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makerofmadness · 9 months

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NEW AND IMPROVED: incorrect FNAF quotes

Uh just forget all the previous posts I can't remember half the quotes I made and also some of them are outdated lore-wise or headcanon-wise so time for a grand reopening of the series(?). May have done some of these quotes exactly the same in the past but heck if I know-

Contains: Headcanons, spoilers for Ruin, hopefully no big mistakes/words I forgot to replace

Speaking of headcanons: I hc that the "classic fnaf" era night guards are all the fnaf 4 bullies. So Michael, Fritz, Jeremy, and the last one is entirely an OC (whom I had described in my old quotes posts but I've renamed her now 'Cus I accidentally gave her the same name as a BATIM character whoops-): Susanna "Susie" Hudson. She's the FNAF 3 guard.

as was before, I get these quotes from the perchance generator and just insert the characters in manually.

quotes under the cut:

Gregory (seeing that one unexplained room): Is… Is that meant to be on fire? Roxanne Wolf: No… not really. Gregory: Are you going to do something about it? Roxanne Wolf: Hm… nah.

Michael Afton: Sometimes I wonder if I’m hearing voices. Michael Afton: Then I remember that’s the last bit of sanity I have trying to get me to fall asleep at a reasonable time.

Mangle: You know the sound a fork makes in the garbage disposal? That's the sound that my brain makes all the time.

Susanna Hudson: I’m genuinely surprised you haven’t gotten arrested, let alone gotten a felony yet. Fritz Smith: Nat 20 Charisma. Susanna Hudson: That is NOT how that works-

Golden Freddy: If karma doesn't hit you, I fucking will. -

Mangle: I don’t care what anyone thinks about me. Withered Foxy: Ok. Mangle: Wait, why such a muted reaction? Did that not sound cool?

Mangle: Welcome to Fucking Applebees, do you want apples or bees? Jeremy Fitzgerald: Bees? Mangle: HE HAS SELECTED THE BEES! Jeremy Fitzgerald: Wait- *Toy Chica approaches, shaking a jar of bees menacingly* ('Twas but an allegory for the Bite of 87-)

Fritz Smith: I wasn’t that drunk. Jeremy Fitzgerald: You colored my face with a highlighter because you said I was important. Fritz Smith: BECAUSE YOU ARE! -

The Puppet: Bonnie, are you drinking… drinking hydrogen peroxide?! Toy Bonnie: It says H2O2! That means it’s the sequel to water! -

Michael Afton: I'm not a morning person. I'm barely even a person.

Circus Baby: Pardon me, but it sounds like you’re questioning my authority! Funtime Foxy: Not at all, Baby. Merely your primitive methods.

Crying Child (FNAF 4), after having a nosebleed: Welp. Time to wash the blood off my hands.

Gregory: Can we go to a haunted house? Vanessa: What’s wrong with the one we live in? Gregory: Wh-what? Vanessa: Goodnight, Gregory.

Toy Bonnie: Here is my wall of inspirational people. Withered Bonnie: Is that a picture of you? Toy Bonnie: Yes, I am big enough to admit that I am often inspired by myself.

The Mimic: I have one of your friends. Glamrock Freddy: Which one? I have seven. The Mimic: The loud, annoying, rowdy one who never shuts up. Glamrock Freddy: Which one? I have seven. Roxanne Wolf, distantly: HEY!!!

Michael Afton: What’s the status up here? Fritz Smith: Fucked up, about to die, Jeremy's a nerd. The usual.

Roxanne Wolf: You're pathetic! Gregory: You're pathetic-er! Vanny: You're both losers.

*Comments under an image of a really hot knife cutting bread* Molten Freddy: Imagine stabbing someone with this knife. Helpy: It would instantly cauterize the wound, so the person wouldn't bleed, so it's not very useful. Rockstar Chica: if you want information it is Music Man: why would you STAB a person when you can have TOAST?

Ennard: I’ve never been in a snowball fight before. I don’t know the rules. Michael Afton: What? Ennard: Is there a point system, or is it to the death?

*Michael Afton rushes by with an armful of water bottles* Funtime Chica: What's going on? Rockstar Foxy: Mike wouldn't drink water. Funtime Chica: …And? Rockstar Foxy: And I asked him how fast he could chug an entire bottle. Michael Afton, loudly: 16 OUNCES IN TEN SECONDS, BITCHES!

Roxanne Wolf: Sometimes I talk to myself for no reason. Roxanne Wolf: Me too!

Montgomery Gator: Do you think different paints have different tastes? Glamrock Chica: They do. Glamrock Freddy: …Why did you say that with such certainty?

William Afton: You might not know this, Henry, but I am a flawed person. Henry Emily: I do know that.

William Afton: I could kill you if I wanted. Michael Afton: Yeah? So could any other human being. So could a dog. So could a dedicated duck. You aren't special.

Dee Dee: If I can't cause tiny bits of chaos every day, I think my body will shut down.

Funtime Freddy: I have one brain cell and it bounces around in my skull like a windows screen saver. Funtime Freddy: When it hits a corner perfect, I’m allowed one good idea.

Cassie: You're ignoring all your problems. Eclipse: I know. Cassie: You also know it's an unhealthy coping mechanism? Eclipse: I'm ignoring that fact as well. Cassie:

Withered Foxy: What do people in relationships even do? Toy Freddy: Care about someone with your whole heart and dedicate your life to making them happy. Withered Foxy: Okay. Didn't ask. Toy Chica: Asks question Toy Chica: "Didn't ask" Withered Foxy: Thanks for the play by play, Captain Fuck.

Withered Foxy: BB? What are you doing here? Balloon Boy, standing in the office: My best.

The Squad: *walking around the Pizzaplex* Moon: Hey, have any of you guys seen Chica? She's been gone for a while.. Vanessa: Eh, nope. Montgomery Gator: No, I haven’t… Roxanne Wolf: Probably ran off to get pizza or something. Glamrock Chica: Hey. Moon: Ooh, there you are- Vanessa: What the fu- Roxanne Wolf: I- where were you?! Glamrock Chica: Walking right behind you guys.

Funtime Freddy: Bon-Bon! Eggs Benedict got that thing on the control panel working! Bon-Bon: Wow! That looks pretty impressive. Funtime Freddy: Yeah! Bon-Bon: Any idea what it does? Funtime Freddy: Not a clue.

Gregory: I just learned a way to get stuff on the cheap. Steal it!

Cassie: You have to apologize to Roxy! Gregory: Fine! Gregory: Unfuck you, or whatever!

Michael Afton: Rockstar Bonnie just said "I have an appetite for destruction" and then he reached down and untied my shoe.

Gregory: School sucks. Vanessa: I know, but you have to do it so you can get a job. Gregory: What are jobs like? Vanessa: They suck.

The Mimic: I am literally evil incarnate. The Mimic: I’m not actually, I just enjoy being evil. The Mimic: Which I think actually makes it even more evil because I’m making a conscious effort.

William Afton: Something’s off. Henry Emily: Maybe you’ve finally developed human emotions and feel bad for hurting people. William Afton: No, but that’s funny.

Montgomery Gator: Do you ever think? Because I do not.

Gregory: What language do they speak at the center of the earth? Gregory: Core-ean Glamrock Freddy: The center of the earth is arond 5430 degrees Celsius! Nobody is going to live there so they don’t need a language! Vanessa: Core-ean.

Toy Bonnie: I don’t know the first thing about clothes. Pretty much all I can do is look at something and tell you if it’s clothes or not. This chair? Not clothes.

Roxanne Wolf: How would you like your hair cut? Montgomery Gator: Preferably with scissors, but a sword could be badass.

Withered Chica, looking at her reflection: Now, that's rubbish. Who's that supposed to be? Toy Chica: Well, that's you. Withered Chica: Me?! Is that what I look like? Toy Chica You don't know? Withered Chica: Busy day.

Withered Bonnie, to Toy Bonnie: All right, let’s tell each other a secret about ourselves. I’m going to go first– I hate you.

Jeremy Fitzgerald: We need to distract these guys. Fritz Smith: Leave it to me. Fritz Smith: Centaurs have six limbs and are therefore insects. Discuss. Toy Freddy & Toy Bonnie: *immediately begin arguing*

Susanna Hudson: Coca Cola can remove rust from metal, imagine what it’s doing to your body. Fritz Smith: Pfff, getting rid of the rust, idiot. Susanna Hudson: THAT'S NOT HOW IT WORKS! Michael Afton: Hmm… I've been drinking soda and my body's rust free… not sure where you're getting your facts from…

Circus Baby: What’s wrong? You look 10 seconds away from ripping someone’s throat out. Ballora: Fucking Freddy and Foxy were trying to invoke one of the minor gods again last night. I didn't get an ounce of sleep, thanks to their bloody chanting.

Circus Baby: All in all, a 100 successful trip. Funtime Freddy: But we lost Bon-Bon. Circus Baby: All in all, a 100 successful trip!

(FNAF humans be like:)

Susanna Hudson: *fills up bottle and drinks from that* Vanessa: *brought 4 bottles of water so this wouldn’t happen* Cassie: *drinks straight from the tap* Crying Child: *dehydrates* Gregory: *drinks from the puddle of water on the floor* Michael Afton: *licks the tap, doesn’t even need a drink*

Cassie: Name a more iconic duo than my crippling fear of abandonment and my anxiety. I’ll wait. Gregory: You and me! Cassie: *tearing up* Ok.

(we can pretend the ending never happened just a bit-)

Chica: Why's it called an oven when you of in the cold food and you of out hot eat the food? Freddy: …What???

Gregory, holding a scooter: Vanessa! Can I go outside and play with this? Vanessa Sure, whatever. I'm not your parent, okay? Gregory, running outside: Thanks Vanessa! Vanessa, running out after him and screaming: NOT ON THE STREET! STAY AWAY!

Jeremy Fitzgerald: Look, last night was a mistake. Fritz Smith: A sexy mistake. Jeremy Fitzgerald: No, just a regular mistake.

Mangle: Knowledge is knowing that a tomato is a fruit, and wisdom is not putting it in a fruit salad. Toy Freddy: That's deep. Toy Bonnie: That means that ketchup is a smoothie. Toy Freddy: That's deeper. The Puppet: …You guys are idiots.

RWQFSFASXC: I am free of all prejudice. I hate everyone equally.

Withered Chica: You know, when I first met you I thought you were a real bitch. Toy Chica: What changed your mind? Withered Chica: Oh, I still think you're a bitch. I've just grown to like that about you.

Freddy: Don't break someone's heart, they only have one. Golden Freddy: Break one of their bones instead, they have 206 of them.

*1987's game of Among Us in real life* Jeremy Fitzgerald: I believe Fritz is innocent, I was with them the whole time. Mr. Afton, what were you doing? William Afton: Oh, I was just murdering… I mean, nothing!

