#fighting mental illness

[iamenoughonmyown]

Little update: I'm studying psychology (Msc) to become a clinical psychologist! 💕

I haven't posted in forever, I have been feeling overwhelmed and tired. Lots of ups and down but i still have therapy every week and it helps a lot!

#psychology student #psych student #psychology #adhd student #mental health #mental illness #fighting mental illness #psychology major #msc psychology

[courtmartialme]

woag .. otp

#fma #royai #riza hawkeye #roy mustang #talking to user chrysopoeias reminded me of this doodle i posted on twitter ages ago #im too dumb to make analysis textposts with my opinions so you get (checks notes) royai experiencing post nut clarity #about how funny i think it is that riza bases all her self value into how useful she is or isn't being #while roy is like wow.. i love riza can't believe she still by my side after all i've done .. #in the hospital scene after the lust fight where roy is scolding her there's a part he says he's going to keep trusting her with his back #and she looks genuinely surprised as if she really expected him to just throw her out because she failed and lost her utility #when he's mostly angry because riza gave up on life so easily and he doesn't want her to die. he can't live in a world without her #riza babe ur so mentally ill <3

[sugawaraisforthelesbians]

the point of human nature is not to be smart

or to work so hard that you feel like you're going to fall apart

nor to serve capitalism searching for a materialistic goal that seems so far

no. thats not what it is at all

the point of human nature is to laugh and enjoy and fall

and to smile and be happy and to finally be free

do you seriously think you could do that

when you care so much about what everybody thinks?

you dont have to be productive so you know your worth

you dont have to come up with the greatest metaphors

the point of human nature is not to be the best

it is to find hope, happiness and rest

you are not defined by who you were before

much less of what you have always been told

you are not even defined by who you are today

cause you know what?? that too, will change

so just breathe here with me

so you know that you are actually free

there are no chains forcing you to suffer

its your own mind the one who craves for hopelessness

so please dont forget this

that the only thing youre meant to be is just be

you are here only to exist

and while you're at it, enjoy it while it lasts

and then we will both, become stars

#did you know that we are literally made by stardust #i kinda needed to reread my own poem #anxiety is a bitch #fighting mental illness #damn the mental illness got hands #poem #poetry #cottagecore #? #gay #lesbian #bisexual #im putting the queers in here cause i know we need it ok #trans #mental health #healing #i hope your pain eases soon

[honeypleasejustkillme]

i push away the people i want the most in my life and i tell myself that it's because i need to learn to live w/out attachments. but deep inside, all i want is for someone to resist my efforts at pushing them away and tell me i am worth holding on to even when i’m acting like a child

#actually bpd #bpd problems #bpd vent #actually borderline #actually mentally ill #bpd fp #bpd #bpd shitposting #bpd favorite person #bpd mood #all i want is for someone to truly care and WANT to fight to keep me in their life #all i want is to feel loved #n ​loved for the fucked up parts of me #all i want is true unconditional love

[witchspeka]

It's always "Shou and Ritsu need to blow stuff up with their minds for mental health reasons" or Ritsu and Teru or even Shou and Teru!

But what about Mob? When does he get to blow stuff up with his mind for funsies? For shits and giggles? He didn't go through all of those meltdowns and character development for nothing, let him go ham on a junkyard car or something smh

I believe in Mob's narrative given right to fuck shit up sometimes

#im hungry i should do homework i should also finish all of my other drafted posts BUT I AM LAZY #ive been starting to write fic tho at least thats productive. fic thats kind of relevant to this actually hm #listen i just want more Mob content where he does smth reckless or stupid with his powers he deserves it #or just in general tbh i need more content of mob being kinda mean or having arguments with ppl like to a healthy degree ok #but i still want him to. yanno. lash out and stuff. experience emotion. have him get angry over petty stuff #the first mp100 fic ive ever started writing/drafting had mob and ritsu having a proper fight post canon #i just need it for my OWN mental health. let them have dumb sibling fights and have mob express his annoyances #itd be funny and cathartic. for me at least. ill finish that shit one day its been assembled and disassembled but ill figure it out #eventually #let mob feel and express all of the ugly emotions he didnt allow himself to acknowledge for years pls #its my favourite thing #anyway. #mp100 #mob psycho 100 #shigeo kageyama #cine te a intrebat

[clonerightsagenda]

Since I am approaching 24 hours of witches posting, was thinking about the bit in Wyrd Sisters where Granny breaks down all the duchess's justifications and compartmentalizing to force her to "see her true self" and is flummoxed when the duchess shrugs it off and goes "yes I know I've done wrong and I don't care". Granny is so fixated on all the ways she can go astray, so convinced that her true self is bad and she needs to monitor that at all times, that she can't conceive of anyone not feeling that way. Actually Granny you're not as wicked as you think you are.

