#finale cannot work without

[lunacias]

these are the silt verses, and I name our disciples thus

#the silt verses #sister carpenter #brother faulkner #paige duplass #james hayward #not 100% happy with this but I've been working on it for uhh two months and wanted to get it up before the next ep #cannot stress enough this isn't necessarily how i picture these characters but moreso what I can draw LOL #every time I try to conceptualize them it's like trying to look at someone without my glasses #in that i get vague forms etc but nothing concrete #it's weird bc it's like. the more i relisten the less concrete image i have of them /thinks #though I will say i will die on curly haired + freckles faulkner #and I usually picture carpenter with a simple wavy ponytail #also in terms of scars i like the idea of faulkner having a scar on his hand from the glass in the s2 finale #and hayward having a scar on his forehead from hembrey! #also i don't think hayward smokes but i liked how it looked when paired with paige and her alcohol! #also something something he might have tried once to blend in with the other police officers but never took to it #been wanting to draw something for silt verses for forever so!! #edit: added an alt id in the image description! #uploaded this last night and completely forgot to i'm sorry! #pls lmk if it's too long or not really a good description!

[sonknuxadow]

this is probably an unpopular opinion with the amount of "everyone is married with kids" type future aus people make for sonic characters but i cannot see sonic getting married or having a kid ever. if he did somehow end up with a kid hed be the worlds first transmasc absent father or however the joke goes

#i can only see sonic with a kid if its some random kid he accidentally adopted or whatever #and if he had a partner whatever they have going on probably wouldnt fit the typical idea of how having a partner works at all #i dont think sonic is a very romantic guy to be honest. and being in a serious relationship or ''settling down'' wouldnt be for him #i guess you could argue his feelings towards that sort of stuff could change once hes an adult #but i kinda. dont like. the idea of him suddenly becoming interested in romance and wanting to settle down #as a sign hes ''finally grown up'' or whatever. because lack of interest in romance isnt an immature trait you have to grow out of #some people never want that sort of thing and thats fine #anyway i dont hate fankids to be clear i think theyre fun in concept . like from a design standpoint #taking traits from characters you like to make a new guy out of it is fun #i just cannot imagine those things ever actually happening does that make sense #actually while im at it i dont think rouge would want kids at all either . people want her to be motherly so bad but she just is not #she is the cool older sister figure who teaches you how to steal from the pin container at hot topic without getting caught. not a mom

[immunetoneurotoxin]

ENTANGLEMENT | Part I, Chapter I

A Portal/Half Life Universe Fic from Chell's Perspective Rating: Explicit Overall Word Count: 10,730 Chapters: 1/20 Where to Read: AO3 | Google Drive | // ?UN?/KN@?#WN

SYNOPSIS

Location Unknown, Michigan, USA.  Aperture released her, set her free. That ought to have been the end of it. But cast out into a world rendered unrecognizable after a mass extinction level event, Chell is forced to fend for herself, navigating a war-torn world in the aftermath of the seven hour war that devastated the states in a bygone era.  Mere days into her newfound experience on the surface, Chell finds bizarre technology inside a Michigan radio tower, discovering that the same interdimensional forces that started the war were still around, scouring the area in search of technology from the facility she hoped to never see again — Aperture Science.  With no choice but to go back to the facility to deliver a dire warning, Chell tightropes on the cusp of two worlds, unaware of the consequences of pursuing the past and surviving an uncertain future alongside an unlikely ally.

It's finally here!! A former roleplay thread with @sarcasticgaypotato turned novel, this story follows the events of Half Life 2: Episode 2, and is an inspired continuation of the ending of Half Life: Alyx from the perspective of everyone's favorite Aperture-dwelling characters. Chell, whose mission is to protect Aperture technology from getting in the hands of the Combine, must also act as GLaDOS's protector and keep her safe. GLaDOS, on the other hand, has to figure out the complicated ways of the world from a new perspective - literally. This story is friendly to those who don't know Half-Life lore, and a treat for those who do! This story is a close-to-canon survival novel fic with ChellDOS as a major focus. Full of survival, interactive elements, complicated feelings, and a beautiful slow burn robot/human love story. <3

