who I was ordering from recognised me from Bridgerton, we were just chatting.

“And a man arrived behind me and he said, ‘Are you famous?’ And I said something like, 'I'm really famous for ordering coffee,' which is actually quite an annoying thing to say,” he laughs. “And then he got my cap, and he pulled it off my head and he threw it across the room and he said, ‘get out of this f***ing coffee shop, you queer.”

The room went still, Bailey remembers. But he walked over, picked up his hat, and put it back on his head. “If you don't take that cap off, I'm gonna f***ing shoot you,” it came again. “Where I'm from, people like me kill people like you.”

It was, of course, terrifying. But “in the moment, everything slows down,” he says. “No one knew what to do, apart from one girl, she was amazing. Angela, she came up, and she got her phone out and she said, ‘I'm recording this message, I think you are welcome in this country. And what you're saying, I think, is appalling.’ That happened sort of five minutes in, and he left.”

The man was from Pennsylvania (yes, Bailey did ask), and what Bailey took from the experience, he says, is that “potentially, there is a kid who – that's his father. That's his uncle. That's his teacher.”

He pauses. “My life was threatened. My body believed it; my brain didn't and it took me a while to really catch up with it. But I've got friends and security. There are so many people that don't. They are surrounded by that every day, and the torment of what that must be like, the amount of fear that was generated... If that's what children are surrounded by, they're not going to be able to grow in any way.

“And of course, that's not just an American story,” he continues. “It's international. And it's terrifying, that [here in the UK] we're not looking after queer people, in terms of allowing them into the country. Because that is the reality; people’s lives are literally at risk.”

He says the messages he’s been getting in response to the show bear this out. “People are still living in the closet. Or they’ve had a moment where they're watching and they realise, that was their father's story, or their mother's story; or it’s people who have been affected by this, but for the first time are understanding the trauma.

“People are so shocked that this is such recent history, but the majority of people in the world are living under that sort of belief system. And people on Instagram message from areas in the world where just getting through the day without being outed is survival.”

Bailey, 35, grew up in rural Oxfordshire as the youngest of four and the only boy to an audiologist mother and a father who worked for Rowse Honey. He had nothing but support and love within his family, but even he internalised shame from the way gay people were represented in the media when he was growing up.

“The majority of gay people were either the butt of jokes, or being caught in sexual acts and considered deviants, or they were committing suicide, or they're dying of AIDS,” he says.

He’s spoken before about an episode of Casualty he saw, aged 11, with exactly the latter storyline, “and I do remember that episode, viscerally, and crying and being like, that's what I'm [going to be]. And that isn't Casualty’s fault. It's brilliant to have that story out there. But it was the lack of variety, of access to being allowed to feel that you're going to be okay.”

Having said that, he says, “every five years is a different gay generation. It was nowhere near as tough as if I'd have been born 15 years earlier. Me and my friends, two in four, if not three in four, would not be here.”

His relationship status is off-limits. There’s “a lovely man”, but that’s all he’ll say. “It's not secret, but it's private,” he says. “Having a private life is, for me, completely critical. I don't know if I would be able to be as confident to speak out on other things if I felt that my whole life was up for grabs.”

Bailey’s next big screen project is Wicked, playing Fiyero alongside Grande as Glinda and Cynthia Erivo as Elphaba. At one point though, he was doing that, Fellow Travelers and Bridgerton at the same time, which sounds insane.

“On World AIDS Day last year, I was in Canada playing Tim on the AIDS ward,” he says (you know this from the start, no spoilers here). “And then I wrapped, went straight to the airport, slept on the plane, got up and went straight to a Regency ball, slept in a hotel in London overnight and then went and danced with Ariana Grande for a day, my first day of rehearsal. Then I came back and burnt some conscription papers for the Vietnam War on the Monday.”

He’s got big plans of his own too – galvanised by the gala in Washington, he’s been working with the charity Just Like Us, which brings queer speakers into schools. "You're twice as likely to be bullied if you're gay, or queer," he says. "And yet if there's positive LGBTQ+ messaging within the school system, 100 per cent of people's mental health and happiness increases. It's a no brainer." He is planning to establish a foundation next year, to consolidate his charitable work.

But for now he’s glad to be home for a bit. Bailey moved out of London to be closer to his Nana during lockdown, and stayed (“I was watching Strictly with her the other day”). She’s 93, born in 1930, so “we worked out she's the same age as Tim. So we charted everything that Tim experiences with where she was, and it was amazing,” he says.