#granny in wyrd sisters: surely everyone has my exact mental illnesses #granny in carpe jugulum: i'm going to GIVE everyone my exact mental illnesses #discworld #perpetual perpetual ladies night #granny: no one can face who they really are inside. it's too terrible #also granny: staring vigilantly at every less than perfect thought she's ever had bc she's decided she's inherently evil #granny's cackling vs Vimes' beast... fight

[desultory-suggestions]

You can outgrow that behaviors from your past that you regret. You can change, you can go to therapy, work on yourself, and surround yourself with people who choose kindness and compassion. You can learn to express yourself through new means, instead of yelling or physical violence, you can learn to respond with thoughtful words and action. You are allowed to have space to change and become a new person. Don’t let your shame hold you back.

#self forgiveness #growing #change #maturing #self care #mental health #mental illness #anger issues #mentalheathawareness #anxiety #yelling #fighting #relationship issues #family abuse #familial abuse #family conflict

[arkiwii]

losing my shit at the fact that guide ahead is just andoian asking to stop racism and everyone hated this

#im having a main story moment of “am i really fighting a bad guy” #he's literally the chillest guy in laterano and is getting called mentally ill and a heretic for it #(i haven't done ga-8 yet i saw the loxic kolh at common drops and slapped 500 sanity in ga-7) #arknights

[petrichor-moss-and-lightning]

having adhd (or just generally being forgetful) is so fucking frustrating because you’ll lose something you literally just had in your hand and then proceed to go on a 45 minute quest to find said lost thing. meanwhile, you’re both the detective and the suspect, just trying to follow clues and patterns that make no sense. i’ll lose something, then grab my brain by the collar and go, “where tf is my charger. u just had it”. and my brain will just be like:

#actually adhd #adult adhd #attention deficit disorder (add) #attention deficit hyperactivity disorder #object permanence #forgetfulness #I hate it so much I have to hunt through clues as though it’s not my own brain and my own lack of object constancy #some nts will be like aw adhd is so cute and quirky meanwhile I’m fist fighting my hippocampus and defective dopamine receptors in an arena #adhd is in no way cute or quirky I break down crying on the regular bc it’s just so incredibly frustrating to not be able to remember #if u romanticize mental illness or neurodivergency I will steal all your bones

[kota-corner]

THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH??? (Speaking about the Autism and PMDD statistic specifically)

#yall i think my therapist is onto something #im fighting for my life out here with my periods #it honestly makes a lot more sense than bipolar 2 for me. i dont even fit the criteria for bipolar 2!!! #idk why the hospital i was at in april diagnosed me with type *1*(aka the more severe type that includes manic episodes) considering the #psychiatrist talked to me for like twenty minutes as a whole for the five to six days i was even there #and i dont have enough bpd traits to be diagnosed so that's not something we are really considering anymore #autism + trauma + pmdd= kota's very weird mood swings? #premenstrual dysphoric disorder #pmdd #cptsd #autism #actually autistic #mental health #tw: mental illness #tw: periods #reblog #💫donnie text post💫 #💫donnie gets real.tag💫

[taboo-delusion]

So, I just discovered something interesting.

This is a bit of a long one, so bear with me. It's important. Seriously.

I just woke up a few hours ago. My meds are starting to kick in. I was having a very serious and genuine, deep conversation (in-head) and it was... beautiful. It wasn't happy, but it was beautiful. Not the point.

Point is:

I had not had a single fucking intrusive thought today until someone made a noise in the other room.

I am so fucking PISSED OFF

Why my brain refuses to realize that intrusive thoughts CAUSED the good feeling to go away, I have no fucking idea. I've known that for almost a year now, yet my stupid fucking subconscious refuses to change anything it's doing

Before I snap my fucking android phone in half and yeet somebody's face into neptune, I thought I'd share the discovery!!!!

