#finally got to stop drawing that hat I hate myself for putting it on him

[larrydempsey]

“But I’m Feeling Much Better Now, Part Two”

I vividly remember my first day of grade school.  I sat at a small wooden desk in the front row, second row in from the right-hand side of the room (when facing the blackboard).  The room was huge.  It had a high ceiling, a light blue and green speckled tile floor, and a row of tall windows in the south wall.  I sat up straight and looked directly forward the entire time, listening intently to the teacher.  It was like I was frozen in place, unable to turn my head to look around the room or at any of the other kids.     Saying that I did not transition well from home life to school life is an understatement.  I did not adjust to school well at all.  I hated it from the very first day.  I would have rather been at home playing and drawing – anywhere other than that horrible place.  I desperately wanted to leave.

I had several bullies in grade school.  All of them teased me and picked on me relentlessly because I was shy, quiet, and – I didn’t find out until many years later – because I allegedly wore the best clothes in school.  They were also jealous of me because I could draw.     Kids enjoyed making fun of my name.  It turns out that my first name rhymes with a lot of words, such as “hairy,” “scary,” and my bullies’ personal favorite, “fairy.”  As for my last name, “Dumpsey” was the one used most frequently.     Besides making fun of my name, the bullies would also do typical bully stuff like tripping me and shoving me around.  One specific incident I remember was when one of them poured a plastic Easter egg full of gravel on my head during recess.  I spent the rest of the day trying to dig the gravel out of my scalp.

Every morning during the winter, while waiting at the bus stop, older kids played “keep away” with my hat, usually my favorite black-and-yellow Batman stocking hat.     I hated riding the school bus.  Even the sight and sound of it filled me with dread – that long, mustard yellow monster bearing down on me and those loud, squeaky brakes when it came to a stop in front of me.  Besides being another place where kids could tease me (like trying to block me from finding a seat), it represented the vehicle that would take me to the place I hated most in the world.     One morning, I got brave.  I got off the bus when it got to the school, and I walked all the way home.  Tom wasn’t very happy when I rang the doorbell, and he had to drive me back to school before work.  I remember him yelling at me while he was hopping around, trying to pull on his pants.

Starting in the second grade, I developed a nervous habit where I would twist the hair on the top of my head and yank it out due to stress and anxiety from both home and school.  I eventually pulled out so much hair that I gave myself a huge bald spot.  It eventually grew back in, thankfully.  The last thing I needed was something else for my bullies to tease me about (FORESHADOWING!).     It was also during the second grade that a school counselor strongly suggested to my mom that I be taken to a psychologist because of my huge interest in Star Wars.  She thought something must have been wrong with me since, as she put it, no one could like something that much.     I was interviewed by one of my fellow classmates for the school newspaper because I was “famous” for being able to draw.  But whenever the kid approached me on the playground about doing the interview, I always ran away.  I was shy and didn’t want to be interviewed.  But after doing that for a couple days, a teacher finally intervened and forced me to do it.     We went back to the classroom to conduct the interview.  I agreed to do a small drawing of R2-D2 to include as an example of my artwork for the article.  My drawing turned out terrible.  I still have a memory of drawing it at the time and thinking, even then, how bad it turned out.  I had to draw it really fast, right in front of the teacher and the kid interviewing me.  This is my favorite line from the article: “When people bother him, he kind of gets mad.”  Nothing’s changed.     Every summer, I would enter one of my drawings in the local fair at the fairgrounds, which was always held shortly before the new school year began.  I never won anything more than an Honorable Mention ribbon.  The reason I never won anything higher is because the judges didn’t think I drew it.  They always told my parents that they thought it was traced.  They didn’t think someone my age could draw that well.     I was the resident artist and Star Wars expert in grade school.  Those were the two things I had going for me.  But one year, a new kid moved to town who could also draw and who also knew a lot about Star Wars.  Long story short, we didn’t get along, at least not at first (for a fictionalized version of the story, read "Foe or Friend?").

I attended a weekly music class with the rest of my classmates during my first few years of grade school.  Once there, the teacher would pick one of the students to play a small string instrument called an “autoharp” (I had to look that one up).  Being who I was, I didn't want to get up and play in front of the rest of the kids.  Miraculously, I managed to avoid having to ever play it.  Whenever she asked if everyone had a turn, I avoided eye contact and played dumb.  I don’t know if that is what actually worked to get me out of it or if the teacher, knowing how I was, knew I didn’t want to go up there.     Unfortunately, there was one time when I was unable to get out of playing an instrument.  I had to take two huge silver cymbals and provide the “crash” sound at the end of the song for the big finale.  Leave it to me to get it wrong.  Instead of slamming the cymbals together and then quickly pulling them apart to let them vibrate, I slammed them together and stopped.  I couldn't do anything right, no matter how simple.

I was invited to take a test that was only for the smartest kids in class.  It was given to us for the purpose of seeing if we were smart enough to participate in a special “advanced education” program.  Besides myself, three of my friends were also chosen: Steve, Becky, and Julienne (pronounced “joo-LEEN”).  The room where we were tested was an old or unfinished bathroom painted light blue.  It reminded me of one of those houses at an A-bomb test site out in the middle of the desert.  I remember there being either a shower or a bathtub in the room, as well as a few large stalls where toilets would go.  That’s where we took the test, each of us in a separate stall.   I don’t remember what the instructions were, but I remember being given a piece of white typing paper, a small, oval-shaped piece of red construction paper, and some crayons.  I drew the head and upper body of Darth Vader on the piece of typing paper.  The oval made out of red construction paper reminded me of the shape and color of Spider-Man’s head, so that’s what I made it into, drawing on the webbing and the black-and-white eyes.  After the test was over, the teacher took my two drawings and glued Spider-Man's head over Darth Vader’s head.  Why did she do that?  Did I not hear the instructions correctly?  I have no idea if I passed the test or if I was accepted into the program.  If I did, I have no memory of it.

While I may have been considered one of the smartest kids in class (or at least showed some potential for being gifted and talented), I had a little trouble with reading and a really hard time with math.     I could read well enough.  It’s that I was having trouble reading what I didn’t want to read.  If I had to read something lengthy or something I wasn’t interested in, I had a horrible time getting through it.  I was an avid comic book reader, but when it came to reading prose, I didn’t do very well.  I think I was drawn (no pun intended) to comics due to the art, since I was an artist myself, and because they were short.  Prose was just so dry and drawn out (again, no pun intended; okay, maybe a little).  Reading books took so long.  They were a huge time commitment.  I didn’t have the patience.     I even tried passing off a couple comic books I’d read as books for book reports.  I remember having to redo one since my third grade teacher, Mrs. Bachmann, thought the report I’d turned in was on a book I’d already done a report on before.  It wasn’t, but she thought it was (I didn’t want to prove that they were two different books because that would mean having to show her the books and revealing that it was actually a comic book).  I distinctly remember coming back from recess and reading the teacher’s note at the top of the book report, telling me I had to do it over.  I was sitting at my desk, hunched forward, trying to hide the tears welling up in my eyes.  I don't remember how much longer I got away with passing off reading comic books for book reports instead of “real” books, but it probably didn’t last much longer after that.     Math was probably my worst subject.  In the third grade, I used to hide a ruler under my desk to try and help with subtraction, using it to count down from one number to another to give me the answers.  For example, “What is 12-7?”  I’d put my finger on the twelve and see how many numbers it would take to get down to seven.  I’d move my finger down the ruler, counting: one, two, three, four, five.  It took five numbers to get from 12 down to 7.  So the answer would be “5.”  It sucked having to do that, but I did what I had to do to get by.     A couple grades later, we were taught the multiplication tables.  But unlike most of the other students, I couldn’t recite them, no matter how hard I tried.  They just wouldn’t stick.  My friend Steve was one of the smartest kids in the class, especially when it came to math, so the teacher, Mrs. Urbanac, had him assist her by taking each student aside individually and quizzing them on how well they knew the tables.  I didn’t have them memorized, so I tried to quickly do the multiplication in my head for each number he tested me on, speaking only the answers out loud.  (For example, if he said “eight,” I’d say, “Eight.”  Then I’d multiply eight times two in my head and say, “Sixteen.”  Then I’d multiply eight times three in my head and say, “24.”  And so on.)  It was slow, but it worked.  Barely.  Steve let me squeak by.     Math may not have been a subject that came easy to me, but I did find one that did: spelling.  The teachers organized a spelling contest for the students from both sixth-grade classrooms.  Around 80 kids competed.  It came down to two students: me and Steve.  It went back-and-forth between the two of us for quite a while, neither of us missing a word.  But it finally ended in a draw after one of the teachers came up with the longest word she could find in the dictionary, which neither of us came close to spelling correctly.  It may have been a tie, but I still considered it a huge victory, proving I was equal in intelligence to the smartest kid in class in at least one subject.

My sixth grade teacher had us read The Hobbit as a class project.  The teacher loaned each of us our own copy to read.  We would read a chapter each night, and then we’d discuss it (or be quizzed on it) the next day.  Filled with action, adventure, swords, sorcery, dragons, and treasure, I finally found a book I liked – one that was fun to read and easy to get through.  The project started well, but it quickly fell apart.  There were some kids, like myself, who really liked the book and kept reading further ahead.  Other kids fell behind.  If the teacher had given strict instructions not to read ahead, I think the project would have worked out better and everyone would have enjoyed it more.  If nothing else, it helped me overcome my aversion to reading novels – at least a little.     After we finished with The Hobbit, I tried reading the first “Lord of the Rings” book on my own (The Fellowship of the Ring), but it was too long and dense for me to get through at that age.  I wouldn’t try again for twenty years (but I made it that time).

My friend Becky had five dollars stolen from her desk in the sixth grade.  I appointed myself detective-for-a-day, discovered who stole the money, apprehended them, and turned them into the teacher (for a fictionalized version of the story, read "Playground P.I.").

I started putting on weight in the fourth grade (which my bullies also made fun of, naturally), due to the stress from school and the tension at home from Tom’s affairs.  I ate a stack of toast every morning before school.  I used to be a skinny kid who ran a lot, but I became less and less physically active from that point on.     By the sixth grade, I started wearing a light blue hoodie to try and hide my weight problem.  I had an ongoing struggle with one teacher in particular, Mrs. Ruch (pronounced “rush”), who, each and every day, told me to take it off.  She would stop class and wait for me to go and hang it up before class could resume.  That was embarrassing and humiliating.  Every day, I’d hope she wouldn’t notice or that she would forget.  She never did.

I was forced to go to camp with my sixth-grade class.  I was the only kid who didn’t want to go.  I even tried to get out of going.  I didn’t succeed.  I wish I’d tried harder.  Unlike everyone else, I wasn’t interested in camping, fishing, or any other outdoor activities.  But after a private meeting between me, my mom, and Mrs. Ruch, I finally gave in and went.  My objections wouldn't have mattered anyway; There would have been no way Tom would have allowed me to stay home.     My time at camp was, surprise, surprise, completely miserable.  I hated every second of it.  I was so tense, I couldn't poop for days.  And since we were in the Pacific Northwest, the theme of the camp revolved around the legend of Bigfoot.  The adults (including the school principal) and the counselors who ran the camp even went so far as to dress up in a Bigfoot costume to try and scare the kids every night, both in the cabins and around the campfire.  That certainly didn’t help make my time there any more enjoyable.     The trip to camp was made unimaginably worse because of my eating limitations.  While everyone else was treated to hot dogs and hamburgers, I had to suffer through the alternative.  I remember asking the lunch lady for a hot dog bun that I could put ketchup inside (which was something I regularly ate at home).  But when I asked, she just stared at me like I was a mental case.  Instead, she suggested a peanut butter (and no jelly) sandwich, which was also available but, of course, no one else ate.  I choked down that dry, bland sandwich while everyone else was having the time of their lives.  I can still taste that awful sandwich.     As if going to camp wasn’t bad enough, we had to put on a show for the parents about our time at camp when we got back.  We had to sing songs and read poetry, standing in front of a hundred adults, with me trying to pretend I had a fun time there like everyone else who went.

I passed the sixth grade and would move on to junior high that fall.  I thought grade school was bad.  I had no idea8how much worse life was going to get.

To be continued...

Copyright © 2023 Larry Dempsey.  All rights reserved.

[zoe-oneesama]

Yeah, well, quite a few people are straight up not having a good time Alix.

Episode 9 Part 8

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Ep 1,  Ep 2,  Ep 3,  Ep 4,  Ep 5,  Ep 6,  Ep 7,  Ep 8,  Ep 10

Season 1, Season 2, Season 3, Season 4, Season 5

Bonus:

Nat 20 to Persuasion

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#finally got to stop drawing that hat I hate myself for putting it on him #sorry not sorry about that near miss kiss #horrificator #scarlet lady au #scarlet lady #scarlet lady comic #mylene #mylene haprele #episode 9 part 8

[babybluebex]

sugar pie, honey bunch [lee bodecker smut]

➽ pairing: lee bodecker x fem!reader(y/n) ➽ word count: 4.3k ➽ summary: lee gets tired of your secret rendezvous at work, so he comes to your house and does something about it.   ➽ warnings: NSFW/MDNI. explicit language, smut, unprotected sex (pls wear a condom), daddy kink, degradation, infidelity by both parties, loss of virginity, mentions of anal sex ➽ a/n: if you know me irl no u don’t <3

It was quiet. Too quiet. I hated that. The silence let my thoughts run amok and that was never good for anybody, but least of all me. I had a tendency to overthink things, and quiet and still only amplified that. Knockemstiff, Ohio was the absolute worst place to live if you hated silence, because nothing happened in that little town. About twelve years ago, there had been a veteran who killed himself after his wife died, but that was the loudest thing that had ever happened to my little Knockemstiff. I should know; I worked as a secretary at the police station. I heard all of the gossip from around town. Earlier today, someone had been arrested for being drunk, which I think everyone in Knockemstiff could be in violation of. Every other day was quiet. It was hell. 

I could hear the crickets way out in the fields as I walked around the house. Those bugs served as my soundtrack as I found a box of matches and quietly slid a few into my mouth, and I padded through the house until I reached the front door. Knockemstiff was the sort of town where people didn’t use their front doors unless the Pope was showing up; it was all side doors and garages (if you were lucky enough to have one, which most of us didn’t). All that to say, I knew I could smoke by the front door and nobody would smell it. 

The night was hot. Oppressive and stifling, nearly suffocating. My skin was tacky against my nightshirt as I struck a match and lit a cigarette, and I leaned up against the side of the house. The moon was full, casting silver light onto my barren front yard and the dirt road that stretched exactly from one side of town to the other that ran in front of the house. It was a weird sort of beautiful. But quiet. Oh so quiet. 

Quiet, until I heard the far-off rumbling of a car. It wasn’t unheard of to get visitors in the night-- usually someone coming to ask me about the police station, because nobody had the balls or willpower to call our sheriff after hours-- but the noise drew closer at a snail’s pace. Whoever this was wasn’t in any hurry at all. Finally, a car rolled up in front of the house, the headlights off. There was a moment where I watched the car, then I sighed when the door wrenched open to reveal Lee Bodecker. The sheriff was a nice enough guy, maybe at the risk of being too nice sometimes and a total prick at others, but I was at a loss for why the hell he’d be here this late at night with his cruiser’s lights off. If it were an urgent police matter, he’d have his flashing lights on. 

“You shouldn’t do that,” Sheriff Bodecker told me, his voice carrying across the yard. 

“Do what?” I quipped. 

His boots brushed the porch as he climbed the steps up, and I caught his eye in the moonlight. “Smoking’s unbecoming of a young woman,” Bodecker told me pointedly. “Anyway, it’s a bad habit.” 

“You come to lecture me on smoking?” I asked. “I ain’t quite finished typing up that arrest report yet, if that’s what you’re after.” 

“No, no,” Bodecker said. “Nah, I ain’t here for that, sugar.” 

“Oh?” I said, crossing my arms. “And what are you here for?” 

“We’ll get to that soon enough,” Bodecker said. “Ain’t you gonna invite me in? It’s awful late.” 

“Exactly why I’m not gonna do that,” I said quickly, taking an exaggerated drag on my cigarette. “People talk, Lee. Blowjobs in the supply closet during lunch break are one thing; showing up to my house unannounced at half past midnight is something else. And I ain’t gonna be no Whore of Knockemstiff, ya hear me? Run along. I’ll see you tomorrow.” 

“Invite me in, Y/N,” Bodecker said, tilting his head down to look me in the eyes. Bodecker was imposing: six feet tall and sturdy as a mule, even if his middle was getting a little soft. He had these steel-blue eyes that cut right to my core and gorgeous eyelashes, with puffy pink lips and a little cleft in his chin. Maybe if he were ten years younger, thirty pounds lighter, with one less marriage, I’d be into him properly, but that wasn’t the case. Our relationship was one of necessity (but aren’t they all?). His pretty little wife had stopped sucking his cock and he had a thing for my pink lipstick. It worked. That wasn’t to say that I didn’t enjoy our little trysts, because I definitely did, but something felt off about this certain encounter. He had never paid me a visit at home before. “Be a good little host for me.” 

I huffed and stamped out my cigarette. “Come in, won’t you?” I grumbled, throwing open the squeaky screen door. It felt off to have Lee in my house, but everything about us was off. I guess this was only normal. 

I flipped the light on and settled myself against the counter as Lee pulled off his tan sheriff’s hat. His hair was dark as pitch, shorn short on all sides but getting a little long at the top, and little wrinkles appeared at the corners of his eyes as he squinted at the pictures I had on the fridge. “And who’s this?” he asked, pressing his thumb into a picture. 

I looked at it and clenched my teeth. “Boyfriend,” I answered simply. 

“Oh?” Lee chuckled. “And where is he?” 

“Well, right now, he’s in ‘Nam,” I answered. “He enlisted, got sent over.” 

“And he didn’t propose before he left?” Lee asked, and I shook my head. “Hmm. Usually when men go to war, they make sure that they’ll have someone waiting for them when they get back.” 

“Why are you here?” I asked suddenly. “What do you want?” 

“The wife’s mad at me tonight,” Lee said. “She was drinking and started yellin’ at me. Said I was better gone.” 

“And you came here?” I said. “Why?” 

“Got nowhere else to go,” Lee shrugged. “And I figured that you’d welcome me.” 

“You couldn’t go to a bar?” I asked. 

“Not unless I wanted to run into my sister,” Lee said. “And I don’t feel like having a fucking lecture.” 

I sucked in air through my teeth. “Fine,” I finally said. “But you’re on the couch.” 

“Aw, c’mon, babe,” Lee groaned. He approached me at my place at the counter, and his arms went on either side of me, keeping me right where he wanted me. “It’s been a long day for me. You’re not really gonna make me sleep on no stinkin’ couch, are ya?”

“I sure am,” I told him. “‘Cause you’re sure as hell not sleeping in the bed.”

Lee tilted his head. “Not even a good night kiss?” he asked. 

“No,” I said. “This is an inconvenience for me. I got shit to do tomorrow and I need sleep.” 

“Which is why you were outside smoking,” Lee said. 

“Helps me calm down,” I snapped. “Lee. Let me go.” 

“You sure are a stupid little bitch, huh?” Lee sneered. “You really think I rolled up to your house just wanting a place to sleep? Honey, you shoulda been expecting more.” 

Lee regularly spoke to me like this, but it was usually while I was tying my hair back and kneeling down in front of him. “Don’t call me that,” I said. 

“It’s true, though, ain’t it?” Lee asked. “Just a dumb bitch, that’s all you are. You fuck a married man and try to act like you’re better than everyone else. And you don’t think everyone knows?”

My ego deflated in half a second. “Do they?” I asked shakily. 

“That’s why the wife kicked me out,” Lee said. “Someone told her I was fuckin’ you, and she got mad. Asked for a divorce and all.” 

“We’re not fucking, though,” I tried to counter. 

“Oh, so you’ll put my cock in your mouth and call it ‘convienience’, but you draw the line at calling that ‘fucking’?” Lee scoffed. “C’mon, sugar. The whole town already knows it.” I tried to keep my chin up, but I know that Lee saw my lip trembling. “Oh,” he chuckled. “Except the whole town doesn’t know, do they? Your little boyfriend goes to sacrifice himself for the betterment of our fuckin’ country, and you’re here, whoring yourself out for me? Is that why you don’t wanna fuck me proper? Saving your first time for that bitch-boy?” 

“I’m not a virgin,” I said, but Lee instantly saw through my lie. 

“Bullshit,” he said. “You know how I know? You suck cock like a high schooler.” Lee’s hand went to my waist, and he held me a tight, bruising grip. His hands were so much stronger than I had imagined, and an unfamiliar heat bloomed between my legs. My arousal wasn’t usually a part of the supply closet moments between us, and I had never really felt that before my boyfriend left. This was uncharted territory for me, and I hated that Lee seemed to instantly know that. “I bet you think about me every night, don’t you?” Lee asked. He leaned into me and pressed a kiss to my neck, and a shiver ran down my spine. “Don’t you?” He growled, taking my skin between his front teeth. 

“Fuck,” I hissed. “You’re a dick.”

“Answer me,” Lee snapped, smacking my ass hard enough to make me gasp in pain. “You think of me fucking you stupid every single goddamn night, don’t you? I can tell, with the way you eye me at the station. You’re not subtle, honey, not in the slightest.” 

“Lee,” I whimpered. “You’re hurting me.” 

“Good,” Lee huffed into my neck. He shoved his hips against mine with enough force for my waist to collide with my countertop, and I became well and truly stuck between Lee’s rock-hard cock and the counter. I knew what he was offering, and I couldn’t deny that the thought of his thick cock inside of me made butterflies erupt in my tummy. He kissed my neck, becoming more needy by the second, and he finally sank his teeth into my skin. “Gonna have to make up your mind, sugar, or I’ll do it for you.” 

I gulped down my anxiety, and I whispered, “Be gentle.” 

“That’s a good girl,” Lee chuckled. “Show me where that bed is, sugar. I’m gonna fuck you ‘til you can’t remember your own goddamn name.” 

As soon as I pulled Lee into my bedroom, he had pushed me onto the bed and was kissing me hard. He bit my lips and sucked on my tongue, and he swallowed every pathetic moan I let out. God, I was pathetic. I was shaking, I wanted him so badly. Lee obviously knew that and had no problem with letting it go to his head, because he situated himself over me and gave me a wolfish smile. “You want me to undress you, sugar?” he asked. 

“I can do it,” I told him. 

Quickly, I rid myself of my nightshirt, and my skin tingled at the exposure to the air. Lee gave a gentle sigh, almost like one of relief, and dipped his head to my chest. He ran his tongue from the dip of my neck to between my breasts, and he latched his teeth onto one of my nipples with no warning. I nearly gave a shout of surprise, but I kept it contained. If this bit of foreplay was any indication, there would be enough time for shouting and crying later. 

“These…” Lee growled, grabbing at my breasts with rough hands. “Perfect fuckin’ tits, sugar, Jesus. Wanna come all over them. I just might have to.” 

Lee’s mouth went to my other breast, and one of his hands fluttered down from my chest to my waist, and even lower. Again, without so much as a censure, he pushed a finger past my folds and sunk himself knuckle-deep into my throbbing heat. My back arched against my will and I cried out at the amazing feel of it, and Lee laughed into my tits. “I’m only doin’ this ‘cause it’s your first time,” Lee told me, slowly dragging his finger in and out of me. It was a feeling like nothing I had ever experienced before, and I felt tears welling in my eyes. It was so fucking good. “If I had it my way, I’d already have my cock in you. Have you on your belly, fucking the hell outta you, watching myself fuck you so deep.”

“Please, Lee,” I sobbed. 

Through my watery gaze, I saw Lee smile against my chest. “Oh, what a good girl,” he moaned softly. “You’re my little fuck-toy, ain’t ya? Just fuckin’ desperate and begging for it. I guess it won’t take too long to fuck you absolutely stupid, will it?” I shook my head, and I jerked in surprise when his calloused finger drove itself into that spot inside of me. I called out his name; I was too far gone to care about the sick pleasure I knew it gave him. “Beg for it, sugar. Beg me to fuck you dumb.” 

“Please, Lee,” I whimpered. “Lee, fuck, please. I-I want you to fuck me so hard, please, babe.” 

Lee withdrew his fingers from me and sent a hard slap to my throbbing clit. This time, my gasp was one of genuine pain. “That ain’t what you call me and you fuckin’ know it,” he grunted. “Do it right or don’t do it at all.” 

I knew what he wanted, and I was too far gone to care. “Oh, Daddy, please,” I mewled, squirming, longing for his touch once more. “Fuck me, Daddy, fuck me ‘til I can’t walk. I want you so deep in my pussy, please.” 

“That’s more like it,” Lee whispered. Then, with a strength that I didn’t know that he possessed, he turned me onto my stomach and tugged my hips into the air. My arms shook as I tried to steady myself, and I felt my wet arousal drip down my thigh. As I tried to steady my breathing and remove the fog from my mind, I heard the sounds of Lee undoing his belt and shoving his pants down his thick thighs. His big hand captured a handful of my hair unexpectedly and he tugged me upright with only a small huff of exertion, and he bit my neck again. Lee Bodecker was an animal, and I liked it that way. 

One hand stayed in my hair as his other guided himself inside of me, and I nearly felt sick. The stretch was otherworldly and, dare I say, painful. Maybe the prep he had been doing wasn’t such a poor idea. But I had made my bed; now I had to lie in it. “Slow down,” I panted, feeling the tears return, and I writhed in his grip. “Fuck, Daddy, it hurts.” 

“I know it does,” Lee whispered, biting my ear. “But you asked for this. You asked for me to fuck you, and I’m gonna do just that. And ya know what? I think I’ll come in this pretty little cunt. What do you think of that?” I started to protest, but Lee shoved his fingers in my mouth, effectively shutting me the hell up. Even if I wanted to say something, I couldn’t. “Fill you up to the fuckin’ brim, have it drip outta you, it’ll be such a filthy thing to see. Your little boytoy comes home from the war and you’ve been letting an older, married guy stuff you full of cum? You think he’ll like that? Think he’ll wanna share?” Lee snapped his hips forward, fully burying himself inside of me, and I gave a wrecked sob around his fingers. I thought for sure that he would split me in two. 

Lee’s fingers dug into my hip as he started a steady rhythm. I truly had no idea how old he was-- I imagined probably late 30s or early 40s-- but he was fucking me hard and fast with the stamina of someone my age. Either he had a lot of expertise in the field or he truly had the fantasy of coming inside of me and was wanting to hurry the process along. The more I thought about it, I realized that I really knew nothing about Lee. Not his wife’s name or if he had kids; I didn’t even know that he had a sister until he had mentioned it earlier. However, something about not knowing was better than knowing. At least, this way, I could sort-of distance myself from the act. I was fucking the sheriff (or, technically, he was fucking me), but we weren’t an item. I was just his favorite toy. 

Lee suddenly wrenched my arms behind me and captured them against his chest, fully restraining me and leaving me pliable for him. With his fingers still in my mouth, I could hardly do anything but submit, but I liked that. I couldn’t tell if the throbbing in my pussy was pleasure borne from the way he was punishing my g-spot, or pain derived from his taut balls hitting my wet pussy every second. I had gotten my wish; there was to be no walking in the morning. I could feel spit gathering at the corners of my mouth, and I nearly choked on it, but Lee suddenly slowed down, molding his soft body against my back. “Fuck, honey, I’m gettin’ close,” he panted in my ear. “Now’s the time to tell me if you want me to come in ya or not.” 

His fingers left my mouth, and I tried to form any thought. Lee was the only thing in my head, though, and I could only whimper out his name. That was answer enough for him, because he released my arm and shoved me down onto the bed. His hand grasped the back of my neck and held me down as his hips pounded in and out of me, huffing and panting. I never could have imagined that the sound of that would have turned me on as much as it did, but my muscles tightened around his fat cock, and he laughed. “Aw,” he cooed. “Does the little cunt need to come? I’ll be honest, I forgot all about that. Wanna make a mess all over Daddy’s cock, don’t you?” 

I answered with a keening whine, but that didn’t seem to be enough for Lee. He smacked my ass hard, surely adding to the redness and bruising that I know already existed, and he fisted my hair tighter. “Answer me, bitch,” he growled. “Say it. Say ‘I wanna come on your cock, Daddy’.” 

“I wanna--” I started, and a shudder went down my body when I felt something warm and wet find home on my asshole. I was so far past the point of degradation, and my mind instantly went somewhere else. I had heard about that, sure, but I had never imagined that that could be something that I wanted. And yet, here I was, Lee’s spit coating my ass, mumbling out words that would send me to hell. “Fuck, Daddy. Can you fuck my ass?” 

“Oh, is that what you want?” Lee asked. “As tempting as that is, I’ll save that for another night. I’m not sure you’re a virgin, sugar, begging for it up the ass. But, fuck, it looks so good… I guess we have something to look forward to, huh?” 

Lee’s arm wound around my body and he instantly went to my poor clit. His fingers had tugged at it enough to make it tender to the touch, and he abused it as he fucked right into my g-spot. “Jesus Christ,” Lee whispered. “Squeezing the shit outta me. I’m serious, honey, let me know if you don’t want me to come in you. You’re about to not-- fuck, Y/N-- have a choice.” 

“I want it,” I told him. “I fuckin’ want it.” 

That seemed to be the final straw, because Lee sent one more hard fuck into me, and I felt his cock twitch before warmth spilled into my pussy. The squelching as he continued to fuck me through his orgasm was so loud that I was afraid that the whole of Knockemstiff would hear it, but I couldn’t make up my mind on whether I cared or not. Somewhere in the middle of that, Lee cussed and began to rub my belly, whispering sweet things to me that would have felt out of place only minutes before. I didn’t realize that I had come. I liked the feeling of it, though, especially with how sweet Lee was suddenly.

“Good girl,” Lee told me. He shushed me as I moaned and cried, my pleasure edging on pain, and he pushed my hair away from my neck and placed gentle, open-mouthed kisses on my throat. “So, so good for me, ain’t ya? So goddamn pretty when you’re coming all over my cock. I can’t tell you how much I dreamt of this…” 

My entire body trembled as Lee pulled out of me, and I collapsed onto my bed, panting and trying to form a coherent thought that wasn’t just the sheriff’s name. Only a few seconds passed before he was on me again, but it felt different this time. Lee moved the two of us under the blankets and rubbed my back, and he kissed my forehead gently. I nearly thought it was love. As my tears dried and feeling returned to my fingers and toes, I became aware that Lee was naked against me. As far as I knew, he hadn’t undressed as he had fucked me. His skin was so warm and it was comforting, and I nuzzled my head into his soft chest. My throat was so dry as I tried to swallow to form words, and Lee titled my face up in order for me to look him in those pretty blue eyes of his. 

“How’re ya feeling, sugar?” He asked, his voice as wrecked and raw as mine. “Feelin’ alright?”

“Sore,” I mumbled. “It hurts, Lee.” 

“I’m sorry, honey,” Lee whispered, and I knew that he was being honest. Lee was perhaps the biggest jerk in town, his elected title obviously inflating his ego more than it should have, but I never knew that he was capable of being sweet in this manner. “I was real rough with ya and I just shouldn’t have been. I feel plum awful ‘bout it.” 

“No,” I croaked, splaying my hands against his chest. Underneath the coarse hair, I could make out white marks on his skin, and I pressed my forehead against him. As I studied his body, I saw more and more of the marks, and it was only when I saw my hip against his that I connected the dots. Stretch marks. My Lee had stretch marks all over him, just like I did. “Please don’t. I woulda stopped you if it was too much. Thank you.”

Lee nodded and sighed into my messy hair. “You looked so beautiful,” he told me. “Any man that calls you his is a lucky fuckin’ bastard, I’ll tell you that much.” 

I couldn’t help myself. My lips pressed against my chest, and I took care to kiss every mark I laid my eyes on. “You’re…” I began. “You’re gorgeous, Lee.” 

“Nah, knock that shit off,” Lee chuckled. “I ain’t nothin’ compared to you, sugar.” 

“No, really,” I told him. “Those big blue eyes, your pink cheeks… Your fat fuckin’ cock--” I laughed at myself, and Lee kissed the top of my head. “You’re the most handsome man I ever met.”

“Even more than your soldier boyfriend?” Lee asked. 

“My soldier boyfriend’s like a twig, Lee,” I told him. “There’s nothing there for me. But you…” 

“I’m fuckin’ fat, s’what I am,” Lee said with a smile, but I saw the hurt in his eyes. “I’m old and I’m fat--”

“Alright, shut up,” I said. Suddenly, a different sort of desire burned in me, and I pushed Lee onto his back before I straddled his waist. “There ain’t nothing wrong with you, ya hear? You are fucking perfect, Lee.”