#portal 2 #half life #chell #GLaDOS #ChellDOS #I CAN FINALLY SCREAM ABOUT THIS OMMMGG #nearly a fucking DECADE LATER AHHHH #words cannot explain how excited I am to finally release this project into the masses I could explode #Chell was my first muse my first comfort character my first love #this rp to novel that me and sarcastic worked on for ages is without a doubt the most research I have done for a story EVER in my life #and I love the absolute most out of everything I've written #I have been wanting to write ChellDOS fanfiction for a very long time #and while I've done rp stuff #I wanted my first ChellDOS fic to be so fucking astronomical #I'm finally satisfied #and I hope you all love this story too! thank you all for reading <3

[quicktimeeventfull]

here is my hot take: any reading of death note that doesn’t take into account light’s queerness is shallow and incoherent.

here is my even hotter take: it doesn’t actually matter whether or not this was intentional or whether or not light, the person, is a member of the lgbt+ community; the important thing is that light, the character and the construct, is queer.

ohba and obata weren’t writing in a vacuum. knowingly or unknowingly, they used themes from queer literature and culture to create light. this is a character who is so adverse to sexual and romantic connections with women that he endangers his own life; whose sole request for genuine affection over twelve volumes is made towards a male friend (yamamoto); whose only reciprocal emotional relationship with anyone outside his family is with a man (L.)

more importantly, he’s a character whose entire personality is centred around the concealment and curated presentation of the self. he is always conscious of being perceived. his private life is continually invaded and observed with his knowledge but without his consent, and he navigates this via a careful but weak performance of heterosexuality that becomes more skilled (but never perfect) as he ages. his response to cameras being placed in his private space is to display straight pornography. he attempts to throw off an FBI tail by manufacturing a date with a female classmate, and a (failed) component of his plan involves not having to follow through with the date. he conceals his relationship with mikami by conducting a relationship with takada — and, in doing so, he creates circumstances which make it impossible to consummate that relationship and which give him an excuse to dodge sexual and romantic contact with misa. so much of death note is light orchestrating dispays of heterosexuality then rejecting it the moment his performance is complete. i think light genuinely puts as much effort into not having sexual or romantic relationships with women as he does into not dying.

thematically, without a queer reading, none of this makes any sense. there’s no logical thread between his emotions and his actions. his behaviour is incoherent, erratic and ultimately shallow. with a queer reading, however, everything snaps neatly into place. there is coherency and consistency. his behaviour flows logically from a central part of the way he experiences the world. there is a texture and a richness to it. i think this is true whether or not someone personally interprets light as queer, because any sensible thematic foundation of death note is built on queerness; it’s possible not to notice this, but it’s extremely difficult not to engage with it.

[edit: follow-up in regards to light as a transgender figure]

#death note #light yagami #.txt #meta #imo this also works if light is trans but thats more complicated #and relies more on academic frameworks & jargon #i can get into this more if anyone is interested but i think its a bit of a diversion for this specific post #to explain the ‘it’s irrelevant whether or not its intentional’ thing by analogy: #technically speaking L is never stated to be autistic but his character is so clearly dependent on that framework that it’s incoherent #to interpret him any other way #its possible to read death note without explicitly applying the word ‘autistic’ to him but to interpret him as ALLISTIC requires #mental gymnastics #and will result in a very weird interpretation of his character #likewise you might not explicitly see light as queer but interpreting him as straight/cis/allo will result in bizarre characterization #or for a different example #i would argue namikawa is queer-coded but thats thematically irrelevant #you can interpret him as straight without changing the story in any essential way but you cannot do that with light #also also i know the yamamoto thing might seem minor but he is literally the only character outside of the task force #to get brought back on in the final issue #imo he’s a lot more important to light’s characterization than his narrative importance would suggest #(both yamamoto scenes got cut out of the anime — everything else should be present in both anime & manga)

[bisaster-energy]