Toy Bonnie: Is the pink panther a lion? Withered Bonnie: Say that again but slower. Toy Bonnie: I don’t get it. Withered Bonnie: He’s a PANTHER. Toy Bonnie: Is that a type of lion? Withered Bonnie: No, it’s a fucking panther. Toy Bonnie: *googles panther* They aren't pink? Withered Bonnie: AND LIONS ARE?!

Henry Emily: Do you have any skeletons in your closet? William Afton: Literally or figuratively? Henry Emily: I have to specify?

Bonnie: Yesterday, I watched Foxy try to eat a decorative rock from the night guard's potted plant. The Puppet caught him, and told him that he can't eat rocks. Chica started whining something about no food being in the house before walking away.

Susanna Hudson: I spy with my little eye something that begins with the letter “s”. Michael Afton: *looks over at Fritz Smith and Jeremy Fitzgerald* Michael Afton: Is it “sexual tension”?

Gregory, after acquiring the Fazer-blaster: The ‘how the fucks’ and 'why are you so dumbs’ don’t matter. All that matters is that I have a new gun.

*after discussing the plan to burn down Fazbear's Fright* Susanna Hudson: Does anyone have any questions? Jeremy Fitzgerald: Is this legal? Susanna Hudson: Does anyone have any relevant questions?

Dee Dee: Don’t worry, I have a permit. Old Man Consequences: …This just says “I can do what I want”.

Fritz Smith: You look good in that hoodie. Jeremy Fitzgerald: You know where else I'd look good? Fritz Smith, zero hesitation: My bed. Jeremy Fitzgerald, at the same time: By your side- wait, what?

Helpi: Fun Fact! The average person will walk by 36 murderers in their lifetime. Cassie: I like how this is a "fun" fact. MXES: It's fun because they didn't decide to murder you.

Susanna Hudson: Just be careful, Mike! Michael Afton: heading out the door I'm always careful, Susie! Michael Afton: It's everything around me that's careless.

The Puppet: We are not mad. We are just disappointed. Golden Freddy: No, we are mad. The Puppet: Yes. We are. We are livid. But we are going to let this one slide. Golden Freddy: No, we’re not! The Puppet: I am not a mind reader, Cassidy!

Cassie: Do you take constructive criticism? Helpi: No, only cash or credit.

Roxanne Wolf: I typed "bitch" into my GPS and guess what? I'm in your driveway. Gregory: Roxanne Wolf: Vroom vroom, come out already.

Phone Guy: *Answers phone* Hello? Fritz Smith: It's Fritz Smith. Phone Guy: What did he do this time? Fritz Smith: No, it's me, phone guy. It's actually me. Phone Guy: What did you do this time?

Vanessa: I don’t think the therapist is supposed to say ‘wow’ that many times during their first session with a client, but here we are.

Golden Freddy, referring to the Fazbear Gang(tm): Those guys are dorks. The Puppet: Yes, but they’re my dorks.

Glamrock Chica: Are you busy? Montgomery Gator: No. Glamrock Chica: Want to do something? Montgomery Gator: Why would you try to ruin this for me?

Susanna Hudson: Go to hell! Springtrap: Oh! I’ve been there, thank you. I found it quite lovely.

Elizabeth Afton: When was the last time you cried? Crying Child: Uh 15 minutes ago, why?? Elizabeth Afton: really? That recent? Crying Child: Yeah *voice crack* is that an issue? starts crying again

JJ: So I can either do something dumb that could very well get me injured or I can listen to the Puppet and not do the thing, JJ: Well there’s a clear right answer here. JJ: *proceeds to throw five packs of mentos into a barrel full of diet coke*

Ennard: You have an impressive pain tolerance. Michael Afton: Thanks, it's the trauma.

Sun, dashing into the room: WHY AREN’T THE DISHES IN ALPHABETICAL ORDER?! Vanessa: …What does that even mean?!

Susanna Hudson, toward Michael Afton: Wow, left-handed AND British? You really are an illusion.

Freddy: We’re kind of missing something guys. Bonnie: Cohesion? Chica: Teamwork? Foxy: A general sense of what we’re doing? Golden Freddy: And the Puppet is not here. Chica: Oh, and that, yeah.

Michael Afton: Ennard, can you help me? All of my clothes keep disappearing for some reason. Ennard, wearing a hoodie that's 5 times bigger than their size: Spooky.

Roxanne Wolf: Tired of just deserving better. Gonna start taking it by force.

Scraptrap: *dies* Helpy: Timer starts now! When is he coming back? I say two months! Music Man: Bullshit. One month. Lefty: Nah, half a month. Rockstar Foxy, sobbing: WHAT ARE YOU DOING? SOMEONE JUST DIED! Mr. Hippo, scratching chin in thought: One week.

Michael Afton: I’ve been sleeping so little the past few nights that when I go to the alarm app, I click on the “power nap” button. I don’t set up alarms, I set up timers, Helpy.

Roxanne Wolf: Let’s not Gregory this into a worse situation than it already is. Gregory: Did you just use my name as a verb?

Scrap Baby: Tommorrow's garbage day. Molten Freddy: I can't believe they made a whole day dedicated to you.

Glamrock Freddy: *lifting weights* Montgomery Gator: Wow… He's so intense! Glamrock Chica: I wonder what drives him. Glamrock Freddy, internally: (Oh I am going to be SO good at giving hugs.)

Fritz Smith: The greatest trick the devil ever played was getting me banned from an all you can eat pizza buffet. Jeremy Fitzgerald: Why’d you get banned? Fritz Smith: Touched the bear. Jeremy Fitzgerald: … What bear? Fritz Smith: Feddy Fazbear

#Fnaf #incorrect quotes #incorrect fnaf quotes #ruin spoilers #security breach ruin spoilers #fnaf ruin spoilers #sb ruin spoilers #fnaf sb ruin spoilers #Jerefritz #I would've made this even longer but at the last one tumblr reloaded itself (thankfully the draft saved though so I didn't lose anything)#And that plus it starting to kinda lag I think makes me think that tumblr's trying to tell me to stop so yeah #Hope everyone enjoys. Will probably do more in the future.#fnaf oc #<- kinda.

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hoovii · 10 months

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Stranger Things as quotes from my friends

Lucas: I get therapy vibes from people. Like when they give off the vibes that they need therapy

Steve: Goodnight my little funko pops

Henry: You're saying it's my fault if I kill a family?!!?

Eddie: I can give sick kids illegal substances

Max: God I'm so pissed off at my parents

Robin: *Gives paragraphs upon paragraphs on how to sue them on felony charges*

Nancy: I'm sorry project, I know you want to cuddle

Dustin: I'm a cold blooded killer. I start fights.

Steve: No you don't.

Dustin: Thats because nothing's worth fighting about

#stranger things #incorrect stranger things #steve harrington #eddie munson #nancy wheeler #max mayfield #lucas sinclair #dustin henderson

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hes-a-rat-whisperer · 1 year

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Hey Gosgo, out of all the pet names Felonious gives you— WHICH ONE IS YOUR FAVORITE??

"oh boy!! uuuhm.." Gosgo put his paw up to his temple in thought, reminisced of a certain cartoon bear.

"he calls me a lot of very sweet things..it´s hard to choose!" he said, giggling to himself as he blushed. "even my own name sounds like an endearing pet name when it comes from him.."

his tail thumped on the ground, this really was a head scratcher.

"hmm I like it when he calls me plushie!" he said eventually. "plushies are cute and soft! so it makes me happy that he calls me one! especially when saying goodnight!" he giggled some more, his tail wagging as he put his paws over his snout shyly.

#he loves to cuddle with felly at bedtime UwU #(honestly- my fav right now is ´sugar puppy´ because !!!!!!!! it´s so CUUUUUUTE!! ;;w;; <3)

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90sdisneys · 8 months

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me: *sends 12 air kisses*

me: to my bbs in la huerta

Jake: did it hurt?

Mc: Let me guess? When I fell from heaven? *rolls eyes*

Jake: *smirks* no, when you fell for me

Jake, introducing Mc to his family: This is my ex-girlfriend, Mc

Mc: I told you to stop calling me that

Mc: Hello I'm his wife

Mc: look, Craig is great, but he doesn't have a life plan. He doesn't even have a day plan. I once found a note he wrote to himself that said 'put on pants' followed by a question mark.

Mc: I'm a little chilly

Jake: *sets the entire world on fire*

Jake: What's that on your hand?

Mc: Wha-

Jake: *holds it* It's me

Craig: Mc we're out of candy.

Mc: What? Already? There's only been like three kids.

Craig: Yeah I know but one little girl told me she loved me so I just gave her everything.

Craig: Z is just a sideways N

Mc: it's 3 am please stop

Craig: zo

Mc: I made this couple bracelet for you.

Jake: You know, I'm not really a jewelry person.

Mc: You don't have to wear it.

Jake: No, I'm going to wear it forever. Back off

Zahra: (mumbling) you looked pretty today

Craig: ?... what was that?

Zahra: I SAID U LOOKED SHITTY TODAY. GOODNIGHT

Zahra: I wanna spice things up

Craig: You know I can't eat spicy foods

Zahra: I mean in the bedroom

Craig: I can't eat spicy things anywhere Zahra

[in the supermarket]

Zahra: Hello, I lost my boyfriend, Craig, can I make an announcement?

Staff: Absolutely

Zahra: *leans into the mic*

Zahra: I will find you, you little shit

Zahra: I could kill you if I wanted to.

Craig: Yeah? So could another human being

Craig: So could a dog

Craig: SO COULD A REALLY DEDICATED DUCK

Craig: You're not special

Mc: Alright, listen up you little shits.

Mc: Not you, Craig. You're an angel and we're thrilled you're here.

Craig: hey, wanna help me commit a felony?

Mc: what the hell dude?!

Craig: sorry, my bad

Craig: *whispering* wanna help me commit a felony?

Mc: *also whispering* of course man what do you need?

Jake: Zahra, tell Mc that she's an idiot, but I still love her

Zahra: gross. tell her yorself

Jake: we're in a fight

Zahra: you're sitting on her lap???

Mc: you're gonna hate yourself in the morning if you stay up late

Jake: joke's on you, I'm gonna hate myself in the morning no matter what

Craig: I'm the kind of person who likes to think things through

Mc: since when? I once saw you eat a marshmallow that was still on fire

Mc: *crying*

Jake: I will destroy every aspect of the known universe and burn whatever remains to ash in order to be sure I eradicated whatever hurt you.

Mc: I'd rather have a hug.

Jake: Okay, princess.

Michelle: who's more clingy?

Jake, sitting on Mc's lap with his arms wrapped around her neck and his face buried into her chest: Mc, obviously

Craig: Mc, Zahra's right there! What should I say?

Mc: Just tell her "You have beautiful eyes."

[a few minutes later]

Craig, to Zahra: I have beautiful eyes.

Zahra: Okay...

Mc, in the distance: NO!!!!

Mc: Jake is actually very sweet for such an aggressive guy.

Jake: *laughs menacingly while shooting a soldier's kneecap*

Mc: He's like a muffin to me.