The insecurity flashed across his face, darkening his features for only a second. “But the marks--” 

I twisted my body to show him my hip and thigh. “I got ‘em too,” I said. “And don’t act like you didn’t see them, not for one second. And what did you do? You didn’t give a shit. I don’t either. They’re a part of you, and you are so sexy, Lee. I wanted to jump your bones from the moment I met you, and nothing ‘bout that’s changed and nothing’ll make it change. And ya know what? I’d reckon you’re stuck with me, so get used to it.” 

“Oh, I’m stuck with ya, am I?” Lee asked with a smile. He tugged me down to him, pressing his tongue into my mouth once more, and the ache between my legs was replaced with the now-familiar pleasing tingle. “And I get no say in it?” 

“I think you got your say when you wanted to fuck me up the ass,” I said, sinking my teeth into his plush bottom lip. “What a fuckin’ cliche we are, huh? The sheriff fuckin’ his secretary.” 

“When I first hired you,” Lee began, his warm hands traveling all over my body, and his fingers took special care to trace the white marks along my thighs, hips, tits, and ass. “My wife hated the idea. She said she was worried that late nights at the station would wreak havoc on me, and having a pretty little thing like you there with me was dangerous.” 

“Don’t go talkin’ ‘bout your wife,” I groaned. “That’s such a turn off, Lee.” 

“Oh, is it?” Sheriff Lee Bodecker laughed, stuffing his fingers back inside me, just like nothing had ever happened. “‘Cause you seem all wet for Daddy, just the same.” 

#lee bodecker #lee bodecker x reader #lee bodecker x y/n #lee bodecker smut #lee bodecker fanfic #sebastian stan #sebastian stan x reader #sebastian stan x y/n #sebastian stan smut #sebastian stan fanfiction #the devil all the time #tdatt #i am SO going to hell #but i had fun uwu

[justasimptm]

The Bride C8

“Y/N!” My mother hollars, the door behind me barely shut before her voice rings out through the castle, announcing her presence just before I see her head crest the railing. “Come to the study,” She beckons, turning and vanishing from sight. A heavy weight creeps into my stomach, anxiety pitching up monumentally. Knowing better than to hesitate, I’m quick to hurry up the stairs, being careful not to catch my feet on the hem of my dress as I go. When I get to the office, she’s standing by the window, gazing out at the gardens where the maids take their breaks. She doesn’t turn to acknowledge me, even as I close the heavy oak door. I go to speak, but she ends up breaking the silence. “What did Mother Miranda want with you?”

Her voice is cool, strong, hiding any real traces of emotions, as if she knows and is expecting me to lie, but still she keeps her eyes fixed on something outside. I fiddle anxiously with the ties on my shawl as I reply, trying desperately to keep my voice stable and light.

“She requested me to accompany Lord Heisenberg in escorting the newest group of townsfolk to the church. She wanted to know if I had a connection with any of them.” I explain, pausing to see what she will say, or do in reaction to that information. She hums deeply as if she’s thinking, motioning me over to her side with a sharp wave of her hand. As soon as I fall in line next to her, her head snaps towards mine, so suddenly I jump. She stares so firmly that I’m essentially pinned by the force of it.

“And?” She jabs, leaving me floundering for what more I could tell her. That’s all she wanted, right? I can’t think of anything else she said. I must gape a moment longer than she would like because she whirls back to the window, slamming a hand on the glass. “If that was truly everything, why is that disgusting man still at my home?” She hisses, nails scraping on the window sharply making me wince. I peek around her form, surprised to see him pacing along the gates, very obviously looking up at the house, scanning it. “Go out there, this instant and tell him I want him gone. Keep in mind, daughter, I will be watching you. Both of you.”

The ice in her voice sets itself deep in my gut. I’ve heard her speak like that, to my father before he died, to the butler she fired. These interactions have put me on the other side of the firing range, and every gun is fixed directly at me. One wrong move, and boom. She will explode. I square my shoulders, nodding at her wordlessly and sweeping back out the room, forcing the tremors starting in my hands to go still as I make my way to the door leading outside. I all but storm up to the gate, tugging one of my knives out from the slip of my dress. I grip the handle tight, willing it to give me strength to pass her test as I come to a halt in front of the harbinger of my looming doom. One of his hands reaches up to grip at the bars separating us, I hear them starting to screech in protest as he begins warping them so I quickly slash upwards, letting the tip of my blade slip along his knuckles. Not hard enough to cause damage but enough to make him let go with a surprised yelp.

“You need to leave, right now. My mother is not happy you are here and you are putting me in a bad position.” I hiss, pointing my knife in his direction, drenching my words in urgency, hoping he’ll understand and finally listen. His lips dip down into a frown as he stares up at the many windows adorning my home, as if he’s trying to pinpoint exactly which one she’s watching from.

“Listen, Mother Miranda told me to make sure you were safe-” He starts but I cut him off loudly, knowing my mother will be able to hear.

“I do not need your pitiful protection, Lord Heisenberg. Trust me when I say this, the day I need protection from a man is the day I would sooner die.” I pray the air was still enough to carry my ringing voice. The look on his face stings me, part of me regretting it. I point my knife at him once more, lowering my voice ever so slightly. “Please. I need you to go.” I allow hints of my fear to trickle into my tone, enough to hint at what’s happening and enough to hopefully highlight the urgency of his departure, before slipping the knife back into its sheath and stepping back from the gate. “You’re only welcome here when directly invited. Until then, make yourself scarce. Or there will be consequences.”

He huffs slightly, nodding at me and tipping his hat down to cover his eyes. He doesn’t say anything back, choosing instead to step away from the gate and pace backwards a few feet. A flame of relief roars through me as he turns and starts back down the hill, whistling some stupid tune as he goes, seemingly unaffected by my threats. Without pausing I, myself, turn around and quickly rush back inside. I make it a few paces through the doorway when I hear my sisters giggling from down the hall. Out of the corner of my eye I can see them staring at me, waiting to see if I’ll fully look at them. When they realize I don’t plan to, Bela calls out to me. I huff impatiently when I stop, tapping the toe of my shoe as I wait for them to approach me.

“Looks like you have an admirer,” Cassandra laughs, twirling a lock of her brown hair through her fingers.

“It’s pathetic really,” Bela continues, crossing her arms and sizing me up, as if she’s trying to figure out why he’s paying me any attention. Daniela starts circling me, flipping up the back of my shawl and tugs slightly on my long hair. I stifle the yelp that started up my throat at the sudden sharp pricks.

“Who helped you finish getting ready this morning, big sister?” She drawls, pausing in front of me with a dangerous smirk on her face. “If I remember correctly, your corset hadn’t been fully fastened and you were struggling to get that pretty little pin to stay in place. I wonder who helped you fix it.” I bite the inside of my cheeks, praying that she’ll stop her insinuations before our mother hears. “You were gone an awfully long time, you know. Mother was worried. I had to assure her you were alright. Fairly the walk shouldn’t have taken that much time, even with the pack of humans, but I’m sure you had other things on your mind.”

Every fiber of my being wants to scream, wants to pull her tongue out of her fucking throat, but I don’t. I can’t. I have to stand there, I have to let her talk, let them talk as much as they want, because although I hate to admit it, they have the power in this situation. If even a whisper of this was heard by my mother she would be furious. Especially at the way Daniela insinuates it. She has always had a talent for fictionalizing things, for making leaps that, to most, would seem foolish. But to us? To my mother, who hates the idea of us even being seen by men? Stories are good fuel for that fire, and Daniela is holding the match.

Clearly seeing the defeat weighing on my shoulders they draw back, laughing some more before swarming and going off to some unknown corner of the castle, likely to torment another servant. At this point I want nothing more than to slump down against the wall, but instead I tighten my shoulders, before gliding up the staircase back down the hall. I pause in front of the study, looking in and nodding at my mother before continuing down towards my bedroom. Once inside I quickly throw the lock over the door and standing stock still.

For a few moments I hardly breathe, half expecting one of them to barge down the hall and burst my door open. I barely get a glimpse of myself in the mirror of my vanity but it sends a harsh shock through my system sending my gears flying. Within moment’s I’m tearing the pin from my hair, ripping the corset off my body and nearly shredding my dress in the process. My daggers clatter to the floor noisily but even that doesn’t slow my motions. I storm over to my wardrobe, slamming the door open with such force the entire thing wobbles dangerously. I snatch all my dresses down from the hangers, dropping them into a pile on the floor. I drop down next to the pile, leaning over and yanking one of the daggers from its sheath and sitting back on my heels. With no plan whatsoever I tug one of the corsets into my lap, turning it inside out and use the tip of the knife to tear at the seam, ripping it open section by section and forcing the metal out from its bindings.

I have no idea how long I do this for, but by the time I finish I have a pile of scraps and a heap of fabric, my fingertips are red and faintly bloody, small pricks from when the knife caught my skin when I got careless. My breathing is heavy and my face is hot as I collapse backwards, leaning my weight against the wall. A small part of my brain worries mother will be upset when she sees what I did to my dresses, but another part rejoices at the rebellion. In the end it’s a relatively easy fix, we have many girls in the castle who are proficient in sewing and could easily repair any damages I caused. Odds are I’ll call one of them up before she sees, ask them to be discreet and find some other boning, probably make up a story about the metal causing too much discomfort.

Finally I find myself being able to breathe easier, less constricted, and I allow my eyes to close for a few moments, enjoying the stillness of my room, the calm chaos I caused surrounding me but drowning me in peace.

@foggyturtleknightangel @beingviolentlyhappy

#heisenberg x reader #karl heisenberg x reader #karl heisenberg #re8 karl heisenberg #lady dimitrescu #re8 #resident evil village

[lumosinlove]

Sweater Weather

Warmings in notes

part xiv

Gryffindor, 2015

Behind the blinding flashes of cameras, from up on the stage, behind the press table, and within the circle of microphones, Sirius could only see his mother’s face.

This was not what someone was suppose to feel like when they were drafted to the NHL.

This was not what someone was suppose to feel like when they looked at their mother.

Sirius took a small sip of water from the bottle provided.

“Sirius,” a reporter said. “How did your father, legendary player for the Slytherin Snakes, Orion Black, react to you getting drafted to his rival team?”

His mother’s mouth was pursed and cold at that. He knew what her eyes were telling him.

Renounce the draft. Refuse.

On the other side of the room, a few of the Lions players were watching. James Potter. Kasey Winter. Pascal Dumais, who he was set to be living with starting tonight. James smiled when they made eye contact. Kasey looked unfazed. Pascal was standing tall with his arms crossed. Sirius liked Pascal. He liked Celeste. He could tell they hadn’t thought much of his mother. There was another boy standing near them, too. He had an open face, and a training staff jacket on. He had his hands in his pockets and was looking at Sirius with a mixture of surprise and—Sirius thought maybe concern. Sirius didn’t like people to be concerned about him. He looked away.

“He’s my father first. A player second,” Sirius finally replied to the question.

It was such a lie. It tasted like ash in his mouth.

“Do you two talk about the end of your father’s career?”

Sirius stared down at the reporter, who looked back for a moment before shrinking away against his seat. Sirius knew what he looked like. Intense eyes, good for the ice, bad for people. Good for pissing off his parents. The twins of his brother’s.

“No,” Sirius said plainly.

There was a long, awkward pause as the room waited for Sirius to continue. He didn’t.

“Sirius, you’ve been considered a prodigy since you were very young, you must have thought about what team you would like to go to. How do the Lions fair against all those dreams?”

Sirius’ saw his mother take a step away from the wall. She had her hair pulled back loosely from her face, dark curls around her eyes that cast strange shadows in the bright press room lights.

Refuse.

How could he? Who did that?

It wasn’t like he was going home. Pascal certainly wasn’t going to hit him. At least, he didn’t think so.

“I’m honored to be considered,” Sirius said as neutrally as he could.

Someone stepped forward and waved the press away. Sirius stood up from the table, grabbing one of the tiny water bottles from it. He drained the entire thing in about two seconds flat. It had been a long day so far, and it was only ten in the morning.

“Sirius,” a woman with a Lions badge around her neck came up to him. She had introduced herself as Alice earlier. “So, we’ll get you going into the locker room, a few pictures in your stall, and then everyone’s got practice, so…” she smiled. “Pretty normal from there.”

“Okay,” Sirius nodded.

“Just try and relax into it a little,” she said hesitantly. “This can’t be the first time you’ve seen this many cameras.”

He wanted to laugh. He wished it were the cameras making him nervous.

“Sorry,” he said. “I’ll be better.”

“No, no,” she said hurriedly, eyebrows drawing together. “You’re doing wonderfully, absolutely wonderfully.”

Sirius blinked. “Oh.”

She smiled at him. “Yeah. Now, c’mon, let’s see you in that Lions jersey again! I was so damn happy when they called your name, you know.”

“Oh,” Sirius said again as they walked across the room. He glanced up, but the players had disappeared, along with the boy. “Thank you.”

She laughed. “Thank you. With your dedication, who knows what’s possible! Knock on wood, of course,” she winked and he smiled at her reference to one of his many superstitions.

“Don’t worry,” she said. “We have that bread brand you like for your pre-game sandwich.”

“How do you…” Sirius realized. “Minerva.”

“That agent of yours is one hell of a woman,” Alice said, and she sounded thoroughly pleased—maybe proud even.

“Minnie’s really great,” Sirius said. He really didn’t know how he would have survived everything without her. She knew his parents’ ways. She did her best to protect him. It wasn’t always enough, but he was thankful for it all the same.

They rounded the corner and Sirius felt his own steps slow.

“Alright,” Alice grinned, and stopped too. She looked from him, to the closed locker room doors, and back. “Ready?”

“Are the press already in there, or…”

“Yes, they go in through a different entrance,” Alice cocked her head. “Is that okay?”

“Yes,” Sirius said quickly. “Yes, that’s fine.”

“No more questions,” she assured him. “Just pictures. You just have to pose in front of your new stall, put your jersey on, and—”

Sirius smelled his mother coming up behind him before he saw her. He hated her perfume. He didn’t even know what it was. Something sickly sweet. Something floral. It made his throat closed.

He felt her hand on his shoulder.

“Pardon,” she said. “Hello, how are you?”

Alice smiled. “Mrs. Black—”

“May I have a word with my son before he joins his teammates?”

“Oh,” Alice looked towards the door again. “Well, I don’t see why—”

“Sirius,” came another, almost sing-song voice, and suddenly Pascal Dumais was there, hand sliding easily around Sirius’ shoulder, easing his mother’s away. His smile was broad, eyes crinkled. “C’est bon?”

“Hi, Dumo,” Sirius said breathlessly. He glanced at his mother, and then wished he hadn’t.

“We’ll go in now, non?” Pascal reached out and took Sirius’ mother hand between his own in a caress. “We are very happy to have your son, Madam. We will take good care of him.”

Mrs. Black looked on with an open mouth. “I—”

“Will we see you at the opening game of the season?”

“Well—”

“Pity,” Pascal laughed brightly, then patted Sirius’ back. “Allez, mon fils.”

My son, Dumo had called him.

Sirius was two steps from the door, Pascal’s warm palm gentle between his shoulders, when a colder hand closed around his wrist and he was yanked backwards harshly. He let her do it.

“You remember what we talked about,” his mother hissed at him, gray eyes hard and flicking to Pascal, who was standing very close, smile gone, hazel eyes firm on her. “Do not make any mistakes. Do not.”

Sirius began to take a step back, and her hand tightened. He let it.

“Oui, maman,” Sirius said softly.

“The press is waiting,” Pascal said in a clipped tone to Mrs. Black, and then, much more softly to Sirius. “Your team is waiting for you.”

Pascal turned Sirius towards the locker room, the two doors meeting to form the large Lions logo, a dark red and gold.

Sirius’ team.

The one his father had thrown his wine glass over the night they found out that the Lions had received the first pick of the first round in the draft. The team his little brother had bought a hat for, sneaking in Sirius’ room to show him late that night. They hadn’t really spoken since.

Sirius spared one last, brief thought to Regulus, but pushed it away. Regulus was too obedient to be in any danger.

“You do the honors,” Pascal said. “Allez, go on.”

Sirius pushed the doors open.

The locker room was large and round, exactly what Sirius was used to, and not at all. In this locker room, his mother couldn’t follow him in. He wasn’t going to be hated for being the best. Jealousy was less of a problem. They were already in the NHL.

“Hey, Mr. Prodigy!”

Sirius looked up and James Potter, half dressed in his hockey pants, was walking towards him with a wide smile, glasses still on and hand out. He stopped in front of Sirius and Pascal.

“James Potter,” he said when Sirius shook his hand, only to be pulled into a half hug and slapped on the back. “I’ve really been looking forward to meeting you.”

“Nice to meet you,” Sirius said, trying on a smile as a camera flashed, catching the moment.

James hesitated, smile flickering, but he swept his hand out towards where Sirius saw that their stalls were beside each other.

“Neighbors, eh?”

“Guess so,” Sirius said.

He looked at Alice, who nodded, and so Sirius took his jersey from its hanger. He held it for a moment. The maroon was deep and soft, and the golden lion stood out against the black piping. Two gold stripes flashed on the sleeves as Sirius spun it around to get a look at his name and number. They was there, in black figures, bold and real.

Sirius was a Lion. He belonged to Gryffindor now, at least for a little while, no matter how anyone felt about it.

He pulled the jersey over his head, and let the cameras flash.

It felt a little better and a little worse when the press went away. Better, because this was normal. Sirius knew the routine of practice, of listening to the coach. Worse, because Sirius didn’t know these guys. He wasn’t allowed to know these guys.

Renounce the draft. Refuse.

“Excuse me, Sirius?”

Sirius looked up from where he had just begun to lace up his left skate.

The boy in the team jacket was there again, soft smile and sandy hair, strong shoulders and chest. If not for the jacket, Sirius would have wondered which teammate he was, and how he hadn’t recognize his face. He’d poured over the Lions roster one million and one times.

“Hey,” the boy held out his hand. “I just wanted to introduce myself real quick before you get out there. I’m Remus, Remus Lupin, I’m a trainer here and on the PT staff.”

Sirius nodded slowly. Remus Lupin had pale skin, a few freckles, and tawny eyes. Sirius felt a familiar, startling tug in his chest, and pushed back on it so hard, so quickly, he thought he’d snap. It left him breathless. Remus smiled again, and Sirius heart pushed forward harder.

Remus Lupin wasn’t a trainer. For Sirius, he was dangerous.

Sirius closed off his expression further, and took the hand only for a moment. “Hi.”

It seemed to do the trick. Remus’ smile faltered and he took a step back. “Um. Yeah, okay. Just let me know, alright? If you need anything.”

“I will,” Sirius said, and looked back down.

He thought he heard some murmurs from beside him at that. Which was fine. They could hate him. They could think he was an ass. He wasn’t going to be here that long anyways.

Even if he wanted to be.

~

Gryffindor, 2016

“I want to stay,” Sirius said, clutching the arms of the chair in Coach’s office. “I want to stay.”

McGonagall, sitting beside him, laced her fingers over her dark tartan skirt. “My client has spoken, I believe. What protections are you prepared to put in place?”

Arthur and Alice looked at each other.

“Protections?” Arthur said. “Well, there’s already a trade restriction clause in there,” he tapped the contract on the table, “but…”

Alice bit her lip as she looked at Sirius. This boy who was barely nineteen, knuckles white. This talented boy who she had barely seen smile. She thought of the cold woman who had gripped Sirius’ wrist on his first day as a Lion. Make no mistakes, she had hissed.

“I believe…” Alice took a breath. “Minnie is referring to Sirius’ wish—”

“I mean publicity,” Minnie said. “A very hard field to control, I am aware, however—should there be sources that say things contradicting what Sirius has said in this room…”

I want to stay.

“Our players come first in Gryffindor,” Alice said firmly.

Minnie leaned forward. “I thank you for that Alice. I really do. But this is a…delicate matter. We all heard what Sirius said, that he wishes to be a Lion, however, there are people who cannot, as of right now, know that he has said this. I am asking you to protect his decision. I am asking you to support his decision while—”

“While not flashing that he made it,” Alice said slowly. She looked at Sirius again. He was looking down, entire body tense as his phone lit up from where it was on the table. It had done that four times, just in the last twenty minutes.

“I’m sorry,” Sirius murmured, and declined the call. He had a thick accent, stumbling over the English he wasn’t quite used to speaking all the time.

Maman, the contact had said, again and again.

“We can do that,” Arthur said, looking at Alice, and nodding at Minnie. “No one will blink twice at us wanting to keep the best player in the League. Even if Sirius was requesting a trade, he’s fresh out of his rookie year, players need to earn the right to make calls like that.”

“Exactly,” Alice agreed. “This is just as much about locker room and team etiquette as it is about PR and media. And that’s good for us. For all of us. Everyone can feel very secure about staying right where they want to be.”

She probably sounded like she was babying him, saying it so blatantly like that, but it didn’t matter to Alice when Sirius blinked up at her with his pale eyes and smiled, just a little.

They all looked up when there was a commotion from outside. A shrill voice was speaking, words unintelligible through the walls, but Sirius stood so fast he nearly knocked his chair over.

“Minnie,” he whispered. “Elle est là?”

McGonagall stood, too, just as the door blew open.

Sirius’ mother stood there, hair casting curled shadows on her high cheeks. Sirius watched as she took in the scene in front of her. Sirius, Minnie, Alice, and Coach. Already, Sirius’ breathing was coming faster. Old bruises, long faded, began to ache. His stomach seized up and rebelled.

“What’s going on here?” Mrs. Black demanded.

“A meeting, Walburga,” Minnie exhaustedly.

“I was not informed,” she snapped, and then turned her eyes on Sirius. “I have been calling you.”

“Mrs. Black,” Alice said cooly. “Your son is nineteen years of age now. You are not required to be present—”

“Shut up,” Mrs. Black snapped, and turned on McGonagall. “What do you think you are doing?”

“I am working with my client,” Minnie took a step forward. The two women were identical in height.

“The trade, then?” Mrs. Black said, and turned back on Alice. “Is it done?”

“No,” Coach Arthur said. “We will not be trading Sirius. Now, ma’am, I’m not sure how you got in here—”

“C’est ordure!” Mrs. Black shrieked. “Sirius. Do what I say.”

Sirius was—embarrassed. Shame coated the inside of his mouth like tar. He should comply, just to get her to leave, to get her to stop yelling.

“Your son is doing exactly what you want,” Alice said, and even matched her tone to sound regrettable, even annoyed. “Why he would want—why either of you would want him to be traded away from one of the leading teams in the League—”

“Cheaters,” Mrs. Black snarled. “Dirty play, you mean.”

“—is beyond me,” Alice pushed on. “But, unfortunately, your son doesn’t have as much power here as either of you think he does.”

Sirius stared at Alice. She was doing it. She was getting him out. She was letting him stay.

Mrs. Black was staring, too. “My son is the best player in the League.”

Arthur laughed. “And so, why would we let him go? Now,” Arthur stood. “I am going to ask you to leave one more time, otherwise I will have security escort you out. This is a private meeting that does not concern you.”

“I am his mother!”

“That means nothing here, Walburga,” Minnie said, smoothing her skirt and sitting back down.

“This is a trick,” Walburga sneered, and walked forward to Sirius. She grabbed his hair, tightly, nails digging into his scalp. “You think you can trick me, mon regret?”

Sirius closed his eyes. My regret. The shame was bile, now. He wished for anything, anything good. He wished to stay, he wished for his team to want him, he wished for anyone to want him. He wished.

“Mrs. Black, get your hands off of my player,” Arthur boomed.

Sirius didn’t know how officers got into the room, but then his mother was yelling in French, ripping her arms out of their grasps as she walked with a high, stiff neck out of the office, the door slamming behind her.

Sirius could still feel them, her fingers, digging into his neck.

“Sirius?”

It was Alice’s soft voice. Sirius opened his eyes and looked up. He hadn’t realized they were still closed.

“Are you okay?”

Minnie patted his hand carefully, knowing he wouldn’t want to be touched. “She’s gone now, my boy.”

“I’m okay,” Sirius managed. He looked around at them all. “Thank you. Thank you, I…”

“Of course,” Arthur said. He was a little wide-eyed. Sometimes Sirius forgot that, to most of the world, that wasn’t normal.

“Well,” Minnie said into the silence. “If that’s settled…”

Sirius sunk back down into the chair. He felt like he had skated three straight periods, double shifts.

“Actually,” Arthur said, clearing his throat and sitting. “There is one more matter I’d like to discuss. Well, more of a question, really.”

Sirius looked up, dread turning over in his stomach all over again. But Arthur was smiling at him gently.

“I’ve talked to some of our key team and staff members. Dumo, Pots, Sergei. Even our rookie O’Hara had something to say, but when doesn’t he? And me and the coaching team have put lots of thought into this, too. Sirius, you’re a leader on the ice. You make our boys better. You’re very kind, and a steady presence in the locker room, if not…reserved,” Arthur laughed a little. “Well I hope that will change a little now that…” his eyes went to the door that Mrs. Black had stormed out through. “Now that you are able to really feel safe and a part of our organization.”

Safe, Sirius thought. He couldn’t even fathom it.

Arthur leaned forward.

“Sirius, we want you to be our captain.”

~

Gryffindor, 2017

They were playing the Penguins. Sirius was still getting used to the C stitched onto his jersey.

The game was going to overtime. Crosby and Letang wasn’t letting anyone close enough to Murray to get anything done. Sirius was exhausted, but shook his head when Coach motioned to pull him in during a break for out of play. He wanted to end this. James stayed out, too, and Brady switched for Sergei.

“Let’s go, eh, Crosby?” Sirius popped his mouth guard back in and leaned over for the face off.

Crosby didn’t reply, eyes already on the puck.

Sirius won it. He knocked it back to James, and then shot forward, yelling for it back. Sergei checked Malkin hard, both of the spitting at each other in Russian, but at least it got him out of the way. There was a clear channel for James, and then the puck was back on Sirius’ tape.

Crosby loomed in front of him, stick long with his strong reach, but Sirius dodged. Murray was probably too far away still for any good chance, but the clock had seven seconds on it and damn it if Sirius was about to go to a shoot out. He took the shot.

He could almost feel it hit the back of the net. Before he was thinking about what he was doing, his arms were up, stick in the air. He heard James yell. It wasn’t until he saw that James was smiling, that Sirius realized he was smiling, too. So hard that his cheeks hurt. He watched James slow down as he neared him, all too used to the lesser celebrations that he thought Sirius preferred.

“Fuck yeah, Cap!” James shouted, smile wide. He was still a few strides away. Sirius’ heart was racing a mile a minute. The goal felt—different. It was just a goal, just one game, but Sirius…he wanted his team. He wanted James, his friend.

Sirius grinned back at James and held out his arm. It was better than the goal, watching James’ face drop in surprise, and then light up again.

To anyone else it would have seemed like a split-second of a moment.

James took the last few feet to dig his skates in, one, two, three, four, and slammed into Sirius against the boards, knocking their helmets together. Sergei came in on the other side, looking more surprised, but smiling.

“Very nice, Mr. Black,” he said.

“Thanks,” Sirius said breathlessly.

James held on a little longer as they skated over to the bench, but let go to bump gloves down the line.

The boys started piling out of the boards to celebrate the win.  Sirius received a very loud kiss on the side of his helmet from Pascal.

“Bravo, mon fils,” he said softly, eyes bright.

Coach slapped him on the back, smiling as they filed off the ice. “Atta boy, kid.”

Sirius was about to disappear down the tunnel when a soft voice stopped him.

“Good game, Sirius.”

Sirius stopped, eyes falling on Remus and his own bright smile. It sent the same bubbling heat through Sirius’ heart as it always did. Logan was tapping him on the shoulder, telling him to keep moving, and so Sirius used the excuse of pushing a stick up towards one of the little kids leaning over the tunnel entrance. Just to look at Remus a little longer, in the bright lights of the ice.

“Merci, Fruit-Loop,” Sirius replied, and walked down the dim tunnel still grinning.

~

Gryffindor, 2018

“Snape’s been eye fucking you all game, eh?” James had said in the first period, a distant memory now. “We should keep an eye on him.”

Sirius had waved him off with sarcastic replies. Well, I’m pretty. Dirty snakes, nothing new.

“Don’t move, Sirius,” the doctor was saying now. The crowd was nearly silent. It was eerie and strange. Players milled about on the ice, the Snakes keeping their distance for once. Second period, ten minutes left on the clock.

The pain was radiating from Sirius’ leg like nothing he’d ever felt. He was dimly aware of his blood pooling on the ice, the grotesque look of his white bone against the white ice, sticking through his skin. He was breathing too hard to be normal, sweating. James was crouched by his head, gripping his hand and shoulder. James’ knuckles were bloody and bruised, a sight that must match Snape’s cheek.

“It’s a bad break, alright?” the doctor said. "We’re getting you the stretcher now. Try to breathe.”

But Sirius was only half listening. Staring straight ahead, all he could focus on were the wide, amber eyes gazing back at him. Remus. It was all he could do to keep from screaming. He kept looking at his face. He didn’t know exactly why it calmed him so much, why he suddenly wanted to keep it in sight more than he wanted morphine. Remus had his hand pressed against his throat, eyes darting between Sirius’. Maybe Sirius could tell him he wanted him right now, and pass it off as pain induced delirium.

Sirius bit out answers to the doctor on autopilot.

Yes. No. Dizzy. Numb. Ten. He was used to pain. But not this.

“Was it him?” Sirius said through his grit teeth to James. He kept his eyes on Remus, Remus who wasn’t looking away. Remus who was good, who healed, who helped.

“Yes, the fucking—” James said back. “Fuck, Sirius, fuck.”

The lift onto the stretcher felt like a whip. His father’s rings slicing his cheek. His mother’s nails. The bruises, the aches. Remus disappeared from view as he was placed on his back to be taken down through the tunnel.

Snape loomed up at the edge of the ice, black hair stringy with sweat. He gave nothing away. There was no apology. There was nothing.

Sirius had thought he was safe. But he should have known better.

The hits always came.

~

Gryffindor, 2020

Sirius let a lot of people do a lot of things to him. He let them make decisions for him. There was someone who decided what were the best foods for him to eat. What were the best ways to phrase his sentences. The best people for him to be seen with, and when. And those were people who were trying to help him. Who did help him. He was thankful to them, willing to give up a little control.

His mother. His mother had always been a different story. The control had been less control, and more restriction. Punishment. Less sleep, less food, more hours in the weight room. Sirius still caught himself at it sometimes. He’d have a bad game and find his entire appetite gone.

Sirius looked down at the sandwich on the counter, untouched.

The ice. The ice was different. It was only on the ice where no one had control except him. He called the shots, he wore the C. He helped his teammates, and his teammates helped him. There was no punishment for a bad game on the ice. There was support. There was next time.

This wasn’t the ice. This wasn’t anything he’d experienced at all. This wasn’t any help to anyone. This was out of a nightmare, one that he’d been having since he was thirteen, realizing he liked a teammate’s chest and smile more than any of the porn that got passed around, the girls that pressed up against him at parties.

Remus.

Sirius took a shaky breath in, pressing his palms to the cold marble counter.

Remus wasn’t a system, or a test, or a game-plan. Remus didn’t want him for what he could or couldn’t do. Remus didn’t punish him.

So, how on earth could he have been so selfish as to punish Remus? To take away so much from him.

Sirius had arrived at Hogwarts hours early, just to avoid anyone. He didn’t know how long James had knocked on his door last night. He didn’t even remember falling asleep. He didn’t know how many calls he had received, from anyone. He hadn’t checked.

He looked up at Remus, sitting across the table from him and looking down.

The hits always came.

The look on Remus’ face hit Sirius square in the chest.

This was old panic. Sirius knew that. It was the residue of things that had been ingrained into him for his entire life. But he couldn’t stop it. He had thought he was prepared now. Better now. Yet, here he was, frozen. Unable to even take a step towards the person he wanted the most. They sat in silence.

“Okay,” Alice said softly when her and Coach Weasley sat down at the table with the two of them. “Sirius, we know you have a plane to catch, and we don’t have too much time, but…let’s do our best, okay?”

She looked between the two of them. “How are you both doing? Would you like some tea or coffee? I know this is…this is…”

“Who took them?” Sirius said. “The pictures.”

“We’re not sure,” Alice replied. “A passerby maybe. Someone else in Remus’ building. Or a pap following you. It was New Year’s, after all. You get announced for All-Stars, you’re high-profile already, you leave your house just after midnight…it’s easy to assume you might be going to meet someone.”

“It didn’t come out on New Year’s,” Sirius snapped. “Why wait?”

“Money,” Alice said simply. “People bid on these things. Sometimes they take time.”

“It was my idea,” Remus said. He still wouldn’t look at Sirius, but rather calmly at Alice. “I don’t want Sirius to take any blame for that.”

Alice sighed. “The organization isn’t happy with you, Remus.”

“I figured,” Remus said faintly.

Sirius’ throat closed. If Remus was fired, he’d never forgive himself. He hadn’t even thought—they’d never talked about—

“In their eyes, you’re an employee. One that’s trusted with, well…players’ bodies.”