“I knew that she had known one gay man at work in her life, because that obviously came up when I was having conversations about who I am, and I knew he had taken his own life. She's watching Fellow Travelers, and it's really emotional for her because she's, I think for the first time, really being allowed to understand what might have been going on.”

She's “blown away” by the show, he says. They haven’t talked about “specific scenes”, but “she said to my sister – ‘I didn't know he had it in him.’ I actually want that on a T-shirt.”

Source

#fellow travelers #jonathan bailey #jonny bailey #lgbtq+#lgbtqia #interviews #interviews:2023 #the standard 2023 #NEW!

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takeme-totheworld · 3 months

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"You did that to yourself."

(cw: religious indoctrination, religious trauma, conversion therapy no seriously I talk a lot about the ex-gay thing in this one, brief mention of mental health hospitalization)

When you're brought up in a fundamentalist Christian mindset you are trained to constantly keep your attention focused on your "sins."

Which is weird, because supposedly Jesus died for your sins and all you have to do to be saved is believe? That's what they claim, anyway. But of course, if all you had to do to be saved from damnation was believe the thing and pray the prayer, you could then go on your merry way as soon as you'd done that and not have any need for the church ever again. They wouldn't be able to control you that way.

So they find ways to subtly insinuate doubt into your mind, keeping you off-balance and unsure. They tell you that you just have to do this one thing to be saved, that it's so easy, but then they find a million and one ways to encourage you to question whether you really did it right, whether your belief and prayer were sincere enough, whether you're backsliding away from the faith and need to commit anew, whether you've actually been accepted by God or whether you shouldn't examine yourself and your life and your soul extra-rigorously just one more time to make absolutely sure.

So, this religion that claims to free you from sin and damnation and the fear of those things is often a perfect breeding ground for endless self-judgment and scrupulosity. Fun!

(What's really fun is when you love and trust the church so much that you believe their whole freedom from fear and sin and damnation shtick. So, you wonder, why are you so anxious all the time? It must be something wrong with you personally, something broken in your brain. Because the church certainly never did anything to make you feel this way.)

Now imagine that you're a teenager who has had this mindset programmed into you basically from birth, and you start to realize that there's something different about you. You have crushes on the "wrong" people, or you have the "wrong" feelings about your gender, or (insert other queer feelings here).

There are a number of different directions this could go. Queer folks who grew up in fundamentalist churches have lots of different stories. But a lot of us—including me, a teenager of the late 90s/early 00s—became easy prey for crackpot "ex-gay ministries" that drew in vulnerable queer religious youth with promises that we could be cured.

The type of story that's usually told, in the few movies and tv shows out there that attempt to portray conversion therapy, is a story about horrified parents finding gay porn under their kids' beds and then dragging the kids kicking and screaming off to ex-gay camp. That happens, of course, and it's horrible, and it's a story that needs to be told.

What you don't hear about so much are those of us who were already so twisted up into knots of fear and self-loathing by our upbringing that we joined these organizations voluntarily. Asking to be healed.

Because why would anyone do that to themself?

It's a much more uncomfortable story to tell. People who weren't raised in a fundamentalist mindset find it hard to comprehend. But the fact is, a religious organization claiming you can be "cured" of your queerness through faith and prayer (under their particular guidance, of course)—it sounds disturbingly cult-like, because it is, but it's also a natural extension of the kind of psychological control fundamentalist churches already exert over their members.

"Didn't you know there was something wrong? Couldn't you see how fucked up their claims were? Couldn't you tell how creepy and predatory and cult-like the whole vibe of the group was? For that matter, couldn't the religious parent who allowed you to do this, who was thirty years older than you and should have known better, tell?"

NO! Of course not! What in our experience could have possibly equipped either of us to look at this "ministry," that was promising to heal me from my sinful queerness while spouting exactly the same rhetoric we'd both heard in church all our lives, and realize how incredibly destructive it was going to turn out to be?

Seriously, it was basically a bunch of queer teens sitting around confessing our "sinful" thoughts and feelings, talking about everything we thought was wrong with us, vowing to do better, and praying for each other. It wasn't actually that different from my regular church youth group, except that we were all a lot more (openly) depressed and anxious.

