#feeling like a failure hours

[wildflowercryptid]

trying to job hunt makes me want to rip out my hair. they expect you to jump through 15 different hoops just to apply to something w/ dogshit pay & hours only to never even send you a rejection email.

#motherfuckers expecting you to work full time for $12 an hour that barely covers rent in my area #how the fuck am i supposed to move out when these are the conditions of things?? #i feel like a fucking failure of an adult bc i'm still stuck at home jobless but look at the state of things!!! #i wanna focus on my portfolio but i still need a job #BUT i also know that working exhausts me physically and mentally so i can't even spend my free time to draw #it just fucking sucks!!!!!!! #sorry i need to vent for a sec #trying to find remote work that doesn't sound sketchy just left me feeling upset #mj.txt #cw vent

[mockingspider]

gwen seems like the type that as a kid, she would do anything to be like her favorite character

#i have a headcanon that she seems like the type to read hunger games at age 12/13 #and that she would want to be like katniss #idk its just sweet to me to think about her as a girl failure who wants to be like her favorite character #fucking imagine a little gwen just yapping about hunger games and how much she loves it #shes just a girl failure who would look up to her main characters. thats canon in my mind #across the spiderverse #gwen stacy #erin's silly headcanons #i could yap about my gwen read/watched hunger games hc for *hours* i love it #idk if people would agree but its just nice to project that feeling of looking up to a character on her

[nateriverswife]

it just hit me how much time I lose commuting and that's probably why I feel so drained every single time. my commute is almost 5 hours and 20 minutes a day, 4 times a week this semester. imagine waking up at 5:45am for a 9am lecture or getting home at almost 10pm when you finish at 7pm

#I fucking hate this life that I am doing lmfao reading & writing & music are the only things keeping me sane while commuting #so basically I lose almost 21 hours a week #which makes me feel better when I don't get the highest grade in a test because maybe it's not me being a failure #but it's the lack of time that didn't allow me to prepare myself better yk #the amount of times I got told ''I would never do it'' is astonishing #like... I know. do you think I would if I had another choice? #d.exe

[evankinard]

gonna be honest there's actually been so many times when I feel like giving in to my instincts and stomping my foot and crying about how I don't want to do my work and the ghost of christopher diaz appears to me going "I complained once but it didn't work [so I] just kept on swimming" and suddenly I'm like fuck i guess you're right

#I am. so completely all out of executive function rn. and I have been this entire week. and I do kinda feel like crying about it. #but crying is not gonna make that exam in less than 24 hours disappear and failure isn't an option either #so i guess the only option is no think only do

[kindaeccentric]

feeling constantly tired will make you google shit like 'can chronically ill people become writers', 'chronically exhausted film director' 'adhd and work in media'

#i feel like such a failure #i wasted so many years just trying to survive through bullying through a depressive episode through physical illness #and through it all I never had money either #It's whining hours sorry #and I'm only getting older I can't afford to waste more time on schools on other degrees with no guarantee of success #i can't focus my memory is a sieve #if only i wasn't so tired all the time i would stand a chance but. I don't #if only i was a nepo baby. instead I'm a nobody from nowhere #i have nobody that can help me but myself and myself is barely able to live one day at a time #i can try to push myself but there is no direction to push towards #I'm the worst loser in the world

[catkin-morgs-kookaburralover]

friendly reminder that self harm is lying to you

#the worst is when it promises you'll feel better and then you simply. do not. you feel worse and then you want to harm again bc surely that #will make you feel better right? THAT WOULD BE A NO. IT DOES NOT. #anyway today i went to spotlight cause i was sad cause i got the result for my 35% assignment i really struggled with. 32.5%. failure. #and at spotlight i made the foolish error of buying without knowing price. but like who makes a book a normal softcover crochet pattern boo #$55?! anyway it's a lovely book and am excited to try a few of teh patterns but the guilt is eating me alive #and also im super stressed about the assignment i have to turn in on thursday and haven't started #anyway i was literally four and a half hours away from being seven days clean #and i am just so sad right now #and i reopened one of the scars on my wrist too while on shift this morning so that's fun #not badly but it's just gonna mean it scars even more isn't it because of course #i was feeling incredibly awful for some reason i can't even remember and i kinda clawed up my arms. and no i don't count that as #breaking my streak bc it didn't cause much damage #i just. placement is so wonderful but life is so so hard #i don't know i want a hug and the assignment done and everything bad unmade #and the scars i have to look at every day on placement gone. #i want to talk to s but i haven't responded to her last message and i don't know how to respond but i need to respond to that #:(( #honestly actually i think i want to talk to aunty. friend's mum. in person. and get a hug. i want a hug. #im just. So Sad. and i want my brother and Ransom and this is not helpinga nd i don't know what would if anything

[inklessletter]

Just been to X, made an account and everything, followed some blogs, put a profile picture, been thinking for months to join in there.