Merlin but Merlin loses it when Arthur dies and instinctively starts a time loop and every time Arthur dies it automatically resets...for angst purposes it could stay tragic..no matter what he does to change the past kilgharra was right. no one can change their destiny nor can they escape it. or by starting this time loop at all he's doing is preventing the rise of the once and future king so by staving off Arthur's death he's actually preventing anyone from ever really living again. a never ending story with one character aware of the narrative but powerless to change it. a puppet with a brain but no autonomy to put it to use. A tragedy of his own making instead the one prophesized

#so that it doesn't work on the first try maybe morgana remembers and interferes or #maybe future Merlin is a sort of apparition that can only act if his old body lets him. he talks to past him like a ghost or demon even #so what he's saying directly contradicts kilgharra or gaius so present merlin probably distrusts him like crazy #merlin becomes another old annoying person in his own ear #who he doesn't even know if he can trust #OR he ends up sending arthur back by accident and arthur is in the past trying to fix shit #and this CHANGES something because now there's warnings of a great ending of all things coming for Camelot and by extension albion #and arthur knowing about Merlin's powers after keeping his knowledge to himself (cos he died RIGHT after learning about the magic) #finally understands the burden merlin had without having to try and understand based on Merlin's summary of an explanation alone #he understands morgana and mordred even nimueh like he GETS it gets it #anyway time goes on canon events are rewritten and the 'great evil' rips a giant hole in space and time and it turns out #future merlin was the cause. because he was smashing alternate realities to pieces looking for arthur is desperation #not knowing where the hell he even sent him breaking any known laws of time and space and reality consequences be damned #arthur cannot kill merlin. he cannot do it. not even for Camelot #so this can be angsty too like merlin loses himself completely in the search for arthur (paralleling the og timeline where Merlin ends up #singularly focused on Arthur's safety instead of his true mission) #and it literally swallows him and their entire known world up #or they get through to him. arthur AND past merlin. seeing that past him was able to diverge from the set path. live more for himself #than just arthur or for the sake of camelot be a PERSON outside of that. and have knowledge that he DID change arthur's mind. #not just as a useless deathbed confession but as something that actively changed and SAVED albion redeemed him of the mistakes he made and #proved that arthur is the man the KING he told every antagonist he was #future merlin sacrifices himself to destroy the black hole he made and it's like that future never even was. #just a bad nightmare you can't really remember. #just thinking about Merlin god bless #bbc merlin #fic ideas

[lovecoredeity]

guess who’s back on their bullshit with this, lmk what you think!

#deity dialogue #deity’s doodles #also I’ve realized recently that ppl will probably find this blog anyways without me telling them my url because I’m reposting art or #finally finishing art #which is fine as long as you’re not an irl or one of the uncomfortable creeps I have blocked #not that this warning will make anyone in the group listen to me #anyways I still need a better art tag #anyways about this! I figured I should try and like work on it again #I decided to add some jelwery and shit I’ll probs add more #when I eventually make trinkets character inventory he will also get a ton of jewelry and stuff #idk it’s fun #I’m trying to enjoy art and life and all that dumb shit #my tome for saying this however does not reflect this as I am one sick two sad and three have gotten a combine five hours (at best) of sleep #I’m the past two days and it’s getting to me besties I cannot sleep

[stormyoceans]

I still cant get over what Vegas' fear of abandonment has lead him to. He really believed that Pete a grown man, with agency and personhood will be happy staying chained in a room, fed on nothing but youtube taught food and sex. LIKE? VEGAS baby that is not how this works. I kind of dont want this season to end with them together they NEED to work on themselves first.

i mean.. what vegas cooked for pete following a youtube recipe looked way better and more nutritional than my current diet of pasta salad and bubble tea ;;;;;;;; (im JOKING) (i mean, not about my current diet, that’s sadly very real)

but seriously, i do get what you mean, though i’d argue that vegas biggest mistake was trying to take away what he gave pete back: his sense of self. when pete said 'right now i feel useless' and then quickly corrected it to 'no, i've always been useless. i never exist. i have no feelings', it's because it's not just being held captive that's breaking him, it's the weight of his whole life. from his father's abuse to being a bodyguard for the main family, pete was never allowed to be just pete, he was never allowed to just exist. he built himself a mask to cope and survive, one that's happy and caring and carefree but also hollow, and nobody ever cared enough to look behind it, and slowly but surely that mask started to eat away at pete's real self and became a burden too. you mentioned agency and personhood, but i wonder just how much agency and personhood can someone have when their whole life revolves around their job and their job is to be ready to lay down their life for someone else. being a bodyguard also entails conforming to everyone else, to have the same clothes, to abide by the same rules, to respond to someone else's needs and never your own, to become a faceless body who can be easily replaced by another. and pete is a great bodyguard, because the real pete has always been invisible, his mask making him become just an empty container for people to dump their needs in without caring what damage they could be doing in the process, without caring what pete's needs could be