...well, and there were a bunch of very severe rules with very severe consequences re: hanging out with each other outside the confines of group meetings and activities, presumably to make sure we didn't all start secretly hooking up with each other. Or, you know. Having conversations with each other about our queerness that weren't aggressively monitored and directed by the ex-gay thought police. (Couldn't let us start thinking that maybe there was nothing wrong with us after all.)

Okay, so the environment actually was more aggressively controlling than my church in rather significant ways. But I'd been raised my whole life to willingly submit to any rules dictated by religious leaders. I did not have the mental tools to look at what this organization was doing and go "Wow, something is really not right here."

I spent three years involved with the particular "ministry" I'd gotten attached to. It came to an abrupt end with a mental health hospitalization when I was in college, an experience that shook me up enough to realize that the ex-gay path was going to destroy me if I stayed on it. I got out of the hospital, moved across the country to live with my other parent and start picking up the pieces, and never went back to my childhood church or the ex-gay group again.

That was almost twenty years ago and the entire ordeal feels like a weird fever dream now when I look back on it. For a long time I did my best to forget the whole thing. These days, for the first time, I'm trying to remember. Partly for my own healing, because I can't live the rest of my life treating those three years like a deep dark shameful secret. But also because I've come to realize more and more that if people like me don't tell our stories, we let ourselves (and others like us who may still be trying to break free) get painted with the victim-blaming "You did that to yourself" brush.

I did not do that to myself. No one in a situation like mine who made choices like mine did that to themselves. That is not remotely how that works. But it's taken me all this time to let go of the mountain of misplaced self-blame I've carried around my whole adult life.

People who have been raised in intensely fundamentalist environments, with all the indoctrination that entails, often have to resort to all kinds of emotional and psychological contortions just to survive the experience. That's doubly true at least for queer kids growing up in these environments. And yes, that includes those of us who, after years of marinating in religious repression and self-loathing, made choices that looked completely incomprehensible from the outside, choices that had destructive consequences for ourselves and possibly others.

Our stories may not be as easy to understand or empathize with. But we need and deserve that understanding just as much.

#personal #religious indoctrination #religious trauma #exvangelical #ex gay #ex ex gay #conversion therapy #so yeah #i was in a sort-of cult in high school and early college #with the full knowledge and approval of one of my parents #i do not blame the parent in question #they've been dead several years #but they were unwell #and deeply religiously traumatized #i blame the church #and the ex-gay movement #seriously fuck them

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aritany · 3 months

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sorry to be nosy, but do u have any insights as someone who went through a divorce at a young age?

don't be sorry - what a fascinating question! it's STORYTIME. i don't know if this is so much my 'insights' as it is ruminations, but i digress.

i guess my number one tip would be: don't marry a bigot,,,

i'm kidding. mostly.

i'm very transparent about why i got divorced (if you know me in real life, you know how true this is), but that's what it boiled down to. i got married VERY young, 95% due to deeply religious family on both sides, 5% because i truly believed i had found the person i was going to be with forever. if you're going to be together forever, why not just bite the bullet and get married young, right?

i came out to my ex-husband as bisexual super early on in our relationship (i think 2 months into dating) because i obviously needed him to a) know i was queer and b) be cool about it, and he was. if i recall, he said, "oh. ok, good for you."

(later, he told me that that moment was almost a dealbreaker for him. i NEVER would have known, based on how he reacted in the moment.)

as a married couple, we were awesome roommates and very good friends and overall a wonderful team. then i started properly deconstructing christianity around the same time i started thinking about gender, and covid hit immediately after. i didn't come out to anyone as nonbinary until march 2021, and when i did, he was the first person i talked to. he was... significantly less cool about it than he was with bisexuality.

here's the thing. he LOVED having a wife. in hindsight, it's really easy to see that i could have been anyone, and he was really ready to settle down. i have to give myself some credit, because i think i'm excellent, but i do think that to some extent i was in the right place at the right time and checked off a lot of his boxes. if that sounds a little cold to you -- a SHOCKING amount of cishet men do this. it's weird.

anyway, i was His Wife™, and while i was by no means a traditional christian wife, i was still a very she/her slay queen girly.

then i started committing sins. (got some tattoos. started writing about The Gays. started speaking out against the church. Cut My Hair Short [cue gasps]. started dressing more androgynously.)