It's absolutely fucking terrifying and demoralising.

#inklessletter #i just know it is not a nice place to be #it was just an hour and it feels hostile and I really haven't posted anything but already feel like a total failure

[randomnameless]

I believe Ionius lied to Supreme Leader a lot. The goddess tower story just doesn't make any sense with the 100-year distancing between the empire and church, and the npc clerics saying SL is the first adrestian heir to attend garreg mach in decades. It is also very weird she doesn't seem to care about her mother's fate whatsoever and kinda idolizes her womanizing dad (and people say she's a feminist lol). iirc there's a few scenes where she's talking to herself about "not failing" her father??

Ionius being a liar is iirc one of the earliest fanons (with the fanon theory that Ionius is the one who offered his kids to Thales to get a super strong Emperor, after the experiments failed on him and left him, well, look like what he looks like + having an anime cough of doom)

He's also the guy who, in the jp version, leaves "Adrestia- no Fodlan" to his daughter, showing that yep, Ionius really believes Fodlan = Adrestia or at least Adrestian Emperors have a greater duty to Fodlan, even if since the end of the WoH and Willy's time, Fodlan became 3 states and not, just, Adrestia.

Still, given how Supreme Leader dgaf both in Nopes and FE16 working with people who defanged her dad, I don't know what are her feelings about him. Like, good plan, but bad execution? He was a loser since he didn't manage to conquer the world and was stopped by a bunch of randos?

And yet, as you said, there are the weird scenes where she doesn't want to fail him, apologises on his behalf or even in that scene displays genuine care for him! So... it's kind of a mixed bag, maybe she likes him as an individual, but strives to do "better" than him (something he also wants!), and yet come the post TS and she forget him?

TBH, I'd have wanted to see more of Ionius, and see if Supreme Leader really bought his lies, or wants to buy them - it could have been another nod to previous games, where children born to womanising dads suffer from it, maybe explaining somehow that Supreme Leader's messiah complex is also born of feeling inadequate, because she knew she was but a spare (not to say anything else) to her dad, never to inherit the throne and was never meant to be someone important.

As for Anselma...

It's funnier how Dimitri is the one who is most concerned with her - but maybe Supreme Leader just embraced Adrestian views about women - especially mothers...

#anon #replies #what could have been #is it the ionius hour? #i like the dude #they could have done so much with him and his consorts #like rolling to get a major crested kid but failing each time #discarding the ones who were deemed failures until Arundel has a new plan #i think it would have brought more to Supreme Leader too #being torn about what she feels about her dad #FE16 #maybe he's also the one who told her Willy's sekrit history #for all we know #adrestia stuff

[tiredstressedemotionalmess]

now that hell week is over and i actually have time to Feel Things the dread is hitting full fucking force despite the fact that my period is over.. im a having a delayed reaction and i am Not enjoying it

#just gotta keep reminding myself i dont actually wanna kms but jesus christ its so hard to feel anything other than Bad right now #stressed out of my mind because of school bullshit feel like a disappointment and a failure #im so fucking exhausted all the time i just want it all to stop #something something i have got to reread frankenstein something something something #that or watch inside out again.. that sould hopefully fix me #genuinely what i need is someone to hug me while i cry for like an hour but that is Not gonna happen because theres nothing i hate more #that crying in front of people!! #its fine im fine i dont need human support and companionship right now i have my stuffed hippo and my chemical romance to keep me alive #i hope everyone is doing better than me rn