Basically:

MY INTRUSIVE THOUGHTS DID NOT START UNTIL SOMETHING STARTLED ME OUT OF FOCUS

AS I TYPE THIS, I REALIZE THAT INTRUSIVE THOUGHTS -AT LEAST FOR ADHDERS- ARE A SURVIVAL TACTIC.

Elaborating:

When you fall asleep and your heart slows too much, your body does the falling thing to make sure you're still alive.

It's not that intrusive thoughts are *Just* because your brain gets too quiet, It's because your life has never been completely quite before, or -like me- the few times it is quiet, something interrupts. And even if it doesn't piss you off, even if you don't jump like I do, your brain still registers it as not safe.

--

Falling asleep, heart slows a lot-

Body: *Sends adrenaline just to make sure it still actually works.*

Drowning, even mostly unconscious-

Body and brain: *Hold onto that last half-breath even if it feels like you're head is going to explode.*

Going grocery shopping or talking to someone you think is cool-

Brain: *Remembers what it felt like the first time your guardian was indifferent or mean about something that made you happy or calm.*

Things around you actually get quiet-

Brain *Sends a thought you hate just to make sure you're prepared for a sudden problem.*

TDLR 1: Your brain isn't mean on purpose, It's just paranoid and still has a will to live.

Listen. I know I'm just some random dude from a weird blog. But I'm trying to translate, to assist. Maybe somebody else needs this realization as much as I do. I apologize for the yelling earlier. I'm still just as upset, but only at my dumbass subconscious. Now some time has passed, and I have regained self-control.

(I also apologize for the above paragraph, my brain nags for me to do this, but I can't remember why. So:)

I am no psychologist. Here are my qualifications (why you should listen to me):

As my friends call it- "Disturbingly self-aware at all times."

Paranoid Schizophrenic with actual (unrelated) OCD, with years of experience dealing with it- more healthily in recent years.

Philosophy and deep thinking is simply my default. I use metaphors, but everything in this post is entirely literal, ...except the angry threat. (*begrudgingly accepts disappointment*)

I am a fiction writer. I don't know about healing people/first aid, but I know a LOT about how anatomy works, with many deep-dives on the psychology/evolution side.

People irl generally consider me a genius? Idk how to gauge that, IQ tests are irrelevant with this type of... smart?. I've been compared to both Da Vinci and Einstein. So, ...actually that's pretty fuckin' cool- (I AM NOT TRYING TO BRAG! I APOLOGIZE IF IT COMES OFF THAT WAY! I've never put it all down like this, and I'm just surprised and questioning my reputation.)

(Also, I love playing detective, so naturally I call myself Batman XD.)

Autistic; I experience the world, and every situation, from a view without any context.

ADHD: My brain automatically -As a guardian I hate describes- "Can watch three different movies at the same time, all in fast forward, and can keep up with all of them." ... Well, yes, but technically no. Idk if other ADHD people do this, but my brain "connects the dots" so quickly, I end up laughing at jokes I've never heard before the 'punchline', because I've already figured out what you're going to say next.

Now combine all that. I am kicking depression's ass and now I want to help you do the same.

I have only mentioned the relevant things. Please keep in mind that ALL of these have both advantages and disasters. Thank you for your patience and understanding. I am running on four hours of sleep. For the love of whatever, I hope this actually helps someone other than me.

Qualifications are noted because: This is all stuff (and stuff like this) that I am just always casually aware of.

TLDR2: Even if I wasn't trying to help people feel better, Apparently I was born with a nat 20 perception/insight check, so please don't argue that I truly understand what I'm talking about here.

#this is serious #serious #intrusive thoughts #adhd intrusive thoughts #especially adhd #psychology #psychological analogy #human instinct #evolutionary psychology #survival instinct #fighting depression #original content #adhd #it can be done #it can be fixed #mental health #mental illness #mental issues #actually mentally ill #mentally fucked #and still going #so i'll help where i can #and you can't stop me #hope #how to get better #get better #getting better #you're not alone #you're gonna be okay

[fuckingwhateverdude]

@nosebleedclub / sept. #23

#devastating september is almost over #dog fight sounds r haunting asf tho it's an unreality #my writing #my writing tag #poetry #original poem #spilled ink #nosebleedclub #nosebleed club #guilt #on guilt #dog motif #mental illness #vent writing