he couldn't get his head around using gender neutral language for me. to his students (he was in education at the time) i was His Wife. to his family, i was His Wife, even after i came out to them too. classic wifeguy stuff.

my current partner (who is SO wonderful) was in the process of becoming that best friend you have really confusing gay feelings about, and had to deal with me talking about this and how i was just going to have to settle for being with this guy who wouldn't respect my gender, even when that disrespect started actually making my skin crawl when he'd get close. because hey, marriage is for life. it didn't even occur to me that we might get divorced until about 4 days before The Conversation. i was genuinely ready to stick it out with this guy who refused to really See me, because i thought that was what i had to do.

then came The Conversation. i'd been invited to be a bridesmaid in his sister's wedding and had agreed to wear a dress, because hey, it's her wedding. if she wants bridesmaids in dresses, sure. (i was still very much reeling from my own wedding, but that's another story i'll tell if anyone's curious.)

anyway. dresses. i go to a fitting. i stand there numbly while wearing the most godawful dress i'd ever seen, feeling like Garbage. i go home. i step in the door, i burst into tears. sobbing, on the couch, i tell him that something's not right. i can't wear a dress to this wedding.

i think that was when he realized i wasn't going to grow out of being nonbinary. we had a really long, brutal conversation, mostly about how i was probably going to want top surgery one day, that ultimately resulted in him ending our marriage.

"i can't make you be somebody you're not," he told me. "but you can't make me attracted to you."

that's right, folks! the thing that ended my marriage was my tits.

we'd sat through and endured many conversations in which i shared my feelings about the church, about christianity, about the patriarchy, about gender as a whole, but in the end, the thing he could not get his head around was a version of me that didn't have a chest.

i won't lie, that shit stung. the constant rejection of my gender expression had sort of eroded any romantic love i felt for him at that point, but he'd been my closest confidant for so long by that point that i really had to work through some shit about worthiness in the weeks after. it was just surreal to me that me With tits was good and worth being married to, but a hypothetical version of me with a flat chest was so repulsive that he'd rather end a marriage than endure it.

and like, i get being a boob guy (trust me), but damn.

p.s. some really interesting notes: he waited to have this conversation with me until literally the week after i received the first 5-figure portion of my book deal advance, which meant when we were settling affairs, it counted as "marital income" and he got half, and then he hired lawyers behind my back after we said we wouldn't do that.

in hindsight? maybe it was never about the tits at all. ;)

#alex talks #storytime #divorce #storytime with alex #personal #asks #i love talking about the bullshit that happens in my personal life it's very fun to me #if anyone else has questions about this or anything else u know where my inbox is babey #full disclosure? getting over him was EZ and genuinely took about 4 minutes. getting over my PARENTS? holy fuck #(they didn't take the divorce Or the gender very well)

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solradguy · 7 months

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Mr. Badguy I have a question as a guilty gear lore baby. I have been told sol/ky is problematic and I do not know why I fear. Could you please explain

Oh boy. I'm probably not the best person to ask about what ships are and aren't problematic because I honestly... just don't have the energy to care about it that much, it's like infinitely easier to block/blacklist and then move on. I don't know how people have the free time to get as worked up about it as they do.

Anyway. So, Ky's age before Missing Link (the earliest in the timeline of the games' stories) is generally the biggest problem. He was 20 in ML and a teenager through the Crusades. I think he was probably at least 18 near the end of the Crusades right before Sol left but that's pushing it. Anything with Ky and Order Sol's bad weird. I won't argue that at all, Ky was a kid and Sol was very much an adult, on top of the physical and mental power imbalance between them. Not good. Luckily, I really only see HOS/Ky stuff from the really early fandom (<2006) and IIRC their ages were still pretty vague back then so I'm just gonna chalk it up to no one knowing, especially in the EN fandom where it was a lot harder to find/get official information.

Between Missing Link to like late GGX/early GGXX I don't see what the problem with shipping them then is; they were both adults at that point and there wasn't even the power dynamic between them that there was during their Holy Order days. This, I think, really just comes down to personal reasons for not liking it. Which is fair.

After GGXX it gets... complicated.... Ky marries Sol's daughter but it's vague on when exactly Sol pieced it together that he even had a kid and that it was Dizzy, of all people. Ky definitely did not know she was Sol's kid until at least like partway through Xrd, when they both kind of put the pieces together and had a crisis over it. So shipping them after this point, between the timelines of Overture through Strive, you've got the issue of Sol now being Ky's father-in-law.