this is where vegas comes in, and from here on everything i say may be an unpopular opinion, but i feel like if it weren't for vegas, pete could have been going on living as he did, being nothing and feeling nothing, until he eventually died protecting tankhun or kinn, but vegas gave pete something he never had: vegas made him feel seen, and appreciated, and wanted, made him remember what it was like to be a person (isn't it interesting that, after just saying he lost his humanity and has no feelings, pete tells vegas 'i'm human. i have feelings'?). and then vegas chained him up again, vegas tried to push pete back behind his mask ('you're just my pet'), and pete could have taken that from anyone, but not from vegas, not after getting reminded of what being human feels like, and everything suddenly overflows

this is actually why after episode 13 i personally want vegas and pete to end up together this season EVEN MORE, because pete may have gone back to the main family, may be desperately try to fit back in the place he was before, but it’s impossible to go back being no one when you were finally someone, and vegas, by being the one person who ever saw pete, was the only one who could ever break pete so completely, but like it or not, he is also the only one who can put pete back together

#like yeah they obviously need to work on themselves and heal #but episode 13 made it abundantly clear that they cannot do that without each other #anyway.. just throwing my two cents in ;;;;;; #also let's see if tumblr finally allows me to reply to asks #vegaspete #m: ask

[leafy-m]

alizayd for character opinion bingo 🧍🏽‍♀️

Thank you! 💖

Alizayd al Qahtani is the fucking best. There is no contest. He's empathetic, he's a sass machine, he's got a backbone made of righteous steel, he's a nerd raised to be a jock and was the best zulfiqari of his generation through sheer determination. He's the smartest (and tallest) man in the room that loves to help people and is also an oblivious social loser. He's a math genius and an economic wizard that outsmarted the Royal Treasury's best accountants as a teenager to secretly fund and make the Tanzeem's illegal transactions untraceable, and *During a Recession* got a millennia-old decrepit hospital to be completely rebuilt and functional in like 6 months. He also actually listens to people, and did possibly the most romantic thing in the series by building Nahri her private Cairo-themed office. He's self-sacrificing and self-denying to a fault and all he wants to do is fix things (and swim, and read), and he perfectly fits into soldier life and civilian life.

My man has the best character arc of the trilogy as he learns and grows past his early prejudice and indecision while sharpening his best traits. He is constantly reevaluating himself and his actions while still holding on to what matters to him, like his faith and his idealism that Daevabad can be improved. Even in the depths of his bitterness or grief, he always returns to trying to do the right thing, and not holding unrelated people responsible for the actions of others. He has the best motivational speeches in the series. His great grandpa is a crocodile and their scenes together are hilarious.

My man Alizayd has some Lord of the Rings: Return of the King-level epicness, in how he is descended from both Zaydi al Qahtani and the marid-blessed Armah. Zaydi, who rallied the djinn world against the genocidal Nahids and overthrew them to take Daevabad 1400 years earlier; and his ally Armah who commanded the marid to help take the city and Suleiman's Ring, and made the ultimate sacrifice by staying allied with the djinn. Ali is constantly compared to Zaydi in City of Brass and Kingdom of Copper, but there's this steady transfer of similarities to Armah in Kingdom of Copper and Empire of Gold, until Ali is truly representing both sides combined as he aids Nahri and a global army that he put together in three days to once again take back Daevabad from a genocidal Nahid. The man is a fucking legend, and with any other author or director it would unquestionably be at the forefront of the story. Instead it hides in background details foe readers to piece together, like it's barely worth mentioning.