“Quoi?” Sirius burst out. “Like—like he’s some type of pervert? Like he manipulated me into something?”

“Someone in Remus’ position has access to private information,” Alice said, then put her hands out. “I am in no way saying that’s what went on with the two of you. And we’re here right now to figure out what we want to do and how we want to respond. I am here to fully support the both of you.”

“We both are,” Arthur said.

“What do they want us to do about it?” Remus asked.

“They’re trying to be…” Alice winced. “Party pleasers. They meaning, not just Lions organization, but mostly the NHL, the League. They’d like the Lions to let Remus go, showing they don’t condone,” she raised air quotes, “unprofessional relationships, but they’d also like Sirius to release a statement of confirmation.”

Sirius blanched. “Confirmation?”

“There have been rumors of this sort before, with other players,” Alice said. “But…those pictures don’t leave much to interpret.”

Remus scoffed. “So they’re willing to accept it just because they can’t deny it.”

Sirius silently begged Remus to look at him. He needed to see his face, just like that day on the ice with his ankle and Snape’s hit.

“Like I said,” Alice said with a dark look at the papers in front of her. “The League is trying to please their entire fanbase, which unfortunately includes lots of close-minded people.”

“That can’t be the entire fanbase. What about the other parts?” Remus said. “We’re here. And we aren’t the only ones!”

Sirius looked at Remus and his anger-flushed cheeks. “What?”

Remus looked at him, finally. He looked startled at himself that he had at all, like he had promised himself he wouldn’t. “I…I just mean we can’t be,” he looked away. “There’s no fucking way you are the only professional male hockey player who isn’t straight. I was nearly a professional hockey player and I’m definitely not.”

“Coach,” Alice said slowly. “If you’d like to talk about the organization’s position.”

Arthur nodded, and cleared his throat. “I am extremely willing to fight the board on this. I wish my leverage was that you’re both human and shouldn’t be judged in a professional setting on a personal relationship, or just at all. Jesus Christ, why are people so stupid? But…right now, my reasoning—the reasoning that will get their attention and sway their minds—is that we are two inches from a spot in the play-offs. Remus is known and loved by my team. He is a very valuable member of the Lions staff, just as Sirius is a very valuable player. That’s the simple truth on my end.”

“So, you can protect Remus,” Sirius needed him to say it.

Coach nodded. “Yes.”

“Good,” Sirius said, and rose. “Then we’re done.”

Alice put out her hand cautiously. “Sirius, as for your statement to the press—”

“Fuck the press,” Sirius said. “I don’t owe them anything.”

Alice’s eyes turned firm. “You will be asked about this at the All-Star game. You should think about what you want to say.”

“Was it not already said for me?” Sirius shouted, and the room flinched into silence.

Alice swallowed. “You’re right.” She looked between Sirius and Remus.

Arthur leaned forward. “We are so sorry that this happened to the both of you.”

“It was a horrible violation of privacy and you both have every right to be extremely angry,” Alice continued. “But, please. Think about that anger when you are in front of a camera. Now, I am so happy to give you whatever support you need, whether that be anything from responses you can use so you don’t have to worry, or support via the organization’s social media. I know you’re private, Sirius, but—”

“But, what?”

“But this could mean something to someone out there,” Alice burst out. “You, the face of the National Hockey League—”

“Who I love has nothing to do with the NHL,” Sirius snapped, and then his face dropped, realizing what he had said.

He stared at Remus, who was looking right back at him, hand pressed to his throat. His eyes were bright with unshed tears.

I love you.

The phrase had been echoing around his head for weeks now. Remus.

“I have a plane to catch,” Sirius choked out.

“Okay,” Alice rose. “ Okay. Logan would be with you, but he requested a later flight last night, and so it’ll just be you and Minnie and the camera crews—”

“That’s fine,” Sirius barely got the words out before he was disappearing through the door, weekend bag in hand.

He felt sick.

I love you, I love you, I love you.

Old panic, residue fear that was sticky like cement, keeping him in place and getting harder and harder to budge.

Only when the plane was about to take off did Sirius check his phone. Missed calls.

His mother. Two. It surprised him.

Minnie. Ten. But he had called her back.

Remus.

Thirty-six.

And one message, from this morning, just after the meeting.

Call me when you’re ready to talk. Good luck.

Sirius, heart in his stomach, slid his phone into his pocket and closed his eyes as the plane began to move.

#warnings: anxiety about family and coming out #warning family abuse #sweater weather #sweater weather lumosinlove #sirius black #remus lupin #wolfstar #wolfstar au #sirius x remus #remus x sirius #lumosinlove ocs #Logan tremplay #o'knutzy

[cecilspeaks]

175 - The October Monologues

[static] [slightly distorted] The trees are dying again. You know it, I know it. The trees know it. They have known it for decades, centuries in some cases. The shiver of cyclic, symbolic death. A rattle in the cold night air. A rustle in the footsteps of a hungry deer. It is October and something is different. It is October and the trees draw the crackling red and orange curtain in the year’s final act. It is October, and so listeners, dear listeners, Night Vale community radio is proud to introduce The October Monologues.  

Faceless Old Woman: I am lonely. Oh, I see people. I see lots of people every day. I see you right now. I see you, Caleb, sitting in your rolling desk chair, hunched over your computer. I am a faceless old woman who secretly lives in your home, watching you download yet another video game, Caleb.

But seeing people and being with people are different things. Different ideas altogether. I miss touch most of all. A father’s hand, a friend’s arms. A lover’s chest. I still touch, am touched, but it is not the same. It is not a mutual touch. My touch is unwelcome, unfriendly, unwanted. Yet I touch because I love.

And I love you, Caleb. I do. I know you don’t believe me after what I did to you tonight, but I do. My love is not romantic nor maternal. It’s not platonic, either. I love you the way a deer loves a cornfield. It is safe, it is nourishing. It is in its DNA to want to be there, to hide, to eat, to play. You’re very much like a cornstalk, Caleb. You are loved and you are benign. Better than benign, you are a contribution to this world. The cornstalk is unaware that a deer loves it so much that it will bend it and stomp it until its edible morsels spill out from its crumpled empty husk. The cornstalks, there are so many cornstalks, do not understand that they are so loved by the deer as to be devoured.

You’ve seen a kitten before, Caleb, I know you have. Sometimes kittens are so cute. So so so so cute that you wanna put them in your mouth. Do you understand that kind of love, Caleb, that kind of touch? You do not, no one does. And this is why I’m lonely. But I think you know that. You’re different. You’re lonely too. That’s not what makes you different, we’re all lonely in our own way.

You’re different, Caleb, because you know I am here. You see me even when I do not want to be seen. No one has been able to do that in at least 200 years. Sometimes you speak to me. Not in terror, not in rage; I’ve heard many of these voices in my life from those who feared and detested my presence. No, you ask me my name. I won’t tell you, not yet. You tell me about your day, I’m sorry your new boss is so mean, I will rectify this. And last night, you prepared a dinner for me. You’re not a good cook, I can smell that much, but it was your gesture of generosity that touched me. You made cashio e pepe, a recipe you learned from TikTok, and you prepared a bowl just for me. You waited to see if I would appear, and when I did not, you told me you understood wanting to eat alone, so you left it for me on the dining room table, as you went to play the new flight simulator.

Few men have ever been this kind to me before being frightened into it first, or without using their kindness as a disguise. I think you genuinely understand your own quiet desperation among the mass of men. And in turn, you understand others too. I don’t trust the kindness of men, Caleb. I don’t trust the kindness of women, either. Or anyone else’s kindness, to be truthful, but I especially don’t trust men’s kindness. There are exceptions. Andre, whose kindness was loyalty and honesty, and Albert, although his was a much different kind of kindness.

But Caleb, 23-year-old, unshaven, video game loving, boss hating aimless Caleb, your kindness frightens me. I’m scared of what you want, what it is you plan to take from me. Kind men have stolen my childhood, my morals, my money, my love, my life, and my family. What will you take from me, Caleb, that I have not already lost? I’m afraid. I’m afraid to respond to your gentle bait of friendship, because I am afraid you will take my loneliness from me. I am lonely, and that is a choice I have made for myself.

One day, Caleb, you will die. I know exactly when. It will not be of my hand, although I will do nothing to stop it. It is my fate, my path, to know such things. And in your death, you will return my loneliness to me, and it will be a horror to behold, bloody and misshapen. My loneliness, not recognizing its former owner, will howl an unholy and unceasing cry, and I will not be able to bear it.

This is what I fear, Caleb, and this is why I took the bowl of cashio e pepe you left for me and hurled it against the wall, just missing your cheek. I’m not sad that you screamed at me, I’m happy that you did so. This is how it has to be. We are not enemies, Caleb, no no. I love you deeply. Deeper than you can know. I am your deer Caleb, and you are my corn.

Cecil: The fiery flash of fall leaves stuns us, captivates us. Fireworks in slow motion. Or the crackling embers of a finishing flame. Upon the leaves are written instructions for how to make oxygen, how to give life, with every exhalation. How  to find flair in fading grace, and how to raise new life by falling to your death. The leaves know they will return again, so much will return again. We return now to the October Monologues.

Michelle Nguyen: There’s this new song I like, but I don’t wanna tell you what it is. I find it kind of embarrassing. Usually I love to talk about my favorite music. There was that summer I was obsessed with the new single by Saint Vincent. The single came in the form of a glazed vase containing three blue flowers. Only one was ever made, and I got the only copy. I found it very catchy, but the flowers eventually died. Or the year I spent listening over and over to that new Janelle Monae album. I forget the name, but the cover was a black and white picture of a well, and if you didn’t share it with someone else in 7 days, you would die. Of course no one ever died, because the album was so good, people just couldn’t stop telling their friends to listen.

My favorite song of all time is a blank cassette tape still in its plastic wrapper. It was owned by a man named Gary Joy. He was a real estate lawyer, reasonably successful, but he always dreamed of being a singer/songwriter. He dreamed all the time of quitting his job and writing songs, but he had never even written one song. Then one day, in a fit of optimism and energy, he bought this cassette, intending to make his first memo. But the day got away from him, and then the week, and then the rest of his life, and he never quit being a lawyer, and he never even wrote one song. This blank cassette tape, still in its wrapper, contains the potential of all the songs he could have written but never did, which is better and more powerful than any song anyone’s actually managed to write. The potential of the thing is always more perfect than the reality of the thing. However, and this is the crucial drawback, the potential is absolutely useless and the reality, however imperfect, can be quite useful. Anyway, I like to hold Gary Joy’s unwritten demo and imagine what it would be like. Hold on, sorry. There’s a customer.

[bell dings] Welcome to Dark Owl Records. What? No, no. No. No! No. OK, bye! [bell dings] Sorry about that. Some people are so unreasonable. I don’t even know what a Taylor Swift is.

But there’s a new song I like, and it’s not cool like my other favorite songs. It’s not a song that fits the kind of image I like to project. When I put on my mirrored leggings, my extra long jorts, and my really big hat, people expect something from me. They expect me to be on the cutting edge. They expect me only to be into bands that aren’t popular yet, or will never be popular, or that frankly don’t know how to play their instruments very well. And the song I like now is not any of those things. It’s… ordinary. It’s… popular. I don’t wanna say what it is. Remember when I only listened to the sound of beez buzzing? That was a good summer. Of course I got stung once or twice or 30 times. [sighs] Hold on, sorry, there’s a customer.

[bell dings] Welcome to Dark Owl Records! Hey. Hey! Hey! Hey! HEEEEY! Thanks, nice to see you again. [bell dings] Sorry about that.

I’m tired of being cool. I was going to say trying to be cool, but trying implies the possibility of failure, and there has never been a moment when I’ve failed to be cool. But here’s the hard truth I’ve come up against: being cool is a young person’s game. And that’s not because young people are better or more interesting than older people. God no. God no. God no! It’s that coolness itself is a concept tied to youth. Coolness is a reactionary manifestation of insecurity. The more insecure you are, the cooler you need to be. It’s colorful plumage. But as I’ve gotten older, I no londer need flashy plumage. I just wanna sit in the comfort of who I am, and not worry about what that looks like from the outside.

Anyway, I can’t stop listening to “Karma Police” by Radiohead. It’s just… a good song, you know? Hold on, sorry, there’s a customer.

[bell dings] You! You’ll never catch me alive! [sound of running] [bell dings]

Cecil: An abundance of words, words falling, fluttering to the earth. Words crunching beneath our feet. They were beautiful once, the words. Now they are beginning to rot, to wilt, to compost, to ferment new growth. To fertilize new words growing upon great trunks of paragraphs and chapters, but not now. Those will come later. Now the words sputter and drop in spiraling arcs to the ground. Here, then, are the final few brightly painted words falling upon you now. The October Monologues.

Steve Carlsberg: What does it mean to be believed? I’ve always known that Night Vale isn’t like other places. As long as I can remember, I could see that. I could also see that no one else could see it. I was alone in my knowledge. Knowledge may be power, but power is often lonely. My grandfather knew. He could see that I was like him. “Steve,” he would say, “us Carlsbergs have always been the town pariahs, but just because they hate you, doesn’t mean they’re right.” I would sit at night as a kid and listen to Cecil on the radio. He was the same age as he is now, and at the time he seemed so wise. But I would hear him dismiss what I knew shouldn’t be dismissed. I would hear him cover up what should be uncovered, and I would know with a child’s certainty that it was wrong. I loved him still. Everyone in town loves Cecil. It is possible to love someone who you know is doing wrong. It’s terribly easy, in fact.

What does it mean to be believed? As a teenager, I started trying to express what I saw about the world. I gave a presentation in my social studies class called “Night Vale – there’s literally nowhere like it”, and I thought it was informative. The class all plugged their ears in unison. The teacher stopped me a minute in, glancing nervously at the 8 surveillance cameras monitoring the classroom. “Are you trying to get us all killed?” the teacher hissed at me. I remember that her breath smelled like Strawberry Jolly Ranchers, and there was a lose crumb of mascara in the sweat of her temples. “No,” I said. I didn’t know what to say. It’s not the kind of question that demands a sincere answer. The report earned me a trip to the principal’s office, and then the re-education pit, which honestly is not as bad as its name. I mean, almost not as bad. It’s pretty bad. It’s a pit, for re-education. So, certainly learned something from that re-education. I learned that you’re equally likely to be punished for being right as you are for being wrong.

What does it mean to be believed? I was a young man entering the workforce, and I had long ago learned to hide away what I knew about my city. I had learned the handshake and the smile, the nod and the necktie, all the signifiers that hid what I truly signified. All of life is a code, and I had been thought the key against my will.

I got a job as a bank teller at the Last Bank of Night Vale. I studied with great interest the townsfolk who came and went there. I learned about their lives and their secrets, and what kind of money they made for the whispered deals out back of quiet parking lots just before the sun went down, pulled up next to a black Sedan that contained their handler who they only knew by a false first name. but I couldn’t forget what I knew, even if I learned to playact that I had. What I know shapes who I am. I can’t close my eyes, not to this town I love. This weird and secret town I love.

What does it mean to be believed? Then I married into the family of Cecil Palmer, host of Night Vale community radio! And he hated me, because he could see that I knew. And after all these years, my mask had slipped a little. I’d lost my interest in hiding. I wanted to speak the truth as I knew it, nothing could be more threatening to Cecil. His life and livelihood depended on speaking the truth as the City Council wanted it. Or as the Vague yet Menacing government agencies crafted it. And here I was, pointing out to him the sky. There are glowing arrows in the sky, there are dotted lines and arrows and circles. The sky is a chart that explains the entire world! I tried to tell him, and this only made him hate me more. I tried to share who I was with him, and this only made him recoil. 

Abby listened to my stories, but she never shared my enthusiasm for the truth. “Let it lie,” she would say, “let it lie.” But that’s he point, I can’t let it lie and I can’t lie! We’ve done that for too long! We’ve let our town sit heavy under the weight of euphemism and half truth, and unless someone just said what they saw for once, we would be crushed eventually by that weight!

And then it all changed. I wasn’t alone. The others saw that we lived in a weird place. And you know what? We kept existing. Our world didn’t end merely because we dared acknowledge it. Cecil and I are friends now. I haven’t forgotten how he treated me, but I understand it and I forgive it. Forgiveness and understanding are not the same as forgotten.

What does it mean to be believed? It means everything. It means all.

Cecil: And as the leaves are done, so are the October Monologues. All that can be said has been said. And all that can be said will be said again.

Today’s proverb: Listen, it might seem like everything’s bad right now.

#welcome to night vale #welcome to night vale transcripts #episode 175 #the october monologues #sorry again for being so tardy #was swamped at work #but here it is

[amydancepants-peralta]

(maybe this time) I’ve hit a home run ⚾️♥️

(a one-shot inspired by @jamy-peraltiago‘s fandom challenge prompts, written in a flash of inspiration!) (x) 

*

“Okay, so run me through this one more time.”

Squinting against the sun; Jake turns towards his girlfriend of nine months, a frisson of joy running through him as he realises how seriously she’s taking the task in front of her.  “Fry first, then gummy worm.”  He demonstrates with a grin.  “Another fry, then dip the whole thing into the sundae, and enjoy.”

Amy shoots him a dubious look, following the instructions carefully and trying her very best not to cringe as she shoves the unnaturally colourful combination into her mouth.  From his position closely beside her, Jake grins, and vaguely he hears the commentator’s voice crackle through the speakers around them. 

Today he and Amy are attending a Mets v Phillies game at Citi Field - Amy’s first live baseball game ever - and once they’d made it to their seats, Jake had been eager to show her the combination of snacks that he has long since considered tradition.  “Amazing, right?”

Licking her lips, Amy reaches out to rest a hand on his leg, squeezing gently.  “Two things,” she begins, and Jake nods.  “First, I love you.  And second, please don’t ever make me eat that again.”

Incredulous, Jake lifts up the Peralta Combo in veneration.  “French fries, sour worms and ice-cream?  That’s the perfect combination of salty and sour and sweet, Ames!  It’s a culinary delight.  How can you not love it?”

Shaking her head, Amy takes a sip of beer to wash the taste away, and Jake leans in to kiss the remnants of froth from her upper lip.  “There is SO much sugar in that, babe.  If you ate a whole tray of that, I’m certain you would be able to hear colour and smell sound.”

“And who wouldn’t want that?!”  Tilting his head to the side, he grins.  “You know, I bet magenta has a real screech to it.”

“Definitely a high vibrato of some sort,” Amy nods, and he bends down for another kiss.  “But probably not something we’re ever meant to hear, you know?”  She winces, adjusting the tip of her baseball cap and craning her neck upwards.  “I’m sorry, babe.  I know it’s your favourite snack, but I don’t think I could stomach more of that.”

“Ames, it’s totally fine.  More for me, anyways.”  Giving a reassuring smile, he lowers his treats to the empty seat beside him and wraps his free arm around Amy’s shoulders.  “And I love you too, by the way.”

(It’s still a little exciting, finally being able to vocalise those three little words, and the way they both returned the sentiment so eagerly makes it all the better, every single time - rolling eyes from surrounding audiences be damned.)

The Phillies fans in the stadium cheer as Eickhoff's swing hits the ball with a heavy crack, and as Amy leans forward to watch the action Jake sneaks a peek at her expression, desperately curious to see if she was enjoying the game or not.  He’d been oddly anxious about today; worried that she wouldn’t feel the same thrum of anticipation amongst the crowd, or - even worse - that she’d find the whole thing ridiculous.  Baseball was something that had been a part of his life since he was old enough to remember, and while he wanted to share it with Amy, the fear of her not enjoying the game was stronger than he’d anticipated.  

But then he’d been waiting at his apartment earlier today, nervous as all hell, when she’d shown up in a newly purchased Mets jersey and sneakers that matched his own.  Stood in his kitchen with a proud smile, spouting out stats on some of his favourite players as he’d finished getting ready (all of which had clearly been recently researched); and he knows that this probably sounds ridiculously schmaltzy, but he swears he fell even more in love with her right there and then.  

Eickhoff stops his run at second base, eyeing off the Mets’ shortstop Cabrera as he lobs the ball back to the pitcher, and Amy joins in on the applause that litters the crowd.  “Shortstop - that’s what you used to play, right?” 

Jake nods, his eyes suddenly trained on a moment a few rows forward; watching as a young boy no older than six shares a joke with his father, meeting his offered high five with obvious glee.  “When I was in little league, yeah,” he mumbles as the nostalgia washes over him.  

There was a time when that would have been him; wearing his team jersey with pride as he ate too many hotdogs, laughing with Roger, riding high on his shoulders as they waded through the crowd on their way home.  When they were watching baseball, there weren’t screaming matches filtering through closed doors, or strange lingerie stuffed in-between carseats for him to ignore on the way to school.  At the stadium, it was just Jake and his Dad - a place where, for nine blissful innings, the rest of the world seemed to simply fade away.  

It had been mid-season and a month after Jake’s seventh birthday when Roger had walked away from it all, and now - much like the tin of baseball cards that Jake had stashed far to the back of a cupboard - the value of his memories are only sentimental (but priceless all the same).

Amy’s knee nudges against his thigh, and Jake’s met with a pair of beautifully gentle eyes when he turns towards her.  Her voice is soft as she asks him if he’s okay, and he adjusts the back of his own cap, running a hand along the base of his neck.  “Yeah, I’m fine.  Just … thinking.”

She nods, twisting in her seat and resting her elbow along the back of his.  “Did you keep playing after Roger left?”

Nodding, Jake leans back into his seat, fiddling with his hat again as the memory of sitting at Sal’s Pizza for hours after the game, just in case Roger might swing by, surfaces from the corner of his mind.  “Just for the rest of the season.  I guess for a while there, I had sorta convinced myself that he would be coming back any day now.  My plan was to just keep doing everything I normally did, so that when he did come back, it would almost feel like he’d never left.”  Amy’s hand falls onto the nape of his neck, sweeping slowly in soothing strokes, and he sighs, relaxing into her touch.  “But as the months went by, and the phone calls grew fewer, the idea of putting the uniform on again just seemed … I don’t know … wrong.”

Letting out a tiny hum of assent, Amy’s fingers card into the bottom of Jake’s hair.  “You still like watching the game, though?”

He nods again, a smile growing onto his face as he explained his mother’s insistence on taking him to games after Roger left.  “She’d never quite gotten a grip on the right terminology, and always cheered for both teams regardless of who was playing; but her enthusiasm was definitely contagious.”  It had worked incredibly well at reigniting the love Jake once had for the game, and over the years he’d branched out and watched matches with college buddies and friends from the academy alike.  

It was unexpected - but also so completely typical of dating someone like Amy - for today to be the day when all of his childhood memories came out in force.  “Sorry, babe.  I’m really dragging the vibe down here.  Maybe we should - mmmh - ” Jake’s last few words die in his mouth as his girlfriend presses her lips against his, the palm of her hand resting against his cheek in a kiss that he only knows as being quintessentially Amy.  

She smiles when they part, brushing away a stray lock of hair from his fringe.  “You don’t ever need to apologise for talking about your past, Jake.  I want to hear all of it, regardless of where we are.  If it matters to you, it matters to me.”

Mumbling another I love you, Jake draws Amy in for a longer kiss, hand wrapping around her waist and pulling away only when the crowd cheers at Herrera’s fly ball.  It was pretty amazing, how talking about memories with Amy rarely felt painful, and on days like today he has the strongest instinct that it’s largely because with her, he can already see his future taking shape.  

Leaning her body into his, Amy’s arm comes to rest comfortably on top of his upper thigh as she turns her attention back to the game in front of them, and softly she murmurs, “This is way better than watching the game in Manny’s living room.”

The sun feels warm against Jake’s skin as he links their fingers together, planting a kiss to the top of her baseball cap in silent agreement.  It was a beautiful day in a lot of ways - the Met’s current lead of 2-0 a fine example - and getting to spend it with Amy made it all the better.  

It’s at the bottom of the third inning that Amy twists away from Jake, rustling through her backpack before returning to her previous position and holding up a bag of nuts with unconstrained pride.  “I thought we might get snacky.”

“You really are the perfect woman.”

“I bet you say that to all the girls you bring here.”

Wrapping his hand around Amy’s wrist, Jake squeezes gently.  “Apart from my mom, and occasionally Gina, you’re the only girl I’ve brought here, Ames.”  It’s a small distinction, but one he feels is important to make, and the soft smile that Amy gives him in return reaffirms his instinct.  

She kisses his cheek, brushing her lips against his skin as she moves to whisper in his ear.  “Keep talking like that Peralta, and you’re going to see some solid third base action tonight.”  Another kiss, this time to the base of his earlobe.  “Maybe even a home run, once you see what I’ve got on underneath this jersey.”

(It’s an entirely new experience, trying to avoid getting an erection in a stadium while your girlfriend chuckles softly beside you - but one that Jake doesn’t totally hate, if only for the knowledge that the wait is going to be completely worth it.)

He’s fully reclined into his seat, one arm wrapped around Amy’s shoulders when the Kiss Cam pans onto them at the top of the fifth inning, breaking into laughter as he watches Amy’s face quickly turn a delightful shade of pink.  He’s still considering a humble peck to her cheek when she swivels in her seat, coiling her hand around his waist and pulling him in for an almost non-PG13 kiss before another moment can be wasted, and as the crowd cheers and Sixpence None The Richer plays in the background, Jake knows that he is totally, utterly and madly in love with the one and only Amy Santiago.    

There’s an oversized foam finger occupying Jake’s right hand, and his girlfriend’s fingers twisted around his left as they leave the field hours later, riding the high of another Met’s victory as they shuffle towards the exit.  He listens contentedly as Amy chatters excitably about the potential for statistical analysis of the game - something about sabermetrics that only makes him think of Star Wars - and it’s as they head towards the carpark that Jake finds himself completely distracted once more.

He watches as a family in front of them move along the footpath, both parents holding onto one hand each of their child as they swing from their parent’s arms, the overjoyed giggles filtering through the noise of a departing crowd as they bounce on and off the pavement.  

It’s the feeling of Amy’s hand in his, and the still unspoken assurance that both of them are in this for the long haul that allows Jake’s mind to wonder of the possibility of such a moment ever belonging to him.  He can almost see it: a chuckling toddler bounding between his and Amy’s arms, wearing their favourite jersey and singing the team song as they head home, just in time for bath and bed and some well-deserved Mommy and Daddy time (aka, falling asleep on the couch).  It’s a future so simplistic, but for the longest time seemed unthinkable, and Jake breaks out into a wide grin at the sheer notion that something so great as a lifetime with Amy could ever be more than just an unrequited dream.  

Amy’s hand squeezes his as they draw nearer to her car, her face growing curious as she looks up at Jake.  “What’s got you so smiley all of the sudden, Peralta?”

Shrugging nonchalantly, Jake hunches slightly to drop a quick kiss to Amy’s lips.  “I’ve just spent an afternoon in the sunshine with a beautiful woman beside me, watching my favourite team win.  There’s a lot of reasons to smile right there, babe.”

Resting her weight against her passenger door, Amy rests her hands on either side of Jake’s waist and looks up at him with an equally happy grin.  “Thank you for taking me here, Jake.  I loved every second of it.”  Lowering her grip slightly, she digs her fingers into his side in a request for closeness; and Jake bridges the gap for another kiss, letting both of them sink into it as the lack of surrounding strangers lends to a sense of privacy.  

The subtle scent of her perfume lingers over his senses as Jake pulls away, held closely still by Amy’s curled fingers around his belt loops, and he leans his forehead against hers.  “What was that you were saying earlier about hitting some bases tonight?”

He chuckles as she pushes him away with a gentle shove, giving him the Santiago wink (also known as a slow blink).  “How about we head back to my place and I show you what I mean, detective?”

The car fills up with laughter and the easy conversations of two best friends in love as Amy navigates them through the streets of Brooklyn - and as they head closer to home, Jake already knows that whatever the future may hold, with Amy by his side, they were going to knock it right out of the park.  

#peraltiago baseball game cuteness #b99 fic #peraltiago fanfiction #distracting me from the fic I was nearly finished writing? it's more likely than you think #jake x amy fic #my writing

[proselys]

December Prompt Challenge - Day 2: Drinking a hot drink.

Even for December, London was greyer, colder and wetter than usual. It was damn right miserable and everyone was feeling it even if the warm confines of the building. Still, it didn’t mean everything was completely bland. Decorations had been sporadically dotted around the large room, a tall, real Christmas tree full with lights and ornaments stood in a corner. Tinsel had been laid over the dividers of the desks and on the banisters leading to the upper level. Each desk had got their own mini light up tree as well, simply to bring happiness to their occupants. 

Emily might admit she had gone slightly overboard with the decorations, but then, no one would ever know it had been her in the first place. To her unit she was mysterious, level-headed, someone who didn’t take shit from anyone and possibly a little terrifying as well. They’d admit, Emily Prentiss was a good leader and chief, but she was also an enigma and that’s exactly how she liked it to be. They knew of her time in the FBI and patches from her old Interpol days but apart from that, nothing. Her private life was a complete mystery. 

Which was why Emily had decorated the large room at two in the morning when everyone had gone home. The Christmas before hadn’t been that cheerful, and she had wanted to change that this year into something everyone could enjoy. Even if they didn’t celebrate the holiday, who didn’t love trees, lights and tinsel? (Sergio hated tinsel, but he was on the other side of the Atlantic. Oh did she miss him). 

Acting oblivious to the sudden decorations the next day with everyone else had been a silent delight for her and the mood in the room had heightened. Her secret plan had been a success. 

If she was thinking about getting everyone Santa hats, it was nobody's business. 

But even with the festivities, Emily’s mood wasn’t completely raised. She missed her wife, especially at this time of year, and the call she’d had with JJ a few nights ago about the fact they might not be able to spend Christmas together had upset her. Emily knew it was no one's fault. Schedules were hard to match up, especially being half way round the world from each other. They’d simply have to do with what they had. Emily did feel guilty however, it being her projects and cases which were making it harder to get back to the States to spend time with JJ. Hopefully they’d get to in the New Year. 

But just because the holidays were edging closer very fast didn’t mean her workload decreased at all. If anything it increased with how Emily was letting those with families have the time off they deserved. It was unfortunate their job couldn’t stop for one day, and whilst some of the unlucky ones would have to be on call Christmas Day, she had tried to make it fair for everyone. She herself had decided to come into the office that day just to relieve some stress off of everyone. Working made Christmas feel less lonely after all. 

xxx

It was a week or so before Christmas and Emily had had a meeting first thing. Walking back from it and into her office, nothing seemed out of place or unusual. Putting her bag down on the desk for a moment, she sent a few messages on her phone before noticing the venti Starbucks cup. A smile appeared on her face for a moment as she went to sit down, putting her bag on the floor and logging into the laptop on her desk.

It had started a few months after she had taken the job. Every morning someone would be kind enough to bring her a coffee on their way to work. She had found out they even had a little chart as to who would do it when, and it had been a gesture like that which had helped her relax more into the job and not feel so much like an outsider. Emily had quickly stopped buying her own drinks in the morning and would thank them whenever she saw them for that days coffee. 

There was only one small problem, however, and that was Emily wasn’t the biggest fan of coffee. Yes, she liked it, and she would never tell her team because she didn’t want to hurt anyone’s feelings, but coffee wasn’t her favourite hot drink. No, hot chocolate was. 

Anyone who knew Emily well knew how much she loved chocolate, how she always had some in the bag just for emergencies. She even had a secret stash in the bottom draw of her desk. She loved hot chocolate, it being her comfort drink, and with the Christmas flavours here once more she was in her element. Back at the BAU, only two people had ever got her favourite order right and that was JJ and Garcia. 

So it would come as a surprise when she picked up the still warm cup and took a sip, not to find the usual taste of black coffee, but the sweet blend of chocolate and vanilla flavoured syrup. Emily was stunned for a moment, eyebrows knitting together in confusion for a moment. Garcia would have never been able to keep something like her visiting a secret, not by a long shot. Which meant…

Sure enough, as Emily looked up from her desk she was met with the striking blue eyes and blonde hair of her wife, leaning against the doorframe of her office with a grin on her face. 

“Took you long enough. I was worried it was going to get cold. I’ve been here for half an hour already.” The grin never left JJ’s face as she tried not to laugh at the shock apparent on Emily’s features. 

“Jen? W-What? What are you doing here? Why aren’t you in D.C?” Emily was still stunned, her wind whirring to catch up with what was happening. She watched as her wife walked into the office, closing the door behind her and made her way over to the desk where Emily was still sat. 

“Well, when you told me you wouldn’t make it back home, I knew I had to do something. So I thought, why don’t I come to you again this year? I asked Hotch and he agreed, and now I’m all yours for a whole two weeks and a half weeks. I had a lot of overtime to use up.” 

Without another word Emily put the cup down, got out of her chair and went around the desk, colliding with JJ with force as she wrapped her arms around her neck into a tight hug. “You’re really here for Christmas?” She asked, wanting to make sure this wasn’t just a dream. 