But the canon never straight up says Dizzy is Sol's kid (it is VERY HEAVILY implied though) and Sol and Ky both end up being dads together for Sin...?? It's like ASW is playing gay chicken with whether or not Sol and Ky are still shippable from an ethical standpoint lol Whatever that saying is about having a cake and eating it too, etc.

I saw the email for this ask this morning and I presented the Sol/Ky situation to my mom as if they were real people (she doesn't know anything about GG) and she was like, "That's a hell of a love triangle but I guess if the guy (Ky) and the daughter (Dizzy) got divorced and the daughter is alright with it, and it's consensual between the men, then it's weird but it's not as bad as some other relationships I've seen."

That's kind of how I feel about it too...? It's messy as fuck lmfao But I guess if there's a way to like write it so that Dizzy doesn't end up needing lifetime therapy then like... go for it....? I guess....???

I don't ship Sol/Ky because I think their dynamic is WAAAYYYY more interesting keeping them as rivals-turned-friends, and I like Dizzy too much; there's too big a chance of her ending up getting completely devastated by it. But as far as "problematic" Guilty Gear ships go, Sol/Ky's in the like... "People are wasting time arguing about this?" tier, imo. It being Thee biggest GG ship throughout the series' entire history is something to be considered, too. It's unavoidable, even the official art contributes sometimes. I often wonder why they decided to make it weird by throwing Dizzy into the mix because I know that, from digging through old forum archives, that change made a lot of people furious hahah

Disclaimer because the reading comprehension on this website is abysmal: I DON'T SHIP SOL/KY. IT'S FUNNY AS A JOKE BECAUSE IT'S AWKWARD BUT I DON'T SHIP IT IN SERIOUS CONTEXTS BECAUSE IT'S JUST NOT THAT GREAT A SHIP AND THE FATHER-IN-LAW THING MAKES ME A LITTLE UNCOMFORTABLE.

#asks #Sighing as I yet again walk into the lion's den posting something like this

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dreamersbcll · 6 months

Text

Tolerate It

i take your indiscretions all in good fun

(this is who i am. do you still want me?)

——————————————————————————

Tara had never been good at subtlety.

Everything about her was erratic, chaotic, undone. She had never really been able to be calm, collected, even put together. Either things happened all at once randomly, or they never happened at all.

She could never truly get a grasp on what she wanted or what she needed to say. She held onto everything by the skin of her teeth, hoping she could let go and be caught by someone who would love her regardless of her maximalist style of living.

No one ever did. But it was a nice thought to have. Maybe, just maybe, somebody would save her from herself. She didn’t mean to be so callous, so weak, so fucking undone. She wanted to be able to shut up and close her dumb fucking mouth. All she ever wanted was to be collected, quiet, and orderly.

Just like Sam once was.

But Sam wasn’t here anymore.

And sinners couldn’t beg for the life that they had chosen.

It wasn’t really a surprise that she came out to her mother by blurting it out on the phone.

While at a pride parade.

With her girlfriend Amber at her side.

One moment, she was walking the streets of San Francisco with Amber in one hand and a lesbian pride flag in the other; the next, she was lying flat on her back in a whole parking lot, wheezing.

Tara knew that going to a pride parade was risky for numerous reasons. The crowds, the protestors, the fact she was a couple hours away from home- all daunting ideas. But with her girlfriend on her arm and her best friends trailing behind her, Tara almost felt okay.

She had spent three hours getting ready the morning off, setting out the clothes and makeup she had saved up for months at the foot of her bed. Like it was the first day of school, and Tara would have the best day. In a way, it was the first day of her life, the first day of stepping into the body she was always meant to be.

The atmosphere was otherworldly. Magical, maybe. Tara didn’t really have the words for it. She could feel her heart pounding, no, fluttering like she was lightweight and truly alive. She didn’t know that seeing people just like her was a possibility- that maybe she wasn’t alone in this vast world and there were people to love and accept her for who she was.

She knows that her parents, even her big sister, wouldn't.

But if a random drag queen could bend down and pepper her cheeks with kisses and place a pride flag into her outstretched hand with a wink, maybe it would all be okay.