This is because my man Ali also has the self-confidence/self-esteem of a shy beetle hiding six feet under the earth, and the author's subtle/vague writing style and inability to stand up for what she's trying to say when people misunderstand has created... how do I word this... A lot of wiggle room for bullshit?

Ali gets dragged a lot for being self-righteous and a fanatic, because characters that are threatened by him in the book call him that, and readers parrot it without any consideration or critical thought. Is it self-righteous to be against slavery? Or to create personal boundaries regarding drinking and premarital sex? Is it fanaticism when he argues against corruption, or practices his religion *in a completely normal way?* I dare say no! But Ali is both black and muslim, so he gets a shit load of shit from every corner, and with the author unable to really clear things up and too cowardly to even admit that Ali is her favorite character without immediately asking everyone to forget she said that (Oops. Also: no), it makes me very, very concerned for whoever ends up playing Ali in the Netflix show. Because if past is any pretext, he's definitely not gonna get paid enough for all the harassment he'll face. And if the author can't stand up for her characters and book themes now, how will she do it when the audience is much, much bigger and louder? :/

As much as I love Ali and his countless parallels with Nahri, and have a thousand headcanons for him (and a thousand fic & art ideas/wips), the series itself (or rather how it undid all its narrative themes in the end to appease loud fans who never understood what the series was trying to say in the first place, along with the author's blindspots regarding the Nahids/Daevas), has made me incredibly bitter. 🙃 I am someone who worships canon encyclopedically and remembers everything, and have come to the unfortunate realization that I cannot in good health ever read this series again.

So my beloved blorbo Ali exists for me in a weird dimension that I cannot really interact with anymore. Made worse because I still desperately want to see fandom stuff, but then also viciously tear apart everything I find. 💀

Idk how to end this. Thanks for the ask! ☺️

#The stupid thing is that I'm still trying to finish my fics #Because I LOVED writing Nahri and Ali???? #Like yes my god he deserved better; but when they worked it was So Good 😭💖 #And I feel guilty because We Fucking Won in River of Silver and I still can't get past my bitterness #Doesn't help that the final story is a time paradox and proves that no one on Team Daevabad is doing any due diligence with fact checking #Don't even get me started on the changes to the Gazebo scene -- I'm still mad about how she watered down his lines #I literally cannot think about this series without ranting #Even the good parts just remind me of how it gets fucked up later #And most people don't even notice??? All the praise I see makes me feel insane #And all the Dara fans and other readers completely misunderstanding the series makes me insane #I've never seen a series ask its readers to remember so many details and nuances; and then Get Worse the more you understand! #And not in the 'oh its so much more tragic' sense; but literally 'they stopped fact checking things' sense #It's a series that runs on vibes but is also completely against the vibes its sending out #Fuck I wish I could quit this series 😭 #How do other fandoms manage this kind of bullshit omg #Hhhh #Ok I'm done #Alizayd al Qahtani #The Daevabad Trilogy #Long post #My posts

[mantisgodsdomain]

Concept for your desire to do a specific bracket tournament that isn't weighted against OCs: EVERY character is represented by a Picrew or a stock image, and EVERY character has the name of their source work written without any indication if it's actually published (if the WIP does not yet have a title, a placeholder title is used without indicating that it is such). Voters won't know if the character is from something published that they simply haven't heard of yet

The problem with this is that it would still have the issue of things being weighted towards popular characters - people still know who The Knight from Hollow Knight is, even if we don't use an official image and instead used a stock image of the void or painstakingly reconstruct them in a Picrew. The main thing that gets people to vote in a tournament is connection - knowing the character or the people attached to them.

The thing that biases things against OCs in this tournament is, primarily, their limited spread - the lack of people who would be familiar with them. Though more well-known OCs can circumvent this enough to stand on firm ground with characters - someone like spotsupstuff's Three Sparrows On A Wire, for example, might have a solid chance in a tournament with canon characters, there will still be less people invested in Sparrows than there are, say, people invested Humans-B-Gone!'s Sophodra.