JJ hugged her back just as tight. It had been months since they’d last been able to touch and she wanted to hold onto Emily forever. A hand stroked through the brunette's hair, a smile on her face. “Yes, I’m really here for Christmas Em. I couldn’t leave my wife all alone now could I?” 

Pulling back slightly, Emily beamed at her before she leaned in to kiss JJ, savouring the moment as much as she could. Screw professionalism for two seconds; her wife was here and she could kiss her if she wanted. “I missed you.” She murmured against JJ’s lips. “I can’t believe how lucky I am. Having you with me for Christmas and you getting me a hot chocolate.” 

“I missed you too baby. And what can I say? We both know I’m the best. Now drink it before it gets cold, I’m not getting you another one.” But she would. They both knew she would. 

Letting go of her but staying close, Emily reached for the cup to drink from, humming happily to savour the taste and making JJ laugh in the process. 

“Will you be able to entertain yourself whilst I’m working the next few days?” Emily was already trying to work out how she was now going to have Christmas Day off, but she had a sneaking suspicion her unit was going to make her regardless. 

“Of course honey. I can find things to do, even if that includes annoying you in your huge office whilst you’re busy being the boss. I might even bring you a hot chocolate or two if you’re lucky.” JJ pressed a kiss to Emily’s cheek. 

“Oh I am very lucky. Maybe you could get me one of each of the Christmas flavours.” Emily was joking...well, half joking. 

JJ rolled her eyes fondly, but in the end she’d do anything for Emily and to see the sparkle in her eyes that was there now. And if that meant filling her with chocolate then so be it. “Don’t push your luck Chief Prentiss. Now, how about we introduce myself properly to your team hmm?” She held out her hand for Emily to take. 

Although taking it, Emily looked a little guilty, giving JJ a small shrug. “Well…” 

“Emily Prentiss, are you telling me they still don’t know you’re married?” JJ asked exasperatedly. She wasn’t surprised though, it had taken Emily a long time even with the BAU to open up slightly about her private life. 

“Maybe…” 

Rolling her eyes once more, JJ gently tugged Emily across the room to the door. “Come on, I’m going to tell them all you’re a big softie. Nice work on the decorations by the way. I know the Emily Christmas touch when I see it.” 

Emily gasped and shook her head though she didn’t really try to stop JJ. “No, you absolutely can’t tell them I’m a big softie. I’m their boss! I’m fierce and, and-“ 

She was cut off by JJ stopping in her tracks and pressing a kiss to her forehead. “I know you are sweetheart. So fierce and badass.” She cooed with a giggle. “Now come, be good and introduce me and I’ll get you another hot chocolate at lunch okay? Maybe even the chocolate mint one?” 

The unit chief had started to pout as JJ cooed at her, though she let out a gasp at the mention of a second hot chocolate that day. “Chocolate mint? You really do love me.” 

Laughing, JJ looking at her wife with such fondness and adoration. “I really do love you. Now, let’s go say hi to everyone. If you’re lucky I’ll let you have one of your Christmas presents early tonight.” With a wink, JJ pulled Emily out of the room. 

Emily really was lucky, she thought to herself. Her wife had flown across the ocean to be with her for Christmas and got her her favourite drink. She truly was happy. 

(And if her team shared knowing looks when Emily finally introduced JJ as her wife, she pretended not to notice.)

#amelia's december prompt challenge #this was meant to be short #but i can't write short #so have ramblings of my favourite wlw #emily prentiss #jennifer jareau #jemily #criminal minds #emily fucking loves chocolate okay #and she is a big softie #and jj will do anything for her #including getting her tons of hot chocolate #romeys writing

[sillyrabbit81]

Her Heavy Cross

Summary: Three years after tragedy hits, Lana she decides to start dating again. She meets Will through a dating app and they begin an online romance. After months of constant requests, Lana relents and agrees to meet and go on an irl date with Will. But is Will who he says he is? Lana is quickly pulled into an intense relationship forcing her to confront her tragic past. Will Lana face it or will she close her heart forever?

Pairing: OMC x OFC

Word Count: approx 3.7k

Warnings: Smut, swearing,

Authors Note: The story started as a Henry Cavill fanfiction but I changed it to be an original character, but shades of Henry are still there. Hope you enjoy the story and thanks for reading.

Part 4 Part 6

Part 5

I lived about 40 minutes away from Liam in the suburbs. I still lived in the house Andy and I had bought together, planning to have a family.

I kept thinking about the house on the way there. I remembered being so excited when we found out our offer was accepted. When we moved in a few months later, we did what I assume most young couples do, and we had sex in every room, including the laundry. I had joked that if I got pregnant from the laundry sex, we should call the kid Westinghouse.

After Andy died, I had used his life insurance from his superannuation to pay off the mortgage. I had decided against selling it and moving somewhere smaller. I couldn't do it as it felt like I was abandoning our dream.

When we got home, Liam said, "you live here? I expected you lived in an apartment or something, not a whole house by yourself."

I wasn't meant to be here by myself. I didn't say it, though. I just shrugged, opened the door and said, "You live in a huge place by yourself."

"Yeah, but I didn't pick it. A place to live close to the studio was part of the contract.".

We went in. Perrin came lumbering to the door to greet me and gave Liam a short bark. I scolded Perrin and patted him, telling him Liam was a guest. Liam was unfazed and knelt to pat him and had a chat. "You're just protecting your lady, aren't you, buddy? Well, don't worry, I'll take good care of her." Be still my beating heart.

I took Liam past the bedrooms, pointed out the main bathroom, and went to the open plan kitchen, lounge and dining room. I got out food for Perrin and fed him and found Liam hadn't followed me into the room.

He was in the hallway looking at the pictures on the wall. Well, one in particular. The one of me in my wedding dress, kissing Andy. Oh shit... this was awkward.

I didn't say anything, what could I say?

"I'm sorry." He eventually said. He finally looked at me.

"Why?"

"It must have been awful."

Don't cry! I just nodded.

He pulled me to his chest and held me. "I know you told me what happened when we first started chatting. It didn't really register until I saw this." He pulled back a bit to look at me but still had his arms around me. "Is that why you were so upset last night?" I didn't have to say anything. It must have been written all over my face. Shit.

"Shit," Liam said, echoing my thoughts. He let me go and ran his hand through his curls. They seemed to have dried now. "I'm sorry, I should have realised..."

"No," I interrupted him. "Look, I'd be lying if I said I was over it. I don't think you can ever get over it, but I'm ready to move on. I've been trying to date for a while now. It's just taking that last step and sleeping with someone..." I trailed off. I didn't know how to say what I was thinking without him believing I didn't want him. "I want to be sure it's the right person. Does that make sense?"

"Yes, Sweetheart." Liam pulled me close again. "I'll try to control myself."

"Don't try too hard," I said. "I want you too."

Liam grinned, "You shouldn't have said that." He buried his face into my neck, kissing me and nipping at me until I started to giggle.

He let me go smiling. I said I had better go shower. His eyes widened a moment. "You ok to wait while I do?"

"Don't worry, Sweetheart. I'll have plenty of thoughts to keep me occupied while you're in the shower."

I pretended to be offended, "You're filthy."

"Yes." He said. I ran.

I showered as quickly as possible and got dressed in some leggings and a t-shirt. I went out to find Liam playing on his phone, patting Perrin. He looked up when I came in, and the smile he gave me was so dazzling I stopped for a moment. Gathering myself, I walked over to him and sat on the lounge, not quite close enough to touch him but not out of reach either.

"What should we do today? Do you feel like being lazy, or do you want to go out?" I asked.

Liam hummed a moment. "I think a lazy day would be nice. I won't get many of them soon."

"We could watch a movie?"

Liam agreed. "What do you want to watch?"

"Anything really. Except for romance or a tear-jerker."

"What? Why?"

"I hate crying, and I cry at the drop of a hat. I can't even watch Disney movies without crying. Once I watched Seven Pounds and cried for three days straight." Yeah, I really did. "Plus, I'm an ugly crier." Why, oh, why can't I keep my big mouth shut.

Liam laughed, "I find it hard to believe that you could ever be ugly." And I can't breathe. I think I need an oxygen tank. "Alright, we won't watch a romance."

"Ok, come with me and let's choose. I have a heap of Blu-rays and DVDs. I like director cuts, extended cuts, that kind of thing." I took Liam's hand and tried to pull him off the lounge. He didn't let me. Instead, he pulled me closer until I was standing in front of him.

"Not yet." Liam wrapped his arms around my waist and pulled me onto his lap, so I was straddling his glorious thighs. "If we can't watch a romance, maybe we could..." He didn't finish the sentence, which I'm thankful for because I don't think even he could have said anything after that, which wouldn't have been cringe.

Liam's hands slid behind my hips to my bottom, and he gripped me, pulling me closer. Once again, I giggled at his strength. Sometimes I swear I want to slap myself. His hips moved upwards, and I slid further down until I could feel his hardness between my legs. Oh fuck, I don't know how long I can hold out. He put a hand on my neck and pulled my face towards his. His lips met mine. I tried, unsuccessfully, to suppress the moan that came from my throat.

"Fuck," he breathed into my mouth. "When you make noises like that, I just can't stop thinking about what other noises you can make."

I didn't respond, and I just kissed him back. I let my hands trail down his chest, savouring every curvature of his muscles. My hands reached under his shirt, and I felt my way back up his chest.

Although I was travelling blind, my fingers found the spot they were looking for. Liam hissed as my fingers trailed over his nipples. A self-satisfied smile came across my lips. As if in retaliation, he pulled his hands away and held the bottom of my shirt.

"I don't like this shirt. It covers too much." He grinned roguishly. I wasn't going to give in easily.

"But it's a Ramones t-shirt," I complained. "Don't get between Joey and me."

"Joey, huh?"

I nodded, "didn't you know I was a punk rocker?" I stuck my tongue out and did some devils horns.

"Do that again." Liam was grinning at me, so, like an idiot, I did. He whipped the shirt off over my head so quickly I couldn't stop him. I stared down at my chest. My bra was still keeping my modesty in check. I must have had a crazy look of surprise on my face because he laughed at me. "That's better." He said and started kissing the top of my breasts.

I put my hands into his hair, letting him have a small victory while I took mine. His hair was as soft as I thought it would be. Then I curled my hands into fists and pulled, so he had no choice but to pull back and look up at me.

"That was very rude," I said, trying not to smile.

"You loved it." He wasn't wrong.

"Maybe, but it's only fair if..." I trailed off and tugged at his shirt. He leaned forward instantly, and I pulled his shirt off. He was so broad in the chest I felt positively small next to him. I pushed him back against the lounge, well, he let me push him, and I leaned down to kiss his chest. His hair tickled my nose as I travelled my kisses across his chest to his nipple. I kissed it gently before flicking it with my tongue.

"Fuck me," I heard him say. That encouraged me, and I took his nipple in my mouth and gave it a little bite. His whole body jerked in response.

Liam growled, "Fuck it". Suddenly his arm was around my waist and the other under my bum, and he stood up, taking me with him. I squealed and wrapped my legs around his waist. He was stronger than I thought.

"Which one is your bedroom?" Liam asked as he started towards the hall. His eyes held mine, and his blue eyes seemed dark and hungry.

"Second on the left." I should have given my room a clean! Maybe he won't notice if I keep him occupied.

He took me to the door, and I reached behind my back and opened it. He took me in and put me down. He closed the door behind us, and I turned around, looking at my room. Embarrassment crept in.

I had a massive pile of dirty clothes hanging out of my laundry basket and a pile of clean clothes on a chair. My bed was unmade, pillows everywhere. My bedside table was piled with books and had an empty Ben and Jerry's tub on top. Ok, it's bad, but it could have been worse. Then I remembered something, and my eyes flew to the bedside's open draw.

I felt the blood leave my face. It was worse. The last thing I wanted Liam to see was my god damned vibrator. Fuck!

"So, what should we do now?" Liam stood behind me and wrapped his arms around my bare waist. He ran his hands up my side and kissed my neck, nuzzling into me. Although it felt amazing, all I could do was look at the pink silicone sticking out of the draw. I was as still as a statue.

"You're not into this." He stated, his hands dropped, "That's ok, I told you I wouldn't do anything you didn't want to do." I mumbled something, not sure what, and kept thinking about getting to the draw and hiding the vibrator without drawing attention to it.

Liam's voice came out strangled and about an octave higher. "Hide the vibrator?" His voice calmed, and he said, "Damn, Sweetheart. I would have been happy just to feel you up a bit. But if you insist."

I want to die. Liam saw it. I jumped to the draw and slammed it shut. "Umm, I didn't mean for you to see that." I still couldn't look at him.

"I didn't see anything until you said it." Oh. Well, I'm a fucking idiot.

I slowly turned and looked at him. I could see Liam's bloody lip twitching as he tried to hide a shit-eating grin. I wanted to hit him.

"Don't be embarrassed." His voice was deep again, his accent making each word soothing, "I'm not." He came closer to me, his head. He spoke softly in my ear, "I think it's hot as fuck."

I moaned, partly turned on, partly wanting to die. I could feel the heat between my legs grow, and a pleasant tingle radiated through me as I shivered. "No, it's not," I said. Why was I such a prude sometimes? I hid my face in my hands.

Liam didn't attempt to hide his grin. He took my chin in his hand and lifted my face to his. "My rock hard cock disagrees." Oh, Lord, help me.

"Really?" I asked. I hadn't always been like this. Ten years ago, I would have pulled the vibrator out of the draw and put on a show. I knew lots of guys liked to watch a girl orgasm. Just picturing myself doing it now was cringe-inducing.

"Fuck, yes." Liam took my hand. He was gentle and moved slowly as if I were his prey, and any sudden movement would make me bolt. Liam placed my hand on his jeans between his legs. He groaned, and his forehead leaned against mine. "That's what you do to me."

A thrill flowed through me. I wanted to touch him so much. I cupped my fingers around Liam's balls and pressed my palm against him. I moved my palm slowly up, trying to find the end, fuck it was big.

Liam put his hands in my hair and kissed me roughly. I kept moving my palm up and down slowly and firmly against him, my own excitement growing. I was getting so turned on, I lost control for a moment and bit on Liam's lip. Liam growled.

I couldn't stand it anymore; the desire to feel him was too much. I undid his belt. Not wanting to take the time to undo each button, I pulled his jeans apart, each button popping as they came undone. Liam looked down and watched as I slid his jeans down his thighs. I gripped him through his underwear and explored his length. Liam stood there still, watching as my hand moved over the fabric.

It felt so good, but I wanted more. I wanted to hold in my hand what I had glimpsed the night before. I put a hand into his trunks, but before I could touch anything, Liam grabbed my wrist and removed it from his underwear.

"As much as I want this and believe me, I fucking want this. I need to make sure this is what you want." Liam's voice was strained. I looked at his face and could see the effort it took for him to have stopped me. His desire was plain.

"I want it." Liam closed his eyes for a moment. When he opened his eyes, they seemed on fire.

"Tell me exactly what you want."

Please don't make me say it. The shyness was back, or shame, I can't tell. I tried to swallow, but my throat was dry. "I want to touch you," I whispered.

"Tell me where." His voice was hoarse. It was such a fucking turn on.

"I want to touch your cock." I felt his pants move at my words. I looked down and saw the tip almost peeking out of his underwear. I put my hand in and held his shaft gently, and his skin felt soft and velvety. Liam shuddered against me. At that moment, I felt powerful watching this huge man tremble at my touch. I moved my hand.

Liam bucked his hips against my hand, moving slowly at first, but his rhythm increased as did mine. I couldn't stop watching his body move, the muscles in his abs contracting with each thrust, his chest heaving with each ragged breath. It was so fucking erotic.

I felt Liam's hand move over my face, and I looked up and realised he had been watching my face. His thumb moved over my lips. I parted them, and he put his thumb in my mouth. I let my tongue rub over the pad of his thumb and sucked. His eyes went wide, and his hips stuttered. I kept sucking and jerking him, syncing them into the same rhythm.

"Fuck, Lana, stop." I released him slowly and took my hand out of his pants. I let him withdraw his thumb, but I still sucked. It made a slight pop as it left. He leaned into me, catching his breath a moment. I think I nearly made him orgasm. I tried to keep the triumphant smile from my face. I didn't try very hard.

"You're..." Liam was shaking his head. He didn't finish the sentence.

"Terrible Muriel?" I suggested. Way to kill the fucking moment, Lana.

Liam laughed, thank god! "Not what I was going to say." He flopped onto the bed and laid on his back. "Fucking good at that is what I was thinking." He pulled his jeans and shoes off and closed his eyes, his breath slowly returning to normal. I wanted to jump his bones.

Instead, I laid down next to him on my tummy, leaning on my elbows.

Part 6

#original character #original fiction #romantic story

[undercoverwizardfanfiction]

A Winter Night: A ROTTMNT Holiday story

Rating:G

Word Count;2358

for: @snakeeyesdraws

Characters: Donnie, Leo, Kendra

pairings: [takes breath, pulls out sword] LISTEN

update; i accidentally uploaded the draft the first time ^^’ i fixed though this is the finished version

An overtly saturated neon sign of a Santa selling sandals catches him in the corner of his eye. He uses his forearm to protect his aching eyes as he passed the sign. When he passes the blinding neon of Santa, the turtle takes a deep breath, a soft mist escaping his mouth. Honestly, he is grateful the streets aren’t more crowded. But not for his slowly numbing hands. He stuffs his hands into his unlined pockets and moves forward. Grateful more than ever that he had updated Shelldon with a heating unit so he didn’t have to weigh himself down with a heavy coat. It was making the walk to Hueso’s a bit more tolerable. He’d have to remember to update his brothers’ gear to include a heating unit like his. Course knowing them they’d probably use it to heat up marshmallows in their pockets and that was a mess he was NOT going to clean up for-

He is so wrapped up in the nightmarish scenario of having to clean marshmallows out of circuitry when a loud shriek of anger followed by a trash can flying past his line of vision causes him to jump on one foot with a shriek of fear

“Stupid AIDEN!!”

It takes Donnie a moment, and another trash can flying by his vision to realize he is not the source of anger, or in danger. He blinks and peers down the alley before having to duck in time for another trashcan to get stomped in the middle with enough strength to crunch it in half before, in a mixture of amazement he blinks. “Kendra?”

In a feral rage Kendra stomps a trashcan nearly in half before swerving around and glaring at him snarling. Her thick purple hair twisted in half ragged tangles, her beret lay on the ground as though she had thrown it to the ground before deciding that wasn’t enough to help vent her rage. Her half-crazed eyes narrowed at him. “What do YOU want?!” she bites and for a moment Donnie wishes he hadn’t stopped, “Are you here to ruin my day again?! Wreck my plans?!”

“Um,” Don blames his lack of ability to come up with a snappy come back on his even more urgent need to survive the next five seconds, or at least not end up like that trashcan. ”Are you doing something that should be stopped?”

Kendra narrows her eyes at him. “NO.”

“Do you HAVE an evil plan that I should stop? Again?”  With a snarl Don worries he might have said the wrong thing.

But then she lets out an angry sigh, “No, not now.”

“Um.” He really didn’t want to end up a Donnie shaped hole in the wall, “Then, no?”

Kendra narrows her eyes at him, Donnie could barely see the little puffs of steam burst out of her nose like a bull trying to figure out if he was a matador worth charging. But then she lets out an angry growl, ”Fine, go away then,” she says, crouching down and yanking the trash can back into a standing position kicking at it a few more times to try and un-dent it. Donnie glances back at the trash cans in the road and sighs. He pulled off his gloves, cursing the fact that he didn’t bring any extra rubber gloves, and pulls one of the trash cans off the street. Kendra glares up at him before eyeing the trashcan in confusion, “What do you want?”

“To not see cars hit trash cans? Is that supposed to be a hard question?” he asks, again berating himself when Kendra narrows her eyes at him, but lets him stand his trash can next to the one she had ‘undented’, she doesn’t thank him when he drags by the other one too. But to be honest he doesn’t really expect it. But he does finally notice that, even though she traded out her leggings for sweatpants, she’s lacking her purple dragons' jacket and is wearing a dark grey sweater and boots. All signs indicated she had not been planning on being outside in December and is using all the anger she had been trying out on the trash cans to not shiver, “Where are you going?”

“What’s it to you?” she demands.

Donnie raises his hands in mock surrender. “Honestly? I was just trying to help but if you’re going to keep acting like a jerk, I’ll-“ he wasn’t sure how he was going to finish that thought. ‘Walk away?’ ‘Blog about it angrily later?’ But it ended with someone shouting ‘heads up’ and something hard slamming into the back of his head, his vision exploding in bright colors and the breaking of a snowball contacting with his head. Off balance he finds his world spinning and himself on his knees, hands holding his head trying to make sense of the pain and his disorientation.

“Hey!” Kendra’s voice was far away, but that could be ‘cause she had stormed over to yell at the kids who had thrown the snow ball. “The hells your problem?! That was basically an ice ball you weebs.” Don could barely make out their mumbled sheepish apology. He pulls off his hat and touched the soaking bandana underneath. Any hope that it had just been snow went out the window when he drew his bloody fingers off his head.

“Holy-“ Sounds like Kendra was back, his vision was spinning so bad that he assumed the spinning purple mass by his side was her. “Hey how many fingers am I holding up?!” she said holding out her hand. He could barely make out her fingers but gave a weak, “Four?” with strength surprising for someone her size, she took his arm and lifted him to his feet, pulling his arm over her neck, “Come on there’s a hospital nearby-“

“NO,” he answers quickly.

“Are you kidding me you’re HEAD is BLEEDING.”

“And I'm a giant talking turtle which do you think will matter more to a hospital staff?!” He often wondered how Yokai managed in the city without access to a hospital. He had been meaning to ask Hueso about-. He blinks, there was no way he could let Kendra take him home. But he was already close to the pizza place “I have a place I can go. But you can’t go with me-“

“Again, your HEAD is BLEEDING,” she snaps. “I’ll take you where you need to go but I won't get any closer got it?” Donnie knew she wouldn’t take no for answer and only answered with a sigh and a nod. She pulls harder on the arm wraps over her neck and took more of his weight. Despite their height difference he barely touches the ground which only added more to the feeling of being disoriented.

“Thanks,” he muttered weakly.

“Don’t thank me til we get there.”  Donnie struggles to keep his eyes open but his swirling vision forces him to keep his eyes closed, a hand slaps his face lightly. “Hey stay awake nerd.”

“Pot calling the kettle-“ Donnie bit off the end of his statement as he tried not to dry heave. He could feel Kendras frozen bare arms through his coat and feels even worse for being out in the first place. “H-Hold on,” he says, stiffening his legs up to drag her to a stop. He manages to pry her arm off him long enough to peel his coat off leaving him in his long sleeved dark pink Atomic Lass shirt. “You’re obviously cold.” As callous as he is sometimes, he finds it’s better to be honest than to dance around the subject, “Shelldon has a heating unit that’ll keep me warm.” Though it wouldn’t help his arms, he could handle a few blocks though. Thankfully his vision is returning to some extent, enough that he notices Kendra looking to his pack and for a moment Don struggles not to shift to put the pack out of her sight, “That’s Shelly right? Is he still mad at me for tricking him?”

“Oh definitely. He has a stack of crayon drawings dedicated to his revenge on you.” He feels the shoulders on his back tighten as though Shelldon was reprimanding him for revealing his secret plans.

Kendra lets off a small shrug “Yeah fair enough, I’d probably do the same thing” before smirking directionally at the pack, ”But for the record little buddy, blue prints are a much better way to plot out revenge.”

Don tries to grin before dizziness settles in again. Kendra must have noticed since she ducked under his arm. “Hold on nerd, keep talking to me.”

He manages a nod, mentally keeping track of their location. “Wh-what were you doing out here kicking trash cans?” he asked. “And who’s this Aiden guy who has you so mad? Not that it's any of my business, but I’m kinda hurt there’s someone out there you currently hate more than me,” he says with an added offended tone that makes her glare at him in confusion. ”I mean not to brag, but I sorta consider it a pride and joy to have an enemy worthy of my intelligence.”

Kendra narrows her eyes. “Please, he’s not worthy of my time,” she says through her teeth. “There’s this guy in the robotics club with us, Aiden. A loser who couldn’t tell a snickers from a soldering pen. There was a contest to submit the best blueprints, and who ever won would to be our project for the semester.”

“I’ve seen you build stuff on your own though. “

“That wasn’t the point,” Kendra lets out an angry huff, “I won, like I knew I was going to. But he got second place, I checked the points and he was twelve points away from wining. Twelve! The loser pretty boy who had his private tutor help him.”

“But you still won-“

“-He shouldn’t have gotten that close. I did all my work by myself. Didn’t ask for help, spent nights coding and drafting. I should have left him in the dust a broken swaddled nerd with broken dreams. But no. I made sure he knew how I felt about it, but the creep tattled on me. Freaking snowflake got freaked out because his blue prints ended up on his front porch on fire. Since when is that illegal.”

“I mean,” Don pauses, “I think always.”

“Anyway, I got kicked off the club and that’s why I'm out here.” She shrugs. “If my Dad or step mom saw me getting this mad then they’d make me do the ‘breathing exercises,’” she said with air quotations, “Being all ‘Kendra we’re worried about you’ ‘Kendra we love and support you we just don’t want to see you go down a bad path’ and ‘Kendra where do you keep getting access to all this fire!?’” Her frustrations forced her to kick out at a sign they passed but thankfully not hard enough to knock it over, “So as soon as I’m done helping you, I’m going to see my Mom. She’s the only one who gets me.”

Donnie blames his concussion on being so surprised Kendra had a mom but tried to keep it off his features. But judging by the quiet scoff from Kendra he hadn’t done a very good job, "How about you Greeny? Why did you come out here if you already had a concussion? Don’t pretend like you didn’t have one, I saw the bandages when I was checking your scalp. You already had a head injury before you got hit in the head.”

Figures his hat would blame him, and his own disorientation for forgetting that Kendra had checked his scalp. “It's complicated.”

“More complicated then plotting revenge on a spoiled white boy in a Vanilla Ice t-shirt?” she says in a tone that tells Donnie she’s trying to make a joke. And despite his best efforts not to, he snorts slightly, “No, I'll agree it’s not that complicated.” But it still feels weird to share with a certified enemy who once tried to steal the Spirit of Labour Day (don’t ask can’t explain). Thankfully she doesn’t rush him as he tries to collect his thoughts. “I got into an argument with my brother.” He still doesn’t want to let her in on too much information. “My brothers are all protective of each-other but he's’ protective in a way that makes me nuts. He thought it was too soon for me to go out with this whole situation,” he said gesturing to his head bandage, “And I disagreed. Except I didn’t really do it in the best way.”

“I think I know what that means,” Kendra says. “Did you say something bad?”

For a moment, it takes all of Don’s remaining mental energy to not think about Leo’s face, watching his concerned features fade away to one of hurt. So hurt in fact he hadn’t even called after Donnie when he stormed out. He lets out a sigh. “I did. I wish I had a reasonable excuse for it, but to be honest I don’t like feeling like I'm depending on people. I don’t like feeling like he’s always concerned about me. I especially don’t like him being right about it.”

“Sucks when it feels like you’re under-appreciated huh?”

“Yeah.” He could make out a familiar sandal store that housed Hueso’s alley. “We’re here,” he says.

Kendra looks around, and for a moment Donnie is concerned Kendra is going to insist on taking him ‘inside’ but she ducks from under shoulder. “You sure?” she asks, “I can take you further.”

“I’m good, thanks though.” He tries to give her a confident smile but his lips only twitch in response. She gives a half shrug before she starts pulling off his coat. “Keep it. You have a long way to walk and I still have Shelldon to keep me warm.”

“Thanks,” she says pulling the coat back on. “I’ll catch you later Greeny,” she says. She looks like she's’ about to walk off when she pauses. “But for the record, it still must be nice to have brothers who have your back.”

“It is.” Don nods. “And honestly Aiden sounds like a little bitch.”

For the first time since their strange encounter began Kendra put on a full smile. “Thanks,” she says before walking off.

(#)(#)\/(#)(#)

Leo didn’t snore.

So when his phone went off amongst his makeshift ‘pillow floor’ in the living room he did not ‘snort’ awake. He made a strangled noise before sitting up. Patting his sweatpants and hoody pockets before diving into the mass of pillows. Breaching a moment later like a whale with his phone in his teeth. Hueso’s ID is flashing across his screen. With a scoff he answers. “For the last time BONE man I don’t work today-“

“First of all, that is NOT how you politely answer a phone,” Hueso starts with a snap of his teeth. “Second that’s not why I'm calling. Your brother is here with me.”

Leo blinks, he blames his previous hibernated state on why it took him so long to remember which brother had left the lair. “Donnie? Is he ok?” he said already going to his room and looking for his sword under his bed.

“He is alright, but it looks like he got hit on the head pretty hard-“

That’s all it takes for him to charge out of his room, lingering only long enough to grab the toolbox he used for a first aid kit, and grabbing his portal sword from the kitchen (vaguely remembering he had used it to cut some cheese for his peanut butter and cheese grilled sandwich earlier) and slicing the sword down to activate a portal to Hueso’s office. Without saying bye, he hangs his phone up and jumps through.

The aforementioned skeleton, who had been glaring at his phone as though offended Leo had hung up on him, gave a shriek as the turtle appears by his side. “BAH! Leo, I hate it when you-“

Leo immediately tuned him out when he saw Donnie laying on Hueso’s couch with an ice pack over his forehead, he hurried forward and knelt down. “You ok buddy?” he asks.

Donnie looks up at him from under the ice pack with a weak smile. “I don’t know, are you really uglier than the last time I saw you or is that my head talking?”

Leo couldn’t help but grin. “I thought brain injuries were supposed to make people nicer,” he says. He turns to the toolbox and starts going through the first aid supplies inside. “Thanks for letting him rest. In your office,” he tells Hueso as he sets aside a pen light and some new bandages.

“Why wouldn’t I? Out of your brothers he’s most definitely my favorite.”

“Wait you have a favorite?” Leo looks to him. “Then who's your least favorite?”

After a pause, Hueso gives a wide and strained grin. “I will leave you two to it. If you need me just call me,” he says before ducking out quickly.  

It’s only then that Leo turns his barely contained worried energy on Donnie “What happened? Who did this? Do you have their address and sleep schedule-“

“Leo,” Don starts in a pained voice, “Please, my head feels like someone tried to split it with an ax. It was an accident. Some kids hit me in the head with a snow ball.“

Leo was about to start on another tirade of questions when he forced himself to take a deep breath, “Yeah, ok, I'm sorry,” he says. Also trying to ignore Donnie’s missing coat. He looks back to his supplies and pulls out a pen light. “I’m going to check your pupil dilation, but only if you're up for it.” He waits for Donnie to give a slight nod before he lifts the pen and carefully pushes the ice pack away from his eyes. Using his thumb to cover Don’s opposite eye without actually touching him, with a flash the pupil constricts and dilates as it should. He does the same process to the other “Well that’s good at least,” Leo says. “How’s your vision?”

“Spinning, but I think that’s from the pain.”

That would make sense. The red slider turtle rose to sit on the edge of the couch, carefully unwrapping Don’s scalp as gently as he can, checking his facial expression for any signs of increased pain before he lets out a sigh of relief. “It's just a surface bleed. It doesn’t look like the actual injury itself reopened.”

“That’s good,” Donnie says with a soft sigh. “You’re doing a good job.”

“I had a good teacher.” Leo made sure to give Donnie a soft smile that the turtle barely returns. “Let me just change the bandages and we’ll head home when you feel up for it. Maybe we can order some pizza; I've had a monster craving for anchovy and chocolate syrup pizza for days-“

“I was wrong.”

Leo blinks, pausing from unwrapping the new bandages with his hands. It takes him longer than he should to realize what Don’s apologizing for and when he does, he only returns to digging through his kit. “You were a little right,” Leo says quietly putting aside a bottle of alcohol, “I mean it's kinda right, right?? You're usually right-“

“No, Leo.” Donnie tries to sit up but fails to get up more than a few seconds before Leo’s grip on his arm forces him back down. “Leo I was wrong. I was angry, my head was killing me I would have said anything to hurt you. You don’t mess everything up-“

“Except I do?” Leo lets out a soft laugh. “I mean I do. Between the minotaur's pizza and Big Mama I'm surprised I get anything right-“

Don’s hand grabs his shoulders and before Leo can stop him, the soft-shell forces himself into a sitting position with pure grit alone (judging by the pain filled grimace on his face, “Would you listen to me?!” Donnie demands shaking him by the shoulders, “I shouldn’t have even said it but I would have said anything. I was angry at feeling so helpless and dependent. I was angry because you were right for trying to stop me from going out. I did need your help and I shouldn’t have been so difficult. I’m sorry, I’m so sorry-“ his last sentence is interrupted with a sob that helps him notice the tears running down his face. Donnie lets out an aggravated huff as he presses the heel of his hands against his streaming eyes to help spare his dignity in some way.