Since she was eleven, Tara knew that something wasn't right. She didn’t have crushes on boys, and she didn’t want a boyfriend. Disney princess movies didn’t really make sense to her, and neither did a true love's kiss. How could her true love be a man? Tara didn’t need a man. She just needed her friends and family.

Tara didn't have her family, but she did get her friends. It was when she turned thirteen that she realized what was different about her—once she found out that Amber was dating Nick Perez. And it was when she turned fourteen that she whispered her secret to Mindy and cried in her arms after.

At sixteen years old, Tara confessed her feelings, and it turns out Amber felt the same. It was fate.

Fate was good for a while. Naturally, she had to hide everything about herself from her mother- as being queer in a Latin family was a sin worse than murder. Tara could be a pedophile or go to prison for attacking someone- but it would never match up to the crime of being gay.

God loved her. But God couldn’t save her from temptation. Tara had to do that herself.

How could she do that when temptation felt so good? Not being herself would be choosing an early grave, one dug by her own hands. She knows that gay people don’t go to heaven, and they aren’t saved by God’s divine hand. She knows that she is destined for an eternity in hell, flame and terror forever.

But she couldn’t help herself.

Nobody could make her happy like Amber or make her laugh hard and true. Her girlfriend’s kisses felt like her heart was sewn back together, her touch erasing the ruler slaps and bruised knees. Despite Amber’s quick anger and brooding silences, the girl loved Tara like she was brand new. It gave Tara a reason to live, to keep going.

Maybe God would accept her. Maybe he wouldn’t smite her. Maybe, just maybe, it would all be okay.

And then her phone rang while she walked the rainbow-covered streets of Sin City. Christina Carpenter. The devil all the time in Tara’s life, the bearer of all things evil. Her mother was supposed to be on a two-week work trip out in Switzerland or Poland. Somewhere far away.

Yet Christina Carpenter always knew when something was wrong in her household. Somehow, that woman always knew. It was as if she could sniff the gay on Tara, the sin of flesh and lust. The same evil that she forced Tara to pray on her knees to absolve.

Tara wasn’t sure if the bruises on her knees or the lacerations on her heart would ever truly fade. All she knew was sinning, and all she wanted was to be forgiven.

She almost was. But despite Amber’s pleas for Tara not to answer the phone, Tara still did. Who was she to turn down the woman who gave her life, gave her the body she was destined to be? She could never say no to her mother. Blood was blood.

Even if her mother spilled most of Tara’s blood without a care.

She shakily raised the phone to her ear, swallowing hard. “Mom?”

Cold and unforgiving, Christina dug in. “¿Dónde estás? Tu teléfono dice que no estás en casa. ¿San Francisco, Tara? Explícate.”

Tara closed her eyes, pinching the bridge of her nose. Amber had pulled her into an empty parking lot, forcing Tara to sit down and breathe. Though her girlfriend could be rash and unforgiving, she still loved Tara, and it showed in moments like these.

“Mami, I, I’m out with my friends. Hay una "cosa" en San Francisco. I’ll be home later,” she slowly said, trying to breathe.

While her mom screamed in her ear about “skirting her responsibilities” and “spending the money she made for her ungrateful ass,” anger started to bubble up in Tara’s stomach.

She was so tired of being the punching bag. The scapegoat. The pincushion. The hangman of the Carpenter family. Fuck that. People like her surrounded her. Tara wasn’t alone. She had a support system. Fuck what her mom thought. Tara had a taste of freedom, and she wouldn’t let it go.

“Mami. I’m gay—a lesbian. I’m a lesbian,” she said coldly, cutting off her mother’s venomous rant.

A beat passed. Silence filled Tara’s ears besides the sound of a lively community around her. Her mother said nothing, only her breathing signaling Tara that she hadn’t hung up.

Tara swallowed uncomfortably, her hands shaking. She could feel her body grow light, signaling an asthma attack. Her breathing picked up, and though Amber looked so proud and smug, she could sense what was coming. Her girlfriend held her hand and nodded to Tara, mouthing I Am Proud Of You.

She didn’t know why she did what she did. It was rash and without thought. She loaded and folded the gun, shooting blindly, thinking that she would win and be free.

Freedom. That was never in the cards for her. She would always be the little girl begging for her mami’s attention, her love. But her mother never gave her that, only bruises and tears in her heart. Her mother took everything and offered nothing in return- and she did it with a smile on her face.