[silverj0]

#help #fighting every day but by god #I need a break #mental illness #mental health #memes #vent #my posts

[chrysoprine]

I got some unexplained determination to draw something about them with Washing Machine Heart being the main theme and I cannot explain-

Harrow and Gideon, again (my little blorbos)

#gideon the ninth #the locked tomb #harrowhark #gideon nav #griddlehark #harrow the ninth #mitski #i am so normal about them #i am mentally ill about them #reading fanfiction can only do so much please please please let me #just climb inside the books and fight them #please #chrysart

[genericpuff]

i'm sorry because this might seem like an extreme comparison (TW for mentioning of shootings ahead) but this is just like the racial disparity that inevitably crops up every time there's a mass shooting in america

when it's a non-white person, it's "a terrible crime committed by a terrible person", but when it's a white person suddenly it's a sad story about how they cracked under pressure and untreated mental health problems

need I remind you that Cait is not one of those stories of someone genuinely acting outside of themselves during a mental health crisis. She tries to paint it as such in her "apology", but even that "apology" contradicts her actions and blatantly lies about the timeline of events.

This wasn't something that started and happened suddenly in December, this was something she's been doing routinely for the past several months, if not longer. it wasn't a "one time mistake", it was a series of calculated and targeted moves done by a white person who felt so insecure and threatened by POC authors existing around her that she felt the need to directly sabotage them multiple times.

It wasn't "cracking under pressure". It was racism and sabotage. Full stop.

If we're gonna talk about the overwhelming pressure that authors face, let's talk about the authors who were victims of Cait Corrain and other people like her - authors who have to go above and beyond to get even a shred of the recognition and opportunities that people like Cait get handed to them, so easily that they don't even seem to consider the consequences of what they may lose if they get caught for committing hate crimes; victims who the press will conveniently hyperfocus on and use to distract from the real perpetrator if it means not acknowledging racism.

We damn well shouldn't let Cait and the press around her be able to just sweep this under the rug as a "one time mistake". It wasn't a mistake. It wasn't an accident. It was fully intentional and willing. It was - and is - racism in an industry that still refuses to acknowledge it and correct it.

#cait corrain #crown of starlight #fr you know it's a fake apology when it opens up with “i've been fighting a losing battle of depression” #like yeah okay depression is a serious issue but nothing about depression makes you RACIST ??? #don't lump depression and other mental illnesses in with literal hate crimes jfc #your medication didn't make you racist pal 💀

[bubacorn]

hc: Vessel is bad at receiving compliments and being told that he is loved (hug inspired by this one, @ghxstly-death put it into words perfectly. thank you, Eden!🫂)

Thinking about Vessel who can't accept compliments, not because he doesn't believe them (that too), but because he'd heard them so many times in the past related to small, unimpressive things. Not 'I'm proud of you', just 'You did good', an automatic response to any and all achievements. He did good. He didn't know what 'good' meant, but apparently, he did that. He has no idea what was good about what he did, so he continues to push himself, to not be a disappointment. If he does good, then that should be enough, right?

He tries for great, for excellent, for something more, but he always gets 'good', unrelated to the effort and time he put into something. He knows he shouldn't wish for more specific compliments, or anything else, really. He should be grateful to be regarded. Everyone around him is so busy, they can't possibly have time to listen to him talk about how in reality, he has no idea what he's doing. How things sometimes just click but he can't tell if what he did is actually worth anything or it was just pure luck. How he doubts himself at every step but learned to hide it, because he has to be good. And good means coping and dealing with things by himself and quietly, because then he will be told that he did good and who wouldn't want to be good?

Vessel who hears 'I love you' for the first time (said with actual love behind it for the very first time) in a really long time from II. He wouldn't tell the other that, but it's clear from the surprise and the hopeful longing in Vessel's eyes. His friend told him he loves him and he doesn't know what to do with that, so he hesitantly steps to him and begins to lift his arms in question. II's heart squeezes at his shyness, after all, the other has spent months alone in the manor, so it's understandable that he would have grown unaccustomed to touch. But then II has to pull Vessel against him, because the man sort of hovers his arms around his frame as if he doesn't know how to approach a hug. Like he isn't sure what is expected of him and what is too much.