He feels the couch shift as Leo shifts closer, wrapping his arms around him. “Ok, ok you were wrong. I’m sorry.”

“Stop apologizing Leo,“ Donnie manages to say from his brother’s shoulder. “I’m the one apologizing not you, idiot.”

“Alright, alright I apologize for apologizing. You were wrong I was right. Is that what you want to hear?” he asks. Don nods into his shoulder. Leo rests his cheek on Dons’ shoulder rubbing his shell for a few moments as Don’s erratic breathing finally starts to calm down.

After a few seconds Don lets out a small sigh, “Damn it, I was doing so good too. I can't even tell anymore if these are meltdowns or panic attacks.”

“As long as you don’t have to deal with them alone when you don’t want to, that’s all I care about.” Leo gives him a final squeeze before reaching up and taking Don’s shoulders, gently guiding him down to lay down again. “Ok buddy. I’m going to rewrap your head, and then I'm going to go order us some food and portal us home. You just relax ok?” He waits for Donnie to nod before Leo starts applying some alcohol to a cotton ball. “I’ll be honest though, I’m sorta surprised you made it here safely.”

Don for the first time since Leo entered Hueso’s office looks him with his tired blood shot eyes. A soft smile forming on his face as he relaxes. “Yeah,” he whispers. ”Me too.”

#rottmnt #rottmnt fanfiction #Rise of the teenage mutant ninja turtles #leo #donnie #kendra #christmas #gift #what a long year

[evendeadlmthehero]

The Five Year Promise: Visit From a Sorcerer (4/10)

Summary: Y/N Stark, 20 year old superhero, makes a promise with a 16 year old Peter Parker after being cheated on, that if she hasn’t found love in the next 5 years, they’d finally go on a date. Then the snap happens. Y/N is gone and Peter isn’t

Warnings: swearing, a little bit of angst

Twitter// BuckysLemons

A/N: this chapter is really long. I might add an extra part and make it an eleven part series if the next chapter is also too long.

The Five Year Promise Masterlist

Based on Avengers: Infinity War (2018)

It was 12pm.

12pm and you were in a lab, working on your suit.

It was a complex equation that was your suit, and you were still trying to figure it out. Yes, after one year of almost dying, you were still trying to figure out the secret of your suit.

“Which is velocity squared...” you trailed off, talking to yourself as you scribbled down the numbers. You then stuck the pen in your mouth, thinking of what to add now.

“Maybe the coefficient of kinetic friction?” You spoke, finishing out the equation. You were about to see if the equation was viable before your dad came in, scaring the hell out of you.

“Happy Birthday to you!” He yelled obnoxiously, wearing a birthday hat and a shirt with your face on it. “Happy birthday to you! Happy birthday dear pumpkin! Happy birthday to you!”

You stared at your dad with a ‘what the hell’ look. Your dad looked at you with the same look, shaking his head.

“What? You want me to sing it in Spanish?” He had asked, rolling his eyes. “Anyway, before your ungrateful self looks at me like I’m an idiot, I have made reservation for us, Pepper, Peter and Samwell Oshdorn.”

You let out a little laugh, folding the piece of paper containing the equation and placing it in one of the desk draws. “Dad, ‘Samwell Oshdorn’ and I broke up last week.”

Your father straightened up at the news. He was happy. Of course he was. He hated the Osborn kid. His father always competed with him and his son was equally as annoying.

“You got want you wanted dad,” you spoke out quietly, playing with your fingers. “You got what everyone else wanted.”

Your dad face fell at your sad tone. Despite your Dad’s perception of him, he knew you were just blinded by love.

Taking off the birthday hat, he placed it on the table and walked over towards you.

“Hey, pumpkin,” he spoke out, rubbing your shoulders. “You’ll get there one day. You’ll find love. And also, sometimes I am stupid, and you won’t hear me say that again about myself so don’t take this for granted, but your feelings matter more to me than what I think about someone.”

“Dad,” your voice cracked, shaking your head as a tear escaped you eye. “I just- I just want to know what I did wrong. I don’t know what- he just.”

You stopped shaking your head as tears cascaded down your cheeks. Your father embraced you, rubbing soothing circles on your back.

“Sweet pea you did nothing wrong, okay. I might be a little biased, but I think you are the most smartest and beautiful young lady in the world. He’s just an idiot who didn’t know what he had until it was gone.”

You sniffed, letting out a chuckle, giving your dad the tightest squeeze you can manage. You moved away from the hug, wiping the tears from your face. “Thanks dad. I love you so much. Like a lot. Like 2000.”

“2000?” Your dad faked being hurt, grabbing his chest. “I’m at least a 3000. I mean I have a shirt printed with your face on it, I deserve bonus points.”

You laughed at your dad, shaking your head. You then looked away from him, biting your lip. “Can I tell you something else dad?”

“Shoot”

“I miss Nat and Wanda,” you spoke, your eyes welling up with tears again, but this time you didn’t let them fall. “I miss having them around. I miss- I miss venting to them. This is the secound time that I’m not celebrating my birthday with them and it’s harder than the first time.”

Your dad let out a sigh, crossing his arms as he looked away. “You know it’s hard hun. Cap and I-“

“I know Dad,” you spoke, looking at your fingernails. “But one way or another, we will need them to come back. You and I both know there’s something big coming.”

Your dad nodded, getting up for the chair before placing the birthday hat on your head. “Get dressed, we’re leaving soon.”

You nodded, annoyed at how he changed the subject while placing the birthday hat on the table. “Sure.”

Your dad walked towards the door before halting. He turned around, pulling a little box from his pocket. “This came in the mail for you today.”

He handed you the box, giving you a final look before leaving the room. You ripped the brown paper around it before opening the box.

Inside it was a charm bracelet and a little note that said:

Hey mini me,

They were selling these at a little shop near Wakanda and I thought it’d look good on you. Happy 21st Birthday and remember; when you drink in front of your dad, make sure it looks like your first time ;)

With Love,

Your big sister Nat

P.S Wanda says she loves you a lot

You smiled at the note, placing the charm bracelet around your wrist. It had a bead that you assumed was made out of vibranium and engraved on it was a baby panther with an adult version panther.

You placed the note back into the box before placing it in the draw.

-

“And then he told the terrorist his home address!” Pepper exclaimed, drinking a glass of water as she shook her head. “Terrorist! We almost died!”

Your father had rented out the whole reasturant so that you guys could get some privacy of the media. You were thankful, not wanting to get asked questions from the public about your relationship.

Pepper and Tony were sitting side by side, opposite you and Peter. Happy had tagged along, sitting where Harry would have been sitting. Peter had gotten an apple juice whereas you had gotten a cocktail.

This of course made Peter feel like a little kid, with him and Pepper being the only ones not drinking alcohol. But then he remembered the countdown on his watch.

‘I still have a chance,’ he thought in his head, playing with the straw of his apple juice. ‘Just need to make sure that neither of us find love.’

“I remember that,” you replied back, laughing as your dad put his head down in embarrassment. “He had shipped me off to the Avengers facility.”

“Excuse but I seem to recall it is Y/N’s Birthday,” your dad spoke out, titling his head to the side as he took a sip from his drink. “Meaning that we should talk about her most embarrassing moments, not mine.”

“I’m up for this!” Peter exclaimed, laughing as you gave him a look. “I’ll go first actually. It was when we had a mission to stop some drug lords in Colombia and Y/N-“

“Oh my god no,” you whispered, putting your hands over your face to cover your embarrassment.

“-And then she- she,” Peter couldn’t finish his words as he kept uncontrollably laugh. This of course had made Y/N laugh even more. “I l-“

“I sneezed!” You spoke laughing, as you smacked his arm, making his face turn red from the lack of air in his lungs. “I told you I sneezed!”

“But-But you didn’t!” Peter kept on laughing, shaking his head at you whilst pointing a finger. “The man grabbed you- and you- you-“

He went on a fit of laughter once again as you were already gone. Your laughs were silent and your stomach was pounding. “I- I did not fart!”

This comment made Peter fall on the ground from his chair, holding his stomach as he continued to laugh. You got up from your seat, bending down to smack his shoulder.

“Shut up!” You told him, tears running down your face as you kept laughing. “In the name of Pablo Escobar I demand you to shut up!”

Pepper, Tony and Happy watched on, smiling at the both of you.

“They’d make a great couple,” Happy spoke, looking towards Tony who smiled down at both of you.

“Yeah,” Tony replied, shaking his head as you guys kept on laughing. “Just give it time.”

-

“Pepper,” you spoke, as you girls walked behind Tony, Happy and Peter who were in a deep conversation about nanotechnology and Peter’s Aunt.

“Yeah,” she hummed, holding her purse as you all took a stroll along a park. The birds chirped and it was a perfect day, not a single cloud on site yet a cool breeze was present.

The park was simple, surrounded by oak trees, benches and a backdrop of the city buildings. There were couples and singles jogging around, but not many on sight.

“I have a question,” you stated, pushing your hair behind your ear. Your cute little white French dress with frills was being blown back by the cool wind. “You didn’t have alcohol today. You had water.”

Pepper smirked at you, looking down at the pathway. Sometimes it amazed her how observant you were, sometimes the opposite of your father. “What are you implying little missy?”

You smiled at her, looping your arm around hers. “So it’s true isn’t it?”

“Yes it is,” Pepper nodded at you, instinctively grabbing her stomach even though there was no bump present yet. “I was planning to tell Tony later tonight.”

“Pepper, I’m happy you’re going to be my stepmom,” you revealed to her. She squeezed your hand in gratitude.

“And I’m glad to have you as my step daughter,” she replied back, giving you a warm smile. “Just a couple of more months, and you get to be a bridesmaid.”

You smiled, so happy your father had finally found love and was soon getting a secound child with his future wife. “What names were you thinking of?”

“I was thinking about Patience,” Pepper spoke, nodding to herself before looking at Tony who was a good 3 meters away from you guys. “Because being with Tony required lots of it.”

You giggled at her remark, making Peter look back at you. You smiled at him which he had returned before continuing his conversation with Tony and Happy.

“How about Morgan,” you told Pepper. “Like after that dude who does the voice over on Nat Geo. It’s a nice name.”

“That,” Pepper pondered, her face scrunched up in thought. “Is not the most horrible name that I’ve heard.”

The boys in front of you suddenly halted, looking back at you guys to make sure you caught up.

“Do you girlies want ice cream?” Tony had asked you both. You walked up next to Peter, nodding your head at your dad.

“I wouldn’t mind some ice cream.”

“Good, there’s a gelato shop a few blocks down that are still open we can-“ Tony stopped mid-sentence as a yellow-glowlike circle appeared in the middle of the path.

You pressed the button on your necklace, allowing nanoparticles to start spreading around your body and form your white suit. You were always prepared to fight the unknown.

Suddenly a 40 year old man came out of the portal that was formed, donning a red cape and a blue long formal shirt.

“Tony Stark and Y/N Stark,” the man announced, his facial expression remaining unchanged. “I'm Doctor Stephen Strange. I need you to come with me. Oh, uh, congratulations on the wedding, by the way.”

All five of you were understandingly shocked, looking at him like he grew multiple heads. This guy had come out of nowhere and requested you and your father’s presence.

“I'm sorry, you giving out tickets or something?” Your father spoke in his usual sarcastic manner.

“We need your help,” Stephen Strange spoke, looking at your father, you and Peter. “Look, it's not overselling to say that the fate of the universe is at stake.”

Your heart stopped when you heard those last words. You still had PSTD from Sokovia and New York, similarly to your father. You didn’t want another fate-of-the-world battle, although your anxiety always told you there was much worse than what you’ve been through.

“And who's "we"?” You had asked, crossing your arms. Your eyes suddenly widened as the man you always thought of as an uncle, emerges from the portal. A man you haven’t seen since Sokovia, which was three years ago.

“Hey Tony,” Bruce spoke, holding a blanket around himself as he emerged from behind the sorcessor.

“Bruce,” your father had gasped as he watched him walk over in disbelief. Bruce gave an awkward smile, as he pulled the blanket closer to his body.

“Pepper,” Bruce had greeted her too before looking at you. “Hey little rascal. Look at you all grown up.”

“Hi,” you and Pepper replied simultaneously, not believing your eyes. And why would you? This man was gone for three years. You guys thought you’d never see him again.

“You okay?” Tony asks, but Bruce gives Tony a desperate hug, not answering.

You knew something was up. Something was wrong with Bruce to have him shaken up like that, like he’d seen the devil himself.

Your hand instinctively reached Peter’s hand, scared to find out what had the fate of the universe in stake.

You then looked at Peter, your eyes still wide, pupils dilated in fear.

“You better suit up too.”

-

“At the dawn of the universe, there was nothing, then boom,” Wong had explained as you all listened intently, watching the visual representation. “The big bang sent six elemental crystals hurtling across the virgin universe. These Infinity Stones each control an essential aspect of existence."

“Space, Reality, Power, Soul, Mind,” Dr Strange listed as each stone glowed. Your eyes watched in fascination has he opened his necklace to reveal a stone emitting an emerald light. “And Time.”

You looked at your father to figure out his game plan. He looked at the demonstration intensively before speaking. “Tell me his name again.”

“Thanos,” Bruce spoke out, getting up from his seat and staring your dad dead in the eye. “He's a plague, Tony. He invades planets. He takes what he wants. He wipes out half the population. He sent Loki. The attack on New York. That's him.”

“This is it,” your father whispered to himself, as he rubbed his chin.

“Um Mr Dr. Strange,” Peter’s voice wavered as he lifted his arm up. Stephen gave him a nod, indicating him to continue. “What exactly is our timeline? Like today? Tomorrow? B-because we have a birthday to celebrate.”

“No telling,” Bruce looked at Peter, shaking his head as he gripped his blanket. “He has the Power and Space Stones, that already makes him the strongest creature in the whole universe. If he gets his hands on all six Stones, guys.”

“He can destroy life on a scale hitherto undreamt of,” Dr Strange finished him. You shivered at those words as goosebumps appeared on your skin.

This is it. This is what you and your father have been prophesying for 6 years.

Your father leans against a cauldron, stretching like he's about to go for a run. “Did you seriously just say "hitherto undreamt of"?”

Dr. Stephen Strange looked at your father in ridiculousness as he kept stretching. “Are you seriously leaning on the Cauldron of the Cosmos?”

“Is that what this is?” Your father had spoke before Dr Strange’s cloak suddenly moved and smaked your father’s arm making him jump back.

“I'm going to allow that,” your father glared at Stephen, straightning up his jacket.

“Look this seems really dangerous and it’s getting out of hand,” you spoke, gathering all the men’s attention. “Maybe we should call the police.”

Your father snorted at that comment but the sorceress looked at you like you were an idiot. “Wha-“

“Or maybe the Avengers, idk,” you cut him off. You were stressed, and like your father, you made jokes when you were stressed.

Peter knew this so he decided to join along so you weren’t alone. “Or stick his stone in the garbage disposal.”

“Do you think if we auctioned it on Ebay, thanos will bid for it?” You turned to look at Peter. “Can you imagine him betting like 100 gold pieces. Or like paying with slaves-“

“We swore an oath to protect the Time Stone,” Wong interrupted you both like you had offended him. Which you probably did. “With our lives.”

“And I swore off dairy, but then, Ben & Jerry's named a flavor after me, so,” your dad replied back, giving both the men a shrug.

“Quince Quasar is the best,” you shot back.

“Whatever,” Your father replied before looking back at the man in a cloak. “Point is, things change.”

“Our oath to protect the Time Stone cannot change,” the doctor had urged your father, looking at you too in seriousness. “This Stone may be the best chance we have against Thanos.”

“And still conversely, it may also be his best chance against us,” you spoke back, now standing up from your seat. “We are bringing what Thanos wants right under his nose. To me, that sounds fairly stupid.”

“Okay, guys, could we table this discussion right now?” Bruce had interrupted you guys. “The fact is that we have this Stone. We know where it is. Vision is out there somewhere with the Mind Stone, and we have to find him now.”

“Yeah, that's the thing,” your father groaned out awkwardly. “He’s offline. We don’t know where he is right now.”

“Who could find Vision, then?” Stephen had asked.

“Shit,” your father whispered to himself, pushing his hair back. “Probably Steve Rogers.”

The doctor sighed in discontent, shaking his head frustration. “Oh, great.”

“Call him,” Bruce spoke out innocently making you sigh before you took your seat with Peter.

You smiled at him before leaning on his shoulder and tuning out the rest of the conversation.

“I hope this is a false alarm,” you told Peter. “Because frankly I’m scared of dying and also, we don’t have the rest of the Avengers so we’re screwed.”

You then looked at his watch.

1818 days and 3 hours

“I still have a lot to live for,” you then replied, closing your eyes. “I want to graduate MIT. Buy my first house that isn’t in the Avengers compound. Have 6 kids and name them after the infinity stones.”

You snorted at the last part, wanting to slap yourself for being so annoying.

“Hey,” Peter spoke, watching as your father spoke to the Bruce and the two sorceress. “You will. Except the last part. That last part is where you sort of went downhill.”

“Shut up web man.”

“Say, Doc,” your father had spoke, making you look at him. “You wouldn't happen to be moving your hair, would you?”

Dr. Strange looked up at his forelock fluttering in confusion. “Not at the moment, no.”

You looked up at the Hulk-made opening through the ceiling and see debris flying by outside. You then get up and walk near the door, seeing people running and screaming.

You open the door, your father and Peter following you close behind. A women runs into you as you stop her from falling. “You okay?”

The woman ignores you and runs away. The wind his blowing your hair everywhere and you are struggling to see through the debris that you almost miss the car hurdling towards you.

Peter, with his instincts, quickly webs the car into the wall before it hits you. You look at him, giving him a grateful smile that he returns.

Your father the puts on his sunglasses as you and Peter stood by his side, awaiting his intructions. “F.R.I.D.A.Y., what am I looking at?”

“Not sure, I'm working on it.”

Your father then faces Dr Strange. “Hey! You might wanna put that Time Stone in your back pocket, Doc!”

Dr. Strange moves his hands and now bands of spells were readied around his forearms. “Might wanna use it.”

A mechanical hum grows louder as you, Bruce, your dad and Strange approach the intersection with Wong following behind. As you turn around the corner, you see a huge circular ship floating over Bleecker Street.

“F.R.I.D.A.Y., evac anyone south of 43rd Street, notify first responders,” you spoke as you readied up, your suit emitting a golden glow. “Make sure they set a perimeter 6 blocks from this area.”

“Will do.”

Doctor Strange throws some kind of spell that forms a strong wind over Bleeker Street before winking at your father who was begrudgingly amused for a split second.

The dust cleared and suddenly two aliens, one large and one small wearing a robe, exited the ship by what seemed to be a transmat.

The two aliens seemed emotionless and threatening as they spoke.

“Hear me, and rejoice. You are about to die at the hands of the Children of Thanos. Be thankful, that your meaningless lives are now contributing to-“

“I'm sorry, Earth is closed today,” your father cut him off, echoing his usual sarcastic self. “You better pack it up and get outta here.”

“Stone keeper,” the alien spoke, looking at Doctor Strange. He then gestures to your father. “Does this chattering animal speak for you?”

“Certainly not. I speak for myself,” Dr Strange spoke, as he hit his wrists together and formed a magicial shield before stepping forward. “But you’re trespassing in this city and on this planet.”

Wong copied his actions and formed shields around his fists. Peter got in an attack stance, placing a mask on his face whilst your suit begun emitting quantum energy more profoundly that your hair was floating up.

“It means get lost, Squidward!” Tony yelled at him. You saw your father’s fists clench and his whole body tense up.

Your father did not want a fight, you know that. He, just like you, wanted to continue your day without a worry in the world.

The alien looked displeased and stood his ground arrogantly. “You all exhaust me.”

He then turned to his bigger friend, lifting an arm up. “Bring me the Stone.”

The alien lets out three untranslated syllables. He drops his huge alien hammer and drags it along as he obeys his brethren.

“Banner, you want a piece?” Your father had asked Bruce.

“Cool!” Peter spoke excitedly, getting up from his fighting position. “We get to see the hulk?”

“When do I ever get what I want?” Bruce muttered to himself as he took a step forward. Bruce attempts to release the Hulk. Instead of Hulk coming out easily, the most that turns green is Bruce's neck. It almost looks painful to watch.

“Been a while,” your father had replied patiently, watching as the alien neared. “Good to have you back buddy.”

“I just-“ Banner stopped, trying to get himself to hulk out. “I need to concentrate here for one second. Come on, come on, man.”

“Are you okay Bruce?” You had asked him, walking over to him to rub his shoulder. “Because at this rate your more likely to shit yourself then hulk out and we don’t need that right now.”

“Me and Hulk are having a thing.”

“There’s no time for a thing!”

“Don’t you think I know!”

“Uh guys,” Peter spoke, pointing at the alien who was now running towards you guys. “I don’t think we have time for the Hulk to show up fashionably late.”

Bruce gives out a loud grunt, but fails to release the Hulk once again. Doctor Strange stares at your dad and Bruce in disbelief, making your dad face Bruce. “Dude, you're embarrassing me in front of the wizards.”

As the giant alien approaches the team, your father dons his nanotech Iron Man suit in the space of three steps. He grows a shield on one arm to protect himself, then grows a set of blasters that easily throw the giant back to his master who gestures and deflects his massive companion into some cars.

“Where'd that come from?” Bruce had asked excitedly. Your father smirked at him, showing off his suit.

“It's nano-tech. You like it? A little someth-“

Before your father finished his sentence, the alien creates a spike of earth that throws your father far up.

You feel anger bubbling within you as you clench your fist. “You’re gonna regret that.”

You fly over to him, your whole body emmitting a yellow bright light as you pulled your fist up, ready to punch him before Maw, the alien, lifts up his hand, throwing a car at you.

Before it hits you, your father returns and joins the fight, pushing a car thrown by Maw back at him. Maw cuts it in half and lets the pieces fly past him, untouched.

While he’s cutting the car in half, you let out a quantum blast, knocking him to the end of the street.

Your father looked at Stephen, his face now serious. “Gotta get that stone outta here, now.”

“It stays with me.”

“Exactly. Bye. Y/N, come with me,” your dad speaks before flying off.

“No. You, Strange and Wong fight off the beast and take Bruce with you,” you replied back in the comms. “Peter and I have got Voldemort.”

“Okay little miss bossy.”

You nod at Peter as Strange and Wong open a portal where both of them and Bruce disappear into.

“Just like we practiced,” you told Peter, as you saw Maw get up, dusting his attire. Peter nodded up at you, getting in position.

He shot an electric web at you, powering up your suit, before you shot a surge of quantum energy at Maw, blinding him.

You had five secound to attack Maw before the temporary blindness from the light would fade away. This had to be quick or else you’d both be at a disadvantage.

Peter grabbed you by the waist and webbed the surface of a building. He then swung over to Maw who was currently rubbing his eyes, letting out an incoherent sentence.

Peter made one final big swing before letting go of your waist. You swung your fist back, flying down with full speed as quantum energy surged throughout your body.

You punched Maw with full power, forcing him 3 meters down the earth’s surface. Peter then webbed you back up before throwing a timed-web bomb down the hole.

You breathed in heavily as Peter swung back to your side. “Don’t get too excited, he’s an alien. They usually need more than just a big hit to stay down.”

And just as you predicted, Maw surged out of the floor, using a piece of the road to levitate. “Let’s try this again shall we.”

Maw lifted up a finger, causing a massive rock to hurdle towards you. Peter quickly picked you up once again, and webbed you up into a balcony before the car would hit you.

“You sure do hate cars.”

Maw looked at you both angrily, getting sick of you guys. You gave him a little smirk before flying off the balcony and towards his direction.

You shot quantum blasts at him. While he was distracted trying to not get hit, you took a sneaky shot near the building next to him.

You got out of the way as the building started following towards him. But it was too slow. Maw had caught it his telekinetic powers, his arms up as he let out a groan.

Peter took this as an opportunity to swing down and kick him in the stomach but before he did, Maw quickly released the building and bended metal scraps around his wrists and ankles to the wall.

“I can’t move!” Peter spoke, trying to break free from the grips of the metal but failing to do so. What kind of power did this alien possess to have him stuck like this with metal scraps, he had thought.

“Can’t spiders shoot webs from their ass?” You yelled over to him while fighting maw at the same time. You moved your head to the side, narrowingly missing the pipe he threw towards your head.

“No I can’t!” Peter yelled back, not believing what you just said to him. “I’m not an actual spider!”

“So you’re a fraud,” you told him as you shot at Maw which he kept deflecting with various metallic items. “You’re Fraudelent man.”

“No I’m not!”

Maw moved both his hands up, now two flying cars surging towards you from either side. Before you could react, Dr Strange appeared, creating a portal behind you so that the cars wouldn’t go through you.

He then went over to Maw fighting him whilst you ran up to Peter. You drew your wrist back. “Close your eyes.”

Peter obliged and closed his eyes as you sent a blast at his wrists and ankle, setting him free. “There you go.”

“Well that was fun,” Peter had muttered to himself. “I thought today was just going to be lunch before we go back to the avengers compound to sing happy birthday, but apparently no.”

You see your father fly past you and over to Dr Strange who was being taken by the alien. It seemed like Dr Strange was unconscious and that Maw was taking him and the stone with him.

“Shit,” you whispered before looking at Peter. “We have to stop that alien from getting the stone.”

Peter nodded, rubbing his wrists before following you and your dad to where Strange was being teloported.

Peter webbed your foot as you flew up to the spaceship. You struggled to fly due to the turbulence that Peter caused from being webbed up to your foot.

“Pete, you’re making it really hard to fly!”

“I’m sorry if I want to save the world with you guys but don’t have wings!”

You put a little more effort to flying up, nearing closer and closer to the space ship. You felt the edge of the spaceship in your fingertips before quickly picking yourself up and holding on to the spaceship.

“I-I can’t breathe!” Peter gasped as his eyes was closing and opening his eyes. He ripped off the web from your foot and held onto the spaceship tightly instead.

“Unlock 17-A,” you heard your father speak to F.R.I.D.A.Y. You knew what 17A was. It was the suit your dad spent all night working on.

“Pete you gotta let go!” You spoke to him as you held onto the space ship yourself, feeling the wind pushing your hair around.

Peter didn’t want to let go. He was scared of heights. But he was forced to let go after losing consciousness.

Peter started free-falling, but not for long before the pod reaches him. It attaches itself to him, becoming the Iron Spider suit.

Now being able to breathe, Peter lands on a bottom part of the ship, standing up heroically. You smile at him, watching as he looked at the suit in surprise.

“Mr. Stark, it smells like a new car in here!” He yelled over to your father.

“Happy trails, kid.” Your father had replied before speaking to his suit. “F.R.I.D.A.Y, send him home.”

A large parachute extends from the new suit, snatching Peter free of the ship's hull and him spiraling back to Earth. “Oh come on!”

“You should go home too,” your father told you as he latches onto the hull and cuts a hole to board the ship, looking for wherever Strange and Ebony Maw went.

“Well I’m not,” you spoke back in defiance as you too looked for where the surgeon had been taken to. “We’re in this together!”

“If you don’t turn around right now I swear to Thor that I will-“

“Boss, incoming call from Miss Potts,” F.R.I.D.A.Y spoke, making your dad sigh before answering. You walked a little further, trying to give him some privacy and also find Strange.

You ran your fingertips along the walls that were made out of steel, with multiple pipes running along. The lack of insulation in the ship was making you cold.

It also didn’t help that you were in outer space, where temperatures were even colder. You put your arms around yourself, determined to heat your body back up.

The ship however, was quiet. Eerily quiet. And this ship had looked like it was going in a coordinated location due to the lack of motion.

You were walking around, trying not to make a sound.

And that’s when you felt it.

A sickening feeling in your stomach that told you one thing.

This was a one-way trip and some of you weren’t coming back.

#peter parker #peter parker x reader #peter parker imagine #tom holland #tom holland x reader #spiderman #spider-man #spiderman x reader #spider-man x reader #bucky barnes #bucky barnes x reader #captain america #captain america x reader #steve rogers #steve rogers x reader #thor #thor x reader #loki #loki x reader #wanda maximoff #wanda maximoff x reader #natasha romanoff x reader #natasha romanoff #black widow #black widow x reader #avengers #avengers endgame #mcu #marvel #avengers x reader

[lunatic-fandom-space]

Im about to finally watch that NC review of The Wall after watching a bunch of videos about it and Im just gonna put my thoughts during it in this post

Okay I just checked this review has 85k dislikes, 22k likes and 1.5 million views Im scared

I also havent watched actually watched The Wall btw, but I did watch Folding Ideas video if that helps

Oh god I really liked NC in like 2019 and even the beginning of 2020 and his greeting is giving me vietnam flashbacks

I hate Dougs voice already

Okay a bunch of shit is happening

Now theyre just showing clips from the original movie but as a horrible montage with fire edited over it

Dougs face makes me uncomcortable and I hate looking at it

Hes singing again goddamnit

Thank god, an ad

He stopped singing again thank god

What the fuck is that

I hate those giggles theyre awful

Why is Doug Walker a vampire

The costuming is straight up awful what is the budget on this

The cg is so bad and outdated why did they even bother

What are these dance moves

Theyre mentioning twitter now???

I just watched that 3 musical minute sequence and I have no idea what Doug is even trying to say

He spat out a bird? Huh??

What

Bro the animation is so bad

This would literally be completely incoherent without the on the nose lyrics

"So long Oscar-bait song/smoke a bong and it'll feel less wrong" bro what

I havent even watched the fucking movie and even I know hes missing the point, how did I ever think his reviews were good

I didnt not need to see Doug Walker wailing about being Jesus while shirtless in front of badly edited stockphoto water

What is that

His acting is so bad and I still hate his face

Im not even halfway through

I just wanna go back to working on my AU while watching actually good longform reviews

I cant even read the comments bc I wanna focus on the review itself I hate it here

This frame is very blue. I love the color, but its kinda out of place and was probably not done on purpose

What now

What

Why

I wanna commit crimes

Have I mentioned that I hate looking at Dougs face

That was, without exageration, the worst sponsor Ive ever seen

ITS NOT OVER???

I too call the people I am writing a love letter to whiny and pretentious

Oh god

What in the world

I didnt think it was possible but Dougs singing voice just got worse

Dude they drew on his head with like, marker or something and I can see it smudge

He got all these people and all these props and had these wholeass songs written but he couldnt even brush his fucking teeth before going on Youtube

Okay theyre doing a full on twitter song

What is this shit

This is the most boomer centrist thing I have ever seen in my life

What the fuck was that

The eye imagery going on is geniuienly very unsettling and kind of disorienting but I cant really appreciate it bc its just so bad

What is that

AND AD THANK GOD

Back to the bullshit

What is that

The greenscreen looks so bad

Only 11 minutes lets fucking gooooooo

Doug Walker standing in that hallway doing a power stance is my new sleep paralasis demon

Dude what are they even doing

What is that squirrel thing on this random guys counter

I dont understand whats going on

What in the world is that furry nightmare squirrel in the studio

Why is the edgy cowboy furry OC lecturing me about The Arts

I legimately cant understand most of the words being said and I have no idea if its because my brain has been fried or because they just went with the first take of every line

This part of the review is usually praised as "the best part" so Im both intrigued and really scared

Oh god its another furry OC

Okay I actually quite like the design of the grey furry with the big hat and six arms I just really hate the way he moves, I think it would look better as a static model or preferably a 2d drawing

Another Ad!

I also like the black one with the white horns and red accents

Okay what the fuck is that

I mean the one with the way too many antlers is a bit better than the one before it but it looks like the designer kinda gave up at this point

This feels like an acid trip but in the worst way

I think this is the first thing Ive seen that had a dragon in it, that didnt make it better at all

I mean. i guess this is very impressive but why

I feel like every single voice actor for these creatures recorded the lyrics with a completely different mic

Hey, what the fuck

Well this sure is all happening

What

"Well, the movie ended on such an open vagueness that it only makes sense the the review end on such an open vagueness" hey fuckface, thats not how reviews work

Thank you musician guy who had no lines up until now (I think his name was Corey??)

All of this bullshit and for WHAT

Theyre singing the spongebob squarepants theme song

These 30 seconds where the most I enjoyed myself consecutively during this entire 40 minute video

I dont know how, but Doug Walker somehow manages to stay unlikeable even while hes shouting out a charity that probably does wonderful work

In conclusion, there is a total of 5 Things I Enjoyed in this 40 minute review:

That gray furry with the hat and six arms

That black furry with the horns and red accents and eyes

The shade of blue during that one very blue shot

The spongebob squarepants theme

Apparently Griff Taylor (the son of the musician guy, Corey Taylor) is a fan of NC for some reason and his dad pretty much did this for him, and I can appreciate that on some level

#live blogging #ig #review ig #idk what to tag this as #channel awesome #nostalgia critic

[fiction-fun]

Don’t Throw Away Your Shot

@braidedchallah @alexanderdamnhethin @rthoney @andpeggy21 @creedtheconquer @2pintsofjohnlaurens @haha-gunsgoburrr

Fandom: Hamilton

Pairing: Lafayette?OC

Words:8829

I tugged my hat off and wiped my brow, slipping my weapon away I stepped back from the last redcoat I had taken down. I spun on my heal and stalked back the direction I had come.