Diego: He just SHOT someone!

Mc: My murderer muffin!

Grace: I'm cold.

Aleister: Here, have my jacket

Mc: Hey, I'm cold too.

Jake: What?? [taking off jacket] I fucking told you to bring more fucking layers! But of course you didn’t listen and now [piling scarves on her] now look, I’ve got to make sure you don’t FREEZE to death and [taking somebody else’s hat] how fucking long have you been cold you little shit?you should have said something-

Mc: *sees someone doing something stupid*

Mc: What an idiot.

Mc: *realises it's Jake*

Mc: Wait, that's my idiot-

Mc: I've only befriended Craig for a day and a half, but if anything happened to him, I would kill everyone in this room and then myself.

Craig: I guess I'm just too tough to cry

Mc: just yesterday you were crying about snakes

Craig: *choking up* they have no arms okay?!

Jake: I swear whoever took my favorite green sweatshirt is gonna-

Mc: *walks in wearing Jake's green sweatshirt*

Jake: Go on a date with me and be loved unconditionally

Mc: *accidentally bumps against a door*

Jake: Are you okay??!?!!

Mc: It's okay, I'm fine

Jake: *to the door* You stand in Mc's way one more time and I'll make sure to take you down.

Quinn: What's wrong Mc? Why are you crying? What happened?

Sean: Are you okay? Did someone make you cry? Who is it? I'll go talk to them if you want me to.

Jake and Estela: WHERE ARE THEY? I'LL FUCKING KILL THEM.

Craig: I'm quick at math.

Mc: Okay, what's 38 times 76?

Craig: 24.

Mc: That's not even close.

Craig: But it was quick.

Us: the embers of hope thins is so cool, 'cause we can see our friends happy in the future

Pixelberry: ....

Us: :) !!

Pixelberry: ...

Pixelberry: now die to see it happen

zahra: can play 12 different instruments, got accepted into Harvard, is organized craig: once ate 15 cold hot pockets in a row, tripped over their shoelaces, claims they can fight 2000 bees

Jake losing their temper and about to essentially annihilate anything/anyone in their path. A kiss and gentle hand squeeze from Mc calms Jake down instantly

Zahra: we’re engaged

Craig: IN COMBAT

Jake: going to plan B? Aleister: technically, that would be plan G. Craig: how many plans do we have? is there like, a plan M? Mc: yeah, but Aleister dies in plan M. Jake: I like plan M.

“And when you finally make it to the other side, you’ll be the queen you always carried inside you…”

Craig: do you know how many bones the human body has? it’s 206. we start with 369 when we’re babies but they fused. wouldn’t you want to go back? have as many bones as a baby? what if i could help you

Mc: hi yeah what the actual, literal, genuine fuck does this mean

Jake: I don’t fall in love easily

Mc: *smiles at him*

Jake: *in awe*

Raj: Hello Mc, Michelle

Mc:

Michelle:

Raj: You may be wondering why Craig is taped to the ceiling-

Craig: *kicks the door down looking panicked*

Mc: What did you do?

Craig: NOBODY DIED.

Mc: WHAT KIND OF AN ANSWER IS THAT?!

Mc: *staring silently out the window as it rains* Jake: She looks so deep in thought, I wonder what’s going on in that big, beautiful brain of hers Mc, thinking: Warm water tastes round and cold water tastes pointy.

Zahra: Jake won’t get out of his room. Mc: Just tell him I said something. Zahra: Like what? Mc: Anything factually incorrect. Jake, arriving moments later: Did you just say the sun is a fucking planet-

Mc: when we walk together please take into consideration my tiny legs. I can’t keep up with you. please think of my little legs when we walk because I don’t want to jog to keep up with your leisure pace, you TITAN. Craig: just get some roller skates and hold onto my sleeve, we don’t have all day

Mc: Jake, what’s for dinner?

Jake: *staring at a plate of burnt food* regret

Police Officer: Miss, you’re receiving a ticket for trying to fit 11 people on a car

Mc: Dang

Craig: Wait, 11?

Police Officer: Yes

Craig: OH MY GOD

Police Officer: Sir are you alri-

Craig: ALEISTER FELL OFF

Craig: trust me I know what I’m doing

Mc: not even God knows what you’re doing

Craig: *sets the kitchen on fire*

Quinn: where’s the responsible adult?

Jake: he’s asleep on the couch

Mc: don’t worry guys, I got this. hand me a bucket of water

Mc: *dumping water on Sean* WAKE UP, THE KITCHEN IS ON FIRE

Mc: You spent our entire life savings on dogs?!

Craig: They’re golden retrievers. They retrieve GOLD. I did this for us

Mc: ASDFGHJKL

Aleister: what is that

Mc: it’s a keyboard smash

Aleister: how do I do it

Mc: just press anything

Aleister: 8

#endless summer

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roachmattea · 3 years

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dawn jolly snippet!!

(Holly’s pov)

putting a cut because it’s mildly long and i don’t want to clutter up anyone’s dash!!!

With my back pressed against the brick wall in the dark alleyway and dark-wolf (Alisha’s wolves) bites on my shoulder, side, and legs, my only thought is, I kinda want a frozen lemonade right now.

I grimace. I stuff my hands into my jacket pockets-looking for some kind of healing juice or something--and find a small white card. It’s stained with blood (mine), but I can still read the address, and the message scrawled to the side: 2 hour date truce! -j.p.

I run through a map of the city in my mind. The closest entrance to my kingdom is 10 blocks away. The address is only one.

Well, I think. what do I have to lose?

I make my way to J.P Ross’s house, or evil headquarters, or whatever. Anything is better than a dark alleyway splattered with wolf-and-dawn-queen blood.

When I find the small house tucked into an unassuming suburban neighbourhood, I'm a little surprised. For a second I wonder: What if he wrote down the wrong address, and I show up, covered in blood, and a hand aglow so I can see (the streetlights are broken), on the doorstep of a random middle class family?

I shake my head. This is J.P Ross, criminal mastermind. He knows his own address.

I knock twice with a glowing fist.

The door opens, and he stands in the doorway, brown hair mussed, shirt unbuttoned at the collar, holding a glass of wine. His eyes widen when he sees me, bloody and shivering, on his doorstep.

He seems at a loss for words, but puts his wine glass down, and touches the bite on my shoulder. “...Holly Dawn?”

I can barely stand. I need to make him understand, to make him not kill me on the spot. I hold out the blood-stained white truce card. “I didn’t know where else to go.”

And then I collapse into the arms of my worst enemy.

When I wake, it’s by a fire, with a quilt around me, and a dull pain in my head. “...J.P?”

He is sitting beside me on a couch, dabbing at the wound on my shoulder. “Hello, Your Highness.” His smirk reminds me of Ryan’s when he teases Miranda.

I shake my head. It’s a mistake. Fuzzy spots cloud my vision. I turn to J.P.

“What did you give me? Some sort of sedative drug?”

“Nope. It’s just the Livis’s bites. They weaken Xonarians, especially Tallion’s. It’s a wonder you made it all the way here without passing out. How far away were you? Why didn’t you call your friends or something?”

I try to reach into my pocket, realizing I don't have my jacket on anymore. J.P seems to notice what I’m looking for, and holds up my jacket.

“Check the pockets,” I say.

He reaches into the left pocket, and pulls out my phone. The screen is shattered, and there’s a bullet hole clean through the middle (the MTT had killed a few of the wolves; I'd gotten caught in the crossfire.) He mouths, Oh.

I roll my eyes, and mouth back Yeah.

He smirks again. I have an uncontrollable urge to smack him, and I feel like I understand Miranda a little better now. He looks too annoying, smirking like that. And too cute.

What am I talking about?

J.P puts my broken phone on the coffee table. “You can have some screen time if you want,”

I really am about to smack him now, but a loud whistling noise stops me.

“J.P!” a voice yells from upstairs. J.P and I both tense. It’s Silentina, J.P’s niece. “That’s the kettle! Can you make me some lemon tea?”

“Uh, yeah! Just a second!” He turns to me, and his face is panicked.

“Can you stand?” he whispers. “No!” I whisper back.

“J.P?” Silentina calls. “Everything okay?”

“Fine!”

Without warning, he picks me up bridal-style, and when I squeak - out of pain and surprise - he presses a finger to my lips.

“She can’t know you’re here,” he murmured. I nodded, eyes wide. “Good.”

He carries me to a bland bedroom and places me gently on the bed. “Not a sound,” He reminds me.

I nod as he closes the door and heads back to make Silentina her tea.

I sit up on the bed and wince. My back is sore from sitting for so long. I want to turn some lights on, but that would alert Silentina of my presence. So I settled for curling my hands into a cup, and letting a small glimmer of gold bounce around in my hand.

J.P didn’t kill me when I was unconscious in his home. I, the hero, his enemy, had come to him, and basically begged him to help me. And he did.

What a strange villain.

Maybe he’s not your villain, a little voice whispers in my mind. I tell it to shut up. The voice sounds a lot like Miranda.

“You’re going out?” That’s J.P’s voice from the kitchen. I squeeze my hand, and listen.

“Yup.” That’s Silentina. “Going to be a teenager for a bit. Maybe see a movie. You don’t mind if I take a break from building, do you?” Building what?

“No, not at all. Have fun.”

“Mm, now I'm going to try as hard as I can not to.”

I can practically hear J.P rolling his eyes. “Okay, great to know. Bye!”

“Bye!”

I hear footsteps, and then the doorknob clicks, and J.P enters the room he put me in.

“Light,” he commands, and for a second i think he’s talking to me, and it’s a nickname or something, but no, he’s talking to the room.

Beautiful, golden light floods the gloomy room, and hundreds of systems come to life; projections, holograms, you name it.

I push my hand through a hologram of the Hex logo. It dawns (ha ha) on me.

“This is your room.”

“Yeah. So?”

“That’s...kinda weird.”

“Why?”

“Um...I’m your greatest enemy-”

He cuts me off. “Actually, i think my greatest enemy is the cashier at Tim Hortons who gave me a raspberry frozen lemonade instead of the original.”

“What’s Tim Hortons?”

He stares at me incredulously. “You know all those frozen lemonades I bring you every time we fight?”

He mentioned our...rivalry so casually. I find it hard to speak. “Yeah.”

“Those are from Tim Hortons.”

The answer doesn’t satisfy me, but I don't push.

He sits on his bed next to me. He smells like lemons.

“Wanna watch a movie?”

I’m not sure I heard him correctly. “You...and me...watching a movie? In your house?”

He shrugs. “With your wounds, you won’t be able to move on your own until tomorrow.”

I sit up suddenly, and regret it when a sharp stab of pain brings tears to my eyes. “Tomorrow?”

“Mmhm.”

“You’re kidding.”

“I wish I was.”

I slump backwards. J.P presses a button, and a TV rises out of a table. “What do you wanna watch?”

J.P and I are about 15 minutes into (insert disney movie here), when I decide to lean my head against his shoulder and wrap my outside arm around his torso. He stiffens as I touch him, but relaxes soon after.