Vessel is surprised when II squeezes around his torso, when he brings one arm around his shoulder and the other to his neck, trying to bring Vessel down towards him, like he wants to protect and shelter him. That's strange, but Vessel finds that his arms want to stay wrapped loosely around II a bit longer and just as he starts to pull away, II again says "I love you, Vessel", and Vessel's brain freezes. II squeezes him tighter and Vessel feels so warm and strangely loose (he's afraid he will unravel if he stays too close for too long) and small even though he towers over his friend. His friend who is now holding him and who apparently loves him.

The only thing in his mind stumbles from his tongue in the form of a quiet "Why?". He didn't do anything exceptional. He was showing II an arrangement and said he wasn't sure if it was any good, letting his fingers dance over the keys, feeling like he was stumbling through music. He felt like it captured that familiar insecurity, and he liked it and hoped II would like it, too. Even if it didn't make it into a song. Then II said he did like it, that it feels like Vessel is unsure but it gives the melody a unique flavor, and that Vessel was great for translating that feeling into music.

"'Why?' ?" II's answering question is filled with such disbelief that Vessel wants to hide. He said something inappropriate, something secret that had previously only been dwelling in his mind, in a dark corner, and now he feels exposed. Why did he even open his mouth? Not good. Definitely bad.

Vessel is slumping against II a bit, like he doesn't know how to hold himself upright anymore, like he needs support. II must feel it, because he's still holding him, and it's been minutes and Vessel tries to squirm away, to save any dignity he might still possess, and II lets him slip out of the embrace, but his arms linger like he doesn't want to let go of his friend. His friend who just blurted out the worst response to a confession of gentle affection. Vessel looks so worried when he catches II's gaze and he immediately averts his eyes and takes a few small steps back, unconsciously gravitating towards his piano for protection, a sense of safety.

"You're my friend, Vessel," II tries approaching the man with soft words, "You're kind and considerate and a damn good musician," Vessel stops backing away when the back of his legs hit the edge of his piano bench, but he's still looking at the floor, "You pour your heart into writing and playing and it's amazing to see. You're committed, but patient and you help me every time I need. Even when I'm too embarrassed to ask," II tilts his head and steps a bit closer to try and catch Vessel's gaze, "I know you don't see it and I'm sorry that you can't because it's true. I would never lie to you about this, Ves. I love you, you're my best friend," Vessel presses his lips together, so II adds, "Not just because we live in the middle of bumfuck nowhere. You're the best friend I've ever had. And I'm glad Sleep led me to you."

Vessel gives him a look that shows he tries really hard to believe him, and adds in such a low voice it's almost a whisper, "I love you, too," as if he's embarrassed to admit it. But it's not embarrassment, II realizes, it's disbelief, it's some sort of deep shame about needing someone else, of relying on anyone else but himself at all times. And it makes sense, considering Vessel's nature, but II could never put it all together, since large chunks of Vessel's past were unfamiliar to him. He could have guessed based on how the man acted, but he didn't want to assume anything. It felt disrespectful. Vessel would share if he wanted.

"And I'm really glad you found me," just a beat of silence, before he adds, in an even quieter tone, if that's possible, "And that you stayed," Vessel risks a bashful glance towards II, and sees him blink rapidly, shocked by the implication of the other's words, before he shakes himself and steps closer to Vessel. He searches his face for apprehension, but doesn't find any, so he gently puts his hands on Vessel's upper arms and sits him down on his bench. Before Vessel can react, II has his arms wrapped around him, one around his shoulder, and the other's hand cupping the back of his head and cradling it to his front.

"You're important to me, Ves. You're special and precious and I love you," II's fingers caress the man's shoulder and card through his hair, "I want you to know that I'm here for you any time, okay?" Vessel is still stunned and he's sure he's going catch on fire if he gets any warmer. II twists a lock of hair around his finger, "Okay?" Words form and die in Vessel's throat so he just nods, rapidly, almost hurriedly, and II lets out a small chuckle. "You're amazing, you know that?" he nuzzles into Vessel's hair for a moment to murmur, "And adorable," II sways with the man in his arms a little and Vessel is sure he will combust. His face is flaming against II's shirt and he tries to suppress the half grimace-half grin on his face and feels unreal. "C'mon. Tea break?" II smiles down at him and offers a hand. Vessel can stand on his own, but doesn't reject the offer. He likes the warmth of II's hand and he can always use the stability and the reminder of the other's presence. II soon replaces his hand with a mug of tea, but it's considerably colder to Vessel. The contrast is especially palpable when II brushes his knuckles against Vessel's as he's handing him his tea. The mug is warm, but II's skin is burning against his. But it's not bad. It's a good burn. It makes Vessel feel alive. Seen. Loved?