“Uh oh! Watch out Sinnette's angry!” some no name solider yelled.

I paused in my steps and turned my head to the side slightly, letting an evil grin creep onto my blood-stained face.

“Yeah, I am. Because you idiots can’t listen to orders! Now get back to camp!” I yelled my face twisting into an annoyed look.

I turned back on my path and kept walking. I stepped into the camp and rolled my shoulders, slipping my hat back into its place. I stalked over to my tent and inside.

“Problems?” a voice asked and I froze my hand automatically going to my weapon.

I looked up and let my hand drop. Walking over to a small bucket of water I grabbed a cloth and started to clean up.

“Not having the authority to order those idiots around and have them actually listen to me, sir.” I said dropping the cloth into the water and spinning back to face the man in my tent.

He stood at his full height, hat off and I realized belatedly that I hadn’t taken mine off. With a sigh I removed my hat.

“Well, I have a proposition for you, and I’ve already cleared it with your commander.” He said watching me.

I nodded and stepped over to my bed, kicking my boot off to get the small stones out of it.

“Alright, I’m listening, General Washington.” I said voice low as I focused on my boot and not on the high ranking official in my tent.

He twisted his hat in his hands for a few seconds, as if considering his words. I let out a sigh.

“Sir, with all due respect, spit it out.” I said raising a brow.

Washington laughed softly at that, nodding.

“Right you are, the truth is we have a new Major-General coming in. And I believe you’re just the person to help him adjust.” Washington said.

I squinted and looked up at him.

“Why?” I asked, my tone disinterested.

Washington’s face registered his shock, clearly not expecting that.

“What do you mean?” He asked turning the question around.

I took a breath and stuffed my foot back in my boot.

“I'm not going to be the trainer for some new-by Major-General who’s never seen combat.” I replied leaning forward and looking up at him a bored expression covering my face.

Washington seemed surprised at my answer, but he turned away from me fiddling with his hat again.

“I heard a rumor you yell at the men in French when they annoy you.” He said looking at me out if the corner of his eye.

I nodded once.

“Oui monsieur, I do.” I said casually, it was no secret after all, when they irritated me, I yelled at them in French.

Washington nodded, still not looking directly at me. I waited a few seconds before sighing.

“Sir, why does it matter if I speak French?” I asked, I had managed to keep the fact I was French hidden.

Washington turned back to me, he seemed almost desperate.

“The new Major-General is coming in from France. He doesn’t speak English, and before you ask yes, he’s seen battle. I’m asking you to be his right-hand.” Washington said looking away.

I looked at him and raised an eyebrow, wondering who it could be. I shrugged and nodded.

“Alright, on one condition.” I said standing up hat in hand.

Washington raised an eyebrow in turn, facing me again.

“What?” He asked, voice tight.

I turned and walked over to my bed, pulling out the sword I had to stash there.

“I get to use my sword; I hate the gun.” I said facing him again.

Washington nodded quickly.

“Of course! But we should get going as soon as we can.” Washington said.

I nodded and turned, slipping my sword into my belt and grabbing my packed bag.

“Alright, I’m ready.” I said, walking over to him.

He raised an eyebrow but didn’t comment, turning to the door we walked out, slipping our hats on as we went.

“Sinnette! Do us proud.” My commander called.

I lifted a hand and waved, walking over to my horse. I swung up on it and looked over at Washington as he mounted his horse. He nodded and spurred his horse on, I gave him about five seconds before I spurred my horse into motion. About three hours later we pulled our horses to a stop and I pulled my hat off wiped my forehead and put my hat back on before swinging off my horse. Washington stepped off his horse and stepped over to me.

“He should be here in about an hour.” Washington said looking down at me.

I glared up at him, mostly because of the sun behind him.

“Alright.” I said turning away.

I stepped forward a few feet and stood closer to the edge of the dock, feeling the breeze blow over me. I closed my eyes and sighed softly. I heard steps beside me and opened my eyes. Washington passed me a cup and turned to face the water. I sniffed it, taking a sip. I smiled at the taste, a nice cup of coffee just what I needed to wake me up after the battle.

“Might be a bad time, but you’ve got some blood there.” Washington said a few minutes later pointing towards my face.

I turned and side eyed him, before sighing and squatting down letting the ocean spray hit my hand before standing up and rubbing the spots that he had indicated.

“Better?” I asked, bored expression prominent in my face.

Washington nodded, and turned back to the view. I sighed and turned back drinking more of my coffee. I let out a small yawn as we stood waiting. I finished my coffee about ten minutes later, tossing my cup in a nearby bin.

“So, how was today?” Washington asked attempting conversation.

I stretched my arms above my head, drawing a satisfying crack from my back.

“Fine, just a normal battle with the redcoats and the men being idiots.” I said letting out a small sigh and dropping my arms to my sides, one hand landing on the hilt of my sword.

Washington nodded and we spent the next twenty minutes waiting in silence. The boat docked and we stepped back to let the walkway down. A man with curly brown hair in a ponytail stood at the top, he walked down with a wide smile on his face. As he got closer, I realized he was close to myself in age, barely Nineteen.

“Bonjour!” he called happily.

“Hello, I’m glad you made it.” Washington said.

I bit my tongue to stop the laughter slipping out. They both looked confused.

“Sir, if I could do my job?” I asked looking at Washington.

“Please.” He nodded.

I turned back to the Frenchman, finally realizing who he was.

“Whelp fuck.” I muttered before shaking my head.

“Hello, sir. I’m Lyon and this is General Washington. It’s a pleasure to make your acquaintance.” I said with a flourish.

His eyes went wide and he focused on me.

“You speak French! I was worried I wouldn’t understand anyone! I am Gilbert du Motier Marquis de Lafayette, but you can call my Lafayette.” He said with a bow and a smile.

“He says his name is Gilbert du Motier Marquis de Lafayette, and…” Washington interrupted me.

“Yes of course. Thank you for making the trip!” Washington said.

Lafayette turned a confused look to me and I sighed.

“He says thank you for making the trip.” I said with a small smile.

Lafayette nodded and turned to Washington, with me translating Washington was able to give him his orders.

“Alright, that’s everything. Good luck.” Washington said turning away from us.

I raised an eyebrow and dropped my head.

“Sir!” I called sharply.

Lafayette’s head turned to me as did Washington.

“Yes?” Washington asked.

I lifted a hand and gestured around us.

“Are you forgetting something?” I asked.

Now Washington looked as confused as Lafayette did. I sighed.

“Maybe where we’re stationed? Our troops?” I asked sarcasm clear.

Washington reached up and slapped his forehead, quickly stepping back to us and handing a roll of papers to me.

“He forgot to give us our placement….and this is the front head.” I muttered rolling open the paper and turning to look at Lafayette.

“But he gave them to us, non?” He asked tilting his head.

I looked away quickly to the pages, nodding.

“Oui, he did. And he left you a horse. Let’s go we’re headed to west point.” I said offering him a small smile.

He nodded and ran over to the horses. I smiled and shook my head, I ran after him and swung up on my horse, a new energy filling me. I looked over at him, seeing a relieved look melt into a breathtaking smirk.

“Shall we?” he asked looking over at me.

I raised an eyebrow at his look but nodded.

“After you, Monsieur.” I said with my own smirk in place.

Lafayette’s head dropped back and he shook it while laughing.

“Non! Don’t call me Monsieur! We are the same age non? Lafayette is fine!” He said as we started to ride off.

I shook my head with a smile.

“Anyone with a higher rank then you must be called Monsieur, it’s just how it’s done.” I said smiling softly.

Lafayette, looked at me for a few minutes and I turned to face in front of us, I saw him shrug from the corner of my eyes.

“Very well, I suppose I do out rank you…. just call me Lafayette in private.” He said.

I blinked for a few seconds and shook my head huffing out a laugh.

“Alright, Lafayette.” I said giving up the argument.

He smiled at that nodding. We rode in silence for a while before he looked at me, I lifted my head from where I head let it fall to rest on my chest, trusting my horse.

“You seem tired.” He said and I smiled.

“Oui, I had a battle earlier and then Washington came with his offer. It’s partially why there’s random spots of blood all over me.” I replied softly.

Lafayette nodded and we slipped back into silence. We rode into camp later that night and the next year went as well as it could. I was waiting at the docks again, the camp we had set up about a twenty-minute ride away. I held a letter in my hand, knowing he’d want it as soon as he got in. I smiled seeing the ship on the horizon. I leaned back against a post and pulled my sword out letting the sun glint off the steel. I sighed and swung it casually.

‘I hope I’m doing you proud dad. You always believed I could do anything the boys could do. Well, now I’m the right hand to the Marquis… hopefully you’re watching with pride.’ I thought as I watched the sun play on the faces of the sword.

I slipped my sword away and closed my eyes relaxing in the late day warmth on the edge of the water. Fifteen minutes later the ship docked and the walkway came down. I stepped back and saluted.

“Commander on deck! Bonjour.” I called a smirk playing on my lips.

He ran down the walkway to me with such happiness on his face.

“My daughter is beautiful!” He exclaimed looking as proud as anyone could.

I felt a slice of ice run down my back as I realized exactly what the letter could be, but also losing any hope of capturing this man’s attention.

“That’s good! Speaking of, you got a letter from France a few days back.” I said passing him the letter.

He took it shook his head and slipped it away, the smile still playing on his face.

“Let us go celebrate! My father in law can wait a night!” He exclaimed grabbing my arm and pulling me to were our horses were tied off.

I laughed and quickly swung up onto my horse. Since joining Lafayette’s group I had had a new energy. Even when he was gone, I didn’t feel the same dragging endlessness of the war, I felt sure we could win. I pulled my horse around and smiled at him, he looked at me and together we spurred our horses into action. His horse being a bit faster than mine quickly took the lead, I pressed my feet into the foot holds rising slightly off my horse and leaning forward trying to gain a little speed. Lafayette’s head tilted back and his laugh filled the area around us.

'I hope it’s purely good news, the man doesn’t deserve to be heartbroken.’ I thought as I let out my own whoop of laughter.

That’s the thing, we were looked at weirdly by other leaders and right-hands because between the two of us, we preferred to use our swords and we laughed and hooted while fighting. We cleared the small patch of woods and came to a stop in the camp. Dismounting and tying our horses up Lafayette looked at me and waved me to his tent. I nodded and followed him in, seeing him already in the process of stripping and changing. I made a point to look at the map on his table, he and the others always laughed when I diverted my eyes.

'If only they knew.’ I thought smiling as I heard Lafayette’s laugh fill the tent again.

“So! What have I missed?” Lafayette asked walking over to me.

I laughed and shook my head plopping into the chair across from him.

“Redcoats dropping like flies.” I smirked.

He nodded and pulled out the bottle he kept stashed under his table, pouring a couple of glasses and handing one to me. I smirked and raised it.

“To your daughter!” I called with a smile.

The other soldiers didn’t understand us when we got into full French conversations, and we used that to our advantage. He raised his glass as well a bright smile on his face.

“To my lovely daughter!” He called just as loudly.

I laughed and we quickly drank back the glasses, he poured us two more and we sat back and let the conversation drift. I let out a soft sigh a few hours later, and smiled shaking my head and setting my glass down.

“I think we should head to bed, Lafayette.” I said quietly.

The man was mostly asleep in his chair, but he nodded at my words and rose to his feet.

“Oui, we should. I’ll see you in the morning.” He said quietly.

I nodded and with a wave headed out to my own tent. The next few weeks were busy with little time for us to chat again, then I looked up in the middle of battle. I spun breaking loose of the fight I was in, swinging my sword down and taking the enemy out quickly, I pulled my gun shot twice as I was running and moved to stand over Lafayette, my sword out.

“Monsieur! Are you alright?” I asked as I deflected the enemies around us.

Lafayette crawled back a step and stood up.

“I’m fine.” He said before running back into the fray.

I glanced after him for a second before having to dodge the enemy. The rest of the battle was a blur but I sheathed my sword at the end of it and looked around, seeing some of the surviving redcoats running off, I turned to our men, keeping an eye on Lafayette’s form a good distance away.

“Alright! Back to camp! Get medical if you need it! Now go!” I called before turning towards the hill Lafayette stood on.

I walked up the hill watching the rest of our men return to camp, they had stopped arguing with me as soon as Lafayette had caught wind of it. I stopped a few feet behind him, he had been a bit more volatile lately and I wasn’t really wanting to incur his anger.

“I’ve ordered our men back, now that the battles over.” I said letting my voice raise just loud enough to carry over the distance between us.

I saw him nod, but he didn’t move to face me. I sighed softly and looked at him for a few seconds.

“Are you alright? That’s the first time I’ve seen you fall in battle.” I asked my concern getting the best of me.

Lafayette nodded again but refused to look at me. I sat down where I had stood, pulling my sheathed sword out of my belt and holding it with both hands over my crossed knees.

“You don’t need to wait for me.” Lafayette’s voice came quietly a few minutes later.

I shrugged leaving my eyes on the horizon.

“I know. But the men know what to do, and I haven’t had the chance to watch a sunset in while. And beyond that, more importantly, you need to understand whatever happened to cause you to be as reckless as you have been in battle lately. I’m here for you, whether you want to talk or yell or just be quiet. I’m here for you, and I want you to believe that.” I said trying to keep my voice even as I spoke.

Lafayette seemed to almost freeze at my words, before he slowly turned to face me. I raised an eyebrow, and patted the grass beside me. He sighed and moved to sit next to me, moving to hold his sword in a similar way to how I was. We sat in silence for a while, until the sun fully set.

“They…they’re gone.” Lafayette’s broken voice carried to me softly.

I looked over at him, gone were the bright smiles and wild exuberance, in their place was a great deal of hurt. I reached over and gently placed my hand on his shoulder.

“Getting yourself killed in battle won’t change that.” I whispered softly.

He nodded again but didn’t say anything else. I just sat there beside him, letting my hand rest on his shoulder offering the little comfort I could.

‘I can’t even imagine what he’s going through. To come back here with a wife and daughter waiting for you at home. Only to get a letter, that got here before you did, that they’re gone. The poor man.’ I thought watching him sadly.

We sat like that for a while, before he sighed again and looked over at me.

“We should head back.” He said voice soft.

I nodded and stood reaching a hand down to him, which he took and used to pull himself up. We both slipped our swords away before silently heading back down the hill and to where our horses waited. I quickly mounted mine, seeing Lafayette do the same. We started back to camp.

“Merci, I know I haven’t been the best…. leader or friend lately. But even though I snapped at you, you still helped. Hell, you saved me earlier, I don’t know how I got as good of a friend as you.” Lafayette’s voice carried on the wind.

I looked over at him and smiled softly.

“I’ll always be here, Lafayette. You’re my commander yes, but you’re my friend first and foremost. Of course, I saved you, you were acting dumb but you’re brilliant and one bad move won’t stop that. It’s going to be ok, just take it one day at a time. To be honest, I thought I was going to have to challenge you to a fist fight to get you to let off some of the hostility you were showing.” I said ending with a soft laugh.

Lafayette’s head drop and for just a second, he let his laugh fly out. We Arrived back to a tense camp; the others weren’t exactly as understanding as I was about Lafayette’s attitude lately. All he did was dismount and tie up his horse before moving into his tent. I turned to the men and crossed my arms.

“Alright give me a report and don’t waste time.” I said voice firm.

That jumped them into action and an hour later I walked into my tent to sit at my desk, lighting the small oil lamp on my desk I sighed as I grabbed out a piece of paper and started to write.

“You should be asleep.” I heard several hours later and looked up.

I sat down my quill and rubbed my eyes with one hand while stretching the other over my head.

“Oui, I probably should but I had to finish this write up first.” I said pointing down at the still in progress report.

Lafayette shook his head and moved over to lean against my desk, arms crossed and not looking at me. I sat back and watched him for a second before sighing softly and leaning down, grabbing the bottle and glasses from under my desk. I poured two and leaned forward nudging him with one. He looked down and back at me before letting a soft laugh escape with a shake of his head.

“What you thought you were the only one with alcohol?” I asked with a smirk as he took the glass.

I leaned back watching him in the dim light, as we sat in silence. Then a thought struck me.

“Wait, why are you up? Isn’t it Richardson’s patrol night?” I asked.

As if to prove my point, Richardson paused outside my tent and looked around before moving on. Lafayette sighed and closed his eyes.

“Oui, I just haven’t been sleeping very well lately. I admit when I saw your light still on, I thought I’d come over and talk with you for a bit before trying to sleep again.” He said softly.

I nodded and watched him for a second.

“Understandable, I told you before, I’m here for you.” I said softly.

Lafayette nodded and hummed slightly. We sat quietly for a bit sipping our drinks.

��It's just hard.” He said quietly after a few minutes.

I nodded sitting back.

“I’m sure it is. And I could say I’m sorry, and I understand you. But truthfully, I don’t. I don’t have that experience to draw from. I have no clue what it’s like to lose a spouse and a child. I have no idea what it’s like to have a family, only to lose them. But I do know what it feels like to lose family, and it feels horrible. I am so beyond sorry that happened and I’m here for you. I will listen to you if you want to talk, if you want to yell or scream, I’ll be here. You can talk to me or we can sit quietly. But you aren’t alone.” I said calmly before sipping at my drink.

We lapsed into silence when I finished speaking and Lafayette let out another small sigh.

“Merci, I’m grateful to have someone who cares enough to listen. The others are good but….” Lafayette trailed off and he shook his head.

He didn’t have to finish his sentence; I had met his friends. Alexander was an over talkative man who wanted to fight to help raise his station, Laurens had a heart of gold but had his own plans and his own wants and was very focused on achieving the end he wanted. And Hercules would probably listen and likely understand but he was off on a mission currently. Overall, he had good friends but just like we were they were focused on their wants and dreams. I hummed in response and we settled into silence again. Around an hour later Lafayette shook his head and settled his glass on my desk, before turning to face me.

“Don’t worry about the report to much, get some sleep.” He said softly, turning to walk towards the door.

I leaned forward.

“Lafayette, if you can’t sleep and want to come back over, feel free. Even if my lights out.” I said softly.

He nodded and ducked out of the tent door. I sat back and tossed the rest of my drink back before putting the glasses and bottle back under the desk. I picked my quill back up and got back to writing. About an hour later I sat back, capping my ink. I sighed and stood moving with my lamp over to my bed. I sat down, putting my hat on the flood beside me and leaned back, reaching over to extinguish the light. I pulled the thin blanket over me and closed my eyes. Over the next six months as winter grew closer, I noticed Lafayette’s reactions returning slowly to what they had been, but they’d never be back to what they were.

'Well, maybe. If he finds someone new and his heart is mended.’ I thought as we rode in silence.

We were headed into New York to meet with Washington but I knew there was something that he was hiding from us, even Lafayette could tell. We rode up to Washington’s New York residence and dismounted, tying our horses up.

“Whatever he’s hiding, we don’t stab him, right?” I asked with a hint of humor in my tone.

Lafayette dropped his head and laughed a bit.

“Non, we don’t stab Washington.” He said and sent a smile my way.

Even still we both unconsciously moved towards the door, hands resting on our swords and shoulder to shoulder. A stance we took often enough, most of the other soldiers had learned to scatter when we pulled it. Because it usually meant something was happening or was about to happen and we were already ready to fight and draw blood. We walked through the doors like that, soldiers falling over themselves to get out of our way.

“They are so afraid, I wonder why.” Lafayette said and I shook my head laughing.

“They probably heard we’re ruthless in battle, and should be taken seriously. Or they see our swords and think we’re out of our minds. Either way.” I said still laughing softly, Lafayette’s laugh joining me as we reached Washington’s office.

We paused at the door and looked at each other before shoving the door open, stepping inside it. Washington looked up a smile sliding into his face.

“Lafayette! Lyon! I’m glad you were able to come!” Washington said standing up and walking over to us.

He shook both of our hands before leading us over to his desk.

“You asked us here, of course we would come.” Lafayette said, and I looked away and smiled softly.

No matter how long he spoke English his accent stayed strong, probably due to us speaking pretty much only French when alone. Washington nodded and settled at his desk.

“Now that I’ve got you both here, you can’t refuse the invitation from Phillip Schuyler to join him at this year’s Winter Ball.” Washington said quickly.

I couldn’t help the groan that escaped as I slumped slightly in my seat.

“Knew there was another motive didn’t realize it was going to be Schuyler's boring ass party with his prissy ass daughters.” I muttered softly to myself.

I saw Lafayette’s shoulders shake as he tried not to laugh at my comments but Washington looked like he was going to ignore it.

“Why would we ever refuse?” Lafayette asked sitting up.

I placed one hand over my eyes.

“Maybe just maybe because it’s a richie rich event where those who don’t have a certain value are mocked and looked down on. Almost as bad as the aristocrats in France.” I muttered into my hand.

Lafayette turned his head to look at me and I saw amusement dancing in his eyes. Washington looked less amused.

“What are you saying?” He asked finally.

I sat up and leaned forward a bit, my eyes meeting his.

“Just explaining softly what’s expected and likely to happen and how we are just so grateful to be able to go.” I said trying to keep the sarcasm out of my voice.

Washington seemed satisfied and Lafayette looked like he was still fighting not to laugh.

‘My jobs done, he’s happy. For now.' I thought sitting back.

Washington gave us the information for the dance before showing us to our rooms. I sighed as I closed my door, looking over to the side I saw a bathroom and poking my head inside I sighed in relief.

'A shower, you don’t know what you miss until you don’t have it.’ I thought taking my hat off and dropping it on my bed before pulling my sword off and sitting it on the dresser.

Just as I sat down to pull my boots off, I heard a knock.

“Come in!” I called not looking up from my boots.

I heard the door creak open and turned looking at who was in my doorway, sending Lafayette a smile.

“What was that in the meeting?” He asked leaning against my bed post as I kept working on my boots, although he sounded more amused then upset.

I shrugged and tugged at the ties, they were matted together with blood and mud.

“Just the truth. Schuyler puts on the most obnoxious show of the year every year and I’ve been unfortunate enough to go before. Years ago, but as you can see it made an impression.” I said with a sigh glaring at my boots.

I was just about to give up untying them and just using my sword to cut the laces when Lafayette’s hands appeared in my field of vision. He carefully knocked my hands away and managed to unknot my boots, I looked up and felt my breath hitch in my throat realizing how close he is.

'Not good, not good.’ I thought, I had never let him get this close to me, except in battle, when I knew he wouldn’t notice anything.

Lafayette gently pulled my boot off and set it aside before pulling the other one off. He leaned back on his heels and looked up at me, I swallowed and tried to keep eye contact, even as I felt my face flame red. He gave me a smile before shaking his head and moving to stand.

“Should probably clean those laces occasionally.” He said softly.

I nodded not able to speak at the moment, his smile stayed on his face as he turned back to my door.

“Enjoy your shower, I know I will. Then afterwards perhaps we can talk about a few things.” He called as he pulled the door shut.

I closed my eyes and took a deep breath, feeling my heart racing in my chest. I swallowed and shook my head before quickly standing up, Washington had said there were clean uniforms in the closet for us and I turned there first. Opening the door, I nodded at what I saw.

‘Well at least it’s the right uniform.’ I thought as I grabbed a new one out.

I walked quickly into the bathroom and shut the door, stripping and getting in the shower, after pulling the pins and hair tie from my hair. I quickly scrubbed myself before turning to my hair and taking time to run the water and soap through it. I sighed as I repeated the process a few times before the water flowed clear.

‘That was a lot of blood.’ I thought.

I stood under the water for a little while longer before turning it off and climbing out. I grab a towel and wrap my hair before getting dressed quickly. I took a few minutes running the towel over my hair trying to dry it more before I have to pin and tie it back. I gave up almost fifteen minutes later when it had finally stopped dripping before grabbing my brush and brushing it flat. I then folded it, pinned it and tied it back. I chucked the towel into the basket in the corner before stepping out of the bathroom. I slipped my socks on then my boots, before my sword, leaving my hat settled on the bed. I turned and walked over to my door laying my hand on it, I took a deep breath.

'It's probably just work or Ball related. Relax he probably didn’t notice anything.’ I thought trying to convince myself.

I pulled the door open and looked over seeing Lafayette’s door open and him moving around inside the room, I took a second to look him over. He looked relax, his hair down and his boots were still off, his shoulders weren’t tight at this second and he looked more like the 20-year-old he was, that we both were. I took a breath and ducked back into my room, closing my eyes.

'Now is really not the time to fall for your senior officer, Sinclair! Oh, who am I kidding? I fell for him before we left France, the only time I met him.’ I thought before slipping my sword off my hip.

I turned and walked out of the door, feeling almost naked without my sword after all this time. I walked over to his room and knocked softly on the door jam. He turned and offered me a small smile, walking over and closing the door after ushering me inside. I stood by his desk and looked over at him, his smile still on his face he looked over at me locking eyes with me again, and again I felt my breath catch. He shook his head with a laugh and waved at me.

“Isn’t that annoying?” He asked waving towards my head.

I paused and felt my blood run cold.

“N…. I…. what?” I stuttered finally, appreciating that we were talking in French.

He laughed and shook his head walking over to me, I couldn’t make myself react in time. It seemed almost like he was moving in slow motion, maybe he was to give me time to pull away, but he reached up behind me and gently pulled the tie from my hair, letting it fall loose before he tugged the pins out, letting it fall to its full length behind me.

“Better?” He asked a smile still dancing on his lips.

I blinked a few times before I realized exactly what he had done.

“I…I…” I broke off, there was nothing I could say to fix this.

Technically speaking what I had done was illegal, he knew it as well as I did. If he turned me in, there’d be nothing I could do. I watched him as he stood in front of me, my pins and hair tie held in his hand. He reached up and cupped the side of my face brushing his thumb over my cheekbone and I realized then that in my shocked stupor I had started quietly crying.

“It’s ok, come sit. I’ve known for a while now.” He said soothingly leading me to his bed.

I sat and looked at him, trying to breath.

“How?” I asked finally, I had been so careful.

His smile stayed gentle as he sat next to me, taking my hands.

“I may have come to see you early one morning when your hair was down, it was easy to figure it out from there.” Lafayette explained softly.

I blinked and nodded.

“Ok, now what?” I asked trying to get my brain working.

He reached up and brushed his hands through my hair.

“Everything stays the same. For the most part.” He said softly.

I blinked again.

“W-what do you mean?” I asked softly.

He smiled and leaned forward a bit.

“I was hoping maybe you’d join me at the Ball. As my date.” Lafayette said voice soft and gentle.

I swallowed and nodded.

“Oui, of course.” I said softly.

He smiled and leaned forward more, pressing his forehead against mine.

“Like this, although maybe a dress.” He said letting a small laugh puff against my nose.

I nodded, a small smile over taking my lips.

“Oui, it sounds lovely. But I don’t have one.” I said smiling softly.

He shook his head and nodded towards his desk chair, where a tailor’s bag sat.

“I took care of that with the help of one of my friends. I didn’t tell him anything don’t worry.” He said when my eyes widened.

I closed my eyes and took a breath nodding.

“O-ok, right. Ok.” I said softly my brain still not fully functional.

Lafayette shook his head and laughed a bit, his hair bouncing around us.

“Breath, it’s ok. It’s ok, everything is ok.” He said softly.

I blinked and nodded letting out a breath, before a thought struck me.

“A-are….and please don’t think I don’t want to; I’d love to really. You wouldn’t believe how much I’d love too. But, are you sure?” I didn’t want any doubts on either of our minds.

He smiled gently at me and leaned forward, using his hand that still rested in my hair to bring my head forward. I felt his lips touch mine and closed my eyes, leaning into his touch. After a few seconds he pulled back, leaning his forehead back against mine with another soft smile.

“I'm positive. When I needed someone, you were there. And over the months, as I’ve gotten better, I’ve noticed you really noticed you. Especially after I found out the truth. I noticed you before, but more as a fighting companion. I’ve made this choice and I hope I haven’t just talked myself out of a chance.” He said smiling sweetly.

I giggled softly and leaned forward pressing a soft kiss to his lips before leaning back just a little bit.

“You haven’t. I just, didn’t expect you to be…. open to it. I thought maybe…. I had…” I said trailing off, my eyes closing.

Lafayette shook his head again, rubbing his thumb over my cheek. I blinked my eyes open and met his, seeing a smile on his face.

“Don’t worry about anything.” He said gently.

I smiled and nodded. We spent the next few hours talking before he looked over at the desk where the clock is. He let out a soft sigh, and sent me a smile.

“You should go get ready.” He said softly.

I looked over to the clock and sighed softly, nodding.

“Oui, I should.” I said standing up with a smile.

I went to take a step to the dresser where Lafayette had sat my hair tie and pins, but he caught my hand. I turned to face him and he stood leaning down and pressing a kiss to my lips.

“I will see you in a few minutes.” He said gently.

I smiled and nodded.

“Very soon.” I said just as gently.

He let go of my hand and watched as I twisted my hair up and tucked the pins into my pocket. He passed me the dress bag when I turned to look towards it. I smiled gently and stepped from the room, moving over to my bedroom I quickly closed and locked my door. I walked over to my bed and laid the bag down pulling the hair tie from my hair and letting my hair curl down my back. I sighed softly as I opened the bag, my eyes going wide at the gorgeous dress laid out before me. The dress was a deep blue color with a red corset piece and white frills at the hem and wrists.

'Oh wow, he’s not joking around.’ I thought as I admired the stunning dress.

There was a bag at the bottom of the bag and I reached down to pull it out. Inside sat a pair of dark blue high heels, a set of earrings, with red white and blue stones a matching necklace sat in a separate box next to the earring box. And then there was a ribbon in the bottom and I smiled softly, knowing exactly what do to do with it.

“Oh wow, this man went all out. I better stun him.” I whispered softly to myself.

I quickly stripped off my uniform, pulling on the blue dress first before the corset, tying it tightly at my waist I shuffled a bit.

'It's been a long time since I had to wear one of these.’ I thought with a small wince.

I sat down carefully on the bed and tugged on the tights before pulling on the heels and standing carefully. I moved into the bathroom and put the earrings and necklace on. I stopped to look at myself with a smile, I grabbed my brush running though my hair again. I took the ribbon carefully and twisted it through my hair, carefully braiding it. I smiled softly in the mirror and walked from my bathroom.

‘Now if I only had a touch of gloss.’ I thought as I looked around wondering if something may have been left.

I had just turned towards the mirror and was looking myself over when I heard a voice outside my door.

“Ah, Lafayette! I was just about to see if you and Lyon were ready.” Washington’s voice carried.

I froze up, and stared at the door.

“Ah! Lyon has already left. I hope you do not mind, but I asked him if my date for the ball could use his room to get ready. I was just going to drop a bag she left in my room over to her.” Lafayette’s voice came and I took a breath.

'Great save!’ I thought with relief.

“Well, alright. I’ll see you at the ball, and you’ll have to introduce me to this girl of yours.” Washington said as his voice got farther away.

I took a breath and let out a sigh before racing over to the bathroom, I heard a knock.

“Shit!” I swore softly racing back to the door.

I had forgotten I locked it. I opened the door and Lafayette slipped inside. He closed his eyes and held out a bag, I took it with a soft smile not that he could see, and walked to the bathroom. I closed the door.

“You can look.” I called softly.

I heard him walk towards the bathroom and stop outside.

“That was close.” Lafayette said softly.

I nodded, before laughing, opening the bag.

“It was, quick thinking there.” I said as I quickly applied the makeup that had been in the bag.

“Merci, I did the best I could.” He said and I heard the small smile.

“I just realized; you don’t know my name, do you?” I asked as I stepped back to the door.

He laughed and I heard him step back.

“No, I don’t.” He said.

I opened the door, before he could close his eyes and gave him a small smile.

“Kaleyanna.” I said with a small laugh.

Lafayette swept into a deep bow and took my hand, pressing a kiss to my knuckles.

“A pleasure.” He said looking up at me.

I smiled and giggled softly.

“The pleasure is mine, Monsieur.” I said curtsying a bit.

He laughed at that and rose to his full height, he was dressed in a fresh clean uniform, his hair perfectly pulled back and as I looked in his eyes, I saw something I hadn’t seen in a long time. I saw the sparkle.

“Shall we?” he asked holding his arm out to me.

I smiled gently and took his arm.

“Oui, we shall.” I said gently.

With that we headed from my room, walking down the stairs, we swept into the main room and again gained stares from the others there. I blushed and lowered my eyes a bit.

“You look amazing, you should hold yourself up.” Lafayette’s voice flowed into my ear as he leaned down.

I smiled softly and straightened up.

“Merci, it’s just been so long.” I whispered back softly.