“Holly,” J.P asked hesitantly. “Do you think that we...that our people...could ever live like this?” he motions to me and him, curled beside each other, watching a movie, bathed in a soft golden glow.

I tilt my head to look into his eyes. “Like...in peace?” I ask.

He nods.

I sigh. “I don’t know.”

He nods again, as if he expected that answer. We lie in silence for the rest of the movie, occasionally debating certain plot points, and screaming “Movie logic!” at the screen whenever something cliche happened (i.e: characters running (making an escape, usually), only to realize that the ground ends in a cliff, and the characters almost slip and fall, but don’t, and a few rocks tumble down the cliff).

When the movie ends, I don’t want to leave. I want to stay here with J.P and talk about whether it was realistic when (movie plot point insert).

But I can’t.

And he knows it.

He leaves me to sleep in his room, and turns out the lights before I can even say goodnight.

I blink in the darkness. J.P’s words are stuck in my head. My stubborn brain repeats them over, and over, even (and especially) when I scream at myself to stop.

Could we ever live in peace?

I had answered him truthfully, I think. I don’t know.

But my mind seemed to know what I wanted. I had always been an active daydreamer, after all. My dad said it was one of my best qualities.

It is your greatest strength, Holly. To see things that other people don’t. I can see his face, as he tucks my grown-out bangs out of my face. The memory was from years ago. I could smell the sea in his hair and on his skin, and heard his laugh when he picked me up and spun me around. Possibilities. Not everyone can find the dove in a sea of ravens. Hope and peace, in a world of death and destruction. You can. I know you can, my little sunrise.

I let myself imagine a perfect world. Where the Hex and Dawn work together, in peace. J.P and I would lead them, and we could go back home. To Xonar.

I fall asleep to dreams of doves and ravens.

tagging the tflc gang hope i’m not bothering you oop

@enbies-and-felonies @that-aro-asshat @clearlykeefitz @duchessmb @book-limerence @silver-snow @pencil-is-my-sword @alienlamp @cozy-the-overlord @ademonwithinternet @linhamon-roll

#i had to put all of the italics in after because they didn't transfer from docs #so there are probably some mistakes #xonar-verse #xonar-verse dawn #jollyyyy #holly x j.p #animal bite tw #tw animal bites

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a-lonely-tatertot · 4 years

Text

numbers & i don't knows

THE FIC BREAK IS OVER

@enbies-and-felonies and @an-absolute-travesty THIS IS HOW TO NOT BREAK PEOPLES HEARTS GUYS

pairing: titz (tam/fitz)

word count: 1807

warnings: two swear words and one mention of alcohol

A/N: This is for titz week the first prompt Winnoning Gala! It ended up longer than it was supposed to whoops. I read through this exactly one time and grammarly wasn’t working so beware @titzweek

Numbers filled his vision. They didn’t anger him like he feared they would. The taunting black #21 on a yellow background only filled him with a deep sadness. The dresses, the colors, the golden numbered badges, none of them would ever mean anything to him. Fitz knew his father was watching him, eyes tracing everywhere he went, watching to see which girl he interacted with would make the perfect wife. And that, that one thought filled him with anger. The people who were labeled with numbers that came from an imperfect list deserved more than what he could ever give them. All he wanted was out. Right now, out of that room.

Biana was trying to help, she didn’t know why it all bothered him so much but she was trying. Chattering excitedly with the other girls, trying to distract them from their goal. The boy who wandered with an unwanted spotlight on him.

Somewhere in his masked misery, he had wandered to the bar that held snacks and punch, for once he wished it was real alcohol. Maybe that would make the night somewhat better.

A knee-length, silky, green dress, with gold sandals and matching gold #4 clipped to the top of the dress. She was polite, well-groomed, she knew exactly what to say, exactly how to laugh. Back as straight as a stick paired with a smile as soft as cotton. He should’ve wanted to be something to her. To mean something, other than just a Vacker. Other than a number. But he knew by her eyes that she was like him. Maybe she did want to be here, but it was all for status. The enticing stare would fool anyone, not Fitz though. Because he knew exactly how to stare back.

The girl was good at carrying the conversation and annoyingly enough couldn’t pick up on the fact that Fitz just wasn’t in the mood. Maybe he was too good at hiding it. His thoughts wandered from one topic to the next through her ramblings. Counting the minutes she talked referencing the giant clock on the far wall that was behind her. Around three minutes he mused again that his father would be happy if he chose her. She knew her manners at least. When five minutes had gone by he rethought that because there was no way he was choosing her. By the time seven minutes had passed he started wondering if he spilled the punch on himself he could leave. At ten he prayed for the sweet release of death when he finally heard her voice falter and felt a presence behind him.

Never in his life had he been as happy to see the silver tipped hair and vaguely threatening face of Tam Song. “Hey man you made it!” he yelled way happier than he should’ve been.

“Pretty sure you would’ve killed me if I didn’t,” Tam pointed out. They had gotten closer, bonding over shitting parents and being vaguely annoyed with the constant PDA from Sophie and Keefe.

Fitz winked, “Anyway, Tam this is Mika, Mika this is Tam.” The two shook hands, Mika giving her full smile while Tam gave only a nod.

“Nice to meet you, if you don't mind I need to steal him for a bit,” Tam said and Fitz was flooded with a wave of relief. Mika nodded and walked off to go bother someone else and he didn’t have the heart to feel bad for them.

“Oh thank the Ancients,” Fitz said spinning back to face the smaller boy after Mika was around the corner. “I thought I was going to have to fake a heart attack.”

Tam chuckled quietly, “Yeah Biana thought you might’ve needed some help.”

They stared at each other for an awkward moment, and Fitz thought that might be it. Tam would go back to shadowing Biana and he would be left alone to face the masses.

Fitz didn’t notice he had started fidgeting until Tam reached up to grab his hand before it ran through his hair for the fifth time. “You wanna get outta here?”

“I think there's a rule against leaving your own Gala,” Fitz said sadly.

Tam shrugged, “Biana can deal with them. Plus you look about a minute away from a panic attack. We could head to my house, Terigan wouldn’t care.”

“Please.” It was Tam’s turn to wink. Wrapping his hand around Fitz’s he dragged them both to a corner and quickly covered them with shadows. They stuck to the walls, moving quickly and quietly. It was nerve racking, Fitz Vacker was the Golden Boy. The Golden Boy wouldn’t leave his own Gala, this was a tradition. This was a birth right. He should’ve been honored, excited! Yet here he was, one hand against the wall, the other wrapped in Tam’s. In that moment he was the farthest thing from The Golden Boy he once was but he had never felt more alive. Every inch of his skin was on fire. With nervous and fear, excitement, and he couldn’t stop the grin that spread when Tam raised the crystal out in the courtyard.

Tam didn’t let go when they arrived. Fitz practically held on tighter. Neither commented on their interlocked fingers.

“So,” Tam said, creaking the door open and falling behind Fitz to the marble gray kitchen. This wasn't his first visit. “Why did you hate being there so much?”

A take it or leave it question. It was his decision to answer or not. That was something he knew with Tam. Somehow he had earned the boy’s trust, and there was a unsaid contract that said Fitz didn’t have to explain himself ever again. But Tam deserved to know, know that Fitz wasn’t normal. That he was wrong in ways that wasn’t just his family. He pulled out ingredients from the cabinets as Tam took a seat. “I dont like girls,” he said with a shrug. “Guess I’m broken like that. Romantically or sexually.”

Fitz was too caught up in his head to notice Tam had moved. It was easier when he was across the counter. Farther away, he could focus on his recipes, on what he knew. Tam was a whole new type of he didn’t know. But there he was, next to him measuring out dry ingredients like he had commented on the weather. There wasn’t a tension in his hands he stirred, nothing about him suggested he was angry. Another thing Fitz just didn’t understand. “Hello?” he asked finally, partly out of annoyance. He just spilled a deep secret and Tam had the audacity to ignore him.

And he continued to. It was like he wasn’t there entirely. Going through the motions of baking (even though Tam didn’t actually know how to bake) without actually thinking.

“Are you going to at least look at me?” Tam said nothing. Tam did nothing except continue to stir. At this point Fitz was angry. Angry and tired and scared and he just wanted to be yelled at. That he knew. That he understood.

Without thinking he grabbed Tam’s shoulders and spun him to look at him. Forcing himself into the boys mind, breaking a few laws in the process, he screamed as loud as he could into the boy’s head, LOOK AT ME!

Tam finally did, but there was stone in his eyes. Get out. Fitz did, he even stumbled a foot farther.

“I-I’m sorry I didn’t mean too, just you were kinda freaking me out,” Fitz rushed out.

Tam��s face softened and he stopped fearing for his life. “So you don’t like girls,” he said slowly, “do you like guys?”

It hit him like a slap. Could he like guys? Hell he didn’t like girls that was already breaking some unspoken rule might as well go the full nine yards. That sounded like his luck. But Tam didn’t sound angry when he asked, only curious. (And maybe hopeful but Fitz didn’t want to have more things he didn’t understand.)

“I-I’ve never thought about it,” he admitted. It wasn’t a no. An unsaid maybe. Tam bit his lip. Fitz watched transfixed, he didn’t want to move because the thought of this all shattering and Tam getting angry was too much to bare.

Tam held his gaze, his eyes were strangely challenging. Whatever he was about to ask he was daring Fitz to say no. (Fitz wasn’t going to say no to Tam, whatever he was going to ask.) “Do you trust me?”

“Yes,” Fitz didn’t know how that fit into this conversation, but he didn’t think about it. He didn’t have time to.

In one move Tam wrapped his hand in Fitz tie and yanked him down. He only stopped to look Fitz in the eye before smashing their mouths together. Fitz stilled, not quite wrapping his head around what was happening (and because ow), but quickly he moved with the other boy.

Neither really knew what they were doing, and it definitely wasn’t perfect. But Fitz had three realizations in that moment.

Tam’s lips were softer than he ever thought they could be, even if they were cracked and torn.

Finally he understood why so many people made such a big deal about kissing girls. If he could Fitz wouldn’t have stopped for the world.

He only knew this one because a loud cough came from his left. Terigan had walked into the room.

“Hello,” he said politely. Tam had jumped feet away from him as if he’d been shocked; Fitz was very pointedly not looking at either of them. The counter had become very very interesting in that moment.

“Uh, hi,” Tam responded. “I thought you weren’t going to be home for another hour.” For a fleeting moment Fitz wondered if Tam had planned this.

“Got done early, I was going to make dinner but I guess you two had different plans.” He tried not to choke on his tongue as he remembered how Tam’s mouth felt on his. How he tasted like the chocolate from the snack bar, realization 4. These numbers were better than the black numbers on gold that would decided his future.

“Ha, uh yeah,” Tam pulled on his bangs a desperate attempt to hide his furious blush.

“I’ll tell Linh to find a place to stay. Goodnight boys,” Terigan said with a small wave. Fitz waved back more out of habit and panic and the fact that Tam was too busy wishing himself away to wave.