Because the thing with canon characters is that, by definition, you've already seen them in action. They already have a story that you can readily access, compared to an OC, where the creator has to write and present the story themself - and a story that's never been written is very, very difficult to invest people in. You can't put the emotional impact of someone you've followed for a million words up against the emotional impact of a cool design you saw in the interwebs, and if you have to create emotional investment in the space of a bio, you're naturally going to fare worse than someone who's had hundreds of pages to win you over.

Really, the only way we can see it working well is something like that @guess-that-ship's format of "text only, can't name anything that would give the game away in regards to who it is", and for obvious reasons, that's... not quite going to work the same way.

#asks #we speak #the problem is emotional investment and we can't really manufacture that from nothing #our characters fare unusually well in bio form because we're Good At Writing and also generally design them to like #be capable of being pared down to just their core points so we can easily transfer them over cross-story #one of our core OC Design Things is just like. making it so we can reuse them in any scenario they may need to be used in #so we generally have a very good grasp of their core so that we can recreate them in a different setting without losing their essence #and that translates Very Well to a bio because a bio is more or less just a review of that core with most of the story snipped away #our format works Better than some other peoples might because of that #also we don't want to use picrew but thats like. a tangent. it would be stock images only if anything #we are personally biased against picrew because picrews don't cater towards any of our character design tastes in any way shape or form #making a character through picrew in any capacity tends to be thoroughly unenjoyable for us #and then we can't even enjoy the final image because the posing has no character in it for anything but the most passive of ocs #it has to be generic in order to fit every combination of traits that someone may put into i #and though it suits the environment we personally suffer for it because we cannot handle things being sanded down like that

[beeapocalypse]

MY ANIMALS

#think thule immediately started mauling their siblings after the existence dragons death rendered them all-- #--incredibly powerful yet ultimately nonthinking lizards and all their nondraconic comrades could only sit on the sidelines ans go ☹️ #they were the mostly powerful of their siblings and without thoughtful inhibitions there was rlly nothing stopping them from-- #--devouring all their siblings. one of their reasons their comrades were so ready to abandon them after the creation of belrath to act as-- #--their companion/shepherd/voice they would listen to #finally working on an alamanni thule design. kind of like the idea of some still open wounds from that dogfight-- #--to mirror the way the eldritch Cannot heal. belrath mops up the blood and tries to bandage them sometimes #okay iam going to sleep now goodnightt

[o-cinnamonstickz]

THEY ADDED CARD READERS TO THE DOORS AT WORK!!!!!

#I CANNOT TELL YOU JUST HOW HAPPY THIS MAKES ME!!! #i throughly embarrassed the crap out of myself trying to open the staff room door with my key #two IT guys were sitting in the break room WATCHING the handle jiggle pathetically as I tried for a full 15 seconds to open that damn door #i Never touched it since. #well.. until last week when I had to grab some stuff my supervisor informed me of #and saw the card readers.. #finally.. #I can redeem myself #finally bring lunch to work without suffering major key anxiety #and save my pride.. #Stickz Speaks

[notquiteaghost]

great news! i am capable of looking for work :)))

#yelling at clouds #by which i mean i got the results of my work capability assessment #and they are not signing me off #which isnt TERRIBLE i am SO close to actually finally getting adhd meds #but uh. i cannot get a job before getting meds so. like. #it's a matter of months. can i not just be signed off until then. #how is it easier to drag me to the job centre weekly to hear me say ''nope brain still doesnt work without the prescription stimulants'' #than just giving me more money for not even half a year #well it isn't easier is it that's not the point. the point is to make my life as difficult as possible actually #oh i wish i could be immune to getting upset about that already

[tardis--dreams]

I wish i could skip forward to December 23 already

#i cannot stand my own whining but god i hate my life rn lol #i mean it's all my fault but i don't see myself improving in this environment #i should just try to ignore myself for the next 3 weeks #i can start packing up and throwing away stuff i won't need here anymore and maybe I'll feel less stifled #idk #just get through it i guess #this weekend I'll be away one last time and then there's only 2 weekends left #then it's essentially only 2 more weeks because the last week doesn't even count #finals start in 2 weeks already so i should be occupied #i still haven't even started my paper i already asked for an extension for and should hand in in November #instead of October #i just need to start focusing on anything but food intake and exercise and my body and I'll be fine #the days only seem to go by so slow suddenly because i'm literally not doing anything but hate my current state #so tomorrow I'll work on my paper and go running or take a walk and I'll book my bus tickets for the weekend #I'll find some enjoyment in occupying my mind with anything but myself #(sounds wrong. but i guess my problem really is that I'm focusing too much on how i dislike everything about me and need to change it #while the solution would be to simply not care and live my sad little life) #void screams #(((affirmation: i will not cry myself to sleep tonight ♡ i will face another day without a mental breakdown over how Wrong i am ♡))