Vessel learns that he doesn't have to prove himself to other people to receive love. Love is not something that has to be earned in their home. Love is not a reward, not something that Vessel has to work for, then be disappointed that in the end, it isn't actually given to him. He tried being good in the past, being silent and keeping his head down and being a good kid, but the warmth and the unconditional love didn't come. He still tried, though, he always tried his best, but apparently that wasn't enough. Or there wasn't actually love at the end of that tunnel. It was just a play of light. But that would have been cruel and Vessel would like to think that people in his past weren't intentionally unkind to him (he won't admit the truth to himself for a while).

II often tells Vessel that he's proud of him. For speaking up. For telling him when he's having a bad day. For asking for distance when he needs it and closeness when he feels like he will drift away. For admitting to messing up, when he falls back into bad habits of self-destruction and isolation. For doing a grocery run by himself even though he goes home almost shaking and has to spend the next hours under a blanket on the couch, because it was simply too much. For crying when he talks about memories that he tried his hardest to forget but he just can't. For asking for help and letting II help him, even though it's hard. It's really hard, and Vessel apologizes for it, for being fucked-up and broken and damaged goods. For wasting II's time and being a burden, a needy, greedy thing. Wretched. Minus human.

But II tells him he loves him and that he could never be a burden. That he will always be worth it, he always has been, and that he's sorry that people in Vessel's past couldn't see it. Couldn't see him for all that he is. For the friend who pays attention to little details so he can show his friend how much he values him. For the guy who bakes his friend a complicated cake for his birthday because he off-handedly told him he can't even remember what it tasted like, even though it used to be his favorite. For the amazing composer who can capture emotions one doesn't realize one has. For the hard-working, curious kid who thought that being obedient and not questioning authority was the way to earn praise and affection. For the little boy who thought something was wrong with him, that he did or didn't do something and that is why he couldn't feel loved. For the child who cried and cried, silent and under the cover of the night, hoping that no one would hear (and secretly hoping that somebody would and they would come and save him from the gaping emptiness that made its home in his chest, way too big and scary for a boy that little). For the boy and then the man who couldn't cry anymore but thought that that is more than alright, at least he can finally keep it all inside. For the partner who allowed himself to be vulnerable with someone he trusted. For the partner who made sure his other knew he was always welcome, even though his brain sometimes tried to tell him otherwise. For the partner who grew comfortable with expressing casual affection so much that terms like 'darling' became second nature to him (and for the way he blushed when II told him that). For the man who learned to accept that it's okay to admit to not being okay, to need someone, to want to not feel alone, to feel cherished, to have his feelings validated. For the man who can tell his partner anything and does, because he knows he can speak his mind and that there will be someone who listens.

II wanted to see Vessel. Vessel let him. Even before he showed the uglier and less than perfect parts of himself, II loved him all the same. It was never about being 'good' and silent and compliant. Vessel is good. Vessel is not good. He's amazing. He's perfect. He's wonderful. He's cherished. He's incredible. He's valued. He's seen. He's listened to. He's heard. He's finally, finally loved. Has been for longer than he dared to think. Will soon be by more people than he thought possible.

#Vessel was a gifted kid who tried to push through burnout and mental illness #waiting for someone to tell him they see and love him and are proud of him #and you can't change my mind #making myself sad first thing in the morning #what else is new #<- it's night since then but this still applies #yes i included a Metallica reference (almost two). fight me (please don't i have shrimp-like arms and get scared easily) #also #tumblr scared the crap out of me earlier #i posted this privately after it posted instead of saving it as a draft #and apparently it was visible #and i got so freaking scared cause this wasn't finished #so i apologize for deleting and reposting #but my heart stopped for a moment and i whispered like 10 'shitshitshit's at my computer #i should be reading for a class tomorrow #sleep token headcanons #buba writes