When he was gone a heavy silence filled the room. Both boys tried to look anywhere that wasn’t each other. At some point they looked at each other. At some point the silence broke and they laughed. At some point they kissed again. And at some point Fitz realized it had been a better night than he ever thought it was going to be.

#i wrote it in like two hours #titz #tam/fitz #tam song #fitz vacker #kotlc fic #tater writes #titz week 2020

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moist-astronaut · 4 years

Text

things my friends and I have said over the last year

“I’m verbally illiterate” “Isn’t that called dyslexia”

“I’m going to chemistry and I’m gonna light myself on fire” “No” “Damnit let me burn like the witch I am!”

“Don’t worry it’s not anti-Christ it’s just anti-government”

“I’ve been getting migraines everyday and I’m considering chopping my head off” “But that would kill you” “Two birds one stone!!”

“I swear to god I will hug you” “My house is 5 miles away and my doors are locked” “Your locks are FEABLE”

*writing an email* “Bitch comma”

“Ok but I could be a top” *laughing* “What I totally could be!” *laughing and crying for literally 6 minutes straight*

*on a group call, friends cat misha walks into the room* “Tell misha I would live and die for her, whichever she prefers” “She says thank you” *cat noises*

*joins discord vioce chat at 11:26 pm* “You guys are gae but I love you” “Thank you saeren very cool” “Goodnight” *leaves chat at 11:28pm*

“Jake jake jake jjjake -j-jaaake hey jake” “W H A T” “Can I eat your pens” “I literally have a restraining order against you”

“I’m educatn’t”

“Me calling you to dumb to be a slytherin is payback for you leaving multiple handprint bruises on my legs” “It’s not my fault your skin is weak”

“He’s rolling so that we can walk” *rolling in the grass and collecting leaves on his jacket* “I’m rolling for your sins”

“There are 7 of us so we can each be a deadly sin” “I wanna be Ross” “You mean wrath?” “No that dude from Friends”

“Ok but other than his strict attraction to women, his multiple wives, his hatred of gay people, and the fact that he is dead, what is standing between me and Joseph Smith the All American Hottie from being happy together”

“Consider: Mullet” “No”

“I do my homework while loudly eating a pop tart asmr”

“No no listen, he’s my brother, he’s a bastard of my dynasty…I might just ransom him off”

“These Norwegian bastards indroduced a fucking PLUAGE to my COUNTRY”

“Ooooo meth”

“Half of my life is me resisting the urge to sing the zaboomafoo themesong, the other half is me actually singing the zaboomafoo themesong. So either way my entire life revolves around zaboomafoo.”

“I just don’t think I would hire a gay man-wait no I’m not homophobic”

*chucks half a gallon of milk in a gas station* “-ah- got milk?”

“Gimme your sternum boy”

“Nooooooo he stole my sternum!!!” (Side note these were two separate occasions)

*being force fed milk duds* “No!! This is the worst way to die!!”

“Hey babe come over I have a hammock and a heated blanket”

“Be afraid, be prepared- IN THE WORDS OF SCAR”

“Stress eating stress gummies Stress eating stress gummies Stress eating stress gummies stress eating-”

“I thought to myself ‘Y’know if I die today this is how I want to be remembered- a leather skirt and leg warmers’”

“I think I’m telling you to go to sleep” “You’re gonna have make me” “I can’t tell if this is cry for help or flirting” “Yes”

“This is at best cannibalism and at worst being straight”

“Oh look Percy Jackson’s here now, ooh they replaced every character’s face with Mr. Bean. I hate it”

“You can’t be mean to me! I’m gay AND a woman! That’s a hate crime!” “Yeah well I’m brown and Muslim! Square the fuck up bitch!”

“Babe it’s not very metal to be afraid of your hair dresser” “It’s not very metal to have a hair dresser and yet here we are” “It’s fine you’re into glam metal”

“Hey augie, got any grrrrrrapes?” “I’m doing IXL :(“

“Can I come?” “No” “What if I bring watermelon?” “You can come, leave the watermelon, then leave” “:(“

“What in the jersey shore”

“Rad’nt”

“Ok but consider: Mullet-hawk” “I can and will divorce you”

“Dee-vorce 👏 Just to 👏 re-vorce 👏 👏 “

“Ah yes, that’s why I’m fat…for combat reasons…”

“You fool I consent!”

“My Boston fern is being a bitch but that’s because it’s winter and that’s BITCH season”

“You walk through the rest of the house and it’s like ‘ooo witchy and aesthetic’ then they’ll get to the guest room and it’ll just be a tacky twink Fever dream”

“Who needs a scalp”

“HeHe, sexing”

“Council has decided, your vibes are rancid (and not the band)”

“You’re never to young to hate women”

“Look at me I did the dishes I’m a 1950s housewife with a strangely new jersey accent and affinity for lesbianism”

“Well look who has the table now”

"contrary to popular belief, fuck you"

"There's nothing here that requires whisking, i'm just problematic"

"If you could go anywhere in the world with two people, who would you choose?" “New Orleans!”

"So he proceeded to bite me on the butt...like, really, really hard."

“I don’t cheat, I win. It’s not cheating if it’s consensual.”

“My mouth, my choice”

“Do you like my ombré of a tan"

“Who’s the cutest in the chat right now then?” “It’s Paige!” “No, it’s obviously Augie.” (paige's boyfriend)-said by a straight man

“Francis is just a one and done.”

“Would you ever have a threesome?” “...yes...” *To Francis* “Sure!”

“How do you feel about anal sex?”

“Of the people in this room, who would you most want to make out with?” “Augie” “The answer is yes, but only if it’s 6 feet apart.”

“Square, flat, and overcooked.”

“The virus would be over if everyone would breathe underwater for 5 minutes.”

“I have daddy issues, but not with my father.”

“You’re a ladies man but you have two boyfriends.”

“That means lesbian in sign language” “No, that means fuck boy in American”

“I’m like a parasite, you can’t get rid of me. I’m here forever.”

“You’re like my long term hit man”

“Is it Jake?” “No, why would the evil Russian man be Jake?” “Because he would never hire a gay man and you don’t look like a gay man”

“Jake is homophonic, Augie is racist, and Francis is a woman hater!”

"Grew a korean radish, 1 star"

"I've got more cause i'm a rich boy, and by that i mean my father sometimes buys avocados. And that's on what? Upper middle class"

"Tell your good for nothing boyfriend to stay away from my mom"

"It's not inciting violence it's just ~inspiring it~ "

"Listen bitch just because you have avacados and a roomba doesn't make you better then me"

"i would totally let narthex ruin my life. and that's on what? daddy issues and bisexuality"

"who is titty"

"how is he racist" "he hates the french and russians right?" "don't forget italians" "that's just self loathing"

"This is the last time i wear a thong- it's for educational purposes"

"babe come over i'm a burrito"

"he put bread with milk. luckily he passed away"

"you touched my wiener!" "you offered it!"

"foot'nt"

"i took a shower and realized the floor doesn't bounce"

"i love ass whoooaaaaaa i meant cassie"

"Rosalie you're the deciding vote. Be decisive." "Dude i'm bisexual and a gemini. what're you talking about?"

"Okay so to recap: jake is homophobic, augie is racist, francis is a woman hater, and now paige is a bunny abuser?"

"Just bring a watermelon keychain and it'll be fine" "Whooaaaa i'm gonna need a big key then"

"If you were blind what would you even see"

Post Traumatic Youth, plus D for danny's disorder"

"i think she's past the phase where she likes people just because they're russian"

"francine is a lesbian, but only during quarantine"

"don't be a home wrecker!" "i can't help it!"

"we are not doing coed tents" "i wanted to go purple-ing though"

"if it's not perfect i'm gonna through hands" "with who" "i don't know, the CEO of stupid"

"don't make me feel guilty for bullying you"

"it doesn't look very cash money cool but okay"

"slinky cat" (ferret)

"The pond behind my house didn't freeze all the way through this winter, so i couldn't go ice skating" "okay, so i have an idea. we can go to walmart and get-" "ANTI FREEZE!" "well, yes- wait, no. No, the more i think about that definitely no."

"The amish will win, the amish will prevail" "the amish will conquer us all!"

"He do be kinda mafia doh"

"i'm being sneaky sneak. stairs go creaky creak. and i need. DRUGZ"

"brain on shutdown, power saving mode"

"Somebody go tip her, she's dancing like a stripper" "thatd be nice- oh wait no!"

"fellas, is it gay to lick your homies eyeball?"

"it's not racist if you're only targeting one group of people" "that literally racism" "but what if they're french"

"i'm not racist yet but the option is available, and it's good to have options"

"they don't call me Mr. Steal Yo Boy for nothing!" -a straight man who has a girlfriend

"i think he has a bad habit of not dating girls"

"kinda hot tho 🥵 in a Santa Claus kinda way...hoe hoe hoe"

"i'll be your hot jacuzzi bubble dealer"

"when deceit and doubt fills you up, you cleanse your mind through creative activities, such as making organic soap"

"friendly reminder #4: you're never to old to eat a freezie-pop"

"sorry i'm just nervous" Chinese Teacher: (Waving her hand in front of her face) “Just pretend I’m cabbage.”

"me when my dads name is publicly broadcasted on the radio for his 14 felonies and assorted war crimes"

"<@!523669420435046401> I sentence you to a solid nine by the banhammer. For your crimes against Humanity, God, Satan, and Matt Frank. See you in hell."

"Danny, just because you're playing *Just Cause* doesn't mean you need to Just Cause our friendship!"

"Silly Matt! You fell for the ole’ Heimlich maneuver!”

"i got a bunch of new shirts over quarantine" "you would"

"Ok, there's a 32 year old doctor in new Jersey dying right now" "Yeah, but to be fair everyone in new jersey has a pre-existing condition"

“This is the longest period of time we’ve had without a Nintendo direct” “Maybe they’re gonna make a Nintendo indirect?”

"you’re looking extra white today.” "thanks i've been practicing"

"do you have any batteries" *looks inside shirt* "not yet"

"let's go colonize the middle school!" "yyayayyayayay!!!" " wait I gotta ask my mom first" What happened next is know called the *Juniors burden*

"oh so you're a DOWNSTAIRS milk kinda guy"

"you are literally the human embodiment of crumbs in a bed"

"The Berk-ey Creamery isn’t a place, it’s a people!”

"He shoved a floating joy-con straight up his flux-capacitor.” "great! now it's paired"

"No, that isnt armor, the real armor are the friends you made along the way"

"This one goes out to all my lady friends out there *proceeds to kill himself in game*

"i'm a coward" "that's what a coward would say!"

"rest is for cowards and fools"

"every time you speak you take years off my life"

"Shark dick hoo ha ha"

"Me and the boys brushing our teeth at 3 AM"

"remember if you kill yourself the fascists win"

"The Beatles aren’t real. Have you ever seen a beatle? No? Exactly." "Babe” "Shut up I’m right."