[piplupod]

(can i please get a waffle voice): can i PLEASE having a coping mechanism that doesnt turn maladaptive. can i PLEAAASE have just one !!! i am Begging you, on my hands and knees !!!!! AUGH

#tfw your coping mechanism detaches you from reality and now you're watching yourself warily to make sure u dont fall into That Pit again #skirting around the edge and unhooking my claws from the coping mechanism and holding it gingerly with the tips of my fingers #praying i do not have to put it down entirely. because man..... its slim pickings around here for shit that actually Works fhfjdkl #the issue with reality being nigh unbearable ... is that you cannot bear reality. and thus detach. but u cannot go too far away from it. #or else Bad Shit happens. that i don't especially want to experience again fhdjdkdl #it'd be so cool to have a brain that didnt do this. so i could just freely la-dee-da along with fun things #instead of the fun things turning Bad bc they went too far fjfkdl #or having to keep a very close eye on myself when i get into new things bc i can see they have the potential to go badly for Me w my brain #sobbing forever honestly. i feel awful. this sucks shit. im trying to be funny about it to cope but im Upset fjfjddkl #im so sick of this type of thing fjdkdl I wish i could just like... be okay. for a while. without it going badly like this fjfkfl #i thought maybe i was on the up finally but nooooo it's just bc i was getting too far from holding onto reality properly #god i hate this pattern. im so fucking angry w it tbh fjfkfl i cannot believe i let myself think this was going to be different fjfkfl #but anyways!! onwards we march and hopefully i figure smth out fjfkdl im uhhhh very tired #going to crawl into bed at the ripe time of 8:30pm and just go listen to music and draw or smth idk fjfkfl this is frustrating #pippen needs 2nd breakfast

[wereshrew-admirer]

:..)

#i requested a commission last month and the person just contacted me saying they were going to work on it #and i just sat and looked through their gallery because i actually wasn't super familiar with them and #and i'm like... so excited hahahahhaahahahhaa #we have the same taste in body types and weird dynamics #and one of the characters they draw a lot (idk if it's an OC or what) is already very similar to how i draw chine including covered-in-frec #kles #so i just... know they're going to fucking nail it #i cannot describe how exciting it is to be able to commission somebdoy every once in a while ;_____; #i'm so used to not even being able to afford gas to work and suddenly #every now and again #i can afford a little treat #a big treat really #so glad that i finally called my company's bluff and threatened to leave for real (and consequently got a significant raise) #hahahhahaha i can't believe i'm commissioning folks and not starving what a life!! #33 is going to be a good year #(i'm extra hyped up because there's a good chance they'll finish it right around my birthday and - what a gift! what a treat! <3) #and i didn't give them a prompt and they said they were fine without one so it's going to be a complete surprise! wonder what they'll do! #wow i love art and the way people can just... make things out of lines and colors isn't that wild? we are very fancy animals

[inkubye]

6 months of unpaid labour moodboard

#@self if you thought that you can afford to go to uni without putting yourself and family in debt... think again bastard #compulsory part of the final year being doing a 6 month unpaid clinical placement which is legal btw wtaf #cant do my side job bc the placement + uni obligations take up too much time + im mentally ill and need the rest #depleted majority of my savings to afford rent so far #loans dont cover shit #entire family is gonna have to work extra to help me out #resorting to begging the bursary and funds people for financial help #i literally cannot afford my rent and bills next year without bursary and/or family help let alone food and other necessities #what is the point of uni anymore bro im 😭 #mmmm yummy exploitation #im so so sad and angry #unpaid labour.... for students.... IN THIS ECONOMY??? UOE die challenge #personal #og post