Lafayette nodded and walked from Washington’s house, and swept down the street to the location of the ball. Without a second thought, Lafayette led me into the party and spun me around, causing me to giggle slightly. Over the course of the next few hours, Lafayette reintroduced me to his friends, who were all lovely to meet again as they were the first time. Although It did take a lot not to threaten Alexander with hanging him by his boot straps. Washington came up to us and Lafayette introduced us as well. Lafayette and Washington discussed the war for a little while before Lafayette bowed to him and lead me away, back to the dance floor.

“That man will talk my ear off one of these days.” Lafayette murmured to me as we swayed around the room.

I laughed gently and nodded.

“Oui, but you know you love the man, and he cares a great deal for you as well.” I murmured just as softly.

He laughed and nodded.

“Oui, that is very true.” Lafayette agreed as we spun around.

I giggled again as we continued to sway around the room. We danced for a while longer before the ball came to a close, and we headed back to Washington’s residence. We stayed out until we were certain that everyone was asleep, heading up to our rooms Lafayette followed me inside and swept me into a hug lifting me off my feet and spinning us. I laughed sharply my arms wrapping around his neck, my fingers threading into his hair. He brought me down and pressed a kiss to my lips, I sighed softly into the kiss feeling my whole body relax. He sat me down and brushed my hair from my face.

“Until tomorrow, Amour.” He said softly.

I smiled gently and nodded.

“Until tomorrow.” I said just as softly.

Lafayette pressed a kiss to my forehead before walking from my room. I smiled softly and twirled around the room, before quickly getting ready for bed. The next morning, I got up, and dressed in my uniform, tucking my hair up and tyiing it back. I smiled softly and nodded.

‘'The first day of forever, I hope.’ I thought as I turned slipping my sword into my belt, and my boots on my feet.

I turned to the door and stepped out of my room, meeting Lafayette in the hall he gave me a loving look and I smiled back at him. Together we walked down the hall and down the stairs. Two months later, I was once again in a dress as we went to Alexander’s wedding and I giggled softly afterwards at Lafayette and the boy’s behavior.

“Mon Amour!” Lafayette called to me as he walked over.

I giggled and wrapped my arms around his waist as he leaned against me. We were getting ready to leave, and he had been drinking a lot.

“Oui, Mon Amour?” I asked softly.

He blinked at me and leaned down kissing me gently.

“You are the most beautiful woman in the world!” Lafayette declared.

I blushed and looked down for a second before looking up at him.

“You are very drunk.” I replied gently.

He laughed and wrapped his arms around me, swaying us gently.

“Doesn’t change the fact you are beautiful! We should do this.” He murmured as we swayed.

I smiled softly and tucked my head into his chest and closed my eyes letting us sway.

“Do what?” I asked softly.

I stood up and took his arm leading him back to where we were staying as he tried to think over his words. I lead him to his room and carefully pulled his boots and jacket off, helping him get comfortable on the bed. He tugged my arm and I fell into his lap, where he wrapped his arms around me.

“Get married.” He said softly.

I froze up and before I could respond I felt his arms loosen around me and heard a soft thump. I turned and saw that had had fallen asleep, I laughed softly and shook my head. I quickly tucked him in and turned to the door, extinguishing the lights.

“Ask again tomorrow if you remember. Good night Amour.” I whispered softly.

I stepped into my own room and got ready for bed falling asleep quickly. The next morning, I woke up and got ready, slipping into a clean uniform. There was a knock on the door.

“Come in!” I called as I finished tucking my hair away and tying it back.

Lafayette’s head poked in the small gap he had made before he stepped inside, closing the door and walking over to me, just as I slipped my sword into my belt. He wrapped his arms around me and kissed me softly.

“Good morning.” He said softly.

I smiled gently.

“Good morning, how did you sleep?” I asked looking up into his eyes.

He groaned softly and tucked his head into my neck.

“I could have slept longer.” He said quietly.

I smiled gently and lifted one hand to run through his still loose hair, hoping to sooth him a little.

“I'm sure you could have. You were a bit excessive in your celebration of Alexander’s wedding last night. Do you even remember anything?” I asked gently, leading him to sit on my bed.

'What I really want to know is if he remembers asking me to marry him.’ I thought watching him.

His eyes slid closed and a small frown took over his face.

“I remember dancing, and drinking. I insulted Burr.” He said softly opening an eye to look at me.

I laughed softly and nodded.

“’You are the worst, Burr' is one of my new favorite insults.” I said gently.

He groaned closing his eyes again.

“I remember, talking with Alexander, you leading me back here…...O-oh…. I asked you to marry me.” He said softly his eyes opening and going wide at the end.

I nodded when he turned to look at me, I kept my fingers running gently through his hair.

“You did.” I confirmed softly.

He closed his eyes again, before looking up at me.

“Does it sound any better if I say I meant to ask you, just when I was sober?” Lafayette asked me.

I froze and my eyes went wide. He seemed to freak out but I leaned forward and kissed him softly.

“Of course, I will you silly man.” I whispered softly.

He relaxed and kissed me back. We started to plan but two months later we were sitting on top of our horses a hardened look on our faces as we watched the encroaching enemy forces. I had the ring he gave me, hidden underneath my uniform as we watched sitting on the edge of the Chesapeake Bay. Our men sat behind us, and they still didn’t know French.

“Please be careful.” I murmured as I maneuvered my horse a little closer to Lafayette’s.

Lafayette turned his head from the incoming enemy, sending me a small worried smile.

“I will, you be safe too. Please, I don’t know what I’d do if I lost you.” He said gently.

I wanted nothing more than to kiss him right then but given the circumstances I couldn’t. I smiled softly and nodded.

“I will be. I can’t lose you either though, so keep your head focused on the battle and I’ll do the same. And I’ll see you on the other side of this.” I said softly.

He smiled gently at me.

“I'll see you on the other side, and we get married as soon as this is done!” He said smiling gently.

I nodded and we turned, drawing our swords at the same time and lifting them to the air.

“Let’s ride!” Lafayette and I called together.

The battle took a week before a young man in red coat stood on parapet waving a white flag. Another week later and Lafayette and I finally had some time alone. I curled into his hold as he held me.

“We won.” I whispered still in amazement.

Lafayette laughed softly and pressed a kiss to the top of my head.

“Next is our wedding, and then we free France.” He said just as softly.

I nodded and relaxed a bit. Two weeks later when all was said and done and we were finally done with the American revolution and our part of the aftermath, we stood before our friends and family and we were married. Over the next sixteen years we had children, we fought and won the French revolution, we lost friends and those we considered family. But we did it together. We spent as much time as we could together, and did all that we could together.

#fanfiction #hamilton #marquis de lafayette #oc

[em0uvante]

Amaranthine

Chapter three

TRIGGER WARNING:

- MENTIONS OF DEATH

- VIOLENCE

I love you all, enjoy.

"remember the sorting hat ceremony bubba?" i ask draco, interrupting his boring lecture. he grunts, ending his sentence.

"asshole, but yeah, i do. what about it?" he mutters the beginning, gradually getting louder.

"i don't know, i just want to go back. i miss it." i huff, laying my head on draco's lap.

"but we still go to this school? what do you mean?" he pets my hair gently, making sure not to pull on it.

"i don't know. i guess i want to go back in time, before everything went in the gutter." my eyes well up with tears which i pat away with my palms.

draco lifts me off his lap into his arms, holding me tightly. i quickly wipe my tears on his clothed shoulder. i sit back up. draco takes my chin in between his index finger and thumb, staring into my eyes. his soft lips meet my cheek, cooling my nerves. i let out a prolonged sigh, eyes closing shut.

"it's over now annie, you're safe know. i'll never leave your side. promise." draco holds out his pinky finger, i take it in mine. our foreheads meet, resting against each other.

"sorry i got your shirt all wet." i sniffle waiting for draco to reply.

"i wasn't gonna say anything because you're sad, but yeah, pretty gross." we share a low chuckle, draco pokes at my side. i squirm myself off his lap, falling to the floor. draco only points his finger and laughs.

"you are so mean! ugh, why do i have to live with you?" i shout from the floor, draco holding out his hand to pick me up.

"well, i have to go to potions, and you need to get yourself to herbology. walking with me or not annie?" he slides his robes on, waiting for an answer.

"yeah, i'll walk with you. but only because you have no other friends." i stick my tongue out at him, face contorting in a confused manner.

"says you! i'm your only friend you prune," he remarks stubbornly. "and for your information, i have blaise, and- um..." draco trails off while i collect my belongings for class. i shake my head at him, chuckling to myself. i hear a subtle knock on the door. my eye rests against the peephole.

"hey mister popular, astoria greena- i mean uh astoria greengrass. she's behind the door, waiting for you."

"oh! i didn't know she was stopping by." he scrambles to ruffle out his hair. my eyes roll to the back of my head out of disgust. astoria greenass has draco wrapped around her finger.

the pair met when they were put together for a potions project last year. he was amazed by her beauty, and fell head over heels in love with her. this is what i assume, of course. they have been inseparable since. i'm not sure why, but i really really hate astoria.

"your hair looks fine bubba." i say, peeking my head out of the bathroom where i was hiding from the devil herself.

"don't call me bubba! astoria is here!" he whisper-shouts, opening the door for astoria. draco's pale complexion lights up when he sees astoria's. i feel a wave of heat flows down my spine. her presence ignites a strong fire inside of me.

astoria is wearing her robe, tie, and her long brown locks are tied with a emerald colored ribbon. i don't know why draco fancies astoria to such extent. although, her lack of personality and gorgeous genes are probably enough for him.

"pepperpup! i missed you so much!" draco engulfs her into a hug, astoria wrapping her arms around his shoulders.

"aw i missed you as well babe." she replies, kissing his cheek softly. i notice draco's face turn beet red when her lips touch his upper jaw bone.

"babe? i didn't know you guys were snogging! good thing draco got headgear when he did." i wittily interrupt. their heads whip around towards the couch, huffing at my comment.

"we're no-"

"indeed we are. we have been for a month today." she grins, pulling draco into her arms for the second time today. draco's face goes blank, his eyes glued to my hands. which were fiddling with the snake ring on my left middle finger.

"oh really? that's so cool! i'm thrilled for you both," i manage to mutter out, counting down from fifty in my head to control my growing rage. "anyway, i have to go to class. have a good day you two. i'll see you tomorrow for the quidditch game." i quickly gather my bag and sprint out the door, slamming it behind me.

(ONE HOUR AND FORTY-SEVEN MINUTES LATER)

"are you feeling alright darling? you look, sickly." my friend aera asks. her hand caresses mine in a soothing manner, snapping me back into reality.

"yeah! i'm good. wanna grab something to eat? i'm starving." aera's fingers stop and her face holds an unconvinced look. aera is far too intelligent to believe my lies.

"do you think i'm a bloody imbecile? i insist you tell me what dilemma you are facing this instance." she states, all whilst lacing her shoes to go to dinner.

"no i don't, but there is nothing wrong with me aera. really." she raises her eyebrow quizzically. her alluring eyes stare deeply into my soul, searching for the truth. aera's head slowly turns as the rest of her body goes still.

"fine! draco and astoria are dating but i hate her stupid brat face! ugh, i hate her so much!" i scream, allowing anyone in the common room to hear.

"divulge me in your problems. toni, why do you loathe her to such extent?"

"i literally have no idea. maybe because draco is obsessed with her, and is a dickhead to me when she is around. or because draco calls her pepperpup, god that's so stupid. pepperpup, like she's a fucking dog. i'm sorry, excuse my language, they just make me so angry!" my feelings pour out into the world while i scream my lungs out. aera just stays silent and nods her head, waiting for me to finish.

"thank you for sharing with me. let's head to dinner." she takes my hand in hers and leads me to the great hall, which is jam-packed full of ravenous students.

"can we eat in your dorm? i don't want to sit by him tonight." i ask, hiding my face in the beanie i'm wearing.

"i'm afraid not hun. besides, i have a date tonight. goodbye!" with that, aera is gone like the wind. just like that i'm standing by myself in the middle of the great hall.

i try my best to be discreet while getting my dinner plate. ham, carrots, a bun and some mash are what i grab to eat. after gathering my food, i eat it as fast as possible making sure not to draw attention to myself. i hear blaise call my name, meaning draco was near. i turn my head to the person next to me, pretending to be in a conversation.

as i'm trying to 'converse' with the girl next to me, i feel a harsh tap on my shoulder. i look up to find blaise zabini roughly tapping me, signaling for me to sit with them. them being blaise, pansy, astoria, and draco.

"nettie! come on and sit with us mate! draco won't stop asking for you." he mumbles the last part so only i could hear. i shrug, pick up my plate and walk over to the group. draco's glum expression lights up, his eyes filling with joy.

"nice to see you again antoinette! we were just chatting about the quidditch game tomorrow. ravenclaw versus slytherin! should be a good one." astoria states, her bright smile never dropping. i ball my fist when i hear my full name come out of her mouth.

"don't ever call me antoniette you dumb bitch!" i shout, standing up from my seat. my hand nearly collides with her face, but someone's hand stops it. draco's eyes bore into mine, telling me to calm down. i let my hand fall back to my side, the same angry expression plasters my face.

"i-i'm sorry, i didn't know! i swear!" astoria cries, pansy holding her tightly. the disappointed face on pansy grows.

"if you didn't know, maybe you could have fucking asked! did you not notice the fact that nobody around calls me fucking antoinette!?! jesus christ astoria, are you that fucking stupid!?!" i scream, tears spilling from astoria's eyes. i feel like i could punch a hole into the earth with my one fist.

"oh my god toni, take a rest. you sound fucking crazy." blaise says calmly, only fueling my fire more. i hate that word, hate it. draco knows that. i tilt my head to the side, thinking of all the ways i could kill everyone at this table. draco clears his throat, finally stepping in.

"annie, let's go to our room. i'm growing very sleepy. come on darling." he takes my hand in his, but i pull back from him.

"are you fucking joking? i will tie your brain stem to your shoe laces, you stupid fucking idiot. god, why are you friends with such brain dead morons? call me crazy again zabini, do it. i dare you. come on, little bitch, do it! i'll kill yo-" draco looks at me again, signaling that he needs me to leave with him.

"what, you can't take being called crazy? astoria didn't know any better! what, are you mental?"

"blaise, enough! i can't believe how fucking childish you're being right now. fucking prick." draco shouts at him, blaise flinching at his harsh words. i'm already halfway across the great hall, taking my plate with me. draco runs to catch up with me, not looking behind himself once.

(12 MINUTES LATER)

"annie, you okay in there? i'm sorry about what blaise said. it was out of hand." draco knocks on the door gently. three knocks. just like mum. i hate when he does that.

i'm crying when draco started knocking on the bathroom door. i quickly wipe my eyes and let myself out. i sit down on the satin green couch.

"i'm completely fine draco. it was my fault. i'm a horrible monster, just like mother said." i state calmly, grabbing my wand polish. draco shakes his head and sits down next to me.

"don't be like that annie. don't try to hide your feelings from me." he takes the wand polish from my hand. i give my attention to him, which i know is what he wanted.

"she didn't deserve that. i know she didn't mean any harm. she's a real sweetheart. i'm just an asshole." i admit, twirling a piece of hair between my fingers.

"you're not an asshole, annie. you can't control it. i know that, they don't."

"that's beside the point. i'm a bad person. that's the truth and it always fucking will be. astoria did nothing wrong." i get up, pacing around the room.

"she triggered you, whether she meant it or not." draco grumbles, pulling his hair loosely.

"it's fine. it's over now. i'm going back to my room." i get up and head out.

"annie, don't go. we need to talk." he mumbles, standing up from his spot on the couch.

"draco there's nothing to talk about. you and astoria are dating, you didn't tell me, and your friends are douches. goodnight." and with that, i'm out of the door, heading to my own room.

(14 MINUTES LATER)

after taking off my school clothes i run a bath for myself. i grab the bath salts i bought from hogsmeade and sprinkle some in. i let the lavender scented salts absorb me completely, taking in the fragrance.

after the water is warm enough, i gently slide into the tub. the water relaxing my tense muscles. a long sigh leaves my mouth as i lather soap onto my body. once i rinse it off, i submerge myself under the water, making my body feel still and peaceful.

peace. something i never get to feel. water is peaceful. so calm and tranquil. maybe if i drown myself, the water will let me be peaceful. that's a good idea. death will make me peaceful. i want it so fucking badly. but i will never will.

[sweeethinny]

You’re The Right One - Chapter 1

There are people we would walk through the fire for, people we never imagined we could meet, and for James S. Potter, that person is Mira Hazel. The temperamental madwoman who was in the compartment next to him in Hogwarts' first year, and who has been by his side ever since. In the fifth year, however, Mira begins to gain another angle through James' eyes, however much he doesn't want it. You shouldn't look at your best friend that way, let alone want to kiss her every time they're close. He definitely shouldn't be jealous of her. She is just your friend, best friend, and James should put his head in place and forget about all this crazy stuff to avoid problems ... But he never went after problems, anyway, they always find a way to find him.

AO3

first of all, I would like to thank @theroomofreq​ who is beta of this fic, thank you very much for helping me to put this story in the world <3  this is a story that is almost finished in the original version, so my days of creative block will not hinder her progress

that’s it, thank u if you’re read till here, i hope you like my characters and my vision of the next gen <3

Walking excitedly among all the people, carrying his owl and bags in the cart, and rushing his parents every moment they were less than two steps behind him. James grinned from ear to ear on a lively September morning, the one where he would mark his first school year at Hogwarts.

''Let's go!’’ He pulled his father by the hand, who had stopped to show Lily, the youngest of the family, the huge dog that was walking illustriously beside the owner.

Both Harry and Ginny walked slowly to enjoy what would be the last time they would see their eldest son until Christmas, when they would force him to return to spend the festivities at home. For the father, it was a joy to see that little kid who barely reached his chest, saying what a great Quidditch player he would be and that Gryffindor would be, certainly, his house.

'' What if it happens to be Hufflepuff? Albus asked, a little frightened by his brother's enthusiasm that morning

'' It won't happen '' He rolled his eyes when none of the parents looked at him '' I'm too brave '' And the two laughed among themselves, thinking that the son was a copy, much more genius should be said, of the mother and the uncles Fred and George. And Harry was not ashamed to admit, that he saw himself much more in Albus, frightened by that determination, than by the flames of excitement that prowled James eyes. At least not at that age.

'' Come on, you and me first '' James barely waited for his father to hold the stroller bar, safely crossed the 9 3/4 barrier, reaching the spot where his eyes twinkled, and his whole body shook from nervousness and anxiety. Soon the mother with Albus and Teddy appeared, as always, the calm face of the woman making the boy brake and answer the silent request of '' wait! ''

'' How do you feel? '' Wizards were everywhere now, there were owls hooting, cats purring on their owners' legs, and frogs in the clothes of some, showing only their big eyes.

'' Anxious '' He spoke the truth for the first time, still smiling, but now a little more slowly. '' Do you think I'll be able to fly? '' This time he addressed his mother, speaking quietly so that only she could hear, watching Albus and Lily listening to his father's story about his first day there, while Teddy made some joke about how old he was. Ginny smiled kindly, warming the boy's heart, arranged the hair that fell in his eyes and rubbed his young face

'' Of course James, but if you have difficulties, which I doubt, we can train at Christmas '' He nodded, more hopeful this time. If her mother, a famous Quidditch player, had told him he could do it, then it would become true. Right?

'' Let's go just before the train leaves '' This time it was Harry who stirred, pushing the way while James saw the faces that would soon become known to him. Whether they are friends, colleagues, or enemies. (Even though his father made him swear that he would not start  unnecessary fights)

Smoke spread in the air, a lot of students - young and old - boarded the train and packed their bags in the cabins, then returned to hug their parents, be  scolded, or just talk. Heads floated in the window, students laughing excitedly with the anxiety of finally leaving, and James couldn't help feeling different.

'' I'm going to miss you, brat '' Teddy ruffled his brother's at heart hair '' First year is an important year .. write me if you need anything '' James nodded, slightly nervous as he watched the man change his hair for go dark like his, smiling a little too watery for his opinion

'' Me too. And ok, I will '' James hugged him, and then turned to his parents, almost feeling like he was about to scream in excitement and fear.

'' Be careful '' The father looked at his son, a little laughing and a little serious, raising his eyebrows '' I'm watching you ''

'' Ok '' He nodded excitedly '' And I know you will ''

"Take care, okay?" It was Albus' embrace, two years younger, tight and full of anticipation that made James smile without grace, his cheeks warm with that affection. As annoying as he could be, he would miss having someone smaller than himself to win the blame.

'' Yes, I’ll miss you too '' And then everyone got together for the squeeze, almost breaking his ribs, and making him blush with embarrassment '' No ... I can’t ... breathe ''

The little sister gave his cheek a wet kiss - which James automatically wanted to wipe but did not do when he saw his father's gaze - his mother had passed on some instructions about the houses and how he should be calm regardless of the choice.

'' The house that Hat draws will be the right one for you, and we will be happy regardless of the result. Write to us as soon as you can, preferably today '' He nodded laughing, thinking of the red and gold lion.

'' Now, listen '' The father had crouched down, keeping close eye contact, his green eyes almost bursting into orbit '' I don't want you to be around getting in trouble, understood? '' For the fiftieth time he nodded '' Don't worry if you are alone, people always arrive in the compartment , you can meet great friends inside '' Once again he moved his head

'' Stop being so melodramatic, man. '' Teddy laughed, winking at James, who seemed to have read the mind of the boy who was thinking about the whole castle to explore.

'' I'm going to send you news '' he assured, entering in the train

'' Every day. '' James frowned, eliciting laughter from his parents '' Answer us always, and if you need to ... ''

'' I know, Dad, I know ... Professor Longbottom can help me. '' The train started to leave, they exchanged a few more words, he waved at them as they got smaller, and then that was it.

James was finally on his way to the Witch School.

Anxious, he ran to the  single empty compartment  he found and began to contemplate the path they were taking. It seemed that magic was already taking place there, it was like the sensation of climbing up  a gigantic peak, analyzing the view from the top , the fall that he would soon make. It was scary, but impressively, it also seemed to cause a huge euphoria that would make him jump.

"Can I come in or is it full already?" The female voice woke him from his daydream. He had heard many love stories that began in train compartments , his godfather for example, swore he was one of those who unknowingly knew the love of his life. Grandpa, whose name he honored, met Grandma in one of those too. But if James knew anything, it was the  girl, a few inches shorter than him, with long blond hair braided, wearing a funny black cap and school robes, would not be his love.

She wasn't ugly, but she looked ... clumsy. Her eyes were large pits of the darkest pitch, the pupil barely visible, her  cheeks pink and large, eyebrows as clear as lashes (little more colored than the fair skin), and her  teeth a little apart, in addition to a pink lip fatty. Her legs looked  long compared to her  body, even under her robes, and her arms were thin, as if she had started to stretch-but only on some limbs.

'' Uh ... no. '' But you couldn't deny friends, of course. "You can sit down."

'' So ... '' She packed her bags '' It was full up front '' Justified herself by picking up a 'Quidditch History' book and sitting in front of him '' And I thought .... Hey, I think I know you from somewhere '' James blushed, even though he straightened up and tried to look more secure than he really was. Being recognized was never fun. '' You are Ginny Potter's son, I saw you on the Prophet's cover! My God, your mother is awesome '' She spoke in a way that her eyes almost popped, such excitement, gesturing and bulging her eyes.

'' I know '' James bragged, even if uncomfortable '' She's the best '' He spoke as if it were the most normal thing in the world. His mother had retired as a chaser  after Lily was born, however, he had gone to a few games and could remember it  being amazing. In addition, every time they played in the vegetable garden, the father had to sweat so that they would not lose by more than 100 points - even if someone on his team caught the snitch.

'' I want to be like her , you know .. '' The girl straightened up on the bench, pulling her legs up, leaning her back against the cold window, the book resting on her knees '' I want to play like that. '' James thought she was funny, but he didn't comment, a little scared by how intimidating she looked. '' My parents hate flying, but I like it. I mean, I’ve only  flown a few times, but it's soooo fun. '' He wanted to laugh, staring at her curiously. Her hair resembled Aunt Fleur's hair, long and light, but it was much less styled than the hair of the older woman  '' I really like to imagine myself playing. ''

''To imagine? Have you never played? '' The nameless girl denied, making a face

'' My parents are not the biggest Quidditch fans, so to go to a game, it was like Mass '' "Mass?" He frowned.

The blonde looked at him, this time curious, '' Yes, it's a muggle thing, you know, about religion, some are too long ... so the saying... '' James nodded

"Are you Muggle-born?" She shook her head, fiddling with the worn book unpretentiously, and then shrugged.

'' My parents are wizards, but my grandparents are muggles and I spent  a lot of time with my maternal grandmother, so '' she shrugged '' That's why I never played, I had no one, but I know how to play volleyball and maybe it will help me. And Tennis '' the girl shrugged again '' Anyway, your mom is a big inspiration to me, I wish I could have seen her play. ''

'' So ... you didn't say your name '' And again she moved, sitting forward and holding out her hand to him, which was full of different rings. James wondered if that girl could be weirder than Dominique. Or Aunt Luna.

'' Sorry, I was so excited ... I'm Mira Hazel. '' He smiled kindly

'' James '' Even though he didn't need to, he was happy to say '' What house do you think will be in? '' She straightened up again on the bench, without opening the book this time, looking at him with full attention.

'' I hope Ravenclaw. What about you? '' Mira Hazel said, as James grimaced.

'' Gryffindor, obviously. Why do you want that one? It's so full of ... idiots '' The girl raised her clear eyebrows, her body moving into an attack position as if she might pounce on him, much like a cat. James was concerned that she was carrying a cat beside her, but there was no sign.

'' My parents are from there .. You know. Gryffindor is not the only good house at school, if it were, it wouldn't make sense to have others, would it? '' James swallowed the words, arranging his back on the bench and thinking what he would say Next. Of course, his father had warned about this, but how could he not want to go to the house that housed his whole family?

Before he could give a bullshit answer that would make coal eyes explode, the cabin door was opened again, this time a boy with black hair and frightened eyes appeared, his cheeks flushed and what appeared to be a frog in his front pocket. "Sorry, wrong cabin."

When the door closed again, silence radiated over them, James too affected to admit that maybe, for a few seconds, she was right. Only the pages broke the silence,, as she leafed through the book almost aggressively,.Mira seemed to have read it many times judging by  the yellowish color that marked the edges, in addition to the lower spine looking punished with use. He thought of asking what Quidditch position she wanted - for he had imagined that if they both wanted to be keppers, they would fall off their brooms before the snitch was even released - but he kept the words to himself.

The food cart was not long in arriving, much to his delight, and the two bought what looked like food for five more, still without speaking a word, which was driving him crazy.

"Aha! I finally found you. '' The female voice broke through the air. Mira smiled at the chocolate frog, taking the card in her hands

'' Who did you find? '' James smiled when he saw Merlin smiling on his own card.

'' Hermione Weasley '' And as if it were pure gold, she carefully tucked it inside the Quidditch book.  '' My mother met her ... they made Runes together '' Mira nodded, seeming to talk to herself more than to him '' A very smart witch ... I should want to be like her too, don't you think? ''

'' Are you always this weird? '' He joked, happy that she had talked to him again. Her silence was claustrophobic, which was very strange, since Albus used to give him a cold shoulder whenever they fought, and it was never this bad. 

'' Ah ... no, I’m just nervous. '' It seemed like a lie, but he didn't say anything 

'' But tell me, what is it like? Having these people in your family '' Mira asked. 

James grimaced when he swallowed a Bertie Botts every flavor bean,  '' Ear wax, ew, I don't know how I was wrong. I thought it might be popcorn ''

''Normal '' He moved his shoulders, precisely choosing a bean, loving the taste of strawberry when he threw one in his mouth '' They are normal people most of the time '' 

'' It can't be normal '' She rolled her eyes '' There must be something extraordinary about being the son of Harry and Ginny Potter '' 

James tried to shake the thought from  his mind, remembering all the years living in his family and all the stories that he had heard (even if in half).

Sometimes it was quite difficult, people used to be so intrusive  at partie, s it was almost impossible for them not to be stopped by some journalist wanting to know the latest gossip that involved their name.

James thought it all sucked. It was very tiring.

He had thought that now as he was going to Hogwarts he could finally be James. Simply, James, and no longer,live in the shadow of his parents great deeds. Even if no one asked him to follow in their footsteps, stressing the irrecoverable losses they had made along the arduous path, he felt as if nothing he did was really interesting.

Going to Gryffindor, being a good keeper and a good student, was not just to ensure that his track record was brilliant, but to guarantee a place in the genius tree. He hadn't fought like his mother and father, but he had done something good while he was at school, proving his worth. Proving to be brave and fearless.

'' Except I can get a lot of cards from chocolate frogs more easily '' He smiled at the girl who laughed in denial, her cheeks turning pink again, and her eyes no longer seemed to carry the fury she had earlier presented.

She wasn't all bad, after all.

[...]

‘’James Potter .. what an honor!’’ Hagrid, a half-giant who always showed up at his house telling stories about strange and dangerous animals, smiled at him, hitting him on the back with a force that made him walk two steps forward.

‘’Hi Hagrid.’’ He returned the smile, looking  excitedly behind him and seeing the boats positioned.

After the rookies were summoned and put on boats, crossed the river below the night sky with few stars, Mira was beside him, her eyes looking like a part of the sky, shining with the magnificent view of Hogwarts. The castle looked bigger and more splendid than any photograph, description, or drawing he had ever seen and heard. It was real, grand, and now it was his new home.

As they left the boats and were led into the castle, the children's voices seemed to triple- the excitement of standing in that hall, waiting to be called up for the sorting. A tall, strong, well-groomed professor, showing a scar that cut his eyebrow and a little bit of his left eyelid, appeared. ,He explained the houses, the hat and introduced himself, Frank Johaan, Defense Against the Dark Art teacher . When they entered the Great Hall, which his father had spoken so much of, James thought he might fall over right there, looking at the tables, the teachers, the decoration above him, the walls laden with flags of the houses, the ghosts walking around. .. It was almost like daydreaming. No photograph  lived up to what James was seeing

And just as his father had informed him, when the time came, the Sorting Hat on a stool, looking old and worn, began to sing.

When Headmaster McGonagall gave a slight smile after welcoming the students - and James thought he saw her smile bigger when she saw him - Professor Johaan stood erect beside the stool, a scroll in his left hand and the right on top of the hat

‘’When I call your name, come here and sit down.’’

The names began, applause whenever the house was shouted at by the patched hat.With each person, the boy felt more apprehensive, looking around anxiously and seeing Mira from a short distance, looking confident, hardly even blinking during the wait.

‘’Potter, James Sirius’’ He could have sworn he saw the Headmistress getting ready in the chair to watch, making him feel even more nervous; And with weak legs, but without showing it, he started the long walk to the stool, everyone's eyes following him, and the teachers looking at him with curiosity. He took a deep breath before sitting on the stool and left his mind free, listening even to his heartbeat.

‘’Ah a Potter ... I know them so well. A brave heart ... ‘’ Said the hat, and he thought it was magnificent ‘’I can't help but notice, too big even for a giant's body’’. Without thinking, he looked sideways at Hagrid, who was smiling anxiously while sitting in one of the chairs set for the teachers. ‘’But would that only help you? .. A vast intelligence, certainly, but I cannot deny the truth ... Gryffindor!’’

The Gryffindor table rose to a fuss, eagerly applauding and welcoming him, with huge smiles and nods when he sat down, everyone congratulating him and talking about how amazing it was that they had a Potter there.

‘’Hazel, Mira’’ She walked confidently, not even blushing.  Her braided hair trailing behind her and her black eyes looking like two black holes in her pale face. She sat on the stool, waiting for the call, the sorting hat was put on, and stayed there for some time.

James’ godmother had told him about this, about students sometimes sitting up to five minutes waiting, they were students who confused the hat, they had many attributes that stood out and could easily fit in more than one house, as had happened with her.

The blonde was waiting in the same way as when she sat down, calm and seeming to assess with the hat, after what seemed like three or more minutes - he hadn't been there so long, and if he had, he would have died of anxiety - the hat screamed;

-Gryffindor!

His  house table began to clap again, the blonde descending cheerfully and full of smiles, greeting those at the end and sitting next to James, her eyebrows half-arched and in an almost balmy way, showing in her eyes

‘’It looks like we'll be colleagues, Potter.’’ Mira said as she raised her chin and exuding confidence , drawing a laugh from James. 

‘’So it seems.’’ And for some reason, he was happy with that.

#hp next gen #hp fanfic #next gen harry potter #James Sirius Potter #Harry Potter #ginnyPOTTER #Albus Severus Potter #harry potter next generation #my fic

[cilldaracailin]

Save Me

Hello my Tumblr Lovely’s,

Normal service has resumed on my blog and I am back to post the next part of this Robyn and Taron story.

Random side tangent though.... I bought this today!