*reading over these quotes* "god i hate that" "you said that!"

#ghost talks #long post

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enbies-and-felonies · 2 years

Text

goodnight bitches, bastards, and bank thieves! i hope you fuck it up funky style in your dreams tonight

#tw swearing #covi says goodnight #felony says goodnight

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lets-talk-about-sects · 5 years

Text

this is an EXPLICIT endgame spoiler stop reading if you want to preserve your innocence

OKAY SO

LET’S FUCKING CHAT ABOUT THE FACT THAT STEVEN “I’M GOING AWOL ON A SUICIDE MISSION TO RESCUE MY BEST BUD EVEN THOUGH EVERYONE SAYS HE’S DEAD ALSO I’M GOING TO CASUALLY TANK A CORRUPT GOVERNMENT AGENCY AND DEFY THE ENTIRE U.N. BECAUSE I’M DOING THE RIGHT THING SUCK MY DICK” GRANT ROGERS

TAKES THE CHANCE TO GO BACK IN TIME AND LIVE HAPPILY EVER WITH PEGGY WHILE LEAVING??? BUCKY??? WITH HYDRA???

DO THE DIRECTORS THINK STEVEN HAS ANY CHILL???

WHO CONCEPTUALIZES ONE (1) STEVEN GRANT ROGERS WITH ANY FORM OF ABILITY TO ACCEPT AND GROW FROM PAST HARDSHIP???

WHO (literally is there anyone left who) BELIEVES THAT THIS BITCH IS ABLE TO LIVE A NORMAL DRAMA-FREE LIFE???

THIS IS STEVEN, WHO COMMITTED FIVE (5) FELONIES TO DO “THE RIGHT THING” (shut up steven) WHO JUMPED OUT OF AN AIRPLANE WITHOUT A PARACHUTE BECAUSE FUCK YOU THAT’S WHY (shut up steven)

So this bitch is going to go live a wonder bread 2.3 children wholesome life in the 70s?? GROW UP MCU Steven has never followed a norm in his bitchy 5′4″ life this man has the literal inability to follow orders

(Unless it’s from BDE record-holder Peggy Carter, we stan a legend)

Also?? Bucky looked great, rip nat, and the fat jokes were not cool

Anyway I’m drunk and this has been some THOUGHTS WITH K

GOODNIGHT and once for good luck: FUCK YOU MCU

#endgame #endgame spoilers #avengers endgame #spoilers #they did us dirty #stucky

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flowerfan2 · 4 years

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Affinity - Ch. 20 (10.20)

Friends, this show is killing me. For your angsting pleasure, below please find chapter 20 of my coda series. As I was writing this a line from a Robert Frost poem lodged itself in my brain, so I had Steve think of it too. (”As dawn goes down to day / Nothing gold can stay.”) I feel like it may be the epitaph for Season 10 (probably should have saved it for the title of another fic... come to think of it, I still can...)

Affinity - McDanno, A03

Chapter 20

Steve walks past the fountains and sparkling infinity pool, weaving his way through the strategically placed lounge chairs until he gets to the beach. The Four Seasons Resort on Maui is an unusually ritzy location for Danny to choose for a spring break trip, but he got some kind of amazing deal and has been looking forward to spending this time with his kids for weeks.

Steve had been touched when Danny insisted that he come along too. At the same time, he was wary of impinging on Danny’s limited family time, and a little hesitant to take off the same week as Danny when they were trying to keep their relationship quiet. They had finally agreed that Steve would join them for the weekend, and so here he is, in his swim trunks and slippahs, gazing across the sand in search of his partner.

He hasn’t been looking for long when he hears a squeal, followed immediately by an armful of young boy.

“Uncle Steve!” Charlie exclaims. “You’re here! Come swim with me!”

Steve promises that he will, then slings the boy upside down over his shoulder and proceeds down the beach, much to Charlie’s amusement.

He finally sees Danny and Grace, sharing a large beach blanket. Grace spots him and smiles, standing up and coming over to give him a big hug as he slides Charlie back to the ground.

“You look great,” Steve says, and Grace gives him a sassy smile. She’s so grown up, he thinks, but keeps it to himself – he remembers how he hated when people said that to him, as if it was some remarkable observation. But she has, and it makes his heart ache just a little. It’s been a long time since Grace was the one to run up to him and grab him by the hand, demanding that he get in the water and play with her.

Grace seems to see something in his expression that gives her pause, and she grabs Charlie by the arm and tugs him towards the water. “Come on, kiddo,” she says, “get your body board, I’ll go in with you. Steve can’t go swimming yet, he hasn’t put any sunscreen on.”

Charlie looks at Steve wide-eyed, as if he’s committed a felony, and Steve nods. “I need a few minutes to get ready,” he says solemnly. He winks a thank-you to Grace as the kids race off together towards the surf.

Children out of the way, Steve finally sinks down on the beach blanket next to Danny. It’s some kind of thin colorful fabric, like the parachute pants from the 80’s, and it feels nice on his bare feet.

Danny is stretched out on his stomach, head pillowed on his arms, showing off his deltoids and triceps. Steve could look at him all day, broad shoulders narrowing into a trim waist, a sliver of whiter skin showing just above the waistline of his black swim trunks.

Danny’s eyes are closed, but there’s a small smile dancing around his mouth. A moment after Steve settles next to him Danny opens his eyes and his smile broadens, stretching his face.

“Hey there,” Danny says, reaching out to pet at Steve’s arm. “’m glad you’re here.”

“Me too.” Steve sits cross-legged, setting his backpack down and letting out a long breath. “It was an easy trip over. Quick flight.”

“Good.” Danny shifts to his side, propping his head up on an elbow. Steve can feel Danny studying him as he looks out over the water.

“Steve, you okay?”

“Yeah, of course,” Steve replies automatically. He’s not, not really, and he knows it. He’s pretty sure Danny knows it too, even though he’s barely been here a minute.

It’s not as if he doesn’t want to confide in Danny. It’s just the opposite. It’s all threatening to spill out, and he doesn’t know how to control it. Steve can’t stop thinking about the call he got last night, right when he was deep in painful memories of his father, hiding out in the garage and playing that tape. The unexpected call from the lawyer was a stinging confirmation of how much he still doesn’t know about his parents, and will probably never know.

After he hung up on the lawyer, Steve had braced himself on the work bench and narrowly avoided hyperventilating, focusing on his breathing and the feel of the wood under his fingers until he calmed down. Then he packed up the tool box and went back into his house, accepting a beer from Adam and ribbing Hirsch and generally pretending that nothing had happened.

He thinks he did a pretty good job of it. He’s had a lot of practice. But he can never hide this kind of thing from Danny, at least not for long.

Danny reaches up to grab at the collar of Steve’s t-shirt, tugging him closer. “Lay down,” he says. “Relax.” Danny’s brow is creased with concern. Yup, he’s not buying it.

Steve stretches out on his side, mirroring Danny’s position, and runs a hand over Danny’s head. His hair is sticky with salt, and Danny makes a face. “Cut it out.”

“You’re cute when you’re sunburned,” Steve says, hoping to lighten the mood.

“I’m not sunburned,” Danny replies, gazing down over his bare chest and arms. “Too much fur.”

“It’s a protective coating,” Steve says, touching the soft hair on Danny’s chest. “Lucky you. Your face, on the other hand-”

“My face is fine,” Danny says, grinning. “Your face, though – different story. I can’t stand your face. Hate it.”

“Oh yeah?” Steve says, moving closer. “You sure?”

“Definitely.” Danny leans in and kisses Steve lightly, just a touch of his lips to Steve’s. “Awful. The worst. Don’t want to be anywhere near it.”

They kiss for a few minutes, cognizant of the fact that while the beach isn’t particularly crowded at a luxury resort like this, it isn’t private, either. But it’s enough physical contact to ground Steve, to soothe him. When they break apart, he feels like he can breathe again.

They spend the afternoon alternating between swimming with the kids and lazing around on the beach, and it’s perfect. Steve gets to ogle Danny’s broad chest and strong arms as he carries Charlie on his shoulders through the waves, Grace declining to participate in the chicken fight but chiming in with rules they make up on the spot for their lopsided challenge. He pulls his phone out of his backpack only to snap photos of Danny and Grace strolling along the water’s edge, or Charlie making sandcastles. He does not think about work, or mortality, or Doris. Much.

They order food from the beach side café, poke bowls for Grace and Steve and chicken wings and fries for Danny and Charlie, and eat it on their beach blanket, rinsing their hands clean in the ocean when they’re done. Steve and Danny drink beer and tease Grace about how she’s still too young to drink (she is, although as she’s at college now she just rolls her eyes at them when they refuse her a beer).

Charlie begs for ice cream and so Steve goes back up to the café to get them each a double scoop of gelato.

The sun is just starting to set, a breeze making Steve’s skin ripple with goosebumps, when Grace stands up and gathers her things. “Sorry we have to go,” she says. “Charlie and I have plans.”

“It’s Avengers movie night,” Charlie explains. “Danno won’t watch them anymore, he says he’s mad about Endgame.”

Steve raises an eyebrow at Danny, and Danny just shakes his head. “We’ve been over this. The time travel plot makes no sense, it wouldn’t work that way, and getting Cap back together with Peggy is completely out of character-”

“I don’t like that they killed Iron Man,” Charlie says. “But it’s still my favorite movie ever.”

Charlie and Grace give them both hugs, and Danny tells Grace not to let Charlie stay up too late, which just earns him eye rolls from both siblings, and then the kids say goodnight and traipse off towards the hotel.

“I’m glad to hear I’m not the only one that has to listen to your Marvel rants,” Steve says, laying down on the blanket, hands behind his head.

“It was a stupid ending. They sidelined Bucky and went full no homo in pairing Cap up with Peggy. And Charlie’s right, there was no need to kill a main character just for dramatic effect. It was a stupid way to end the arc. An insult to the fans.”

“It’s just a story,” Steve says.

“Stories have meaning,” Danny replies. “Representation matters.” Danny gives Steve what is likely meant to be a meaningful look, and Steve laughs.

“You’re a Stucky fan, aren’t you?” Steve asks, and he watches as Danny’s face goes slightly red.

“Obviously.”

“I miss Jerry,” Steve says. It’s not a non sequitur, and Danny gets it. Jerry was their enthusiastic guide to all thinks comic book related, and they had spent many an evening watching movies and arguing about their favorite characters. Danny can fly his freak flag high with the rest of them given enough beer.

“Me too.”

Having Jerry leave the team had hurt almost as much as losing Chin and Kono. A long forgotten line pops into his head, a remnant from something he had to read in junior high English class. So dawn goes down to day. Nothing gold can stay.

Steve sighs and closes his eyes, beating back the sudden urge to cry. His emotions are all over the place lately. He’s got to get a hold of himself.

They lie in silence for a little while, listening to the echo of live music now coming from the pool area. It’s a traditional Hawaiian band, with a female singer singing a romantic song about a lei of stars.