And once again, her mother did what she did best. Callously, Christina replied, breaking Tara’s heart for the umpteenth time.

“Tú no eres mi hija. Soy una madre sin hijos. No vengas a casa.”

Click.

Tara looked up at her eager girlfriend, her phone slipping out of her hand. Water welled in her eyes, hot tears washing off the glitter she had fearlessly painted onto her cheeks earlier. The pride flag she had held onto so tightly fell out of her hand, tumbling onto the ground. The colors shined back up to Tara, a previously safe place, now tainted.

She was so stupid. So stupid. She had promised herself to wait, to hold back. Coming out while in high school was a stupid idea- she had to wait until she was out and free like Sam was.

But she couldn’t help herself. She had to ruin every good thing she ever touched and taint it with the same beast that lived inside of her.

Amber reached for Tara’s face, ignoring how the girl flinched at the effort. She cupped her girlfriend’s face, rubbing at the ruined glittery makeup.

“What happened, honey? Are you free?” she whispered, smearing the rainbow that took Tara an hour to create.

Tara closed her eyes, letting her girlfriend wipe away the pride that would be the death of her anyway.

“She doesn’t want me anymore,” she half-sobbed, her heart-shattering.

She just wanted her mami. Her mami was all she had left of a broken family line. Tara just wanted her mami to love her, to want her.

That’s all she wanted.

Her girlfriend tilted her head, eyes dark. “Did she ever?” she carefully replied, her thumb smearing glitter down Tara’s face.

Flinching violently at the words, Tara curled in on herself, her hands going to her chest, nails digging into the flesh that lay above the collarbone. Amber was right. Who could ever leave her? Who could stay?

Who could ever want a tainted little girl anyway?

She whimpered, holding onto her aching heart. “I don’t know. But I didn’t want her to leave.”

Amber shook her head. “Then you were the stupid one to believe things could be different. That she could love you even though you’re a dyke. This one’s on you, Tara.”

And with that, her girlfriend walked off, presumably to find something to drink. Tara curled up on herself, her body lying on the ground, the scalding pavement burning her skin down to her bones.

It was time to practice for her afterlife anyway.

#scream #tara carpenter #fuck christina carpenter club #queer tara carpenter #lesbian tara carpenter thank you very much #coming out in a latino household… good luck #queer latinos </3 #scream gi #ao3 author

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levbolton · 8 months

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Hey I hope this doesn't come off as aggressive but why are you so against people considering hgsn a yaoi? After all yoshiki is in love w hikaru (according to the early concept sketches anyway) and it is heavily implied that either hikaru or ''hikaru'' likes yoshiki

I never said Yoshiki doesn’t have feelings for Hikaru the original one, not Unuki.

When you go hgsn is a bl (or even worse, yaoi that means no climax, no point, no plot) you undoubtedly reduce the story to Yoshiki’s feelings for Hikaru and discard everything else.

People ship Yoshiki and Unuki (“Hikaru”) and that takes away all psychological layers this story has. Yoshiki doesn’t simply love “Hikaru”. What he held dear was his childhood friend, the only kid around his age in that secluded village, Hikaru. Now imagine one day he finds out Hikaru is no longer, he’s dead. If he’s dead he can’t see him again or hear his voice and that fucking breaks something inside of him. But there’s an identical copy of him, that has the same face and the same voice. Coping mechanisms activate and he somehow gaslights himself into thinking “this is fine, Hikaru is here”, only that it’s not Hikaru, it’s “Hikaru”. He knows it but prefers to ignore it (what you don’t know can’t hurt you). You know, the human need for things to stay the same, sudden changes one cannot control were never humanity’s cup of tea. It’s very subtle, and you have to realize: wait, someone actually died in this story, they’re not coming back, they were an important part of someone’s like and they’re not coming back. But there’s also “Hikaru” that learns how to live for the first time and you can’t simply pin Hikaru’s death and his abscence on “it” either, it’s way more complex than that, both sides are correct when you know both perspectives. “Hikaru” isn’t human so it doesn’t think like a human, if you know his perspective you can’t hate him bcs his brain (or whatever there is like a brain) can’t gasp the concept of survival that humanity has. And this “Hikaru” commits stuff that are unthinkable for a human being (killing a strangers like Matsuura, threatening to kill a friend like Asako) but at this point Yoshiki too thinks it’s his fault, he let the thing be and do as he please so it’s too late for him to pull out so all he can do is “bear the sins together”, what’s done it’s done now the show must go on. He doesn’t “bear the sins” together out of love, it’s an obligation he made peace with, in his head he’s just as guilty for those deaths (and Asako’s possible disability that could ruin her chances to play volleyball and that’s be fucked up if those were Asako’s plans for future)