[derpinette]

i have a weird relationship with weight because i hated eating more than anything the moment i was ready for solids ( i hate chewing with my entire life always have & will ) which made me underweight for most of my life ( to this day ) & during late primary-middle school this made me actively suicidal because i felt like something was wrong with my sex because i just was not developing whatsoever prompting me to have a years long phase of trying to gain weight in any way i could ( #EPICFAIL by the way ) & i was already insecure but i felt seriously so unforgivably ugly after bullying not just at school but by adults of my entourage. but then i did in my late 15s which prompted the pendulum to swing in the other direction & suddenly i FREAKED OUT & thought well being skinny is pretty much all i have & know myself to be & clearly it is not going to last forever so i Better preserve it i was delusional about how skinny i thought i was actually i look stumpy & weird i have to prove myself. But now i am normal again kind of

#also i used to get beaten to finish my food nearly daily & it would take me forever to do that like literally hours with no exaggeration #just made me hate eating even more. now my technique is eating as fast as possible before i even realize how overwhelming #the sensory experience is & i can just be done with it VS the pain&dread of eating slowly -> disgust of Everything+hyperawareness #eating tightens my muscles like i hate it so fucking much catching the food putting it in my mouth CHEWING swallowing #what a damn chore #so i always liked cheese it was my “safe food” pretty much the only thing i liked #i even hated the foods autists usually like like fries & fried chicken meatballs ETC. HATED. #i was/am more of a soup & turning all my food into varieties of Slop kind of girl nothing hard for me please... #i experienced middle school during the like ♯Thick era of the world which was honestly a good thing like for The Populace #but i felt like killing myself because i felt like an unforgivable fugly genetic failure & people did not hesitate to let me know #anyway either way i would be unhappy caus if i did gain weight during puberty i would have a meltdown about all the Changes #so i feel content for the time being about only losing the fat in my face & getting age appropriate wrinkles really #trying to enjoy the privilege of thinness while i have it because it will not last forever 0_0 but that should not matter anyway... #the privilege of thinness: being way uglier than others & constantly looking like a gibbon dying of disease + no energy or strength ever #JK people are much MUCH nicer to thin people & they do things for me on account of looking physically incapable so um yay i guess #light at the end of the tunnel that is very significant in the grand scheme of things socially. ♯CountingMyBlessings #also i was raised on ♯HAES tumblr from 2014-2018 i truly believed in that & was so damn envious i was not curvy & beautiful LOL #so i never hated overweight people really i think for the most part the SJW tumblr values stuck with me #but now i know it depends on your base frame & genetics & there is no guarantee to what you choose to do (naturally) acceptance is peace #sorry for the gigantic Arse post i just needed to get that off my chest for a long time. not on here specifically just in general #oh & i am a ♯Grignoteuse but grignoter (grazing) is different from eating in my mind&body #& my insecurity was not a result of wanting to fit in really but kind of in the sense that i wanted people to stop berating me for my looks #like body wise only & also not understanding why every other girl looked like a girl blossoming into a woman #& i looked like i was transitioning to Malnourished (unsexed) Ape made worse by bein GNC.& like the need for control later on & erthang ETC

[galaxywarp]

last time I tried to clean up I severely overexerted myself both physically and mentally and ended up throwing up. a lot :(

#like if I don’t set any limits for myself I work myself to the breaking point #but putting limits then also makes me feel like a failure not doing enough #get it all done RIGHT NOW WITH NO HELP #and then I end up sobbing and puking for an hour

[vonnegutcunt]

I'm such a guy who reads

#talked to my coworker today abt reading and he was like Yeah i spend like 2 hours a day reading 700 page romance #and i was flabbergasted. i feel like a failure #anyway idr why i gave vol 2 only 4 stars. deserved 5 #reanimator deserved 1 star. #splatter movies deserved a 3.5

[bumblingbabooshka]

Learning Curve Hall-of-Famer right here. Tuvok making Chell clean the transporter room with the equivalent of a toothbrush as, I assume, a punishment of some sort & Harry coming out of left field with a 'You missed a spot <3' just to kick him while he's down. Harry, the man's gonna be there LITERALLY all day. Absolute bastards these Starfleet types <- said with love