And I am ridiculously excited to get it and we won’t talk about how the shipping was nearly the same price as the product but I cannot wait to get my hands on it! It’s Care Bears! And original 80′s bears! Just living my childhood now!

Anywhoo, moving on. No major disclaimer needed for this part. Tiny bit emotional and a little angst but nothing else. Also I don’t know Taron.

Suze xx

6

“Relief is a wonderful emotion, highly underrated. In fact, I prefer it to elation or joy. Relief lets the air out of the Tire of Pain.”

Once Robyn had tidied away the picnic blanket and she put the cups in the dishwasher in the kitchen, she took Taron’s hand and they walked back upstairs, the last to arrive, everyone sitting and chatting as Aiden got the next part of the course ready to go. They took the two seats at the end as before and Robyn’s nerves had settled until Aiden came to the part about bleeding and the different types of wounds associated with bleeding and when the trainer mentioned gun shots, he quickly stopped and immediately looked to her.

“It’s fine.” She assured him. “Go on.” Her hand squeezing Taron’s hard completely disagreed with what she actually thought and when his hand returned the tight grip, she knew he was feeling just as uncomfortable as she was.

Thankfully, Aiden didn’t linger on the subject of more severe wounds, concentrating on what they would most likely find in a creche. Ten minutes before four, he was handing out the pages with the quick quiz for the attendees to fill in, Robyn grinning when Taron asked for one too.

“I may as well. I have sat through it.”

Robyn finished the multichoice questionnaire quickly and looked to Taron as he hoovered over a and b on question seven.

“It’s c.” She whispered to him, seeing Taron grin and circle c.

“What is this one?” He asked pointing the question number two.

“A.”

“Thank you.”

Robyn looked to the left when she was elbowed by Emma sitting beside her. “Cheater.”

“He wasn’t here for the first part of the day.”

“Sure.” Emma smiled. “That’s your reason.”

With all the quizzes collected and corrected, everyone passed the refresher course and were then handed their certs, Aiden quickly hand drawing out one for Taron too, giving it to him with a grin and handshake.

“Thank you all for coming today and giving me your full attention. I know it is not an easy course to take but everyone gave their all and I very much appreciate that. Now enjoy the rest of your weekend.”

A babble of chatter filled the room as a happy mood of being free from weekend training circled the air. Robyn turned to Taron and gave him a tiny smile, suddenly feeling a whole new level of exhaustion fill her. Keeping it together during the training, she could finally fully breathe again but that shame that had been pushed to the side that morning when Taron appeared was quickly creeping back in.

“Stop it.” Taron could see her overthinking once again, now that she wasn’t distracted by the course and he leaned a little closer to her, knowing the increased volume of the conversation in the room would cover his words. “You are not to let yourself fall back into the guilt I know you are feeling. I am happy to be here with you. Too much has happened for us today to go backwards.”

She nodded in agreement and then acknowledged the staff who walked past them saying goodbye as they had some hurry in their step to leave the playroom and make the most of what was left of their weekend. Soon it was just her, Taron and Emma left in the room along with Aiden as he tidied up after the course. Once the room was somewhat empty, Robyn rolled her neck and letting go of Taron’s hand covered her mouth as she yawned.

“Why don’t you and Taron head back to yours.” Emma had noticed how neither Robyn or her male friend had even tried to make a move once the course finished and they still sat on the little chairs. “Been a long day for you both.”

“I will help you put the room back together.” Robyn stood up and went to pick up the chair she was sitting on but was stopped by Emma.

“The girls can do it on Monday. They will have lots of time before the children come in. Take Taron and go home.” Emma tilted her head a little, her eyebrows motioning towards Taron.

Robyn easily read the body language from Emma and knew she had to face the fate of Taron’s clear disappointment as he spoke to her outside earlier. “Yeah alright.” She turned to Taron. “Ready to go?”

“Absolutely.” He nodded. Desperate for some privacy and his chat with Robyn, he also really wanted a shower and some sleep. Getting to his feet, he looked to Emma. “Thank you.”

Emma smiled a little. “No need for you to thank me. It was nice to see you again.” She hoped Taron got the hidden meaning behind her words and as he stepped forward to give her a hug, she knew he did.

Once they said one last thank you and goodbye to Aiden, they headed downstairs and while Robyn collected her belongings from her locker, Taron waited in the office. He heard a clash and clang as she dropped something and when the curse came from her lips as she dropped her keys again, he stepped into the hallway, watching as she juggled her belongings, reaching forward to take her purse before she dropped it too.

“Robyn?” He caught her keys just as the slipped from her hands too and he was left holding all of her things except her coat.

“Shit sorry Taron.” Robyn walked past him into the office and dropped her coat on her chair. “Don’t know what is going on with me.” She took her things from him, putting everything into her handbag, except her keys, leaving them on the desk.

“I have an idea.” He said kindly and he stepped in to give her a hug. “Adrenaline is gone and that tiredness is really settling in. Thoughts of things to come.”

“I hate that I did this to you.” She spoke into his chest.

“You have done nothing to me except protect me but you just went around it the wrong way and here in your office is not the place for this conversation. Let’s go back to yours.” Taron placed a soft kiss on her head. “And I am driving.”

Robyn lifted her head from him. “You are driving?”

“Yes.” He picked up her keys from the desk. “I am not letting you drive home like this. I know I am tired but your tired is so different to mine. I will get us back to yours and don’t even try to argue with me over it.”

“Whatever you want rocketman.”

He smiled as she used his nickname. “Great. Let’s go.” He picked up his sunglasses and hat, putting both on before swinging his bag over his right shoulder.

With everything in her hands except her keys, Robyn pushed the door release button and let them out of the creche, making their way to her car. She smiled as Taron crossed her path, getting to the car first at the driver’s side, unlocking the car and throwing his bag on the back seat, Robyn slipping into the passenger side. Strange having someone else drive her car, it was something she never thought Taron would ever have to do but inside she was happy for him to take over the short drive to hers, trusting him completely to get them there safely. At the moment, he was definitely the perfect person to have behind the wheel. She watched him adjust the seat a little, before he pulled his seatbelt on and then started the car, Robyn turning the radio down. The drive was quick and quiet and as the car rolled down the cul de sac of where Robyn lived, they both gave Lizzie, her mam a wave as they passed by her childhood home, Lizzie outside talking to the neighbours. Robyn cringed at the thought of her mam seeing Taron in her car and driving it too only imagining the questioning she was going to get when she saw her mam next.

As Taron parked the car outside her house, making sure the hand break was pulled up properly, normally what was a happy feeling inside at having Taron in her home, knowing it was some decent rest for him, was replaced by an overanxious and troubled sickening feeling for Robyn. She waited for Taron to grab his bag and then once he had locked the car, let him unlock her front door and turn off the alarm.

Once inside, Taron pulled off his glasses and hat and left his bag on the island and stood in the kitchen waiting for Robyn to hang up her coat. She slowly made her way to stand beside him, knowing full well what was coming, her eyes on the floor, avoiding looking at Taron.

“So, I want you to go into the bathroom and run yourself a nice hot bubble bath.”

Robyn’s head shot up. “What?”

“You heard me.” Taron moved a little closer to her. “It has been a hard morning and you just need to re-energise but also heat up.”

“Taron…”

“What I want to say will take me about a minute and it needs to be said when we both have clearer heads and taken some time for pumped up emotions to calm down a bit and preferably in a cuddle in my corner of the couch. We need to make sure words are not exchanged when we are still stumbling through what happened today. I know right now, my mind set isn’t perfect and seeing you perform the CPR has made me understand why you didn’t want to tell me about the training but I still needed to know about it so what I want you to do, is go and run a nice bath, put some music on and then after I take a shower we can sit and work some niggly things out. Then we put one some crappy TV in your room and sleep.” Taron placed his hands on her cheeks. “If you don’t run it, I will and you know I don’t know how to make the bath salts melt properly.”

Robyn smiled at him under his hands. “I would love a bath.”

“Go. I will find something to amuse myself with around here.”

“I have no doubt about that. Thanks Taron.”

“Take as long as you need. Is cwtch on your couch?”

“Of course.” Robyn answered him.

“Think I might go and catch up with him.”

“Feel free to raid the fridge Taron.”

“Baked goods?” He asked his eyes opening wide.

“Maybe.” Robyn side stepped around him to her countertop beside the fridge and pulled a plate towards her with a round cake cover on top. Taron came to stand beside her and as she lifted the lid, heard the gasp of excitedness from him.

“You made the chocolate cupcakes with honeycomb!” He reached forward to swipe at the pale chocolate frosting on top of the cake, eating the light frosting from his finger. “And you made them without me.” His voice held a tinge of sadness.

“When I don’t sleep, I bake.” Robyn answered with a shrug. “I also didn’t know you were coming and I wanted to practise them before I made them with you. Just to be sure.”

“Tastes good.” Taron picked a piece of honeycomb and ate it. “Delicious. I know what I am going to do now when you are in the bathroom.”

“Cwtch can’t have chocolate.” Robyn looked to him. “Don’t feed him cupcakes.” His smile was beautiful and the first one all day where his dimples appeared. “I don’t want to wash him.”

“I promise, I will be the one eating the cupcakes.”

“Good. Make sure you explain to cwtch that he will get his corner back too.”

“My corner.” Taron corrected quickly. “Cwtch was kept in a drawer under your bed before I came along.”

His answer made Robyn smile and she loved being able to have the little jokes and silliness with him. It was upsetting that it had been missing for them all day. “I am going to go now though I have a feeling I am going to come out to you covered in chocolate, in a chocolate coma on the couch.”

Taron shook his head. “You won’t. Go and take some time to relax.”

With a nod, Robyn walked away from him in the kitchen and headed for the bathroom through the laundry room, closing both doors behind her. It hadn’t been an idea that crossed her mind herself but after Taron made the suggestion of taking a hot bath, it was all she could think of and at the bath, got the plug in and hot water flowing quickly, adding an over generous amount of coconut bubble bath into the water, white foamy bubbles swirling in the water straight away. The tropical scent floated through the bathroom and as the water continued to flow, steam rose from the deep bath. Robyn walked into her bedroom, frowning at the mess she had left it in, the bed unmade, clothes thrown across the place. Even though she hadn’t really spent much time in her bedroom over the last few nights, it was still a state. She picked up a few random items of clothing and rolling them into a ball, threw them into an empty cubby hole in her wardrobe, then routing out one of her matching pyjama sets, laid it over the silver radiator bars in the bathroom and turned it on.

The bath was filling nicely and she unzipped her work fleece, throwing it into the open laundry hamper, turning to the mirror and sighing. She looked wretched and it was going to take more than a cosy sleep with Taron to rid of her the dark circles under her eyes and a lot of hydrating masks to sooth dry skin. She bent down and opened the cabinet drawer under her sink and flicking through her face masks, pulled out a pink sheet mask, perfect for rehydrating tired skin. She turned her attention back to the bath, getting to the taps just in time before the water reached the point where it would slop over the side once she got in. Going to her bath bomb wicker basket on the window, she picked up one she knew would match the coconut scent of the bubble bath and taking it from the paper packaging, threw it into the water, hearing it fizz. Once stripped and her clothes in the hamper, she eased herself into the water, wincing a little at the heat but as her body got used to the temperature of the scalding water it was glorious. Lifting her hand from the water, she pressed the button to start the bubble jets and left them on an easy sprinkle setting and then opened the face mask, placing the moisture filled sheet on her face and then lay her head back.

“Alexa, play Robyn’s piano favourites.” She called out into the bathroom, immediately the electronic device granting her wish. “Alex set an alarm for twenty minutes.” Alarm set and music on, Robyn closed her eyes and tried to clear her mind, to stop herself from thinking about everything she could. To forget how she had betrayed Taron’s trust and how she had a lot of grovelling to do for him which also involved as many head massages as he would like.

Taron had already eaten two cupcakes and was on his third as he stood in front of the piano, admiring all of Robyn’s framed pictures, particularly the ones of him and her at all of his red carpet appearances that she had accompanied him to. By far his favourite was the one Stella had taken of them in the hotel room and it was clearly Robyn’s favourite too as it took pride of place among all the photos of her family and friends. He was happy to have a little walk around, saying hello to her fish, looking out into her garden, smiling at the memory of sitting outside last year eating breakfast. The couch was calling to him but he was waiting to sit down because he knew once he sank into the comfiness of her corner couch, it wouldn’t be long before he had a nap and he wanted to stay awake until he just got his point across to Robyn that from today, things would have to change between them.

Eating the honeycomb from the cupcake, Taron had spent a good ten minutes wandering around her living area before he had to give in to some of the weariness he was feeling and sat down on the couch, nowhere near the corner but closer to the glass doors. He had just got settled when there was a knock on the front door.

“Robyn?”

Taron’s head turned to see Lizzie walking in, her face in slight surprise at seeing him sitting on the couch.

“Well, hey Taron. I thought it was you I saw in Robyn’s car. Driving it too I believe.” She closed the door and walked in towards the couch. “I didn’t know you were coming for a visit this weekend.”

“Well, it was a last-minute trip.” Taron stood up. “Just quick one.” He walked around the couch to greet Robyn’s mam with a light hug. “A real quick one.”

“Robyn normally tells me when you are coming over. It has been a while.”

“Just had a last-minute free day.” Taron shrugged. “Easier to get to Kilcreen now that I am in Belfast filming.”

“Now that she did mention.” Lizzie said with a small smile.

“It’s been busy but great being closer. No planes.” Taron tried to sound as upbeat as he could. “Always a plus.”

Lizzie saw Taron fold his arms over himself, the clear dark circles under his eyes and how he was faltering on his feet. “So, let me guess. My wonderfully stubborn daughter decided it would be in hers and yours best interest not to tell you about the first aid training she had this morning and but someone rang you to tell you and my first guess would be Claire but I am sure it was Emma and you came to Kilcreen to stand by Robyn as once again she insisted on taking on everything herself and it has been a horrible morning for both of you where neither of you got any sleep last night and Robyn is struggling once more with the frightening things that happened to you and her last year and you poor thing are here to help her but suffering through it just as much as she is.”

Taron’s mouth dropped open a small bit but his eyes closed as he nodded his head.

“I swear that daughter of mine. At times like these she is her father’s daughter. Not related to me at all. Come and sit with me.” Lizzie placed a gentle hand on Taron’s shoulder and they walked to the seats at the breakfast bar. “Sometimes I wonder if a sibling would have been good for her. She always had her cousins around, they only live next door but she is so stubbornly independent that maybe having a brother or a sister would have just opened her up more to the idea of sharing feelings and then since Keith…” Lizzie stopped to look at Taron who was avoiding her eyes. “Well, that fucker changed her into this broken scared girl and unfortunately since then she has always been out to close into herself. It wasn’t until she met you that I noticed a change in her but it seems she has been back to her old ways.” Lizzie reached for Taron’s hands. “I am so sorry she is making your life a little troublesome. Her heart is definitely in the right place just her mindset still needs to be shifted.”

Taron gave her another small smile. “She is not troublesome at all. In fact, she is wonderful.” The words came from his lips before he could stop them and knew his tired face blushed. “What I mean is…”

“I knew I liked you the first time I met you in her garden.” Lizzie smiled at him. “But the way she has treated you this weekend is not right.”

“She was under a lot of stress this morning.”

“Still no excuse for what she did Taron. Considering how close you two have gotten and how much she loves you, it really was very unfair on you though. She didn’t stop to think how her pig-headedness would affect you and not even a second thought to giving you a simple phone call. You came such a way for her and I am sure it has put you out some.”

“Not at all. I figured something out with work.” Taron insisted.

“I am sorry Taron.”

“You don’t have to apologise for Robyn. I actually admire her stubbornness; how independent and strong she is. Granted at times, she really pushes herself too far and honestly, I was hurt by what she did today.” Taron looked to Lizzie, afraid he was going to offend her. “I know why she did it and I am not mad at her.” He quickly said. “But I just need her to see that I am here for her, especially when it comes to things that involve me, like the CPR. I want to be there for her. She has done so much for me.”

“You sure you a man?” Lizzie asked with a chuckle.

Taron returned the chuckle. “Last time I checked, yes.”

“You have a good heart Taron.”

“Blame my mother.”

“Now Taron, I have spoken to your mother and she is a lovely woman.”

Taron nodded. “The best. Lizzie, I don’t want you to be mad at Robyn either. She is already feeling shit about not telling me and I am going to talk to her about what she did but honestly, I think something may have changed for her today. I saw a different Robyn earlier, one that finally seemed to understand just how much she was actually hurting herself more than anything.”

“But she is hurting you too and she can’t do that Taron. I can’t imagine today was any way easy on you too. Had to be hard watching the training.”

“It wasn’t nice.” He answered. “I saw the CCTV footage, I know what she did but it was so close to me in the creche and so very real and even though I am tired and need to sleep, I am sure I will have a few unpleasant images in my head for a while, might find it hard to drift off.”

“And get back to work.”

“Actually, they might help with my character.”

“It was still something you could have been forewarned about, something you could have talked through together rather than just being thrown into it.”

“Robyn threw herself on me to save me all those months ago, it was the least I could have done for her and to be honest, I do think doing the CPR for Robyn and for me, was good for us. Hopefully the start of the emotional healing we both need.”

“I hope so Taron because I have seen Robyn broken before and I can’t bear to watch her go through it again.”

“You already told me how strong she is and she is a serious survivor Lizzie and like I said, there was a little bit of a change and realisation after the CPR. I think a little light bulb might have gone off for her.”

Lizzie was so thankful for the patient man sitting beside her. “I really hope so but a lot of that is down to you Taron. You are the one perfect thing going for her at the moment and I really don’t want that to change but if she keeps blocking you out, I am worried that it…”

“It won’t.” Taron interrupted her quickly. “I am not going anywhere. Believe me, I am too involved now to go anywhere plus if she keeps baking me chocolate cupcakes, I can’t see a way out.” He joked.

Lizzie placed her hands on Taron’s face, finally making him look at her properly. “You have given her so much, already helped her more than I can explain but I don’t want her treating you like this because you deserve the same love you give her in abundance and believe me Taron, she does love you but as you also know, has a lot of demons to conquer.” She leaned into gently kiss his forehead, Taron smiling as it was the same delicate gesture Robyn always gave to him. “Thank you for being so kind to her, for treating her right.”

Taron placed his hands on Lizzies. “Your daughter did something for me that I will never be able to repay her for.”

“You have no idea how much you have done for her already Taron.” Lizzie took her hands from his face. “She still hasn’t stopped talking about that tent you made for her and that bracelet hasn’t left her wrist.” She was so glad to see a smile fill his face. “And I cannot even begin to explain to you how much her confidence has grown, how those little weekend trips to see you just excite her. It’s new and it’s wonderful and I just need to thank you for giving her back her spark, for helping her get it back.” She moved to give him a hug. “And don’t be afraid to give her a little bit of hell for what she did.”

“Lizzie…” Taron tried to break the hug but Robyn’s mam hugged him tighter.

“She listens to you Taron and I honestly think, if it comes from you, it means so much more than coming from me or her dad.  I know how much she loves you and of everyone in her life at the moment, you are the one person she will not want to disappoint.”

“Just a little word.” He agreed. “A small one. She already knows.”

“I am sure she does Taron but make sure she knows. I don’t want her to lose you.”

This time it was Taron who hugged Lizzie tighter. “She won’t. I am sorry to say but she is kind of stuck with me and hopefully for a very long time.”

“I think her dad and I might just be ok with that.”

Taron laughed. “My mam is pretty chuffed too.”

“Someday we are going to have meet your family.”

“I very much look forward to that day.”

Their heads turned as they heard the music in the bathroom stop.

“Guess that is my cue to go. I don’t want her to know I was here.”

“I won’t say a word.” Taron agreed. “Thanks Lizzie. I needed a little pick me up.”

“I can only imagine but I think Robyn might be able to help with the rest.” Lizzie stood up and walked around the breakfast bar, stopping to look to Taron. “Ask her for a head massage. I have heard you like those.” Lizzie left him with a little wink and wide smile, another deep red blush filling Taron’s face as she left.

Lizzie had only left when the bedroom door opened and Robyn walked out, looking more refreshed and slightly happier in herself, wearing the matching white ski pyjamas he had found in her old bedroom when he had snooped through her shelves.

Robyn was so glad she had set the alarm because she had found herself dozing and the jingle woke her up, with a little splash, the water now luke warm, a lot of the frothy bubbles gone. Carefully getting out of the bath, she hopped into the shower to wash the glitter residue off from the bath bomb but also to wash her hair. Slipping into her warmed pyjama’s she was thrilled to have washed the day off, glad it was mostly done with and as she sat drying her hair, felt very apprehensive about what Taron had to say. Disappointing him was a suffering she didn’t want to have to go through again but knew he needed to have his say and was going to let him, hoping she could keep herself together to listen because seeing Taron in pain was her worst fear.

When she walked out to her living area, he was swinging around on one her breakfast bar stools. She walked over to the bar, smiling as he continued to twirl around.

“Having fun?”

“Lots.” He answered spinning once more. “Have a nice bath?”

“It was perfect.”

“Feeling warmer?”

“Much.”

“Wearing your Eddie pj’s?”

“Not my Eddie pj’s but yes.”

“No shorts?”

“Not for the moment.” Robyn walked around the breakfast bar to stand beside him. “The bathroom is all yours.” She looked over his shoulder to the plates with the cupcakes, noticing some missing. “Your tummy happy too?”

“Very.” He agreed with a grin. “They were yummy.” He got down off the stool. “I am going to go and shower.”

“Take as long as you want. I know you love that rainfall shower or I could run you a bath if you would like.”

“Thank you but no. I will stick to a shower.” He walked to the island and picked up his bag. “I may have to borrow a few things in your bathroom. I am not too sure what I packed in here this morning.”

“You know you can use whatever you want.”

Taron nodded and started to walk away from her but turned back. “I like your pictures. On your piano.”

“Me too.” She answered him. “Go and shower.”

He nodded at her and walked into her bedroom, dropping his bag on the bed. He pulled his jumper off and dropped it beside his bag, his shirt landing on the duvet next. He zipped open his bag, rummaging inside and sighed as he realised what he had packed. One clean pair of boxers and some sweat pants. Thrown at the bottom of his bag was a can of deodorant and a toothbrush. It seemed that packing in a rush and haze of disorientated worry and annoyance had not worked in his favour and he realised he was going to need to borrow more than a few things. Walking into the bathroom, he opened his belt as he went, inhaling the gorgeous feminine scent left in the neatly organised wash room from Robyn and her bath. He turned on the shower and stripped down, leaving his clothes in a pile on the floor. He was going to have to ask Robyn would she mind if he put a wash on if he was going to have any clean clothes for tomorrow.

The shower was definitely needed and more beneficial than a bath and that powerful rainfall shower just pounded on tired muscles. He quickly washed his hair, used Robyn’s lime shower gel and as he stepped out of the shower, saw the towel waiting on the heated radiator for him, Robyn still looking out for him in the smallest of ways. It was so warm on his chilly skin and once dried he put on the one pair of boxers he brought with him and the grey sweat pants. He picked up the black jumper and his shirt from the bed and headed back into the bathroom to pick up the clothes he had left on the floor and walked into the laundry room and put them in the empty laundry hamper. He grabbed a fresh towel from the shelf and was towel drying his hair as he walked back into the living room, Robyn standing in the kitchen at the hob at the counter.

“Could I borrow a t-shirt?” He asked walking over to her. “I seemed to have left everything behind in Belfast.”

While Taron showered, Robyn whisked up some eggs, cooking them slowly in a saucepan and had some bread in the toaster waiting to be pushed down. She felt a little hungry and knowing how many cupcakes Taron already had, figured he would like some food. She turned when she heard his voice, her heart fluttering as he walked towards her in just his comfy sweatpants.

“My t-shirt?” She asked him.

“Technically one of mine but yes one of yours but as I gave it to you it will fit me and perhaps, I could borrow it for tonight? Or the hoodie?”

“Sure of course. You stir the eggs and I will get it.”

“Eggs?” He asked coming to stand beside her, taking the blue spatula from her hands.

“I thought you might have been hungry.”

“A little.”

“Eggs ok? I can make you a sandwich.” Robyn quickly said, worried her simply choice of food wasn’t the right choice for him.

“Eggs are perfect.” Taron nodded as he kept stirring. “No need for sandwich. I will happily eat some eggs and toast, maybe a cup of tea.”

Robyn gave him a little smile. “Let me go and get the t-shirt for you. You watch the eggs.” She held her hand out for the towel he was using to dry his hair and he handed it to her. She then walked away from him and through the laundry room, dropping the towel into the laundry basket, seeing his clothes already in there, making a mental note to pop a wash on for him when they were finished talking. She made her way in through the steamy bathroom and to her wardrobe. Reaching into the cubby hole that held her pyjama tops, she found Taron’s blue t-shirt he had given her mixed in with her other band t-shirts. She carried it back out to the kitchen. “Here ya go.”

“Thank you.” Taron passed the spatula back to her and fluffed the folded blue material out, slipping into it, inhaling the wonderful fresh scent of fabric softener as he pulled his head through. “I literally brought four things with me.”

“Bit of rush to pack this morning then.” She asked him as he smoothed down his t-shirt over his chest.

“Yeah and in a very sleepy haze.” Taron leaned his left hip against the counter.

Robyn pressed the toast down and handed Taron the spatula so he could continue to stir their eggs. “I promise you will sleep well tonight.” She moved to the kettle and lifting it from its perch, filled it at the sink, then clicking it back in place and switching it on.

“As I always do in your bed. Any chance I could put on a wash too?”

“Of course Taron. I saw your stuff in the hamper. You know you don’t have to ask.”

“Great. Thank you.” He let her take over the stirring of the eggs.

“Want me to help you?”

“No thanks. I got it. Want me to put your stuff on too?”

“Please.” She called back to him and he walked to the hamper in the bathroom and gathered up her clothes. Once at the machine, he pushed all of her bits in, his clothes after. He then added the powder and fabric softener, getting the machine going. Robyn had shown him how to use her washing machine before and he was a whizz at it now and once he was sure it was whirling round, made his way back out to Robyn in her kitchen.

“Want some help?” He asked coming to stand beside her again.

“Can you do the toast?”

“Of course.”

It took them five minutes to dish up two plates of hot scrambled eggs and triangles of buttered toast, with a pot of tea for Taron and they sat together at the breakfast bar, both eating in silence, both finishing off all the food in front of them. Robyn wasn’t surprised to see that Taron had cleaned his plate and finished most of the tea in the teapot but more so that she had eaten everything as well. It was the most food she had eaten in two days but now that the food was gone and they moved to wash up, she could feel the guilt and shame filter back into her as she dried the last fork, putting it in its place in the cutlery drawer. She knew Taron needed to have his say, that he definitely deserved to defend himself, but she hated that he had to do it and really wasn’t looking forward to see that horrible sadness in his beautiful eyes again.

As Taron dried his hands, he could see a change in Robyn and that light heartedness that filled the room earlier was gone and they hadn’t spoken a word to each other in the last twenty minutes which wasn’t unusual for them. They had sat in silence together on many occasions but it was so obvious Robyn was once again back in her head and torturing herself.

“Come and sit with me.” He said gently, taking her hand with his left, dropping the tea towel on the sink. He led her to the couch but avoided sitting in the corner, instead sitting near the edge guiding her past him so she sat his right. “Robyn…”

“Taron you don’t…”

“Just let me say one thing.”

“No Taron.” Robyn placed her hand over his mouth, stopping him from talking. “Just no.” She took her hand away from him and waited a few seconds to see if he was going to interrupt her again. When he didn’t, she continued speaking, turning around to face him. “You don’t have to explain it to me and honestly I don’t think I can listen to you tell me again that my selfish actions have hurt you because that is the one thing I never ever want to hear you say again or for me to ever do to you again.” Robyn took a quick breath, trying to keep ready to fall tears at bay. Knowing that she had hurt him, that he admitted to her that she had done so, was something she was never going to forget so easily. “I know you know I am sorry but there shouldn’t have been something for me to be sorry for. It was so easy for me to slip back into my old ways, when I promised you two weeks ago that I wouldn’t do that anymore but old habits are hard to let go of but let me tell you something, I never ever want to see the hurt in your eyes or in your voice again.” Robyn reached for his hands and cupped his two warm hands between hers. “It is not an excuse for what happened but I am still getting used to having someone like you who isn’t my family or friends and you probably figured I don’t tell them everything either.”

“Robyn…” Taron started but stopped when Robyn shook her head at him.

“I just need to you to understand how disappointed I am with myself for hurting you so. I was so caught up in my own misery that I never thought how you needed to know about the training, about how it would affect you too and that is wrong Taron. It is wrong for me to just cut you out, to be so unaware of your feelings and own emotions from the CPR and of all the people around me, you are one I don’t ever want to treat like that.” Robyn rubbed his hands with her two thumbs. “You have been nothing but kind to me and you only deserve to be treated with the same respect you give me and I know my words are probably shit at the moment but I give you my word, when I say I will tell you everything and share with you all these important things you need to know and let me start with assuring you that I have not had one nightmare since London and that’s why you haven’t had a late-night phone call from me. I wasn’t lying when I said it was daily visions but I think now they just might be gone. Before the CPR it was all I could see but once we finished, they vanished. I think it was the anxiety attached to the CPR and when that was done, a serious weight was lifted from my shoulders.” Robyn gave his hands a light squeeze. “But if they come back, I will tell you.” She let go of his hands and sat back on the couch, running her hands through her hair, looking to him, trying to put as much sincerity into her words that she could manage without crumbling on the couch in pity. “I swear Taron, I value and regard you in the highest esteem and I will never forgive myself for how I have behaved and treated you, being silent and not sharing with you and if you want to rant at me some more, I know I deserve it but Jesus Taron I will never ever let you down again or have you leaving work to come and talk to me because I know how important your work is to you and how much this movie means to you and you shouldn’t have to leave to come and chastise me for acting like a child and…”

Robyn found her words cut off as she was pulled into a tight hug, Taron’s two strong arms wrapped around her back tight as he closed the gap between them, turning to face her so he could hug her hard. She melted into him and slid her face in his neck, breathing in that wonderful fresh scent from his clean skin and hair, locking her arms around his back too.

Taron had watched Robyn go into one of her endless speeches and instead of her usual words of encouragement, she was straight into another apology to him and he could see her doing her very best to hold her tears in and keep her voice steady, feeling how hard she was squeezing is hands, not even noticing she was doing so. He knew she was sorry and as he had said to her mam earlier, could see the change in her and had a feeling that finally something had clicked with Robyn and her mindset had finally shifted to where she knew she could and must trust him and he wouldn’t hurt her in return so it was very easy for him to hug her, ending her apology and he hoped the firmness of the hug was enough for her to realise that all was definitely forgiven.

“No more tears, no more apologies.” He said into her shoulder. “I know.”

“Taron, if you…” Robyn began but he stopped her by tightening the hug.

“You have just said everything I wanted to say to you so I am not going to repeat it. It’s been a hard day for both of us and now we put it behind us and move forward and if we really want to go into people leaving work to chastise the other, don’t forgot you skipped a day’s work to come to New York to me. We are even and you and me have been through way too much to let today change us. You know I forgive you and you know you don’t have to apologise any more to me.”

“But Taron we can’t just leave it like this. I hurt you so much.”

“You did and you know this. I am not made of steel and I can feel just as much as you can and I know you didn’t mean too. It was the pressure of the course and taking it all on yourself and not leaning on others for support, leaning on me but I trust that from now on, you will talk to me. I am only a phone call away and a two-hour drive now too and Robyn I really think we are quits on the who has ever made the other person feel worse. Let’s not forget Paris either. Both of us have made mistakes but we are going to move on. I know you are sorry chicken. I am always here for you. That is never going to change. Please just don’t shut me out again.”

Robyn moved her left in circles around his back, while her right trailed up into his hair. “I won’t. I am…”

“Shh…” Taron soothed gently. “I know and it’s done. I don’t want to hear any more talk about it. Been a shit day for both of us and now we are definitely putting it behind us and moving on.” He moved his head to give her cheek a little kiss.

Robyn felt her whole body finally relax and she smiled at his little kiss. “Thank you.”

“Just make me more chocolate cupcakes.”

They both laughed, that light mood returning.

“I will make you whatever you want and hand deliver it every evening to your set if it is what you want.”

Taron moved away from her and back into his place on the couch. “Is that a promise?” He asked with a wide grin.

“Whatever you want rocketman.”

“Cookies.” Taron answered before she even finished speaking. “White chocolate chip cookies.”

Robyn laughed again. “Done.” She sat back into the couch, feeling Taron move closer to her so their shoulders were touching. “I will make some for you to bring back with you.” She turned her head as she saw him nodded happily in agreement to the cookies. The tough conversation wasn’t as tough as she thought it was going to be and all she knew was that she had never met a man like Taron before who was so willing to accept her flaws and give her the best hugs she had ever had.

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