When people say hgsn is a bl, they just focus on Yoshiki x Hikaru (“Hikaru”) oMg CuTe ElDeRiTcH gay monster obbsessed with yoshiki

And when people focus on hgsn is a bl they ignore everything else. Moku has a “show, don’t tell” kind of storytelling. There’s so many symbols that are basically foreshadowing or just easter eggs (chal mentioned once in the discord channel that the cypress bath salt from chapter 10 are from some greek mythology about someone dying i don’t recall the details, sorry it’s midnight and i didn’t have a greek mythology phase growing up), also Tanaka having chocolate on his board, and then adding sugar to his tea, that kind of insinuates he has a sweet tooth, just like Rie (that parfait, the recent chapters with the sweets on the table), anyway this is just a theory (tht Tanaka migt be Rie’s son), i could go on with way more details but that’s not the point of this post, there’s more symbols and stuff going on, been analysing the geography too as Moku doesn’t show us stuff randomly, or why did Moku choose to mention Herman Hesse’s work in chapter 2 (it’s not Demian, it’s the night peacock moth or however it’s in german Das Nachtpfauenauge ah thanks predictive keyboard)

I repeat myself again, when people say hgsn is a bl they just focus on the bl part and ignore all the complexities this work has. (When moku asked for questions for the qa at the end of vol 3 there were so many like “when will yoshiki and hikaru kiss 🥺”)

You say “early concept sketches” when the current work isn’t even sold as a BL, a story can go a different way from the first draft and concept (ofc you keep some stuff bcs if everything changws then it’s another story), not to mention that moku deleted that concept work, the only source available are the scanlation from nekojita (i think it was their group) and moku already said multiple times that hgsn is youth horror manga, unuki’s monster parts aren’t an allegory for being gay (or they could be but not like it was the sole intention)

In my opinion hikaru died too soon to realise and even accept his feelings for yoshiki, i guess that’s a possible reason why unuki is so confused, but im sure the story is more complex and has to do with the backstory, moku didn’t mention those famines and that bloody history for nothing, im not saying anything as I don’t have a good intuition for this stuff, so I’m just patiently waiting for moku to draw the story and reveal all the secrets

Besides, having queer male characters doesn’t necessarily mean it’s bl. Bl is a shojo genre, made by women for women, 2 guys so they have to skip all the inequalities women go through, bcs when it’s 2 guys they are both equal (don’t come at me, this is the real history of bl). Bl doesn’t even represent gay people nor normalise their presence, you’d think the country with the most Bls has already some lgbt friendly rules but guess what it’s not that case bcs bl isn’t for the queers. Actual works that focus on the queer experience are My brother’s husband, Yuhki Kamatani’s works or Kakeoichi Girl (i heard good things about Boys Run the Riot too but I didn’t read it yet). Bls focus a lot on adult (often teacher) x minor (often the student), on forceful interactions (such as SA), and it’s very hecking heteronormative (big is dominant, smal is dominated, big is manly, small is drawn that way especially so it’s very undistinguishable from a woman, again don’t come at me, it’s the BL rules)

So, in conclusion, again, hgsn isn’t just a bl, it’s more than that. Just like in Blue Flag, the queer feelings that exist are important for the plot, but they’re just there as plot driver (Yoshiki’s feelings for Hikaru blinding him into accepting the truth that Hikaru is no more), there’s more important stuff to focus on. There’s already much more BLs on the market than you could read in a lifetime, no need to force this tag on a story that isn’t one

Obviously you are alive and can do whatever you want, including shipping the depressed mop with the gay elderitch monster, but please don’t spread it as if it’s the only thing worth mentioning in the story 🙏 (i myself fallen to the BL tag at first bcs this is how it was introduced to me and it took me a few weeks to think “wait a minute…”)

#hikaru ga shinda natsu #the summer hikaru died #look you can ship whatever you want #i do that too #but i always remind myself and the other that it’s just for fun and not the actual plot of the story #answered

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