#learning curve #Tuvok confiscating the Bajoran earring is obviously bad but his entire method of training is also just so ... it's a Lot #He's such a drill sargent v_v It's moments like these that make me think he and Harry would well together in the mirrorverse #B'Elanna: ?? But he'll be at it for hours! / Kim: (knowing that's the point) : ) ..... #B'Elanna: Well good luck! / Harry: You missed a spot : ) #Tuvok: Ten laps around the ship in increased gravity. Ten more laps if you talk back to me. Twenty. Thirty. Forty. #Twenty six hours scrubbing the floor as punishment. No stopping for water. I expect you to improve daily or I will consider this a failure. #Also Tuvok: I just don't understand why they aren't responding well to my training....hmm.... / Neelix: ................ : ) Um. #People like to focus on Tuvok as a good mentor or father figure but I really think that's only to very select and specific people about #select & specific things - this rigidity and lack of compassion and inability to understand others and general #vibe of being uncaring is also part of his personality #Like what Neelix said: 'That's the problem - you have no feeling for me but you have feelings against me' <- That sort of vibe #<- And also the fact that he's very close with Janeway despite (or perhaps because of) this is another interest component of them #Janeway who at the start of the show stated explictly that she was comfortable with her distance as Captain (which hints that she's not #like say - Pike. Who wants to get to know his crew intimately) #Idk I just think it's interesting! #Janeway & Tuvok as colder than other Human/Vulcan pairs is something that intrigues me. Janeway being comfortable with distance from others #and heavily segmenting her personal vs private lives and Tuvok who is the most quintessential Vulcan also being the closest to her for the #longest time (They've been friends 20 years prior to the show's opening) #There's no component of their relationship which demands Tuvok be more Human which is something I /WISH/....we EXPLORED more....the #Janeway-Tuvok friendship....it's SO telling that other Main Vulcan-Human pairs are like the most delved into relationships on screen but #Tuvok & Janeway's relationship is paid lip service but never REALLY is any time devoted to it explicitly. I wonder why that IS.

[morphogenetic]

my life has just turned into an endless grading cycle. i spent 6 hours grading one hw set today (and may not even be done with it lol). i ALSO have two more hws and a midterm (+ 1 more midterm once it hits wednesday) to grade. just kill me now lol

#why am i such a fucking failure that i cant even grade basic shit from A CLASS I ALREADY TOOK FROM THE EXACT PROFESSOR #why am i such a fucking failure that it takes 6 hours to grade 14 people. lmao #nobody cares aj #i havent been able to do any research at all in WEEKS and its destroying me because its proving even more that i should just quit while im #ahead no matter how much i fucking LIKE DOING RESEARCH. LOL. ANYWAY #im so fucking behind in everything (grading research the whole lot) and i feel like im drowning but its because of my own incompetence. #just fucking k*ll me now lmfao. god. christ. what am i even doing #(all of these are rhetorical questions. i dont want an actual answer or reply to any of those lol) #(that said. liking this post if you read through all these godforsaken tags would be nice.) #(not required in the slightest but you know. would be nice to be acknowledged. anyway

[coffee-bat]

im sad

#just feeling kinda. isolated rn. noone talks to me #and for some reason i feel like me talking about fnaf rn will make everyone hate me or something #and i finished a big drawing that i spent literal 5 days on but 1) its not as good as i hoped 2) noone will even watch the speedpaint bc its #an hour long #i just feel like a failure rn ngl. #personal #vent #im scheduled to get period in 1-2 days and my mood is horrific #i also ran out of antidepressants #and when i talk abt something that brought me a lot of joy for the moment everyone ignores it and probably hates me

[jvzebel-x]

🦋

#so the hospital group that diagnosed my stroke as an anxiety attack&let me sit in their er for roughly five hours is in the news #bc body cam footage came out showing them having called the police on a patient who was 'refusing to leave' #despite the fact that he 'had no medical reason for being there'. #he had ODd&they had given in narcan. he was also homeless. so all the actual rules about watching a patient post resus #went out the window in favor of calling police&being incredibly cruel about it. #the man died at the police station. where they took him bc they looked him up&he had bench warrants. #they couldn't process him bc he was totally unresponsive. they tried tho. best believe they tried. #&when they had to explain why they were didnt try to get him medical help they released the body cam footage. #prob the only time they didnt throw tantrums over it too seeing as it successfully shifted the blame. #the hospital has had to apologize publically for the 'failure' on their part. #i cant even put my feelings into words. #ive said it once ill say it every fucking time learning medicine was not&is not hard. its not worthy of special note. #its something you do bc you care. &if thats not the case i hope you die of the medical neglect you would force onto those #who come to you for fucking help. #pathetic. absolutely fucking pathetic. #i might not ever be able to work in traditional medicine but w stories like these why the fuck would i ever want to? #why would i ever want to be associated w willful fucking murderers? bc thats what medical neglect from a medical pro at their work is. #fucking murder.