Danny’s hand slides over to Steve, and Steve pulls his arm out from under his head and takes Danny’s hand, their arms warm as they press together. The sun has almost set, and the sky is streaked with pink and orange light.

“This was a great day,” Steve says quietly. “Thanks for inviting me.”

Danny makes a soft noise in his throat. “Of course. I wish you had come for the whole week.”

Steve wishes with all his heart that he could have been with Danny and the kids for the whole week, but he still believes he did what was best. He doesn’t like how Danny sounds a little hurt, though. That’s not at all what he had intended.

“I’m sorry, Danny. I just… I couldn’t.”

“Why not?”

Steve can feel Danny turning to look at him, but he can’t look back, keeping his gaze firmly fixed on the sky. “It’s hard to explain.”

“Can you try?”

Steve shakes his head. Danny’s kids are ‘ohana, they are part of his family. But he’s still just their uncle, not their dad. Danny will always have a connection with them, a legal bond with them, but it’s different for Steve. He doesn’t have any right to them. He can’t keep them with him any more than he can keep Danny.

Danny, who is looking at him with such concern that it makes him want to cry all over again. Or run away, go back to Oahu and sit in the dark by himself, waiting to see what new heartache Doris is about to put him through. He has no idea what’s in the package the lawyer is bringing him, but he is sure it isn’t anything good. Nothing about Doris ever is, in the end, no matter how hard Steve tries.

“I love you,” Danny whispers, turning to wrap his arms around Steve. “I love you. I’m right here.”

Steve lets Danny pull him in, curling up against him as the sky goes dark and the stars come out. He’ll tell him soon, about the phone call and the package from Doris, and Danny will scowl and curse and stomp around, upset on his behalf and upset at feeling helpless to do anything about it. But for now, Steve just wants to focus on being close to Danny for a little while more. Right now it’s just the two of them, no one else. He wishes it could always be this way.

“I love you too,” Steve says under his breath, knowing Danny can hear it. He tightens his arms around Danny, inhales the warm scent of his skin, and tries to let Danny’s love fill his empty spaces.

#mcdanno #H50 #Hawaii Five-O #H50 fic #10.20 #Steve McGarrett #Danny Williams

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thebrideoftiffany · 5 years

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like i know i literally made a post saying this exact same thing before, but i’m going to say it again for any mcu fan or russo brother that might be listening: endgame is not logan, endgame will never be logan, mentioning endgame positively in the same breath as logan should be considered a felony, and none of your chris evans or robert downey jrs will ever be Hugh Jackman in Logan (2017) thank you and goodnight

#anti endgame

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pastelwitchling · 5 years

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Blame @malex-allthehearteyes (≖_≖ )

Love at first assassination attempt.

***

“You still up?”

Alex looked up from his computer, his eyes dry and burning. He blinked several times, his vision clearing to reveal a tall man with a badge at his belt. His arms were crossed as he looked down at Alex with a frustrated fondness.

Alex sighed, and leaned back in his creaking chair. He rubbed the sleep out of his eyes, groaning as the burning slowly faded.

“I’ll just be another minute,” he said, and his friend sighed.

“Manes, you said that two hours ago.”

Alex kept his eyes on his computer screen, the picture staring back at him almost tauntingly. “I’m close, Evans. I can feel it.”

Max pulled up a chair beside Alex, his eyes narrowed at the screen. He reached for one of the many papers Alex had scattered all over his desk, and looked it over. “How long have you been scanning this stuff?”

Alex tapped his finger on the desk, trying to match the culprit’s stare. “Alison Oswald.”

Max ducked his head, pinching the bridge of his nose. “Alex—”

“Seventeen, Max. Seventeen. How am I supposed to stop knowing two girls barely out of high school never made it home last week?”

“The same way we always stop,” Max said. “By remembering that we’re only human, not machines. If we don’t rest, we fall. You’re no good to anyone half-dead, Manes.”

Alex rubbed his jaw, finally forcing himself to look away from the criminal on his computer – his curly hair, his bright eyes, his smug smirk directed at Alex as if he was teasing him, telling him that this was one case the famous Alex Manes would never crack – and he sighed, the corners of his lips slightly quirked upward. “Is that your chief of police wisdom?”

Max rolled his shoulders and smiled at Alex, though Alex could tell by the dark circles under his eyes and the way his lids seemed half-closed that Max was no less exhausted. “Well, we’re a highly intelligent species,” he said. “I’d listen to me more if I were you, unless you want to end up like Peter Kaenik.”

Alex raised a brow. “Who’s Peter Kaenik?”

Max winked. “Exactly.” He stood, patting Alex on the shoulder. “Come on, McGarrett—”

“Don’t call me McGarrett.”

“I’m officially giving you a curfew. Go home.”

Alex shook his head. “I’m not McGarrett!” he called after Max who was already making his way to the door.

Max turned to him, walking backwards. “You’re both crazy enough.”

“I’m not nearly as crazy as that guy is!”

He shook his head, and turned back to the door, raising a hand in farewell. “Goodnight, Manes.”

The door to the office opened and Max soon disappeared behind the elevator doors. “Goodnight,” Alex muttered with a sigh as he returned his attention to his computer screen. Eventually, he shut his eyes, forcing himself to stop, and he exited the file.

By the time Alex got back to his apartment, his entire body was aching. He felt like his bones were made of lead, his breaths were labored, and the exhaustion settled on his eyes like anchors, tempting him to just fall asleep in the elevator.

He groaned, rubbing his eyes with his forearm, the files under his other arm heavy. He was making plans to set an alarm as he unlocked his door, and walked into the dark place. He would sleep for four hours, he didn’t need any more than that. He’d have an apple in the morning, maybe buy some coffee and a bagel on the way to work, and get back to his case. He tossed his keys on the kitchen counter, setting the files beside them, wondering if maybe he should spend another half-hour before bed taking another look at the forms. Maybe there was something he had missed.

He heard a creak and he froze, all plans coming to a halt. He looked up from his fridge and saw nothing. He thought it might have been a tree branch or his neighbor’s cat walking on the ledge again, though something in his chest itched uncomfortably. He leaned down again to grab a bottle of water, and felt a presence behind him. He subtly grabbed his small gun off his belt before he suddenly turned, his weapon aimed.

As he had suspected, there was a man casually leaning against his counter, his arms crossed in his brown leather jacket. He had a gun at his belt as well, though he made no move to take it. He seemed to be content with just watching Alex, his expression amused. But his face… Alex knew that face. It was the same face he’d spent an entire week staring at. Only this time, his curls looked almost blonde at the tips, his eyes were a brighter green, and as his eyes raked Alex’s body, his smirk widened.

“Tsk, tsk, Alex,” the man said. “Do you have any idea how long I’ve been waiting? I expected you back hours ago.”

Alex’s eyes narrowed. “Michael Guerin.”

His eyebrows rose. “Oh, so you do know who I am. Impressive.”

“Not the exact word I’d use on you.”

He tilted his head. “Damn, I was right. You are cuter in person.” Alex said nothing, following him with his gun as he stood straight. He remembered pictures of Alison Oswald’s body, the way it had been found in the forest – naked, beaten, and pale – and he resisted the strong urge to pull the trigger. If only Michael had a weapon, Alex wouldn’t have needed to hesitate at all.

“You want to put that down?” Michael asked, turning toward the living room. “We both know you’re not going to shoot me.”

“We do?” Alex said. “Because I can think of a few ways this could go, and they all end with you on the floor.”

Michael swung around to meet his eyes, smiling. “That does sound fun, Manes. You look like you’d know all the right places to hit.”

“You know my name. You know who I am, you know I’m studying your case, why are you here?”

Michael turned the lights on in the living room, and settled in a large red armchair. His body was spread out, his legs slightly spreading wider as he beckoned Alex forward. Alex kept hold of his weapon and came to stand opposite him, against the wall.

The criminal pursed his lips. “You’re too far away.”

“I’m close enough.”

“Can you at least put the gun down?”

“No.”

“You sure you could even hit me from that distance?”

Alex was getting annoyed. His apartment was small, and even on opposite ends of the wall, he and Michael were no more than a few coffee tables apart.

“I’m a good shot,” he said, a humorless smirk at his lips. “Now talk. How’d you find out about me?”

Michael matched his glare for a second, then two, then five, then he sighed, leaning back in the chair. “Homicide detective, right?” Alex said nothing, and Michael almost pouted, as if he didn’t like the fact that Alex wouldn’t humor him. “I’m used to being on the police’s radar for theft, but homicide? I heard through the grape vines that you guys were looking into me for murder. When I tried to find out which cop was on my case, sources led back to you.”

“You’re surprised?” Alex asked, the edge evident in his voice despite himself. “Where do you think killers are usually supposed to end up?”

Something turned dark in Michael’s eyes, his shoulders gone stiff. “Why’d you take the case? I’ve been watching, Alex, and I know what they call you; Steve McGarrett. It’s because you’re always working. Why?”

“You’re asking me why I want to stop a murderer?”

“I’m asking you why you try so hard,” Michael said, and Alex was surprised to hear no mockery in his voice. He smirked, but it seemed empty, something to hide a genuine emotion there. What was this man trying to tell him?

“I want the truth,” Alex said simply, and realized that he had been lowering his weapon. He sucked in a sharp breath and held his gun back up.

Michael watched him thoughtfully, then, “You didn’t say me.”

“What?”

“You didn’t say you wanted me.” He stood. “The truth,” he repeated, as if it was a foreign word, something he thought had once existed, and then had lost all faith in. “You sure that’s what you want?”

Alex stared. “Don’t tell me,” he said slowly. “You didn’t actually murder anyone.”

Any pretense of humor fell away from Michael’s face, and he took a step toward Alex. “I’m a thief, the best there is, and I’ll admit to that. But I don’t kill.”

“And I’m supposed to believe that?” Alex asked, but something felt wrong. For a week, he’d looked over Michael’s files, his past felonies, and he’d struggled with it more than any other case because something just didn’t add up. Could the reason he’d been having such a hard time pinning Michael to the crime be the fact that Michael hadn’t actually committed it?

“I told you,” Michael said, taking another step, and Alex held his gun straighter. Michael seemed unafraid. “I’m a thief. I’ve taken your archived files, I’ve seen your work on past cases. You’re smart, Alex, you know I didn’t do this.”

“The murder weapon points back to you,” Alex said, though even he couldn’t focus on what he was saying. If Michael knew how good Alex was, why show up here? Why risk getting caught? Unless he was desperate… “Your fingerprints were on Alison’s discarded dress.”

“Then whoever is doing this knows how to get to me,” Michael said.

Alex blinked, realization dawning. “Someone close to you.”

Michael nodded, though the expression on his face indicated he would’ve rather not come to that conclusion.

“You think they’re framing you?”

“It’s the only thing that makes any sense.”

Alex shook his head, his thoughts already running a thousand miles per second. “Depending on who it is, there could be a number of motives,” he muttered. He would have to look into Michael’s family, his friends, pull up his older records again. There may be someone, another criminal, that had been in contact with him, that maybe Michael had helped get into trouble. Maybe a past crew member, or a jealous boyfriend or girlfriend—

“I can see you thinking,” Michael suddenly said, his face mere inches away from Alex’s and Alex gasped, standing back against the wall with his weapon held up in less than a second. He clenched his jaw to keep himself from panting. What had happened to him? Since when was he ever caught off guard?

Michael held his hands up in defense, as if afraid that he would send Alex further away if he stepped any closer. Damn it, Alex thought. Why was his heart racing?

“Don’t come any closer.”

Michael shook his head, his eyes searching Alex’s face. “I already know you’re not gonna shoot me, Alex.”

“I could.”

“You already know I didn’t do this,” Michael said. “Which means you’d be shooting an innocent man.” Alex scoffed, and Michael tilted his head. “You’re one to talk about innocence, you think I can’t see that blush on your cheeks?”

He stepped closer, his hands still up. “Don’t be embarrassed,” he said when Alex moved back. “I think it makes you even cuter.”

“Suppose I believe you,” Alex said, ignoring Michael’s comment. “Not that I do, but if I did… would you have any idea who might be trying to set you up?”

Michael blinked, and Alex didn’t fail to notice the shock that passed his features, as if he hadn’t been expecting anyone to believe him at all about being framed. “Noah Bracken,” he finally said. “My brother-in-law.”

Alex’s brows furrowed. Noah Bracken. He’d read that name in Michael’s file last week, barely glossing over it. He remembered there had been something that bothered him about Noah’s clean record, though he had been called into a meeting before he ever got the chance to figure out what, and had come back to his files having lost that train of thought.

He stepped closer to Michael, and after a lot of hesitance, lowered his weapon. “If you’re lying,” he said, his voice dark, “I’ll hunt you down, and kill you myself.”

Michael’s smirk widened, and in a second, he was in Alex’s space, his breath fanning Alex’s lips as he said, “I’d expect nothing less.”

And with a quick peck to Alex’s lips, Michael was on his window ledge. When Alex blinked, the thief was gone. Alex slowly reached up and touched his lips where Michael’s had pressed his, and he swallowed. Maybe he was as crazy as McGarrett.

***

Okay, wait, I know it deviates since Michael doesn’t actively attempt to kill Alex here, but I really, really wanted and envisioned a lot of flirting on Michael’s part, and if he had tried to come in and kill Alex, and then they got to seriously talk with the potential of a sexy and romantic relationship, it just wouldn’t have made sense! At least, not to me. Not in a one-shot.

I’m sorry it’s so different, but I hope you enjoyed reading regardless. As for the prompt, well you roped me into that, so. There.

#malex #alex manes #michael guerin #malex one-shot #malex fanfic #malex fic #malex fanfiction #malex prompt #malex prompt request #roswell new mexico #roswell nm #malex au #malex angst #malex fluff #tyler blackburn #michael vlamis #gay #love

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canaryatlaw · 4 years

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hmm okay I need to go to bed because we’re waking up at 5 to go to Ohio for wizard world cleveland. today was pretty decent. same old same old, up at 6, train was slightly delayed so I got in a few minutes later but it actually worked because it was in the sweet spot between when you have to sign into the building and when they start letting the public in. I had coordinated cases with my work buddy because we had one case each up in two different courtrooms, so I took one courtroom and he took the other. my cases went surprisingly well, like there were several ways it could’ve gone sideways but everything went perfectly smoothly, so I’ll take it, back downstairs to my office not even an hour later. however, my case in the other courtroom that my work buddy was covering turned into a total shit show and he was up there until like, lunchtime haha so I felt bad about that but we couldn’t have predicted the mess that would turn into. the rest of the day was pretty chill, prepping for a hearing next week that’s probably not actually going to hearing because we got a whole bunch of things hidden up our sleeves at the moment, and I spent some of my afternoon talking with a detective about it, so that’s a good sign. I also spent a good deal of time comforting my client about the situation, because she’s a kind and empathetic person and feels bad for this man who’s making her life hell, so I was encouraging her to move forward even when it would be scary, and that we’d be there with her the whole time, even if we had to accompany her to a different courthouse (they don’t hear felony domestic cases at our courthouse, only misdemeanors). I think it worked for now at least and she’s going to keep going, so I was happy about that. she’s just such a genuinely kind person who just wants to love everyone and it’s so horrible that someone took advantage of her kindness like that. ugh. towards the end of the day everyone was feeling the it’s Friday afternoon and we’re almost done with the week feeling so we spent a good deal of time just chatting about stuff. we got turned to (local) politics at one point, and apparently there’s a guy running for the illinois supreme court that’s only been a lawyer for four fucking years.......like most state supreme court candidates have spent decades as a judge leading up to it and this dude graduated law school in 2015 and has only done transactional law. my supervisor was just like “never underestimate the confidence of a mediocre white man” and that really sums it all up so well. left at 5 and headed home, met up with friend for Korean food which was lovely, then headed over to walgreens so I could grab some candy for the trip tomorrow and also get $20 back from my debit card so I’d have cash for tolls tomorrow. on my way, I passed a homless man in a sleeping bag in front of one of the stores on the road. I mean I’ve been joking about it barely even being cold anymore, but it was still plenty cold to be actually sleeping out there....my heart ached and I smiled at him and said I was sorry I didn’t have any money or food, because if I did I’d give him some. he just smiled and said not to worry about it, and have a good night. it was nice. then when I got to the walgreens there was a woman out front asking for food, so I grabbed her something while in the store. at this point my friend texts me saying she left her hat at the restaurant so I said I could go back and pick it up, which would mean I would walk right by the guy again, so I grabbed him a bag of pretzels as well. unfortunately he couldn’t eat them because he has bad teeth, but he appreciated it. and this is like the second time in two weeks I’ve gotten food for someone and ended up taking it home myself, lol. oh well, I tried. I retrieved the hat from the restaurant and walked home and started packing for the trip, so I spent a while sorting through clothes and everything, then showered and started getting ready for bed because I need to maximize my amount of sleep time, since friend doesn’t want me to sleep in the car while she’s driving (which is valid and I don’t really care, I just want more sleep). So on that note I’m gonna go to bed now. I’ll be back tomorrow hopefully with fun con stories. Goodnight dearies. Happy weekend, hope it’s as fun as I’m hoping my weekend will be.

#daily journal #March 2020

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01010010-posts · 5 years

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Okay so I just... After all these cute dad posts especially with Nines I MAY have gotten carried away with a small imagine which I would like to share. It's just an imagine, for fun and I picked a name arbitrarily. I'm not a writer, but here we go: RK900 has Ivy. She's his pride and joy and if anything happened to her this man might actually commit a felony. He's not the least bit embarrassed about being overprotective but he would never admit that it's because of what happened to Cole. 1/??

not to be dramatic or anything but this is the only thing keeping me together while im going under my yearly february/march mental breakdown & it’s so perfect im not even sure i could add something meaningfulfirst of all, ivy is the sweetest name ever, it doesn’t exist in italian and it’s a shame!!!he’s the most overprotective dork ever and that’s a FACT doesnt matter what AU we’re in. with a baby? DOUBLE the overprotective if that’s even possiblealso his partner is probably someone a bit bubblier so the cutie def took after them! AND THANKS i would like to add because the last thing you need is this insecure big giant with an as much insecure baby (the fact that it’s mostly because of cole is,,,, heartbreaking, everyone is probably afraid to drive in bad weather conditions after that)can we talk about him crying everytime he thinks about being a dad? because this man goes from having one (1) certainty in his life which is not being able to ever find someone to love and to be loved by in return; no family, no kids, no shared house, no pets, no christmas together, no laughs, no weird relationship’s routine, nothing. just work, work, social awkwardness and to be made fun of. from having a partner who absolutely adores him, praise his efforts, cuddles him, moves in with him and do whatever a normal person does but to RK900 this is all new and he’s loving every second of it. so to have a baby. gosh. that would nearly kill him. he wouldnt believe it until he sees it.ofc he gets a lil jealous COME ON he’s a dumby!the first laugh!!!!! the first giggle!!!!!! if he misses it because he’s a work he sulks two whole weeks or at least that’s what he would do but this cute babby keeps smiling nonstop even when he’s at home and HOW can he resist how!!!!also yes,,,, he has tons of e-books about babyes and how to care for them so he tries to help with tiny exercises! if some coworkers saw him playing with such minuscule creature they would turn pale that’s so off-character for him but they know nothing about his big heart :’(co-sleeping can sure be dangerous for health problems but let’s be honest we all know he’s the type to be so weak that when ivy is 4, he (almost 2mt/6ft, broad as an ikea four season closet) can and will fit into a tiny kid’s bed to read goodnight stories and fall asleep in the corner of the mattress because that’s his cute baby and she’s scared of monsters!!!!!OKAY gavin’s not allowed to call her princess but he does regardless and 60 is so fucking annoyed by this!!!! HE’S THE UNCLE!! THE BEST UNCLE EVER!!!! HE SHOULD BE THE ONE TO CALL HER THAT!!! also maybe her dad but,,,,connor lowkey enjoying this office blood feud since it’s the only amusing thing happening and secretly calling ivy the most precious petnames (literally nobody knows, he either whispers them to her or say them when no one’s around, tho he rarely gets time with her, less and less time alone with her)she fucking waves to everybody and it terrifies him because of kidnappings and because people approaches him thinking he’s a single dad and he has to TALK and maybe they flirt too and it’s the worst HELLO? he’s married he has a ring!!!!!tall, strapping, sweet, tired RK900 is *weird hand gesture emoji that express i want to fuck & protect this man vibe*idk if play dates are a us only thing or they exist here too but im just baby ignorant BUT fuck that would be extra nice and im??? RK900 finally finding some inner peace because protected environment? baby safe company?? giggling and playing?? that’s the shit man, that’s all he needs. also Damian being a bit older and acting as this cute brother for pea-sized ivy? *crying from joy emoji*her and fowler totally happened at one point and RK900 cried no police related jobs young miss!!!! yep he’s not the best at speaking & being empathic but he learns. he tries to understand a baby’s logic and gently and patiently explains everything. if she cries he’ll make sure to help her calm down. his perk is the inability to get angry and lose control in normal situations.the lasts two,,,, hurt so much,,,,connor feels out of picture, and yes, he doesn’t get along with his brothers but he naïvely never thought of them having a life of their own, and for RK900 to have a family is,,,, to be also reminded of cole every single damn time. that’s just cruel on his brother’s part. he attempts to keep his distances from ivy but. it’s impossible. because she (and RK900 alike) doesnt want to and because she’s too sweet and he can’t help project a little of cole onto her. it would visibly improve connor’s&RK900′s relationship and they could even get on an ‘okay level’ but who knows. it’s difficult.tho she secretly already did every of these things bc 60 got to spoil her before connor.

#DBH #dbh human AU #dbh reverse AU

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